#is this insomnia??? anxiety??? who knows

[proxyma]

at this point being tired is a personality trait

[1nv1s1bl3-r41ndr0p5]

these exams are killing me man and they haven't even started yet.

[vanikey]

...

[heartshattering]

5 AM

Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃

[tremendously-crazy]

:(

[kayzero]

you know what i think i need? for zwg motivation? i need an Empassioned Discussion about some aspect of The 45 Years. i need someone who is passionate and excited about the timeloop that Sigma gets trapped in—that he traps himself in, and honestly, isn’t the whole thing a fucking bootstrap paradox?—i need someone who is excited about the three years he spends with Diana and how that’s apparently impactful enough that he builds a gynoid in her image and then programs her to love him? SigDi is bad and so are its consequences and implications, the only good thing that comes out of SigDi is Luna, who is Best Girl.

but like. i need to talk to someone about those 45 years. i need an outside opinion on the decades Sigma spends in total isolation, his only point of contact being Akane, who is Very Busy with earthbound Brother stuff and also maybe stalking Junpei? was that hc of mine based in any sort of fact or do i just like writing the most toxic junepei possible

i wanna talk to someone about some fuckin logistics. like, CLEARLY Sigma learned Biomed first in the three years he has with Diana, but what comes after that? does he start studying terraforming and agriculture so he can make a garden so beautiful Diana could enjoy it from the afterlife? does ztd show us that Diana is similarly enthralled with plant life as Luna? is Luna’s love for the B Garden organic or a result of how Sigma thinks Diana would react to his efforts?

YOU KNOW WHAT

SPEAKING OF LUNA

I Need To Talk To Someone About How Luna Is Diana-Model-Number-Sixteen.

i’m still reeling from that realization and i DMed Miss Beta with this exact same thought

uh. checking. — on July Eleventh.

and i am STILL REELING. a MONTH AND A HALF LATER.

so yeah, i’m a Vibes Vampire, i feed off of other people’s excitement and use that to fuel my imagination and thus my motivation for creative pieces.

i need to feed off of someone’s love for vlr. i need a Sigma Enjoyer.

[kakusu-shipping]

Encase anyone was wondering why I’m blogging at 6 in the morning, yesterday was not a good day for me and I forgot to sleep.

[jenjensd]

Do you ever just get irrationally Fucking angry at absolute bullshit that doesn’t deserve it?

[the-kipsabian]

i will never neither forgive nor understand why the world works around morning peoples hours mmm

[ancuninspawn]

SCREECH

why am I not SLEEPING 😡

[autumnoakes]

(id: the results of a mental health questionnaire on an iphone. the results show that the person who took the questionnaire is probably experiencing severe anxiety and depression)

thanks apple health. i'm aware.

[sanguinesmi1e]

A Round Door Like a Porthole, Lazarus Green Pt. 1 (you're here) Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4

Wayne Enterprises didn’t really need a small business specializing in “ecto-weapons” invented by self-purported ghost hunters, but S.T.A.R. Labs tipped Lucius Fox off that Lex Luthor was trying to buy an obscure little company in Illinois, and thwarting Luthor was always worthwhile. Now Tim just had to figure out what to do with all the equipment and the concerningly large arsenal of guns and things that looked like normal household items but seemed to have other, horrific purposes. He would have laughed at the way they slapped “Fenton” in front of every invention name (do ghost hunters really need a Fenton thermos? Won’t a normal thermos keep their coffee hot just as well? Are ghosts like trout, to be caught with a Fenton Ghost Fisher which just looks like a normal fishing rod but glow-in-the-dark. And what the fuck even is a Fenton Peeler!?), but he thought with some chagrin about the batarangs, batmobile, and everything else that had “bat” as a prefix in the batcave. 

However, of all the things Tim hadn’t expected to find when he flew out to do an inventory of assets after they bought the business sight-unseen, a portal generating a Lazarus Pit in gaseous form was probably at the top of his list. He didn’t even know that Lazarus water could change states from a liquid to a gas like that. Maybe there actually was something to the whole ghost thing. He supposed that it made sense for ghosts to exist, after all Deadman was part of Justice League Dark. Speaking of. . . he should see if Bruce could call in someone from JLD to assess things. He was feeling decidedly out of his depth.

John Constantine did not like to consult for mega corporations like Wayne Enterprises, but Batman had specifically requested he go check something out and he figured, where's the harm? 

There. 

There’s the harm. 

It turned out the “thing” he’d been called in to look at is a machine that can tear open a stable portal into the Infinite Realms. That is not something that should be possible. That is not something technology should be capable of achieving. That is definitely not something that should exist. Bloody hell, what had the Bats roped him into!?

This really should have been Zatana’s job. Or Deadman’s. Hell, Raven or Secret would be preferable. Because John would prefer not to be dealing with this. In fact, he would prefer to be back in literal Hell than deal with the crazy shit in the Infinite Realms. Could John handle demons, archangels, and even gods? Yeah. He can bind or exorcize most supernatural threats. Does that mean he relishes the idea of going toe to toe with heavy hitters from the Infinite Realms? Absolutely not. 

Some beings who lived there were just little blob ghosts made from ectoplasm and emotion. Some were the restless undead who could not or would not cross over to their afterlives. And some were the embodiments of concepts like nature, destructive weather, and dreams. He wasn’t sure where Death fit into the Realms, whether she ruled or visited, or if it was actually just an extension of her, but he didn’t really want to find out. There were many things John could defeat. Death wasn’t one of them. And now he was looking at a portal into a realm where the living were not meant to be. 

Danny hadn’t returned to Fenton Works since graduating high school. It turned out that he was less anxious when he was not living with people who fantasized about “tearing him apart molecule by molecule” and thought that discussing their plans to dissect him (although he maintained that it would be a vivisection since he’s only half dead) made for fascinating dinner conversation. Who would have thought that his constant stress, anxiety, and insomnia were caused by environmental factors? He’d been unpacking things with a very nice therapist his sister helped him find, and seen great improvements in his mental health. It really helped that she was dead too, and unlike Spectra she didn’t feed off the misery of her patients.

Danny hadn’t intended to ever return to Fenton Works, but when Jazz told him that Jack and Maddie sold their life's work to Wayne Enterprises and a multibillionaire playboy was about to have unfettered access to the Ghost Zone, he was. . . concerned. To say the least. And that was why he was in the middle of doing some light sabotage when Tim Drake-Wayne and a guy in a trenchcoat who reeked of cigarette smoke entered the basement lab. It’s why he was hiding under the Specter Speeder removing the ecto-engine, and there to overhear the conversation that followed.

“So, am I right in thinking that’s a Lazarus Pit?” Tim asked Constantine.

The older man stared at the portal, then at Tim, then at the portal for an uncomfortably long time. Then he pulled out a flask and drained half its contents before saying, “Yes and no. That is basically the same substance as the pits, but I think that this does something else entirely. It seems like this machine basically functions as a summoning circle, but instead of pulling one entity from one side to the other, this is just an open doorway that is perpetually pulling in anything or anyone who gets within its sphere of influence.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing, John.”

“It’s really not,” 

“So what does that mean, is it like a blown hatch in space causing rapid depressurization?” Tim felt a little ill at the thought. “What is it even pulling into our world?”

“No, no. Nothing so dramatic as that. It’s more like, hm, so the way summoning circles work is they invite or compel a specific entity to manifest, by basically making a one-way magical portal for them. This portal is kinda like an invitational summoning, which entices, but doesn’t force anyone to enter. Usually a summoning will have a purpose though, and the being you summon will be offered a deal. If this is doing what I think it is and pulling citizens of the Infinite Realms through and leaving them on this side without a contract or direction, they’re probably getting pretty frustrated and causing havoc. It’s like offering someone a job in another country so they have to get a visa and uproot everything, only to get off the plane and find an empty office, no housing, and no paycheck.” John lit up a cigarette and took a drag.

Tim wrinkled his nose, but knew from long experience that it wasn’t worth it to argue about American tobacco restrictions in the workplace with Constantine, especially while the man was doing him a favor. Also, the man looked like he really needed either a cigarette or another drink, and he’d prefer second hand smoke to a drunk sorcerer. “So then why hasn’t this town been overrun by these beings from the Infinite Realms?”

“Good question kid, but what I really want to know is how is this portal staying open? Really, how was it opened in the first place is the most pressing issue.” John mused.

Tim had already located the blueprints for the portal while waiting for Constantine, but either the Fentons had intentionally falsified the documents to seem plausible just long enough to make off with the money, or he just didn’t understand enough of the interaction between physics and the occult to comprehend how the portal could possibly function. 

He flipped back through the blueprints while the blond man sat cross legged in front of the swirling green portal and his low, distracted mutterings took on the cadence of a chant. The curl of smoke from his lit cigarette unfurled into some kind of spell array, and began to glow. Huh, maybe Tim shouldn't be too quick to judge him for tobacco misuse. Tim triple checked the flat file for any more information about the portal, and came up empty handed.

John, meanwhile, kept chanting as the magical array grew and spread to encompass the entire entrance to the portal. At last he stopped speaking and stood up, stepping back to double check his work. “Alright, Drake. You might wanna close your eyes for this one. It’s gonna be bright,” he said, popping his cigarette back between his lips. Then he stepped forward and blew a mouthful of smoke on the center of the array. The smoke caught against the softly glowing lines, pushing them until they floated back and collided with the nebulous green swirls and, despite Tim closing his eyes, flashed so incandescently white he could see them through his eyelids.

“OW! Fuck!!” John clutched his face, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I’m doubling my consulting fee,” he grumbled under his breath.

“You alright?” Tim asked, blinking spots out of his vision.

“Yeah, yeah. Just give me a sec.” He too was blinking now. “That was not supposed to be so bright.”

“I’m assuming it worked though.”

“It had bloody well better ’ave worked.” The older man squinted at the slightly dimmer lines which still shone painfully bright against the green. “Oh. Yeah, that worked. Fuck. . .”

“What?” Tim looked on in alarm as Constantine pressed a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh man. What wanker did you say created this portal?”

“Presumably Drs. Madeline and Jack Fenton. Why?” He drew the last syllable out skeptically. 

“Because, they opened this portal with a child sacrifice, and bound his death and all the lost life potential to their bloody machine to create a perpetual gateway to the Infinite Realms.”

[kirkwallsquad]

brain let me sleep challenge

[kissmefriendly]

The chronically ill problem of “is one of my meds fucking with my kidneys again or am I having a heart attack”

[niuniente]

Oh wow, I knew I was really sick with the anemia but I never realized just HOW sick I was. Feels like I was living like a zombie in a body bag with only 10% access to the world.

I didn't expect anemia to affect my eyesight this much! I have been admiring colors around my for days and I just can't stop admiring them. The first day back at home I walked around my apartment looking at all the postcards and posters on my walls, because they were so bright and vibrant. Even a candle light looked brighter! I went to my favorite café afterwards to celebrate this milestone and I never realized how brightly green their plants are and how beautiful the café's plates are, too.

Other things I have noticed with the improved iron levels:

I fall asleep in 5-10 minutes when I'm sleepy instead of tossing with insomnia for 3-5 hours.

I sleep really well and soundly, and have lots of dreams which is always a good sign for me.

I don't sweat as much and as easily anymore.

My mysterious anxiety, bad mood and feelings of doom (which are not who I am!) which have been looming on the background for 24/7 and never left no matter what I did are almost all gone. Digestion and traveling still causes some anxiety but I can live with that.

My natural walking speed is a lot faster.

My heart isn't trying to kill me when I get up stairs to my apartment.

I'm REALLY happy and excited 24/7, even when I'm tired! That's who I am! I feel like a fast and luxurious Ferrari when it comes to my mood and excitement for life!

Breathing is easier, even when resting/sitting.

I have energy to clean the house, for example I have done dishes daily without issues. Starting something isn't hard anymore.

I can think clearly and my horrible brain fog is gone.

No more restless feet when trying to sleep.

I'm not exhausted 24/7 for no reason but I can actually do things that I like and I enjoy of them (before they exhausted me, too, like watching something).

My body doesn't ache 24/7 as much as it used to.

Period pains are easier.

I think that my appetite has improved a bit and there's less of nausea.

I can't wait for the time when I can live like this every day! <3

P.S. I've been a bit sleepier than normal but in a good way like "Ah, sleep! <3 I love sleeping!" I don't know if it's a side effect from the treatment or is it because my body finally gets a chance to rest for real, and it's catching up with the years of loss of a proper rest.

[scullyva]

i'm starting an adhd medicine for the first time and i'm a bit nervous. unsure if it's a side effect or not but i feel super dizzy