#it has a certain flow
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#sleep token#soothing myself by gifing Jaws#very in character#i just really love his gestures#the way he unclenches his left hand in the 2nd one#how he keeps gesturing between himself and the audience#it has a certain flow#and i'm sure some of it is unconscious#but i enjoy watching him move#i know it's basically him walking from side to side#still#cryptic man i love you#green is so his color#but it's also sooo pretty when it shifts to blue#tw flashing
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Imagine if you were a gay or bi man who tried a certain firefighter show because of all the attention it was getting for one of its mains having a later in life bi awakening.....and between seasons you ventured into its fandom in search of material to tide you over til the next one. And you're greeted by a deluge of posts and fics that are just cheerfully homophobic towards one half of the newly out bi character's canon relationship on the basis of 'well he's not the RIGHT gay guy' and pushing the idea that actually its fine to cheat on him because Reasons and he's sexually predacious based on......behind the scenes implications people have divined like they're reading fucking tea leaves.
But don't get it twisted....this fandom, like all fandoms, really cares about representation!
Sorry not sorry, but we really need to kill this idea that fandoms are welcoming and inviting and inherently progressive when they're frequently insular and reductive as fuck. Every single fandom I've been in has had major trends of people doubling down on their own headcanons and fanon interpretations of the characters and willfully enacting trends aimed at running off people who like the 'wrong' characters (usually characters marginalized along one or multiple axes), like the characters in the 'wrong ways' or other bullshit.
Scott is a Bad Friend fics overtaking Teen Wolf fandom was not incidental, it was a FEATURE of the fandom, because the vast majority of that fandom did not want to share its space with anyone who had the nerve to like its main character. Survivors complaining about or criticizing the prevalance of rape fics in a certain fandom has in my experience always led to a reactionary UPTICK in those fics, with gems like 'this character can, will, must be raped' in the tags making it crystal clear that some of these fics exist because how fucking DARE anyone try and push forth a narrative not agreed upon by Fandom Main.
I could cite examples for so many other fandoms, with the commonalities always being that vast majorities in these fandoms are explicitly reacting defensively to being asked to be more mindful of fandom trends revolving around or exacerbating racism, homophobia, transphobia, rape or abuse apologia, ableism, etc....
With the most prolific fucking rallying cry across countless fandoms being "No the fuck we will NOT be doing that," because lolololol.....
Fandom is an inherently progressive space, didn't you hear?
#anyway this has been on my mind in general for a few weeks now#and its more about fandoms just being fandoms#and like....what if they werent though#these patterns migrate from one to another as fans migrate from fandom to fandom bringing their bullshit with them#like do people never get tired of just trying to call DIBS and claim fandoms for themselves while shutting out anyone else#who might have a lot to fucking offer if you werent being so gd intent on staking a claim instead of sharing perspectives#and exploring new possibilities?#and I know not everyone links certain problems with racist homophobic and other behaviors to my own issues with dark fic and rape and#abuse apologia but I do inherently see it as sharing large portions of venn diagrams even though I do not consider being a survivor to be#something that demarcates privilege in the way that axes of identity do#as its situationally based rather than inherently identity based#but the way it can affect and shape large parts of peoples' identities begets commonalities#but my point is just.....a big part of why I so often lump it in is specifically because of how people react to these things or#defend against criticism across the board#like most people know my stance on censorship and how my blood boils when its people who are throwing accusations of#censorship at those raising criticisms....#but the point is just.....think about what censorship actually IS in all practical senses of the word#its about shutting down conversations. limiting the flow of information the sharing of perspectives and experiences#THATS WHAT MAKES IT BAD#now......what about criticism inherently lends itself to any of those things if you DONT accept as a foregone conclusion that criticism#is only ever offered up in bad faith and meant as a silencing tactic#instead of just a request or offered avenue of ways for things to be done better rather than not at all?#who is ACTUALLY out here trying to shut down convos and limit possibilities?#is it really the people being critical of fandom behaviors and trends?#or the ones doubling down at the first hint of any criticism and aggressively ramping up how frequently and visibly they engage in#the criticized behaviors in efforts to drive people away or as a silencing tactic of their own?#just saying
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i guess i can sorta understand it from a game design perspective, like it’s probably best to force players to get acquainted with persona fusion and acquisition, but it’s such bullshit that your starter persona sucks ass and doesn’t have a full skill table past like level fucking five. why put that bitch on all the marketing material, give it a dope as fuck design, make it really important to the theming of the game, and then all but force you to say good riddance like 2 hours in? that’s stupid? that’s stupid as fuck?
#i don’t entirely see what the harm would be#like i guess it could devalue certain personas or party members#but that happens anyway with the natural flow of fusing personas and gaining new party members#just make it a bit weak or something it’s not like you’re forced to use it i don’t think it’d be game-breaking#idk man i’m no game designer#i just like izanagi and arsene and orpheus#and would to use them for a tad longer than like 30 minutes total#without putting in a shitload of effort to make overpowered gods or whatever#at least p3 has thanatos#rambles#i’m not particularly mad or anything it’s just a baffling choice
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The finish line is in sight for a WIP where I was intending to make a joke in the author's note like "this dinky little one-shot took me longer to write than my 58k word epic," but the problem is that this one-shot has gotten all the way up to 11k and counting, and clearly it's still the shorter fic but like. The joke's not as funny anymore. And I'm about to have a new longest one-shot by a pretty considerable margin. Send help.
#i thought long and hard about breaking it into multiple chapters but it just isn't gonna work#there's a certain flow between scenes that has to be achieved and chapter breaks just can't accommodate that!#rosalia talks#fic writing liveblog
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Pro-tip; give your ancient vampires memory issues so that when you inevitably fuck up your historical research you can attribute it to 'he done forgotted'
#it's a lot of time to hold in your brain#there's story reasons why#like they just have a jacked up human brain#it's like#idk#think of a human brain as like an iphone#there's only a certain amount of storage on that thing#so when they become vampires#even though they get new software which optimises flow better and means the battery never dies#they still only have that set amount of storage space#and their brains do this auto-smart-storage thing#where they just delete files that aren't used to optimise new memories#so you'd just forget so much stuff#bc your brain just has no room#not quite dead
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🌠wip whenever🌠
Tagged by the lovely @priafey 🫶 thank you for the tag and sorry for replying so late hahah
I think my cicerlyn hyperfixation is starting to leave me, but i keep thinking about them all the time lol. Enjoy a handful of snippets i particularly like that i found in my notes app
Tagging: @azures-grace @cicerosfavouritelistener @abstractredd @vestigme @rustyram035 @v1ctory-or-sovngarde + anyone who wants to join <333
1a.
Fire and smoke. Long wooden beams snapped in half, crumbling to the ground. Lynwallyn gritted his teeth and dragged himself up, fighting off the sweet lull of unconsciousness as it threatened to claim him. He couldn't afford to pause.
He dragged himself out of the rubble, barely stopping to inspect his injuries. He wrenched a sword out of the nearest corpse. He snagged a pile of clothes he found in what he assumed were the barracks. He took anything his bruised and charred arms could carry. He left and didn't look back.
Days blurred. He found an abandoned shack in the middle of a forest. He used the bedroll, took everything he could and left.
Rinse and repeat.
He slept through most of the day. At night, he prowled the forest and searched for unsuspecting prey. He let himself get lost in the hunt, savouring the feeling of warm blood running down his hands. A few stray dogs tailed after him as he walked back to his camp, licking their teeth and eyeing the mangled corpse of the poor animal he just caught. He snarled at them and watched with satisfaction as they whimpered and scuttled away.
He took what remained of his meal to his hideout and skinned it, slicing it into smaller parts and making what passed as a meal for the next day.
He was gone as soon as the sun rose. He soon found a small village, River something. He sold the few pelts he got from the animals he caught. He ignored the curious, if not apprehensive, looks the locals cast his way.
He exchanged the stolen sword for a set of daggers at the local blacksmith, humming appreciatively as their familiar, comforting weight settled in his hands. His last stop was the general goods store where he purchased a single healing potion and some rations. He left without a word.
[Lynwallyn travels for a while]
1b.
Cicero whined for what must have been the fiftieth time, fists clenching and unclenching as he paced.
It wasn't fair! The cruel, awful farmer refused to help in spite of Cicero's pleading and begging. Oh yes, he had done lots and lots of pleading and begging, he had even offered coin! He had seen that look in the farmer's eyes when he produced his purse, gleaming and scheming. Trying not to show just how much he wanted to reach out and snatch it. And yet, he refused to even lift a finger. Anger coiled in Cicero's stomach, burning so bright it made his hands shake. He let out a strangled groan.
"Awful! How awful! Cicero and his poor, poor Mother are stuck! Oh, how will Mother get to her new home now?"
He spun on his heel, shaking a fist in the direction of where Loreius' house stood. "That damn farmer is of no help! So are those stupid guards!"
1c.
The Mer stared at him with a strange expression. His brow creased, eyes flitting over Cicero's face. "You could have killed me. But you didn't. Why?"
Why didn't he indeed, Cicero pondered. He remembered his fingers tingling as he reached for his knives, but something stilled his hand. He still has no idea why.
"Cicero is just a poor, humble jester, he knew a beast such as you would look for something different to eat. Yes, yes, Cicero imagines he would not be very tasty," he lied smoothly, giving the other man a wide grin. The Mer laughed softly.
The rope fell around his ankles before Cicero could react. The Mer closed the distance between them in a heartbeat. Cicero yelped, wriggling, as he was lifted off the ground and slammed against the nearest tree.
The man's eyes were even more impressive up close, his gaze almost burning into his skin as he leaned forward. Appraising. Analysing. Hungry.
#arargaghrgrh cicero is so hard to write#like. i always rewrite his sections at least three times because I struggle at capturing his voice and mannerisms#then i go back and read a couple of days later and it seems fine. sometimes it's even great#i have a bad time writing him but love reading his inner monologue at a later time#ough. a sisyphean task for sure#and lynwallyn. boy don't get me started on lynwallyn. I KNOWW he's MY oc but i struggle so hard#because his character voice is very fluid and unstable. to me. he always changes plans and goes with the flow so it's difficult to pin down#his 'usual' mannerisms. he's also very paranoid and lies all the time. so you kinda never know what he's actually thinking#later on he descends into half madness— he's definitely not sane but he's also not too insane to be written off as just that#like he's Aware of his erratic behaviour and scheming. but he doesn't think it's bad#he also kind of. merges with cicero later on. he's fully dedicated to protecting him but also aware of the power he has over him#cicero does too. to a certain extent#lynwallyn's cicero and cicero's lynwallyn. they're nothing without each other but they're also very important on their own#a faithful servant and the chosen one. a loyal guard dog and his master. the beginning of his end and the end of his beginning#if that makes sense (it doesn't)#tes#tesblr#tes fic#wip whenever#stellar.wipz
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not to be about opera again but to be about opera again. as an art form it has the reputation of being super stuffy and something for snobs who don't know how to have fun only but honestly this was one of, perhaps even THE main theatrical entertainment for centuries. i wish people knew how hard these things can go and how engaging they can be. like characters kill and die and fight wars and (almost) commit human sacrifice left and right. characters fall in love they mourn they're ecstatic they cry they're furious it's an extremely dramatic and emotional art form! and i understand that opera does not appear approachable bc of the general conventions of the art form but i promise old works can be fun and engaging if you go watch them with some preparation beforehand (reading the libretto helps) - not to mention not all operas are old bc there are so many modern operas which engage with topical events! also the music slaps.
#le triomphe de trajan (1807) out here calling for a man's execution with this banger:#point de grace pour ce perfide; que tout sons sang coule sur un autel#(no grace for this treacherous man; let all his blood flow on an altar)#this is also annoying to me when people write historical fic and the characters treat the opera as this elitist thing#that they don't know anything about.#you know when they go to the opera reluctantly and then they have no idea what's going on on stage or who the composer is.#which is. very unlikely for anyone with the money to attend an opera in certain opera houses in the 19th c. tbqh#like im more of an expert on paris and vienna idk what it was like in london#but if you were decently (upper) middle class or nobility (esp in paris) you went regularly. this was like a whole social space too#i recently read a fanfic and one of the characters was like 'oh it's in italian. i don't know that' and the other character went like#'it's by a man called donizetti what did you expect'#(this was situated in 19th century london)#like first of all. donizetti was NOT a librettist he was a composer he did not write the text#and second of all. he worked on french operas ?? so did rossini. and spontini.#opera was an incredibly international art form. also bc productions would be performed in different countries all the time#(sometimes changed and/or translated but not necessarily)#and again like i said. this was one of THE main forms of entertainment. people were familiar with its conventions! it was well-liked!#ofc bc of the seating prices it was not very accessible to lower classes most of the time#but lbr most characters that get written into an opera scene in fiction are at the very least decently bourgeois lol#i wish people knew how to properly historicise forms of entertainment whose reputation has changed in the modern era#from what it was a century or more ago#very adjacent to people 'cancelling' old lit bc of 'bad takes' like idk how to tell you this but people thought different back then#completely different world view from what we have today. that does not make lit from that era irredeemable it is just from a diff. time#acknowledging that and reading the text critically but also still enjoying it are things that go tgt here#ok rant over (it is never over)#curry rambles
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really not beating the brainrot allegations but genuinely this line has been haunting my brain for ages
#rolling with difficulty#vrla rwd#mrsn rwd#well not technically but close enough#asto stop drawing the same two goddamn characters challenge (difficulty: impossible)#technically the original line was 'i see mr-sn' but this way .. works better? flows better? its 4am words are failing me#also took some artistic liberties with the hypnagoug design bc i think austin's intention was that only its face changes#to match your nightmares#but everyone started describing stuff thats much more elaborate and he didnt stop them so#specifically he says the clawed arms and 'a large gaping mouth' stay constant but i am just gonna Choose Not To See that part#look theres no way for me to fit that into the design and make it work. its just not happening#i mean thank god for mr-sn's cape or else id have to figure out the logistics of attaching bony clawed arm to robot torso#(also why i strategically placed the rips on the cape so you cant see the arm underneath LMAO)#yeah after a certain point i was just like. ok how can i make the mr-sn hypnogoug as nasty and unpleasant to look at as possible#so please let me know if this made you upset/lh bc im the one who drew it and *i* was very upset when drawing this#in hindsight hypnagoug mr-sn has lowkey nightmare animatronic from fnaf energy and i've been fully over my fnaf phase for like 6 years so#not sure how to feel about that#art I made
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thing is . i have timed myself drawing before and i KNOW i take fucking forever i know this and yet every night when i am working on a piece i delude myself into thinking o an extra hour will b enough time to finish :) and when it isnt i think ok one more hour surely :) and then its still not and it conTINUES i am shaking myself by the shoulders bitch go to BED
#i hit a certain point where my eyes r so tired n the light has shifted so much that the colours start playing tricks on me#it will b there in the morning !! i know this !! but the zone is so addictive i start to think that if i stop i will forget how to draw#smth smth flow state idk. dies :/#creation is masochistic and i am haunted by my hobby goodnight goodnight goodnightttttt#hina.txt
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Seven Sentence Sunday
(I should be in bed but shhh kdjfdkfj) @rewritetheending @capseycartwright and @spotsandsocks tagged me for Seven Sentence Sunday 💖💖- so as per usual have a few more sentences of the plant nursery fic (I'm sorry, they are once again very ridiculous).
“Of course it’s okay with me,” Eddie says, "We'd love to have you there. I'd-" his mouth falls shut but he shakes his head and forces himself to continue. To say the words. "I'd love to have you there." "Oh," Buck says, the expression on his face suddenly unreadable. Eddie shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back and forth on his feet. His heart beats hard and fast against his ribcage. Be brave, he tells himself. "Which brings me to—well, there's also something else I wanted to ask you." Buck blinks. His pink lips, still forming an ‘O’, slowly set out to say something and Eddie just– “Did you know that knitting was once a male-only occupation?” And, where the fuck did that come from? “Uhh,” Buck stammers and now his eyebrows are darting together in a very decipherable confusion, “No?” “Umm, in France, around 1500-something or so, the first knitting-union only allowed men and-” Eddie stops himself, mortified- “I’m sorry,” he hastens to say, “last night, I was thinking about you-" Oh my God- "umm, you and me knitting, and I ended up scrolling through a website with knitting-facts, and… yeah.”
I don't know who already did this, so I'm gonna tag @princessfbi @buckactuallys @theladyyavilee and @nymika-arts- if you want to and haven't already 💕✨
#I'm sorry djfdkfjk#I'm just going with the flow when it comes to this fic#and I know it's ridiculous#but I've been rewatching certain episodes#and this man really has no game (I'm not over the molten chocolate ... I'M NOT)#the buck owns a plant nursery fic 🪴#lisa writes#fic excerpt#buddie#au shenanigans#(the intricate rituals are plant potting and knitting in this fic pfff)
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:/
#A good episode. Nice animation. It's suuuuuuch a shame things had to go downhilla right for episode 3 like... That's such an awful timing#And I'm like very evry positive I'm not making stuff up. I will let drawings quality slide since that's a matter of personal taste#But the animation is infinitely more static in ep3.#There's endless shots (that literally span for minutes. I know I've counted) where nothing happens. It's so hhhhhhhhhhhh#(Btw for anyone who forgot / wasn't there at the time: the first 3 season 5 episodes had to be ready earlier for an early screening.#That's why they had to rush to make them and the quality suffered for it in the last episode in particular.)#Sorry for being redoundant but you know how it is. I'm ss/kk-manifesto. I'll be complaining about s5ep3 till the end of Tumblr#Back to the real ep1 in question... It was so nice!!!#I take issues with the amv opening because seriously. Don't release a season if you're not ready to release a season. No one will get mad#But other than that the animation and drawings were very nice. This arc makes me a little emotional.#It's funny how you can see the anime editing staff gradually get really into chromatic aberration lol.#Like it's always been present as far as I can remember–#but it went from season 1 being used very sporadically to s5ep1 being used in every single shot lol.#It's okay tho it's not bothersome the slightest. It gives some kinf of depth to the shot I suppose.#Even funnier that Harukawa has been using it a lot in their last colour illustrations as well ahah.#Last chapter it was very noticeable both in the chapter cover and color page#Mmmmhhhh...#When Atsushi says “I know where Kamui-san is! He's in the middle of an assassination!”; isn't that a kind of plot hole?#I don't think in reality Fukuchi was killing anyone at all at that point.#And even if Ranpo says otherwise‚ looking back we can be fairly certain that Fukuchi never plotted to seriously assassinate the ada#Idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#There's some little lines from the manga I was missing this episode. The “I hate dealing with this decay member the most”.#The “Great! Anything you want! Just say ‘I want this case solved’ and I'll step right up and—”.#I know it's really nothing at all / perfectly understandable cuts...#But at the same time they really add to the overall pacing and make the story flow much more enjoyable for me (≧▽≦)#random rambles
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every now and then i feel tempted to make some kind of thinkpiece abt how the patriots ruined the ecosystem of nfl rpf but tbf its more like there were a couple of really avid edelmandola fans that only wrote that pairing from like 2015-2019 ish and then like general consequences of a team being mega dominant for an extended amount of time
#this is why im an advocate for parity in sports otherwise the fanfic content gets really saturated w certain pairings#and then you have to make your own food#but also like it's more fun to watch sports when there's parity imo#so i guess yeah the patriots did ruin the ecosystem of nfl rpf#but its better now so i think fandom just has ebbs and flows of like what's popular and what's not#corresponding with which sports teams are good and stuff#all we need are more fans of different teams and then the selection becomes more diverse i guess#also can be seen in hockey/baseball/tennis/f1 rpf#tho i guess tennis is kind of egregious considering one pairing makes up like 27% of the fics 💀 no parity there lol#whereas the most popular ships usually comprise around 10% ish? edelmandola cutting it close#but i kind of consider that pairing an outlier bc of general engagement/the way it looks like a couple of rly invested fans#im kinda rambling if you guys have any input feel free to add#nfl#new england patriots#kinda#fandom#ao3#rpf#sports rpf#nfl rpf
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when all your pizza rolls are gone
#hides some thoughts down here#oh btw#absolutely no hate to everyone in this server#i have a whole lot of friends in there and they all are nice people#but...#i think im scared to show my actual feelings towards things in this server im in#i go with the flow in it because when i talk about things on my own my brain goes kaput#i think im behind with the times too because im always asking about words and stuff#also everyone in the server is older than me so i feel like a stupid kid even though im less than a year away from becoming an adult#well mostly everyone#also half the times it feels like its a fallout server now#which im not complaining ofc i think fallout is cool#but if i ramble about something i like it feels like it gets either a delayed response or it gets half the attention other thoughts get#maybe im the problem with seeking attention and stuff#i hope im not annoying everyone in that server#speaking of annoying#i think i do annoy people in there with my fandom likings#its like every time i watch a new movie i like a certain character and it feels like the annoying norm#also one character i like has some serious lashback because it killed someone else's favorite character#i know the lashback is a joke (i hope) but it feels like im liking the wrong character#i hope someone with the certain name holding an a and a j doesnt read this and use this against my friends#its just a ramble/rant#nothing against anyone ofc im just spilling out some thoughts
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should i pay a subscription so i can make a flow chart of the drawfee canonical watch order?
#seems like a shabby reason to have to pay a monthly fee.. idk how much#but like its fun and i want it#lucid chart only allowed a certain number of shapes before you have to pay to use it! cry face emoji ...#drawfee#ems being loud#if anyone has a free website for making complex flow charts im all ears <3#quest for canonical watchorder
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Working more on the local group of Synchronized Light and hoo boy. There's smth wrong with these guys.
#rat rambles#oc posting#rain posting#theyre mostly a different flavor of messed up than my other guys as theyre all like family drama messed up#these guys are not family except for the obvious two they're just all either the worst or going thru it#oh also the girlfired of my ancient girl is a part of the group and they have a name now theyre twisted orbit 👍#orbit has gotten the pleasure of not just having an upsetting backstory but also an upsetting present due to one of her neighbors#and funnily enough its not synchronized light she basically never interacts with those two#instead its the circles second most fucked up lil guy named putity preserved#he is an absolute ass and has been absolutely obsessed with the idea of being the one to find the tripple affirmative for ages#back when the ancients were around he managed to convince his city's council to allow him to experiment on prisioners and after the mass#ascension he has continued to experiment on the various lifeforms he can get his hands on#for most of the time before the mass ascension orbit wasnt particularly invested in solving the great problem so he didn't pay her much#mind but after a certain incident where she broke down and had her memoried shifted through and selectively romoved he started to pay more#attention to her even though for the first while up until the mass ascension she mostly just seemed hollow#eventually after the mass ascension they seemingly suddenly gained an immense interest in solving the great problem#and that was when purity reached out offering to work with them on the project#at first orbit was unwilling but after the sliver incident they seemed a lot more willing to hear him out#which was perfect news for him because the sliver invident made him Furious and he was desperate for a way to revise history#and thankfully orbit's motivation for solving the great problem was exactly what he had been hoping for.#then theres the other two members of the local group endless grains of sand and deep coated mist who are the old ladies of the group#and theyre like old old they were some of the first iterators constructed and it shows#mist especially as her structure is both much larger than a modern iterator and also way less efficient and with much higher steam output#the quirk of this local group is that they all sorta use the same water that's rotated through them all#sand being located by the ocean and mist being located far away on the peak of a huge mountain being the connecting points of the loop#sand fiters a bunch of the water and sends the excess upwards towards a variety of water resavoirs and also mist#mist then slurps up a shit ton of it and outputs a shit ton of steam which condenses to water and flows downwards through the mountainous#area she's perched atop from#this water then forms a series of rivers and lakes downwards through the other 3 and since they require way less water than her theyre able#to all safely recycle mist's outputted water
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Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.
#hc; kaeya#//Mentioned before; but am Elaborating on other aspects since Aven get brain juices flowing for this#//Unlike Aven; he's FAR more tolerable of people who touch him unprompted. & more willing to indulge for himself outside his comfort people#//Unless he himself had actively given the indication he doesn't want it; in that case THEN he's likely to anger & retaliate#//But yeah; his response is usually Discomfort & trying to get away from it one way or another. Can tolerate it to appear friendly; sure#//But would rather not want people to touch him so easily. Is decently okay with brief touches tho; like shoulder pats or the like#//Will actively lean into it & encourage further touching ONLY as a means to an end; adjusting any wandering hands only when going too far#//Esp if he can use that like a carrot on a string–if they concede to what he wants; they can touch him more. Maybe MORE than just that too#//He won't initiate any touch unless he deems it Absolutely Necessary; WILL internally scream if they Immediately reciprocate the contact#//Uses it as a 'reward' sometimes; a little pinch of the cheek; a hug; getting right into their space; if he sees they'll react favorably#//Maybe more if they have connection enough; like Huffman or one of his longer-running liaisons. Is p ok w/ sleeping w/ them as reward#//Sometimes he forgets some people don't like that he does this; like Rosie. Tries the tactic to get a favor then Remembers#//Absolutely apologizes; feels mortified when she scrutinizes him for it. Esp since she'd be one of few ppl who KNOWS just how Averse he is#to it in the first place. Him slipping up like that in front of HER is smth he'd STRESS over. She could hold over his head for all he knows#//How can he even joke abt it? Worse if she asks abt his way of doing things or indicate she doesnt Like that he uses himself as bait#//Has absolutely accidentally tried to seduce/bait sb like that who he absolutely should Not have. Like Jean. Ended up playing it off like#a joke between friends; but damn near had a panic attack from the guilt the moment he was safely in his office. bc Jean is SPECIAL to him#could he treat her like THAT? How could he almost let her SEE that side of him? His casual charm and facade are ONE thing#//But him actively doing something like THAT; esp for Jean of all people; is COMPLETELY off-limits; no matter his feelings#//Actually; especially BC he harbors feelings for her. Ppl like Lisa on the other hand; he is VERY comfortable doing this with/to#//She GETS the flirty habit & dishes it back without losing image of him in the way someone he regards at Jean's level possibly could#//And as far as Lisa knows; it's Only a playful habit; not a means to an end. The ones who prolly Know might be certain folks in the church#//But that's just bc he gets frequent checkups after every lil Rendezvous of his. Which is why he's got dirt on Every Single Person There#//Except Barbara; but he absolutely makes SURE she's not the one he's dealing with whenever he goes. Wants to spare her his messes#//Damn; veered a little but it's alright. 'A little'; HA. Nah; my tags are but the cluttered corkboard of my thoughts jhdbfjdf#//Diluc; Addie & Jean are the people he most Fears finding out abt his methods. Doesnt wanna THINK abt how they'd feel/regard him after tha#//Knows for SURE it'd be painful if the way they treat him changes even a SLIGHT. ESP Addie; he can bear the other two; but Addie???#//Nah; he'd be fucken DEVASTATED. That's the ONE person he knows hold true unwavering unconditional love for him; no matter what#//To do anything to damage that? He'd be so fucken GUTTED. He expects everyone to get fed up with/disdain him at some point. But not HER#//Keeps this shit on the down low by always having dirt on the people he gets Involved with; if not using keeping it up as an incentive
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