#it's not supposed to be like this is it?
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i really can't keep going and keep myself alive on my own, but i think i'm always going to be alone
#i'm really just at an impasse because how am i supposed to live alone and function and keep myself alive?#i just don't think that i'm capable of doing it alone but i'm always going to be#i don't have anyone and i never will#i can't really blame people#who wants some broken and useless barely functional mess in their lives?#who wants to deal with me always falling apart and always going through another disaster?#i'm cursed and there's not nearly enough positive to outweigh all of the bad for anyone#on the rare occasion that i make a friend i inevitably become too much#i'm too damaged and i needy#no matter how hard i try to hold myself together it's never enough for someone to love me#and i'm just so tired#i'm only 26 how am i supposed to endure a lifetime of this#sometimes it's all i can do to get myself out of bed in the morning#what's the point of being diagnosed as autistic if you still don't have any support?#nevermind the crippling depression and anxiety that's currently going untreated#i'm so horribly lonely and existing is so difficult#it doesn't even seem like it's worth it#and my life is never going to get easier because i'm never going to have any help or support or guidance to get through anything#i just... don't know what i'm supposed to do anymore#it's not supposed to be like this is it?#sorry i need to dump before i scream#my day was fine but i'm exhausted and now i've come home and everything is falling apart and i'm spiraling#vent post
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shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this
#and by 'everyone' i mean me. im just hoping other people relate lmao#someone asks me about a thing i like and im just like h..................#been thinking about The Character for a solid 6 months+ and let me tell you. expldoeing soon#this is about ffxv btw . how am i supposed to say how much it lives in my brain . i cant think#text#1k#5k#10k#15k#20k#great googly moogly#30k#40k#50k#60k#boooy what da heeel#70k#80k#90k#will this be my first ever post to hit 100k... it remains to be seen#good lord. we did it#100k
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for whatever reason tumblr has flagged this post from a deleted blog as explicit so I can't even reblog it anymore which is a shame because it's one of my absolute favorites
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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I'm jumping off a bridge. Their backstory is so tragic, I can't.
The fact that even Queenie being in the state she was, Kinger still found humanity in her, the fact that he risked his life knowing she could go crazy and attack him just so he could touch her one last time.
And the fact that Queenie allowed him to do it, the fact that she was able to keep control as a abstracted just so she could feel him. Because she loved him and he loved her back and both of them knew her fate, but in that moment, it was just them, their last moment together so both made it work.
This is such a powerful image I want to hug both of them.
#the amazing digital circus#tadc#kinger#kinger tadc#queenie#tadc queenie#tadc new episodes#tadc episode 3#the amazing digital circus kinger#character analysis#more like moment analysis#i'm sobbing#they loved each other so much dude#they had no right to make me cry#this was supposed to be haha funny internet show#tadc spoilers
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Annabeth: I, a child, had to earn Thalia’s love, that’s how the world works! I have to earn my moms love. Love is transactional, you gotta be worthy of it first silly :)
Percy, listening to this on the train
#STOP TRAUMATIZING THIS CHILD PLEASE#this is what it’s like when you were raised in a loving home and you find out your friend wasn’t#but they don’t know they weren’t#so you’re like um hey that’s fucked up and sometimes a crime?#you tell them parents are supposed to love you as is without earning it and they don’t believe you#you can hear the therapy bill racking up#annabeth chase#Percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#pjo series#pjo tv show#mine#adding on to my tags because some people are debating if that’s how love works#love is meant to be a mutual exchange and something that grows over time between two people as their bond grows#whereas how Annabeth says it#in my opinion at least#she had to do XY and Z to be worthy of thalias love before receiving it#like with her mother#she has to be amazing before Athena is proud of her#vs Athena being proud of her just for being her daughter#that being said I’m not hating on a traumatized child having potentially negative and toxic patterns#more pointing out the comedy of the scene from Percy’s perspective who has a good grasp on healthy vs unhealthy relationships
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Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!
(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)
#HEALED FIDDLEFORD HAS ME BOUNCING OFF THE FUCKING WALLS!!!!!!! GIVE THE MAN A BRIGHT HAPPY FUTURE!!! FUCK!!!!!#I don't know how i'm coming off right now#when i say that i've been super manic about them for the past week I really mean it#guys Idk but I think I might be fiddlestans number one fan#I liked this pairing before book of bill and after reading it it only solidified things#IT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN A CRACK SHIP TO ME!!!!!!!!#fiddlestan#gravity falls#anyway this is supposed to be them the next summer#stan is working the shack to tutor soos for tourist season#fiddleford has changed while the twins were on the stan o war#STAN DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO FEEL AT FIRST and they have a lot of shit to work through from their past before they can start making out dksjds#sketchbook#traditional art#pencil drawing#traditional drawing#stanley pines#fiddleford mcgucket#gravity falls fanart
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I'm absolutely obsessed with the book of bill, best thing i've ever read and it no joke gave me actual nightmares !! 100/10
#book of bill#gravity falls#gf#bill cipher#art#my art#digital art#artist on tumblr#this was supposed to be a simple fan art because i had to make something#and technically it only took 3 hours which is not much for me#and it's one of the best things ive ever made so i'm happy !#also mild spoiler ->->#but i tried to make it look both like him coming out of the book to getcha#and also like he's trapped into the book and is desperately trying to grasp on you to save him
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did you know? if you do your laundry you can get your clothes back
#fascinating stuff. let’s see if i (person with the worst executive dysfunction when it comes to doing laundry) remember it#i literally have this issue where i’ll let dirty clothes pile up in the laundry basket for an entire month#like it takes me that long to get around to it#and then- who would’ve thought- i find that i don’t have anything good to wear. strange!#finally did it last night and i’m like ohhh that was so difficult but the payoff finally#augh#peach rambles#hall of fame i guess#shut up about socks. idc.#this was a fun positivity post of sorts it’s about overcoming executive dysfunction#derailing into jokes about losing socks is. it’s not horrible but just boring and annoying#it was supposed to be celebration!! and encouragement!!!
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i'm sure there's a canon timeline but dao is a springtime game to me
#ailill mahariel#leliana#alistair theirin#zevran arainai#morrigan#dragon age#dao#my art#my ocs#probably entirely bc i first played it for the first time in late february/early march but the association is indelible now#there's a certain combination of like weather and temperature that makes me think abt tramping around fereldan trying to stop the blight#this was also supposed to be a springtime post but. well.#i think i posted a wip of this like five months ago lmao 🤦
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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[kisses you tenderly on the lips while holding you like my lover] don’t eat any food with mold on it even if you cut the moldy part off ok?
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i would say that, mentally speaking, i'm in a good place right now! physically of course, the crows continue their chanting,
#'weaving spells with beaks and talons' whatever u wanna call it. sounds like chanting to me#anyway yes. that is a thing that is happening#yes i am aware of it. stop asking.#am i taking steps to stop this thing from happening? how. how the fuck do u suppose i should go about doing that?#yea i've done some dumb shit in my life#no i am NOT about to go INTERFERING with the CROWS
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remembering one of the times i was getting evaluated by a therapist to determine if i was "really trans" or not or whatever and he was like "so if you transitioned to male, how would you dress differently?"
and i was like "i.. dont know. I wouldnt?"
and he looked at me blankly and wrote something down and said "really? you wouldnt wear anything more masculine?"
and i realized i'd given the wrong answer so I just said "I would... wear... suits?"
and he smiled and wrote something else down like "ah! yes"
#scream#like- listen#clothes are not gender- i know this you know this#he doesnt know this#HOWEVER#i literally only wear jeans and t shirts or shorts and t shirts#what on earth am i supposed to be transitioning into wearing??
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some beach babes i started while i was on holiday <3
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#tavstarion#shadowlach#tav#astarion#karlach#shadowheart#i like to think even after they sort out the daywalker thing he's still v light sensitive and crisps after 5 minutes#also the first one was funnier in my head#when in doubt use your tiefling gf as a barbecue#shart isn't made for swimming she's supposed to float on a lilo for 4 hours and that's it
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i hate you ai art i hate you "unalive" i hate you youtube premium i hate you twitter 8$ checkmark i hate you nfts i hate you therapy app advertisements i hate you non-chronological timelines i hate you instagram reels i hate you subtle tiktok filters that cant be turned off i hate you family bloggers i hate you ads on true crime episodes i hate you facebook i hate you vr glasses on chickens i hate you dystopian social media
#sorry but genuinely sometimes i feel like we live in a fucking dystopia#i get ads of chat bots designed to look like cute girls who will listen to your problems and it. god#its so unbelievably strange in some indescribable way#how am i supposed to explain that the word unalive makes me want to tear my hair out#vent#rant#idk
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