#but like im in a good mood and am content with everything in my life but my work and my issue that i need a specialist for

[vanikey]

...

[galaxywarp]

What do you do when you're in a bad headspace and can get out and it affects friendships and they start leaving you and you're alone and have no idea what to do and you think life and yourself can't improve

It was a slow and grueling process but my friendships finally started genuinely improving only after I worked my ass off to learn how to comfort myself. Because I could never truly get the comfort and relief I was looking for in other people and trying to was just setting us all up to fail.

Little tangible things I’ve done over the course of several long months that have added up to feeling kind of better:

-I go out of my way to thank myself when I do something nice for myself, no matter how small. I started with bagging up a single bag of trash. I placed my hand over my heart and said hey thanks for doing that. It felt gross and fake. I did it even if it felt gross and fake. It stopped feeling so gross and fake eventually.

-if im spiraling i try to pick my next activity based on the outcome i want. If I pick up my phone, what am i looking for? Humor to distract me? Something to read? Do I want to write about how im feeling? Listen to a song about how im feeling?

-say “thanks for listening” instead of “sorry for venting” to your loved ones.

-leave traces of your own existence for yourself. Pictures. Notes. Drawings. If you have a thought and a notebook just write it down. It helps me feel more like a real person when I leave evidence behind that im here. It’s also comforting to be able to help recall memories and feelings that are blurry with time.

-find something cheap and dumb that makes you happy. I like bouncy balls that you can get for a quarter from those machines and the little tiny toy slinkies that they sell at my grocery store. These things serve no purpose but to be fun to hold and throw around and eventually lose

-try to remember that good days don’t have to be filled with excitement or joy. A good day can maybe just mean that today you didn’t feel as much despair as yesterday. Contentment with neutrality instead of seeking euphoria

-everything cycles. Mood tracking can help me remember that. I have weeks where I feel so sad that im sure I’ve never felt anything except sad but then I look and a journal entry from last month says that I had a few pretty good days in a row actually. And I’ll have a few pretty good days in a row again eventually

hang in there.

[qpenpals]

First of all, support Shubble and support all victims (which is a statement that while said a lot, seems not be followed as frequently, however i hope those who read this abide by it)

Second, I don’t support wilbur soot/william gold, and I don’t think that anyone should after this.

Third, while this situation is not about me, i have feelings and opinions about it that i would like to share, but even if you don’t read anymore,

Please watch shelby’s vod, and maybe try checking her content out, because while i don’t frequently watch her, i enjoy her streams and maybe you will too! her new hardcore series sounds great :)

This is quite long, but honestly this is kind of just for me to collect my thoughts, however if you read to the end thank you<3 im touched :)

ALSO ABUSE TRIGGER WARNING

Alright, so I have loved wilbur soot’s content for a very long time, 4 years or so. I watched the streams and listened to his music from the start. His content is entwined with many of my fond memories.

Earlier today, I had a breakdown over this whole situation, because, as I’ve been quite busy with school, my job, and other assorted things in my life, I found out about this morning. I had woken from a nightmare about my previous abuser. Who i will be talking about a lot more of as they really impacted my views on this situation.

However this nightmare had left me in a fragile mood, my girlfriend was still sleeping and i didn’t want to wake her, so to comfort myself i went to read one of my bookmarked fanfictions, this fanfiction, while i dont remember the title is one that i’ve found comforting for a very long time, so much so that when im stressed my partner has it saved to send to me so i can calm down.

It was a fanfiction about quackity and tubbo, wilbur soot was mentioned maybe 5 times, and the author had deleted it.

This caused me to try and find out why, so i went to their page and they had posted a temporary fic explaining what had been going on.

My first reaction had been disbelief, I then went to research everything. It was a lot to process.

I watched shelby’s vod. Before this i had mainly been disconnected from what i had seen, taking it it but not with any of my own feelings or thoughts really, just processing.

Shelby’s situation hits really hard for me because a lot of it mirrors my own abusive relationship of a few years ago. The wording Wilbur used against her, sounds like what my old partner would use against me. His actions, such as her having to clean and taking care of food, and amenities, were things i had to experience.

Abuse TW:

My old partner would physically abuse me through biting as well, he would claim that he just liked knowing i was his, and yet, like shubble, if i ever used our safe word, which happened so fucking often, he either wouldn’t listen, bite down harder on my neck, or fucking smile at me before letting go.

This got to the point that multiple times he had drawn blood from my neck, that i still have scars from today. And as i watch Shubble talk about her story which is ever so close to mine, I wonder that if I had watched this before, maybe i wouldn’t have stayed in that relationship.

I proceeded to stay in this relationship for 2 years before i realized how much harm he was doing to me, because i truly believed he loved me, because of all the lovebombing he would do.

End of Abuse TW:

And yet i felt pain aside from sympathy or memories, when learning of this, as the content Wilbur had put out had actually helped me out of this relationship, his music was pretty much all i listened to the months of healing after i got out and it helped, the art is good, and yet the author is one i cannot respect nor support in anyway now that i am aware.

i’d suggest watching this tiktok by @lasmanburg that really explains my thoughts and feelings on this

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTL1tb5Wg/

Right back to the content. I don’t believe that we should throw it all away, i don’t think that people should be deleting their art, fanfiction, or anything based on Wilbur. Because in the end it’s all art that we have created and interpreted and though the man who inspired it is horrible, all that has been made does not reflect his actions, but instead love and creativity from vast multifaceted community.

One can continue their writing and work because they are the ones creating it, not him, and besides most interpretations of him stray quite far from the source anyways

I think that one can continue to engage in his content as long as one does not directly support him, such as pirating his music, but personally at least right now listening to his music which brought me so much comfort-makes me feel sick. So think i’ll be taking a step back.

I don’t really know how to end this, i just needed to get my thoughts out honestly. I have therapy in an hour. I hope all of you who’ve made it to the end have a wonderful day and drink some water. I wish shelby well, and i’m glad she has been able to share this situation. And with that, I must now leave :)

[andiwriteordie]

HIIII i have a prompt for u,

have mike get a vecna vision where will dies in his arms. 🤭🤭🤭

this is not a want its a NEED.

im in the mood for angst rn and i love ur art style so...... 😊😊

oh this was a cruel cruel prompt 😈

here's a ficlet that turned into a fic because i combined it with another prompt lol 🫡

—

holding hands, while the walls come tumbling down 

It starts like this.

The steady yet nervous thump, thump, thump of a heartbeat that Mike can hear as loud as his own. A body nestled right beside him; an artist’s hands, smooth and soft and ever gentle, intertwined with Mike’s; a boy he has known for nearly his entire life and loved in some way for just as long who is here, here, here lying next to him—all Mike’s for the taking, just like Mike is all his. 

It’s quiet in the room, save for the soft sound of their breathing. That, too, moves in time with each other—the gentle rise and fall of their chests as they breathe in and out, in and out, in and out.

Mike would stay here forever if he could. And he thinks—no, no, no; he knows, without a shadow of a doubt in his mind and in his heart—that Will feels the same.

Mike has always prided himself on being the type of person to give everything to what he does. Sometimes (oftentimes), everything isn’t enough, but that doesn’t stop him from giving it his all anyways. He’s never been the type of person to do something halfway; no, for Mike, it’s always been a deep dive into whatever it is he’s set his mind out to. An all or nothing kind of deal.

Will’s different from him. That’s something Mike’s known since their very first conversation, when his excitable, overeager “Hi! Do you want to be my friend?” was met with a quieter, shyer, but no less enthusiastic, “Yes; I – I do!” from Will. He’s not the type of first to run headfirst into something, which is probably good for Mike. It probably keeps them both out of trouble. But when Will does commit to something, when he chooses what he wants, when he decides that Yes, yes, yes, this is something I’m willing to fight for, then he’s every bit as passionate as Mike is.

All or nothing. 

There’s no turning back for the two of them, and Mike couldn’t care less. This path they’ve stumbled down on is one they’ve been walking down for quite some time now—together, even though they were both a little too blind and far too stubborn to see it. Now that they can finally see each other, now that everything is out in the light, now that Will knows Mike loves him and Mike knows that Will loves him too, there’s no going back from here. They’ve passed the point of no return, and Mike will be damned if they ever go back to what they used to be.

It’s been a longtime coming for the two of them, and as Will nestles closer to Mike’s side, resting his head on Mike’s chest and letting out another soft, content sigh, Mike can’t help but smile. 

The world around them might literally be on the brink of ending—constantly shrouded in darkness, plagued by monsters from the Upside Down, cold and always on the brink of another terrifying, disastrous storm that will threaten to rip Hawkins apart—but Mike has never been happier than he is in this moment, here with Will.

“What’re you thinking about?” comes Will’s quiet, sleepy voice, and Mike glances down at his boyfriend (Boyfriend? Right? Is that what we are now?) and meets Will’s gaze. There’s a softness in his eyes, mixed in with the sleepiness that’s not surprising for how late it must be now, as well as a familiar curiosity. 

What’s wrong? Will’s expression also seems to say. Are you okay? Was… was this okay?

Mike just smiles, leaning forward and kissing Will, soft and slow. Immediately, the butterflies in his stomach come back to life, more excited and awake than they’ve ever been before today. “Just about how happy I am,” Mike admits, once he’s pulled away. “I… I never really thought this would happen to me… To us.”

The curiosity melts away from Will’s face, morphing into something softer and something a bit hesitant and shy. He pulls away, ever so slightly, and lies on his side, and Mike does the same, so the two of them are looking directly at one another now. The dim glow of the old lamp that’d made it with Mike all these years—somehow surviving the move from his childhood home to Hawkins Lab and making it through the literal apocalypse—shines down on them, illuminating Will’s face just enough for Mike to see him clearly.

Beautiful is the only word that comes to Mike’s mind.

“I never thought this would happen either,” Will whispers back. There’s a smile tugging at his lips, small and a bit shy, and he reaches forward, tucking some of Mike’s hair back behind his ears. “Part of me thinks I’m just… gonna wake up, and this is all going to have been a dream. Or worse. A trance.”

“Pretty sure it’s not a dream,” Mike says with a laugh, and just for good measure, he kisses Will again, relishing in the way Will’s face immediately brightens. “Or a trance. Unless we’re… both dreaming. Or stuck in a trance.”

“Stranger things have happened to us,” Will points out, just to be difficult. 

Mike rolls his eyes, before pulling Will close to him and kissing him again, slower this time and with more intention. Will moves easily in his embrace, following where Mike leads the two of them until their bodies are flush against each other again, filling Mike with that familiar sense of warmth and giddiness. And because it’s Will and because he wants this as much as Mike does, and because they’re both the type of people to go all in—all or nothing—Will kisses him back without any hesitation, his tongue exploring Mike’s mouth like this is the first and last time they’ll ever get to do this and his hands carding through Mike’s hair to pull him close, close, close but not close enough. 

“I love you,” Mike breathes. The words come naturally, and though they’ve gone unspoken all night, Mike knows they haven’t gone unsaid. Every single kiss and every single glance and every single touch shared between the two of them has been a whisper of those three words over and over and over again: I love you, I love you, I love you.

And there’s not a single doubt in Mike’s mind that he means it. 

A smile forms on Will’s face as he leans away, resting his forehead against Mike’s own. He looks absolutely radiant like this, face illuminated by the soft glow of that old lamp, smile stretching from ear to ear, eyes sparkling with a warmth that screams back to Mike, I love you, I love you, I love you, with just as much enthusiasm and excitement that Mike feels in his own heart.

“I love you too,” Will whispers back, and he reaches forward, cupping Mike’s face gently. “I love you so much.”

Then, without another word, Will closes the space between the two of them once more.

**

Mike wakes the next morning to the sound of screaming.

The sound startles him right out of whatever dream he’d been having, and Mike flinches sharply, sitting up and looking around the room. His heart pounds inside his chest, and an unsettled, terrified feeling grows inside his stomach as everything inside him switches from a sleepy, even idyllic state to DANGER, DANGER, DANGER mode in a matter of seconds. 

Save for the dim light of his desk lamp, the room is relatively dark, and there’s no one else in the room except for Mike and—

And Will.

There’s a terrified look on Will’s face, and much like Mike, he’s looking around the room, eyes darting back and forth nervously like he has no idea where he is or what’s real or whether or not they’re safe. He’s trembling too, hands clenched tightly around Mike’s old blanket, and he seems like he’s just another few moments away from a complete breakdown.

And instantly, Mike’s mind switches from the DANGER, DANGER, DANGER mode to his Will needs me mode.

“Hey,” Mike whispers, scooting close to Will and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Will immediately flinches, startled by the touch, and Mike winces, running his hand up and down Will’s army gently. “Hey, it’s just me, Will. You’re okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream. Whatever you saw… it’s not real.”

That promise – it’s not a new one. After all, the last two-and-a-half years have been full of sleepless nights brought on by otherworldly nightmares. Nobody has been spared from them, but of everyone in the Party, Will has probably suffered the most, thanks to his deeper connection to One. These nightmares are nothing new, and yet, every single time Will suffers from one of them, it feels like a knife in Mike’s heart.

He can’t make the nightmares go away, but he can be there for Will. He can sit with Will until the darkness fades away, back into a vague memory, and he can hold Will and make promises that It’ll be okay; you’ll be okay; I’m not going anywhere; we’ll get through this. That’s really all Mike can do, and so God damn it, that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

Usually, it helps. It takes time, but usually, Will is receptive to the comfort, always leaning in close and allowing Mike to hold him until the terror subsides. 

But for some reason, this time, Will isn’t so receptive. 

It takes a moment, but out of nowhere, Will pushes Mike away, that terrified look still remaining on his face. He’s even paler than he was just a second ago, causing confusion to grow in Mike’s heart and mind. Before Mike can say anything though, Will whispers, “Mike… we have to go. Now.”

There’s an urgency in his voice unlike anything Mike has ever heard before, and that, coupled with the look of pure fear in Will’s eyes, is enough for Mike to understand exactly what’s going on, even before Will says anything about it. After all, there’s only one thing that would scare Will this much, and really, it’s just their shared, awful luck that this would happen today of all days. 

They just got together—finally, after years and years of dancing around each other and hiding from themselves and one another and never fully knowing if their feelings would be reciprocated. They just crossed that line from just friends into something more, and now…

Now, the world is actually, quite literally about to end. Now, the two of them stand on the precipice of something that could change everything and could ultimately decide the fate of the rest of the world. Now, the past five years of having their lives uprooted by the Upside Down will come to an end, one way or another.

Mike swallows the lump in the back of his throat, and he turns, meeting Will’s eyes. “It’s him, isn’t it?” he asks quietly, though he already knows the answer. 

A grim expression forms on Will’s face, and he takes another slow, shuddered breath, before nodding. “Yeah,” Will whispers back. “It’s him. One’s back, and we… we have to go. Now.”

The words before it’s too late hang on the end of Will’s sentence—unspoken, but not unsaid. He doesn’t have to say anything else or give any other details. Not yet at least. Those will come in time, as soon as they wake up the others and fill them in on what’s happening. But for right now, just between the two of them, all that Will has said is enough. 

And Mike gets the awful feeling that… that one way or another, today is going to be the end.

“Okay,” Mike whispers. He takes a deep breath. In and out. In and out. In and out. Then, a bit more confident, “We’ll go wake the others up, and we’ll put an end to this. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Those words aren’t ones that he has any business promising, and both of them know it. Still, Will’s shoulders do relax just a little bit, and he scoots close to Mike once more, taking Mike’s hand in his own. “It’s going to be okay,” Will echoes faintly. “We’ll make it through this.”

There’s a slight tremble in his voice, like he doesn’t know if he believes those words, and truthfully, Mike doesn’t know if he does either. But he forces himself to smile anyways and leans forward, kissing Will’s forehead. “Whatever happens today,” Mike says, his voice quiet, “I want you to know I love you.”

For a moment, it’s quiet in the room—the only sound the faint inhale and exhale from Will and from Mike himself. Then, in a voice that’s impossibly soft but still full of so much certainty, Will replies, “I know… and I love you too. Always.”

He glances back up at Mike with a bittersweet look in his eyes. The words are true, and Mike has no doubt about that in his mind… But both of them know that the words are a bit of a goodbye too—the last chance they might get to say things like this to one another, in case today doesn’t go the way any of them plan for it to.

Best case scenario? 

El manages to defeat One. None of their friends or family die. Hawkins and the rest of the world are saved. Somehow, some way, they figure out how to go back to being normal, stupid teenagers, and they put all of this behind them.

Worst case scenario? 

Well… Mike doesn’t really want to think about that. Best not to deal in what ifs and best not to let himself become too terrified of the outcome. What matters most is right now and finding the others, so they can actually stand a fighting chance. 

What comes later will come later.

“Always,” Mike echoes, just as soft as Will, and because he can—he can now—he leans forward and steals a quick kiss. “Come on. We should go wake the others.”

**

Downtown Hawkins is a complete wreck.

There’s no other way to describe it. This place has been a ghost town for over two years now, run down and battered and destroyed by the monsters that come up out of the rifts from the Upside Down. That’s no surprise at all, but what is a surprise is just how quickly a ghost town can become a battlefield. 

There are monsters everywhere, and large, black vines sprout up from the middle of the town—what used to be the library but has been a massive gate leading to the Upside Down since March 1986. The monsters just keep on coming, hundreds of them crawling, flying, stumbling out of the gate with roars and snarls so loud it’s a miracle Mike’s eardrums don’t burst.

The Party—which now unfortunately includes more than just the close friends Mike’s known since his childhood—has been training for this the entire time. Over three years of preparation have led them to this moment, but even all that time spent training and learning how to fight and how not to immediately die in battle can only get them so far. There’s only a small handful of them, and there are hundreds of monsters. 

If El can’t beat One, then there’s no way this doesn’t end with every single last one of them dead at the hands of some twisted, demo-creature. 

Still, Mike keeps fighting, operating on nothing but pure adrenaline now. There’s definitely a nasty cut and a bump on his head from a tussle with some mutated demodog of sorts, but Mike barely pays any attention to that. All he can do is keep fighting, shooting down demo-creature after creature and praying to whatever fucking deity may or may not be listening that he doesn’t run out of bullets before this is all said and done.

He’s long since lost track of nearly all the other Party members. El’s off somewhere fighting One. Lucas and Dustin are nowhere to be found but hopefully still alive and hopefully with someone else in their little group. The only person Mike’s managed to keep an eye on this whole time has been Will—and only because he and Will refuse to leave one another’s side. They’ve spent the better part of this battle fighting back-to-back with one another, barrages of well-aimed bullets flying out from their rifles and into the bodies of the monsters threatening to rip them into shreds. 

If this is how it ends, then all Mike knows is that he wants to be close to Will. 

The battle feels like it goes on forever—or at least long enough that the adrenaline begins to wear off, and the rifle in Mike’s hands begins to feel too heavy, and his limbs start to feel like they’re made out of jello. The exhaustion settles in, but there’s no time for that. Not when monster after monster keeps coming through the massive gate by the old library. So, despite the fact that everything begins to become a blur around him and it feels a bit like Mike is swimming underwater, trying his damnedest just to stay afloat, Mike keeps going and going and going in this hazy state until—

Until a scream pulls him right out of the haze. 

That scream is the gravity that takes Mike’s hand and pulls, pulls, pulls until Mike is crashing back down to earth in a crumpled heap. Suddenly, Mike feels more awake and more attuned to his surroundings and filled with a newfound strength that wasn’t there before.

It comes too little, too late though.

Because as Mike turns around, looking in the direction that the scream had just come from, he feels his heart drop all the way to the bottom of his stomach. Pure panic and terror settle into his heart and mind, replacing the exhaustion from before, and in an instant, it’s like everything within Mike has been reoriented, only able to focus on one thing.

On one person.

“Will!”

The scream tears itself from Mike’s throat, and before he can even process it, Mike is sprinting to where his boyfriend now lies on the ground, bright red blood pooling around him. The two of them must’ve gotten separated only moments ago, because Will’s a few feet away from him, and there’s a whimpering, half-dead demo-creature lying halfway between the two of them. The blood from the creature flows down the street, joining the pool of Will’s blood, and Mike fights the urge to gag as he throws himself down onto the pavement beside him.

The battle rages on all around the two of them, monstrous roars still echoing in the streets of their hometown—the horrific soundtrack to what is easily the worst moment of Mike’s life.

Because up close, it becomes even more clear just how bad Will’s injuries are. What’s left of his shirt is soaked in blood, and the tattered remains of the shirt barely cover the open wounds in Will’s chest and stomach. Every single breath he takes is labored and trembling, and already, his eyes have become glassy and distant.

He’s dying. 

Will is dying, and if Mike doesn’t do anything about it, he’s going to lose him, he’s going to lose Will, oh God, he’s going to lose Will, oh God, oh God, oh God—

“M-Mike?”

It’s Will’s wheezy, strained voice that snaps Mike out of the panic, and Mike flinches sharply, looking down at his boyfriend. Will’s eyes flutter open and closed, open and closed, and he struggles to keep them open as he looks up at Mike. He’s even paler than he was just mere moments again.

He’s fading. Quickly. Faster than Mike can even keep up with, let alone do something about.

Will is dying.

And Mike is going to lose him.

“J-just hold on, Will,” Mike manages to say, except that it comes out as more of a hoarse croak. His own chest feels tight, like someone is squeezing all the air right out from his lungs, and Mike chokes back a sob, weakly reaching for Will and pulling him into his arms. “Just hold on, okay? Okay, just hold on; you’re going to be okay; just hold on—HELP! Someone please! HELP! HELP US!”

Somehow, there’s no one around. Nobody can hear the strangled, desperate screams that are coming out of Mike’s mouth; nobody is around to see him sobbing and hugging Will tighter, as if somehow holding on to him will keep him here and keep him alive. Not even the demo-creatures, who were just surrounding them and threatening their lives, are around. 

It’s just Mike and Will here.

Nobody is coming to help them.

Will is dying.

And Mike is going to lose him.

“I’m sorry,” Mike gasps, looking back down at Will through the blurry tears in his eyes. “Will, I… I don’t think… I don’t know if—”

“Shh,” Will whispers, and he reaches up weakly, placing a trembling hand on Mike’s cheek. Somehow, he manages a smile, though his lips and teeth are stained red with blood. “Shh… Mike… ‘s okay… ‘s okay.”

Every single word out of his mouth sounds strained, as if it hurts to say anything, and Mike bites back a sob, holding Will closer. “It’s not okay,” he whispers back, shaking his head. “I – I don’t… I don’t want to lose you, Will. You can’t go; please, you can’t—”

Again, Will offers him a smile, and he runs his thumb carefully, gently across Mike’s cheek. “You… you’ll be okay,” he murmurs and takes another quiet, labored breath. Then: “I… I’m glad you’re… here with me.”

The words feel like a knife in Mike’s already wounded heart, twisting deeper and deeper and delivering the final blow. That familiar feeling of desperation crawls back up to the surface as Mike tries to think of something—anything—he can do to save Will. There has to be something that can be done, some way to save Will, some solution that will keep them from the ending they’re quickly approaching.

But without anyone nearby, there’s nothing that can be done. There’s no solution, no way to save Will at this point, nothing that Mike can do.

Nothing except for sit here and stay with Will until the very end.

So, that’s exactly what Mike does.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Mike promises softly, and he tilts his head, pressing a kiss against Will’s palm. The tears won’t stop now; they just keep coming and coming, dripping down Mike’s cheeks and onto the bloody ground. “I’ll stay here with you, Will… until… until…”

His voice trails off, dissolving into another sob, but Will gets exactly what Mike is trying to say. He always does, and though he looks exhausted and barely able to hold on any longer, Will smiles up at Mike and takes his other hand, interlacing their fingers. 

Time, the strange thing that it is, seems to slow down around them. It’s as if Mike is having an out-of-body experience, watching all this happen in slow motion around them—a mere observer to the worst moment of his life and the end of Will’s.

“I love you,” Will murmurs, breathless and barely audible now. 

“I love you too,” Mike whispers back, and he squeezes Will’s hand tightly, afraid to let go. The world shrinks and shrinks and shrinks until it’s just the two of them, frozen in this slow motion reality, and he watches as Will’s eyes flutter open and closed, open and closed, open… and closed.

He doesn’t open his eyes again.

And Mike’s world comes crashing down.

All at once, it’s as if the dam has burst, and another desperate, broken sob rips itself from Mike’s throat: “Will!” 

Whatever sense of peace or at least acceptance that he might have found lulled into during Will’s last moments has all but disappeared now—replaced by a gut-wrenching, all-consuming, grief that washes over him like a flood. The rest of the world still feels far away, as if nothing else in the world matters but Will, Will, Will.

Will is gone.

Will is gone. 

He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone, he’s lying here and is dead in Mike’s arms, he isn’t breathing anymore, and his blood is all over the ground and all over Mike, and he’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone—

“I’m sorry,” Mike whispers brokenly, and he holds onto Will’s lifeless body, rocking back and forth in some desperate attempt to wake him up or to do something, anything, to fix this. “P-please come back, Will; please, please, please don’t go, please come back, don’t leave me, please don’t go, please, Will, please come back, please, Will—”

Time passes in its ever strange, inconsistent movement. It’s hard something that Mike can’t keep track of—not when his focus is solely on Will. 

But then, out of nowhere, something pulls Mike’s focus away from Will.

The air grows colder around the two of them; a pervasive, terrifying feeling of evil and darkness settles over downtown Hawkins. It’s familiar but jarring all at once, and Mike can’t help but shudder, holding Will’s body closer to his own. Slowly but surely, reality begins to settle back in, trickling in little by little through the cracks of Mike’s broken heart and mind.

The world around him is eerily quiet and terrifyingly still. Unlike the battlefield from before, downtown Hawkins has once again been reduced to nothing but a near silent ghost town. Gone are the vicious snarls and growls of monsters. Gone is the sound of bullets ricocheting through the air. Gone are the screams and furious cries of his friends and family.

In place of all of that is the simple sound of footsteps approaching him.

The footsteps are quickly approaching. Each step taken is one made with intention, and the movement brings that pervasive feeling of darkness closer and closer to Mike until the air around him feels near suffocating. All the while, Mike’s heart pounds in a nervous thumpthumpthump as the realization settles back in.

The battle is over.

There is no one left—no one but Mike.

All of his family, his friends, Will… they’re all gone.

And One has done it. He’s finally succeeded.

This is it.

This is the end.

As the footsteps approach, Mike takes a deep breath, and he leans down, pressing one last kiss to Will’s forehead. If this is it, if this is the end, if somehow Mike is the last person left of the Party, then he won’t go down without a fight. It doesn’t matter how futile it is. Mike has to at least try.

So, he gathers up all the courage left inside of him, and Mike lifts his head, daring to look One in the eye. 

Icy blue eyes meet Mike’s own for the first time as something akin to a smile forms on One’s face. He looks pleased—amused even—and stops, just a few feet away from Mike and Will. “Michael Wheeler,” One says, voice low and gravelly, “we meet at last.”

Mike swallows the lump in his throat, doing the best to ignore the way his stomach is twisted into knots. It feels impossible—that he would be the last person standing here after all this fighting and bloodshed. Mike’s never been much of a hero, and God knows that he barely stands a fighting chance against One. 

Still, his friends died trying to fight One and the monsters of the Upside Down. Will died trying to fight One and the monsters of the Upside Down. And if Mike is going to die too, then… so be it. 

“Rot in hell,” Mike spits, his own voice full of venom. His rifle’s long since gone, tossed aside somewhere in the desperation to save Will, so all he’s got left to fight with now are his words. Those will just have to do. 

One just chuckles and takes another step towards Mike, gesturing to the ruins of downtown Hawkins. “Look around you, Michael,” he says coldly, and against his own better judgment, Mike does so, his breath hitching as he takes in the carnage from the battle. “Do you see what I have done? Do you see what I am capable of? Do you see how futile fighting back is?” 

Suddenly, it feels as though some invisible force is wrapped around Mike, and it pulls him all the way to his feet with a terrified yelp. The force squeezes him so tightly Mike feels like he can barely breathe, and it brings him forward until Mike finds himself barely inches away from One. 

Another twisted smile forms on One’s face. He reaches forward, running his large, clawed hand down Mike’s cheek, and whispers, “You’re going to send a message for me, Michael Wheeler.” 

Barely a moment after the words have left his mouth, the visions begin.

The visions are familiar—some moments that Mike has lived through and seen with his own two eyes and others that he’s only heard about from his friends and family. They flash across his eyes at dizzying, overwhelming speeds, one right after another after another. 

At first, the visions are moments from today. Glimpses of the battle they all have just fought and lost, the screams of his friends and family, the snarls and growls of hundreds of demo-creatures coming out from the gates. But then, the visions work their way backwards, moving through moments in time from patrols over these past two years, Upside Down storms that began to cover Hawkins, and sporadic monster attacks that they almost didn’t survive.

The day at the meadow flashes through Mike’s line of sight too, before it quickly melts away into memories not belonging to himself. A jarring CRACK resonates through his mind as he watches Max’s bones snap and sees the gates ripping across all of Hawkins during that spring. Then, even before that, he sees Eddie’s death, sees his friends fighting for their lives against demobats and against vines, sees El and Max struggling against One’s power over them.

Suddenly, it’s the summer before, with the Mind Flayer and the Flayed and Billy. Starcourt Mall, going up in flames as the Mind Flayer’s fleshy form towered over and chased all of them. Black tendrils tracing up and down Billy’s face as an otherworldly horror controlled his actions. Will’s haunted whisper that the Mind Flayer was back, that this wasn’t over, that they still hadn’t escaped this.

Then, it’s the fall before that. The tunnels and the massive gate to the Upside Down. The night at the lab, with demodogs tearing through flesh and bone and with people screaming and crying for help. The Mind Flayer’s shadowy form, descending on Will, choking him, filling him up, and taking over his mind and body.

Finally, the visions end with that very first fall. The demogorgon, feasting on Brenner’s men at Hawkins Middle School. Hopper and Joyce finding Will in Upside Down. Will hiding and running for his life in the Upside Down, all alone with no one to help him. Barb screaming for help as the demogorgon rips her to shreds, and then—

Will.

Riding his bike through Hawkins, that very first night when this all began.

“Tell Will,” One’s voice whispers into the silence of Will’s bike ride through Hawkins, “that I am coming. The end is near, Michael. And there is nothing any of you can do to stop what I have been planning all along.”

One last vision flickers across Mike’s line of sight.

A memory that he still remembers, clear as day.

“It was a seven,” Will’s twelve year-old self says to Mike’s own younger self.

“Huh?” 

“The roll,” Will explains. “It was a seven. The demogorgon – it got me. Well, see you tomorrow!”

And just like that, Will’s younger self rides away, leaving Mike’s younger self standing just outside his garage.

Mike watches as the garage light flickers above his younger self.

Then, in the next instant, he finds himself falling into the darkness.

**

The darkness seems to last for an eternity. 

There’s an inky black void surrounding him as Mike falls, and he can’t help but scream, reaching out for something, anything to pull himself back up. But there’s absolutely nothing there to hold onto, so Mike just continues to fall and fall and fall, further and further into the darkness.

Then, suddenly, the darkness dissipates. The fog clears just a little bit, enough for Mike to hear someone call out his name: “MIKE!” 

Will? 

“MIKE!” the person—that’s Will, it has to be Will—calls again, more desperate this time, and Mike reaches back up, trying to grasp onto anything that will pull him out of the darkness. The way out seems just a little bit closer now, getting easier to reach out to as Will calls his name again, “MIKE! MIKE! MI—”

And with a gasp, Mike opens his eyes.

Light floods his line of sight, replacing the never-ending darkness at an overwhelmingly fast pace. Mike’s mind feels like it’s racing at a million miles an hour, and his heart is pounding inside his chest, so hard that it almost hurts to breathe. All the while, the room spins around and around and around and around and—

Suddenly, Mike’s knees buckle, nearly sending him crashing to the ground. Fortunately, someone—Will—is there to catch him, and though the two of them both stumble, Will manages to break his fall. “Mike?” he asks, voice full of concern. “Mike, hey, are you okay?” 

There are tears in Will’s eyes, and his face looks blotchy, like he’s been crying. Still, even with the worry written all over his expression, there’s relief there too, and Mike takes a shuddered breath, choosing to focus on Will. 

Will’s here. Will’s here, and he – he’s alive. He’s alive. Mike didn’t lose him. He’s not dead. Will isn’t dead.

Which means…

That entire battle must have been a vision from One. An opportunity for One to pass along a message that he’d been waiting to send. And… a warning for what’s still to come.

“Shit,” Mike whispers. “Shit. Will, we have to – he… One… I—”

“Hey, just take a deep breath,” Will says worriedly, and he hesitates, before reaching for Mike’s hand. “Just breathe, okay? Mike, you – you were in that trance for a while. We couldn’t snap you out of it, and I… I thought I was going to lose you.”

Will’s voice breaks on those last few words, breaking Mike’s heart with it. “I’m still here,” Mike reassures, reaching up and cupping Will’s cheek as gently as he can. “I’m still here, Will.”

A bright rosy blush spreads across Will’s face as his eyes widen and glance at Mike’s hand. “I know you are,” he replies quietly, “but I… I still could’ve lost you. I – I mean… we all could have.” 

The memories of seeing Will’s mangled body on the ground, surrounded by a pool of blood, come back to the forefront of Mike’s mind, and he can’t help but shudder. Without giving it another thought, he wraps his arms around Will, hugging him as tight as he possibly can. 

Mike… he still has no idea how much of the past two days have actually been part of his vision from One versus how much was real. There’s no doubt in his mind that the battle itself and his encounter with One were all a result of being held in a trance, but as for… as for everything that came before that—confessing his love for Will and learning about Will’s feelings in return—Mike isn’t honestly sure. 

There’s a part of him that thinks… maybe that stuff was just too good to be true. Maybe Mike did make that all up in his mind, or maybe it was just a trick from One, designed to taunt him before delivering the final blow. Maybe what happened with Will the night before that battle was nothing more than just a dream. 

Mike swallows the lump in his throat, and he tries not to think about that as Will hugs him tighter and buries his head in Mike’s shoulder. “I’m still here,” Mike repeats, softer now than before. “We’re both still here… We’re not going to lose each other, Will.” 

“The end is near, Michael,” One’s voice echoes through his mind—the cruel threat solidified in his mind now as a promise. This isn’t over. What Mike saw in his vision… it may very well come to pass. 

And just like Will once said to him, One isn’t going to stop until he takes everything and everyone. 

“And there is nothing any of you can do to stop what I have been planning all along,” One had told him, as the visions of Will leaving Mike’s house on that fateful night had played out for him like a twisted home video. 

More importantly, One isn’t going to stop until takes Will.

Mike can’t let that happen. He can’t lose Will.

Will takes a shaky breath of his own, and he pulls away, just enough for the two of them to look at each other, and offers Mike a tiny smile. “We won’t,” he agrees softly. He hesitates, then carefully lifts his hand, resting it against Mike’s cheek. “Are you… are you okay?” 

Will’s hand is warm against Mike’s face, and his touch feels like electricity. There’s something so genuine and so tender about the way that he’s looking at Mike and the way he gently runs his thumb across Mike’s cheek, over and over again. He’s here—warm and firm and solid, close enough that Mike is able to take his hand and hold on and never let go. 

Will’s here. He’s okay. He’s safe. 

And for now, that’s all that matters. 

So, even in spite of One’s haunting message and the visions from their past and the warnings of the future, Mike finds the ability to smile. He reaches up, putting his hand over Will’s, and he nods. “I’m okay. You’re here, so… I’m okay.”

Those words cause Will’s face to turn an even brighter shade of red, but he smiles regardless, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against Mike’s own. He takes Mike’s other free hand in his own and doesn’t say anything else—not that Mike needs him to. They’ve always been able to communicate without words, and this time is no different. 

Sure, the future might be bleak, and there’s no telling whether One’s visions will come to pass, even in spite of their best efforts to fight back. But right here, right now, he and Will are together. They’re both safe, and they’re both here.

All they can do is take this moment for what it's worth and hold onto each other while they still can. 

And for now, it ends in very much the same way that Mike thinks it began.

The steady yet nervous thump, thump, thump of a heartbeat that Mike can hear as loud as his own. A body nestled close beside him; an artist’s hands, smooth and soft and ever gentle, intertwined with Mike’s; a boy he has known for nearly his entire life and loved in some way for just as long who is here, here, here right in front—all Mike’s for the taking, just like Mike is all his. 

[patrik6090]

Sorry I’m asking questions I just like to get to know people

What’s ur least favorite fruit?

What is a place on earth you will never go to no matter what?

Do you like girly stuff (clothes and items)?

What’s something you ate today?

How did you meet your irl friends?

How did you meet ur online friends?

Do you play clash of clans?

Do you still play dress to impress?

What was the best year of your life starting from age 0 to now?

What’s your favorite cake?

If you had a son/daughter what would you name them?

What’s something that makes you feel physically sick too look at.

What’s your current mood

If you could change anything in life to make it easier and more comfortable, what would it be? (Not including death)

NEVER

NEVER apologize for asking stuff

I absolutely adore answering with everything I am!!!!

Honestly I'm not sure, pears are kinda mid but strawberries are so fucking disappointing so probably that!

Honestly I'm not sure if there is such a place, I wanna visit everything!!!!

Yes! Im actually buying some clothes once I get payed in like a week!!!

I (sadly) ate some roast pork and some sugar potatoes

I met the one irl friend I have at this place im legally required to be at every other week

I met Mari and peach through yandere content if I remember right which is pretty funny and I think I got introduced to basically everyone else through penny or from someone who knows penny, and penny I met through the gimmick verse I think?

I used to but I don't anymore, it just feels weird to start now since there's so much new stuff

No I don't, I hate that game! >:(

Anything from age 6 and below

It's a thing called "rutebilslagkage" which doesn't translate that well to English....

Hmm for a son I'd probably go with whatever the mother wanted, unless smt happened to my brother then I'd name the kid after him, for a daughter I'd call her Ilona

Uhh I can't really think of anything rn

Idk what it's called :( but it feels not good :(

(curse you, not allowing my only answer) I guess having shit loads of money? Like practically infinite amounts

[strawbunnyss]

welcome ! !

firstly, DO NOT INTERACT IF U ARE 25+

im a teen grl that luvs cats, fashion, makeup, art, witchcraft, music, hello kitty and anything pink or glittery. really, i luv anything cute and hot, so basically ME!

fair warning, almost my whole closet is black and i luv mixing elements of y2k (old and new), emo, and goth into my style but i do intend this blog to be mostly dollish. just dont be too surprised if the darkness seeps in hehe

DO NOT INTERACT WITH MY PAGE IF YOU ARE OVER 24. i am redoing this post from my original pinned post because there are two many 25+ yo dirty gross men following me. DO NOT FOLLOW ME. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

however, sum of the stuff i post could be a little bit inappropriate for younger users! i would advise 15+ but absolutely no younger than 14, pls and ty. not only for the sake of what i may post, but im not comfy having kids on my page. its no promise but just depending on how i feel, sum of my posts might include more mature topics or images containing things like weapons or slight nsfw. if that makes u uncomfy, steer clear of me and ill do the same for u <3

i would appreciate if accounts with heavy nsfw, gore, ed content, etc stay away. also, i do not deal with bs; do not be a creep. im not here to see ur cheeks or have a downward spiral LOL. be a decent person and everything will be all good.

as for what i'll be posting, there's a good chance that a lot of these photos might not be mine (im never in the mood to take pics) so i will do my best to credit people appropriately but please let me know if you want me to take anything down or tweak anything!

last paragraph lol. but i am a student and i do have a life, so there may be times where i maybe don't post as much or go a long time without posting. if that happens, im sorry, but just remember im a person too :) anyways i am looking forward to posting on what i guess i would call more niche platforms. id like to make a yt channel one day and i would also consider making a neocities website if i had time to learn html. not that yt is niche at all but i don't intend to have a lot of subscribers or tell many ppl about it so ig thats what i mean. anywho! thx for reading this far down if you did and i look forward to posting for u soon! luv u! buh-bye <3

[boyswanna-be-her]

Unrelated to anything else other than the desire to be the best me possible, I've been getting sober all on my own and it sucks! So bad! No wonder people don't normally do this shit alone!

I've been making room in my life all year to change my relationship with alcohol. It's a big part of why I've been spending very little time alone, staying super active and busy, busting my ass to never be bored.

And uh. I'm scared to be alone with myself in Colorado! I'm my own best drinking buddy, I'll be alone and lonely and far away from any cities, and the house I'm going to is basically an open bar.

I don't want feedback on this at all. I don't even want to discuss it. But I've really been working hard as fuck on my sobriety, and trying to vaguely express myself about it here because I don't have anywhere else to put it. And my brain is having a hard time reaching a new contentment/happiness set point without alcohol. I know it'll be worth it, but I haven't done life without self-medicating in more than a decade (barring the two months of sobriety i completed after having a total meltdown about jonathan's suicide). And it's fucking hard. I don't remember how to be bored, I don't remember how to get my brain to shut the fuck up at night. I'm scared that it's gonna be too hard and I'll fail, or that I'll get there but then being sober will be boring and not worth it and I'll drink again as a crutch and everyone will feel sad about that. I'm scared that there will never be enough activities and causes and friends to fill up the huge pit that alcohol has occupied in my life and self and personality since my 20s. I'm worried that when my parents finally notice that I stop after nursing one glass of wine all night, our relationship is going to deteriorate like it did the last time I tried to get sober.

But a bigger part of me just feels super lonely and tired of working so hard all in the dark, 24 hours a fucking day, so here I am weeping out of nowhere while I'm doing laundry and being super vulnerable for a bunch of people who I barely talk to and often don't even read my shit in good faith. Idk. Im in a rotten mood even though I'm doing so much good stuff. I wish everything I wanted didn't have to be so fucking difficult.

I need a hug so fucking bad it's unreal but there is not a single person I trust in my real life to know that I even am struggling in the first place.

[justanotherpersonsuniverse]

CAP I FORGOT TO READ CHAPTER 73.

I WROTE SHIT ABOTU IT HERE YOU GO IT'S MOSTLY JUST ME FREAKING OTU

SPOILERS BELOW AND ALL THAT

Balad to cap

Ok so why didn’t i ever read chapter 73. I forgot about it? I have zero clue why that happened.

Its a very fun chapter too, it feels quite chill and is a good transition alongside tying up loose ends

I’m glad it talks about Alya being like “why tf are they over there” 

God I’m still so curious about the seeds planted of clues for Juleka’s identity, plus idk why but I’m still 90% certain adrien will randomly find out

I know he won’t but my brain is convinced

Help genderfluid Anarka i love her to pieces she’s such a terror (and i adore when you make her speak in a scottish accent, it’s so dear to me)

Interesting.. Luka teaches Kim guitar? I’m curious about Luka’s totally normal life aside from the furry for a sister, he tries so hard…

Oh. 

Now thats an interesting tidbit

Luka can tell how in her own head Juleka is? Very intriguing for him to call them delusions… I wonder how different pieces of this fic would be if they were from another perspective, especially the sheer level of danger the characters are in and how monstrous Juleka sees herself vs the reality of her protecting herself 

My thoughts are going to when she Prince Shining (that was his name right?) It’s one of my favorite original Akumas behind Wicket Witch and Little Red (which I am realising now is because of the background to them… Akuma hit harder when there is a buildup, huh. Something to keep in mind for my own writing.) That was fun to see, how worried the class was vs how confused that made Juleka

How people perceive others and myself has always been interesting to me, so this is right up my alley

Back to Luka

Oh curious, of course Luka would want to protect Juleka… I wonder if Marinette will try to make him a holder as well, I’m not sure if that secret identity would last the hour to be honest

The fact that we still don’t have much model Juleka content (aside from a piece of art you did a few years ago, or maybe that was someone else) makes me feel crazy! It’s an aspect of her that I’m really curious to see how you write it

I’ve got fun concepts for her in my own shit, and ANYWAY! Ui brought it up because Anarka was talking about sending Juleka there. 

Sorry, I’m both making notes on like 2 pieces of writing, writing 2 different scenes in totally different chapters and writing this and reading chapter 73 and cooking dinner. Can you tell I am diagnosed with ADHD? 

Woohoo for Fei saving people

Fei being scared and unsettled by Juleka is so funny help-

Aww, Juleka giving Fei interview practice is adorable

I need to reread at some point to see if we get to see how marinette sees Juleka compared to Panthera (hey, it’s me being obsessed with how people perceive others again, tbh that’s prolly why I am so excited to write my miraculous thing, there are some… extra layers that should make it funny) 

Sure you dont have a concussion Juleka, like I’ll believe that

MODEL LORE?? AUWG>/?

WOOO

MODEL SHIT IS HAPPENING I TAKE BACK ALL MY IMPATIENCE CAP I APOLOGISE

AND HER DRESS IS BASED OFF OF DUSSUU OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT???

CRAY=ZY.

HOYL SHIT]I THOUGT]F

ROSE WAS BEING A SAP. ACCEPTABLE. 

BUT.

SO YOU DO WORK WITH THE HEORES>545FRUNEIODWS

DUED

Oh my god if eel insane 

Help

Not Juleka slagging off herself to Rose she is so insane 

Wait

WHAT.

GABRIEL HAS TRIED TO AKUMATISE JULEKA A LOT? HOLY SHIT

This chapter is full of revaltions

Insane about everything her what the fuck

this is mostly me freakign out, sozzles its also really short. time for chapter 74!

this was a really good chapter i feel insane that i forgot to read it

YAYYYYY IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED!!!!!

i wanted to set up the mood for season 3- i hope it makes you excited!!!!!

[pelideswhore]

hello! i read ariadne recently and i am very eagerly waiting for any new updates you may have!! i personally liked most of the book (but take that lightly because i enjoy just about anything i read, im v easy to please lmao. also ive been Obsessed with theseus and the minotaur and will happily consume any content about them or the people they are involved with) but i will admit. hated theseus. didnt like his or just about any of the men in that book's characterizations. so i would love to hear your own thoughts on them + the ending once you reach it!

hi anon!! i received this ask a while back but wanted to leave it for later since at the time the only male characters were theseus and minos. and now i have read the ending so i can comment on that as well!! spoilers undercut

i hated the depiction of ALL men in this book. i can absolutely get behind minos and theseus being antagonists, because of course, to ariadne, they were. what i do not understand is why jennifer saint took away any goodness and any motivation they might have had.

minos does to athens what he does because he lost his beloved son to them, but jennifer saint explicitly says that he does not care about his son. in my opinion, keeping that love and grief for his son would’ve not only given him a good motivation but it could’ve made a great point about how much more minos cares about his son than he cares about his daughter.

as for theseus, i do hate mythological theseus, but again, she takes away any sort of motivation he might have had. she made him outright cruel when imo he’s just a shitty person. because of this his reaction to phaedras suicide also seems so incredibly out of character? she’s just shooting herself in the foot atp

as for the other men, i liked deucalion and daedalus, but they get practically no screen time. i didn’t care too much about hippolytus and dionysos wasn’t too bad himself, but i did hate seeing him through ariadnes eyes. she’s very black and white about everything so she’s either looking at him completely through rose-coloured lenses or she absolutely hates his guts, when in reality, he’s just a god. he hadn’t done anything too bad. even the sacrifice, which we’re supposed to see as this life changing event is literally just a sacrifice. it’s a goat.

perseus also gets practically no screen time but from what we see/hear about him, i don’t like the portrayal. i say a little more about this in the upcoming full review.

this leads us to the ending, which i absolutely hated. it’s just so out of pocket and random and merges so many bad things about the book together. perseus’ character, hera’s villainization, the medusa myth, ariadnes mood swings and just to top it off, it’s completely out of nowhere? the entire fourth part of the book was completely unnecessary (as were many other parts but oh well)

[oksullen]

I SAW U ON MY NOTIFS OMG ITS BEEN SO LONG HOW ARE YOU??

I don’t know why I just saw this omg!! I’ve been good :) I’ve been working a lot and busy with classes and just everything else life has to offer 😂

Willow is almost 2 years old now!! and she’s gotten so big and she’s been much more well behaved too!!

I’ve been on and off Tumblr and usually just go on to read some stuff on my favorite fandoms which surprisingly there isn’t a lot of the things im looking for!! I’ve really taking a liking to My Hero Academia but specifically 3 characters- Best Jeanist, Edgeshot, and Stain which there is like NO new content on them!! I haven’t finished the anime yet since im more of a manga reader than an anime watcher 😔

but more on Best Jeanist- I have become addicted to his character 😭 I’ve rebranded some of my usernames to him and I have a collection of merchandise of him on my shelf!! It started as a joke but it’s not a joke anymore!! same with Stain and Edgeshot, but most of my money has gone to Best Jeanist. I’m so sad there’s not much content on him, I say I’ll just write my own but that isn’t true- LOL but that’s ok, I can just use my free time to think of silly little scenarios of him in my head!!

Here’s a picture of my current anime collection, it’s slightly outdated but you get the idea:

Not pictured is a couple One Piece things since I’ve really started to like One Piece again and a couple plushies including a plushie of Shinsuke Kita from Haikyuu because he will always be my favorite (and Tsukishima too!! remember when my user was kaleshima!!)

I’ve always been taking a liking to making an OC and just my oc overall!! She’s mainly a MHA oc with a freaky blood/guts/gore manipulation power (it’s kind dark but I think it’s cool) and omg she’s taken up so much of my time and brain space, I feel like I’ve done more in depth creation of her than of myself �� I’ve also been buying a lot of art commissions of her!! I’ll attach a few images below, but I like talking about her so much that if I end up coming back here I might do some writing for her since I’d love someone or some place to talk about her :) all credits to the locket artists, I don’t think any of them have Tumblr though-: (the first image is her with Best Jeanist and the last is her with Stain!!)

I also have gotten into JJK but im still new to it, only watching the first couple episodes and reading the leaks 😭 which is a GREAT way to start omg

Also, don’t you love it when old hyper fixations come back??!??! yeah, that’s me right now with Mortal Kombat!! I’ve been a fan for almost 10 years now and the new game is so good!! and the characters omg… they made them so good 😍 thankfully Tumblr has a lot on them!!

but other than some things coming and going there hasn’t been a lot of new stuff in my life but compared to last year my mood and health has been so much better which is a win in my eyes, plus im starting to like a new guy which is good because I got my heart absolutely shattered little over a year ago and I swear I thought I was never going to recover, but recovery is possible and I give myself a lot of credit for the things I’ve done despite life seemingly staying the same.

I hope to move out of my parents house soon and continue my education further and my social life and all that but ik that won’t happen until a few years which seems like forever but seeing how 2023 has gone by so fast, I have a feeling it’s going to come quicker than it seems

I always say I want to come back to writing on this app and honestly I am in need of a new hobby because yeah listening to music is great but it doesn’t get you far!! which by the way, also a hyper fixation, bands and music and all that- I am really big into Nirvana right now and plan on dressing up as the lead singer Kurt Cobain for Halloween- which is funny I am dressing up because for the first time I have no plans for Halloween!! I’ll probably just bake some goodies and watch scary movies. How is Halloween celebrated where you are, if at all? American culture is so funny- and it’s funny because America doesn’t have much culture, it’s just one big melting pot which makes it unique

Speaking of music, my favorite artists are probably Nirvana (which is a band) and so is Radiohead, Weezer, The Smiths, Ghost, and Korn (which are rock/metal bands, I really recommend them if you’re into that!!) but I also really like Melanie Martinez, Lana Del Rey, Mitski, Alex G, and a couple other solo artists (fun fact, I went to many concerts over the summer including Melanie and Weezer- they were so good!!) what kind of music do you listen to? any you recommend?!

Half way typing this too, I thought of the idea of coming back to Tumblr to write not just drabbles on my current hyper fixations but maybe some life advice and psychology stuff, I have a way with words and advice and all that even though I am considered “to young to know all this” but I see it as both good and bad having an old soul at a young age- and not to say I am a little child either, but I haven’t even been on this earth for 20 years yet, soon enough though

That all being said, I feel like a huge chapter of my life is coming to a wrap up soon and I am excited to start the new one!! I’ve been on this app forever even though I technically shouldn’t have had Tumblr as a pre-teen but hey, we all start somewhere!!

How have you been? Anything new and exciting? Or maybe something you’ve learned? I’ve been trying to learn new hobbies and I’ve started to really dig into what I want to do as a career since I have to really decided soon (I am doing community college right now which is a free 2-3 year schooling opportunity to earn credits before you go off and study a minor or major- not sure if you have that where you live and if you do it’s still probably different)

Anyways I want to study business and business management since I have taken a liking to running/leading an organization/group and coming up with marketing ideas for various groups I spend my time in- including theatre!! I have a local theatre group I work in backstage and I am the stage manager this year which is great since I want to going into management

It’s “late” where I am- actually it’s just 9:30 but I go to bed early especially when I have things to do the next day 😔 I’ll probably just use the excuse I am tired to run to Starbucks and spend my money like I always do. I really have become addicted to Starbucks and it’s only going to worsen as “Capitalism Christmas” comes next

Holidays are so silly to me too, I don’t really enjoy them because they’ve always seemed to cheesy and not like they “advertise” but I hope to make the best of it this year, even if it just ends up being me working that day and then coming home to my dog. What Holidays do you enjoy? Any certain traditions or events you’re looking forward to?

I’ve written down most of my thoughts and this has been the most I’ve written in ages!! Maybe I should answer more asks from now on to get myself into the writing kick!! 😂

I hope you’ve been well and I hope we can talk more soon!! I totally just remembered we have each other on discord too!! I changed my user to @bestkaleist (Best Jeanist reference) so if you’re confused as to who that is, it’s me!!

wishing you all the well!! 🥬

[the-kipsabian]

for the fanfic asks: 1, 8, 13, 20, 23, 25, 29, 43, 46, 72, 79 💚

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike? most fics come to me in forms of dreaming while im trying to sleep, so yes. the one good thing about insomnia currently is that i get to rotate so many blorbos and scenarios in my head that i have a lot of content to write lol

8. Post an out-of-context spoiler from a wip. i have like. one current wip in docs that i might work on again at some point so here. technically its not a spoiler since its the whole premise of the fic buuuut

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently? pretty much always? i focus better when i have matching vibes, unless im having a sensory moment but usually then i cant really write either honestly. "puppet master" is my current playlist on loop, its just my two kip playlists combined into one to fit the mood of immortal fears lol

20. Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics? pretty much all my stuff in canon divergent on some level honestly, so i guess aus? not in a very obvious sense of aus but yeah. tho i do love me some extra sad aus too, post apocalyptic aus my beloved.....

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest? middle part is the easiest, ending is the hardest cause i either never know when to end a story or how to end a story like. i want to have that final impact and sometimes its so hard to pinpoint where that should be. middle is just a good flow usually if i get that far and thats where all the good ideas usually happen so its my favorite <3

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)? probably the writing itself. like i can have a shit ton of good, even great ideas while brainstorming or outlining things, but usually the biggest things happen while im actually putting the words down. i really enjoy it when the story just flows and how it comes together. also i have discovered i absolutely loathe the editing part LOL

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of? personally i think i can bring emotions to life really well. be it happy or sad (mostly sad tho i love my sad depressed uncomfortable bitches), i feel like i have the words for them that fit

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet? hmmmmm i dont really know? i mean i have plenty of ideas sitting in my drafts and in my brain and stuff, but i dont really think i have a lot that i absolutely NEED to write. maybe that one bunnelope fic i wanted to do about a love potion gone wrong cause girls need to be gay or something

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be? once again - post apocalyptic au my beloved. anything that takes place "after the world ends" in one way or another is my shit. gimme all the post apocalyptic hell i crave for

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten? basically every time someone says i nailed a character im writing for the first time. cause i take a lot of pride and put in the effort to try to give them each their own voice and i study my materials and yeah. ..hence also why im so hesitant so often to write about new people cause i am a perfectionist when it comes to characterization especially ajksdnkjasd

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share? this we discovered last week to be a really functional advice so: if you dont know how to start writing a scene, put someone in a room. make them enter a space, and start from there - why are they there, who else is there, what is their purpose in that space, what is that space?

also first drafts dont need to be perfect, everything can be edited in post, even after you post the thing if youre planning on doing so. hell some published novels have typos in them, let alone nonsensical writing and storylines. you dont need to be perfect, as long as you are writing

and obviously you are your own audience first and foremost. write for yourself yo fuck the rest (unless the rest are into it too then thats great but you should still write for yourself first and consider everything else second lol)

fanfic writing asks ~

[euph0ric-adventures]

24032023; 0100

Its been a long while..  There’s been so much that has been going on in my life the past year. It’s been the worst and I feel like Im at the worst point in my entire life. Maybe not fully

Words are so impactful and powerful, but words at the same time can make or break a situation - when people take it out of context or perspective, when they see their arguments, issues and problems to be bigger than anything. The fear of leaving the comfort zone, or the fear of simply accepting that you messed up and you need to find a solution or accept help from someone else. It’s painful and difficult - I understand and empathise.  Actions on the other hand speak louder than words, but what happens when these same actions are misinterpreted or misunderstood. A simple good action could be denoted as an action of harm, resentment or backlash. 

It’s a difficult and painful world we live in - where each and everyone of us are fighting our very own demons, struggling to barely stay afloat or even worst make it past to another day. It’s tiring and exhausting. We fear of being judged or being a burden to another person. But what good will it bring if all we do is feel and not attempt to act accordingly to better the situation. 

I’d be lying if I said I was taking everyday with stride. I should be grateful and blessed for everyday that I get to wake up, where I get to go to a job that I still have and enjoy despite it’s pains, where I have food and the financial capability to treat myself to a good cup of coffee everyday. Cos some people leave in their sleep, some get laid off cos of the current economy, some people don’t even have enough to eat a decent lunch. . Yet if I was called to go - as in die. I will leave everything and everyone in a heart beat. Cos I am tired, and despite being thankful for everyday that I have - I feel like I’m struggling to be happy, to be content, to be at peace. I am tired and I’m worried I will give up one day. 

I’m a fighter, I fight so passionately for what I feel and want. But this same fighter is afraid that - one day I will just drop my shoulders and not care anymore, than any discomfort in life will affect me no more. 

I’m always expected to understand and give way and be more accepting of the situation. To see it from their point of view and understand their struggles. But isit selfish of me to ask the same? I do - without fail, every time see it from the other persons point of view, see how and why they  may feel or act or say certain things. I mould myself to better fit to them or their mood or situation, so that they will not feel the extra anxiety or burden. I understand, or at least I feel I really try to. 

But is it wrong - wrong to feel understood and needed? To feel like I deserve more? Isit selfish of me to think that? 

I’m tired - and honestly, I really want to give up. I know I was heading towards a downward spiral - hence I really got myself checked into therapy. Has it been helpful? Yes - but isit making me a better person? IDK really.. It takes 2 hands to clap, it’s stupid to hold up one hand and not be met with the other hand - Im just left hanging. I will hold up this hand until the other hand meets mine, but all I can hope for is that my hand will not get tired as much as my heart and body is. 

Nothing hurts more than hearing the other person say they feel bad that they dragged you into something dark and bad with the full intention of knowing what they are doing - without being met with a solution. 

But I guess that’s the mystery of life - pain and suffering and how we learn to morph ourselves to better handle situations instead of expecting the other party. 

Cos why try to change others who are set in their ways and habits and thoughts when you can change your perspective on things - the danger of it - not being able to feel anything in the long run - being immune and numb and actually saying well “ it is what it is”. . . 

[castlebyersafterdark]

ok, on a genuine note, i've been coming here and enjoying the spice level of your blog for several months. obviously youre catering to an audience here, as are other spicy blogs, but i genuinely have to ask - as someone who doesnt seem to have such a high sex drive as you but is still very very into the whole romance and excitement of spicy byler - how do you cope on a daily basis haha

i mean this blog, obv, but you have implied that you as a person outside of spicy byler etc have also this sort of high libido etc. i mean, you've got your man but overall in your life, before him and maybe during dry spells - talking to others here who may relate, too - doesnt it get exhausting lol?

ive been big into romance as part of stories since i was a teen but the sexuality aspect of it, and leaning into that as a need and a drive, exploring that part of myself, is quite new to me. i realise im really not as high libido as many people especially in this fandom. i get that may seem sad to some but really it just feels like im kind of... more in control of what i get to do, especially compared to certain times (of the month lmao) when i am super horny and its literally so tiring when everything reminds you of sex haha

so im just wondering for people with high sex drives, do you ever get exhausted being constantly horny lmao. and how do you focus at work/when other important things need doing lol

all love! just curious. cos its a physical feeling as much as emotional so its not as simple as like... me sating my need for romance by reading or dreaming etc.

Friend, are you calling me a slut?? The AUDACITY! Wellllllll. 😉🤭 JOKING!! SAID WITH LOVE NO WORRIES!!

I feel like this is a perfect example of hmmm to overshare or not to overshare - well, I'm utilizing a cut here so what do we think. Personal insights below:

To be fair - I'm not walking around 24/7 only thinking about either this show or pairing or sex in general hahahaha. Yeah, that would be exhausting and a little crazy! Maybe some do! No shade! It's just very concentrated here - you are spot on. There's a theme and a catered interest here so that's what we all see. Just like I often say about the celebrities we follow on social media - we see about 5% of a life, if that. Same with bloggers!! Why I kind of have been embracing talking about some non-spicy Byler things here too, because I decided not strictly adhering to a very tiny niche of content is more relaxing and if people no longer want to hang out - so be it!! But, yes. This blog does serves as a concentration of that topic.

But it is very true what I've said previously, to speak very frankly here on out on this post - I do have a pretty high sex drive. I'm very open about that! Because in the wake of a world careening towards repression and shame, no thanks. There's nothing wrong with having a healthy relationship with pleasure and sex. It's a major part of my life. Just is. Everyone's different. I cope by not really denying that or feeling ashamed by any of it? Sex and pleasure and love and beauty and happiness. I want to live my life surrounded by good things and those are good things to me.

Having a high libido is - well it's convenient being in a loving long term relationship, thaaaaat's for sure. HA. Yeah 😏 I definitely had fun when I was single/dating around, but I wasn't totally indiscriminate. It wasn't constant. Again, as always, no shade - but I've heard of guys who get body counts in the hundreds per year. To me, that sounds ridiculous and exhausting. But I know that happens! Human sexuality is a spectrum in so many ways. Sex drive is yet another. As long as sex is safe and consensual - hell yeah. Have at it.

Sure there are times when you're struck buy a mood and nothing else occupies your mind. Other things can have the same affects on your day to day as well. Hunger or depression or addiction or obsession can also completely take over the brain the same as a want for pleasure. Is the hyper focus and need healthy? There's the key. Honestly, there's nothing wrong with thinking about sex a lot or being super horny often. But like anything - how is it affecting your life? What is positively fulfilling and what is being neglected? There's also nothing wrong with never or rarely needing / thinking about it, to balance the truth.

On the flip side - the romance, ahhh the romance. Why is it that I'm personally so enamored with fandom? Storytelling and an outlet for my incredibly overactive imagination, yes, but gosh the romance. Hopeless romantic, for sure. But romance for me is also tied up in sex, that's just how it is. I'm someone who liked to have fun, chase a feeling, get off. I've hooked up with strangers. I've fooled around with friends and gone on like it was nothing afterwards. I've done things and fallen desperately head over heels and let it negatively affect me. I had certain things I'd only do with those I had genuine feelings for. ~Romance~ and sex in conjunction. But, this is just how I am. Can't explain it. I'm a physical guy, to some maybe a little over indulgent, but I've grown to have a healthy view. Pleasure and joy and love. All positives for me. I might go so far as to say it would be more exhausting repressing and denying how I truly feel and what I want!

It's all so personal and we can imagine our hypothetical needs and interest bars like the stats screen in something like the sims. Maybe someone's sex drive bar stays green fairly longer or barely budges and someone like me has one that depletes a lot quicker. That's life!!

Unless this was intended to just be a ploy to get me to talk about and detail various sexcapades well..... maybe in the future 🤭🤭

[dinosaurzzz]

Hi! Welcome to my account! I'm Dino, also known as the (self-proclaimed) CEO of XVials (Ink/XGaster)! I'm multiship but I don't talk about the other ones as much since XVials kind of runs my life.

My art account is @dynobitezzz and I post finished works there and sketches here; my art tag is 'dynobite art'

This is mostly a main/reblog account and I do tend to spam when I'm in a good mood about something I really like. Please be aware.

READ MY XVIALS ROYAL AU

JOIN MY XVIALS DISCORD SERVER

Here are some things about me:

PLEASE let me scream into the void about xvials. i won't bite, i promise. literally shoot me a message, tell me the most obscure thoughts you have on them, even ask questions about what i think on them!! i want it all. i need people to hear the xvials propaganda. these two goobers are so in love it HURTS that they aren't talked much more about, and i can give you a list of everything that has happened, and every concious decision jakei has made to develop their friendship. on top of that: i reocgnize their aroace identities and respect it VERY much. they are my lil guys. 🫶

i have a difficult time regulating my emotions and can come off as really rash and sensitive. it's not personal, i've just had a stressful(re: trauma-filled) life and my diagnoised ADHD and undiagnoised autism really go hand in hand. im also very bad at telling where a line may be crossed.

im kind of really dumb and big paragraphs, sentences, and words can short circuit my brain. english was something i used to be kind of good at but now i dont know whats going on with it. despite being a fanfic writer. so i may ask you to elaborate or word differently.

i AM 19yo and sometimes my work can become less than sfw. actual nsfw content is posted elsewhere.

im trans masc and bi/aroace(general term) and have a loving bf who i just adore! i go by he/it pronouns. <3

i used to powerlift competitively in highschool, my maxes are as follow; bench 140lb, squat 215lb, deadlift 240lb. i unfortunately couldnt get the last deadlift since its really strict about how you do things, but i could pick up the weight which meant more to me than some score. :]

im an aspiring video editor and im actually certified to use adobe premiere pro! i got the highest of my class with 920/1000 and im so proud of that !! <3 im obviously a beginner but ive edited tons of things before! Here's the proof because again. So. Proud.

I have several tags that I use that you can find and use below to navigate through my stuff. I believe most of them are self explanatory!

dinosaurzzz rambles is a general tag i use to talk about things, so reblogs, other posts, myself. just a lot of things. i dont ever tag reblogs btw so you won't get a cluttered screen!

Okay peace! Drink water, eat a snack, sleep well!

[healingheneree]

I want to write but all I want to do is complain. Today has been a very hard emotional day. Today is chinese new year Eve. I am very emo because all I can think about is what I am missing. Today I very grateful of all my family time. I got to spend time with all the people I love on both sides of the family but at the same time missing the one most important to me. I am not sure how to feel. I am not sure how I am suppose to accept it but I know it just what it is right now. I spent time with tam family today and everyone but Tam was not there. It felt so off. I miss hanging out with her family a lot and it just sucks this is the reality. Her dad pulled me aside and said she was crying when I was away and wanted me to come home. I told him I wanted to come home but besides the kids what am I suppose to come home to? I didn’t want to rush home for Tam to only be away from her. I would have dropped everything if she really asked me to come home and stay with her and take care of her but that’s not the case. I told her dad that and I believed he understood. I went home after lunch and that’s when my waves and feels hit me. But then Tam said she was coming over and it changed my mood so fast. When she got here my inner child part of me wanted to just run and hug and hold her so bad. I don’t have the courage to follow my heart and just do it yet. I am scared it will be a selfish thing so I sacrifice how it would make be feel because im scared it would do more harm for her than good. Then after she left I needed to go to my grandmas. When I got there I had to lie to grandma that Tam was sick. And not feeling well. I’m scared I’m going to run out of excuses and then really have to face my fear of telling her. She is old and she really loves us and I’m scared to break her heart as I would break down and cry if I were to tell her. Then I forgot the flowers and had to go home to get it. When I got back and gave it to her she her eyes lit up and she was so happy. That made my so happy and sad at the same time. I really wished she was here to celebrate. I know im grateful for what I have and I am but I’m also sad. I think I can be grateful and sad at the same time. I know I’m not suppose to put energy on what I don’t have but I also think about what I want. What would truly make me happy. I really hate feeling depressed. I like to think I have control over how I feel but now that I feel more than I have ever in my life I want more. I been concentrating on what I want. I want this family back and better than ever. I deep down want plan A over plan B. I know plan B is An alternative. I also feel like plan B is settling and being content and happy with the way things are. I want to be able to fight for what I want instead of settling. I feel like I need to lead like that so the kids can feel that energy and be able follow their heart and also believe that anything is possible and don’t settle for all anything less than what you truly and deeply want. Tonight on this New Year’s Eve I was not strong I feel weak. My inner child just wants what it wants and because my adult self cannot please him or get him what he wants I get sad and upset like a tantrum. My energy feel so depleted I feel so depressed

[koalitee]

🙁

“rosy pink”

+

“Your face bright red”

Sigh... to be me is reading a sex scene in a fic and then it’s like I hear glass shatter or as soon as my incapable-of-turning-pink-when-I-blush-because-black-people-cant-turn-pink self read that line…..lol it’s like someone came up from behind me and poured 2 gallons of ice water on me all of a sudden, the way it jars you out of immersion/reading the story

I’m tired…

ʀɪᴅᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ - 4

ʏᴜᴛᴀ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ x ᴍᴀʀᴋ ʟᴇᴇ

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: ꜱᴍᴜᴛ, ᴅʀᴀᴍᴀ, ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴅʀᴜɢꜱ, ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ, ꜱᴜɢɢᴇꜱᴛɪᴠᴇ, ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ, ᴄᴀʀ ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ, ᴘʜᴏɴᴇ ꜱᴇx, ɴᴜᴅᴇꜱ

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