#is so much better than what i used to be going through by booking with braiders i find on instagram or twitter
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misunderstood hero with a heart of gold - mv1
summary: max verstappen has never been one to read books, but everything changes when he comes across a pretty booktuber who describes him better than anyone else did before
word count: 8.2k + social media posts
folkie radio: another one of my babies finally sees the light of day 🥹 this fic is really special and i was lowkey gatekeeping it but i feel ready to share it, plss take care of it <3 i hope you like it
MASTERLIST | MY PATREON
Max Verstappen was bored.
It was late and he was alone in his hotel room. He had a race the following day and he knew better than staying up late. His team was already on his ass for sim racing at ungodly hours of the night when he had a race, but nevertheless, he was bored and not sleepy yet.
He scrolled through his phone, not really paying attention to what popped up on his Instagram feed, Tiktok for you page or Twitter timeline.
After a few minutes, his finger landed on the YouTube app, one that he barely used if he was completely honest, but for some reason he never deleted it.
A bunch of videos showed up on his main page, most of them about F1, gaming, fitness or cats. He scrolled through the thumbnails absentmindedly until one title caught his eye: "Formula 1 Drivers as Romance Book Character Tropes."
Max had no idea how that video ended up in his suggestions page. He wasn't much of a reader—he had only read two books in his entire life, for crying out loud— but curiosity got the better of him. He clicked on the video.
The screen shifted to a bright and lively setup, where a young woman with vibrant energy and a contagious smile greeted her viewers. "Hey everyone! Welcome back to my channel. Today, we have a fun video where I'll be pairing Formula 1 drivers with romance book tropes!"
Max found himself smiling for some reason, he thought she was really engaging and funny — and really pretty—. He leaned back against his pillows, more intrigued by the second.
"As some of you might already know, books are not my only passion, I'm also a huge Formula 1 fan since I was a little kid thanks to my dad, so I thought it would be fun to do a little crossover of my two obsessions."
Max grinned again, finding himself oddly invested in this unexpected combination of romance literature and Formula 1. Or maybe just mesmerized by the pretty girl who was talking on his screen.
"Let's begin with Mercedes," she said, clapping her hands together, "Lewis Hamilton is definitely our 'Charming Prince Charming.' He's got the looks, the talent, and that air of royalty about him."
Max chuckled, thinking it was a fitting description for his rival.
"Now for George Russell," she continued, "I'm going with 'The Boy Next Door Who Grew Up Hot.' I mean, have you seen his glow-up?"
Max chuckled again, nodding in agreement. George had indeed transformed quite a bit since his Williams days.
"Moving on to Ferrari," she continued enthusiastically. Max wondered if that was her favorite team on the grid, "Charles Leclerc is our classic 'Childhood Best Friend You've Always Had a Crush On.' He's got that sweet, familiar charm, but with a spark that makes your heart race every time you see him."
Max raised an eyebrow, surprised by the change in description. He had to admit, it fit Charles quite well.
"And for Carlos Sainz," she paused dramatically, "he's either our 'Older Brother's Best Friend' or the 'Bad Guy Who's Mean to Everyone but His Sweetheart', just think about it, he's got that rugged exterior, but you just know he's a total sweetheart deep down."
Max laughed, realizing she had Carlos pegged perfectly. He watched with growing interest as she continued.
"Now, let's talk about McLaren," she said with a sparkle in her eye. "Lando Norris is our 'Adorkable Comedian Who Steals Your Heart.' He's funny, relatable, and has a way of making you fall for him before you even realize it," Max grinned at the description of his good friend, "And Oscar Piastri... he's 'The Shy Genius.' Quiet, reserved, but incredibly talented and intelligent. He might not be the loudest in the room, but he's someone you'd definitely want on your side."
Max nodded in agreement, thinking of how Oscar had impressed everyone since joining McLaren. She continued pairing each driver with a character trope, she described Daniel as the "Life of the Party with a Sensitive Soul," highlighting his infectious energy and hidden depths. Pierre was dubbed the "Resilient Underdog," emphasizing his ability to bounce back from setbacks. Yuki was described as the "Fiery Spitfire with a Soft Center" and Logan was labeled the "Rookie with Untapped Potential," suggesting a character arc of growth and discovery.
With each driver's description, Max's anticipation grew. He found himself eagerly awaiting his own characterization, both curious and slightly apprehensive about how the pretty girl with an obsession with books and Formula 1 would describe him.
When she finally got to Red Bull, he sat up a little straighter, his interest piqued.
"Now for Sergio Perez," she said, "he's our 'Loyal Wingman Who Deserves His Own Happy Ending.' Always there to support, but with a story of his own waiting to be told."
Max nodded, thinking it was a pretty accurate description of his teammate.
"And finally, saved the best for last," she said, her eyes twinkling, "we have Max Verstappen."
Max held his breath, oddly nervous about how this stranger would categorize him.
"Max is our 'Misunderstood Hero with a Heart of Gold,'" she said with a warm smile. "Often perceived as cold or distant, but actually deeply caring and protective of those close to him. He's the type who shows his love through actions rather than words."
Max felt his cheeks warm significantly. This description caught him completely off guard. It wasn't the usual 'aggressive driver' or 'arrogant champion' narrative he was used to hearing. Instead, it felt... true. Uncomfortably true. He wasn't sure how to feel about being seen so accurately by a stranger.
As the video ended after she said her goodbyes, Max found himself staring at his phone screen, replaying her words in his mind, his thumb hovering over the comment section. He had never left a comment on a YouTube video before, but something about this one compelled him to break that habit.
After a moment's hesitation, he tapped the comment box and began typing, Once he was done, he paused, reading over his words. It felt strange, almost vulnerable, to acknowledge her characterization of him. But there was also something liberating about it. He added a thumbs-up emoji at the end and hit 'Post' before he could second-guess himself.
As Max set his phone down and settled into bed, a small smile played on his lips. He had a important race the following day, but all he wanted to think and dream about was the pretty stranger who had somehow seen through his carefully crafted public persona.
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liked by username1, username2 and 10,725 others
f1gossip “I went to bed early last night. Just listened to the team’s orders, you know?”
Max Verstappen for media day today, however he left a comment on a YouTube video around 2:46 am 😭
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username1 HES SOOOOO
username2 the fact that he left a comment on a BOOKTUBER’S channel MAX VERSTAPPEN YOU DONT EVEN READ BOOKS 😭
username3 he looks so pretty tho
username4 MAX WE ALL SAW YOU
username5 max was actually checking which romance trope is him according to booktubers
username6 HES SO RANDOM
username7 max’s search history: lestappen as fictional couples
liked by username1, username2 and 102,438 others
ynreadsbooks in honor of max verstappen x3 world champion commenting on my latest video (which is insane to say out loud wtf) should i do another f1 themed video?? any suggestions?
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username1 YES QUEEN
username2 that max comment was so random but so real
username3 max verstappen, the man who has read two books in 27 years watching booktubers was not on my bingo card
username4 @/maxverstappen1 you favorite youtuber will do another video about you
username5 BOOKS WITH RACING THEMES
username6 books inspired by f1 circuits would be fun
username7 @/maxverstappen drop a suggestion
maxverstappen1 started following ynreadsbooks
liked by username1, username2 and 15,836 others
f1gossip Max Verstappen was seen outside of a bookshop in Monaco today !
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username1 BABYYYY
username2 max ??? bookshop ????
username3 WHAT SHIFTED
username4 he thought it was jimmyz
username5 HEELPP what is he doing there
username6 hello i work there. he arrived with a list of books in hand that he wanted, he bought around 15 action and fantasy books
↳ username1 FOR REAL???
↳ username2 max said book girl summer
↳ username3 this is so random
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If someone had told Max that this year he would spend his summer break reading, he would've laughed at their faces. Yet here he was, lounging by the pool in his Monaco house, a book in his hands and a smile on his face.
As he turned the page of "The Martian," the latest sci-fi recommendation from YN, Max couldn't help but reflect on how different this summer break was.
Usually, his days off were filled with lavish yacht parties, exclusive clubs, or intense training sessions and hours of sim racing to stay sharp for the second half of the season. But now, he found himself eagerly devouring books and spending hours chatting with YN about plots, characters, and everything in between.
As the weeks passed, Max found himself growing increasingly close to YN, despite never having met her in person. Their text conversations flowed effortlessly, ranging from in-depth discussions about the books they were reading to playful banter about racing and life in general.
Max was surprised by how much he enjoyed her company, even in this digital form. Her wit, intelligence, and genuine interest in his thoughts beyond his racing persona were refreshing. He found himself sharing things he rarely discussed with others, and looking forward to her messages became a highlight of his day.
He also thought she was absolutely gorgeous.
As if on cue, his phone buzzed with a new message from her.
Max chuckled, about to reply when he heard the doorbell. He remembered Lando and Daniel were coming over for dinner. As he got up to let them in, he quickly typed a response, telling her that he would talk to her later.
"Well, well, well," Daniel's voice boomed as Max opened the door. "If it isn't the newly minted bookworm of Formula 1!"
Lando peered around Daniel's shoulder, "I half expected to find you wearing glasses and a sweater vest, mate."
"Very funny, guys. Come in," Max rolled his eyes as he stepped away from the door.
Ever since his friends noticed his brand new habit, they took it upon themselves to tease him whenever they could. As they made their way to the backyard, Daniel spotted the book on the lounger.
"The Martian?" he read, picking it up. "Isn't this a bit advanced for your reading level, Maxy?"
"Ha ha," Max deadpanned, snatching the book back. "It's actually really good. It's about this astronaut who gets stranded on Mars and has to use science and engineering to survive-"
"Whoa, whoa," Lando interrupted, holding up his hands. "Who are you and what have you done with Max Verstappen?"
Daniel draped an arm around Max's shoulders. "I think our boy here is trying to impress a certain bookish YouTuber. What was her name again? YN?"
Max felt his cheeks warm. "It's not like that. We just... talk about books and stuff."
"And stuff," Daniel repeated, wiggling his eyebrows. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"
Max rolled his eyes, trying to brush off their teasing. "Seriously, it's not like that. We just have a lot in common."
Daniel and Lando exchanged knowing glances before bursting into laughter.
"Sure, mate," Daniel said, patting Max on the back. "Whatever you say."
They settled by the pool, beers in hand, and started chatting about the upcoming races and their plans for the rest of the summer. Despite the playful ribbing, Max found himself genuinely enjoying their company. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed his friends.
As the evening wore on, the conversation eventually circled back to Max's books and his little friend on his phone.
"So, Max," Lando started, a mischievous glint in his eye, "have you color-coded your bookshelf yet? Or are you more of a chronological order kind of guy?"
"Nah, mate. I bet he organizes them by how many times YN has mentioned them," Daniel chimed in, "Top shelf is probably her favorites, right Maxy?"
Max felt his cheeks flush, but he couldn't help grinning. "You two are impossible."
"When are you finally going to meet her in person anyway?" Lando said, sipping from his beer.
Max shrugged nonchalantly, trying to hide the slight flutter in his chest. "I don't know. That's not something I've really thought about,"
He lied. In truth, the thought of meeting YN had crossed his mind countless times. The idea of finally seeing the girl who had captivated him with her intelligence, humor, and beauty made his heart race. He'd catch himself daydreaming about her smile, wondering if it was as warm and infectious in person as it seemed in her videos. But he wasn't ready to admit that to his friends just yet.
Lando and Daniel exchanged a look, clearly not buying Max's nonchalant act.
"Oh come on," Lando scoffed, rolling his eyes dramatically. "You expect us to believe that? You've been glued to your phone for weeks, mate."
"I bet he's already planned their first date," Daniel leaned in, "What'll it be, Max? A romantic book reading by candlelight? Or maybe a visit to the library?"
Max felt his cheeks heating up again. "It's not like that, guys. We're just friends."
"Friends who talk every day and have you blushing like a schoolgirl," Lando teased, nudging Max with his elbow.
"I do not blush like a schoolgirl," Max protested, knowing full well that his face was probably bright red by now.
"Sure, sure," Daniel said with a wink. "Just friends. So, have you at least thought about inviting her to a race? You know, show her what you do when you're not reading about Mars?"
"Why would I invite her to a race, that would be weird," Max protested again, "And she already knows what I do, she's a fan of the sport."
"Man, you're so stubborn sometimes," Lando rolled his eyes at him, "If you like this girl, why don't you invite her to a race? It could be a great way to finally meet in person."
"And who said that I liked her," once again, Max's defensive self came through.
Daniel and Lando shared an exasperated look before turning back to Max.
"Come on, mate," Daniel said, his tone gentler now. "It's pretty obvious. We've never seen you this invested in someone before. Not to mention, you're reading books voluntarily for the first time since... well, ever."
"It's written all over your face," Lando said, shaking his head. "You like her, and there's no shame in that. You light up every time your phone buzzes. It's kind of adorable, actually."
Max sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew his friends were right, but admitting it out loud felt like a big step. "Okay, fine. Maybe I do like her. But it's complicated, you know? We've never even met in person."
"That's exactly why you should invite her to a race," Lando insisted. "It's the perfect opportunity. She gets to see you in your element, and you get to finally meet face-to-face."
"Plus," Daniel added with a mischievous grin, "if things go well, you can always show her your trophy collection. I hear that's a great way to impress the ladies."
Max couldn't help but laugh at that. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"
"Maybe," Daniel shrugged, "but I'm also right. What have you got to lose?"
Max pondered this for a moment. The idea of meeting YN in person both thrilled and terrified him. What if they didn't click in real life the way they did over text? But then again, what if they did?
"I'll think about it," Max finally conceded.
Lando and Daniel exchanged triumphant grins.
"That's our boy," Lando said, patting his back.
After a few more beers and food, Lando and Daniel left.
As the night deepened, Max found himself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. The conversation with Lando and Daniel kept replaying in his mind. His phone sat on the nightstand, silent but somehow still demanding his attention.
Max's thoughts raced. Should he text YN? Invite her to Zandvoort? The idea made his heart beat faster. He imagined seeing her in person for the first time, wondering if her smile would be as pretty as it was in her videos. But doubt crept in too. What if things were awkward? What if the chemistry they had online didn't translate to real life?
He rolled onto his side, eyeing his phone. The urge to reach out to her was strong, as it always was. Max realized that Lando and Daniel were right - he did like her. A lot. The thought of meeting her filled him with equal parts excitement and nervousness.
Taking a deep breath, Max grabbed his phone. Before he could overthink it, he started typing.
Hey YN, hope I'm not messaging too late. I was wondering if you'd like to come to the Dutch GP at Zandvoort? It's the first race after the summer break, and my home race. Thought it might be fun if you could make it.
He hit send before he could second-guess himself. The wait for her response felt eternal. When his phone finally buzzed, Max's heart leapt.
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liked by maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 286,375 others
ynreadsbooks this week’s video will be delayed for some ~personal reasons ☺️
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username1 GIRL
username2 ARE YOU GOING WHERE I THINK YOU’RE GOING
username3 f1 x books this is literally me
username4 hot girls support max verstappen
username5 ahh if she’s going to the gp i’ll be so happy bc she’s a huge fan
username6 the way roles reversed and now max is his fan 😭
redbullracing We can’t wait 💙
↳ username1 REDBULL???
↳ username2 AHHH THEY PROBABLY INVITED HER
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As Max headed to Zandvoort Circuit for the Dutch Grand Prix, he felt the familiar weight of expectations settling on his shoulders.
The second half of the season loomed ahead, and the pressure to maintain his championship lead was on. He knew the team was counting on him to deliver strong results, especially at his home race where the orange-clad fans would be out in full force.
But amidst the pressure and responsibility, there was another emotion bubbling up inside him - a giddy excitement that he couldn't quite contain.
The thought of finally meeting YN in person after months of texts, calls, and shared book recommendations made his heart race in a way that had nothing to do with driving at a car at a very fast speed.
As he drove to the track, Max found himself smiling at random moments, his mind drifting to imagine what it would be like to see her smile in person, to hear her laugh without the filter of a phone call.
Max realized that for the first time in a long while, he was looking forward to a race weekend for reasons that extended beyond the track.
Unfortunately, his busy schedule kept them from meeting right away. Media commitments, team briefings, and practice sessions consumed his time, leaving him feeling frustrated and guilty for not being able to see her sooner. He sent her a quick message apologizing for the delay, promising they'd meet after qualifying.
As he made his way to the garage, a familiar voice called out behind him.
"Oi, Max! Ready for the big day?"
Max turned to see Daniel jogging up to him, his trademark grin in place.
"Yeah, should be a good quali," Max replied, trying to sound nonchalant.
Daniel raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't talking about qualifying, mate. Your special guest arrives today, right?"
Max felt his cheeks warm. "How did you even remember that?"
"Please," Daniel scoffed. "It's all you've been talking about for weeks. So, have you met her yet?"
"No, my schedule's been packed. We're supposed to meet after quali."
"Ah, saving the best for last, eh?" Daniel's grin widened, "Smart move. Nothing like the adrenaline of a good qualifying session to make a great first impression."
"Or to completely mess it up," Max muttered.
"Hey, none of that," Daniel clapped him on the shoulder. "You'll be fine. Just be yourself. She already likes you for who you are, remember?"
Max nodded, feeling a bit reassured. "Thanks, Dan."
With a deep breath, Max headed into the garage, Daniel's words echoing in his mind.
Qualifying went smoothly, with Max securing a front row start to the delight of the Dutch fans. The cheers of the home crowd were deafening as he climbed out of the car, but his mind was elsewhere.
After the post-qualifying interviews, Max sent YN a quick text letting her know that he was free now and she let him know that she was around the hospitality area.
As he walked towards there, Max spotted YN standing near one of the motorhomes, looking around with wide eyes. She hadn't seen him yet, and for a moment, Max just watched her, taking in the sight of the girl who had been on his mind for months now.
She was even more gorgeous in person than he had imagined.
Her eyes sparkled with excitement as she took in the bustling paddock around her. The way the sunlight caught her hair, the gentle curve of her smile as she observed everything with wonder - it all took Max's breath away.
He noticed little details he couldn't have seen through a screen: the way her eyes sparkled, the subtle freckles across her nose, the graceful way she moved as she looked around.
Taking a deep breath, Max walked over, his heart pounding. "YN?"
She turned, her face lighting up with a radiant smile that made Max's breath catch. "Max! Finally!"
They moved toward each other, and without hesitation, Max pulled her into a hug. The embrace felt natural, as if they'd done this a hundred times before. He was aware of how perfectly she fit in his arms, the subtle scent of her perfume, and the warmth of her body against his.
"It's so good to finally meet you," he murmured into her hair. "I'm so sorry it took so long, this weekend's been crazy."
She pulled back slightly, looking up at him with understanding in her eyes. "It's okay, Max. That qualifying was amazing! I've never experienced anything like it."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Come on, let me show you around."
He took her hand and he was struck by how natural it felt. Her fingers intertwined with his perfectly, and a warm sensation spread from their joined hands throughout his body.
They strolled through the paddock, Max pointing out the various team motorhomes, the garages, and the media center. YN was all wide-eyed fascination, asking questions and soaking in every detail. As they walked, Max found himself relaxing more and more, his previous nerves about their chemistry being gone fading away.
As they rounded a corner, they nearly bumped into Lando Norris. Who couldn't help but smirk at the sight of their hands intertwined.
"You guys met already!" he cheerfully said, "You must be YN."
Her cheeks flushed, clearly surprised that Max had mentioned her to his friends. Max felt a warmth spread through his chest at her reaction.
"Yeah, this is YN," Max said, unable to keep the smile off his face, "Meet Lando, the perpetual pain in my ass."
"Nice to finally meet the girl who's got Max reading," YN laughed, and Lando extended his hand, "Quite the accomplishment."
"Nice to meet you too, Lando," YN said, shaking his hand. "I've enjoyed watching you race, I'm a big fan. Congrats on the pole position."
"Cheers," Lando replied, then turned to Max with a mischievous glint in his eye. "So, has he bored you with car talk yet, or has he actually remembered how to discuss books?"
Max rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Shouldn't you be preparing for tomorrow, Lando?"
"Alright, alright, I can take a hint," Lando chuckled. "Enjoy your tour, lovebirds!"
As Lando walked away, Max felt a mix of embarrassment and pleasure. He glanced at YN, relieved to see her smiling.
"Sorry about him," Max said, shaking his head with a chuckle. "Lando has a way of making everything awkward."
YN laughed softly, her eyes twinkling. "It's fine. He seems like fun."
They continued their walk, finally making their way to the rooftop terrace of the Red Bull hospitality area. The view was stunning, offering a panoramic look at the circuit and the sea of orange-clad fans below.
"This is incredible," YN said, leaning against the railing and taking it all in. "Thank you for showing me around, Max."
"Of course," Max said, standing beside her. "I'm really glad you could come."
They stood there for a moment, enjoying the view and each other's company. Max felt a sense of contentment wash over him, the stress of the weekend melting away in her presence.
"Max," YN said softly, turning to face him. "I know this weekend is important for you, and I don't want to be a distraction. But I'm really happy to be here and to finally meet you."
"You're not a distraction," Max replied, reaching out to take her hand again. "You're the best part of this weekend, honestly."
They shared a smile, Max was well aware of the butterflies that fluttered on his stomach and the high school girl blush his friends teased him about, but he didn't care. He felt happy with the pretty girl who had been his source of comfort for months, finally face to face.
"You know," YN said softly, "when I made that video calling you a misunderstood hero with a heart of gold, I never imagined I'd get to see it firsthand. But being here, seeing how you are with your team, with the fans… I was right about you, Max Verstappen."
Max felt a warmth spread through his chest at her words. He had always been guarded about his public image, but hearing her perspective meant more than he could ever imagine.
"I'm glad you think so," he said softly, his voice filled with sincerity. "You know, that video... it changed things for me. Not just because it led to us talking, but because it made me reflect on a lot of things."
"Who would've thought," YN said with a smile, "When I recorded that video, I never thought you would ever see it, let alone have an impact on you and let alone lead us to talking and me being here."
"Everything happens for a reason, right?"
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liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 301,257 others
ynreadsbooks best experience ever. thank you, thank you, THANK YOU 🥺💙
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username1 OMFGGGG
username2 no one deserved this more than her for real
username3 SHE MET MAX TOO?? DESERVED
redbullracing Come back soon! 😉
username4 red bull finally inviting people who actually love the sport
username5 GIRL WE NEED A VLOGGGG
username6 omg how did this happen spiiiill
↳ ynreadsbooks let's say i got invited by the world champion
↳ username1 WTF
↳ username2 so MAX invited her not redbull help he really did become a fan after that video
danielricciardo Hope to see you around soon, love ! 👀
↳ username3 how do i sign up for this
username7 THAT PIC OF MAX IS SO BOYFRIEND CODED
maxversteppen1 Thank you so much for coming and making this day special ☺️
↳ username1 OMG MAX
↳ username2 i'd be screaming if i was her
liked by charles_leclerc, ynreadsbooks and 1,028,479 others
maxverstappen1 Enjoyed every moment in Zandvoort with this amazing atmosphere and the best company 🧡
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username1 KIIING
username2 how can a man be so babygirl
username3 all smiles even tho he finished p2
danielricciardo 🦁🦁
landonorris Simply lovely
↳ username1 menace
username4 bro who got you smiling like that
ynreadsbooks ❤️
↳ username2 biggest max girlie
↳ username3 WE NEED THAT VLOG
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When it came time for YN to leave the Netherlands, Max insisted on driving her to the airport himself. The car ride was filled with comfortable silence and soft conversation, both of them trying to stretch out their remaining time together.
Despite their short time together, Max found himself completely smitten, captivated by YN's intelligence, humor, and the way her eyes lit up when she talked about books or reacted to the thrill of the race.
He didn't want to admit it to himself, but he was head over heels for her.
As they stood in the departure terminal, Max felt an overwhelming urge to kiss her. He hesitated, his heart racing, but ultimately settled for a long, warm hug, breathing in her scent and committing it to memory. As he watched her walk through security, he already found himself missing her presence.
Now, a week later, Max was in Monza for the Italian Grand Prix. The day had been busy with media commitments and team meetings. Finally back in the quiet of his motorhome, Max flopped onto the couch, feeling drained but content. Without thinking, he reached for his phone and hit the FaceTime button next to YN's name.
Her smiling face appeared on the screen, and Max felt an immediate surge of warmth.
"Hey, you," she said, her voice soft and welcoming even through the phone's speakers.
"Hey," Max replied, unable to keep the grin off his face. "How's your day been?"
"Oh, you know, the usual. Editing videos, reading, missing the excitement of the paddock," YN teased. "How about you? Surviving the media circus?"
"Barely," Max groaned dramatically, "I swear, if I have to answer one more question about RedBull and their big mess, I might go mad."
YN laughed, the sound making Max's heart skip a beat. "Poor Max. Whatever shall we do to take your mind off your beloved team?"
"Well," Max said, shifting to get more comfortable, "I've been reading that new sci-fi book you recommended. 'The Martian-like Odyssey to Titan,' or whatever it's called."
"'Project Hail Mary,'" she corrected, "And? What do you think so far?"
"It's incredible!" Max's eyes lit up, "I mean, the science is fascinating, and the way the main character problem-solves is just... I don't know, it reminds me a bit of what we do in racing, you know? Constantly adapting, finding solutions on the fly."
"That's exactly why I thought you'd like it! The way Andy Weir writes about scientific problem-solving is so engaging."
They dove into an animated discussion about the book, Max marveling at how easily conversation flowed between them, how YN's passion for books was infectious. As they talked, a thought that had been brewing in Max's mind for days suddenly surfaced.
"YN," Max said, his voice softer than before. "There's actually something I've been wanting to ask you."
"Oh? What is it, Max?" she tilted her head, curiosity evident in her expression.
Max took a deep breath, suddenly feeling like he was about to qualify for a crucial race. "Well, I was wondering... have you ever been to Monaco?"
"No, actually, I haven't," YN's eyebrows raised in surprise, "It's always been on my travel wish list, though. Why do you ask?"
Max felt his heart rate pick up. He'd rehearsed this moment in his head countless times over the past few days, but now that it was here, he found himself fumbling for words.
"Well, you see, I have a two-week break coming up before the Baku GP, and I was thinking... maybe... if you're free, of course, and if you'd like to... you could come visit me in Monaco?"
The words tumbled out faster than he intended, and Max felt a blush creeping up his neck. He watched YN's face carefully, trying to gauge her reaction. His mind raced with possibilities - what if she said no? What if this was too forward?
YN's eyes widened, and for a moment, she seemed at a loss for words. "Oh, Max, that's... wow. That's really sweet of you to offer."
Max, sensing a hint of hesitation, quickly added, "You could stay at my place. I have plenty of room, and it would be great to have you around. Plus I have two adorable cats that I'm sure you'd love."
YN's expression softened, a mix of excitement and uncertainty in her eyes. "That sounds amazing, Max. But… are you sure? I wouldn't want to impose on your personal space or your time off."
Truth was, Max wanted to spent every free moment he had with her, but he wasn't sure how to let her know without sounding too forward or like a creep, so he just pressed on.
"You wouldn't be imposing at all, I promise. I really want us to spend more time together, away from the craziness of the race weekends. And I'd love to show you around Monaco."
He watched as YN bit her lip, considering his offer. The silence stretched for a moment, and Max found himself holding his breath.
"If you're not comfortable staying at my place," he added quickly, "I could book you a hotel room, or there are some great Airbnbs with amazing views of the harbor. Whatever makes you feel most at ease. I just… I really want to see you again."
As he spoke, Max realized just how true his words were. The thought of having YN in his space, sharing meals, exploring the city together - it filled him with a warmth he couldn't quite describe. It was more than just attraction; there was a comfort in her presence that he craved.
YN smiled, a warm look in her eyes. "You really mean that, don't you?"
"I do. Look, I know it might seem like a big ask, but I just... I can't stop thinking about how much fun we have together. And Monaco is beautiful this time of year. We could go for drives along the coast, have dinner at some amazing restaurants, or just relax by the pool if you prefer. No pressure, just... us. And well, the cats."
Max held his breath, waiting for her response. The thought of having YN in Monaco, of being able to spend uninterrupted time with her away from the pressures of the race weekend, made his heart soar. He imagined showing her his favorite spots in the city, maybe taking her out on his boat, or just lounging by the pool and talking for hours.
"Alright, Verstappen, you've convinced me. But I have one condition."
"Name it." Max grinned, relief and excitement washing over him.
"If I'm staying at your place, you have to let me cook my infamous waffles for breakfast. They're a secret family recipe, and I guarantee they'll be the best you've ever tasted."
"Deal," Max's smile widened, a burst of joy exploding in his chest. "But I warn you, I take my waffles very seriously. They better live up to the hype."
"Oh, they will. And I can't wait to meet the cats."
As they continued to chat and make plans for YN's visit, Max felt a warmth spreading through his chest. The prospect of having YN in his home, of waking up and knowing she was just in the next room, of being able to spend lazy mornings together over homemade waffles - it all seemed almost too good to be true.
He found himself imagining what it would be like to have her there. Would she curl up on his couch with a book? Would they watch the sunset from his terrace? Would he finally get the courage to kiss her?
The thought made his heart race. He remembered the moment at the airport when he had wanted so badly to kiss her goodbye. This time, he promised himself, he wouldn't let the opportunity pass by.
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The day of YN's arrival in Monaco had finally come, and Max felt like a giddy teenager preparing for his first date.
In the days leading up to YN's visit, Max had found himself unusually preoccupied with preparations. He wanted everything to be perfect for YN's stay. He'd bought new sheets for the guest bedroom, making sure they were the softest he could find. He'd stocked the fridge with an array of foods, unsure of her preferences but making sure to have options. He'd even gone so far as to buy a small collection of books he thought she might enjoy, arranging them carefully on the nightstand in her room.
The morning of her arrival, Max woke up early, his stomach a knot of excitement and nerves. He double-checked everything one last time - fresh towels in the bathroom, extra toiletries in case she forgot anything, a vase of fresh flowers on the kitchen counter to brighten up the space. He felt almost silly with how much effort he was putting in, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted everything to be perfect for the girl he was smitten with.
As the time to leave for the airport approached, Max found himself pacing, checking his watch every few minutes. He'd planned the route to the airport meticulously, factoring in potential traffic to make sure he'd be there in plenty of time. Just as he was about to grab his keys and head out, the doorbell rang.
Confused, Max paused. He wasn't expecting anyone - he'd made sure to clear his schedule completely for YN's visit. Frowning slightly, he opened the door to find Lando standing there, a wide grin on his face.
"Lando? What are you doing here?" Max asked, glancing at his watch.
"What, can't a mate drop by for a visit?" Lando replied, trying to peer past Max into the apartment. "Thought we could hang out, maybe play some FIFA."
Max shifted awkwardly, blocking the doorway. "Lando, mate, I'm actually just about to head out. I can't hang out right now."
"Oh, come on," Lando's grin faltered slightly, "Just for a bit? We haven't had a proper catch-up in ages."
"I'm sorry, I really can't," Max insisted, glancing at his watch nervously. "I have to pick up a friend from the airport."
Lando's eyes narrowed suspiciously, a mischievous glint appearing. "A friend, huh? Is it that your book dream girl? You're flying her out over here?"
Max felt his face heat up, a blush creeping up his neck. He tried to deny it, but his reaction gave him away.
"It is! Oh man, this is brilliant," Lando's eyes widened in delight, "Max Verstappen, blushing like a schoolboy over a girl."
"Shut up," Max grumbled, but there was no real annoyance in his voice. He couldn't help but smile.
"So, YN is finally gracing Monaco with her presence," Lando teased. "No wonder you've been so distracted lately. When do I get to hang out with her?"
"You don't," Max rolled his eyes, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go."
"Alright, alright," Lando stepped aside, still grinning. "But I want details later, yeah? And tell YN I said hi."
Max waved him off, hurrying to his car. Despite Lando's teasing, he couldn't wipe the smile off his face. The excitement was bubbling up inside him again as he drove to the airport.
As he parked and made his way to the arrivals area, Max felt his nerves almost making him want to throw up. He found himself fidgeting, alternating between pacing and sitting, his eyes glued to the arrivals board.
Finally, he saw that YN's flight had landed. His heart rate picked up as he watched the doors, scanning the crowd for her familiar face. And then, suddenly, there she was.
YN emerged from the arrivals gate, looking a bit tired from the journey but still radiant. Her eyes scanned the crowd, and when they landed on Max, her face lit up with a brilliant smile.
Max felt his breath catch in his throat. He raised his hand in a small wave, a grin spreading across his face as he walked towards her.
"Hey, Max," she said as she reached him, her voice warm and slightly breathless.
"Hey," he replied, suddenly feeling shy. "How was your flight?"
Without thinking, he pulled her into a hug. As he wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the scent of her hair, he felt a sense of rightness wash over him. It was as if all the pieces were falling into place.
"It was good, just long," she hugged him back tightly. "I'm so glad to be here though."
As they pulled apart, Max found himself reluctant to let go completely. He kept one hand on her back as he reached for her suitcase with the other. "Here, let me get that for you."
"Always the gentleman," YN teased, but her smile was soft and appreciative.
As they walked towards the exit, Max found himself stealing glances at her, still hardly believing she was really here. "So, um, I thought we could grab some lunch if you're hungry? Or if you're tired, we can head straight to my place so you can rest."
YN considered for a moment. "Lunch sounds great, actually. I'm starving, and I'm too excited to sleep just yet. I want to see Monaco."
Max chuckled, feeling a warmth spread through his chest at her enthusiasm. "Lunch it is then. I know just the place – it has a great view of the harbor."
As they made their way to Max's car, chatting easily about YN's flight and Max's plans for her visit, Max felt a sense of contentment he hadn't experienced in a long time. The nervousness from earlier had melted away, replaced by pure happiness.
Loading YN's suitcase into the trunk, Max caught her eye and smiled. "I'm really glad you're here, YN."
She returned his smile, her eyes sparkling. "Me too, Max. Me too."
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username1 AWEEE
username2 those are cute kittens
username3 those look like max verstappen's cats
username4 JIMMY AND SASSY VERSTAPPEN??
↳ username1 how CRAZY would it be
danielricciardo Don't hesitate to shout if he's much trouble
↳ username2 HOLD ON??
↳ ynreadsbooks he's just fine don't worry 😅
↳ username3 IS SHE REALLY WITH MAX??
↳ maxverstappen1 I'm not trouble...
↳ username1 OMFGGG
↳ username4 THIS PLOT TWIST
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Three days had passed since YN's arrival in Monaco, and Max couldn't remember a time when he'd been happier.
True to her word, YN had cooked her infamous waffles for breakfast on the second morning of her stay. As Max had taken his first bite, his eyes had widened in surprise and delight. The waffles were light and crispy on the outside, yet fluffy on the inside, with a perfect balance of sweetness and a hint of vanilla. He'd declared them the best he'd ever tasted, earning a proud smile from her.
The days that followed had been filled with laughter, conversation, and exploration. They'd spent hours by Max's pool, talking about everything and nothing. YN would often bring a book, reading aloud passages that she found particularly interesting or amusing, while Max listened, content to hear her voice and watch the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about something she loved.
They'd explored Monaco together, with Max showing YN his favorite spots and discovering new ones together. He'd taken her to the Monte Carlo Casino, where they'd marveled at the architecture and people-watched. They'd strolled through the streets of Monaco-Ville, the old town, where YN had been enchanted by the colorful buildings. They'd even spent an afternoon at the Oceanographic Museum, where YN's enthusiasm for learning had been infectious, and Max had found himself just as excited as she was about the marine life exhibits.
Throughout it all, Max felt himself falling deeper for her. It wasn't just her beauty or her intelligence that captivated him, but the way she saw the world. Her curiosity, her kindness, her ability to find joy in the smallest things - it all made Max see his surroundings through new eyes. He found himself noticing details he'd never paid attention to before, appreciating moments he might have otherwise overlooked.
What struck Max most was how easy and right it all felt. There was no pressure, no awkwardness. Being with YN was as natural as breathing. They could talk for hours without running out of things to say, but they were also comfortable in silence, simply enjoying each other's presence.
As they returned from another long day of exploring the city, both Max and YN retreated to their respective rooms to change into more comfortable clothing. Max opted for a soft t-shirt and sweatpants, relishing the feeling of being relaxed and at ease in his own home.
When he emerged from his room, he found YN already settled on his couch, her legs tucked under her, a book in her hands and one of his cats curling beside her. She was wearing one the t-shirt she picked the night she arrived when she realized she forgot to pack pajamas. It was too big for her frame but Max felt like melting knowing she was wearing his shirt.
The sight made Max's heart skip a beat. There was something so intimate and domestic about the scene - YN looking completely at home in his space, in his clothes, absorbed in a book as if she'd always been there.
Max couldn't help but smile, a warmth spreading through his chest. He found himself wanting this view in his life every day - coming home to find YN there, comfortable and content. The thought both thrilled and terrified him. He'd never felt this way about anyone before, never wanted to intertwine his life so completely with another person's.
YN looked up from her book, catching Max's gaze. Her lips curved into a soft smile. "Hey. Want to join me?"
Without hesitation, Max crossed the room. Instead of sitting next to her, he surprised both of them by lying down on the couch and resting his head in her lap. He looked up at her, his eyes vulnerable. "Would you read to me?"
YN's expression softened, her eyes twinkling with affection. "Of course," she said, her free hand moving to gently run her fingers through his hair.
Max closed his eyes, reveling in the sensation. He felt her shift slightly, getting comfortable, and then her voice filled the air, soft and melodious as she began to read.
Max's lips curved into a smile. "Emma," he murmured. "I remember you mentioning it was one of your favorites."
YN paused her reading, looking down at him with surprise and pleasure. "You remembered that?"
"Of course," Max opened his eyes, meeting her gaze. "I remember everything you tell me."
A huge grin appeared in YN's face, and she bent down to press a soft kiss to Max's forehead. The gesture was so natural, so tender, that it made Max's heart flutter.
As she continued to read, her fingers still combing through his hair, Max found himself only half-listening to the words. Instead, he was acutely aware of every point of contact between them - the warmth of her lap under his head, the gentle touch of her fingers, the soft cadence of her voice washing over him.
In that moment, Max realized with startling clarity that this was what he wanted for the rest of his life. Not just the glamour of racing or the thrill of victory, but this - quiet moments of intimacy, the comfort of being with someone who understood him, who made him want to be better.
He reached up, gently taking YN's free hand in his own, intertwining their fingers. She paused in her reading, looking down at him with a question in her eyes.
"YN," Max said softly, his voice filled with emotion. "I'm really glad you're here."
She squeezed his hand, her smile radiant. "So am I, Max. So am I."
As she resumed reading, her voice mixing with the soft sound of the Mediterranean breeze outside, Max closed his eyes again, a sense of peace settling over him. Whatever the future held, he knew that this moment, this feeling, was something he'd cherish forever.
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username1 GIRL
username2 THIS ESCALATED QUICKLY
username3 how do you go from max randomly commenting one of your videos to this
username4 girl we can tell that's max dw 😭😭
username5 YOU OWE US A TWO HOUR STORYTIME VIDEO
username6 anything you want to tell us best friend?
username7 she just had a book and a dream fr
landonorris Has he bored you yet?
↳ username1 IM DYING
↳ username2 she really masterminded her way into the f1 circle
↳ ynreadsbooks he's nice, makes good smoothies 😉
↳ maxverstappen1 Good to know that ❤️
↳ landonorris I'm disgusted
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As the final day of YN's stay in Monaco dawned, Max found himself feeling so many bittersweet emotions. The past week had been nothing short of magical, and the thought of it coming to an end left a hollow feeling in his chest. She hadn't even left yet, and already he missed her.
For their final day, Max had decided to take YN out on his yacht. He wanted their last hours together to be special, just the two of them away from the bustling streets of Monaco. As they prepared for the day, packing a picnic and gathering sunscreen and towels, Max couldn't help but reflect on the past week.
Daniel and Lando had teased him mercilessly about his sudden disappearance from their usual hangouts. They'd made jokes about Max being "whipped" and how he'd fallen hard for his "YouTube dream girl." But Max didn't care. He was too happy, too caught up in the bubble of joy that surrounded him and YN.
As they boarded the yacht, the Mediterranean stretching out before them in shades of turquoise, Max felt a pang in his chest. This perfect week was coming to an end, and he wasn't sure he was ready to face reality again.
Once they were out on the open water. YN leaned over the railing, a look of wonder on her face.
"This is incredible, Max," she said, turning to him with a dazzling smile. "I can't believe I'm here, experiencing all of this."
Max moved to stand beside her, their shoulders brushing. "I'm going to miss you," he said softly, "This week has been… I don't even have words for it."
"I'm going to miss you too, Max. So much. But you know I have to go back home. I have videos to make for my channel, work stuff to catch up on…"
Max nodded, understanding but not liking it. "Maybe you could make a video about 'A Week with an F1 Driver'? I'm sure your subscribers would love that."
YN laughed, playfully shoving his shoulder. "Oh yes, I'm sure that would go over well. 'Day 3: Watched Max eat his bodyweight in pasta. Day 5: Learned that F1 drivers are actually big babies when they lose at Mario Kart.'"
"I am not a baby!" Max gasped in mock offense. "I'm just… competitive."
"Uh-huh, sure," she teased, her eyes twinkling. "Is that why you pouted for an hour after I beat you?"
"I did not pout," Max protested, but he was grinning.
"You know, it's still surreal to me that a random video I published got us here. If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be spending a week in Monaco with Max Verstappen, I would have laughed in their face."
Max reached out, caressing her cheek softly. "I'm glad you made that video," he said softly. "I'm glad I stumbled across it. I can't imagine not knowing you now."
As they stood together on the boat, the gentle rocking of the waves mirroring the tumultuous emotions within them, Max found his gaze drawn to YN's lips. They were slightly parted, soft and inviting. His heart raced as he lifted his eyes to meet hers, a silent question in his gaze.
YN's eyes, warm and full of affection, met his. A small, knowing smile played at the corners of her mouth, and in that moment, it was all the permission Max needed.
With a gentle tug, he pulled her closer, one hand coming to rest on the small of her back while the other cupped her cheek. Time seemed to slow as he leaned in, their breaths mingling in the space between them. And then, finally, their lips met.
The kiss was tender at first, a soft exploration. But as YN's arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers threading through his hair, it deepened into something more passionate. Max poured all of his pent-up emotions into the kiss - his joy, his longing, his hope for what they could be.
When they finally parted, YN's eyes were sparkling. "You know," she said, a playful tone to her voice, "I've been waiting for you to do that all week."
Max couldn't help but laugh, a mixture of relief and happiness bubbling up inside him. "Really? All week, huh?"
"Mmhmm," she nodded, her smile widening. "I was starting to think I'd have to make the first move myself."
"Well," Max said, his voice low and teasing, "allow me to make up for lost time."
With that, he pulled her in for another kiss. This one was different from the first - more confident, more passionate. His hands roamed her back, pulling her flush against him as her fingers tangled in his hair. The world around them faded away until there was nothing but the two of them, the taste of salt on their lips, and the warmth of the setting sun on their skin.
When they broke apart this time, both were slightly dazed. Max rested his forehead against YN's, unwilling to put any distance between them.
"I really like you," he said softly, his voice thick with emotion. "More than I've ever liked anyone before. This week with you… it's been incredible. I don't want it to end."
YN's hand came up to cup his cheek, her thumb gently stroking his skin. "I really like you too, Max," she replied, her voice equally soft. "These past few days have been like a dream."
Max pulled back slightly, just enough to meet her eyes. "I know you have to go back, but… I want to make this work. Us, I mean. If that's something you want too."
"I do want that. Very much. It might not be easy with our schedules and the distance, but I think you're worth it."
"We'll figure it out," he said, determination clear in his voice. "I'll come visit you when I can, and you can come to some of my races. We'll make time for video calls, and I'll text you so much you'll get sick of me."
YN laughed, the sound like music to Max's ears. "I don't think I could ever get sick of you," she said, her eyes twinkling. "But I'm holding you to that promise about the races. I expect VIP treatment, Mr. Verstappen."
Max grinned, pulling her close again. "For you? Always," he murmured, before capturing her lips in another kiss.
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The month following YN's stay in Monaco had been blissful happiness for both YN and Max. Their parting at the airport had been bittersweet, filled with lingering kisses and tight embraces. They had spent a good hour cuddling in Max's car in the airport parking lot, neither wanting to let go.
"I'm going to miss you so much," YN had whispered, her face buried in the crook of Max's neck.
Max had tightened his arms around her, breathing in her scent. "I'll miss you too. But we'll see each other soon, I promise."
When they finally managed to separate, their goodbye kiss had been passionate and filled with promise. As Max watched her disappear into the airport, he already felt a piece of his heart leaving with her.
In the weeks that followed, they took every opportunity to be together. Max would fly to YN's home during his breaks between races, often arriving exhausted but immediately revitalized by her presence.
Their reunions were always intense, filled with desperate kisses and roaming hands as they made up for lost time. But it was the quiet moments that Max treasured most - waking up with YN in his arms, her sleepy smile the first thing he saw; cooking breakfast together, stealing kisses between flipping pancakes; or simply sitting in comfortable silence, each lost in their own tasks but finding comfort in the other's presence.
Now, as they walked hand in hand through the paddock in Austin for the USA Grand Prix, Max felt a sense of pride and joy unlike anything he'd experienced before. Having YN by his side at a race weekend, this time as more than just a friend, felt right in a way he couldn't fully express.
"This is incredible, Max," YN breathed, squeezing his hand. "I don't think I'll ever get used to it."
Max grinned, his heart swelling with affection. He loved seeing the paddock through her eyes, rediscovering the magic that he sometimes took for granted.
"Wait until you see the track," he said, pulling her closer. "And the sound when all the cars start up… there's nothing like it."
They paused for a moment, watching as a group of mechanics wheeled a set of tires past them. Max took the opportunity to really look at his girl. She was radiant in the sunlight, her hair catching the light and her eyes sparkling with excitement. He couldn't resist leaning in to place a soft kiss on her cheek.
YN turned to him, a playful smile on her lips. "What was that for?"
"Do I need a reason to kiss my girl?" Max replied, his voice low and teasing.
She laughed, the sound music to his ears. "I suppose not. But maybe save some for later? We are in public, after all."
"You're killing me," Max groaned dramatically. "How am I supposed to focus on racing when you look like that?"
"Oh, I'm sure you'll manage," YN teased, patting his chest. "After all, I hear you're quite good at this driving thing."
Their playful banter was interrupted by a familiar voice calling out. "Oi, Verstappen! Finally decided to grace us with your presence?"
Max turned to see Daniel approaching, his trademark grin in place. Lando was close behind, an equally mischievous look on his face.
"Hey guys," Max greeted, unconsciously pulling YN closer. "You remember YN, right?"
"Ah yes," Daniel's grin widened. "Nice to see you again, love."
"It's great to see you too, Daniel," she smiled warmly. "And you, Lando."
Lando's eyes darted between Max and YN, a knowing smirk playing on his lips. "So, Max, finally managed to seal the deal, huh?"
Max felt his cheeks heat up, but before he could respond, YN jumped in.
"Oh, he did more than that," she said, her tone light but with a hint of something that made Max's pulse quicken. "He's been quite… impressive."
Daniel let out a low whistle while Lando burst into laughter. Max couldn't help but join in, marveling at how effortlessly YN fit into his world.
As they chatted, Max couldn't keep his hands off YN. He found himself constantly touching her - a hand on the small of her back, playing with her fingers, rubbing her arm softly. Each touch was like a spark, reminding him of their passionate reunions over the past month.
He thought back to their last meeting, just a week ago. He had flown to her place straight after he was done with some meetings in Monaco, exhausted but desperate to see her. The moment he stepped through her door, all fatigue had vanished. They had barely made it to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. The memory of her skin against his, the taste of her lips, the sound of her gasps and moans… it was enough to make him want to whisk her away to his motorhome right now.
Max was pulled from his thoughts by the approach of another familiar face. Charles Leclerc was walking towards them, his trademark charming smile in place.
"Max! Good to see you, man," Charles said, clapping Max on the shoulder before turning his attention to YN. "And who might this lovely lady be?"
Without hesitation, the words tumbled from Max's lips: "This is YN, my girlfriend."
He felt the girl stiffen slightly beside him, and for a moment, panic flared in his chest. Had he overstepped? They hadn't explicitly discussed labels yet. But when he glanced at YN, she was smiling warmly at Charles, her hand still firmly in Max's.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Charles," YN said, shaking his hand.
Charles raised an eyebrow at Max, a hint of surprise in his expression. "The pleasure is all mine. I hope you're enjoying your time in the paddock."
After exchanging a few more pleasantries, they parted ways. Max led YN towards his driver's room. Once inside the relative privacy of the small space, YN turned to him, a playful glint in her eye.
"Girlfriend, huh?" she said, her tone light but with an undercurrent of something Max couldn't quite identify.
Max felt a flutter of nervousness in his stomach. "I… yeah. I mean, if that's okay? I know we haven't really talked about it, but…"
YN stepped closer, her fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. "It's more than okay, Max. I was just surprised. We've been in this beautiful bubble, and hearing you say it out loud… it made it feel real in a way it hasn't before."
Max let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. His hands found their way to YN's waist, pulling her closer. "It is real," he said softly. "I've never felt this way about anyone before. Feels like you're everything."
Her eyes softened, her hand coming up to cup his cheek. "You're everything to me too, Max. I love you."
The words hung in the air between them for a moment, both realizing it was the first time either had said it. Then Max surged forward, capturing YN's lips in a kiss that was equal parts tender and passionate.
When they broke apart. Max rested his forehead against YN's, his eyes closed as he savored the moment.
"I love you too," he whispered. "God, YN, I love you so much."
YN's answering smile was radiant and she pulled him in for another kiss.
"So," he said, his voice husky, "ready to watch your boyfriend win a race?"
YN laughed, the sound filling the small space and Max's heart. "Always," she replied. "My misunderstood hero with a heart of gold."
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i request thy assistance. urgently.. needeth thee. is there any way thou can deliver some headcanons of what Mr. Reca would be like if his partner were studying for an extensive period of time and needed some loving after it?
much appreciated!
A/n: here you go bbg, I hope this is good enough, mwah! First time writing Reca, so I apologize if this is too short or a bit ooc. Thank you for the request.
Contents: Mr. Reca x GN reader, comfort fluff, not proof-read
-Mr. Reca is no stranger to burning the midnight oil as he has done it in the past himself more times than he cares to count. Often times this would be a result of him indulging a bit too much in his current project and forgetting about the passage of time, other times it was simply a necessity to get something done before the due date
-But he is truly not the biggest subscriber to seeing you burning yourself away. He’d click his tongue when he so much as senses the upcoming exams on your end, his usually cheshire smile replaced by an unamused frown.
-It distracts you so much from the wonders of life - and takes you away from him of course, how dare the exams do such a thing, how can those professors demand so much smh..
-This is too out of character.
-If he could clap his clapper board to re-do this entire segment of your life and trade it for something better and more easy on your mind and body, he would. But alas..
-He truly does admire your perseverance in the field, even with all the trials and tribulations you passed to get to where you are now. Don’t think for a second that he ever forgot; even the tiniest details cannot escape his memory. If his mind was a palace, he’d have a special room, a library, made just for the memories of you. Everything and anything related to you
-While he is busy himself he still feels the shift in the relationship - aka the lack of time spent together and while he doesn’t like it, he won’t distract you from it unless it is to check up on you or if you really burnt away the day at your books.
-While he is not the best at cooking a good meal for you, he will clean up the house while you’re studying, set the table up and clean after you two eat since this guy is gonna order your favorite meal and drinks and make sure you get some good nutrients and hydration in you. He can make simple things…like tea and coffee and maybe some scrambled eggs but honestly that is not good enough for your current situation.
-He would make you tea before bed - something he also makes you do on time. He is not against using his memokeeper magic to make you come to bed sooner. At times he doesn’t even have to use that, he’d just move the hands on the big clock to make it seem as if hours passed and you’re just too tired to check your phone until you’re tucked away in his arms in bed.
-If it is still early in the evening he does love to talk to you to pull you out of your study cave mood. Sometimes he can go on tangents about all the elements needed in preparation of a film or a certain aspect that makes a good character and why, other times he tells you about what happened on set last time, his frustrations and such all while having these very animated movements and gestures with his arms or even legs sometimes. He cannot sit still. But if he sees that his yapping is overwhelming you he knows to tone it down to a softer language and volume, just asking you simple questions if you’d like to cuddle or what you’d like to eat.
-He’d drag you over to him, tenderly by the arm and have you lay your head in his lap, cooing softly at how sweet you look like that while his hand goes to smooth through your hair. He would tease you if you were in any better spirits but he just smiles and watches how your lashes flutter shut, your cheeks lightly dusted with blush.
-Reca is very.. colorful with his words and quite creative, so besides the endless list of pet names, some of which are lowkey ridiculous, he is a pro at giving you encouraging words. He can be quite smug when he sees the effect he has on you
-Would definitely talk to you until you fall asleep too, whispering sweet nothings into the top of your head as his hand runs up and down your back, lulling you to sleep.
Ⓒ n0tamused. Do not repost, translate, edit, and/or copy any of my works. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.
#-dragon.treasure#mr reca#reca hsr#hsr#honkai star rail#honkai star rail mr reca#hsr mr recamr#mr reca x reader#mr reca x you#mr reca x gn reader#mr reca fluff#hsr x reader#mr reca imagine#mr reca headcanons#mr reca comfort fluff#honkai star rail x reader#honkai star rail fluff#honkai star rail x you#honkai star rail headcanons#hsr x you#comfort fluff#gn reader
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series summary. the holy grail of the seven men who ruled the country's entertainment used to be your friends at school. now, ten years later and between successes and failures, what reason would they have to want to come back into your life? pairing. platonic ot7 x f!reader for now content. first of all, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes! curse words, angst, reader becomes sus, fighting (in the wrong way), angry and mean jin? self-doubt. a/n. hi guysssssss!!! sorry it's taking me this long always, but i finally finished this part! i actually just finished it and it's almost 2am and i have to go to work in fivehours. i'm publishing this part as it is and maybe tomorrow if i have the time i'll look at it again, bc i'm really exhausted right now. and also please forgive me if there are any mistakes in the text;((((. but i hope you guys enjoy this 7k monster of a chapter and i'll see you next time!!
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The fourth book of your saga was a reflection of everything you had gone through when you moved with your family to the capital. You finished the third book when you had barely been in the city for a month and maybe that's why it didn't have a happy ending and why everyone who had read the trilogy had been devastated with that ending. It wasn't something you had planned from the beginning, but it wasn't something that ruined the plot either. It was actually much better than you had planned.
And when you finally finished with the trilogy, starting to write again wasn't hard, especially with so many mixed emotions and so much repressed pain coming back to the surface uninvited.
Maybe you hadn't been in connection with your strong feelings since then, when the city constantly reminded you that you had lost the only people you considered your true friends and the pain of their absence and the harsh reality was a knife burying itself in your chest over and over again. You hadn't felt this much since the moment you realized that they were able to live their lives without you, but you had to go through the mourning of losing them.
You hadn't felt this much since then, until that moment when, having been just a day since you had decided you would take the path of healing, you had to reopen the draft of your fourth book and find all those angry paragraphs, spit out words, piled up letters and whole pages filled with pure rage and pain; of disappointment and realization… of betrayal.
“Are you going to start again already? Don't you think you deserve a break?”
The words Yuna had spoken to you that morning were echoing in your head from the moment you read the first words of this draft and the memories began to well up, emotions making your hair stand on end and your throat close up.
It was almost funny to remember how incredibly angry you were when you first arrived in the city.
The city, with posters of Jungkook's face on every corner, with his performances on some screens or just teenagers talking about him and whispering about his music, it was practically impossible to escape it. The city, with radios blaring Yoongi's songs, in a cab or on public transportation, interviews blaring on TVs in shopping malls. The city, with the international news, which echoed so much, about the spectacular promises of modeling. The country couldn't be prouder to have representatives of that caliber, because the moment Taehyung and Jimin overtook the West and broke the international barrier, it was only a matter of time before the others followed suit and completely changed the idea of entertainment and media in the country.
The first months in the city were nauseating, when you had to get used to and overcome your emotions the hard way, fighting against the aggressive tide that all the time tried to drown you, and that was noticeable in every word and every scene of that book, and you were almost sure that if any of them read it, they would know immediately. If they wanted to know anything about you, if they were really interested, there would be no better way than through your books; in no other situation would you be so vulnerable.
You wondered, for a moment, if any of them would have read any of the books by now. If Namjoon would remember when you asked him for strange words to describe emotions and now they were captured in those impressions, or when you asked Jin and Hoseok for their opinion about the complex construction of your world and each of their peculiar and crazy details can be found in those pages. Just as your books had all the pieces of you, it also had crumbs of them, and you wondered if they would notice if they read it.
Don't you think you deserve a break?
Maybe you do. That's why you had decided to close that cycle once and for all, and there was no better way to do it than to finally start with the edition of this book. Of this fourth book, so strong in its toughness and determination, so vulnerable in its rage and palpable pain.
It was the cleanest and purest and truest version of you.
But as much as you deserved it, it felt more like punishment. Reliving those emotions and evoking those memories caused you more anguish and you didn't know if you could face a kind of shock therapy like that to finally let go.
“The editors said you'd be here.”
You saw Choi Dohyun standing, leaning against the door frame above the computer screen that still displayed the title of the first chapter of your fourth book. On a Wednesday at barely eight o'clock in the morning, the great CEO decided to set aside a few minutes of his busy time to gratify you with his presence.
His calm, serene and carefree expression was the contrast to the swirl of emotions that ran through that room, rising from the crown of your head. You could almost tell he wasn't venturing into the office because he could feel the tension radiating from your position at the desk. He must have even seen it on your face.
You sighed and barely waved at him, running your hands over your face, trying to ease your tense muscles a little.
“Is there a specific reason why you don't want the editors to read the book?”
Choi Dohyun was a mystery. You only knew about him from the three-hour conversation you had the day before, besides the strange looks he cast at Yoongi from his office entrance. He had shown himself to be a very open person and it was clear that he was an expert at making things work his way. You knew he had agreed to many of your conditions because what he would get in return was bigger than what it would cost him, which really wasn't too much, just enough to maintain a level of creative freedom that would allow you to access editorial support when you saw fit —because you knew that once you handed it over, it would no longer be entirely yours—and often businessmen reflected their own personalities in how they negotiated a deal.
Dohyun tried to come across as a fairly personable person; he tried to be understanding, communicative and open-minded, so much so that he reminded you of the comfortable security of an older brother. However, you could tell in that meeting that he held back too much; that he had hated the way Yuna used to interrupt him to ask him questions or how your brother would put too many buts in his mouth and try to get information out of him that he shouldn't give away. You could tell he was impatient, that he really expected the meeting to last less than twenty minutes because he was sure you would sign the contract blindly as soon as you saw the profits you'd gain from the distribution and sale of your books. You also noticed, in case it wasn't obvious already, that he preferred to be in control as long as the situation and the people around him allowed it, for his convenience. If he gave in on several occasions, you knew it had been because he was very, very aware of everything that benefited him.
There were two options: Choi Dohyun wore a mask constantly, or Choi Dohyun was a fraud.
“I just wanted to read it one more time… before handing it over. I won't take long.”
“It's okay. No problem.” Dohyun finally walked into the room, the office he had handed you for whenever you decided to go to his publishing house. You didn't even know writers had that option; you didn't know if it was common, but he allowed it. He had also offered you a writing kit that included a typewriter that looked quite expensive, and although you hadn't accepted it, there it was in one of the corners of the office. Dohyun sat across from you, glancing at the few things you had brought from home to make the place a little more pleasant. “I understand that sometimes it's hard to separate yourself from your work. It's a part of you, after all. A kind of vulnerability that not everyone sees.”
That was the kind of thing that kept Dohyun's true nature a mystery. His stoic expression as he blurted out words of comfort. It almost felt like running sandpaper over cement. Not that you needed to figure him out, because at the end of the day he was a boss of sorts and you two were bound by a contract with mutual economic benefits —technically, you were each there for a benefit of your own— but it was something you wanted to be aware of, watchful of, informed of, because you had no way of knowing this guy wouldn't try to take advantage of some situation later, in any possible scenario.
“Yes…”
“Take as much time as you need. The demand for the trilogy is still pretty high, after all.”
You nodded at him in response, wary of his attempt to lighten the mood. If he was the kind of person you thought he was, he surely knew you didn't feel an ounce of trust towards him.
“In just two days you must have quite a bit of work to do with that,” you tried to continue the conversation, interspersing your gaze over the letters on the screen and his dark eyes.
“But it's a very welcome work. Aren't you glad your books were so well received?”
“Yes,” you answered without hesitation, momentarily remembering the proud look on Yuna and your brother's face when they finally got you to see the reactions and opinions of your books on social media. “It's comforting. For your work to be appreciated, recognized… moreover, that it allows you to make a living from it. It's amazing and a very great privilege.”
Dohyun shook his head in assent, interlacing his fingers over his abdomen. From his nonchalant way of taking a seat across from you, slumped over the chair almost as if he was an old friend from college and not practically your boss, and from how his voice reflected that sense of calmness and confidence, you could almost tell he was perfectly selling the facade of the most trustworthy person in the world.
But ultimately it was your feeling and your need to automatically distrust anyone you met because you didn't know at what point they would try to take advantage of you or turn their back on you, and maybe Dohyun wasn't as bad a person as you wanted to paint him in your head. Maybe you would even accept that his presence was a bit comforting and that he actually reminded you of someone you used to know in the past and of whom currently, if you knew he was still alive, it was by sheer luck. That personality, that sense of security he conveyed and that way he had had of expressing himself to you in that meeting that showed a different and more mature kind of wisdom, indeed reminded you of someone else.
Dohyun was very, very much like Jin.
“Can I… ask you something?” you hesitated, alternating your gaze between the screen and his dark eyes, not quite sure if you wanted to go down that path, but aware that you would get something in return if you did, and perhaps the risk would be worth it. “But it's not related to… this.”
As you pointed to your computer and the rest of the office, you couldn't decipher what expression Dohyun sketched. Trying to read him like you did everyone else, it seemed he entertained a specific train of thought in his head and was sparked by your question, but you couldn't probe much further because he agreed, tilting his head to invite you to ask bluntly.
“How do you know Min Yoongi?”
Dohyun then lifted his chin and his lips curved into a sort of small smile that could more accurately be described as a grimace. With his eyes on the window, with the beautiful view of the city and its busy streets, Dohyun took his time to answer and his pleased and almost satisfied look gave you to understand that your question was not a surprise at all. Dohyun could take it simply as healthy curiosity, for after all Yoongi was a celebrity and there weren't many people around the country who couldn't recognize him and you literally saw him face to face.
However, of course, there was something about his attitude that felt different. He wasn't surprised by your question, it was true, but maybe not for the reason you thought.
“He's a friend of my best friend.” Dohyun finally answered, returning your gaze, a glint of amusement highlighting his dark eyes. “I met him a couple of years ago through him, who is also his best friend. Otherwise, I doubt we would've ever met.”
Ah, Dohyun had a best friend who was best friends with Yoongi. That could only mean one thing.
“Ah. Then your best friend is part of the seven kings.”
Dohyun raised his eyebrows, clearly amused by your choice of words and the permanence of that haunting smile and the glint in his eyes should've been warning enough. He had the posture, demeanor and speech of a person who knew he was in control of the situation. Whatever his purpose was in entertaining this conversation, you already knew you were involved in that reason, indirectly.
Dohyun knew something about you that you had no idea about.
“Yes, indeed. It's Kim Seokjin. We met in college.”
As you guessed, of course. That's where the similar traits you could find in his personality came from.
But then Yoongi wasn't directly friends with Dohyun, and they couldn't be that close because of the nonchalant way he referred to him, so the question of why he was here yesterday, precisely when you came, would remain unanswered. It could be a coincidence? Of course, and you could remain in doubt, or you could…
“Wow. You two really are a powerful duo.”
Dohyun let out a laugh, nodding, looking so comfortable with himself, as if you were asking all the questions you should be asking.
“I love my job and I know I'm good at what I do, but Jin is simply on another level.”
You nodded, getting into his game of pretending, with a half smile on your face.
You knew that if Yuna knew what you were doing she would shake her head and tell you that you were crazy; that you should try to be less hard on other people and that's why you had never been able to hit it off with the other co-workers in Sol's cafeteria.
“Yes. I hear he's a great surgeon. He was top of his class, wasn't he?”
“That's right.” Dohyun nodded, determined not to look away from you. “But you're close to them too, aren't you? I saw Taehyung's Instagram stories when he uploaded your books.”
You blinked. Once. And again. He had already figured you out, and now he wanted to reverse the table and get some kind of reaction or information from you that you didn't know what kind of mystery it would solve in his head. The best option was to feign a bit of surprise, which was what you did, as if you didn't expect him to suddenly bring that up.
“Well, we studied together in school, but we were never that close.”
You lifted a shoulder, trying to downplay the subject, as if on cue, and Dohyun nodded slightly processing the information, averting his gaze over the dark carpet on the floor. He seemed to be tying up loose ends in his head and had more questions, the way he squinted his eyes as you gave him his space to think.
You had no idea what he was getting at. You had already brought out to him that he was close friends with Kim Seokjin and that, basically by extension he knew Yoongi. You could almost say it was a bit of an ordinary, almost trivial topic, not overly suspicious. Unless, of course, he knew something else that raised his curiosity and made you look suspicious in his eyes for asking such questions.
It seemed the most certain theory.
“And through him you must have met the others sometime, right?”
And it seemed you were right, too.
You had to deny his assertion, you knew, but it seemed you had taken half a second too long because he beat you to the word, shaking his head in a nod, and then said:
“That explains a lot.”
“Huh?”
Play dumb, play dumb.
Dohyun cracked a big grin, looking almost like a predator in the midst of its hunt, and from that alone you knew he'd already put his puzzle together.
“Well… actually, now that we're being honest, Jin was the one who recommended me to read your books.”
Wow.
Okay.
Jin… told Dohyun about you? About your books?
That doesn't explain anything. In fact, more questions popped up in your head than you could control and you were sure Dohyun could see the question marks moving over your irises.
“He told me that there could be a great opportunity if I published you and he was really right. I don't regret sending you that offer.”
Dohyun leaned back against the backrest and stretched one of his arms over the chair next to him. His posture was a little more relaxed than before and you couldn't help the feeling of anger that ran through you because you had given him just what he wanted, but you couldn't concentrate too much on that because you were too surprised by what he had just blurted out, as if it was nothig.
Of all the things you could've imagined, you would never have considered that this huge and prestigious publishing house had offered you a contract just because one of the CEO's great friends had recommended it to him. I mean, if Jin had never talked about it, would you have had any chance of getting this offer? Of signing this contract? Would you have been recognized on your own merit and not because you were linked to the mouth of a close friend?
None of that made any sense. Why had Jin told Choi Dohyun about you? His best friend being the owner of the most prestigious publishing house in the country, clearly knowing the implications of his actions, why would he do that? Maybe he didn't count on his friend throwing him overboard someday for gossiping and because he has an ego bigger than his own head? Maybe he thought it would be an anonymous job forever? And for what reason? On what grounds? What kind of emotions moved him to make that decision? Maybe it was simply an altruistic desire. Maybe he was moved by the same thing that moved Taehyung, the one who started all this. But was it something premeditated or not? Was it something he had previously discussed with Namjoon? Would the others know about it? Would they have agreed? Would they not have cared?
In the midst of that mental stupor, the very idea of healing seemed stupid to you. The immense confusion and anger that was coursing through your blood had no place for this group of fools to continue to meddle in your life as if they were playing a fucking election game on their computer. Why? Why? Why?
You wanted to get out of a simple doubt with Dohyun, to know what kind of connection he had with Yoongi and that everything that had happened was a coincidence, and you had ended up with a thousand more questions, with a hundred confusions and even more mixed emotions.
And Yoongi… would he have been in his office yesterday for something related to that?
“At first I thought Taehyung had asked him, but Jin is quite careful about such things. He wouldn't hint something like that to me even because his brothers ask him to, unless it was someone he could vouch for. So you knew Jin too, right?”
You didn't try to deny it, but you didn't give him the reason either. Amidst a sea of questions and confusion, incredulous and angry, you just shook your head and crossed your arms.
“I'll bring the first draft tomorrow.”
Dohyun took his time, drumming his fingers on the wood of the chair, sending you a look as if he wanted to get more answers out of you because your attitude raised more doubts than he initially had. Maybe you let go of a wolf's leash or this would be a one-time occurrence, you had no idea. But he said nothing more. Finally he got up, said goodbye and left.
Don't you think you deserve a break?
You should've listened to Yuna.
-
The next day, when you finished editing the draft of your fourth book amid tears, several cups of coffee and an excruciating pain in your wrist, you finally handed it in to the editors with a heavy heart and an hour of sleep in your body. It had officially ceased to be yours. The revelation that Dohyun had actually offered you all of this because Jin had asked him to do so kept going round and round in your head and made you revise and edit that draft more harshly than you would've done before.
Maybe you added a few extra curse words.
“If you don't finish that pasta, I'm going to steal it from you.”
Yuna hadn't even finished her own plate and was already eyeing yours, her brow furrowed and her own fork stabbing the ceramic of the deep dish you'd served your friend in as she crossed the threshold of the front door. You had been stirring the food with your fork for a while, thinking, reflecting, theorizing, trying to figure out what you really wanted; trying to recognize and accept the emotions inside you that were upsetting you.
Your parents had left early and Seojun was back in his college dorms, so you invited Yuna to lunch because you knew she loved the pastries your mom made and because you thought it would do you good to have some company after turning in the draft of your book. But, really, you were more overwhelmed than before. Yuna's presence didn't stop the thoughts in your head from racing, nor did it erase from reality what had happened.
“Y/n?”
You raised your head.
“Are you okay?”
You nodded, and tried to focus on eating lunch before rambling on.
“Is it because of the book?”
“No, no. Everything's fine. I was just thinking.”
“Do you think you should've waited a little longer to turn it in?”
You shook your head. “No.”
It wasn't an order from Dohyun or anything like that. You decided to get started on editing the next book because it was a bit desperate to have nothing to do. Before you could focus on the whole operational and logistical process of delivering the books, but now that was taken care of by a separate company and all you had to do was verify that the money was coming into your account and that was it. Not that it was bad, but you were not used to just sitting idly by. So you thought that continuing with the pre-publication editing of the next books might be a good way to pass the time.
You didn't expect, of course, the statement you heard the day before, let alone that it would knock down your motivation like the wind to dry leaves. After that conversation with Dohyun, you decided that the best thing you could do was to turn in that draft and give them as much work as possible as a distraction so that you wouldn't have to go back to that building for at least a couple of weeks. It wasn't a healthy activity, of course, because at the time you were only functioning to keep Yuna from questioning if there was something wrong with you. Well, she probably did, but she preferred not to comment on it, because you hadn't been giving her too many answers to her questions lately.
Having decided that Dohyun was an expert manipulator, you could only worry about the possibility that he might decide to comment something about that conversation to Jin or just stir up a conversation about the possible existence of a friendly bond with him during school time. You didn't know what could trigger that; with everything that had happened up to that point you could no longer be sure of anything or trust anything.
“No. I thought I'd turn it in now so I'd have more time to read the next books. I know that one isn't too bad. I revised it too many times while I was writing it and even after.”
“And it's pretty long, isn't it?”
You nodded, finally tasting another mouthful of pasta. “Seven hundred pages.”
“Holy Christ,” Yuna put a hand to her forehead and sketched a worried expression. Then her excited exclamation echoed throughout the house. “What a thrill! I can't wait to read it!!!!!!”
Yuna returned to work an hour later and you spent the rest of the afternoon between shifts of lying down staring at the ceiling and watching more videos about your books on social media, which you hadn't been able to leave since you saw them with your whole family in the living room. It still seemed surreal to you that you could search the name of your books on the internet and you would indeed get the results you expected. Clearly not all the opinions were praise, but you were willing to take all of that and learn, implement and consider it for the next stories you were willing to tell. For now, you were going to focus on keeping the editors busy enough that they wouldn't have to ask about it or demand your presence for any reason. This trilogy really was quite a lengthy saga, so when they finallt finish editing the fourth book, you'd have the fifth waiting, and so on. At least until you had another amazing idea for a new story.
Now, on the slightly more disturbing topics, you still had more loose ends to tie up than you had initially thought. As you still had those particles of anger running through your body and you were still convinced that there was still no room for healing and overcoming, you could only think about what Yoongi's presence in Dohyun's office was about and if it had to do with what Jin had done.
That was the first line of thought. The second one sounded more like Yuna with her serious voice trying to talk some sense into you and tell you that you were seeing into it too much, that surely it was all just a coincidence and that Yoongi's presence was just some kind of crossfire.
But… yet… how many more times did something like this have to happen before you stopped chalking it up to coincidence? How many more times would you say it was a coincidence until everything started to connect to a purpose? Did they even have a purpose? Did they have a reason for all this, for all this unnecessary drama? And was their reason worth it to compensate for the instability you were going through? Having pent up emotions, confusion, lots of doubts and zero answers was about to drive you crazy.
However, maybe seeing things from another approach would allow you to understand.
Because, honestly, you saw it as too complicated to be able to leave them behind in this way, when it seemed that, on purpose or not, you would keep finding them in your soup. Adopting a slightly more objective approach, even though your emotions were always running high when it came to them, could give you the resolution you were looking for and the answer to the questions you were asking yourself. And there would be nothing more than that, because it would be impossible to restore the friendship you once had. Perhaps the truth would be painful, but you would accept it as it was and move on. Now, as old as you were, it would not be as hard as it was ten years ago when in the midst of confusion and desolation you could only cry.
Now, you had already gone through the mourning and made peace with the distance, the absence and the betrayal.
Maybe, if you tried a little harder, you could bring real closure —and soon, hopefully— by finding the answers on your own.
-
Kim Namjoon used to believe that he was good at dealing with any kind of problem. In his head, which he was spinning around like a huge sphere and he was a hamster, Namjoon was sure that he could fix any situation and solve any misunderstanding, any fight or at least come to an agreement that would make everyone feel comfortable enough to move forward.
In his head, Namjoon was a three thousand dollars conflict-solver. Seeking solutions from reason and objectivity was basically how he kept his company afloat, that company he had inherited from his parents and had turned into the economic juggernaut it was today. All that success was summed up in the capacity for resolution that Namjoon had in his super head and, of course, his strategic capacity that allowed him to read his opponents and know exactly what they wanted, how they wanted it and when they wanted it.
However…
The whole table was still silent.
And Namjoon could only look at the faces of each of his friends, his best friends, practically his brothers, while they shied away from his gaze or directly ignored him, while he clasped his hands on the edge of the chair and tried to keep his composure because he no longer knew what to do.
Kim Namjoon, the three-thousandth troubleshooter, had a factory defect and could not fix the one thing he had always been able to fix with ease.
When Hoseok had walked into his office two nights ago with that stern and serious expression, Namjoon knew that there would be more problems to solve. But if he had to be honest, even before that moment he knew it wasn't working out well. Maybe it was because of the delicacy of the subject or the crudeness of his friends to address it, but Namjoon was losing the important ingredient of patience and that was something that hadn't happened to him before.
But then again, how could they all be so insensitive?
“Doesn't anyone have anything to say?”
Hoseok had been the only one to be spared from this discussion, though his presence was required at the table and tension radiated from his body in equal amounts. The others were directly attacked by the three thousandth (broken) problem-solver and despite Namjoon giving them a space to try to explain the situation, the table was still silent and with each passing second the pressure cooker containing Namjoon's anger was beeping louder and louder.
“I don't think there's much to say.”
It was Jin who finally broke the silence and Namjoon let out some air.
“Ah, thank you, Jin. Why do you think so?”
With his arms crossed, the older sent him an incredulous look.
“We've had this conversation three times already, Namjoon. Why do you think it's necessary for us to keep repeating ourselves?”
Hoseok had told Namjoon that he was concerned about the coexistence in the pent-house and that perhaps the elephant in the room was not being addressed in the right way; that more and more misunderstandings were being created between everyone and that it was making for an untrustworthy environment for the youngers. Namjoon agreed halfway through; if he had to be honest, none of it would've gotten to that point if none of them had been so irresponsible and daring to do all that they had done. And Jin had the least right to dismiss the issue as he had.
“Because you all don't seem to have listened to me at all, especially you.”
Jin snorted and turned his head away. Jungkook beside him barely winced at the hostile exchange.
“And what did I do?”
“What did you do? Jin, how can you be so inconsiderate?”
“I only rushed an exchange that was eventually going to happen, what the fuck is wrong with that?”
Namjoon tried not to look so surprised by the fact that the conversation he had had with him two nights ago and Yoongi had basically gone in one ear and out the other. Namjoon had no idea if it was an occupational hazard or a personality trait, but Jin was having a kind of stubbornness that bordered too much on his pride and desire to be right.
And right now it wasn't about who was right or wrong. It was about the fact that they had all made a promise and now they were breaking it as if it was worthless. Worse, as if the only ones affected by it were them and not a third party.
“Didn't you stop to think how she would feel if she found out that was how things went down?”
Jin rolled his eyes, but didn't answer him.
“Why do you all do all these things without believing that they will have consequences beyond your own feelings? That's all I'm asking you to consider!”
Taehyung and Jungkook at least had the decency to actually look embarrassed, avoiding Namjoon's gaze. Jimin was still convinced that he had done nothing extremely wrong and Yoongi simply demonstrated his sorrow through indifference. Namjoon knew that Yoongi was just as frustrated as he was with the way things were going, because they were the only ones trying to fix the messes the others had been thoughtlessly causing. And Jin… well, it was obvious that he didn't see any big implications beyond having to be scolded by Namjoon.
“Guys…” Hoseok started, sitting to Namjoon's right with a tired and defeated expression. If Namjoon and Yoongi were looking out for the integrity of the third party concerned, Hoseok was the one who was most concerned about the bonds that were breaking between them and that was why he had gone to Namjoon to have a group meeting again and set the boundaries once and for all. “You guys know that Namjoon is not just talking for the sake of talking. Jin, you don't need to get defensive. I understand that you tried to make the connection in good faith, but you have to understand that it was a very high risk. And while Dohyun is your friend, you know he's not very trustworthy.”
Jin grunted then, despite the kind tone Hoseok used to address him, and the others at the table only sent him a surprised look.
“Sure, now it's all my own damn fault. Not only do I have to deal with the stress of work, now I have to come to my supposed time off to deal with this too?”
“Hyung,” Yoongi called after him and frowned at the rude tone the older had used. “No one is saying it's your fault. We all have a part in this.”
“I don't care, Yoongi. Whatever's going on right now you know who's really to blame. And there's nothing you can do about it anymore.”
“Jin,” Namjoon called back and the aforementioned turned to look at him with daggers in his eyes. “You made the promise too.”
“Yes, one I never agreed to and you know it.”
Hoseok sighed and ran his hands over his face. “This is not the time to apportion blame, okay? I only wanted this space because I want us to fix this lack of communication and all this hostility that is affecting our living together.”
Namjoon turned to look at the table, finding the younger ones sealed in silence. None of them raised their heads and they showed signs of nervousness and anxiety, even if they tried to hide it under the tablecloth on the table.
There were too many things Namjoon wanted to control; there were too many things he wanted to solve; there were a number of other things that drove him mad and others that made him feel hopeless. Understanding all these emotions, his own or others', was wearing him down and perhaps that was why he was increasingly losing an ounce of patience. However, no matter how hard it was for him, Namjoon had to be sure that his priority was right in front of him. He had chosen to do so a couple of years ago and he could no longer turn back time.
“Hey, I'm sorry, okay?” Namjoon started once again and although Hoseok tried to shush him to calm down, he continued, “I know how I've acted during these days since everything started and I have not been very open to dialogue. For me it was… it was like crossing a forbidden boundary and I couldn't understand how you guys could jump over it without a second thought. It made my hair stand on end and I didn't… I didn't… I didn't know how to contain those emotions, I didn't know how to control them and clearly I didn't know how to express them. And the truth is that it worries me. I understand that you don't, because otherwise you wouldn't have done any of that, but I would like you to try to do that because this is not a unilateral action that will only affect you and will only be in your memories. You are affecting her too, and very much so. We were not good, not even friendly or cordial, so I need you to understand that all these things she will not see them as you think. Jungkook, you experienced it first hand. She hates us.”
Jungkook jerked on the chair and Taehyung was the one who reached over the table to take his intertwined hands. Jin sighed, finally letting the anger dissipate and Yoongi mimicked him, a little calmer as he watched his elder relax. Hoseok shook his head in assent, noticing the tension at the table dissipate a bit and how the young men held each other.
“And rightly so, because we made an inexcusable decision. And not only that, but she will now believe that it was a simple Tuesday for us and it's not. We made the promise for a reason and anything related we were supposed to consult first as a group. Sure, life happens and we get busy with a lot of things and have too much on our minds, but this was all inexcusable and we owe her more than forgiveness. We probably owe her our lives.”
“Hyung, I'm sorry…”
Jungkook was the most regretful. Since that harsh encounter, for which he dared to risk his presence in public and for which he believed it would be worth a try, Jungkook had never regretted something so much since the day of the promise. He still remembered the hatred your voice exuded and shivers ran down his spine. He had been unconscious, that was true, and he didn't know what he had let consume his body to have made that decision or to have simply acted without thinking. The possibility of seeing you again simply…blinded him. But that was never an excuse.
And Namjoon knew that. It was Jungkook who acted worse than everyone else, but he also couldn't deny to himself that had he found himself in the same predicament, with the same opportunity, he wouldn't have done the same. Maybe that's why he was so demanding of others, because that's how he reminded himself that he had no right to even think about it, much less act on their emotions, when they had taken away your choice as if they had any say in it.
“We can't erase what has already happened and what you have already done. All I ask is that you don't make it worse.” Namjoon implored, closing his eyes in silent prayer. “At this point there is no way to fix anything, and if every day we do things like this we are only inflicting pain on someone who doesn't deserve it. So please, for the love of God, leave her alone.”
The whole table was still silent, but this time Namjoon could clearly see everyone's face and notice their emotions right away, as he had always been able to do. He still didn't understand what had moved them to do all that; to Taehyung, to Jungkook, to Jin, to Jimin, despite everything they had discussed before, and he didn't understand how he hadn't been able to foresee their intentions from the beginning. But he could no longer focus on what had happened, but on what was happening and what he could still fix.
For that which had already been broken for years, Namjoon doubted too much that any of it could ever be fixed, no matter how hard he tried. And boy, would he have wanted to try.
“I'm sorry,” Jin mumbled, and it almost seemed like he had ripped the words from the back of his throat, but Namjoon took it with all his being and considered it the first victory on this new path.
When he finally dispatched everyone, Jimin remained seated to his left.
“Is there anything else you want to talk about?”
The blond looked disgruntled, and though it was clear that the tension was gone from his shoulders, in his gaze was that longing that Namjoon hadn't seen in years and certainly didn't allow in himself for all that he had previously exposed.
“Do you really think it's impossible to fix it?”
Namjoon hated knowing that the gleam in Jimin's eye had no future. At least not the one he wanted to believe. Namjoon, like everyone else, had spent sleepless nights thinking, remembering, reflecting and considering that they were never brave enough nor necessarily tough enough to earn that friendship once again. It had all gone to waste and it had been because of them.
“Yeah, I don't think that's possible.”
Jimin passed his saliva harshly, as if his mouth was dry, but he had to control and keep his emotions in check. Namjoon knew his every emotion and mainly knew how sensitive this whole issue was for Jimin, who from the beginning never agreed with him on anything and never hesitated to let him know. In fact, it took a couple of years before Namjoon could finally have this close relationship with Jimin again, until the blond decided to forgive him.
“It's silly to hope at this point, right?”
Namjoon also knew that Jimin struggled a lot to stop pointing blames, as Jin still did. He knew that, had Jimin had the opportunity in his hands several years in the past, he would have taken it and perhaps left them behind if he could. It was an extremely complex and long process to get the blond to trust Namjoon and those on his side again, which was one of the reasons why Hoseok was so insistent on talking and communicating and keeping everyone on good terms. It had cost them so much to re-form their trust that he couldn't allow it to crack once again.
Jimin nodded at his words when they were met with silence, for there was nothing Namjoon could say to comfort him. It was simply a heartbreaking situation.
“Tae and I will be with Jungkook.” Jimin assured Namjoon as he stood up. “Thank you… for trying.”
Namjoon only nodded, pressing his lips together in an attempt at a smile. Things would not automatically go back to the way they were before, as Namjoon's sternness in dealing with this issue on previous occasions was what initially caused this whole fiasco of miscommunication and hostility. He was heartily grateful that likewise Jimin took him into consideration, because he didn't know if he would be able to sleep knowing that everyone in that pent-house hated him. He didn't know if being the reason for the constant discord would allow him to have a respite of peace of mind at some point, when he was simply trying to do what he thought was best for everyone and what suited them on a sentimental level.
Kim Namjoon used to believe that he was good at dealing with any kind of problem. In his head, over which he circled as if it was a huge sphere and he was a hamster, Namjoon was sure that he could fix any situation and provide a solution to any misunderstanding, any fight or at least come to an agreement that would allow everyone to feel comfortable enough to move forward.
However, at that moment, the past tense wording was the most accurate.
Namjoon used to believe.
Jimin stopped halfway up the stairs, transfixed, and Namjoon watched him curiously. Then, the blond half-turned on his heels and Namjoon got front row view of Jimin's pale face and his exaggeratedly expanded eyes as he looked at his phone.
“Hyung…”
Namjoon came striding over, intrigued as well as concerned by the expression on the blond's face.
Jimin had his Instagram open, specifically his direct messages. There was the message there that had made Jimin stop dead in his tracks and all blood dropped to his feet, but Namjoon didn't understand what the reason for his surprise was until he saw the sender, and then his eyebrows disappeared into his hair.
y/n Let's meet
--
omg🙊🙊
tag: @rinkud@futuristicenemychaos@pastelpeachess@parapiop7@11thenightwemet11 @yoongznme @queenbloody @lynnettys-world @darlingz99 @dreamerwasfound @chaotickyrith @kokoandkookie @midiplier @thunderg @lizzymizzy-blogg @ladymorrie @butnotmontana @lovelgirl22 @jjeonjjk7 @aurorathi @ot7stansthigs @kunacat @borahaetelevision @mylovingstars @ghostlyworld @talyaaas-blog @slowlyshycomputer @jjk174 @maynina @kariningss @juju-227592 @zippaur @v4ksk4tz @kookierry @idk179634 @canarystwin @jincapableoflove @notrustfratedjin @elliott-calls @devilzliaison @ismelllikechlorine247 @19yearoldjstryingtolivelife @thatgirliehan @yuuuumii @welcometomyworld13 @sugarbaby69x @whoa-jo @cerulean1riz @kawennote09 @angelfuzzy2 @themoonsblueside @damn-u-min-yoongi @drenix004 @dhanyasri @borahaetelevision
#series: i can fix them#bts x reader#jungkook x reader#bts fanfic#bts angst#jungkook angst#jungkook fanfic#bts yoongi#bts taehyung#bts imagines#bts scenarios#bts x fem!reader#bts x y/n#bts x you#taehyung angst#taehyung x reader#taehyung fanfic#jimin x reader#jimin angst#yoongi x reader#yoongi fanfic#yoongi angst#jin x reader#seokjin angst#seokjin x reader#namjoon x reader#namjoon angst#hoseok x reader#hobi x reader#hoseok angst
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The crown hosts a ball. Of course all noble households in the Roan kingdom are present. Same goes for the Duke's House of Henituse as well.
Cale, who had separated himself from the rest of his family members to go to a corner and enjoy the desserts with the invisible Raon and had kept his Dominating Aura activated to keep the annoyances away, is approached by his youngest sibling.
Lily, being the brave knight she is, asks her eldest brother for a dance. Cale, who already feels guilty for being as absent from her life as he is and not being a proper older brother for her, accepts it for her sake. He needs to do at least this much for her as an older brother.
There is, however, one tiny problem.
Cale, no, Kim Roksoo doesn't know how to dance. The original Cale Henituse was so invested in his act of being a trash that he never bothered to learn it, so currently Cale had no muscle memory to rely on either.
Lily, who kind of predicted this when she approached him, ends up leading the dance. It's truly an unexpected sight to see Cale Henituse dancing a waltz in the middle of the ballroom. The Commander, who was often seen bleeding out on the battlefield as he fought in the forefront, elegantly moving his body to the flow of the music was truly captivating.
Basen Henituse has never been so jealous of his little sister seven years his junior. Neither has he ever felt so remorseful of being born a man. He wishes he could share a waltz with his elder brother too.
Cale, the magnanimous brother as he is, readily agrees to dance with him. When they're off the floor, Basen makes a victory fist as soon as nobody is watching.
Duchess Violan hesitates at first. But then she decides she should join in on the fun too. Thus, for the first time ever, she shares a waltz with her step son. Something she only used to do with her husband and son, Basen, in the past. She never expected there would come a day when it would be possible for her to dance with Cale. However, as it seemed, today was the day.
Deruth is much too overwhelmed at being reminded of Jour to ask Cale for a dance. He's just happy watching the others enjoy themselves.
The thing that Lily started, what was continued by Basen and Violan, naturally everyone wanted to be a part of it. Not everyone was lucky enough though. Cale accepted their requests for a dance because they were his family. As for the rest of the people present in this ballroom? He could care less.
He does end up sharing a dance with Amiru Ubarr and Rosalyn though, people who were good at leading the dance for the inexperienced him.
Once he returns from the ball, the children demand he dance with them. Raon, who watched his dance at the ball, tries to imitate his partners leading Cale through the dance. On and Hong are quick to learn as they watch before each following suit one after another.
It was the night the Black Castle shone the brightest and illuminated the Forest of Darkness to the point the name had never felt less fitting as it did that day.
Bonus:
Taking a leaf out of Basen's book, Alberu asks his precious dongsaeng for a dance. Cale is disgusted and flabbergasted but also plays along.
"dongsaeng, are you purposefully trying to step on my feet?"
"hyung-nim must know I never learned to dance, so it's expected."
"you didn't step on anyone else's feet though?"
"maybe they were just better at leading the dance than you are."
Alberu, baffled, "cheeky brat."
"the brat is older than yourself, hyung-nim."
"ha!" Alberu is in disbelief. "Well, i guess I should assign a dance instructor to my beloved dongsaeng then."
The dance ends and Cale whispers to him before walking away "sure. Send him to the Black Castle." Knowing it's near impossible for anyone to withstand the presence of the individuals residing there.
The next day, Tasha is at the Black Castle.
"My nephew asked me to teach the young master how to waltz. I was the one to teach that boy, so you can rest assured!"
Cale feels like he lost for the first time in a while.
#lcf#lout of count’s family#trash of the count's family#tcf novel#tcf#cale henituse#cale#lily henituse#basen henituse#deruth henituse#violan henituse#amiru ubarr#tcf rosalyn#tcf on#tcf hong#raon miru#all I wanted was to see Cale dance with Lily and On#how did we end up here
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Exquisite dancing and a loving married couple
Part one
Barbie dolls: husband! president!Coriolanus Snow x gn! Reader
Word: 5.3k
Summary: your joints are shit and you Coryo go to a gala and you guys are freaking cute
Warning: mentions of cream be mature it's like icy hot cream ok the brand is made up don't go looking for this magical blue flower joint cream, you like ceramics, you know that sound that goes okokokokokok and lalalala yeah that's y'all, you yap and coryo listens, you think you're a hassle and Coriolanus is like 😡hey shut up 💗, ypu have chronic pain/disability its mostly vague but your joints hurt, coriolanus is a lil ooc bc I wrote this before I finished the book and movie, his job is a lil vague but it's insinuated he's president, also speaking of president if you're American please go vote every vote counts plz, a man tries to flirt with you I didn't want it to be like traumatic but he is gross so he's like comically creepy, you're a smidgen oblivious but consider it in the autistic way not the "oh I'm a ditsy innocent Virgin reader I wear Velcro shoes and lace panties always what's body hair" way, old lady bothers yall, you kinda ignore what's going on and let coriolanus handle all the social interactions, mentions of sex and mildly nsfw, its kissy and light touching, you don't drink alcohol or at least not at this specific gala, yea that's it
With the warm dinner in your shared bed still feesh on his mind, Coriolanus decided he wanted to get closer to you. If you would grant him the friend title, he'd accept it. If he could choose, you'd both use kisses as greetings and know everything about each other.
Truly he worried more about how much pain you went through in your day-to-day life. Coriolanus decided there were going to be changes in how people treated you. Mavvy was going to be your right-hand-maid, ready to jump into action if you ever needed it. If he even caught a whiff of someone making an off-handed comment about you, he planned to leave his precious gem cuff links in your hands and start swinging. On the topic of him, he decided he was going to spend every minute of his free time worshiping you if it meant you'd be more comfortable.
One evening after work he stopped by a local cornerstone with racks upon racks of simple medical supplies. Coriolanus followed the clerk around as he spit possibly thousands of words all about the best ways to help with joint pain.
Coriolanus came home with bags so stocked full of supplies he stumbled through the sunroom door, almost dropping them all. After you swallowed your shock, you two started experimenting with all the new supplies. Some of them helped, some of them didn't, but your favorite was the cream that had a blue flower on the bottle.
For one Coriolanus was adamant on not letting you do it yourself. He just had to rub it in for you. After the third time, you didn't mind it at all. You liked him massaging your joints. You felt like it was the only way they felt any better. The cream helped definitely, his hands were just a bonus.
Just like that, your relationship started to shift. After the bath situation, you had more good days than bad in your body. Some days you would rest more than you truly wanted but for the most part, you were doing pretty good.
Though sometimes you mentioned the pain to Coriolanus even if it wasn’t all that bad just so he’d rub your joints and muscles. He got so used to it, that he started to do it absentmindedly. Coriolanus rubbed the muscles in your hand as you two were settling into bed. He rubbed the back of your calves when he massaged the cream into your knees. He rubbed your shoulders every time he pulled your coat on or off.
His dresser became more and more cluttered with your creations as time went by. You laid in bed longer in the mornings so you could compliment him on his clothes before he left.
Coriolanus sometimes even changed outside of his closet. Every time he looked up, you’d be watching him. It made his chest puff out. It gave him so much confidence he thought about always undressing and redressing in front of you. You talked almost constantly around him, he loved every word of it. You didn’t stop talking and ask him about himself, you just talked. He listened and when the conversation floated back to him, you listened to every bit.
Soon enough you became friends that happened to be married. You both secretly thought there were some simmering romantic feelings that grew with every touch and laugh. You didn’t sleep on other sides of the bed now, you actually scooted into the center to hold onto one another. You always used the ruse of hurting arms that just needed to be wrapped around someone. Coriolanus saw through you like glass but played along. He held you just as tight as you held him. He thought if he could choose where he got to die it would be right there in your arms.
Months flew by with you just inching closer and closer. You both became comfortable with each other. Dinners were one of your favorite times of the day. You got to talk with Coriolanus and laugh over good food. Halfway through your rant about the difference between Earthenware and Porcelain, Coriolanus touched the back of your hand to silently ask you to pause for a second. You paused your sentence, looking away from the food you had been pushing around. Coriolanus wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin before setting it back in his lap.
“This weekend there is a gala I need to go to for work,” Coriolanus said, hoping you caught on to where he was heading. You smiled and set your fork down.
“Okay, I hope you have fun. I can handle the house on my own for one night, no problem.” Your tone was so bright he felt like you might be more excited to stay home. Coriolanus shook his head. He gripped onto your hand, making sure his seriousness was received.
“I’d like you to go with me.” He clarified, watching your expression closely. You stared at him like you didn’t understand why and looked at your plate instead. “You’re not being forced to go. I just want you to be there. I know I would have a much better time if you were there. I think you would enjoy yourself.” Coriolanus waited for you to look back to him. You peeled your eyes away from your plate. Your other hand came to rest on top of his, making a sandwich with your hands.
“Are you sure you want me to go? I might just end up being a hassle. If it’s a work thing I want you to be able to meander about. I’d just weigh you down.” You said, staring into his eyes so sincerely it hurt. He shook his head at you, upset you could even think those words about yourself.
“You’re not a hassle. I want you to come with me. I want to spend the night with you. Also, I’m forced to go, so taking you with me would make the night enjoyable.” Coriolanus’ hand was warming from yours. He wanted to flip his hand over and hold onto your other one but he was trapped. You finally nodded.
“I’ll go.” You whispered. Coriolanus let you continue your speech on clay types, returning to his food.
The rest of the week flew by and before you knew it, you were getting ready with Mavvy next to you. You took a bath and there she was, clipping her nails while sitting on the bathroom sink. Mavvy helped you dress, smiling at you when she finished. You hated to have favorites when it came to people but you liked Mavvy much more than any of the maids or butlers. Mavvy walked with you as you made it downstairs. Mavvy lead you to the Library. Coriolanus heard your footsteps and stood from the chair he was sitting in. He paused when he looked you up and down. He smiled and nodded at you, holding his arm out for you. Coriolanus muttered compliments as you walked into the venue.
It was stunning, the decorations made you want to inspect them and dissect them to find out what they were made of. You held onto Coriolanus’ arm and tuned out his words. He pulled you towards a wall but you didn’t watch where you were going, staring at what looked like fake dragonflies and butterflies dance around in the air.
There was soft music playing from the wall across from the entrance. There was an orchestra whispering out tunes towards the chattering crowd. It wasn’t packed but there were definitely plenty of people. Against the wall Coriolanus was dragging you towards was food and drinks, plenty of glittering small foods and dishes.
Around the floor were round tables that could sit eight at maximum. Towards the orchestra was an empty space of floor that had a few people casually dancing on. You decided you and Coriolanus would be dancing at some point tonight. On the opposing wall from the food, was another row of long tables, though you couldn’t make out what was on those. Coriolanus’ fingers brushed against your cheek, dragging your chin back towards him. You understood and focused on where you were heading instead of the room.
Coriolanus walked towards a group of maybe six people. They all greeted him warmly. He introduced you, you gave them a short smile and nod. He listed off their names and you committed none of them to memory but pretended you did.
Coriolanus wandered around the room, greeting plenty of people and talking plenty of business with them. You got bored quickly, slipping away from his side with a kiss on his cheek. You headed straight for the table with beverages, at least you’d have something to hold onto. You wandered around the table, holding your hand up to cover the card that had the name of the food on it, guessing and revealing the answer to yourself. You had gotten 7 right out of the 10 you tried but it was more entertaining than listening to Coriolanus yammer about business.
A man came and stood next to you, picking up a Meat Stick Thingamabobber, as you had named them. You moved on to the next item, guessing Brie and learning it was actually some other fancy cheese you didn’t know how to pronounce. The man moved with you, scooting over one. You moved over two, staring down at the Rosemary Crackers you had no interest in eating. The man finally greeted you, still following after you and scooting down the table.
“Vinal. Richardson.” He stuck his hand out towards you, a crystal plate stacked with Meat Stick Thingamabobbers in the other. You could not want to shake someone’s hand less. You still shook it though, giving him a quick smile. You gave him your first name, looking back at the stupid Rosemary Crackers.
“Do you work here? I’ve never seen you in the Office?” He asked. When he said here you assumed he meant do you work in Coriolanus’ office. You shook your head.
“Oh no, I’m a plus one. I very much could not work in the Office.” You chuckled, thinking of the way you felt incomplete without looking or making art at some point during the day. Like just today you walked into your sunroom, realized how much work it would be to paint, and left. How could you live without that joy in your life? Vinal chuckled like he was inside on the joke. Which he was not. You glanced over his shoulder, trying to spot Coriolanus without looking like you were looking.
“Guess not. You’re too pretty to sit in the office all day.” Vinal said. You moved towards the end of the table, picking up a drink. You already tried one and they were quite enjoyable. They had a fruity taste to them and even though they weren’t alcoholic they made you less nervous. You had a reason to be quiet while you were sipping.
“Well I don’t know, I know at least one very pretty person who works in an office.” You countered, thinking of Coriolanus getting dressed in the morning. He didn’t know it but the sun always peaked out from the curtains and caught in his hair while he buttoned his shirt. He might think you liked to watch him dress for more lewd reasons. Though maybe he wasn’t completely wrong, you liked watching his gears turn. Watching him get ready for the day always felt so domestic you might even think your wedding was sparked by love. You knew he thought of all the words you told him in the morning so you planned them out as he pulled his outfit together piece by piece. As you looked up from your drink, the smile on Vinal’s face set you on edge.
“Aren’t you a little tease? Well, where do you work then?” You furrowed your eyebrows at Vinal. What did that have to do with being a tease? You weren’t sure how you should answer his question. You didn’t really work.
“I make art. Mostly I stay at home.” You gave Vinal a half-shrug. He oooed.
“You make art? What kind? My mother is actually a painter. I’m sure she’d love you.” You took a sip from your glass, glancing around the room like you were lulling his question over. You still hadn’t caught Coriolanus. Damn your husband for wearing neutral colors. Why could he not where bright neon orange, at least you’d find him when you needed him.
“I do all sorts of things.” You finally answered. Vinal nodded.
“I’m sure you do. Where’s your friend? You’re a plus one right, I wanna meet your friends.” Vinal asked, glancing around the room with you. You shrugged.
“I’m not sure actually.” You whispered into your drink. Vinal reached out for your face, turning your head to face his again.
“Or we could just get out of here…go somewhere quiet?” Your skin crawled and you realized just how extremely happy you were married off to Coriolanus instead of some freak like Vinal. You sucked in a harsh breath, that he probably considered a good sign. You looked away from him, begging for Coriolanus to appear.
He must’ve heard your thoughts because he took a step back from the group he was talking to, smiling and taking a step forward again to join the conversation again. You shoved your drink into Vinal’s hands and stepped away from him. You moved as quickly as you could from him, hoping he didn’t follow. You glanced over your shoulder, glad to see he stayed in his spot. You swerved around the people moving about the tables.
You felt your anxieties slightly ease when Coriolanus was close enough you could hear his voice. You dipped into Coriolanus’ group, joining him at his side. You pressed your hand into the small of his back.
Coriolanus kept his eyes on the coworker he was speaking to, nodding with whatever they were saying. He still showed you he recognized your existence, pulling his arm around you and tucking you into his side.
You glanced over at Vinal to find him still standing at the table with your plate in his hands and staring at you upset. You reached up to tuck a stray hair behind Coriolauns’ ear. You pressed your knuckle against his cheek for a second longer than you normally would. You were silently telling him you needed his attention. Coriolanus’ brows pinched but he still stared at the person talking. When his coworker finished talking and a new coworker started he turned to face you.
“Do you know a Vinal Richardson?” You whispered. Coriolanus gave you a confused look.
“Yes, he’s a vile little worm, why?” He answered, keeping his tone low. You held onto Coriolanus’ back tighter.
“I think he just tried to get me to go sleep with him. And meet his mother. I think I accidentally flirted with him, but I really didn’t mean to it just came out wrong. I was talking about something else but he must’ve taken it to mean I was talking about him. Now he’s all upset because I ditched him and every time I look over my shoulder he’s staring-“ Coriolanus tugged you forward into a hug, using it to comfort you and look over your shoulder. There he was, Vile Vinal. Pouting away and glaring at Coriolanus. Coriolanus pulled you back and knocked his nose with yours. He gently kissed the corner of your mouth and rubbed your back.
“Don’t worry about him. How is your body feeling?” Coriolanus asked. You pressed your nose against Coriolanus’ collar, breathing in the scent you started to associate with your home.
“I need to rest soon. I feel hot.” You whispered into his clothes. Coriolanus pressed a kiss to your forehead. He gave his coworkers a goodbye and a promise of later returning. He gently pulled you away from your hug and held onto your elbow.
He moved you towards a nearby table and pulled out a chair for you. You slumped into it, fanning your face with your hands. Coriolanus picked up a piece of very thick paper that held the details of the reason and funding for the gala. Special thanks and all that. He fanned you with it. It helped greatly, the soft breeze cooling the burning under your skin. His hand slipped over your shoulder, rubbing the tension from it as he fanned you. You hummed and leaned your cheek against his forearm. You heard the chair next to you drag across the floor. You didn’t worry about it, focusing on Coriolanus fanning you. The voice you assumed from an older woman asked Coriolanus if you were alright.
“Just fine, Ma’am. A little hot, that's all.” Coriolanus answered, you could hear his smile. His hand traveled up your shoulder and neck. He gently tilted your head back against his abdomen, fanning your neck and chest. The old woman started rattling off about how much she loved watching newlywed couples interact, it reminded her of her last husband. You peeked an eye open at that, tilting your head to the side, much to Coriolanus’ disapproval, making eye contact with the old lady.
“Are we still considered newlyweds if it’s been months?” You asked. Coriolanus kept fanning you. His other hand resting on your cheek and rubbing his thumb in soothing circles. The old woman raised an eyebrow.
“I suppose not, keeping the love young then. You two still have the Glow.” You quirked an eyebrow, confusion lacing your face. Coriolanus trailed his fingers up to your brow line, massaging away the wrinkle. You closed your eyes, not caring again, and leaned your head back against him.
“You just have the look of young and new love. Must be the honeymooning, that always keeps the stress and anxiety of marriage sedated.” The old woman muttered. You furrowed your brows again, turning your head away from the woman in disgust. Coriolanus rested his hand on the side of your neck, reminding you he was still right there with you. Like you could forget that amazing makeshift fan of his, oh is that a cooler brush of air than last time?
“Trust me, Ma’am. The love of ours is something much more pure. Honeymooning can only get you so far. Care and trust is what takes you to the finish line.” Coriolanus defended. Was it even really defending? You supposed so, this old woman just said you two only worked because you fucked. Which was falsities at best. You reached up and held onto Coriolanus’ wrist. He kept the fan going with his other hand. He twisted his hand in a strange way to release your grip and intertwine your finger instead. The woman smacked her lips.
“Well, I suppose that’s true. You don’t hear that often from young birds like you two. All the yougins think about honeymoons.” She said. You sat up straighter, feeling like you could handle another hour or two before you needed to go. Coriolanus ignores the woman, putting his focus on you again.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, slowing his fanning. You clenched your teeth. You could lie and say you were fine but that’s exactly how you ended up stuck in the bathtub.
“I could probably power through another hour or two.” You answered. Coriolanus dropped the paper onto the table.
“That’s not what I asked, How are you feeling?” Coriolanus repeated. You felt too tired to be scolded.
“Tired and my legs hurt. I know you have more to do though so I can wait here and we can stay for longer.” You said, trying to cover up how badly you just wanted to go home and go to sleep. Coriolanus clicked his tongue. The old woman nodded in understanding.
“Ready to skip town and get back that honeymoon bed?” She asked. She must’ve felt like a genius detective coming up with that one.
“Chronic pain.” You answered, tired of her blabbering in your ear.
“No,” Coriolanus said in sync with your words. He sent a look over toward the old woman, if you didn’t know him you’d think it was just a confused look. You did know him and you knew he was beyond annoyed with her.
“I think I’m actually feeling exhausted, all that classical music tuckered me out. What do you think, Darling?” Coriolanus asked. You stood from your chair, leaning into Coriolanus.
“I think, we ought to get you home. You must be running a fever, sweetheart.” You pressed the back of your hand to his forehead and yanked it back. You shook it out sucking in a breath. ”Oh you’re burning up, we must take you home immediately.” Coriolanus smiled at you joining in on the ruse, sticking his arm out for you to hold onto.
Your driver made quick work of getting you two home. In the car, you leaned against Coriolanus and felt your heart soar when he wrapped both his arms around you.
In no time Coriolanus was pulling you through the bedroom door. Mavvy followed both of you inside, trying to help you out of your clothes. She had placed your shoes back on the rack, moving back to you. By the time Mavvy had finally started the process of getting your first piece of clothing off, Coriolanus was taking over her responsibilities. He was already half undressed, his pajama pants on and his matching shirt waiting on the edge of the bed. Mavvy seemed hesitant letting him take the reins. When you smiled at her and rubbed her hand soothingly, she left the room.
Coriolanus was much slower than Mavvy. Mavvy was destination-focused. She was just trying to get you into your pajamas as fast as possible. She wanted you in bed and her shift over as quickly as possible. You tried to tell her she could go to bed already and you could undress yourself, you were an adult after all. Yet she waved your hands off and continued.
Coriolanus was path-based, moving his hands terribly slowly. He took plenty of time just pulling your clothes down to the floor. His fingertips dragged across your skin, making you shiver. He rested his hands on your hips as he moved behind you to work the rest of your clothes off of you.
You waited for his hands to move, but they were frozen on your hips. They ran up your back, making you stand straighter, before dipping over your shoulders. He ran them down your arms and stopped at your hands. He fiddled with your fingers, running his fingers against your fingertips. He moved his hands around to the back of yours. He felt the way your knuckles flexed with your finger twitched, felt the underside of your wrists, and felt the wish of your hands always being on him get caught behind his teeth. You tilted your head to the side, trying to meet his eyes. Coriolanus turned his body slightly so you could see him staring into your soul eyes.
“I think I like this better when you do it than Mavvy.” You whispered. You wanted to mention the differences in pacing, how his fingers made your skin burn, how much you wanted him to just spend the next hour running his hands over your body. Coriolanus’ face stayed neutral. It scared you slightly, maybe you spoke out of turn. Maybe you should’ve stayed silent entirely. His eyebrows twitched up and the smallest, tiniest, most minuscule grin pulled at his lips.
“Why thank you, I like this more too.” He thought of all that was running through his mind. Romance was something you two hadn't even tried to approach, it was all about reaching friendship so you could withstand each other.
Npow the electrics that ran through your fingers when you touched his skin, the way your eyes pulled him closer, and just the way you two moved with each other physically and mentally, he could feel something stirring. It was so easy for you to catch what he was thinking without even a word, you both could communicate with nothing but a touch, and oh man the way your compliments sent waves across his body.
He could hear the storm approaching. The relationship was about to take a massive hit and change for better or for worse. Whether he liked it or not, the friendship you two had just built was about to come raining down on the both of you. Coriolanus hoped it would be used to blossom a gorgeous flower that would allow him to kiss you with a thousand unspoken words. There was always the chance that it could start a flood and you two would be whisked away from each other and end up on opposite sides of the bed again.
As you stared at him, he was certain you could read minds because you spoke again. You nudged him towards the storm and he was almost entirely certain you knew what you were doing.
“You know, I wanted to dance with you tonight. Too much happened before we could do that though.” You said, facing the front again. Coriolanus would’ve stayed silent but a crack of metaphorical thunder pushed the words out of his mouth before he could stop them.
“I planned on asking you for a dance before we left as well. Great minds, I suppose.” Coriolanus ran his hands down your arms again, intertwining your fingers. You leaned back against him and pulled his arms to cross over your body.
“Wish we brought our dancing shoes home, then.” You muttered. You tilted your head at a strange angle to catch a glimpse of him, hoping he caught on to what you were hinting at. Coriolanus smiled and dipped his nose to your temple. No, he caught it. He tightened his arms around you.
“Think you could manage just one dance?” He whispered, pressing his lips to your cheekbone. You nodded. You turned around in his hold, pressing your chest to his. You slipped your arms around his waist, knocking your nose with his for a second.
“As long as it’s slow and gentle. Think you can handle that, Mr. Snow?” You said, a smile still pulling at your lips. Coriolanus pulled one of your hands from his back, intertwining your fingers. He held up your hand, slippingll into the dancing position. He rested his other hand on your back, just as yours was on his. He started to slowly sway with you, tipping you around the carpeted floor of your shared bedroom. He leaned towards your ear.
“Coryo. Please, darling.” Coriolanus whispered.
”How many more times are you going to change your name?” You joked, enjoying the swaying pace he started. Coriolanus shook his head. He gave you a light shrug and continued your dancing. You were terribly happy he had already made it halfway into his pajama set. His fancy shoes definitely would’ve hurt if there was a misstep. It was just the two of you, half-naked, socked feet moving in sync, and absolutely no music. Probably would’ve been better if he started some tunes but you didn’t seem to care at all, grinning up at him.
You tried to imagine how this dance would’ve been if you actually did dance at the gala. Coriolanus would’ve been uptight. He moved differently with his coworkers than he did with you. His back was straighter, his smile was tighter, and every word was calculated. You imagined how he would’ve danced with you in the way he was taught to as a child. Not like he was now.
You liked this much more. It was just a simple way that rocked you back and forth. Coriolanus was relaxed, pressing his skin against yours. He was humming in your ear like he could hear music you couldn’t. His hand was gentle rubbing your back, keeping you close to him. You enjoyed this much more than the dance that could’ve been at the gala.
Coriolanus’ hand slipped down from the small of your back to the top hem of your underwear. You cocked your head to the side, asking him what he thinks he’s doing with your look. Coriolanus peeled his eyes away from the space over your shoulder he was staring at to meet your eyes. As you two slowed your moves in your swaying circle with connected eyes, his fingertips under the band of your underwear. It wasn’t traveling just dipping in to test you, your feelings, to test it all.
Coriolanus raised an eyebrow at you, asking you what you thought about his move. Your hand on his back shifted to his chest, trailing up to his neck. He tilted his chin up as you ran your fingers over the side of his throat. He pressed his fingertips into your skin, begging you for more.
You held onto the back of his head. You pulled his face closer to yours, knocking your noses together. Coriolanus slowed your sway, pulling you into a standpoint. He brought your intertwined hands to his shoulder, dropping your palm onto it. His now free hand found your cheek. He glanced between your eyes and lips. A question was laced in his flickering gaze, were you ready to step into the rain with him?
A small grin reached your lips. That was all the answer he needed, leaning closer to you. He was taking his sweet time inching his lips closer and closer to yours. All of his tailing fingertips the past few weeks made you impatient. You lurched forward and pressed your lips against his.
After getting married, all you could think about was how intimidating your husband was. How were you supposed to grow closer to him if you couldn’t even look him in the eye? He just set you on edge so you tried to avoid interacting with him. You wrote to him instead of speaking because it was easier. All you could think about in those first months was staying away from Coriolanus.
Now all you could think about was how to get closer. He moved his lips against yours in perfect harmony with your movements. Coriolanus left a buzzing against your skin. Even with his mouth on yours and hands pressing into your flesh you couldn’t think of anything but more more more more and more. You pulled back enough to suck in a breath, your lungs straining under your ribs. Coriolanus dipped his mouth down, kissing under your chin. You breathed hard, your skin pressing into Coriolanus’.
You pulled his mouth away from your neck by the back of his head. You pressed your lips against him before he could complain. Coriolanus must’ve felt the same way you did about him needing to be closer because his hands started to dig into your back again. Coriolanus’ fingers rested on the edge of your underwear and slipped further inside, pressing his palm against your ass. He tugged you closer to him, pressing your body fully against his. He hummed into your lips like he was finally happy with your proximity.
As much as you wanted to kiss him until you both decayed into swaying skeletons, your lungs needed substance and your knees were hurting again. You slowly pulled back. Coriolanus was clearly not agreeing with this move, chasing after your lips by pressing his lips back to yours in brief kisses and trying to draw you back in. You tapped his shoulder, telling him to pull away. He pulled back, finally giving you time to breathe.
That night he rubbed the cream into the joints of your legs and kissed you again before slipping into the covers. You two had never slept so close in that bed. Your legs were tangled. He was holding onto you like you were his lifeline. You were actually incredibly glad you married Coriolanus. Coriolanus added a new flower on top of your dresser in the morning. He couldn’t be more thankful for the very not real and incredibly metaphorical thunderstorm that pushed the two of you together.
#the thunderstorm was metaphorical btw if you couldn't tell#coriolanus fanfiction#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus snow#coriolanus x reader#tbosas#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#tbosas fandom#tbosas fanfiction
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tom riddle x reader where he is going to need a lot of work
It was a rare night off, the corridors of Hogwarts quiet as students retired to their common rooms, yet you and Tom Riddle found yourselves slipping out to the Astronomy Tower. He’d been in the library since lunch, flipping through ancient volumes, and you figured he could use a break. He begrudgingly agreed after you challenged his sense of adventure, muttering something about foolish whims but unable to turn down the gleam in your eyes.
The two of you stood close on the stone balcony, gazing at the stars scattered like fine dust across the velvet sky. A cool breeze stirred the air, the soft hush of it contrasting with the silence between you.
"When you look at the stars, what do you see?" you asked, watching his face from the corner of your eye. A flicker of something amused softened his expression, the faintest of smiles tugging at the corner of his lips.
"Blazing balls of gas,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Why?”
You rolled your eyes, nudging his shoulder with yours. “Tom, it’s supposed to be romantic. Inspiring. Don’t you see anything else up there?”
He tilted his head, feigning curiosity. “What am I meant to see, then?”
“I don’t know,” you teased. “Maybe… galaxies stretching endlessly, a reminder of how small we are in the grand scheme of things. Or… constellations formed by gods who loved each other, stories woven into the sky.”
He raised an eyebrow, a glint of something unreadable in his dark eyes. “And what does that mean to you?”
“Means there’s something up there bigger than us. A sort of beauty you can’t see just by reading books,” you said softly, looking up again at the sparkling canopy. You wondered if he could see it the same way, or if he was too absorbed in ambition to look beyond what was directly in front of him.
He let out a small, contemplative sigh, and you could almost feel him softening beside you, though he tried to maintain his usual composed demeanor. “That’s a rather poetic view, but hardly practical.”
“Not everything needs to be practical,” you murmured. “Not even for you.”
A brief silence stretched between you, and the only sound was the gentle rustling of the night breeze.
“Look here,” you pointed up, aiming to shift his focus. “That’s Orion, the hunter. And over there, the Pleiades.” You traced the patterns with your finger as he followed with his gaze, his face unusually relaxed as he watched you.
"You know, you’re going to need more work than I thought," you said with a chuckle, leaning closer as if to pass on some secret knowledge.
"Am I?" His eyes flickered to you, an amused smirk playing on his lips.
“Mmhm.” You leaned against the stone railing, facing him now. “You know so much about everything, yet when it comes to seeing things differently…” you trailed off, shaking your head with a playful smile.
"Different isn’t always better," he countered, but the smirk softened, his eyes holding yours with a rare spark of intrigue. “But perhaps… it’s worth entertaining your way of thinking. At least for tonight.”
"Just for tonight, hmm?” you replied, pretending to consider it. “I’ll take it.”
He chuckled—a low, rare sound that surprised you, but you couldn’t help but smile back. “If only to satisfy your foolish whims.”
The two of you returned your gaze to the stars, his shoulder brushing yours. And while Tom Riddle might not yet see beauty in constellations or romance in a night sky, there was something warm and unexpectedly soft in his expression tonight—a glimpse of the boy behind the brilliance.
Perhaps, you thought, looking up at the stars, there was more beauty here than he realized.
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hear me out: severus snape never actually had a redemption arc.
so something i deeply admire about severus snape’s character is how complex he is and how morally grey he is. like I think the only other character who displays grey morality better than snape is dumbledore (much to rowlings despair). this will be important in a second.
i dont believe snape even had a redemption arc because he never redeemed himself for the awful things he did that made him so disliked. Yes we find out his motives, that hes a double agent and is one of the most brilliant characters in the series for fooling voldemort. I applaud his intellect and complexity. But thats not redemption.
Severus Snape never changes as a person or a character. Because you know what he never does? Apologize. Take accountability. He just.. dies.
When Rowling introduced Severus’s character, he was already a double agent. When we find this out, it was a huuuge plot twist. “Aaa it explains so much , he’s in love with Lily he did it for Lily, hes such a hero !!” That’s all she wants you to think . Because if Severus’s character was always good, if he was always as well-meaning as was possible for his character.. then he never changed, and he never had a moment in the books where he self-reflected and grew as a character. Rowling tricked her audience into thinking this big reveal was his redemption but he does not go through an actual redemption arc He DIES with his apologies and laments on his tongue.
This is a man who verbally and emotionally abused children for years, for which there is NEVER justification. He is emotionally immature for a majority of the books, going so far as putting Remus’s life in danger by telling the student body of his condition (that is actively discriminated against). Severus’s meanness and pettiness are arguably his most defining traits and nothing about his “double agent that’s doing this for Lily’s son” justifies those behaviors.
All this to say I think Severus Snape is such a great character. He was just another pawn that Dumbledore used for personal gains. But Severus still did some fucked up shit out of his own free will and never really held himself accountable for those things, nor does he owe anyone that. Do i think he deserved a solid redemption arc? Absolutely. Partly what makes his death so tragic is that he didnt get one. And i think rowling promoting his redemption arc does him a great disservice.
EDIT: had post-post clarity and found the words i was looking for. Severus’s grey morality is an integral part of his unique character, and having a “redemption arc” risks narrowly defining him as “only bad before” or “only good after”. And i just think that goes against his character. Especially since he was doing bad and good things the entire time and, again, never actually changed as a character (in the series) cuz that wasn’t the goal of his character.
#severus snape#professor snape#albus dumbledore#harry potter#voldemort#morally grey characters#neville longbottom#death eaters#anti jk rowling#lily evans#marauders#snapes redemption arc#autism#hear me out#please hear me out#hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry
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i want to write an article about how unethical and toxic the black hair styling community is. like i am so tired of stumbling on videos and tik toks of black women crying, ranting, etc over some stylist scamming them or canceling on them (and keeping the deposit), etc. like we should not be going through this by our own people.
#like a lot of hair stylist and braiders nowadays just doing it for the money#they don’t care for the the connections with their clients anymore#i been sticking to the african braiding shop near my house for years now and the experice#is so much better than what i used to be going through by booking with braiders i find on instagram or twitter#i literally text the lady that’s braiding my hair..get a set price…get an appointment time and day#and boom come to the appointment as is!#THEY EVEN FEED ME ALSO IF I’M THERE ALL DAY!
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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i finished five broken blades
#and.....six of crows has yet to be topped#it's funny how every time a pair of unlikely people have to be paired up for a dangerous mission it's alwayssss compared to soc#and the comparison just never holds up#i am so baffled that this is an adult book bc the writing style was incredibly juvenile. very repetitive. a lot of telling not showing#six of crows had better character work By Far. i really felt who each of those characters were. and i felt how they bonded over time#in this book it was like. there's a bubbly quirky girl and the author's attempts at making her so made me cringe#it was very heavy handed#i could see what she wanted each character to be like but the execution was just not it#there was a part halfway through after they all finally met up where something happened and they had to work together to save someone#and in each character's pov it was just like 'they'd killed and lied for each other' 'they were family beyond blood'#and i was like ??? that's it???? idk i never felt them growing closer to each other. it's like the author relied more on telling us rather#than showing it#and then the romance..... don't get me started on the romance it was so poorly done almost like insta-love???#there was just no time for the feelings to develop it happened so quickly#i wasn't impressed at all#and like. i guess my main problem is too much showing not enough telling#'i can't trust her' 'i can't trust him' 'no one around me can be trusted'#it was so repetitive like okay i get it!!! but i wanted to Feel it. i wanted to feel the messiness and ugliness of this distrust#'we killed and bled for one another'👍🆗#when they all met with each other halfway through i got excited like yessss it's going to be ugly and nasty now i need them to be Messy#esp since this is an adult book i was really looking forward to new levels of debauchery but it was So tame and vanilla????#sure they killed people but nothing was even remotely close to the level of when kaz plucked out that guy's eyeball :(#that was vicious. we all still remember that. i expected that in this book but no....#can't believe six of crows is ya and it's superior to this supposedly adult book#let me list the good things though. it ws a super fast read at 500 pages#and i had no problem distinguishing the 6 povs from each other#and the climax was thrilling my heart pounded all throughout
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。*★.°*:.☆Don't Put Ship Hate In The Ship Tag☆.:*°.★* 。
#mj talks#*whiteknuckling my hands* i am usually better than this but. please.#why is jasico so controversial??? like for real????#starting to get to the point where i see Adult Women Shouldn't Be In Fandom takes and realize they mean Me#?????????? no interests???????#i track the tag for silly headcanons and art#i once wrote a fic about jason getting so flustered he couldn't control his whole Flying thing because. get this.#nico just held his hand. depraved.#anyway the post i saw that made me mad asked why all jasico shippers were adults and side eyed us for that#but then seemed annoyed at the answers and their tags blatantly said dont follow me i dont like you#i wanted to answer because i had an answer! i have an answer and that answer is#most jasico shippers are adults because we were a lot closer to the target age range when house of hades came out#and house of hades was The Jasico Book#the year gap between when HoH and BoO was when jasico was at its peak and there was SO MUCH creativity going on#we looked at those characters and read the signs and saw they would be good together! they would complement each other!#recognition of self through the other is what it's all about!#and then nico got a canon boyfriend and most people jumped ship overnight lol#the people left who still ship jasico are here bc we genuinely like Them together and we think about their characters#this is not the roving white boys fandom. there is a different ship for those people.#also we may be older bc ive noticed that a lot of younger fans dont interact w their fandoms in the same way#like. fighting for ships to be canon and getting into vicious online debate about it#and thinking that a ship is a joke/worth nothing if it wasnt canon#*old man on a porch voice* back in my day you shipped characters on your own time and you didn't give a shit about canon#like. does kirk/spock mean nothing to you. how many of the top ao3 pairings are actually canon#talking more specific here but i met a person who liked a lot of the same things i did but when i got into like critique of the piece#or thinking about how i would have told it different or just like brainstorming fun 'what if' scenarioes#she was like. 'oh i like this because its canon. ive never thought about that before'#she was not that much younger than me!!! and she engaged in Zero critical thought or fun nonsense!#THAT'S WHAT FANDOM IS! CRITICAL THOUGHT AND FUN NONSENSE!#huh maybe i was actually annoyed at her the whole time and needed to get it off my chest
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I love this person
“Occasionally I’ll have a beer after work and break out the sketchbook. But I had wanted to be this great painter. I wanted to do these grand things: big, huge oil paintings. But those days of painting all the time were such a roller coaster. There were these periods of extreme depression, followed by manic states of trying to put myself out there. I couldn’t do it anymore. I mainly felt sorry for my dad. I know it was rough for him. My mom hadn’t wanted me to go to art school. She wanted me to do something more practical, but my dad said: ‘No. This is what he wants to do, and I want to support his dream.’ And then I abandoned it. That was the first time I had to deal with real failure. A lot of times when you’re an artist, it’s your job, it’s your lifestyle, it’s your entire fucking identity. It wasn’t like I failed to do a thing. It was like: I failed to be something, you know? It was a failure to live up to what I thought was my destiny. But then on the other side of that, there was this figuring out that there was nothing wrong with me the entire time. I didn’t need to be something else to have meaningful friendships, or a good relationship. I didn’t need to be something else to be loved and cared about. After work tonight I’m going to meet up with a person who’s in love with me, and I can’t wait. And that person met me long after I gave up on being a full-time artist. They met me when I wasn’t even a chef yet. I was a piss-poor, part-time line cook. But even then, they decided I was worth it. So you know, there’s something there. There’s something there that’s enough.”
#I didn't go through what they did#but I've been questioning it lately#you know#this whole idea of having to be this one thing (career-wise) just because you love it and are good at it#versus just doing it as you can#like yes I might publish a book one day#but will I ever become a capital-W writer? will I ever make my entire income off it?#probably not#and putting all this pressure on it is getting in the way of me#actually writing#the thing you need to be a writer#it's just hard to accept my disabilities might make this career path impossible#I just want to be able to be open enough to maybe find a path that is completely different from what I once thought was my whole purpose#it's weird because the more chill I am about trying out stuff the more I find opportunities and cool stuff presenting themselves to me#it's just hard getting to that mindset as much as I want to#and I spent so long rejecting human connection and help and the idea that community is why I'm alive and that that matters by itself#that my impact and the joy I bring to other people and the world around me matters more than capitalism#and this idea of “being someone”#my writing can bring something good to other people and to myself and make them happy#yes#but that should be the goal#not the idea of excellency for excellency's sake#if I want to get better and communicate better and use words better then that's because that can help me with telling my stories#and reaching people with them#not because I want to be a master of my craft or whatever#that'll never happen#but even if it did it'd be a result of my passion and care#not the thing I was immediately working towards#personal
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dunmeshi mithruncore (every day I can’t get up to make myself eat at all or get up to use the bathroom or fall asleep or actually do more to help myself unless im told to or someone physically Makes me do it or I finally manage to do so for the first time very very late in the day cuz I forced myself to out of fear)
#im in hell#that thing he said about not being able to sleep without magic or meds is so real#my sleep treatments even stopped working gradually#and if I don’t take any at all im laying awake until fuckinf 7 am#it takes me like an hour of holding it in to use the fuckinf bathroom#and the thing that makes me move is being terrified of kidney failure#it’s 6 pm and I still haven’t eaten my first meal of the day. tried ripping into a protein bar I had saved for moments like this but I can’t#make myself take more than 2 bites#the amount of times these past few years I’ve practically passed out from hunger cuz I just. cannot make myself get up to eat or make myself#something. omfgggggggff#I literally am a magic practitioner and have helped myself with spell work many times in the past yet I just can’t. make myself utilize it#more. yet I have all these books and supplies to use. and I’ve studied for hours and hours and know what to do#and it’s crazy cuz when im high off the sleep treatment THEN I actually do things but I don’t wanna use that more cuz im afraid of getting#addicted uhm. yeah idk what to even do anymore#my bf helps tremendously with leading me to do things but I don’t wanna take advantage of him too much and he’s long distance#but jesus fuck im literally on adderall now but its my emotional problems that keep it from working#it’s like wtf happened#I can’t fucking do anything unless someone’s there to guide me through it or keep me engaged as I work or they push me to in some way#and it’s like wow. cuz I want independence more than anything#it’s crazy cuz I related with his old self to the T especially with the desires and competitivity problems and trying to gain things he#doesn’t even actually want just for leverage and a sense of worth and the ‘if im not on the top on everything i dont have actual worth’thing#and other stuff I can’t remember off the top of my head. and I actually had friends and was more talkative#but now it’s like#🪿#yk what I mean#there’s a shitload of other things I relate too hard with but I can’t remember rn or I won’t mention cuz too much to go into#my bf said if he were around irl he’d cook for me and help with stuff when I go thru being like this nonstop which hey nice cuz obv id help#him with anything too#I mean there’s days where im better and can Do Things but it never lasts long and it sucks I can’t ever trust myself having a job or#I had all these things I wanted to do but I just feel nothing toward it and it drives me insane like can this maybe Not happen so often
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Ain’t as Good as I Once Was
warnings: old man!logan x AFAB!reader, riding, bratting, dom/sub dynamics, daddy kink, age gap, punishment, degradation, 18+ minors dni, divider from @strangergraphics
“C’mon, girlie, if you want it, you’re gonna have to take it yourself,” Logan’s gruff voice says from below you.
You’re sitting on his lap, trying desperately to fuck yourself on his cock as he sigs back and watches you. Despite your begging, Logan refuses to do the work for you.
“I’m too old for this shit. If you’re that fuckin’ horny, you can take care of it yourself,” he told you smugly.
You sank down on his cock and have been trying to bounce on it, but the strain on your thighs is too much to reach a satisfying pace.
“Please, Daddy, can’t you just fuck me?” you whine pathetically. Logan smirks a bit and chuckles through his nose.
“I ain’t as good as I once was, dollface. I doubt my old bones can fuck you the way you want me to,” he says, not seeming apologetic in the slightest.
You know he’s full of shit. He may be old and gray, but his healing factor keeps him in peak condition. He’d be able to fuck you just fine, he’s just a crotchety old man who wants to see you suffer for his entertainment.
He places a large hand on your hip and starts gently guiding you, urging you to rock back and forth. You follow his movements and while it’s better than what you were attempting, it’s still not what you want.
“You’re a spoiled fuckin’ princess, that’s the problem. So used to Daddy takin’ care of ya, you forgot how to ride, is that it?” Shamelessly you bite your lip and nod.
You wouldn’t call yourself spoiled. Well cared for is a better term. Logan never lets his girl go to bed unsatisfied, and now he’s suffering from the consequences of his actions.
“C’mon, flip me over and fuck me,” you say.
Logan raises an eyebrow at you.
“Who do you think you are, givin’ orders? If I want you to ride my cock, then that’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna fuck that pretty pussy with it until she’s had her fill.”
Logan lets go of your hip but you keep up with the same pace he set. With his hand now freed, he reaches over to the nightstand to grab his cigar and lighter. He lights up and smokes it as if he were at the bar, not in bed, deep inside his girl.
He looks up at you, bored, as smoke pours out of his mouth. You’ve been riding the edge of just enough for the past fifteen minutes and you’re getting increasingly frustrated with Logan’s lack of help. You briefly consider being more of a brat in hopes of egging him on enough to punish you with a hard fuck, but with the kind of mood he’s in, it’s likely that the punishment would be stopping entirely.
You let your head hang down as you brace yourself with your hands on his chest. The solid muscle covered in gray hair is hot, unnaturally so, under your touch and you desperately want to feel that heat on your back while he fucks you from behind.
“Daddy,” you plead quietly.
“What’s the matter, dollface?” he asks, playing dumb like the tease he is.
“I can’t do it.”
Logan smirks around his cigar like you just said the magic words he’s been waiting to hear this whole time.
“What’re you saying?”
You pout down at him. “I can’t make myself cum. I need you to do it for me”
Logan, surprisingly, grins at you. “Bet you regret calling me an old man now, huh?”
You furrow your brows in confusion, but you quickly realize what he’s talking about. Before this all started, you pounced on his lap and asked him to fuck you. He told you he was busy reading his book, and in your usual bratty fashion, you replied, “What, you can’t get it up, old man?”
“I didn’t mean it, Daddy,” you whine. “I swear, I was just teasing you.”
Logan hums but makes no effort to move. “Guess you better start behaving if you want something from me.”
“I promise I’ll be good. I won’t talk back anymore,” you attempt to bargain.
You both know that’s about as empty of a promise as you could give, but Logan doesn’t seem to care. He prefers when you’re trouble anyway; it’s the game you play. He’s the grumpy and mean and you’re the spoiled, demanding princess.
Logan stubs his cigar out in the ashtray on the nightstand and places both hands on your hips. He lifts you off of him with ease, something that never fails to amaze you, and sets you on the bed next to him.
He moves so he’s kneeling between your legs and holding them up around his waist, his cock lined up at your entrance.
“Spoiled fuckin’ rotten, you are,” he mutters as he pushes inside.
Logan always makes sure his girl goes to bed satisfied, no matter how much of a brat she is.
#logan howlett x you#logan howlett fanfiction#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett smut#logan howlett#logan x reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine fanfiction#wolverine smut#wolverine fanfic#wolverine#x men#x men fanfiction#x men smut#old man!logan
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like, okay, to walk my own talk and do a little fact-checking—here’s a review of hari’s book stolen focus by uk psychologist and academic stuart ritchie, with whom i strongly suspect i've got some political bones to pick, published on unherd, a platform with which i know i’ve got some political bones to pick (tl;dr transphobia ahoy!), but ritchie’s approach and analysis here seem pretty reasonable:
[T]he phenomenon Hari addresses — the feeling that, with so many distractions around in the modern, online-centric world, it’s harder than ever to focus — is one many of us experience. Hari says that he and almost everyone around him feels this way, and describes a several-months-long “digital detox”, where he went to live in a small town on Cape Cod with no smartphone and no internet.
But that’s all anecdotal: does Hari actually present any evidence that shortening attention spans is a society-wide problem? […] It’s not until more than halfway through the book, page 176, that Hari drops what should be a bombshell: “We don’t have any long-term studies tracking changes in people’s ability to focus over time.” In other words, he quietly admits that there isn’t really any strong scientific evidence for the main thesis of the book.
more specifics are under the cut, for anyone who doesn’t feel like giving unherd more traffic (i’m right there with you!), but i do want to highlight the conclusion of the article, which is cutting but seems essentially correct to me:
[T]his is a writer who’s shown himself again and again to be either untrustworthy, unoriginal, or uninformed. If he’s right to say that our moments of focus are becoming ever-more precious, isn’t it time we started paying attention to someone — anyone — else?
and the further pullquotes i promised above:
Most of the book is dedicated to the causes of our collective attentional problems. The first is, unoriginally, social media. Isn’t it very revealing, Hari writes, that there’s no button on Facebook that you can press to help you meet up with your friends in person? Facebook won’t, he says, “alert you to the physical proximity of somebody you might want to see in the real world”. Hari explains that the whole business model of social media precludes the encouragement of joys like looking your friends in the eye or giving them a hug, and instead is based on keeping you fixated on your screen, scrolling endlessly, never leaving the house.
Except Facebook does have exactly the feature that Hari claims doesn’t (and couldn’t) exist. It’s called “Nearby Friends”. It gives you a little map of where your friends are physically at that moment (if they have opted in). It’s been available since 2014. A two-second Google search would have enlightened Hari. Maybe he wrote that part of the book while he was in internet-free isolation.
[…]
[M]any of the other causes Hari identifies are rehashings of previous pop-science and pop-psychology books: we aren’t sleeping enough (Why We Sleep); kids don’t play outdoors any more (Free Range Kids and The Coddling of the American Mind); we don’t eat the right foods (a million diet books). Of course, it’s not a crime to write a book that doesn’t provide any new information. But Hari’s irritating, breathless style turns every single fact he “discovers” into a startling revelation, every single expert he speaks to into the absolute best in the world. Hari’s research — a series of interviews for a pop-psychology book — becomes an intense, globetrotting journey of personal discovery. His mind is so often blown that it’s little wonder it has such difficulty in paying attention.
It’s not just that Hari thinks he’s discovered earth-shaking new information. (As Dean Burnett wrote of Lost Connections, Hari “repeatedly presents well-known concepts and ideas … as fringe concepts that he’s discovered through his own efforts”.) He also thinks he’s a hard-nosed scientific truth-seeker. At the start of the book, he solemnly assures us that: “I studied social and political sciences at Cambridge University, where I got a rigorous training in how to read the studies these scientists publish [and] how to assess the evidence they put forward”.
What makes this risible isn’t just that he’s touting his undergraduate degree as if it makes him an expert (a fairly substantial proportion of the population also have one). It’s that Stolen Focus exhibits no talent for assessing evidence. A few times there’s a small concession to a flaw in a study, or to the fact that scientists disagree on a point — but Hari fails to add any of the necessary uncertainty to his argument. After a cursory mention of the “other side,” he usually just blunders on regardless, assuming his argument is right.
ALT
Your attention didn’t collapse. It was stolen by Johann Hari
#johann hari#stuart ritchie#attention span#anyway as i said before i get that we all FEEL more distractible#and i'm inclined to think that's true to some extent—certainly the more i read short-form tumblr posts#instead of longer-form articles or books#the less practice i'm getting at engaging with longer-form narratives#in much the same way that a great deal of close reading has made my eyes physically worse at focusing farther away#but like—i've always wanted constant stimulus.#when i was growing up i had my nose constantly in a book‚ even when i was walking down the street.#these days i scroll through my phone. it's the same impulse.#if i didn't have internet access i'm quite certain i'd shift back to the patterns i grew up with.#maybe those were better; maybe it's value-neutral.#i'm not convinced the golden age of long attention span was as real as people make out—some of us had adhd before we had internet!#i think people have always sought diversion—it used to be that you'd see people on the subway with their noses in newspapers#and i think that frankly the panic about attention span gets too general#in the sense that like—if something compelling is in front of me‚ i'll engage with it.#i can spend hours talking to a friend on the phone‚ or out riding my bike.#so really i think it's a question of like—in what areas do we find ourselves struggling with attention?#and then what are we doing to address that?#i do think that specifically my desire to engage with new long-form writing is lower than it was when i was a child#but i think that's a product of (a) having other things to read that take less activation energy#and (b) not being in e.g. english classes that are asking me to read non-genre fiction#which was‚ if i'm being honest‚ the impetus for most of my ~literary~ reading growing up#so like. i could join a book club. i could take a book to a coffee shop and leave my phone at home.#there are specific actions i could take to address this specific issue instead of just engaging in generalized overblown despair#but like. that isn't a Sexy Unified Theory. that doesn't sell or go viral.#but like. clearly i continue to be capable of focusing in on things like—the many words i've assembled in this post and its tags!#so i just think like. we need to define the scope of the issue better‚ and once we get specific‚ solutions start to present themselves.#but we have to believe that we're capable. which we're less likely to believe‚ if we're reading books about how Big Tech Fucked Us Up!
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Title: Puppy Love.
Pairing: Yandere!Yuuji x Reader x Yandere!Yuuta
Word Count: 2.6k.
TW: Hybrid AU, Puppy!Yuuta, Puppy!Yuuji, Fem!Reader, Non/Con, Somnophilia, Biting, Oral Sex, Unhealthy Relationships, and Obsessive Behavior.
You heard Yuuji, first.
He’d always been the louder of the pair, not that it was a very steep competition. You hadn’t had him for very long, but—well, it was less that he came out of his shell quickly and more that he’d never had a shell at all. It only taken a day or so for him to get used to the idea of living with you and Yuuta full-time, a week for him to start acting like he’d always been a part of your little family, and another month before he started pawing at your bedroom door at night and whining when you reminded him that you preferred to sleep alone (meaning: without multiple two-hundred pound hybrids draped across you). He was energetic, overly friendly, even if you wouldn’t go so far as to call him disobedient or difficult. You figured having a more, for lack of better phrasing, dog-like hybrid in the house would be good for Yuuta, bring out his more instinctive side. In reality, the added stress of an overly hyper roommate had only worked to make him just a little more anxious than he already was, but you still thought it was good for him. If nothing else, Yuuji gave Yuuta something to focus on that wasn’t you, and Yuuta could use more distractions.
But Yuuji, though—He was what you should’ve been focusing on, at the moment. Through the haze of exhaustion, you could hear the door creaking open, the muffled sound of padded feet on carpeting and the tiny, almost inaudible vocalizations Yuuji never seemed to realize anyone else could hear. Soon enough, you felt the foot of the mattress dip as he clambered onto your bed. Any other night, you would’ve forced yourself to sit up and tell him to leave, would’ve called on the dozens of books and hundreds of blogposts you’d read about hybrid obedience training and found the strength to ‘reinforce boundaries despite personal feelings’, but you were tired beyond the point of discipline, and Yuuji didn’t mean any harm. One night of letting him curl up next to you wouldn’t hurt, even if you did make a mental note to show Yuuta some extra affection in the morning – just to keep the scales balanced. For all their many differences, they were both prone to crying favoritism.
You never stirred, but you settled deeper into place, curling into yourself as Yuuji remained at your feet. You might’ve fallen asleep entirely, if Yuuji hadn’t spoken.
His voice was quiet, low, audibly trepidatious. It reminded you of Yuuta’s nervous, stuttering inclination, although not quite as unsteady. “Are you sure it’s alright to…?”
“I am.” You weren’t sure who you expected to answer, but the sound of Yuuta’s voice almost startled you awake. It was normal for Yuuji to bend the rules. Yuuta was supposed to know better. “She’s asleep, right? Just don’t wake her up.”
Yuuji didn’t respond, but you felt the sheets draped over your shift, a warm hand curl around your calf. For as little reassurance as Yuuta had provided, it seemed to be enough for Yuuji.
It was half curiosity and half fatigue that kept you quiet as Yuuji moved around you. Whatever they might’ve been up to, nothing could’ve seemed worse than having to wake up and sacrifice much-needed sleep for the sake of scolding your (usually angelic) pets. At worst, you’d wait until you could catch them in the act or, better yet, grit your teeth and bare it until they left. Anything not to have to deal with this for another eight hours.
You rolled onto your side, twisting your leg out of Yuuji’s hand and letting out a soft groan as you curled into yourself. It wasn’t a subtle position, let alone an inviting one, but Yuuji only whimpered, only edged closer to you. This time, when he touched you, it was to take up your shoulder – his hold gentle and breathing heavy as he nudged you onto your back. Whatever he was doing, he seemed determined to see it through. It might’ve been more admirable, if you hadn’t been so confused.
You felt your sheets pull away from you next, then another hand on your ankle, Yuuji’s rough claws pressing lightly into your skin as his loose grip flexed. You felt him draw your legs apart, and with the corner of your mouth already quirking downward, you started to open your eyes, to sit up and—
Suddenly, you felt something wet and warm press into your cunt, and you stopped moving entirely.
Whatever lingering exhaustion you might’ve felt was swiftly replaced with cold, pointed terror. This time, you forced yourself to hold still, it wasn’t out of confusion or curiosity, but an abrupt and paralyzing fear.
It wasn’t a feeling Yuuji seemed to share. His tongue was already moving across the length of your slit, his drool already soaking into the silk of your panties. He was making those noises, again; deep and throaty, closer to the sounds a prowling animal would make than anything remotely similar to human speech. Both of his hands found their way to your ass, claws biting into the plush flesh as he buried his face in your pussy. He was just as rough with his mouth – his pointed canines ghosting over the inside of your thighs and catching on the material of your panties, his broad togue laving over your covered entrance as if he could taste you through the fabric. It was only when he bowed his head, when the bridge of his flat nose ground against your clit that you started to wonder if he actually could, but forced yourself not to linger on the idea for very long. Thinking about what he was doing, assigning a motive to his actions – that would only make this worse. Thinking at all would only make this worse.
You bit down on the side of your tongue with as much force as you could afford to use, willing yourself to hold still, to not react – a wounded animal, playing dead as to not attract the attention of a predator. You felt Yuuji’s hands shift, calloused fingertips pressing into your thighs, then—
“Stop.”
Yuuta. Wonderful, miraculous, well-behaved Yuuta. You would’ve sighed, if you weren’t holding yourself so stiff. You could hear him moving closer, too – his footsteps feather-light compared to Yuuji’s. You braced yourself to break up a fight (there’d been a few when Yuuji first came home with you, when you first realized that Yuuta had never learned to share), but rather than barking, growling, any of the sounds that came with two animals trying to tear each other apart, there was only rustling fabric, another shift in gravity as Yuuta positioned himself by your side. “Y-you’re doing it wrong,” he stammered, and something deep inside of you seemed to curl up and die. “You have to take her clothes off first. Otherwise, she won’t feel anything.”
It was almost strange, hearing him take charge. In any other context, you might’ve been proud.
Yuuji whined, but obliged. His nails scraped against your hips as he balled his fist around the fabric and tore, making no effort to spare the delicate fabric. The remaining scraps were discarded with just as little care, and before you could fully wrap your mind around what was happening, he was back to lapping at your cunt. With the only barrier between you gone, it felt less like he was trying to eat you out and more like he was trying to eat you alive – his tongue too thick and too long, his hands too big and too prone to groping at whatever was underneath him, the boundless energy you were so used to finding either infinitely adorable or impossibly exasperating sudden not quite as harmless than you’d always considered it to be.
The next time he found your clit, you couldn’t stifle your reactions – little, half-choked whimpers and moans escaping despite your pursed lips. Your hips twitched, and for the first time, you felt Yuuji draw back willingly. He was such a sweet dog. Even with your eyes clenched shut, you could picture him tilting his head to the side, his ears flopping in the same direction and his big, dark eyes going full puppy-dog. Usually, you’d melt at the sight, give him whatever he was asking for and comfort him the best you could, but you didn’t have much comfort to spare, and Yuuta was already answering on your behalf.
“That means she likes it,” he explained, his voice a little quieter, a little more airy than it’d been before. “Keep going, she’ll make more.”
There was a short lapse, passed in silence. For a second, you let yourself believe he’d come to his senses, that he might stop, but it was only for a second. His response was enough to dash any remaining hope you might’ve had. “…will she get louder?”
“Mhm.” And then, with the slightest note of pride, “She does for me, at least.”
And just like that, Yuuji’s head dipped, his mouth latching onto your pussy with a renewed concentration. You willed yourself not to move, not to think, not to do anything that would mean having to open your eyes and acknowledge what was happening, but it was impossible not to feel the heat of his mouth against your cunt, not to let the sounds of saliva and arousal against tongues and skin seep into the back of your mind and tint the pleasure slowly starting to pool at the pit of your stomach with a vicious, sickeningly sweet, nectar-like quality. It wasn’t long before your own pitiful noises were just as difficult to suppress, before your hips were jutting upward involuntarily to meet Yuuji’s mouth, before you could feel a mix of drool and slick and every other ungodly thing pooling on your sheets beneath you. Yuuta shifted beside you, edging close enough for his thigh to press against your arm. “You’re—You’re making a mess, she’ll be mad if—”
His voice cut out abruptly, drowned out by a sudden, bubbling moan from Yuuji. Yuuta tried to catch his attention again to the same result until, finally, there was a low growl. Yuuji yelped has his face was shoved further into the space between your thighs – Yuuta pushing down on the back of his head, as little as you wanted to picture your sweet Yuuta doing something like that – but he didn’t seem to mind. If anything, his lapping only seemed to get faster, more reckless, more wild. You didn’t want to, no part of you wanted to cum because of your pet’s mouth, but you could feel the pressure mounting, the heat building, the walls of your pussy convulsing around his tongue as you reached your climax.
There was nothing you could do to stop yourself from crying out as you came, any hope you might’ve had of making it through this without letting either Yuuji or Yuuta know how much of it you’d been conscious for immediately abandoned. You tried to make good use of your adrenaline, to shove Yuuji away and run, but he’d always been strong, even for a hybrid, and he didn’t even have to pull away to pin your hips to the mattress and nurse you through your orgasm, his tongue now fucking into you unabashedly. He only stopped when the last of your aftershocks had died out, when it was all you could do to lie limp and mutter all the little ‘no’, ‘stop’, ‘please’s that you’d pictured yourself screaming only seconds ago. Even then, the separation wasn’t made by choice – no, it was Yuuta who finally, finally dragged him off of you. Even through the darkness of your bedroom, you could see his fingers knotted in Yuuji’s untamable hair, his knuckles white and his grip steadfast. By the time he let go, Yuuji’s back was straight and he’d gone surprisingly quiet – his dark eyes glassy and fixed on yours. By the time you could force yourself to look to Yuuta, he wasn’t much better. He was focused on you, too, but he didn’t look quite as dazed, quite as mindless. His lips were parted, but his eyes were narrowed, and he was wearing the expression he’d worn when you first brought Yuuji home, all displaced resentment and palpable betrayal. If you hadn’t known him so well, you might’ve called it anger.
Yuuji broke the silence. He whined sharply, slumping forward and kneading down where his hands were still planted on your hips. You opened your mouth, ready to tell him to get down, to get out, but Yuuta cut in before you had the chance to spit anything out. “Turn her over. It’ll be easier if she’s on her stomach.”
Yuuji didn’t hesitate. You felt his hands on your midriff, and then, you were on your chest, Yuuji’s form hunched over you as he ground something stiff and hot and leaking against your ass. You tried to push yourself up, to get away, but you were barely able to get your knees underneath you before Yuuji’s arms were around your waist, his face buried in the crook of your neck and his pointed teeth bared against the side of your throat. He didn’t growl, didn’t bite, but you went still regardless. You didn’t think Yuuji would hurt you, but you never would've thought he would do this, either.
Whatever aggression he might’ve felt faded quickly – as soon as he started rutting against your ass. You could feel him panting against your throat, his breath humid and stifling, and his chest pressing into your back. He was too close. He was too much. When he spoke, it was almost deafening, even if you knew it couldn’t be much more than a mumble. “Hurts so bad,” he muttered, as his cock ground uselessly against your ass, your thighs. “Been hurtin’ so bad since you took me home. I was so happy when Yuuta told me you could help, and—and, that you wouldn’t mind, and—”
His voice cut out abruptly as the blunt head of his cock caught on your entrance and, with a cracked whine, thrust into you. There was no time to adjust, to block out – just a sudden heat inside of you and the immediate, overwhelming fullness of his cock battering the walls of your pussy. “Off,” you half cried, half screamed – your voice a jagged, shaking mess. “Get down, stop, get—”
But Yuuji wasn’t listening. His tongue lapped clumsily at your neck as he fucked into in slow, languid thrusts – his hips slamming into your ass with enough force to bruise. You went limp, sobbing openly into your sheets, but Yuuji was strong enough to hold you up on his own, to not have to care what state you were in underneath him. So caught up in your own misery, you didn’t notice Yuuta moving until he was in front of you, until his hand had worked its way underneath your chin and tilted your head back far enough for your tear-clouded gaze to find his. His expression was that same mix of resentment and pity and bitter, bitter anger. Still, when your eyes met his, the corner of his lips quirked up, some of the harsher lines around his eyes fading into nothing.
“I wouldn’t be this rough with you.” His tone was flat, softened. He ran his thumb over your cheek, leaning down just far enough for his lips to brush against the top of your head. “I would be a good mate. You don’t need anyone else.”
Again, he leaned in, slotting his lips against yours with a feather-light sort of gentleness. At the same time, you heard Yuuji moan, felt his teeth sink into your shoulder, and started to wish you couldn’t feel anything at all.
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