#and now i dont even want to do the Good Cool Thing thats right in front of me for god knows what reason other than im fucking crazy
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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feeling fucked up tonight<3
#i cant stop being stupid and insane about my book MAYBE not even definitive yet getting a french translation like haha what if i did some#hot girl shit and called it off and died ? :3#i havent drawn or written anything Good in like months i feel like removing my bones from my body like god get ouT im so stuck on everythin#and now i dont even want to do the Good Cool Thing thats right in front of me for god knows what reason other than im fucking crazy#also every other week i realize tht i will nawt be able to get anything meaningful out of therapy [as if i can afford it lol<3] for minimum#the next couple years bc if i bring up me being lonely me being isolated they're just gonna tell me to stop being scared of covid<3#like girlie said that to me in 2021 ! the vaccine was JUST out lol like the fuck ? what the fuck ? guess i'll die here !#jade.exe
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i keep thinking about how like if i were 10ish years younger and figuring out my gender shit in this current climate i genuinely might not have allowed myself to come to the same conclusions i did as a teenager. like so much of my transness is about choosing to be this way because it feels right and makes me happy, and i had a community both online and to some degree in person that affirmed that, and its not that that community isnt still around but i just dont know if it wouldve felt worth it. like i want to be an obviously and visibly queer gnc transfag i LOVE that about myself but its a journey i started when i was 15 and if i had to start that journey NOW i think it would be a lot fucking scarier. and of course thats the whole point, to scare people away from every coming out or even fully considering the possibility of being trans
#like i didnt Figure Out I Was A Man at 15 i have been on a journey of figuring out gender shit for years#but its always been based around imagining the version of myself that feels Good and Right#like i dont think i ever would have considered transness for myself had i not been introduced to it in the way i was#(safe and affirming and cool thing on tumblr)#like thats not the way my dysphoria is idk. i just like being a guy and i DO feel a deep wrongness that i didnt grow up as a boy#but idk i couldve never clocked that if i'd never thought 'do i want to be a boy'#and fuck man to ask myself that question for the first time NOW???#to consider the options of telling or hiding from my conservative parents NOW??#i told them a couple years ago now but i never kept it a Full Secret lmao like they Knew it was coming#and obv i knew i would be safe etc but like if it wasnt for me being out already (as multiple things)#what would they be on board with now??#they've never been qanon marjorie taylor green type conservatives they are more libertarian types#they suck very much to be clear its just like#i dont KNOW and i things are unfathomably scarier than they were 7 years ago#every time i hear something new i feel so sick and then i just sit here bc i dont know what to do#and the idea of not even getting the chance to know im trans bc the climate is so hostile and terrifying is HEARTBREAKING#oh 2015 oh advocating visibility and representation well this is what fucking happens when ppl know trans ppl exist huh#(obviously these things are still good but u know what i mean. like ppl were talking about hypervisibility AT THAT TIME)#r.xt
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ive thought about becoming a babysitter full time id really enjoy it, i love child care and i think im pretty good at it! i couldnt raise a kid of course but im really good at interacting with them and teaching them stuff and keeping them entertained. my friends always liked my littlest sister better, but my friends siblings always liked ME better and thought i was the coolest thing theyve ever seen. every kid ive ever met has thought i was the coolest person theyve ever met and i tend to work really well with them
#txt#im flexing right now but its relaly not that hard you just dont baby talk at them and tell them cool facts you knpow and do cool dance move#and really listen to them when they talk. like really genuinely listen and respond. thats all they want#though i am kind of known for being a bad influence because i tend to encourage them to do things and then get in trouble bc their parents#didnt want that. one of my little sisters friends wanted short hair super bad and she had it tucked into a hat and eventually she was like#do you think my hair would look good short like yours! cus my mom said itd look bad!#and i was close to this kid bc ive babysat her a billion times and i was like DUDE YOUD LOOK SO GOOD WITH SHORT HAIR NO JOKE#mostly bc thats what i would have wanted to hear as a kid even if it wasnt true or the honest opinion of the person#and then next time she hung out i was like oh dude nice haircut! i knew itd look good#and she was like yeah but my mom grounded me for cutting it :X#and i was like UHM
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I'm in the middle of a knitting project right fucking now, and I'm already looking at other projects to do. I'm not even close to finishing the current project and I'm looking at like three others. It's a real problem
#so the thing is i really like to knit as gifts (the project im on right now is a christmas gift for my sibling)#so i like to think of knitting projects i could do as gifts for upcoming holidays and such#but also i like cool things#so im looking at this bat cape for myself#i dont even have an occasion to wear a cape. and even crazier-#im trying to figure out how to make my own patterns. so i can knit a tapestry/blanket thing. of a fictional map from a ttrpg#im playing a ttrpg rn and i have become obsessed#and im painting the map onto a clipboard (it takes place at a summer camp and summer camp map on a clipboard makes sense)#but apparently thats not enough for me. because i want it as a full tapestry or blanket#but because it was created in my girlfriend's head (shes the gm) it doesnt exist as a pattern online#so i have to figure out how to make it come to life#thats way beyond my skillset. ive been knitting since 2019 and i only figured out the purl stitch in the last like year#i recently learned double knitting which has been fun. and thats as complex as my knitting knowledge gets#i knitted a nice shawl once. that and the double knitting is where it ends for me#so of course im trying to figure out colorwork for a map#idek where to start with that one. if you know then please lmk#it has like three colors and thats one more color than im used to#i lied maybe four. maybe five. okay so theres green for land. blue for the lake. black for buildings and roads#then like beige or gray for a bit of cliffs. and there's also a shipwreck that i would have to figure out#if that helps you help me then please let me know cuz i really want to do this project#im super passionate about this game and the campaign and i love knitting. i would love to do something with it related to knitting#there are two really good artists in the party that share their amazing art#one of them made a much better map than my painted one that i havent finished. so i think it would be so funny to swing in with a#knitted tapestry or something. and because its a colorwork blanket it will be years down the road. but there are such nice drawings#and then me coming in with a knitted map. thatd be so fun#anyway i went on a ramble in here. i should go work on the current knitting project i have
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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ill be skinny and dying and ill look beautiful and people will like me it has to happen or id rather die
whats the point of being lonely and in pain all the time and then having to get a job and hate doing that if i have no friends and hate myself. the one thing that keeps me wanting to live wont be good enough once u have to work and in that case id rather just die
:(
#i just. i dont want most of my immediate family aware of this. ive spiraled a little bit i guess. i wanna be hospitalized haha. like a lot#thats the goal now i guess. 85 pounds and then if its not good enough i just keep going lower untill its worse#but i guess if im hospitalized my immediate family will HAVE to get involved. i just dont wamt my younger siblings aware of it.#i wanna make myself so sick. i want the people who always looked at me when i was little and hated how shy i was and said i was too small#tohear about giw im in the hospital and think oh thats just terrible#its like. i dont even know anyone who will look at me thinner and think its a good thing. everyone i know already knows about my ed#and they all already think u should eat more. i do wish i knew someone who would think me being skinnier was good#i want someone who will feel me get bonier and think whoah thats neat. think its cool they can wrap their hands around my wrists#well. my wrists are very tiny anyway because my hands are really small. my family just has really tiny hands#people dont notice mine much because they are proportional to my arms (they notice my siblings though bc they are bigger than me)#but whenever someone actually holds my hands or hands me something a looks they realize oh my god why are your hands so small#like. the bones themselves are small. been told i have baby hands. mine are way smaller than my siblings though bc im underweight#hmm. i always felt horrible for this but i used to be so internally proud of the fact i was slinnier than my 8yo sister#like. she is a normal sized kid. average weight and height. and it feels validating to be smaller than that. like i actually AM tiny#my only friend is fat which is obviously fine and nothing wrong with it but it means i have no comparison. she is much bigger than most#people so i cant think oh im way smaller than her im doing great bc like. that could mean im just average sized. but that i can look at my#sister who is normal sized for someone 8 years younger than me and is also i young kid and see im thinner so i must be doing well#well. one day ill move past that and look pike i could juat die right there bc im so small#so tiny that i look so frail and easy to break
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𝑨 - 𝑳𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓
My headcanons of the LADS Men w/ a Singer/Idol reader
𝚉𝚊𝚢𝚗𝚎
He's a doctor before anything else, but he's making it to every show that he can
Tends to make it to your rehearsals more than your actual shows
wants to read over your contract with your label before you sign anything
always has flowers delivered to your dressing room on the day of your show
He owns every album and ep
"You know you don't have to buy the physical copies right? I can give them to you for free" "Yes I do I'm your number 1 fan will you sign this?"
loves surprising you when you're getting off stage with a small gift or flowers in hand
sets his favorite song as your ringtone
sexy dance with a partner? Absolutely hates it! "Do you have to do that part with him?" "He doesn't touch me Zayne it's just a body roll" "I'm not a fan"
when he can't make it to your show he livestreams it
buys you a bracelet with his name and birthstone "Wear this so you think of me" "Is this so everyone will know I'm taken?" "Thats only a plus"
plans his days off around your return dates when you go on tour
always sends an encouraging texts or calls before your shows
if you dont want your picture taken by paparazzi and he's with you he'll cover every lens with a sheet of ice
comes to your studio sessions when he can and if he can't make it he'll sit on the phone with you.
𝚁𝚊𝚏𝚊𝚢𝚎𝚕
FANBOY FANBOY FANBOY
He's buying every album and ep and damn near setting up a shrine for you
He's at every single show
he has the option to be backstage or front row vip section he's front row 90% of the time
Captures the best angles of you while you're performing
Knows every single word to every song he's singing his little heart out right along with you
That fan page with 2 million followers? Thats his. Those fan edits that keep going viral for how good they are? Thats him.
He's backstage with you massaging and helping with ice packs to cool you down.
"Ice cold water isn't good for her vocal cords bring us room temperature!" suddenly he's the boss?
showers you in compliments after your shows and don't worry if your pre-show nerves start getting to you he's right there gassing you up
Now a sexy dance with a partner? he's not feeling it "I swear he wants to do a little more than dance" "well that would be shocking since his boyfriend is also my backup dancer" "Oh ._."
would 100% pack up and throw himself onto that tour bus the minute you ask if he wants to come with you
covering your face from paparazzi when you don't want your picture taken
those crazy stalkers and haters that are trying to harm you? strange how they keep disappearing huh
flowers and gifts before and after every show
sketches and or paints during your studio sessions; will spend all night/day in there with you he doesn't care he loves watching you and the process
𝚇𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚛
supports you in every thing you do he's almost like you're personal bodyguard though
"no pictures" he says calmly as he places his hand on the lens of a pap who was hiding scaring the person shitless because how did he see him and how did he get there so fast
waits patiently backstage so he can carry you back to your dressing room
surveys the crowd silently even though you have security
follows all your fan pages and constantly scouring the internet for any bad press or hate so he can get rid of it
stands outside your dressing room while you rest so no one disturbs you "Xav get in here stop scaring my crew!"
goes over every minor detail with your label and publicity manager when a tour is brought up
tried to cook for you one time while on tour .... your manager nixed that expeditiously
that sexy dance you had with a partner? he got so jealous that you had your choreographer change the dance so he would stop sulking
prefers to carry you around because "you work so hard on stage"
changes your shoes for you and kisses your knee every time
takes naps in the studio when you're recording
𝚂𝚢𝚕𝚞𝚜
this man is a mafia leader you think he has time to keep up with your hectic schedule? You bet your ass he does! Priorities baby and you're number 1
he is going over your contract with your label before you sign anything
you're going on tour? He's buying you the best and most comfortable tour bus money can buy
helps you in and out of costume changes
waits backstage with a pair of fluffy slippers and a bottle of water "You were amazing Miss Idol"
tries to sing your songs all the time "Hey baby who sings that?" "You." "Let's keep it that way"
Your dressing room, tour bus, and hotel rooms are always flourishing with gifts
Constantly praises you
follows your fan pages
either gives you a massage or has massages schedule for you to keep you nimble.
buys a recording studio for you so you don't have to pay the ridiculous studio fees
the twins end up becoming two of your backup dancers
gets rid of pictures online that you dislike; stops paparazzi from taking pictures by ruining the cameras with his evol
dont even worry about a stalker or crazy fan with malicious intent Sylus & the twins got that ass taken care of
#love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace sylus#lads#lads rafayel#lads xavier#lads zayne#lads sylus#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#xavier love and deepspace#lnds rafayel#lnds zayne#lnds xavier#nikaaaaimagine
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had a thought of fwb patrick calling you to let you know he fucked someone else (he is SO good at communication if he cares about preserving a relationship) and being like “i kept calling them your name but they didn’t feel like you :/ ”
crying because you're probably the one who said you should see different people - scared of getting attached to patrick and inevitably getting your heart broken - but you know you can't resist him either, not when he speaks to you in that voice and looks at you with those eyes like he's already thinking about being balls deep inside you and is just letting you have your little moment till it happens, so yeah. walls are put up. you'll let him bounce you on his cock in the back of his van, but you wont be exclusive with him.
it kinda backfires on you because you're the one who finds it hard to actually fuck other people, so insistent that you wanted to - and yet whenever you're with another man it just feels wrong when he puts his hands on you. you purposely refuse to think about patricks side of things. you're not special. thats why you made the fucking rule. you knew that from the start.
so when patrick calls you drunk and he starts to tell you about this girl he was just fucking - you're ready to hang up - ready to try and brush it off and pretend it doesn't hurt, you dont care, its what you expected, this is why the rules were in place anyway, dont fucking cry - but then his voice reaches through you through the receiver, all scratchy and rough when he tells you - "s'not the same, though."
and you furrow your brows. curious enough to not hang up just yet. still sick at the knowledge he was with someone else, maybe this is self punishment - hearing the gritty details will detach yourself from him further. which is what you need. "what wasn't the same? pussies pussy, isn't it."
patrick makes a sound on the other end of the line. one of obvious disagreement. "no." he says, seems to collect himself to say something more - you hear faint background sounds. something metallic. his keys maybe? the creak of his mattress. he just got home probably. is getting into bed. "there's pussy and there's your pussy."
you find yourself also getting into your own bed. settling against your pillows. you try not to react to that, press the phone closer to your ear. "uh huh," you say, going for sarcastic. you want him to elaborate.
and because patricks a fucking talker, he does exactly that. "you've totally fucking ruined me for other women. i mean, unless someone is cool with me being balls deep and saying another womans name. that woman is you, by the way. fucking mood killer."
you hear the switch of a lighter being flicked on. you can imagine him lounging back in his bed after a night out - he's probably just in his boxers - maybe even naked - lazily pulling drags from a cigarette as he talkes to you. phone balanced between his cheek and shoulder.
"do you want me to feel bad for you?" you tell him, and there's perhaps a smile in your voice. perhaps. "poor patrick."
"you should." he tells you, voice scratchy like how it is right after he took a hit. you hear the exhale as he lets the smoke out. patrick looks unfairly good with a cigarette. even though he should quit. you wonder if hes holding it between his fingers or if its trapped between his lips as he fiddles with something else. "considering its your fault. your pussy gave me whiskey dick for other girls."
you try not to let that mean anything. fail. you bite your bottom lip.
"so you were thinking of me?" you hate the note of hope in your voice. god, you're pathetic. you feel the power of the situation slipping from you.
the bed creaks again from his side as he readjusts. picturing him isn't helping. half dressed or nude. half dressed or nude. how unkempt is his hair right now? you wish he was in front of you. "i was going down on her," he starts and you frown.
"ugh-"
"shut up. i was going down on her and she was making these sounds right? and i just kept thinking-" he says your name. over and over again. "- and 'her pussy feels better than this'. had to fuckin. close my eyes and imagine that shit - that last time i fucked you? when you sank down on my shit and just - fucking bounced on it - d'you remember that? no one fucks my dick like you do. shits insane. anyway, i was thinking about that - and i guess i said your name or something - she's slapping the shit out of me out of nowhere. kicked me out." he lets out a long suffering sigh. "this is a fucking problem."
you roll over onto your stomach. kick your feet in the air behind you. "oh, its a problem, huh?" you pout out your bottom lip. "poor patrick. so pussy whipped he cant slut himself out. im crying for you."
"oh, fuck off." he grunts. "like you dont think about me when you're getting pounded by some pencil dicked bitch."
"and how do you know their dick sizes? maybe im getting 'pounded' by monster cock every weekend."
"nah." is patricks simple reply.
you glare even though he cant see you. "the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"it means." patrick says, deliberately. "that if you were taking cock from anyone with a big dick your cunt wouldn't be as tight as it is."
you swallow. vulgarity from patricks lips shouldn't sound as good as it does.
"vaginas dont work like that, stupid."
"baby." he says it condescendingly. a gush of wet soaks your pussy. fuck. his voice. he shouldn't be allowed to call you that. new rule. that you'll impose later. "you're as tight as a virgin down there. I'm not saying you'd be loose, but - i definitely wouldn't have to pin you down." if you're slipping your hand under yourself to touch yourself, no you're not. "- and fucking bully my cock into you."
you tremble a little. "you have an unnaturally big cock its -" you swallow "- its not any indication of the men i sleep with."
"sure." he tells you. he doesn't believe you. fucking smug asshole. "so you're saying you dont think of me?"
you lie, "that's what im saying."
its quiet on the other side of the line. your hand comes out of your panties, you look down at your phone but he hasn't hung up.
"huh." he says eventually.
"what?" you sit up.
"it's just interesting."
"what about it is interesting?"
"nothing." he replies. his tone is unreadable. you cant tell if hes amused or pissed or just doesn't care. you wish you could see his face. when he's irritated, his jaw works back and forth. when he's entertained, his lips are quirked. you wonder what his hands are doing too. if he's fidgeting with his fingers to show anxiety, or if his knee is bouncing with contempt. "i wanted to tell you I'll be out of town for a few weeks."
you blink. this is - startling. sudden. whiplash. you open and close your mouth like a fish.
weeks. plural. the longest you've gone without seeing patrick is three weeks. and that's when you're both busy. anxiety enters your chest. a fissure of it.
"oh?" you try to sound casual. "how long?"
"dont know." he exhales through the receiver. "its just some tennis shit. I'll be in florida for a month."
"oh."
he says your name again.
"yeah?" your mind is drifting. a strange feeling. like you already miss him when he's not even gone yet. a month without patrick zweig... without his hands and his face and his lips and body on yours -
"I'm gonna miss you." he says. he sounds deeply sincere. like, intensely so. your heart thumps in your chest, a wild thing. you feel like suddenly, your response is very important. you lick your lips. the urge to tell him you'll miss him too on the tip of your tongue -
you say - "you'll miss my pussy, you mean."
silence for a beat.
then he huffs a laugh. "yeah. yeah, i will." he doesn't sound amused though. "gonna pass the fuck out, i think. night."
"nigh-" you start but the line clicks.
he hung up.
#ask#why did i add angst#anyway#patrick gives u whiplash fr#patrick zweig x reader#what will this distance mean i wonder.....#challengers x reader#challengers smut#josh o'connor#josh o'connor x reader
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modern!ellie headcanons
notes/warnings: pet names used (baby), sfw, loser!ellie a little (i cant help it), no race specific information, androgynous reader
★ she has an insane mug collection thats so strange, when you go to hers for the first time its such a weird thing
"you want something to drink?"
"sure"
and you'll go back to messing with her stuff that she left sprawled across her coffee table until you hear her clomp over and extend her arm, she'll be holding an inconveniently built mug out to you casually
"els, what the fuck is that?"
she tilts her head and furrows her brow, confused at your comment as if its unreasonable to ask why shes handing you a horrifically constructed alien mug thats bound to spill all over you
★ speaking of these mugs, she refuses to get rid of *any* of them. when you guys move in together you're begging her to just get rid of one but she refuses
"els, please. we dont have enough shelves for these, we need normal drinking glasses."
you sigh as the mugs sit across the kitchen counter, shes on one side staring at them while youre on the other side staring at her.
"i cant, i use them all"
she doesn't. she drinks out of one and she only ever drinks water from it. you go back and forth for merely minutes before you throw in the towel and just let her do her thing, if shes happy you dgaf about the normal water glasses.
★ shes a loud ass walker, you will hear her before you see her. you genuinely start to think she's doing it on purpose.
★ she has one belt and its one wrong move from completing snapping in two pieces, there is a literal half inch of material holding it together
★ needs to pet street cats every time she sees them, whenever you point out that they're probably diseased she scoffs
★ tries to pretend shes good at fixing things but has no clue what shes doing—the toilet isnt flushing properly and so she stands about 3 feet from it and stares at it with her weight shifted to one side. she'll have on a tank top on and slacked down carhartt pants engulfing her legs as she nods. she really likes to take care of you so she'll refuse to admit she has no idea what shes doing and when you walk away she looks up "toilet not flushing reddit"
★ she fucks with the twilight franchise but pretends to hate it because it doesn't "look cool"
★ she cant drive, she failed her permit test 3 times and pretends like every other driver on the road is the problem (shes the issue every time)
★ she drives a beat up car or truck, it smells a little funny and the radio gets three stations so you have to rummage through her mass cd collection to find something to listen to. half the cds wont even be in their case but instead haphazardly chucked around her car in random spots. the only ones she keeps in order are your cds, which have a specific bag so you don't have to scurry about in her car to find them.
★ 3 pairs of socks and they all have holes in them, she'll complain that the floor is cold all the time
"god the floor is so cold in here"
"can you just put some socks on?"
"i'm wearing socks right now"
"oh really?"
and she'll point as her feet, half her toes are out and her heel is fully exposed. its about the same as just wearing no socks at some point. you'll just stare in disbelief for a moment before scoffing.
"what'd you do that for?"
that small crease between her brows finding its way to her face as it always does.
"you're barely wearing socks"
"oh whatever"
★ has to physically restrain herself from telling you the gift she bought you for any holiday or event, shes tweaking out and cant function until she gives it to you
★ she loves to just be in your presence, she'll observe your routines. she enjoys perching next to you as you get ready, no matter how short or long or a routine she will be by your side
★ she can cook a crazy burger but that's literally all she can make
★ shes a blushing mess for you but she loves to get cocky and pretend she isn't when texting you
★ needy and will message you thirst trap ass photos in an attempt to get you to leave work early and be with her (it works)
#ellie williams#the last of us#ellie williams x reader smut#loser!ellie#tlou2#tlou#tlou ellie#ellie x reader fluff#ellie x you#ellie x y/n#ellie fluff#ellie williams imagine#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#ellie x reader#ellie hcs#ellie headcanons#modern ellie#modern au
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what direction do you think they should have gone in with jason? as in where should he be now in terms of people and what he's doing
i think winick had it exactly right green arrow #69-72 and batman & robin #23-25. he was a villain but he had a Method and a Purpose. and usually that purpose was just to fuck with batman. i loooove it when hes a villain and hes very clearly doing bad things, but hes not just indiscriminately killing people. hes doing it for a reason, hes still doing the same thing he was doing in utrh by controlling the drug trade, and even when hes doing the right thing hes being an asshole about it
i especially love the ga issues because jason doesnt even talk to batman but bruce KNOWS what hes doing and he knows its about him. i love the bruce & jason post-utrh dynamic where they've both pretty much said everything they have to say and neither of them is changing their position, so now jason is just starting fires to get attention. "ok bruce you dont want to talk to me? thats fine. ill just follow you to star city then psychologically torture a teenage girl then blow her up in front of you" icon! i forgive him! i think its so fun when red hood is a member of batman's rogues gallery and bruce feels bad every time he fights him but also he kinda cant stand him since he knows jason is only doing it to mess with him and its working. but also jason is a Greater Good person so he DOES end up working with the bats sometimes just because theyre also working on the good side
anyways the ideal bruce & jason dynamic to me is "the love was there and it made everything so much worse" because jason is doing everything for bruces attention because he loves him and wants him to care about him but hes not willing to budge on his own morals and neither is bruce. and bruce loves jason so he doesnt want to arrest him or put him in danger but also hes killing people and doing terrible things and bruce is batman so he feels obligated to. yk. stop him. and as much as they both love each other they do not like each other at all
in my mind jason doesnt really care about any of the other bats besides dick & babs just because he knew them before he died so hes willing to hang out with them but they Do Not want to see him. like in brothers in blood when jason goes hiiiii dick <3 lets hang out <3333 and dick is constantly suppressing the cain instinct. he never really talks to babs pre52 i think theyre interactions would be very similar in that jason goes hey babs ur so cool <33 and she says jason get the fuck away from me or im activating the bomb in your helmet <3
but also with steph even though he didnt know her pre-death,, i think he would like her. i can imagine him doing something very similar to what he did with mia, basically finding her and going "quit your vigilante career. join my emo band" but i think she would end up being a lot more receptive to it than mia was ! like im thinking batgirl 2009 era steph so she would not be on board with the idea of joining him since things were going well with team batgirl, but i also think that any interaction between the two of them in that era would go well and end with them getting along :)
as for everyone else. i dont think he would care about any of them. theyre just kinda collateral damage in his war with bruce. like he gets involved with them sometimes just because of their proximity to bruce, or like i said earlier that he works with them sometimes because he cares about the greater good so is willing to help them when necessary. also honorable mention to aoifa's headcanon that jason doesnt actually know tims name because he just does not care. thats canon to me
so yeah in conclusion: he should be a morally grey villain that does what he does either for the greater good, or to fuck with batman, or both. and he has complicated relationships with all of them bc he likes bruce dick and babs but also kinda hates all of them and they like but also hate him too. and the rest of them he doesn't really give a shit about
#im a defender of winick's b&r jason until the day i die#the state of jason at that point was in SHAMBLES he was working with what he had#jason todd#dc
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Guess who turned 7 years old?
SPLATOON 2!!!!! Everyone's favourite Splatoon game!!!! Right? Right guys....? We love Splatoon 2 yeah....? It's the best one right.....? Totally not gonna become the middle child of the series that gets overshadowed by the new fresh Splatoon 3 and the nostalgia of the first game right.....?
Okay, jokes aside about if Splatoon 2 is actually good or not. This was the game that actually got me into Splatoon, I knew about the series since it's announcement but I couldn't play the first game because like the rest of general public, I didn't own a wii u. Still don't but I would love to have one to mod. (And play Splatoon 1 online with fan servers...)
I think Splatoon 2 really did bring a lot of cool stuff to the table and it had a lot of quality of life features and interesting weapon, sub and special concepts.
It gave us the dualies!! THE DUALIES! I LOVE THE DUALIES!
It gave us the brellas! Which.... were kinda bad at launch and still are bad till this day....
BUT! I dont wanna talk about weapons because thats BORING! I wanna talk about one of the best things Splatoon 2 gave us...
OFF THE HOOK! PEARL AND MARINA! These girls are some of the most popular characters in the series and for good reason. They are both funny, likeable, charming, witty and have developed backstories by the time Octo Expansion comes around. Plus their chemistry is top-notch and so damn CUTE! It's almost has if they are somehow more than friends and that kind of connection is canon and people who try to deny it are fucking idiots and will never be in a relationship of their own.....
Also Splatoon 2 gave us a pretty solid hero mode at launch, sure it was basically more Splatoon 1 hero mode but hey, the first hero mode was fun so more of the same is fine by me. Plus you get Marie's classic snark too while you go through levels, she's nice company surprisingly. Way better than some old ass crusty dude...
It also gave us....
totally didn't fuck up my mental health this year and last year and caused me chest pain and discomfort until I had to dig and dig AND DIG for knowledge just to salvage it and make sure my favourite character in the fucking series was given the respect she deserves....
....hypno/octo Callie.... totally didn't fuck up this villain arc for her huh Nintendo? Totally didn't throw away the depth you built up (and was shown in concept art) only to try and hastily fix it 2 years later with an obscure relationship chart no one fucking talks about, not even the timeline explainers...
totally didn't use the wrong terminology to describe her situation and made everything so much worse because you wanted a simple black and white story for the kiddies yeah Nintendo? Despite you making stuff grey in the dlc expansion so the both story modes now clash like oil and water theme wise.
And yet you still treat her like dirt. Still using the wrong poorly localised words. If I still gotta repeat to the sky one more time that callie was under hypnosis and not forceful brainwashing I might have a stroke. You can't even fucking brainwash someone with hypnosis because the limitation of hypnosis is that the person under it must be fully comfortable with the suggestion and the suggestion cannot go agaisnt their morals and ideology. AND GUESS WHAT BRAINWASHING IS! FORCING DIFFERENT IDEOLOGIES INTO SOMEONE'S HEAD! DO YOU GET WHY I HAVE AN ISSUE NOW?!?!?! JUST USE THE WORD HYPNOTISED NINTENDO! THATS ALL YOU GOTTA DO!! ILL BE SOOO HAPPY!!!
YOU TOO INKIPEDIA! I CAUGHT YOU USING THE WORD TOO MULTIPLE TIMES! you better change it... just change brainwashed to hypnotised and I would literally kiss you on the lips or something idk... I love you inkipedia but that's all you gotta change okay? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?
ENOUGH OF THAT! I WANNA TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!!
Do you know what else Splatoon 2 gave us?
OCTO EXPANSION BABY! I know people love to call this overrated now but I really don't care. It's not overrated, it's perfectly rated. It also gave us PLAYABLE OCTOLINGS! Which was a highly requested thing people really really wanted and they gave us what we asked for! Even though they lacked a lot of customisation options.... still do till this day... (Nintendo is it really that hard to come up with new hair? The community has been doing that for years for you man.)
And of course... the last thing I want to talk about...
This is probably my favourite Splatfest to date. It brought in a lot of actual genuine philosophical discussion on what kind of world is best, a world of chaos? Or a world of order? I chose team chaos because when the youtuber/streamer Etika was still around he chose team chaos and I chose that team because of him... rest in peace...
The shifty station too was phenomenonal as you got to hear Fly Octo Fly and Pearl would come in AND YOU GOT TO USE HER PRINCESS CANON!!!! IT WAS SO FUCKING COOL AHHHH!!!
God Pearl is so cool... i can't believe I actually used to dislike her. I wanna beat up teen me so badly for having such bad takes. Marina is hot sure, but, Pearl is just so fucking funny. Man what was wrong with 13 to 17 year old me....
Anyways, I wanted to ramble about Splatoon 2. It's pretty special to me as it was the reason I am here today, so I can't really criticise it as much as others do. Well... aside from one obvious thing but, I've done that many times.
Also, before I go... NINTENDO!!! BRING BACK SHIFTY STATIONS FOR SPLATOON 4!!! DO IT!!! STOP BEING COWARDS!!!!
#splatoon#splatoon 2#splatoon 3#happy birthday#autistic rambling#ramblings#rant post#text post#callie cuttlefish#callie splatoon#hypno callie#octo callie#marie cuttlefish#marie splatoon#squid sisters#pearl houzuki#pearl splatoon#splatoon marina#marina ida#off the hook#octo expansion#octoling#inkling#etika
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Saturn the father you always wanted and always have. Saturn in da houses, and why your life sucks. Im blunt here so don't complain don't read if you can't handle the reality of saturn. Saturn in the first house - okay you don't like to try when you present yourself, you think people should just instantly respect you because youve been through many trials in life... well people usually dont know how to talk to you because you have a stick up your ass. Saturn in the second house - everyones greedy, but when you are, its not cool. Well it isn't because when you are greedy you act like a goblin. be more mature its okay to be greedy but your acting like its a virtue stfu. Saturn in the third house - everyone thinks your dumb af, and you are only because you lack confidence to drive your points home. you just need to learn how to communicate better, your not dumb but you act like a dumbass. Saturn in the fourth house - sad boy/girl now everyone knows you had a rough childhood but would you grow up already, everyone else has but your still stuck being sad about how life has treated you (or your momma/dadda) grow up your not getting any younger you can't change the past stop wallowing. the past has taught you well, use it to your advantage or let it hold you back. Saturn in the fifth house - pretend players who get played everytime. Always gotta pretend like they are fun but whenever you do try to have fun with them they are annoying. yes you could be fun in the bedroom simply because everyone knows your too sensitive to break someones heart... because your heart is the most broken. Saturn in the sixth house - the real try hards always putting in 100%. suck ups to there boss or whoever is above them. but when there authority disrespects them they go rogue and try even harder just to spit in there boss's face. i respect it because i got cap here Saturn in the seventh house - if your a bad person good luck in this life, because your karma is received ten fold by your partners, they always like to complete your karmic cycle because thats just how it works idk. so better act right or your partner will ruin it before you ruin yourself.
Saturn in the eighth house - will do anything to get to the top. no pain is too painful. well it all is, but the ends justify the means. when they put there foot down the whole room shakes. so when your making a move make sure its the right one because your power plays are on display for everyone and itll make or break you more than the other placements. Saturn in the ninth house - lazy asses, always looking for an easy way out. they know what the right thing to do is, but the likelihood of them doing it is never. its because saturn restricts there luck/ mind and they just have woe is me energy and its annoying make better choices, and if you dont stop crying about it. but if they act right saturn blesses them the fuck up. Saturn in the tenth house - okay these people think they are better than everyone and deserve everything, but they never receive the applause they crave. its never enough even if the whole room is looking at them they suddenly don't want it anymore. there karma everyone can see, and if its too good it feels like a curse, and when its bad and reality comes crashing down they just want to hide but they cant. own your life or it will own you. Saturn in the eleventh - there community will give them there karma, always these people dont have a place where they feel safe. because they never make anyone feel safe around them, then cry when no-one gives them that favour. stfu and treat us better and maybe we will do you better. Saturn in the twelfth - okay apparently this is where saturn is in its joy, and i guess its because god/ spirits judge you. and i guess thats a good thing because if anyone should judge you its him. except the pain here is you have ultimate freedom, you rarely get signs on what to do. will you make the right choice or the wrong once? well they are lucky because they always get there karma quickly so they can always recover fast. but these people struggle to empathise because they don't feel the energy of the room. sooooo just grow up you got the best saturn, and your karma resides is in your empathy. disclaimer - saturn wants you to be the best. and no one is.... so i like to think if you want a sense of direction (where are you going wrong) look at the saturn house and if you are successful congrats your doing saturn right. but be careful he always thinks you can do better, and he loves to humble you. so be-careful out there.
#house placements#saturn aspects#astrology observations#astrology notes#astrology houses#astrology placements#astrology blog#astro community#astrology
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“𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓊𝓃𝒻𝒾𝓍𝒶𝒷𝓁ℯ, 𝒸𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀 𝓉𝒽𝓇ℴ𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓁𝒹.”
contains:HARSH ANGST+SMUT<3
summary:finally getting sick of bills toxicity and instability, i packed up all of my belongings and planned to “leave him” or as i stupidly told myself, only to find myself easily falling back into his same hypnotizing trap.
WARNINGS:abusive relationship, fighting, arguing, manipulation (I DO NOT CONDONE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS in this story, this story is ONLY for entertainment purposes!!!), very narcissistic and misogynistic bill, hard-dom!bill, dumb-sub!reader, p in v (against the wall), degrading, pet-names, LIGHT choking, heavy breeding kink.
notes:as someone who has experienced theses types of situations firsthand, if you ever do find yourself in these kinds of circumstances please take the initial steps to get yourself out that relationship immediately, youll be fine i promise love ya!
HEAVY THEMES AHEAD!
“yeah go fucking cry about it you sensitive bitch, get the fuck outta’ my face!”bill loudly shouted at me from the living room as i ran and locked myself into our shared bedroom, tears streaming profusely down my cheeks, as i tumbled onto the bed and proceeded to curl myself up into a small pathetic ball.
im tired of living like this, being so isolated, feeling so trapped, being so mentally and physically drained, having to constantly walk around eggshells around him.
me and bills relationship was a perfect fairytale in the beginning, but quickly came burning down in flames and burnt down to pure ashes at his rage.his anger completely undoing every single precious thing he ever once said to me.
every “i love you.” or “i cant wait to start a life with you.” was once a simple loving string of words now being dangled high above my head as a reminder of his broken promises.
i still cling onto that small glimmer of hope that he could change some-day, that he could love me again, or that he could simply hold me without hurting me.
i lay in my own pity for a long grueling hour before i decide to slowly unravel myself from my position, gently getting up from the bed, wiping the tears from my eyes telling myself,
“i need to leave,
right now.”
i kick into full panic mode and immediately start changing into a dark colored tracksuit and a comfortable pair of sneakers, then i rummage through our closet grabbing random handfuls of my belongings stuffing my suitcase to the brim.
i quietly creak the bedroom door open and make my way through the dark hallway, my luggage in one hand as i try to rush towards the front door.
“going somewhere babe?”he eerily questioned, his evil presence immediately sending cold chills down my spine.
“i-i-uhm..”i mumbled trying to find some kind of explanation but it was if something was struck in my throat, i looked like a child who just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
“im leaving!”i managed to spit out, slowly turning to face him.
“oh your leaving?”he responded in a cartoonish voice mocking my own, chuckling manically at my response.
he crosses his arms over his chest as he cockily looks me up and down, he then quickly steps forward grabbing me by my chin with his right hand, yanking a fistful of my hair with his left.
“cant you see THIS is the life i promised you honey?you know no-ones ever gonna buy you all those pretty dresses you like wearing f’me, provide for you like i do, or keep a GODDAMN roof over your head like i do!”
what he was saying was true, without him i wouldnt have a single penny to my name.he took care of every expense, he even had me on a monthly allowance but he didnt do anything of it out of the goodness of his heart he rather used it to his advantage knowing hed always win.
“i know i know but, i-im tired of you being like this bill, im sick of it!i swear ill give it all back if thats what you really want!”i nervously murmured, his grip on my chin and hair tightening.
“your such an ungrateful brat, you dont even deserve to be breathing the same air as me, i shouldve just throw you out months ago like the trashy bitch you are.”
he yelled into my face before slamming me against the wall letting go of some of his grip on me as he pulled down his pants and boxers along with my sweatpants and panties.
“you wanna be treated like a worthless whore ill fucking treat you like one then.“
he wrapped one of his arms strongly around my neck keeping me in place, as he teased his cock in between my slicks folds, causing me to softly whimper.
“aww…look at you poor baby, you just wanted some attention huh, want me to fuck you isnt that right?”he purred squeezing my neck firmly in his arm, sliding his length harshly inside my walls.
though i hated to admit it, it truly turned me on how possessive and upset he got when i tried leaving it showed me he still sort-of cared.the fact he still had enough respect to still fuck me was enough to have me eating right out of his palm, anytime he showed me the slightest bit of affection it casted his spell over me all over again.
he continued thrusting his full length inside my cunt, beginning to aggressively pound away, my head banging against the cold wall.
“ugh-i shouldnt even be mmhtouching you right now ungrateful bitch!”he shouted, his free hand slapping my ass sure enough to leave hand prints the next morning.
“f-fuck fuck, im ughh-yours baby!”i moaned out, tears beginning to spill from my eyes, his tip kissing my cervix perfectly.
“das ist r-richtig, mhm!du gehst verdammt noch mal nirgendwo hin(thats right, your not going fucking anywhere),
gonna fill you all up, hopefully y-you get pregnant that way your ugh-stuck with me!”
the sound of our moans combined with the banging on the wall echoed throughout the house, the faint tv not even being enough to cover up his disgusting insults and my foul cries.
“b-bill ugh please i c-cant!”
“take my f-fucking cock mhmy little cum slut!”
his hips are bucking into mine at an animalistic pace as he urgently chases his release, my walls deliciously clenching around his girth, sending him immediately over the edge.
“scheibe scheibe scheibe(shit shit shit!)”he yelled out suddenly fucking his cock deeper inside my sweet walls, ropes of his seed oozing deep inside my pussy.
“ich w-werde ganz in dir abspritzen du mmh-dumme s-schlampe, ich werde dich mit meinem verdammten baby schwängern (im gonna cum all inside you, stupid slut, im gonna get you pregnant with my baby!)”he adds breeding his cum inside me with a few final thrusts, pulling his length out of me with a loud pop.
bill then releases me from his arm allowing me to slam down onto the floor, pulling his pants up smugly as he knelt down to my level.
“next time im beating the fuck outta’ this was me playing nice, understood? now go make me some dinner before you piss me off again.”
i nod my head instantly at his demands, rubbing the side of my cheek that hit the ground.
“such a good little girl, i love you.” he praised grinning widely down at me before getting back up and walking away from me.
“i love you too.”
and the cycle continues.
THE END
#tokio hotel#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel smut#bill kaulitz#bill kaulitz x reader#bill kaulitz smut#tom kaulitz#tom kaulitz x reader#tom kaulitz smut#georg listing#gustav schäfer#Spotify
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THERE WAS AN UPDATE SLEEPING? WHATS THAT??
first of all we start with this beautiful shot
god thats some cool architecture i have no words clapping
Wind is so ready to kick that lizard's ass i love him
this confirms the fact that theyre in the same place but in a different era (also i swear im convinced that this place takes place at least no far from Hyrule's era, the statue behind Legend and the corridors inside are almost the same as in Zelda1 and 2)
that was the worst joke i have heard today good job rulie lots of kudos /lh
the boys entering a place where they could find the most dangerous shit in all Hyrule, and then there's my girl who is having the best lunch ever
when i first read this i almost spit all my water on my phone cuz. Wars my man these people are like. crazy with dungeon crawl. you can't say that and expect a normal reaction.
their expressions are gold no notes
TIME'S SIDE EYE LMAO
Sky looking concerned, and Wars with the most "i dont know what is everyones problem but alright" face i love him
In a war there's no time to explore or search for things that can be useful, or even search for clues, less with the fact that youre leading an army. There was no puzzle, no mistery to solve or objects that needed to be obtained, just plain fight and confrontation, not leaving space for investigation or even a good rest in town
They have a point, without exploring they wouldn't have the arsenal that they carry; powerful items that can kill a whole army of monsters, a gift left by the hero before them to help, shinies. All that is really useful when you want to save the whole kingdom
lets not forget all the weapons that you can get on HW, there are some that are like, crazy powerful, and the materials get from the enemies are also really helpful
guys i think youre the only crazy people who love to enter a random place full of monsters and maybe a demon lord or smth
OK THIS IS THE PANNEL WHERE I WANTED TO TALK A LITTLE ABT
This reminds me of this short comic where Wild was almost grabbed by a wallmaster, do this takes place some time before this scene?? or just from another time?? I find possible the first option cuz Wild looks more wary the whole update, like if he already found out what will happends if he puts his guard down
Also the fact that the closest thing that he had as a dungeon were the Divine Beast and the shrines, which both of them lacked a lot of things that were usually in the clasic zelda's dungeons, like keys, mini bosses, special object and pots.
Hyrule my guy you dont. have to scare him like that. i hate these things too but calm down.
fucking gremlin /pos
taking this as an opportunity to talk about how Legend's behaviour has been seen changed in the past updates, he's more relaxed and playful, taking a moment to just have fun and prank the rest of the chain
this reminds me
here is left clear that he's still young, maybe not even on his twenties, and now after that stressfull time with Twi being on the verge of death it makes sense that he feels the need of just, goof around to cope after all that
Yes he's the most experienced, yes is maybe the most powerful of them, but he's still a young boy who was dragged to all this, he deserves to have some fun
happy guy :)
and then we have Time, he looks like Not Having A Good Time™
Messy hair Warriors <3
also i know we all put Sky as one of the adults, but cmon he's a little shit as much as the rest, thats why he finds funny Legend's joke
Wild my man you good? like im genuinely asking at this point, it is weird seeing him so serious
god thats such a cool design of a skulltula, its so scary 10/10
Wild has never seen in his life a spider of this size, so it makes sense him just, straight up getting surprised by that thing
OUGHH I FELT THAT
Sky being right-handed looks like a problem in this closed space, soon or later it would make some troubles
Legend no offence but did you see the little accident they had right there. like. that really hurts if you ask me.
Okay Time is really at his limit here, the past days has been hell for him with the stress of almost loosing the one that he might see as his son, and seeing all the boys just playing around is not helping. Theyre all heroes, they should take this danger seriously if they want to stop all danger.
He wants to protect the ones that he cares for, even if he has to snap for it.
Here he might be planning to team up with Twi and Wind? The youngest seems to have gained his attention as his second successor. He will make anything it takes to not let all of them get hurt, and with everything he means it
Just wait when he learns that Legend is also his successor, automatically adopted
NOW MY FAV PARTS WITHOUT COMMENTARY!!!
SOMEHOW I GOT THE IMAGE LIMIT???? I DIDNT THOUGHT THAT IT WAS POSSIBLE ON WEB
anyways have confused warriors as the last one pls aprecciate him
tumblr pls let me eat the art i beg you
art credits as always towards @linkeduniverse! always feeling blessed with all this fantastic work!
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu update#lu update spoilers#lu chain#lu epona#my beautiful girl#lu analysis#pls appreciate this i genuinely started crying cuz tumblr didn't want to post this ksjdfkdsjk#i have class tomorrow i should go to sleep.#i talk
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