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floral-hex · 5 months ago

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ayyyyyyy I set up an appointment for medication this Friday (telemedicine but whatever) and I get to see my former therapist again later this month. I’m kind of excited. More than kind of. Little sad, but I’m lonely and want to talk to someone. He’s a real cool dude. I’m a little worried to trauma dump the last 6 months on him, but whatever, it beats sitting there for an hour feeling like I’m wasting his time and struggling to think of things to say. dang dang dang, I’m excited.

#I’m excited to tell him about my mom’s transplant. less so to mention all my dark moments since we last spoke.#ok so I gotta wait a week for antidepressants and then a couple of weeks for them to take effect #that’s a lot of waiting #especially with how rough I’ve been these last couple of weeks #I probably have more appointments I should schedule but we’ll see #I’ve only been able to sleep sitting up #like the dang elephantman #something about laying down freaks me out #it’s uncomfortable and not very restful and just thinking about sleep gives me anxiety #brains are fucky #oof… now it’s setting in. I’ve got an appointment but it’s 5 days away #5 days of… this. anxiety and distraction and my sick brain #this is my fault #well… no. yes. I don’t want to COMPLETELY beat myself up for it #I should have been managing my mental health better instead of waiting until I spiraled out #I should have been managing my health better in general!#this isn’t sexy to say but I hate my body. I’ve run it down. and it’s going to be so much harder getting back to something semi healthy #but I’m trying now 😕 so maybe that’ll count for something #I’ve been realizing that I really really miss going to the gym late at night #that’s what I need now. been doing these little drives at night to distract myself but having an actual place to go would be much better #BUT! too expensive. need to work and make some money. not excited for that but I needs it. I neeeeeeds money. for burgers. and distractions #this is too rambly. I’m sorry. I thought about counseling and got too excited to talk and talk #I talk too much #you can ignore this #text

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