#it gets lonely in here so i dont want it to be lonely for other people | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

faaun · 6 months

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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electricpurrs · 2 months

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my brain is too self conscious i keep being worried that im posting about sonic too much. in the posting website. and im like oh noooo i should post less or post a bigger Variety of Content so my Public wont be Annoyed at me but secretly in my drafts and queue theres just 28364 sonic posts im not allowing myself to post LOL LOL

#🧃#again i know its ridiculous i dont need to be self concious about TUMBLR but i get crazy anxious anyway #as if everybody who followed me hasnt followed for a completely different interest 5 months ago anyway #i guess i feel particularly lonely because other than my brother i dont have any mutuals who are into sonic rn ?#so i dont have anyone to talk about it to or post about it together so i cant help but feel like im just being annoying here all on my own #i just want to talk about the hedgehogsssssssssssssssssss

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thecedarchronicle · 2 months

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#VENT #VENT TAGS AHEAD !!#so the job is...awful.#i applied for 20-25 hours #they asked if i could do 30 #and now theyre pushing me into 40.#i didn't realize that when i agreed to 30 that was NOT binding (i should have known because it wasn't in my job offer. but i am 19 and--#ive never had a job offer letter before. even tho this is just retail)#and i can't adjust my availability for 90 days.#and since i put full availability expecting 25 hours max #now i have FULL 24/7 AVAILABILITY ON FILE for three months at least #and i have no idea what to do because this means i cant commit to any classes coming up for college #but ive been job hubting for months and barely got anything #and if i lose the job i have to move back in with my dad which is almost worse #whats wirse is my leader/boss is so mean. im not saying this lightly #i dont want to get into it but im barely a week in and he's made disrespectful and pushy comments towards me #has basically told me to stay late (which theoretically i cluld say no; but im still on my three months of 'we will fire you if we want to'#and like i said. need the job.#so he told me to stay late knowing i cant really say no #he's given me a frankly absurd amount of work (instock and i get carts filled woth 2-3x their max capacity unorganized and dangerously--#overloaded) and then he pushes me and snaps at me to get it done in an absurdly short timeframe while im still in TRAINING #im afab and present femme as i haven't transitioned irl and he is so ragingly sexist #he often just refers to me and the other girl being trained as 'girl' or 'that girl #and to top it all off #i took this job over a second interview at a place i really liked #because i thought the hours at this olace would be more consistent #nope! full time! surprise!!#and now im kicking myself so fucking hard over it. i feel like i fucked up so hard #and my friend i moved here with has been home for two months and will be this month so im just. alone. and i don't really have anyone to #turn to. im just so very stressed and tired and lonely

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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🗣️

#no i dont know how to regulate my emotions and i wanna die bc of it i hate myself #omg i just love bpd and cptsd tingzzzz #just... umm many things are happening in life rn and its all so scary and i feel so lonely and idk what will happen to me #anyway.... things are moving to an end #and it will most likely be the last summer i have w my mom #so i just asked her if we could watch strangers from hell aka my fav show together before summer ends #and i was thinking like omg we can watch it together and have dinners and stuff!!#but she was like ughhhhh no i dont really wanna do that #and now i wanna cry and die bc everybody hates me and no one wants to spend time with me and i hate living like an unlovable monster #like yeah im fkn sorry other ppl get irritated at me for being sad and lonely and crying bc no one wants to spend time w me 😭#honestly getting closer and closer to the conclusion that i SHOULD just kms bc everyone hates me #and thinks im wrong and i exist and breathe wrong and no one wants to be around me and like im fkn sorry for #other ppl damaging me and leaving me with disorders that the mental health system has never wanted to treat like #just let me fkn die i hate it here 😔

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tarpitbell · 29 days

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11:23

I'm a damn leech. That's all I am

#audrey/kellie's rambles #audrey/kellie vents #dont mind me #im a leech. im a bug. disgusting. im too much to bare. others in the community talk to each other and yet rarely me #i try to talk witj them. maybe im just not that ... good with my ocs. maybe thats why they never ask. maybe-#im too fucking clingy. im too obsessive. im too moody. im fucking crazy.....#I'll just be here tho. i wonder why no one really talks to me. outside of the internet and in of the internet too #but maybe that means im too fucking annoying for something. bjt then again they have a life and its not sll about me. and my long ass asks #they should be sble to live their life. and yet here i am. getting jealous fucking jealous that my friends are talking to each other #its stupid. i shouldn't be like this. its fucking stupid to he jealous of my friends talking to each other. but it seems like i only #see them as my friends or maybe its because i said smth about my school. and then they leave me alone. but theyve.. always left me alone #always. always a shadow. always actually reminding me that im a bad fucking person. always to be there because...#honestly it has to be me. right? im the damn problem. thay dont talk to me. yet i talk to them endlessly. like they are already gone or smth #i suck at being friends. because this is who i am. some possessive fucking freak. i really should. choked myself with some wires.......#this is just reminding me that my twin is more better and more interesting then who i wanted to be hack then when i was on Amino.#even back then they didn't care for me. now its like its the same but much worse. because-#i hate it. i hate feeling lonely. what the fuck. give me fucking validation. give me attention. give me love.#give me any fucking kind of attention. hate on me. spit on me. kick my legs. i dont. i just want attention. i want to be the center of it #all. but im not and it fucking kills me. i want it so bad. and honestly? i did. for a fraction. because of Flor and my other past ideas #and Flor was a bit of a self insert. she was a sona. in a way. and now Yume will be one too. but-#fucking. don't fucking talk to me. i need to work on his draft

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dbphantom · 4 months

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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight

#so really this is all your fault /lh /j #i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy #VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP #i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud #CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST #i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw #that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly #desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around #like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT #his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me #how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil #and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it #like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her #i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him #the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why #when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past #once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber #i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over #zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik #like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove #RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up #big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home #like i kind of feel bad for him in a way #but i feel bad for everyone #i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row #especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again

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impzone · 1 year

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when you remember. the symptoms syndrome

#mental eelness #posting this to anyone who can relate 👍#it gets lonely in here so i dont want it to be lonely for other people #cluster b #actually borderline #delete later #<- in case i feel bad abt this

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lavender---sunshine · 1 year

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in all seriousness i 90% sure im going to quit my job tomorrow and for a while i will have just enough money to live on and will have to spruce up my resume and job hunt and stress but MY GOD i need to do something else because this is making me suicidal

#like actively suicidal. wanting to die in a way i have not since highschool. literally woke up and thought 'i dont want to be here anymore'#and then couldnt make myself get out of bed until like 10 minutes before i had to leave the house for job 2 #i know its unprofessional but i pretty much...quiet quit i guess. i worked from home for like a month straight without telling my boss #and she called yesterday wondering about it and the whole time the only thing i could think of was 'you didnt even know for a MONTH #thats how little people communicate around here #the office culture is toxic. the people are self absorbed and shut me out. ive gone through like 6 big life events and no one knows because #no one in that office cares enough to ask. and even if i volunteer the most i get is a 'wow that wild look at this tiktok yeah anyway'#im so burnt out. i have 1 day of rest and i dont get to do that at all. so no like im not going to get up get dressed sit in traffic park #on the street because a year later they still havent given me a clicker for the parking lot and sit in the back of a warehouse for hours #talking to no one. ive literally gone days without talking to anyone there. its so lonely.#theres only so many audiobooks and podcasts and albums you can listen to before you think 'i would be ok getting hit by a truck tomorrow'#im going to hate these next few months but i just need time #and the lord works in mysterious ways because my other boss just started talking about hiring for mon/tues which are the days i work bad jo #so i would at least get those hours until i find something else stable. im going to try very hard not to be mean about it but im like...#hey girl this place sucks ass and you know it. im not negotiating #but thanks for that raise 9 months late #im giving you three weeks for find a replacement and i dont care if you fire me in that time #il work from home or panera or starbucks or library but im not stepping in that office again unless its for my minifridge and heater

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munamania · 11 months

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something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love #what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it #why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties #of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often #so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk #and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore #i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them #. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec #but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd #but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE.#OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL.#and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness #but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart.#this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it #that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too #and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch #now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it.#because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do #something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope #and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude #this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post #ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting #all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever

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whomturgled · 11 months

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:^(

#feelin like a big lonely loser tonight teehe ^__^#thought maybe i had plans but then not n everyone else i asked didnt answer or had plans w other ppl too #n i had suggested a plans with stef but she never rlly confirmed or denied but i figured not plus im kinda sick now too but #also called her just to be like hi n i miss u bc idk im SICK n i hate being sick n the way she sounded was weird AaagghGGHHHHH #n im just now realizing maybe she also ended up doing plans w other ppl #just feels like nobody likes me i GUESS which is dramatic but . aagggghhghgh #to be fair a bit of a 180 from i love u so much lemme say it 50 times last night to i call her n say ilu n shes like uhh ok haha #anD I FEEL LIKE EVERYONES GIVING ME RLLY SHORT ANSWERS N LIKE #but i dont know if i have the energy to give a lot of. energy. ?? to expect it back? but its like #an endless cycle of feel bad so less energy or want to bug less so then deserve less in return anyway so feel worse #its kinda feeling like isolation time which i havent done in a hot minute but i tried so hard to get out of it but like . for what yknow #i got to talk to some ppl some more n meet some ppl but at the end of the day i still feel alone n alien teehee #but maybe im just bejng dramatic bc sick. and rsd with the Tones and ppl having Plans With Others #like its perfectly reasonable to have forgotten or just idk had better options or maybe bc i didnt say anything sooner buT . IDK. 😔🥺#im sick n i hate being sick n i want someone to take care of me ugh #instead i just kinda sat here. played some OW. got mad at OW. ordered pizza to engage in basically food self harm LOL n watched some #of a show ive been meanjng to watch. jts neat so far. but yeah now i just feel like shit i guess #idk how to like. not be insane. or like. ask ppl for like. idk. reassurance or smthn or. share feelings. without feeling like i am.... bad #for doing so or itll end poorly or its excess or burdensome or unreasonable. bc it kkinda is unreasonable but idk not entirely ig yknow #and i really need to shower but i especially dont want to now that i ate food bc id rather die than look at myself naked but yea #YEAH. IDK. i feel. like shit. and garbage. and i can almost see this as being the turning point to me sabotaging my ownnpotential future #whatever ive been slowly building that i just. end up giving up now.#god i wanna call stef or pidge or someone n... ig not even talk abt this bc i dont wanna be a bother but. just hear ppl. u_u #feel like i am wanted in the world slepflsjhggbjwjr #It's My Blog I'll Use It As A Diary / Thought Organizing Thing If I Want To !!!!

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jacobied · 11 months

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feeling fucked up tonight<3

#i cant stop being stupid and insane about my book MAYBE not even definitive yet getting a french translation like haha what if i did some #hot girl shit and called it off and died ? :3 #i havent drawn or written anything Good in like months i feel like removing my bones from my body like god get ouT im so stuck on everythin #and now i dont even want to do the Good Cool Thing thats right in front of me for god knows what reason other than im fucking crazy #also every other week i realize tht i will nawt be able to get anything meaningful out of therapy [as if i can afford it lol<3] for minimum #the next couple years bc if i bring up me being lonely me being isolated they're just gonna tell me to stop being scared of covid<3 #like girlie said that to me in 2021 ! the vaccine was JUST out lol like the fuck ? what the fuck ? guess i'll die here !#jade.exe

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tortademaracuya · 1 year

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*spongebob's hawaiian cocktail playing* I'm gonna end up texting first like always aren't I

#bro i feel so lonely 😭#if i text this one friend and actually say yes im most likely gonna feel even shittier afterwards like always but like #i dont have. a lot of options to choose from. haha #:(#i wish i still had people that wanted to hang out with me i have to do everything lately #and i feel like such a burden asking people to put up with me #i passed near an ex friends house today so im feeling too nostalgic ig #tengo que levantar la pala de una buena vez asi no tengo tiempo para nada. ni para sentirme mal #haunted.txt #i do all the reaching out on this one friendship in particular #be it trying to check on her. just talk or visit #i dont mind going to buenos aires but it would be nice if we could hang out here sometimes #and I KNOW she comes here sometimes. she just never wants to see me in particular when she does :(#she always has other stuff going on the few times we hang out so she will either be ignoring me #or doing whatever else she needs to do while i wait outside or drag behind her #which i dont mind usually! i love acompanying friends to do whatever tasks they need to do #but when i see a friend i had to travel 2 hours to get there and we see each other maybe two times a year #it would be nice if at least i could talk to them for more than 5 minutes you know :)#im probably complaining about stupid stuff

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headofhelios · 1 year

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when i was a kid the idea of like surprise birthday parties was so like. idk i wanted it and it never happened but now its actually like. gonna happen to me but at a really really bad time when i am going to be very stressed and whatever the surprise thing is will probably make it worse so its like. hmm. early birthday gift of being nauseous with anxiety a month in advance

#my brother had good intentions telling me but also like. i have been tearing up all night and when i tried to explain my reservations to him #i just felt stupid so its. mm. this sucks #its also weird bc like. guuuhhgg i had a weird Thing a while ago that was apparently really bad i guess #so it feels like. idk. my mother trying to 'fix' that with this. so i feel like i cant say no to it #(especially bc she doesnt know i kinda know about it)#but its also like. well. when it happens i might really really freak out badly and that would ruin things for everyone. right.#kind of feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place here bc like i WANT to talk to my mother abt this but also again she doesnt know #that i know and i dont want her to be disappointed that my brother said something to me. even though i dont know what the surprise is #just that there is one planned #also in recent years ive realized i get i suppose anxious when people get me gifts i havent Asked for #so surprises like this arent really my thing anymore. i think when i was a kid i mostly wanted one bc in tv shows theres always a lot #of people there for it and i was a lonely child.#anyway i realize this is something of a stupid thing to complain about #in my defense i feel like a lot of things that should be 'about me'#(however self centered that sounds. it makes me wince to say trust me.)#are made to be more about other people namely my immediate family.#so like my gender isnt about me its about how my mother feels about it. and my birthday isnt about me its about other people celebrating it #again ik ik its a stupid complaint. just saying that because of that *points up* which ive been feeling for nearly 10 years now #its all a bit of a tender bruise. emotionally speaking. for me.#personal

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snekdood · 1 year

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I think in the whole convo around why its hard to make friends today really understimates how technology has essentially ripped peoples masks off to show how toxic they can become and how repelling and even scary it can be interacring with ppl bc of it. Bc of tiktok. Bc of ppl filming you secretly. Bc the "bullying is good, actually" people. Literally that video of that lady lying to her neighbor and then the neighbor confronted her and she gaslighted the neighbor like. You might laugh but deep down you know youd never hang out w that person on a deep level. You know that person would just be toxic. At this point being alone seems more appealing bc you dont have to risk all this weird bullshit. Its almost worth the touch starvation n all the other physical and mental bullshit that comes w loneliness n shit if every friend geoup is going to try to eventually moralize their hate of you and kick you out of a friend geoup for being too "cringe" and then put you on blast online and then all the commentors just laugh and dont think deeply about the situation bc theyre just there to laugh and are prolly just as fuckin toxic. Like we got a real issue here yall. Wtf is going on. Ppl in my generation are so fucking unlikeable.

#why be lonely and fucked up bc of it with extra trauma when you can just be lonely and fucked up bc of it #why make the situation worse and risking having more trauma than you already do #and hey! its not like i like feeling this fuckin way! but i dont trust any of yall and i dont think i ever will be able to #to the person taking this post and pointing and laughing at it! IM LOTERALLY TALKING ABOUT YOU!#MAYBE GO FUCKING LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ASK WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO FUCKIN UNLIKEABLE TO EVERYONE #SHIT DAWG. BE BETTER.#technology just gave people a whole new and worse way to abuse people.#please fucking understand: THIS ISNT FUCKING NORMAL #and yes before your moralizing ass gets up in here this IS one of those times where normalcy is good actually. where have an inherent #sense of human decency for others is actually a GOOD thing society tries to teach people.#sometimes not EVERYTHING is worth getting rid about *society*#god. all i ever wanted was a nice friend group where ppl dont make fun of me for being different. apparently that's too much to ask for #these days. idk what happened but some time when the 2000's became the 2010's ppl just became fucking awful randomly.#like all of that. loving yourself freely no mayter how cringe shit just suddenly vanished. i thought maybe humanity would see the light #again some day but i guess fuckin nah.#whatever. i hope we all rot at this point.

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leatherbookmark · 1 year

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i got curious and checked how my old babygirls (enstars lads) are doing and. well since the game got its English version and the wiki doesn't have any translations online, i don't know how they're doing, but I looked at their cards and they're so cute. miss them lots (but not enough to play again, Oh No)

#i kinda wanna know how things are rn but... yeah i can't #i can only hope theyre still alive and unharmed but fuck you never know with akira #i doubt anyone here knows enst but i wonder how obvious my tastes are... could anyone guess who was my best boy/otp? lol #wait no im xi/yao maining now. is there a ship in enst thats similar to them....? I DONT KNOW #is there a ship in md/zs thats similar to my enst otp... I ALSO DONT KNOW #anyway i was also pathetically lonely in my enst tastes because iirc no one else looked at rei and saw his INCREDIBLE pathetic little man #potential. only a cool sexy dude with depression and like yes but PRECISELY because of that its so satisfying when he's a loser #does anyone get my vision? no. such is the fate #i make a new ao3 account almost every new life-consuming fandom because im always ashamed of my old shit and dont want to be Perceived #but my old fics are still there and i gave them a reread the other day and they werent That horrible lol #anyway.#i should stop now before i get emotionally invested. in this house we dont trust akira. we hiss at him actually #shrimp thoughts

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mrfoox · 2 years

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.... I feel bad bc my friend is sad ) :

#miranda talking shit #I feel a bit guilty too... I think thabks to my meds i am taking this better than normal but yeah #Fabian and me have only like spoken twice over the past month or two? Which is not much #Considering we have basically talked almost daily for years (a minimum at once per week) ...#The irony is that he implied that he was too big of an part of my life before we had this ... Break #... But as far as i know the few friends he have... Are the ones we have in common. Two irl friends . And me #Hes .... Been feeling lonely. He is now. He wants to talk to people etc and im like ): ...#I... Like oliver said 'i think fabian takes solitude a lot harder than you do. He does mind being alone' and yeah...#I think i may have unintentionally made him rely on me rather hard for socializing... For years hes basically only been in my social 'hot'#Zone. And now he have ended up in my 'cold' zone for the first time for this long... Like oliver said i dont mind solitude.#I grew up playing pretend on my own 80% of my time at home. Now i can get in isolation periods where im focusing on a video game #And literally not... Talk to anyone for a month or more. Then i talk to someone again and i realize i had been lacking social time but i #Dont actively... Feel it. I only get lonely at night badly id like to share bed with someone. But ... Yeah. Fabian is probably used to #Getting all this attention from me constantly and now im... Not providing it. Bc im focusing on other people socially...#I said im glad he shared feeling lonely with me and that i am here for him etc but...#I feel like ive failed him. Is failing him. Idk... I know its not my fault and so on but... My social... Functions have many downsides #I probably make people feel very special. I love to listen and ask about everything and encourage them and such. But then i can just stop #Talking for a long period of time and its .... Its never intentional but its how ive always been. Its why ive always kept to having like 3 #Friends up until becoming an adult and now jts... Its hard. I love many people and i want to give them as much of me as possible at a time #So instead of dividing myself to everyone always... I give one or two people all my attention at a time

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