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when the exact people i have in mind while creating a gifset find the gifset and get all excited when they reblog... it makes the entire time i spent making the set so worth it i swear <3
#i know i said i wanna stop making gifs but like 15 people who regularly support me and reblog stuff are keeping me going#i don't hate it as much as i did rn and so i'm finishing my list of gifsets i've been meaning to remake before another hiatus or anything#but like my norman reedus mutuals & eamon farren mutuals#& the ppl who regularly interact with my benicio blog#& fellow gif makers who i never expect to interact with me and i'm too nervous to use their tracking tag LMAO#i think about y'all all the time and yes i do have your urls memorized and i get all giggily and kick my feet when i see you in my notifs#i love you guys#scuddish.txt#i am just one person but i am very grateful for every interaction you guys give me and even more for the kind words of happiness and support#it makes being here fun and inviting!
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Inspired by an idea from another fandom but; Danny has obvious trauma concerning adoption and is already aged out anyway- but for once every single sibling wants a new family member because Danny is... Danny.
He doesn't get upset over their wacky schedules, doesn't even blink at their chaotic dinners and family times, and manages to handle each of their unique ways of communicating without getting too confused or misunderstanding.
So when adoption is out of the picture? So begins the fight to marry Danny and make him a Wayne.
#danny phantom#batfam#dc comics#fic idea#i just imagine this started out as an innocent query on how to make danny family and ended in a brawl#i also like that danny would probably click with a lot of the batfamily#and also manage to handle their communication issues#because he handles ghost and also manages sam and tucker#damian is out of the running almost instantly as he only tries the once#danny turns him down gently and invites him to play with cujo anytime#half the contestants arent even fighting seriously they're just fighting for fun or on principal#side eye stephanie and tim here#duke tries the normal approach and gets whacked by danny being dense#alfred almost sets them all in timeout when he catches wind of this#but really would love to have his new grandson-in-law over more often#bruce has no clue whats happening
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idk if it's because my mum worked in a tv magazine or what but all the media wars and backstabbing and stuff happening behind the cameras is so so interesting to me
#just saw what happened yesterday in la revuelta ojalá se muera el enano pelirrojo#so for non-spaniards here's a crash course on the situation (i could do a post about media groups in spain cause it's a lot)#there's this one late night show that's been on air for about 15 years called el hormiguero#it started fine (i used to watch it with my family when it started)#but soon there were some issues that people were seeing#especially concerning the presenter (who's also the head ofthe show) pablo motos#and his attitude with female guests he'd interview#basically being very weird and gross around them#apart from that in the last year he started to get very political in the show#he invited right and far right leaders while refusing to do so with the left wing#started making monologues at the beginning of each show critizising stuff the left had done or said#and finally included a debate segment in the show in which he invited liked-minded people to discuss politics#this has directly affected his audience. my dad is a fan of el hormoguero and i've seen him turn more right wing every year#so. last summer RTVE (national broadcast company) announced they were gonna do a late night show presented by david broncano#it's hard to describe everything here but basically broncano already had a late show called la resistencia in a streaming platform#it has always been very popular with young people and it is quite left wing#the new program made by RTVE was called la revuelta. it is exactly the same as la resistencia#before it started airing people were sceptic that broncano would be able to defeat motos' hegemony#BUT. ever since it started aiting in september it has consistently been getting more audience than el hormiguero#who would've known people were tired of the redhead bastard#anyways. apart from this. different celebrities on ppdcasts have been saying that in order to promote their product they are forced to go#to el hormiguero even of they didn't want to#there's also rumours of pablo motos blackmailing people (mostly comedians) who make fun of him#and now to what happened last night. i don't watch tv so i just saw it on twitter#broncano opened the show saying that they were sorty but they had no guest tonight#they had this one person but 30 minutes before shooting the people from el hormiguero had called him#he was originally going to go both to la revuelta and el hormiguero#but the guys from el hormiguero called him to tell him that if he went to la revuelta he couldn't go to el hormiguero#el hormiguero is bigger than la revuelta so. he had to cancel#broncano went on to say this had happened before and that's why he was talking about it
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I WANNA GET HIS NUMBER
#sou's thoughts#hi here to give context down here#i've been going to this badminton club#and there's this super sweet guy who i admire sm#bc i don't speak chinese at all and people keep assuming i do but never remember that i don't#BUT HE REMEMBERED I DON'T and even goes as far as speaking english for me and translating#like this lady started speaking to me in chinese and i was so lost BUT HE WAS NEARBY AND TRANSLATED FOR ME#school starts soon so tomorrow's my last day#since wechat won't work (mf won't let me sign up) i'm gonna ask for his number#also i wanna try do more small talk !!#idek his age yet and what he does i just know how long he's played#but he's super fun to play with so i want to invite him if i ever book courts during the term#he's literally my role model#i wanna make someone feel that welcome bc before i spoke to him i felt so left out#and kept telling myself that i should just push through and make use of being able to play with new people#now i've been so excited to go and speak to new people#anyways long ass ramble but wish me luck !!#ngl last time i made friends outside of school i did it by trading parent numbers#SO LIIIIIKE#i'm nervous
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.
#it’s not like i put the books together myself or anything all my ass did was submit my work#like this was from a really popular and well known artist as well like#their art has always been so gorgeous to me too I was like ‘I’m literally a nobody is this person really being shady or…’#rambling#I guess it’s nice being in a zine with ppl I don’t know or care to get to know at least now ����… just submitting my art and running#referring to the jjk zine 😭 I need t start working on it uhh#zines make me feel so anxious man#it really did make me feel bad and almost guilty? I was like this is kind of awkward…#another zine I was in which was run by a mutual… well… I never even got my zine in the mail#and I even sent them $20 for some merch that they were making since I wanted to support and never got that either…#they deleted their blog but I see that they remade and draw a lot of DM and have a lot of popular posts here so it’s kind of awkward seeing#their art shared on the dash sometimes skeks#we’re still mutuals on Twitter but I don’t rly want to ask about my zine again or the $20 bucks#it’s okay like I owe other ppl stuff too I’m a late bird man but still loskekk#they were the mod for the zine too#I might hit them up again I guess I still love their art and they were always fun to talk to#there was another zine that I participated in where we had to purchase our own copy bro#i remember being so annoyed by that but went ahead and bought it anyway#I was invited to this zine so it made me even more annoyed#I#Guess it didn’t make its money back#or something like that but I remember being broke at the time and was pissed that I had to pay for my own book#I didn’t buy any of the merch because why when it was supposed to be free#if you’re participating in a zine the book and merch should be free
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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Dr. “Has to get a good grade in therapy” Doran (Patreon)
#Doodles#Okay so none of them feature but uhhhh#SCII#It's related I swear lol#Damned#Finally a tag that makes sense here lol#Wander Over Yonder#Wander#I still mean Dr. Doran haha how clumsy of me :)#More concept stuff for funsies because yaayyyy#Fun to work with by design haha - he just wants to help people! He really does feel like a good fit ♪ Lovely feeling haha#Pretty fun to draw even if his design is rather cartoony haha#Realistically he'd probably have red curls but it's fun to hold some of his cartoon design elements! Wander's fur is all round like that#Freckles could be considered on-model depending on your definition lol the little patterning in his fur could count....maybe lol#So it's a bit of a stretch that's fine! His facial hair is definitely accounted for! Good good#And keeping his hat and banjo as props hehe hey if Stein gets to be all stitchy then Wander can be a bit quirky it's fine!#There's an explanation! It makes sense so it's fine! Lol#That really is my favourite part honestly it's rearranging [character] until they're puzzle-piece shaped <3 There's the spooks to it!#And I love the spooks :) The therapists get the least amount of Pain and Suffering but they're excellent spookage set dressing#Wander's great for that because he Can get a little in his head about him feeling helpful > actually being helpful#Which I think is Perfect honestly <3 He's such a great fit I love him#I didn't see much of the other therapists - Wilson got the double feature! I do want to check out the others'#But from the descriptions there didn't seem to be anyone specializing in kids' mental health?? Which is weird to me! There's kids there!#I mean even if he didn't specialize in pediatric therapy he'd still decorate his office the same way lol he just leaned into it#It's cozy in here ♪ Inviting! He wants you to feel better so badly! Please feel better#Just a totally chill guy other than the He Needs To Do Well#Hehe
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what’s going on with these brothers? wrong answers only
#aka ‘no matter what nonsense you come up with it’ll never come close to whatever the [redacted] anime staff were cooking’#man. looking at this scene without text makes it look a teeny bit reasonable.#like ‘older bro yanks little bro away from alcohol at a house party they were invited to; gets into trouble with cops for being out late’#‘older bro later pokes fun at little bro for being unable to recuse himself from the situation despite his prickly personality’#‘little bro gets embarrassed and defends himself for his uncharacteristic passiveness’#the end. no clubs. no weird ‘lol u cute koichiro’s. just bros being bros.#like. wdym yujiro got koichiro out of that situation by just 🧍🏻ing there#chat can we manifest a retcon for this scene lmao#i refuse to accept this as the reason for yujiro’s arrest#(mmmmmmmpphhhhhhhh i get over the ✨terrors✨ a lil’ bit and throw myself headfirst into new terrors i hate how my mind works sometimes lmao)#(cmonnnnnn can ch5 of the chizuutan manga leave regionlock already i wanna see more renren and tsumurin)#(ok yup i think that’s enough horrors for one night im outta here—)
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I post a fic I spent hours and days and sometimes weeks on and it gets 10 notes, and I post a low effort screenshot meme and it gets 300 notes and counting 😭 I know it's how tumblr works but can I please get a waffle
#haven't been feeling really present in online social spaces lately#I mean for one I have a lot of work to do with my professional writing#but also kinda like I'm just here as an accessory to groups having fun#it's almost 10pm so I should relax and not trust the brain thoughts#but eugh#the specific anguish of being a creator and hoping people like what you make and you#if you stopped making stuff would people still notice you#you have to always be witty and always be funny and always lend a listening ear so people like you#I feel like I'm always fighting to be included#hardly ever get tagged in things or get asks out of the blue#and when you were a kid who never got invited to anything and was the last picked for stuff. woof#I'll just sit here... working... not posting fic... and getting tons of notes on a hollow meme#methinks it's time to take a break from socials again
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So I was thinking about that modern AU, trying to figure out how to incorporate FCG because robot (literally he's just a pastors son. Duh)
but for some reason my brain said "Ashton's service dog" first. Then I thought about Ashton needing a service dog because of brain stuff. THEN I thought about Ashton needing a service animal AND a mobility aid.
So I'm just living for Ashton in a wheelchair rolling through school. They've got the key to the elevator. They've obviously got a whole dog at school that people try desperately not to pet.
When someone decides to bully FCG (Francis Charles Grady) or Laudna, they get out of their chair to their full height. People freak because they didn't know he could walk or stand. Ashton just shrugs because "you know what they say about assuming"
And when Dorian shows up and asks about it not as tactfully as he probably meant to Ashton pops a wheely and is just like "what's sadder than an orphan with a wheelchair and a service dog? Unfortunately it didn't get me adopted. People just don't want their inspiration porn in house anymore I guess."
And they try to be chill. They try to avoid those harsh topics with their friends because they don't wanna be a bummer. It'd bring down the mood to say "sure I can walk but sometimes my spine is on fire and my calves are full of knives so I don't." It'd suck to say "I can walk fine until I can't." It's not relatable to say "my whole body hurts all the time and if I want to be able to do other things like think, I should probably be sitting."
Slowly their friends get them to understand that they don't have to put on a brave face for them. They don't have to pretend like it doesn't hurt. They don't have to pretend like it doesn't bother them. Their friends care about them. Hell they're even down to help if they can. Anything to make Ashton feel like they are wanted, that they're not a burden.
#silver sending stones#ashton greymoore#yeah i know its fucking weird about fcg being a dog#i was like “thats fucked up thats a person” so i looked at their class and was like#oh shit thats a pastors son#thats butters#FCG hovers around them because in the third grade (when ashton still walked around school) ashton beat a kid up that made him c ry#so theyve been beat friends ever since#and people dont get it but they dont have to#ashton once ran over a dudes foot because he was making fun of laudnas shirt for having holes in it#and she was glued to him ever sinxe#the alliances forged in elementary school and middle school are ones that will live with us forever#fearne is the new kid who comes from like. Catholic school.#shes so clueless and so sheltered she asked what rhe chair was for first day#and ashton said “legs dont work” and she said “got it” and hasnt said anything since#imogen sits next to laudna in biology and they start to get close because no one else would partner up with them for labs#imogen and orym are both ffa kids and when imogen starts hanging with laudna and her friends she invite orym#who just lost his best friend after a tornado so hes like “fuck it maybe i should make some friends”#and theyre a cute little hodge podge group when Dorian moves from way out of town#i think him and fearne are both going to be theatre kids so fearne is like “omg. youre so nice you have to meet my friends”#then the whole group is here!! except for c pop#i thought maybe a teacher or oryms dad but i gate all of that#idk man we'll see
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as much as this past toronto trip was incredible and i'm so grateful to have experienced it i'm also probably gonna need like at least a week to fully recover from it bc jfc. like last trip resulted in a dopamine-crash that made me spend most of my free time taking naps and even tho that trip was amazing it doesn't even come close to the incredible high points this KITH-weekend had. plus this time i had to come back to a major holiday the day after i got back to the US and i was unable to find time to take my antidepressant today bc i didn't have time to unpack
which like fine i'm gonna let myself rest before i make myself write an in-depth recap. but also pairing this exhaustion with the extreme ambition this weekend instilled in me (seriously, nothing makes you feel like your comedy can change the world more than getting high while watching the SNL movie with scott thompson and having him hype up every weird aspiration you vocalize lmao) means there's so much i wanna do right away but my brain just can't yet. so that's where i'm at!!
#also i think i'm at a point in exhaustion where everything i write is like 5 times longer than it needs to be#i was about to vent to a mutual about one of the 2 low points of this past weekend#(neither caused by any KITH member dw both were just other friends being rude without thinking in a way that made me insecure)#but i realized just the setup for the vent was longer than any reasonable person would text so i'm gonna sleep it off for now lmao#even this post itself. i know it could be like 4 sentences but my brain cannot comprehend how to do that rn lmao#anyway yeah watching the snl movie with scott was the best. like idk how to objectively judge that movie's quality bc the experience#was so tied to just talking over it with scott the entire time. and that one wild moment where i was like#''holy shit did i just accidentally convince scott i'm the future of comedy?? i'm just a stoned 22-year-old saying shit''#fun fact i was actually super close to having scott join my family for american thanksgiving this year lmao#(actually idk if he was considering it but paul was 100% he would say yes and there was no reason not to lmao)#i did ask. he said no (but probably bc of travel times bc we were leaving at 8am and him doing a show on friday which i hope goes well)#and ngl with how exhausted i am i'm kind of glad i got the small amount of rest i had today#which i know i would not have let myself get if scott was here bc i'd want to be hanging out all the time lmao#BUT the fact that my parents went from joking about scott being at thanksgiving to genuinely asking him while in toronto#means that there's a high likelihood i could invite both paul AND scott to our american thanksgiving next year#especially if i invite them in advance rather than like the day before lmao#which like. can we just appreciate how fucking wild that is that it's even a possibility#anyway my grandma did tell me at dinner that she's gonna work on a quilt for paul bellini to support his recovery#and she's also gonna make one for scott bc she doesn't want him to feel left out lmao#so come on my honorary-uncles are already being considered part of the family even if they're not at thanksgiving dinner#hopefully i'll be living in canada by this time next year so who knows i might experience TWO thanksgivings lmao#i hope you enjoyed this very rambly post i need to get my brain working again otherwise every text is gonna end up like this
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Might have made a friend due to the huge ass bloodborne embroidery on the back of my jacket, today truly is a win for little old me <3
#was just giving classroom keys over to a guy and he noticed the big 'our eyes are yet to open' on me#and we started talking#he invited me to play fallout ttrpg with them on Tuesdays#so that's fun#he's also in translation and interpreting but with Hungarian-English-German language combo#I'm on Hungarian-Russian-English#so we don't have any seminars in common#oh how luck plays a hand in getting me new friends!#he's the very first person who recognised the embroidery even though I've been wearing it for years#on an unrelated note#I am sooooo tired#I haven't had time to draw in 6 weeks#and when I did have one free afternoon I straight up just couldn't draw I was so exhausted and wound up#I need to get fully fluent in Russian by the end of this year or else I will combust#but idk how to do that other than by consuming copious amounts of fanfic and novels in it and rewatching arcane w/ Russian dub 648213 times#I'm on a C1 level I just make a shitton of mistakes and my active vocabulary is at most half the size of my passive one#and that was life updates by me!!! I miss being here and I miss bloodborne aaaaa#I hope you guys are doing well <3#posts from yahar'gul
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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I want to go to a dance party at the only gay bar in town tonight but I'm supposed to work.
I could easily call out, and I have plenty of sick time available. But with this being a smaller city that has only one gay bar, I'm much more likely to get caught and get written up for improper use of sick leave. Plus, my first job that I worked enough to actually have called out, the manager just wouldn't let me call out. Like, I'd try, and she'd just say no, I need you to come in anyway, and then yell at me for trying to call out when I know theres no one to cover for me. So, even though that was years ago and an entirely different job, I'm still really paranoid that I'm not going to be allowed to call out or that I'll get in trouble for it.
#like#ive been at this store for 6 months#4 and a half years with the company#and this would be the first time since i transferred here that I'd be calling out#and like weve got a guy who either calls out or just doesnt show up way more often than he actually works#and hes been doing thag for 9 months and hasnt gotten so much as a write up#so i know I'd be fine#but i cant shake the fear of getting in trouble#and i hate that im genuinely considering skipping out on celebrating pride month because of it#but also it might not be worth going because even though ive been going to this bar on my nights off pretty regularly#i still dont know anyone#and ive got that vampire autism where i cant join a conversation or activity without being invited#and its not super fun to go to a bar and sit at a table alone#so maybe i should just go to work and at least make a bit more money than id get from using sick time
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#warning: rant about parent ahead#I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles#like exceedingly so#but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing#and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE#you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all#and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on#and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them#but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us#she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me#and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’#and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc#but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!!#which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day#but of course she won’t hear it#so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!!#i just shut the fuck up at all times now#but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him#’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc#THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS#i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it#It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno#and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room#it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself*#she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t#i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me#so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago#But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with#and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do#AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER
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