#sorry anon im not trying to dump on you i just start ranting in the tags sometimes

[thebigqueer]

2 years ago i fucked up a friendship w a girl (that im pretty sure i was in love with). to this day i think of her and sometimes when i see her on the street i just wanna cry. i understand your plight very much.

yeahhh man im sorry to hear that!!! it genuinely fucking sucks and i would never wish this upon anyone. cuz like it makes you fully think about all the what ifs and i genuilnely dont think ill ever find someone like her again

[maadvillainy]

Hii, can I request dating hcs for Johnny Vincent with a prep s/o?

hii of course!! thanks for requesting! 🤍

luxurious

pairings: johnny vincent x prep reader warnings: implications and or mentions of feminine AND masculine organs/genitalia, mannerisms, and clothing

✎ masterlist

authors note ❥ i love johnny yay anon thanks for requesting 😈 my typical default is gn, so if you wanted male or female plz specify(although I messed up and heavily implied fem reader(I'm a mess and I apologize)). ALL I DO IS RANT ON THIS APP!!!!!!!! 💥💥💥

JOHNNY snarls at the mention of the preps, he dislikes every last one of them. He'd rather be hung by his foot on the top of the whole school than have to tolerate them. That was until you came along. Your sweet fragrance filling up his senses when you walk past him, he sneezed...loud. "Bless you!" He heard from the new kid. The new kid, He thought. He shook his head to break him from his thoughts, turning to meet Lola's skinny frame being thrown all over him.

・This wasn't Johnny's first crush on the new kid, no not at all. How do you think he met Lola? Or any other person he's been with for that matter.

・His first encounter wasn't enough for him, he barely saw your face and he had this urge too. So he sought for you. He didn't realize how hard it would be, so he waited until lunch. Because unlike most schools with new kids, this community didn't give a crap about a new kid, not even just to look at.

・Lunchtime rolls around, and he's a little anxious, mostly because of the crowd of preps surrounding you and the fact that Lola could pop out from anywhere at any second. Oddly enough that rat faced excuse of a human─otherwise known as Gord─Wasn't among the crowd. He didn't think much of it. Oh but little did he know, that poor boy.

・Johnny's approach was silent and sleek, enough to be able to slip pass the preps to talk to you. Although he didn't need any of the both, because he was so greasy he glided when he walked.

"Hey." He started simple. Was it too simple? God... What if... ─And then you turned around. His voice caught in his throat when you smiled and returned the greeting. He froze like and idiot and you sat there patiently waiting for him to continue. "Are you okay?" Your voice came along so genuinely, heavenly. He melted in the seat a little. "U─uh yeah im fine." His brain short circuited, you had him in a pickle.

"How are you? Er─ How are you liking the school?" He was so awkward it hurt. "Oh its alright." You nod along, chewing on your sandwhich slowly. They brought their own lunch, they brought their own lunch? That only meant one thing. He personally grimaced, trying to supress the growing scowl. No no no, he couldn't─he couldn't feel that way. Not when he has a girlfriend who loves him, but if only he knew the truth.

"Whats your name?" You smiled so bright it blinded him. "Johnny Vincent." He looked around the cafeteria anxiously, watching for any of his clique anywhere. Even after you exchanged your name you sounded so sweet. "Nice to meet you Johnny!" You could've broke him right there.

・Now, we jump forward say...a couple of weeks. Johnny finds out Lola's affairs and hes over it, dumping her to the curb and holding a grudge. Even though that grudge is evident he always finds his way back into her trap, it was a saddening sight.

・Johnny talked to you a lot more after that, he would constantly brush off his thoughts because he actually found you intriguing. You hung with the preps, but despite his social class you still talked to him.

"Hey Johnny!" You beamed as you walk into the room, waving your hand his way. "Hey." Your name rolled off of his tongue so smoothly it made him giddy inside.

・OK finally, the dating hcs (sorry I love dramatically starting fics with lots and lots of background info :p)

・Johnny's first attempt at taking you out on a date wasn't bad, that was until your prep friends shamed him when they walked past the bench. They frowned and threw all sorts of objects. You both ended up leaving early and it wasn't too well on your end.

・When I tell you you have this boy wrapped around your damn finger, I mean it. He follows you around a lot, like a puppy. It's cute. Johnny gets really needy at times as well, he'll snatch you in passing periods and sneak behind the school or in shop to make out with him. One time Peanut caught you guys and it was erased history after that.

"Johnny─" You silently protest between kisses, trying to alert him in some sort of way because he wasn't good at hiding things. More so hiding the fact you were making out. "What's the matter honeypie?" You chuckle against his lips, his breath trickling down your neck as he begins to bite lightly at your neck. "Hello? Is anybody in─" Peanut fully opens the door, quick enough to have caught you both in the act. "Ah! I'm sorry Johnny!" He immediately closes the door and sprints, you both never heard him speak a word about it since.

・He also really believes affection in a relationship is important. Holding hands, small kisses on the back of your hand. Oh my gosh, sitting on his lap while he talks to his greaser friends. 😵😵

"─yeah and then I hit him on the head with my lug wrench because he wouldn't shut his trap." Ricky spoke with vigor and the rest laugh, some even squeezing his muscles in praise. You didn't understand their ways of appreciation, all you had to do was sit in Johnny's lap and look decent. Johnny's hands snake around your waist, holding you in place as he kisses your ear innocently.

・Johnny Vincent is protective. That boy will go through the most to make sure you aren't hurt, even though you like to go box with your fellow prep friends and know a thing or two about defense. Not to mention he's possessive, always telling you how he loves you so much and how your the only person who he loves so dearly. How your his and no one can take you away or change that. All good intentions though, do not worry. Sometimes he acts toxic and doesn't register it. Ever since Lola he's been on guard, very cautious. Hes careful about softening his grip.

・He's heavy on avoiding your clique, for his obvious reasons that you do not protest over. You both will occasionally (on bad days), fight over the topic. You both get over it and go back to being the cutest couple in Bullworth after though don't worry. ☺️

・ FLOWERS💥CHOCOLATES💥POEMS AND LOVE NOTES BECAUSE HE'S OOEY GOOEY 💥💥💥💥💥

・That boy loves you so PLEASE, accept his cheap but thoughtful gifts. He's trying so hard and it makes him self conscious sometimes. He needs that grounding reassurance. 🙏🙏 (loves spoiling(kind of) his pretty baby what can I say 🤑)

・Loves touching you all over, pure or not. Knows where all your birthmarks and dimples are. The creases in your skin, patches of freckles you may have. Doesn't even have to be suggestive or weird though, he just loves looking at you and feeling your skin against his own. Always is he going to have his hands on you, even if hes busy fixing a bike he'll hold your hand, kiss you, flirt with you, hug you. He loves being close to you!!!!!! Thas all it is!!!!!!! Sweet sickly helpless romantic over here🤫

・Jealousy rules his brain, one of the only things he knows. So please be nice to him when he's a lil angsty because Jimmy was talking all tuff and hot to you. You didn't appreciate how Jimmy peeked when your Chanel skirt would ride up when you stood from your seat. Or when you took your Aquaberry sweater off and your undershirt rid to the point where you could see your firm tummy and part of your pecs. It took 10 minutes of explaining and affection for him to believe you. And the next time that Jimmy decided to dirty talk you or glace discreetly at your chest/bottom Johnny clocked the ginger in the nose and it was safe to say Jimmy never really did it anymore.

・Keeps a photo of you in his wallet, toolbox, and mirror. You know, like in the 80s when they used to stick them to the sides so they would stand up. Yeah.

・Learned to love you no matter how poor or how rich you were. All that mattered was that you were kind to him.

・Takes you on bike rides all the time!

・Thas all I got I think. If I missed any thoughts I'll cry.

[hiraeth-sage]

Hello! I hope you’re having a great day / night! I am struggling and I really need your help. This is not a trauma dump or JUST a rant. I have a major problem and I’m looking for someone with a solution. You can refer to me as 😁 anon but if that’s already taken, I completely understand that! Before I get into what the problem is, please keep in mind that I do struggle with bpd (borderline personality disorder) and be patient with me if you can.

I’m doing something wrong. I know you’re not supposed to assume that in law of assumption because whatever you assume shows up in your 3D, but I can’t help but think that and I hope you won’t blame me for thinking that after hearing a bit of my story. I started out in 2019 with subliminals, needless to say, I never got results from them. I did everything in my power to try to make them work for me. I listened for months, I switched up my playlist, I used to ask psychics to pick the subliminal “best suited for my subconscious”, but still nothing. I don’t know why I didn’t give up, but the thought of having everything I wanted after years of abuse and trauma sounded so amazing. But I would never manifest what I wanted, maybe food or my favourite song playing first on shuffle. But I’d always have to make a physical change to the 3D MYSELF before trying to manifest it. I would want to manifest chicken wings and constantly bother my parents for chicken wings, so I could say I “manifested them”. It was like I had been in the desert for 40 years and whenever I found an oasis, it disappeared in front of my eyes but still kept little droplets of water so I could keep looking for more oasises. I got on Tumblr because of one of the psychics that would pick subliminals for me and completely abandoned amino. By the time I got here, I had be filled with negative thoughts and 0 hope. I was just holding on to the slightest possibility that this manifesting thing could work for me. In between Tumblr (law of assumption) and subliminals, I got into law of attraction and tried every method you can think of. 3-6-9 method, 2 cup method, drinking moon water. Any method you can think of, I’ve tried it. When I heard that you just had to assume and stick to those assumptions, I was in disbelief. So that’s what I did. I assumed and lived in the end. I would avoid mirrors or any reminders that I haven’t completely manifested yet. I did this for like two weeks and lost it because I still didn’t have what I wanted. Then I got into law of assumption methods like visualizing or the lullaby method. Needless to say, I sit before you here with no results. All I have now is a very very strong urge to go back to attempting the void or subliminals again. I had a deadline a month ago, that I didn’t reach. It caused me to spiral and im still in that spiral. I have contemplated just leaving manifesting all together, but I’m here to try to give myself one last chance or a hope for actually getting what I want. Outside of manifestation, my desires can’t be achieved without surgery. That’s one major reason why I’m still going. I don’t have money for surgery. I sound like such a victim, but I know everything there is to every manifesting technique, but I still can’t manifest. (I know I shouldn’t be affirming that into my 3D, but I’m very upset as I write this.) I’ve practiced self concept too and just been delusional and I still didn’t get what I want. I wanted to manifest before my graduation day and I didn’t.. my graduation day was arguably the worst day of my life. I know what to do and I feel like I do them perfectly so what is wrong with me? If it’s my ability to persist, how do I persist with wavering?

My very first anon!!! Hi 😁 anon! I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling! I actually have a very similar manifestation journey. I started out with the law of attraction and subliminals in early 2020 but it never worked so I got into shifting (which also didn’t work for a long time). But then I found the law of assumption.

It did take me a while to get the hang of controlling my thoughts and focusing on my desires, but once you dedicate a day or two to focusing on changing your thoughts or focusing on your self concept, it’s really quite simple. I would suggest @starliet s 3 days or less challenge, or any self concept challenge you can find. Honestly, working on your self concept really does help, but I think if your not following a challenge it can be kind of hard to persist. If tumblr is making things worse, then you should definitely delete it for at least a week, I know it’s hard trust me I’ve been there but it really does help. If you’re anything like I was, maybe your problem is that you’re trying to escape your reality instead of improving it if that makes sense? When I first started shifting and something bad would happen in my reality I would just say “it’s ok cause I’m shifting tonight lol” and that definitely made things a lot harder for me. So try doing something that would make you a bit happier here, something that won’t make you feel the need to spiral. What helped me was creating a routine for myself. I would wake up at 4:50am every morning, do a self concept mediation, yoga, and then I’d go for a run. After that I would set a calm and positive atmosphere in my room with my crystals and some incense and I would write in my journal what I’ve done so far and would I would like to do and achieve. I would also type out my self concept affirmations in the notes app on my phone through out the day (because honestly remembering to affirm is really hard and typing it out helps me). I did this for maybe 2-3 weeks and I felt so much happier and confident. I think when you focus on your desires too much it makes it harder to manifest. So maybe what you need is to take your mind off of them for a while and focus on changing your mindset! Trust me, once you work on your self concept and you realize just how powerful you are, you’ll be manifesting things left and right without even trying. Once you feel confident enough in your abilities then you should definitely start affirming for your desires (don’t forget to persist). Just remember that the key to manifesting: decide, affirm, persist. And try not to worry about whether you’re doing it wrong or not because that is probably the #1 cause of a spiral, just trust yourself. When I would doubt myself I just reminded myself that I’m the god of my reality, and I make the rules. You already have all the answers, you know how to fix your “problem”, you don’t need anyones help. I struggled with manifesting so much before I realized that I was just constantly consuming information and over complicating everything, when I already knew what I needed to do! Sometimes it’s hard, but trust me you’ll get there! I really hope this helped, I can’t wait to hear your success story!

[daydreamrry]

gonna claim this emoji if no one has yet: 🃏 (the joker card i think… LOL) i’ve been a silent anon sending asks here ‘n there hehe but not anymore!!!

this is not holivia/harry related but i kinda just wanna rant, if that’s alright? i feel beyind safe here with all the anons and the mod who make this space so open and comfortable to feel and talk about things haha

i may ramble so i don’t even know where to start tbh but i have these two friends who i consider my bestest friends ever (almost sisters at this point) who i’ve known for over a year now. we’re internet friends and they’ve met a few times since they live on a few states away from one another (while im on the west coast) and sometimes i just feel like the outlier, or really “the friend who walks on the grass” in our friend group. if there’s some kind of animosity happening in the gc or im being distant bc of school, im the one who “doesn’t care about the friendship” or they think im “shutting them out”. we’ve had this convo like a few times about communicating and whatnot but somehow, it’s always me who is the problem. i agree with them when they say we’ve been drifting but sometimes it’s not just me who’s being distant but them as well and theyve acknowledged they need to work on it but it’s always me who is constantly apologizing for doing the “wrongdoing”. it’s always me who’s spending time reading their words to make sure im apologizing for hurting their feelings. it’s always me who’s trying to save the friendship? i messaged them an entire notes app paragraph about how them doing certain things gives me bad anxiety and they continued to do it after like one week lol.

there was an entire mishap today about an twitter account i have where i just rant to myself with no one else and have a non-harry tl and they got angry i didn’t include them in it. which i understand their pov but if no one else is on it (not a soul, just me), what makes you think i want anyone else on it? it’s nothing against them but i have close cousins i add on everything who i also consider my sisters and they’re not even on that twitter account…

they don’t really respect my boundaries after i’d told them certain things they do give me anxiety (which has gotten so much worse in general) example: ignoring my text messages for hours (even for the past two days) but continuing to be on social media even tho i texted the gc. yet they’re complaining im being distant or icing them out when they haven’t communicated if i’ve done something wrong…

i just feel so hopeless in this situation because i don’t have many other friends that i talk to and they’ve always been the closer pair in general. i’ve been dealing with so much in my life that i don’t talk about to them or anyone and my mind is just in constant overdrive with overthinking and doubts. i just feel like everyone is against me lately.

they claim they’re not trying to attack me or railroad me when this happens and we’ve hashed it out today but they’ve once again started ignoring me in the gc when im just trying to move on and get our lively, and happy gc back. and i have a gut feeling they texted each other personally the last two days they’ve been ignoring my messages in our gc like i should’ve guessed that they have, it’s kind of obvious lol.

sorry for rambling but honestly i kinda want some advice but i also just wanted to let all this out. im contemplating just deleting all social media (except tumblr and tiktok per usual) and staying off my phone to focus on school, maybe seek a therapist, etc. but at the same time, i don’t want to lose the some of only friends i have. im just not doing well right now and i don’t know what to do.

im so sorry for dumping this on you, mod, i just needed a place to rant 😭

looooove i’m so glad that you feel comfortable enough to share your personal thoughts and feelings with us <3

i totally understand what you are currently going through right now. this was me not too long ago and what i did was completely remove myself from that “friend group” and move on. i was also conflicted as they were my only friends but honestly, i found people who make me feel so much better about myself and include me in everything. that’s my best advice to you: distance yourself and move on.

i know it may seem hard because you think that they’re your only friends but really, you’ll find better people. trust me. and if you have a lot going on, take time for yourself first. your problems come before anyone else. take care of yourself and do what you need to do whether it’s talking to a therapist, meeting new people, talking to these friends, distancing yourself for a bit - whatever it is, just do what you think is best for you!

trust me when i say that once you figure yourself out, you will feel so much better. it may seem difficult now, you may be conflicted because you feel that you don’t have anyone else, but you will find other friends who will treat you better. it’s better to completely let go of people who make you feel guilty or upset than continue to be friends with them and allow them to treat you unfairly.

also, my messages are open if you need to talk or rant! you can shoot me a text anytime! always here for you 💛

[irwinkitten]

got lucky | c.h

requested by anon: ok so for the bi!reader concept: last year i ended my relationship w this girl the main reason was because she was really insecure and jealous especially about me being bisexual like anytime i would talk to a guy she would just get so upset about it and she would make such gross biphobic comments and at the time i had so much internalised biphobia that i tried to convince myself i was gay n stayed in the relationship longer than i should have because i rly liked her i guess lol anyways (1/4) we ended and a while afterwards i started seeing this guy who i’d known of for ages (friends of friends type situation) but we just never really talked before or hung out but from the first date we clicked and the sex was crazy good like the type of sex were ur ditching ur vibrators cuz he’s that good lmao so one weekend we went to this party together and of course she is also there, i was so surprised and i could see her eyeing us the whole night, so when she came over i was anxious af (2/4) and this guy knew i was bi! it was no secret, i worked really hard to accept myself! so she comes over and she deadass goes “are you straight now? i knew you would end up with a man!” and she’s all smug but also hurt and im standing there like what the fuck and THEN this dumb man goes “ha guess the sex is so good i made her straight again” and i’m literally about to cry over how gross the whole interaction is and im so shocked i can’t even defend myself, i dumped him that night obviously (3/) last messgae: so basically can you pls do a redo of the gross situation where instead of being with that dumb guy its with calum and he is so protective n sweet n NORMAL n encourages u to stand up for urself about bisexuality / your sexuality, because what happened to me happens too often and its disgusting and gross and no one deserves that!! only if u feel comfortable/inspired tho, no pressure!! love u laura, thank u for creating such a safe space for all the queer babies it means a lot 💘 notes: i kinda enjoyed writing this one esp for my sweet anon baby. i love u and i hope this is everything you wanted ♥  warnings: biphobia, implications of emotional abuse

word count: 3.2k

donate to my ko-fi here

-

“Hey what’cha doing sweets?” Calum’s voice pulled you from your musings, your hand idly tracing patterns against the paper but the pen remaining on the desk. You wrenched your thoughts from the spiral you seemed to have fallen down, a smile crossing your lips as you felt your heart flutter at the sight of him.

“Nothin’. Just thinking.” You finally replied as he pulled up one of the spare chairs next to you, the bustling activity of the coffee shop falling into your background noise as his thigh pressed against yours.

“Really? Normally you doodle when you’re just thinking.” He countered with ease and your eyes dropped to the paper, noticing that the pen remained where you’d placed it when you first sat down. Subconsciously you must’ve realised that the route your thoughts had gone were not suitable to put down on paper, your fingers picking up the pen and mind falling blank immediately.

“Oh.” You breathed before placing the pen back down and packing away the pad and pen.

“What’s running through your head, doll?” Calum’s voice was quiet and concerned, you shrugged.

“Just, a lot on my mind is all. You’re not my keeper just because we’ve slept together.” You admitted quietly and he frowned before picking up his bag and for a sinking second you thought he was going to walk off, but instead, he took your bag from your hands and slung it over his shoulder. 

He looked back at you expectantly and you sighed before standing up, leaving the coffee shop with him, your eyes on the floor as you fell into step next to him.

“Your place or mine?”

“E’s gonna be home and I don’t want to hear them rant about me bringing people back.” You muttered and Calum nodded. 

“I think Ash is out. He’ll probably head out to Luke’s if I show up with you.” At his smirk, you rolled your eyes fondly before shoving him towards the bus stop. His indignant “hey!” was only ignored as you two waited for the bus, his arm slung over your shoulders.

Selfishly, you leaned into his touch, trying to ignore the fact that your stomach was doing flips at his touch alone. 

The bus journey was a quiet ten minutes, but Calum seemed to understand that you weren’t willing to talk with so many people around, so he was content to just keep you close, and you were unwilling to pull away until his stop came up.

When you reached his shared house with Ashton, you noted that the car was gone from the driveway and Calum smirked.

“Looks like he’s out. C’mon.” His hand tucked around yours and pulled you inside. And for a second you wondered if you could distract him with sex, but then the guilt appeared and you could feel the tears of frustration appear as your thoughts swirled and you felt dizzy.

Calum had stepped ahead, turning to see you stood leaning against the closed door, head in your hands and he knew something was wrong. Stepping back to you, he dropped your bags and took your hand in his, pulling you upstairs to his room and your stomach twisted uncomfortably.

“Cal I-”

“I’m not suggesting that.” He muttered. You fell silent at that and as he pulled you into his room, you felt unsure, but he gave you no chance to really deny him as he crawled into bed before opening his arms out to you.

“Cal.”

“I know you. You don’t do emotional stuff well but I’m here for a cuddle and an ear if you need it.” You fell into the embrace easily, your head resting on his chest as his arms wrapped around your shoulders, his lips finding your temple as you finally felt something in you snap, the surge of emotions overwhelming and frighteningly vivid. 

“I keep telling myself that I never was a lesbian, that I still found men attractive but Poppy made me feel like having that attraction was stupid since I was dating her and that I was a lesbian and it’s so fucking confusing because I like you, but I can hear her voice screeching that I’m not right, that I’m a lesbian or faking it or a freak.” And for the first time since you left Poppy, you cried.

Calum had been waiting for this. When the split had happened, you’d been ready for it, you’d already left her mentally, but this was what he knew you needed. He knew that the relationship with her had been toxic, but you’d never revealed the extent of her behaviour. 

His heart broke.

“Just because you like both men and women does not mean you should feel so guilty over your sexuality. There’s a B in LGBT for a reason, doll. That’s you. You’re bisexual and you should be proud of that, not ashamed because some bitch with a control issue couldn’t handle the fact that you liked more than women.” 

You found yourself gripping his shirt with your fists as you pressed your face into his chest, trying to stem the tears that seemed relentless. But Calum held his silence whilst you got it out of your system, knowing that you needed to get this off your chest. 

“I’m sorry.” You finally got out, but he simply shushed you. 

“She was a shitty person with an attitude to show. You shouldn’t apologise for the bitch.” His words were simple but it gave you a breath of ease, pulling away as hands rubbed your shoulders gently. 

He was definitely too good to you, but he was there for you regardless and you were certain that you loved him for that.

“There’s gonna be a party on the other side of town in a couple of weeks. Ash took over the old Firefly down on Hartley. He’s revamping before opening the bar to the public. You fancy going?” And you smiled at the gentle distraction he was offering. 

“We get at least a free drink if we show up, right?” And Calum laughed as he kissed your temple. 

“He wouldn’t say no to me. Or you. In fact, I’m almost certain he’s expecting me to do full introductions on that night since Luke and Mike will be there with the others and their girls.” You rolled your eyes. 

“It’s not like I went to school with Luke or anything.” Came your sarcastic retort and Calum laughed as the two of you settled for the evening. 

“Pretty sure Luke last saw you when you started dating Poppy. He’s put two and two together but he won’t say anything unless you mention it. Even then he knows it’s not his place.” Your heart seemed to swell another size in affection for Luke. 

“You’re making it difficult for me to not fall in love with you Cal. Good dick, you know how to use those lips and fingers of yours, you make me feel like I belong and you respect boundaries without me having to ask.” You finally muttered and Calum gave you an almost wistful smile. 

“You may have been with Poppy but that didn’t stop me from being friends with you. You’re someone I’ve genuinely cared about from day one. Not gonna chuck that away because of who you are. Plus growing up with my mom and sister almost made certain I’d be in touch with my feminine side.” He teased but the sincerity and understanding in his tone eased your shoulders. 

Your features softened at the admittance and you pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Then I definitely got lucky to have you in my life at least, falling in love or not.”

—

When the day of the party rolled around, you felt sick with nerves and you couldn’t understand why. 

When Calum rolled up to pick you up—he was driving to Luke’s who lived closest to the bar and you’d both get a ride back to yours before he picked up his car the following morning—he could see the nerves and the grimace on his face spoke volumes. 

“What?” You all but demanded when you were debating outfits. He’d been sitting on the bed watching, but got up and held his hands out to you. 

You took them hesitantly. His thumbs almost immediately started to soothe across the back of your hands to help relax you. 

“Word has gotten around that Poppy is planning to show up. We haven’t exactly been quiet about our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d pull something like this.” And your stomach churned uncomfortably. 

“We’re still going. Ashton promised free drinks and we’ll be in the VIP area right?” You checked and Calum nodded.

“Ashton has already told the bouncers that she’s not allowed near the VIP section. They’re checking and rechecking the lists to make sure she isn’t on one of them.” He explained and you let out a breath of air. 

“Okay. It’ll be fine. It’s being handled and I’ve got you. Now which outfit do you think I should wear?” He studied your face for a second before a smile broke across his lips. 

“The dark purple with the deep plunge. Is it wrong of me to flaunt in her face what she lost?” And you laughed as you kissed him. 

“I mean, yes. But I also know that you want to show me off properly now that we’ve got things really settled.” You murmured and he grinned back unabashedly. 

It was still an uphill battle, but he’d given you a lot to think about. And after gentle convincing, you’d found an LGBT friendly therapist who helped you process your thoughts. It helped you come to terms with accepting the toxic relationship that you’d been in but also it highlighted how beneficial Calum had been as a friend and confidant. 

It also gave you the courage to ask Calum out officially, wanting to be with him entirely and not just in the evenings. 

He took that in his stride and things shifted once more between the two of you. When you opened up to him about some of your sessions, you knew that your trust had been well placed because he never indicated anything to his friends and so you were never subjected to pitying stares or glares. 

You were almost sure that you’d fall in love with him faster than you fell for Poppy. 

The drive to Luke’s was filled with your nerves. You hadn’t seen Luke in years and you were also meeting his two other friends, Ashton and Michael as well as their partners. 

“Ashton’s excited to finally meet you and stop telling me to be careful when I go to yours.” 

Despite Calum living with Ashton, your schedules never seemed to match and more often than not, Calum could be found at your place, a small sanctuary from your hectic lives. 

Ashton never begrudged that time you shared together, but Calum had mentioned a few times about how snappy he was being on the subject. 

“He’ll chill when he realises I’m not out to break your heart or steal something.” You muttered with a chuckle. Calum snorted in return as he pulled into Luke’s driveway. 

Your nerves return full force as he pulls you to the front door and steps in like he lives there. 

“Hey fuckers, anyone about?” He called through and was met with calls of confirmation, another yell following that they were in the dining room. Your fingers squeezed Calum’s tightly and he didn’t hesitate to return it, his thumb soothing across the skin on the back of your hand.

“Look who it is!” A voice crowed loudly as he stepped into the dining room, followed by loud calls of greetings. 

There was a flurry of introductions and you felt like the spotlight was being shone on you, under scrutiny from his best friends gazes once they had greeted their friend and Calum had introduced you. Or re-introduced you in Luke’s case.

“Well c’mon, the last time I saw you we were leaving school. What’s been happening to you?” Luke finally asked, indicating to the seat next to him. A small smile graced your lips as you sat down, Calum falling into the seat next to you as you shrugged. 

“Life I guess? It’s been definitely more interesting with the different jobs and moving about. Building up a social life again.” Luke’s face filled with a frown at that. 

Michael came in next. 

“Building up a social life? Did you not have one?” His words held an innocent curiosity, yet you felt yourself hesitate. 

“My ex was controlling to the point that I couldn’t do anything without their permission. They managed to make me believe that no one really wanted me around and I lost touch with old friends, like Luke.” You glanced to the side and he was frowning. 

The others held varying degrees of stunned shock or disapproval. 

“Well then he was a cunt.” Michael muttered and your eyes refused to meet theirs at the assumptions. Luke stayed quiet but his hand rested on your knee, squeezing it. You shot him a gentle smile in return.

“Well it’ll be good to have you back in our lives. Especially with these two knuckleheads.” He nodded at Ashton and Michael who immediately protested and you laughed. 

It felt like you’d known them for years as you all had a few shots. Ashton, despite being the owner of the bar, wasn’t worried about turning up with his friends. He’d already explained to his staff that he’d be around for the rest of the night once he arrived and he’d told the small groups he’d be here and there. 

After a handful of shots, the group of you made your way to the bar, your arm linked with Calum’s. There were separate conversations happening between you all, their girlfriends including you on their pamper night whilst the boys discussed a possible games night for all of you. 

When you arrived at the club, you saw the queue of people waiting to get in and the subsequent groans from the line as the bouncer let you in, no questions asked. 

Ashton guided the group of you to the VIP section and the music was still loud but you could still hear each other talking. You were chatting away with Luke’s girlfriend, arm still linked with Calum’s as Ashton disappeared to get drinks. 

Calum pulled your attention away briefly, his lips by your ear. 

“I’ve spotted her. She’s not seen us yet so don’t worry.” You barely nodded, acknowledging his words as you listened in, fighting to keep your nerves down. 

The night continued and you were all a few drinks deep. Calum’s arm had barely left your waist all night as you talked and danced and drank. You’d been welcomed into his group of friends with an ease you never realised existed. 

You’d deliberately not tried to seek out Poppy, silently praying that the universe would comply. But as the group of you stood out in the smokers area, huddled together under a heating lamp, your stomach sank as she stepped out, her eyes narrowing on you. 

“Fuckin’ knew it!” You could feel the alarm in your face as you stepped back into Calum, his arm going around you protectively. 

“Poppy, you’re drunk.” You felt curious gazes from your new friends, but you didn’t spare them a glance.

“You break up with me and go running to his arms, I knew you weren’t a fuckin lesbian. Pretending to try it out? Just another straight girl seeking attention. Fucking freak.” She snapped and your stomach sank. 

“Get it through your thick head that she’s bisexual.” Calum snapped in your defence, earning a glare from Poppy. But Calum didn’t shrink from the glare, your glance to his face confirmed he was giving her his own. You were mildly impressed that she didn’t back down instantly. 

“She’s a fuckin liar! Years of my life wasted on this bitch.” She spat at your feet and you took in a deep breath. 

“You don’t get to control me anymore, Poppy. I’ve liked both men and women, but you never liked that because it meant that I had more chances of leaving you. And I wished I’d have left you sooner. Calum certainly thought so.” 

“Of course you fucked the first man to pay you any attention.” Your heart sank once more at her declaration and you felt your mind fall into the old trap that you’d fought with for so long. 

“No she never. In fact she slept with a few girls long before she slept with me. But I was her best friend as she tried to deal with the mess you created in her mind.” Calum snapped back. You felt your heart swell for him. 

Poppy stepped forward, her hand raised but then Ashton stepped in front of you. 

“Get out. You’re no longer welcome in this bar.” He made a gesture and security slowly made their way over. 

“She shouldn’t be fucking welcome!” Poppy yelled back, but Ashton held firm. 

“She is my friend. You are not. Get. Out.” When the bouncer rested a hand on her arm, she shrugged it off and stormed away. Your entire body was trembling.

“So that was the ex, huh?” Michael commented and you could feel your hands trembling as you nodded. “Why didn’t you correct me?” Calum spoke up for you as his hands took yours. 

“It’s been a battle for her. Poppy had convinced her she was a lesbian, that she was wrong for having any attraction to men. In Poppy’s world, either your gay, lesbian or straight. Being bisexual isn’t acceptable in her eyes.” Calum’s arms wrapped around you and you stood there, holding onto him for dear life. 

“Well that makes two of us then.” Michael’s casual comment had your knees go weak and you let out a weak laugh. 

“Thank you Ash.” You finally murmured when you pulled away from Calum. Ashton didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in a warm hug that was both comforting and reassuring. 

“Hey, you’ve been the best thing for my best mate. And you were friends with Luke once before. I’ve definitely got your back. And I get why you didn’t say anything and don’t hold that against you.” He muttered and you breathed a sigh of relief before returning to Calum’s embrace. 

“More drinks or are we gonna go back to Luke’s?” And you shook your head. 

“Let’s stay. I’m not gonna let her ruin it,” you leaned forwards so your lips were by his ear as the others went inside, “also I want to see if we can christen the bar in one of the toilets.” You breathed. Calum groaned as his grip around you got tighter and he pulled you in for a kiss that promised more. 

“Oh you’re so fucked sweetheart. Especially since I know where the individual lips are and they aren’t attended by anyone.” You held back a moan at that thought before pulling away, your hand in his. 

“Dance first?” And the innocence in your tone made him laugh as he followed behind you willingly. 

“Menace.” The term was laced with affection as he caught up to you, kissing the spot just below your ear. 

You simply grinned in return as you pulled him onto the dance floor, Poppy long forgotten as he danced with you. 

-

@sexgodashton, @goth5sos, @calumsmermaid, @empathycth, @wildflowergrae, @calpops, @rosecolouredash, @cal-puddies, @clockwork124, @loveroflrh, @stellar5sosrecs, @ashtoniwir, @cthla, @liketheydidwithyou, @sc0ttish-wildfl0wer​, @bluehairedtracii, @drummerboy794, @feliznavidaddycal, @i-calumhood, @wokeupinjapanisabop, @converse-luke, @madbomb, @ccnicole02, @youngblood199456, @aulxna, @megz1985, @lukesidentitycrisis, @snapback-irwie, @neonweeknds, @666yourwitchyfriend666, @gamerboymike, @cashtonasfuck, @ashtaway, @conquerwhatliesahead92, @itjustkindahappenedreally, @twoamhood, @kchillout, @damselindistressanu, @colormekaykay, @findingliam-o, @sublimehood, @sugarcoated-pain, @singt0mecalum, @singledadharrington​, @calumspeachy​, @colourfulcalum​, @lostincalum​, @burncrashbromance​, @asht0ns-world​, @a-mnd, @flusteredcliffo​, @loti18​, @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​, @clumclum-hood​, @fangirl-everythang​, @lashtondaddies​, @calumssunshine​, @ambskiwi​, @abundant-stars​, @caltattoohood, @seedless-vascular, @myescapefromthislife​, @lmao5sosimagines​, @beyoncesdragon​, @jae-writes-fanfiction​, @cxddlyash​, @tresfandom​, @utterly-u-n-p-e-r-f-e-c-t​, @niallisworld​, @lietomevalntyn​, @babylon-corgis​, @monochrome44​, @behind-my-hazeleyes27​, @ghost0fy0u​, @lyllibug​, @bloodmoonashton​, @balsamic-cal, @calumsbaldhead​, @washedout-ky, @calumssunshinee​, @ghostofmashton​, @summerellaz​, @a-little-less-sixteen​, @cashworthy​, @smokeinherlungs​, @longlastingdaydream​, @h0tsos​, @sweetcherrymike​, @5sosnsfw​, @sugar-nico​, @sunnysideblog, @angel-cal​, @samros95​, @maluminspace​, @lukeinblue​, @cakesunflower​, @allamerican-betch​,  @britnicole11​, @gigglyirwin​, @everyscarisahealingplace, @loverofcashton​, @iovehemmings​, @g-l-pierce​, @jannimoeller3​, @wildmichaelflower​, @lukeskisses​, @5sossstan​, @youngbloodchild​, @alloutofcashton​, @tobefalling​, @abb-lan-5sos​, @calumsbub​, @flameraine​, @here-for-the-uproars​, @mateisit-balsamic​, @ilovelukey​, @sarahshepherdblog​

[guiltiest-gear]

You can delete this ask if you dont want to read my ranting and life story. Otherwise. Tw for suicide, abuse, self loathing, medication, eating disorders, cheating, self destructive behaviour

I had a girlfriend. Grade 7. We ended up getting together during a field trip.

She broke up with me and came out as a lesbian after the field trip.

Im unmedicated at the time, and undiagnosed. I fall into a depressive spiral. I become suicidal. I accidentally mention it in passing conversation and she starts blaming herself. I then get in trouble because i accidentally hurt my ex by being suicidal. This makes it worse

and i attempt.

This just hurts everyone else and i try to fix it. I get therapy. I get diagnosed with anxiety and adhd. My medications give me more self control. But i also develop an eating disorder because of side effects. I try to fix this by forcing myself to eat. I throw up alot and get sick, losing more weight. Im threatened with a feeding tube. So i keep trying to eat. We lower my medication so i can eat more. Its not enough and i become depressed. This time i keep it hidden because i dont want to hurt anyone again. This ends in me entering multiple different self destructive and abusive online relationships. I end up hurting them because i cheated, i cheated because i knew it would fuck me over, i try to fix things, i make it worse, they forgive me but now im stuck in 4 different abusive relationships with 4 different suicidal people who would kill themselves if i left. I have to keep it all a secret or else my mom will ground me for life. I lose control and become suicidal. I end up leaving them all. Im 80% sure they killed themselves. I blame myself. I become suicidal again. The cycle of trying, fixing, fucking up the fix, and becoming suicidal continues even up to today

Every time i do something, i fuck it up. Then i try to fix it and make it worse. The failure eats away at me and i become suicidal. This provides flashbacks to everything from before, and every time the flashbacks and suicidal thoughts are exponentially worse

I cant tell my therapist about this, because she would have to tell my mother, and if my mother knew about the things ive done id be grounded for life. Id never be able to go online again. Id lose all my online friends.

You can delete this ask. If you wanna post it then go for it. But id reccomend not letting me hurt more people. Im sorry to dump all of this on you. Forgive me

I don’t know exactly who you are anon or what you’re going through, but things get better eventually

If you need to talk more, I’m always here or you could use this: https://www.imalive.org/

Things get better

I’m sure of it

Hang in there anon

[justabunchofdragons]

Hi sorry if this bothers you and you don't have to reply or anything I just need to talk for a moment to someone else and not just write a post and delete it before posting again.

So I am going to start uni this year and it's great and I'm excited and I'm terrified because I'm going to meet so many new people and a lot of my family members are constantly asking about things I haven't made decisions on yet and it's stressing me out and I know they'd stop if I asked but I never manage to because I know they don't mean to cause me stress and also I really should have said something years ago but I didn't abs it just gets more dificult as time goes on and I really should have made some if those decisions by now and normally I can avoid it because I leave my phone in my room a lot and don't check my email but I just spent a week with them and I'm emotionally exhausted from it and I really want to go I'm excited to go but I'm also now so panicked and I just, sorry I don't really know what words I'm looking for, I don't regret my decision to go to uni it's just a lot and I keep feeling less and less prepared for the change even though I know I've made the important decisions (even if one or two were settled using ipp dip doo)

It doesn't help that both the people I'd talk to about this sort of thing irl are busy, one's dealing with their own problems right now and I don't want to worry him and I won't be able to talk to the other until December now and the last time we spoke was June so they don't even know what grades I got or that I got into the uni I wanted yet

Sorry again if I'm bothering you

hey anon! apologies for not replying earlier last night my brain was well and truly a mess but i've slept and want to reply now!

first of all, you aren't bothering me! not at all - the anon and ask functions are there for a reason ^^ and i totally get wanting to tell someone rather than just ranting into a post you know you'll never send

i'm really sorry your family is being so overwhelming! university is a big thing and can be stressful enough on its own let alone without family members (even well-meaning ones!) constantly on your back about it. i'm glad you don't regret your decision though! i know the feeling of being pushed into something you don't want, and i'm glad you're not in that situation ^^

about feeling unprepared - it's normal! like i said before university is a massive change whether you live on campus or not, and it can be daunting. i would say "just try to relax" if i believed it would help but chances are it won't so i have a couple things i do when i'm stressed about anything:

take a break. and i dont mean go on tumblr (even though. i probably do that) i mean do something completely different to clear your head. bonus points if you get something out of it! (so like,, painting, journaling, writing, knitting, even learning a few words of a language!)

try to think of exactly what you're worrying about, write it down and then think of a counter argument. write those on a separate piece of paper, and shred the worry paper once you're done. keep the one with the affirmations, it's a good thing to have for future.

talk to someone. i know you said the people you usually talk to are busy (which really sucks sorry about that :[) but my asks are open! and i can assure you 9 times out of 10 you aren't bothering your friends - they care about you for a reason, and even just having them to get away from stress can be helpful.

anyway! this got long 😅 sorry if you didn't want advice or anything - i just sat down and brain dumped oops- lemme know if any of this helped? it's totally okay if not though ^^ and im wishing you the best with university!

[gerrydelano]

lonely depot ask dump! i’m also putting the old ones in here to keep it contained and in one place + say thank you as it’s due without spamming the situation any more. if you sent me an ask about it and i didn’t respond, it’s in here!

i’m trying to take it easy this weekend and not dwell on it, i’m gonna put my laptop away after i get this squared, i took a good painkiller and i’m super sleepy so pbthth gonna just. rest. because i sure didn’t sit yesterday at all at work.

some of the new ones i got a little tangential oops sorry jHBKNM i’m just! keeping this all in this post from now on, is all.

starting with old ones in chrono order:

anon: Hey, I'm sorry so much shit has happened and been done to you. That sucks. I hope things improve soon, but until then we're here and we dont mind listening. I'm glad ren is there to support you.

thanks, man, i'll be okay! sometimes you just gotta bitch about it all at once when you get reminded haha. i want to try oversharing less on here in the future, i'm just a little shocked at the job thing right this minute, but i'll figure it out! i'm glad ren is here, too; would definitely be very lost without them. i appreciate the kindness, thank you 🧡

anon: I’m really sorry if this is intruding but just. *virtual hugs*

no worries! hugging you back like we are football bros who just won a big game

anon: Fuck him up Ron

will do 💪🤪

anon: so like idk what's going on w your boss but fuck them honestly

oh yeah this isn't going to end quietly

anon: damn, what a complete asshole that guy is. All the best of luck in dealing with that situation 😔

thank you, i'll be fine! my mom is angry so you know what that means :'-)

if there is any time to pull the dragon lady trope regarding my own mother it is now because Yeah. i can at least trust her to be thorough and so very angry and Not let it lie.

anon: Fuck 👏🏻 him 👏🏻 up 👏🏻 Ron! 👏🏻

i wish i hadn't asked him to clarify because it gave him a chance to cover his behind but mike even said it read to him as me being fired before we even spoke, so. when we talk on monday that'll be fun!!!! it's my mom he has to worry about LOL

AND NOW NEW ASKS

anon: Cheers dude rant all you want, fuck ya boss, hope it works out for you - also report that shit, depending on where ya at it can all be anonymous - Im so drunk btw please ignore me if you want 🥰 have a good dayy

this is so cute pbthhth thank you, it’s gonna be okay! one way or another. i don’t think i can do anything anonymously at this point here but i’m not handling this alone and something is going to get done at least, i’m sure. i hope you had a good night + are feeling okay today!

anon: i definitely understand how u feel. as a disabled person it really feels like jobs and school are just not made for us. i hope ur able to do something abt ur awful boss and im so sorry ur going through all this

yeah, you’re right, they’re not made for us. they’re made for abled people who can fit the capitalist mold better without as much “complaint” or effort. they literally were trying to act like i had to disclose my whole ass disability from the time of hiring like. 

no? you realize that’s literally Not my obligation, specifically Because people will discriminate against that and find an excuse not to hire disabled people at all? i Shouldn’t do that? and yet tbh i did anyway? to be candid about my capabilities???? and? hello?

it’s all rigged it’s all jammed it’s all on purpose they have Practice bulldozing people they do it all the time they strategically word things and go to further lengths to silence and rob us than they would even have to in order to just make the workplace accessible it’s Literally Evil. 

i’m sorry you’ve clearly faced this kind of thing, too, and i hope that you’re doing better/find better opportunities that treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 

i’ll be fine! i think we’ll be able to do something, even if it’s just... getting to give him a piece of my mind lmao hearing my mom yell at him would be just dandy. telling him he’s a manipulative, lying c*cksleeve would be very satisfying but i’d wait till i had No Tie to the place first lmao.

anon: <3 I'm sorry your dealing with all this shit, *fuck* your boss and the gm and all this shit, best of luck on throwing them to the wolves like they deserve

<3 it’ll turn out alright somehow! but yeah honestly FUCK them both tbh i have no words at this point? not even anger, just. it’s a hell of a betrayal to be spoken about the way he wrote about me in that e-mail and i’m shocked he would turn on me so fast, and for nothing. 

my mom has said some choice shit on fb messenger and it’s so funny like she wanted to fucking vague him (because he’s friends with us both on fb!!!! LOL) and literally make posts about going to the dept of labour and whatever and I had to tell her NO jhbKJNKJn but it’s like, just nice to see she has anger on my behalf ig. like

“Don't worry, we will go to EVERY agency necessary to fuck them up or close them down.  I told [my sister].... she wants to go there.  Even [boyfriend] said they are fucked up.” 

my boss told me once that “some snobby girl” came in and was SO nasty to him when she was looking for me and i wasn’t there so she THREW a pile of coupons on the counter and stormed out and i’m like. what. that’s my sister? and i asked her about it and she was horrified like... that’s not how she behaves in fucking public. like. he’s a chronic liar even when it’s so pointless! there’s no need to lie!!!! about that! about my family? you don’t even know her? hello?

this is my fave tho from my mom’s one DM i have to share this it’s so fucking funnyjhbgfrkfnkenf

like... i dunno! i feel safe with people on my side for probably the first time in my life, enough that i can have a laugh about what’s going on. so i’m really okay. and i trust my mom to help me do something about it, so fingers crossed that the wolves eat pretty fucking well come next week lol.

again - pasting this from another deleted post - thank you guys for tolerating all those posts. i know that isn't what anyone is here for and i'll clean it up later/tomorrow, but the advice i've gotten has helped me immensely so i appreciate the opportunity to talk about it and figure out my next move with some help. i really can't do this kind of thing alone considering my history and health so like. it does mean a lot to get some perspective.

i’m leaving the bigger posts i made about it up (but putting under cuts too, to keep them small) just to preserve the timestamps for when i made them and any advice i might’ve received in the replies. archiving, etc.

so! i’m not going to let it go in terms of giving up, but i’m also not going to waste my weekend stressing over it. just gonna wait until monday to see what happens when we talk and go from there. because unlike this clown, i actually have some self control and keep my word! who knew how easy it was to just do that.

EDIT 8/24/2020:

anon:  *hugs* what's happening to you is fucked up dude, you are absolutely valid in feeling the way you do, I hope your IRL friends with more legal knowledge give you the advice you need. Know that your internet fans are cheering you on!

thanks! i actually have no IRL friends save for ren who moved up here to live with me after a long internet friendship so i'm relying pretty much solely on internet pals and my mom kdjdkdjd the call did not go well because HR was actually like more or less nice (though she did say "i can promise you this is not a discriminatory company we always want to help" which was hilarious and so i had to say oh yeah i believe you, but these two chucklefucks don't seem to feel the same way about upholding those policies.) and so i might get screwed into quitting because she might actually try to get me the accommodation, even though now the issue is less me begging for that and more me reporting them for this treatment.

now i'm being asked to call HR again hm!

update: it went well enough that she told me to stay home for the week and she’s going to pay me for it so that’s very nice but who knows what’ll happen now. gonna end up consolidating all my posts and replies into one of the previous posts just to keep it all there i guess!

[wanttoshine-a]

I’m about to kind of dump my thoughts here because things have been not great lately and last night I had a sudden revelation at 4am which may cause me to update rules and some other stuff so... I’m gonna... overshare. 

                                              Yeah, sounds like a plan.

The rules update doesn’t mean you HAVE to read it, I’ll possibly change them later if you wanna skip the rant haha. In any case if you read it i’d appreciate it if you’d like it or something to let me know. Thanks anyway and heeere I go.... wow I’m actually a bit nervous-

(( PD: God i’ve bared my soul there but goddamn is it long. It may be boring you’ve been warned ))

As i said, yesterday I was laying awake on my bed at 4am while having to wake up early for school and finding it hard to sleep because I was suddenly very very stressed out about tumblr, and I got thinking.

I have made one or two ??? posts @ the drama going around, since I’ve purposefully kept myself in my little tumblr emo corner so sometimes it’s as if i had goddamn ear muffs on regarding stuff. Still, seeing so much negativity and friends leaving is a bit taxing, specially for something that should be nothing but a hobby. But you know, that truthfully barely affects me at all because as I said I’ve been kind of doing my own thing... which is good, but can leave you feeling kind of lost and wondering where you fit in the community if at all, sometimes. I’ve been asking myself that a lot, lately.

Then there are the... not so nice anons I get, and while as you can see they’ll never see the light of day except with private conversations with a friend or two, it doesn’t mean I don’t see them. And even when not outright mean, comparisons were never good and I don’t like it, and playing innocent to try to get me to comment on something to get into drama is not appreciated thank u. I don’t need no help for that.

I’ve had some... small things too, which again I’m not naming and it’s definitely not your fault if I’ve apologised and as always I’d rather you people come to me than talk behind my back but still.... leaves me with a lot of worry and anxiety that I just can’t help but have.

Then there’s... there’s the fact that I’m very slow on IMS and interactions lately, which is making me feel very very guilty. It’s not your fault, and neither it is that I’d rather leave people waiting rather than answer a straight up ‘I’m sorry but I’d rather not start more interactions right now’ or ‘I don’t think our styles would work’ because I’m terrified of saying no and thus I wallow in my own anxiety until I fucking cook. It’s not nice, I know. Not a good thing to do, I’m aware. 

Let me explain:

As a few of you may know, I have depression which is even worse this times of the year, and there’s trouble IRL too that I won’t talk about. It’s so bad I can’t even get up to go to class for days and tumblr is.. a bit of a breather for me. Or was, idk. So when it comes to priorities and things I have to force myself to do, ooc talking and drama and negativity are not... not really high on the list. I just want a rest, and I need energy to talk to my actual friends here, i’m sorry.

          God, I’m so exhausted just by writing this, jesus christ.

So anyway. Thing is that I was laying on bed allowing tumblr to take time of my rest in order to be anxious and i was complaining to a friend and trading headcanons and I suddenly went-

Why he fuck am I letting this random internet people have so much control over my life?

Why, if I love roleplaying and I love my muses so much, am I allowing this petty things to taint the fun I have here? Why do opinions of people that go behind anon matter at all? Or people who I’ll never speak to for more than a minute, if at all?

Don’t get me wrong, I still think kidness takes little of you and takes you a long way but... To allow complete strangers to give me this much anxiety and weight on my choices is.... ridiculous. Absolutely fucking NUTS 

                                       What the fuck was I thinking??????

So l was going to go ‘I’m taking a break blah blah’ but ???? Listen ??? Why the hell would I do that??? I don’t wanna do that ??? I don’t want to have to take a break from doing something I like ???? 

             I love my blog, okay. I’ve put a lot of work here.

Worldbuilding, character development, headcanons, events, formatting and fucking hand drawn icons... I’m so very proud of this blog and how far I’ve come. It makes me genuinely happy and I feel accomplished.

And thus and last not to bore whoever is strong enough to have read this far I’m going to:

Be unfollowing and blocking people. First time for everything. Nothing personal believe me, but I need to distance myself from stuff.

Going to be more selective in interactions. I’m still not mutuals only but I get to chose.

Start saying no, and this is mostly to myself. ‘No’ is not a bad word, it’s a boundary and I need it.

Gonna be scarce on ims except for those that are my friends, otherwise I’m mostly in discord and even then I’m not giving it freely anymore.

Going to state that unless I say so I haven’t forgotten about your thread, I’m just busy.

If you pester me in my IMs I’m going to soft block you. Block you even. 30 messages are too many fucking messages okay.

I’m still:

Going to be commenting on people’s posts

People can comment on mine freely

Allow personals to follow me and like stuff, I appreciate it!

Start threads with new people, I’m quite open to this! Eager even.

Talk in general. I’ve not suddenly gone evil out of the sudden, I’m just looking out for my own health.

Spread positivity, because yes.

                              There’s a person behind this blog too, okay? 

I encourage interactions but I’m just human and I’m really, really tired. Roleplaying is something I love and I don’t want to ruin this. So.. yeah. Putting it all here not to make any more ooc posts and....

Hope you’ll all understand. Thank you.

[yoonminist]

💕 crush stories p4 💕

My relationship with my crush is a little complicated lol she's the softes bean ever and has a lot of problems she doesn't wants to talk about and I'm the only one who's there for her but last year everything just went down because i needed a friend to be there for me but she treated me like shit so i turned to another friend and we started dating. While i was in this relationship my crush got a boyfriend (who treats her like shit) After 6 month of dating my gf me and my crush became best friends again and i spent a lot of time with her. I broke up with my gf last week because i had to realise we only dated because we were both lonely. Now I'm back at pining over the smallest cutest girl in the whole world while i have to take care of her or she would probably die dnkdks i actually got her to watch httyd with me as her bf was being an ass and she loved it even tho she usuall hates animation movies lol 

you’re right this is complicated lmao so she’s still with her bf ??? even though she’s cute and has her own problems you don’t deserve to be treated like shit so i hope you cleared up whatever that was,,, i suggest you take a little time to enjoy being single before you start thinking about dating this crush now because i’ve seen people date for the sake of not being lonely and it usually isn’t good in the long term but good luck!! and i don’t know how bad her bf is but she should dump him

He's not texting since 3 days ago (our first date)... I think i don't like him any more 💔😭 we've been friends for 5 years...

:’( either he treats you better or you drop him bc you deserve better than that ♡

I think im a little strange, there's a guy that i like(a lot) he is really cool, funny and smart, but i think he is gay. Rather than i'm being sad or something alike, i ship him with his friend, but i still liking him. I'm getting crazy :')

ohhhh does he actually like his friend though or do you just ship them because you think he’s gay ?

aaa, so i've liked this guy for almost 3 months and i did the Thing where i told him (which never happens, because i'm usually way too shy and i tend to want to tamp my feelings back to nothing). that night, we spent hrs walking blocks and blocks and he told me he doesn't like anyone atm, which i understood 100%. after that, it really wasn't bad and we actually hung out at a lookout point for a few more hrs into the morning before he took me home. he's the first person in a while that made me feel so nervous, excited, fluttery, good about myself in a long time. i think (i hope) that i'll be over him soon - at the end of it all, he's still a good friend. the butterflies haven't left yet though - my lil heart won't stop hoping and he's not gonna stop being cute and gosh darn attractive and lovely anytime soon 😫 (ty for letting me rant through this! you're one of my favorite blogs 💝) 

THIS IS SO CUTE ahh im glad you went for it!! even though he told you he didn’t like anybody it’s better that you know and don’t spend all this time being hung up on him and wondering about What Ifs so i’m happy for you ♡ he sounds like such a nice friend though so i’m glad you have a person like him in your life and hope that you get over him asap (and thank you !! you’re so sweet 💖)

My crush is an asshole who played push and pull with me for 3 years and recently decided to declare that he likes me, but he's still not sure about us. He said, i quote: 'what if i ask you out and then change my mind' . So we're at square one again😂 he is such an attractive guy, i can't give up on him😭

NO no matter how cute he is you should get rid of him omg what an asshole-ish thing to say,,, trust me even if it’s hard at first you’ll be way happier when you’re over him !! he doesn’t deserve you!!!! ♡

My crush is actually in Korea for the summer (no lie, he's an exchange student at my school). He's so adorable and sweet, but we almost never talk or hang out, and whenever we do I'm always the one to initiate :c Just trying to be optimistic and open about everything rn :s

optimism is good!! hopefully it isn’t because he isn’t interested or already has someone but i guess the best way to find out is always to hint at it or outright ask about his love life ??

Does it count if my crush and I recently married? lol because even though he is my husband not a day goes by that my heart does not flutter with something he does. Wether it be hugging, hand holding or even a smile directed my way, I still get butterflies like crazy. He is the most kind caring and thoughtful person I have had the pleasure of meeting. He is silly and loves laughing. He has the most beautiful eyes and smile I have ever seen. But maybe I'm just being biased lol I love my crush 💜

AWWW CONGRATS ON YOUR MARRIAGE this is so nice ✨✨✨ i love this n hope you’re happy together for As Long As You Both Shall Live

The last time I had an actual full blown crush on someone it was in seventh grade and Jesus Christ let me tell you I was so dramatic over it?? The dude's initials are M.J and I once burst into tears cause I saw the letters on my tv once and we had these letter stickers back then so I put M and J together next to the Pc and whenever someone asked about it I was like it's Michael scofield bc that was back when prison break was ongoing. God I cringe so much now when I look back at it lmaoooo

you burst into tears when you saw his initials fjngjnfjgfn   

Okay so my crush is a girl and omfg, she's so pretty?? Her hair falls just above her shoulders and she has brown hair & brown eyes and I take most of my classes with her, but we have the most fun in German, Economics & Managment and Organisation. So she has a lot of... character (idk lol). She is hella stubborn and takes shit from no one but so do I so we banter and insult each other A LOT, but it's always playful so we never feel insulted. But the thing is that i'm a girl too And I didn't even know I liked girls too until I met her lol (so now i'm a closet bi girl). But the thing that gives me hope is that we low key flirt? We send each other snaps stating how much we love each other and always call each other bae/babe etc. I know girl friends do this but it's different I don't even act that way with my best friend and neither is she? And she once confessed to me that she kissed a girl when she was really drunk, but didn't feel anything with it And once we were hanging out with friends, she was drunk and this guy was lying on top of her (a friend who gets real touchy when drunk, but it was all good no harassment of some sorts) she like kept calling me to help, nothing real big. But she also got jealous once when I send a snapchat to her best friend (she was with her @ the time) & she was like why didn't you snap me? So i'm really confused and idk if she likes me too? Sorry for the ramble :(

i relate to this so much lmao i found out i was bi through my first gf too so this all sounds AWFULLY familiar,, i’ll just say if you joke about being in a r/s all the time it’s a sign that you should level it up to a real one but from what you’re telling me i have a good feeling about this!! i hope she really is into you and that you end up dating ❤ (and that you keep me updated whoops)

so im in marching band and there's this one guy in color guard who's really good and the way he can move his body is just like impossible to look away from? and he's really attractive like the other day he was wearing a shirt that had kind of a low neckline and his collarbone was really prominent and i just ahhh??? im not sure if he knows i exist but he's just really attractive help

I LOVE IT I HOPE HE NOTICES YOU AND IT’S LOVE @ FIRST SIGHT

im crushing on this guy for over 3 years. he is a meanie but i like him a lot :') this past week he confessed and said he liked me. but he is not sure if he wants a relationship. we even went out on something like a date :D im very confused rn ahahaha

you need to be clear with this kind of stuff in a r/s so just ask him!! trust your gut though, no matter how much you like him i think that if you don’t think you’ll be happy dating him then just don’t do it :’( ♡

Hey it's the anon that may or may not be gay who has a crush on the girl named Ramona. So.... I think I fucked up. A few friends of mine threw this huge party this weekend and I made sure to tell Ramona so she'd go (I mean goody2shoes at a party come on how cute is that?) So about an hour or 2 into the party she shows up with some friends and I hang around her most of the night, and when I'm not WITH her I made sure I knew where she was. See the part where I messed up is that Im not the best with alcohol... And I drank a bit much. Now I remember kissing Ramona. And that's it. However according to some friends I kissed her she slapped me I pushed her... into the pool and she left crying. Now its Monday and she wont look me in the eye (it's lunch rn and English is next) what do I do?!? I'm an obvious drunk asshole, BUT THATS THE THING! I was DRUNK! I mean I wanna apologize but I can't even get close to her with her friends there

NOOOOO oh my god you really did fuck up ;; can’t you text her asking if you guys can talk ?? tell a friend what happened and hope she’ll understand and let you explain?? honestly i have no idea but i hope you sort it out and let her know how sorry you are but also don’t beat yourself up too much!! accidents happen even if they are bad, it’s ok in the end as long as you apologise,,,,, good luck ♡ and don’t drink around her again ;;