#and i just kind of shut down
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these exams are killing me man and they haven't even started yet.
#petrichor's thoughts#petrichor rambles#petri vents#petri 🦠#mental health#burnout#school#tw anxiety#severe anxiety#think about how stressed you get about exams and then multiply thst by like 1000000000000000000#thats how badly stressed i get#my insomnia gets so much worse as well#and i just kind of shut down#everyone tells me itll be fine and ill get good grades#and then my friends who get lower grades compare themselves to me#and its like#my grades are only high because ive stressed so much and revised to the point where i physically cant anymore#i had to teach myself how to remember things better because otherwise if my motivation levels get lower im basically fvcked#also why tf would you compare yourself to me#you know who you are#its not fair just because my grades are high#you dont know how hard i worked to get here#and how difficult it was#and how i suffer every day because of it#i cant with school anymore man#the people and the stress and the teachers and the everything is just too much
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This outdoor cat argument is pretty common and always short-circuits my brain, because I don't think any other discussion on the environment draws comparisons like that.
Imagine if I went around saying that it's fine if we unregulated the oil industry, because strip mining is worse.
Or that habitat loss is the main cause of the decline in endangered rhinos so we should focus on that instead of poaching.
Or that we shouldn't bother recycling, because the pacific garbage patch exists.
There are a lot of problems in any facet of environmentalism and our relationship to the environment but I feel like that's not a particularly good excuse to just... give up. It's just a strangely bleak look at the world.
#it just shifts blame and shuts down the conversation#which i know is the intention of that argument#but if you think about it for more than a few seconds it is just strange#and kind of sad#outdoor cats
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twiddling my thumbs, i realized in ways i rlly do prefer 2010 Nier over the remake. but ofc, i love them both very much. just … smth about the 2010’s. there’s so much charm. i also think nier (adult to be exact) and kainé just look quite nice, even if the faces are a little goofy. and the piss filter + maximum grittiness is peak.
#my art#doodle#brother nier#kainé#nier gestalt#nier replicant#maybe a wip? if i decide it’s worth touching up#nier#ニーア#ニーアレプリカント#specifically nier’s appearance in the original + concept work really sells the fact that he’s exhausted and mentally unwell#looks ofc don’t equate to anything mental health related all the time but#he really is a fucked up lil (toll) guy who’s been through a lot and it just shows in his ruggedness#the eye bags i especially miss 💔#I commend 2021 nier for waking up and using a whole bottle of concealer every day gfh#and kainé appeared a lot more … hmm.. intense? idk something about her expressions. either way#i went through and saved a lot from accord library before it got shut down and looking at his concept work made me like ✨#✨ gah I need to draw this exhausted pretty mess#he’s kind of my fruitcake fruity cake fruity fruit#they are pretty in both versions but smth itches my brain in 2010 version is all ok case closed ramble over ごめん!
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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It makes me SO MAD when people say "there are kind Slytherins 🥺🥺🥺" and show a picture of fucking SLUGHORN
Slughorn? You mean "oh I didn't think a muggleborn would be this talented" Slughorn?
Slughorn as in the Slughorn who told Tom Riddle, a child KNOWN for being a lil twisted, about HORCRUXES just to look good?
Slughorn who didn't even notice a fucking cult being formed in his own house???
People like to blame Dumbledore for the cult, but tell me why it's his fault and not the HEAD. OF. HOUSE? Dumbledore isn't an all powerful all seeing wizard! He's a human who happens to be intelligent and skilled at magic but NOT All Seeing! How is he gonna know Tom Riddle's forming a cult when one) he wasn't even HEADMASTER and two) SLUGHORN was Tom's head of house and should have been aware of it happening UNDER. HIS. NOSE?
Like, even in Snape's time, where the fuck was Horace Slughorn? Where was he when the Mauraders were abusing his own student? Where was he when Lucius and the others were grooming the younger children? Where was he when all of this was happening?
Yes, McGonagall should have disciplined her students. But Slughorn's under a greater responsibility to protect his. Yes, headmaster Dumbledore should have probably intervened in the cult forming. But Slughorn's under a greater responsibility to intervene and inform the headmaster.
For fuck's sake, he wasn't even a good teacher! How did a 16 year old child manage to correct all the incorrect potions in the book and not the FUCKING. TEACHER?!
Horace Slughorn is NOT a "kind Slytherin".
He's the worst one.
#horace slughorn#anti horace slughorn#professor slughorn#horace slughorn you can never make me like you#all these posts about “kind slytherin” like DID YOU READ THE SAME BOOKS AS ME?#“twisted Gryffindor” and they only show Peter like he's the only twisted one james and sirius were too#“brave hufflepuffs” WHEN DID HUFFLEPUFF MEAN YOU WERE A COWARD???#the only one i agree with is “stupid ravenclaws” being lockhart#AND EVEN THEN I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE LOCKHART AS ONE OF US#WHY DID WE GET MOANING MYRTLE SYBIL TRELAWNEY AND GILDEROY LOCKHART????!#im claiming rolanda hooch as ravenclaw you cant stop me she's a ravenclaw now im sick off all the lther houses having cool rep#hufflepuff has tonks slytherin has snape and say what you like but slytherins have this cool aura#gryffindor has fucking EVERYONE#WHO DO WE HAVE? JUST LUNA AND CHO AND FLITWIK!#they're CUTE yes but not the COOL ONES#okay I'm losing my mind down here imma shut up now
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it's always super weird when you find out someone you thought you vibed with doesn't actually like you that much and really just tolerated you.
maybe it's just a neurodivergent problem. maybe normal people can always tell.
i can never tell. you talk to me a lot about our many shared interests, we hang out a lot, I thought we had chemistry, I felt comfortable with you and you never seemed uncomfortable with me, and you never told me I upset you...
but I guess I'm the idiot for being an open book and always telling people if they've done something I don't like. and for being willing to have hard conversations about boundaries from time to time.
my bad.
#gonna start lying like the rest of you#ah yes let me pretend i like you#im starting to think these kinds of people are just too insecure to shut down a friendship#like you just need to have friends to the point where you tolerate my existence#even tho i am offensive to your sensibilities#like come on bro#thats sad#just dump me#it wont bother me#not everyone is capable of tolerating me#thats alright#but say something you pussy#stop wasting both our times#pretending to be my friend hurts you more than me#i have real friends#i dont need parasitic pseudo friends who just need to feel wanted#im done with that#i know what a real friend looks like#youre not it and im not it for you either#i couldve been if you were honest#but people are not honest with others or themselves and thats what i hate most about people
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lol @ me being mad depressed and unmotivated and disassociated and the only thing getting me thru all this bullshit is old man yaoi
#someone just put me down honestly#im not crying you are shut the fuck up#hurray for maladaptive daydreaming so i don’t have to feel or face reality in any kind of capacity 🎉#poolverine#logan howlett#wolverine#deadclaws#deadpool x wolverine#deadpool#wade wilson#deadpool and wolverine#loganpool#wolverpool
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I still don't think Ben did anything wrong during "Duped." He deserves to do normal teenage boy stuff like see a movie on opening day, and he was trying to give himself that while also saving the world AND supporting his girlfriend's tennis match. He didn't spend enough time with his duplicates to realize that they had opposing personalities to their assignments — it's not like he sent his asshole-self to Julie's match on purpose.
#ben 10#ben tennyson#tbh julie's match is the least important thing in that episode to me#how often does ben get to take time for himself??#sumo slammers is pretty much his ONLY interest since he doesn't have time for anything else#he had to stop playing soccer and he has to shut down his whole house just to play a fucking video game#LET THE MAN SEE A MOVIE FOR ONCE!!#i also do not care that ben didn't pause his game to take a phone call with julie for this exact reason#he's a teenager it's literally not a big deal if he's kind of a jerk to his girlfriend#should he be? no but he also shouldn't be saving the world he's 16#he SHOULD be seeing that movie#he's a kid his relationships just aren't that deep idk why the fandom has such a problem with them
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I wonder what the kids and teachers in luz's school think of her now. Shes stopped "terrorizing" other kids, mainly because she seems to have stopped engaging with most of her classmates period. She no longer brings live animals or taxidermy to school. She even participates in english class occasionally, even if she doesnt "get" the point of the book. Her rants only clock as suicidal if you know about her time in the boiling isles which the people at her school do not.
I wonder if luz's teachers and schoolmates think that luz mellowed out over the summer. If the principal/counselor that suggested she go to the camp patted himself on the back because shes "improved."
#the owl house#toh#shut up pandora#luz noceda#something something people see a neurodivergent kid having depression and breathe a sigh of relief bc now theyre finally 'normal'#people speculate maybe luz would have been fine going to the summer camp and while i agree she would have made friends#she would not have been fine! she would have just learned to suppress her identity like camila did#but going to the boiling isles was her only option bc she either gets suppressed quickly at the summer camp#or she keeps acting out at school and eventually society wears her down and shames her into conforming like it did to her mom#something about how even if the camp helps luz act like a 'normal person' she still would have been miserable bc she couldnt be herself#it temporarily benefits her by giving her friends and benefits ppl around her by making her act 'normal'#but the kids there are still weird at heart! they have a community to be weird around now but society at large will still look down on them#unless they put on a front all the time to fit in#and the boiling isles isnt perfect either its society still looks down on luz for being different#but it accepts her neurodivergence and her new friends are all neurodivergent like her so she still has a community to be herself around#and while it looks down on her for having no natural magic it isnt something shes been shamed about growing up like her neurodivergence was#anyway the camp wasnt as catastrophic as luz thought it would be and vee benefitted from it#but it still represented a slow rot. the kind that eats away at neurodivergent kids as they grow up#slowly shaming them to hide away parts of themselves deemed unfit for society#and when you hide behind a front and are exhausted and miserable from it#everyone applauds you for your 'recovery.' youve improved yourself. they never liked the old you#good job on destroying yourself and shoving the pieces into a facsimile of what the people around you think you ought to be
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something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."
like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...
#like it's sad both on the front of 'dehumanizing my real life'#but also on the front of 'you deserve to have healthy communication in your life'#like if you think this is unrealistic it means more than likely you havent experienced someone being patient and understanding with you#and that makes me very very sad#I'm sorry#also it's just rude to tell me my writing is unrealistic LOL like hey#real people talk all kinds of ways. shut up#I've been told it's also in part cause they always understand their own feelings when theyre talking#but I'm like...#theyre like mid 30-early 40 and theyre immortal and theyre going through a lot of shit#I feel like theyve thought about it a lot#also the comic takes place over the course of a year so far#we're seeing the big moments and the fun mysteries#so#its about grown men who love eachother#sorry that they think about what they want to say before they say it#also as if adam isnt constantly wrong and steve isnt constantly pushing shit down#he's only JUST RECENTLY starting to share his emotions as they come up#instead of pretending theyre not there and letting things boil over#I think people just THINK theyre communicating way too clearly because their partner#who loves them#is listening and responding with kindness#like..#idk I have a lot of thoughts about this#would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE for this to spark a discussion#and especially for it to cause people to reread a little more critically#and perhaps even introspect on their own ideas of communication standards#I've been with my partner for 10 years. this is how we talk to eachother
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Bloodhound in Destiny 2
#essentially the same as apex tbh#their favorite guy perishes#they still keep fighting for something apparently#maybe a bit dimmer tho i mean they don't just shut down all social interaction in apex#i guess#ramble time#i think i also made some kind of setting at the very beginning of this blog#like 10 months ago#but i think some people are still confused about them#i mean that's completely unstandable like. just. why do you put a character from one game into another#(because i can only draw bloodhound back then. quite literally)#(also for funsies lol)#gosh those 6 are all different drafts#in a day#what the hell is this#i think even after all this time i only give such privilege to houndy#okay it's not super fancy but come on#hmm i guess im tagging everyone am i not#destiny 2#cayde 6#lord shaxx#nezarec#destiny 2 art#apex legends#apex bloodhound#bloodhound#bloodhound apex#my art
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the topic of Helpy makes me go insane /pos like I have this headcanon that William/Springtrap just, DESPISED Helpy because William took heaps of pride from the Funtime line of Animatronics, he saw it as his son's crude mocking of HIS creations, when in reality its just Michaelangelo S Afton trying to use humor to once again cope with the horrors™️ Like I've probably said this here before but I headcanon that Helpy found his way into the PizzaPlex's marketing is because after the FNAF6 fire he just was under the rubble remarkably preserved or something and instead of going into the RockStarRow Museum, the FazExecs had dollar signs in their eyes and were like "yeah, that one will make us bank, ong" Ive also probably said this (bad memory sozzz) but a headcanon to go in tandem with that headcanon, is that Glamfreddy sighs in resignation whenever he passes by one of those Helpy monitors (he wasn't paid royaltys <//3 ) AND LIKE I GOTTA KNOW WHAT (glam)MIKE WOULD THINK OF THE ENTITY THAT IS SATAN DISGUISING HIMSELF AS AN AGENT OF LIGHT (Helpi) WOULD HE FEEL SAD? ANGRY? AT THE MIMIC? THE COMPANY?! please the topic of helpy is so interesting PLEAs-
#fnaf#michael afton#five nights at freddy’s#glammike#glamrock freddy#helpy#fnaf helpy#fnaf helpi#uhhhh glammike is like in every single one of my Fnaf AUs so uhh#something something the ghost hunters in the pizzaplex somehow see the original helpy figure from the fire in RockRow#it just showed up (but they dont know that shhhh) so they initially pass by it but then like idk their EMF readers spike their so like#they decide to do a spirit box session next to it#uhhhhhhhh idk maybe michael's spirit can just move throughout the PizPlex and it just#idk makes freddy hard shut down#blah blah they get lots of answers they dont have a clue about but stuff the seasoned lore expert knows#yk for that ghost hunting au maybe Michael's spirit just follows the sam and colby wannabe's thru the PizPlex#yk how like conversing with spirits just kind of wakes them and stirs them?#Yeah Michael spent his life and unlife trying to not do that so like#hes trying to be as directly vague as possible (does that make sense lmao) like hes giving them direct answers right#like “yes” “no” but so direct to the point that theyre boring so that they dont want to prod more#what does this have to do with helpy specifically shhhhh let me write my entire AU in the tags#anyways blah blah “freddy why do you like that weird pink and white bear?”#“hes my son gregory! I have to!”#“like...canonically?”#blah blah anyways Helpy baby boy baby Helpy evil#tag rambles! theyre fun lol#tell me if I should just dump the Ghost hunter au in a different post lol im starting to see gears turning lowkey
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oh merrill...
#I LOVE YOU MERRILL YOU MAKE ME INSANE#she did something mountainous and nobody cared. she reversed the effects of the blight with blood magic!!!#the lengths she went to to try and rediscover elven history...marethari how could you blame her when you were the one who taught her?#you told her how important elven history is#can you blame her for listening#i think isabela would understand.#merrill did something people didn't want her to do#and just like that people turned on her#her whole clan wanted her dead and the party slaughtered them..........augh#the banter between merrill and fenris after you kill the elves...fenris have you no heart#fenris! she LOVED THEM she did it ALL FOR THEM#you know what it's like to be betrayed by family#you know what it's like to kill the people you loved!!#yes i am talking about his sister#i believe he loved her#oh merrill.#merrill is so empathetic and powerful and perceptive. if you think she's stupid YOU are the stupid one#she might be the only one in da2 that knows what's going on#she is so? kind. even when people (anders and fenris) treat her like a child to be chastised#anyway. temporary companion amell who learns of what merrill's doing to fix the eluvian#and realizes that blood magic could hold a cure to the calling#my amell is like. neutral good. but it's been so ingrained in her that blood magic is dangerous and bad that she shies away from it#her holding a dagger to her hand squeezing her eyes shut and slashing her hand open#blood pours and circles around her like a hungry animal#dragon age you haunt me like a wronged spirit that craves to be heard#merrill#merrill art#dragon age#peren procreates#calm down per
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also in terms of the bolas playlist it's fascinating to me that the songs added by each person have a slight tendency to represent a consistent aspect of bolas
like
the songs added by slime are their chaos
the songs added by philza are their rebellion
the songs added by cellbit are their rage
the songs added by baghera are their anguish
it's so fucking FASCINATING TO ME but i don't know enough music theory to elaborate lmfao this is Vibes Only
(mouse's songs i can't boil down to an easy noun which is why they aren't mentioned lmao anyway they go hard asf)
(also i went on the longest fucking unhinged elaboration in the tags lmfao i almost didn't have enough tags left to tag "long tags" at the end
(i could have even gone on longer in terms of where their characters were at entering purgatory [philza: cage for a cage; cellbit: fed worker murders; baghera: her past as a federation experiment; slime: turning into a code because of the code pretending to be his daughter] but i ran out of space and also time it's 4AM AAAAA)
#qsmp#qsmp purgatory#this is a sweeping generalization btw esp for baghera's she added a WIDE variety of music#qsmp bolas#sorry i forgot that tag existed lmao#i will elaborate slightly:#slime added: find your flame; gas gas gas extended; waltz of the meatball man; foghorn sound effect#philza added: b.y.o.b.; throne; the melting point of wax#cellbit added: hayloft II; brazilian dança phonk (which roier literally played during purg while beating the shit out of bbh lmao)#baghera added: can you feel my heart; still waiting; and coincidentally she added 'it's been so long' (the fnaf song lol)#TO BE CLEAR THESE ARE GENERALIZATIONS#baghera also added the government knows [REBELLION] and oops [CHAOS]#philza added given up [ANGUISH]#cellbit added zombie [ANGUISH] and tokyo drift [CHAOS]#slime added as above so below [ANGUISH]#it's not a perfect category; ESPECIALLY for baghera's songs i want to make that so clear in these tags#HOWEVER. it is interesting.#anyway i went after lyrics for these examples but just generally when going through the playlist the first time#i kind of learned that like.#music to murder to was probably cellbit; punk millenial music was probably philza#the wackiest shit was probably slime (was shocked to find out tokyo drift was a cellbit song for this reason lmao)#baghera's i usually could only pin down bc it didn't sound like anyone else's#and mouse's added songs i could not describe the vibe if you threatened me for it but it has one#i guess the closest vibe is 'a college radio station run by anime fans' and even then it's not that close#it kinda excludes songs like the b//ad bun//ny songs#unless college anime fans are also fans of them in which case great!#IDK IT'S 4 AM I WAS JUST MAKING MYSELF SAD ABOUT TILIN I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP#shut up vic#block game brainrot#long tags
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okay first thoughts. i dont HATE the ending i just feel like it needed more time in the season to reach the conclusion it did
#i enjoy the vast majority of it tbh i really do feel like it needed more breathing room tho#they tied up zaun and piltover way too quickly but idk what else they woulda done#also auuughhhh i know they wanna do a sequel to arcane. they SHOULDNT but i know theyre going to so its not OVER over i can feel it#which bothers me but okay! its riot! what else do you expect!#but vik and jayce. chefs kiss. perfect ending tbh. gay as HELL.#and also bets on the successor to arcane being abt noxus. id bet my life on it now tbh.#shut up virgil#arcane spoilers#despite flaws in writing GODDDD i fucking love the animation#goes without saying. gorgeous. beautiful.#fucking incredible work#i also have some mildly mixed feelings about jayce's speech at the end? but i see what they're going for. i see the vision here#thats just a hard topic to tie up properly yk#SHOUT OUT TO NOW CANONICALLY DEAD CHAMPIONS BTW#THATS KIND OF GREAT?#they arent as tied down by game canon as i thought they really can just do whatever they want now#uhg. more thoughts in the morning. im going insane.
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Was talking about it with a friend, but part of what makes Ellen so good as a character is that in all her interactions with the player, she is very clearly a teenager talking to an adult. Like it reminds me of talking to my nieces and nephews when they were younger. She's huffy, she complains, and everything is very transactional. Like, she likes the player in the way a kid a might know a cool, trustworthy old person in their neighborhood. You're like the "parent's friend with a cool hobby". She can count on you for help, but she's not actively seeking you out, because she just has friends her age and she very clearly likes them more than you. Especially Corin, whom she is overtly nicer and more affectionate towards compared to every other character.
#Abby plays ZZZ#That is to say she is a very realistically written teenage girl#and it's very refreshing#Zenless Zone Zero#oh my god it just hit me#She's the kind of character I wanted in every Persona game since I first played 4#The Girl Party Member That's Just Not Into You#Like you can attempt to flirt or be playful with Ellen and she just shuts you the fuck down and it's great
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