#it's especially the most responsible and nice people who know what abuse is (having been on the receiving end)

[hiskillingjar]

Please plspls write sexed up abusive lesbians law x strade 🤞🤞

sorry lesbians, sorry dykes, this is a post for fucked up transfems and quasi-chasers now. sorry :(

4000+ words, cw for slurs, they are the worst grindr hookup in the world and i'm obsessed with themmmmm (this may have a part 2 if the people don't execute me)

also crossposted on ao3 give me attentionnnnnuh

"hey cutie, having a good night?"

Lawrence almost flinched after hearing the foreign notification ‘blllip’ on their phone. 

It was late, they had just gotten home from work and they were sifting through their saved videos (car crashes, open-faced surgery, execution porn and the like) to get to sleep, their body heavy on the mattress, their head heavier with drugged intoxication from a short smoking circle at the warehouse before they left.

They blinked sleepy grey (dead) eyes as they opened the app with a slide of their thumb, the orange-and-black interface unfamiliar, they used it so little.

Right. They downloaded this to buy weed from the new guy at work, didn’t they? 

Did they even have a profile set up? Apparently so, if someone nearby had found them.

They let out a short sigh through their nose, moving onto their back under the heavy, weighted blankets as they typed out a reply to ‘strade 36 verse’.

‘Verse’. What did that even mean?

"Hi."

Lawrence barely had time to rub their eyes before the orange bubble was typing again. 

"hi!"

An instant reply. ‘Strade 36 verse’ must have been online then.

They sat up with another sigh and their lips pursed in a thoughtful pout, wondering if they should respond further, and what to say if they did. 

They didn’t really know the etiquette of most social media, after all. The most exposure they’d had to it was a Tumblr account that was quickly taken down when they posted an especially gory work-in-progress photo of a new sculpture (for “violating community guidelines’ they said when they’d asked), and they’d left it at that, so this was new to them. 

It wasn't like they’d been on something as casual as a dating app before, so they had no prior experience or point of reference on how these kinds of interactions generally played out.

So, in place of another message, they decided to wait for ‘Strade 36 verse’ to reply again, to send the dreaded ‘double text’ or lose interest in their flaky response, before they did anything on their own.

They wouldn’t have to wait long for that, though.

"nice pics, you’re very, very cute." He praised, sending through a winking-face emoji and a blonde angel emoji, referencing the badly taken, but well-cropped mirror selfies on their profile, just so the weed guy knew who they were when they messaged. "are you down for anything tonight?"

Lawrence frowned, idly worrying their bottom lip between their crooked teeth as they pushed a hand into their greasy hair. They’d shower before work tomorrow. Or not.

They weren't entirely sure what ‘down for anything’ meant and weren't sure if they necessarily wanted to know either.

"Thank you.” They typed, well-trained to be polite to compliments. “Down for anything like what, exactly?"

"lol, you're adorable"

"like hooking up? lol"

Lawrence nearly dropped their phone at that.

Their face burned a hot red as they sat upright quickly, pushing aside their weighted blankets and ruminating in silence for several long moments on how to respond to Strade’s outright forwardness.

Was everyone on this app like this?

"I don't know you.” They wrote with another deep frown. “I only really use this app to buy weed. What do you want from me?"

"haha that's hilarious!" Strade wrote back quickly with a series of laughing emojis, which just made Lawrence frown even more. What did he find so funny? "cute pics for a burner account tho. what's that for?~"

They felt their face burning hotter and hotter as they stared at Strade's response, dumbfounded at his capacity to play along with such unwilling prey, before setting the phone down in their lap and pressing the heels of both hands to their eyes, too tired and (frankly) too high to make sense of what this guy was trying to do to them.

‘...cute pics...?’

They took a breath and picked up their phone again, trying to respond as normally as they could without cussing the guy out.

"What do you mean cute? It's just my face."

"it’s a cute face," He sent with a virtual wink.

They took another short moment, trying to collect themself, long, trembling fingers hovering over the keyboard on their phone, before they typed out another response. 

"I don't know about cute...but thanks, I think."

"you're so welcome~"

There was a pause as Strade typed another string of words, punctuated by an orange bubble and animated ellipses.

"if you're not here to hook up, maybe we could just exchange pics hm?"

"Pictures of...what exactly?"

"i'll show you mine if you show me yours," He wrote, punctuated by an eggplant emoji, a peach emoji and…a water spray emoji.

Lawrence didn’t need to be a genius in social media lingo to know exactly what that meant.

They tried to swallow the growing lump in their throat before reluctantly replying.

"What makes you think I'd send you a picture like that? I don't even know what you look like."

"i have a profile pic sweetheart," He wrote with another winking emoji, making Lawrence flush that they hadn’t even taken the time to look at Strade’s profile before they started talking to him. "but fair point! wanna make sure i’m not a catfish, huh?"

'Sweetheart...'

The nickname sent a little chill down Lawrence’s spine, but…not in a wholly unpleasant way.

It might have even been kind of nice to be called that, even if it was from a stranger on a dating app of all places.

There were a few moments of ‘silence’ before their phone ‘blllipped’ with a notification that Strade had sent them a picture, which they quickly opened. 

He looked like...well, he looked like a totally normal guy in his thirties, relaxing on a couch as if he’d just gotten home from work after a hard day. Tan skin, dark stubble, a handsome smile, everything people liked in a man. He was shirtless, showing off a soft chest and the beginnings of a slightly softer stomach, but that was probably the nature of the app.

"You're...very good-looking. Nice muscles." Lawrence typed honestly, a little hesitantly, staring at the picture for a prolonged moment before swapping back to the chat.

"thanks cutie," He wrote with a beating heart emoji, making Lawrence’s own heart tighten in their chest. "how are you looking right now?"

They idly chewed the inside of their cheek and looked down at themself. 

They weren’t anything special and never considered themself to be, wearing a pair of tattered pyjama pants and a loose-fitting top printed with the warehouse’s logo. 

That probably wasn’t the vibe for this interaction, was it?

"I mean, not good like you. I'm wearing pyjamas right now."

"maybe i'll decide what looks good, hm?"

"send me something."

They felt their face flush hotter when the second message popped up, bringing the edge of their phone to their mouth with a shuddering little sigh that fogged up the cracked glass.

This was getting pretty embarrassing, but, at the same time, it was...kind of exciting.

They’d never done anything like this before, certainly not with a stranger, and…Strade had such an authoritative vibe about him without even being in the room.

They felt almost compelled to obey him, even if there was no side effect to not.

Lawrence shifted over the side of the bed and reluctantly lifted the phone for a selfie, reaching up with their other hand to cover their mouth and most of their jaw, keeping the focus on their messy hair, their sleepy eyes, their slender neck, their collar bone, the low collar of their shirt…things that they guessed Strade might like in a conversation partner.

Once they had taken the picture, they sent it over quickly before they could think too long and change their mind.

Strade responded almost immediately.

"awwww~" He wrote, with a heart eyes emoji and another angel emoji. "very cute!"

Oh God, they really weren’t used to being called cute this much.

Their heart was racing as they read the short string of messages, their pale cheeks flushing and their dead eyes fluttering a little as their thighs pressed together tightly.

"You...really think so?"

"i know so~" He complimented again. "you’re such a good girl for listening to me too <3"

'Good girl-!?'

Lawrence's heart was beating even faster now, just from that one little compliment, and they found themself sinking back against the bed and staring at the popcorn, mould-dotted ceiling, feeling all the heat in their body rush right down to their cock.

It seemed kind of...demeaning to be called a 'good girl' in this scenario, but at the same time, it felt...so amazing.

They just hoped that Strade wasn’t getting the wrong idea.

“Thank you…but I’m not a girl though.” They typed when their brain started working again, resting their phone on their chest, their legs trembling and bopping up and down, nervously.

"oh no? apologies for assuming but you do have trans stuff in your bio lol"

"you look pretty enough to be a girl. figuring stuff out?"

The instinct to cringe subsided quickly when they clicked on their profile, noticing the absence of the gender marker that Strade had (‘M’), and their pronouns (‘they/them, any/all’) listed along with their location, the only information they had provided the app, barring their picture.

"That was an accident...I didn't know what it was asking me." They typed out, explaining their mix-up.

‘Pretty enough to be a girl...’ 

They suddenly found themself feeling…warm all over as those words repeated in their head, feeling the sincerity behind them, the authenticity behind them. 

Maybe they weren’t a girl, at least, not a girl they had ever been close to before, but there was the…well, the fact that Strade had assumed their gender incorrectly several times now, and they had done nothing to correct him. 

"happy accidents, eh?" Strade replied quickly with another laughing emoji, though this one felt more fond and affectionate than the others had been. "do you like being a good girl, law?"

They swallowed tightly and managed to type out a response, their hands trembling with excitement.

"Yeah…I mean, yeah I think I do."

"thought so." Another virtual wink. This guy used a lot of emojis. "can i see something else now, angel?" He wrote, like no part of that conversation happened, and even though it was phrased like a question, Lawrence had that good sense that it was not to be taken as one.

They felt their face burning hotter than ever as they typed out a response.

"What do you want me to show you…?”

"show me your body.” 

“do you have a mirror so i can see all of you?"

Lawrence had to stop and close their eyes, knees tightly pressed together as they tried to collect themself and slow the pounding of their racing heart.

They’d never felt like this before. It felt good.

It felt good. 

Why weren’t they used to feeling good?

They took in a deep breath, trying to calm themself down, before they got to their feet and walked over to their bathroom, hesitantly taking a full-body (or, well, as close to full-body as they could manage) picture in the bathroom cabinet mirror, using the phone to cover their face and focus on their body.

They looked so…boring in the reflection, wearing that old, baggy top and those loose-fitting pants. 

Strade can’t really be that interested in them, can he?

"aw, you're so little. like you wouldn't be able to fight me off if i pinned you down <3"

Those immediate words set butterflies fluttering around in their stomach.

They were definitely not tiny by any metric, standing at almost six foot and easily taller than most of the guys in the warehouse, but the idea of being...pinned down by a stranger of all people, was making their brain short circuit.

And fine, they weren’t sure if Strade meant it in an affectionate way or…a creepy way, talking about their body like it was a piece of meat and he was an animal feeding on them, but Lawrence couldn’t think of a reason to be scared of the obvious red flags coming out of their conversation.

They swallowed past the ever-growing lump in their throat as they paced back to their bed, sitting down and trying their best to keep their responses coherent as they typed out another anxious reply.

"Oh yeah..? Think so?"

"i know so..."

God, he was quick.

"mind pulling those pants down?"

They chewed the inside of their cheek again, hesitating for maybe a moment before they began to slowly pull their pyjama bottoms down their skinny hips, exposing their boxer briefs and the bulge of their cock. 

They felt so exposed, like someone could just walk in and see them right now, and yet...

They took another picture and sent it to Strade without a word, feeling the flush spread across their face as they did so.

"those look pretty tight, baby," He wrote after a pause. "like that cute girlcock is desperate for something its not gonna get. too cute <3"

What the fuck, girlcock-?!

Every word of the message made them shiver more and more, making the aching feeling in their chest that much more intense and tight, so tight it was almost painful. 

God, they couldn’t even begin to describe how this fucking stranger was making them feel. 

They were starting to feel desperate, like he said they were, their girlcock stirring and pressing even tighter against the taut fabric of their briefs, denying them anything close to relief.

They swallowed again, their tongue poking out to wet their dry lips as they typed a needy response.

"Please…just keep talking to me like that…”

"you're such a good girl," Strade continued to praise with another beating heart emoji. "spread your legs, make those panties nice and tight for me so i can see your girlcock press up there…"

They had to close their eyes momentarily and take in a deep, shaky breath to calm themself before they even attempted a response.

It was almost hard to type with how worked up they were, how much their fucking girlcock was stirring, how much their hands were shaking. They felt so submissive and helpless, like they wouldn’t even be able to think without Strade telling them to. 

They just wanted to do whatever he told them to do.

Their legs parted as far as they could (while still framed nicely in the camera) and they jutted their hips slightly, making the thick bulge of their cock the focus of the picture. Light blonde hair covered their tummy and thighs, and they almost felt self-conscious about it, for the first time in their life.

A girl shouldn’t have that there…at least, not a good girl.

"fuck, you're killing me," He wrote with that angel emoji again. "you little tease. what i wouldn't give to have you here now."

Lawrence closed their eyes with a soft moan as they held the pose, trying to imagine what it would be like if he was here instead of just ordering them around over the phone.

They were still trembling but they couldn’t help but smile coyly to themself as they thought out another response.

"What would you do to me if I was there right now?"

"you really want to know, sweetheart?"

They swallowed hard, their grey eyes wide and unnervingly alive, and replied, almost without a thought.

"Yes. Tell me please…I want to know."

…

…

…

"i wouldn't let anyone else even get the chance to look at you, let alone touch you, before i’m through with you, lawrence"

"i'd take you down in my basement and make you scream. hurt you. cut you. fuck you even if you fought me back. ruin that cute little body and torture your girlcock until you begged me to stop."

"and i wouldn't stop <3 even if you screamed and cried and behaved like suuuuch a good girl for me, angel <3"

…

…

…

"You’d do that to me…?"

…

…

…

"yeah. i like ruining pretty things." He wrote. "and you're the prettiest thing i've seen in weeks."

Lawrence could feel themself almost trembling as they stared at their phone, their hands shaking. 

They managed to type out a response, each letter in their reply feeling like a tremendous amount of effort when their fingers were shaking like jelly, just holding onto the phone.

"You really think I’m…pretty…?"

Their heart was pounding as they waited for a reply, waited for those tell-tale orange dots to move again, their once-dead eyes wide and alive and ready for more as their head spun behind them. 

It was like they were experiencing an entirely new high, one more dangerous and more pleasurable than any drug could give them.

They could see themself getting quickly addicted to it, and knew that this addiction was sure to kill them faster than any other vice would.

“haha you're kind of a freak law," Strade seemed to tease when his reply finally popped up, though it was lacking the emojis that typically gave his teasing nature away. "i like that a lot. pretty girls are never usually as filthy as you~"

Their head canted slightly as they read the message, wetting their lips again as they reached down and idly palmed their cock, feeling the hard flesh between their long fingers and wishing that Strade was the one doing the touching instead.

Freak. Filth. Words growing on them like mould grew on spoiled food. 

They were gradually getting infected by whatever disease Strade must have had to enjoy this, and they couldn’t have been happier

They flopped back heavily on the bed with a shaky exhale, that same feeling of twisted pride they got when he called them a “good girl” washing over them.

They managed to respond with one hand occupied (still squeezing their rotten cock that was enjoying every moment of this), their fingers still trembling.

"Yeah, I’m kind of a freak I guess…”

A pretty freak…a pretty girl…

Their cock pulsed hotter.

"yeah.”

“even the most poorly-adjusted tranny has the self-respect not to put up with all of this. what's the matter, law, you don't have any of that?"

They whimpered softly and bit their lip hard (so hard, they could practically taste blood), before rolling onto their side and bringing their knees up to their heaving chest as their cock twitched incessantly between their trembling legs, their slack body shivering all over as they squeezed their thighs tightly together.

Fuck, this was so awful. So, so fucking awful.

Then why was their head pounding, their chest heaving, their cock throbbing harder and harder (and harder and harder), the worse it got?

They swallowed hard, the lump in their throat almost painful to gulp past, as they read the message again, and despite themself, they reached down and started tugging on their cock as they typed, their heart continuing to race at an impossible pace from the mix of excitement and dread at feeling so vulnerable and exposed to this man.

"Why would I want self-respect if it means I can’t talk to you…?”

"good answer <3"

They couldn’t help but smile upon reading the new text, cradling the phone to their shuddering chest with one hand, as the other tightened the hold on their cock, the veins in their wrist pulsating as it jerked up and down their length. 

God, they were just completely hooked on this fucking stranger, addicted to his praise, his threats, his dirty talk (if it could even be called that).

They lay there for a moment, just jerking themself off with wet gasps and shifting skin on skin, trying to even think of what to do next. 

Their mind was so fuzzy and filled with thoughts of Strade, Strade, Strade that they could hardly concentrate, even without the initial fuzz the weed had given them.

It was a perfect sensation.

"what are you doing now, law?"

“I’m…touching myself.”

“show me.”

Like everything else with Strade, it was phrased like a question but Lawrence knew that they didn’t have the luxury of disagreeing with him.

Like they even wanted that luxury to begin with.

They obediently moved backwards, up their bed, lying flat on their back (belly up, like a prey animal offering itself to a rightful predator) and parting their trembling thighs again, wrenching their briefs all the down their legs and taking an awkward picture of their cock in hand, the flushed head and firm length framed by the thin, milky white pillars of their scarred thighs.

They were just glad that this app didn’t have access to their storage and that any pictures exchanged in the chat wouldn’t be saved.

That would have been incredibly fucking embarrassing. 

"haha wtf you're fucking huge," Strade quickly wrote back in response, making fun of them, though, again, the message was lacking his usual emojis (as had many of the previous messages, actually). "talk about wasted potential, eh, law?"

“What do you mean, wasted potential…”

“it means when i fuck you,” When, not if, when, NOT IF. “i'm not letting you top for a single day of the rest of your wretched, little life”

They licked their lips hungrily, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Is…is that a threat…or a promise…?”

"both <3"

God.

GOD. 

They felt like they were going insane.

They just wanted more and more of his words, wanted to take everything this man was saying to them and amplify it, make it worse, make it despicable, diabolical, disgusting, more, more, more-

“God, I hope so…” They typed, the jerking of their wrist faster as heat coiled up, hot and tight, in their belly. “You make me feel like I’m losing my mind…”

"won't need a mind for what i'm planning for you, sweetheart"

“Fuck…” They stammered softly to themself, words falling past their parted lips in a helpless whimper, as they squeezed their cock harder, a thick bead of pre-cum drooling over their bony knuckles. They didn’t touch themself that often, all of their saved videos were no longer able to scratch the itch of their deadened arousal, but now, they were feeling it, so close, so desperate-

“i want you to stop touching yourself now, law”

Their hand stilled instantly, their pale brows knitting together as another typing bubble popped up.

“you don’t work weekends, do you?”

They swallowed hard, typing out a reply while anticipating the next message.

“No, not usually…why?”

“you know the braying mule in town? just next to that new whole foods?” Donkey emoji, beer glass emoji, wilting leaf emoji.

Lawrence took a moment to think about the spot Strade was describing. 

It wasn’t too far from the warehouse, now that they were thinking about it, in a slightly sketchier place in town that was facing a wave of gentrification (hence the Whole Foods that they, unfortunately, did frequent for tea ingredients and discount granola).

“Yeah…?”

“are you gonna meet me there next saturday?”

Once again, phrased like a question but Lawrence knew there was no option to say no.

Like they would have said no.

“I guess I am.”

“good girl.” Angel emoji, beating heart emoji. “and are you going to give yourself anyyyy relief before then?”

He was teasing again, and the praise and indirect order was enough to send another pulse of heat to their cock, making it that much more painful and unsatisfying when they let go of it and lay back on the bed.

“I…guess I’m not.”

“she’s smart for a poorly-adjusted faggot, isn’t she?”

God, he was just so demeaning, and they were absolutely obsessed with it.

That warm, fluttery feeling in the pit of their stomach was back, and it felt even stronger than before. 

They almost had to resist the urge to bite their bottom lip and start jerking off again…and they could only muster the shakiest of responses.

“Yeah…she is.”

“such a good girl, law.” He wrote, and Lawrence could practically see the shit-eating grin on his handsome face. “i’m looking forward to meeting you <3”

“Me too…”

[featherstorm2004]

Nana Shimura's guilt

Ok, so I'm sure plenty of people have noticed that in the latest chapter Nana has been insisting that Izuku must kill Shigaraki and that he's a wall that Izuku doesn't have to climb over. And I want to discus that as whilst I certainly don't agree with her, I find her reasons for such a perspective to be fascinating.

But let's begin with a trend I've noticed in any chapters where Nana and the vestiges talk about Shigaraki, and that's the fact that despite originally agreeing to go along with Izuku's wish to save Shigaraki they constantly refer to him as an 'it' or a 'thing' more often describing him as something less then human. And whilst it may not be surprising for the others to refer to him this way, it is incredibly disturbing that Nana his own grandmother seems the most determined to remove Shigaraki's humanity.

In fact it appears to be a theme that anyone who had a personal stake in how Shigaraki came to be are the one's most determined to ignore any sign of personhood inside him. This can be seen with Grand Torino, who despite having come to the realisation that his and Nana's decision was a mistake, seems to double down and tries to convince Izuku that killing Tomura is the better option; hell, literally the moment Shigaraki's identity is reviled he is the one to convince All Might that he isn't worth saving and that no matter his bloodline he's still a villain.

And he says this with full confidence despite the fact All For One outright told them both that he deliberately groomed Shigaraki to hate All Might and only chose him to mess with his enemy.

Even All Might chose to give up on Shigaraki very quickly and hasn't even thought about him since he found out, which is honestly really sad because of all people he should have been the one who cared the most, especially since he knows one of the only reasons All For One chose to mess with Shigaraki was to hurt him.

Which brings me back to Nanna and why she is acting the way she is and honestly, it's most likely due to a number of reasons and guilt is likely the most prominent one. After all it was her choices which led to Kotaro becoming traumatised and despising hero's, and it was because she was a wielder of One For All that her family/Tenko was targeted. Now I'm not saying it's Nana's fault Kotaro became an abuser, after all he was a grown man who was more than responsible for the way he handled his trauma however, that doesn't erase the fact that she was the root of his hatred which he passed down onto his son.

Not to mention she knows that the main reason Tenko was targeted was for revenge against her for defying All For One, so not only dose she have to deal with the fact that her son abused his child to near insanity but also her mortal enemy, who killed her, her master and tried to kill her student also groomed her grandchild to hate her, hero's and to become his next vessel.

That a lot of guilt for anyone to be burdened with and whilst it isn't directly her fault, the birth of Shigaraki is a result of the legacy she left behind.

And she obviously can't cope with that because if she did, it would basically invalidate every sacrifice she made for the sake of protecting One For All, so what dose she do? Well she makes a very human mistake and choses to ignore it. After all if Shigaraki is just a monster, a creature beyond human understanding then she doesn't have to face the guilt, "it was out of my hands, what could I have done?" "there's no point in dwelling on what could have been".

Ironically it's the same response All For One had regarding his own humanity. Essentially she's taking the responsibility out of her hands in order to protect herself because if she dose acknowledge it, it would essentially be an ego death for her and well humans are naturally programmed to protect ourselves at all costs. It's not nice but it's the truth, which honestly makes someone like Izuku stand out more.

Izuku has no reason to sympathies with Shigaraki, he has no idea what he's gone through or the history behind his creation but despite that he is the only person on the hero's side who has NEVER ignored him. Hell, even back in the mall scene where Shigaraki practically had him a gun point he still took the time to listen to him and give him a proper answer to his question and clearly what Shigaraki said meant something to him as he ask's All Might about it later.

It's clear that ever since these two have met that for some reason, whether it be the legacies they both carry or the fact that Izuku is just an innately empathetic person, these two have shared a connection. It's like Izuku and Shigaraki said, it's almost like fate has brought them together and we'll just have to see however that played out.

However, it's abundantly clear that whatever might happen between the two of them for Shigaraki to be truly be saved Nana and by extension all others who have kindly rejected Shigaraki will have to eventually accept that he is in fact human. They cannot keep pushing things under the rug because Izuku won't let them.

[showtoonzfan]

So to sum up, here’s what Viv did to Ken regarding the document:

1. Saw their fanart of Cherri Bomb, asked if she could use their pose as a reference for Cherri’s character sheet, but instead traced the pose and despite saying she’d give credit, never did.

2. Excuses the fact that her idea for Sir Pentious’s third eye being an emote to him was a copy of Ken’s character they refer to as “TF”. Ken mentions it made them uncomfortable and suggested that his hat be an AI or something Pen created himself, but obliviously in the final product of the pilot, it was never explained what Sir Pen’s hat was or why he had it.

3. MOST importantly, NEVER credited Ken for their involvement with writing the Hazbin pilot. Viv goes to Ken multiple instances, admitting she isn’t the best at writing and only comedy, and needs help. She shares some ideas with Ken, and here are the following ideas and scenes that Ken came up with THEMSELVES that appeared in the final product of the pilot:

The joke scene where everyone laughs at Charlie, but Angel dust is brought up with her proudly saying he’s making great progress, only to cut to him on the news helping Cherri out and everything being screwed up for her, saying “oh shit” or “oh fuck”.

Angel being the only patron of the hotel, and only being there for a free room, with Vaggie and Charlie scolding him that he would change and him not caring

LITERALLY WAS THE ONE WHO CAME UP WITH ALASTOR APPEARING IN THE PILOT AND WANTING TO INVEST IN THE HOTEL BECAUSE HE’S BORED.

Alastor and Husk knowing each other PERSONALLY and Alastor being the one who hired Husk to help

The joke scene where someone brings up that they’re trying to help sinners not encourage this stuff and Angel immediately says “shut up we’re keeping this”-

The joke scene of Angel telling Al he can do the deed and Al immediately going “haha! No!”.

Came up with the idea that Al’s introduction on who he is should be through Angel asking Vaggie and came up with the “wait you don’t know him?” - “eh not big on politics”- dialogue.

Alastor’s line of “If I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already”-

And yet, despite being responsible for these jokes and plot threads, when Erin had confronted Viv about being credited, Viv had all this bs to say:

At first she rambles on about how she didn’t credit because apparently the stuff Ken came up with was early draft shit? Despite the fact that everything I listed above was in the actual pilot? And then didn’t want to credit them because she wanted to make a “promotional” post despite Spindlehorse not even being created yet and Ken had every right to ask for credit since it’s true that people DO assume that Viv does all this stuff by herself. And apparently telling everyone what members did what is too much for Viv, because Ken’s getting paid anyway so that makes it okay! Then Viv being Viv thinks Ken is attacking her and pulls the poor pity me card simply because she couldn’t understand what Ken was asking her I guess, but I suggest y’all read the entire doc because I’m scratching the surface, I just bring this up because the writing was the most important part.

4. Blacklisted and talked horrible of Ken behind their back. Ken was hesitant and late into signing the document, but eventually Viv had started to speak negatively of Ken to other members, calling them an abuser ect:

Again, read the document for full context, but this is just fucking awful, especially since at the same time when this was happening, Viv had been talking to Ken at the time and being all nice. It’s just amazing how awful Viv sounds, how she thinks Ken is out to get her and her show, all for wanting credit and wanting to make sure they didn’t sign their rights and characters away. Someone who had literally helped Viv on the pilot and was there for her in a vulnerable time of need, got treated like dirt, and it is NOT okay.

Please spread the document link:

[princess-of-the-corner]

Aware of Abuse AU

Nino in this is a little fascinating to me, cause I can’t see him NOT becoming friends with Adrien. I can see them maybe not being super close, especially at first, but I can’t see them being enemies. But I can also see Nino becoming the first class kid (outside Sabrina, and I’m not sure how she counts) to really GET the rich kid trio, and start trying to make proper friends with them.

Like, Just How I See This In My Head

(sorry to put this under a readmore but it’s a little long)

So, we have the first day shenanigans, who knows what, but we still have a bit of seat drama. Adrien ends up sitting in the front on Chloé’s side, Sabrina and Chloé behind him (protecting him, but shhhhh, that wasn’t on PURPOSE). Which means that there’s an empty seat next to Adrien, and … no one really wants to sit IN FRONT of Chloé. It’s not that they think she’ll DO something, but it Makes most of them uncomfortable. Like, no one’s being explicit about it (except maybe Marinette) but everyone’s reluctant to take that seat. So, Nino decides, “welp, someone’s gotta sit there. New kid doesn’t seem too bad, questionable friends aside” and plops himself down, introduces himself to Adrien.

Like, keep in mind, he’s been in the same class as Chloé for most of his school life, but Nino isn’t someone who’d be much on Chloé radar. He isn’t her friend (Sabrina) or her “obstacle./rival/jealousy-crush (Marinette). He and Chloé probably butted heads a few times, but nothing serious. Plus, she doesn’t mutter (Max) or kick the chair in front of her (Kim). She’s a tolerable seat mate. If it gets bad, well. He has headphones. He can probably just ignore her.

So, like, Nino takes the seat, introduces himself. Adrien starts to light up, because yay! New friend! But Nino probably still asks why he’s friends with Chloé. His light dims a bit. He gets quiet. He’s seen today why he’d ask, but he’s also seen other shit. He’s BEEN through some shit. He’s also been through the WRINGER today, fighting a giant stone monster did a NUMBER on him. He’s TIRED. So Adrien responds in a way he might not normally. "If you knew her, you wouldn’t have to ask.”

Nino’s a bit taken aback - that is a … weirdly solemn, serious response?? vaguely concerning?? - but decides, ok, sure. Why not? That could be a valid point, Nino doesn’t actually know Chloé personally, despite them being in school together most of their lives. She could genuinely be nice to some people. Or she could be a manipulative fuck, again, Nino doesn’t actually know her that well personally. Maybe she’s a decent person to people she considers “worthwhile” or some shit. Maybe she’s brainwashed Adrien like most of the class think she did to Sabrina. Who knows? Not Nino. But he doesn’t have to be a dick about it. If Chloé’s an amazing friend to Adrien, awesome. Maybe he’ll help mellow her out. If she’s actually the Anti-Christ, Nino can hopefully provide an example of a good friend for Adrien to look at and realize he deserves better.

(For the record, Nino does NOT think Chloé is devil spawn, he’s just looking at the two most extreme possibilities in his head)

So, he nods, concedes the point - “Yeah, that’s fair. We don’t really hang.” Adrien lights up a bit more, pleased. They chat a bit, about school, hobbies. (Behind them, Chloé’s in a state of shock, because what??? Someone??? Admitted she might?? Be good?? Not bad?? In a roundabout way, BUT STILL????!?)

So Adrien and Nino are … maybe not FRIENDS right away, but FRIENDLY. They talk. They exchange numbers. Adrien misses a day for a photoshoot, and Nino helps Sabrina take his notes. Nino still mostly hangs out with Marinette, Alya, the rest of the class, but he makes time to hang with Adrien too. At first just them, wandering around Paris, or hanging in his bedroom, but slowly, Nino gets invited to hang with Adrien, Chloé and Sabrina, sometimes Kagami.

And like … It’s awkward. We won’t pretend it’s not. But while Chloé is blunt, sometimes rude, she isn’t going out of her way to be MEAN. Isolated from the environment Nino’s used to seeing her in, it becomes really clear that Chloé just doesn’t have many other ways to interact with the world, and either has difficulty learning, or in a few cases doesn’t see the point. Away from everyone else, she’s also much more friendly to Sabrina - tries to talk her up more, get her to take more agency (maybe … not always in the best way, but she’s TRYING). And like, hanging with her at the mall, and then seeing her in school is a bit of whiplash for behaviour, but like. Now Nino’s SEEN her be a decent person with stunted social skills. He doesn’t think it EXCUSES anything, but like. He no longer buys Marinette’s “Rich Brat, Perfect Life” rant.

I think the big turning point for all of them would be Nino finding out how much their jokes about their parents aren’t exaggerated jokes. They aren’t “this is funny cause it’s ‘out there’” the jokes are “this funny cause it’s true”.

Cause like. At first, Nino honestly believes thats what they are. “The gates of hell would open before my dad threw me a birthday party.” / “I think my mother would fire me, if it wouldn’t look bad for the press.” “Like, fire you from being her daughter, or set you on fire?” “Yes.” / “Do you think my dad would notice if I pierced my ears?” “Oh, absolutely! Can’t have the face of his brand altered without prior agreement!” “True, true. What about you?” “Oh, I could dye my hair a different colour every day for a month and he wouldn’t notice.”

Like, Nino thinks it might just be some weird, rich people thing? It doesn’t help that, like, Adrien and Chloé don’t tend to make that many of those sort of jokes around him. I mean, they might know their parents suck, but they don’t want anyone ELSE to. It’s personal. Other people won’t get it. They don’t want pity. Whatever the reason, they try to keep the jokes on the downlow when hanging out with Nino. So, Nino doesn’t get the full force. A few black humour style jokes like that are … concerning, but Nino doesn’t think they’re, like, full on awful. Maybe a bit “rich parent neglectful” but like. Not bad, right? His friends aren’t in that bad of a situation, right?

I like to think the tipping point is a slip up. Something dramatic, because. I mean. Look at these kids. Drama follows them.

Like, say Nino’s over at Adrien’s. Gabriel is out for the day, which means the two have run of the place. They’re relaxing, playing video games, whatever, when Chloé bursts into the room in tears. Nino’s so shocked he falls off the sofa.

Chloé, however, doesn’t even look at him. No, all her focus is on Adrien, cause GUESS WHAT MUMMY DEAREST DID NOW!? Maybe it was a dinner gone wrong. A gift turned sour. A random argument. But just because Chloé KNOWS her mom is a bitch, doesn’t mean it hurts any less when Audrey demeans her. When she knows which nerves to hit and buttons to press. She’s ranting, sobbing about how, oh, of course she did this, why am I even surprised, I should have expected this, honestly. I knew what she was going to do, why open my big mouth!? It’s ridiculous, utterly-!

Chloé stops. Because she just noticed Nino. Who is having a horrible paradigm shift, realizing oh. Those jokes were NOT exaggerated. His friends’ parents ARE that bad. They DO suck that much.

Chloé’s ready to start falling apart all over again, because god, could she GET any more pathetic, she just spilled her guts in front-! She didn’t even SEE him, why wasnt she more careful-! Adrien is trying to figure out damage control. Nino can see them both panicking, and just says, “We could sell her kneecaps on eBay.”

Chloé & Adrien: “… . what?”

Nino, straight faced: “eBay. I heard kneecaps go for a lot, these days.”

Adrien, after a pause: “Audrey’s though?”

Nino: *shrugs* “I mean, I don’t think we’d get much for them, especially once they’ve been shattered, but I still think we could get SOMETHING.”

More silence.

Nino: “Like … four dollars? I’m pretty sure we could get at LEAST four dollars. Maybe some old, chewed gum. Some dryer lint, if we feel like pushing it.”

Chloé, starting to smile a little: “… Mom has security.”

Nino: “I have a nine-iron, a taser, and six years of parkour. Also, I’m pretty sure Max has access to the dark web, and he owes me a no-questions-asked favour.”

-

Yes!! YES!!!!!

This is the vibes I am imagining!!

[ravenwitch45]

What if fem s/o invited Blitzo over for dinner to meet their dysfunctional family? S/o doesn't have a lot respect for their dad because he isn't emotionally plugged in as he doesn't get it and he made everything chaotic for them along with the mom who is the victim when they were growing up which is why they have self esteem issues along with having poor taste in men as they had 2 broken relationships.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eXUulrxde9A&pp=ygUccGltJ3MgZmFtaWx5IHNtaWxpbmcgZnJpZW5kcw%3D%3D

Oh lord, well this sounds fun, I'm a bit unsure what you meant with a few parts but I'll try my best to do the whole "Blitz meet his S/Os dysfunctional family" Schtick. He's dealt with plenty before after all.

Blitzo gets invited by his Fem S/O for dinner with her dysfunctional parents.

He has very awkward feelings on biological family. His own crashed and burned, Got a front row seat to Moxxie's thing with his Dad, and even remembers how dismissive Paimon's treatment of Stolas a little bit. Not to mention Loona's abandoned her or at least left her alone and he's ready to kill em if he ever meets them but that's all beside the point.

Point is he has a jaded view on famlies. So when you invite him he makes a off handed remark, saying he hopes your parents were good ones, he cares about you after all, and when you awkwardly chuckle and stammer at an answer that care turns to concern. "Babe? They weren't... you know, abusive right?"He asks again only stiffening you more.

He never asked about your parents, he keeps his own past and family under wraps so he gives you the same courtesy, if you wanted to tell him that's your choice and sees no reason to push for answers. But the idea that you had anything like he did makes his stomach squirm.

Eventually you explain that while they... weren't perfect, they still tried, especially your mom despite everything and that you'd like him to meet them. He agrees wanting to make a good impression if you've already discussed it with them and the date is set.

You both dress nice, and nervously knock on the door, him putting an arm around you which you hold and your mother answers, seeming to be a very tired but nice and welcoming woman who eagerly welcomes you and Blitz. Saying she's happy to meet him, and that you've told her so much about him

"All good things I hope?"Blitzo jokes but your mother assures that it's been nothing but praise, saying she's glad her daughter found such a great man that loves her so. Blitzo, always loving praise reciprocates the politeness, overall a pleasant meeting.

Your father on the other hand isn't seen or heard until dinner (Which is quite a large meal for one woman to make alone btw)But he comes down once it's done and almost immediately the alarm bells are ringing.

Your father just looks so done with everything and doesn't even smile upon seeing you or his wife, just asking blunty "So this is your new boyfriend?"To you and Blitz, and the look he gives makes chills shoot up Blitz's back.

Still he's still awkwardly polite, same as you oddly enough. Answering basic questions with your mother occasionally chiming in as you eat. It's a awkward dinner, but not unpleasant, most light small talk is mainly between you, Blitz and your mother. Your father rarely asking a question or mumbling in response to whatever you are talking about but then... it happens...

"So what do you do... Blitzo right?"Your father asks, Blitzo composing himself real quick before answering, correcting him on the O before stating the truth, that's he's an assassin who kills people sinners want dead in the living world. While your mother finds that very intresting and impressive, but before she can even finish her sentence her husband interjects with a loud sigh.

"So another daredevil, why am I not surprised?"He asks with a very annoyed tone, earning a glare from you as your mother frowns and Blitz is just unsure what's going on, as your father and you go back and forth with your mother trying and failing to mediate

"He's not a daredevil, he runs an entire busisness for satans sake!"

"Oh he might get more money then most, but still, you just can't keep yourself away from the dangerous ones can you?"

"Blitz isn't dangerous, he's my boyfriend! A very good one, he treats me right, he makes me happy!"

"Well clearly danger finds him, it's clear on his face, how long before he almost get's you killed like the others?"

That's enough for Blitz to shoot up from his seat, declaring he'd never put his S/O in danger and that he'll protect you no matter what, to which your father just replies "They all said that." and before he replies he hears whimpering and turns to you, seeing tears in your eyes as you clutch your arm tightly

"I-I learned from the last times... Blitz is different..."You get out inbetween sniffling and your father just sighs as his wife get's after him, while Blitz holds you close, kissing you on the forehead.

Eventually he interrupts your parents fighting to say your leaving, complimenting the food but certainly not the company as he escorts you out, you staying silent the whole way to the car, him setting you in the passenger seat next to him, and you drive off, him spotting your mother watching from the window, she seemed nice, and deserving of more then her husband but your his priority right now, with you resting your head on his shoulder, still snifling as he drives home.

He's not gonna ask even though he's curious, he just wants you to feel good again, he wants to see your smile, he didn't expect you to have pain like that, but maybe you being so kind despite that makes him love you more he thinks as he wraps his tail around your waist.

When you get home you've already fallen asleep so he carries you to bed, getting you out of your shoes as he kicks off his boots and removes his jacket and joins you. Hoping holding you close makes your dreams stray from remaking tonight, as his often do about his own awful nights. Either way he makes sure your safe the best he can.

Whew! Not sure If I've ever done a full hurt comfort thing before as X Reader but I enjoyed it! One of my longer ones too XP Hope you enjoyed!

[utilitycaster]

Hey! Because I have seen various, various, various takes on Ashton’s actions in ep77– both on twitter (whew) and on here— and I am loving all of the different perspectives on it, I was wondering what your opinion was on the take that Ashton may have manipulated Fearne in the conversation they both had right before absorbing the shard.

Personally, I feel like it may be a bit more complicated than that, but I still don’t know.

Hey!

I think this post I made sums it up. It's not. Ashton tells Fearne precisely what they intend to do. He then does it. Fearne has the opportunity to refuse this request, or to tell the rest of Bells Hells, and she chooses not to. Yes, he compliments her and tells her that he trusts her to do the right thing when most wouldn't. Laudna asks Imogen to kill her if Delilah takes over in virtually the same exact language earlier than episode, and I don't think that's manipulative either:

Laudna to Imogen: And if anything happens and I become her little puppet, I trust you to make the right choice. (Implication this is a request for a mercy killing in the context of Delilah and Laudna's lives being inseparable; is understood as such by Imogen as demonstrated from her response and her later scene in the temple)

Ashton to Fearne: Things are going to happen, and I trust you to help me make the right decision, and I hope you trust me to help make the right decision.

The fact one is being brought up and not the other really points out that the Twitter talks out their collective ass ten times more often than they do their collective mouth; and the fact that they cannot distinguish "put Fearne in a somewhat uncomfortable position" from manipulation really points out that touching grass is not enough; they need to develop meaningful relationships with a wide variety of people in the real world.

Going along with a friend's stupid-ass decision that they encouraged you to join in and immediately regretting it is not, in fact, manipulation; it's your friend at most being kind of a dick and you exercising your agency to make your own stupid-ass decisions. It would have been wiser and nicer of Ashton to ask the party who wanted to take the shard, sure, but Fearne actively agrees with them that they should get it, and Ashton is not really defined by wisdom and being nice, and also, the above would be way more boring.

I don't want to go into this because it's a massive out-of-scope rant not limited to this particular situation, and I'd like to drag my sleep schedule back into a reasonable place tonight, but I think a lot of the more rancid discourse, whatever it may be but especially about interpersonal relationships between characters, arises for the following reasons, and I have little patience for any of them.

Thinking the only way to be a Good Person is to use 2023-approved therapy speak (and, frankly, frequently 2023 Rando on Tiktok claiming expertise who is actually a freshman psych students with no friends and a D average approved "therapy speak")

Relatedly, an all-consuming fear of any conflict, fictional, real, or otherwise, and the accompanying lack of any conflict resolution skills; this is also why they think this is manipulative, because if Fearne said no, that would be Conflict which is bad so positioning someone where conflict might be required for them to express themselves must be evil.

The genuine belief that you can only understand someone if you get everything right on the first try; either you read their mind perfectly or you have failed and are probably a manipulator or abuser for potentially leading to misunderstandings which lead to conflict which, as we see from the above point, is evil.

A refusal to admit that sometimes people are merely 1. assholes or 2. stupid. I frequently talk about opinions I cannot stand, and I almost as frequently get questions about how this opinion is problematic, and the vast majority of the time? It's not. I think it says something quite worrying, actually, that people are more comfortable and even eager to assume that a stranger is hateful or bigoted rather than merely inconsiderate or not that bright. Ashton made a poorly informed decision and made Fearne party to it. It was dumb and it wasn't really nice. That's literally it.

Anyway here's the five geek social fallacies; I recommend reading any Twitter Take(TM) and deciding how many of them they are applying to the narrative, cast, and fandom. See if you can get a full house.

(also upon re-reading this I'm pretty brusque and I promise it's not directed at you; I just genuinely think that the majority of the Twitter fandom, and certainly the loudest voices thereof, are so stupid a Detect Thoughts spell on them would fail on the basis of intelligence alone and the fact that their takes gain traction baffles and infuriates me)

[doubledyke]

Eddy's feelings towards his friends are complicated. Although theres no doubt he loves them, could you describes them in details? With your own words?

yeah so im not sure that 12 year old eddy knows what love is. "love" is weird and complicated, and i'm not gonna pretend like i'm an expert on complex emotions. but it doesn't seem like "i love you" is a phrase that's thrown around very often in his household. his mom is probably the best example of someone (non-ed) who might actively show some form of love for him, and honestly that's mainly bc i headcanon her (somewhat groundlessly) as being generally very sweet and well-meaning. at the very least i believe that she cares about eddy - enough to clean his room for him, hire a babysitter out of an abundance of caution, and to care about having a good school photo of him, etc.

dads in general are notoriously averse to expressing emotions, and i get the vibe from eddy's behavior that his dad is no different. in fact he's probably even worse than your-run-of-the-mill aloof patriarch. his toxic masculinity prevents him from accepting or offering much in the way of affection. im sure he loves eddy in his own weird way, but that "love" is definitely conditional.

now, eddy's interaction with bro when they meet up at the end of bps is pretty notable because its the most affectionate eddy's ever been with anyone in the entire series up to that point. he hugs him, nuzzles up to him and calls him his hero, etc. it's really weird to watch. if you asked bro if he "loves" eddy he'd probably say "sure" and evidently he's protective of eddy against outside forces.... then turns around and commits horrific abuse against him himself. it's no wonder eddy essentially has stockholm syndrome lmao. the cycle of abuse is confusing and distressing for anyone, but especially for a kid.

anyway, all that to say that eddy's feelings for bro come as close to "love" as they can for a kid who really gets shit on from just about every direction. and though i don't see bro as someone who'd say "i love you" either, his behavior in the eye of the storm probably makes eddy think he at least cares about him. he grew up with bro, presumably knows his patterns and probably thinks that being related to someone automatically equals loving them. "blood is thicker than water" as they say.

eddy's shown to be very distrusting of others, including the other eds, which to me explains why he has the vibe of keeping even them at arm's length sometimes. and why he's uncomfortable being vulnerable around them. he's no doubt more comfortable around them than he is any of the other kids, but he never completely drops the Big Act™ around them. until he gets the shit kicked out of him in front of everyone and has no choice but to do so.

when people are nice to eddy, he thinks he's being primed for a walloping (cycle of abuse), or at the very least a prank. it's hard for him to believe that people could like him and want to be around him without bro's influence.

eddy obviously cares about ed and edd but his idea of what that looks like is extremely warped and to the average person doesn't remotely resemble love. given the context of what we know about eddy's fucked up existence though, ed and eddy are clearly very important people to him and he shows it as best as he can with the tools he's been given by the people responsible for raising him.

some of my favorite moments are when he very reluctantly gives in to edd's or ed's wishes. little ed blue and thick as an ed come to mind, but there are other examples. he's also pretty generous with the fanciful fame and fortune he believes to be in his future. he usually includes his friends in these fantasies, telling them to hire secretaries (one of my favorite eddy lines) and whatnot. there's also the time he tried really hard to break ed out of his basement when he was grounded, and of course he let edd sleep in his bed, spoon fed him warm milk and even read him a bed time story.

and other times he's a shitty friend. i don't need to list all the less than loving things he's done to his pals cuz that'd take all day.

he'll get there though. maybe? personally i don't ever see him being someone who's overly mushy, it's just too weird. but if you catch him at the right moment he's probably very sweet and maybe even vulnerable on occasion. but mostly i see him showing his affection for people in non-verbal ways. which is pretty much what he does in the show, so there ya go.

[not-poignant]

I'm rereading utb and while i def understand and agree with ef being held accountable for things, at the same time, it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions, much less his trauma, without anyone actually explaining or modeling this

Like, everyone constantly brings up the fact that he tried to kill Kadek even once they've acknowledged why and gary is starting a relationship with him while also essentially his prison warden and with how little ef has experienced in the world, especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Idk, I really love this fic so, so much and thank you for writing it and i don't even need a response or anything, I just get defensive of ef when I'm reading sometimes bc he's trying so, so hard basically all the time and it seems like people acknowledge it sometimes in the moment but then don't give him the tools to make it any easier

Answering this one publicly because I know you're not the only one who feels this way or has felt this way!

Okay firstly, some of this conflict I'm evoking in the reader is intentional. I want people to feel defensive of Efnisien. I want people to think 'hey, hang on a minute.' There's a lot of reasons I want that, including the fact that in reality, most people don't recover from being abusive even after they've been in horrifically abusive situations in a vacuum (i.e. the whole world doesn't suddenly stop and become soft as cotton wool just because you've been abused! If you go and interview a whole bunch of people in jail right now, a lot of those folks (especially those who have done repeated serious crimes) will have experienced horrendous and incredibly unfair amounts of abuse, y'know? It's complicated. Yes, they have a right to heal and a right to support. Some of them probably did some pretty awful crimes as well. *coughs*serial killers*coughs*)

Obviously Efnisien is nowhere near that level, but the dissonance remains. He's certainly tried to murder more than one person. But we root for the person whose perspective we're reading. Still, people do not heal in a comfortable vacuum. In fact, most people are asked to be accountable for bad behaviour usually while suffering terribly. Because most people - unless they're certain kinds of extremely rare people - do bad behaviour because they don't know better and/or they're suffering intensely and it can momentarily feel good or satisfying to make other people hurt too.

That's an extremely hard process for the folks who are in that situation. Anyone who has had to recognise they're being a bully, or being abusive, usually goes through a period of time where they can't just immediately change, and what's expected of them seems impossible.

Now to everything else:

This world is a dystopia. There are things happening which aren't going to feel good when you're reading - systemic issues, issues around unfairness - because it's a dystopia. If those things weren't happening, and people just felt blithely comfortable with the entire world, well, that's not actually what I'm going for. There are times it should feel extremely disturbing to read.

So there are times I want readers to feel like things are unfair. There are times I want them to feel very strongly in one person's defense and only later realise the other person was hurt too. There are times I want them to feel like everyone is being unfair to a character. And times when I want folks to feel like the situation just sucks all round. Like, my intention in amongst the hurt/comfort isn't for things to feel easy or nice all the time, I am absolutely challenging the reader by introducing things that feel uncomfortable.

So when folks like yourself tell me this stuff it's like - yeah! It's a dystopia! And - yeah! Unfair things are definitely happening. This is especially true in the beginning when no one really has a concept of how bad things have been for Efnisien, or that he's an alpha. It remains true because no one is perfect. But it happens less often, that's what makes it feel more jarring as the story goes on. If you're rereading it's going to feel worse in the beginning, that's on purpose. The story is doing its job.

it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions

I don't really know what scenes you're specifically referring to here (like, just the first few chapters? The whole story? Temsen's single lecture?), but this is absolutely not the case. I'm going to look at the whole story:

The majority of the time that Efnisien is rude and disrespectful, especially once Efnisien and Gary are living together, Gary mostly ignores him, brushes it off, doesn't react or responds like it's normal dialogue lol. He's not constantly correcting his behaviour and he's not constantly like 'hey rephrase that to be polite' or 'I have feelings too' (maybe he should say the latter sometimes).

Gary is more aware than anyone that he shouldn't be Efnisien's guardian and that he's not a companion. He says this, out loud, to several people, several times. So we know that he knows that the situation isn't great / fair re: Efnisien's care (and frankly his own. Of the two of them, Gary's the one who keeps coming close to potentially dying from the other person's actions).

especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Gary is not Efnisien's psychologist. And psychologists are not doing their jobs on absolutely everyone, 24/7! This one is so important to remember (both in real life and sometimes in fiction). He's categorically not Efnisien's psychologist and it would be even more toxic if he attempted to be this if they were living together!

Gary being a psychologist is his job in the same way being an artist is a job, it's not specifically relevant to their relationship, except that Gary sometimes has better understanding of the root/s of some behaviours.

Ask any psychologist how they live at home and most of them do not want anything to do with their psychology jobs in their personal life, because they're mentally fatigued/tired from talking to people all day. They are not perfect people, they don't have perfect control over their emotions, they aren't teaching everyone the coping mechanisms they need to survive (this takes a lot of labour! It's exhausting! People can't do that 24 hours a day and stay sane. It gets toxic fast.)

The majority of the time Efnisien has extreme emotional responses, Gary just tends to absorb them, acknowledge them, or actively care for him. It's easy to miss these moments because I'm usually not making you feel conflicted about it.

The times Efnisien has extreme emotional responses and then chooses to repeatedly hurt Gary, there are often extreme emotional responses that follow because you know, that's what Efnisien was aiming for! He was trying to severely hurt someone!

Let's move onto Temsen and Efnisien, because this might be more of what you're thinking of, since Gary almost never holds Efnisien accountable tbh. Temsen is a doctor, and a peak alpha who is a leading educator in academic omega rights and theory. He is the first to deeply understand how young alphas left to get away with their smaller abusive behaviours are the kind of alphas who grow up into rapists, murderers and torturers like Christian in Underline the Blue.

(I just want to add, Christian's own abuse and PTSD is real, I don't think any of us are rushing to hold his hand and pat his head, because we sympathise with Nate more than Christian. But Christian has real pain, and real suffering too. He's a great example of how 'you're still accountable for your behaviour though' at its most extreme).

So, Temsen sees Efnisien's behaviour and he lectures and shuts him down like he would any young alpha who is on a really dangerous path. Even within that, he acknowledges himself - out loud - that it's a complicated situation and the time he comes down on Efnisien the hardest, he says the timing is poor. The majority of the time, he shows Efnisien compassion and care, and listens to his opinions, even when they disagree. He is the first to validate his gender both repeatedly in words, and in hormone and medical support. He's the first to change his approach to Efnisien's medical care when Efnisien calls out his lack of respecting his right to privacy, and he's the first to correct Gary about it when Gary expects Temsen to keep giving him information. He offers pragmatic, compassionate advice about many sensitive subjects in Efnisien's life, his health, his secondary gender, his nesting behaviours. And I would say this is how Temsen actually models better behaviour.

Temsen doesn't expect Efnisien to have all of these skills, but Efnisien has to be told what he's doing wrong and how that's not acceptable behaviour and how he's hurting people, to start learning those skills! Otherwise why would anyone bother? Vindictively hurting other people in moments of rage can feel satisfying for folks who aren't being held accountable.

You say no one is modelling better behaviour to Efnisien so I'm just going to pose some questions that are rhetorical:

How many alphas at HIllview are mounting or torturing Efnisien every day? Does Efnisien have choices in what he eats? Is Efnisien's opinion listened to more and more, especially in matters of his health? Do they care about his pain and offer him painkillers when he's suffering? Are the characters in the story trying to enrich his experiences and help him to become a more mature person by helping him overcome his fears of things like going outside? Are the characters deliberately trying to expand his support network by helping him see new people and lean on them for help, instead of keeping him in a box and forbidding him from seeing anyone? While also taking into account the safety of others?

Are the characters largely gender affirming once they learn more about Efnisien?

Are the characters actively teaching Efnisien social sciences to help him understand more about the world and human rights, which includes his own rights?

Do the characters acknowledge that Hillview isn't an ideal place for Efnisien, just a good place for now?

Do the characters want Efnisien to have a future where he's happier?

Do the characters allow Efnisien to have his emotional responses as long as they're not also abusive responses? For example, is Efnisien allowed to cry, nest, seek comfort, or even be angry, provided he's not being domestically violent? (The answer is yes).

Do the characters to the best of their ability explain things clearly and maintain their own boundaries around Efnisien to remind him that he can also maintain his own boundaries?

Are Efnisien's wishes largely respected where possible? (The answer here is also yes - such as refusing internal exams with Temsen, or having control over what he does most days and how he spends his time etc.)

Can Efnisien see lots of examples of people talking civilly to each other and often with great care, and not being abusive to each other? Can he see alternative forms of conflict resolution, management and repair?

Is Efnisien offered opportunities to repair rifts that he's created himself, after being cruel to someone?

This is just a start, but these people through these behaviours are already role-modelling a ton of better behaviours than anything Efnisien has been exposed to in the past. And we can see that Gary himself role models a lot of these things to Efnisien directly, including apologising frequently and quickly when he realises he's made mistakes. This is how Efnisien learned to apologise! And he literally has thoughts like 'Gary does this / so I guess I should do it too.' That's literally role modelling a behaviour :D

Gary's actually a pretty good role model, and the only reason Efnisien's behaviour starts to improve at Hillview as well as his quality of life is because Gary and Temsen are role modelling these behaviours.

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Efnisien isn't literally a prisoner in his current relationship!

I feel like when folks identify really strongly with a character, it's very easy to miss the times when Gary and Temsen for example brainstorm ways for Efnisien not to live with Gary. Aside from at the very beginning, these characters have actually talked about - in the story, in dialogue - options for Efnisien to not live with Gary.

Like they literally talk about making Efnisien a new room in the headquarters and possibly even building him his own building down the track so he doesn't have to be with Gary! As they trust Efnisien more, they offer many options to him. As the story goes on, they are absolutely not forcing Efnisien to stay with Gary, and nor is Gary. Efnisien himself communicates clearly that he would rather live with Gary than be on his own. This is something that gets checked in on, and more than one option is given to him.

Missing this is understandable, it's a long story, but it also means it's not true that Efnisien is a prisoner in that he's being forced to live with Gary. That's only true in the beginning when they literally think he's just a murderer/attempted murderer who's going to kill everyone at Hillview. As the story progresses, it shifts to 'well he's not a murderer, what are his other options?'

Can Efnisien live a free life wherever he wants? No. That's where the 'dystopian universe' tag comes in. He's not safe to, but Hillview staff wouldn't be concerned with educating him and teaching him independence if they didn't want him to live as independently as possible one day. It's not like Gary has to try to get Efnisien comfortable with going outside and experiencing the outside world, and it's not like he has to encourage Efnisien to meet omegas and betas etc. to hear different opinions, y'know?

But yeah the role modelling is happening: Efnisien's showing more and more tools in coping all the time! He's been growing them since the beginning of the fic. He's learned to communicate better. He's learned how to articulate what he wants and doesn't want more clearly. He's learned how to care more for others even if he often misses that he has the power to really hurt them. He's learned more (not less) confidence. He's having less (not more) trauma responses. He's learned how to trust in the people around him more, so he's starting to talk more about his experiences of gender. He's learned that what he went through was wrong, and is sharing more about the abuse he suffered.

These things would not be happening in a story where people weren't giving him the tools to cope with his life or weren't showing him ways to communicate differently.

The reason Efnisien talks more clearly and articulately now in the story, the reason he laughs more, cries more (which is more open/honest imho and healthier than repressing it), talks more, talks about his past more, expresses his opinion more is because Hillview has been equipping him with more tools to live a richer life pretty much as soon as they realised he's not going to just murder people at the drop of a hat.

In some ways they're showing more trust than our society would because like, attempted murder could land him in jail for a while in our society, y'know?

The reason they haven't paired him with an actual psychologist is that they don't have any peak alpha psychologists and Efnisien can use alpha persuasion on anyone else, and would certainly get angry enough in therapy to use it. We only need to look at how Efnisien responded to Dr Gary in Falling Falling Stars sometimes in therapy sessions to see that yes, this is a guy who - if he had the tool of alpha persuasion - would absolutely use it to get a therapist to shut the fuck up when he felt like it, lol.

But yeah, as always, if folks are feeling really uncomfortable when reading something I've written, it's often intentional. You're right, Efnisien's situation is unfair. A few of the specifics you've brought up aren't true, and have missed things in the story, but it's still not a fair experience, it's not always a pleasant experience, and it's...pretty dystopian!

When we get really deep into our emotional connection to a character, it can still help to remember that the situation often isn't exactly the same as it feels. But this story also has the tags: darkfic / disturbing themes / dystopian universe for a reason! The visceral discomfort is a feature, not a bug.

[watermelinoe]

Do you feel as though most lesbians on radblr (not all of course) are… you know? Like.. they progressively become more and more biphobic after months or years of being decent. I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense, but first it was the 22v6 girl, then normallesbian, then menalez, and now heterophobicdyke too.. i know there are more examples but i’m just getting tired of the biphobia on here.. ☹️

honestly i don't think of this as a lesbian problem. afaik 22v6 wasn't a lesbian. i can't really speak on the other users you mentioned bc i don't follow them, i've seen some of the behavior i'm about to describe from some of them but they don't come to mind when i'm thinking of some of the worst things i've seen on here.

radblr in general just has an accountability issue. someone will say something biphobic (or homophobic! afaik that woman who made that homophobic pastor comparison remade and carried right along) and some people will express disapproval, but most will ignore it or try to downplay it and they'll keep interacting with that user. i'll use heterophobicdyke as an example since she's deactivated, but someone in her inbox was complaining that bi women "whine" about our rape and dv statistics, and in her response she completely brushed past it, zero acknowledgement of that being a fucked up thing to say. that's one typical radblr response. downplaying is another. but the worst imo is being accused of being manipulative.

so if we complain about being called dickmunchers on here, we may be told it's just "venting" and to log off and get real problems, but if we mention said real problems (rape and ipv statistics as well as substance abuse and mental illness statistics) then we must be weaponizing those statistics to play the victim in the great lesbian vs bisexual war that we've all been drafted in i guess. bi women are all master manipulators, obviously.

so where does that shit come from? imo, not radblr.

most deranged shit being said about bi women can be traced back to this blackpilled thing. radblr's biggest problem is that instead of saying "hey that's a deranged thing to say," the gyns are more annoyed with bi women for ~making a big deal out of it~ when WE say "hey that's a deranged thing to say." i can make a post documenting some deranged thing someone said and the two responses i will get are: "this is based actually and i hope your nigel kills you" <- some blackpill weirdo orbiting radblr who assumes i'm male-partnered, and "log off if you don't like it" "that's not a radfem" (bonus points if it's about a user that radfems regularly reblog from) <- radfems

and that's not a lesbian thing, the root is just that no one here thinks bisexuality is an oppressed sexual minority. kind of ironic for the "we totally understand class analysis" group. but if it seems worse than before, i think that's because the blackpill thing is sort of in vogue rn, especially with edgy teenagers orbiting radblr.

it would be nice if more women on here would actually stand up for bi women instead of finding a million excuses not to do so. that's what i find frustrating, personally. but it also happens with racism and homophobia all the time. i know it doesn't seem like it bc we have conflict all the fuckin time, but i actually think radblr is overall conflict-avoidant to a fault.

[mikuni14]

Love is better the second time aroud - Ep 5

Miyata made this situation about himself and I hated it. What irritates me a lot about Miyata is that he creates an image of Iwanaga in his head alos that he doesn't listen to him. Miyata has created an image of Iwanaga and sees only things tha fit this image (including his own delusions and simple misunderstandings), and ignores what does not fit. I get it. Iwanaga's personality makes it very easy to attribute certain traits to him and accuse him of being uninvolved in his relationship, but Iwanaga also constantly gives signals that he cares, and most importantly, he TALKS about what he wants and what he feels.

All the scenes about Iwanaga's family issues were very telling, especially when he asks Miyata not to worry about them, when he calls him an outsider - because Miyata is an outsider after all and it's not an insult, it's a fact! And Miyata gets angry, taking it all personally, treating it as a rejection and an attack on himself. Likewise, his sense of guilt is telling: Iwanaga has NEVER acted as if he resented what happened in the past (which was a decions of BOTH OF THEM, and Miyata acts as if he himself brought all the misfortunes upon him), and now Iwanaga shows interest in him at every step, confesses his love, wants to be with him. However, Miyata CHOOSES Sugimoto's words to believe, not his boyfriend. Miyata CHOOSES his own story that he was the one who hurt Iwanaga, completely ignoring his feelings, words and choices. Miyata, as an adult, should know that he is not responsible for the behaviour of Iwanaga's mother, and that he is not responsible for what happened when they were both KIDS. Also he should know, that people don't want to talk about their painful past just like that, that they might need time, like seriously. Miyata made this whole situation about himself.

Which particularly irritates me, because Miyata has been a really nice character so far and for most of episode 5. I even liked him more than the charming Iwanaga 😎 Iwanaga seemed to me as a typical charming and seductive boy who, even if he has sincere feelings, is unable to convey them reliably, because his personality and behaviour make people doubt his determination, sincerity and commitment. But in episode 5, Iwanaga took some important, significant steps, such as declaring his love, proposing to live together, and there were several significant moments where Iwanaga was serious and vulnerable. Miyata was great for most of the episode: strong, not giving in to rumors and insinuations, supporting his beloved, standing on his side. But much of his behavior at the end seems strange, even cruel. I can't imagine the state of my heart if someone I love said nothing when asked by my sister if they loved me, right in front of me. Even if Miyata didn't want to answer, he could have just said it was a personal question or something. But he just went silent, it was terrible and humiliating. First this, and then "hey, let's break up, because you don't want to include me in your abusive family life story and I'm entitled to it". I'm not surprised at all that Iwanga didn't even try to fight for his relationship, hearing something like that and not hearing Miyata's verbal confirmation of his feelings.

The sight of Iwanaga waiting for Miyata's answer and not receiving it, and the fact that Iwanaga still saves him in this situation AND ALSO SAYS THAT IT'S OK BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM, AND MIYATA STILL BEING SILENT... 💀 And also how he feels self-pity, how he sits there so sad and Iwanaga COMFORTS him although he was hurt by Miyata just now, and also how he dramatically suggests breaking up and has the nerve to be surprised when Iwanaga agrees.. 💀 And the most annoying thing: a verbal declaration of love when no one hears it. You have no idea how much I wanted to smack Miyata at the end of this episode.

In general, the whole plot consists of people around Iwanaga who want something from him all the time and impose their will on him, play weird games and tricks around him, create his image in their heads and force him to fit into this image. Additionally, they claim that they know best what he wants and what he feels. I really felt like Miyata was forcing Iwanaga into things that he didn't feel comfortable with, and since Iwanaga isn't fierce (like Miyata), he can't show with his whole being that he's angry or feels bad, but he TALKS about it. Only Miyata DOESN'T LISTEN, he just creates scenarios and thinks about himself.

Also, this episode only highlighted the differences in communication between them, Iwanaga is always very nice, compliments Miyata, is polite, does not raise his voice. Miyata is rude and critical most of the time. It's ironic that Miyata doubts Iwanaga's feelings, because objectively it should be Iwanaga who doubts him seeing as how Miyata is constantly being mean to him and constantly fighting with him and questioning his words.

I liked this couple very much, but I must admit that this irritating lack of communication, making independent decisions in the relationship based on person's own ideas, and deciding to break up without discussing the problems really pissed me off. Breaking up for stupid, noble, whatever reasons, lack of communication, making decisions on your own, creating artificial scenarios about what is happening, attributing your own delusions to the other person, cruelty disguised as care and sacrifice, lack of awareness, that you might be hurting someone with your actions, words or silence - these are all things that ALWAYS ruin for me every couple, even the best.

I'm sorry for this rant 🥺 but somehow it irritated me so much lol Maybe it's because I really like this series and MLs and I'm disappointed because the characters so far have behaved logically - and what's important for me: like adults. That's why the end of the episode was like a grind in a story that had been well conducted so far. Unfortunately, their problems from their youth have been exactly copied now.

Miyata says that yes, Iwanaga claims to love him and wants to live with him, but IT IS NOT ENOUGH because he doesn't tell him about his family - a family that literally abandoned him. And because he calls Miyata like an outsider - except Iwanaga said that an outsider doesn't mean what Miyata thinks, but instead of listening to him, Miyata ignores his words. Iwanaga asks him not to deal with family issues for now, suggesting he will talk about it when he's ready. What is Miyata doing? Ignores the request. This makes me so angry.

Best moment: when Miyata is firmly on Iwanaga's side when he says he won't let ANYONE manipulate him. And Iwanaga's reaction 🥺:

Unfortunately, everything went wrong after that scene and Miyata seemed to forget how cool and protective he was like a minute ago...

[strykingback]

Im sorry, but Jaune stans have really delicate feelings... Adam and Ironwood stans have had way more horrible words flung to them, both Bumbleby and Blacksun shippers too... It's sadly just the normal behavior of the FNDM. I feel bad that Jaune stans are receiving punches too, but they really act like it's the end of the world and like haters have kicked them in the gut. This is normal. Welcome to the actual experience in the RWBY FNDM!

I have to agree as well. I know that there are some good Jaune fans out there that understand that Jaune is poorly written as a character same with those in the Ironwood and Adam camps as well. These three characters in particular all lacked something when being written. Which I think for Adam and Ironwood fans held up firmly while Jaune stans just need to see that Jaune is poorly written... and not a good character.

For Jaune his poorly written status are in line with his lack of accountability, how the writers mostly Miles and Kerry treat him like a self-insert, and lastly poorly-done and pretty generic Semblance and allusion. What he lacks in accountability and responsibility, more respect towards his historical allusion, lastly, not being treated as a "Nice Guy" self-insert character.

Adam was VICTIM of racism even his bio on the now defunct Amity Arena mobile game even supports this. Yet people want to call him abusive or a PDFile because.

The Writers didnt know what to do with him. (Once again, fuck you Miles and Kerry.)

We still have no official confirmation about his age, despite A/rryn Z/ech claiming that he's in his twenties. Once more. Voice Actors dont write the show.

Instead of that. It would have been best to see how racism towards the faunus affected Adam when he was younger, since he has the Schnee Dust Company brand on his eye. Another thing would be to reinforce the student-master relationship and thats it. Nothing romantic between Blake and Adam just a student and master stuff that is all. T

he fact that we could have seen him at first glance hesitant to help humans after the Haven Academy attack because of his morals when he is exiled by the White Fang's council and a new High Leader. While at the same time revealing why he does not trust humans.

Not to mention making him a key-player in the downfall of Jacques Schnee alongside Blake, Weiss, and Winter. Most important of all for that specific arc being that he could see that both Faunus and Humans in Mantle suffer underneath Atlas and the corporations that live up there.

Ironwood just like Adam felt like wasted potential as well for lack of development and no exploration about his past at all. Just suddenly revealing that: "Oh he was evil all along" instead of understanding that he is in a position of leadership and doing what he can while also letting the stress of that position get to him.

We should have gotten the reveal on what happened to half of his body, why he is so focused on maintaining order to better fit the Tin Man allusion, and developing around him to the point where he reveals a kinder side to him. Showing that he has a heart.

Lastly, his semblance not being an ableist allusion for ADHD, which is on the spectrum by the way. Instead why couldn't it have been powered up shots depending on which gun he is using.

God thats another thing I want to touch on. As someone who ships Blacksun as well, I feel very sorry for the peeps who shipped Blacksun a lot, even to the point when BB did become canon that they may have insults flinged at them especially in their ask boxes anonymously. Which I also feel sorry for any BB fans who wanted a natural confession instead of the forced one they got in Volume Nine and perhaps in some case wanting Blacksun or Sunnybees (basically Polyamrous Blacksun and BB) .

To end this.

Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter The RWBY FNDM For if you disagree with what the FNDM says, thou shalt be shamed for it.

[yannaryartside]

I want Carmy to have a best friend.

Besides Sydney.

I have been trying to find this gif, but there is a moment in 2x08 when Carmy is talking to Sydney about where to buy some product. He mentioned, "Yeah, my buddy from high school, he is running an Ibero account," and I went: "bitch you lying. Weren't you a total loner in high school?" he probably just wanted to sound better than say, "yeah this guy I know from high school" maybe to pretend to be more "normal." There are multiple scenes that could be evidence of Carmen having not friends at all growing up, not closed ones anyway:

In 1x04, when Cicero is describing his friendship with Carmy's dad, Cicero says, "We had the same problems at the same age, so we had a lot to talk about," and Carmy says, "That sounds nice," like he had never had a person like that in his life. In 2x05, Carmy says, "You always had so many friends, I don't know, I really wanted that." There is a pause here, his eyes moving because it's a big confession, before trying to continue the conversation and saying, "Mickey had that," to top it all, he mentions in his monologue that he thought Mickey was his best friend. After all, Mickey is the one person who knew him best, despite how little Carmy knew about Mickey. Here is the thing: Carmy still doesn't have any friends. Richie is not a friend. He is more like an older brother, somebody that can scold him. They are not equals. Most of the figures in Carmy's life are authority figures/relatives.

You may argue that Sydney is his friend, and she is, but he hasn't referred to her as his "partner" (business) yet, and I think there may be something behind it. His trauma dumps on her; he shares a passion for cooking with her, but they are not there yet on the emotional stuff. I know they are going to star calling each other friend, or best friend, in future seasons as their relationship grows, but I do not want that responsibility to rely completely on Sydney's shoulder; she is going to be "his person," but I think it may be healthy for Carmy to get a friend that he can talk to besides her, maybe somebody that he can relate to in the things he cannot relate to Sydney. So he can get perspective on things, and find confidence in his value as a "friend" or learn to be a good friend to begin with, to trust deeply on someone. On that note, while consuming fiction, people get this feeling when they see a loner/isolated archetype fall in love with their best friend because he is the "only person who gets them," like some codependency stuff. This will not be the case for Syd and Carmy because he was attracted to her even before they started to connect.

I think Marcus and Carmy don't have that chemistry yet; if there was a chance of them becoming more friends than acquaintances, it would have shown already. This was one of the reasons I was excited to see the new staff, to see if Carmy could get a friend that way. I honestly want Sydney to get some friends too. We don't know much about the staff yet, and there is a position open since they fired that guy.

So here is my wish list: I want somebody Carmy can think of as an equal (not necessarily in the cooking world), but somebody of the same age and preferably with similar issues. Maybe somebody who has tragically lost a dear one or somebody who is in the program (not an addict, that probably would not work, but somebody from a family of addicts). And I want them to have similar interests, like fashion, art, and other stuff. This comes from a person who was really depressed in high school and only started to recognize my own destructive patterns when, one summer, I met my best friend, who was also very wounded and depressed. I had an abusive father, and her classmates harassed her. You see my point here. We held each other through some very dark times. I want that for Carmy, especially when his relationship with Richie (and maybe Sydney) is complicated in what could be arguably the darkest moment in Carmy's life. "The more people I cut out, the quieter my life got," I think he is going there again. That being said, can I suggest somebody? (this is totally a fanfic scenario that I am starting to write to fight writer's block, but here we go).

Listen to me, I know. You don't have to tell me to get over this man. I am currently re-reading Six of Crows as I do once a year.

But here is the idea of the fic. This is Nikola. He is from a russian family (politically persecuted refugees back in the '80s). Ten months before the time of the series, Nikola's father killed somebody in a liquor-induced rage, the victim being the man Nikola's mother was having an affair with. How did the father figure it out? Nikola told him, hoping they could divorce and his father could live with dignity. To make matters worse, Nikola is a lawyer, but after trying to represent his dad, he has a sense of guilt related to his profession, for reasons I explain on the fic. So he tries a new career trying to figure out who he is after this mess, running away from all ot it, and he decides to be a cook, he gets good at the quick stuff (a comi) and the first scene is Carmy hiring him personally (because he wanted to give Sydney a break). Nikola's nickname is "Fox," he is quiet for the most part, serious, and looks perpetually confused and amused by Richie and Fak's shenanigans. Carmy and Nikola start talking about the program for families of alchoholics, and because of Carmy, Nikola goes to his first meeting.

Let me know what you think.

[ruminate88]

self-care and self examination: healing after emotional abuse

Healing Journal 09/16/24 at 9:30 am

At first, everywhere I would ask questions and read about my experiences with my exes, the responses I would get is, “Focus on your well-being and self-care.” Okay 🥴 Why did that make me sooo angry?? Why didn’t I wanna take care of myself and what was I holding onto??

Often times, you’ve been in so many situations that were chaotic and toxic, you learned to survive there and you’ve become comfortable. Sad but true. Anything else is foreign to you. I hear so many therapists say, “You’re addicted to cortisol and you don’t know how else to get dopamine.” Also a quote I read once, said, “The reason you’re holding onto that person who is toxic and hurt you, is because they were the person who made you happiest.” Oooookay but let me interpret that deeper: They were the person who would hurt you but then soothe you over too. (Not make you happy but give you relief!) 😮‍💨

If you’re like me, you’ve been through all the stages of trauma bond and grief. You’ve accepted what happened to you and that your ex or exes are toxic and no good for you. I’ve found out the hard way that you can actually believe you’re completely healed over them until something suddenly triggers you or reminds you of the past, then you feel the wounds are fresh as if the abuse just happened yesterday. I see a lot of people comment and testify to that on TikTok. Makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one struggling.

At some point, you get tired of being a skeleton and feeling ugly in your clothes. I am tired of the stomach issues. Tired of feeling isolated every day and disconnected from people I actually love. So, you start really desiring to heal and get over the past. IF you can’t afford therapy right now or like me; have family members who tell you therapy is a bad thing and you don’t know where to turn. I have begun downloading all these therapy and self-care apps. All of them are free until you actually sign up. THEN they all want your card. (Nothing in life is free) I’ve started using what parts of these apps are available to me and just combing them all together.

I’ve watched so many videos, googled stuff, asked questions in an AI chat gpt, done devotionals about emotional abuse in a Bible app, sat alone quietly and reflected on the past. I’ve written down everything that happened to me just about (what I was comfortable sharing) and I’ve read over it and even shared it in the gpt chat bot and asked it to break down the post and explain it to me. (I’ve gained a lot of insight by doing that) There’s so many other avenues besides just therapy alone, that can still help you. Just know especially on TikTok, not everyone’s opinion is the truth and applies to you. You need to search for the actual truth always and apply what’s necessary to you. Everyone’s situation is slightly different, even though we’ve all been through similar experiences.

In ending this post, I’ve been most guilty of beating myself up but there’s been many encouraging people here on tumblr, reminding me NOT to beat myself up. You see, what happened to you wasn’t your fault but you do need to learn and understand what a healthy relationship is AND you need to take a hard look at yourself to uncover what can be changed in you, to help you grow as a person and to have a healthier love life going forward. “self-care” isn’t just about taking a nice shower or doing your nails… it’s taking care of your soul and making sure you’re overall well-being is okay. 👍🏻 ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Healing takes time!! You will have setbacks and hard days. There’s been many of days I was low because of my exes and the wounds they inflicted but each day, I am still getting over the past. I am going forward and growing! Taking better care of me ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[thisisyourprincipalspeaking]

This is going to be long. However, I'll say this that spending so much time dissecting a marriage, a man's career plan, life etc as some blogs have been doing is not normal especially when it comes with being rude, defensive, calling people names nothing regarding this situation is ever that serious to the point there's needs to be name calling. This goes for "all sides."

I agree you with you that "his team" isn't incompetent as some are making it seem. a lot of what has happened is because of his own decisions. Some people keep saying his team threw him under the bus and making it seem like he had no choice and that he's some poor soul that got taken advantage of. The same team that is working with quite a few different actors and yet none of them have been forced into BS like this on this level. The dude is in his 40s, been in the business for decades, built a certain reputation for himself and i'm to believe he couldn't say no and was forced into a PR situation with a woman who is/still is a nobody, and who has received no actual benefit from this. Like I know he isn't the biggest and most talented actor but he still is a white man in Hollywood who had a big enough fanbase, which would trend and was loved by many so he would have been fine had he said no. But no it apparently went from it is a PR push by studios to CAA to brands yet none of those groups are benefitting off this nor are Chris and the girl besides getting a few articles every other month.

She has no stable career and he went on to lose significant amount of his fanbase and hasn't had a hit in years. CAA has other actors who are hot tickets and they're pushing them out there so for them to push Chris into this "PR" wouldn't do anything for them considering he isn't bringing them much anyways. None of the brands are getting anything out these two so why would they choose them? Cartier doesn't even follow her nor repost her on their ig same with miu miu, he has always gotten brand deals before she even came into the picture so why would brands push her onto him? None of this makes sense no other celebrity is getting bamboozled like this the way apparently Chris is according to them.

The clear fact is no one knows this man and what goes on in his life. Yes he could say and do one thing publicly and be a whole different person in private it is not far fetched. Like how many times has a celebrity been considered nice, open, and accepting for only to be outed as an asshole, racists, sexist, or abuser decades later. No one outside of hollywood has a clue how these people are in RL doesnt matter what other people in hollywood have to say, they protect their own until they cant no more. Like thats the whole thing about Hollywood, celebrity, fame, images, pr teams etc. People in Hollywood have to sell themselves, they need to be marketable, they're basically brands thats why PR teams are hired so an image can be created that will get the people's attention. Disney and his team created the prince charming dog loving RL Cap image and he ran with it. He wasn't that prior to Marvel and I don't think he is that post cap, so to act like he didn't go along with this or chose this woman on his own is ridiculous. He chose do this whether its a fake marriage or a real marriage, he wasn't some poor sap that had no choice. Idc what they look like and act like in public that doesn't negate the fact he did have choices and it isnt solely his team's fault. The man has been tone deaf all his career so to act like he wouldn't choose this/her and act like everything would be the same is taking accountability and responsibility away from a grown man.

i agree with some of what you said and feel pretty safe saying there are a lot of people in the fandom who would agree with much of what you've said as well.

while i don't want to get too into the nitty gritty of what he/she may have "gotten" out of the deal if it has been a charade, i think given all the circumstances, they should be happy with the way they've landed. on the flip side, if it's a genuine relationship i personally think they should quit while they're somewhat ahead.

we all have choices. to be fair, sometimes our choices are: shit or sprinkle-covered shit. but we still have choices and i very much agree that everyone needs to be held accountable for the choices they make.

[anxresi]

...I put WAY too much effort into this for it to be a simple blog post. :p

This Is a response to a post from @starryknightwrites. Their post starts in italics below, mine is below the stars in normal font.

...........

It is not the victims’ responsibility to save their bully.

(Miraculous Season 5 Spoilers be here)

I don’t know who all needs to hear this, but I’ve been seeing some… takes… around the ml fandom. Between Chloe defenders’ unwillingness to give her any responsibility for her actions and the writers’ determination to ruin her completely, I can’t choose a side.

It’s not Chloe’s 14-year-old classmates’ duty to save and bend over backwards for her anymore than it’s Audrey’s 14-year-old daughter’s duty to save and bend over backwards for her. Her classmates are kids with no experience dealing with abusive parents or who can barely sort out their own home problems. Not trained therapists who must know exactly what to do to make it through to Chloe. They’re also kids who suffer from Chloe’s cruelty all the time and are understandably hesitant to get in her face constantly touting self improvement methods. How counterintuitive to human behavior would that be? Twice bitten (or in this case 100+ times bitten), twice shy.

I’m sure Audrey has some trauma/valid reasons for being a jerk too, but no one is suggesting that Chloe spread herself super thin in the face of her assholery so that she can just CHANGE her.

Chloe’s classmates have been nice and open to her, given her chances, gone to her party and tried to include her in group events. They often only lash out at Chloe when she lashes out at them (if that), which is constantly. Marinette went out of her way to get her back in school and made an attempt to get her mother to open up to her. A misguided attempt, but AGAIN, Marinette is a child. She is not a therapist and she was meeting Chloe where she was. She knew Audrey would laugh in her face if she tried to use the “she’s your daughter and you should treat her better” route.

Anyone who says the class didn’t try hard enough with Chloe/ didn’t give Chloe a chance hasn’t met a middle school class. Those kids could be horrific to Chloe with all she has said and done. But they’re generally nice. And they demonstrated kindness to one another ALL THE TIME so it’s not as though Chloe doesn’t know how to be kind.

Chloe is 14. Not 4. She knows what kindness looks like. She’s not an alien, scouring the dictionary and hoping someone will PLEASE teach her how to kind. She, at this point in time, does not want to be kind. Funny thing about recovery. You have to want it. YOU have to want it. Any professional will tell you that. It takes more than people continuously bending over backwards in the face of your cruelty. All that will result in is doormats. No. In order to heal and to improve, you must be at a point of accepting responsibility for you and DESIRING change.

Chloe isn’t there yet. Nothing her classmates do will change it. Maybe it’ll take time and reflection. Maybe it’ll take a new setting. Maybe it’ll take a harder fall. But she’s not ready and that’s no one’s fault but her crappy parents and hers.

I don’t mind Chloe having to suffer an incredible low to rise, though I’m not sure if that’s what the writers are doing. The leaks for future episodes seem a tad too… vengeful- especially where Andre is concerned.

But let’s not lean all the way to the other end of the spectrum and eliminate Chloe’s personal responsibility from the matter. The primary factor in her turnaround will be CHLOE.

.............................

My take: There never will be a ‘turnaround’. The writers have made it quite clear that they’ll move Heaven and Earth to make Chloe the most hated character in the show, including, but certainly notwithstanding:

*The removal of any and all her obvious positive traits displayed during the first two-and-a-half seasons. Or just pretending they never existed. Now she’s just a one-dimensional pantomime villain, who lives to hurt others. Pathetic.

*Severing her few genuine relationships in the show, including the one with her once doting father (who now says he prefers an unrelated girl he met canonically a few months ago) and her childhood bestie (although they’ve had little to no interaction for a long time... will we even notice?)

*Specifically writing a FLASHBACK episode where she psychologically tortures everyone’s favorite bean Marinette at the swimming pool with SPIDERS. If cynically making up new ways to loathe Chloe as they go along doesn’t show the desperation of Thomas and friends to make Chloe Public Enemy No 1, nothing does. And hopefully, to anyone with half a brain, it won’t.

*All these ‘attempts’ to set Chloe on a different course by various characters in S4 and S5 come across as half-hearted and mealy-mouthed, with no chance of working. The dialogue is bad, the set-ups are awful and I am not buying any of it as genuine for a minute.

*The same way other people in the show are dumbed down for Lila’s blatant lies to work, some of Chloe’s fellow students seem to have taken stupid lessons to make her look worse by association. For instance, can anyone actually believe the Kim we know in the show is the same Kim in the leak for the episode Derision? I know he can be pretty dim sometimes... but he’s not lobotomized!!

*I’ve already discussed the ruinous introduction of Zoe at great length, whereby not only did this new Mary-Sue wannabe steal Chloe’s superhero position, but also her agency and potential on the show. But don’t you think it’s a bit of a coincidence Chloe progresses from a typical school bully to a complete monster the second her ‘very sweet’ sister arrives in Paris? I doubt it. Trying to make the new arrival seem better by comparison, no doubt. Laughable.

I could go on, but I’d be in danger of repeating myself from stuff I’ve already said in the months since it became clear just how much they were willing to throw Chloe under the bus. I never thought they’d do THIS thorough a job, though. At least we now know what Thomas is using his clout for behind the scenes.

I’ll just end by disagreeing with your final point... the main factor in Chloe’s fate on the show will be those who produce it, because fictional characters have no say how they’re written funnily enough. And as we’ve already established, the hacks who put together Miraculous have no intentional of reversing course from the heap of shit they’ve created, so her chances of getting ‘better’ are zero-to-none.

Besides, even if Chloe WAS real and had some choice in her own life, the fact she’s now a virtual prisoner of The Worst Parent In The World who intends to ‘take control’ of her existence from now on doesn’t tell me there’s much chance of her escaping this tragic cycle of abuse from mother to daughter (That Marinette our ‘hero’ ENCOURAGED in a previous episode, don’t forget).

Naturally, the writers didn’t consider the Unfortunate Implications of Chloe’s S5 hopeless ending whatsoever. Or they were too dumb to understand them. Either way, it’s an unforgivable error that could have more far-reaching consequences among the viewers than they can possibly fathom.

It also, talking from an artistic POV, sucks. Big time....

[drbased]

Thank you so much for answering ! I was so hesitant about sending that ask because to me it was just an unnecessarily morbid and sad vent, so imagine my surprise when you said it was lovely to receive 😹

I have watched the alt right playbook series when it came out ! I used to be very involved in skeptictube back in the day and everyone recommended it. I'll need to rewatch it ! I was wondering if you had recommandations about the satanic panic specifically, as you mentioned listening to/watching something about it ?

Your paragraph about conspiracy theories is SO on point! I definitely need to translate it and show it to my mother, you worded perfectly what I've been trying to explain to her. Q anon really is a good example of these things because it is exceptionally stupid and extreme.

A few things about the Emmanuel Macron theory :

My father didn't come up with it, he never does. I'm not sure how to say it in english but my father is very influencable, he is very easily convinced by people trying to sell him products (or ideas...). Most of his ideas come from people he follows on twitter and odyssee. As for the theory itself : the idea that Brigitte Macron is actually male is very popular amongst french conspiracy theorists, and I suppose you are not aware, but even without that she is quite the controversial figure. She was the president's teacher in high school and if I remember correctly, when he got his diploma she left her husband for him and they have been together even since. I'm not giving my opinion on this whole debacle because it's above my paycheck lol, but as long as my father has known who this woman is, he has hated her with a burning passion and made it very clear from how he talks about her. Long story short he wants her hanged on the time square 👍. This is all very hypocritical of him considering he never had any moral issues with his sister (my aunt) marrying a man she started dating when she was 12 and he was 28. And never acting up and doing something to help her when he turned out to be abusive. (Shocker I know)

For your answers : I agree with everything apart from the fact that Macron is a right wing politician and my father also wants HIM dead 👍 he wants everybody dead. He used to be anti death penalty and a profound pacifist, but now he cannot dislike things or people normally. Everything becomes extremely violent.

Writing all this has been very cathartic! This situation has been harder and harder to live by the day (I still live with my father after all) and I've been having a bit of a breakdown because of it. It's hard to remain cordial and polite with someone like this everyday, because every activity, every subject of conversation is tainted. It has taken all the joy out of our home life, mine especially. So thank you for hearing me out :) you're really cool

Nice to find another informed and cultured fellow like myself! I'm very glad you're familiar with the alt right playbook. Imo it should be standard 'reading' for any wannabe leftist. My favourite video is the one on 'controlling the conversation' which has entirely shifted how I engage with people online, and is responsible for why you don't see me argue much on here.

Don't worry about being morbid, I'm used to all sorts of things I probably shouldn't burden my fragile mind with. Regardless, I think it's so important that women speak out about our experiences with each other. What I find so fascinating about feminist analysis is that literally every subject you can name will inevitably relate back to some patriarchal ideology/practice - which makes sense because women are 50% of the population and male oppression is so universal that of course it would permeate everything.

Huh, Macron's wikipedia page mentioned associations with the socialist party. And I also figured that it would make sense him being considered left wing, since right wingers are obsessed with emasculated, 'soft' men having left wing politics. However I did originally intend to put 'left wing' in air quotes because I'm aware that even self-proclaimed left wing parties are liberal at best.

Here's the video that sparked my thoughts - it's a much more standard exploration of the history of satanism so there's not much in terms of analysis, just history. I'm getting slowly used to it but now whenever I hear a man speak on a political/philosophical subject, the absence of feminist analysis is palpable. I'm a big fan of breadtube and skeptictube but since I started engaging with feminism I can't help but notice those glaring gaps where they'll say stuff like 'trads want women to go back into the kitchen because they believe that men and women should have certain roles' - they're so deathly afraid to address what those roles are and why they exist, it would be funny if it wasn't frustrating. If I find any better resources on satanism I'll let you know; it would be cool if anyone has any good book recommendations on things like satanism, conspiracy theories etc. from a feminist point of view. (I think Gyn/ecology might touch on it? I've not got a copy unfortunately).

I am very unsurprised that your father is fine with a age gap between an older man and woman but not the other way round. It's one of the oldest double standards in the book, I'd wager! Also unsurprised about the sharp turn to loving violence in all forms. It's funny isn't it, how the absurdity of qanon is so obvious - it's been said before by women on here that there seems to be something so enticing about these farcical ideologies. I think people like confidence, they like the idea of being sure against all odds, and the more ridiculous the assumption the more you have to take it in on faith - and then you're locked in, because admitting it was wrong will eventually require you admit it's also patently absurd. I think a lot of people just don't want to take that leap. There are a lot of books on how to escape cults that might be of interest? Combating Cult Mind Control by Stephen Hassan comes to mind - I haven't read it but I've heard good things about it.

I didn't know you still live with him - that's incredibly tough. I can strongly imagine how difficult that would make day-to-day life. I have experienced something similar before. Not being able to talk freely with loved ones in your own home really does change something inside you, I think. I'm glad writing it all out has been cathartic for you - we women need to do this more, our experiences need to be heard and documented. I hate the fact that because of our visibility online we can never give too much away, but there are ways around it I think. It's been so incredibly cathartic for me to write - it's made me feel not crazy, it's given me focus and purpose. Anyway, best of luck to you, I hope you get out of that situation as soon as possible, or at least find some way of making it more palatable for yourself.