hiskillingjar

[hiskillingjar]

are there any kinks you wouldn't write about? just asking before i make any requests ... ykwim?

requests wise, you can ask me for whatever, but I'm probably going to write what i want to, power dynamics, bondage, genderplay, what have you. that's what i like to write :)

commissions wise, fuckin anything, dude, as long as it doesn't involve kids (please commission me i am a jobless flop)

[hiskillingjar]

just a quick moment of appreciation for the person running this blog thank you for your service you keep our dicks up and our rivers flowing you're out here doing gods work hope you recovery goes smoothly babe take it easy love you

thank you very much :) i'm doing okay, but i have put 200 hours into the sims and it's kind of ruining my life. love and laughs

[hiskillingjar]

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im rly sorry if this isnt you but did you run the 2doc blog whipstickagocock

yes haha, 2doc was my ride or die when gorillaz were still good. murdoc n 2d are still the best toxic boyfriends tho <3

[hiskillingjar]

Hmm... you know what's better than ren x law? 👀

Fem!Ren X Fem!Law ‼️🤯

Pls I would love to see a fic about them in ur writing 🥺

sorry for being dead as fuck lately...i mean i did have an abortion sooooooo. gonna try and get back to normal tho lol

kinda ignored the lesbian ren+law aspect, but law's a girl and ren's a woman to me. het t4c, maybe. take it as you wish. 1000+ words, tw self harm but in a sexy way.

"Do you want me to use a razor?"

Lawrence's voice was quiet and soft (almost a little low, not speaking through their new, high-pitched incantation as they normally do) as they looked down at Ren, blinking doe-eyed grey eyes when they met his.

Their skirt, soft cotton and flimsy, was already hiked high up their slim thigh, showing off their grey boxers underneath. The pale skin was already covered in dashed white scars, reminders of the times they had done this before.

Without him. 

It was dark in the apartment, moonlight and halogen lighting from the opposite building streaming through the wide, open windows, softening Lawrence’s sharper features and masking Ren’s (making him look bestial and inhuman, only his eyes giving off the impression of any kind of life or humanity) as he stepped closer to the desk that they were leaning against.

"Or a knife?” They then asked, their voice softening even more as Ren placed his hands on either side of their slim hips, pinning them in place, keeping them still. “I have a couple of them."

Ren tilted his head to the side, his bangs sweeping across his forehead and his narrow eyes, as a subdued expression of consideration came to his face, like he was really thinking about the two options. 

He stared at Lawrence thoughtfully, his full, soft lips curling up into a slight smile as he slowly dragged his thumb’s knuckle over the pale, exposed flesh of Lawrence’s shivering thigh. He watched as the other body trembled subtly, his softened gaze taking in the dashed scars that had already been slashed into their skin.

Some white, long healed and forgotten. Some of them pink, only just settling into their skin.

Wondering how many of them he had been responsible for, how many he had caused.

A slight shake of his head was his only reply, an amused twinkle of mischief in his golden eyes as he stared up at Lawrence again, looking like a schoolboy up to no good.

"A razor's fine," Ren said quietly with an absent-minded shrug. “Whatever’s easiest for you.” 

"Okay," They mumbled softly, reaching behind themselves for a little army tin at their side. It was displayed openly on their desk amidst tools for repotting plants and rolling materials. (Ren wondered how often it was opened, when was the last time).

They opened it to reveal a couple of loose razors they had bought and taken apart months ago, when they still needed to shave daily.

They hadn't done this in weeks, almost a month, and he knew that, not since Amanda-the-Therapist had suggested better coping mechanisms than self-harm, with some of them being genuinely helpful.

They were always so good at doing what they were told, regardless of who was giving them instructions.

But…

Ren had a way of making the worst of their coping mechanisms seem so appealing with just a few words and gestures.

Ren's smile softened with fondness (just a touch, not totally hiding how sharp the intention was behind it), and his gaze shifted downward to watch Lawrence's slow, languid movements, appearing as if they were moving through water. He looked almost mesmerised as he stared down at the razors, sharp and shiny underneath Lawrence’s trembling fingers as they searched for the one with the least amount of rust and dried blood caked onto the edge of the blade.

His hand was still on Lawrence's thigh as he continued to stare down at the razors, his heavy, hungry gaze then lazily drifting back up to meet Lawrence's grey eyes. 

"You can start," He then says softly, his voice almost a whisper, just for the two of them to hear. “Whenever you want to.”

Swallowing hard and digging their crooked teeth into their bottom lip (making Ren think about doing the same), Lawrence took one of the razors in hand (in their pretty hand, with long, painted nails, just as Ren had suggested so many months ago) and pressed the blade to their slender thigh.

All it took was a small degree of pressure, an intention that made their thin wrist flex and their dark veins stand out under their pale skin. That was more than enough to slice their skin open, parting for little dots of blood to spill through and bead along the slit, like tiny rubies gathering in a grove of porcelain.

The first cut wasn’t deep, not nearly deep enough to scar just yet. 

But it was enough that Lawrence needed to take in a slow hiss through their crooked, yellow (they never took care of them, couldn’t take care of themselves, needed someone else to do it, needed him) teeth to steady their pain.

They really hadn’t done this in a while. They had gotten used to not hurting.

It wasn’t surprising that Ren was staring at the new cut like a starving animal, his golden eyes wide, quietly disgusted and yet somehow, so very mesmerised, as if he were watching a car crash, a housefire, something disgusting and beautiful that he couldn’t look away from, despite how much it scared him. 

He was right to be scared, though.

Lawrence knew that Ren had never done something like this before to himself, despite his little body being marred with scars that others (another) had inflicted on him. 

Pain was something that happened to Ren, it wasn’t something he did to himself.

He didn’t hate himself or the world around him enough to do something like that.

In a moment of unexpected tenderness, Ren ran his thumb over the shallow cut before Lawrence had the chance to make another one.

He moved his other hand up to cup Lawrence's jaw gently, drawing their attention away from the razor between their fingers and to him (as he so often did). He continued to stare down at the cut for a moment longer, though, his enamoured gaze lingered as the drops of blood swelled with each second, fat and heavy and waiting to spill down their thigh. 

He slowly leaned in, his lips almost brushing against the side of Lawrence's neck, and his growing hard-on pressed to their unmarked thigh, as he spoke up again.

"Keep going," He said, his voice a low murmur against their skin for Lawrence's ears alone, his tone almost seductive and dreamy.

“I want to see more.”

[hiskillingjar]

Lawrence reading shitty disgusting dark romance novels always sticks with me as a hc. Does he project? does he want to get dommed? does he see it as an outlet for his own anger? we’ll never know.

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[hiskillingjar]

guys, don't fucking ask me about bots on chara.ai

[hiskillingjar]

I tried to work with chiaroscuro👉👈

[hiskillingjar]

Unfinished redraw! First time I drew Ren and the latest drawing of him I’m making.

(If you’re noticing a pattern (I almost never post finished work) uhhhh no!! No you’re not!!)

2023 version under the cut :)

[hiskillingjar]

my original art minus the background. two bbs

[hiskillingjar]

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[hiskillingjar]

“The quiet current calls my name”

[hiskillingjar]

🍅

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[hiskillingjar]

commission for sqinkie on ig! thanks a lot!

also just figured out that one of my ram slots is broken TTTTTTTTTTTTTT plz commission me so i can buy a new mainboard