#its a vent but I have a feeling its relatable so do with it what you will | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

b0nelessdoodles · 3 months ago

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You alive man?

Just wanted to check as it's been bout a month or so since your last post

no i'm dead but don't worry about it. tis the season and all that shit ya know?

(all that shit includes, but is not limited to, seasonal depression, art block, retail and food service worker hell, the election, 5 stress induced nightmares in the space of a week, managing a new relationship [first time], living in a capitalist nightmare, etc.)

[more rambles in the tags, as i am often to do]

#its been two months anon im so sorry #ive been doodling but like not getting anything done at all #there is just nothing going on upstairs i am beyond burnt out but i don't know how to take breaks and #its really fucking killin' me folks #don't do this to yourself learn to take breaks from things that are draining you #lean to manage your batteries and dont stretch yourself thin to make other people happy #i know this and i keep doing it to myself anyway #i dont like to vent here so i wont go into much more detail than what i already mentioned in the body and all those tags #just generally exhausted and having a hard time finding the energy to draw and be happy with it #outside of that had a loss in the family that hit way harder than i thought it would #there has been good to though stress and good things #gonna travel outta the country for the first time ever even if it is just up north but im really excited #half the reason im being assassinated by work is because i need the money so i can take this vacation without worry #as well as having a partner for the first time since.... 5th grade? if that even counts?#i feel like a whole years has happened in the span of two months i'm dying chat #not art related

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chestersbraincell · 4 months ago

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Body and voice insecurities fucking suck because you just want to enjoy videos/photos of ye good old days and every single one is RUINED by the fact that you stick out like a sore thumb with the sheer putridity of your ugly ahh mug and your annoying fucking voice

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wacklemons · 1 month ago

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oihhhhh the horrorsq

#geem speaks #hi hi im venting in my tags once again lol #ive been having trouble sleeping lately :(#i actually skipped out on class today because i slept so shit. i know why im sleeping bad too and I personally think it's embarrassing #its probably cause im like totally touch starved. like my friends hug me and stuff but my brain will process that differently #than if i was being hugged by a lover. i guess the feeling is getting worse because valentines day is soon and like three years ago around #vday was like the last time i was i guess held by a romantic partner physically. the ex sucked i hate what she did to me but like. i miss #being held by someone i loved.#And another thing that bothers me thats not related to that. Im ao scared that I will be physically incapable of continuing tttoo go to my #college. if i cant keep going ill see my friends less :((. but its a private school and my family doesnt know how much longer we can pay.#also the latest like. thing. if you see the shit thats happened to loans you know. i dont know what im gonna do with my life tbh.#its so sad to me that many things i want or enjoy are just not in my reach or get taken from me. at least il always have music #i think i was meant to just listen to music and do acid or something<- has never done drugs

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faggling · 5 months ago

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I love taking care of people omggg 😍😍😍

#i love when i can go into nurse mode and get people what they need and run through the checklist of what helps #especially if i know the person because then i already have a handle on preferences or what they typically need #i have like. half a degree for a few things and i have a specific interest in physiology and psychology #i also used to really enjoy crisis management and peer support stuff but theres a lot of elements of that i cant do anymore #because the toll that shit takes is more than i can pay #specifically crisis related events #theres a lot I have to work through yet before i can manage those situations #anyway. my dream situation would be to work with someone to help them figure out what they need #like. assess the situation. find resources if needed. check on their ability to address basic daily tasks. make crisis plans.#start some basic dbt conversations and try to figure out what help they need and how to get it #i know some people dont want to go to a traditional psychiatrist or psychologist for whole host of extremely valid reasons #so being able to help them with self help or finding other alternatives. or just like. being a person they can regularly talk and vent to #because sometimes people don't have anyone. and just one person in their life can make a major impact #and like. its not exactly like therapy in that way. like i have the knowledge base to incorporate aspects of it in if wanted/needed #i think some people just need to be heard and that can help them move forward #and my goal isnt to like. transform you or whatever. there are people out there who need help but its hard to start #or it's difficult for them to access what they know they need #and i just want to meet people where theyre at and help them take enough small steps to being able to live how they want #like. harm reduction type shit. if you just need clean needles thats a step forward. and maybe its the only step they feel they need #to be happy. and now they can have a little bit of a safety.#like. a little more agency over how they want to live their life while improving quality of life #a step is a step man #anything that moves you toward the life you want counts #you deserve a win #the edible hit part way through so sorry if theres incomplete and tangential thoughts #also how can i do this shit for profesh??#i know similar jobs exist but theres a huge foundation of shit i just dont agree with built into them

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agro-carnist · 2 years ago

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acetheta · 5 months ago

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wish i could relate to other lesbians my age but im borderline arospec and afraid of men

#like no i dont find men hot #sorry i actually am deeply afraid of them they send me into a trayma response 😝#/not my friends but lol #like all i see is like lesbians being like ‘liking men doesn’t invalidate ur lesbianism’ like true!!! i fucking wish i could be attractedo #to men like.#/nbh this is just an in general thing #like cool women r hot yesss 🔥 😍🙏#but i wish i didnt want to die every time i see a guy on the streets or at school #wven when that doesnt happen i feel so genuinely uncomfortable around them #‘its ur fault’ maybe i shouldnt have been fucming well. given trauma lets say that!!!!#like then idk i eant a gf but i also dont #im probably aroflux #AWESOME!!#slash sar #i want a gf but also im so mentally unstavle and i dont want one but i also do. hope this helps !#i just #i cant even relate to people IN MY OWN COMMUNTIY. like what #vent #arospec #bpd #chrissy !

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coffee-keith · 6 months ago

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Really struggling with trying to figure out what's me. Like what I enjoy and what ideas/traits/desires are actually my own. I think it's beautiful that people influence each other and grow together, but I'm left feeling lost right now and wondering what's actually me.

#idk ive been thinking about it a lot and really struggling #hard also to tell what's the depression and whats actually something i don't care about #i feel like i can say that playing world of warcraft was something that came from me.#but it started feeling like a chore in Dragonflight so i stopped playing.#and now everything feels tainted by other's influence and i dont know whats me anymore.#although i do need to remember that i did start playing Dragon Age on my own but it only feels like it was influenced by others because #i discovered my one irl friend used to love the games and then i got my other irl friend playing them #but i dont know how much of going into physics was my own choice or just following the path i saw before me #although i loved physics when i started doing mechanics in calculus and thought it was so cool #then i found accelerator science and detectors and nuclear physics to be so cool when i did an internship at a national lab #and then i took the most direct route to get into doing research at that lab #but things have gotten so lost and tangled up with all the horrible stuff that grad school puts you through #and the horrible stuff from this collaboration in particular #that it feels like all thats left is shame and fear and none of the wonder or curiosity #everything i do or write or whatever feels like an opportunity to 'get found out' as a fake or just fill me with shame #i thought that getting a job offer would fix me and help me get through the bullishit but the pressure is makikg things worse #and with this job im wondering if im just doing what im told and being influenced by other's suggestions and wants.#(dont go to grad school. its literally the worst thing you can do for your mental health)#vent #okay this actually kind of helped so im glad I made this post #feel free to reblog if you relate

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conanssummerchild · 7 months ago

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i havent slept all night because i was suddenly super paranoid that if i did i was going to go into sleep paralysis and in general ive gotten like a total of maybe 20 hours of sleep (30 maximum) this whole week anyway but like i cant sleep now bcs unusual sleeping patterns are one of the things that could make sleep paralysis more likely to be triggered but also i cant stay awake for too much longer bcs after 36 hours of being awake u can start hallucinating anyway which ive already done on several occasions having gotten plenty of sleep, which makes me additionaly afraid that i might be prone to sleep paralysis, what is even going on rn

#i dont experience like health anxiety related shit what is this???#i reckon im about 20 hours into not sleeping helppp #what if i cant get to sleep i already have a hard time enough sleeping as it is #also its soooo mf hot #also im like 80% convinced this house is at least a little haunted #maybe 90% convinced even #doing well lol #alex says shit #anyway dont mind this post i am just dropping my whole life story on tumblr bcs my parents would be pissed at me for not sleeping #my sister would think im losing it #and i have NO friends #anyway slay #im so sorry to everyone who follows me and has had to see all my vent posts this week #for some reason ive been feeling bad #idk but its chill

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rainerghost · 11 months ago

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Google didn't give me any answers to my question (womp womp) sooo...

Question.

What's it called when you start thinking a sentence but then you have to start over because you didn't "think it right"?

#i know that no ones gonna see this but eh #and like. its not that i lost my train of thought #the train of thought is still there #its just that it has to restart its thought journey #i know that this post probably makes 0 sense whatsoever but google isnt giving me answers and im not gonna talk to anyone irl about this #but yeah #vent #would this actually count as a vent post? eh. whatever.#also its been happening for quite a while (im pretty sure) but i started noticing it more often recently so. do with that what you will #also it didnt start off as thoughts. when i first noticed it it was (its kinda hard to explain it) more like #having to do this kinda “clicking” noise with my tounge? and i had to redo it whenever i did it #because my brain decided that i wasnt doing it “correctly”.#maybe the clicking thing isnt related to this but i think it is. also the clicking thing still affects me so. ye.#ALSO ANOTHER THING #usually when it happens its like. to the tune/rythm of a song (no song in particular just whatever song im thinking of at the moment) so ye.#thats weird.#oh and also it happens with blinking sometimes.#no clue if any of the things i said are related but ye. my brain is just very funky i guess.#idk its just kinda annoying whenever it happens.#also i CAN ignore the urges but it just feels kinda? wrong? for some reason?#not wrong as in morally wrong but like. wrong.#long post #actually more like long tags but eh

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animutate · 1 year ago

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sometimes i think about how my face could be on some pedophiles computer. but im not allowed to talk about it because last time i did is when i got taken by cps.

#vent #<- blacklist #nothing directly happened to me but i know stuff related to me was found with everything else and its so scary.#i dont know even. what it WAS but what he did made news in 2018 so i could maybe look into it. but i dont want to. ever.#talking about it to star earlier already made me feel sick to my stomach and im trying to not think about it. but itsin my mind #its been in the back of my mind a lot lately. my face could be in porn. i couldve been talked about to pedophiles.#ones besides my dad anyway. do you know what its like to have to share the same air as that man let alone blood its miserable. whatever

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jackienautism · 2 years ago

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love how the game is like. makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that the goddess tower legend is between and MAN and a WOMAN and meanwhile my lesbian byleth isjust ............

i get this game takes place in the 1100s and straight is the norm blah blah blah but sometimes i just wanna play a game without being reminded of that you know? this game has magical swords and people who can turn into dragons for fucks sake, why can't i just talk to and dance with and marry the character i want?

#mine #text #fire emblem #fire emblem three house #and its like..... this game IS an improvement from previous games #remember when therew ere no options for lesbians and gay men in awakening? and ONE (1) wlw and mlm option in fates? being only restricted-#-to ONE of the two games created? the harder one that is?#AND THAT THE 2 GAY CHARACTERS WERE RELATED TO EACH OTHER???? CAUSE QUEERNESS RUNS IN GENES AND SHIT APPARENTLY......#im grateful that we got some AWESOME wlw options in 3H. but sometimes the restrictions hit me and i get sad #im just.... im so fucking tired lmao #my relationship to my gender is very complicated so i really have no problem choosing the “male” byleth #(i had to do the same in birthright)#but idk. it doesn't hit the same . esp when everything is still gendered and shit #i don't relate to womanhood but i dont necessarily relate to manhood either?#so its always so confusing what to choose. b ut for whatever reason it doesn't' feel the same w/ the “male” protags still #even if i have no problem w/ choosing them. idk #my FE tag #FE #FE3H #vents #kind of #my thoughts #RHAJAT AND NILES ARENT RELATED IM JUST STUPID LOL

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p2ii · 3 months ago

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not being diagnosed but knowing there's probably something wrong with you is annoying cause 50% or the time im going through life then something happens that reminds me theres probably something wrong but i cant do anything abt it but suffer.

#im not against self dx but i have a weird relationship w it in relation to myself #i dont want to use terminology that may not appy to me even if its fitting because what if im wrong #or doing confirmation bias or smth #metal health discussion being so watered down online doesnt help #like is that actually applicable or am i just really online #idk #i just feel pathetic when it ends up affecting my real life #either way im failing this semester so idk. i wanna drop out #psii.txt #vent

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snekdood · 8 months ago

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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?

#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow #ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk #vent #'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was #already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better #to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him #floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time #and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it #I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy #so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he #evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't #be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him #and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14 #in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character #to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way #to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris #often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it #at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa #ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people #laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche #i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make #fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off #what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet #my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes #along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to

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nihiltism · 1 year ago

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really funny quandary I'm going through right now where I wanted to make fun of this series of texts I sent my friend because I am legitimately incapable of crying for help without putting a skin over it to make it look funny and relatable and hyperbolic but if I did I'd have to actually tell other people I need help in order for the joke to land and i guess i just did that but like it's fine

#i dont have a vents tag because like. im fine. its fine. its all a certain degree of funny to me.#i am turning off rbs though because while this may also be funny and relatable id feel weird about this one being anywhere #anyway 👍#bonus points for when im shocked and saddened that said friend gave me another jokey response and no concern #like i dont know what to tell you boss you obfuscated your cry so hard its only normal to respond with a joke to something you read as one #'walk into incoming traffic' is only barely higher stakes than the other things you jokingly say youre gonna do when something minor happen #how are they supposed to tell #veespeaks

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bettyist · 1 year ago

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being traumatized is crazy because what do you mean i can't look at default hatsune miku without my stomach turning

#can barely consume vocaloid media that i used to LOVE #want to throw up when i see a specific PLANT OUTSIDE.#its so over for me.#kind of joking not really #&then theres stuff directly related to what she did to me #which is what made me sick this morning #it just feels like whenever im okay and moved on something hits me again and i remember then i spiral #its really hard okay just likeidk #ive been getting passed around like hot potato from sex ofdender to sex offender sijce i was like 8 #and it really fucks with you and your sense of self ajd purpose and wortg #im like “asexual” not born that way but i will probably never feel safe doing that #all i seek in this mortal plane is to love and be loved why did all yhis shit have to happen #vent #<- gonna start tagging these becauseidk i feel bad not tagging sorr.y

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