#it was all ok until like the last moment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tortademaracuya · 2 years ago

Text

Man i just remembered the whole ghosting thing that happened at the end of that one collab. What was up with that

#it was like the next thing i did after the zine whose mods never talked again after we had all finished akskskls cursed #it was a wlw fic writer/artist collab which tbh sounded so cool #it was all ok until like the last moment #the writer never replied again??? i wonder what hapened. hope they r okay #i feel asking the mods if they know whats up is too much tho #and i feel weird messaging the writer on anything that isnt that group chat so #thats it ig lol #everytime i come across the art tho its like damn what do i do with u now #haunted.txt

0 notes

seaofreverie · 4 days ago

Text

I knew about the post concert depression but no one told me about the post concert constant feeling of AAAAAAAAAHHH that lasts days and makes everything much more bearable and beautiful and some sort of ethereal type of hope is restored into the world, or maybe it's just the "seeing your favourite band after first thinking that it would never happen and later spending many months waiting for it all the while fearing that it wouldn't happen after all because of circumstances outside my control or feeling like it was too beautiful and wonderful to be true so ofc it wouldn't come true" part of it all

#guys i love they might be giants. did you know about this #me days before the show: crying because i will see they might be giants #me days after the show: crying because i saw they might be giants #truth is that i didn't actually full on cry until yesterday evening though so once i was back home so it was all officially over #and it was time to just slow down and realize that oh well wow. so all that just happened. like for realsies #i also finally looked through my videos and my recording of the whole show (yes as an archivist freak who records audio from most concerts #i obviously had to record this one also. now i can listen to it again and again and be remided that i didn't dream it all up after all)#but yeah all this and now i'm supposed to move on and go back to my stupid daily life #like i didn't just have one of those real actual life experiences and moments of pure fun that other people generally get from time to time #and that i haven't had since idk even when a year and a half ago #thats the last time i consider truly amazing on a level somewhat comparable to this. but back to the show and the whole thing.#like this wouldn't have been quite as perfect if i didn't share that time with fellow fans / friends that i ended up attending the show wit #you don't realize how badly you've been wanting to be included in things and for people to be genuinely fond of you and like your company #until you get included and shown that fondness. like wow i'm allowed to have fun too after all. can it happen again someday please. anyway #i'm just glad that in midst of my big bad awful times i could have this truly amazing 10/10 time #and i guess it doesn't have to be the last such time right. even if it's easy to give into the feeling that it is #but ok anyway i'll get to that proper show recap later when i can think clearly again #and maybe more on that more personal side of it all too because well i have many more thoughts obviously #but whether i get to that in 3 days or 3 months is a mystery for now. just kind of a lot to think about once again #and my stupid baka life continues on also whether i like it or not so that has to be taken into consideration as well #time to think again about school that i'm so totally fully failing now with my two weeks long absence yayyy. its fine i'll figure it all out #goosepost

7 notes · View notes

phagodyke · 4 days ago

Text

tried putting on my radiator for the first time this winter (we've had snow this week.... its focking cold) but it trips the fusebox for the entire flat lmfao. I'm fuuuucked 😐

#all the other radiators work fine its just mine :'(((#and bc its thw weekend they wont come out to fix it until monday at least so thats great #its fine i havent needed it on this week so far and i have layers and a hot water bottle so ill be fine but i did cry abt it a bit #but not so much abt the radiator just a lot on my mind.. i couldnt pick up my prescription after work either bc the secretary left half an #hour early and the very kind nurse who had a look for it anyway couldnt find it and i cant get there any earlier next week bc of work #i know itll be fine ive already sent an email to ask if they can send it to my local pharmacy instead ill get my meds before they run out #but still i cried a bit walking home from the clinic 😢 just been a long week even if not a bad one. and i miss my friend whos moving #he'll be on the plane now.... man. its a bit selfish but im also sad abt it bc he always noticed how i was feeling when i was at the gym #like if i was privately dealing w some shit or just wasnt quite myself he could tell n would find a moment to gently ask or just be there #without probing abt it like man hes so reassuring and kind and has such a big heart. before he left he asked me to look out for some of #the quieter ones in our group and make sure they feel included and someones listening to them when he wont be around to anymore #😢💔💔💔💔 and i know i didnt know him long enough to become proper good friends with him but it meant a lot that he looked out for me #like all i really want in this world is to feel seen n safe esp when im having a hard time. and none of my closer friends really do that #and thats okay like its not their fault and they just express their way of caring differently but sometimes i feel so lonely ah....#and also my period is due and im kind of scared of how painful itll be bc the last few have been so bad snd i find loneliness a lot harder #when im in a lot of pain and anyway this is all probably just the pre period hormones making me so tearful so it doesnt matter #its ok made a big bowl of rice so im going to eat that wrapped up cosy in bed with a movie i think. and then sleep #.diaries

2 notes · View notes

carcarrot · 1 month ago

Text

dream time

#have to get this down before i forget it #been having weird/not good dreams lately until last night (mere hours ago bc its still dark out this morning)#writing this on my way to work and in the dream i was on the bus to work. however an important difference between reality and the dream is #that in the dream i was sharing my bus ride w mr larroquette. as one does #this was like mouse bites era john im sorry thats the best way i can describe how he looked #and i guess it was like we kinda knew each other?? and we ended up talking about poetry writing and stuff #wish i could remember the specifics of that #at some point we got off the bus and got onto another one unfortunately a common theme in my dreams is going somewhere in a complicated way #and on that bus ride i sat next to him again and he was like oh i normally listen to music for this part of my trip #and i was like ope don't wanna keep you from that! but he didnt mind talking for a bit more and we talked abt music #bc apparently id recommended he listen to the album big world by joe jackson and he said he didn't like it on first listen but hed try again #when we got off this bus and were walkin to where i worked (i guess he worked around there too???)#we went back to talking abt writing and i was talking abt my old poetry writing class and the kind of things i wrote #and he expressed an interest in reading those old poems and i was like oh ok i guess ill look for em #but i was thinking to myself noooo those arent good i wrote those in high school you dont wanna read themmm #and then it became like hard to get down the street bc people were moving slow on the sidewalk (classic new york moment)#so we went out into the street to like cut around #and there was some truck like causing things to get backed up #and so john started like yelling at the truck driver to move out of there LMAO #and i think thats all i remember w him. but i just remember talking w him was very calming and comforting #come on man. what are you doing in my dreams #later in my dream i just remember telling people about this so im telling you all now #anyway .

4 notes · View notes

floral-hex · 6 months ago

Text

ayyyyyyy I set up an appointment for medication this Friday (telemedicine but whatever) and I get to see my former therapist again later this month. I’m kind of excited. More than kind of. Little sad, but I’m lonely and want to talk to someone. He’s a real cool dude. I’m a little worried to trauma dump the last 6 months on him, but whatever, it beats sitting there for an hour feeling like I’m wasting his time and struggling to think of things to say. dang dang dang, I’m excited.

#I’m excited to tell him about my mom’s transplant. less so to mention all my dark moments since we last spoke.#ok so I gotta wait a week for antidepressants and then a couple of weeks for them to take effect #that’s a lot of waiting #especially with how rough I’ve been these last couple of weeks #I probably have more appointments I should schedule but we’ll see #I’ve only been able to sleep sitting up #like the dang elephantman #something about laying down freaks me out #it’s uncomfortable and not very restful and just thinking about sleep gives me anxiety #brains are fucky #oof… now it’s setting in. I’ve got an appointment but it’s 5 days away #5 days of… this. anxiety and distraction and my sick brain #this is my fault #well… no. yes. I don’t want to COMPLETELY beat myself up for it #I should have been managing my mental health better instead of waiting until I spiraled out #I should have been managing my health better in general!#this isn’t sexy to say but I hate my body. I’ve run it down. and it’s going to be so much harder getting back to something semi healthy #but I’m trying now 😕 so maybe that’ll count for something #I’ve been realizing that I really really miss going to the gym late at night #that’s what I need now. been doing these little drives at night to distract myself but having an actual place to go would be much better #BUT! too expensive. need to work and make some money. not excited for that but I needs it. I neeeeeeds money. for burgers. and distractions #this is too rambly. I’m sorry. I thought about counseling and got too excited to talk and talk #I talk too much #you can ignore this #text

3 notes · View notes

girlcrushau · 8 months ago

Text

#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment #i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating #there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2 #months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it #not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him #in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if #he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone #and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think #there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy #your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly #so last night #i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart #until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent #that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real #did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart #and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about #and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in #which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever #it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the #reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying #not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me #that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs #he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am

4 notes · View notes

agayconcept · 4 months ago

Text

.

#when im extra depressed i watch old yt compilations #this week is critical role moments #and ugh. Ugh #i always forget how mf touch-starved and affection-starved i am until i watch those 8 interact w each other #like. always touching. so much touching #i havent had a cuddly / touchy friend in like 6+ years and i am Suffering for it #like as much as w any other people im v touch-averse and dont want that at all #when it comes to friends i am extremely pro touch and genuinely love being affectionate #and i Can't #and sometimes that sucks ngl #no shade to my friends who aren't comf w that obviously #that's 100% gr8 and i would never push or wanna make them uncomf lots of ppl dont like that #i just. used to always have at least 1 friend who /was/ okay with it that i could be as cuddly as i wanted with #and now i dont and it ??? is getting to a point where it is almost painful #like str8 up i've had to talk to my therapist abt this the last 6 months bc its becoming a bit dire #hugs r wonderful dont get me wrong but thats the max amount of touch for my ok-with-touch friends #and the rest r no-touch #whereas im sitting here like 😭😭😭 PLS I JUST WANNA HOLD SOMEONE'S HAND #OR LEAN MY HEAD ON SOMEONE'S SHOULDER OR HAVE AN ARM AROUND A WAIST OR A HEAD IN A LAP #OR STR8 UP SNUGGLIN ON A COUCH #I DESPERATELY NEED IT #ANY OF IT IT DOESNT NEED TO BE ALL OF THAT #I FEEL LIKE I AM SHRIVELLING UP LIKE A SENTIENT RAISIN INSIDE #JUST HAVIN ALL THE LIFE SUCKED OUT OF ME THRU LACK OF TOUCH #I WANT SOMEONE TO RUFFLE MY HAIR OR PAT MY ARM OR KISS MY CHEEK #HELL I'LL TAKE A HAND ON MY BACK PURELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF STOPPING ME FROM WALKING INTO TRAFFIC #WHICH AT THIS POINT I AM TEMPTED TO DO DUE TO EMOTIONAL DISTRESS LMAO (DEVASTATED LAUGHTER)#aiyaiyai and i cant even just go and Make New Friends bc most spaces to do that arent accessible or safe for me #the only friends i've made in the last few years r thru Mutual Autism Vibes~ and they're all anti-touch #WHERE R THE OTHER TOUCH-STARVED CUDDLY AUTISTICS AT ??? WHERE R U ??? COME FIND ME PLS I BEG !!! i feel like im gonna die fr

4 notes · View notes

mqonlighting · 10 months ago

Text

real talk in the tags for a second because i have a crush on a girl and i. a hehe. ahehehe.

will be burying this in reblogs and never touching on it again

#so random disclaimer this girl is like a year older than me and in high school it’s like a nono for older and younger batch to like be #a thing so i know i generally have no chance but i like to live in my own insanity and the progression of my crush on her has been absolute #ly cuckoo bananas. so like it started out as ‘i wanna be your friend’ and progressed into ‘shit they’re really pretty’ to ‘wow ur so??’ to #‘fuck i like them’ and then it died down and then by all golly it came back but more of a hallway crush now which is bearable bc i’m #not really a part of their life?? like we know each other but we don’t wave and shit and we don’t like ever interact that much so i was lik #ok this is fine bc they literally never think of me so i’m just admiring from afar. and the FIRST inciting incident was i request them onig #and i expect to not get accepted because according to their friends they onyl accept close friends and i’m like k this is a bad idea probs #but the worst that could happen is i get left in their follow requests right?? RIGHT?? but then within like two hours of reqing. lord.#i got. ACCEPTED. and they requested back. and suddenly it’s +1 tangibility like ok?? maybe we’re not as strangers as i thought we were #i later discovered i was not that special for this but also?? cool?? anyways for a while it kind of laid dead and we never spoke at all eve #tho i was in their acc now (at this time they barely posted but whenever they did it was so?? funny like they would slap the randomest shit #on that acc) and it was still a hallway crush altho my friends r awful (/pos) people who would always make me pass their hallway and i #would run into them so often but at this point we only ever like exchanged glances and they would walk right past me like i wasnt even ther #but THEN the second incident happened which was basically we had to play instruments for this christmas event thing and bc they’re literall #y amazing they played for it and i was roped into it and. i was so gay the whole time. bc who wears a leather jacket to school and gets the #prettiest haircut ever right on the last day before a long break?? and the worst part is whenevr something confusing happened they would #turn to me and this one other person and we’d b laughing together. like we r friends. and they’re so fucking nice they were checking up on #us the whole time i was literally dying i kept dropping my pick and stealing looks AURURUGH and they’re so gen funny and interesting i just #and the first few days of holiday break i just couldn’t stop thinking abt them it was so bad? like that was the moment where i was genuinel #like is this more than a hallway crush… eventually it died back down until the next event we had to play together where they were being SO #SO much more comf w me? like exchanging knowing looks when smt funny happens and that stuff.. at this point i didnt even know what to like #think of my crush on them so i just let it be yk. atp they’re not even waving at me in the hallways at all still so maybe they’re just bein #nice! BUT NO. THAT IS UNTIL I AUDITIONED FOR A BAND (theyr in charge of accepting) AND THEY ACCEPTED ME WHICH COOL BUT LIKE A DAY LATER I #HEARD FROM OUR MUTUAL FRIEND THAT THEY SAID ‘yeaa im so happy i got (my name)’ AS IN IN THE BAND. LIKE. HELLO?? HI U THIUGHT ABT ME?? and #during the first band mtg where everyone’s all awk they kept making eye contact w me and asking if i was good and making sure i got to say #smt before anyone made a decision and it. murdered. me. i’m sorry maybe it’s the fanfic writer in me or this shit is literally nothing and #think they’re just nice to everyone but who cares bc it means they’re nice to ME too. and then last week happened. which was like the nail #in the coffin. INTERACTION ACTIVITY. I IMPULSIVELY ASK IF THEY WANNA B GROUPMATES AND THEY SAY YES. THEY ONLY TALK TO ME AND THEIR FRIENDS.#I ACT STUPID. THEY ALUGH AND TOUCH MY SHOULDER. I ASK ABT THEIR CAMERA AND THEY GO ON A LONG-ISH (cute) RANT ABT SMTH. THEY ASK WHY I HAVE #BIG ASS STACK OF POST ITS. WE TALK. THEY LAUGH AT MY JOKES. SUDDENLY. THEY SAY A FULL HELLO IN THE HALLS. THEY WAVE AT ME A DAY LATER. FUCK

6 notes · View notes

suddenrundown · 1 year ago

Text

considering faking my death to get out of this project. would still like to get a passing grade for it.

#googles how to get good grades even though you have died #ok this is about be a rant in a half and way too much info so excuse me but #ive been hyperfixating on our flag like crazy all month long #and i knew that and knew that i was going overboard #and i said all last weekend that i was feeling insane about it #but i didnt realize why until last night when i watched eps 6 & 7 and got mildly disappointed by what happened #because up until that point i was just having so much fun so that one small moment of not having fun #felt like a balloon had suddenly been popped and i was like OH FUCK! I HAVE TO DO THIS PROJECT!!!#like girl the reason we were hyperfixating that hard to such insane levels that we made a theory post about when ed and stede would fuck #was because we were avoiding doing/thinking about the project #and now ive just been sitting here still stuck and worried about this damn thing like holy shit when/how am i going to do this???#like holy shit did you know i was insane because i was stressed? i didnt!!#i have not stopped thinking about our flag all month and i just did not have time for all that!#AHHHH #anyway like......help i have to fake my death #personal

9 notes · View notes

clownsnake · 6 months ago

Text

I don’t think hyeonseong needed to remember dokja’s order to think about him if something goes wrong. I think he’s just always thinking abt dokja

and I love him for that

#Loyal puppy man #going post #Orv #‘Hey can you hit me again? and do it really hard’ kinky #‘no wait. just kill me right now’ UM. I RESCIND THAT LAST STATEMENT.#I don’t remember what his new attribute is how is dokja gonna cheat death this time #HYEONSEONG CHARACTER PROGRESSION FUCKING FINALLY #I’ve missed him…. deprogram your military propaganda boy itll be good for you #‘There is no third option this time’ ok my first instinct was to take him at face value but dokja is always planning and scheming so #maybe he’s just saying that so hyeonseong will make his own third option out of determination.#to teach him to like… not rely on dokja so much #maybe not the best phrasing but I think u get my point #next episode and I’m immediately confirmed right. AWESOME but also #Would have been nice to have delayed that gratification for a bit #let me step into a side character’s pov for a moment instead of having dokja tell me everything #‘I thought you considered me the standard you should strive for. If so then do as I say!’ ‘That’s not the kind of book I want to go by!’#YEAHHHHH HYEONSEONG!!!! MAKE YOUR OWN BOOK! GET THAT CHARACTER GROWTH #‘I see. Well done.’ Dokja you want to be a constellation so bad #It’s already been confirmed tht that’s his goal but it’s been so obvious for a while #Like he keeps putting himself in mentor roles all the time. n constellations aren’t necessarily as close mentors as dokja has been #But they’re still essentially That #WAH HIS HANDS?? HUH???#yeah yeah uh huh I was right dokja was helping hyeonseong learn his lesson on his own also HIS HANDS?????#*HIS ARMS???* GUYS.#‘until the scenario reaches an apocalypse’ bestie ur already in an apocalypse #Ofmy god he has to melt and then cool down a thousand times? what the hell #HUIWON CHARACTER PROGRESSION TOO?? YIPPEE!!!!!#aww a hug……. Even though he must be fucking scorching hot…. How sweet ^_^#and hyeonseong was so polite too he’s such a sweetie #oh I was confused for a second but he literally snuffed the flame! smart

5 notes · View notes

kimmkitsuragi · 6 months ago

Text

not my first reaction to this information as i learned it during the intermission of challengers (yes i finally went to see it) and i was having a lowkey breakdown through the intermission and the beginning of the second half a little bit but ummm: well of fucking course i literally dont deserve anything

#why did i even try this hard. i dont think i deserve anything tbh #dont mind me sounding dramatic im actually fine like lol #im sad but ok but also like. i got used to being a failure and a disappointment this last year so #i feel very tired now. it wasnt a bad day overall and im happy i decided against going alone today #bc i wouldve literally ended up crying in public if i was alone lmfao #ah. ahhhhh :/ i really really really was hoping for a better outcome #stupid girl as always #anyway i really am fine i just need to be dramatic for a moment. i truly do not deserve anything i get ever im sorry #if anyone read until this point and wondering what the fuck couldve happened that got me like this #well it's truly not that important in the grand scheme of things and im being stupid #got wait listed for another scholarship lmao </3 #truly stupid and foolish of me to even think from the start that i could do this lmao #what's even more stupid is im still like well. well 🤠 hey maybe 🤗#i just know im going to be feeling extremely guilty for even existing even if i end up being able to go at this point lmao #and it's so stupid to even write all this. over something like this when people have real problems and stuff lmao #truly what did i think make me worthy of this chance im so not special and dont deserve this etc etc #all this negative self talk and i will still be sleeping like 😴😴😴 still hoping for the best dont worry #and that's because im stupid #🗒#i will drink tea this day has been lacking tea so critically :/

4 notes · View notes

bangcakes · 7 months ago

Text

.

#personal #lmao around this time last year i decided to give up on him n LMAO girl if only you knew #i should have just talked to him but djdjjdjdjd idk it felt weird. but he even like. complained one time that we didnt talk all summer #like LMAO..... bro its two ways. u could have messaged me too xjdjjdjdjdj #tho to be fair i think he did show up to a dinner but i wasnt there bc i had just had wisdom tooth surgery n was 1. blown up like a balloon #and 2. so high on pain meds i couldnt function JFJDJJDJDJDJDJ #n e way whatever jdjdjdjd im just laughing at myself bc how did this man become my closest friend from college Zhfnnddnnd #our relationship is so weird. not in a bad way but in an unexpected way #we sat beside each other an entire semester n never talked til the last day like thats so FUNNY IDK #i even said to him that time. bc we were talkin in the hallway n went to sit for the exam n sat in our regular spots of being one seat awa #y and i was like... you know its so funny that we sat beside each other all semester and only talked today #and he was like.... hahha yeah #i was gonna introduce myself but it felt so stupid JDJJDJDJD #i didnt even know his name LMAO #i had him narrowed down to 2 names. bc he was one of like 2 guys that Always showed up in another class' zoom #and LOL i was right. he WAS one of those 2 shjdjsjsj #n e way. then the next sem came n i didnt know whether to say hi to him or not bc we talked ONCE #and i was still wearing my mask at this point and so id try to smile at him with my eyes but never got a response HDNJDJD and so i got soooo #annoyed with him. and even more so bc i kept making friends with ppl and they KNEW HIM??? and i was like WHO IS THIS????#then one time he came up to me n my friends before class n we just talked and i was like o lmao this annoyance im having??? its a big ole #crush BDNNDNDND #and in community college its hard to like. know ppls ages and that day i found out he was 2 years younger so i was like o ok 26 n 28 isnt #bad at all #but thinking back.... first things we exchanged that time was age and i think he was also trying to fish for whether i was single bc he was #talkin about this other guy havin a baby n a wife n i was like o wow !! i didnt know!!#jdjxjdjdjdk god when he found out my age he was like... oh i never would have guessed you were older. you look young ZFHJDJDJDJDJD #oh so you were Looking is that right HJXJXJXJZJZJ GOD LMAO #i look back on so many moments n im like oh duh... he must be interested #but for me its like. i will literally more easily believe literally any other theory so i thought he just liked one of my friends Zhjxjx #ya i dont think so anymorem but i thought that up until like mid january HDHXJJXJDDJJDJ

4 notes · View notes

just-rogi · 1 year ago

Text

im so weird with physical contact and i just kinda assumed that im not a hugger and thats ok! i dont like people in my bubble or touching me and hugs make me uncomfortable and physical contact makes my skin crawl... or so i thought??? idk whats been happening recently but i think i actually reallly love physical contact??? like some switch filpped in my brain and i went from "i love you and id prefer a fist bump over a hug thank u " to "pls hug me actually, i love you braiding my hair ,i dont freak out when i can feel your arms pressed against mine in the back seat of the car anymore, we can share a blanket actually this isnt bad at all"

ive been a no touching person for my whole life, i went on a week long field trip in high school for dance and slept on armchair in the hotel room every night because i didnt want to share a king sized bed with my good friend, and this weekend i woke up realizing that i fell asleep on the couch in my friends arms sharing a pile of blankets?? like?? im not mad but im so confused about how this happened because for my WHOLE life ive hated being touched but since june ive completly changed??

and as a side note how do your explain to your amazing and wonderful friend group who all respect your boundaries very well that actually scratch literally everything ive said in the past about my boundaries and comfort idk why i did that im cool with touching now pls and thank u

#my friend and i stayed up until four am talking #with his hands on my knee as a comforting gesture the whole time #i rode in the back of an uber with my friend last month and her thighs and arms touched mine in the backseat and i was aware of it #but i didnt mind at all #in the past three months ive had my hair braided THREE times by THREE different good friends ?? i would have hated that a year ago #but the biggest what the fuck moment was falling asleep fully spooning my friend this weekend and not even thinking about it #i have ALWAYS been strange about sleeping next to people- i have distinct memories of all my friends having sleepovers in the same bed #and offering me a place to sleep with them and CHOOSING to sleep on the floor or on a couch or an arm chair or just not sleeping at all #because that would freak me out #and this weekend i fell asleep talking to my friend on the couch fully pressed up against her and... i didnt even care #i liked being close to my friends physically #wtf what can just cause this overnight flip #i can literally pinpoint the exact date that my brain flipped to 'physical affection is ok now' it was june 24th-25th #what the fuck

4 notes · View notes

shamemp3 · 2 years ago

Text

sociology and anthropology are everything to me … like they are so broad because they are the study of humans and their lives and interactions and feelings and etc etc and its broad enough that you can have a class about genuinely ANYTHING because sociology is engrained in everything around us…and the message my profs leave us with every time is that the human experience is so unique and dynamic and yet universally there are still so many similarities and connections that keep us bonded together. and these studies make us find bits and pieces in humanity literally everywhere like you can look at a piece of string or like garbage on the floor or be placed into the strangest situations and have the most mundane interactions on the street and you will find yourself going like ‘:] wow humans are so interesting and this world is so interesting. why did this happen what made this person like this?’ like!!! i just like how broad this study is and how every class can be abt smth completely different but the main idea will always be about the human experience and connection. i love my major sorry im done now

#never in my life did i think i would acc have a passion for studying bro it sucked the soul out of me up until like last year #and my prof going like studying soc & anthro have made her be able to distance herself from a situation even a really shitty one and just be #like. huh. this is so interesting time to observe. And jts SO TRUE like u notice the little things in like hand gestures or pauses or a way #someone moves their arm or literaly anything and u go like omg this is so <3 what made this person do this rly small thing like even our #smallest subconscious actions are a part of us [symbolic interactionism moment]#and my prof saying how anthro and ethnography projects need u to adapt all the time and be able to let go of yourself and change your #identity and expect new things all the time like thats all ive ever been looking for is constant change & stimulation i need this PLEASW #like this is sociology linguistics psychology language science all put together into one major. to me. and i looove that #ok sorry done

19 notes · View notes

bonyato · 2 years ago

Text

Sorry abt the occasional digiposting as of late, im coming to terms w/ the fact that it's starting to grow on me orz

#clenches fists.#wondertext #I started watching it w/ some friends recently..for nostalgia reasons in their case‚ but also to introduce me 2 the franchise as well #since it never rly was part of my childhood & i was curious as to what the fuss was all about hsjwjfj #Anyways i never rly took the events all that seriously since I thought shit was so off the wall it was funny But #after nearly 24 episodes i've found myself getting emotionally invested w/ the show at last 😭😭 it's been a journey #ive been progressively getting accustomed to all of its strange concepts . I think im desensitized at this point /lh #like evn the monsters themselves now have me like..ok...Youre not so bad after all. u got a creepy-cute kinda thing goin on &i respect that #(<- Used to find their designs unpleasant. still do a little bit even now tbh sorry But i do appreciate their uniqueness a whole lot)#But yeah i feel Like ive been put thru an entire character arc w/ this thang .#You should've seen the way i used to freak out during the 1st few episodes Everything was So Insane 2 me. it had me flabbergasted #it was like . Lighthearted charming OP song -> Children having a near-death experience in the most surreal way possible #-> Isekai moment -> We get introduced to the ugliest little beasts i've ever seen #-> They spend the rest of the episode almost dying Again -> beast transform into even Uglier beasts & go feral on each other #-> World's calmest most soothing ED sequence that clashes So Hard w/ the tone that was set during the episode it makes ur brain crash.#and thats more-or-less the formula that's been handled throughout the following episodes up until this point #but i suppose I've grown fond of it by now 🧎 I am a Changed man‚ i See the appeal‚ I Understand #well not rly prbablyBut at least each episode keeps me@the edge of my seat now as opposed 2 how i used to enjoy it in more of an ironic way #'tis nice honestly..I've become more appreciative of the kinda vibe the show handles‚ it's got a lot going on :} It's /insanely/ creative

2 notes · View notes

floral-hex · 5 months ago

Text

real sad boy hours

#why? just ‘cause.#actually I’m here at this chess tournament my brother is entered in. sitting by myself in the lobby waiting for him to finish his last game #and I’m honest to goodness trying not to openly weep. I feel so stupid #hold on. give me a second bc just writing this makes #makes me start crying a little and there are people around #life is too short #I love this kid. I’ve loved watching him grow up. and I’m always ALWAYS aware that everything is passing so fast #will I be here with him next year? will he outgrow all of this?#we don’t hang out as much anymore. he’s got his teenage things going on. his own life.#I don’t know. I’m trying to appreciate these moments as much as I can #it’s hard though. I feel like shit. my head hurts. my tinnitus has been driving me crazy #it’s hard to be present when you’re in a fog #last night in the hotel room we didn’t even really hang out. he just played on his phone until he slept. which is totally his right.#I just… I just hope I’m really appreciating this time #ok now I feel stupid for kind of crying in this hotel while lots of people walk around #i don’t know what more I could even do now. it’s not like I’m allowed to go watch him play or I can do anything but wait #I suppose I have to keep asking myself ‘am I appreciating this enough?’ and if I’m not then try to work on that #life is really shitty right now but I know there have been countless times I wish I’d been more present #so I wake up tired today and drink coffee & 5 hour energy and still I’m tired and my head hurts but I’ve still gotta try. just a little.#in a couple of years he’ll be off to college and have his own life #and it won’t be him and I going to the movies or driving him to school or having dinner together #anyway… juuuuust sad. and lonely. straight up not having a good time #but also I’m glad I’m here if only to hang around my brother a little bit #IAN! stop! god I feel so stupid letting myself wallow like this. it’s not helping. it’s just making me sad. focusing on the negatives.#whatevs. I’ve got major depression. suck my butt. I’m allowed to be sad sometimes.#this weekend didn’t really go like I thought #I guess I expected to read more and shoot the shit with my brother and hang out more but it’s whatever. life happens.#my mental & physical health has been bad for a couple months now so I couldn’t have reasonably expected to suddenly be great just because 🤷🏻#oh well!#text

1 note · View note