#feel free to reblog if you relate
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roguemonsterfucker · 7 months ago
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Hmm I’m having a lot of anxiety today
*daydreams about being kidnapped by monsters to cope*
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yumefag · 10 months ago
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i think my beef with "the diamonds are a girl's best friend" drawing prompt is all my guys are so much bigger than me it'd be like this
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coffee-keith · 2 months ago
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Really struggling with trying to figure out what's me. Like what I enjoy and what ideas/traits/desires are actually my own. I think it's beautiful that people influence each other and grow together, but I'm left feeling lost right now and wondering what's actually me.
#idk ive been thinking about it a lot and really struggling#hard also to tell what's the depression and whats actually something i don't care about#i feel like i can say that playing world of warcraft was something that came from me.#but it started feeling like a chore in Dragonflight so i stopped playing.#and now everything feels tainted by other's influence and i dont know whats me anymore.#although i do need to remember that i did start playing Dragon Age on my own but it only feels like it was influenced by others because#i discovered my one irl friend used to love the games and then i got my other irl friend playing them#but i dont know how much of going into physics was my own choice or just following the path i saw before me#although i loved physics when i started doing mechanics in calculus and thought it was so cool#then i found accelerator science and detectors and nuclear physics to be so cool when i did an internship at a national lab#and then i took the most direct route to get into doing research at that lab#but things have gotten so lost and tangled up with all the horrible stuff that grad school puts you through#and the horrible stuff from this collaboration in particular#that it feels like all thats left is shame and fear and none of the wonder or curiosity#everything i do or write or whatever feels like an opportunity to 'get found out' as a fake or just fill me with shame#i thought that getting a job offer would fix me and help me get through the bullishit but the pressure is makikg things worse#and with this job im wondering if im just doing what im told and being influenced by other's suggestions and wants.#(dont go to grad school. its literally the worst thing you can do for your mental health)#vent#okay this actually kind of helped so im glad I made this post#feel free to reblog if you relate
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my-autism-adhd-blog · 3 months ago
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I Need Screen Time at Night to Fall Asleep As an ADHDer
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AJ’s Brain
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aph-estonia · 2 years ago
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i am on so many mutuals dnis
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currentlylurking · 1 year ago
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Thinking about... low stake Fenton Family headcanons. Those kind of things that have no wider world-context when it comes to fic ideas but really speak to their family dynamic.
Like, one of my favourites is that Danny doesn't avoid swearing because it's a kid's show from 2004; he avoids swearing because when he and Jazz were little, Maddie and Jack caught them repeating what what they'd heard from the lab. So they promised their children that if they could make it the next decade or so, until they got their drivers licenses, without swearing in front of them, Maddie and Jack would buy Jazz and Danny each their own car! They assumed the kids would forget before they had to follow through, but Jazz did not. And once she was sixteen, she traded the inability to swear for a car.
Danny can fly. He doesn't technically need to get his driver's license. But by this point he's committed, and won't swear at all - he doesn't want to risk slipping up in front of his parents, and losing his chance at a car!
Another one I really love is that up until he was about ten, Danny spent most of his time at the public pool. Maddie had him and Jazz in baby swim lessons, but Danny loved the water, so she kept him in it. And Danny was an amazing swimmer - he was incredibly fast and by the time he was seven, could dive well enough that there was barely a splash when he hit the water. Danny thrived in the water, and with some guidance, absolutely could have become an olympic level swimmer.
Unfortunately, when he was 10 or so, he mentioned to his parents that the chlorine in the pool hurt his eyes so Jack tried to replace the pool filter with an ecto-based one, which went very badly. And the family was banned from the public pool. They set up a blow-up pool in the backyard for Danny during the summer, but it wasn't the same.
Fortunately, he turned 14 and gained the ability to fly, so he doesn't miss it too much anymore, but Jack does still feel bad.
And of course, the last quality one - none of the Fenton family can cook. Maddie and Jack can bake extremely well, but baking and cooking are different. They like the experiment too much with their cooking, and even without ectoplasm, it usually leaves their food inedible. Jazz can make simple things, like macaroni, but whenever she's tried something more complicated it hasn't gone to plan. She's too much of a perfectionist to risk that.
Danny, meanwhile, has burned soup before and will burn it again. But he's still eaten it. Sam and Tucker have joked about how Danny's tastebuds must've died in the portal too, because there's no way a normal person would eat the kind of things he does, but he's always been like that! He's far too ready to eat almost anything.
It was particularly stressful for his family when Danny was a baby, because it seemed like for the first four years of his life, his sole goal was to eat every single battery he could find.
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thatoneluckybee · 11 months ago
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Going to break into your house with pots and pans and yell at you until you reframe your thinking of productivity to include more than just schoolwork or a salary or chores and the like.
Did you do a thing? Was there a positive result for you or someone else?
Congratulations, you did a Productivity!!!
You aren’t ALWAYS going to be able to have the energy to do what we consider traditionally productive. You won’t always have the motivation.
Yeah, maybe you could have spent two hours studying for that test instead of 15 minutes. Maybe you could have cleaned the kitchen instead of the dishes. And? That’s still something!
Productivity is doing things!! Did you eat food and drink water? You did something that helped your body work! Doodled in class? You made art! Even just posting theories and memes on tumblr dot com is a thing! You thought out the post, figured out how to organize it (even if you don’t realize you did that) and you made it! And now other people can see and you DID something and you should be proud!!!
Be proud of yourself or I am going to show up outside your window tonight and scream positive affirmations louder than a cat who has just discovered her food bowl is empty.
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isawken · 11 months ago
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in 1883 in the first recorded rodeo takes place in pecos, texas. in 2001 rob smets attends the PBR world finals in jeans and a sports jersey bearing sponsor logos. in 1568 the gelosi acting company coalesces in italy to perform the hot new style of live improv entertainment. in 1780 joseph grimaldi makes his stage debut at 2 years old at london’s famed drury lane. in the many, many years before any white person ever laid eyes on it, a man in what you’d now call northern arizona paints his body in black and white stripes and puts corn husks in his hair. in 1557 ivan the terrible is pallbearer to a man who walked naked in the streets of moscow. in 2017 the ringling bro’s circus announces its last show, 146 years after the titular brothers first formed it. all of these moments (and more!) have lived in my head rolling around like marbles for years now and im so happy to now have the proper method to infect your mind as well:
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History of Fools is a hobby project of mine i've been working on for over a year now! part essay series, part half-assed podcast, part descent into madness, this little diddy is the culmination of years' worth of highly specific insanity. i have 4 half hour-ish essays/episodes out now reviewing the histories of:
Jesters! Commedia Dell'arte! Sacred Clowns and Holy Fools! and my personal favorite (seriously if you listen to or read any please choose this one) Rodeo Clowns!
I have more episodes planned to get into clowns proper, hoping to come out in 2024. but until then please take a read or a listen and let me know what you think!
CLICK HERE FOR FOOLS!
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thebekashow · 2 months ago
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my beloved husbands/pos
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daddymothxxx · 5 months ago
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Vee's Pride Party
Velvette made the party floor look fantastic. Just a ting campy to fit the theme. Chef's kiss.
That left him to set up the table with little food warmers for the food. There was some general catered faire like proper fancy hors d'oeuvres involving deli meats, caviar, and crackers with little toothpicks. Then his portion of the table with flautas, empanadas, and tamales. Nice mix of dips and sauces.
Vox always made sure the wet bar was well staffed and stocked. Though he did check that out too himself. Needed a good frozen margarita to give some of his hands something to do.
Everything was okay and he would see some people!
While waiting for people to gather, he relaxed and enjoyed the music at a small table near the dance floor. He'd be out in it after a while. Loved dancing.
He had nothing to chew on his claw tips about, but he kept catching himself nearly doing it. Kept hands either under the table or around his drink.
Whatever happened, he'd enjoy the atmosphere. He loved parties!
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darkcreamz95 · 9 months ago
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Now that all the chapters are out...
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chelseahotel2004 · 2 months ago
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it’s crazy how much easier being conventionally attractive makes your life. it’s absurd like your appearance is least controllable thing ever and it means literally nothing lol but it still affects every aspect of your life��
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hello-galad · 3 months ago
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I feel like I'm going crazy. I understand this is -probably- a normal step in the recovery of this damn illness but still I can't help but think "what if I never heal", "What if this is life for me from now on?" Then, just as fast, another thought pops up and this one, I can't never stop. It's ominously silent, like a big dark presence and it whispers "is a life like this worth living?"
Mind you, I am NOT suicidal, I don't want to die, hell, probably the fact that I 've been to so many doctors and taken so many tests and treatments can tell you that I desperately want to live, but the thought is always there after that fear of not being able to go "back to normal" makes itself known. It's not the first time this happens, but that other illness was so fast to heal compared to this vertigo-dizziness of hell. Am I so weak that I think about giving up at the mere thought that I can't be "fixed"? How pathetic, it's embarrassing. Maybe I deserve to be called weak, uh?
It's been a month already and I'm MUCH better, but I still can't focus my eyes and see clearly, I still feel dizzy if I don't take the medication. My ears still hurt when audio or people speak loudly, the tiniest bit of volume up to listen to a song I love is painful. My voice hurts my own ears when I speak too much...too much now means a couple of minutes.
One of my doctors told me when she got this, it took her a month to get better, I've read it takes sometimes up to 2 moths, and I'm probably overanalyzing the situation here but what happens if two months go by and I'm still not okay? What then? I'm scared.
I have spent long periods of time crying over that scary possibility, of course always when I'm alone, because I'm supposed to be collected. I'm supposed to be unfazed or positive in the face of despair, because im supposed to be the one who fixes things. How ironic is it that I am the one who is broken so often.
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my-autism-adhd-blog · 6 months ago
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I have a short fuse when it comes to things like this. They’ll be too loud or something and I’d snap and tell them to stop…
Neurodivergent Girl
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mischiefmanifold · 27 days ago
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in general I feel that my treatment has come to a standstill, I think mostly because I'm scared to start trauma therapy again. last time I did trauma therapy I had a flood of flashbacks and repressed trauma memory flashes that terrified me and caused me to quit, and I'm scared that the same thing will happen if I start again.
I've been thinking about trying EMDR or at least bringing it up to my therapist, but I'm worried that my problems with dissociation will prevent me from being able to do it effectively. I'd also like to start journaling again at least a few times a week, but the whole concept feels overwhelming to me despite having done it in the past (not sure why). I'm thinking journal prompts may be helpful for this but I'm not sure how it'll pan out.
I don't know. my brain feels like mush and I can't seem to bring any of this up to my therapist. even trauma memories and flashbacks I have I can't bring up, it feels like there's a brick wall in my brain when I go into therapy and I physically can't talk about those topics.
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cb-writes-stuff · 2 months ago
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I quite like this construct I’ve designed for myself. It works, and it works well. The gears turn smoothly, all well-oiled. It takes input and produces the expected output. It’s a wonderful black box, its innards totally undisturbed, never ever seen. All in all, it meshes quite well with the exterior of life.
I’m on the inside, operating it. I don’t much like to talk about what the machine looks like on the inside.
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