#i think im scared to show my actual feelings towards things in this server im in

[scratchyemporium]

when all your pizza rolls are gone

[almondmilks-posts]

Schlatt- executed pt2

*I am so proud of part 1

pls go show some love

Maybe a SERIES?? Maybe pt3??? Maybe some more angst?? Maybe some cute fluff with glatt?? Maybe idk if you would like to see more uwu

This took so long omg... I'm sorry

Context: in part 1 you became ghost!y/n much like Ghostbur  you forgot most of your memories including your death...

Life after death was weird. You had very vague memories of each member of the sever but other than that you completely forgot about your past life including how you died. You never expected that you would become a sentiant ghost on the server after death you also never expected Wilbur to become one either so here we are. You took a great liking to Ghostbur as he did to you, you both hanging out became a regular occurrence on the SMP you mainly liked hanging around quackity he had these homely vibes to him that made you want to be around him but you were not quite sure why although he had been seeing you less and less and when you did meet he seemed on edge always looking behind him, shaking his head off to the distance when you turn around, nothing.

You didn't know why Ghostbusr was obsessed with the colour blue, always handing out lapis lazuli to saddened goes by with a "here have some blue" but he always did. You guys can't mine down in the caves something about bedrock pressure?  but he always had stacks of blue on him at all times.

You- hey bur where do you get the blue from?

Ghostbur- oh uhhh umm I just have it sometimes I get it from Phill

You- oh cool. I want something I'm not sure I've decided on what...

Ghostbur- hmmmmm y/n how about

You- I know red mushrooms because they look so cool like lil toadstools.

Ghostbur- yes that's such a good idea

You- I need to ask Phil to see if he has any spare mushrooms adiós bur I'll see you later.

You began to float your way over the the snowy tundra that Phil resides in. You passed many different landmarks on your way only knowing by the names you and ghostbur had given them. Home home also known as the community House although in ruins after it was exploded by puffy. You did try to stop her however your attempts were unsuccessful. 

You- omg I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going here look I have some seeds take this as a sorry

You were in your thoughts so much that you had phased into a body. As a ghost you are able to phase through people However you phased into the body meaning whoever you walked into was not alive. You reached your arms into your pockets to see what you have as a sorry before the mushrooms which you still haven't been managed to find any. Thecno needing them for potions ofc knowing the butcher army was coming for him he planicked stealing so many resources including some of blue from Wilbur accidentally. You found three seeds in your pockets your had picked up from when you were hanging around Callahan (he's my fav on the SMP omg) and punz this one time just giving while punz went on a nether mission for ghast tears. You extended your arm out to the person, lifting your head up to look the person in the eyes.

Glatt- y/n?

He had Horns. Deep black horns protruding out the side of his head. His skin a pale grey ash colour, contrasting his flaming red eyeballs which looked down upon you due to the height difference. His suit a very dark grey almost black but not quite,  You looked at him than back at the seeds. He seemed like he didn't take any interest in taking the seeds from you as a sorry, you furrowed your eye brows at his sort of question? You really didn't remember your past life, thecno told you that most ghosts don't when they die the ones that do are 'poor damned souls of wrong doers' comforting you that you did some good when you were living.

You- uhh sorry I don't know a y/n?? Im ghosty/n! Well it would make sense that I'm y/n well was y/n hahahaha I don't remember much from my past life unfortunately

Glatt- you don't- you don't remember how you died do you?

You- uhhh no? Should I? I ask quackity you know quackity right? Small guy, blue beanie anyway he wouldn't tell me how I died he said it was a too long to explain anyway I gotta go bye uhhhh...

Glatt- oh it's glatt

You- well nice to meet you glatt if you see Phill tell him I need some red mushrooms

And with that you floated off on your mission to find some red mushrooms. Glatt stood there face slashed red. He felt embarrassed? Sick to his stomach? He wasn't quite sure what he felt, quackity had told him of your ghost life when he was pestering quackity this one time however he was scared. He was once a ruthless tryrant president drinking all day and all night because he couldn't handle the power and disappointment of his peers knowing he was struggling being president so he turned to alcohol. He was so plastered when he stabbed you he didn't even know what he did until quackity and Niki Walked out on him with some fruitful words.

Schlatt thought back to when quackity had confronted him, carrying your enchanted diamond boots Phil brought on your wedding day and never took them off since. Quackity looked so hopeless his eyes filled with tears, trembling hands as he screamed at schlatt so hard his vocal cords never recovered even after all this time and everything he's been through. Despite this he carried on trying to ruin quackity's life. Even after death the fucker never lost his need for power and bullying quackity is all he knew how. The issue was he could not find the small mexican, he floated all through what manburg was, he floated past the church, the target, the community house but no sign of quackity. He was searching through the community house for anything he could steal just because 'he was glatt he could do what he wants'; as a ghost he really didn't change. A fit of giggles rung through his ears, he hadn't heard that noise in years. Glatt knew that it was you of course you were married for several years before the incident. He caught himself smiling as he once did to see your face (which could easily fit between his larger hands.) He floated across towards where the noise would come from. To see you, a blue sheep with a wonkey eye and Wilbur? He felt anxious, his ghost heart started beating faster, if he wasn't dead he would be having another heart attack right now that would actually kill him. He wasn't sure of it was because you look so happy contracting the last time him saw your glum face as the XP dropped or knowing Wilbur might still be bitter about the election or what happened as a result of it.

You toyed with the blue sheep known as friend. Friend was the first thing ghostbur saw when he woke up as a ghost so there was a major bond between the two,.you would argue it was a closer bond than what tied you with Wilbur but nothing could compare to that. You both had years and years of history some even before Tommy was born but you both just didn't know that. (maybe pt3 y/n becomes human??) Friend was very entertaining for a blue sheep fried could make you and ghostbur cry with laughter but just standing there. ( Ok this is my HC so it's not cannon but I think it should be) The blue sheep had a lazy eye, so for long enough if the sheep did nothing the eyes would travel opposite directions as per usual you and ghostbur were dying over this. You bent down to pick at a blade if grass to feed to friend when a glum feeling came over you. Were you being watched? You wanted to cry, so you turned your head to Look at the assailant to see glatt standing there just looking at you or through you it was unclear.

You-oh hey uhhh glatt? Ah yes I'm right would you like to come hang out with friend, ghostbur and I would love it if you joined us and I'm sure friend doesn't mind you do you? No you don't because you are a cute sheep boopboop

Glatt- I'm not so sure

You- oh come on don't be such a killer it would be fun friend is very well friendly haha come on.

You grasped his cold wrist with your much warmer hands. The size difference between the two contrasted immensely. You blushed, a warm feeling coming over you almost as if you had known him for years. Which y/n did but you didn't know that.  Schlatt frowned at you calling him a killer, did you know? Did Wilbur tell you? A lot happened to manburg after you had died, stuff you missed that you could and would have stopped. You dragged schlatt closer to where friend was excited Wilbur could meet your 'new' friend glatt.

You- hahah bur meet glatt

Ghostbur- oh uh hey glatt nice to meet you, your a friend of n/n's huh?

Glatt- uhh yea something like that

Ghostbur- oh crap! I have to meet with Callahan (he's my fave member) I'm helping him build a forest, well you guys have fun with friend. And glatt? Its nice to see you again.

And with that he floated away from the pair riend looked at schlatt than back at you, than back at schlatt. Its pink tounge slipping out of its mouth. Glatt looked down at you sitting cross legged on the grass petting friend. He thought you looked beautiful with the sun on your ghostlike form, he felt shame wash over him he really ruined you.

You- sit next to me glatt, the sun isn't that bright down here

Glatt- no I don't want to get my suit dirty!

You sighed, why was he so cold? Was it that he didn't like you, was it the fact that he didn't like friend no that's not true everyone loves friend. You frowned over thinking lots of things glatt noticed your frown after he yelled at you; he felt worse that he yelled. Many nights after your death did he think about you and his actions. He numbed the feeling penultimately resulting in further alcoholism and finally his death. He kept your diamond boots in his desk draw so they could be next to him at all times he even picked up some of your XP but that stuff didn't matter to him. Nothing mattered to him. Expect you. He never was good at expressing his feelings to you, and you never pushed him to do that.

Glatt- do you seriously not remember your past life?

You- hmmmm not much

Glatt- what do you know tell me?

You- well, I don't really remember memories it's more feelings and smells towards something? Like Niki I feel very calm and peaceful around her she smells like bread, Wilbur it's like he feels like a brother to me and he smells like gunpowder almost, ummmm who else? Oh Tecno smells like potatoes I'll tell you about that some other time

Glatt- what about me? What do I smell like ( Father Fragrance??)

You- ummmmm it's a weird metallic smell? At first I was like iron smell but I'm not so sure. I was super anxious when I first saw you almost hmmm anger? Fear? But I also wanted to give you a hug it's weird what about me... Your a ghost I'm sure it's the same for you it is for wilbur... What do I smell like glatt?

Glatt- uhh well, it's metallic aswell

You-oh heyy look it's ranboo, Ran heyy look down here? Ranboo? Oh no he's enderwalking again ok well this conversation isn't over glatt

You followed the half enderman who appears to be on his enderwalking state. You don't say much to him as you know he won't hear or respond to you. You follow him past twitch prime, past the portal near to the prison? Confused you stood behind him a little, why was he going to the prison? To see Sam you hope...

But no. He didn't.

[relaxxattack]

ayo! (wait this might be a bit of a jumpscare dishdks i apologize) i’m op of That Post and was wondering what your opinions were on the whole woobification thing? /gen

because it’s a Tiny Bit widespread within the dream apologists to sort of,, overdramatize stuff like l’manberg hurting him. like they’re not a 100% wrong but if you look at it subjectively you can see some sort of bias going into that sort of thing that makes the character’s mistreatment a bit more blatant and intentional which,, it really wasn’t? and there wasn’t That Much of it either. especially on twitter (tumblr is much better about it) people just jump to conclusions it seems and yeah. since you brought it up i was wondering if you wanted to write a bit about it from your perspective!

we’re kinda from different corners of the fandom but i still notice that once you are too attached to a character you start taking certain evidence and giving it more weight than it actually has. there’s a blurry line between “taking away a character’s humanity” and woobification and it’s extremely difficult to find a balance when said character shows pretty much nothing of his emotional life (e. g. putting up the intimidating villain act in front of only c!tommy, pretty much everything he does making rational sense with no emotional subtext) and a lot of the fandom instantly jumps to one side or the other while it’s like.

we don’t know by far enough to say “he’s traumatized” or “he isn’t traumatized” or “he was villainized and it hurt him” or “l’manberg didn’t affect him at all”

as a very analytical person people constantly jumping to conclusions grinds my gears, but that’s about it for my own view of the situation - sorry for the rambling.

in general i agree with you that both dehumanization and woobification is Bad and i really hope getting Actual Context sorts this out (e. g. him saying he was betrayed by his friends doesn’t mean it wasn’t partially his fault or that they were allowed to leave him, but it also shows that he did care about that happening. mentioning the cat doesn’t mean anything about what happened to c!tommy but it also shows that he did care about what happened to it. it’s just always interesting to get more information about the way he feels because he usually does a very good job at hiding it.) because man.

it’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially if you also are attached to the character and are expected to automatically agree with everything the people on “your side” say. it just ends up with everyone being mad and the character being mischaracterised overall.

oh wow hello! i didnt expect the op of the post to find me you’re right lol

and yes i agree! you seem to have a lot of very good thoughts tbh.

and by woobification, i mean exactly what you’ve already pointed out— the people who will say l’manberg purposely villainized dream, the people who will say wilbur faked his mental illness to manipulate dream, the people who are pretty much always talking about how badly dream was treated by people who were acting only fairly for themselves, usually.

for example people who act like dream was a perfect peacemaker before tommy showed up, or that tommy started most conflict. these are just actual lies that are told by c!dream himself to justify his abuse of tommy, and people fall for them incredibly easily because not a lot of people watched early dsmp and know that truthfully it was chaotic even then, and that dream was chaotic too. not to mention wilbur soot tried very hard to secede peacefully with l’manberg and dream jumped directly into war with no warning. and then people say he was forced into their war when, no, he started it.

theres also people who will say like, dream and sapnap for example are such good friends. i’m sure they cared for each other, but dream on multiple occasions has done horrible things to sapnap with no regard for his feelings (like leading fundy to sapnaps pets during the petwar, leading tommy to sapnaps pets during the other petwar and encouraging him to kill them, handing mars over to tommy to use as leverage against sapnap, etc). george he’s been less awful too but he certainly spoke over him and ignored his feelings enough that george felt hurt. he had places in his hall of attachments for beckerson and mars. george and sapnap were right to walk away from being treated like that.

there’s also what you just said here — “dream puts on a villain persona for tommy”— but honestly he acts like that around quite a few people (example: eret) and it’s usually when he’s revealing crucial info, which leads me and many others to believe that ‘persona’ is actually a more truthful version of him.

there’s the fact that he really isn’t safe for people to be around (or at least he wasn't before the prison) because he was planning to come up with ways to control every single person by stealing and threatening their attachments (some of which were not items but were living animals, or a real breathing person).

and then people will say dream was doing exile to enforce rules, or to keep the peace— when it’s very clear in canon it was a deliberate plan to get tommy on his own and into the prison. (from the way he was framing tommy for multiple crimes, and having sam set up the prison, and kidnapping tommy instead of correctly exiling him, all at the same time).

not even going into how he wants to kill and revive people for fun or make tommy immortal.

it’s just— ignoring all these actual facts and saying “oh he misses his friends, let’s get him some friends now” reminds me of like. when people would put flower crowns on pictures of serial killers. and then, there’s hardly anyone on the server who wasn’t subject to dream’s plans, so there’s absolutely no one i would be okay with him interacting with.

just remembered about the torture thing, and wow i still hate it so much. it’s someone’s sick revenge fantasy twisted into a way to get a manipulative villain sympathy, and it’s just gross to me on every account. i do think dream is traumatized-- just not by l’manberg, which was a conflict he started on his own terms. i would think l’manberg did affect him, because he was scared of losing control.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again— my ideal ending for dream would be for him to be sent far away from dsmp to an island full of therapy animals and super strong therapists who have never met him before. and for him to get a shit ton of therapy until he becomes a halfway normal person. and then eventually he could get integrated into society again; but a different one with new people. (although maybe dteam + bbh + puffy can visit him, they might still like him.)

none of the people on the server (who have all been affected by dream) should be burdened with befriending him or rehabilitating him— look how that turned out with sam! sam had a personal grudge towards dream and it ended with the poor dude being tortured every day; and sam himself falling into corruption and literally cutting off his boyfriends arm. like we can all see thats fucking awful right?

no one who was affected by dream should have to deal with him ever again. and contrary to popular belief, that includes a LOT more people then just tommy. dream isn’t just tommy’s antagonist, hes almost everybody’s.

the only person on the server who might also be able to stand to help dream is techno, and that’s from sheer lack of ability to give a shit. but techno is probably THE furthest thing from a good therapist there is lol, and dream needs better then that.

this kind of just ended up being a rant about my thoughts on c!dream, so im so sorry op. especially since it was probably negative for you. i hope you’re doing very well.

i guess in the end it’s true what you said— people will highlight or ignore things based on what characters they like, and it’s especially easy to do in this fandom, where half the content doesn’t even get watched and then we become a big echo chamber of half-truths.

considering dream has hurt so many of the characters i care about, i almost can’t understand how he could be someone’s favorite or comfort character— but he is nonetheless, and it would be unfair of me to be rude about that.

essentially it just bothers me to see someone who was a perpetrator of accurately portrayed abuse and manipulation (using both those words in their actual definitions, not just as random buzzwords lol) being given the flower crown edit effect. especially since he’s hurt the characters i care about a lot.

ANYWAY all of that being said (this got LONG im so sorry op) i am so so excited to get dream’s pov, because although i disagree with his actions strongly i actually find dream’s character very interesting and cool, and watching his POV is going to insanely fun. i cannot wait to see what theories get confirmed or denied

ALSO incase it wasn’t clear this is all /nm at you! you seem lovely and smart, and neither of us can help what characters we get attached to :]

[hyperesthesias]

warnings: nsft 18+ ; allusions to past sexual assault. ; really fucking tragic. legit made myself cry. ; no proofreading.

words: 2.9k

summary(?): the one time crosshair finds happiness, it goes horribly awry. something of a study about how the clones are treated like droids, and how neither of them have any rights or autonomy.

notes: this isn’t really formatted necessarily, but i had to get this out so i could focus on another piece of writing im working on. feedback is always appreciated! 

fic idea where the bad batch are sent on a prolonged stealth training mission before the official start of the clone wars and they wind up staying at this shady inn. crosshair breaks his arm and shoulder and stays there alone while the others move ahead with the mission. he meets the inn’s VERY shady owner and his blind server droid, ADA-565, a female looking droid of a type he’s never seen before. she’s very skittish and soft spoken, especially around the inn’s owner. later that evening the inn’s owner offers ADA to crosshair as a pleasure droid. it both confuses and insults crosshair deeply, but he allows ADA into his room.

He takes her into his room and she seems to know her way around it very well, he remarks how he’s never seen a droid like her before, and she says her line has been discontinued for many years. She doesn’t know what happened to her sisters, but she heard that any remaining ADA’s that had been found by the manufacturer were recalled and ‘decommissioned’. When he asks why, she says they were neurally defective -- she goes onto explain that the ADA’s neural networks began to grow and expand beyond that which they’d been calibrated for. Crosshair doesn’t immediately understand the extent of what she means, but he understand she’s very different than any droid he has met before, and he says as much. She assumes he is attempting to flirt with her and she says there’s no need to flirt, that she will have sex with him regardless -- it’s what she was programmed for. He is immediately taken aback and disgusted when he begins to put together she is sad, even scared. She is not a droid at all, he comes to the conclusion, she’s more of a person locked in a metal and plastoid body. He tells her he doesn’t want to have sex with her, he wanted to separate her from the owner so he could speak to her, he wants to free her. “There isn’t much of a point,” she says, “Even if I am free, if I am found, I will die.” She sounds like a clone, he thinks. Or clones sound like droids -- and he’s not sure which is worse.

He offers for her to stay with him in his room as a reprieve from the owner. She thinks, and considers, and agrees. She searches her way around the room and finds the chair in the corner, he offers to take it instead and she can have the bed, if she wanted to sleep -- does she sleep? She laughs, and it takes him off guard, he doesn’t hear much laughter, especially from a woman. She can sleep, she says, but she never gets much of it. He understands. More than he should.

Two months go by and as his arm heals, he finds he’s gotten close to Ada, she’s become more of a confidant than he’s ever had before, a friend, rather than a brother like he’s used to. She has begun to trust him almost instinctively, and she’s fascinated with the concept of his heightened eyesight. He often describes the sunsets to her. He’s horribly uncomfortable at first when she asks him to describe himself to her, but the way her hands feel his features -- she’s cold, but her fingers begin to warm the longer she lingers against his skin -- he states he looks much different than the rest of the clones, that he’s...defective, too. 

He continues to let her ‘sleep’ in his room, and at one point she remarks that she’s cold. He asks if she’d like him to sleep next to her, and she agrees. She is terribly cold, and when he asks if she can feel she tells him she can, but not like he can -- but she can still feel, hear, sing. She likes singing, and he’s noticed she’s very good at it, though it sounds different than any human voice he’s heard.

They begin to have conversations about what they want in life -- if they even can want things in life. “What is it that you want? Not what you’re...programmed to do?” he asks, almost as if he’s asking himself. It takes her a long time to answer. But the way his hand is stroking her shoulder, the feel of his warm breath against her face, it soothes her and it reminds her of a recurring dream she holds onto. “I want to see the lake.” “Lake?” “I’ve heard many patrons talk about a lake near here. They say it’s beautiful -- especially in spring. I wish I could see it, the rocks, the trees, the flowers. I wish I could live there. I wonder what flowers smell like.” “You’ve never smelled a flower?” he grins, and remembers the first time he got a waft of the open air -- only six months ago. It surprised him, it felt dry at the back of his throat, but it made his brain alight. “I can’t smell,” she says, almost embarrassed, ashamed. This surprises him, too. “What do you smell like?” she giggles. He laughs -- he find he can laugh with her. It’s strange, odd, but a welcome uncertainty. “Ozone. A lot of it. Blasterfire, grime, dust.” She laughs. “Maybe it’s better i can’t smell after all.” He rolls his eyes and strokes her face. When did she become so beautiful? Had she always been?

Two weeks later he gets word the mission was a begrudging success -- it was a difficult mission, but they’d be returning to the inn within two days time. He’s...disappointed, and he’s not sure why. Until he gets it all at once -- and he hates himself for it: pretending he could have a life, pretending he could be something he’s not. Pretending he could actually be...a person. It sets him in a foul mood, and it troubles Ada, especially when he’s curt with her. She’s offended, and leaves him alone for a while, until he seeks her out. She’s sitting outside at the back of the inn, she’s sitting in the sunlight, feeling the warmth of it on her skin. He sits next to her and explains his brothers are coming back -- which means he’s leaving, too. She doesn’t respond for a while, but after a few minutes she puts her head on his shoulder and holds his hand -- as though if she held him tight enough, he wouldn’t leave, that he’d stay, that they’d disappear together somewhere wonderful, somewhere by the lake. 

He takes her chin with his finger, and presses his head to hers -- to his surprise, she knows what a Keldabe Kiss is, “I do still have a database,” she grins and chuckles. She leans a little further into him, until he presses his lips to hers. He holds her close to him. “I know what I want,” she says. “Are you sure?” he asks. “I’ve never been sure about anything in my life, but I have no question -- no question when it comes to you.” He’s never been chosen before, by anyone or anything, he’s never been loved. 

“I’ve never had sex before,” she says, “I’ve been used for sex, but I’ve never...been a participant.” There is terrible shame in her voice, and she can’t bring her face anywhere towards him, it’s hidden into her shoulder. It angers him, to hear her speak of what she was put through, what she was created for. It’s different, it’s...not the same as his own creation, but the parallel is undeniable. That angers him, too. He caresses one finger against the crown of her head, pushing her hair back -- he wants to see her, he wants her to know he sees her. That he wants to. No matter what. She finally leans into his hand and he cradles her face. “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t, either.” She smiles. 

He’s so gentle with her, he takes her pace, her cue. He asks her to show him where, he wants to learn. No one had ever thought to bring her pleasure, no one had ever considered it. His mouth doesn’t want to leave her -- any part of her, the metal of her skin, the warmth of where her heart would be, of her middle. The way he touches her, where he touches her -- “It’s right here, the center of me,” she puts his hand to just above her navel, where she is the most sensitive, where the bundle of wires lay just beneath -- it’s all intentional, it’s all full of passion, intensity. She’s never experienced anything like it -- she feels like she’s full of stars, full of light and brightness, energy that cannot be contained, and she wonders if not for a moment, if this is what it felt to be human. Ada lies there, once her world stops spinning, once the two of them are spent and exhausted and elated, and can think of nothing but humanity, what it means to feel -- what it means to be. To be with someone she loved. To love and to live therein.

He tends to her carefully, softly, sweetly, and together they fall asleep; she, safe in his arms.

The day his brothers arrive, Crosshair pulls Tech aside and demands a favour -- and despite Tech’s tiredness, he agrees when Crosshair offers to clean and settle his gear. “What exactly is this favour?” “I need you to put Ada’s eyesight back together.” “ADA? You mean the droid? I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” he thinks aloud, “but I can do it.” “Her name...is Ada.” Tech has never seen his brother quite so attached to anyone or anything, besides his wordless devotion to rest of his batchmates. It takes him back, but he agrees, despite.

Ada will only allow Crosshair to switch off her power, and makes him promise to stay by her side, to make sure nothing happens. She’s never been so willingly vulnerable -- especially allowing someone to poke around in her head. Crosshair swears both protection and fealty to her, and lets her get comfortable in a soft chair before he gently switches off her power on the back of her neck. “Goodnight, cyrae,” he whispers. Tech now sees there is something...disturbingly different about ADA. He sees his brother’s attachment and cautions him against attachment, they will be leaving in two days time. “Just get it done,” he tells him.

The moment Ada opens her eyes again, her vision is a white and color blotched blur -- with a tan and black and silver blur right in front of her. It’s talking to her, and she recognizes his voice instantly. As she begins to focus, she sees Crosshair with his hands on either side of her face. He’s searching her -- making sure she can see. Her eyes are no longer dark, but illuminated with a solid yellow-white color. “Cyrae? Can you hear me? Can you see me?” The image in front of her becomes clearer and she smiles -- it’s reactive, instinctual, to smile at the sight of her lover. Her hands go to his face and she holds him carefully, like small bird egg, that he would break if she touched him too harshly. “I see you -- I can see you!” She throws her arms around him and falls to her knees, they embrace, holding each other while knelt on the floor. “Is this what it feels like? To cry with joy? It’s such a strange feeling.” Crosshair kisses the side of her head and holds her arms as she stands. Tech performs some visual tests and clears his work as good, before he leaves his brother alone with the droid. With Ada. He figures the happiness -- however brief it might be -- would be beneficial to his morale. He leaves quietly and says not a word to his other brothers. 

“Come with me,” he says, his head pressed against hers, “Come with me.” “Where would i go? How would I hide? I can’t.” “I’m not leaving you here, i’m not leaving without you free.” Ada agrees, knowing his fealty will ensure her safety, even if they were parted in the end.

The morning the batch are shipping out, Crosshair is disturbed from his duties with a shrill scream that comes from the back of the inn -- Ada’s scream. With a blaster in hand, he runs to find the inn owner with Ada by the neck. The owner swings her around and uses her as a shield. Crosshair can make the shot, he knows he can -- but the owner drags Ada out the back and throws her in a speeder and takes off. Crosshair commandeers the one beside it and takes off after him. The pursuit leads them through the marketplace, through stalls and alleyways, all the way to the outside of town. He can’t take a shot at the vehicle at the risk of injuring Ada, he creeps up next to it, and tries nudging the speeder to get him to slow down, to get him off course. But the owner shoves back, and pushes Crosshair’s speeder away. The owner pushes again and again -- focused on getting Crosshair to tailspin. He doesn’t see the pole before its too late -- Crosshair desperately tried pushing the speeder out of its way, but the speeder wraps itself around the metal.

“Ada!” he screams over the horrific screeching crunches as metal twists with metal twists with Ada. He jumps off the speeder and runs to her. She’s trapped in the wreckage. He pulls metal and carcass apart until he gets to her. She’s impaled with a piece of the chassis, she cries out when he removes it from her torso. He pulls her out and leans her against the wreckage. He’ll get his brother, he says, he’ll help. “There’s nothing he can do.” Her entire right side is crushed. She’ll need spare parts, there aren’t any in existence. She’s clutching his shoulder, the shell of him is breaking. They both know, there isn’t much time. “I know what I want,” she says. “What is it that you want?” his voice has never sounded so desperate, it hasn’t since.

Shes’ barely hanging onto any life that’s still circulating within her, but she’s clinging to it -- the minutes and seconds she has left with her lover. She’s in his arms, staring at his face, staring at the blue sky above him, the white clouds -- she’d almost forgotten what they looked like, their beauty. She knew them only from memories that’d turned into dreams. But this was no dream.

Crosshair leans her against the biggest, most beautiful tree he can find that overlooks the lake. There are birds that circle the water, that dive for fish, for a moment she smiles. If she had tears, they would have been stinging her eyes, staining the plastoid of her face. Crosshair sits next to her, watching the life transpiring around them, the irony biting him in the jugular. He’s bleeding without spilling a drop -- of blood or tears. She holds his hand, their palms resting in the green grass, the white clover buds. “I’m glad I was happy. I’m glad I had you.” He looks at her, the shell’s cracks widening. “I want you to do it,” she says. He hates that he knows what she means, his eyes close and his head falls. “I don’t want to wither,” she says. He can’t refuse her, “Just tell me when.” She leans against him, watching the clouds go by. If all her life she’d had nothing but fear, but brokenness, if all her life she longed for the sweet feeling of lake air brushed against her skin, if all her life she’d wanted to love and be loved, she felt her life had culminated. If all her life she’d been a conduit, it was fitting the end of her life would be with her innards exposed. She nestles her face into him and holds his arm. The pain grew -- unbearable, seething and seeping, like a scream -- and her vision began to blur. “I’m ready.” 

Fragments barely keeping themselves together, Crosshair nods and kneels beside her. She takes the one hand she has left and caresses his face -- he’s warm, warmer than he’s ever been; hot with the holding of grief. “I love you,” she says and kisses him. He kisses her, and he feels if he kissed her hard enough, deeply enough -- long enough -- he could save her life essence, he could retain a part of her, keep her with him, safe and painless -- here, forever. “I love you,” he whispers as he pulls away, cradling her head in his hand; he’d never uttered such words before, and he’s never spoken them since. His thumb caresses her head as he presses his head to hers one more time; he can feel her nod beneath him. 

His finger squeezes and her power switch is flicked off. The light fades from her eyes, and she goes limp in his arms.

He leans her against the tree and rests her there, hand in her lap, leg outstretched in front of her.

He sits beside her with one arm leaned against his knee. His face buried in his hand, he breaks apart completely.

Crosshair leaves Ada in a place he believed would comfort her for eternity -- he leaves her beneath the tree, overlooking the lake, flowers in her lap, blossoms behind her ear.

When he returns to his brothers, he does not speak. They ask him nothing.

Crosshair has never returned, but for dreams.

[daimonhalos]

Aight this is the second time I watch it but I'm gonna do a commentary on the latest bad's lore stream! Just for funsies, I might have honestly already forgotten some stuff so I wanna keep my thought process :3 let's go, commentary under the cut.

There's also some small theories/analysis in some points but nothing too much, just me rambling cause pain.

The pre stream song. Faster and Bad never change please.

I love so so so much the ominous soundtracks he puts as background for lore man it's just so coooool.

Reality check pre/post lore my beloved 💜

that little meh eh eh. is everything

he's just on a boat at night and but can already see he's got shaders on, this means PRETTY VISUALS AHEAD. Also i really like bits beginning with the character alone heading towards their destined direction, it's just pleasing

HIM TAKING DOWN ANTI EGG POSTERS. KING SHIT

Can't believe I got to hear "muffinhead" in lore voice.

Not even inside the room and HOLY SHIT they covered it all with the red bricks block IM AAAAH IT'S SO PRETTY. Like before the vines were all put at random but now they're neatly placed and it's actually aesthetically pleasing? I love it

DANCEFLOOR DANCEFLOOR DANCEFLOOR

The table. is . so. is so . it's so prebby,,, help like i'd live there man

Bad being overwhelmed by the egg's voice and lowkey scared. FINE IM FINE

No other choice. And the way he repeated it like a mantra? Kind of like to convince himself? AHHH

SKEPPY. SKEPP

small,, small egg staircase

haha fuckign pain. p a i n. just pain it sounds a lot like Skeppy before actually stayed with Bad cause it annoyed him how much he wanted to hang out like old times,,,,, my heart pangs

IM JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU

I CARE ABOUT YOU *passes out*

bad scared the egg is skeppy's bff now /j (have to joke through the pain,,)

BADBOY i swear to god he knows his audience. he just does.

Bad doing whatever he can to even just hang out a few minutes with skeppy. Bro, the tears inside

"I'm comfortable right here." "Skeppy I know you are-" THE WAY BAD'S VOICE BROKE HERE HOLY SHIT LEMME CLIP IT.

He talks to chat. HE TALKS TO CHAT THIS MEANS WE ARE CANON THUS we are either little angels or demons around him or a mix or, we're particles that make up Rat ♥

"All of this is for him" okay stab me next time it'll hurt less

BADBOY STARTING TO BE CONFLICTED BECAUSE HE NEVER HAS A FUCKING BREAK

s- w- skeppy kept the egg alive? okay so ive been thinking about the fact that skeppy became completely red and like wow what if it kinda is that hes literally become a small part of Egg? like, i wonder if someone breaks it, if he feels pain

Skeppy so dry with his responses. stop i will cry

bad. bad why are you bringing up selfies to a lore stream bad-

"why are you still talking to me" "okay..." stop stop PLEASE STOP-

smol growls, he's getting frustrated

idk why but skeppy talking about the perimeters made me laugh it was just funny how far away he was and just started talking about it randomly

"i think it looked a little bit better before" thoughts being thunk

"what's it gonna take for you to stop talking to me?" literally i am deceased s t o p

STOP STEPPIN ON THE MAGMA BLOCKS SIR YOU'RE HURTING

Bad shouldn't be so happy about just having "one last walk around" with skeppy so he "stops bothering" him tHIS HURTS SO MUCH the egg has fucked them up so much

Skeppy doesn't hear it huh? Maybe it whispers different things to everyone

"I like how it feels" nooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOP HURTING TOURSELF

so no dance? *slams phone on the ground*

When skeppy says his line about never seeing anything close to a party there, idk what it is about it but his tone just hits, man he's so good preesh

HE CALLED HIM ANT. BAD PLS YOUR BEING BAD AT NAMES IS SHOWING

"Oh my goodness you're going back to the egg" HE'S SO SAD. HE'S SO SAD CAUSE HE COULDNT KEEP HIM WITH HIM A LITTLE BIT LONGER HES S

"you know what? i invite you" i wanna read this in a certain way. The egg was feeling like bad was so frustrated he started doubting the egg, so it was like alright let's use skeppy to get it closer to I can manipulate this bad boy better :)) motherfuck

are they about to kiss-

egg cockblocker

"okay don't come back" end me rn

ngl when sapnap joined I got real scared for a moment.

"it's not about power! it's nor about control! i'm you friend skeppy!" "I mean ... you can think that" FUCK U NO IM NOT DEALING WITH THIS RN

"We're friends, right?"

"In your head we can be best friends, we can be whatever you want" BDI ANYONE??????? also whatever- whatever he wants? :eyes: okay sorry no ill see myself out

"We're m- we are friends sk-" M- MARRIED WAS HE GONNA SAY MARRIED DID HE PULL A QUACKITY OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GUY OH MY GOD /pos but also like in a bawling my eyes out way

the egg is more than just a friend? skep u good there pal do u have smth to tell us

"You don't know what it's like." OH HERE HE GOES. HERE HE GOES HERE IT COMES OH NO.

The way Bad stutters i really thought he was gonna say something REALLY IMPACTFUL

"I have done so much for you, for our friendship and now you're trying to tell me we're not friends anymore?" LEAVE ME ALONE

I JUST CAUGHT THE BLOOPER HE SAID ON ME INSTEAD OF HANG OUT WITH ME IM CRYING OH MY GOD BAD HOW DID U FUCK THAT UP oh my god I imagine him mentally going like oh my gosh out of all the things that could be messed up THAT WAS SO FUNNY

ahaha my dads are fighting help

"You think you've done anything? You seriously think that?" *looks at my fic where bad feels worthless because the egg said so* ahah... I'm sorry?

"You left me for a long, long long time before you even checked up on me, okay?" he's not wrong,,,, he's not wrong why does this hurt sm,,,,, "and now all of a sudden you care about me?" OH MY GOD PLEASE I HATE THIS EGG

I see them... i see them approaching the lava blocks..

"the past doesn't matter" the egg wanting to erase their relationship so much,,,, i wanna cry because then if bad doesn't have skeppy he just has nothing right and then,,, then he can be another empty vessel for the fucking egg I hate this mI hate this so much

Also!!! little things I noticed!! Bad taking away part of the vine and also mining a red block? Without being affected at all? MHHHH

"I just wanted us to hang out like we used to" BAD'S VOICE CRACKING AGAIN STOP I WILL CJRYSD

"I did all of this for you and I didn't want the egg to take that away" you see how fucking tragic this is. Like Skeppy sacrificed himself so his friend could stop being infected. Bad sacrificed literally the whole server himself included to get him back. And then it comes down to this. The egg separating them a thousand fucking miles away. I hate this it's so sad

the selfish bit please no stop

THE LAVA BAD THE LAVA PLEASE IT'S TOO CLOSE

the fucking shaking with rage thing got me BROOOO I LOVE WHEN BAD DOES THE LITTLE THINGS IN GAME

"IT'S JUST A STUPID EGG" FUCKING FINALLY YOU TELL HIM BAD but then oh no oh no would you look at that huh. cant fucking have shit in dsmp. the way he immediately just screams for him right after

YOU CAN HEAR THE TEARS IN HIS VOICE and also mine hi I'm sobbing again

BDI FUCKING CANON LET'S GOOOOOOO WE CALLED ITTTT

(Dreamscape?)Skeppy being actually concerned with him haha this doesn't hurt at all!!!

*stares at black screen* I'm fine.

Thank you for listening to my ramble I am hurting so much bestie

[criesinmultifandommess]

Thoughts 5/31

hello very long post about my thoughts on the stream today :]

all of this is about c!Wilbur, c!Tommy, and c!Quackity's roleplay, I admire and appreciate the content creators a lot

(first part of this is sort of lateral with the streams but then it just devolves sorry about that)

ay wait Wilbur is like 40?? goddamn dilf?

"Tommy the stoner" bad bit, Tommy. "Tommy the rocker" EVEN WORSE I HATE THESE MEN

Linda? what the fuck who is she. replacement for the grind?

Tommy why are you mining so much rock. Is this to fill the void in your heart. Tommy why.

wait wait wait I caught the later end of the stream so im rewatching and Wilbur is talking about TNT mechanics but later on when trying to convince Quackity to let him into Las Nevadas, WIlbur says he's forgotten everything about TNT and won't lie. Lie? Hmm

Wilbur claiming TNT is his thing when the first instance of TNT being used in lore is when Dream blew up L'Manberg during the war when they wouldn't surrender. Hmmmm

Wilbur refusing to show Tommy what Quackity wrote for him and omitting what he wrote hmmmmmmm

WILBUR FUCKIN LIED TO TOMMY ABOUT THE BOOK AND SEGUED TO CALLING TOMMY HIS BEST FRIEND TO MAKE HIM FORGET ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT OH MY GOD

the little breaks in serious lore for just absolute bullshit sends me

I cant trust any bitches words in this house

"Seattle, Florida" I- Geoguessr king my ass smh

Quackity's reaction to Wilbur is very similar to how Quackity reacted to Tommy and I don't know what to do with this information

Tommy's dedication to the bit of not knowing what the fuck happened to Quackity's face is amazing, like he squinted irl, I love how serious they take actually committing to acting out their parts

Tommy's pure amazement of Las Nevadas <3

QUACKITYS GIGGLE WHEN WILBUR SAID HE WAS IMPRESSED WITH IT IM FUCKIN CRYING

oop Wilbur is not invited to Las Nevadas?

(this is where it devolves :,D)

Y'all think Wilbur will somehow get his hands on Snowchester's missing nuke and blow up the prison to let him out or has the nuke been found already and I'm just being stupid?

Wilbur and Quackity are SUCH good actors, I genuinely cannot tell if they're actually trying to be good to Tommy or just lying to him to gain his trust or if they're just using him as a way to be better than the other

Very scared for when Wil visits Dream. Will Tommy follow him to try and stop him? Will Wil blow up at him and tell him off for trying to stop him? How will Dream react to Wilbur thinking of him as his hero?

Tommy was just vibin and trying not to be manipulated (again), i love that for him but i am also scared for him where is Puffy when you need her and her therapeutic self

"What could go wrong in a prison?" Sir pls

I SAW SOMEONE ON TWITTER MENTION WILBUR AND NIKI PLS I NEED THAT INTERACTION I WANT HIM TO APOLOGIZE AND NIKI TO EITHER NOT ACCEPT IT OR TELL HIM HOW MUCH SHIT HE PUT HER THROUGH

Tommy feeling like a third wheel and being like "should I leave or..?" while the two were literally being passive aggressive towards each other was so fucking funny

but was he wrong about the tension between them? no

Quackity apologists: HE JUST WANTS WHATS BEST FOR LAS NEVADAS AND WANTS TO GIVE TOMMY SOMEWHERE TO RELAX Wilbur apologists: HE WANTS TOMMY TO STAY WITH HIM AND GIVE HIM A PLACE TO FEEL COMFORTED Tommy apologists: DONT TRUST ANYONE Me, having not watched shit in months: lmao manipulation go brr

I actually have little idea of what's happened in DSMP, might spend summer break catching up, who knows

y'all freakin out about Wil, Tommy, and Quackity when I'm over here being impressed and lowkey scared of the gambling system Quackity has. what the fuck was that digging noise and why were there so many zombie noises when they entered it.

was the digging noise Foolish bc i saw his name as ppl on the server and he wasn't live but I could be wrong and he could just be grinding off screen but it's also very suspicious and I don't trust anything rn

ALSO MUCH FEAR OF THE STRIPPER PLACE WHY BIG Q WHY IS THIS TO COPE FOR YOUR HUSBANDS LEAVING YOU PLEASE

hehehe friends to enemies to lovers Quackity x Wilbur slowburn lmao don't take this seriously fanfic writers I see you do not write this-

noticed how Wilbur can't stand to have people be on the same level as him and even demanded Tommy get below him mom pick me up im scared

imagining Tommy just dragging Wil with him to a session with Puffy and it's just Puffy: okay, so- Wilbur: *launches a speech about how he's changed and Dream is his hero and how he wants to apologize for what he's done* Puffy: ... Tommy, in tears: please help him

I WAS ROCKING MYSELF IN MY CHAIR WHILE WILBUR AND QUACKITY FOUGHT OVER WHO HAD MANIPULATED AND HURT TOMMY WORSE but then I remembered they were fighting on a stone d!ck with dirt for hair and I laugh

when Wilbur brought up the fiances and Quackity just ignored it </3

so much lore, not enough brain space to process it

Quackity, Wilbur, and Tommy give off older brother and his friend messing with younger brother while also hating each other, yes or yes

in other words, great job to the three of them, enjoyed the stream and can't wait to see what comes

[twisted-lies]

hey, i’m the anon that sent in that ask thanks for answering! i removed some stuff in the end but i hope this works. i’d like a DR (1 2 3 V3) kin match up (please and thank you!).

im an open book! i often over share (which i might do in this ;^^) to people i newly meet. whenever i do this it ends up an embarrassing moment i can’t get out of my head, which causes me to overthink a lot. i actually have a fear of embarrassment, which has prevented me from living (the most extreme thing being i stopped going to school for a year). because of the year break, and some people seeing me as too eager to talk to them i don’t talk with anyone irl. online is where i meet and know the most people, i try to join servers to talk about common interests but most the time i get too embarrassed to speak and just end up watching others talk. in a private group chat or dms, i’m a lot more talkative and people see me as funny. i’ve been called an airhead, which id say is kind of accurate. i tend to over react a lot as well, and i get scared very easily. i also consider myself fairly loyal, i can easily tell if i like someone and ultimately will dedicate all my time and energy to them if they allow me to. in the past, no one in my family took me seriously. i was the second youngest, and most of them coddled me. of course when my younger sister came along most of the attention went to her, but because were close in age it kind of stopped suddenly. i wasn’t really taught about necessities like i should’ve been, and i had to learn a lot of things on my own. as a result im very clumsy at things like cooking or doing my own hair, but i also am constantly learning. self care means a lot to me, and i’m very understanding of people’s boundaries. i get easily attached to people, even falling in love easily. i find myself being kind of cruel to people i think pity me, it makes me intensely uncomfortable and reminds me of moments i would rather forget. for interests, i like anything interesting! (i wasn’t sure how to word this, but i hope you get the idea) I enjoy video games (no specific genre), taking care of animals, and i also enjoy shopping, especially for home decor. i get easily sucked up into apps like youtube and tik tok, with my attention span being all over the place. i also really enjoy anything with drama, which is more of a guilty pleasure of mine. arguments on shows are just very entertaining to me, with some of my favorite shows being the challenge or big brother. i also have a soft spot for romance or mystery anime. i could talk about those topics for a long time, because i find them to have many different aspects to them. many things in my life tend to clash, the best example being that it’s natural for me to be talkative and energetic, i have a fear of embarrassing myself which refrains me from being either of those things. i try to put my self first, but i always have the need to help people. for example, a neighborhood dog has gone missing so i’ve been looking for it. it didn’t affect my daily schedule much as i’m mostly outside anyways. i like the drama in shows, but i don’t like the people who cause drama for nothing. i live pretty relaxed, so none of those really bother me. i don’t really have a sleep schedule, i sleep when i want to and it usually works out. it’s easy to persuade me, as i’m pretty gullible, but if you lie to me about something it makes it kind of hard for me to trust you again. my grades are horrible, but i really don’t care enough and i might not pass. despite getting attached to people easily, i tend to be kind of picky with who i hang around. while i can’t help if i like someone, if i don’t like someone i can be kind of vocal about it. in the past i’ve had a persecution complex, i consider myself over it now but i’m not entirely sure. i get random bursts of interests in different kinds of stuff, but when they’re random like that they hardly stick. i enjoy wearing over sized clothes, mainly because it’s comfortable. i love animal themed products, it could be anything i just find it cute!

I kin assign you with...

Ibuki Mioda

Firstly I thought of Ibuki Mioda, Ibuki is pretty talkative and tends to sometimes not have a filter to what she says and could easily talk too much to the point of saying something embarrassing and definitely could be seen as eager to talk. She's definitely onenof the funny ones in the group and lightens the mood pretty easily when she needs too. She could also be seen as airheaded and gets distracted pretty eaisly. She also can tend to over react or get startled pretty easily seen from certain scenes throught the game. Ibuki is probably one of the more loyal ones you'll meet. She'll take all of her time and energy and put it into one or multiple people she likes or really cares about. She doesn't have a very good attention span and can easily get distracted. She seemed to have a liking for video games in the anime when Chiaki and all of them played together. Ibuki also seems like the person to spend a lot of time decorating to make sure it suits her well. She could also easily be interested in drama due to her quirky type of attitude and input her thoughts here and there out of impulse. Ibuki would probably try to take care of herseld but when she sees someone who needs help she quickly springs into action and could easily forget about her own needs momentarily. I'd say Ibuki could probably have random bursts of interests and try to learn a few thing from her classmates though can quickly loose interest.

Tenko Chabashira

Secondly I thought of Tenko Chabashira, Tenko can be pretty talkative when it comes to the females in her class and could even often over share on accident. Though she knows when to stop when she's accidentally messed up though sometimes she won't and will carry on. Tenko can definitely tend to easily over react and be kinda protective towards people. Like when the male students of her class try to interact with the female ones she gets overly protective and over reacts about it and often tends to call them out and call them "degenerate". Which could link into you being a little more agressive or cruel when people come to pity you and as for Tenko it's likely it could be out of embarrassment or bad memories. And she's definitely vocal if she doesn't like you very well. I'd say Tenko is definitely picky with who she's friends with and when she finds someone she adores she'll try and put all her time and energy into that person if they'll allow her, though she may go over board sometimes. Tenko can fall in love pretty easily depending on her outlook on you like she did with Himiko, she probably did feel some kind of romantic attraction to her if not a really deep platonic one even if Himiko didn't exactly feel the same at the time. She definitely tries to be helpful if she can and though it may be one sided based on gender she's still pretty helpful to them and would leap into action when she needs too. She'd most likely be the first one to stand up for something as well. Tenko may be one for drama too, though not if it's unnecessary ones which could easily aggravate her. She probably also loves to watch romance related things especially if its wlw. Tenko is definitely loyal to ones she holds close to her heart and would do just about anything for them to keep them happy and on their feet. Tenko would probably be outside a lot like you are and likes to be pretty active thanks to her ultimate.

Gundham Takana

Lastly I thought of Gundham Tanaka, Gundham can be pretty talkative when she chooses to be or if it's the right person like when he started to grow closer to Sonia. When he did he pretty much invested all of his time into her and probably let her hold and pet his little hamsters! And of course made sure she was doing alright. Gundham loves animals of course, just like you do. He can be pretty judgemental of who he spends his time with and doesn't like people to pity him and doesn't take it awfully well and could be little more cruel or aggressive towards that person. He probably doesn't like to be seen as weak either. Gundham probably likes to listen to and or watch drama related things! Though he may not participate in it or put his input in he's definitely a listener and keeps up with it. He also probably isn't a fan of unnecessary drama though. He may also have a tiiiny soft spot for romance related things. Probably animal related if I'm being honest here. He probably doesn't take embarrassment awfully well and tried to cover it up with his more bold attitude. He definitely cares about others feelings and would like to help if he could especially if it involves a missing animal even if he may not show he does care. He probably doesn't have a consistent sleep schedule and whenever he does fall asleep it just ends out working for him.

I hope you're satisfied with your results! This was definitely enough for me so it was no problem!

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

self harm tw

this might come out like a vent thing but i have no queer friends to talk to and am too scared to make friends

i (f17) have been thinking that i might be bi for over 2 yrs now and am very very very paranoid about people finding out about it and recently read comp het and a few things related to it and i think i might be a lesbian but this just hit me like a fucking truck and just i CANNOT be a lesbian i can't even say it out loud tho i couldn't do it with bisexuality too but i don't want to be gay i want to be straight and all of this is just crushing me so bad i have my exams amd school work pending, I'm failing my classes, i used to self harm like a year ago and stopped after 3 4 months i think but i am back at it and it's worse this time.....i have no one to talk to coz i am also very shy and even my best friend is being distant or is just saying ok whenever i try to talk to her about this which i understandable as she is straight and doesn't get what I'm feeling like and it's a lot and i know this will sound super dumb but i tried to "become" straight like i unfollowed every queer acc and scraped every rainbow colored thing in my room i started trying to limit myself in any way and make sure i don't act "gay"(dress wise behaviour wise etc) and i cannot do it i just can't happen to change it and it's only been 4-5 days.......i don't want to be gay, if i were straight i would have never self harmed or did as badly i am doing in school rn and like it's my final yr and the marks matter and just i don't know; i don't even know what i expect you to reply to this honestly

im sorry if this is a lot to unload on you

You cannot “become” straight. That’s literally why conversion therapy doesn’t work. It’s impossible. Your sexual oriantation isn’t something you have any control over. It’s just what it is. It might change naturally but you cannot ~make it~ change. Because sexual orientation isn’t sticking a bunch of rainbows to your bedroom wall (or scraping them off). It’s whom you are attracted to - that’s not something anyone can control.

And that’s a fact you have to learn to accept because otherwise you won’t ever be able to move past this. You are what you are. Whether that’s bi or gay or some other shade of queer remains to be seen, I guess. But you cannot just force yourself to be straight and trying so will only make your mental health worse because you will keep failing at it. Because it is impossible.

You gotta learn to accept that you are queer. And in order to do so I recommend the exact opposite of what you’ve been doing. Follow more queer accounts. Slab all those rainbows back on! Read up on queer history. Try to talk to people about it - if you can’t do that offline then do it online. Find queer friends on tumblr or join a queer discord server. Show to yourself that you are not alone.

And as for your mental health and self-harm: if you have access to it then pls think about getting professional help from a queer-friendly therapist or some kind of queer counselling. Ask google if there is a queer resource center in your country or your specific area that you can contact to ask for help and guidance. They might be able to refer you to people and resources that can help. Other than that, try to find less dangerous coping mechanisms by looking for alternatives to self-harm.

Just like you cannot will yourself to magically be straight you cannot just make your mental health better over night. It’s gonna take time and energy. It isn’t a cake-walk for some people. And that’s still okay because it’s worth it in the end. Also, keep in mind that you are going through all of this in the middle of a global pandemic - which for me as a 31yo is already mindblowingly tough on my mental health. I can only imagine what it’s like for teenagers to go through this right now on top of the regular teenage struggles AND on top of figuring out one’s queerness. You might think it doesn’t have anything to do with your struggle at school and your queerness but everything’s connected, kiddo. For people who are prone to isolate themselves (which you basically said you are, being shy and all) this pandemic situation can really strengthen that character trait for the worse. So please try to reach out to people. I’m proud you’re already doing so by messaging us. But try to keep doing that. Talk to people as much as you can and don’t shy away from asking for help.

You might currently not like being queer. But you are. And you gotta make your peace with that. So take a deep breathe, accept that your queerness is something you cannot change and then take your baby steps towards being okay with it. And then going from “okay” to actually loving it. it might take a while but it’s worth it. You are worth it!

Maddie

[strange-corners]

It's all over

(Spoilers this story may contain sensible content, slight gore and depression)

Is a cold night, the moonlight is the thing that shines on the dark town, the streets are quiet so quiet it can make anyone ears to ring, the cold breeze howling in the air. Suddenly some steps can be heard in the distance the steps become louder and heavier in the corner of the street a silhouette can be seen it look like a man, he was walking very sluggishness and off balanced

He stop and laid on the way he was holding a bottle of wine on his hand the man was obviously drunk, he started to chug the bottle of wine then stop to recover his air as he started cough for drinking so fast. The man looked a bit young but he was a mess, his shirt was unbuttoned full of wine stains, his pants ragged all dirty cover in alcohol and dirt, hair was messy, both of his arm were cover in bandages slightly showing some red spots suggesting they're bleeding. His nose was snotty and red showing symptoms of alcoholism, eyes slightly red they look like he has cried a lot, but his face expressed that he was grieving in deep pain he started to wail in pain.

"F-f#$!..*sob*..f&%$....w-why......*hic*..."

He got off from the wall and continue walking, he tripped a lot of his way each time he fell the pebbles and the small sharp stones in the ground got stuck on his hands and knees some of them managing to burrow under his skin causing him to bleed, he didn't took notice due to his state.

After walking for a long time and keep tripping down he arrive to the outskirts of the town on the distance they're was a multiple buildings in the area he continue walking towards that direction closing distance slowly revealing that it was actually a cemetery full of mausoleums there a sign reading the following "Panteon de la piedad for Pokemon".

The young man took a sip of the bottle and walk inside the cementary the place was completely not even there was ghost type empty the moonlight was the only thing helping him to see the place and not get lost any other person at this hour would have goosebumps or be afraid but this man didn't show any of that....all he was showing was deep pain and sorrow in his face. He continue walking looking around some tombstones were old and full of cracks, others were brand new, he continue walking his body started to shake as he started to sob louder as he sees a tombstone full of yellow flowers and orange flowers they looked withered the tombstone.

He fell on his knees and started to cry getting close to the tombstone, tears running down his cheeks. "I-i-i'm *hic* sorry.....i f$!#@d up....i-im s-sorry.....it's...all my fault" his voice was completely broken as he continue whimpering.

He started to remember how he lost his best friend , It was noon and decided to walk all alone he left his gear and some pokeballs on the counter and tell the rest of his team he was going for a walk just as he was about to walk to open the door he felt something pulling his pants he turned around and see his Gengar wanting to go with him giving a gently smile.

"Abby i'm sorry... I really wish to be all on my own" he try to set her aside as he kept walking but she kept insisting.

"I think it would be wiser if i make you some company you don't know what could happened besides i'm really about you lately" he shrug her as he telling her that he wouldn't take very long,Abigail look at ground and let him go before he could left she told him to not take to long Silver nodded and close the door. He headed toward the entrance of a forest to clear his head of all the things that have been bordering as he continue to walk in the middle of the forest he was surrounded by three wild mightyenas they snarled at him showing their fangs ready to kill him and probably eat him, "Ahh $&@¤!!" he quickly took of his shirt and wrapped around his left arm putting it infront of the vicious canine with right arm he slowly pull out his hunting knife that was in his back pocket to defend himself his hand was shaking his breathing was short and heavy as he was getting anxious by his situation there was no way he could run his back was against a boulder it was a dead end and there was it was impossible to pass by them and try to outrun them all he started to regret for not listening to Abigail advice all he could do now was try to defend himself hoping they would give up and leave him be.

"COME ON YOU MOTHERF#$!@&%S I KILL ALL OF YOU!" He yell to the top of his lungs hoping this would scare them away but all he did was made them mad, one of the mightyena jump forward as he open his mouth and started mauled on the wrap arm luckily for him the sharp teeth didn't pierce the skin of the trainer, the young man didn't waste no time as he soon realize the other two would come to attack him.

He quickly draw the knife and stab with a his might on the creature sides multiple times, the canine let out a loud whimper letting go of the arm as he fell to the ground lying in the floor immobile. As the trainer quickly turn to see the others jump at him he tried to stab one of them but it was too late one of them manage to bite his arm before he try to defend himself the weight of the creature force him to fall to the ground.

He let out a scream of pain feeling the sharp fangs digging into his flesh, the warm blood runnning all over his hand as the creature violently shake his head growling in anger trying to disarm the trainer, the pain was too much he let go of the knife and tried to force his way out of it's jaw but suddenly was interrupted by the other mightyena who bit the other arm but this one manage to pierce the clothes that was protecting the trainer arm.

"Son of a.....ARGHHH!!!" He yelled in pain as the two vicious creature mauled him, ::IS THIS HOW I'M GOING TO DIE?!?::he thinks to himself this was the end,this is how he would die all alone like a dog as he started to lose strength on both of his arm.

Suddenly out of nowhere a flash of lighting hit one of the Mightyena letting a loud growl as the creature started to roll over in pain. The other Mightyena let go of the man's arm and turn to the way the lighting came from Silver turn to see too confused. In the shades of a tree a dark figure came out surround by darkness and a purple mist, two red glowing eyes appear as the figure emerge out of the shade it was a Gengar...it was the trainer's companion.

"Back off both of you leave my friend alone!!" This was the very time Silver saw Abigail angry yet in her eyes he saw that she determined to fight to the bitter end. The Mightyena who got zapped by the lighting started to get up and cough a lot he turned to look at Abigail and snarled at her in anger slowly getting along with his partner ready to attack her.

Silver couldn't give her any orders or try to help her he was too busy trying to close the wound as the bites were deep enough to open the flesh and servere some blood vessels all he could do was try his best to patch the wound with his cloth and trust in Abigail to fight off the vicious canines but he was afraid fot this was no longer a friendly match or a tournament with rules this was the wild it was kill or be killed situation.

The both Mightyenas approach her as she took a defensive stance being cautious for whatever attack they might do, one of them attack using Dark pulse before the attack could even reach her, she manage to phase through the ground getting behind on of them and attack him with poison jab managing to push her fist inside enough for the pokemon to get poison before she could act on the other wild pokemon this one jump at her not giving her enough time to try to become intangible he used the move Jaw Lock on the Gengar trapping her in his jaws she was in a type disadvantage she couldn't escape or try to phase her way out .

She cry in pain which cause his trainer stop attending to his injuries looking in horror what that wild beast was doing to his best friend, this fuel with anger adrenaline started to kick in his system as he grab the knife ingnoring the pain trying his best to close his hand running to aid Abigail before he could reach her. He was stopped by the previous Mightyena who was injured by Abigail he was poisoned but yet was persistent on keep fighting,Silver made a rush for it if he was gonna bite or do anything that was fine by him he could stab him and try to save Abigail.

The Mightyena jump at him but Silver manage to stab the wild pokemon before he could bite him down killing it, as he get up Abigail cried for help as the creature viciously crush her with it's teeth. Silver was furious as he yell "LEAVE HER ALONE!!!" He grab him by the back before he could stab him the wild pokemon let go of the Gengar and launch at him bitting again on his wounded arm this ripping some flesh off causing him to let go of the knife.

Silver yelled as he hit the ground being again in the same situation before only this time worst he saw on the Mightyena eyes how mad it was willing to kill it's prey he saw his own reflection knowing this was the end. Suddenly Abigail jump behind it putting her hands on the creature head as she started to use Thunderbolt zapping the Mightyena's head frying his brain as smoke came out of it's eyes and mouth as the sound and smell of sizzling flesh could be heard after a couple of secinds that felt like hourse she let go as the wild pokemon fell to the ground....dead.

"A...a-are....you ok?" Abigail ask her voice was ver low as she held her chest she was completely injured but her main concern was her trainer's health.

"I-i-i am...but you?" He ask as he try to regain some air, breathing heavy as he got up covering his arm. "I-im....not doing well....i...." She hit the ground Silver was afraid as he try to lift her up.

"$@!%!!! $#&!%!!! Abby is ok i take you to the center!!" He started to panicked as he lift her trying to ignore the pain as the blood came out from his injuries. He started to run the pokemon center hoping they can fix her up the weight of Abigail started to become more light by the moment as he notice something was flying in the air he look at Abigail and gasped.

From her injury a dark fainted mist started to come out of it, her fur started to become palid.

"Silver.....i feel really tired...." Her tone of voice sounded very low as she sounded a bit sloppy.

"ABBY STAY AWAKE I NEED YOU TO STAY AWAKE DON'T YOU FAINT ON ME" He started to shake her violently as he kept running the more he kept running as he felt the weight on his arms become more light.

"SOMEONE!!!! ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!" He got desperate wanted to save his friend looking around to see if there was someone near them.

"Silver.....d-did i made you happy?" She ask in a very soft tone of voice.

"Wh-what?" He stopped running his legs started to shake fearing the worst.

"Did i made you happy?" She continue asking as she caress his cheek waiting for a awnser.

"O-o-of course you make me ha-happy"His voice crackle as his body shaked unable to move he slowly fell to the ground holding her close on his arm, tears started to fall.

Abigail had her eyes half open but could notice he was sad she was confused on why she was so tired and why he was crying.

"Why.......are you alw....ays sad.....you....should smile more you know..." She cleans his tears as the mist started to to become more thicker half of her body was dissapearing in the air.

Silver try to force a smile with tears on his eyes he tried to give her a smile "I-i-i'm smiling...s-s-see" he knew it was the end of her but refused to let her go.

"See?.....you....lo-look...so...mu...ch better...like....th-that...when...you smile like....that...you...look...cute..S...il...ver....very....very....cut....e..." She slowly closes her eyes as the rest of her body vanish with the mist in the air there was nothing that remain of her the only thing that was left of her was her damaged pink bow and her mega stone laying on the ground

Silver stop breathing looking at the ground as he held the pink bow and clutches tight he felt like the world has stopped as his only friend that truly understand him was gone.

"A...A-Abby?" He asked in confusion as he started to cry falling to the ground losing unconscious for the blood lose. After a while some trainers find him and rush him to the hospital where his wounds were attended. When he woke up and ask about his companion they told him they find him all alone aside some items, a nurse showed him something he wish he never wanted to see....it was a pink bow and a earing with a megastone asking him if they belonged to him.

::Why?.....why? Did i live and she had to die?....it wasn't fair, i should've been the one who had died, she would lived a happy life than me:: he thinks to himself as the memory ended still hugging the tombstone.

He let go and look at the engraved tombstone

"Here lies Abigail Goodnight, loved by her friends and trainer". He took finished chugging the wine as he laid down the ground.

"It's all my fault....i'm sorry.....i hope so-somehow you can hear me.....and know that im sorry....*hic* i... Be there with you one day". He closes his eyes as he fell asleep next to the resting place of her best friend.

(This is a AU and non canon)

[Insert It's all over but the Crying from The ink spots]

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Three)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.  Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 3:

Since Karkat had not managed to scare Dave off with the... outburst yesterday, he figured he’d hooked the idiot as well as he was ever going to. Which meant it was time to start fucking it up. He did his best to ignore the sense of loss already forming in his chest at the thought. Whatever frustrations he’d felt during that hang out/date thing Dave had put him through yesterday, he couldn’t deny that he’d enjoyed the experience, too.

Dave was a dork who talked too much, but he was also witty and charming in a maladroit sort of way. And it had been nice to have someone appreciate Karkat’s sense of humor in return. For once. A part of him wished he had longer to enjoy their time together, but he knew better.

Since he knew better, he also knew it wasn’t the time to mope. It was time to go on the full offensive. “Offensive” being the operative word. In this case, it meant acting like himself. Karkat had been on his best behavior up to this point, and now he’d show Dave who the “real him” really was. If he played his cards right, he probably wouldn’t even have to go on another date to seal the deal.

Karkat felt his eyes ache, and he hated himself for being such an idiot. He’d known this wasn’t going to last—even without his article, it never would have lasted. He’d already proven a countless number of times that, while a fairly good friend, he was simply terrible as a romantic partner. Dave was just one more guy he’d never really had a chance with. Just one more tally mark to add to his failures.

---

When Dave woke up the next day, he saw that he had quite a few messages waiting for him. A handful from Rose about wedding plans (with a reminder of the dress code, because of course her wedding would have a fully defined dress code). A bunch from his far-flung friend Jade (mostly telling a story which did not require more than a quick “cool” on his part). A couple from John (who was excited that he’d be seeing Dave at the wedding). There were also several from Karkat. Which was kind of a relief: Dave hadn’t liked that he’d been the first one to message him all the time: it made him feel like he was bugging the guy. Especially after waking him up yesterday.

CG: OKAY ASSHOLE, HERE’S THE DEAL:

CG: YOU WANT TO DATE THE REAL ME. FINE.

CG: I AM DONE BEING ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.

CG: BE PREPARED FOR ME TO COMMENT ON EVERY INANITY THAT DRIBBLES FROM YOUR MOUTH LIKE THE LEAVINGS OF AN INCONTINENT PIGEON.

CG: YOU ARE NOT HALF AS FUNNY AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. ALSO YOUR “RAPS” ARE AN AFFRONT TO THE GENRE AS WELL AS TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

CG: IF YOU THINK I AM JOKING OR BEING “CUTE”, YOU ARE WRONG. A STATE YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMELY FAMILIAR WITH BECAUSE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM AT LEAST MODERATE BRAIN DAMAGE.

CG: I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN “A SNACK”. I ALSO DO NOT HAVE A “SEXY PROFESSOR THING GOING”. IN THE ENTIRE SPAN OF MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE, I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING WHICH COULD BE CONSIDERED TO BE IN EVEN THE MEAGEREST OF WAYS “SEXY”.

CG: MAYBE YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THAT FOR YOURSELF IF YOU EVER TOOK OFF THOSE DOUCHE SHADES YOU ARE ALWAYS WEARING.

CG: I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS SMALL TASTE OF WHAT IS TO COME IN YOUR FUTURE SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO KEEP DATING ME.

Dave read the messages a few times, frowning. Mostly, he felt confused, too confused to feel either amused or insulted. Sudden. This was sudden. Also, the more he read the messages, the more he thought Karkat was being more mean to himself than to Dave. His inner Rose (the voice which sounded like Rose but was not nearly as smart as the real thing) said that Karkat was lashing out, hoping to hurt Dave before Dave could hurt him.

And wasn’t that sad?

TG: first of all

TG: you are a total snack

TG: this is not negotiable

TG: do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars

TG: not to be all objectifying or whatever

TG: but that was literally the first thing i thought when i saw you

TG: that guy is a total snack

TG: and fuck you you are sexy

TG: i bet you look even better without the sweater

TG: you are the bank and im the debtor

TG: payin compliments is my cheddar

TG: need proof read the letter

TG: dear mr vantas you are hella sexy signed me

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: THAT WAS THE PART YOU CHOSE TO FOCUS ON. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL. MOST PEOPLE DON’T LIKE BEING INSULTED. IS THIS A KINK FOR YOU? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? ARE YOU A FUCKING MASOCHIST?

Dave was grinning so much his cheeks hurt. Nailed it.

TG: im not a masochist

TG: but i think i might be getting a thing for grumpy assholes

TG: it needs more testing

TG: how about we hang out for a few hours today

TG: and see

“CG is typing” appeared and disappeared several times.

CG: REALLY. YOU REALLY WANT TO KEEP DATING ME.

TG: yea unless you dont want to keep dating me

TG: i hope you do

TG: want to keep dating me

TG: i want to know you better

TG: and kiss you sometime

This time the “CG is typing” message went on for quite a while. Dave wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have sent that last message. Then again, he’d already called the guy sexy several times; saying he wanted to kiss him wasn’t weird.

CG: IF YOU’RE SURE YOU WANT TO KEEP DOING THIS, THEN FINE. OKAY. I THINK I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER TOO. JUST REMEMBER I GAVE YOU AMPLE WARNING OF WHAT THE REAL ME IS LIKE. WHEN I INEVITABLY END UP HURTING YOUR FEELINGS, YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.

TG: score

---

After, unwisely, agreeing to meet Dave at the park again before going to some secret secondary date destination he had in mind, Karkat slipped his phone into his pocket in a daze. He was still reeling. Where had he misjudged this situation? He’d been certain he’d done enough to scare Dave away, and yet, here he was with another date to prepare for. Masochism or brain damage—those were the only options. Considering how much Dave had insisted on Karkat’s attractiveness, he was leaning towards the latter.

Of course, the words alone were only half of the total package. Even Dave would find difficulty deriving whatever enjoyment he got out of Karkat’s insults when they were being delivered at an ear-ringing volume. Karkat heaved a deep sigh. All he had to do was be himself on this date. That had always been enough for every other person he’d dated to leave him. Dave would be no different: he was just dumber, so it was taking him longer to get with the program.

* Thinks I’m “sexy”. Definite brain damage. Probable masochist. Raps have not increased in quality but I’m starting to get used to them.

---

The problem was Dave knew what he liked to do, what he found fun, but he didn’t know Karkat well enough yet to have much of an idea of what Karkat liked to do. Usually, Dave would have just asked, but seeing as Karkat had just been prepared to be dumped, he didn’t think the question would go over well.

When Dave approached the YO this time, Karkat was already sitting on the bench. His head was bowed over his notepad, and he was furiously writing. Although tempted to look over his shoulder and see what he was doing, Dave decided not to. If it turned out to be something deeply personal, he’d feel like a creep.

Whatever it was held Karkat’s full attention. Dave could be very stealthy, but he wasn’t even trying to be quiet as he got closer. Finally, he was standing right beside where Karkat was sitting. Still nothing. Remembering the reaction he’d gotten the other day, he flopped down close to Karkat, making the other man jump. “Hey.”

Karkat brought his notepad up to his chest, hiding it, and glared. Despite his clear irritation and the roominess of the bench, he didn’t move away. “What the fuck, Dave? Are you incapable of conducting yourself like a normal person? Or am I just special?”

Dave grinned. Looked like Karkat had meant what he’d said about acting more like himself. “I don’t know, you are pretty special. Not in the Special Olympics way,” he hastened to add as he realized his compliment might not come across complimentary. “I mean, nothing against them, they’re great,” he continued, now realizing the actual insult he was now offering them and not wanting to be that guy, “but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

A sort of disbelieving half-smile. “Should I stop you now, or let you keep going?”

“Oh, definitely stop me,” Dave said, relieved. He gestured to the notepad Karkat was no longer holding so tightly against himself. “What are you working on?”

“Nothing important,” Karkat said brusquely, shoving the notepad into his bag as though it had personally offended him. “Something for my work.”

It occurred to Dave that he actually had no idea what Karkat did for a living. “What do you do?”

For a moment, Karkat only regarded him with deep suspicion. Then he sighed. “I write for Dubiously Cultured.” Apparently, Dave’s confusion showed on his face, for he elaborated, “It’s basically a gay Cosmo.” Then he frowned. “You know, a magazine with fashion tips? Make-up? Relationship advice?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Dave said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for his eyes to glaze over on his date like they did when Rose started talking about her magazine (whose title he could not recall at this moment if he’d been being held at gunpoint). “Are you writing an article? Laying down the keep your man tips for the masses?”

Even Karkat seemed surprised by the laughter abruptly bursting from him. “Something like that,” he said once he’d recovered. “You work as a DJ at the Glass, right?”

Honestly, Dave was shocked. He’d been sure Karkat had been just tuning him out! Then again, he had remembered he was from Texas, too. Maybe he just always looked bored and pissed off. “Yeah. It’s not super steady, but it pays the bills.” It actually didn’t pay the bills; Rose’s mom (his mom, she was also his mom) sent him money every month to pay for the apartment and various other expenses. However, his sad family history wasn’t exactly third date material. “You ever been?”

Karkat leveled Dave with a skeptical look which seemed to indicate his estimation of Dave’s intelligence had started low and was only getting lower. “Do I look like the kind of person that would get past a bouncer? Are you actually visually impaired, or are you making fun of me?” He shook his head. “I can see myself in the mirror, jackass; I know what I look like. Stop pretending I’m,” he held up his hands to make the finger quotes, ‘hot’.”

“I’m insulted you would think I’d lie about your hotness. You’re a fucking rooftop in the middle of a Texas summer. I should know; I’ve been there.” The metaphor stirred up memories Dave didn’t want to think about, and he wrapped an arm around Karkat’s shoulder. He immediately wished he’d done it sooner. “Anyway, I’ve already told you, you are a snack. You might as well accept it. It’s obvious. Everyone with eyes can see it. Not you, for some reason, but everyone else.”

“That’s just not true, Dave.” Before he could contest this, Karkat continued, “Most blind people still have eyes, idiot, and they can’t see anything, let alone support your dubious assertion that I’m attractive.” The words practically dripped with sarcasm even as he settled into Dave’s half-embrace. “You’re being so fucking insensitive right now.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right.” The part of Dave not worrying about the words flowing out of his mouth registered how nice and warm Karkat felt under his arm and pressed against his side. “Well, if they got to feel you up, they’d agree you were a snack, too. So, checkmate, Karkat. Check fucking mate. You’re just going to have to accept it. Majority vote. You’re a snack.”

Karkat looked up. “If you tell me you want to eat me, I’m leaving now and blocking your chumhandle.” Then his gaze shifted away. “This is nice,” he said, his voice softer than Dave had thought he was capable of. Maybe it was Dave’s burgeoning hearing loss, but he sounded… sad.

While Dave wanted to ask why he sounded so sad, he figured Karkat would tell him if he wanted him to know. After all, they still hadn’t known each other for very long yet. What was needed was a distraction, and Dave had just the thing to cheer both of them up. “If you think this is nice, you should be super excited for our date.”

---

Karkat had been feeling guilty again. It really had been nice, sitting on that bench in front of that giant art installation, to pretend that there was actually some sort of future for them. For him and Dave. Together. So, he’d been feeling guilty—even if he was an idiot who talked too much, Dave wasn’t a bad guy, and he didn’t deserve what Karkat planned on putting him through.

At least, that’s what Karkat had been thinking until they’d arrived at their final destination.

“A karaoke bar?” Karkat felt a scowl furrow his brow, and he turned it onto Dave, who had the audacity to be grinning at him. “It might interest you to know that I can’t fucking sing.”

Dave shrugged. “No one can at these places, Karkat. That’s why it’s fun.” He pushed his glasses down his nose, allowing Karkat the briefest glimpse of his eyes before he pushed them up again. “You’ve had fun before right? Or do we have to go slow and ease you into it, because fun is a hotel pool with a broken heater, and you haven’t raided the mini-bar yet.”

“Of course I know what fun is, you festering anal wart.” He saw himself ranting reflected in the lenses of Dave’s stupid glasses and looked away. “Fun is a walk in the park, or watching a movie, or going on a picnic, or playing a game. Fun is not embarrassing yourself in front of dozens of strangers by subjecting them to what can only laughingly be called your singing voice!” He started at the unexpected hand on his shoulder but made no move to shrug it off.

“Hey,” Dave said quietly, “if you really don’t want to be here, we can do something else. I don’t really know what you like yet outside of chick flicks. And writing for a magazine. And coming up with creative insults for me.” His grip on Karkat’s shoulder tightened slightly. “Help me out here, Karkat; I’m drowning with only seconds left to live. You’re the hot lifeguard, and I’m gonna need your sweet lips on mine fairly soon, or else I’m leaving the beach in a body bag. And no one wants that.”

Karkat turned back to face Dave. There were so many things to unpack in this latest offering of word vomit that he wasn’t even going to make the attempt. “Do you ever actually listen to the things you say?”

“I try not to,” Dave said blithely. “Messes with my flow.” Then the smile faded. “I mean it, though. If you want to go somewhere else, we totally can. I don’t have my heart set on this place; I just thought it’d be fun. Maybe you’d loosen up a little.”

“I am exactly as loose as I want to be,” Karkat sniped back, tacitly admitting that now he was the one saying stupid things. As much as he wanted to make things difficult for Dave for the sake of his article, he really couldn’t deny being touched that Dave was willing to change his plans because Karkat had complained about them.

Besides, while Karkat could be (and often was) loudly unpleasant and vulgar, it wasn’t the kind of thing he could force. He had to feel it. And he wasn’t feeling it. “No, we can stay. Just are there private rooms?”

Dave was frowning, perhaps in displeasure, perhaps in thought. “We can check.”

---

It turned out that there were private rooms, but they were prohibitively expensive. If this had been something Karkat had really wanted to do, Dave would have shelled out the cash, but he’d known he’d made the right call to spend the date elsewhere when he’d given Karkat the verdict and his shoulders had immediately relaxed.

Although Karkat had also protested that he wasn’t much better at bowling than he was at singing, he’d seemed less agitated about the prospect. He’d actually smiled a little when Dave had confided that he, too, wasn’t much of a bowler. Dave also wasn’t much of a drinker, but when Karkat offered to buy him a beer, he’d accepted it.

Dave was currently sipping his apple? flavored ale from the chair in their section of the alley and watching Karkat lob yet another ball down the gutter. This made, what? the tenth in a row? Dave had managed via blind luck to hit a strike with his first shot—a feat he had not been able to repeat—and that had pissed Karkat off like nothing else. Each additional failure to even get his ball any closer to hitting any of the pins only made Karkat’s face redder.

The only question was when he was going to pop.

“FUCK!” Karkat stomped back to the ball return. “FUCK ME, FUCK BOWLING, AND FUCK YOU, DAVE. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME? NEWSFLASH, FUCK FACE, YOU ARE JUST AS OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE AT THIS AS I AM—AT LEAST *I* HAVE THE FUCKING DECENCY TO BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF!”

Dave made absolutely no attempt to hold back his laughter.

“Hey, do you mind watching your language?” An older man in the next lane was giving Karkat quite an impressive glare. “There are kids present.”

Karkat’s face went purple.

---

“Well, Karkat,” Dave said as they walked down the street to no stated destination, his tone infuriatingly casual, “I can honestly say I’ve never been kicked out of a bowling alley before. I can scratch that off the old bucket list. It wasn’t on there because I hadn’t thought of it, but now I see I was blind to the possibilities. Thanks for opening my third eye or some shit like that.”

Karkat had let Dave put his stupid arm around his shoulders about a block back, and he hated the fact it felt so comforting. Bad enough he’d made an ass out of himself over nothing in public (again!), but it hadn’t even worked. He’d wanted to piss Dave off by showcasing his abhorrent personality, and he’d failed miserably. It wasn’t even his fault he’d failed either. For some inscrutible fucking reason, the idiot found temper tantrums hilarious to watch rather than embarrassing to be associated with. “Fuck you, Dave,” he said quietly, his energy quite spent.

Dave chuckled. Case in fucking point. “Aw come on, don’t be like that. It’s not like we’re banned from the place.” He paused. “I’m probably not going to get you to go there again anyway, am I?”

“I am never stepping foot back into that establishment, no.”

“Are you still pissed at me for that strike?” Dave’s voice sounded disbelieving. Maybe a little hurt. “I told you, man, it was a fluke. I wasn’t trying to hustle you. If I’d wanted to hustle you, there’d be money involved. That’s how that shit works. It’s like the definition of a hustle.”

Karkat sighed. “No, I’m not mad about that.” He hadn’t really been that mad about it in the bowling alley either. He’d just been frustrated. Loudly. Which was how he usually expressed his frustration. In the moment, it made him feel better… afterwards, he just felt tired. “I’m just really fucking embarrassed, okay? I know embarrassment is probably a foreign concept for you, but—”

Then he was being hugged. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed into it. He knew he shouldn’t be accepting Dave’s comfort, that this was only going to make things harder in the long run, but he couldn’t help himself. He really was such a selfish asshole. His head fell naturally against Dave’s shoulder, and he felt a distressingly familiar ache in his eyes. “Why are you hugging me?”

A soft guff of laughter blew past his ear. “Dude, you looked like you needed a hug. I’m not a hug expert or anything, but sometimes you look at a guy and think, that guy, he needs a hug.” The arms around him held him just a little tighter. “I hope you leave me a good review on yelp.”

Karkat choked on his unexpected laughter. “Dave. You are so fucking ridiculous.” As much as a part of him wanted to remain in his arms, he knew if he stayed any longer, he really would start crying. “Let go of me, asshole.”

Dave did so with only a moment’s hesitation. He put his hands on his hips. “So, what do you think?”

“About what?” Karkat successfully resisted the urge to wipe his eyes. With any luck, Dave wouldn’t notice how tear bright they probably were. Why was he getting so emotional anyway? None of this would matter soon enough.

“My review,” Dave said as though Karkat should have any idea what he was talking about. “Five out of five stars, right? Don’t crash my yelp score, dude—I have a reputation to maintain as hug master supreme; it’s all I have.”

And Karkat was laughing again. It really felt good.

---

* Gives nice hugs. Doesn’t respect personal space. Karaoke bar? Shitty bowler. Why isn’t this working?

---

{{ The third step is the ego. For Dr. Freud (famous psychology hack), the ego was a moderator. For our purposes, we return to the original Latin: I. Make it all about you and your comfort. If you have had enough of your short-term partner’s incessant prattle, say so. When you want to scream, do it at the top of your lungs. Use whatever language feels best to you at all times regardless of the situation. Make your short-term partner embarrassed to be associated with you. If you can get you and your short-term partner kicked out of an establishment due to your behavior, so much the better. However, if you find that such antics only serve to amuse your short-term partner, cease them immediately. The point of this exercise is to humiliate your short-term partner, not further endear you to them. Also, in the event that you are more embarrassed by your conduct than your short-term partner is, under no circumstances allow them to comfort you. It will only distract you from your objective. }}

[haespoir]

honestly, i’d like to start this post off by saying thank you!!! never would i have thought that i would ever reach over 100 followers,,, so the fact that i’ve hit 1000 followers seems so unreal to me,, so thank you guys! for supporting my writing and dealing with my nonsensical rambling!! 

with that being said: in honour of reaching 1000 followers, i’ve decided to start a little series on my blog. i’ll be writing for five main groups: nct ( all units ), loona, twice, red velvet and the boyz. these are my favorite groups to write for though i’ve really only ever written publicly for nct. 

i’ve complied a list of 60 aus ( most are from this masterlist and i’ve just chosen the ones that i like ) and 20 songs so just pick one and send me a request! note: most things will be written in bulletpoint and this post will serve as a masterlist for everything! 

example requests: 

“competitive au #1 w doyoung?” 

“angst song #2 with sana?” 

if a prompt is taken, it’ll be bolded with the name of the idol next to it! i’ll also include who requested it uwu basically, it’s a first come, first serve type thing! you can also request more than once!

ok with that being said,,, have fun! 

songs

angst

01. [ younghoon | anon ] “love letter” jinsoul and kim lip 

02. “push and pull” kard

03. “rumor” kard 

04. “lady” exid

05. “see saw” gowon and chuu and kimlip 

06. “walkin’ in time” the boyz 

07. “hard to love” bol4 

08. “destiny” lovelyz 

09. “we were in love” t-ara and davichi 

10. “dont recall” kard 

fluff

01. “hi” lovelyz

02. [ donghyuck | anon ] “walk u home” nct dream 

03. [ heejin | anon ] “what is love” twice 

04. [ jaemin | anon ] “shine” pentagon 

05. “imagine” bol4

06. “nevermind” jeong sewoon 

07. “real man” the east light

08. [ doyoung ] “a girl like me” gugudan 

09. [ yuta | @jenofanclub ] “heart attack” chuu 

10. “the day of confessing my love” jo kwon 

aus

roommate aus

01. friend of a friend needs a place to stay before they get evicted

02. my roommate fell nd broke their arm in the shower,,, what do i do

03. [ yeri | @najaeminclub ] new roommate cooks for the first time and almost burns the house down

04. overheard you singing in the shower you sound angelic 

05. [ doyoung | anon ] your clothes ended up in my laundry and now im wearing your favorite tshirt 

enemies to lovers au 

01. you’re a jerk barista who purposely screws up my name when i order 

02. [ jihoon | @lovejihoonie ] you saw me crying and you weren’t supposed to,, why are u trying to hug me 

03. you come to the restaurant i work at and choose me as your server every time just to annoy me nd i can’t do anything or i’ll get fired

04. [ yuta ] look i know we haven’t said anything nice to each other for years and this is a bit sudden but can you hold my hand and pretend to be my partner for the next few minutes cause my ex is coming over and i can’t be on my own for this so lets just pretend we aren’t mortal enemies okay? omg, you’re saying nice things about me and your arms are around my waist and my heart is pounding in my chest and oh god no out of all the people i could crush on why you?

reincarnation aus

01. [ jaehyun | anon ] i meet and fall in love with you in every lifetime at the same age but your age is always different so it never works out and for the first time i’m meeting you when we’re the same age and i’m horrified that i might fuck this up

02. [ doyoung ] i skipped like four cycles of reincarnation and i know you’re pissed at me for leaving you all those lifetimes but it wasn’t my fault please please will you take me back

03. [ yukhei | anon ] i don’t know how to tell you this but the reason you didn’t see me in our last reincarnation cycle is because for some fucked up reason I was reincarnated as your dog

04. [ taeyong | @najaemini ] we keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because i can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least i keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime

height difference aus ( specify who is the tol nd who is the smol pls !! ) 

01. [ jacob | anon ] you were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help

02. [ jeno | anon ] we’re both baristas and sometimes i have trouble reaching for things and i show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU 

03. we’re in art class tgt and i just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding” we’re on the bus and im really not trying to take up your space im sorry i just have rlly rlly long legs 

04. [ juyeon | @jenofanclub ] you’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious

05. you’re super short and i’m sorry but it’s really really cute whenever you try to reach that book on the top shelf here lemme help you- oh no don’t be embarrassed, your face is all red and you’re even more adorable now i am going to die

competitive aus

01. [ jaemin ] we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust

02. i used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and im going all out for the next event

03. [ renjun | @najaeminclub ] a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if im going down you’re going down with me

04. you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year i am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me i will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um

05. [ donghyuck | anon ] we’re always making stupid bets like ‘bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and i feel really bad here let me look after you

06. did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

college aus 

01. [ momo | anon ] excuse me, I know we don’t have assigned seats in college, but I’ve been sitting in this one for eight weeks and it seems you’re in my spot

02. [ lucas | anon ] bless the spring semester stage combat class for practicing on the North Lawn, because watching my crush get sweaty and worked up while pretending to fight people really Does Things to me, okay

03. i was abroad last semester and forgot to fill out the housing form, but your old roommate dropped out so hi, hey, how’s it going, I guess we live together now

04. both of us turned up at the wrong room for this lecture but don’t know where its meant to be 

05. [ lucas | @najaemini ] we live in halls opposite each other and i keep seeing you changing through your window 

witch aus 

01. listen, i know im new at this and all, but you screeching at the top of your tiny frog lungs isn’t going to help anyone, is it????? don’t you dare croak at me in that tone

02. [ jeno | anon ] we’ve been friends for years, so are familiars are really good friends with each other too. nd recently, while we’ve been doing witchy stuff, i’ve noticed that our familiars are growing extremely close and being affectionate towards each other. that’s weird because like our familiars are supposed to represent our subconscious and that’s not how we feel about each other at all… right?

03. [ seulgi | anon ] i borrowed the broomstick you keep in your wardrobe, and while i was cleaning up some lint; it suddenly shOT UPWARDS AND SMASHED INTO THE CEILING WHILE I WAS STILL HOLDING IT AND IT WON’T STOP MOVING GET ME DOWN FROM HERE I SWEAR TO GOD.

ghost aus ( in which one person is a ghost ) 

01. the neighbours asked one time if I had any roommates and i said no and they just looked really confused because they can always hear me shouting or talking to someone. yea, my neighbours think I’m crazy now, so thanks for that.

02. we’ve been arguing for a solid hour about whether Amelia Earheart actually died when the plane supposedly crashed; i don’t care if you met her one time when you were in purgatory. that doesn’t make a difference!

03. my ghost is really temperamental so i sometimes just scream “FUCK OFF” at it really loudly. it quietens down after that.

04. i’ve become so used to all the weird shit that happens in my house that when i invited people over and you were just throwing books around in the hallway, i completely forgot that they aren’t used to it like i am and now they just ran out of the house screaming. 

05. [ johnny | anon ] you’re a ghost and you scared me so much that i died and i literally rose out of the floor two minutes later as a ghost, now we’re stuck together for eternity and now i’m gonna beat your ghost ass.

06. CAN YOU NOT POSSESS DOLLS PLEASE IT’S NOT FUNNY AND IT”S JUST A DICK MOVE AND SCARES THE HECK OUT OF ME EVERY TIME

you know them but you don’t know them aus 

01. my friend can’t stop talking about how they want to set me up with their other friend so we start texting each other and they’re hilarious but shy about meeting and ALSO there’s a cute bike delivery guy who brings my mail at work and winks at me whenever i sign for a package 

02. [ sana | @jenofanclub ] i’m obsessed with a food blogger who writes about cheap ways to be gourmet in your 20s and i flirt with them over comments but they never post pictures of their face and ALSO there’s a really cute grocery bagger at the store down the street who teases me and always asks to join me for dinner and i definitely want to say yes

03. [ jaehyun | @jaehyunclub ] there’s an overnight IT person at school who always answers the phone when i call about a problem with my computer and i totally have a crush on their voice and their exasperation and ALSO the bakery down the street is always running out of my fave scones and the adorable person behind the counter can’t hide their amusement and i think it’s super rude but also super cute 

04. [ lucas | @najaeminclub ] my boss is always telling me how perfect her son would be for me and she promises he’s coming to the next holiday party and don’t worry he’s heard all about me too and ALSO there’s this dude i slept with once a couple of months ago and sometimes he still sends me dick pics when i ask him to at 3 in the morning cause seriously dude’s got a good dick 

05. our kids are bitter rivals and the only time we ever meet is when we’re both called to the principal’s office and whatever maybe i think you’re kind of cute but your kid’s a monster and ALSO someone keeps buying the last everything bagel at my favorite coffee shop 2 minutes before i get there in the morning and has heard about my plight and has started leaving me bragging notes about it 

06. [ changmin | @lovejihoonie ] i hired a dog walking company and i’ve never met the person who comes to my apartment but they leave me really cute notes and they give my dog presents and i kind of love them because my dog does and ALSO one of the artists at this gallery opening is hella cute and i want them to paint me like one of their french girls

??? aus

01. [ jacob | @lovejihoonie ] im calling to cancel our date bc im actually in the er right now, sorry,,,, i mean,,, i guess u can come here,,,, bring me fries 

02. we’re both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up

03. a scary-looking person who unintentionally makes kids cry and a daycare volunteer meet at a children-filled park

04. [ sunwoo | anon ] you’re infamous for being an asshole nd i had to sit next you in class. turns out you’re kinda nice one-on-one. 

05. i let you cheat with my answers on a test and then you got the highest grade possible nd now you owe me a HUGE favour.

06. i just got bowled over by your huge-as dog in the park nd now you’re profusely apologizing while trying to hold your dog off 

07. [ kun | anon ] i kind of naturally spoil people and like taking care of them, you’re always getting sick in class / feeling down in class nd omg i think the teacher ships us???

08. [ yuta | @najaemini​ ] you always like to make me embarrassed by leaning in too close or hitting on me, but i’m used to it now nd one day i decided to retaliate

09. [ ten | anon ] ok so when we were little i accidentally mentioned that i had a crush on you but i always thought you didn’t hear me because you just looked at me weird and never commented but now we’re in high school and omg you just introduced me as your boyfriend/girlfriend/datemate wtf we never discussed this!!!

10. [ donghyuck | anon ] why are you so clingy people will think we’re dating- i know we are but you’re the one who wants it to be secret you moron!

11. [ taeyong | @najaeminclub ] i understand that you’re my bodyguard but that was a freaking FRISBEE not a nuclear bomb jesus christ- hey why are you still on top of me and why have i not noticed how beautiful you are? 

12. you’re so perfect and i’m in love with you but i’ve never actually met you and you keep avoiding meeting up, so i called nev and max to help me figure out whether or not you’re catfishing me

13. [ irene | anon ] you had a party and i got really drunk and stole your toaster, so i showed up the next day to return it and you were really hungover so i made you breakfast (but i burnt all of it)

14. [ jungwoo | anon ] you have dimension-jumping powers and you’re mad that literally EVERY OTHER VERSION OF YOURSELF is dating ( insert idol ). then ur idol asks u out and is confused when u screams ‘FUCKING FINALLY, JACKASS!’

15. [ hyunjae | anon ] i suggested we play spin the bottle so i could kiss you, but now everyone else is kissing you except me :/

[barelylivinblog]

We Went to Canada to See A Lot of Water

After driving through what seemed an endless route to the north pole, my boyfriend and I were crossing Lake Erie and heading across the border into Canada towards Niagara Falls. 

Traveling there wasn’t as bad as I’m letting it off to be, but being in a car for six hours definitely put a toll on my childlike soul. I spent almost an hour of the ride harassing my boyfriend by wearing his sunglasses and being ridiculous, which I now realize was a lot funnier in person than written out. 

If there’s anything I can tell you about taking a road trip, it’s very simple: Pack Snacks. 

Had my boyfriend’s mother not supplied us with a sandwich bag crammed with two breakfast bars, a nutty butty, and two bags of popcorn, I would have perished. We made the mistake not to stop when we saw food, and when I say food, I mean the shady gas stations along side the highway to nowhere. This was the best option because after so far along when we were actually hungry there was NO WHERE to eat until we got into Buffalo. At that point it made no sense to travel into buffalo when we could just wait until we got into Canada. 

Starving, we hurried along to our hotel and then quickly settled to eat at the Apple Bee’s right down the street from our hotel. Had we not been so hungry, I’m sure we wouldn’t have settled for the most American option. However, as my boyfriend said, it was easier knowing we were going to a place where we knew we would enjoy the food.

BUT.

To my horror upon looking at the menu: Canada’s Apple Bee’s DOES NOT SERVE BONELESS WINGS. I am an expert when it comes to American Apple Bee’s because if there was one close to my house I would eat there every day. The menu at the Canadian one was, to my surprise, much smaller. They didn’t even offer two for $25. 

Another thing I picked up on quickly was how expensive everything was. Even with the conversion I ended up spending double my anticipated amount just from eating and sightseeing. The only free part of the trip was seeing the Falls themselves. My boyfriend even had to pay to park his car for the weekend. 

Anyways, after paying what seemed like a million dollars for a meal at the facade that they called Apple Bee’s, we headed down to the Falls for the first time in the dark. In order to get there you had to walk down this steep hill (which continuously killed me when we hiked back up it) and walk under this bridge that still had been decorated for Christmas. The whole city was still decorated for Christmas which was nice considering our trip was a “Christmas” trip. 

Once you got so far down the hill there was a picture view of what I believed to be the only Falls. You see, there are two waterfalls in this area: The American side and the Canadian side. In my head the two falls were facing their claimed countries, but it turns out they were both facing the Canadian side. 

So I was staring at the American side, lit up by colorful lights, and thinking that this was the big sight to see. To be honest, I hadn’t even realized what I was looking at until my boyfriend said that the Falls were straight ahead. They, especially in the night, looked like projections of water. It was unreal. 

And then I saw the Canadian side, or the Horseshoe Falls. Which, again, looked like a large projections. My eyes could almost not adjust to what I was seeing because it was so unbelievable. 

After the magic of the falls and being showered in positive ions, my boyfriend and I headed back to our hotel. Below is a list of things we discovered about our hotel:

1. You cannot use bath bombs in the hotel tub or else they will charge you $350.00

2. Channel 4 is the fireplace channel

3. The vending machines only take dollar coins, HOWEVER, the dollar coins they have set out for you are a three dollar charge. 

4. The pillows were garbage. 

5. Hotel IHop was delicious but I paid 13.00 dollars for a meal I get at Denny’s for 4 dollars. 

6. The curtains that would make sense to be able to move DO NOT move.

7. The elevator will smell like weed.

8. The hotel gift shops snacks are very pricey. We lucked out after I spotted a general store directly across from our hotel and got snacks for a little bit cheaper. It was a good business, still selling stuff obnoxiously priced but not as pricey as the hotel. 

Our second day we went behind the waterfalls, and climbed over to Clifton Hill in search for something to do. We ended up at a glow in the dark indoor mini-golf course. It was a good way to waste some time and I think was worth the admission price. I was worried it was going to be crowded but everyone was good about waiting their turn which made it a cool experience.

That night, however, my boyfriend took me to the casino.The casino was really dazzling to the eye, but once you looked past the fancy decor and colorful flooring, it was scary how hypnotized some people were. I watched people who looked like their lives had been sucked out of them from hitting a button and betting away a lot more money than one should to a computerized slot machine. I had never been to a casino because in America I’m not old enough, but here all I had to do was show two forms of I.D. and I was stamped and sent on my way.

I ended up not gambling because it was a weird concept to me, but my boyfriend did. He was laughing and carrying on and all the older people were giving us dirty looks. It was fun to watch him, but now I fear he’s hooked (not really, I just like to give him a hard time).

The best part of the casino was the buffet. It was beautiful inside, the food was all very good, and it was one of the cheaper meals we had. We ended up eating there twice because of this, so I strongly recommend that if you are in a touristy area where food is expensive, look for that casino buffet. 

On Sunday, we explored a wax museum. It was the worst idea I’ve ever had. Like, I’m ashamed to admit that I was the one that suggested it. The museum was about the size of a house, but laid out in a way that made it seem larger. In order to appear this way, each room was sectioned off by doors rather than archways. At one point I felt overwhelmingly claustrophobic because we were in a small room with about five different figures. The figures themselves looked to be completely real or like creepy dolls -- there was no in-between. I thought this uneasy feeling of being scared that one of them was going to come to life was just me and my overactive imagination, but once leaving I found out that my boyfriend was also pretty spooked about the whole experience.

So to calm down we went and sampled beers. The servers never carded us or looked at us strangely, which made me uneasy as well but also reassured that I wasn’t being illegal. My boyfriend and I argued for which beer was best, but to be honest I don’t really care for beer at all. 

Speaking of servers and overall employees, they will never be paid enough to deal with rude tourists. I watched numerous encounters where tourists were being unreasonably rude to staff members and if there’s any advice I can give you about traveling: be nice to the workers and they will usually give you a nice experience. It’s the famous “treat others the way you would like to be treated.”

When Monday morning came, we headed back to the States and I took a well needed nap while my boyfriend played Smash Brothers to make up for his lost gaming time.

Overall, Niagara Falls was beautiful. I assumed that because of winter there wouldn’t be as many people, but it was pretty crowded over the weekend. However, we never ate a bad meal or experienced anything negative (other than the spooky wax museum but we have erased that from our memory). My only regret is that we didn’t explore as much as we should have. It was very easy to do things that we were familiar with instead of taking risks. My prime example of this was the Apple Bee’s, and although the buffet was amazing, next time I would enjoy to explore what Canada’s menu has to offer, food and experience wise. The most exploring we did was nearby, and we typically stayed close to what was familiar to us. The farthest we went was to a Hershey Chocolate World only to discover that it didn’t have the Hershey Factory Tour ride that our beloved Hershey Park has. In the long run however, we did a substantial amount of walking around and had a very relaxing trip.

To summarize: pack snacks, have a lot of spending money, and enjoy the view because it was the best part. 

[gh0stpkmn]

ok uh. yooran gaming channel au - part 2

@misfireezreal reblogged the ‘yoosung has a gaming channel au’ post and wrote a really cute lil addition that inspired me to add some more ideas to this mess of an au..... and i got really carried away

their addition / reblog post is here !!  tho i’ll also put a screenshot of it under the cut... along with more headcanons/ideas/whatever for the au/scenario

 god this is so cute omfg. ok so..

●  yoosung liking comments that say nice things abt saeran?? so good. honestly the sweet comments probably rlly do a lot of good things for saeran’s self esteem!! they cheer him up when he’s feelin sad i would think? definitely helps a lot on his rougher days.

●  misfireezeal mentioned donations so i started thinking about what donation money would go towards... when theyre not goin towards yoosung’s tuition (if he even stays in university at this point?? idk??)  or his cost of living, or equipment for the channel, they go to charities.

yoosung wants to help animals so they donate to animal rescue organizations and stuff like that. he wants to contribute help to other causes too so... he wants saeran to have some say where the money goes (and i mean saeran is the meme bringin in a lot of it so. ye.)

it’s important to saeran that they donate to organizations that provide help for mentally ill people--especially mentally ill youth. also organizations that help children in foster care or like... help kids that have been abused idk.. idk! idk...  things that can help young people that are going through some of the same things saeran went through

yoosung doesn’t announce the donations or anything because like... he doesn’t really feel the need to???? neither of them see a point in posting/talking about it. it just feels good to do nice things.

other stuff:

●  it comes up in passing that like. saeran as a knack for hacking and everyone’s like “how could u do this?? cant believe ur a dirty hacker”

saeran’s like “ lol dont worry. i only cheat at games when i play against my brother because he’s a shit and never plays fair ”

chat is like “whoa we didn’t know you had a brother!!!”

and they talk about it a little and yoosung is like “yeah his brother is ____”  (whatever his username is? i forget. hacker god i think?)  “he usually plays on the shooting star server “

viewers are Shocked that yoosung knows #1 on shooting star. they demand to have him as a guest star

it’s... debatable whether saeyoung agrees to it or not?? he has to lay low and stuff.. either way, they tell saeyoung about it and he’s so amused omfg. he watches yoosung and saeran’s streams sometimes (and is so proud of his bro. he cries probably) but not super often? when he does watch, he also uses a random throwaway name

but after the chat asks for him, he logs in once or twice w/ his LOLOL screen name and people are all over omfg. chat goes wild and saeyoung is Living for the attention omg

saeran is like “you’re so dumb god i hate you”

and saeyoung’s like. “ok but are you actually planning on coming home some time soon??? tomorrow maybe? becaaauuuuuse..... i miss you”

it’s cheesy and lame and Embarrassing. saeran’s just.. “GO AWAY asshole im doing a thing....................................... also, yes. please order pizza for dinner”

yoosung thinks its funny n cute and so do the viewers.

●  and ok even if... saeyoung is never a guest star, they probably bring like. mc or zen on once or twice and it’s great. a lot of viewers recognize zen (i imagine he’s a bit more famous at this point) and they are... so excited and surprised that he’s friends w/ yoosung and saeran.

i can’t really see jaehee or jumin on the show but like..........

..... the idea of them tricking jumin into trying to play a video game on the stream is so fucking funny to me????

like Somehow they manage to convince him to come over?? idk maybe by asking him to  ”help them work on a big project that’s essential to yoosung’s career” or smth “that requires nothing less than jumin han’s skill and expertise”  and because he’s a good friend he agrees. then they just. put a controller in his hand and he’s like “what am i supposed to do with this”

and ok jumin has probably owned a gaming console at some point but i honestly, truly can’t bring myself to believe that he uses it for anything other than like.....netflix

so he has no fucking experience and it’s. so good. yoosung and saeran are trying really hard not to laugh (and yoosung is failing)

idk what they make him play specifically but for some reason wii sports is flashing through my mind holy shit..... but actually its probably LOLOL or fallout 4 or something. idk. either way, he’s bad at it and they struggle to teach him how to even hold the controller properly

●  saeran likely moves in some time after they’ve started the channel where both of them play games together. which happened pretty far into the relationship anyways i think?

and even then it happens quite a while after they start the channel. maybe when it’s been going for a year or something? maybe two??

(i have no idea???? idk how long these kinds of channels stay big??? i only watch like... fairly well known youtubers like game grumps that have been around for a long time. and mcleroy stuff on polygon idk.)

anyways

how they decide to move in is basically like... ok.

i imagine they probably get questions about their relationship a lot when they come out as a couple or when new viewers first find out about them. the flow of questions dies down after the initial reveal that they’re together but they still pop up every now and then

sometimes the questions get slightly intrusive like asking about their plans for the future which they kinda just ignore those until it becomes a really frequently asked question so they Have to answer it.. so they just say they don’t feel comfortable talking about it for the time being (because tbh they dont know lol)

and so...

probably a specific question that people ask A LOT (and have since saeran’s early appearances)  is if saeran lives with yoosung, or if he’s planning to.

because he’s at yoosung’s place so often. he has been since the channel’s early days, and they post videos and stream together fairly regularly, i guess?

there’s obviously more content of just yoosung doing his thing because it is his channel after all but content featuring saeran is definitely a frequent thing (even when it’s not their duo let’s play channel or whatever... saeran can still be seen in the background in a fair amount of yoosung’s usual LOLOL streams, too. )

so uh

at some point they’re just hanging out.. (off stream, not on video or anything. just them together.. like a date night or just to spend some time together. i dunno)

maybe cuddlin’ in bed or on the couch watching a movie, having a nice time. there’s comfortable silence

and yoosung never really gave it a lot of thought before, but lately... he and saeran are just really close and their relationship is so GOOD and he loves him a lot. he’s thinking over all this stuff and how often people ask if they live together and...

i mean, he thought about it on his own before he really took the viewers’ questions seriously.... them bringing it up isn’t what sparked it necessarily. 

he considered the possibility before, but he was always scared that bringing up moving in together would be too forward or pushy, and that saeran wasn’t ready for it, and that they would be rushing into things--going too fast. yeah. 

he got that ball rollin’ and was trying to take it slow but recently, everyone bringing the idea up jsut. fuckin. kicks that ball. so hard. it’s going full fuckin throttle. max speed. it’s out of control and he can’t stop it

and so in this... really comfortable quiet moment he just kinda blurts out

“why haven’t we moved in together yet?”

saeran is surprised obviously. he wasn’t expecting that at all

he has briefly entertained the idea of living with yoosung before, because he’s over so often anyways, and he wants to spend even more time together.... but he’s also scared for various reasons? 

such as his mental health issues, obviously. he’s also anxious that yoosung will get sick of him, or that he won’t be able to handle being around yoosung 24/7 and vice versa. he doesn’t want to get so easily annoyed and snappy like he does at home with saeyoung? he also doesn’t want to rush into things. idk. there’s a lot more reasons but those are some of them.

so when yoosung says this, he has no idea how to react??? so he just kinda mumbles “oh... uh.......”

yoosung panics like

 “god, im sorry, that was so stupid. um. it’s just... been on my mind a lot lately, i guess..? god! ah... forget about that! it was dumb...”  

he covers his eyes and kinda... hunches over. all embarrased and nervous and a little guilty because he doesn’t want to make saeran uncomfortable. he can’t even look at him. poor boy omg

saeran stays quiet for a long time, furrows his brows and chews the nail of his thumb and looks like he’s concentrating on something. after a while he pipes up, so quietly that yoosung can barely hear him

“i don’t think it’s dumb”

yoosung is. shocked. but also immediately hopeful! he perks up!!! looks at his bf incredulously like “you don’t?” 

saeran kinda... talks slowly bc he’s thinking hard about his words and says that he didn’t expect yoosung to bring it up really but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it before

so they have an Important, Serious conversation about it and they both make sure that the other is %100 on board with it and ready to just. jump in and do it.

celebratory smooches ensue because they’re cute and happy and excited.

... i forget if yoosung’s place is a dorm or not. if it is, he gets his own apartment.

if it’s not, he stays in his apartment and saeran moves in there.

it’s small and kinda cramped and very far from a “forever home” but they make it work for now!! they’re happy that way... (maybe in the future they get a bigger place, which is nice because it makes it easier for saeran to have some privacy when he needs time alone.)

●  yoosung definitely takes short little videos or vlogs all the time and posts them on youtube and other social media

he takes one the day after they have the conversation mentioned above. and it’s just. “you guys.... i asked my boyfriend to move in and he said yes!! god, i was so scared! tell them how scared i was, saeran!” he points the camera at saeran who is reading a book and he just. 

idk he either just flips off the camera bc he’s busy and doesn’t want to be disturbed...

or

he looks it right at the lens and says “he was scared shitless. he literally shit his pants. it was gross. i had to h---” 

cue video going blurry as yoosung turns the camera away real quick paired with. shocked, loud shrieking. “SAERAN!!! DON’T SAY----” and then the video jsut kinda. cuts off there. 

(he still posts it but with some caption along the lines of “that didn’t actually happen. saeran’s just being a dick”)

and of course, there’s definitely multiple videos of the day they move saeran’s stuff in. yoosung records a bunch and puts them on his snapchat story or w/e... other social media too, so they can look back on them later... 

just cute little clips, like one of saeran’s room with all his stuff in boxes..... one of saeyoung and saeran (and maybe mc) loading stuff up into the car.... one of them putting the boxes in yoosung’s apartment....  a dumb one of saeyoung goofin’ off at yoosung’s place and mc doting on him..

one of saeyoung giving his brother the biggest bear hug ever. just. completely squeezing the life out of him and dramatically pretending to be all emotional (even tho he really is genuinely emotional inside omg) and saeran being annoyed and trying to push him away “god, let me go! you’re suffocating me!”

one where... they’re bringing in the last box.

and finally like. one w/ yoosung turning around to show his whole apartment, boxes everywhere, some of them already half unpacked. “phew... finally finished! the hardest part, anyway”

it’s cute.

●  the little videos are probably a thing that happens every now and then, even after that... he probably snapchats a lot of things in general bbbut a lot of the time it’s just. dumb, random videos of saeran.

some of them are stuff like:

 a close-up of both of them, taken with yoosung’s phone where they’re like “streaming in fifteen! we’re gonna play ____ today.” .... real cute stuff.

or just. shitty phone videos yoosung takes of saeran where like… yoosung says something really sappy joke or pickup line? idk. something really cheesy and terrible and wants to film saeran’s reaction.  and saeran looks over and his expression is just. dead inside. the camera zooms in real close on his face and he whispers “………………. im so sick of this Shi–”  the video cuts off there

probably lots of them chillin and having fun with the whole rfa crew

and. maybe one where the two of them are hanging out with saeyoung and mc and other pals and.. idk. one of them says something funny and they’re all laughing but yoosung zooms in on saeran who just.........ok i imagine that sometimes his more subdued laughs come out as like?? this huffy, kinda wheezy little giggle. he covers his mouth w his hand. and the video captures that. when yoosung posts it, ppl Freak out about it because it’s so uncharacteristically adorable...

there’s videos of them going on trips or just new places in general... going for hikes and exploring maybe.. idk. lots of cute stuff.

saeran takes one of yoosung when they’re at the spca?? or some place like that. idk (i dont like pet stores but maybe a pet store).. and.. yoosung just has his hands and face pressed to a glass partition/window/whatever that has a puppy behind it. maybe multiple puppies. and yoosung turns around w/ the Most desperate, pleading expression anyone has ever seen. (saeran knows he has to say no but it’s so hard omfg)

and obviously there’s lots of little clips of video game stuff. teasers of the game content itself or their playthroughs. maybe a video of one of them sitting on the couch or a computer chair playing a game and getting angry lol.... (or saeran getting frustrated w/ a handheld game that’s supposed to be really calm like... animal crossing. idk sorry i just love the idea of saeran having a 3ds and playing chill games like that to help him relax when he’s anxious omg)

.... there’s also lil videos yoosung takes but he decides that they are private, for his eyes only... little moments like one where they’re getting ready to stream and saeran’s adjusting one of the microphones 

and yoosung quietly says hey to get his attention, and saeran looks over and smiles real big and genuine w/ lots of love and tells him to “Stop goofing around. C’mon, put your phone down and help me finish setting up.” and it’s. sweet and happy and cute... yeah.

.

BUT uh...

yeah!

that’s all for now !!

[vanonmineblr]

WIP fics~

I’ve mentioned the fact the I’m writing fanfiction a few times in the tags, but I have yet to post any of them (I suffer from the case of incomplete fics), so I feel like posting the WIP versions here partially to prove that I am actually writing things, and partially for advice/criticism... So enjoy I guess? (This will be updated as WIP fics are updated :P)

Tired Spoon [Mumbo fluff, 3/5 complete]

Mumbo smiled, stepping back as he looked at his finished project. It had taken him a while to build his new storage system, but it was done, and he was chuffed to bits about it. Well, he still needed some of the filters, but that could come later. The main mechanism was working, and the rows and rows of chests had been placed. He’d worked non-stop on it, fixing issue after issue in the circuitry, unused as he was with this new type of storage system that worked using new features from the 1.15 and 1.16 updates that had sent redstoners everywhere into a frenzy. It wasn’t the most efficient system out there, but he’d designed it all on his own and he was proud of it. And now, now it was all working. And he was far more tired than he’d realised when he was absorbed in his work, a small sigh escaping his lips. Despite this, he frowned as he looked at the undecorated area, knowing he could clean it up a little first. It would only take a few stacks of concrete, he told himself, and surely he still had some somewhere.

He walked towards the neatly labelled chest, opening it and frowning at the lack of concrete in there. He’d have to make some more then, though he swore that he had more than this just moments ago. Closing the chest, he let out another small sigh which quickly turned into a yawn as he thought of all the digging and crafting he still had to do to get the area looking decent. Maybe he should use cyan terracotta there, though perhaps grey concrete would fit better… He felt a firm hand on his shoulder, and just about jumped out of his skin as Iskall turned him around, looking at the mustached man with worry in his eyes. ‘Mumbo, are you okay there dude? This project is looking mega cool and all, but when was the last time you took a break?’ Iskall asked, concern colouring his voice. Mumbo blinked, about to push his friend’s arm off his shoulder before pausing. How long had it been? It didn’t feel like that long, but if it was long enough that Iskall, the one who had disappeared for nearly a week straight while working on his tree was worried, then it must have been longer than he thought. ‘Oh, well, that depends. What day is it again? I think I started working on it last… Monday?’ Yes, last Monday sounded about right. He’d lost track of the days after, well, he couldn’t exactly recall the day, but he recalled that the last time he’d checked the date, it had been Thursday. ‘Dude, the last time any of us saw you was nearly a week ago.’ Impulse chimed in. How long had he been there? In fact, Mumbo realised, when had any of the eight hermits that surrounded him even arrived? Had he really been tired enough that he didn’t even notice the sound of them arriving? Or maybe it was the click of dispensers and the rushing of water that had drowned their footsteps out, sounds that had been surrounding him for long now that he didn’t even remember that they were there. ‘Oh… But wasn’t it just the other day when I bought those redstone components from xB? Surely it can’t have been more than a-’ ‘Mumbo, that’s the last sighting that Impulse was talking about.’ The kind hermit said, brows furrowed. Mumbo frowned in response, trying to think against the tiredness that was trying to overtake him now that he wasn’t focused anymore. Maybe he had been focused on this project for far too long after all, but he still had to place that concrete. Just that and then it would be done for now. Just a few more blocks. ‘Oh. Well, I’m nearly done with this project, I just need to decorate the-’ As soon as Mumbo uttered those words, he could see that the hermits were not going to let that slide. ‘Nuh-uh buddy, you’re not going to be touching anything until those bags that are haunting your eyes have completely disappeared.’ Tango said, swatting his hand away from the chest that he barely recalled moving towards, other hermits nodded in agreement with Tango’s words.

Mumbo found himself with no chance to speak as the hermits swiftly moved, pulling him away from his project despite his weak complaints. He noticed Grian going through his chests and pulling out a spare change of clothes, and, looking down, realised how covered in redstone he was. His suit looked like it would need a few rounds of washing before it’d begin to resemble its former glory. Herded along by the hermits before his tired brain had a chance to register anything else, he found himself sitting in the guest room of Grian’s mansion, being told to get changed and have a shower as a pile of soft-looking clothes was thrust at him by Iskall. He nodded sleepily, and the hermits left to give him some privacy.

. . .

As he closed the door, Iskall looked at the hermits in front of him.

‘So now that that’s done, what’s the plan?’ He asked the room full of people.

‘He can stay at my place for now, but someone will need to watch him to make sure he gets some rest.’ Grian responded.

‘I can watch his gorgeous face for a few hours, since I don’t live too far away!’ Stress volunteered. ‘Besides, I kinda feel a bit guilty that I didn’t check on ‘im sooner…’ She added softly.The hermits fell silent at that, Impulse putting a hand on her shoulder as if to reassure her.

‘I can help watch our tired friend as well.’ Scar said, breaking the tension that had filled the room. In the end, Stress, Scar, xB, and Iskall all volunteered to watch Mumbo, though from the hushed discussion between Impulse and Tango it seemed like they might be planning something else to surprise the overworked redstoner. 

Slightly worried that it was taking so long for Mumbo to get changed, Grian and Iskall decided to check on him. However, the creak of the opening door only revealed their mustached friend fast asleep on the bed, not even under the covers due to how quickly his tiredness had caught up to him. Iskall let out a quiet chuckle at this, only to be overdramatically shushed by Grian.

‘Be quiet, he’s sleeping!’ Grian whispered in his best motherly voice.

‘You’re being louder than I am!’ Iskall whisper-yelled back at him. The two looked at each other for a second, before stifling their giggles that they simply couldn’t contain.

‘Since you’re being so motherly, why don’t you tuck him in and kiss him goodnight then?’ Iskall murmured through his laughter.

‘Only if you help!’ Grian quietly responded.

And that is how they spent the next half an hour, the two men still stifling their laughter as they struggled to gently tuck Mumbo under the soft woolen covers of the bed.

. . .

Mumbo woke up with a start, unsure as to where he was due to the unfamiliar surroundings. He vaguely recalled the events of the previous day, and, looking up at the spruce roof, figured that he must still be at Grian’s mansion.

He sat up, pushing the red blankets off of himself as he did so, and looked around the room. It was most definitely Grian’s base, his friend’s distinct style easily recognisable to the redstoner. He noted the neatly folded suit on the nightstand, a note on top written in what looked to be Iskall’s handwriting.

‘HEY DUDE HERES A CHANGE OF CLOTHES THAT GRIAN GRABBED FOR YOU. IM PROBABLY IN THE FOYER IF ITS STILL MY SHIFT WHEN YOU WAKE UP. XB MADE FOOD AND WE SAVED YOU SOME SO COME EAT’

Mumbo smiled as he read the note, placing it back down next to the clothes. Should he bother to get dressed before having breakfast? Or maybe brunch would be a more accurate term, the disheveled man corrected himself as he looked out the window at the sun that was already high in the sky.

In fact, he realised, he had yet to actually look at the clothes he had so sleepily put on yesterday. Looking down, it appeared that Grian had also nabbed a pair of Mumbo’s usual night wear when he grabbed the suit, with the familiar loose white top and baggy grey pants, although, Mumbo realised, the shirt was most definitely on backwards.

He ended up getting changed and quickly doing his hair (and mustache) simply because of how disheveled he looked, especially in comparison to how he liked to present himself. He didn’t know how he managed it, but apparently his sleeping position managed to mess up his mustache completely out of shape, though a bit of careful combing fixed it easily enough.

He finally emerged from the room out into the hall, admiring how good of a builder Grian was as he did so. Everyone on the server was ridiculously talented, and Grian’s talents laid in building, as clearly shown in the sights before him.

Mumbo could hear two hermits arguing with humour in their voices as he approached the foyer. It sounded like Scar and Stress, though he was unsure as to what exactly they were arguing about, as by the time he got close enough to hear they’d resorted to joking insults.

‘Mumbo! You’re finally awake!’* Scar said as he spotted his mustached friend. Stress whipped her head around at an alarming speed to look at the man who was awkwardly standing in the doorway, a wide smile spreading across her face, only for the corners of her mouth to turn downwards as her face became serious.

‘You better not scare us all like that ever again, aight?’ She said seriously, striding up to the redstoner. Mumbo looked at the irritated hermit nervously as she approached, not entirely sure what her plan was. Despite his uncertainty showing clearly on his face, she walked right up to him, then stopped, wrapping her arms around him as the frown fell off her face.

‘I was worried when I saw your gorgeous face all tired like that. We all were.’

‘...I’m sorry.’ Mumbo said awkwardly, not entirely sure how to react, settling on returning the hug for now. Stress squeezed him tightly for a moment before letting go, ducking out of his arms, and moving back to a more comfortable distance.

‘In case you were wondering, you were asleep for nearly an entire day, which I actually found rather impressive. Also, Tango and Xisuma say you’re not allowed to work on any projects for another two days, and if they see you working on something you’re apparently going to be in a lot of trouble.’ Scar relayed with a smile, Stress confirming his words with an enthusiastic nod.

Despite the threat of Tango and Xisuma’s wrath Mumbo found himself smiling, knowing that they all cared for him. That was not to say that he had thought that they didn’t, although he’d be lying if he said that doubt had never clouded his mind on particularly lonely nights. Just knowing that his friends loved him enough to do all of this warmed his heart beyond words, and their stern words of concern carried only good intentions. 

Silence fell over the room, heavy with awkwardness, until Mumbo spoke up again.

‘Uh, Iskall said- Or rather, the note said that xB had made food and you saved me some?' He said awkwardly, uncertain as to how long it'd been since Iskall left the note, or if it had even been Iskall who left the note after all.

Stress blinked, as if to pull herself out of a dream world before speaking. 'Oh right. I'm not sure if it's still good, breakfast was a while ago now love. Do you want me to make you something instead?'

*’Hey you! You’re finally awake!’ I thought, proceeding to leave the ooc sentence in. ((This fic is mostly complete, just need to write the ending (Tango and Impulse finish up Mumbo’s sorting system, bit more fluff) and fix up the dialogue a bit. Okay so it’s actually not that complete but shush.))

Wels Sleep [Actual title to be determined, angst or hurt/comfort, half complete]

Wels woke up more tired than he'd ever been. His entire body felt heavy as he pulled himself up into a sitting position, and yet he was determined not to go back to sleep. There were things to be done, and even if he only managed to do a little bit, that was still more productive than sleeping the day away.

He struggled to put on his oddly heavy armour, a tired sigh escaped his lips as he started brewing some tea, and he couldn't help but yawn as he finally sat down again. The hot tea helped wake him up somewhat, but at this rate he'd collapse as soon as he got out the door.

Something seemed off about the view outside, but at another glance it seemed like everything was in the right place, even if he couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed. There was the same crazy build battle, and the same castle wall, so it must have been the rain that threw him off, or perhaps the tiredness that weighed down his bones was affecting his head as well. The trip through the nether was suffocating, the heat that pressed around him making him wish for the comfortable weight of blankets, and he was thankful for the cool air of the overworld once the journey that seemed to take far too long was over. Though he had to admit, there seemed to be a few more portals than he remembered. When his oddly tired eyes saw the rest of the medieval district, the medieval district he hadn't gotten around to building yet, the place which had seemingly grown several houses overnight, his growing suspicions were confirmed. He'd gone on hiatus.

He internally thanked whatever had given him the drive to stay awake, as if he'd gone back to sleep he probably would have slept in another week, but now the question was how long he'd been out for. From the look of the builds it must have been at least a month, but he couldn't say much more than that. There wasn't anything in the medieval district that he could tell the time from, so he'd have to check with the other hermits to know exactly how long it'd been. 

This wasn't his first hiatus on the hermitcraft server, but it still felt odd, knowing that he'd been asleep for... However long it had been, especially knowing how much stuff the hermits could get done in under a month. No doubt he'd have trouble even finding the landmarks he was used to navigating with, although New Hermit... Ville? New Hermiton? He wasn't entirely sure, but it looked relatively unchanged.

Speaking of hermits, he thought, who was online right now? He raised his wrist to check his communicator hadn't broke during the time he'd been out, and luckily it looked like it was without scratches. It did take a few taps before it finally started, which was odd, because communicators usually only had issues on inactive servers, and Hermitcraft was anything but inactive when he left. Perhaps it was his communicator?

Either way, he made a mental note to talk to Xisuma about that, and looked at the screen before him. It had the usual joining message, but none of the 'Hey Wels!' he'd come to expect from the server. Looking at the list of those awake, it was easy to see why - no other names were listed underneath his, which struck him as odd. Usually there was at least a hermit AFK at a farm somewhere, as opposed to the unfamiliar sight of the completely empty server list before him.

Wels blinked, shaking his head slightly as he came back to reality. It was probably nothing, and he was still curious about the progress the hermits had made while he was out. So, with a shake to unfurl his wings, he instead decided to go for a fly around the server - knowing the hermits, even the terrain was probably different. Although he had been preparing himself for this, it was still a very weird feeling as he found himself unfamiliar with parts of his surroundings, the completed minecart tracks that slowly disappeared out of sight a bitter reminder that he had been gone longer than he knew.

The list of new structures grew and grew, and he wondered so hopelessly how long he'd been out as the hours passed with no other hermits logging on. If something bad had happened, they'd surely have left *something* to explain the events that took place, but the eerie silence simply filled his bones with a deep dread.

The shopping district was filled with stocked shops but no profits, just chests and chests of products and prices, yet not a single diamond in sight. Some shops were sold out, or had stacks missing from them, but it looked liked no recent customers had stopped by, not even in the most frequented shops. Cherry computers, the most profitable business on the server that Wels could so clearly recall [] complaining was sold out of repeaters again just yesterday, yet now the entrance was blocked off and nearby a giant timer using diamonds instead of sand with a Cherry Computers logo on top towered menacingly above the shopping district that wasn't his shopping district.

(TW: attempt at writing a sort-of panic attack? Not very good but fair warning anyway) He found himself staring at the floor, trembling, the only one online with no one to walk him through what had changed overnight even though it was not overnight and why wasn't anyone online and why wasn't there a sign somewhere, anywhere, something to explain what had happened when he wasn't there even though he should have been there with them but he didn't get a choice and why wasn't anyone online-

When Wels finally regained his sense of self enough to check where he was, he found himself inside of [], holding a stack of golden carrots that he was sure hadn't been in his inventory earlier. He vaguely recalled prying open the chest with shaking hands, although he could not remember if he had paid. A quick check of the chest revealed that he hadn't left any diamonds in compensation for the food in his hands, although he couldn't help but wonder if it was even necessary with the state of the shopping district. Despite his doubts, he left the appropriate amount of diamonds anyway, not wanting to risk the chance that the haunting silence was all in his head.

His communicator showed that no one else was online.

Despite the fruitlessness of it, he found himself typing a message into the chat. It was only a simple 'Hello?', but he couldn't help but hope that he would receive a message back. Perhaps his communicator had broken, he thought, and someone would be online and able to respond to his message.

The unchanging display declared that as untrue.

Finally, he gathered up his courage and walked back outside. He didn't need anything else from the shopping district, and even being out here once again triggered his anxiety, so he figured it was time to go back to his base. He'd figure out what to do next over a cup of tea, which he could certainly use right now. Xisuma and Biffa always loved tea, he thought bitterly, the face of his old friends surfacing at the mention. No, he corrected himself, Xisuma and Biffa were still alive and enjoying tea, and he would see them again soon. He couldn't give up hope just yet.

That tea was the worst he'd had in a while, bitter with the taste of his thoughts despite all the sugar he desperately added in an attempt to overwhelm the doubts that haunted him.

The list that declared him alone on the server did little to help.The next day he felt far more awake, almost too much so. It gave his mind far too much power to fill the silence, and so he decided to work on a project that involved noises. A doorbell, perhaps? Or maybe a mob farm. It didn't matter, just something else for his mind to focus on instead of the mystery as to where his friends were, and why they hadn't told him. Well, they couldn't have *told* him specifically, but sending a private message or placing a sign or book would have achieved the same effect.

At that thought, he once again looked at the communicator, and switched over to the last private messages he had received. It was the third time he'd checked, but it wouldn't hurt to check again. Unsurprisingly, the latest message remained an inquiry as to possibly collaborating on a project that had since been completed, something he'd noted as he flew about the server. 

He decided to work on [project here] instead.The repetitive *clonk* of placing blocks drove away his thoughts for a while, more interested in getting measurements right than pondering the fate of his friends, but all too soon he got into a rhythm, and his worries made themselves known again. Frustrated he looked down at his feet, focusing solely on the task at hand with all his might, but it was no use, as seconds later he caught himself zoning out and theorizing as to what had happened again.

((Inspired by this post, Wels sleeping through season six angst, though with a bit of canon divergence sprinkled in. Anything marked with ‘[]’ is to be filled in later after I’ve double checked locations / products / interactions. Things marked with ‘* *’ are to be italicized later. Plans for this are that Cub finally comes online and Wels is like ‘and you didn’t tell me??’, possible Helsknight reference)) [There’s also a wip watcher!grian fic but that one is really long and needs to be updated severely (started writing at beginning of season seven) so not putting here]