#ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

snekdood · 6 months ago

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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?

#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow #ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk #vent #'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was #already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better #to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him #floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time #and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it #I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy #so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he #evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't #be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him #and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14 #in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character #to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way #to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris #often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it #at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa #ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people #laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche #i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make #fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off #what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet #my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes #along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to

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