#it’s that kind of numb pain

[levbolton]

Wydm Richard is born on *october 2nd*

[schemelin]

I wish you were here

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

[good-to-drive]

I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions

(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)

[goldkirk]

If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.

I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.

[itspileofgoodthings]

my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Akutagawa's smile appreciation. He looks so genuinely amused here 🥺🥺

[suffercerebral]

me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

[guavagyal]

for what it's worth, I'm glad I confronted my emotions instead of numbing it with sex, alcohol, or smoking. even though it would be easier & I had my urges (I'm a Scorpio), I know it was better for me in the long run to be celibate, get hobbies, & process my emotions of my past relationships.

journaling and sitting outside really helped me to clear my thoughts & understand my emotions. I had a summer of healing and chilling, no one's adult child to stress me out and make me feel inadequate.

everyone numbs themselves after a breakup, that's why most people are so toxic & unhealed - they never processed their emotions. too many of my exes were like this.

[conhex]

ok so switched medications and now im less filled with hatred (^^)

[luvsavos]

i am once again apologizing for my lack of activity/responsiveness

my childhood cat passed away a few days ago which has just been more stuff on top of everything else for me to deal with to stress me out and upset me

i'll try to get back to stuff. Eventually. as soon as i can</3

[youareinlove]

i think it’s crazy that she wrote ylm and proceeded to stay in the relationship for almost 2 years

i also don't think this is crazy. it may seem that way, but it's very human and more sad than anything

[sugaredpastille]

i think experiencing grief and depression in an unfamiliar place/country is of the most shaking things someone can go through; feeling like your losing your mind but having nothing physical or emotional to tether yourself to because you don’t know any of it and it makes none of it real to you.

but,,, once it’s over, once you’ve clawed your way out of the numbness and insanity and hours and hours throughout the night where you just barely convinced yourself to ignore all horrid thoughts and wait for the sun to rise, once the nights bring rest instead of frantic suffocation and panic, once you feel a lump in your throat for the first time in two years because you couldn’t cry for so long;

you don’t recognize yourself anymore. you’ve healed from losing someone else, but once that’s over you immediately begin to grieve who you were before. you’ve become a barren landscape in an unfamiliar land that needs years and years and plowing and planting and irrigation to become something you can live in. everything is different, this soil doesn’t grow the way the soil used to before. you miss the lush forests and vegetation of your identity that you wandered through comfortably and was all you ever knew.

but maybe it’s better this way, maybe rediscovering yourself and your values will help you make an even better forest. even if the trees are different and the flowers unfamiliar. maybe recreating what was originally a hurt child’s garden is worth it.

[avpdgirlfriend]

i kind of cant live anymore

[thebigqueer]

2 years ago i fucked up a friendship w a girl (that im pretty sure i was in love with). to this day i think of her and sometimes when i see her on the street i just wanna cry. i understand your plight very much.

yeahhh man im sorry to hear that!!! it genuinely fucking sucks and i would never wish this upon anyone. cuz like it makes you fully think about all the what ifs and i genuilnely dont think ill ever find someone like her again

[ef-1]

legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23