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artist-issues · 3 months ago

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BAM SURPRISE you are the head writer at Disney or whatever (the entire corporation for all their companies and movies, not just Disney animated) for one week and anything that you do during that time cannot be changed/altered later. What are you doing

Oh geez

Okay, besides torching all the sin-affirming stuff they do—

I would mandate that no more Live Action Remakes be made. Like, ever. I would cancel all upcoming sequels. I would force only Walt Disney Animation Studios and Pixar Studios to work on new animated films coming out—no utilizing the studio in Vancouver or outsourcing the work to AI or Japan or anywhere outside the U.S.

I would do that in the hopes that the animators who understand our specific culture would be forced to meet the challenges posed by new projects, instead of taking computer-generated-AI shortcuts to solving hard-art problems. And, when they make a movie that takes inspiration from other cultures, it forces them to learn about those cultures, themselves. Then, when they make movies, their unique American-in-Fill-in-the-Blank-Culture perspective adds depth, flavor, and my favorite thing, earnestness, to the design of the movie.

Next! I would hire Chris Sanders back. I would pay him literally anything he wanted. Probably by selling all our holdings in Marvel, because Marvel is dead as a doornail.

With that cash flow I would also LOWER THE PRICES TO GET INTO DISNEY WORLD AND DISNEY LAND. The prices get lowered. I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care if the whole company goes belly-up because I did that; I would drop the prices considerably to get into the parks. And to get Resort Packages. And then I’m jacking up the prices for the overseas parks.

Know what else I would do? Fix the Yeti in Expedition Everest, add the Hatbox Ghost into the Haunted Mansion, and blitz social media telling everyone about it. While I’m there I’ll make a post about how we’re destroying Genie+ and the Lightning Lanes. Utterly gone. Nobody gets to purchase cut-in-line time slots. Everybody waits in line together. Because guess what, forcing the normal-people line to completely halt while you let traffic from the gave-up-my-firstborn-to-purchase-a-faster-line-experience line go first every three minutes is CAUSING the wait times FOR BOTH to get LONGER, tricking people into purchasing “faster” line experiences that are actually still horrifyingly slow, and ruining the already-overpriced day for everybody involved.

Ahem.

Meanwhile, we’re getting that money back, because I’m putting Chris Sanders on a brand new project; he’s going to pitch me two ideas. One idea is all his own, it can be anything he wants. The other has to be an adaptation of The Firebird fairy tale. But he can be as liberal as he wants with the details, like he was for Beauty & the Beast.

He gets to direct his own, obviously, but since directing two projects would be really hard, I would bring in Roger Allen and Rob Minkoff to handle The Firebird.

Once we have the money, I’m funding four new projects in Disney World. The first is, Pizza Planet is becoming the new restaurant at Disney Springs.

The second is, the Rock n Rollercoaster is getting replaced by Phineas & Ferb’s coaster—just in time for the new season to come out on Disney+!

The third is; Avatar: The Way of Water-themed Resort which connects to the park, but guests may only cross over into the theme park during special After-Hours, when regular guests have had to leave because it’s closed. But it would be over the water, and have its own water park.

There are those indestructible glass windows making holes in the floor and the sides, and the rooms are all suspended over real water (with carefully-constructed foliage so that even though it feels open to the air like in the movie you actually have complete privacy, nobody can see into the rooms. And we’ll add curtains for the faint of heart, whatever) The windows in the floor double as screens which you can turn off or on; if the screens are on, a randomized animated loop fools the eye so that every once in a while, Avatar characters and marine life swim by or interact with guests.

Fourth thing in Disney World: additions to all the lands they’ve hobbled together in the last twenty years.

For example, New Fantasyland gets a Tangled ride where you’re following Rapunzel’s hair trail through the environments of the movie, and you and Flynn Rider are trying to catch up to her; but at certain crossroads the people in the vehicle can choose between multiple paths for your ride vehicle to travel down. This way, you and your party can be racing one another, so there’s an element of competition like there is in Buzz Lightyear Space Ranger Spin.

Also! Galaxy’s Edge gets walk-around droids, two new hangout-style open-air restaurants, and an elaborate playground area made up of of nets, rope courses, and simple alien animatronics like you’re exploring a Resistance Base that was constructed by Ewoks.

Dinoland U.S.A. Is scrapped (except for the Dinosur Ride which is relocated) to make room for The Pridelands. You heard me. You thought I was going to say Zootopia, but no, that’s not jungly enough for Animal Kingdom.

The Pridelands has another the-most-elaborate-playground-in-the-world section, which is huge and sprawly, and full of things like fake tunnels which connect to the hollow skulls of elephants in an elephant-graveyard section, with screens made to look like windows that peer down into the geyser-bubbling lair of Scar. And of course there’s a Pride Rock, but it’s made like Rapunzel’s tower, so it looks far away in perspective, and occasionally an animatronic Zazu hops out onto the ledge, looks around, and hops away, or Simba prowls out, roars, and backs up out of sight again. Like a giant incredible cuckoo clock.

There are three rides to start with. One is a zany Timon-and-Pumbaa ride/game where you’re basically doing the Space-Ranger-Spin thing, looking for grubs. Another is a rollercoaster called “Escape the Stampede” and you’re basically hurtling along as if you’re galloping just ahead of the wildebeest in the gorge.

The third is a walkthrough of the events of the film, but with Avatar-level-advanced animatronics and hyenas come lurching out from behind things to snap at you.

The Pridelands has two restaurants; one is counter-service and it’s called “Timon & Pumbaa’s Grub Hub” and it’s all pasta bars, and Mac-n-cheese, so you can pretend you’re slurping up grubs if you’re a kid. The other is a reservation-only restaurant made to look like the beautiful forest Timon & Pumbaa live in, with built-in waterfall features and a ceiling that changes color and lighting effects to look like a starry sky or a dazzling sunrise depending on the time of day. It’s very atmospheric and the idea is to go on dates there. There’s also live African music.

And we’ll relocate the Festival of the Lion King here, too.

I’d also make a video game that is open-world and online-multiplayer, like Destiny, BUT it’s an elaborate retro-futuristic world with its own story based on Tomorrowland. The story would be impacted by what the players all around the world choose to do in-majority, and I’ll have three or four different routes it can go—but the main thrust of the game’s long, ongoing plot is a metaphor for the hard, passionate work of being innovative versus the dangers of cutting corners to make a profit in the name of “progress.”

For our Live-Action Department, they’re going to be working on a new series of Westerns based loosely on Big Thunder Mountain. It will be a trilogy, and it will star Matt Lanter as the hero, villain-character played by Chris Pratt, and Tim Allen (Tim Allen is Matt Lanter’s estranged father.) When they’re done with that they get to make a Space Mountain movie starring Letitia Wright. That’s what our Live Action Department gets to work on—original dramas based, if anything, on our original theme park attractions that nobody else in the world has.

And for our television studio, Tom Bancroft and his brother Tony are hired to make an animated series called “Escape Schism” and it’s about a young girl who discovers she has the ability to escape her dystopian-future world by jumping through television screens into movies. Each movie is a loose parody of iconic movies in the real world. The catch is, she can only stay in those movie-worlds for one day, and she can only take one object from the movie-world back into the real world after each visit. Other characters include the little brother she’s always trying to protect from the dystopia of their reality, and her older sister who works as a detective for the evil corporation that’s functioning as the government.

It’s lighthearted, it gets great views.

Then I’d hire @doverstar to make a series on Disney+ as a sequel to Lilo & Stitch: the Series. It can be Stitch & Ani.

Then I’d put the guy who did The Lion Guard in charge of Disney Junior, spearheading two new shows—one is a show about Robin Hood and Maid Marion’s life before the events of the animated movie, and the other is an original show called “Gift Shop” and it’s about a gift-shop owner who is actually a fairy godmother, and has to figure out the exact-right gift to give the fairy tale characters who stop by every once in a while. But it’s told from the perspective of her pet owl, Dusty.

Aaaand finally I’d completely destroy the Haunted Mansion movie in favor of a new, three-part television-film, (like the ones they do on SyFy) told from the perspective of the Groundskeeper. In this treatment, a young man named Kyle is terrified of really making the most of his life because of a fear of failure. He made one big mistake and it cost the family their ancestral home when he was a senior in college, and he can’t get over it. He becomes groundskeeper of the Haunted Mansion because of the exorbitant amount of money offered to do the job, thinking it can help him buy back the family house. Instead, he encounters the Hatbox Ghost—who enlists the new Groundskeeper’s help adventuring to break the control Constance Hatchaway has over the 999 Haunts living there. The Hatbox Ghost and she used to be in love. Kyle has to help them solve that in order to free himself from the position as Groundskeeper—but he thinks there’s something the Hatbox Ghost isn’t telling him.

While we’re at it, I’d remake Wish and The Rise of Skywalker. Because nobody can undo what I’m doing but I can undo what they did, right?

#Disney #wish #rise of Skywalker #the haunted mansion #Disney world #Disneyland #Disney+#glen keane #tangled #rides #Disney fan #theme park idas #Matt Lanter #Christ Pratt #Tim Allen

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