#its fucking 2024 why am i still watching this show

[bonbon-acide]

KLANCE MOMENTS THAT STILL LIVES INSIDE MY HEAD AFTER 8YEARS BUT WITH THE EYES OF A 20YO

1. We are a good team

Remember how we were all so moved up by that one scene where they just stare at each other and say something meaningful AFTER A FIGHT (where Lance was severely injured). We were all freaking out but it was totally normal that Keith would be emotional by the fact that one of his teammate was okay, we were just freaking out bc the scene was in purple bc the spaceship was infested by the galra which means everything was totally not trying to say anything else, it was just coherent :,)

2. Lance and Keiths drones scene

We were so thirsty for anything that even just a little fight (which was totally a daily occurance) would be turned into something else. Like yeah they were bumping into each other but people were freaking out by saying they basically accidently kissed like what????

3. The elevator scene

Okay imma be honest this scene is quite suggestive especially when your primarly audience are teenage girls that are into shipping boys. But now that i look at it with my adult eyes i just cant imagine how incomfortable that must been to be back to back topless with someone you can't stand. Like the friction of the skin it itches my brain. Also the shot of Keith's foot? Was it really necessary

4. Keith? My man

Again what were we thinking??? They just bonded over a little something ofc Lance was happy that Keith was being nice with him bc he thinks that he hate him (which he don't). I dont even know what to say but dear god that scene was so important to klance shippers. Anyway we were thirsty god

5.Scene where Lance goes to Keith to talk to him about not feeling like he belongs in the crew after Allura piloted the blue lion

Basically just a normal conversation. They've been through so much together and Keith is their designated leader, so ofc hes going to talk to Keith about his place in the team and ofc Keith is going to reassure him that his place is with them bc he actually cares about him since they need to bond to form Voltron??? But yeah this scene is cute and it still makes me go aaawww

6.Blaytz (original paladin of the blue lion) being implied that he might be queer

Okay Ive only remembered this while rewatching the show but i remember everyone went crazy bc if the original blue paladin was queer (implied during one scene that didnt even last 3sec) that means Lance was queer as well. Like what were we thinking??? Were we out of our minds (yes definitly and im still ashamed) (but shoutout to Blaytz for being the best original paladin nothinh can makes me hates him)

7. The sunset scene

OKAY LISTEN IDC WHAT YOU SAYS IDC ABOUT ANYONE'S OPINION BUT THIS SCENE HAS ME BAWLING

AS A 20YO WATCHING THE SHOW NOW, THIS EXACT SCENE CONVINCED ME OF KEITH'S FEELING FOR LANCE. IDC ABOUT ANY OTHER "SUGGESTED KLANCE" SCENE BEFORE THIS ONE, THIS SCENE IS THE ONLY OFFICIAL KLANCE SCENE AND IDC IF ANYONE SAYS THAT KEITH SAID THAT BC THEYRE JUST FRIENDS.

AS A GAY MAN WHO HAD AN HOMOEROTIC SITUATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER GUY BEFORE, I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU ONLY SAY THIS KIND OF STUFD TO THE GUY YOU LIKE BC YOURE TOO AFRAID TO TELL YOUR FEELINGS TO YOUR FRIEND IN FEAR OF REJECTION AND BECAUSE YOUVE JUST LEARNED HES GOING ON A DATE WITH AN AMAZING GIRL AND YOU ONOW THEYLL BE HAPPY TOGETHER WHILE YOU JUST WATCH WONDRRING WHY YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING

(this scene hits too much home than it should be and i think i only speaks with my feelings for this one)

ANYWAY

As a 20yo person with 8years of hindsight I'll say that Keith definitly had feelings for Lance, the sunset scene was placed on a perfect time while this dialogue could have been said anywhere else in the season or even the show, and Ive just recently refinished the entire show and Keith never said something so emotional to someone except Shiro (but he considers him as a brother and he was about to kill him so i understand the whole emotional dialogue).

As for Lance, I doubt he has feelings for Keith canonically but hey that doesn't mean we can't imagine things.

Looking back now, I realize how fucked up some of us were for this ship and we probably bored everyone of the cast with this freaking ship. Honestly Voltron is such a good show with good animation and well written characters and we shouldnt have been so angry that a silly little ship wasnt endgame while they gave us such beautiful content for two years(except the end of s8, sleep with one eye open).

Be fucking grateful you dipshits. We werent queerbaited, we had others queer reprensation throughout the show (alien lesbians my beloved) and Voltron isnt a romance show

But still kind of sad that Klance isnt canon but thats my 12yo talking i guess

[levis-poison-is-my-medicine]

The Will

(The Tea Lovers Pt. 4)

A Levi x reader fanfic (Flufftober 2024)

Crossposted from AO3

Levi accidently finds your will.

A/n: Heyy, I'm back with a short update! Pour yourself some tea and enjoy!

tags: fluff and humor, silly and sweet, tea-obsessed fem!reader with their head in the clouds (word count: 0.96k)

(Part one) / (Levi x reader Masterlist)

"Come in", Erwin said, answering the knock on his office door without looking up from his paperwork. He didn't have to. It was well past midnight, and there was only one other person who would possibly be working at this hour.

Levi entered without a word of greeting, swiftly making his way towards Erwin's desk. He was only there to drop off some documents Erwin had wanted to have signed, then he'd head to bed to finally get some well-earned rest, the first he'd allow himself in two days.

"Here," he said curtly and set down the pile of papers atop another tower-like stack that was already swaying dangerously, making Erwin let out a weary sigh.

Levi was already on his way back to the door when he stopped dead in his tracks. Frowning, he turned around and strode back to the desk, going through the stack of papers until he got to the one that had been on top before. His eyes narrowed when he found it. He had not been mistaken. It had your name on it.

"What are you doing?" Erwin asked, quite baffled by Levi's unusual behavior as he watched him pull the document out from between the others.

Levi didn't answer, studying it with knitted brows. It was barely legible as it was written in a messy scrawl with tiny letters.

"What the fuck is this?" he asked finally, an edge to his voice.

"If you show me then I might be able to give you an answer," Erwin said calmly, raising a quizzical eyebrow at him.

Levi shoved the document into the commander's face.

"Well," Erwin said after giving it a quick once-over, "It's her will, exactly how it says in the title."

Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance. "I can see that, but why would she need a will?" It wasn't like you to plan ahead like that.

"Don't worry, she's in perfect health if that's what you are wondering. She simply wanted matters to be settled."

"Didn't she give you a reason?" Levi asked impatiently, clearly still irritated.

"She didn't say, but I assume the catalyst to be the events on the last expedition. Two people on her squad died." Erwin dragged a hand over his tired features. "She asked me to be her personal representative since she doesn't have any family."

He hesitated, then sighed. "To be perfectly honest, I shouldn't even be talking to you about this. Usually these kind of affairs are confidential. However, I presume I could make an exception since you are mentioned in it."

"I am?" Levi asked, bewildered. He practically ripped the document out of the commanders hands, not waiting for an answer.

Erwin watched with an amused expression as Levi skimmed over the first page, then flipped to the second.

There it was. It seemed you had actually made an effort to keep your handwriting neat and tidy on this paragraph because unlike before, he had no trouble deciphering what it said this time.

First beneficiary: Levi Ackerman I leave all my precious tea to Captain Levi because he is the only one with a taste distinguished enough to truly appreciate its magnificence. Every expert would attest to the outstanding quality of my vast collection, containing only the finest and rarest of leaves with the highest grade. All of these top-notch attributes make this assortment of first-class tea my most valuable possession, so I can't rest in peace without making sure that it will be left in the expert hands of my fellow tea lover Levi.

Levi snorted at your choice of words. There was no denying that you had written this. Even when writing, it was impossible for you to keep it short.

You continued: I will further entrust him with all of my prized tea sets, including teapots, cups and saucers. Needless to say, they are made of the finest porcelain this world has to offer, making them unparalleled in both elegance and beauty. It's imperative that he should have them, because only with the right tea service can one enjoy the exquisite tea to the fullest.

I will also leave him my beautiful tea canisters and all of my tea utensils, including my infusers and sieves, spoons, tea warmers and anything tea-related I might have forgotten to mention.

Levi's part of the will ended here, but he couldn't help but keep reading. It didn't escape his notice that the next parts were significantly shorter with much sloppier handwriting. "Well obviously. It's not about tea anymore," he muttered as he scanned the next paragraph.

Second beneficiary: Erwin Smith The commander shall get all my good pens and pencils because he has to write a lot. I have some really expensive ones and I know he will take good care of them.

Third beneficiary: Hange Zoe My titan sketchbook with all my notes on them goes to my bestie Hange. I know they've been eyeing it for a while now, so there. They will also get all my science books, they may not need them but I don't think anybody else wants them.

Fourth beneficiary: Petra Ral I bequeath all of my clothes to Petra, as we've often borrowed each other's stuff so I know they will fit her. She will also get all my drawings of a certain someone. (She'll know which ones.)

Levi's eyebrows instantly shot up at the last part. It was pretty clear who it was about, and he didn't like it one bit. The way you had intentionally kept it vague only served to make him more suspicious.

"I told her not to do that anymore," he grumbled, putting the will back on the desk and marching to the door. "Where is she hiding that shit?"

He was about to find out.

Tag list: @thechaoticarchivist, @mmm-alhaitham, @nironasaran, @leviiheichou, @huffleruffplant, @shutupp1, @iifrui

Click here for part 5

[myseungsunglove]

NDA | Ksm

Pairing: Seungmin x reader

Warnings: fluff, language

Word Count: 1.3k

𖠫Summary: Scrolling through tik tok brings forth some questions for the reader that really only Kim Seungmin can answer.

✎A/N✎: I saw a tik tok about someone talk about signing an NDA and this popped into my head. Who even knows why. I’m always partial to the friends to lovers trope myself. It’s my comfort zone. So, here. Enjoy it with me! Also, I’m extremely rusty, so this might just be trash. Be nice please. 😭

◠ ◡ ◠᭚ιαᵕ̈

「© August 24, 2024 by myseungsunglove」

You’re scrolling through Tik Tok when you come across yet another interaction of Seungmin with a fan at Lolla. Reading through the comments, they are rife with fans giggling and commenting about the op missing an opportunity to sign an NDA.

One comment read, “Girl. The way he smiled at you. His eyes were so bright and kind. That right there was your chance at an NDA. You fumbled that. *crying emoji*”

You stifle a laugh, but the sound is a little louder than you mean for it to be.

“What?” Seungmin asks from beside you, not even looking up from writing in his journal beside you.

You turn to look at him, taking in his profile. He is handsome, anyone would be blind not to see that, but the fascination and determination of some fans to sign an NDA with an idol is baffling to you.

Seungmin swallows, and you follow the curve of his neck and adam’s apple, finding yourself a little lost in a trance.

“You’re staring,” he comments.

“I am,” you agree, but you don’t look away. Instead you set down your phone and scoot closer to him on the bed. “Explain something to me,” you start picking up your phone again, opening it up to share the video with him.

“There it is,” he chuckles fondly, placing his pencil in his notebook, closing it and setting it safely on the bedside table. “How may I enlighten my best friend today?” he turns to look at you, brown eyes bright and sparkling and for a brief moment your heart jumps in your chest. Okay, maybe you get what those comments are talking about, but still. He is Seungmin. He is your best friend.

You open up your phone and show him the video. He smiles softly, and it’s evident on his face that he is remembering the interaction. The video ends and he looks at you, puzzled, his eyebrows furrowed slightly before he raises one at you questioningly.

“What is there to explain?” he asks.

You laugh and take the phone from him and open up the comments. You hand the phone back to him and say, “That. Help me understand.”

He reads carefully, taking a little longer than you really expect.

Then he laughs his short little laugh, the sound tinkling out of him like a song and you want to smack him upside the head. However, you find yourself laughing with him instead.

“Y/N, do I really need to explain to you what an NDA is?” he asks, his voice holding a light and teasing lilt to it.

“Ha!” you burst out, punching him in the shoulder and tearing your phone from his slender hand. “I know what a fucking NDA is, asshat.”

He chuckles again, still staring at you. There is a playful smirk on his face as he waits for you to provide context.

“What I mean,” you sigh exaggeratedly, “What’s with the fascination of some fans to sign an NDA with an idol? Is that like the goal of fans?”

He narrows his eyes at you then, taking in what you asked. He seems to be genuinely considering your question. You turn on the bed to face him, legs crossed in front you and hands resting in your lap as you watch him think.

“I suppose its because they have this ideal of the idol built up in there head,” he starts before meeting your eyes. “An NDA would give them the opportunity to find out if that ideal is true or not.”

You hum in response. It makes sense, you guess, but you can’t completely fathom wanting to spend time with a complete stranger. At the end of the day, that’s really what they are.

“And,” he starts and you look back at him brought out of your thoughts. “They hope that one meeting will help them form a bond that they think is there,” he says frankly.

“Does it?” you ask, genuinely curious.

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never signed one,” he admits.

“Never?” you ask before you can stop yourself.

“Come on, Y/N. You know me better than that. At least I would think you do,” he responds, a tiny bit of hurt flashing across his face before its replaced with something you can’t quite name.

“I do, sorry,” you apologize, looking down at your hands. “I just, I don’t know. The idea seems so strange to me, I guess. I’m glad you’re already my best friend. Our bond is already built. I don’t need an NDA to confirm that,” you smile fondly before looking back at him.

“You know,” he says, moving closer to your legs, “NDA’s are signed for a lot of reasons. Usually not the reason we’re talking about.” He stares into your eyes, it’s piercing look and it’s like you’re caught there, unable to move. Unable to breathe.

“Oh?” is all you can manage.

His eyes flick down to your lips, lingering there then purposefully meeting your eyes again. His brown boba eyes widen with the unspoken question causing you to lick your lips unconsciously. Instead of an answer, you lean forward slowly, hesitantly. That seems to be the only answer he needs before he presses his mouth against yours. His lips are soft. You wouldn’t say softer than you imagined because you had really never considered them. Not until now. Now, they’re moving against yours and your entire body is warm. They’re soft, almost pillowy and comforting. He reaches his hand out to cup your jaw as he deepens the kiss and you feel like you’ve been ignited from the inside. Just when your lungs are ready to scream, he pulls away his eyes fluttering open and meeting yours.

“Can we sign that NDA now?” you joke with a nervous chuckle.

His arms wrap around your waist and pull you into his lap, his lips crashing against yours again without warning. The kiss is fierce and desperate this time as you lean into him and run your fingers through the tiny hairs at the base of his neck. You hold him against you as he licks into your mouth hungrily, like he has wanted you for a long time.

“Fuck,” he breathes as you pull apart again. “I can’t believe we just did that,” he admits, his head falling back against his headboard with a thud.

“I think I’d like to keep doing that,” you admit.

“Yeah?” he asks, his head snapping back up, his eyes meeting yours.

“Definitely,” you chuckle, your hand coming to his face as you run your thumb along his jawline. “Better get that NDA written up,” you tease.

He growls playfully and flips you on your back, looking down at you. The air is punched out of you when you land and he is hovering over you, a new look across his face. A look of admiration and love, but also hunger and desire.

“Shut the fuck up about the NDA,” he grits out, but the playful glint in his eyes tells you there is no malice in his words. “It’s just me and you. My best friend. I wouldn’t want to hide that,” he admits, capturing your lips in a soft kiss as he cages you in beneath him, his body just hovering over you as if he is waiting for that last bit of the dam to break. “I love you,” he barely whispers against your lips and your world is thrown off kilter. Kim Seungmin loves you. And you realize just how much you love him. How you always have.

Your hands run along his sides and glide up his lean back as you pull him down completely on you, his lips finding yours again.

Funny how talking about an NDA can make two best friends realize they're madly in love with each other.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I Still On1y Care About...

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Sept 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 7 of 12 - Deeeelightful. They are so damn cute + a nice kiss! The rise of the green flag semes continues. I like it when Diew flirts and shows that he does have some experience in a relationship, and he can/will flex his power. Props to God for being a man who remembers to TAKE HIS DRINK with him. 

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 4 of 10 - Yep I still like it and all its toxicity. It’s fun to see how closely it follows the original. Now I really can’t wait to see how this one ends. Since this time around we get an actual ending.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 6 of 12 - How did they know that what I wanted more than anything was a side couple = spoiled prince + demon lord? How clever they are to give them to me. Meanwhile, in a shocking twist, the leads have known each other since childhood. Because why be original? 

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 8 of 12 - Oh it’s very cute. I love Ing. I love that Ai was honest with his bestie. Best friend's older brother trope is a go! Also good kisses all round. 

Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - Ohm has his shirt off less than 5 min in. I guess GMMTV is learning what we want. My boy Title is the creep character again. I’m assuming that’s why GMMTV brought him on board at this juncture. Sigh. New boy, Q, looks like Mek’s younger brother. Ultimately? I'm not convinced on this one. It is doing what it says on the tin, but nothing more than that. I’m not wild about it, but I will keep watching.

The Trainee (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - The more OffGun BLs, the more time they spend communicating as characters in those BLs. It’s kind of charming. They've become the pair that advocates for communication in relationships. I like it as evolution for their brand. Flirting via the printer was very fun. Especially as the Thai script is so beautiful.

Live in Love (Sun Gaga) ep 1 of 5 - I guess this is a lockdown narrative? Odd choice. A lot of familiar faces but from more minor rolls. Is this from the Destiny Seeker people? It feels like that. It’s a bigger cast than I was expecting, and a sort of classic university BL of the kind star Hunter produces. Or the end of love people. Pretty classic Thai pulp stuff. I’m mildly enjoying it. Hali is too hot to be the dorky second lead. Nice to see Boat back on my screen. However, it is… what’s the word I am looking for? Oh yes. Boring. Plus singing. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 5-6 of 12 - I entirely lost my mind over this show this week. Fuck me it's so good. The delicacy sends me. I keep expecting it to be clumsy and then is just isn't - it's so subtle and it demands we pay such close attention. I feel like I'm holding my breath the whole time I'm watching.

Cliff's notes on these 2 eps as follows:

The pure unadulterated tsundere of it all.

The awesome angst, it aches.

The series of repercussions after the fight was pacing genius.

The brilliant juxtaposition of "the kid who self isolates too easily" versus "the one who has been forced into isolation" meets both of them being smart enough to know why they react out of hurt, but neither can stop doing it.

Baby’s reaction to learning he’s going to be left behind = to instantly make plans to do the leaving in the future hurts my heart in the best possible way.

"Maybe what we call eternity is just persistence."

Maybe one boy simply deciding to be another boy's rock is romance. 

Production better nail the second half of this show! It better be the world against them from here on out or the audience is gonna riot.

And by "audience" I mean me.

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 5 of 10 - Oh noes! Poor baby boy!!! My heart hurts. But also gah so cute and next week they shack up together! Hooray! 

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 11 - too much time spent on the girl again. I don’t need excuses for why she’s a bitch. So can we talk about Taichi instead? It’s such a good characterization, this boy who understands everything about other people but doesn’t notice anything about himself, including his own abilities of observation. The person who is special never realizes how special they are, I guess. The soundscapes are so good with this show. The moments where prod decided to be silent are so vital and so pivotal and used with such delicacy and strategy, it’s truly audio magic manipulation.  

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 7-8 of 12 - I loved how Orca just jumped on the stage. What a great side couple. CHARMED I TELL YOU. Orca was all… singing? Naw. I came back to fuck the manager's brains out. Anything less than that is unacceptable. 

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 10 fin - Essentially this was a growth story for Takara and an exercise in patience while the two of them learned each other’s quirks and languages. It was also an exercise in patience for me... who doesn’t like the power differential of a weaker younger character having to do all the pursuing while constantly feeling like he is inferior to the older popular hot character. I know this was a BL that was definitely for some people, since plenty liked it way more than I did, but I didn’t like it very much even though there’s nothing objectively wrong with it. It simply wasn’t to my personal taste. 7/10 

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 5-6 of 8 - Enter an ex or something? Well he certainly has a type. Bah. This whole series seems to be mainly about cheating. It’s very annoying because they are all so pretty. 

Happy of the End (Japan Tues Gaga) - Based on a manga, longer than usual run time. A boy is disowned for being gay, dumped by his boyfriend, and ends up in a dysfunctional co-dependant relationship with his would-be kidnapper. We were due for another messy JBL. Messy gay pain here we go.

Oh it’s exactly what I expected. Do I like it? No I do not. And ya know what? There is plenty airing. I have a bad feeling about this one. DNF 

It's airing but...

4 Minutes (Sat Gaga) eps 1-6 of 8 - Gaga picked this one up so we can watch it there. I'm waiting until the end, it seems angsty and confusing and full of awful people being awful. But also... high heat and I'm shallow. So we shall see which devil wins (and how it ends).

The Hidden Moon (Sat ????) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) ‘เดือนพราง’ by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger)... A Bangkok writer is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai which is being converted into a café. He gets into an accident and nearly dies on his way there. After that, he sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, one boy catches his attention. Was substantially recast. Couldn't find it. Didn't really look.

In case you missed it

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging. It's just taking me some time. This isn't really a bingable show, not for me anyway. It's A LOT to take all at once. No new one this week.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Plus:

9/9 Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) 12 eps? - Be gay YinWar, do crimes. Dehup gives us Yin, War, Mark and a few other familiar faces in a Leverage sitch, only queerer.

9/14 Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sat ????) ?? eps - Remake of the original. I'm scared too.

9/15 Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - Assistant to a player boss who is in love with that boss decides to quit to save himself. The boss then makes a move. (A gay What's up with Secretary Kim?)

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming SEPTEMBER 2024:

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 10 eps - Lawyer and a con artist meet at a bar, pair up, fall in love.

9/28 Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YouTube) ?? eps - oh I don't know just Ba Vinh doing his thing with pretty boys again.

9/? The Time of Fever (Korea iQIYI) 6 eps - HoTae & DongHee are back! Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names I an WILD for this.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Not sure what this is from but I capped it for a reason so, shrug.

The scent trope AND the childhood crush trope? I see you suckering me into one trope because I like the other. Clever, Battle. Very clever.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.

[miloformula123fan]

Ollie x reader with dialouge 2, 37 and 57 where theyre childhood friends?

and then after the reveal arthur sees the childhood photos of them and dialogue 32 comes into play and its just all really fluffy and cute

omg i loved this! also i promise i'm working on all requests, not just Lizzy's haha

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

I’m right here. I’m always right in front of you but you never see me!

I always have and always will be here for you

I want the whole world to know about us

It’s always been her, hasn’t it?

ollie bearman x reader

---

2014

You watched as the young boy stormed away from the kart now embedded in the wall. Ignoring the sheer relief that you felt, you left the stands to meet him in the paddock where you knew he would be. You spotted him and tried to jog to catch up to him.

“Ollie! Ollie! OLLIE!”

“Yes? What do you- oh. Y/N. Hey” he looked sheepish as he started at the ground as you caught up to him.

“You doing okay? That was a big impact.”

“Yeah I’m fine, just annoyed about the crash. Probably wasn’t my opportunity for the overtake and now my dad has to repair the kart and-”

“Shh, it’s okay Ollie. One race isn’t going to ruin all your chances to make it to F1. and even if it does, I always have and always will be here for you.”

“Thank you, y/n.”

2019

“I cannot understand why it always ends like this. Why cannot girls like me for who I am, instead of who I could be. They always want to be with me preparing for my money and wanting to be an f1 wag, but then when they realise that it’s not all glamour, and there’s hard work and I try to be there.”

“Ollie, in the nicest way possible, I’m gonna need you to shut up.”

“What-why? Y/N you’ve always been my bestie ”

“I’m right here. I’m always right in front of you but you never see me! And yet somehow I am ‘your bestie’ and I have to put up with all your ‘oh i don’t understand why these girls do not like me.’ Ollie, fuck it I am in love with you and I am sick of pretending otherwise.”

Before you could say anything else, Ollie quickly pressed his lips to yours.

2021

“Y/N I want the whole world to know about us. I know you think I shouldn’t due to hate and people calling you a gold digger, but I’m sick of just pretending we’re childhood friends. I want to kiss you when I win races and show you off!”

“Fine. Don’t make me regret this. And if I do, we’re going back to being private again, okay?”

“Of course, love!”

2024

“Aww, you and Y/n were so cute!”

“WERE???”

“You are a little painful but otherwise I supposed you two are still cute. But come on, how can this…”

“Become this?” 

"Oi!"

Arthur looked at Ollie’s smile as he gazed at the photos. He smiled back.

“It’s always been her, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah”

[scrumptiousstuffs]

yknow what i want for fk? more shows. PUT THEM IN INSANE HET SHOWS I BEG 😭 no more one bl a year i need them in a show in every part gmmtv announces shows in. i would literally pay for home school 2 for insane khao. i would pay gmmtv for insane first in a show. LET THEM PLAY INSANE CHARACTERS. FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH.

gmmtv's het shows are so underrated because those things are way more unabashedly queer even compared to a lot of bl's they produce <- preaching like im from the missionary of 'gmmtv het show are gay af' alliance

(i just love the het shows and will take any moment to talk about it. like yea ofc theres stupid ones but some of them are just so fucking good and made with so much love and passion and its so visible and it makes me so soft 🥺)

- burnsuncomet (they should really let me ask stuff from my sideblog smh 😔)

Go on. Tell me more about what het shows you like from GMMTV (and why you like them). And tell me what ideas do you want for your het shows for FK?

I personally enjoyed Home School (so I am definitely on board with Khaotung versus Gun for season 2!) , Midnight Museum, Enigma (for a horror show, this pack a lot more than just good special effects) and the currently airing Peaceful Property (which we are still debating whether it’s BL or not 😂).

And I cannot stress enough how much 55:15 Never Too Late is such an underrated gem (yes it has a side BL featuring our own Khaotung who nailed his role as SongPol/Paul) but my other fav storyline in that show was View’s character and the friendship between Paul and Piploy’s character.

I didn’t mind Summer nights but I got terribly bored by Phuwin (and whoever his love interest was) - and really just perked up when Dunk’s character White and Lookjun interacted.

And if you are asking me what het shows I’m looking forward from GMMTV - Hide & Sis (it has Jan, Piploy and Lookjun plus Chimon playing a sleaze ball? - sign me up!)

But I’m digressing - we are talking about FK hehe. I admit I was disappointed when they only have one project for 2024, which has yet to air 🥲 (especially after getting spoilt with 3 shows from them in 2023 😩).

I think FK is under utilised by GMMTV (but then again, don’t we all say the same when talking about our own bias CPs?) - I want them to be in reality show, talk shows, V-log ANYTHING really beyond just one BL cause they have so much potential (we are definitely in agreement with this. Although it’s of course not feasible to have everything for the boys cause they will burnout otherwise 🙂‍↕️). But we can all dream yeah?

Anyway, I thought this user from Twitter has the cutest idea ever for their YT content 👇🏽 (credit on the screenshot)

(Or I take the boys going camping together with us watching them cook and playing guitar and toasting marshmallows by the campsite)

In my alternate reality where FK gets to act more than one BL per year, these are my pick for hetero show/concept with FK in it:

The currently aired “The Judge from Hell”, k-drama starring Park Shin Hye and Kim Jae Young. I want a Thai remake - with Piploy as the devil in the judge’s body (she plays beautiful evil/anti-hero well! - her performance in Enigma was a good example of this) and First as our dutiful cop who joined force (literally selling his soul) to the devil after his mother figure got killed by a serial killer who also killed his birth parents. We know First can play tortured and devastation well, but truly seeing him fight to keep his morality? - 🤌 (also First already looks like a Korean movie star, so he will fit in well! Plus not going to lie - a tall First having to lean down on tiny Piploy while they bicker and fall in love 🤭 (these 2 have quite the chemistry in The Shipper)

As for Khaotung (we already mentioned Home School), but if I want to see him in a hetero couple - it will be with Ciize. These 2 were wholesome together in Tonhon Chonlatee (the show has flaws, but I still enjoyed it and Khaotung/Ciize being besties in that show was one of the highlights for me!)

And again, I’m borrowing this from one of my favourite k-drama, Happiness (2021) featuring Park Hyung-Sik and Han Hyo-Joo. Beyond just a zombie flick, it’s a commentary on social class but also the desperation and the length people go to when trapped with no where to go. Also, I won’t lie, I just want to see Khaotung (now that he is so buff!) and Ciize (despite her tiny frame) being badass with guns- it also has a sweet romance line between the main characters 😂

And bonus - if I can make my own FK-centric drama:

I want them to play cross-lovers in the past but one of them was a woman.

They both reincarnated - the woman’s soul now in one of the boys (I haven’t quite figure out who I want to play this role between them 🤣). This soul remembers his previous life and lover but avoids trying to look for him (cause you know, she is now a he and thought his previous lover is straight)

While the other person - knows he is missing someone, he has a deep yearning for this one person. However, he can’t remember the face or really anything beyond vague flashbacks except he knows it is a she. So he keeps looking at girls of course not finding the one. Meanwhile, fate (of course) made them meet and they keep avoiding trying to not fall in love but fail 🤷🏽‍♀️. I have even thought of what jobs these boys could have, the side characters 🤣…but alas, this will stay in delulu land (and yes, if you think the plot sounds vaguely familiar, it likely is! Cause I just pick all the plots/tropes I like and meshed it up!)

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch (SOTUS) 4.5/5

I'm almost done watching my second blacklisted shows (Love in the Air and The Untamed are the others), but what was only supposed to be a five part rewatch for my former sworn enemy SOTUS has magically turned into six because the last half of this show is AMAZING! I suffered through four other parts to be here in this glorious moment (first, second, third, fourth), so what was supposed to be the fifth and final part is now two parts since I'm saving the finale for its own post.

I'm so fucking hype! LET'S GO!

The picture on Arthits vanity is of The Beatles and their song "HELP!" but I feel that image is speaking directly to me and Arthit because this queer crisis is hurting us both, and I need this boy to kiss another boy RIGHT NOW!

She dated Bright?! BRIGHT?! You know what? It makes sense. I would've done it to.

This awkward tension at the wedding is fucking delicious. Can't even stand next to each other without making it everyone's problem.

The fact that I forgot everything about this show even though this second half is doing everything I love is very telling of the fallout of the Krist bullshit. I'm not elaborating on that drama because if you know, you know, and if you try to gaslight me saying it never happened or try to defend him in retrospect, you can miss me with that bullshit, but in a way, I'm glad I forgot this show because I'm sitting here in 2024 losing my shit over Arthit grabbing Kong to stop him from walking away.

And making small talk about colors to keep Kong standing there because Arthit just needs Kong near him but can't sort his feelings out long enough to understand why he needs him. This is my special brand of drug.

And this is why confessions change things. Arthit can't just be nice to Kong anymore because it will give Kong hope. They can't be like before. Arthit can't have a friend because Kong doesn't want to be just friends. I am seated, sat, and sitted for this pink moment!

AND NOW WE ARE GETTING THE BRIDGE SCENE! Arthit is saying how awful he is and can't understand why Kong would like him, but baby, he likes you BECAUSE YOU ARE AWFUL! He likes that you yell at him. He likes that you push him around. He likes that you drink pink milk. HE LIKES YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU!

Can he accept you?! Kong is the smartest boy in his class and possibly the school, and he wants to fuck you so badly that he looks stupid! So can he accept you?! BITCH, ALL HE WANTS IS YOU! HE IS LIVING AND BREATHING FOR YOU! HE DOES NOT EXIST IF YOU AREN'T TELLING HIM TO EXIST! KISS HIM ALREADY!

That Krist fallout involving kisses is popping back up to attack me and the show is trying to sell this kiss as something big with this background music (MUTE!), but I'm going to give it a pass because, in this moment, it works. Kong is surprised. The kiss is quick. Arthit is still reserved. I can work with this kiss under these conditions.

This entire sequence is saving the kiss moment. Kong is a puppy trying to play, and Arthit is not having it. My GIF is shitty, but the dynamic is elite!

And now Kong is fully embracing his BDE, and everyone in their friend group should know what's up because if I can feel the tension from my screen eight years later, they had to have felt the shift in the air in that hallway.

Kong drinking pink milk. Arthit trying iced coffee. Kong giving Arthit his heart. AND NOW ARTHIT IS GIVING HIS HEART TO KONG. My hair is shining. My skin is glowing. My immune system is thriving!

Yes, he did! It's their kink and they are embracing it. LET THEM LIVE!

Homophobe-to-homo Arthit understood this eight years ago, and some of y'all are still struggling with this today. Sorry I didn't recognize your evolution, King.

Singto and these damn eyes of his! This man can act, and I feel bad for his acting partners because they look weak in comparison to him, which is why He's Coming to Me is my number one Thai BL. Ohm and Singto were breaking my heart with just one glance, and here in this moment, Singto is telling me that Kong felt that icy shift from Arthit when he mentioned kids. The United States had barely implemented marriage equality the year before this, and now I'm in my feels all because Singto can fucking act.

And now that string bracelet is right there between them with Arthit saying Kong could take it off because IT'S DIRTY (break their bond because it's something bad), and Kong saying Arthit was the one who tied it (brought them together), and I NEED A DRINK BECAUSE I'M IN MY FEELINGS over eyes, marriage equality, and string bracelets.

I know I just wrote Singto can act, which implies Krist can't (and it's partially true and why I dislike him - I wrote what I wrote!), but Krist acting out Arthit's uncomfortableness when Prae sees them together is sitting in my throat in a way that makes me want to explode. He keeps shuffling back, crossing his arms, and looking away, until Prae asks if they came together, and even though Kong just said they were on a date, and even though Arthit was so happy about that, he immediately says NO and that they just randomly bumped into each other, and every queer in the audience is ready to breakdown over the trauma of our youth.

This episode is beating my ass on a Sunday while I was just trying to enjoy my tea. The barrier between them during this meal. The stunted conversation. All of it hurts, but what gets me the most is Arthit didn't switch his meal with Kong's. He didn't berate Kong for his 'baby food' choices. If Kong wasn't in pain before, he is definitely in it now because if there is one thing that Kong needs in this moment is reassurance that Arthit cares about him even if it's through punishment, yet Arthit is giving him nothing. Poor little masochist is really going through it at this table.

The way Arthit yelled at Kong to not touch him! This is so good. The second half of this show did not need to go so hard especially after that lackluster first half, yet here it is, giving me everything and more.

ARTHIT IS IN PINK! He is pink and telling his best friend that he likes a guy but doesn't want to ruin that guy's life because Kong is smart and handsome and could be with anybody, but Knot said what every BL boy needs to be reminded of is that Kong wouldn't be happy with anyone else but Arthit. Arthit cannot sacrifice himself when that would make neither of them happy. Arthit is exactly what Kong needs. Now go punish him so he knows you care.

Unlike Bright's casual use of "fag," this "queerbag" feels right. It's from one queer to another and it shows me that Arthit has accepted himself as a queer. Am I getting emotional over a man screaming "queerbag"? Yes.

Kong wrote Arthit a love letter where he states that he is disobedient, self-absorbed, and teases Arthit to the point that it stresses Arthit out, but only Arthit makes him happy, and the kink is staring me directly in my eyes. It is breathing down my neck. It is reaching into my soul. It is touching the deepest part of my heart, and I am in love with this!

The face that Kong (Singto) made when Arthit untied the string was the perfect way to punish this disobedient boy because two seconds later Arthit replaced it with matching bracelets and declared them as boyfriends in front of all his friends and God, and that's how you treat a masochist. That's the thrill you gotta give them. It's pain then pleasure.

I LOVE THIS FUCKING SHOW!

I love it so much that I'm excusing Kong's "I don't like men" because it feels right that he doesn't like men, only Arthit. Once again, watching this from a kinky lens has changed the way I view this plot. Before, I saw it as a BL and this felt like a cop-out, but now it makes sense that he doesn't like anyone. He only likes the one person who reprimands him and rewards him.

He is a dog, and I mean that with all the affection in my entire body.

Much better kiss. The first kiss was a test. The second kiss was a promise.

The smile after the kiss and the way Arthit scrunches up his body to be smaller because he is shy. My heart is exploding. I'm dying. I'm dead. I've died. Deceased.

I did not remember that Arthit spoke to Kong when he was applying to schools and convinced him to stick with engineering. This is so Thai BL of them, but I have no energy to complain about it because Arthit finding his home and queerness in a safe place and giving that to Kong is what I'm taking away from this.

Now to the finale and my final thoughts.

[waitmyturtles]

I haven't written an Old GMMTV Challenge update in SOOOOOO long, and I was just about to write a short screed compelling folks to think about taking up The Miracle of Teddy Bear, which I'm watching now for the project. I've also made some changes to the list, which I'll report below:

1) I paused Miracle for a couple of weeks to catch up on 2022's Triage, the second in a trilogy of shows by the Y novel writer, Sammon (most recently known for 4 Minutes, and better known for premiering with 2019's Manner of Death). I wanted to catch up on Triage before Spare Me Your Mercy airs, the third show in the MoD/Triage series trilogy. (Sammon has been posting on Twitter recently in anticipation for SMYM, thus my urgency in watching Triage.)

I wasn't intending on including Triage on the OGMMTVC syllabus, but I am, not even indulgently, but because I think if someone's going to situate themselves as a student of Thai BL, then this show should be watched as simply a TOTALLY REMARKABLE queer drama that plays not just with some BL tropes, but with a ton of other television tropes as well (as so wonderfully listed by @dragonsareawesome123!) TRIAGE IS SO FUCKING, FUCKING, FUCKING AWESOME, and I screamed in my liveblogs about it, so fuck yeah, I'm gonna review it soon (after I finish and review Miracle for the sake of chronology).

2) After I get reviews of Miracle and Triage out, I'll finally review GAP, which I watched this summer, and I'm glad I've given myself a lot of breathing room to think about GAP and its longterm impact, because I was gently unhappy with the show as it ended and how its script worked. I know some Idol Factory shows, like The Sign, are known for being bloooated, and I don't think GAP was bloated per se, but it was messy enough for me to think about it more critically than I expected in regards to celebrating Thailand's first GL. (It seems like The Loyal Pin is faring better by way of being a better script? But I haven't conversed with anyone about this yet.)

In any case, this breathing room, along with watching more shows from 2022, allows me to take the full step back I need to to celebrate GAP in its historical glory, notwithstanding the weak script, so that I'll do after I write up on Miracle and Triage.

(By the way. 2022 was a HELL OF A YEAR for Thai BLs. Bad Buddy ends, we got KinnPorsche, Triage, The Miracle of Teddy Bear as Thailand's first queer primetime drama, Secret Crush On You, The Eclipse, Moonlight Chicken is filmed but not aired, My School President premieres. 2023 and 2024 can only weep in jealousy, unfortunately.)

3) Finally, the real reason why I was going to put pen to paper today is that I am not done with The Miracle of Teddy Bear, and it's truly a HEFTY COMMITMENT to watch it, 16 hour-and-a-half-long episodes (meaning, 32 normal episodes) (New Siwaj drools in envy) but part of my thinking, as I start episode 12 tonight, is that I might need to compel my fellow Bad Buddy girlies to give Miracle a try.

If Bad Buddy was remarkable for existing in the no-homophobia-bubble, and using family rivalry and intergenerational trauma as sophisticated stand-ins for homophobia --

Miracle follows in BBS's footsteps as

1) not at all a BL, but a queer drama, Thailand's first major primetime queer drama,

2) a show that absolutely grabs all kinds of homophobia -- internal, external, social, familial homophobia -- by the neck, and reckons and analyzes each kind of homophobia through brilliant writing and character development,

3) a show that STILL, like BBS, grapples with intergenerational trauma, the trauma of adults coming from broken families and committing future harm on their children; as well as reckoning with the impacts of misogyny; as well as reckoning with the impacts of individuals standing up AGAINST social biases, including social homophobia, corporate demands against the environment, interactions with the police, so so much, and

4) a show that STILL commits to realistic development of romantic bonds among multiple couples, using flashbacks intelligently and sensibly, and leveraging romance often to sensibly lighten heavy moments.

I'll let y'all know how I fare as I get to the show's end, but let me just say at this point in time, before I dive into the show's last five episodes, that at least contemplating a watch of Miracle will be utterly satisfying for folks looking for incredible watches as we plod through a few mediocre shows at the present moment. I didn't think it would happen in the course of this syllabus, but I think Miracle is going into my top three of all Thai queer dramas I've ever watched, with Bad Buddy and He's Coming To Me at the top of that list.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/2/2024

in which i try to clean two different boxes with varying success

new people: hello! the tuesdaypost is a weekly roundup of stuff i've been listening, reading, watching, playing, and making. it is NOT a recommendation series, although i sometimes dabble in critique. when im firing on all cylinders i ask "what is the core concept of this? does it succeed in what i think it's trying to do and what it says it's doing?is it well-made but i dislike it/beautiful but not for me? why? what parts Really Work?"

if you are into purity culture, yelling at other people about the problematic media they consume, or are under 18 i am going to have very little patience for you.

listening

now that i live in houston i am legally obliged to loop the new beyonce album 24/7. there is absolutely truly nobody fucking doing it like her. every song is a multimedia art piece. goddamn do i miss the album as a tool to convey a specific concept/listening order/flow. sometimes (chappell roan most recently comes to mind, although it does feel unfair to compare anyone to beyonce) every individual song is pretty good but the listening experience if you sit down and listen all the way through the album is unpleasant and choppy. not so here. NEVER here.

my favorite like Dance Number is YA YA (it samples nancy sinatra's boots! and the beach boys' good vibrations! wildly different tones despite coming out a year apart!)

the one that goes on four different character/tone playlists is BODYGUARD.

great early roundup of influences, samples, and collaborators. delighted to see five fingers for marseilles listed, a rocky but underrated south african neo-western free on tubi rn for americans

-

reading

also very texas-relevant with the recent pornhub lawsuits! pornhub and sex tech (among other things) have been samantha cole's beat for almost ten years. i trust her to report sensitively and not for like. shock clicks

this site has a free paywall (sign up with your email for a link to the full article) so bots have a harder time scraping articles: this is a journalist-founded site with only the four founders running it and writing articles. while annoying i do think this is a reasonable measure

The platform still has problems, but after years of critical reporting and a litany of legal and reputational consequences, Pornhub is now more heavily moderated than any other porn platform, and most major social media platforms, for that matter. A growing list of age verification laws has put Pornhub in a position where it is compelled to block access to its site in seven states and counting. In theory, these laws are designed to prevent children from being able to access pornography online. In reality, what is going to happen is that children are going to end up on pornographic sites that don’t care what the law says, and where some of the most harmful content that exists online is actively promoted to them.

she's also got a new limited series podcast with CBC about the rise and fall of pornhub, which was fascinating and kept me company during an extremely early morning drive

-

watching

i'm lukewarm about this one but i spend a lot of time getting there, much like this movie

ive been watching a lot of frankly dogshit thrillers, which has made me wonder: what's the deal with supervillans? where did they come from? and thence arrived at the prototypical film Dr Mabuse the Gambler (1922, dir. Lang). the four and a half hour cut on Kanopy is two normal-length movies superglued together, which makes sense as a streaming product but it is sort of a terrifying runtime and took me three days to get through.

sometimes, as we know, i get a real bee in my bonnet about visiting the early versions of things. dr mabuse is the blueprint for every james bond and mission impossible villain, or really any shadowy supervillain with power over [INDUSTRY] or [THE MARKET]. it is a four and a half hour long cat and mouse game through lavish, eccentric sets between mabuse and prosecutor wenk. it has some trouble sustaining itself bc it is four and a half hours long but does deliver on the cat and mouse aspects. this letterboxed review has interesting things to say about the political climate of 1922 germany and how lang subverts the formula of the pulp serial.

really the film opens with mabuse yelling at his cocaine-addicted assistant, but the film properly gets going with mabuse's henchmen stealing a trade agreement (nothing really carbon dates a movie more than a missing trade agreement. vanishingly few post-early-30s movies have missing trade agreements as plot points) and then he crashes the stock market. for fun and profit.

however. i think every time you see an evil man who is a banker or stockbroker or generally uses money as power you have to interrogate whether it's antisemitic. the answer here is "maybe" but i'm not sure if intent matters when contemporary nazi critics were eager to hold mabuse up as "this is the typical jewish criminal". (sorry about the link directly to wikipedia, it's been touch finding online sources for this section). mabuse is not specifically jewish, but there are certainly elements of stereotype. i am still not good at being presented with "this movie has a shadowy behind the scenes figure manipulating the government and all the money ever" and going "hey wait a minute".

after that tremendous glaring caveat, for which i read more contemporary reviews and reviews in general than i ever read for movies in these posts, is it good? eh. a contemporary VARIETY review remarked (and i largely agree)

The direction of Fritz Lang has moments – but Lang somewhat negates his good technical effects by twenty forty-word captions of a ludicrous unconciseness.

the night scenes are particularly well done, and imo are better than many modern night scenes--other contemporary reviews remarked

In this film the techniques of the film camera (Carl Hoffmann’s brilliant photography) are brought to perfection. The problem of how to film lit-up streets at night has been solved for the first time. It is unbelievably impressive to see the glaring lights of speeding cars flash through the night or the rapid passing of an elevated train of the initially blurred, then gradually focussed glimpse through a pair of opera glasses on to the variety stage, the nuances of light and shade—these things alone prove the value of film documentary.

look at this shit! filmed from within the cars! in 1922!!!

this film asks you to believe hypnotism is real and really effective, so i don't think it's that big of a leap when it asks you to believe in ghosts. i don't understand that quibble from contemporary viewers. there are several on screen suicides with like. specific methods. which is not currently regarded as good filmmaking practice. im curious to know what contemporary audiences thought but couldn't immediately turn anything up, and wading through masters’ theses on cinematic suicide is a little beyond my current mental health.

if i were a more content-minded woman this would turn into a clickbait video essay about the antisemitic origins of every supervillan. however i am unqualified and untalented at video editing and i'm sure there are forty theses on this already. this movie is a hard sell to anyone jewish or employed. it is also a stunning example of cutting-edge film technology and part of the genesis of the modern supervillan. Fritz Lang films tend to fall in the category of “movies i am happy to see once and feel no need to revisit”.

-

playing

playing what is effectively the same game three times back to back (breath of the wild, tears of the kingdom, genshin impact) has sort of burned me out on open world games with a focus on battle skill progression and stumbling across little puzzles in the overworld. i have to get itch.io up and running on this pc and find the most linear jankiest possible one-sitting indie thing. or several of them. i might try the solo ttrpg Gentleman Bandit i seem to have acquired in one of the giant charity bundles

brief breath of the wild update bc i don't want to pull screenshots off my switch: i have gotten to the boss fight for the gerudo and goron regions, have not completed them bc my focus in this game is NOT hearts, and am in the middle of the zora temple. despite the quality of life improvements and new regions in totk i think i prefer botw: progression is a bit easier, there are fewer mmo-style hub quests and repeatable quests. things like the stable photos are cute but very repetitive, so are the sign bracing puzzles, and the sky crystal quests for sky shrines feel VERY samey. also dislike how the CLEAR OUT: [REGION] quests with the monster suppression squads reset at the blood moon.

anyway! to genshin! there was an exceptionally fun little event with a surprisingly involved management sim tacked onto the game??? you make and sell potions fulfilling different requirements, and can eventually stock travelling merchants all over the continent. the actual act of making the potions was this block-filling 1010! style thing (screenshot from polygon)

the new region, a port town and tea-growing area called Chenyu Vale, is maybe the prettiest one in the game so far? it's the one that feels the most picturesque and Designed, like this is one huge mansion garden studded with follies. they also added background chatter and noise in the cities and towns, which really startled me and makes them feels much more lived in! this is a fun trick to avoid putting in a thousand NPCs and making everyone's framerate crash. the less stuff in your game, the less shit can go wrong.

also pulled for and got chiyori, a geo-aligned seamstress (and sometime spy???) swordswoman who has what i can only call domme voice

-

making

ok now we'll talk about boxes. i was rearranging my kitchen, as unemployed women are known to do, and noticed this recipe box i picked up back in mass was disgusting. the finish is starting to fail but it was genuinely grody and last summer i packed my kitchen in a blind panic inside an hour and did not have time to address it. i have never seen a recipe box at an estate sale before or since and it made me desperately sad.

it was full of a lot of stuff.

i went at it with a somewhat inadvisable combination of things: wood soap didn't budge it, so i dampened a paper towel in vinegar and wiped it down in the vain hope it would do something. the thing that worked, and would be inadvisable for anything veneered or less densely textured, was baking soda paste and the scrubby side of a sponge. it still smells Very musty even after 48h of loose baking soda inside with several changes, but that might be partly the recipe cards' fault. i would like to refinish this at some point but i don't have polyurethane on hand and the fun little project budget is empty until further notice/i get a job.

the hinge did rust a bit despite my best efforts but that has since been lightly steel wooled and oiled. a well loved object! it's possible the lady who died just fucking sucked and that's why literally her entire estate including many other things families usually keep was on sale, but i would like to think perhaps she simply had no other family? a well loved/used object even if all the recipes are for semi-horrifying fifties new england recipes.

the other box, pre-acids but post-washing: this topp trading card box with seven episode one packets of cards was intact with the original seal. i have verified it was not worth much more than the $5 i paid for it with the trading card obsessed man in my best friend's husband's friendgroup. i bought this three months ago but the man was unavailable to open it until uhhh last week. some sort of liquid got inside it at some point and it was super corroded. i was going to store embroidery floss in here but even with all my powers (barkeepers friend. brasso.) i cannot completely remove the corrosion. it's not corroded Through but it looks bad and feels rough. so it goes. it'll probably hold the tiedown straps in my car bc that plastic bucket is rapidly failing

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 3

♡ Summary: Carmy actually has allowed himself FRIENDS?? Also- he gets to have like.. a normal day with Syd somewhat, outside of work, hanging out with people who aren't in any way involved w/ the restaurant.

♡ W/C: 6,919

♡ Posted Date: 04/08/2024

♡ A/N: Hayo ;D Here is C3 of Blue Lotus!!! I am v much like Carmy & got a alot of amusement AND enjoyment writing this chapter, so that makes my brain tell me I took it too OOC & I haaate writing these 2 OOC. So if its OOC I'm sorry, but at least it's funny LOL. The story Shayna tells is lightly based on Euphoria But the college version - so if you've seen it that's why it feels a little familiar - if you haven't seen it its a same vibe except high school so the father is much, much more disgusting. But I looove writing Shayna so much, I have friends like her & they are always the personalities to make you laugh until youre sore the next day - & Syd & Carmy deserves a friend like that so I gave them one! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy <3 As per usual this fic is inspired by Tucson that can be read here It was written by my lovely friend @gingergofastboatsmojito please be sure to read that one before you read Blue Lotus, also do give Ginger a follow!!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Talks of ; a near physical assault, blood, sex, transphobia/outing, self inflicted wounds, actually contains; smoking cigarettes/weed, drinking alcohol, vomiting, swearing

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

“Hey! Im Sydney- sure! We were uh…we were gonna cook- do you wanna join? I just got back from the store” she got up, shaking her hand. 

“Totally -  my god this necklace! Where did you get it?” Shayna asked, leaning in and looking at the pendant “and you smell so good, lavender?” She said. 

“I thrifted it! I love thrifting. Carm does too- does it so much he has to keep extra jeans in his oven.. oh! And yeah this perfume it’s inside. I’ll show it to you” Syd replied happily. 

“Your oven?” Jesse asked Carm 

“Yeah uh.. not enough space- um Syd these are my…” he trails off 

“Friends. Were his friends- therapy friends I guess. I mean I hope he holds his word and texts me when we get out of here” Shayna nudged Carm’s shoulder gently. 

He cleared his throat “yeah- uh-my friends. Shayna and Jesse.” He said shyly. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you guys, have you ever had deer? They sell it at the grocery store here, harder to get in Chicago. I figured we’d try this recipe I thought up a while ago” she opened the door to the cabin and Jesse and Shana went inside making themselves at home right away. 

This wasn’t the first time they’d hung out, they would do this a few times a week before dinner and then sit and eat together before going back to their respective cabins for the night. 

“Never had deer before - aren’t you guys like super chefs or-“ Jesse is interrupted by Shayna’s whining 

“Carmen you still haven’t asked for a wifi box?!” She asked annoyed, putting her phone back in the pocket of her cargo jeans.  

“No I haven’t because I don’t need one I’m not addicted to Instagram or whatever the fuck” Carmy said, taking the door for Syd and she headed in, him following suit. 

“Oh yeah I forgot Carmy the little old man who likes to hide away from the online world- you look like you take fire Instagram pictures, how do you deal with that loser all the time?” She asked Syd jokingly, leaning against the counter and watching as she pulled various ingredients from the fridge. 

Syd laughed a bit, a big smile on her face as she moved around looking through various cabinets. “I do…um- Chef-“ she said and he sat up from where he was leaning against the kitchen doorframe 

“Where do you need me?” He asked her 

“Onions medium dice if you can manage the knives here suck” she took out one of the small knives they kept for him in the drawer and set it on the cutting board as she began to pick the rosemary, putting the sprigs in a bowl. 

“What the fuck is that” Shayna picked up a mortar with a deep black goop at the bottom. 

“Juniper berries…found a juniper tree when I was hanging outside. Made sure it’s the right kind so don’t be worried” Syd said and Carmen couldn’t help the small smile that curled his lips. 

“You found a juniper, and you just.. remembered this recipe?” Carmen asked, chopping the onions as skillfully as if he hadn’t been out of the kitchen a single day. 

“Thats hot” Shayna says “you’re hot as hell bitch! Oh my god! You just saw a tree and were like ‘let me make up this super cute berry deer coquette dish’ ” she said, causing Syd, her, and Jesse to crack up, but Carmen was lost. 

“The fuck is a coquette?” He asked, causing Syd to laugh harder when Shayna said between giggles 

“I told you! He’s so old!!!” She squeaked, leaning against the counter and wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. 

“Coquette is like… Marina and the Diamonds on Vinyl, pink bow, fairy princess, Sydney in the woods picking juniper berries aesthetic it’s like..a vibe.” Shayna explained.

“Oh my god- it’s a girl thing carm it’s like. I dunno- like pink frilly shit and like- Lacy shit?” Jesse tried to explain. 

Carm raised his brows, scraping the now cut onions into a bowl. “So Syd picking berries what does that have to do with- what did you say- pink bows?” Carm questioned and Shayna rolls her eyes. 

“It’s the vibe Carmen, the vibe. Ugh you are no fun I can already tell Sydney is the fun one. What music do you listen to?” Shayna sat up next to Syd on the counter as she dusted the board with flour and started to cut the meat into chunks. 

“I listen to…well- a lot. My mom loved R&B so I still listen to that but mostly 90s stuff that makes me think of her, I love SZA, HER, Jhené Aiko, oh Kali Uchis! Khelani of course… frank ocean is so fire I really like his stuff too..yeah just a lot of stuff.” She explained. 

Carm sat there digesting every word she said, it wasn’t unusual for him to do that. He tried tucking the unfamiliar names in the back of his mind so he could look them up or ask Shayna what she knew about them later. 

“Oh my god- we have to chill sometime!! Do you smoke?” Shay asked hopefully and Syd looked at Carm for a moment before her eyes flickered back to Shayna. 

“I do. But…not when I’m working. Because it fucks up my taste and smell..but I am on vacation so…” she said with a small shrug and a smile. 

“Dude! Oh my god Jesse cmon I need to go back to my cabin” she got down off the counter “I’ll be right back” she said and they headed out being sure to close the door behind them. 

“They’re fucking?” Syd asked and Carmen laughed a bit 

“No- no. Where’d you get that?” He asked, beginning to peel the carrots over the garbage can. 

“Why did he go with her? Aren’t the cabins all right here?” She asked. 

Carmen looked up at her for a moment “oh- yeah. They are. Shay has somethin about being alone. Somethin about her childhood- she came here because she said it’s like…the good version of where her dad sent her. Whatever that means. But she can’t be out and about alone it freaks her out. I guess she went to some… wilderness camp? She went on about it in one of our sessions. They were…they were fucked up.” He said, putting the now peeled carrot down on the cutting board and starting on the next. 

“Shit.” She said, putting the cast iron on the burner, starting the flame with the lighter that she’d found on the counter. “Like…so they left her in the middle of nowhere or something?” She asked and Carmy shrugged. 

“Kinda like that. She said that they like…would hike all day. And then at night they’d have to pitch their own tents. They took their shoes at night so they wouldn’t try and run. They’d like- send pictures back to their family- and if they didn’t smile they’d get in trouble. Pretty fuckin…sadistic shit t’do to a kid. Dunno how her dad thought it would change her ways - she said she went because their views on religion didn’t align…” he explained 

“Wow…” she said, after a long beat of silence “she’s like..I wouldn’t have expected her to be so friendly after that. I wouldn’t be” she said, salting down the meat. 

“Yeah Shayna is…a character. For sure. But she’s really sweet, and has a huge heart even though she loves to bitch people out. She’d cut someone if they tried to fuck with me, though. One of the newcomers showed me that” he chuckled, shaking his head a bit. 

“What happened?” She asked

“So we were at lunch, and before that day we just..sat at the same table but didn’t really talk. She talked, but I would mostly listen. And um, this new dude. Justin? I think? Total fuckhead. Guys a tank too, like fuckin’ 6’2? No joke. But uh he was like basically screaming at his table, talkin’ so fuckin’ loud, so I looked over- and he met my eyes and just went off hes like ‘you got a problem little man? What the fuck is up with you, you got a staring problem?’ And Shayna- you should have seen her!” He laughs at the memory. 

“What’d she do?” Syd asks curiously. 

“Oh, she picked up her mashed potatoes- like - a fist full of mashed potatoes Syd- bare handed- and screeeamed at him ‘YOU WANNA FUCK WITH HIM COCKSUCKER?! WHY DON’T YOU COME FUCK WITH A BITCH THAT CAN ACTUALLY LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, SCAREDY MOTHERFUCKER!’  then whipped it at the dude. It hit him right in the face- eeeeveryone was dying we were all cracking the fuck up. I haven't seen him again after that, thankfully, but then she just looked at me and asked me for my plastic knife so she could get the potatoes from under those huge nails she wears and went to wash her hands like nothing happened.” He explained. 

Syd laughs and Carm follows suit. “Wow. Well I guess I shouldn’t worry about you after all- you found a temporary big sister, you should keep her around. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who would pelt another in the face with mashed potatoes for me” she snorts a laugh, setting the meat in the pan. 

“I would. Without a shadow of a doubt, when Marcus was yelling at you I wanted to fuckin knock him out with a pan-“ he stopped himself and she looked over at him, the only sound now filling the room being the sizzling of venison on cast iron and the tick of the wall clock. 

She blinked a few times, unsure what to say before the memory of the drawing came back to her. 

Just say it now. Why else would he want to hit one of his employees with a pan if not for feelings he hasn’t made me aware of?

She’d thought to herself. 

But Carmen on the other hand was thanking god that Shayna and Jesse came back, boisterous as ever- 

“Pookiesss We come bearing gifts” Shayna drops a bag on the table, as well as a pink speaker that was playing some Spanish music Carmen hadn’t ever heard before. 

“You listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd asks as she turns around. 

“YOU Listen to bad bunny?” Jesse asks and Syd smiles big 

“Who doesn’t listen to Bad Bunny?” Syd laughed “he’s like- literally I think the most listened to Spotify artist or something? Top 3?!” 

“Who is bad bunny?” Carmen asks as he cut the carrots into matchsticks. 

“You need to train your dogs better, Sydney” Shayna teased, taking shooters of grey goose out of her tote bag and putting them in the freezer. 

Syd laughs so hard she snorts, covering up her mouth with her hand and shaking her head. “You are fucking insane” she said 

Carmen smiled big, looking over at Syd. “Chef, did you just snort?” He teased smugly and set his knife down, leaning against the counter next to her, smirking. 

“I did- because your friend thinks you’re my bitch” she teased, turning back to the meat and flipping each cube carefully with the metal tongs that were next to her on the counter. 

Carmen’s mouth drops and his cheeks go scarlett, Shayna snorts a laugh, sitting at the table casually, legs crossed as she picked the stems and seeds off buds of weed, while Jesse howls with laughter. “Fuuuck-“ he shakes his head with amusement “wow. I uh…” he snorts a laugh “I get you Carmen. Get you better now” he said. 

“Okay- fuck you shayna” Carmen shook his head, unable to contain his smile. He’d never heard Syd laugh so hard before and witnessing it made him feel on fire. 

“Sorry I can tell who wears the pants it’s a natural talent of mine” she shrugged, “Jess come do this” she slid the little container of picked apart buds over to the spot next to her and he sits next to her at the table. 

“So you guys aren’t..like you’ve not known eachother before this?” Syd asks them. 

“Oh! No we did actually. Jess and I met at this program when we were 14, restart. It was a pure chance though that we come here at the same time.” She said and got up, washing her hands in the kitchen sink of the sticky resin. 

“That’s so cool - where are you from?” Syd asked her as she takes the bowl of onions from next to Carm at the island, their hands brushing for a moment which caused Carmen to nearly cut himself because his focus was completely lost at her touch. 

“Were from LA. Aren’t you from Chicago? Why are you here? I mean- like it’s great you’re great I’m glad to have a sane member of society around, it’s refreshing when you’re only around only psychos, you know? But uh..” she laughed a bit when Syd got started “you must be…pretty close friends” she looked at Carm for a moment before looking back at her. 

Carmen suddenly felt something akin to anger sitting low in his chest. And it had to do with Shayna. He likes Shayna, so he wasn’t sure what was going on. But, Jesse saw the switch in Carmen- and read it right away as jealousy. 

“Uh…” Syd clears her throat nervously, suddenly not knowing what to say. 

“Like what is it? Jess? We went to restart in Wisconsin so Chicago? How far is that?” She asks. 

Jesse gave her the cut it out eyes, but Shayna hadn’t been able to play matchmaker in weeks, she was gonna push these two together the same way she made her Barbie’s kiss when she was a kid. 

“I’ll guess like - 1800 miles. Soooo- oh! And don’t you have that restaurant?” She asked and Syd nods. 

“Mmhmm we run it together. It’s fine though it’s being held down, I finally got my new Sous trained and his sister is working a lot lately she wants to get everything all together before she has her baby so…” she rambled on, trying to pull out any reason that made it sound like she was unneeded there - even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

“Right. I’m gonna go smoke would you like to come? I’m sure your…” she looks back at Carmen for a moment before looking back at Sydney “partner can hold this down until we get back?” She asked and looked at Carmen again, raising her brows. 

“Yeah- yeah Syd go. Go ahead go relax - got this chef.” He nods and went over to the stove, squeezing past her in the tight space, his hand brushing her waist momentarily as he did so. 

“Okay- okay sure” Syd nodded, following Shayna outside. She walked quietly for a few moments, lighting the joint and taking a drag before handing it over to Syd. 

They were about 30 feet from the house, Syd was taking a deep drag of the joint - savoring the taste since she couldn’t do it often, when Shayna said 

“You need to fuck eachothers brains out so he can go the fuck home. That- or tell him it’ll never happen so he can stay here for however long it takes him to break down and move on” 

Sydney choked on the smoke in her throat, quickly handing the burning joint back to Shayna and coughing into her arm. 

Shayna laughs before taking another drag, patting Sydney’s back sympathetically. “Sorry- people have told me I’m too blunt but I’d rather hear the truth so I give it to people straight” she said simply. 

“Dude! What if he heard you! Shhh!” Sydney said once she caught her breath. 

“Oh please! No! He didn’t! And if he did- he’d be leaned halfway out the door trying to hear the answer because he’s dying to know! You know he has the hots for you- please- don’t play stupid, girl” She rolled her eyes, handing the joint back over. 

“What - no- he’s- we’re business partners” Syd replied, shaking her head and taking a short drag. “He doesn’t. He’s just sick and clinging to me he’s - he’s depressed and I’m violating HIPAA or whatever by saying that but it’s honest! I’m not his type” She passed it back over to Shayna. 

She took it, laughing at her HIPAA comment “Chefs aren’t bound to HIPAA regulations, but nonetheless- I’ll be honest for you, since you can’t be honest with yourself. You flew here because you want to fuck him. There’s no other explanation- no not even just fuck- you love the guy. Why else would you fly across the country to be with him? Especially when he’s due home in 11 days. No dick is that great, especially attached to a guy on that many psych meds.” She said and took a long drag. 

Sydney’s heart began racing 100 miles an hour. She stopped walking, leaning against the fence, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She imagined this is how Carmy felt when Stardust threw him off. 

“Are you- what in the Hozier Adele ass fuck. You didn’t know? Or - realize- the L word? That you love him?” Shayna said, taking another drag of the joint. 

Sydney stared at the forest ahead, resting her hand on her forehead, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck.” She swallowed hard. “Um-uh I- I feel sick? I feel- I’m gonna throw up.” Syd said, standing up and quickly walking over to the large oak tree at the end of the rows of cabins, hurling up the remainders of her lunch which was just a McDonald’s burger she’d gotten on her way back from the grocery store. 

“Jesus Christ. It’s you too? What are you waiting for?” Shay followed after her, rubbing her back gently  

“What do you mean-“ She’s interrupted by a gag she couldn’t hold back. “Fuck. What do you mean what’s me too?” She asked, coughing and spitting the bile taste in her mouth on the ground before leaning against the tree to catch her breath. 

“Like- you and him both don’t even realize you’re in love. It’s weird as fuck. It’s usually one person chasing - but you guys are secretly chasing eachother? But also at the same time trying I dunno. One of you has to make a move though” she said, leaning on the tree next to Syd. 

“What if he’s just sick? What if he’s clinging to me because he’s sick and…and I’m like manipulating him” she asked nervously 

“Ahh yes because you are manipulating a grown man into not breathing when he sees you? You can do that? Can you teach me? Except I’ll use it to kill creeps” she nudged Syds shoulder, finally earning a smile back out of her. 

“He doesn’t do that…” she looked at the ground sheepishly

“When we get back, I’m gonna count out loud because the oblivious fuck hears no one when you’re around, and watch he won’t be breathing. I swear it’s like the first thing I noticed looks like a fuckin fish out of water.” She said and finished the joint, stomping it out with her shoe. “Shall we put my experiment to the test?” She asks and Syd rolls her eyes. 

“I wanna see what’s going on with the food let’s go” she smiled a bit, heading back with Shayna to the cabin.  

It only took them 4 minutes back, Shayna walks in first and Carm’s head pops up from his conversation with Jesse at the counter, and as soon as Syd pops in behind her- Shayna quietly starts whispering “one…two…three…four..-OW!” She squeaks as Syd kicks her ankle just enough to hurt. 

That was enough to break Carm out of his trance “hey- hey- how was your walk, y’okay? You look…I dunno” he came up to her, feeling Syds cheek with the back of his hand “y’flushed…” he said and she pulled away from his touch, feeling embarrassed. 

“I’m fine” she said, walking back to the stove and making sure the meat was okay. “What did you do with the beef stock?” She asked, looking over the counter. 

Carmy swallowed thickly “uh- sorry, sorry. Here” he went to where he put it in the cabinet and handed it to her. “We…we good?” he asked quietly. 

“We’re good. Get the juniper berries please.” She said without meeting his gaze and opened the stock, pouring some in the pan. 

Shayna giggles and Carm looks back at where she and Jesse were sat at the table, Jesse making a circle with his thumb and forefinger and thrusting his other finger in and out of it, alluding to their sexual tension lacing the room. 

“Oh you are children.” Carmen grumbles, grabbing a beer from the fridge and rolling his eyes “want one- dipshit? Cabin check is tomorrow they all need to be gone” he said and Jesse nodded with a smug smile. 

“You love your crazy camp besties pookie!!! Don’t play games cause your cool chef friend is around” Shayna said, getting up and going to the freezer, taking out 2 shots. 

“Syd?” She asked and Sydney turns around, looking at the shots in her hand. 

“Uh- why not. Sure. Just one” she said, taking one of them and cracking it open. 

“Cheers” Shayna says, clinking her shooter with Syds 

“To?” Syd asked. 

“New beginnings” Shayna said simply before tilting her head back and swallowing the shot in one gulp.

“That was the best fucking food I’ve ever eaten. Have you guys ever been told you should open a restaurant?” Jesse teased, helping Carmen clear the empty dishes from table. 

“Wow you really should pursue stand up, Jess” Carmy said with a small smile, collecting the 4 disposable cups they used for wine and throwing them away. 

“You know who would fuckin love her Carm?” Syd motions to Shayna 

“Who?” He mused, rolling up his sleeves and starting the hot water on the sink. 

“Richie. They’d be menaces together but they’d be best friends!” Syd laughs a bit and Carmen gasps 

“Richie!!! Yes! They would- but- Oh my god how is he? I literally- fuck. I’m so shitty I haven’t even really…like been thinkin about everyone back home other then like you and I- I guess sugar” Carmen said. 

Jesse and Shayna gave eachother a ‘we’ll discuss this romcom fuckshow later’ look, before giggling amongst themselves. 

“He’s- he’s Richie. He’s never gonna let me stabbing him go. Every time I tell him to do something he’s like ‘right away chef wouldn’t wanna get stabbed’ - he’s scaring the new hires, carm!” She giggled in the way that made his heart flutter like butterflies were smacking it with their wings. “And he keeps calling me cousin by mistake!! It’s getting ..really weird” she shook her head, sitting down at the table. 

“You stabbed a motherfucker?” Shayna asked impressed. 

Carmen laughed a bit “on accident” he told her 

“Doesn’t mean it didn’t feel good he was grating my last nerve that day. But I mean…he’s okay so I’m not that bad for thinking it” she smiled and Carmen laughed, scrubbing the plates with the sponge. 

“I would have stabbed this motherfucker but I just did one better and made everyone afraid to fuck with me. Everyone thinks this was a result of my attempt but it’s not.” Shayna showed off a long scar on her forearm, partially covered by a large dragon tattoo. 

“You did that to yourself?” Syd asked, slightly impressed but mostly a little scared, her finger gently rubbing up the raised scar. 

“Mmhmm. In college. I went to this party, this guy-“ she shook her head with a small, mischievous smile. “So he comes in the kitchen, he’s acting like a fucking bull so of course I’m staring at the weirdo, right? He looks at me- and he goes what the fuck are you looking at, bitch. And I was new, so I didn’t know it was his house. So I was like I’m looking at some meathead loosing his temper like a toddler, what the fuck are you looking at. And he just asks me who I am- and…” she sits back “I didn’t know anyone? Like…I went there to meet people. So I was like oh I’m Shayna and he just starts screaming ‘who the fuck is Shayna, does anyone at this party know a fucking Shayna?’ And he was like in my face. So I told him I was like I’m not trying to start anything here I’m minding my business back up and he goes ‘no one that looks like you is minding their own business’ and then he- he told me he knew what I was.” She said and shrugged.

 “ And that I just wanted attention. And that he would give me the attention I was looking for. And then? He told everyone in the kitchen that someone better speak for me or he was gonna fuck me up.- so, I grabbed a knife from the counter, and he backed up like a pussy and was like ‘I’m kidding! I’m kidding it’s a joke I’m fucking with you!’ And I asked him if he wanted to hurt me, and he kept saying no - even though I knew he was getting ready to kick the shit out of me, probably worse. So I slit my arm, and bled on him. Then I left. And no one ever tried to out me there again.” She said and sipped her beer. 

“You’re gay?” Sydney asked curiously. 

“Yeah but that’s- Jesus Christ these Chicagoans” she said, and her and Jesse started laughing. 

“What? What’s funny?” Syd sat up. 

“she’s-“ Carmen starts

“AHT!” Shayna tisks “no, Carmen, we got to make fun of you for a month now we get to make fun of her until she figures it out. I think you’re smarter though, socially speaking” She said and Carmen gives her the finger, causing her to laugh. 

“Oh- ohhhh! Wow! I wonder how he thought he could tell” Syd said and Carmen looks back at her. 

“Really?! How did you figure it out so fast?!” He asked her 

Syd laughs “oh because it’s the 2020’s and if someone says they were outed and it’s not about being gay, there’s only one other thing to out” she said and Carm huffs, annoyed with his own pitfalls of refusing to make friends his first 30 years. 

“Yeah how would he know? I didn’t know” Carm asked her and she smiled big, looking at Jesse. 

“It was fucked. Up. What you did. But if you wanna tell them? Gooo ahead.” He said with a smile, drying the dishes as Carm washed and rinsed them. 

Shayna laughs excitedly, sitting up and pushing her long blonde hair back. “Okay, so. I end up finding out who this guy is, right? And apparently…his dad who was the football coach was like- DL- into trans girls- “ Carm interrupts 

“What does that mean?” He asked her 

“DL? Down low, like- they fuck us in private” she explained and Carmen scrunched his brows in confusion 

“Why?” He asked and Shayna looked at him confused. 

“Because…they think it’s gay?” She said like it was obvious, but to Carmen, it wasn’t. 

“But… Y’re a girl. So how would it be gay?” He asked 

“I’ll give you a ‘how humans interact with eachother’ lesson later, Carmen, for now it’s story time” she teased.

 “Anyway-“ she continued “so I find this out, because I look up his name on Facebook - see his dad tagged, and I fly to Grindr- because I swore I literally saw him there. Turns out I had. So I send him a chat, we hit it off, I go fuck him-“ she said, Syd starts laughing, Carm turns around with wide jaw eyes and a dropped jaw. 

“Like- oh I fuuuuucked that man. Multiple times. He didn’t fuck me- let me say that again for your cis ears to have it sink in, I fucked- this man’s father” she said - Carmen’s jaw drops further, and Jesse was howling with laughter at Syd and Carmys shocked expressions. 

“No- no- Shayna- hold on I need a cigarette - Jesse take this shit over” Carmen pulls open the front door, pushing up the glass on the screen door, grabbed his beer and cigarettes from the counter, and sat next to Syd at the table. “Okay keep goin- I’ve never heard this much-“ he shook his head in amusement 

“Tea? I know- it gets better!” Shayna laughs. 

Carmen smirked, shaking his head and taking out a cigarette lighting it between his lips and taking a drag. “So you fucked this man’s dad.” Carmen couldn’t help but laugh at how insane the words sounded coming from his mouth- and Sydney followed suit, head falling back and eyes squeezing shut, Carmen’s heart quickened at the adorable sight, having the urge to reach out and grab her soft, delicate hand that was just a few inches from his own on the tabletop. 

“Oh my god- were taking them with us back to chicago- I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this” Syd said, stealing his beer from next to him and taking a sip. 

The action made Carmen’s heart skip a beat. The fact that she was comfortable drinking out of something his lips had already touched, it drove him wild. They had tried food off of the same spoon at work just so they didn’t have to go through the hassle of washing two, but this felt…different. More intimate. 

“Did you- I’m sorry- did you want one?” He asked “I didn’t think you liked beer - I thought you said you like wine more” he said and she shook her head. 

“We can share…right?” She asked, a bit shyly. She wasn’t sure what made her do it, maybe it was because her white claw had been long forgotten and now was luke warm on the kitchen counter, or maybe it was the few extra shots she’d been convinced into taking earlier that was causing her to take the chat with Shayna to heart. 

“Yeah- course, always.” He nodded a bit. Unnoticed by Syd and Carmy, Jesse and Shayna give eachother another ‘we’re gonna talk about this romcom shit later’ look before Shayna clears her throat. 

“So- yes Carmen, I fucked this man’s father. And multiple times. He was married- I didn’t fully know that though before you both look at me shitty- he didn’t say that -“ Jesse cuts her off 

“Ohhhh- oh! No!!” He laughs “no- the real story- is that she saw a ring but didn’t ask about it - you may now continue” he said, turning back to the sink and rinsing the last of the dishes. 

Carm snorts a laugh “evil. That is evil the man’s marriage! Shayna!” He took a drag of his cigarette and she rolled her eyes. 

“It was already on the rocks- let me finish! You fucks! So then- I recorded it, and I held onto it- just in case. But. Get this- one of my girlfriends on campus? Guess who she ran into on Grindr?” She asks and Carm and Syd both lean in slightly, and Shayna can’t help but notice the way they were already so in sync. 

“The fucking guy from the party” she said and Syd gasps, Carmen cracks up. 

“He’s his fathers spitting image. Thats it. That’s why- that’s why he said that to you. He knows about you or whatever? Because he loves girls like you and is also a pussy.” Syd said and Carm hums in agreement. 

“Exactly! Exactly. So…I had her tell him to meet her in the park- but…” she smirks and Sydney covers her mouth preemptively, knowing whatever was going to say next was going to be off the wall. 

“I was there too- fucking his dad! And oops! he saw us! And I asked him if we should check and see who’s bigger- he dropped out of school the same week- and the dad resigned” she said and took another casual sip of her beer with a proud smirk.

Carmen sits there, dumbfounded, looking to Sydney who when she saw the look on his face cracked up. “Your face-“ she said, causing him to start laughing as well. 

“Shay-“ he looks at her, wiping tears that were gathering in the corners of his eyes from laughing so hard. “Shayna what the fuck” he managed to get out before laughing again, shaking his head. “You are a person that I won’t ever, ever get on your shit list if I can help it” he said, looking over quickly when Syd coughs from laughing so hard 

“Woah- arms up, arms up” he tells her and goes to the fridge, grabbing a water bottle and coming back quickly, opening the cap and handing it to her. She took a large sip. 

“Thank you- sorry- fuck you Shayna you’re gonna kill us both I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh this hard” she said and Shayna smiled 

“Well, that’s a good thing. this guys got a problem with having the dead inside look- at least before you got here” she nudged Carm with her elbow. 

He realized he was still stood, hand protectively on the back of Syds chair looking down at her as if she was the only one in the room. 

“Isn’t that why we’re all here?” Jesse countered, sitting in the empty chair next to Shayna 

“I’m very alive inside- I just get too manic and start destroying my life because it’s something to do” she said and finished off her beer. “I’m already on probation cmon I need to go to my cabin and you aren’t allowed to have fun without me” she told Jesse, standing up and grabbing her bag and speaker. “Nice to meet you, Sydney. And Remember our chat hot stuff” she said as she put her bag on her shoulder. 

“Yeah- we’ll probably run into each other again, I leave Sunday night.” She said, and Carmen’s heart soars. 

He wasn’t sure why, he just thought maybe she’d just fly in for one night to see how he was and then leave the next day, but the fact she was staying a whole other day and a half- and they would be alone. 

“Sick! Okay well we’ll link up tomorrow then, have a goodnight guys - and remember wrap it before you tap it, shortstack!” Shayna said as her and Jesse shut the door behind them and head off. 

Carmen blushed pink, shaking his head. “She’s a hack, but she’s a very nice hack” Carm said, rubbing over his face embarrassedly. 

“They’re super cool Carm. She’s..really fuckin out there but-“ she shrugged looking at the clock. “Oh- shit. Fuck- it is late, I don’t want you to get in trouble” she said, standing up and grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. 

“You- you aren’t um…staying?” He asked and got up, grabbing her backpack she’d brought with her from the kitchen table and bringing it over. 

“Oh well all of my- stuff..” she trailed off, eyes locked on his. They stayed there silent for a moment, and his heart started pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it in his stomach. 

“Uh-“ he started and nervously bit the inside of his lip, he’d been doing that a lot tonight. He was holding his tongue, he always did around her. He didn’t understand it, because unless she was around it was like a part of his brain switched off, and he didn’t have access to speech in the same capacity as when she was near. 

“I- so…I think um- I-“ he stops himself, grabbing his shoulder nervously and averting her gaze. His throat suddenly felt tight, this was it. He either said something, or he let her leave and he stayed up all night thinking about what he should have said when she leaves. 

“Did you draw me?” Sydney asks suddenly. 

Carmen feels his stomach doing flips, his palms got sweaty and all of the color drained from his face. “I-“ he crossed his arm over his chest, tightly gripping his hoodie. He suddenly felt as if he could be sick, “I’m sorry?” It came out sounding like a question. 

Sydney felt insane “you- when-“ she smiled nervously “oh god- Jesus- I- it must be the-“

Carmen cut her off before she could say what would shut his entire course of action that he was trying to lay out down fully before he could attempt to put it into motion. “I meant- I meant I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. Syd. That’s how I meant it. I - you remind me of home.” He said, not breaking her gaze. “And I need a little bit of that, here.” He said softly. 

Syd just nods, holding on to the chair for stability. She wasn’t sure if this conversation was really happening or if she was in some insane dream. She could hardly believe Carmen was expressing himself to her, in a way other then anger or fear. 

“I..I draw you a lot.” He admits, running a nervous hand through his hair. “We do uh- art..art therapy. A few hours every day” 

“Can I…see them? If…if that’s okay?” She questioned. 

The color came back to Carmen’s face full force, he had to be sure whichever sketchbooks he would show her had none of the explicit themed drawings. “Uh- sure. Sure…gimme a sec- I’ll um” he headed to the bedroom, opening the desk drawer and grabbing the bigger sketchbook he usually took to art therapy, the safest one since the therapist would come and look at whatever the patients were working on.  

He quickly flicked through it to make sure, before heading back out to the living room where Syd had sat on the couch when he went to retrieve the sketchbook. “I’m- sorry…sorry if this is like. Weird-“ he said, feeling suddenly Insecure about his hobby that was the reprieve that got him through any of the sleepless nights he had here. 

“No- no its..it’s sweet Carm, can I?” She asked, grabbing the sketchbook in his lap, their hands brushing lightly. He felt that familiar fire in his chest, and nods with a hum of agreement. 

She opened it, eyebrows raising in surprise “they aren’t like-“ he started 

“This is incredible-“ she cut him off and leaned over him, turning on the lamp at his side to get a better look at the portrait he had committed to memory of her smiling. He nearly shivered when her curls brushed his cheek, the smell of the perfume on her neck mixed with the familiar scent of her causing goosebumps to appear over his flesh. 

“I don’t know if I should be offended that you remember the gap in my teeth so well. Because I know for a fact you aren’t on Instagram” she said. He smiled, rolling his eyes slightly 

“It’s one of your nicest qualities” he shrugged a bit. 

“Oh one of them? Are there many?” She smiled, flipping the page.

“I think the question should be if you have any flaws” he said, and her eyes flicked back to his. 

They were now sitting so close that their faces were less then a foot apart. “I think we both know that’s bullshit.” She said 

“To you maybe” his eyes flickered to her lips momentarily. 

“I always catch you doing that” she teased, smiling a bit. 

“Doing what?” He asked, his eyes meeting hers again. 

“I dunno…staring at me..like..” she looks at his lips for a long moment before meeting his gaze once again. 

“Why do you think?” He asked quietly. 

“There are alot of things I can’t seem to figure out about you…Carmy” she said just above a whisper. 

“Well what do you want to know. I’m uh…trying to be more open.” He said equally as soft. 

“Do you know why I really came here?” She asked 

“Because you saw the fuckin drawing, somehow.” He smiled a bit. 

“Yes” she chuckled “but- it just..it kinda confirmed something for me I dunno- I just wanted to come check if maybe-“ 

She’s interrupted by his lips on hers, she was surprised at first, but of course didn’t pull away. He cupped her cheek gently, his thumb rubbing over her supple skin. 

The way their lips moved together was natural, like they’d done this already a thousand times in a hundred lives. His nose gently nudges hers and she wraps her fingers in his dirty blonde curls, tugging gently how she’d fantasized so many times. 

He slid his tongue over her plump bottom lip, humming softly when she opened her mouth at the contact. His hands were nearly shaking. His entire body felt like it was exploding with tiny fireworks underneath his skin. 

The air between them both felt as if it was crackling with electricity. As if the universe was humming in approval that they had finally accepted their bond. 

Sydney had never felt anything so right. She felt as if every stress in her life evaporated, as if her and Carmy were the only 2 people in the world. She felt like she was glowing from the inside out.  “T’make sure I wanted t’do that…right?” He said softly when she pulled away. 

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

[butch-bakugo]

Im so glad we all rightly clocked the Minecraft movie as probably going to suck and I'm not alone. I was so worried I was just being a pessimist but after seeing what other's have said and what moistcritickal posted (haven't watched it yet), I feel a bit safer sharing my opinion. So, as a mc fan and player for almost, if not exactly, 10 years, I'll give my opinion.

It wants to be the super Mario movie. It wants to be it SO BAD but it doesn't care to actually commit to it. So many awesome movies about gaming IP have come out over the last 5 years from the Mario movie and the fnaf movie to detective pikachu and sonic. All bangers. Idk what it is apparently about 2024 and letting the most sludgy shitty gaming movies being announced/coming out but this is... Not it. This and the borderlands movie (tbf I'm only repeating popular opinion as I haven't seen the movie and am not a fan of the franchise but mega and even casual fans plus it's horrific box office say it enough. ) are probably gonna end up the same.

It looks terrible. Period. Almost everything in it looks terrible and I garentee it's budget was 150 to 300 mil and it still looks like fucking garbage. It can't even commit to being a live action or animated movie. It wants to be both so bad and not lose the recognition of the 2 celebrities it dumped probably a quarter of the budget on. Everything from the mobs to the world design to the cgi already looks like fucking garbage. It looks so fucking bad y'all I'm not even exaggerating. Holy shit. Everything has that fuckin cursed style of realistic components but cartoonish attitude and shape. Everything in the trailer looks like jigglypuff or Mr. Mime from detective Pikachu bred with sonic before everyone bullied them into giving him justice.

Tell me this shit doesn't have the same fucking energy.

This isn't cute, it was never cute, it's fucking creepy to put hi-def details on an originally cartoonish characters. Its giving fleshball with hair. Side note, since tf when were creepers made of grass and leaves n shit? I feel like I'd puke if I touched one by accident.

I want to give credit where credit is due and say the piglins and the ghasts look great. I fuckin love the fact the ghasts are stitched at the seems. They look great. It's almost like cartoon proportions but realistic style can look good in its creepy nature when out on top of characters who are supposed to look creepy and not right. 🙄

I have no idea why they wouldn't just fully animate this movie. Why are there fully human live action actors in this bitch but literally everything else is CGI. These poor actors are just standing on green screens when they very literally could have just been live action segments of them popping in and out of the world of Minecraft while voicing their minecrafty looking selves while animated. Literally just give it the ready player one treatment. Also why is Steve, the titular Minecraft character, a live action human as well? Even if your weird fascination with Zionist autism-speaks devotee Jack black is what you paid ungodly money for, he's a good voice actor. He showed that in the Mario movie as Bowser. Why does he have to be not only an IRL human but also his beard nor skin tone match canonical Steve. Jason Momoa, the only moc on the cast of human characters, would match Steve's actual skin tone. The boy's got melanin, Jack does not.

Speaking of the human characters, I can smell the uninteresting cookie-cutter nerdy boy with a crush he needs to profess to protagonist a mile away, I'm sure the little girl character is tough on the outside but soft when she warms up and is quirky and joins the bad guys for a bit only to come back but never has any actual character, idk litterally anything about the adult woman character other than her outfit is giving Dora and she litterally says nothing during the trailer and jason Momoa? I'm alittle worried. First off, why you got this whole ass man in that shitty ass wig. That is party city shit. I could find better for $8 on Amazon. Second off, though I think he's trying to be like... 80s 90s pop star twisted sister style shit, im NGL... My first thought was " is this a transmysognistic caricature?" Because of notch and the fact he moves pretty femininely through the trailer. I won't judge it yet but like... My hackles were UP up. I'm stressed. Another thing of note? No Alex nor Villagers. The villages were there and actively plundered but no villagers.

Something interesting of note is that the villagers were originally made, by notch, to be antisemitic caricatures. That's why they have the big nose, the nasally voice, considered primitive, the specific obsession with emeralds of all gems, why their deals always suck and they come off greedy. Mojang did very little to change their original design and even though you couldn't tell nessesarily without knowing that context that the villagers were a caricature, that doesn't make them less of one and Mojang really should of made the choice to change them by now. I, like many other allies and obviously the Jewish community, always felt a little uncomfortable with them but are now especially nervous about their more realistic but still cartoony take. We've seen plenty of human/realistic but cartoonish takes on villagers fully lean into the caricature with hooked noses, pointed ears and other common ethnicly Jewish features. Some even Include Payots ( the curly pieces of hair worn on orthodox Jewish men), Yamakas and stars of davids. These are clearly antisemitic caricatures and I, and many other fans, are worried about their one screen translations. I can only hope they humanize them as some more realistic takes on villagers can be good.

My second to last note is the setting, holy fuck is it UGLY ugly. Like I dont watch any Minecraft YouTubers or streamers so I'm not accustomed to tracing rays 1,000 mods realistic lighting, realistic resources, needs huge processors to run without the computer becoming the same temp as the surface of the sun to be happy with the way it looks but like... Ew. I play raw mc, no mods on console (and PC at one point but that was awhile ago and also with no mods) and I, through buildings or natural landscapes and locations, etc have seen prettier lighting and locations than what they chose. Like, one of the many joys of Minecraft is the simplistic but natural and real and relaxing atmosphere the world of Minecraft can be. Even when it's raining or snowing. Minecraft sunsets and sunrises after you spent the last real world 56,000 hours on this big building complex and finally resting and watching the sunrise over your work and the mountains or ocean or forest or even desert around you become pink then yellow then bright as the start of a new day is a healing experience. It can be emotional even. That landscape looked like garbage. Incredibly monotonous and boring and plain. Just nothing. How you squeeze the very easy thing of a beautiful atmosphere out of Minecraft is beyond me.

Speaking of emotions, let's talk about the story and the humor/dialogue. I'll start with the later and end my thoughts with the former. The humor, the little we did see, seemed at least a little bit on brand for Minecraft. The animals especially. I'll give it that, I just hope it's not unending poop or fart or pee jokes. Finally, I, like many others, are very worried this is a modern isekai ass Jumanji style shit take of minecraft. We are very worried this is just modern people shoved into minecraft to solve a problem, save the world and leave. This isn't what Minecraft's about, it's not it's messaging nor ever been a " hero/band of heros story" about saving the world, I don't even think it will honor the final poem of the game.

Minecraft has always always ALWAYS been about community, belonging, making a place for yourself in a world that won't accept you, working together and coexisting. It's about peace. It's about sharing. These messages are very near and very dear to the 6 yr old gen alphas who've been playing it since they were 2 or 3 yrs old and beat it 60 times to the elder Gen z and millennials like me who grew up with the game and have a special place in our hearts for the world's we've built and lost to the 89 yr old grandma who played it over covid and built a home for her whole family to visit and live in with all the accommodations they could want. Minecraft is for all ages and everyone has either played it or heard of it, it is the most successful singular game in the world ffs. It has sold more copies than ANY single game in existence, over the most common production of solitaire and Tetris and Space invaders AND any super Mario or Pokemon game. Minecraft rakes in over billions of dollars and millions of players every single year. Those who start playing it struggle to stop. It's a cultural icon, a seriously beloved and wholesome one. One the fans truly took, made it their own for everyone's benefit and spawned so much spin off media and love that it's done better than most games could ever dream to do. Minecraft's success and communal love, despite the unsavory trend of pedo and bigoted YouTubers centered on the game, is its soul. It's driving force. Its succession literally cannot be understated and cannot not be attributed to its fans.

I fear this movie is a slap in the face money grab disrespectful turd in a doggy bag left on the community's porch. I fear this movie will have none of the game's and community's values and lessons and love. I fear this movie will do what Mario, sonic and fnaf did not, hurt it's audience. I, like many other fans, already have an unsavory taste left in our mouth's from this trailer pie and we can only hope it didn't come from American pie or the help. The movie looks fucking soulless. It looks corporate. Like it only exists to make money off the already successful IP that is Minecraft. Like they saw the box office explosive success of sonic and Mario and fnaf and decided to shit something else explosive out as quick as possible to jump on the trend. I fear because it's fucking Hollywood, the messages it holds will be watered down and tasteless like a fucking LaCroix where someone ate a cubic millimeter of an orange peel and shat in my can and called it flavor. It'll be the same old schmut that every kid friendly movie has. It will have no nods to and for its existing fans to comb through and point out and smile that they are seen.

It may not even have a fucking ender dragon or a wither. Will it even have the nether? People already pointed out that most movie trailers include some of the big cool (expensive) parts of the movie and if they eventually fight the ender dragon, they would of probably included that in the trailers due to how cool (expensive) that scene would be. It's not there. All we see is piglins, a relatively small enemy in the game, pillaging villages (why no , ya know, actual pillagers pillaging. Why piglins... Who are barely present in the over world....who dont attack unless provoked... and only attack the player not suddenly aggro with every AI in sight... Why are they attacking villagers suddenly....) which.... Isn't super interesting. That and the irl actors walking around and discovering how to fucking play the basic shit in Minecraft like getting wood.. and making crafting tables.... And talking to Steve. Like this has bad shitty written all fucking over it... I'm so worried.

We, the fans who work and love this game tirelessly, deserve better than isekai diet Jumanji live action meets shitty animated garbage.... I can only hope and pray that my take on this ages poorly. I hope it ages poorly and I'm horribly wrong and it's the next fnaf movie and shows huge amounts of respect for the fans. I want to be wrong. I want us to be respected. However you can't ignore the blood in the handkerchief concerning movies with a highly popular IP, too many a-list celebrities, high costs and piss poor CGI. It rarely doesn't lead to disaster. Please let me be wrong.

[iamvegorott]

Ink Month 2024 Day 10

Sweater - Danti

“Happy birthday!” Wilford sang at the top of his lungs as he walked through the crowd of Egos, holding a wrapped box above his head. They were all in the Septiceye House to celebrate Anti’s birthday, and Wilford insisted on having his gift given last, claiming it would ‘leave the rest of the night in a fun mood’. No one asked what he meant by that. Most of them either didn’t want to know or had a feeling. 

“My money is still on this being booze or something,” Anti said as he took the box from Wilford, pausing when Chase cleared his throat. “Thank you, Bubblegum.” He added, translating what the sound meant.

“You’re going to love this.” Wilford chuckled. 

“That was an evil laugh,” Marvin whispered to Chase. 

“His evil can either be like legit evil or a strange show,” Chase whispered back.

“Or both.” 

“Is this like a blanket or something?” Anti asked, pulling out a large piece of fabric from the box. “It’s really soft.” 

“Allow me to show you its use,” Wilford stated, guiding Anti to stand with the gift. “Come here.” He grabbed Dark’s arm and pulled him over to be beside Anti. 

“Why am I getting involved?” Dark asked. 

“You’re part of the gift.” Wilford took the fabric from Anti. 

“Part of the gift?” Anti and Dark asked at the same time.

“Stay still.” Wilford ignored the question and threw the fabric over them, casually humming while the other two fought against him. “Ta-da~!” Wilford sang, took a step back, and gestured at his work. 

Anti and Dark were now both wearing the oversized sweater, heads sticking out of the same hole. Each had only one arm free and in a sleeve long enough to cover their hands. The sweater looked hand-made, crocheted with little open spots that got covered by colorful patches and pins. 

“I hate you.” Anti huffed. 

“What even is this?” Dark looked down and tried to read the words on the sweater. “What does it say?”

“‘Our get-along sweater’.” Jackie read for him. “You actually made them one of those?” He added to Wilford, laughing loudly. 

“This is so not funny.” Anti started squirming, trying to get out of the sweater, but discovered he was stuck. How was he stuck? “Wilford, what the fuck? What did you do to this thing?” He flailed some more and bit into the sweater's collar, thinking he could tear the fabric with his teeth. 

“Would you stop that?” Dark grunted. “You’re going to get this thing covered in your drool.” He sighed and then addressed Wilford. “Why are we not able to get out of this on our own?” 

“It’s a get-along sweater. You’re not supposed to get out of it until you get along.” Wilford explained, using a tone that showed he thought it was obvious.

“We haven’t fought each other in like months. We get along just fine.” Anti went back to trying to free himself like a cat trapped under a blanket, a hiss even making its way out of him. 

“Damn it.” Dark sighed, knowing exactly the kind of ‘getting along’ Wilford was expecting. “I know what to do.” 

“You got a knife or something?” Anti looked at Dark. “The one time I’m not armed and-” He was cut off by Dark suddenly kissing him.

“I knew it.” Dark ended the kiss quickly and threw the sweater off of him. “And you-” He grabbed Wilford by the ear. “-are in a lot of trouble.” Dark walked off with Wilford as he spoke. Wilford’s ow’s were heard until they slowly faded with the footsteps. JJ watched them leave before sighing and getting up to save Wilford from Dark's wrath.

“Aw, the birthday boy’s blushing.” Marvin teased. 

“I am not!” Anti had stayed in the sweater, stiff with shock. The blush he denied was getting deeper, and he scrambled to remove the piece of clothing. 

“That was adorable.” Chase joined in the teasing.

“I’m getting my knife!”

“Does this mean Anti and Dark are dating?” Jackie asked.

“I’m stabbing you first, boy-man!” 

------------

@ctheotter

[thefixations-ofmine]

Buck Week 2024 Challenge Day 3, Aug. 14

Prompt: “Stop Lying!” / Walking away / Anger Word count: 1186 Warnings: swearing, mention of possible abortion, implied cheating, Buck needs to go to the hospital again

Main Masterlist | Challenge Masterlist | AO3

-

After trying every trick in the book to stay awake the remainder of his shift, Buck conceded and made himself comfortable in the bunks after folding his last losing hand playing poker with Hen and Eddie. Their day had been (dare he hush, so faintly in the back of his mind) quiet, with the single call that ended up being unusually disturbing for a random Tuesday, the casualties piling up in their memory. There’s a heaviness in the air as Buck finally gets to drift off for a while so he envisions what he wants to do for his date with Tommy the following day.

There’s a dainty hand shaking his shoulder not even twenty minutes later, rough and decisive and it takes a longer time for the voice to make its way to his ears.

“Evan Buckley, wake up!” He knows that voice. Has heard that feminine voice every morning on the radio and has made that voice make plenty of ungodly noises. Buck manages to pry his eyes open, rushed into a bright blur. “Finally!”

“Evan, care to explain?” Tommy is standing on his other side of the bed, arms crossed and apparently just as annoyed as he is by the situation. Buck turns to the distraction and jump-scares when he sees Taylor standing in his room, in his loft, arm stretched out to hand him a piece of paper. He reaches to grab it but keeps his clueless eyes on her, trying to add one-plus-one as to why he ended up here.

“Discharge papers. I need you to sign them so I can go and get an abortion,” Taylor says sternly, but there’s a hint of fear in her tone. With a huff of impatience, she unfolds the document in his lap and leaves to fetch him a pen.

“Evan, let me repeat myself. Please expl-“

“Tommy, I have no idea what’s going on,” Buck whines, still not caring about the document in his lap as his head throbs. He’s frantic, dry-mouthed, unsure how to even take appropriate breaths anymore. Buck doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to think as he watches Tommy leave the room to go downstairs. He’s up in a flash to follow him.

“Here, Buck,” Taylor says as she shuffles a pen across the kitchen island. He places the paper on the surface and just now lets himself read the implications of it. Quite clearly, this is in fact a parental rights resignation document. 

“How- Wha- I don’t understand,” Buck stammers in a whisper, pulling at his hair. “Who took me home from work?” He looks at Tommy and doesn’t enjoy the way his brows fold. There are tears creeping in his eyes as he looks back at Taylor.

“You quit your job two months ago, silly,” Taylor says with a chuckle. “Are you high, Buck?”

“Evan, answer her.” A shiver runs up Buck’s spine at Tommy’s tone.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” Is all he can say and Tommy picks up his jacket from the hanger and slips on his shoes. “Wait, wait! Tommy where are you-“

“Are you planning on being honest?” Tommy suggests an opening.

“I… Wha- I am being honest! What the fuck is going on? Tommy we’ve been together for months now, why would I-,” he puffs, choking on his breath, full-on crying now. He feels himself get warm, not loving their little game. He looks at the calendar on his fridge – yep, not April Fools’.

“Stop lying!” Taylor says, throwing her arms in the air. “You called me, drunk, from a bar the day after you quit. Crying about how you lost your family and your dreams. And as your girlfriend, I fucking showed up and took you home. We slept together in the following days because you were finally home all the time, shocker.” Taylor finishes her explanation with a saddened look for Tommy. He seems like a nice guy and despite having to deal with Buck cheating on her, with a man, and getting pregnant, she felt bad that he was brought into the mess. She goes to say some more, but he gets there first:

“Evan, last night was our third date. It’s the first time I slept over, because you always had excuses. Now I get it.” Tommy adds, still ready to leave. When he’s met with Buck’s stunned, agape mouth, Tommy turns the knob and with a dry goodbye, heads out. Buck stands from the stool and rushes to the door but his legs give out. All six-feet-two of him are sprawled on his cold floor, mind buzzing as he’s raging for answers.

“Listen, take the day to sober up and read the document. Call me when you feel like talking.” And without letting him reply, Taylor is out the door and the room starts spinning.

There’s a weight on Evan’s chest and it constricts him momentarily, but he can take deeper breaths now. He feels his body being enveloped, dragged, like he’s floating away but panic has stopped. Then something pinches at his skin and the pressure keeps coming faster on his sternum until he sits straight up with a loud inhale.

“Thank god,” Hen drops her head and lets out a nervous laugh. “Glad you’re back buddy.”

“Wha-“ The syllable feels like sand in his throat.

“Shh, don’t talk. Here, take this.” Bobby is by his side and hands him a glass of blue liquid. Gatorade. His favourite. There’s a collective hum around him and he realizes the entire house is in the room with them: Ravi’s taking off some surgical gloves in the corner and Eddie is sitting on his feet kneeling at his head with a breathing bag in hand. He’s sweaty, teary eyed as he catches his own breath. Then Hen takes on the lead with the explanation:

“I’m not sure what you were thinking, Buck, but those Tylenols you took, were not Tylenols. Thankfully you rolled off the bed and the thud alerted someone.” Buck looks at Bobby as if requesting additional information.

“You took someone’s antibiotics, Buck. You were in anaphylaxis. Thankfully we carry EpiPen’s, but we’re still going to need to get you to a hospital,” he says the words smoothly and it’s reassuring to Buck to see his captain not overly concerned with his current state despite the rattle in his breaths and the shooting pain in his chest caused by sturdy knuckles. Then there’s a sharp pang in his gut.

“T- Tommy,” Buck rumbles with a shaky lip.

“We already called Tommy, he’s going to meet us there,” Hen says, and Buck sighs, letting himself fall back into her embrace. With their help, he’s on his feet and hopping into the gurney to head to his third home. He remembers when Tommy had joked about getting a room for the 118. Maybe he was right. Oh Tommy… Buck gets overwhelmed with guilt and he sniffles a cry. There’s no siren loud enough or a convey fast enough to get him to his man so he can hug him out of this fever dream.

tagging the challenge host @evanbuckleyweek

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - In Which None of You Should be Surprised by a MAJOR Upset in the Standings

Sorry this is so late. I had a pretty epic series of delays landing me at NRT for like 18 hours or something ridiculous. To be fair there are much worse airports to be stranded at.

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 1 of 12 - Fuck all ya'all if you thought I had taste. MeenPing are topping this damn list because... have you any idea how LONG I have been waiting for a real sports centered BL starring at least one boy who actually played the flipping sport? My whole damn life. You ready for me to go into euphoric splooges all over your screens? I don't think you are. SUFFER! And now some splooging:

It’s off to a great start. Thank you, Rebound, for being exactly what I wanted. By which I mean Meen has his shirt off literally in the first two minutes of the show. Also it’s a bit of a childhood sweethearts reunion romance. There’s nothing wrong with this beginning. Fantastic. For a change, I even enjoy the intro music. Golf is directing MeenPing this time, so maybe something magical will happen. Frank is aging so pretty!!! How nice for all of us. Even the bb play is good. It’s a proper sports BL. I’m so damn happy right now. 

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 9 of 12 - I’m so tired of Ter, but everything else was lovely. Also they are SUCH boyfriends. 

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - They are so cute in these roles. I don’t know why, I just like their vibe better here than in the previous show. (And I really enjoyed Big Dragon at the start.) This show is a lot more classic romance and kind of pat because of that. I do hope the ingénue character gets some kind of additional development and talent. But even if it stays mundane, these two have the chemistry to carry it. So I suspect I’ll keep enjoying it regardless. I am mildly intrigued by the spice of the PNR element, so I hope they run with that a bit more. I suspect they will have to, to extend the plot for 12 eps.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 10 of 12 - Ah Ming... famous last words. This one just makes me sigh a lot and whimper sadly. I don’t know where they’re going with this plot or how they’re gonna resolve it. Joe finally being the asshole Ming deserves is a lot of fun though (double entendre intended). I’m scared but it did make me cry... a lot. (That's fine, I'm a sap.)  

Imma say this because no one else has. Wardrobe is unilaterally terrible in this show. I mean Thailand is notoriously bad in general but this show, nash.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 13 of 16 - They are so fucking adorable. And so flirty! Also a crying kiss? My favorite! Chain’s little moment of "Cupid shoot thyself" was epic. ("Physician heal thyself" but for the BL world?) Honestly, I could watch a whole show about these two...

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - How does Gun still look like he’s just out of high school? Madness. Does the set for the print shop that he’s working in at the beginning remind anybody else of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has about 3 sets they rotate through.

To be brutally honest, I was not looking forward to the show at all. No idea why. OffGun aren’t my most favorite OG pair, but I respect them for their longevity, optics, acting shops, and enduring brand. Maybe I just needed more of a gap from Cooking Crush?

Whatever, I was absolutely riveted by this first episode. I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 4 of 12 - This version did the "clear up of the inciting miscommunication" in such a sweet achey way. Frankly that "ache of first love" really plays to G4's strengths as a pair. This was a good ep and I’m now starting to enjoy this one for its own sake and get some distance from the JBL version. It's just there is A LOT of good stuff coming out of Thailand right now.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - I was inspired to write a Shakespearean style sonnet in this week's trash watch. Mame seems to believe that no character can have depth without suffering. And I found this episode both boring and rushed at the same time. Trash watch here. (This week's trash watch also VERY delayed.)

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - It’s eminently missable... so I missed it this week in order to get this weekly update out. Next week will be a two in one. 

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 12fin - Okay, that’s it, I guess?

Summary:

An idol romance about a sunshine boy who dances good and wants to be a star and a reserved food stand vendor. Other side of the tracks, grumpy/sunshine pair who fall in love but, of course, to be an idol baby boy can't date. It wasn’t particularly bad, it wasn’t particularly good either. 7/10

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 1 of 10 - A new series adaptation of beloved yaoi I Hear the Sunspot (first adaptation was feature film Silhouette of Your Voice 2017).

I expected the soundscapes in this one to be fantastic, but I didn’t expect the filming to be something special too. But it really is. I’m not gonna lie, I'm nervous about this show because I love the manga and was disappointed by the film, but we were off to a really good start. First names already? So cute. I love them.

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Shy awkward Taishin goes to a Tokyo university in order to reunite with Takara, a stranger who consoled him over the loss of a parrot the year prior. He finally gets a chance to express his gratitude but is given the cold shoulder. (My thoughts this weekend's round up)

I can't believe Japan is holding it down for the non Thai BL. I mean to say.... JAPAN!!! What alt reality are we living in? It being Japan, I'm scared of the ending.

It's airing but...

Blue Boys is still going on and I'm still enjoying it (despite the cheating) but I don't know when it drops or where it's going, so I will report in at the end. When they tell me it's ended.

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

Next Week Looks Like This:

NO IMG - we half way through this week already - sorry.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/5 This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Thai iQIYI) - trailer here, The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. Delightful!

7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Defining @heretherebedork 's favorite endearment of "tiny idiot."

I love him. I also love what a class act they both were about this turn down. Thailand shows Korea how to handle a love triangle by NOT HAVING ONE.

Both We Are.

We stand a lap sit on this blog, but I think this is my first lap spin! I adored it! (Sunset X Vibes)

It's fun to watch them follow the original narrative but with these cute little Thai twists. Sometimes these are shifted for language reasons, sometimes for cultural, and sometimes I think just to draw a clear distinction from the JBL. I'm not mad about any of it. (My Love Mix Up)

Not just for you, honey. Truer words were never spoken. Yak is the biggest green flag ever to walk BL's verdant earth.

Linguistic corner!

I love this way of putting the translation. Usually, in Thai, the phrase used means "he's my happiness" (sounds like: kwamsook). To use sabai is different. Sabai more ubiquitous (sabai is one of the most commonly used phrases in Thailand) but also so different from the usual phrase we hear in ThBL at this moment. Thus, this execution is special, particularly from a doctor. I'm not quite sure how to put it but sabai can also be translated as feeling well, as in, not ill. So there is a way of looking at Wandee saying Yak is both his peace of mind and good for his health and well being.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[apr1lias]

i need to hear your thoughts on today PLEASE

HAHAHA THANK YOU ADORA!!!

Firstly, I am still very very confused about what has happened and I’m also a bit ill so that’s not helping. I had fully accepted that Martin was going to Ducati, Marc was going to Pramac/staying with Gresini and that Enea was going to somewhere, most likely Aprilia, going into Mugello and now it’s just not happening? Like what?

About Jorge not going to Ducati: I prefer Marc and Enea to Jorge, I want to make that clear. However, I just cannot understand how and why they would go back on their word (again) to a rider who has consistently performed for them. I read the italian rumour about him arguing with Gigi, and I can honestly see that being true because Martin doesn’t know how to shut up when it’s good for him, and I think the team was looking for any excuse to not give him the ride. They’ve now lost a rider, and probably two, but it’s fine because I suppose they’re getting the biggest asset on the grid right?

About Marc to Ducati: Honestly do not know what to say. Happy for him, he deserves a bike to be fighting for the championship again after everything that’s happened to him in the last 4 years but I’m not gonna pretend that I’m overjoyed about it. Maybe it’s because I feel a bit blindsided rn and it’ll come round but it’s so confusing. It makes sense after his comments about Pramac on Thursday, but to have this quick a turnaround is crazy. However, I hope if he is confirmed for 2024, then he wins the championship with ease next year to show everyone how it *should* be done on that dominant a bike.

About Martin to Aprilia: As an aprilia fan, I gotta say I had a feeling about Martin coming to the team since the start of the year and I’m conflicted. As a rider, he is obviously fantastic and I have no doubts about him delivering results for the team, but we all know how he is as a person and I’m sorry but I just personally cannot look past it until there is clear proof of change. It kind of makes me sad, as I’ve been supporting this team since I started watching in 2020 and idk, if Maverick goes then I may have to abandon my entire blog’s personality (rip) but if not then idk maybe I’ll act like 1/2 the team exists like I do with Ducati rn. That being said, if he brings the number one plate to Aprilia I will be laughing into next year, but I don’t think it will happen now.

Also side note on this solely for the announcement video: I have to say I cackled when watching the video and saw Aleix holding the door open for Martin, it looked more like Aleix forced him in as a hostage rather than by choice but whatever. I’d convinced myself the aprilia announcement was a maverick extension and aprilia were being opportunists but I literally screamed when I saw Jorge like the announcement post and watched the video 😭

About the Enea rumours: genuinely what the fuck. I want him to stay in the Ducati family, idk where or on what bike but it just feels right. KTM would be a good option though, and of course unless Maverick signs between now and Assen, there’s still space at Aprilia so who knows? Also cause I didn’t read, are the rumours Enea to GasGas or the factory, because if its the factory then we have to do all this again with Brad so… honestly idk but he should get a good seat somewhere. I love Enea and it’s a shame factory ducati hasn’t worked for him but sometimes that’s unfortunately how it goes and hopefully he’ll shine somewhere else.

That’s all I guess, it’s been a fucking crazy monday and I hope silly season doesn’t get even worse (not sure how it could unless pecco pulls a rosberg suddenly retires at the end of the year or some random shit). But yeah, I tried to order these as best I can because my mind is literally just open drawers and disorganised files rn so thank you for reading that post and asking 😭

Also to everyone, feel free to disagree, this is just my opinion as always.

[boxheadpaint]

hungry but not much to eat and tgen mildly depressing news, ok. obviously this is worsened by being hungry and not medicated yet. decide instead to go back to bed and lie to still to use up energy and sleep through hunger. Somehow this does not work and just end up more tired and more hungry. And still havent taken meds. my thrilling life. dove noises outside tho. wait i havent done a diary post in a bit hang on lemme rev up here.

ok back. Collapsed while cooking because im intwlligent, but did enjoy a good meal with my partner. watched some Star Trek while my body refused to regain energy so as to take a shower, and had to take a shower anyway. Have been much less depressed lately, though have been dealing with constant daytime fatigue for some reason. Im mr fall asleep. going to get groceries later today thank goodness

current goal in pokerogue because of course. Like obviously yes shiny farming but also at this point im trying to make the most disgusting dog possible. Behold

Completely and utterly nasty thing.

im not sure how to get back into digital art sooner rather than later, my computer has become immensely annoying to use. Beyond having to prop it by hand because of lack of back panel, it also heats up a bunch very quickly and the cursor is Still an irritating molecule off center to me- likely because of the angle I have to look at when it’s laying flat from no adequate support.

I don’t want to ditch digital completely because of some minor inconveniences but my patience with the machine has been wearing thin for a long while now. at least it’s not giving me notifications to update to windows 11. Like fuck off and such.

Lately I find myself more and more mad about advertisements and marketing. Beyond the disruptive nature of these things and the wastefulness theyre also straight up stupid and just make things look worse by existing. It doesn’t matter how many different ads for reeses you show me with the bojack guy over them, and in fact the more I see them the more likely I am to just say the governments putting poison shit in it so people will stop buying them. Also fuck everything that charges more money for a gluten free version of a product

come June im going on a ride up north and visiting my sister briefly, which I look forward to. There was some miscommmunication about days so I thot I was going to be able to hang out with her for a full day on her weekend, but it turned out that was unavailable and it made me upset. still, even if it’s just for a few hours after her shift ill be happy to spend any time with her. I miss being just a room away from her at a given moment sometimes and wish I could have appreciated that time more, though I know a part of why I didn’t was the house itself and its effect on me. Swagless really

anyway somehow I managed to be up until 3 am once again. Im marking the date down as today even if I started this post yesterday. Hoping to relax and get good news soon, or at least neutral news. News of a sort

5/18/2024, the dog is also several levels higher now than pictured. Like by a lot