#I started watching it w/ some friends recently..for nostalgia reasons in their case‚ but also to introduce me 2 the franchise as well

[bonyato]

Sorry abt the occasional digiposting as of late, im coming to terms w/ the fact that it's starting to grow on me orz

[mothwingwritings]

Treasured Friend

F!Reader X (Yandere) Joseph and mentioned F!readerX Caeser

Warnings: Yandere, drugging, cheating, noncon heavy petting, Joseph being a horny jerk

This is my very self-indulgent first shot as a yandere X reader fic (because I am a horrible goblin who loves me some yanderes) which I am a bit nervous about finally posting!!!! AHHHH! I feel like I made Joseph a little OOC, so I apologize for that. I also jumped back and forth from Joseph’s POV to readers so sorry if it gets a bit confusing. ^^;; And why did I have to do this to my girl Suzie Q? Hasn’t she been through enough??? Smh.  Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!!! Thank you!!!

'I shouldn't be here.'

His brain nagged him as he stood before your door, fist posed inches from the wood, primed for knocking. He stood still, frozen in... What, fear? Confusion? This wasn't like Joseph Joestar at all. He was, after all, the proud, boisterous man who's fought off countless foes, succeeded in being a skilled Hamon user, and ultimately defeated a perfect being that threatened the entire world.

So with all that bravado why the hell was he held up in front of a door?

Were these just nerves trying to block him from seeing a cherished old friend? Ridiculous, there was absolutely no reason at all for this horrible feeling of guilt to be weighing so heavily on his chest. Because that's all you were to him, right? Just his dear old friend?

He snorted at his own cruel joke

He heard you moving inside, as well as sounds of what appeared to be metal clanking together and water running. Perhaps you were cooking dinner? It was around that time of day.

'Maybe I should come back later,' He mused to himself, 'if she's busy with something I probably shouldn't bother her. Besides, I’d rather have her full attention than half of it when we are catching up, right?'

He lowered his hand for a moment at this thought, before quickly shaking his head, an urge of conviction flowing through his body.

'No,' he thought, finally connecting his fist to the door sharply, 'I came all this way. I need to see her now.'

"Coming," He heard muffled through the door. It was hard to make out, but it was undeniably your voice. Joseph couldn't contain the smile that that voice brought him.

After several moments, the door lurched open with a whiny screech. He's sure you spoke something, probably along the lines of 'who is it?' But with his heart beating so fast, the only sound he could manage to focus on was the loud thump echoing in his ears. He felt his breath catch as the door flew all the way open, his gaze falling upon the girl he hadn't seen in years, but hadn't left his mind for even a second in that time.

Your eyes widened a bit from the initial shock, followed by your signature smile that could light up the whole room, instantly igniting a fire in his heart. God, how he missed that smile, how he loved that smile.

"Joseph?" you laughed. An airy, joyful noise, "Joseph Joestar, is that really you?"

Her good mood was contagious, and Joseph's smile spread even wider. He was elated at how you responded to his presence.

'So she is happy to see me. She missed me, possibly even as much as I missed her.'

His heart thumped louder.

"(Name)," the towering man beamed, throwing his arms open dramatically as he shot you a playful grin, "Of course, the one and only! Now, the next thing you are going to say is 'come here so I can give you a hug!'"

Your laugh grew as you tried in vain to hide it behind your small hand. Joseph didn't like that habit of yours; he thrived on seeing you happy and loved it even more when he was the one to bring you that joy.

"I wasn't going to say it I was just going to do it," you teased, "But I guess I can indulge you just this once... Come here so I can give you a hug!"

And with those words, you passed by the door, making your way to Joseph. When you were directly in front of him, you softly launched off the ground, expecting him to meet you half way. He reciprocated, pulling you in to him, your feet dangling several inches from the ground. Just like how it used to be when the two of you were still living in Lisa Lisa's mansion. Also just like old times, he was more than happy to oblige, eagerly scooping you up as he pressed his face firmly into the crook of your neck.

Joseph mused over how good you felt pressed against him. Warm and soft, your hugs were always so inviting and enveloping, even with how much smaller than him you were. As your arms wrapped more snugly around his neck, he buried his face deeper into your neck and started to get lost in you. He breathed deeply, getting a whiff of the perfume you always used to wear. He was glad you still wore it. It always was one of his favorites. He squeezed you tightly, relishing the feeling of your affections. It was unfair how your body fit so perfectly against his.

"God how long has it been," your voice was soft, emotive, and so close. A shiver shot down his spine, "6 years? 7?"

"Too long," he responded immediately, his strong arms constricting you just a bit tighter, "I missed you, (name)."

Another playful laugh, "I missed you too, Jojo," you began to break contact, giving his arm a soft slap on your way down, "and I can't even imagine what owes me this surprise visit, but I am excited to find out."

You swung your door open, scooting out of the way a bit as you lifted your arm in a sweeping motion, "Please, come in! You came just in time, dinner is almost ready!"

~

It was shocking, to say the least.

The last time you had seen the man before you seemed like a lifetime ago. As soon as your eyes fell upon him, the memories flooded violently into your brain, the bittersweet nostalgia sweeping you away...

Two of your best friends had recently been wed and there was nothing but love in your heart for the both of them. Suzie Q, your best friend since you were small, had finally found her other half. You had joked with her a lot when you were younger that she was too easily wooed by a pretty face and too quick to give her heart away to men that were unworthy of her. She would laugh at you in response, shoot you a wink, and make some comment about having a lot of love to give so she'll eventually find the right guy, even if she does have to kiss a few frogs along the way.

That didn’t stop your worry for her, though. You always let her do her own thing and gave her space, but you were certainly not shy about letting her know you were not fond of most of the men she dated. On average they were arrogant, cocky, and loud womanizers who were also (unfortunately) extremely handsome.

So when you met Joseph Joestar, your protective nature instantly kicked in.

Both you and Suzie had been employed by Lisa Lisa, though in your case, maybe "saved" was a more appropriate term. You had come from a broken home and had a difficult upbringing, and you had spent many nights running to Suzie's house to get escape from your situation. When you grew a bit older and Suzie had been working for a while with Lisa Lisa, she was quick to recommend you as well. You were deeply intimidated and worried she may take one look at your past and skill set and cast you aside, but Suzie had talked you up so much that Lisa Lisa essentially hired you on the spot. You spent the next several years working your ass off to prove yourself to be all your friend had talked you up to be, and in the process gained a rather charmed existence surrounded by people you loved. You had a nice, safe home you shared with your treasured friend. The employer and teacher you greatly respected had taught you how to be strong, self-sufficient, and overcome any challenge life might through your way. In the hustle and bustle of it all, you had even met a charming man (one of Lisa Lisa’s pupils) that you had begun to develop feelings for...

And then Joseph showed up.

With the introduction of this cocky and loud brit, everything changed. From the get go, his frisky and flirty nature irked you. Throughout your years you had grown to a woman who respected manners and you took pride in the fact that not much in life could truly irritate you. As if honing in on this, you became a favorite target of Joseph’s endless teasing.

As much as you tried, he quickly had become unavoidable (Lisa Lisa had assigned you to watch over him, after all). You would cringe at the way he would ogle you, your teacher, and your best friend. He was a show off, always trying to one up Caesar (the man who had become the focus of your affections) to impress you, something you imagined Joseph had hoped would gain your approval. Needless to say, it did not work. Nearly everything the man did seem to grate deeply on your nerves, from the 'cute' nicknames he would make up for you, to the way he treated your blossoming skills dismissively, to how he'd casually find SOME way to touch you at every encounter. In the span on of a few days you had nearly reached your limit. You would purposely find something, ANYTHING, to do around the mansion to avoid him. But even then, you knew eventually you'd hear his booming voice break your small window of peace as it had become a habit of his to hunt you down each day after his daily trainings.

"Hey, (Name), there you are!!! You are looking a little bored, what say you come with me and we liven up the day a bit, eh?"

"(Name)! My favorite girl! Looks like you could use a break, and I know just the person you should take it with~"

"(Nick name) you were with Caesar AGAIN!? Come on, wouldn't you rather spend your time with someone who reeally~ knows how to treat a lady?"

It was all so obnoxious, but your blood didn't begin to truly boil until you had found him one day with Suzie Q.

You had warned her, or at least tried, of all he had put you through. The flirting, the disregard of your personal space, the shots fired at Caesar. At first she seemed to be listening, giving him the cold shoulder and dishing back whatever he handed to her, rolling her eyes jokingly at you whenever mention of him was made.

But as the weeks wore on her unamused glare changed to a fond twinkle. Her indignant frown when he would cast his attentions her way morphing into a coquettish smile. Much to your dismay, you knew you were rapidly watching your best friend fall in love.

"Caesar we can't let this happen," you grumbled one day to your lover, your head resting snugly in the crook of his neck as you curled against him during a break in his training.

"Let what happen, Bambina?" Caesar responded to your sudden remark, his fingers lazily weaving through your (color) tresses.

"Suzie and Joseph," you sighed heavily, "I've seen the way that she has been looking at him recently, and I know that look all too well. I have to get her away from him somehow..."

The blonde Italian hummed, "Hmm, a look huh? And just what look has our dear Suzie been giving Jojo?"

"It's the look she gives men before they break her heart."'

Caesar laughed, a pleasant rumble jolting your body. You pulled yourself up, steadying your arm across Caesar's broad chest so you could look directly into his eyes.

"What's so funny," you pouted, trying not to be swayed by the beautiful shimmer of his sea green eyes, “I’m serious! Joseph is bad news for her! I don't want my best friend to be used up by some pretty playboy and then tossed aside once he's done with her."

"I apologize, I didn’t mean to laugh. But carina did you and I not start similarly? Did people not also warn you to stay away from the great womanizer Zeppeli, a man who would always be nothing more than someone who would break beautiful girl’s hearts?"

You averted your gaze slightly, a light blush rising to your cheeks, "This is different! You understood my boundaries and never once acted high and mighty around me. I definitely had my reservations with you but," the blush on your cheeks grew a bit darker before you continued, “In the end you proved yourself to be a safe and worthy person to give my heart to."

A doting smile overtook Caesar's face as he leaned up, planting a firm kiss on top of your head.

"And I am forever grateful you took that gamble with me carina, as you have become the most treasured part of my life. Since you have come into my life, I have been a better, stronger man. But...."

"…But?"

Caesar sighed, gently shaking his head, "But you have to understand bambina that Joseph and I are different people with different personalities and different backgrounds," Caesar gently took your chin in his fingers, turning your gaze back his way, "I definitely don't approve of the hounding he gives Master, Suzie, and especially YOU, but Jojo is not a bad person. There's more going on inside him than you realize, and as I have been training by his side daily I can't help but admire how far he's come in this short span of time. He may come off as clownish, but after you've been through some things with him you see just how strong his ambition is. He’s a man fueled by a strong drive and tender heart. Carina mia, if Suzie Q is the woman he has chosen to bestow his true affections upon, I dare say that woman will live a very passionate life and never be left wanting."

As Caesar spoke, your eyes softened. You mulled over his words in your head, considering the possibility that maybe they would make a good pair. Perhaps Joseph wasn't just an annoying brute, maybe that was all a screen he hid his true feelings and intentions behind. Though it didn't entirely excuse him of all the things he had done, hearing Caesar explain it certainly did give you a new perspective on the man.

You sighed dejectedly, "OK, maybe you are right. He may get on my last nerve, but at the same time I haven't really given him much of a chance to get to know me, and I him. Maybe... Maybe he would be a good match for Suzie? Besides, we are both adults now, even if I still have qualms over him I need to have faith that my best friend is doing what's right for her."

Caesar playfully winked at you, "Exactly. Suzie is a big girl, and Joseph a big boy. If they desire to be together, I hope you can come to a point where you give them your blessing," Caesar sighed deeply, slowly running his hand through his hair, "Besides, with his attentions focused on Suzie that means he will leave you alone now."

"Oh, I see. Ulterior motives," You teased, flippantly waving your hand.

He smirked, "Is it so wrong for a man to want his woman to himself? Cuore mio, don't break my heart by telling me you actually secretly enjoy Jojo's affections?"

You snickered, giving the blonde a playful smack, "Please, you know I only fall for incredibly dashing Italian men. But I must say, I am surprised with all the trash-talking he gives you that you are standing up for him and speaking so highly of him right now."

Caesar shrugged, his eyes falling closed as he pulled you snugly back down against him, "What can I say? I guess he's growing on me."

Over time, he would grow on you as well.

After all you had gone through, it was impossible not to. Not long after that conversation, your life was wrought with tragedy and terror. The insurmountable threat of the pillar men coupled with the incredible loss of losing Caesar nearly destroyed you. You felt helpless and terrified, every good thing in life you had worked so hard to achieve being ripped from you in the blink of an eye.

You ached for your lost love, and agonized over the fate of your friends. What could you do? What would become of the world if you weren't victorious right here, right now? It was too much weight to bear.

And yet Joseph took it head on, becoming your rock when everything else in the world seemed so unsteady. With his signature smirk and twinkling green eyes he held you in his strong grasp before the final encounter. You’ll never forget the feel of one of his hands gently jostling your hair as he told you it would all be OK, that he would protect you and come out victorious.

And even with all the odds against him, his enemy quite literally transforming into the perfect being with no weaknesses, he came out the winner. At that time, you could neither laugh nor cry. You just stared on in awe and relief when you saw Joseph triumphant and alive, on a day that was supposed to be his funeral, no less. Your body went numb, collapsing on itself with the gravity of all that you had been through. Jojo didn't just save you and your friends, he saved the entire world.

It was hard not to give Suzie your blessing after that.

But that was all around 7 years ago, and in that time span you had unfortunately grown apart from the Joestar family. In the beginning of their marriage you and Suzie talked all the time. Visits to and from where both of you ended up settling were common. You always felt welcomed and loved in their home, and you counted it a blessing that you were able to stay so close to the ones you treasured, even with how hectic adult life had become.

However, the months kept passing, and in time, Suzie called less frequently. At first she would brush off your concern, saying she was just tired, or things were busy, her schedule had become so hectic. You would give her space in these moments, but couldn't help but feel a gnawing discomfort when the she went from being a bit unresponsive, to just out right avoiding your calls all together.

Sometimes when you would call you would get Jojo, and hearing his peppy voice sound so genuinely excited to hear from you instantly took a load off your shoulders. He would always reiterate the things Suzie told you to help put your heart at ease. She wasn’t lying or avoiding you, she truly was just held up with something.

That is until Jojo stopped answering the calls as well.

It wouldn’t be until a year later when you got a curt letter in the mail that changed everything. In Suzie’s handwriting, it asked you to please cease all communication with her and Joseph, explaining they were to be moving and starting completely anew in a faraway town and that they wished you not to be a part of that new life.

You felt hollow. You reached out through letter, phone, even trying to get Lisa Lisa to relay messages from you, but no efforts bore any fruit. Your emotions went from confused and heart broken, to bitter and upset. What had you done? Was it something you said or did? Why were they treating you like this, without even explaining themselves? You drove yourself to the point of madness scouring every inch of your brain for something that would want to make them abandon you, but in the end, could think of nothing.

For your own sanity, you tried your best to forget them and move on. Unfortunately for you, you were a horribly sentimental person, and dropping them the same way they had dropped you was something you could not do.

But more years passed, and as they say, time heals all wounds. Losing your friends got less painful and you were able to forge new relationships and start new endeavors. You had made a comfortable life for yourself in that time, even with Suzie and Joseph hanging on in the back of your thoughts, like phantoms you couldn’t exorcise.

So to see a phantom before you in the flesh, sitting merrily at your two person table with that all too familiar mischievous grin spread wide across his handsome face, his spirited eyes peering into your very soul. It was jarring, but you couldn’t help but be overcome with joy.

“Smells delicious,” Jojo exaggeratedly sighed, a look of bliss passing over his face, “I’ve been on the road so long, and it’s been forever since I’ve had a beautiful woman’s home cooked meal.”

You giggled, hand wrapped snugly around your mug of cooled tea as you brought it to your lips, “Well I’m not master chef, but I hope it lives up to your expectations.”

“Please, your cooking was always superior to nearly everyone in the mansion, I am sure it has only gotten better with time (name),”

Small talk carried on for several minutes, before a dense silence hung over the two of you. Your eyes darted to him, taking him in as his gaze swept over the content of your dining room, taking in all of the new and the old. You inhaled deeply.

“Joseph.”

The serious tone of your voice garnered the man’s attention, his bright eyes focusing fully back on you.

You looked held his gaze, the confusion and pain from the past emanating from your unwavering stare.

“Why are you here?”

~

“Because I missed you, (Name),” The words passed his lips before he could stop them, but the small blush that lit your cheeks more than made up for his brief loss of control over his feelings.

Honestly, he could think of no other way to respond when you were looking at him like that.

He watched intently as you shook your head a bit and closed your eyes, a quivering smile on your lips. He could tell you were fighting valiantly to suppress long held back emotions that may spill out at any second. He was in the same boat, just a little better at it than you were.

“I missed you too,” he noted the slight shake in your voice, “but Joseph… What happened? You and Suzie just left, and I…”

Your voice trailed off, another strong wave of emotions washing over your features. It was something he noticed about you after Caesar had passed, that you were no less stunning in heart break. Joseph stared at you, mesmerized. He hated seeing you in pain, but he couldn’t help the allure of seeing those tears dance just at the edge of your eyes. You were crying for him… crying because you missed him. His heart rate began to quicken. This surely wasn’t the first time tears had been spilled on his behalf. Had he being gone kept you up at night? Did you dream of him and his return?

“How is Suzie?”

The question ripped him forcibly from his previous thoughts. It was asked so earnestly, with such barely concealed desperation, it felt wrong to lie in response. Nerves began to take over, his hands sweating as he absent mindedly fidgeted with the mug in front of him. How could he possibly answer this? Should he really tell you the truth? Could he honestly tell you the reason Suzie began to distance herself from you was because of him? Should he confess and say he couldn’t get you out of his mind, even with his new wife at his side, and after sometime his wife caught on? Should he explain to you that Suzie had always been a replacement in his heart for you, a replacement he thought he could grow to love as fervently as he loved you, but never quite stuck? Should he confess that it was always you he thought of in the place of Suzie when he kissed, hugged, or even spoke with her? Should he tell you that while he made love to your dearest friend, it was you he was imagining beneath him? Should he divulge that on more than one occasion, it was your name he would scream while he came?

Joseph had single handedly ruined the lifelong friendship you had with Suzie. She had done everything she could to make him hers, giving him the entirety of her love. But in the end she realized she could never win over what he felt for you. This caused Suzie’s resentment and animosity towards you to grow, but she also knew in her heart these feelings were misplaced and unfair. So instead of lashing out on her closest friend and airing all the couple’s dirty laundry, she tried to distance herself and her husband from you. Her thought process being that if you were not around in any capacity to distract him, his fondness for you would lessen. In reality, the opposite had occurred.

When Suzie had found he had still been taking your calls without her knowledge, it drove her to the edge. Even after all he had done, all he continued to do, Suzie still loved Joseph, and adamantly believed she could make their marriage work. So she demanded they move, cutting ties with you completely so they could focus on being a family again.

He agreed, but he wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because he truly felt bad for the woman he conned into marrying him when his heart clearly belonged to you. Maybe he did it because somewhere inside of himself he truly believed he could learn to love Suzie the way he loved you. Maybe it was because even though Caesar had long been gone, he felt dirty for longing for the woman whose heart and soul belonged to his best friend. Regardless, he agreed, and they left you behind with nothing more than a short letter that he knew would lead you to anguish.

“Joseph you are scaring me, how is Suzie?”

Joseph was snapped back to reality by your concerned voice. He chuckled nervously, forcing a smile on his face before he spoke.

“Suzie is OK,” he began softly, considering his words, “We… We had some issues earlier on in our marriage.”

“…Issues,” you questioned, “What kind of issues?”

Joseph averted his gaze, his grip tightening on the mug. This lie had to be convincing. It was too soon to share his true intentions now.

“Mostly things brought on by the stress of being a young couple out on our own,” he began slowly, trying to keeps his nerves in check, “Well, that and the whole battle with the Pillar Men and its after math. It was a lot to take in. It was a mess that she didn’t want to burden you with, especially when she knew you were still reeling from Caesar and in the process of starting your own life.”

He was happy his lie seemed to relieve you a bit, but a deep frown was still engraved on your lips.

“As our marriage went on, those issues became bigger issues,” he continued, his own frown deepening, “I think we both had a lot of expectations and feelings about what we thought was going to happen once we became husband and wife, and we didn’t necessarily share those expectations or feelings with each other. We were young, on our own for the first time, still figuring ourselves out. Things were bound to get messy at points… It just ended up getting messier than we bargained for,” he sighed, his eyes returning to yours, holding within them an ounce of misery, “Suzie is fine, (name). She’s still her healthy, lively self. She just didn’t want to drag you down in our ongoing bullshit.” He finished with a melancholy grin.

Another silence settled in the air as you collected yourself, taking a deep inhale before speaking.

"Suzie is healthy… That's so good to hear," your voice trembled, "I was so worried all these years," you shook your head, focusing back to Joseph, "But I can't believe it... Things seemed to be going so well, I had no idea you two were going through it- ARE going through it. I feel dumb realizing it now. We did go through so much in such a short amount of time. The wedding was such a whirlwind, it makes sense…"

Joseph watched as your hand clenched at what he was sure was a steadily blooming ache in your chest. What was going through your mind at this moment? How were you processing the lies that fell from his lips? He was sure you were beating yourself up right now, your brain chastising you for not realizing the marital and life issues your dear friends were going through sooner. His eyes widened as he noticed your whole body softly quivering, tears beginning to fall slowly down your rosy cheeks. You looked so small, so hurt. He was a piece of shit for being the cause of this, but he also couldn’t deny the twisted feeling of excitement seeing you this way caused.

As far as he was concerned, those tear filled eyes were proof of your strong feelings for him.

"(Name)..." He whispered, enchanted as you fought back waves of emotion. It took all of his will power to not give in, to not push the table over and take you again in his arms. While you would melt into him he’d kiss away those anguished tears, promising to you the only time you’d ever cry again would be when he’d make you feel his love so fully, so strongly, that your over stimulated body wouldn’t be able to handle it anymore.

"Joseph," Your cracking voice struggled to say, drawing the man from his rampant fantasy.

“I never want you or Suzie to feel that way ever again. I know you were trying to protect me, but I never want you to ever feel like you have to hide anything from me ever again.”

Your conviction grew as you continued, “You two keeping things from me, going away and cutting all contact, that hurts me much more than any issues you have been fighting through ever could. I am never too hurt, busy, or tried to be there for either of you. I love you both so much, you are my family… So please, please don’t worry for me when you are going through so much on your own.”

You smiled warmly at him, blinking the tears from your eyes.

His heart was about to burst.

~

"(Name)... For now... Can we just forget about Suzie?"

The question that followed the next brief gap in conversation threw you for a total loop. Your conversation to this point had been going amicably, even if you were focusing your questions on your MIA friend and getting rather emotional.

"... Forget about Suzie? Joseph, what do you-"

"I don't want to talk about her right now." He cut you off roughly, a bite in his voice that alarmed you.

He took note of the dismayed look on your face his comment caused, and his expression instantly became lighter.

"I'm sorry. It's just a bit painful to talk about her right now,” he spoke, an uncharacteristic nervous tinge to his voice.

“The whole reason I am here now is because we are going through it again and I happened to be traveling in the area I knew you used to live. I took a gamble hoping it would still be you residing in this little house,” he flourished his hand, small smirk ghosting his lips as he took in the scenery once more, “and I’m glad it was.”

A moment of silence hung heavily in the air before he continued, his voice lower than before, “I really needed to talk to you, (Name). I needed to hear your voice. No one else…”

His voice drifted off a bit, his eyes softening as he seemed to get lost in his thoughts. Before you could comment, he snapped out of it, continuing on in a voice that was pleasant, but forced “What am I doing talking about this stuff? I came to share a few laughs and have a good time, not bog you down with my issues! It’s been such a long time since I have seen you (name), I am sure so much has happened in your life. I want to hear it all!"

While he spoke you noticed the quick change in posture from lax and inviting to rigid. His fingers tapping the wood of your table erratically, the set of his jaw had become stern. Everything about him was suddenly on edge. Your heart sank witnessing him like this, even now trying to hide things from you in order to not weigh down the joy of your meeting after so long.

However, you had already decided something. Joseph had come all this way to find some refuge with you, and that’s just what you were going to offer.

"Joseph," your voice dropped low, your hands sliding across the table to catch his own in a gentle hold. You felt his body jolt a bit, surprised by the sudden contact. You squeezed slightly, hoping to get across your feelings of reassurance. You smiled tenderly up at him, and after a moment, his hands shakily returned your hold.

“I’m so sorry… How could I have not noticed that you were in a rough patch? Suzie has been my rock through every trial life has ever thrown my way, and you have become equally as important,” you sighed in frustration, “You both can read me like a book yet I couldn't even tell how much you have been struggling. All of your laughs and smiles, they were masking your true pain, and through it all you both still put me first, not wanting to burden me with anything that was happening because you knew all I had gone through in my own life.”

Tears stung your eyes once more with the realization, “Joseph please, I don’t want you to struggle alone. I want to be your rock, too.”

You heard the man release a breathy sigh, the rough pad of his thumb gingerly starting to caress your firmly gripped hand.

"God, have your hands always been this soft?”

“W-what,” The out of place question took you by surprise, a tiny yelp of shock escaping your lips as Joseph repositioned himself, leaning his torso heavily over the table, threatening your personal space.

His grip on your hands tightened, lifting the digits slowly up to his mouth. A lucid smile graced his plush lips as they ghosted the tips of your fingers. His warm breath on your hand would be almost soothing if not for the obsessive gleam he held in his eyes as they bore into you. A shudder ran through your body, which had become stiff with discomfort. This small gesture between good friends quickly morphed into something much more intimate, the way he was looking at you feeling oddly menacing.

“Your hands,” he laughed a bit, his voice nostalgic, “I remember even during the most rigorous of the training that we were put through, your hands were strong, but also always so gentle,” his lips pressed harder into your flesh, his eyes narrowing as he continued to speak, “but I forgot just how soft they were… How good they feel when you touch me-“

As if breaking a horrible spell, the timer on your stove began to blare, causing you both to jump. You took the opportunity to quickly pull away, pushing yourself up and away from the table and Joseph as you hurried to address the now finished meal.

“Give me just a moment and I’ll have dinner out,” you tried to speak as calmly as you could, clenching your own hands together as your brain scrambled to make sense of what had just occurred, “wait right there.”

~

Perhaps the move was too soon, but he could think of no other way to respond to you suddenly grabbing him like that, being so earnest and vulnerable with your feelings. Sitting across from you as he indulged in the dinner you had prepared, it would have been easy to get lost in the domestic feel of it all. However he could tell you were growing increasingly uncomfortable despite his best efforts to bring everything back to normal, and he mentally scolded himself for that. Your once welcoming gestures had now become guarded, suspicious. Your bright eyes now looked at him with confusion, even a bit of distrust. He was doing his best to make the conversation jovial again. He was complimenting your cooking, bringing up past humorous exploits, asking you about your new job, your new life, everything and anything he could get about what you had been doing, who you were now.

Yet you kept succeeding in bringing the conversation back to Suzie.

At first it filled him with guilt, hearing his wife’s name fall from your lips with so much concern, now more amplified by his slip up. But the guilt was quickly becoming aggravation as even his best attempts to redirect the conversation kept sneakily coming back to Suzie.

As the tense dinner was winding down, he could tell you were trying to hurry things along. Your eyes darted to the clock more often, and you kept mentioning how late it was becoming, how you had something you had to wake up early for( regardless of it being the weekend). It wasn’t until you began to collect the plates that Joseph began to slightly panic. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go… You both were supposed to be so lost in catching up with each other that time seemed to no longer exist; enjoying each other’s company so thoroughly you’d keep the conversation going into the wee hours of the morning.

Joseph sighed a bit after you turned down his offer to help.

‘I was hoping to avoid having to do this,’ Joseph scowled, slipping the small vial from his pocket, ‘but I guess I have no choice.’

After the situation involving the Pillar Men nearly poisoning him to death, the Speedwagon Foundation really stepped up their game in the drug department. An entire new branch was created as a security measure to protect against threats of that nature, and as such, a lot of experimentation and creation was going on in their labs. Joseph couldn’t help but be intrigued when Robert had offhandedly mentioned one day they had successfully created a new kind of drug, one that was nearly impossible to detect or trace, but knocked someone out quickly for several hours. Robert had been initially confused by Joseph’s questions regarding the drug, as he usually didn’t take much interest in the more science-y aspects of their organization at all, but eventually gave him a small sample of the drug, warning him to not let it fall into the wrong hands.

Watching himself quickly pour a bit into your half-finished wine glass, he mused if his own hands could possibly be considered the wrong ones.

You came back in the room shortly after the deed was done, taking your seat across from him tentatively.

“I know you mentioned it, but I suppose it is getting quite late, huh?” Joseph questioned, doing his best to hide the frown that formed when he saw how relieved that comment seemed to make you.

“Yeah,” you responded, twirling a strand of your hair around your finger absentmindedly, “I hate to rush us after it’s been so long.”

Joseph smiled warmly, batting his hand playfully, “No need to apologize, I did just barge in here unannounced after all. I was lucky you treated an uninvited guest to a meal and a drink.”

You exhaled, your voice coming out softly “You are hardly an ‘uninvited guest’, but next time… I would really love to see Suzie as well. I know you told me not to bring her up and you seem to be avoiding talking about her altogether… But I really miss my best friend.”

You looked away as if you were ashamed to mention her around him. It was another stab to his heart.

“Hey (name),” he began, continuing once your eyes had locked back on his, “I want to apologize. For dumping this all on you, and for earlier when I was holding your hands. My mind has been such a mess, and I realize running to you to escape wasn’t the most mature or well thought out plan.”

He watched your body begin to grow more lax, causing relief to wash over him.

“It’s just you have always had a way of making me feel better (feel whole, he wanted to add, but thought better of it), and I knew this time wouldn’t be any different. It was selfish.”

Before he could say more, you chimed in with a small laugh, taking him off guard. Glancing your way, his eyes widened as he drank you in. You were smiling again, a true smile. Relaxed and happy, your eyes crinkled as they held his. Seeing you this way again felt as if all his troubles had been lifted away. You were infectious, alluring, hypnotizing.

Intoxicating.

“I’m sorry,” you spoke in between small laughs, “It’s just… the Joseph Joestar from years ago would never own up to being selfish, nor would he so sincerely apologize without throwing in some kind of quip,”

Joseph’s heart began to race as he watched you recline, check resting on one hand, the other now bringing the wine glass to your lips, lips that were still so tauntingly smiling at him.

“It’s nice to hear, and you are forgiven. I apologize as well if I seemed a bit put off. It just took me off guard,” you took a sip, Joseph’s breath hitched, “I guess I should have just chocked it up to your old ways, but don’t think I won’t tell Suzie about it someday, you flirt.”

You winked at him playfully, but he was so lost in bliss, it didn’t even register.

~

“Jojo, are you OK,” you questioned your now suspiciously quiet friend as you took another swig of wine, this one nearly emptying the glass, “I didn’t offend you, did I? I was just joking around.”

You pouted at him. His face had once again gone hard, his intense eyes not once straying from your face.

You chuckle lightly; trying to conceal the nerves his looks gave you, “Jojo please, you are kind of freaking me out again…”

His lips curled into a smile, his eyes keeping their strict hold on you, “It’s alright (name), no offense taken. In fact, I feel very good right now… how about you?”

As if on cue, a sharp pain pulsed through your brain. You winced, your hand flying up to grab at your pounding head. A moan escaped your lips as your eyes snapped shut, everything in the world was suddenly too bright and too loud.

“(Name)?”

“S-sorry,” you stuttered, the pain growing by the moment, “I just suddenly got hit with a horrible headache. Maybe I drank too much wine,” your voice trailed off as you noticed your vision beginning to blur.

Joseph laughed merrily, his seeming lack of care for your condition adding confusion to the already puzzling scenario.

“You barely had any! Such a lightweight,” He pushed himself away from the table, towering over you as his sharp eyes continuously bore down upon your form. Were you imagining that devious gleam they were holding?

“You need to be more careful, (name). People could take advantage of you this way.”

Your eyes widened, blood running cold. Something was off, terribly off. You weren’t just imagining things. The look he held in his eyes and the way he began to stalk slowly closer to you, like a predator approaching its prey, was all horribly wrong. Your breath hitched as he reached your side, his aura overwhelming you entirely in your sickly state. You felt his fingertips ghost the skin of your shoulder, traveling slowly up your neck to gently tuck a rouge stand of hair behind your ear, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. His touch was so delicate, but his eyes… His eyes had now completely glazed over, his breathing becoming heavier as he glared down at you in crazed admiration.

“(Name),” his breathy voice quivered, “Let me take care of you.”

The full extent of the danger you were in crashed down upon you. You pushed off the table, trying to put as much distance between him and yourself as you possibly could. You sprang to your feet, the sudden movement causing another rush of debilitating pain to pulse through your brain. Your vision had become so hazy that you could barely make out the man in front of you, and the tears that were pooling in your eyes weren’t helping any. You backed away slowly, your legs straining as you felt your body become impossibly heavy. At this point the only thing keeping you alert and upright was the threat that loomed before you.

“You need to leave Joseph,” You commanded, hoping your voice sounded much braver than you felt, “Right now.”

“Leave, with you barely able to stand on your feet? What kind of man would I be if I left you like this right now?” Though you had a hard time seeing his expression, you could definitely hear anticipation dripping from his voice, the implications causing you to shudder.

You grimaced, a cold sweat starting to coat your skin, “Get out of my house Joseph or I’ll-“

Before you could say another word, his lips crashed hard into your own, causing a short circuit in your brain. You let out a small gasp, granting him further access as he began feverishly conquering your mouth with his own. You tried to twist away, but that only caused him to pull you taut against him, locking you in place. His large hands snaked down your back, cupping and groping your curves as he traveled lower and lower.

His lips eventually released your own, instantly shifting focus to the exposed skin of your neck. As he sucked and nibbled, marking you in ways he had no right to, your resistance was growing less and less. In a short time, you couldn’t hold yourself up at all any longer, relying solely on Joseph’s constricting grip to keep you vertical. A whimper escaped your lips as he latched onto your neck particularly hard, his hands at the same time gripping your ass with a possessive squeeze.

“I can make you feel so good, (Name),” he whispered in your ear gruffly, lust dripping from his words, “You deserve the love I can give you.

“Joseph,” you choked, tears streaming steadily down your cheeks as the last of your consciousness was fading away, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you belong with me baby, you always have.”

Those were the last words you heard as your body succumbed to the darkness.

[lyricalbowties]

Somebody That I Used To Know.. pt. 2|| Selfpara- Anderbros

Tagging→  Blaine Anderson, Cooper Anderson, (mentions of Rachel Berry, Hunter Clarington, and Sebastian Smythe) Where→  Blaine’s apartment When→ 1/10/20 Warnings&Notes→  Finally part two!  Link t part one HERE.

“How...who..” Blaine laughed nervously. “What I meant to say w-“

            “Yes, Blaine.” Cooper interrupted him, “Tell me, what did you mean to say?”

            Blaine stared at this brother for a long moment before his shoulders relaxed a little. “How did you know? Was it that person you had following me around campus?”

            Cooper chuckled, “No. It wasn’t…I’m drawing a blank on the name. Anyway, no I’ve known for a little while now. I was just waiting until you told me. But I could tell that wasn’t going to happen. Especially since you were trying so hard with Rachel.”

            “I wasn’t ready to tell anyone.” Blaine murmured. He still wasn’t.

            “So, you had Rachel pretend to be your girlfriend?” Cooper asked.

            Blaine hesitated. How he wished he could say that was case instead of the actual truth. He looked away from Cooper, ashamed all over again. “No, it wasn’t like that.”

            Cooper blinked and stared at him, his expression changing ever so slightly as he put the pieces together. “Oh my god. Did Rachel even know you were gay?”

            “Until recently? No. No, she didn’t. Listen, I didn’t plan for it to happen or for it to get as far as it did!” Blaine continued on, cutting Cooper off before he could respond. “I walked her back from a party on campus, we were both really drunk and she kissed me, and I kissed her back and I guess she thought we were dating. And when she announced it at the next party, I had to go along with it and from there I got too afraid to tell her because of how far it got.”

            Cooper gasped. “You slept with her?”

            “No!” Blaine practically shouted, getting to his feet. “I didn’t sleep with Rachel! I know I should have broken it off sooner and I didn’t. I didn’t go into this with the intention of hurting her.”

            Blaine buried his face in his hands a moment and took a deep breath trying to calm himself. Cooper was leaned back in his spot on the couch, one arm now thrown up along the back. There was a long silence that followed. Blaine watched his brother waiting to see if he was going to continue. His mind raced wondering what Cooper was thinking right now, his expression was neutral and hard to read.

            “Who told you?” Blaine decided to ask.

            Cooper shrugged. “Why does it have to be someone? I could have figured it out on my own.”

            “Did you?”

            “I had my suspicions.” Cooper smiled a little, “But I didn’t know for sure until your friend told me—”

            Blaine saw red. He didn’t let Cooper finish before he was shouting. “He is not my friend! That lying asshole, he said he only told Hunter.” He kicked the table causing the liquid in the mugs to slosh out and onto the wood. Ignoring the pain in his foot Blaine paced back and forth, furious with Sebastian all over again. How did he even know Cooper? How would he have contacted him? It didn’t matter how; the point was he was lied to again.

            Cooper’s reaction to Blaine was that of alarm. He lurched forward and quickly tried to clean the table with some of the tissues. He looked up at his brother, “Blaine, woah calm down!” He said, dabbing the wood and lifting one of the magazines that unfortunately sat in the splash zone.

            “He lied! Not that I’m surprised.” Blaine was talking more to himself than his brother.

            “Blaine!” Cooper’s raised voice finally landed on Blaine’s ears and he stopped his pacing. “Who the hell are you talking about? Rebecca told me. You know, cute little curly haired girl you went to high school with. You ‘dated’ her too, if I remember correctly.”

            Rebecca?

            Blaine’s face softened a little. He hadn’t spoken with Rebecca in months, she lived in another state. “What? I..how did-“

            “Your graduation party,” Cooper replied as he finished drying the table. “She approached me and told me that she was going away to college and couldn’t keep an eye on you. She said it wasn’t her secret to tell but she needed someone who was close to you to know. Something about you being alone, and she didn’t like the idea of that.”

            Rebecca was Blaine’s best friend since they were young and moving away from her hurt. She was the first and only person, at the time, to know about Blaine. And she was right. When Blaine came to Ginsburg last year he felt alone. Sure, his classes kept him occupied but he still felt alone. Cooper knew for a year and a half and said nothing.

            Blaine smiled a little, “Yeah. That sounds like her. Why didn’t you say something before now?”

            Cooper sighed, “Because I didn’t want you to have another reason to hate me. I wanted you to tell me in your own time. But then all of this Rachel stuff happened, and Thanksgiving…I couldn’t wait.”

            All Blaine heard was ‘because I didn’t want you to have another reason to hate me.’ And it hurt in a way Blaine wasn’t prepared for. He blinked and his eyes stung as tears rolled out and he quickly reached up and wiped them away. Blaine wanted to tell Cooper he didn’t hate him but that would open the door for discussion of the resentment he felt for so many years and Blaine couldn’t emotionally handle that right now. He avoided eye contact with his brother and turned his gaze to the floor.

            “You didn’t tell mom and dad?” He asked.

            “No.” Cooper scoffed. “Please, I’m not that stupid.”

            “You told them about Rachel.”

            “Yeah, in hopes you’d come clean. I got tired of waiting.”

            Blaine drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, smirking at his brother. Cooper returned the smile for a moment before it dropped.

            “Hey, who were you talking about? Who told Hunter and who is Hunter?”

            Shit.

            Blaine’s eyes went wide trying to think of some kind of talk off while simultaneously scolding himself for jumping to blame Sebastian. He didn’t deserve Sebastian or Hunter as friends in any capacity with the way he acted. “No one.” Blaine shrugged but he could tell Cooper wasn’t buying.

            “Liar. Did this guy, this person who told Hunter, did he out you? Is this the guy who got you the flowers?” Cooper started off angry at the idea of someone outing Blaine but as he tried to connect the dots back to the flowers coming to an incredibly wrong conclusion, he looked more pleased with himself. 

            “What? No! He didn’t get me the flowers, that was someone else.”

            “Ah-ha!” Cooper stood and jabbed a finger in Blaine’s direction, which Blaine promptly slapped out of the way. “There is a someone!”

            “Will you stop that? Yes, there is a someone. No, it is not the person I was referring to. And no, I don’t want to talk about it right now because I’m still processing that you know right now.”

            Cooper pouted. “Aww, come on Squirt.” He walked over to Blaine and poked him in the side.

            Blaine scowled and retreated. “Hey.”

            Cooper poked him again with a large cheeky grin on his face. “Oh, is someone ticklish still?”

            “C-Cooper!” Blaine tried to back away from his brother and held his hands out as a warning to keep away.

            A devilish laugh came from Cooper as he rounded the table and pursued Blaine, poking him in the side when he found an opening. Each poke elicited a surprised yelp from Blaine.

            “Cut it out! We’re not kids anymore.”

            Cooper arched a brow and stood a few feet from Blaine looking for an opening. “I don’t think there is an age restriction when it comes to the older brother picking on his baby bro.”

            Blaine’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not funny, Coop. You know I hate being tickled. I can’t promise that I won’t swing.”

            His brother chuckled and slowly approached him. “And as I always said, I can’t promise I won’t tag you back if you do.”

            They stared each other down for a few more seconds, Blaine ready to retreat and Cooper ready to pounce. Cooper wiggled his fingers at his side, as if he were flexing them to prepare for his attack. Blaine still held his hands out waiting to block his brother. A smile wanted to stretch on Blaine’s face as this moment sent a wave of nostalgia flooding through him back to when they were both little. A time when Blaine looked up to his brother and a time when Cooper had time to play with him, tease him (all in good fun), and simply be around before they drifted apart and Blaine’s admiration turned swiftly to resentment.

            “I’ve been taking boxing lessons.” Blaine warned.

            Cooper scoffed, “Oh yeah? I still have about seven inches on you, so I’d like to see you try.”

            “Seven? I’m not that short! You’re six foot even, Coop. I’m five eight, that’s four inches!”

            Cooper stood there and appeared to be doing the math in his head. “Really? Are you sure you’re not measuring yourself without the gel? You know, the natural poof adds about 2 or 3 inches.”

            “That’s it!” Blaine charged at Cooper with a slight smile and Cooper, caught off guard, went down at Blaine wrapped his arms around his torso and knocked him back. Cooper let out an OOF as his back hit the floor followed by a laugh. Blaine thought he had Cooper pinned until his brother reached up and poked his side causing Blaine to jerk to the side giving Cooper the advantage to flip Blaine onto his back.

            “Too easy.” Cooper sighed and sat on Blaine’s stomach.

            “Cooper!” Blaine wiggled trying to get free but also struggling to breath easily. “Get off!”

            “Nah, I’m kind of comfortable right here.” He said and settled in more.

            Blaine laughed, despite how painful and difficult it was. “Cooper!”

            “Mm? Yes? Did you want some Squirt?”

            “Off! Blaine did his best to flip Cooper or at least nudge him off but it wouldn’t work.

            “You know the drill.” Cooper said sounding bored, “Say the magic word.”

            “Bite me!” Blaine groaned.

            “Nope.”

            “Cooper!”

            “Oh, you’re almost there. You have the first half.” Cooper was clearly enjoying this as much as he did when they were young.

            “Get your ass off of me!”

            “Language.” Cooper poked Blaine in the side and he squirmed even more. “Come on Blaine, you know how this goes.”

            Blaine scoffed and his back was starting to hurt now. He gritted his teeth, “Fine! Cooper Anderson is the bestest, most handsome, of the Andersons.”

            “Ah, one more thing.” Cooper said preparing poke Blaine again.

            “Ugh, and I Blaine could never measure up to him!”

            Cooper was satisfied and stood up, air rushing back into Blaine’s lungs. Cooper reached down and helped Blaine to his feet. The smile on Cooper’s face fell to a more solemn expression. “You know that was just a stupid thing I made up as a kid, right? I don’t want you to think that you don’t measure up. Of course, you do. I’m proud of you, Blaine.”

            He threw an arm around Blaine’s shoulder and pulled him close. He ruffled Blaine’s hair, pulling his hand back to examine it before wiping his hand on his pants. Blaine slowly smiled, still a little out breath. He couldn’t even be upset with Cooper for messing with his hair, not after what he said.

             “Thanks Coop. That means a lot to me, more than you know.”

[dowoonscookies]

:oo you listen to cmusic!! can you recommend some artists? tyy

hey broooo you came to the right person (jkjkjk but I do have some recs so hold on real tight) though beware a lot of the stuff I’ve been hearing recently have all just sounded the same or overall not very impressive, so if you find anything that’s interesting, feel free to share :)

Ok to start off I think when it comes to mandopop no one can forget The King of mandopop aka Jay Chou. He basically invented rnb and pro piano skillz (I’m joking in case people still take me seriously). If you listen to his second album, or even his first, both of which were released around 2000, it was like a really new sound for people back then. I grew up listening to this dude no joke. 夜曲 is a personally fave lol. And one thing I really love is that for most of the albums there would be at least one song that obviously sounds more traditional(?) and uses traditional instruments in the track. I’m not sure if he’s purposely making sure to fit those in but I really like those songs.

Stephanie Sun is a Singaporean singer who’s also pretty famous I think. Her song 天黑黑 is like the best combination of nostalgia and cpop lol. Honestly her voice is so calming ;w;

Speaking of Singaporean singers you can’t forget JJ Lin. He has some songs that are like Classics but I personally thought his most recent experimental album was realllly nice. It was obvious how much work he put into it, and how he was trying to challenge himself. Also, if you’re a fan of cnblue, he did a collab with yonghwa once.

Also don’t forget the queen herself Jolin Tsai. I remember when she performed at the MAMA awards back in 2015 everyone was so shook lol and they didn’t even know who she was. Legit an lgbt icon. Queen of the gays

李榮浩 (li ronghao). GOD I love his stuff a lot for some reason. Idk it just sounds great. I love. 10/10 would recommend. I didn’t really like it at first but it grew on me. Just wait for it to grow on you

Mayday is like the most popular band probably. Poor 阿信 can’t actually really sing anymore but they will always be loved no matter what. Their songs are like your best friend cheering you on in life. You can do it. Life is hard but you can chase your dreams. It’s okay to suffer. It’s okay to start over. That kind of vibe.

Speaking of bands 蘇打綠(sodageeen) is a popular indie band. Day6 actually covered one of their most popular songs in their Taiwan debut showcase and it honestly saved my soul.

And yeah the only band I’ve ever seen live (and not at a concert but at the presidential inauguration sigh) is 滅火器(Fire EX). They sing in Taiwanese, and were like musical icons for the whole sunflower movement thing a few years back. Icons of freedom and justice yay

Bii is pretty popular nowadays I think, even my dad was watching a news segment about him lol. His music… pretty generic pop/ballad sound because that’s the image he’s selling I guess. People seem to be there for his face just as much as his voice. I actually have a lot to say about him only because I think he would fit so much better singing classier styles, more jazz and rnb, rather than whatever he’s doing now. Funky boy (thank god for Ian Chen) was probably the closest he’s gotten to a new style so far

Andrew Tan has a voice that I personally really like. His songs are kind of ehhhh but I’m only here for his voice so…

G.E.M also has a nice voice. I honestly haven’t heard that many songs by her, but you can check her out

Eli Hsieh is a fairly new artist that I really like. Only one album so far, but i personally think it’s Quality Stuff, and showcases different styles. 濕了分寸 sounds so dark but I love it.

I only found out about him recently OTL, but 盧廣仲 (Crowd Lu(?)) is another singer-songwriter that’s great. Sings about eating breakfast. Makes me hungry everytime.

There’s also like those older singers that my parents/grandparents listen to, but idk if you’re into that. I actually saw 潘越雲 live once lol. Also songs that are in Taiwanese to me usually tend to sound kind of the same as well buuuut some of them are great.

That’s all about it that I can think of right now. Not sure if you’ll like any of it lol, and I don’t think I’ve listened to THAT much cpop or anything, and basically everyone that I mentioned above mainly sings using mandarin/taiwanese, and there’s like 10000 other dialects so it’s not really representative I guess.

I hope this gets you started, and maybe you found it at least a bit helpful. I’m always here if you need any specific song recs. Feel free to share any other artists that you find because I can’t seem to find any recently that don’t sound the same as everyone else OTL sorry if this was longer than you expected I tend to rant a bit…

EDIT: i forgot something else. the people with the best voices. most of them are singer-songwriters. 陳建年’s 海洋 is an all-time favorite of mine, and 王宏恩’s 月光 as well

another edit: also check out Suming 舒米恩

[samanthasroberts]

5 Hollywood Stories You See Everywhere (That Are Always BS)

Entertainment sites are facing a serious problem: There’s a limited number of things that happen every day, but their readers will click on an infinite amount of articles, as long as someone or something vaguely famous is involved. The solution? Follow the grand Internet tradition of making shit up. Print a headline saying “Bill Murray killed and ate Miley Cyrus!” and watch as it gets 100,000 shares before either of their publicists can deny it.

Now, all of us have fallen for stories like these in the past, but there are some particularly egregious types of bullshit articles that should really be setting off our hogwash alarms by now. Starting with …

#5. Stop Saying The Simpsons Predicted Stuff

The Internet is 80 percent porn, 70 percent fanfic on Tumblr, and 90 percent inaccurate statistics. Whatever’s left is made out of bullshit listicles about how some old Simpsons episode predicted today’s events. Apparently, they foresaw Donald Trump: Angry Half-Chewed Orange Starburst For President 15 years before it happened:

They also predicted that Lisa would be an adult by 2010, so …

But before you go proclaiming Matt Groening “King of the Psychics,” consider this: That episode aired in 2000. Guess what lying, hypocritical moron announced he’d be running for President in 2000? No no, the other one. Yes, Trump said he’d run for President under the Reform Party in 2000 (and had been talking about it since 1987), meaning The Simpsons predicted precisely squat. And as far as them “predicting” that President Trump would destroy the country … duhhhh. That’s like predicting grass will be green, or that a diaper will be loaded with shit.

Can anthropomorphic loaded diapers even legally run for president?

And we do this all. The. Fucking. Time. Unless some fat yellow dude destroys an entire city by pressing the wrong button at the power plant, it’s no big deal if real life imitates The Simpsons. It’s a topical show with damn near 600 episodes under its quarter-century-old belt. Of course there’s going to be overlap with reality — which hasn’t stopped sites like BuzzFeed from marveling over the matter. Let’s review their mind-blowing discoveries:

So the Simpsons made an irradiated food joke, and now Japan’s got irradiated fruit? That’s not a new idea. If anything, the vegetation around Chernobyl predicted The Simpsons. Oh, and the deformed Japanese veggies were bullshit anyway. Off to a good start, BuzzFeed!

OK. So. In 2004, a bunch of Ohio voting machines glitched and accidentally gave George W. Bush 4,000 extra votes. In 2008, the Simpsons satirized that incident. In 2012, it happened again for real. And that’s supposed to be a score for Homer and friends how? Just because your memory was crippled by all those ’90s nostalgia GIF parades doesn’t mean that the past suddenly didn’t happen, BuzzFeed.

This is probably the closest one: They successfully predicted that somebody who works with wild animals would eventually get attacked by one. Impressive. What’s next, claiming that The Simpsons predicted baseball players playing softball?

DICK TRACY, YOU ASSHOLES! THE JETSONS! EVEN THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES! Somebody got paid for this list! You know what, we’re moving on before this gives us an aneurysm.

Arrrrghhh! Too late!

#4. People Need To Chill About Idris Elba Playing James Bond

Eventually, Daniel Craig will stop being James Bond. And despite the fact that he’s a totally outdated character, tradition dictates that we’ll need a new one. One of the top names being bandied about is Idris Elba, who deviates from the Bond norm in one glaringly obvious way …

“The world isn’t ready for a Bond with facial hair. Sorry.”

OK, there’s also the race thing, an issue which Bond novelist Anthony Horowitz dealt with in the worst possible way. In an interview with The Daily Mail, he claimed that Elba would suck as Bond because he’s “too street.” The Internet responded by figuratively painting Horowitz’s naked body gold and leaving him to asphyxiate.

Most were only scandalized to find out there are still Bond books, though (or books in general).

First off, this quote came from The Daily Mail, so rage-sharing it is like raging over something the bad guy said at WrestleMania. Even worse, all these headlines conveniently ignore where he named other black actors he’d prefer play Bond. Everybody’s focused on “too rough” and “too street,” while see-no-eviling the part where he recommended Hustle‘s Adrian Lester instead.

There’s still a race issue at play here, of course — but not in the overt, simplistic way that everybody seeing red took it as. It’s deciding that black actors, who have proven their ability to play both suave and rough with equal tenacity, should only be one thing. Horowitz is typecasting Elba as a rough, street black man, and Lester as a suave, classy black man, and won’t let them sit at each other’s table. And nobody’s talking about this except … The Huffington Post? Really? Dear Internet: When BuzzFeed-Minus-Cat-GIFs is the voice of reason, it might be time to pay attention and rethink things.

Both because they’re right on the money, and because it’ll probably never happen again.

Ex-Bond Roger Moore got in similar hot water recently, accused of opposing Elba Bond over blackness. Moore himself had to clarify that he only said Bond should be 100 percent “English-English” — his interviewer later edited it so it seemed like he was talking about Elba. But you know what? When Elba finally becomes Bond and blows everyone out of their seats, all this ridiculous talk of race, class, and who’s street and who’s not will disappear. Because it’s the performance that matters, not the-

Wait … it was all a rumor? He’s NOT going to be Bond? There were never even talks of him being Bond, nothing but Daniel Craig dream-casting off the top of his head? We got all worked up over that? FUCK.

#3. Every Celebrity Death Hoax Comes From The Same Source: Your Idiot Friends

The world lost the best/worst father in movie history last August when James Earl Jones sadly passed away, according to the Internet. The only person who didn’t hear the news was James Earl Jones, who is still tweeting like normal. Yeah, it was another celebrity death hoax. So what happened? What crapbag news site yellow-journalism’d a beloved celebrity to an early grave this time?

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooot dead yet, guys.”

None, as it turns out. The source is us. We fake-killed James Earl Jones, the same way we’ve fake-killed every other celebrity since the days of Netscape. We’re not merely part of the problem; we’re all of it.

The only source for Darth Vader’s voice reuniting with the Force was the Woodward-and-Bernstein-approved paragon of journalism called FeedNewz. But FeedNewz isn’t a fucking news site — its real name is prank.link, a content creator where any random asshole can plug anybody’s name into the generator and create a fake news story about them. When people clicked on the “James Earl Jones dies” link to learn how an 84-year-old man could possibly pass so suddenly, they got this instead:

“Also, his most famous line was ‘I quit on you when you cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp‘ … from The Lion King.”

GET IT? You thought a thing happened, but it didn’t! Doesn’t that tickle-torture your ribs? Here’s another knee-slapper: Justin Bieber was raped and killed in Las Vegas … except he wasn’t! How gullible you must be, to think people die.

Don’t worry, David Caruso is on the case.

But if FakeNewz sounds too shady for your phony death needs, perhaps you’d prefer a website that sounds an awful lot like a legitimate one? FakeAWish.com will kill any celebrity you like and report it under the name “Global Associated News,” which is the biggest waste of an official-sounding name since Dr. Phil first called himself “Dr.” Then there’s MSMBC.co, where you create a fake death story (like this one for Arnold Schwarzenegger) complete with a link that looks exactly like MSNBC.com if you’re both blindly clicking on everything and actually blind. And when somebody clicks on it, they’re greeted not by a HAHA PWNED page, but a real-ish-looking news story that you can’t read until you share it with your distant uncle and that guy you haven’t talked to since college:

Or with no one, if you go with the Google+ option.

Alternatively, if using those sites is too much work, you can go with the absolute laziest option and create a “RIP [celebrity name]” Facebook page for someone who isn’t in fact RIPing … and then watch it grow inexplicably popular. Rowan “Johnny English” Atkinson, for example, has no fewer than two pre-posthumous Facebook pages, each with over 3,000 fans. For the sake of our species, we hope it’s simply the same 3,000 who fell for the same thing twice.

#2. Stop Pretending Everyone’s Offended By Movies

Hey, remember when those Native American actors walked off the set of Adam Sandler’s new movie? It seems they were outraged over all the gross inaccuracies, blatant stereotyping, lazy jokes, and other things that have never, ever been in an Adam Sandler movie.

“We thought we were signing up for something more sophisticated, like a male deodorant ad.”

Notice how none of those headlines mention how many actors walked off the set, implying through omission that the number was “all of them”? Well, they did that for a reason: The real situation was way less volatile (and thus, more boring) than the hate-click media reported. According to one of the actors, only four out of 154 actors walked out, plus one consultant, leaving the rest to feel “betrayed” that they were being painted as “sell-outs” to the White Man. Oh, and another actor says they all saw the script beforehand, so those who quit probably should have seen the terribleness coming, even if they haven’t been to a cinema since Big Daddy came out.

Precedent shows “pee-pee on your teepee” wasn’t going to be a metaphor.

Then there’s Mad Max: Fury Road and the supposed shitstorm it caused among Men’s Rights Activists for daring to include women kicking ass:

“Feminists started all the wars,” one anonymous member said.

Makes sense, right? Babies throw tantrums. MRAs are babies, so they’re throwing tantrums. Except they weren’t. This entire story came from one blog post on We Hunted The Mammoth, which centered around the anti-Furiosa furor on Return Of Kings, a site so viciously anti-woman even Al Bundy would yell at them to grow the fuck up. But RoK isn’t a MRA site — just some random cootiephobes — and nowhere on Mammoth does it confuse the two. Every other site, desperate for traffic, did that.

Misogynists want her to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches, while MRAs want her to stop destroying masculinity. And to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches.

Did legitimate Men’s Rights Assbags hate Fury Road? Sure, because vagina. But they’re not nearly smart enough to organize some massive boycott of a film $375 million worth of people saw anyway. Also, despite what leading MRA loudmouths fantasize about while jerking off with mini-tweezers, nobody was “paid to put [an MRA boycott story] in the press.” It was lazy and biased, adjectives with which MRAs should be plenty familiar. And finally, we have the time the Noah movie threw every Christian into a hateful tizzy:

That’s a lot of cheek not-turning.

A survey of over 5,000 people found a whopping 98 percent were tut-tutting the movie for bastardizing the Bible. One problem: That survey focused on “faith-driven consumers,” and was organized by an ultra-religious group called … FAITH DRIVEN CONSUMER. They urge boycotts of anything that disagrees with their interpretation of the Bible, and are the same company behind IStandWithPhil, a petition to reinstate that homophobic guy from Duck Dynasty. Even Family Feud surveys like “Name a body part that rhymes with ‘eenis’” aren’t that obviously slanted.

#1. Nope, That Actor Didn’t Confirm A Sequel To That Movie

You know how we’ve dumbed down “literally” and “irony” so morons can feel literate too? “I literally ate an entire pig yesterday, and ironically, I literally ate an entire pig today, too!” We’re doing that crap with “confirm” now. Where once it meant “official news from an official source,” it now means “anybody saying anything about anything.”

Like these constant breaking news stories about a celebrity “confirming” a sequel to some film, when it turns out all they really said was “yeah it’d be cool to do that maybe.” Recently, the Internet went bonkers over Keanu Reeves supposedly saying that Speed 3 was going to happen:

The biggest question now is: Which of the e’s will they replace with a 3?

But no, Speed 3 isn’t happening, for two reasons. Number one: Speed 2. Number two: Keanu was making a goddamn joke. Some reporter asked him about Speed 3, and he said, “Oh my god, Speed 3: Redemption. Sure. Jack Traven kind of like, dusting it off.” That’s sarcasm, folks — another term we’ve dumbed down because nobody can get it right.

Granted, it can be hard to tell with this guy.

Even SlashFilm admits (at the end, when everybody’s stopped reading) that this is probably a non-story, writing “I’m not sure I take the affirmative answer that seriously, but he said it and it’s our job to tell you what he said.” It’s also your job to cleverly edit your headlines so overexcited Speed demons click and share your gossip without a second thought, it would seem.

Ewan McGregor ran into this too, with headlines screaming about how he’d be down with doing Trainspotting 2, even though it’s absolutely not happening.

How old is the ceiling baby now, anyway?

Good God, three paragraphs in, the man admits “I’ve not seen a script yet and I don’t know if there is one.” And yet People reported this anyway. You might as well report on him debating whether to order pizza or Chinese food.

Even Beetlejuice 2 isn’t as done a deal as the headlines make it seem:

Michael Keaton better start practicing his surf moves.

This “confirmation” was her going on Seth Meyers and yammering, “Um, I think I can confirm it, because Tim Burton did this interview — like, it was very hush-hush, top secret … and then he was doing some press for Big Eyes and he did an on-camera interview and he said, ‘Oh yeah, we’re doing it and Winona’s going to be in it,’ and I was like [shocked face].”

And we were like [unimpressed face]. Until some studio gives us an official release date (like Universal recently did with Jurassic World 2), Beetlejuice 2: At Least Lydia’s Legal This Time is nothing but actors talking.

But boy do we love when actors talk — we’ll believe anything they say, even when it’s so obviously a stupid joke. Like Michael Shannon saying he would return as General Zod for Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice, but with flipper hands:

That’s almost as silly as the name of the movie.

Notice how none of those headlines say “flipper hands”? That’s because even the writers know it’s bollocks, but they still want to suck you in and get your clicks, so they tease you “new details” and “strange change.” Except according to Shannon himself, Zod is stone dead, he only appears via voiceover, and the flipper thing was him being a silly goose:

A Batman story starring a guy with flippers? That’s preposterous.

Welcome to the Internet, Shannon, where you can’t believe everything you read, except for that one thing you’re about to share with your buddies. That thing? Totally believable.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/02/12/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/

[adambstingus]

5 Hollywood Stories You See Everywhere (That Are Always BS)

Entertainment sites are facing a serious problem: There’s a limited number of things that happen every day, but their readers will click on an infinite amount of articles, as long as someone or something vaguely famous is involved. The solution? Follow the grand Internet tradition of making shit up. Print a headline saying “Bill Murray killed and ate Miley Cyrus!” and watch as it gets 100,000 shares before either of their publicists can deny it.

Now, all of us have fallen for stories like these in the past, but there are some particularly egregious types of bullshit articles that should really be setting off our hogwash alarms by now. Starting with …

#5. Stop Saying The Simpsons Predicted Stuff

The Internet is 80 percent porn, 70 percent fanfic on Tumblr, and 90 percent inaccurate statistics. Whatever’s left is made out of bullshit listicles about how some old Simpsons episode predicted today’s events. Apparently, they foresaw Donald Trump: Angry Half-Chewed Orange Starburst For President 15 years before it happened:

They also predicted that Lisa would be an adult by 2010, so …

But before you go proclaiming Matt Groening “King of the Psychics,” consider this: That episode aired in 2000. Guess what lying, hypocritical moron announced he’d be running for President in 2000? No no, the other one. Yes, Trump said he’d run for President under the Reform Party in 2000 (and had been talking about it since 1987), meaning The Simpsons predicted precisely squat. And as far as them “predicting” that President Trump would destroy the country … duhhhh. That’s like predicting grass will be green, or that a diaper will be loaded with shit.

Can anthropomorphic loaded diapers even legally run for president?

And we do this all. The. Fucking. Time. Unless some fat yellow dude destroys an entire city by pressing the wrong button at the power plant, it’s no big deal if real life imitates The Simpsons. It’s a topical show with damn near 600 episodes under its quarter-century-old belt. Of course there’s going to be overlap with reality — which hasn’t stopped sites like BuzzFeed from marveling over the matter. Let’s review their mind-blowing discoveries:

So the Simpsons made an irradiated food joke, and now Japan’s got irradiated fruit? That’s not a new idea. If anything, the vegetation around Chernobyl predicted The Simpsons. Oh, and the deformed Japanese veggies were bullshit anyway. Off to a good start, BuzzFeed!

OK. So. In 2004, a bunch of Ohio voting machines glitched and accidentally gave George W. Bush 4,000 extra votes. In 2008, the Simpsons satirized that incident. In 2012, it happened again for real. And that’s supposed to be a score for Homer and friends how? Just because your memory was crippled by all those ’90s nostalgia GIF parades doesn’t mean that the past suddenly didn’t happen, BuzzFeed.

This is probably the closest one: They successfully predicted that somebody who works with wild animals would eventually get attacked by one. Impressive. What’s next, claiming that The Simpsons predicted baseball players playing softball?

DICK TRACY, YOU ASSHOLES! THE JETSONS! EVEN THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES! Somebody got paid for this list! You know what, we’re moving on before this gives us an aneurysm.

Arrrrghhh! Too late!

#4. People Need To Chill About Idris Elba Playing James Bond

Eventually, Daniel Craig will stop being James Bond. And despite the fact that he’s a totally outdated character, tradition dictates that we’ll need a new one. One of the top names being bandied about is Idris Elba, who deviates from the Bond norm in one glaringly obvious way …

“The world isn’t ready for a Bond with facial hair. Sorry.”

OK, there’s also the race thing, an issue which Bond novelist Anthony Horowitz dealt with in the worst possible way. In an interview with The Daily Mail, he claimed that Elba would suck as Bond because he’s “too street.” The Internet responded by figuratively painting Horowitz’s naked body gold and leaving him to asphyxiate.

Most were only scandalized to find out there are still Bond books, though (or books in general).

First off, this quote came from The Daily Mail, so rage-sharing it is like raging over something the bad guy said at WrestleMania. Even worse, all these headlines conveniently ignore where he named other black actors he’d prefer play Bond. Everybody’s focused on “too rough” and “too street,” while see-no-eviling the part where he recommended Hustle‘s Adrian Lester instead.

There’s still a race issue at play here, of course — but not in the overt, simplistic way that everybody seeing red took it as. It’s deciding that black actors, who have proven their ability to play both suave and rough with equal tenacity, should only be one thing. Horowitz is typecasting Elba as a rough, street black man, and Lester as a suave, classy black man, and won’t let them sit at each other’s table. And nobody’s talking about this except … The Huffington Post? Really? Dear Internet: When BuzzFeed-Minus-Cat-GIFs is the voice of reason, it might be time to pay attention and rethink things.

Both because they’re right on the money, and because it’ll probably never happen again.

Ex-Bond Roger Moore got in similar hot water recently, accused of opposing Elba Bond over blackness. Moore himself had to clarify that he only said Bond should be 100 percent “English-English” — his interviewer later edited it so it seemed like he was talking about Elba. But you know what? When Elba finally becomes Bond and blows everyone out of their seats, all this ridiculous talk of race, class, and who’s street and who’s not will disappear. Because it’s the performance that matters, not the-

Wait … it was all a rumor? He’s NOT going to be Bond? There were never even talks of him being Bond, nothing but Daniel Craig dream-casting off the top of his head? We got all worked up over that? FUCK.

#3. Every Celebrity Death Hoax Comes From The Same Source: Your Idiot Friends

The world lost the best/worst father in movie history last August when James Earl Jones sadly passed away, according to the Internet. The only person who didn’t hear the news was James Earl Jones, who is still tweeting like normal. Yeah, it was another celebrity death hoax. So what happened? What crapbag news site yellow-journalism’d a beloved celebrity to an early grave this time?

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooot dead yet, guys.”

None, as it turns out. The source is us. We fake-killed James Earl Jones, the same way we’ve fake-killed every other celebrity since the days of Netscape. We’re not merely part of the problem; we’re all of it.

The only source for Darth Vader’s voice reuniting with the Force was the Woodward-and-Bernstein-approved paragon of journalism called FeedNewz. But FeedNewz isn’t a fucking news site — its real name is prank.link, a content creator where any random asshole can plug anybody’s name into the generator and create a fake news story about them. When people clicked on the “James Earl Jones dies” link to learn how an 84-year-old man could possibly pass so suddenly, they got this instead:

“Also, his most famous line was ‘I quit on you when you cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp‘ … from The Lion King.”

GET IT? You thought a thing happened, but it didn’t! Doesn’t that tickle-torture your ribs? Here’s another knee-slapper: Justin Bieber was raped and killed in Las Vegas … except he wasn’t! How gullible you must be, to think people die.

Don’t worry, David Caruso is on the case.

But if FakeNewz sounds too shady for your phony death needs, perhaps you’d prefer a website that sounds an awful lot like a legitimate one? FakeAWish.com will kill any celebrity you like and report it under the name “Global Associated News,” which is the biggest waste of an official-sounding name since Dr. Phil first called himself “Dr.” Then there’s MSMBC.co, where you create a fake death story (like this one for Arnold Schwarzenegger) complete with a link that looks exactly like MSNBC.com if you’re both blindly clicking on everything and actually blind. And when somebody clicks on it, they’re greeted not by a HAHA PWNED page, but a real-ish-looking news story that you can’t read until you share it with your distant uncle and that guy you haven’t talked to since college:

Or with no one, if you go with the Google+ option.

Alternatively, if using those sites is too much work, you can go with the absolute laziest option and create a “RIP [celebrity name]” Facebook page for someone who isn’t in fact RIPing … and then watch it grow inexplicably popular. Rowan “Johnny English” Atkinson, for example, has no fewer than two pre-posthumous Facebook pages, each with over 3,000 fans. For the sake of our species, we hope it’s simply the same 3,000 who fell for the same thing twice.

#2. Stop Pretending Everyone’s Offended By Movies

Hey, remember when those Native American actors walked off the set of Adam Sandler’s new movie? It seems they were outraged over all the gross inaccuracies, blatant stereotyping, lazy jokes, and other things that have never, ever been in an Adam Sandler movie.

“We thought we were signing up for something more sophisticated, like a male deodorant ad.”

Notice how none of those headlines mention how many actors walked off the set, implying through omission that the number was “all of them”? Well, they did that for a reason: The real situation was way less volatile (and thus, more boring) than the hate-click media reported. According to one of the actors, only four out of 154 actors walked out, plus one consultant, leaving the rest to feel “betrayed” that they were being painted as “sell-outs” to the White Man. Oh, and another actor says they all saw the script beforehand, so those who quit probably should have seen the terribleness coming, even if they haven’t been to a cinema since Big Daddy came out.

Precedent shows “pee-pee on your teepee” wasn’t going to be a metaphor.

Then there’s Mad Max: Fury Road and the supposed shitstorm it caused among Men’s Rights Activists for daring to include women kicking ass:

“Feminists started all the wars,” one anonymous member said.

Makes sense, right? Babies throw tantrums. MRAs are babies, so they’re throwing tantrums. Except they weren’t. This entire story came from one blog post on We Hunted The Mammoth, which centered around the anti-Furiosa furor on Return Of Kings, a site so viciously anti-woman even Al Bundy would yell at them to grow the fuck up. But RoK isn’t a MRA site — just some random cootiephobes — and nowhere on Mammoth does it confuse the two. Every other site, desperate for traffic, did that.

Misogynists want her to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches, while MRAs want her to stop destroying masculinity. And to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches.

Did legitimate Men’s Rights Assbags hate Fury Road? Sure, because vagina. But they’re not nearly smart enough to organize some massive boycott of a film $375 million worth of people saw anyway. Also, despite what leading MRA loudmouths fantasize about while jerking off with mini-tweezers, nobody was “paid to put [an MRA boycott story] in the press.” It was lazy and biased, adjectives with which MRAs should be plenty familiar. And finally, we have the time the Noah movie threw every Christian into a hateful tizzy:

That’s a lot of cheek not-turning.

A survey of over 5,000 people found a whopping 98 percent were tut-tutting the movie for bastardizing the Bible. One problem: That survey focused on “faith-driven consumers,” and was organized by an ultra-religious group called … FAITH DRIVEN CONSUMER. They urge boycotts of anything that disagrees with their interpretation of the Bible, and are the same company behind IStandWithPhil, a petition to reinstate that homophobic guy from Duck Dynasty. Even Family Feud surveys like “Name a body part that rhymes with ‘eenis'” aren’t that obviously slanted.

#1. Nope, That Actor Didn’t Confirm A Sequel To That Movie

You know how we’ve dumbed down “literally” and “irony” so morons can feel literate too? “I literally ate an entire pig yesterday, and ironically, I literally ate an entire pig today, too!” We’re doing that crap with “confirm” now. Where once it meant “official news from an official source,” it now means “anybody saying anything about anything.”

Like these constant breaking news stories about a celebrity “confirming” a sequel to some film, when it turns out all they really said was “yeah it’d be cool to do that maybe.” Recently, the Internet went bonkers over Keanu Reeves supposedly saying that Speed 3 was going to happen:

The biggest question now is: Which of the e’s will they replace with a 3?

But no, Speed 3 isn’t happening, for two reasons. Number one: Speed 2. Number two: Keanu was making a goddamn joke. Some reporter asked him about Speed 3, and he said, “Oh my god, Speed 3: Redemption. Sure. Jack Traven kind of like, dusting it off.” That’s sarcasm, folks — another term we’ve dumbed down because nobody can get it right.

Granted, it can be hard to tell with this guy.

Even SlashFilm admits (at the end, when everybody’s stopped reading) that this is probably a non-story, writing “I’m not sure I take the affirmative answer that seriously, but he said it and it’s our job to tell you what he said.” It’s also your job to cleverly edit your headlines so overexcited Speed demons click and share your gossip without a second thought, it would seem.

Ewan McGregor ran into this too, with headlines screaming about how he’d be down with doing Trainspotting 2, even though it’s absolutely not happening.

How old is the ceiling baby now, anyway?

Good God, three paragraphs in, the man admits “I’ve not seen a script yet and I don’t know if there is one.” And yet People reported this anyway. You might as well report on him debating whether to order pizza or Chinese food.

Even Beetlejuice 2 isn’t as done a deal as the headlines make it seem:

Michael Keaton better start practicing his surf moves.

This “confirmation” was her going on Seth Meyers and yammering, “Um, I think I can confirm it, because Tim Burton did this interview — like, it was very hush-hush, top secret … and then he was doing some press for Big Eyes and he did an on-camera interview and he said, ‘Oh yeah, we’re doing it and Winona’s going to be in it,’ and I was like [shocked face].”

And we were like [unimpressed face]. Until some studio gives us an official release date (like Universal recently did with Jurassic World 2), Beetlejuice 2: At Least Lydia’s Legal This Time is nothing but actors talking.

But boy do we love when actors talk — we’ll believe anything they say, even when it’s so obviously a stupid joke. Like Michael Shannon saying he would return as General Zod for Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice, but with flipper hands:

That’s almost as silly as the name of the movie.

Notice how none of those headlines say “flipper hands”? That’s because even the writers know it’s bollocks, but they still want to suck you in and get your clicks, so they tease you “new details” and “strange change.” Except according to Shannon himself, Zod is stone dead, he only appears via voiceover, and the flipper thing was him being a silly goose:

A Batman story starring a guy with flippers? That’s preposterous.

Welcome to the Internet, Shannon, where you can’t believe everything you read, except for that one thing you’re about to share with your buddies. That thing? Totally believable.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182767620712

[allofbeercom]

5 Hollywood Stories You See Everywhere (That Are Always BS)

Entertainment sites are facing a serious problem: There’s a limited number of things that happen every day, but their readers will click on an infinite amount of articles, as long as someone or something vaguely famous is involved. The solution? Follow the grand Internet tradition of making shit up. Print a headline saying “Bill Murray killed and ate Miley Cyrus!” and watch as it gets 100,000 shares before either of their publicists can deny it.

Now, all of us have fallen for stories like these in the past, but there are some particularly egregious types of bullshit articles that should really be setting off our hogwash alarms by now. Starting with …

#5. Stop Saying The Simpsons Predicted Stuff

The Internet is 80 percent porn, 70 percent fanfic on Tumblr, and 90 percent inaccurate statistics. Whatever’s left is made out of bullshit listicles about how some old Simpsons episode predicted today’s events. Apparently, they foresaw Donald Trump: Angry Half-Chewed Orange Starburst For President 15 years before it happened:

They also predicted that Lisa would be an adult by 2010, so …

But before you go proclaiming Matt Groening “King of the Psychics,” consider this: That episode aired in 2000. Guess what lying, hypocritical moron announced he’d be running for President in 2000? No no, the other one. Yes, Trump said he’d run for President under the Reform Party in 2000 (and had been talking about it since 1987), meaning The Simpsons predicted precisely squat. And as far as them “predicting” that President Trump would destroy the country … duhhhh. That’s like predicting grass will be green, or that a diaper will be loaded with shit.

Can anthropomorphic loaded diapers even legally run for president?

And we do this all. The. Fucking. Time. Unless some fat yellow dude destroys an entire city by pressing the wrong button at the power plant, it’s no big deal if real life imitates The Simpsons. It’s a topical show with damn near 600 episodes under its quarter-century-old belt. Of course there’s going to be overlap with reality — which hasn’t stopped sites like BuzzFeed from marveling over the matter. Let’s review their mind-blowing discoveries:

So the Simpsons made an irradiated food joke, and now Japan’s got irradiated fruit? That’s not a new idea. If anything, the vegetation around Chernobyl predicted The Simpsons. Oh, and the deformed Japanese veggies were bullshit anyway. Off to a good start, BuzzFeed!

OK. So. In 2004, a bunch of Ohio voting machines glitched and accidentally gave George W. Bush 4,000 extra votes. In 2008, the Simpsons satirized that incident. In 2012, it happened again for real. And that’s supposed to be a score for Homer and friends how? Just because your memory was crippled by all those ’90s nostalgia GIF parades doesn’t mean that the past suddenly didn’t happen, BuzzFeed.

This is probably the closest one: They successfully predicted that somebody who works with wild animals would eventually get attacked by one. Impressive. What’s next, claiming that The Simpsons predicted baseball players playing softball?

DICK TRACY, YOU ASSHOLES! THE JETSONS! EVEN THE FUCKING FLINTSTONES! Somebody got paid for this list! You know what, we’re moving on before this gives us an aneurysm.

Arrrrghhh! Too late!

#4. People Need To Chill About Idris Elba Playing James Bond

Eventually, Daniel Craig will stop being James Bond. And despite the fact that he’s a totally outdated character, tradition dictates that we’ll need a new one. One of the top names being bandied about is Idris Elba, who deviates from the Bond norm in one glaringly obvious way …

“The world isn’t ready for a Bond with facial hair. Sorry.”

OK, there’s also the race thing, an issue which Bond novelist Anthony Horowitz dealt with in the worst possible way. In an interview with The Daily Mail, he claimed that Elba would suck as Bond because he’s “too street.” The Internet responded by figuratively painting Horowitz’s naked body gold and leaving him to asphyxiate.

Most were only scandalized to find out there are still Bond books, though (or books in general).

First off, this quote came from The Daily Mail, so rage-sharing it is like raging over something the bad guy said at WrestleMania. Even worse, all these headlines conveniently ignore where he named other black actors he’d prefer play Bond. Everybody’s focused on “too rough” and “too street,” while see-no-eviling the part where he recommended Hustle‘s Adrian Lester instead.

There’s still a race issue at play here, of course — but not in the overt, simplistic way that everybody seeing red took it as. It’s deciding that black actors, who have proven their ability to play both suave and rough with equal tenacity, should only be one thing. Horowitz is typecasting Elba as a rough, street black man, and Lester as a suave, classy black man, and won’t let them sit at each other’s table. And nobody’s talking about this except … The Huffington Post? Really? Dear Internet: When BuzzFeed-Minus-Cat-GIFs is the voice of reason, it might be time to pay attention and rethink things.

Both because they’re right on the money, and because it’ll probably never happen again.

Ex-Bond Roger Moore got in similar hot water recently, accused of opposing Elba Bond over blackness. Moore himself had to clarify that he only said Bond should be 100 percent “English-English” — his interviewer later edited it so it seemed like he was talking about Elba. But you know what? When Elba finally becomes Bond and blows everyone out of their seats, all this ridiculous talk of race, class, and who’s street and who’s not will disappear. Because it’s the performance that matters, not the-

Wait … it was all a rumor? He’s NOT going to be Bond? There were never even talks of him being Bond, nothing but Daniel Craig dream-casting off the top of his head? We got all worked up over that? FUCK.

#3. Every Celebrity Death Hoax Comes From The Same Source: Your Idiot Friends

The world lost the best/worst father in movie history last August when James Earl Jones sadly passed away, according to the Internet. The only person who didn’t hear the news was James Earl Jones, who is still tweeting like normal. Yeah, it was another celebrity death hoax. So what happened? What crapbag news site yellow-journalism’d a beloved celebrity to an early grave this time?

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooot dead yet, guys.”

None, as it turns out. The source is us. We fake-killed James Earl Jones, the same way we’ve fake-killed every other celebrity since the days of Netscape. We’re not merely part of the problem; we’re all of it.

The only source for Darth Vader’s voice reuniting with the Force was the Woodward-and-Bernstein-approved paragon of journalism called FeedNewz. But FeedNewz isn’t a fucking news site — its real name is prank.link, a content creator where any random asshole can plug anybody’s name into the generator and create a fake news story about them. When people clicked on the “James Earl Jones dies” link to learn how an 84-year-old man could possibly pass so suddenly, they got this instead:

“Also, his most famous line was ‘I quit on you when you cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp‘ … from The Lion King.”

GET IT? You thought a thing happened, but it didn’t! Doesn’t that tickle-torture your ribs? Here’s another knee-slapper: Justin Bieber was raped and killed in Las Vegas … except he wasn’t! How gullible you must be, to think people die.

Don’t worry, David Caruso is on the case.

But if FakeNewz sounds too shady for your phony death needs, perhaps you’d prefer a website that sounds an awful lot like a legitimate one? FakeAWish.com will kill any celebrity you like and report it under the name “Global Associated News,” which is the biggest waste of an official-sounding name since Dr. Phil first called himself “Dr.” Then there’s MSMBC.co, where you create a fake death story (like this one for Arnold Schwarzenegger) complete with a link that looks exactly like MSNBC.com if you’re both blindly clicking on everything and actually blind. And when somebody clicks on it, they’re greeted not by a HAHA PWNED page, but a real-ish-looking news story that you can’t read until you share it with your distant uncle and that guy you haven’t talked to since college:

Or with no one, if you go with the Google+ option.

Alternatively, if using those sites is too much work, you can go with the absolute laziest option and create a “RIP [celebrity name]” Facebook page for someone who isn’t in fact RIPing … and then watch it grow inexplicably popular. Rowan “Johnny English” Atkinson, for example, has no fewer than two pre-posthumous Facebook pages, each with over 3,000 fans. For the sake of our species, we hope it’s simply the same 3,000 who fell for the same thing twice.

#2. Stop Pretending Everyone’s Offended By Movies

Hey, remember when those Native American actors walked off the set of Adam Sandler’s new movie? It seems they were outraged over all the gross inaccuracies, blatant stereotyping, lazy jokes, and other things that have never, ever been in an Adam Sandler movie.

“We thought we were signing up for something more sophisticated, like a male deodorant ad.”

Notice how none of those headlines mention how many actors walked off the set, implying through omission that the number was “all of them”? Well, they did that for a reason: The real situation was way less volatile (and thus, more boring) than the hate-click media reported. According to one of the actors, only four out of 154 actors walked out, plus one consultant, leaving the rest to feel “betrayed” that they were being painted as “sell-outs” to the White Man. Oh, and another actor says they all saw the script beforehand, so those who quit probably should have seen the terribleness coming, even if they haven’t been to a cinema since Big Daddy came out.

Precedent shows “pee-pee on your teepee” wasn’t going to be a metaphor.

Then there’s Mad Max: Fury Road and the supposed shitstorm it caused among Men’s Rights Activists for daring to include women kicking ass:

“Feminists started all the wars,” one anonymous member said.

Makes sense, right? Babies throw tantrums. MRAs are babies, so they’re throwing tantrums. Except they weren’t. This entire story came from one blog post on We Hunted The Mammoth, which centered around the anti-Furiosa furor on Return Of Kings, a site so viciously anti-woman even Al Bundy would yell at them to grow the fuck up. But RoK isn’t a MRA site — just some random cootiephobes — and nowhere on Mammoth does it confuse the two. Every other site, desperate for traffic, did that.

Misogynists want her to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches, while MRAs want her to stop destroying masculinity. And to grow hair and make babies and sandwiches.

Did legitimate Men’s Rights Assbags hate Fury Road? Sure, because vagina. But they’re not nearly smart enough to organize some massive boycott of a film $375 million worth of people saw anyway. Also, despite what leading MRA loudmouths fantasize about while jerking off with mini-tweezers, nobody was “paid to put [an MRA boycott story] in the press.” It was lazy and biased, adjectives with which MRAs should be plenty familiar. And finally, we have the time the Noah movie threw every Christian into a hateful tizzy:

That’s a lot of cheek not-turning.

A survey of over 5,000 people found a whopping 98 percent were tut-tutting the movie for bastardizing the Bible. One problem: That survey focused on “faith-driven consumers,” and was organized by an ultra-religious group called … FAITH DRIVEN CONSUMER. They urge boycotts of anything that disagrees with their interpretation of the Bible, and are the same company behind IStandWithPhil, a petition to reinstate that homophobic guy from Duck Dynasty. Even Family Feud surveys like “Name a body part that rhymes with ‘eenis'” aren’t that obviously slanted.

#1. Nope, That Actor Didn’t Confirm A Sequel To That Movie

You know how we’ve dumbed down “literally” and “irony” so morons can feel literate too? “I literally ate an entire pig yesterday, and ironically, I literally ate an entire pig today, too!” We’re doing that crap with “confirm” now. Where once it meant “official news from an official source,” it now means “anybody saying anything about anything.”

Like these constant breaking news stories about a celebrity “confirming” a sequel to some film, when it turns out all they really said was “yeah it’d be cool to do that maybe.” Recently, the Internet went bonkers over Keanu Reeves supposedly saying that Speed 3 was going to happen:

The biggest question now is: Which of the e’s will they replace with a 3?

But no, Speed 3 isn’t happening, for two reasons. Number one: Speed 2. Number two: Keanu was making a goddamn joke. Some reporter asked him about Speed 3, and he said, “Oh my god, Speed 3: Redemption. Sure. Jack Traven kind of like, dusting it off.” That’s sarcasm, folks — another term we’ve dumbed down because nobody can get it right.

Granted, it can be hard to tell with this guy.

Even SlashFilm admits (at the end, when everybody’s stopped reading) that this is probably a non-story, writing “I’m not sure I take the affirmative answer that seriously, but he said it and it’s our job to tell you what he said.” It’s also your job to cleverly edit your headlines so overexcited Speed demons click and share your gossip without a second thought, it would seem.

Ewan McGregor ran into this too, with headlines screaming about how he’d be down with doing Trainspotting 2, even though it’s absolutely not happening.

How old is the ceiling baby now, anyway?

Good God, three paragraphs in, the man admits “I’ve not seen a script yet and I don’t know if there is one.” And yet People reported this anyway. You might as well report on him debating whether to order pizza or Chinese food.

Even Beetlejuice 2 isn’t as done a deal as the headlines make it seem:

Michael Keaton better start practicing his surf moves.

This “confirmation” was her going on Seth Meyers and yammering, “Um, I think I can confirm it, because Tim Burton did this interview — like, it was very hush-hush, top secret … and then he was doing some press for Big Eyes and he did an on-camera interview and he said, ‘Oh yeah, we’re doing it and Winona’s going to be in it,’ and I was like [shocked face].”

And we were like [unimpressed face]. Until some studio gives us an official release date (like Universal recently did with Jurassic World 2), Beetlejuice 2: At Least Lydia’s Legal This Time is nothing but actors talking.

But boy do we love when actors talk — we’ll believe anything they say, even when it’s so obviously a stupid joke. Like Michael Shannon saying he would return as General Zod for Batman V. Superman: Dawn Of Justice, but with flipper hands:

That’s almost as silly as the name of the movie.

Notice how none of those headlines say “flipper hands”? That’s because even the writers know it’s bollocks, but they still want to suck you in and get your clicks, so they tease you “new details” and “strange change.” Except according to Shannon himself, Zod is stone dead, he only appears via voiceover, and the flipper thing was him being a silly goose:

A Batman story starring a guy with flippers? That’s preposterous.

Welcome to the Internet, Shannon, where you can’t believe everything you read, except for that one thing you’re about to share with your buddies. That thing? Totally believable.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-hollywood-stories-you-see-everywhere-that-are-always-bs/

[sanguinesprout]

Just write... don’t think too much... ugh... impossible... It hurts... (Bittersweet feelings of the past, some self- encouragement and general happenings)

It’s really difficult, especially difficult lately. I’m not sure whether these physical symptoms that have been plaguing me for some time have resurfaced on their own, or whether they’ve been exacerbated by the tremendous amount of stress I’ve been subjecting myself to, but it’s knocked me back quite a lot. Both physically and mentally, I’m so exhausted and so pained, it hurts so much. I feel like I can’t do anything again, there’s no joy or desire to do anything, my motivation is almost all shrivelled up, concentration span is -1000 and I’m still ever so frustrated with myself. I need to take a deep breath and stop beating myself up about things again.

I started writing this post a couple of days ago and was thinking about it a few days even before that so I have completely forgotten what I wanted to write. Happens pretty much every time and I’m such an idiot but w/e, oh welp and never mind. Spontaneous is the way to go!

The past few days, or weeks I’ve been really in a sort of nostalgic-ish sentimental kind of mood. Mulling over the past isn’t something I want to keep doing because well it sucks demotivates and side tracks me usually, but in this case it was kinda unavoidable and sometimes reflecting is good too. I’ve been tidying a lot of the stuff in my room lately, trying to declutter and sort through some stuff that has gone untouched for years. Things like toys from childhood, books from school, even some old photos and things like that. Seeing them all again feels so bittersweet. So much has changed, the things I used to love and find big and amazing look so small and old now, it fills my mind with memories and also sadness. I’ve never been allowed pets so the stuffed animals I had were very dear to me and made me feel safe, seeing them again made me feel horrible for boxing them away for so long. The feeling of being replaced or thrown away is such a horrible thing, I feel really guilty about it, but it’s also something I feel like may have happened to me idk...

I am always worried about growing older and having not accomplished anything, being a burden... It’s one of the reasons I am scared to reconnect with past friends or put myself in view of relatives on places like Facebook. I imagine all those people are happy and successful unlike myself. I mean I’m only assuming this and I’ll never know how they’re doing really, but they were definitely much more functional than I, that’s for sure. I even dreamed about them a few times lately, made me remember some good things and bad things, it left me feeling pretty wistful and upset. I do miss them a lot and I wish I tried harder to stay connected but being there on FB was just such a bad experience for me and everything else at the time was already too much to handle, I had to run, I had to disappear... :< There’s so many more specific things, reasons, events which I could mention but I’m not ready to write about it, or I am too scared to or may have remembered wrongly. It pains me so much to think back about bad times, but it’s probably all my overthinking that was the real cause of the problem idk... ;;

I also went back and looked at every account I’ve had on the internet that I could remember. Some linked to more that I had forgotten even, but in general they all weren’t used for more than a year or two. Most of these were from like 7-8 years ago when I was most active and well... I’m sure I’ve written something like this before but I still write pretty similar now, though much less sort of goofy and hyper lol. I saw I wrote some things that I probably would never even think of writing now or feel would be much too personal in a way to disclose so freely. I would favourite and comment a lot more and just generally try reach out and message people much more easily. I was still anxious about things I posted and I mentioned my worries frequently, I remember still trying hard to fit in and only partly succeeding, and I openly wrote 'my life sucks’ in some of my profiles lol. I want to regain some of that confidence or carefree-ness I had before or to find some new ones. (Sounds like I’m talking about buying shoes or something, but I am too lazy to think up a fancy coherent sentence rn lol.)

There’s a lot of friends I talked to then and well disappeared from, but some of them also disappeared. Things happen and there’s a lot more important stuff that requires focus on for everyone. Maybe like these times I’ll be able to forget my most recent escapes and losses of friendship as time goes on. Though the last time was different... there was conflict while in previous ones I just faded out. The conflict really affected me a lot, much more that I could even comprehend, I feel it may have even sparked a lot of my current illness. I looked back on some things from before the conflict happened and it’s such a shame how something so happy and sweet can become so sour so easily. I miss the happier times I experienced and I wonder how all the people I’ve ever talked to online are doing. I hope they are well and I’m thankful that they were my friend, no matter how long or short that may have been, it still meant so much to me. 

There is still one friend I occasionally message and a few still within reach now. I feel bad for staying away from them, but my priorities lie in improving my health. I keep feeling like I’m being selfish, but looking after yourself and your health is of the utmost importance. I was a little happy when the friend (and past friends) said they wanted to talk to me recently or times before when they’ve said before that they enjoyed messaging me, it made me feel... well, not worthless, which is very nice and touching and I hope my own words may have warmed their hearts just as much too :’>

Something I was also able to take away from my little nostalgia dig is that I was a good person and still am. Not to be bigging myself up or anything, but I just want to remind myself of this for all the times when I decide to hate on myself and bring myself down. I know I have a good heart (figuratively at least lol) and that I am someone worthy of friendship, even if at times I feel I don’t deserve it. I liked to help people and also admire people’s work with great enthusiasm, while being appreciative of their comments and it showed. I should cherish myself more and give myself credit for what I have been able to do instead of beating myself down with doubt and self-loathing. 

When I looked the art I had posted before all those years ago, I felt pretty impressed by myself and kind of proud, which is very motivating. There were plenty of flaws, a lot that I worried about and even mentioned repeatedly, but there were people that genuinely liked my creations and the actual content, even if experimental was very good even in my own eyes ^^ Even if it sucked, I still continued and wanted to learn to get better. Now I am always afraid of trying things, always unaccepting of the flaws and instead striving for the unattainable but failing and ending up paralysed instead. Sometimes effort is not equal to a good result and sometimes it is, sometimes unintentional things can be great and intentional things can suck, sometimes... no, at all times I just need to go for it and praise myself even for just the act of trying, no matter the outcome. ‘Perfectly imperfect’ or ‘free and me’, maybe those are the styles I can strive for instead C:

Anyways, now I’ve had a look at the past, it’s time to get back to the present where everything matters most. I’ve been going shopping, to the park and stuff like that quite a bit again recently, it’s been nice even though I wasn’t feeling that good and the weather’s been pretty erratic as usual. I haven’t played Just Dance for probably over a month now lol, I actually got the newest one and haven’t even tried it, my focus has just been elsewhere or maybe just nowhere. Despite this, I think I am still feeling alright physically, besides the possibly stress/anxiety induced pains. I have lost a little weight, probably from my cleaner-ish diet, and it feels less tiring when I do go out and I feel a tiny bit more confident which is good, I hope lol >< My skin has been even awful-er lately and that knocked back my confidence though :c I kind of took the time to pamper myself yesterday, it was nice after such a long time and I’m glad I put the effort onto doing so even though it was hard :3 

I started watching this Korean drama (’Heart to heart’) a while ago, which I had high hopes for, as it was centred around a girl with social phobia(or that’s what the summary said, but she actually has agoraphobia which is well, different) and a psychiatrist but I lost interest in it fairly quickly. It’s just a typical Korean romance drama dressed up a tiny bit differently, with the lead male (the psychologist) having the stereotypical rich, arrogant, selfish personality which is completely illogical and unrealistic for his occupation and some other hand wavy cliche things. Me and my sister were watching it while my parents were there. Before watching it I was thinking it could maybe give a slight insight into how I feel, but it was much too... too... idk it feels like the topics aren’t treated seriously or are exaggerated for maybe comedic effect. I feel I expected too much. Also the second lead guy is an actor I kinda like and his personality is the total opposite of the lead (kind hearted, heroic etc.), but knowing the lead girl will probably end up with the mean lead guy is just so annoying. 

My dad was asking why the character is so weird and my mum just doesn’t watch it at all, she has something against Korean dramas in general and since the topic of therapy has been around with me lately, it probably put her off more... My sis even said to her that I specifically wanted her to watch it, which really freaked me out. Something I took away from it is that I don’t want to reach the point which the main character was in, I know that sounds really mean and that what she has is different but it scares me to think about it, the extent in which someone would go to avoid interaction and if that someone could end up being me (though I know very well how unlikely that’d be). She lives alone, can’t speak up to anyone, literally runs away from interaction and she does things like grow vegetables in her house so she wouldn’t have to go to the store etc. (That was one of the things my dad was commenting on amusedly and enquiring about). But she also knew how to cook and drive a scooter and she could go out with confidence when in disguise etc. which is so much more independent than I, though she doesn’t really have a choice if she wants to survive. 

Uh I shouldn’t be comparing myself to a character lol... or anyone else for that matter... The drama is interesting in a way, but the typical rich snobby characters and cliches irk me. I actually don’t have the energy to watch anything at the moment in general most of the time anyways... it sucks... >< 

Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.... I just feel like maybe knowing what’s wrong, or pushing myself in the direction of what I feel is wrong with me may turn out to be a self fulfilling prophecy and I really wouldn’t want that at all. I need to wise up more and wait for official help, it’s really difficult to not want to self diagnose myself with avpd, though I kind of already have been doing so. I am still waiting for contact about an appointment, and well there’s been nothing so far, seems like it’ll probably be a while before I begin getting anywhere there. It’s disheartening but I can keep being patient and trying on my own still like I have been doing at least.

There’s lots of things I’ve been wanting to do and thinking about them is overwhelming, especially because of how I feel there isn’t enough time because I go about things so slowly. But I know I also waste a lot of time just worrying about it, wallowing is sadness or getting lost in other thoughts. There is enough time, I’m just not using it as much as I could, but it’s really hard with that mental block always being there. I’m thinking of that Confucius quote again, about being slow and it not mattering, it’s pretty nice and reassuring. I haven’t done totally nothing these days, I did quite a few things and maybe none of them are near finished, but if I just push a bit more maybe I’ll do just that. No more pushing myself down and instead let there be more action! I can do it! I can keep going! :D

Wow this post got long lol, but I did write it over quite a few days and w/e I can write whatever and however long I want, stop worrying silly me! This your blog to do with as you like after all! I may not be feeling good right now, but it won’t stop me from doing things. I wanna make awesome stuff and kick ass and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do hoohah! Alrighty, motivation up! Let’s go~~!! C: