#it's especially the most responsible and nice people who know what abuse is (having been on the receiving end)

[explaintome]

Dear Mouthwashing fandom, explain to me, why next to the incredible fan art, I find a fuck ton of shipping content, especially between characters where this is highly problematic? SPOILERS FOR MOUTHWASHING AHEAD CN for talk about sexual abuse, death, suicide & violence

DISCLAIMER: I do not shame the general practice of shipping at all. I am a shipper myself and I think it makes up for a lot of interesting dynamics and narratives outside the canon. Shipping is an important pillar of fandom communities and I am unable to forbid you to do it. HOWEVER, in the case of Mouthwashing I want to talk about what, in my opinion, feels tone-deaf to the themes and the canon of the game. But let me start with a short summary of the game before I get into it.

Mouthwashing is basically a visual novel that takes place on the Tulpar, the last manned cargo ship of the company Pony Express. The crew, consisting of Caption Curly, Co-Captain Jimmy, Nurse Anya, Mechanic Swansea and his intern Daisuke, is confronted with a crash against an asteroid and the consequences following it. The story is told out of order to reveal the truth bit by bit. What caused the crash, what happened and how the crew deals with the time afterward being stuck on the ship. Revealing sexual abuse, tragic backstories, the horrible side effects of late state capitalism and the neglect of people in command towards the people they are responsible for.

To boil it down we have two men who, out of societal misogyny, hurt the only woman on their crew by assaulting her or not acting as they should have in their position of responsibility. All of this would not have happened if Jimmy didn't rape Anya and impregnate her, and if Curly had disciplined Jimmy in a capacity possible on the ship and in Jimmy's position as co-pilot. To be honest, with the amount of automatization the ship has, I don't think they need Jimmy if it is not a case of emergency, but I digress. Jimmy is the perpetrator of the story, but Curly is an accomplice in putting his aim of finding a solution and compromise over punishing his subordinate as he should have.

And now to my actual point: I am a big fan of the game, the narration style and the utter tragedy of 5 people losing their lives in the isolation of space, with their company not giving a shit about them. Otherwise, they might have been rescued much earlier or at all. Or had enough cryo pots in the first place. Or a nurse with experience. Or any amount of better equipment and not the most cheap shit that somehow made it through a resemblance of regulations. There are probably no regulations.

Being a fan I, of course, looked into the hashtags on several social media sites, and between the incredible art and analysis of the game, I quickly found shipping content, and I have no idea why. I have literally no idea how that narrative speaks to you in a way of shipping characters romantically/sexually. Especially three shippings really rub me the wrong way.

ANYA/JIMMY

Are you fucking kidding me? Literally, what is wrong with you shipping a victim with their abuser? There was not one interaction between them, that suggest that there was consent or affection, that Jimmy has any sympathy for Anya. He knows what is going on, he knows that Anya is pregnant and takes no responsibility. Even worse, his idea of FIXING this was to kill everyone, at least himself, to avoid responsibility! Same goes for AUs where she kept the baby and is somehow okay and happy? I get the urge to fix it, but that is not a good fix. There is no good fix if you are pregnant due to rape.

ANYA/CURLY

A lot of argument I hear for that is that "at least Curly is her friend and was nice to her" and if that is your whole foundation of argument, I want to ask what your standards for a relationship are. Please know that you deserve more than the bare minimum. Another question in that context: Is Curly really Anya's friend? His friend was abused and instead of protecting her, he tried to reason and help her abuser! That is not the behavior of a friend! There is no "but Jimmy is his friend too!". If your friend is an abuser and that does not make you stop being their friend....why?

JIMMY/CURLY

It feels like it is a law on the internet, that two men who look at least averagely handsome will be shipped, especially if they have the tiniest of connection to each other. I am not even sure if I would call them friends in the first place. It appears that Jimmy, whatever his bad life before that job was (thanks to the developers for not giving us a backstory), he is still absolutely unsatisfied with that he has. He is jealous of Curly and his position, seeing how quickly he takes on the Captain title after the crash and only realizes far too late how hard the position actually is. Curly on the other hand feels a bit like a people pleaser to me. He probably had pity for Jimmy, took him under his wing to help him? Fix him? Whatever it is, it made him ignore Jimmy's bad side to a fatal degree. I respect the toxic yaoi but are you sure?

TLDR; I am worried about how the practice of shipping developed, from a way to extend the canon, explore queerness in cis/straight dominated media, into a compulsion of where some people can't look at any form of media or constellation of characters without immediately smashing them together like dolls. If you do this, maybe step back for a minute and ask yourself if it is appropriate. On that note, same goes in case you defend Jimmy. Why?

[soft-pine]

okay so @monstermoviedean is watching s14 rn and her takes are god tier!!! and you should all go read her blog please!

but it just makes me want to talk about lebanon/14.13 so much! like it really is one of my favorite episodes of spn. which is crazy i know because i truly hate john with every fiber of my being but i think this episode reveals so much about him & dean's relationship with him with delicious subtly!

and i've yapped at random on twitter about this but i want to gather all my thoughts in one place.

dean's relationship with john is The most important relationship in spn that i'm interested in unpacking. (i am normal and fine and this has nothing to do with my own issues)

i think for some people who understand john as abusive, it is frustrating and jarring to see him come back after so many years and just be kinda nice. especially given that dean has just finally started to talk to his family about some of the bad things john did.

i maintain that dean has been pretty clear with cas and like random strangers that his dad was shitty. but in 14.11, he tells mary the winchester surprise story. while he doesn't frame the story as truly a critique of john, it is a contrast to his quiet silence and pained expression after newly-resurrected mary says john was a good father in 12.02. in 14.12, dean opens up to sam about how when john was pissed off at dean, he would send him away. this is a stark new light on dean's comments from 7.14 where he apologizes to sam for sometimes "ditching him" when they were kids. sam quickly shuts down dean's apology in 14.12 and subsequent discussion about dean's regrets and feelings about john. but since sam's shift in his opinion about john in 2.02, dean pretty consistently keeps his criticism to himself in front of sam so this is a marked change. and the very next episode script draft includes the infamous "probably pulled the wide-eye hitchhiker routine. dad made me do it all the time on hunts. as bait." so, given the episodes and revelations that bookend 14.13, it's understandable how hard it is to see john and dean interact at all.

but i think it's perfect! because it so clearly shows every truth of their relationship.

firstly, we can look at who john apologizes to. in 1.16, 1.20, and 14.13 john is reunited with sam & dean after time apart. and in all three episodes, he apologizes and/or works to make amends with sam for their fractured relationship. in fact, in 14.13, it's a mention of the winchester surprise that triggers john's apology to sam.

in contrast, the only time john apologizes to dean for his childhood is 2.01 when he says sorry for making dean always have to look after him and sam. and then promptly asks him to kill sam if he has to.

it's crushing to me that at no point does john see the way he treated dean as anything to make amends for. instead, in 1.21 and 14.13, he frames dean not "having a home" or "having a family," "a normal life" as circumstances outside his control or as somehow dean's choice. and yet, john is entirely responsible. he is the one moving dean from school to school, getting him into credit card fraud, taking him on hunts. in 12.09 it's established that dean has as long arrest/warrant record which includes things we never see him getting arrested for in canonical spn. he is the one who always said hunting was temporary (6.02) and yet never allowed for a way out. so even though john's affect is kinder, we know he isn't meaningfully taking accountability for a huge amount of his actions.

it's the reason for the kinder affect we can look at next. because what is one of the most common indicators of abusive dynamics? treating people differently in public vs private. and critically for almost all of 14.13, mary is observing john. and we know that despite their marital problems (5.16), she considered him a good father. he doesn't know that the life he forced sam and dean into is the very worst thing she could have imagined for her children (4.03), but we can tell from his apologies to sam that john is at least aware of things he did which he regrets.

before mary arrives, he is giving sam and dean orders, "You boys better tell me what the hell is going on right now." i recognize he's very disoriented but this affect disappears entirely after mary shows up. i cannot overstate how much i love how not stern and harsh john is here because it shows that he could have always chosen to be like that. but there weren't negative consequences (a wife who might be angry with him) to face.

i've said before that i think one of the reasons that john kept sam & dean away from hunter gatherings and meeting other hunters (2.03, 12.06) is because hunters they met might have acted exactly how dean acts to krissy's dad in 7.11 and told him to quit. the hunters/community john did maintain relationships with were sometimes kinda shitty people - Deacon (2.19), Travis (4.04), Martin (8.09). not that Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim, Bill Harvell, Daniel Elkin were necessarily like that but I do think its worth looking at who John's friends who he didn't have a falling-out with were. Like Fred Jones who gave Sam & Dean their first beers when they weren't even 10 (8.08).

some other details about that first reunion kitchen conversation that always stick out to me are john finishing the drink dean pours for him while dean & sam barely touch theirs. it's also significant to me that dean tells mary in 12.01 that john died to save him. but here, he tells john that he died taking out yellow-eyes (which is literally not what happened. like specifically he died by making a deal with azazel). dean, always working to deescalate and maintain the peace, instantly clocks which thing they will each find more soothing to hear.

one thing that i see people often critique is the idea that john coming back is somehow the thing dean wished for the most. but what dean actually says is that this is something he's wanted since he was four years old. so it's really not about john back at all. john died when dean was 27. but mary died when dean was four. and that cause nearly every hard, traumatic, awful thing in dean's life. to some extent, i think it was about wanting john to have mary back. throughout dean's entire life, john used the loss of mary as an excuse for how he acted and what he made dean & sam do. so of course what dean wants most is... for that not to have happened.

and this brings my to my second favorite part of the episode. but you'll only catch if you're paying attention. dean says he's thrilled to have john back and yet at every chance he gets, he leaves the room john's in. he leaves the kitchen when john reunites with mary. dean gets the grocery list from mary while john has a tearful apology with sam. dean talks to john again only because he has to tell him about the pearl but then leaves to help cook. after dinner, he goes to do the dishes. dean really is not actually trying to spend time with john - even when they get a deadline for when their time with him is over, dean is not trying to make the most of it. and god i love him for that.

i sympathize with people who are frustrated to see dean fall back into the role of caretaker for john's emotions and wellbeing. and i agree but i appreciate that it is very clear that's what's happening. he's performing the role he's always been forced to perform. he may be more aware of it as a performance this time. he may be taking more steps to remove himself from having to interact with john. but i would almost feel worse if he wasn't getting john a drink, doing what he said, going on little errands, cooking, cleaning up. john says "You want to give your mom a hand?" and of course he goes.

i think dean always has held both deep hurt from and empathy for john and this episode is full of both of them. and while i think it's always hard to hear dean slip back into those moments of empathy (8.12 is always rough for me), it's so real that's where he would be sometimes. so much of being a child who's made responsible for your parent's emotions means that there is such a deep part of you that wants to protect them from harm.

i personally think the song "til it shines" by bob seger is an insane choice to play over their dinner scene. because, though that's not the part of the song that plays, the lines "Take the chip off of my shoulder. Smooth out all the lines. Take me out among the rustling pines, till it shines, ah, till it shines" always strike me as trying to see something through rose-tinted glasses in a way. or maybe acknowledging the performative, white-washing that's being done?

anyway, i understand why people want dean to have a cathartic yelling session with john. but honestly im not sure that would ever sit right with me. i think honestly 14.13 is kind of perfect. john comes back and it proves everything. john could always be kind (he took you to a freaking baseball game (4.19)). he could always apologize. he always did say he wanted the boys to get out of hunting but never even tried to make it happen.

and that brings me to my favorite part of the episode. my darling. my baby. my treasure. dean says, "i have a family." and what that means to him is his own. he gets to keep it. he gets to mean it without john's scrutiny. without him tearing it apart. the conversation sam & dean have over dishes is another deeply meaningful part. dean specifically rejects the idea of telling john the truth about any of it - even if it would change things. because he's good with who he is. "Cause our lives – they’re ours."

this matters so much to me because i don't think dean's healing can ever be contingent on john - not on his reaction, not on finally telling him the truth, not on john getting comeuppance for all the shit he did, not even on changing the past so john has more information because the critical thing that 14.13 and 4.19 show is that john literally did not do the best he could. so what could change that?

in the kitchen, dean tells sam that he blamed john for "the longest time". do you understand how much it means to me to hear him say that?! because i think of course blaming john is the first step! dean was hurt and he was angry about that and he should be!

but dean's healing can't just stop there. while i know there will be moments as he heals where he's angry with john again, the beautiful core of dean's healing i see in 14.13 is him being clear on where the boundary of him and his wants, goals, needs, and priorities are vs john's. i think a lot of dean's young relationship with john was him being forced to keep parts of himself (the parts that didn't like to hunt for example) secret out of shame and necessity. but here, i don't think dean is carrying that shame anymore. he is very clear on how what he wants from his life differs from what john would want but dean sticks to his own values. he has a family. he's good with who he is. it's just none of john's goddamn business.

anyway, as always mitski says it best....

plus we get two of THE MOST shots of dean's face of all time for me!!! like my god stabbing me would hurt less!!!

plus! PLUS!! CHERRY ON TOP!!! LOOK AT THESE NOOOOOODLES

in conclusion. your honor, i love her.

[red-doll-face]

Snow Angel 6

Chapter 6: hostile Series Masterlist

low - medium honor Arthur Morgan x fem. Reader

Arthur has been living by himself, laying low (for real this time) somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. After the whole Pinkerton and Micah debacle, he has been hiding away, waiting for it all to blow over, occasionally getting letters from the people who still know that he’s alive. He’s been alone awhile and at first, he thought he could handle a little loneliness. He has been wrong before. Lucky for him, you look like the perfect thing to break up the monotony.

Warnings: dubious consent, low honor Arthur, darkish fic, a bit of naive reader and an allusion to slut shaming. Reader has dated and period typical ideals, not very good ideas about men and marriage… if you want reader to be strong and a fighter… this is not for you sorry, arthur is a bit of a jerk on this chapter but hell make up for it WC: 4175 Hey ! Ive finally finished chapter 6! Its been through quite a bit of editing and ive read the thing to death so i figured id post it. Nothing too bad in this chapter but arthur shows that hes not always so nice and when provoked can say things that are out of pocket lol, more naive fawn response reader, and mentions of alcohol and spousal abuse but none in reference to arthur or reader. Thanks for all of the lovely kudos! enjoyyyy : ) Tags: no TB, weird but not that toxic relationship, Arthur is sort of delusional omg, reader and arthur get into a little lovers spat, not too serious

You get a glimpse of how jealous Arthur can be.

You come up on the town Arthur was speaking of around 1 o’clock. West Ridge is not much to look at, the basics really. A saloon as always, a stable, a general store, a law man's office. There are lots of comings and goings, mostly out of the hotel in town and the other boarding houses. One main way directs the horses and wagons that stop here. The western side of the town is on a hill, and the other side dips downwards, wooden walkways bridge most things together to keep ladies from getting mud on their beautiful heeled boots and skirts piled high. Most of the working men stomp through the mud, especially the stable boys who smoke cigarettes outside of the large stable which Arthur stops at first. The smell of horseflesh makes your nose scrunch but Arthur has no flinch for that sort of thing.

In the stable, Arthur arranges for a cart to be fitted over Lucky and pays the boarding fee to stable Currant for a few days. He takes you around town as they fulfill his request. He has you by the waist, a big hand is your guide as he passes by the drunken cowboys, the timber mill workers, and some hunters. You've never had a man guide you the way he does, not letting you go for a second. Perhaps because of the delicate nature of your relationship. He fears you should bolt at any time if not fenced in by his arms and hands. You settle nicely in his palm, fitting the shape of his fingers to the dip of your lower back.

Your feet creak over the wooden boards that keep you off the main street. He nods to the propped door of a saloon with plenty of places to sit, some people eat meals and other sad looking men drown their sorrows in whiskey. Arthur stops at the bar, asking for two drinks, something sweet for you and two of the meals they have on the menu. You can count the number of times you’ve eaten at a saloon on one hand. And the times you’ve had a drink at one is certainly a big zero. You stare around, some men play a gambling game with cards and working girls fan themselves, waiting for customers. They don’t bother with Arthur, no doubt with you on his arm. You wait patiently at a table while Arthur retrieves and pays for what he ordered. You watch out of the dusty window at the town and its people.

So much activity makes you realize how sheltered your family was in Long Pine, a densely wooded area, lots of wild game and harsh weather conditions. Hot summers, fertile springs, and the occasional cold snap that had a week of snow falling, nowhere near as heavy as the snow where Arthur lives, nearer to the mountain which dominates the landscape. You rarely had visitors, perhaps a letter from your mother’s distant relative. A man coming to sell furs or animal feed. You had gone to town a few times but rarely to do much, buy some things you couldn’t get from home, couldn’t grow or trade. This is different from the small trading post your father usually went to to sell his wares and buy feed for the chickens. You liked going to town more but your Pa never saw the point. Arthur sets a steaming plate of roast carrots and beef in front of you, interrupting your thoughtful silence. The priciest thing on the menu. Then he has a glass of some sort of lemonade for you and whiskey for his own palate. Your 'homesteader's daughter' manners kick back in. “Thank you, Arthur,” you say over the chatter of people nearby, an appreciative smile pushes at your cheeks. He nods and looks at you, an almost surprised expression passes over his face, a genuine smile he tries to hide. This one isn't so cocky and easy.

“Course,” He responds, slowly but not apprehensively. He never takes his eyes off of you. Even when you look away to look at the piano man, or out of the window at the sunshine. You don't have any comparisons to make besides the relationship between your mother and father, stiff and very respectful. He was just a rigid man with hard set values and your mother was the same. Though you saw glimpses of their closeness, they never stared so intently at one another, enraptured by each other. Your mother was happy to mend torn shirts and your father happy to whittle figurines and polish his varmint rifle. Maybe your grandmother and your very presence stopped them from sharing such intimate moments. Or you haven't seen young love or in the case with you and Arthur, some sick 3 day whirlwind in which he has given you no other choice but to have him as your husband.

As always, he is quick to empty his plate. You are a bit more sluggish. You quite like hearing snippets of other people's conversations, the music. Patience seems to be one of those things about Arthur. He has such a grasp on it, he has no complaints, only watches like a hawk, scratches at his jaw and has his long legs spread open on his chair. Everyone seems to look over at least twice when you start to look at other people. Perhaps they noticed the gleaming pearl handled guns in his holsters or the darkened silhouette of a man sitting with a plain woman wearing pants. You sigh, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. You haven't said anything but Arthur acts as if you've told him exactly what you're thinking. A man looks over at the wrong moment and Arthur has terse and grizzly words for him.

“Hell are you lookin’ at?” The man whips his head away, intimidated by Arthur. He adjusts his hat, looking at you, deciding that whatever needed to be done was done. “Finished?” His voice is softer now and you nod. Briefly, you worried that Arthur might start something but his presence is enough to have people looking away. You both stand and he's right behind you. Crossing the road has you walking into the general store, the store keeper greets you. Arthur’s heavy footsteps cause his friendly smile to droop but he welcomes you both anyway. You smile back, taking a look around. Arthur has his hands on his belt following you around, his spurs click and ring. The store is a humble place that stocks the essentials and some fresh produce. Everyday items line the walls and tin cans gleam in shining labels.

“Let me know if you need any help,” the storekeeper is kind and you nod, it’s only natural for you to be polite in return.

“I will, thank you,” too bad you aren't quite aware of Arthur’s possessiveness.

“If the lady needs help then she’d damn well ask for it,” His tone is dark and a strange upset to the calm exchange. You look at him, not understanding his sudden input. The store keeper sputters, offended but also entirely aware of how capable a man like Arthur looks, how inclined to violence his tone is. “Should learn to mind your own business,” his hands seem to twitch as they grip his belt, just over the rows of bullets. You grab Arthur’s forearm. Sending an apologetic smile to the clerk, you try to rush along. It's obvious that Arthur doesn't play nice with others. He tells you to pick something to eat on the road. That you might not pass any towns on the way. You nod, picking bread rolls and cheese, some fresh fruit and carrots for Lucky. Cans are also hoisted into Arthur’s arms. Strawberries and corned beef. He pays at the register, a cold look on his face. It's incredibly awkward, the air is stale with the residual unpleasantness. You thank the clerk before leaving. Outside, you look at him, a bit appalled. You should know better than to think you can correct him with any efficiency.

“What is the matter with you?”

“Not sure what you're talkin' about,” His hand on your hip is taking you to the stable. But you wrestle from his grip.

“In what world do you live in where you threaten people in passing?”

“Hey, I ain't never claimed to be a nice feller, not even a decent one,” He has that wry smile, his hands return to trying to touch you and when you stiffen and try to wiggle away again, he has a firm hold on you. “Gettin’ flighty with me, sweetheart? My little bird feel like flyin’ away?” He has a sneer on his face, a cruel smile twists his features.

“You’re threatening me now?”

“You know, you ain’t gotta go lookin' for a new man, you got one already,” he’s talking about the store keep. He’s trying to hide it but he’s afraid that you’ll just walk away with the next man. That you’re easy. Tears gather so quickly, spring forth from you. You feel like you’ll be sick. Tongue tied and disgusted with him, with yourself, you turn and walk away. You want to get on Lucky without him and ride home. He makes a frustrated gesture as you try to rush away from him, his arms tense up before he pinches the curve on the bridge of his nose. You can hear the spurs of his boots jingle as you turn away.

“Wait!” When you don’t stop, he’s in close pursuit, hurrying to catch up with you. “I said, wait, girl,” his voice is rough and panicked. He catches you and holds you between two buildings. He sees your tears. “Calm down,” he’s commanding you, making you meet his eyes. He hurriedly walks you down behind the hotel, almost no one meanders back here. You can’t wiggle from his grasp no how, your hands continue to push at his broad chest, his corded shoulders. He looks down at you with ease, trying to pull you close.

“Arthur, stop, let go,” his hand blocks the knee you were about to shove at his crotch in all of your thrashing and panic. His face before wasn't set in such a severe expression, merely worried. But now, you feel the precarity of his mood. The lines around his eyes naturally settle into this narrowed glare, like he's pulled snarls many times before, bared his teeth like a hungry brush hunter, a beast of prey.

“Honey, that’s enough now,” his words are deadly serious, so gruff and low, they slither down your spine. You still but you refuse to look at him.

“I don’t- I can’t do this. I don’t know why I thought-“

“What did I say before all this? I said you wasn't leaving me,” he’s so short sighted, his thumbs attempt to wipe your tears, to hold your face. You frown and look at him.

“Just…” you struggle with your words, troubled by the mess that is this arrangement, this tumultuous peace you try to keep with your mind and your heart. “Arthur, get off of me,” after all he’s done, this is the most emotional you’ve been with him. Even then, there is no real force behind your words. You don’t kick and scratch. All you would do is waste your energy and upset Arthur who has no qualms with holding you down.

“Listen to me,” you have a small act of defiance for him, doing your best to keep the air of disobedience but he’s quick to correct you. His forefinger and thumb grab the fat of your cheeks, guiding you to look at him. He has your back up to the wall, looking down at you; you can feel the press of his belt into you.  “Gonna give you one or two chances to listen before you try my patience too many damn times,” As much as you wish you could turn away from this, you know Arthur would never let you.

“Just say what it is you mean about me, that I-I’d walk away with any man so much as looked at me,” you left some of it unsaid but Arthur knows what you mean, the word that he keeps saying in pseudo reference of you but skirting around directly saying it about you. Your voice is meek, whiny. But you don’t care.

“Can’t say something that ain’t true,”

“What are you so afraid of, then? Is this how you treated that woman?” At the mention of his other girl he winces, like the last thing he wants is to think of her. His eyes pinch shut, his hand is on your hip, as if to comfort himself. He tries to calm down, as he commanded you to do as well. He looks away, adjusting his stance. Stalling before he has to tell you what bothers him so.

“Other nobodies sniffing around my woman don’t exactly put me at ease,”

“He is trying to sell to me, not- do whatever you want with me,” you’re exasperated, unable to see how Arthur could be so threatened by other men when he looks the way he does; over six feet of him and well over two hundred and fifty pounds of musculature and fat keeping him strong looking. You're sure he could lift any man and throw him through a window. No man in his right mind would try and take anything from Arthur after having seen him.

“You don’t know what men are like,” he chuckles but with little humor. Your mind rushes to excuse him; he’s only trying to protect you.

“I know what you’re like,” you murmur, close to him, accepting him as you soften to his advances.

“And what did I do when I saw you smile at me, talking all sweet, your please and thank you’s, hm?” He hums to emphasize his question, bowing to trap you against the wall and tuck his kisses onto your neck. You sigh and grab at the back of his hair, the longer strands are softer than you thought. “Stripped you naked and put you on my bed. You were such a good girl, sweetheart,” his hands grip you tight, up your waist and suggestively skimming over your breasts cupped behind your undergarments, all the way to your neck and jaw.

“Arthur Morgan, you are a jealous man,” you huff up at him. He scoffs and cups your face, gentle over the leather riding gloves he wears.

“Don’t try and find out just how jealous,” he dips down to kiss you, a soft one, like he’s never kissed you before. Everything he hasn’t said to you, you think, he tries to put in this kiss. His whiskers tickle your lips, tilting to touch as much of you as possible. Keeping yourself upright isn't so hard, leaning against the wood of the building. He ignores any discomfort he gets from kissing you like this, but you acquiesce, trying to put yourself on your tiptoes. It's hardly any help. You part and he has one big hand sweeping your hair back.

You follow him back to the stable, most of the things you and he needed from Lucky and Currant’s saddle had been removed, put into the cart behind you where you sit as Arthur’s passenger. He keeps looking at you but saying nothing. He nods at the stable master as he opens the door and lets you both out onto the main road and then onto the road that goes to Long Pine. You sigh, the sun still quite high in the sky. You don’t have a hat, you left your home with a woolen scarf wrapped around your head. Instead, Arthur plops his hat down on your head, far too big for you. You shake your head, letting him have his way.

You think of what should happen when you get there, what your family would say. You can’t stop letting it come back to you, the anxiety of your father seeing you on a wagon with a man who you will say saved your life. It circles around like a scavenging bird to a carcass. But for now you try to distract yourself with the scenery of the ride.

The chill comes back as you have to cross back over to the wintry depths of elevation to make your way back to Long Pine. You missed the brief warmth of dipping into the river valley. Arthur is an expert at steering the cart up some pretty rough trails. He’s slow when he needs to be and lets Lucky move at his own pace sometimes. He seems to be just as anxious, he hasn’t said anything; grips the reins so tight that it squeaks against the leather of his gloves. You rummage through the things in the back and Arthur watches curiously. You pull a cigarette out of the pack that you know he brought. You struggle to light the match you need with your fingers starting to get stiff from the cold but Arthur grabs it and strikes it against the wood of the cart. He waves his fingers and you hand him the cigarette. He has it between his lips when he lights it, waving the match against the frosted air.

“Go get your coat on,” he tosses the match easily, slowing the cart down so you can pull on his ram skin coat and he can put his own coat over his shoulders. “Said you didn’t like the smell of these,”

“My father smokes his pipe all the time. You’ve been antsy since I told you I didn’t like them,” he takes luxurious puffs, relishing in the relaxation they bring him. You usually tell your Pa to go outside but you always end up opening the window and staying in your room.

“Know just what your man needs,” he has that self-satisfied smile, slouching down and holding his cigarette. He has the courtesy to at least blow the smoke away from you. You’re getting much closer to the familiar paths and small trails that lead up to your home but you know you still have quite a few hours to go. He was right, you’d have to stop, daylight would be fading soon. Arthur has mostly driven quietly. Looking at you in his hat and giving you his smug little face. “This horse ain’t so bad,” he says quietly over the crunch of the cart over the dirt and light snow that dusts over the forest and rocks.

“He’s the perfect man,” he huffs.

“How come you don’t already have a wife?” You ask Arthur. He exhales as if you told a half funny joke. You look at him. He’s staring straight ahead, as if minding the empty road.

“Only woman I asked to be with me said no. Or at least her daddy did,”

“I don’t get the privilege of a choice?” He’s quiet for a while.

“I ain’t letting this go sideways, it's okay with me if you don’t get it, if you don’t like it. Guess I never had the proper chance to do right by a woman,”

“You think you’re doing right by me?” He heaves an exasperated sigh. He likes to float nicely with you, living in the moments of time where you aren’t questioning his actions, when he gets to feel as if he hadn’t given you an ultimatum. Marry him and keep the honor your family thinks you have or marry him while your father and mother think you a harlot.

“I am right now, aren’t I? Lettin' you see your folks, go and get what precious little you have to your name?” He gives you a bit of a harsh look. “Could'a chained you to my bed but even I ain’t that sick, could’a really treated you like nothin’ but a whore,” His words stun you into a silent gap. You’re surprised there’s a step more severe than what he’s already committed but it’s true. Arthur comes to a stop and surveys what looks like somewhere to camp for the night while you sit, weighing his words in your mind.

“Did you- did you think about that?”

“If that’s what I wanted then that’s where you’d be,” he says, jumping down and helping you off the cart. You’re reluctant to take his hand but put yourself in his arms anyway as he places you on the ground. “We’re camping here tonight, I’ll get a fire goin’,” you help him unload some of his supplies, a basic canvas tent and bedroll with a blanket. He’s got a bit of firewood lit while he adds some tinder. Arthur is meticulous, every bit an outdoors man. Dutiful and attentive, he’s built a small fire, crouching by the area where he dusted the snow away. You don’t want to sit on the cold ground so you squat as best you can, trying to keep your balance. Now that it isn't so bright, you pass Arthur his hat. You arrange your provisions, making something of a cheese roll and placing the can of beef over by the fire to warm it up a little. You give him his allotted portion and eat quietly with him, the fire quickly burning through its fuel. Arthur had pulled the wagon down to a nice clearing, only some light snow, mostly bare ground. Grass would sprout soon for the spring, bringing all kinds of grazers. The dusk pulls in fast, it’s already completely dark. You listen as Lucky jingles around in his tack, not so used to being tied to a cart. He could survive one night but tomorrow he would be grumpy. You’ll give him some carrots for breakfast to lift his spirits.

“Tell me ‘bout your pa,” he says, a command more than a question. You look up to think.

“Well, he’s a very serious man, hard working, a trapper by trade. He’s… he’s nice, always been sweet on my Ma,” you think of your father sitting by the fire in a rocking chair with your mother, how he always had time to read you a story or bring you something he found out in the wilderness. Many nights you thought he may have been robbed and left for dead or fallen off a mountain but he always came home. Your Ma would be worried sick and livid when he came through the door as if he had come back at a reasonable hour.

“Sounds like a good man,” his gloved hand rubs at his chin, over the light stubble growing there. He tilts his head down so you can only see the deep tone of his hat.

“He’s not so bad, he’ll like you if he thinks you want to take care of me. He’s always wanted me to be a married woman, not some lady of the night or a spinster,” He used to say that he had only wanted a daughter of the “marrying type”. No grifter or prostitute or even a school teacher. You think he wanted the life your mother had for you.

But even married women faced problems. Men taken over by liquor who hit their wives, men who spent every last cent on a bad hand of poker. Men who sold their wives to pay off debt. At least Arthur didn't seem the type. He didn't drink much, didn't hit you even though he could if he had wanted to; unless you considered his spankings which weren't nearly as violent as some men could be. Paltry compared to stories whispered between women in town, at trading posts.

Arthur wasn't like that. He seemed vulnerable but unwillingly so. He had shown you his journal against his better judgment. Let you peer into his thoughts, see his mind on paper. He was embarrassed but sorry that he had snapped at you. Arthur is a man of contradictions; cocky and smug yet self conscious. Hardened yet soft, rough and mean but kind and gentle. He confuses you at every turn, constantly trying to make sense of his actions.

He nods slowly, gazing at the fire and feeding it more things to burn up, trying to keep it alive. You’re sure the fire will die soon. Arthur is serious but not morose. Only thinking much too hard. You dust the crumbs away and help him finish the corned beef. He notices you stifling your yawn.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed,” he rolls his bedroll out within the confines of the tent.

“Where will you sleep?” Your concern for him seems to make him smile at you as you crawl within his tent.

“Gonna keep watch for a while, I’ll squeeze in there with you soon enough,” you nod and lay down. Perhaps he thinks you’ll run away if he falls asleep. You curl up under Arthur’s coat. It’s warmer than you thought. You fall asleep quickly, feeling safe with Arthur keeping watch at the fire.

i love him !!! no smut this chapter sadly… jealous arthur just messes with my head omggg hes such a weenie. need this man to yell at people for looking at me wrong 😵‍💫 also need him to grab me by the face so i can look him in his eyes… cant wait to write more! Thank you for all of the feedback, im so glad to hear you guys like my characterization of this ooc arthur and all the little situations i put reader and him in!!! im always glad to talk more about this story so drop any thots in the comments :) tysm for reading !!

[hiskillingjar]

Please plspls write sexed up abusive lesbians law x strade 🤞🤞

sorry lesbians, sorry dykes, this is a post for fucked up transfems and quasi-chasers now. sorry :(

4000+ words, cw for slurs, they are the worst grindr hookup in the world and i'm obsessed with themmmmm (this may have a part 2 if the people don't execute me)

also crossposted on ao3 give me attentionnnnnuh

"hey cutie, having a good night?"

Lawrence almost flinched after hearing the foreign notification ‘blllip’ on their phone. 

It was late, they had just gotten home from work and they were sifting through their saved videos (car crashes, open-faced surgery, execution porn and the like) to get to sleep, their body heavy on the mattress, their head heavier with drugged intoxication from a short smoking circle at the warehouse before they left.

They blinked sleepy grey (dead) eyes as they opened the app with a slide of their thumb, the orange-and-black interface unfamiliar, they used it so little.

Right. They downloaded this to buy weed from the new guy at work, didn’t they? 

Did they even have a profile set up? Apparently so, if someone nearby had found them.

They let out a short sigh through their nose, moving onto their back under the heavy, weighted blankets as they typed out a reply to ‘strade 36 verse’.

‘Verse’. What did that even mean?

"Hi."

Lawrence barely had time to rub their eyes before the orange bubble was typing again. 

"hi!"

An instant reply. ‘Strade 36 verse’ must have been online then.

They sat up with another sigh and their lips pursed in a thoughtful pout, wondering if they should respond further, and what to say if they did. 

They didn’t really know the etiquette of most social media, after all. The most exposure they’d had to it was a Tumblr account that was quickly taken down when they posted an especially gory work-in-progress photo of a new sculpture (for “violating community guidelines’ they said when they’d asked), and they’d left it at that, so this was new to them. 

It wasn't like they’d been on something as casual as a dating app before, so they had no prior experience or point of reference on how these kinds of interactions generally played out.

So, in place of another message, they decided to wait for ‘Strade 36 verse’ to reply again, to send the dreaded ‘double text’ or lose interest in their flaky response, before they did anything on their own.

They wouldn’t have to wait long for that, though.

"nice pics, you’re very, very cute." He praised, sending through a winking-face emoji and a blonde angel emoji, referencing the badly taken, but well-cropped mirror selfies on their profile, just so the weed guy knew who they were when they messaged. "are you down for anything tonight?"

Lawrence frowned, idly worrying their bottom lip between their crooked teeth as they pushed a hand into their greasy hair. They’d shower before work tomorrow. Or not.

They weren't entirely sure what ‘down for anything’ meant and weren't sure if they necessarily wanted to know either.

"Thank you.” They typed, well-trained to be polite to compliments. “Down for anything like what, exactly?"

"lol, you're adorable"

"like hooking up? lol"

Lawrence nearly dropped their phone at that.

Their face burned a hot red as they sat upright quickly, pushing aside their weighted blankets and ruminating in silence for several long moments on how to respond to Strade’s outright forwardness.

Was everyone on this app like this?

"I don't know you.” They wrote with another deep frown. “I only really use this app to buy weed. What do you want from me?"

"haha that's hilarious!" Strade wrote back quickly with a series of laughing emojis, which just made Lawrence frown even more. What did he find so funny? "cute pics for a burner account tho. what's that for?~"

They felt their face burning hotter and hotter as they stared at Strade's response, dumbfounded at his capacity to play along with such unwilling prey, before setting the phone down in their lap and pressing the heels of both hands to their eyes, too tired and (frankly) too high to make sense of what this guy was trying to do to them.

‘...cute pics...?’

They took a breath and picked up their phone again, trying to respond as normally as they could without cussing the guy out.

"What do you mean cute? It's just my face."

"it’s a cute face," He sent with a virtual wink.

They took another short moment, trying to collect themself, long, trembling fingers hovering over the keyboard on their phone, before they typed out another response. 

"I don't know about cute...but thanks, I think."

"you're so welcome~"

There was a pause as Strade typed another string of words, punctuated by an orange bubble and animated ellipses.

"if you're not here to hook up, maybe we could just exchange pics hm?"

"Pictures of...what exactly?"

"i'll show you mine if you show me yours," He wrote, punctuated by an eggplant emoji, a peach emoji and…a water spray emoji.

Lawrence didn’t need to be a genius in social media lingo to know exactly what that meant.

They tried to swallow the growing lump in their throat before reluctantly replying.

"What makes you think I'd send you a picture like that? I don't even know what you look like."

"i have a profile pic sweetheart," He wrote with another winking emoji, making Lawrence flush that they hadn’t even taken the time to look at Strade’s profile before they started talking to him. "but fair point! wanna make sure i’m not a catfish, huh?"

'Sweetheart...'

The nickname sent a little chill down Lawrence’s spine, but…not in a wholly unpleasant way.

It might have even been kind of nice to be called that, even if it was from a stranger on a dating app of all places.

There were a few moments of ‘silence’ before their phone ‘blllipped’ with a notification that Strade had sent them a picture, which they quickly opened. 

He looked like...well, he looked like a totally normal guy in his thirties, relaxing on a couch as if he’d just gotten home from work after a hard day. Tan skin, dark stubble, a handsome smile, everything people liked in a man. He was shirtless, showing off a soft chest and the beginnings of a slightly softer stomach, but that was probably the nature of the app.

"You're...very good-looking. Nice muscles." Lawrence typed honestly, a little hesitantly, staring at the picture for a prolonged moment before swapping back to the chat.

"thanks cutie," He wrote with a beating heart emoji, making Lawrence’s own heart tighten in their chest. "how are you looking right now?"

They idly chewed the inside of their cheek and looked down at themself. 

They weren’t anything special and never considered themself to be, wearing a pair of tattered pyjama pants and a loose-fitting top printed with the warehouse’s logo. 

That probably wasn’t the vibe for this interaction, was it?

"I mean, not good like you. I'm wearing pyjamas right now."

"maybe i'll decide what looks good, hm?"

"send me something."

They felt their face flush hotter when the second message popped up, bringing the edge of their phone to their mouth with a shuddering little sigh that fogged up the cracked glass.

This was getting pretty embarrassing, but, at the same time, it was...kind of exciting.

They’d never done anything like this before, certainly not with a stranger, and…Strade had such an authoritative vibe about him without even being in the room.

They felt almost compelled to obey him, even if there was no side effect to not.

Lawrence shifted over the side of the bed and reluctantly lifted the phone for a selfie, reaching up with their other hand to cover their mouth and most of their jaw, keeping the focus on their messy hair, their sleepy eyes, their slender neck, their collar bone, the low collar of their shirt…things that they guessed Strade might like in a conversation partner.

Once they had taken the picture, they sent it over quickly before they could think too long and change their mind.

Strade responded almost immediately.

"awwww~" He wrote, with a heart eyes emoji and another angel emoji. "very cute!"

Oh God, they really weren’t used to being called cute this much.

Their heart was racing as they read the short string of messages, their pale cheeks flushing and their dead eyes fluttering a little as their thighs pressed together tightly.

"You...really think so?"

"i know so~" He complimented again. "you’re such a good girl for listening to me too <3"

'Good girl-!?'

Lawrence's heart was beating even faster now, just from that one little compliment, and they found themself sinking back against the bed and staring at the popcorn, mould-dotted ceiling, feeling all the heat in their body rush right down to their cock.

It seemed kind of...demeaning to be called a 'good girl' in this scenario, but at the same time, it felt...so amazing.

They just hoped that Strade wasn’t getting the wrong idea.

“Thank you…but I’m not a girl though.” They typed when their brain started working again, resting their phone on their chest, their legs trembling and bopping up and down, nervously.

"oh no? apologies for assuming but you do have trans stuff in your bio lol"

"you look pretty enough to be a girl. figuring stuff out?"

The instinct to cringe subsided quickly when they clicked on their profile, noticing the absence of the gender marker that Strade had (‘M’), and their pronouns (‘they/them, any/all’) listed along with their location, the only information they had provided the app, barring their picture.

"That was an accident...I didn't know what it was asking me." They typed out, explaining their mix-up.

‘Pretty enough to be a girl...’ 

They suddenly found themself feeling…warm all over as those words repeated in their head, feeling the sincerity behind them, the authenticity behind them. 

Maybe they weren’t a girl, at least, not a girl they had ever been close to before, but there was the…well, the fact that Strade had assumed their gender incorrectly several times now, and they had done nothing to correct him. 

"happy accidents, eh?" Strade replied quickly with another laughing emoji, though this one felt more fond and affectionate than the others had been. "do you like being a good girl, law?"

They swallowed tightly and managed to type out a response, their hands trembling with excitement.

"Yeah…I mean, yeah I think I do."

"thought so." Another virtual wink. This guy used a lot of emojis. "can i see something else now, angel?" He wrote, like no part of that conversation happened, and even though it was phrased like a question, Lawrence had that good sense that it was not to be taken as one.

They felt their face burning hotter than ever as they typed out a response.

"What do you want me to show you…?”

"show me your body.” 

“do you have a mirror so i can see all of you?"

Lawrence had to stop and close their eyes, knees tightly pressed together as they tried to collect themself and slow the pounding of their racing heart.

They’d never felt like this before. It felt good.

It felt good. 

Why weren’t they used to feeling good?

They took in a deep breath, trying to calm themself down, before they got to their feet and walked over to their bathroom, hesitantly taking a full-body (or, well, as close to full-body as they could manage) picture in the bathroom cabinet mirror, using the phone to cover their face and focus on their body.

They looked so…boring in the reflection, wearing that old, baggy top and those loose-fitting pants. 

Strade can’t really be that interested in them, can he?

"aw, you're so little. like you wouldn't be able to fight me off if i pinned you down <3"

Those immediate words set butterflies fluttering around in their stomach.

They were definitely not tiny by any metric, standing at almost six foot and easily taller than most of the guys in the warehouse, but the idea of being...pinned down by a stranger of all people, was making their brain short circuit.

And fine, they weren’t sure if Strade meant it in an affectionate way or…a creepy way, talking about their body like it was a piece of meat and he was an animal feeding on them, but Lawrence couldn’t think of a reason to be scared of the obvious red flags coming out of their conversation.

They swallowed past the ever-growing lump in their throat as they paced back to their bed, sitting down and trying their best to keep their responses coherent as they typed out another anxious reply.

"Oh yeah..? Think so?"

"i know so..."

God, he was quick.

"mind pulling those pants down?"

They chewed the inside of their cheek again, hesitating for maybe a moment before they began to slowly pull their pyjama bottoms down their skinny hips, exposing their boxer briefs and the bulge of their cock. 

They felt so exposed, like someone could just walk in and see them right now, and yet...

They took another picture and sent it to Strade without a word, feeling the flush spread across their face as they did so.

"those look pretty tight, baby," He wrote after a pause. "like that cute girlcock is desperate for something its not gonna get. too cute <3"

What the fuck, girlcock-?!

Every word of the message made them shiver more and more, making the aching feeling in their chest that much more intense and tight, so tight it was almost painful. 

God, they couldn’t even begin to describe how this fucking stranger was making them feel. 

They were starting to feel desperate, like he said they were, their girlcock stirring and pressing even tighter against the taut fabric of their briefs, denying them anything close to relief.

They swallowed again, their tongue poking out to wet their dry lips as they typed a needy response.

"Please…just keep talking to me like that…”

"you're such a good girl," Strade continued to praise with another beating heart emoji. "spread your legs, make those panties nice and tight for me so i can see your girlcock press up there…"

They had to close their eyes momentarily and take in a deep, shaky breath to calm themself before they even attempted a response.

It was almost hard to type with how worked up they were, how much their fucking girlcock was stirring, how much their hands were shaking. They felt so submissive and helpless, like they wouldn’t even be able to think without Strade telling them to. 

They just wanted to do whatever he told them to do.

Their legs parted as far as they could (while still framed nicely in the camera) and they jutted their hips slightly, making the thick bulge of their cock the focus of the picture. Light blonde hair covered their tummy and thighs, and they almost felt self-conscious about it, for the first time in their life.

A girl shouldn’t have that there…at least, not a good girl.

"fuck, you're killing me," He wrote with that angel emoji again. "you little tease. what i wouldn't give to have you here now."

Lawrence closed their eyes with a soft moan as they held the pose, trying to imagine what it would be like if he was here instead of just ordering them around over the phone.

They were still trembling but they couldn’t help but smile coyly to themself as they thought out another response.

"What would you do to me if I was there right now?"

"you really want to know, sweetheart?"

They swallowed hard, their grey eyes wide and unnervingly alive, and replied, almost without a thought.

"Yes. Tell me please…I want to know."

…

…

…

"i wouldn't let anyone else even get the chance to look at you, let alone touch you, before i’m through with you, lawrence"

"i'd take you down in my basement and make you scream. hurt you. cut you. fuck you even if you fought me back. ruin that cute little body and torture your girlcock until you begged me to stop."

"and i wouldn't stop <3 even if you screamed and cried and behaved like suuuuch a good girl for me, angel <3"

…

…

…

"You’d do that to me…?"

…

…

…

"yeah. i like ruining pretty things." He wrote. "and you're the prettiest thing i've seen in weeks."

Lawrence could feel themself almost trembling as they stared at their phone, their hands shaking. 

They managed to type out a response, each letter in their reply feeling like a tremendous amount of effort when their fingers were shaking like jelly, just holding onto the phone.

"You really think I’m…pretty…?"

Their heart was pounding as they waited for a reply, waited for those tell-tale orange dots to move again, their once-dead eyes wide and alive and ready for more as their head spun behind them. 

It was like they were experiencing an entirely new high, one more dangerous and more pleasurable than any drug could give them.

They could see themself getting quickly addicted to it, and knew that this addiction was sure to kill them faster than any other vice would.

“haha you're kind of a freak law," Strade seemed to tease when his reply finally popped up, though it was lacking the emojis that typically gave his teasing nature away. "i like that a lot. pretty girls are never usually as filthy as you~"

Their head canted slightly as they read the message, wetting their lips again as they reached down and idly palmed their cock, feeling the hard flesh between their long fingers and wishing that Strade was the one doing the touching instead.

Freak. Filth. Words growing on them like mould grew on spoiled food. 

They were gradually getting infected by whatever disease Strade must have had to enjoy this, and they couldn’t have been happier

They flopped back heavily on the bed with a shaky exhale, that same feeling of twisted pride they got when he called them a “good girl” washing over them.

They managed to respond with one hand occupied (still squeezing their rotten cock that was enjoying every moment of this), their fingers still trembling.

"Yeah, I’m kind of a freak I guess…”

A pretty freak…a pretty girl…

Their cock pulsed hotter.

"yeah.”

“even the most poorly-adjusted tranny has the self-respect not to put up with all of this. what's the matter, law, you don't have any of that?"

They whimpered softly and bit their lip hard (so hard, they could practically taste blood), before rolling onto their side and bringing their knees up to their heaving chest as their cock twitched incessantly between their trembling legs, their slack body shivering all over as they squeezed their thighs tightly together.

Fuck, this was so awful. So, so fucking awful.

Then why was their head pounding, their chest heaving, their cock throbbing harder and harder (and harder and harder), the worse it got?

They swallowed hard, the lump in their throat almost painful to gulp past, as they read the message again, and despite themself, they reached down and started tugging on their cock as they typed, their heart continuing to race at an impossible pace from the mix of excitement and dread at feeling so vulnerable and exposed to this man.

"Why would I want self-respect if it means I can’t talk to you…?”

"good answer <3"

They couldn’t help but smile upon reading the new text, cradling the phone to their shuddering chest with one hand, as the other tightened the hold on their cock, the veins in their wrist pulsating as it jerked up and down their length. 

God, they were just completely hooked on this fucking stranger, addicted to his praise, his threats, his dirty talk (if it could even be called that).

They lay there for a moment, just jerking themself off with wet gasps and shifting skin on skin, trying to even think of what to do next. 

Their mind was so fuzzy and filled with thoughts of Strade, Strade, Strade that they could hardly concentrate, even without the initial fuzz the weed had given them.

It was a perfect sensation.

"what are you doing now, law?"

“I’m…touching myself.”

“show me.”

Like everything else with Strade, it was phrased like a question but Lawrence knew that they didn’t have the luxury of disagreeing with him.

Like they even wanted that luxury to begin with.

They obediently moved backwards, up their bed, lying flat on their back (belly up, like a prey animal offering itself to a rightful predator) and parting their trembling thighs again, wrenching their briefs all the down their legs and taking an awkward picture of their cock in hand, the flushed head and firm length framed by the thin, milky white pillars of their scarred thighs.

They were just glad that this app didn’t have access to their storage and that any pictures exchanged in the chat wouldn’t be saved.

That would have been incredibly fucking embarrassing. 

"haha wtf you're fucking huge," Strade quickly wrote back in response, making fun of them, though, again, the message was lacking his usual emojis (as had many of the previous messages, actually). "talk about wasted potential, eh, law?"

“What do you mean, wasted potential…”

“it means when i fuck you,” When, not if, when, NOT IF. “i'm not letting you top for a single day of the rest of your wretched, little life”

They licked their lips hungrily, eyes wide with anticipation.

“Is…is that a threat…or a promise…?”

"both <3"

God.

GOD. 

They felt like they were going insane.

They just wanted more and more of his words, wanted to take everything this man was saying to them and amplify it, make it worse, make it despicable, diabolical, disgusting, more, more, more-

“God, I hope so…” They typed, the jerking of their wrist faster as heat coiled up, hot and tight, in their belly. “You make me feel like I’m losing my mind…”

"won't need a mind for what i'm planning for you, sweetheart"

“Fuck…” They stammered softly to themself, words falling past their parted lips in a helpless whimper, as they squeezed their cock harder, a thick bead of pre-cum drooling over their bony knuckles. They didn’t touch themself that often, all of their saved videos were no longer able to scratch the itch of their deadened arousal, but now, they were feeling it, so close, so desperate-

“i want you to stop touching yourself now, law”

Their hand stilled instantly, their pale brows knitting together as another typing bubble popped up.

“you don’t work weekends, do you?”

They swallowed hard, typing out a reply while anticipating the next message.

“No, not usually…why?”

“you know the braying mule in town? just next to that new whole foods?” Donkey emoji, beer glass emoji, wilting leaf emoji.

Lawrence took a moment to think about the spot Strade was describing. 

It wasn’t too far from the warehouse, now that they were thinking about it, in a slightly sketchier place in town that was facing a wave of gentrification (hence the Whole Foods that they, unfortunately, did frequent for tea ingredients and discount granola).

“Yeah…?”

“are you gonna meet me there next saturday?”

Once again, phrased like a question but Lawrence knew there was no option to say no.

Like they would have said no.

“I guess I am.”

“good girl.” Angel emoji, beating heart emoji. “and are you going to give yourself anyyyy relief before then?”

He was teasing again, and the praise and indirect order was enough to send another pulse of heat to their cock, making it that much more painful and unsatisfying when they let go of it and lay back on the bed.

“I…guess I’m not.”

“she’s smart for a poorly-adjusted faggot, isn’t she?”

God, he was just so demeaning, and they were absolutely obsessed with it.

That warm, fluttery feeling in the pit of their stomach was back, and it felt even stronger than before. 

They almost had to resist the urge to bite their bottom lip and start jerking off again…and they could only muster the shakiest of responses.

“Yeah…she is.”

“such a good girl, law.” He wrote, and Lawrence could practically see the shit-eating grin on his handsome face. “i’m looking forward to meeting you <3”

“Me too…”

[featherstorm2004]

Nana Shimura's guilt

Ok, so I'm sure plenty of people have noticed that in the latest chapter Nana has been insisting that Izuku must kill Shigaraki and that he's a wall that Izuku doesn't have to climb over. And I want to discus that as whilst I certainly don't agree with her, I find her reasons for such a perspective to be fascinating.

But let's begin with a trend I've noticed in any chapters where Nana and the vestiges talk about Shigaraki, and that's the fact that despite originally agreeing to go along with Izuku's wish to save Shigaraki they constantly refer to him as an 'it' or a 'thing' more often describing him as something less then human. And whilst it may not be surprising for the others to refer to him this way, it is incredibly disturbing that Nana his own grandmother seems the most determined to remove Shigaraki's humanity.

In fact it appears to be a theme that anyone who had a personal stake in how Shigaraki came to be are the one's most determined to ignore any sign of personhood inside him. This can be seen with Grand Torino, who despite having come to the realisation that his and Nana's decision was a mistake, seems to double down and tries to convince Izuku that killing Tomura is the better option; hell, literally the moment Shigaraki's identity is reviled he is the one to convince All Might that he isn't worth saving and that no matter his bloodline he's still a villain.

And he says this with full confidence despite the fact All For One outright told them both that he deliberately groomed Shigaraki to hate All Might and only chose him to mess with his enemy.

Even All Might chose to give up on Shigaraki very quickly and hasn't even thought about him since he found out, which is honestly really sad because of all people he should have been the one who cared the most, especially since he knows one of the only reasons All For One chose to mess with Shigaraki was to hurt him.

Which brings me back to Nanna and why she is acting the way she is and honestly, it's most likely due to a number of reasons and guilt is likely the most prominent one. After all it was her choices which led to Kotaro becoming traumatised and despising hero's, and it was because she was a wielder of One For All that her family/Tenko was targeted. Now I'm not saying it's Nana's fault Kotaro became an abuser, after all he was a grown man who was more than responsible for the way he handled his trauma however, that doesn't erase the fact that she was the root of his hatred which he passed down onto his son.

Not to mention she knows that the main reason Tenko was targeted was for revenge against her for defying All For One, so not only dose she have to deal with the fact that her son abused his child to near insanity but also her mortal enemy, who killed her, her master and tried to kill her student also groomed her grandchild to hate her, hero's and to become his next vessel.

That a lot of guilt for anyone to be burdened with and whilst it isn't directly her fault, the birth of Shigaraki is a result of the legacy she left behind.

And she obviously can't cope with that because if she did, it would basically invalidate every sacrifice she made for the sake of protecting One For All, so what dose she do? Well she makes a very human mistake and choses to ignore it. After all if Shigaraki is just a monster, a creature beyond human understanding then she doesn't have to face the guilt, "it was out of my hands, what could I have done?" "there's no point in dwelling on what could have been".

Ironically it's the same response All For One had regarding his own humanity. Essentially she's taking the responsibility out of her hands in order to protect herself because if she dose acknowledge it, it would essentially be an ego death for her and well humans are naturally programmed to protect ourselves at all costs. It's not nice but it's the truth, which honestly makes someone like Izuku stand out more.

Izuku has no reason to sympathies with Shigaraki, he has no idea what he's gone through or the history behind his creation but despite that he is the only person on the hero's side who has NEVER ignored him. Hell, even back in the mall scene where Shigaraki practically had him a gun point he still took the time to listen to him and give him a proper answer to his question and clearly what Shigaraki said meant something to him as he ask's All Might about it later.

It's clear that ever since these two have met that for some reason, whether it be the legacies they both carry or the fact that Izuku is just an innately empathetic person, these two have shared a connection. It's like Izuku and Shigaraki said, it's almost like fate has brought them together and we'll just have to see however that played out.

However, it's abundantly clear that whatever might happen between the two of them for Shigaraki to be truly be saved Nana and by extension all others who have kindly rejected Shigaraki will have to eventually accept that he is in fact human. They cannot keep pushing things under the rug because Izuku won't let them.

[syscultureis]

Welcome to our System culture blog!

Every other plural culture blog we've seen has always been pro endo, tulpa, and other non-traumagenic systems.

We are not, while our views from alter to alter vary, we consider ourselves as a whole anti-nontraumagenic

We use plural because we've used it to describe ourselves since before we even knew what a system was. It is not us "reclaiming" or "stealing" the term, it's us using a term we have always, and will always, use. Stop sending asks about it (please)

About us and our blog!

Submit asks about how being plural affects you! We'll post it either with a response to it, or just on its own.

Non-traumagenic and their supporters are not welcome here. Mixed orgins systems included with that. (Being neutral on endos is fine, just be aware that we are anti endo here)

Don't be worried to submit the more negative stuff, we'll try to add trigger warning best we can

We're bodily 20 and a system of about 40 known alters.

This blog is for any kind of traumagenic system. OSDD, DID, P-DID, Polyfragmented, etc. If you want to start your ask with your specific type of system go for it!

We don't want to be a syscourse blog, but we can't promise there won't be any. We will tag it as syscourse though

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This blog is to share experiences with our community, the good and the bad

Swearing is okay, but please try to keep slurs out of asks. You can censor them if they need to be used.

We are bodily disabled, so don't be mean about physical disabilities

Go ahead and send in things about comoridity as well! Example: "Plural autistic culture is..."

This system uses neo pronouns!! And supports xenogenders!!

Feel free to ask any questions you have, depending on who's fronting when we get it it may or may not be answered

This blog supports people with all disorders, and we will do our best to avoid posting asks that use terms like "narcissistic abuse" as we believe it adds stigma to disorders such as NPD

Please don't use the term "Core" in our asks when referring to the first host. It's an outdated term that basically means "first and original alter" which isn't really a thing, and we don't like promoting misinformation like that, especially when it very often promotes the idea that one alter is more real and important than the others

Feel free to spam the ask box as much as you want

We are not an informational blog, lots of this stuff is light hearted and humorous. We joke about things the same way people do with any other disorder. Do not take everything at face value, if you're going to clarify or correct information just be nice or we're going to block you regardless of if we agree or not

Please also note that depending on who's fronting our views may vary, one alter does not speak for our entire system. Not even if they claim to, there is almost nothing we all agree on wholeheartedly. If an issue arises we will do our best to control and adress it.

Brief summary for those that can't read long things:

- xeno genders welcome

- cluster b disorders supported

- non-traumagenic and supporters not welcomed

- not every post has to be positive

- singlets welcome

- try to avoid syscourse

- self diagnosis is valid

- We are not an informational blog, most of this these

posts are joking or having fun

Link to our discord servers (let us know if it doesn't work):

[showtoonzfan]

So to sum up, here’s what Viv did to Ken regarding the document:

1. Saw their fanart of Cherri Bomb, asked if she could use their pose as a reference for Cherri’s character sheet, but instead traced the pose and despite saying she’d give credit, never did.

2. Excuses the fact that her idea for Sir Pentious’s third eye being an emote to him was a copy of Ken’s character they refer to as “TF”. Ken mentions it made them uncomfortable and suggested that his hat be an AI or something Pen created himself, but obliviously in the final product of the pilot, it was never explained what Sir Pen’s hat was or why he had it.

3. MOST importantly, NEVER credited Ken for their involvement with writing the Hazbin pilot. Viv goes to Ken multiple instances, admitting she isn’t the best at writing and only comedy, and needs help. She shares some ideas with Ken, and here are the following ideas and scenes that Ken came up with THEMSELVES that appeared in the final product of the pilot:

The joke scene where everyone laughs at Charlie, but Angel dust is brought up with her proudly saying he’s making great progress, only to cut to him on the news helping Cherri out and everything being screwed up for her, saying “oh shit” or “oh fuck”.

Angel being the only patron of the hotel, and only being there for a free room, with Vaggie and Charlie scolding him that he would change and him not caring

LITERALLY WAS THE ONE WHO CAME UP WITH ALASTOR APPEARING IN THE PILOT AND WANTING TO INVEST IN THE HOTEL BECAUSE HE’S BORED.

Alastor and Husk knowing each other PERSONALLY and Alastor being the one who hired Husk to help

The joke scene where someone brings up that they’re trying to help sinners not encourage this stuff and Angel immediately says “shut up we’re keeping this”-

The joke scene of Angel telling Al he can do the deed and Al immediately going “haha! No!”.

Came up with the idea that Al’s introduction on who he is should be through Angel asking Vaggie and came up with the “wait you don’t know him?” - “eh not big on politics”- dialogue.

Alastor’s line of “If I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already”-

And yet, despite being responsible for these jokes and plot threads, when Erin had confronted Viv about being credited, Viv had all this bs to say:

At first she rambles on about how she didn’t credit because apparently the stuff Ken came up with was early draft shit? Despite the fact that everything I listed above was in the actual pilot? And then didn’t want to credit them because she wanted to make a “promotional” post despite Spindlehorse not even being created yet and Ken had every right to ask for credit since it’s true that people DO assume that Viv does all this stuff by herself. And apparently telling everyone what members did what is too much for Viv, because Ken’s getting paid anyway so that makes it okay! Then Viv being Viv thinks Ken is attacking her and pulls the poor pity me card simply because she couldn’t understand what Ken was asking her I guess, but I suggest y’all read the entire doc because I’m scratching the surface, I just bring this up because the writing was the most important part.

4. Blacklisted and talked horrible of Ken behind their back. Ken was hesitant and late into signing the document, but eventually Viv had started to speak negatively of Ken to other members, calling them an abuser ect:

Again, read the document for full context, but this is just fucking awful, especially since at the same time when this was happening, Viv had been talking to Ken at the time and being all nice. It’s just amazing how awful Viv sounds, how she thinks Ken is out to get her and her show, all for wanting credit and wanting to make sure they didn’t sign their rights and characters away. Someone who had literally helped Viv on the pilot and was there for her in a vulnerable time of need, got treated like dirt, and it is NOT okay.

Please spread the document link:

[princess-of-the-corner]

Aware of Abuse AU

Nino in this is a little fascinating to me, cause I can’t see him NOT becoming friends with Adrien. I can see them maybe not being super close, especially at first, but I can’t see them being enemies. But I can also see Nino becoming the first class kid (outside Sabrina, and I’m not sure how she counts) to really GET the rich kid trio, and start trying to make proper friends with them.

Like, Just How I See This In My Head

(sorry to put this under a readmore but it’s a little long)

So, we have the first day shenanigans, who knows what, but we still have a bit of seat drama. Adrien ends up sitting in the front on Chloé’s side, Sabrina and Chloé behind him (protecting him, but shhhhh, that wasn’t on PURPOSE). Which means that there’s an empty seat next to Adrien, and … no one really wants to sit IN FRONT of Chloé. It’s not that they think she’ll DO something, but it Makes most of them uncomfortable. Like, no one’s being explicit about it (except maybe Marinette) but everyone’s reluctant to take that seat. So, Nino decides, “welp, someone’s gotta sit there. New kid doesn’t seem too bad, questionable friends aside” and plops himself down, introduces himself to Adrien.

Like, keep in mind, he’s been in the same class as Chloé for most of his school life, but Nino isn’t someone who’d be much on Chloé radar. He isn’t her friend (Sabrina) or her “obstacle./rival/jealousy-crush (Marinette). He and Chloé probably butted heads a few times, but nothing serious. Plus, she doesn’t mutter (Max) or kick the chair in front of her (Kim). She’s a tolerable seat mate. If it gets bad, well. He has headphones. He can probably just ignore her.

So, like, Nino takes the seat, introduces himself. Adrien starts to light up, because yay! New friend! But Nino probably still asks why he’s friends with Chloé. His light dims a bit. He gets quiet. He’s seen today why he’d ask, but he’s also seen other shit. He’s BEEN through some shit. He’s also been through the WRINGER today, fighting a giant stone monster did a NUMBER on him. He’s TIRED. So Adrien responds in a way he might not normally. "If you knew her, you wouldn’t have to ask.”

Nino’s a bit taken aback - that is a … weirdly solemn, serious response?? vaguely concerning?? - but decides, ok, sure. Why not? That could be a valid point, Nino doesn’t actually know Chloé personally, despite them being in school together most of their lives. She could genuinely be nice to some people. Or she could be a manipulative fuck, again, Nino doesn’t actually know her that well personally. Maybe she’s a decent person to people she considers “worthwhile” or some shit. Maybe she’s brainwashed Adrien like most of the class think she did to Sabrina. Who knows? Not Nino. But he doesn’t have to be a dick about it. If Chloé’s an amazing friend to Adrien, awesome. Maybe he’ll help mellow her out. If she’s actually the Anti-Christ, Nino can hopefully provide an example of a good friend for Adrien to look at and realize he deserves better.

(For the record, Nino does NOT think Chloé is devil spawn, he’s just looking at the two most extreme possibilities in his head)

So, he nods, concedes the point - “Yeah, that’s fair. We don’t really hang.” Adrien lights up a bit more, pleased. They chat a bit, about school, hobbies. (Behind them, Chloé’s in a state of shock, because what??? Someone??? Admitted she might?? Be good?? Not bad?? In a roundabout way, BUT STILL????!?)

So Adrien and Nino are … maybe not FRIENDS right away, but FRIENDLY. They talk. They exchange numbers. Adrien misses a day for a photoshoot, and Nino helps Sabrina take his notes. Nino still mostly hangs out with Marinette, Alya, the rest of the class, but he makes time to hang with Adrien too. At first just them, wandering around Paris, or hanging in his bedroom, but slowly, Nino gets invited to hang with Adrien, Chloé and Sabrina, sometimes Kagami.

And like … It’s awkward. We won’t pretend it’s not. But while Chloé is blunt, sometimes rude, she isn’t going out of her way to be MEAN. Isolated from the environment Nino’s used to seeing her in, it becomes really clear that Chloé just doesn’t have many other ways to interact with the world, and either has difficulty learning, or in a few cases doesn’t see the point. Away from everyone else, she’s also much more friendly to Sabrina - tries to talk her up more, get her to take more agency (maybe … not always in the best way, but she’s TRYING). And like, hanging with her at the mall, and then seeing her in school is a bit of whiplash for behaviour, but like. Now Nino’s SEEN her be a decent person with stunted social skills. He doesn’t think it EXCUSES anything, but like. He no longer buys Marinette’s “Rich Brat, Perfect Life” rant.

I think the big turning point for all of them would be Nino finding out how much their jokes about their parents aren’t exaggerated jokes. They aren’t “this is funny cause it’s ‘out there’” the jokes are “this funny cause it’s true”.

Cause like. At first, Nino honestly believes thats what they are. “The gates of hell would open before my dad threw me a birthday party.” / “I think my mother would fire me, if it wouldn’t look bad for the press.” “Like, fire you from being her daughter, or set you on fire?” “Yes.” / “Do you think my dad would notice if I pierced my ears?” “Oh, absolutely! Can’t have the face of his brand altered without prior agreement!” “True, true. What about you?” “Oh, I could dye my hair a different colour every day for a month and he wouldn’t notice.”

Like, Nino thinks it might just be some weird, rich people thing? It doesn’t help that, like, Adrien and Chloé don’t tend to make that many of those sort of jokes around him. I mean, they might know their parents suck, but they don’t want anyone ELSE to. It’s personal. Other people won’t get it. They don’t want pity. Whatever the reason, they try to keep the jokes on the downlow when hanging out with Nino. So, Nino doesn’t get the full force. A few black humour style jokes like that are … concerning, but Nino doesn’t think they’re, like, full on awful. Maybe a bit “rich parent neglectful” but like. Not bad, right? His friends aren’t in that bad of a situation, right?

I like to think the tipping point is a slip up. Something dramatic, because. I mean. Look at these kids. Drama follows them.

Like, say Nino’s over at Adrien’s. Gabriel is out for the day, which means the two have run of the place. They’re relaxing, playing video games, whatever, when Chloé bursts into the room in tears. Nino’s so shocked he falls off the sofa.

Chloé, however, doesn’t even look at him. No, all her focus is on Adrien, cause GUESS WHAT MUMMY DEAREST DID NOW!? Maybe it was a dinner gone wrong. A gift turned sour. A random argument. But just because Chloé KNOWS her mom is a bitch, doesn’t mean it hurts any less when Audrey demeans her. When she knows which nerves to hit and buttons to press. She’s ranting, sobbing about how, oh, of course she did this, why am I even surprised, I should have expected this, honestly. I knew what she was going to do, why open my big mouth!? It’s ridiculous, utterly-!

Chloé stops. Because she just noticed Nino. Who is having a horrible paradigm shift, realizing oh. Those jokes were NOT exaggerated. His friends’ parents ARE that bad. They DO suck that much.

Chloé’s ready to start falling apart all over again, because god, could she GET any more pathetic, she just spilled her guts in front-! She didn’t even SEE him, why wasnt she more careful-! Adrien is trying to figure out damage control. Nino can see them both panicking, and just says, “We could sell her kneecaps on eBay.”

Chloé & Adrien: “… . what?”

Nino, straight faced: “eBay. I heard kneecaps go for a lot, these days.”

Adrien, after a pause: “Audrey’s though?”

Nino: *shrugs* “I mean, I don’t think we’d get much for them, especially once they’ve been shattered, but I still think we could get SOMETHING.”

More silence.

Nino: “Like … four dollars? I’m pretty sure we could get at LEAST four dollars. Maybe some old, chewed gum. Some dryer lint, if we feel like pushing it.”

Chloé, starting to smile a little: “… Mom has security.”

Nino: “I have a nine-iron, a taser, and six years of parkour. Also, I’m pretty sure Max has access to the dark web, and he owes me a no-questions-asked favour.”

-

Yes!! YES!!!!!

This is the vibes I am imagining!!

[watermelinoe]

Do you feel as though most lesbians on radblr (not all of course) are… you know? Like.. they progressively become more and more biphobic after months or years of being decent. I don’t know if I’m making a lot of sense, but first it was the 22v6 girl, then normallesbian, then menalez, and now heterophobicdyke too.. i know there are more examples but i’m just getting tired of the biphobia on here.. ☹️

honestly i don't think of this as a lesbian problem. afaik 22v6 wasn't a lesbian. i can't really speak on the other users you mentioned bc i don't follow them, i've seen some of the behavior i'm about to describe from some of them but they don't come to mind when i'm thinking of some of the worst things i've seen on here.

radblr in general just has an accountability issue. someone will say something biphobic (or homophobic! afaik that woman who made that homophobic pastor comparison remade and carried right along) and some people will express disapproval, but most will ignore it or try to downplay it and they'll keep interacting with that user. i'll use heterophobicdyke as an example since she's deactivated, but someone in her inbox was complaining that bi women "whine" about our rape and dv statistics, and in her response she completely brushed past it, zero acknowledgement of that being a fucked up thing to say. that's one typical radblr response. downplaying is another. but the worst imo is being accused of being manipulative.

so if we complain about being called dickmunchers on here, we may be told it's just "venting" and to log off and get real problems, but if we mention said real problems (rape and ipv statistics as well as substance abuse and mental illness statistics) then we must be weaponizing those statistics to play the victim in the great lesbian vs bisexual war that we've all been drafted in i guess. bi women are all master manipulators, obviously.

so where does that shit come from? imo, not radblr.

most deranged shit being said about bi women can be traced back to this blackpilled thing. radblr's biggest problem is that instead of saying "hey that's a deranged thing to say," the gyns are more annoyed with bi women for ~making a big deal out of it~ when WE say "hey that's a deranged thing to say." i can make a post documenting some deranged thing someone said and the two responses i will get are: "this is based actually and i hope your nigel kills you" <- some blackpill weirdo orbiting radblr who assumes i'm male-partnered, and "log off if you don't like it" "that's not a radfem" (bonus points if it's about a user that radfems regularly reblog from) <- radfems

and that's not a lesbian thing, the root is just that no one here thinks bisexuality is an oppressed sexual minority. kind of ironic for the "we totally understand class analysis" group. but if it seems worse than before, i think that's because the blackpill thing is sort of in vogue rn, especially with edgy teenagers orbiting radblr.

it would be nice if more women on here would actually stand up for bi women instead of finding a million excuses not to do so. that's what i find frustrating, personally. but it also happens with racism and homophobia all the time. i know it doesn't seem like it bc we have conflict all the fuckin time, but i actually think radblr is overall conflict-avoidant to a fault.

[ravenwitch45]

What if fem s/o invited Blitzo over for dinner to meet their dysfunctional family? S/o doesn't have a lot respect for their dad because he isn't emotionally plugged in as he doesn't get it and he made everything chaotic for them along with the mom who is the victim when they were growing up which is why they have self esteem issues along with having poor taste in men as they had 2 broken relationships.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eXUulrxde9A&pp=ygUccGltJ3MgZmFtaWx5IHNtaWxpbmcgZnJpZW5kcw%3D%3D

Oh lord, well this sounds fun, I'm a bit unsure what you meant with a few parts but I'll try my best to do the whole "Blitz meet his S/Os dysfunctional family" Schtick. He's dealt with plenty before after all.

Blitzo gets invited by his Fem S/O for dinner with her dysfunctional parents.

He has very awkward feelings on biological family. His own crashed and burned, Got a front row seat to Moxxie's thing with his Dad, and even remembers how dismissive Paimon's treatment of Stolas a little bit. Not to mention Loona's abandoned her or at least left her alone and he's ready to kill em if he ever meets them but that's all beside the point.

Point is he has a jaded view on famlies. So when you invite him he makes a off handed remark, saying he hopes your parents were good ones, he cares about you after all, and when you awkwardly chuckle and stammer at an answer that care turns to concern. "Babe? They weren't... you know, abusive right?"He asks again only stiffening you more.

He never asked about your parents, he keeps his own past and family under wraps so he gives you the same courtesy, if you wanted to tell him that's your choice and sees no reason to push for answers. But the idea that you had anything like he did makes his stomach squirm.

Eventually you explain that while they... weren't perfect, they still tried, especially your mom despite everything and that you'd like him to meet them. He agrees wanting to make a good impression if you've already discussed it with them and the date is set.

You both dress nice, and nervously knock on the door, him putting an arm around you which you hold and your mother answers, seeming to be a very tired but nice and welcoming woman who eagerly welcomes you and Blitz. Saying she's happy to meet him, and that you've told her so much about him

"All good things I hope?"Blitzo jokes but your mother assures that it's been nothing but praise, saying she's glad her daughter found such a great man that loves her so. Blitzo, always loving praise reciprocates the politeness, overall a pleasant meeting.

Your father on the other hand isn't seen or heard until dinner (Which is quite a large meal for one woman to make alone btw)But he comes down once it's done and almost immediately the alarm bells are ringing.

Your father just looks so done with everything and doesn't even smile upon seeing you or his wife, just asking blunty "So this is your new boyfriend?"To you and Blitz, and the look he gives makes chills shoot up Blitz's back.

Still he's still awkwardly polite, same as you oddly enough. Answering basic questions with your mother occasionally chiming in as you eat. It's a awkward dinner, but not unpleasant, most light small talk is mainly between you, Blitz and your mother. Your father rarely asking a question or mumbling in response to whatever you are talking about but then... it happens...

"So what do you do... Blitzo right?"Your father asks, Blitzo composing himself real quick before answering, correcting him on the O before stating the truth, that's he's an assassin who kills people sinners want dead in the living world. While your mother finds that very intresting and impressive, but before she can even finish her sentence her husband interjects with a loud sigh.

"So another daredevil, why am I not surprised?"He asks with a very annoyed tone, earning a glare from you as your mother frowns and Blitz is just unsure what's going on, as your father and you go back and forth with your mother trying and failing to mediate

"He's not a daredevil, he runs an entire busisness for satans sake!"

"Oh he might get more money then most, but still, you just can't keep yourself away from the dangerous ones can you?"

"Blitz isn't dangerous, he's my boyfriend! A very good one, he treats me right, he makes me happy!"

"Well clearly danger finds him, it's clear on his face, how long before he almost get's you killed like the others?"

That's enough for Blitz to shoot up from his seat, declaring he'd never put his S/O in danger and that he'll protect you no matter what, to which your father just replies "They all said that." and before he replies he hears whimpering and turns to you, seeing tears in your eyes as you clutch your arm tightly

"I-I learned from the last times... Blitz is different..."You get out inbetween sniffling and your father just sighs as his wife get's after him, while Blitz holds you close, kissing you on the forehead.

Eventually he interrupts your parents fighting to say your leaving, complimenting the food but certainly not the company as he escorts you out, you staying silent the whole way to the car, him setting you in the passenger seat next to him, and you drive off, him spotting your mother watching from the window, she seemed nice, and deserving of more then her husband but your his priority right now, with you resting your head on his shoulder, still snifling as he drives home.

He's not gonna ask even though he's curious, he just wants you to feel good again, he wants to see your smile, he didn't expect you to have pain like that, but maybe you being so kind despite that makes him love you more he thinks as he wraps his tail around your waist.

When you get home you've already fallen asleep so he carries you to bed, getting you out of your shoes as he kicks off his boots and removes his jacket and joins you. Hoping holding you close makes your dreams stray from remaking tonight, as his often do about his own awful nights. Either way he makes sure your safe the best he can.

Whew! Not sure If I've ever done a full hurt comfort thing before as X Reader but I enjoyed it! One of my longer ones too XP Hope you enjoyed!

[utilitycaster]

Hey! Because I have seen various, various, various takes on Ashton’s actions in ep77– both on twitter (whew) and on here— and I am loving all of the different perspectives on it, I was wondering what your opinion was on the take that Ashton may have manipulated Fearne in the conversation they both had right before absorbing the shard.

Personally, I feel like it may be a bit more complicated than that, but I still don’t know.

Hey!

I think this post I made sums it up. It's not. Ashton tells Fearne precisely what they intend to do. He then does it. Fearne has the opportunity to refuse this request, or to tell the rest of Bells Hells, and she chooses not to. Yes, he compliments her and tells her that he trusts her to do the right thing when most wouldn't. Laudna asks Imogen to kill her if Delilah takes over in virtually the same exact language earlier than episode, and I don't think that's manipulative either:

Laudna to Imogen: And if anything happens and I become her little puppet, I trust you to make the right choice. (Implication this is a request for a mercy killing in the context of Delilah and Laudna's lives being inseparable; is understood as such by Imogen as demonstrated from her response and her later scene in the temple)

Ashton to Fearne: Things are going to happen, and I trust you to help me make the right decision, and I hope you trust me to help make the right decision.

The fact one is being brought up and not the other really points out that the Twitter talks out their collective ass ten times more often than they do their collective mouth; and the fact that they cannot distinguish "put Fearne in a somewhat uncomfortable position" from manipulation really points out that touching grass is not enough; they need to develop meaningful relationships with a wide variety of people in the real world.

Going along with a friend's stupid-ass decision that they encouraged you to join in and immediately regretting it is not, in fact, manipulation; it's your friend at most being kind of a dick and you exercising your agency to make your own stupid-ass decisions. It would have been wiser and nicer of Ashton to ask the party who wanted to take the shard, sure, but Fearne actively agrees with them that they should get it, and Ashton is not really defined by wisdom and being nice, and also, the above would be way more boring.

I don't want to go into this because it's a massive out-of-scope rant not limited to this particular situation, and I'd like to drag my sleep schedule back into a reasonable place tonight, but I think a lot of the more rancid discourse, whatever it may be but especially about interpersonal relationships between characters, arises for the following reasons, and I have little patience for any of them.

Thinking the only way to be a Good Person is to use 2023-approved therapy speak (and, frankly, frequently 2023 Rando on Tiktok claiming expertise who is actually a freshman psych students with no friends and a D average approved "therapy speak")

Relatedly, an all-consuming fear of any conflict, fictional, real, or otherwise, and the accompanying lack of any conflict resolution skills; this is also why they think this is manipulative, because if Fearne said no, that would be Conflict which is bad so positioning someone where conflict might be required for them to express themselves must be evil.

The genuine belief that you can only understand someone if you get everything right on the first try; either you read their mind perfectly or you have failed and are probably a manipulator or abuser for potentially leading to misunderstandings which lead to conflict which, as we see from the above point, is evil.

A refusal to admit that sometimes people are merely 1. assholes or 2. stupid. I frequently talk about opinions I cannot stand, and I almost as frequently get questions about how this opinion is problematic, and the vast majority of the time? It's not. I think it says something quite worrying, actually, that people are more comfortable and even eager to assume that a stranger is hateful or bigoted rather than merely inconsiderate or not that bright. Ashton made a poorly informed decision and made Fearne party to it. It was dumb and it wasn't really nice. That's literally it.

Anyway here's the five geek social fallacies; I recommend reading any Twitter Take(TM) and deciding how many of them they are applying to the narrative, cast, and fandom. See if you can get a full house.

(also upon re-reading this I'm pretty brusque and I promise it's not directed at you; I just genuinely think that the majority of the Twitter fandom, and certainly the loudest voices thereof, are so stupid a Detect Thoughts spell on them would fail on the basis of intelligence alone and the fact that their takes gain traction baffles and infuriates me)

[not-poignant]

I'm rereading utb and while i def understand and agree with ef being held accountable for things, at the same time, it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions, much less his trauma, without anyone actually explaining or modeling this

Like, everyone constantly brings up the fact that he tried to kill Kadek even once they've acknowledged why and gary is starting a relationship with him while also essentially his prison warden and with how little ef has experienced in the world, especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Idk, I really love this fic so, so much and thank you for writing it and i don't even need a response or anything, I just get defensive of ef when I'm reading sometimes bc he's trying so, so hard basically all the time and it seems like people acknowledge it sometimes in the moment but then don't give him the tools to make it any easier

Answering this one publicly because I know you're not the only one who feels this way or has felt this way!

Okay firstly, some of this conflict I'm evoking in the reader is intentional. I want people to feel defensive of Efnisien. I want people to think 'hey, hang on a minute.' There's a lot of reasons I want that, including the fact that in reality, most people don't recover from being abusive even after they've been in horrifically abusive situations in a vacuum (i.e. the whole world doesn't suddenly stop and become soft as cotton wool just because you've been abused! If you go and interview a whole bunch of people in jail right now, a lot of those folks (especially those who have done repeated serious crimes) will have experienced horrendous and incredibly unfair amounts of abuse, y'know? It's complicated. Yes, they have a right to heal and a right to support. Some of them probably did some pretty awful crimes as well. *coughs*serial killers*coughs*)

Obviously Efnisien is nowhere near that level, but the dissonance remains. He's certainly tried to murder more than one person. But we root for the person whose perspective we're reading. Still, people do not heal in a comfortable vacuum. In fact, most people are asked to be accountable for bad behaviour usually while suffering terribly. Because most people - unless they're certain kinds of extremely rare people - do bad behaviour because they don't know better and/or they're suffering intensely and it can momentarily feel good or satisfying to make other people hurt too.

That's an extremely hard process for the folks who are in that situation. Anyone who has had to recognise they're being a bully, or being abusive, usually goes through a period of time where they can't just immediately change, and what's expected of them seems impossible.

Now to everything else:

This world is a dystopia. There are things happening which aren't going to feel good when you're reading - systemic issues, issues around unfairness - because it's a dystopia. If those things weren't happening, and people just felt blithely comfortable with the entire world, well, that's not actually what I'm going for. There are times it should feel extremely disturbing to read.

So there are times I want readers to feel like things are unfair. There are times I want them to feel very strongly in one person's defense and only later realise the other person was hurt too. There are times I want them to feel like everyone is being unfair to a character. And times when I want folks to feel like the situation just sucks all round. Like, my intention in amongst the hurt/comfort isn't for things to feel easy or nice all the time, I am absolutely challenging the reader by introducing things that feel uncomfortable.

So when folks like yourself tell me this stuff it's like - yeah! It's a dystopia! And - yeah! Unfair things are definitely happening. This is especially true in the beginning when no one really has a concept of how bad things have been for Efnisien, or that he's an alpha. It remains true because no one is perfect. But it happens less often, that's what makes it feel more jarring as the story goes on. If you're rereading it's going to feel worse in the beginning, that's on purpose. The story is doing its job.

it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions

I don't really know what scenes you're specifically referring to here (like, just the first few chapters? The whole story? Temsen's single lecture?), but this is absolutely not the case. I'm going to look at the whole story:

The majority of the time that Efnisien is rude and disrespectful, especially once Efnisien and Gary are living together, Gary mostly ignores him, brushes it off, doesn't react or responds like it's normal dialogue lol. He's not constantly correcting his behaviour and he's not constantly like 'hey rephrase that to be polite' or 'I have feelings too' (maybe he should say the latter sometimes).

Gary is more aware than anyone that he shouldn't be Efnisien's guardian and that he's not a companion. He says this, out loud, to several people, several times. So we know that he knows that the situation isn't great / fair re: Efnisien's care (and frankly his own. Of the two of them, Gary's the one who keeps coming close to potentially dying from the other person's actions).

especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail

Gary is not Efnisien's psychologist. And psychologists are not doing their jobs on absolutely everyone, 24/7! This one is so important to remember (both in real life and sometimes in fiction). He's categorically not Efnisien's psychologist and it would be even more toxic if he attempted to be this if they were living together!

Gary being a psychologist is his job in the same way being an artist is a job, it's not specifically relevant to their relationship, except that Gary sometimes has better understanding of the root/s of some behaviours.

Ask any psychologist how they live at home and most of them do not want anything to do with their psychology jobs in their personal life, because they're mentally fatigued/tired from talking to people all day. They are not perfect people, they don't have perfect control over their emotions, they aren't teaching everyone the coping mechanisms they need to survive (this takes a lot of labour! It's exhausting! People can't do that 24 hours a day and stay sane. It gets toxic fast.)

The majority of the time Efnisien has extreme emotional responses, Gary just tends to absorb them, acknowledge them, or actively care for him. It's easy to miss these moments because I'm usually not making you feel conflicted about it.

The times Efnisien has extreme emotional responses and then chooses to repeatedly hurt Gary, there are often extreme emotional responses that follow because you know, that's what Efnisien was aiming for! He was trying to severely hurt someone!

Let's move onto Temsen and Efnisien, because this might be more of what you're thinking of, since Gary almost never holds Efnisien accountable tbh. Temsen is a doctor, and a peak alpha who is a leading educator in academic omega rights and theory. He is the first to deeply understand how young alphas left to get away with their smaller abusive behaviours are the kind of alphas who grow up into rapists, murderers and torturers like Christian in Underline the Blue.

(I just want to add, Christian's own abuse and PTSD is real, I don't think any of us are rushing to hold his hand and pat his head, because we sympathise with Nate more than Christian. But Christian has real pain, and real suffering too. He's a great example of how 'you're still accountable for your behaviour though' at its most extreme).

So, Temsen sees Efnisien's behaviour and he lectures and shuts him down like he would any young alpha who is on a really dangerous path. Even within that, he acknowledges himself - out loud - that it's a complicated situation and the time he comes down on Efnisien the hardest, he says the timing is poor. The majority of the time, he shows Efnisien compassion and care, and listens to his opinions, even when they disagree. He is the first to validate his gender both repeatedly in words, and in hormone and medical support. He's the first to change his approach to Efnisien's medical care when Efnisien calls out his lack of respecting his right to privacy, and he's the first to correct Gary about it when Gary expects Temsen to keep giving him information. He offers pragmatic, compassionate advice about many sensitive subjects in Efnisien's life, his health, his secondary gender, his nesting behaviours. And I would say this is how Temsen actually models better behaviour.

Temsen doesn't expect Efnisien to have all of these skills, but Efnisien has to be told what he's doing wrong and how that's not acceptable behaviour and how he's hurting people, to start learning those skills! Otherwise why would anyone bother? Vindictively hurting other people in moments of rage can feel satisfying for folks who aren't being held accountable.

You say no one is modelling better behaviour to Efnisien so I'm just going to pose some questions that are rhetorical:

How many alphas at HIllview are mounting or torturing Efnisien every day? Does Efnisien have choices in what he eats? Is Efnisien's opinion listened to more and more, especially in matters of his health? Do they care about his pain and offer him painkillers when he's suffering? Are the characters in the story trying to enrich his experiences and help him to become a more mature person by helping him overcome his fears of things like going outside? Are the characters deliberately trying to expand his support network by helping him see new people and lean on them for help, instead of keeping him in a box and forbidding him from seeing anyone? While also taking into account the safety of others?

Are the characters largely gender affirming once they learn more about Efnisien?

Are the characters actively teaching Efnisien social sciences to help him understand more about the world and human rights, which includes his own rights?

Do the characters acknowledge that Hillview isn't an ideal place for Efnisien, just a good place for now?

Do the characters want Efnisien to have a future where he's happier?

Do the characters allow Efnisien to have his emotional responses as long as they're not also abusive responses? For example, is Efnisien allowed to cry, nest, seek comfort, or even be angry, provided he's not being domestically violent? (The answer is yes).

Do the characters to the best of their ability explain things clearly and maintain their own boundaries around Efnisien to remind him that he can also maintain his own boundaries?

Are Efnisien's wishes largely respected where possible? (The answer here is also yes - such as refusing internal exams with Temsen, or having control over what he does most days and how he spends his time etc.)

Can Efnisien see lots of examples of people talking civilly to each other and often with great care, and not being abusive to each other? Can he see alternative forms of conflict resolution, management and repair?

Is Efnisien offered opportunities to repair rifts that he's created himself, after being cruel to someone?

This is just a start, but these people through these behaviours are already role-modelling a ton of better behaviours than anything Efnisien has been exposed to in the past. And we can see that Gary himself role models a lot of these things to Efnisien directly, including apologising frequently and quickly when he realises he's made mistakes. This is how Efnisien learned to apologise! And he literally has thoughts like 'Gary does this / so I guess I should do it too.' That's literally role modelling a behaviour :D

Gary's actually a pretty good role model, and the only reason Efnisien's behaviour starts to improve at Hillview as well as his quality of life is because Gary and Temsen are role modelling these behaviours.

Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one

Efnisien isn't literally a prisoner in his current relationship!

I feel like when folks identify really strongly with a character, it's very easy to miss the times when Gary and Temsen for example brainstorm ways for Efnisien not to live with Gary. Aside from at the very beginning, these characters have actually talked about - in the story, in dialogue - options for Efnisien to not live with Gary.

Like they literally talk about making Efnisien a new room in the headquarters and possibly even building him his own building down the track so he doesn't have to be with Gary! As they trust Efnisien more, they offer many options to him. As the story goes on, they are absolutely not forcing Efnisien to stay with Gary, and nor is Gary. Efnisien himself communicates clearly that he would rather live with Gary than be on his own. This is something that gets checked in on, and more than one option is given to him.

Missing this is understandable, it's a long story, but it also means it's not true that Efnisien is a prisoner in that he's being forced to live with Gary. That's only true in the beginning when they literally think he's just a murderer/attempted murderer who's going to kill everyone at Hillview. As the story progresses, it shifts to 'well he's not a murderer, what are his other options?'

Can Efnisien live a free life wherever he wants? No. That's where the 'dystopian universe' tag comes in. He's not safe to, but Hillview staff wouldn't be concerned with educating him and teaching him independence if they didn't want him to live as independently as possible one day. It's not like Gary has to try to get Efnisien comfortable with going outside and experiencing the outside world, and it's not like he has to encourage Efnisien to meet omegas and betas etc. to hear different opinions, y'know?

But yeah the role modelling is happening: Efnisien's showing more and more tools in coping all the time! He's been growing them since the beginning of the fic. He's learned to communicate better. He's learned how to articulate what he wants and doesn't want more clearly. He's learned how to care more for others even if he often misses that he has the power to really hurt them. He's learned more (not less) confidence. He's having less (not more) trauma responses. He's learned how to trust in the people around him more, so he's starting to talk more about his experiences of gender. He's learned that what he went through was wrong, and is sharing more about the abuse he suffered.

These things would not be happening in a story where people weren't giving him the tools to cope with his life or weren't showing him ways to communicate differently.

The reason Efnisien talks more clearly and articulately now in the story, the reason he laughs more, cries more (which is more open/honest imho and healthier than repressing it), talks more, talks about his past more, expresses his opinion more is because Hillview has been equipping him with more tools to live a richer life pretty much as soon as they realised he's not going to just murder people at the drop of a hat.

In some ways they're showing more trust than our society would because like, attempted murder could land him in jail for a while in our society, y'know?

The reason they haven't paired him with an actual psychologist is that they don't have any peak alpha psychologists and Efnisien can use alpha persuasion on anyone else, and would certainly get angry enough in therapy to use it. We only need to look at how Efnisien responded to Dr Gary in Falling Falling Stars sometimes in therapy sessions to see that yes, this is a guy who - if he had the tool of alpha persuasion - would absolutely use it to get a therapist to shut the fuck up when he felt like it, lol.

But yeah, as always, if folks are feeling really uncomfortable when reading something I've written, it's often intentional. You're right, Efnisien's situation is unfair. A few of the specifics you've brought up aren't true, and have missed things in the story, but it's still not a fair experience, it's not always a pleasant experience, and it's...pretty dystopian!

When we get really deep into our emotional connection to a character, it can still help to remember that the situation often isn't exactly the same as it feels. But this story also has the tags: darkfic / disturbing themes / dystopian universe for a reason! The visceral discomfort is a feature, not a bug.

[mikuni14]

Love is better the second time aroud - Ep 5

Miyata made this situation about himself and I hated it. What irritates me a lot about Miyata is that he creates an image of Iwanaga in his head alos that he doesn't listen to him. Miyata has created an image of Iwanaga and sees only things tha fit this image (including his own delusions and simple misunderstandings), and ignores what does not fit. I get it. Iwanaga's personality makes it very easy to attribute certain traits to him and accuse him of being uninvolved in his relationship, but Iwanaga also constantly gives signals that he cares, and most importantly, he TALKS about what he wants and what he feels.

All the scenes about Iwanaga's family issues were very telling, especially when he asks Miyata not to worry about them, when he calls him an outsider - because Miyata is an outsider after all and it's not an insult, it's a fact! And Miyata gets angry, taking it all personally, treating it as a rejection and an attack on himself. Likewise, his sense of guilt is telling: Iwanaga has NEVER acted as if he resented what happened in the past (which was a decions of BOTH OF THEM, and Miyata acts as if he himself brought all the misfortunes upon him), and now Iwanaga shows interest in him at every step, confesses his love, wants to be with him. However, Miyata CHOOSES Sugimoto's words to believe, not his boyfriend. Miyata CHOOSES his own story that he was the one who hurt Iwanaga, completely ignoring his feelings, words and choices. Miyata, as an adult, should know that he is not responsible for the behaviour of Iwanaga's mother, and that he is not responsible for what happened when they were both KIDS. Also he should know, that people don't want to talk about their painful past just like that, that they might need time, like seriously. Miyata made this whole situation about himself.

Which particularly irritates me, because Miyata has been a really nice character so far and for most of episode 5. I even liked him more than the charming Iwanaga 😎 Iwanaga seemed to me as a typical charming and seductive boy who, even if he has sincere feelings, is unable to convey them reliably, because his personality and behaviour make people doubt his determination, sincerity and commitment. But in episode 5, Iwanaga took some important, significant steps, such as declaring his love, proposing to live together, and there were several significant moments where Iwanaga was serious and vulnerable. Miyata was great for most of the episode: strong, not giving in to rumors and insinuations, supporting his beloved, standing on his side. But much of his behavior at the end seems strange, even cruel. I can't imagine the state of my heart if someone I love said nothing when asked by my sister if they loved me, right in front of me. Even if Miyata didn't want to answer, he could have just said it was a personal question or something. But he just went silent, it was terrible and humiliating. First this, and then "hey, let's break up, because you don't want to include me in your abusive family life story and I'm entitled to it". I'm not surprised at all that Iwanga didn't even try to fight for his relationship, hearing something like that and not hearing Miyata's verbal confirmation of his feelings.

The sight of Iwanaga waiting for Miyata's answer and not receiving it, and the fact that Iwanaga still saves him in this situation AND ALSO SAYS THAT IT'S OK BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM, AND MIYATA STILL BEING SILENT... 💀 And also how he feels self-pity, how he sits there so sad and Iwanaga COMFORTS him although he was hurt by Miyata just now, and also how he dramatically suggests breaking up and has the nerve to be surprised when Iwanaga agrees.. 💀 And the most annoying thing: a verbal declaration of love when no one hears it. You have no idea how much I wanted to smack Miyata at the end of this episode.

In general, the whole plot consists of people around Iwanaga who want something from him all the time and impose their will on him, play weird games and tricks around him, create his image in their heads and force him to fit into this image. Additionally, they claim that they know best what he wants and what he feels. I really felt like Miyata was forcing Iwanaga into things that he didn't feel comfortable with, and since Iwanaga isn't fierce (like Miyata), he can't show with his whole being that he's angry or feels bad, but he TALKS about it. Only Miyata DOESN'T LISTEN, he just creates scenarios and thinks about himself.

Also, this episode only highlighted the differences in communication between them, Iwanaga is always very nice, compliments Miyata, is polite, does not raise his voice. Miyata is rude and critical most of the time. It's ironic that Miyata doubts Iwanaga's feelings, because objectively it should be Iwanaga who doubts him seeing as how Miyata is constantly being mean to him and constantly fighting with him and questioning his words.

I liked this couple very much, but I must admit that this irritating lack of communication, making independent decisions in the relationship based on person's own ideas, and deciding to break up without discussing the problems really pissed me off. Breaking up for stupid, noble, whatever reasons, lack of communication, making decisions on your own, creating artificial scenarios about what is happening, attributing your own delusions to the other person, cruelty disguised as care and sacrifice, lack of awareness, that you might be hurting someone with your actions, words or silence - these are all things that ALWAYS ruin for me every couple, even the best.

I'm sorry for this rant 🥺 but somehow it irritated me so much lol Maybe it's because I really like this series and MLs and I'm disappointed because the characters so far have behaved logically - and what's important for me: like adults. That's why the end of the episode was like a grind in a story that had been well conducted so far. Unfortunately, their problems from their youth have been exactly copied now.

Miyata says that yes, Iwanaga claims to love him and wants to live with him, but IT IS NOT ENOUGH because he doesn't tell him about his family - a family that literally abandoned him. And because he calls Miyata like an outsider - except Iwanaga said that an outsider doesn't mean what Miyata thinks, but instead of listening to him, Miyata ignores his words. Iwanaga asks him not to deal with family issues for now, suggesting he will talk about it when he's ready. What is Miyata doing? Ignores the request. This makes me so angry.

Best moment: when Miyata is firmly on Iwanaga's side when he says he won't let ANYONE manipulate him. And Iwanaga's reaction 🥺:

Unfortunately, everything went wrong after that scene and Miyata seemed to forget how cool and protective he was like a minute ago...

[anything-curlya]

thanks for volunteering to be our shield 💙 but please don't take too much responsibility because there are absolutely vile people out there with morals as low as jimmy over fictional ships...

besides, why are people nowadays acting like children in regards to ships? no, shipping curlya does not make us "abuse-apologists" or "reducing anya to a victim". just because we ship them doesn't mean we excuse their actions. we just happen to love both characters, want a happy future for them! in fact, most curlya shippers can actually see the canon dynamics where curly's inaction hurts anya, and that's where we swoop in to fix things. that's why there are so many interpretations for curlya: time travel fix-its where curly does take responsibility, post-canon recovery where curly apologized. it really is not that deep, we just want them to be happy in our little fiction world.

also, this goes to every ship out there, not just curlya. enjoy your ship! our headcanons are what makes us happy. it's just a ship, it's never that deep.

HAHA. Responsibility...

Thanks dear, for caring and worrying, but trust me. I have this handled 💙. There's always that magic button that will aid me into not seeing pesky wasps out there. I also have people on my side that work pretty much as emotional comfort?

As for your question you answered it yourself. Most fandoms in the past the people that mainly posted were adults. Nowadays we have a bunch of teens and younger kids around that have lost the plot or haven't experienced fandom enough, internet rules or any manners in general. Of course not all of them are like this, but the amount of people with this behavior is concerning. Back when I was a kiddo, I used to keep myself quiet and watch anything around. I was taught that if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say it. It has been an issue in the internet always. Fandom has always been seen as cringy by those "normal" individuals, then around 2016 cringe culture took a spike especially against fandom and neurodivergent kids. It feels like this same type of people (mostly those from the last years) are trying to infiltrate fandoms and police them... Tiktok is partly to blame too.

These people don't realize that fandom is for fans, and yes, accuracy is nice an all, but it's fandom, all made for fans and fanon. We know the canon already, and we respect it, but should we really leave these characters in the dust and not have some fun with them?

When I tell you that I don't take these people seriously, I mean it with my whole heart. I once saw on TikTok someone saying that self-ships in MW shouldn't be allowed. Now you see where they're coming from, where have we heard this before? They don't want you do to the ships (that I can partly understand due to the circumstances) but self-ships, seriously?

They're people afraid of expanding canon. They see some parts of the game and stick with it. It reminds me of the modus operandi of a lot of religious people. I recommend you to do what I do... Block them! And move on, don't give up, that's what they want. The more you post the more people feel validated and those who get annoyed can suck it up. If not, then why wouldn't you be here commenting this, my dear anon? :) 💙

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I hope to see you around more often! And like I said, every single interaction you do is a salt grain in a desert, it's very important!

[marshmallow-fluff-ruff]

Against my better judgment for my own sanity, I looked at this long ass thread of comments on TikTok under a video about normalizing age regression where someone had said both age regression AND age play are valid and should be more understood and stuff, and ofc cause TikTok is TikTok and the internet is the internet and yada yada, most people were disagreeing and saying that age play is this this and that bs

The person responded to a few for a while and was extremely nice and respectful about it and explained things well.

The part that stuck out to me though was they said that “[age play] isn’t about ‘you are now a baby’, it’s about ‘you are now mine to take care of.’”

And idk I just feel like that’s the best my POV on the whole thing has been stated

Majority of people interested in age play I’ve seen are not predatory, they are not attracted to children or even necessarily child-like qualities, they are interested in the safety and healing and comfort of the dynamic of being taken care of/taking care of someone

This goes for pretty much all kinks: as long as the people involved are consenting adults and they aren’t imposing it on anyone who ISNT a consenting adult, there is nothing morally wrong or harmful about it

I think a common misconception a lot of people have about kinks, especially roleplay related kinks, in general is that they’re somehow fetishizing their real counterparts, when for majority of people it is much more about the dynamic and exploring those dynamics between them and their partner(s) in a way that feels good to them without any real danger or assault or anything involved

Someone roleplaying CNC is no where NEAR the same as legitimately being r4ped. It is not the same action, it will not have the same consequences or effect on a person, the intentions behind it are different, etc.

Same goes for any other forms of kinky role play, INCLUDING age play

Someone partaking in age play is no where NEAR the same as genuinely having relations with/abusing/being attracted to a child. It’s not the same action, it will not have the same consequences or effect on a person, despite what many people seem to believe, THE INTENTIONS BEHIND IT ARE DIFFERENT!!!!

Age play for the most part is a mix of a caregiving dynamic and acting a different age than you are in someway (which can be older or younger!)

For people who play as younger, often it is about being vulnerable and open, being more expressive, enjoying things without shame about “being too old”, having the opportunity to me cared for in a way they probably haven’t experienced since childhood or unfortunately didn’t get in childhood at all, giving up responsibility, etc.

For people who play as older/are on the caregiver end, it’s often about feeling responsible and important, caring for someone you love, seeing someone you love in a vulnerable and open state and knowing they’re safe with you, caring for someone in a way you may have wished you were cared for when you were younger, being comforting, etc.

Honestly my biggest issue with age play IS THE NAME because I feel like it’s partly misleading.

Like yes, roleplaying as an age different than you are is involved, but it’s not really about pretending to be a kid because you think that’s attractive, it’s about the dynamic, and it’s actually often used as a coping mechanism and a way to heal in the same way regression is

Also if I hear any more arguments about how finding anything remotely childish attractive makes you a p3do I WILL scream. Being small doesn’t make someone a child, liking cute things doesn’t make someone a child, being sensitive doesn’t make someone a child, liking childish activities like going to the park or playing games doesn’t make someone a child, speaking in a “baby voice” doesn’t make someone a child, etc etc etc

Being attracted to any of those qualities in a person DOES NOT make someone a p3do

Yes, even if they have MULTIPLE OF THOSE TRAITS

Being attracted to an adult who appears “childish” in some ways is not remotely even CLOSE to actually being attracted to children, let alone make someone a predator

Again, as long as anything happening involves consenting adults, there’s nothing wrong with it, and it CAN be helpful and healing for people

It’s entirely understandable to be uncomfortable with the concept or not want to engage with the community and such, and as with any community there will be harmful parts of it or bad people involved, there’s aspects of it and parts of the community that I am not a huge fan of myself, but overgeneralizing and framing the whole community as something it’s not is NOT helpful to anyone

Also, contrary to popular belief, age play/pet play/a handful of other “kinky” or bdsm related things are NOT inherently sexual, in fact they’re probably non-sexual more often than they are sexual. Age play and pet play are not just about sex, they are about general relationship dynamics

All in all, mind your business and be kind, it’s not that hard

[strykingback]

Im sorry, but Jaune stans have really delicate feelings... Adam and Ironwood stans have had way more horrible words flung to them, both Bumbleby and Blacksun shippers too... It's sadly just the normal behavior of the FNDM. I feel bad that Jaune stans are receiving punches too, but they really act like it's the end of the world and like haters have kicked them in the gut. This is normal. Welcome to the actual experience in the RWBY FNDM!

I have to agree as well. I know that there are some good Jaune fans out there that understand that Jaune is poorly written as a character same with those in the Ironwood and Adam camps as well. These three characters in particular all lacked something when being written. Which I think for Adam and Ironwood fans held up firmly while Jaune stans just need to see that Jaune is poorly written... and not a good character.

For Jaune his poorly written status are in line with his lack of accountability, how the writers mostly Miles and Kerry treat him like a self-insert, and lastly poorly-done and pretty generic Semblance and allusion. What he lacks in accountability and responsibility, more respect towards his historical allusion, lastly, not being treated as a "Nice Guy" self-insert character.

Adam was VICTIM of racism even his bio on the now defunct Amity Arena mobile game even supports this. Yet people want to call him abusive or a PDFile because.

The Writers didnt know what to do with him. (Once again, fuck you Miles and Kerry.)

We still have no official confirmation about his age, despite A/rryn Z/ech claiming that he's in his twenties. Once more. Voice Actors dont write the show.

Instead of that. It would have been best to see how racism towards the faunus affected Adam when he was younger, since he has the Schnee Dust Company brand on his eye. Another thing would be to reinforce the student-master relationship and thats it. Nothing romantic between Blake and Adam just a student and master stuff that is all. T

he fact that we could have seen him at first glance hesitant to help humans after the Haven Academy attack because of his morals when he is exiled by the White Fang's council and a new High Leader. While at the same time revealing why he does not trust humans.

Not to mention making him a key-player in the downfall of Jacques Schnee alongside Blake, Weiss, and Winter. Most important of all for that specific arc being that he could see that both Faunus and Humans in Mantle suffer underneath Atlas and the corporations that live up there.

Ironwood just like Adam felt like wasted potential as well for lack of development and no exploration about his past at all. Just suddenly revealing that: "Oh he was evil all along" instead of understanding that he is in a position of leadership and doing what he can while also letting the stress of that position get to him.

We should have gotten the reveal on what happened to half of his body, why he is so focused on maintaining order to better fit the Tin Man allusion, and developing around him to the point where he reveals a kinder side to him. Showing that he has a heart.

Lastly, his semblance not being an ableist allusion for ADHD, which is on the spectrum by the way. Instead why couldn't it have been powered up shots depending on which gun he is using.

God thats another thing I want to touch on. As someone who ships Blacksun as well, I feel very sorry for the peeps who shipped Blacksun a lot, even to the point when BB did become canon that they may have insults flinged at them especially in their ask boxes anonymously. Which I also feel sorry for any BB fans who wanted a natural confession instead of the forced one they got in Volume Nine and perhaps in some case wanting Blacksun or Sunnybees (basically Polyamrous Blacksun and BB) .

To end this.

Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter The RWBY FNDM For if you disagree with what the FNDM says, thou shalt be shamed for it.