#and i would talk to my sister but i dont want her to know im off my meds
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something something something the Waynes refusing to allow the Kanes to give Martha a jewish burial because it would “look bad” if she wasnt buried in the Wayne Crypt or whatever.
Something something something about Thomas and Martha Wayne being the only ones buried on the manor grounds after Bruce returns from his world tour.
#look. i am aware that im approaching this as someone raised orthodox.#but the cultural horror around not being allowed to bury your dead in the way your traditions say…#it runs so so deep. it is quiet literally the basis of like. all the horror stories i hears growing up at summer camp*#*subject to my horrific memory#and i saw a post talking about the kanes not showing up to marthas funeral and i started thinking about WHY they wouldn’t#because. also. not escorting the dead is A Big Deal in many ways.#and just. all you want to do is bury your sister. you already know youve failed her son. you already know thats a fight her husbands family#will not let you win#and they cant even give you this because it will cost them some whispered looks across gilded halls#and so you dont even know where to start your mourning.#idk idk idk its 10.30 pm and i have done none of my to do list but#also exhuming a body to bring it to proper Jewish burial is allowed under specific circumstances#like halachacly#and i do think this would be important to martha actually#regardless of her level of observance#because again. depending on where the kanes came from. that generational scar runs deep.
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are there any precrisis comics where lana lang has an actual personality other than "pining after clark forever" (and im not rly interested in rebirth just giving her sharon vance's powers 💀) because for the love of god i am so tired of triangle era lana. man
#rimi talks#i was hoping maybe early triangle era would make me care about her bc we'd see the beginnings of the lanapete romance at least#instead. she's STILL hung up on clark even while agreeing to marry pete. oh my god#and like man i DO love the lana & kara stuff in supergirl v5 but its not really like that fleshes lana herself out very much#like at LEAST she's not just pining over clark the entire time#but the only real trait she gets is that she tries to protect kara (a la the insect queen stuff)#and im just so . girl im trying SO hard to give a singular shit about you and i just cannot#im sorry i know its not your fault youve been assigned the role of Girl™ so hard that even as an adult its all you have#but oh my goddddd#like she's just so bland she has nothingggg we dont even know WHY she and clark liked each other as high school sweethearts#like with clois you can see the mutual respest build up and the way they inspire each other#with like clark and lori lemaris you can see how they bonded over feeling alone and different together#with lana its just... ???? well he was a boy and she was a girl in a small town. can i make it any more obvious#several times he's been like ''she's like a sister to me'' ok but WHY.#and the way she held a grudge about him being mind controlled and ignoring her bday to the point of not really wanting to invite him--#--to her and pete's wedding. its ridiculous like shes written like a high schooler. why the FuCK did she still have a photo of clark in DC#im sorry lana. i know this is a product of misogyny in writing. but you are so fucking boring. my god#you know those posts like ''when you dislike a female character its like. im sorry i know its not your fault'' or w/e#thats how i feel about lana. and also one other female character i cant name or ill be killed in the streets#like im sorry girlie ik your writers were misogynistic assholes. unforch...#I MISS SHARON................................ sharon vance come back 2 me :(#dc: we have sharon at home.#the sharon at home: lana lang in a red superwoman outfit :/
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If i could give daigo a bowl of pasta with parmesan and olive oil and a lil salt i would its what he deserves ultimately
#snap chats#found a way to talk about my day on this blog HAH#pasta was like. My Sisters Meal <- it still is why did i say it in the past tense#every time she’d come home or everytime she made herself dinner it was always pasta and parmesan#ive stolen her dish i fear … because i too never know what to eat so its pasta and cheese time …. one of gods greatest gifts#and thats why id like daigo to have some i think hed benefit … its simple its quick its easy he could make it i think ….#i dont trust him to make anything complex not his rich baby ass but boiling water and putting noodles in it … he could do it#love is stored in the pasta and i want him to have some#Audience Involvement Time if you could give your faves food what would you give them#you dont have to make it you could doordash that shit but what would you give them ….#food has always been a way to show love and care for me so i wanna know … im nosy ….#anyway gonna go back to watching this fear and hunger run cause Irony
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#i am Dying#so for reasons im not gonna get into i stopped taking my meds a couple months ago#and luckily my mood and depression/anxiety hasnt been an issue at all!!#in fact im usually very happy and content#but one thing has come back and its come with a fucking vengeance#like i thought it was annoying in high school#but now its downright hindering#like im making up for the past 9 years or whatever#and i didnt realize until this week that its probably bc im off my meds#and unfortunately its making my insomnia bad again which means im starting to have another issue that i had in hs#its only happened once but if it continues then things will get bad lol#im trying to be vague on purpose bc this is soooo embarrassing#i cant talk to my friends abt it bc we dont talk abt that stuff (or at least they dont w me so i dont feel comfortable bringing it up)#and i would talk to my sister but i dont want her to know im off my meds#so like. dying#i have a plethora of my insomnia/anxiety/depression meds dont get me wrong#but in order to take them again i need to update my insurance w the doctor#then go to the doctor#then get a referral to a specialist#who can hopefully help me#and then i can take my meds again#i knowww i should bc my slope be slippin#but like im in a good mood and am content with everything in my life but my work and my issue that i need a specialist for#so im not very motivated to do things i dont wanna do#idkkkk#sorry im rambling lmao#vani.key
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Its really late but i just keep thinking about how Deena never interacts with her siblings in the entirety of both the nexomon games
Like-WE WERE ROBBED!!!!!!
SO YOUR TELLING ME-everytime the MC encounters one of the Champions with Deena around they DIDNT NOTICE HER??????
NOT EVEN A PASSING GLANCE OR GREETING??????
BLASHEMY
No heres MY personal crackpot headcannon
So during the War between Humans and Nexomon when Deena began to sympathise with humanity Omnicron began to notice and got angry (ObViOuSlY) and actually kicked her out of the group and disowned her, and then made everyone else reject her as well-OR EVEN BETTER tricked them to think she left of her own volition
And because most of the champions are just being revived in N1 thats why they act like they dont know her
#fuck you im gonna fill in canon myself#AND ALSO GRUNDA Or ULRICH was the ONLY ONE WHO DIDNT WANT TO COMPLETELY CUT CONTACT WITH HER#And after N1 they would get in contact again♡ somehow#and around that time he decides to work for that orphanage caring for kids#AND ALSO#i also have a theory-more like a headcanon honestly#that Metta was made directly after Nara was run out by the champions cause i think its funny#like he doesnt even KNOW he has a sister-and thats why he never makes any attempts to make her join the champions during N1#like-dont you think he would try to harness her power to help resurrect omnicron? AND THAT MEANS THAT OMNICRON WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH STRONGER#IF SHE ALSO GAVE UP HER POWER >:]#<- that last point is unrelated to whatever im talking abt i just like making badguys stronger :>#AND ALSO THE CHAMPIONS WERE REALLY HURT BY HER LEAVING cause they used to be close♡#and when she left they stopped talking about her cause it hurt too bad andALSO THATS ANOTHER REASON AS TO WHY METTA WOULDNT TRY TO RECRUTE H#<- sorry guys im kinda going insane#nexomon#nexomon deena#nexomon nara#My Headcanons♡#not art
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.
I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃
#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag#trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened#and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents#but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO#they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her#but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers#and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming#(a conversation SHE started btw)#and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back#and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary???#that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you#like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive)#but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but.#if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that#i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions?#and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️'#(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent)#hate it. thanks#apostake#jay rambles#ok to interact#im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged#gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully#they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face#haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc#it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace#my sister's 17 ffs#it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void#religion#mormonism
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#snapped at my mom because im stressed about my preboard results and then i apologized and explained that i was rly stressed and accidentally#lashed out and she started saying that im always rude to her and taking my stress out on her ??? and that i never do this to my dad#and then she said i never talk to her about anything even though she's the only one who does everything for me yet i still dont talk to her#and well. maybe if she didnt tell my brother 'if u do this u will end up like ur sister in the future. u dont want to fail in life right ?#then dont do this' (nearly exact words) when she was scolding him . i mean maybe then i would actually want to talk to her#and it sucks because i cant rly talk to anyone irl about this because i still feel scared that they'll like. judge my mom#because i still love her a lot and dont want people to think badly about her#but its getting harder ! to exist here ! and the fact that i am constantly used as an example of what my brother should NOT be#especially when i work this hard partly because i want to be someone my brother can look up to#and to have that come from my own mother . it's really hurtful and makes me feel like nothing i ever do will be enough for her#not to mention the fact that i have come out to her 4 times and she still constantly asks me if it's just a phase#<- i thought that part was getting better but apparently not#but i've stopped expecting anything from anyone in that respect so it doesn't really come as a surprise lmao#anyway rant over i just needed to get that off my chest because i really dont know how long i can keep crying and then forcing my voice#to be normal so that no one asks what happened because wow it is taking a toll on me! who knew#do noooot perceive this
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It's genuinely so funny to me how many people assume/believe me and my best friend are dating. There are absolutely no reasons for anyone to believe that, other than just, we're close friends. People are funny sometimes
#not only were not dating we have talked about how were not each other's types at all#like romantically sexually visually#nothing#and we know each other well enough to know we couldnt be together#i generally know what she wants and im not it. and vice versa#i genuinely dont know why people assume otherwise#our past mutual friend straight up asked me abt it a few years ago#my dad asked on multiple occasions even though i denied it the first time#her sister is convinced we're dating and refuses to believe were not lmao#my sister said shed think were dating if i hadnt told her that were not#and like? if we started dating we would hide it#maybe from her parents bc theyre homophobic but other than that. itd be cool to have a partner#bee buzz
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I'm writing a fic taking place in the 90's and I just had to remember that house phones were like a common thing that people had and used regularly
#im so used to just people having cell phones#which like definitely existed then and everything#but like you would call people on their house phone so much more often#i wasnt born yet when this fic is taking place#but i cant imagine it being too different#where you would just talk with people on the house phone for hours on end#i remember having dial up internet and my sister getting mad at me for being on the phone#it got to the point where she would lie to me and tell me that if she tried to use the internet then it would end my phone call#which is not how that works#but i was just a child and believed it#so i would always preemptively end the call when she said she was gonna use the computer cause i didnt want it to just end the call#i would talk with one of my friends for hours though#i dont even know about what#but i just remember sitting outside and talking with her#like for 2 or 3 hours at a time#ah what a simpler time that was
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I cant sleep :[ too busy dysphoriaing and lacking anyone to talk to abt ittt falls over dead
#gang im so dead why is there nobody i can talk to abt dysphoria. IM IN A GROUP OF GAYS HOW IS THERE NOBODY#my friend iv known forever is cis and avoids talking abt it when i try mentioning it tho shes fine w other vents#which i UNDERSTAMD#then my other best friend is also cis and i dont want to bother her with my shit more than i already do#and the only other not cis person in the group. i have no idea how to talk to them. and they do NOT want to hear abt my gender bullshit#there was ONE trans person in the group who i could talk to abt dysphoria comfortably#and they MOVED SCHOOLS AND GHOSTED ALL OF US WITHOUT EVEN SAYING GOODBYE????#IM TRYING SO HARD TO RESIST A SIDE TANGENT ABT THAT GOOD GOD#then my poor lesbian cis sister. who hates it when i bring up my dysphoria and probably forgot nbs exist again#amd i definitely cant talk to my PARENTS. they dont even know im TRANS and i can even convince them to let me wear PANYS INSTEAS OF#A FUCKING SKIRT AT SCHOOL EVERY FUCKING DAY#and i cant talk to tumblr mutuals either#one would probably let me but is cis and i dont know her super well#another idk but i dont know them well enough again#and im not gonna bother my one good friend who is also trans bc they really dont need to deal w my shit#SO WHO THE FUCK#I CANT EVEN DISTRACT MYSELF RN IM JUST TH8NKING ABT THIS STUP8D SHIT#im tired#blash things
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
#need a bestie so bad need to send audio messages and talk and talk all day 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 tired of using this like twt im so sorry#not that on twt i was a hit but at least some ppl would always be there to give me a like to let me know they vibe w me#it's so over to me i cant believe i am like this actually. a woman gave him a lei and he simply kissed her so gently i think im about#to pass tf out#guys guys im NOT new to this i not new to HIM SPECIFICALLY but only now im being crazy abt him this is so unexpected#i actually love when i get hit by a new obsession cuz it's often so random#even my sister was asking me what triggered this entire thing and honestly i just dont know#my friend mentioned that her grandmother likes him a lot and i was like oh me too and then i came back home and blasted some tunes and#here i am i cant stop fixation on him for a second!!!#i wonder if this is gonna be brief or if my destiny is sealed with this mf#and you knwo what??? its kinda silly that he is that great while he was basically an interpreter idek if thats a word. a cover boy.#he did covers but they are all amazingly amazing??? it takes artistry to be this good i really dont get how he did all of that#believe me i feel it his voice is a force. an energetic one idk what he had in him but i feel it so much????? I DONT GET IT#i keep coming back to add tags but holy shit i just need to talk about this here otherwise it will all stay inside and i want to say it!#its like i love him bc of his voice and then when i think about him singing i like it even more cuz i think he is so attractive and for that#his voice gets even better and he gets more handsome?? its like a circle a dialectical relationship it's the fucking combo of the person and#the skill#what a motherfucker!!!!
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why didn't they just use franziska for literally all of this.
#freya talks aai2#my goals of not being a forgotten/forsaken hater are not going well. he goes from 'kay is a dear ACQUAINTANCE' to 'i've not known her for#very long but i know she'd never kill anyone' to 'you are the kay i know so well' in the span of a few hours and it's like.#okay so you know it was too early in their acquaintanceship for this to really make sense but you still wanted a 'deep' and 'meaningful'#relationship to take the lead in this plotline. his sister is literally right there. it wouldnt have been hard to swap her in either because#she's literally investigating the smuggling situation. it would make perfect sense for her to be there following a lead instead of suddenly#revealing kay's promise notebook went missing. im not saying that the super-gentle super-meek persona would have made more sense with#franziska but honestly it wouldnt have made sense with any of them because it's more a caricature of a character rather than being an actual#previously unseen facet of one but you could've done so many more interesting things with franziska! she has an actual personal stake in#edgeworth's decision to continue as a prosecutor or not and we could get actual insight into how her own relationship with prosecuting and#its inextricable link to her father has affected her as a person. like when you show amnesiac kay the prosector badge all she says is that#it feels heroic warm and familiar like someone she knew used to show it to her often. and like cool. it's basically telling us she and her#father were close. which we already knew. imagine if franziska had said something like that or had had a more complex reaction. there would#be so many avenues to go with that!! you'd even be able to delve deeper into what edgeworth thinks about it all. like what if franziska was#just. happier. without her memories. then you'd have a story where edgeworth has to reckon with whether it might be kinder to let her live a#different life where she's unburdened by literally everything she's been made to go through and give her the same opportunity of starting#over that he now has.#im just writing fanfiction at this point but like. the amnesia plot is so frustrating to me HAHA they dont even do anything interesting with#it!! it's just oh she's lost her memories and we need to get them back because she's not 'herself' anymore without any discussion of like.#the nature of identity or living as who other people know you as vs whoever you might actually be#WHEN THE WHOLE CASE IS ABOUT EDGEWORTH DECIDING ON HIS PATH FORWARDS AND GRAPPLING WITH BEING THE PROSECUTOR EVERYONE HAS KNOWN HIM AS#whatever. WHATEVER.#annotations#some people might argue so it's not rehashing old conflict between franziska and edgeworth and like ok. she literally repeats her 'are you#running away from me again' line during this case. does that sound like the words of resolved conflict?#i know WHY they use kay. it's because they need to justify her place in this game and because they want to play on the pseudo father-figure#thing they played up in aai2 to contribute to the overall themes of fatherhood this game is dealing with. and to that i have to say that i#might just not be the audience for it because i've never bought that version of their relationship and i dont think kay should be in aai2#anyway. plus i posit that franziska would've still worked for that theme because. literally everything. about her.
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#so im at my familys house#and im just sort of like okay i actually miss them so much#and like#idk !#for a long time is was kinda rough and i was seen as a failure and like i wasnt able to communicate at all#but like now im here and my aunt is like#we are so happy you are here and we need to do this more often#and i fully want to do it more often#for so long it felt like my family has completed abandoned me#some of them actually did lol but idk im older now and actually able to talk to them#it feels different#it feels like i want to be here#i will say some stuff is definitely coming up. Like earlier i started to feel some trauma feelings#the worst one i feel tbh#but like i just took a second and sat down and breathed#and it seemed like it passed ??#i definitely still feel weird and like i am on drugs even though i am stone cold sober right now#but i just am happy that i can be here with them right now#i wish my sister was here also#i miss her very much#but she heard who was coming this weekend and was like absolutely not lmao#i also talked to my family also about how i dont love my living situation right now#and they are all like please move near us#i dont know if thats an actual thing that i would for sure want right now#because one ive found a therapist finally that i ahsolutely adore and shes keeping me going lol#also even though im struggling to live where i live now#because of the 1 million events that have happened there and that have left me totally alone#i remembering loving where i live now#i remember thinking it was the only place on earth that i wanted to live#but without my best friends these days it just feels pretty isolating and lonely
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okay i might be able to get a discount or some other bullshit for this bill from "presumptive eligibility" because i do in fact live in affordable housing which is one of their qualifications.
#the only way i might not be eligible for getting this discounted or whatever is because of my inheritance that is in my savings account#which can pay for the bill. but i dont want to use So Much of that money for this that money needs to go to other things.#i want to be able to use it partially to buy a car later on and i would have to take the full amount out of my savings to pay for this#im already not going to be able to afford my bills this month without taking out of my savings because of my car needing a new battery#christ i dont fucking know. but hopefully my sister will be more receptive to helping me because im actually looking through#what they're saying for getting my bill reduced. i wanna try and make her talk to the hospital people and she might know more#since she probably had to deal with this stuff for my mom's medical bills
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Apparently I'm backing up and coming to terms with having a crush on my friend and that just scares me.
#. lgbtq+ directory#especially since i know for a fact that she has a crush on smnelse#and literally talks about them and im just standing there disappointed again#bc this shit has happened so much that it makes me sick to my stomach#getting crushes on my friends first one rejecting me completely with a wtf and i actually didnt talk with him for a few good years#and now my other friend who i have seen as a mother-/ sister-esque friend for a year now#it would just honestly make shit awkward if i ever told her that i had a crush and maybe more on them ://#and i dont want that to make our friendship end or make it awkward bc i grew so depentent on their presence during 9th grade due to#my own struggle with socialization anhedonia and general cycle of self distancing when shit got hard#and she never batted an eye to it and just was there?? continued to be with me even if i was a bit distant from time to time#nzjfjndbdksjdbjfjdnd#doesnt help that i have a painfully complicated idea of romantic attravtion due to being aroflux#which makes me so unsure and lowkey scared of having a crush and suddenly being able to fall in love for a short amount of time??#because this shit jas been going on for months with this specific girl im talking about having a crush on now#has*#ndndndn
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