#the book. so you can see how much of an impact they made

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Thanks For Listening

YA contemporary

a girl who’s the stage manager in her high school theater club is tired of nobody listening to her advice, so she makes an anonymous social media account that people might actually listen to

while also dating her first girlfriend and struggling with her relationship with her best friends

ace MC

[sukibenders]

Being a woc fan of Bridgerton can be a struggle, especially when it comes to liking the poc characters on the show, especially the woc. Like I remember when s1 came out and the blatant microaggressions and just plain racism coming from this fandom was atrocious. You had people spewing very hateful things about Charlotte, Marina, and Simon and undermining the latter two's pain and trauma at the hands of the white characters---Marina was treated terribly by the Featheringtons and, whether you like Penelope or not, you cannot deny that she also played a part by releasing that letter to the Ton and Simon was violated Daphne no matter how people try to spin the story to offer her some form of sympathy (it still blows my mind that people would want to though).

S2 is just as bad (not even including how they changed the Sharma family's storyline than how it was in the books when that wasn't necessary) and the racist undertones many of the fans have towards Mary and Edwina (as well as Kate but for her it's carries more brown woman needing to be saved by a white man when Anthony is involved because a lot of you all in the fandom are quick to use this trope such as "oh, he's the only one who truly knows her"). The lack of screen time for this family really ends up hurting them to but even with that, whether you like Mary and Edwina or not, it would be a lie to deny the racism a lot in the fandom hold towards them (and how that falls onto the actresses because it was very apparent how many in the fandom couldn't let two Desi women shine without having to bring down the other and Netflix played into that too for drama) and paints every small thing they do as being terrible crimes but in the same breath will not have the same smoke for the Bridgertons, who have their own set of problems (but because they are also the main family, among other things, they are provided more grace without consequences).

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

what’s the story about the generative power model and water consumption? /gen

There's this myth going around about generative AI consuming truly ridiculous amount of power and water. You'll see people say shit like "generating one image is like just pouring a whole cup of water out into the Sahara!" and bullshit like that, and it's just... not true. The actual truth is that supercomputers, which do a lot of stuff, use a lot of power, and at one point someone released an estimate of how much power some supercomputers were using and people went "oh, that supercomputer must only do AI! All generative AI uses this much power!" and then just... made shit up re: how making an image sucks up a huge chunk of the power grid or something. Which makes no sense because I'm given to understand that many of these models can run on your home computer. (I don't use them so I don't know the details, but I'm told by users that you can download them and generate images locally.) Using these models uses far less power than, say, online gaming. Or using Tumblr. But nobody ever talks about how evil those things are because of their power generation. I wonder why.

To be clear, I don't like generative AI. I'm sure it's got uses in research and stuff but on the consumer side, every effect I've seen of it is bad. Its implementation in products that I use has always made those products worse. The books it writes and flood the market with are incoherent nonsense at best and dangerous at worst (let's not forget that mushroom foraging guide). It's turned the usability of search engines from "rapidly declining, but still usable if you can get past the ads" into "almost one hundred per cent useless now, actually not worth the effort to de-bullshittify your search results", especially if you're looking for images. It's a tool for doing bullshit that people were already doing much easier and faster, thus massively increasing the amount of bullshit. The only consumer-useful uses I've seen of it as a consumer are niche art projects, usually projects that explore the limits of the tool itself like that one poetry book or the Infinite Art Machine; overall I'd say its impact at the Casual Random Person (me) level has been overwhelmingly negative. Also, the fact that so much AI turns out to be underpaid people in a warehouse in some country with no minimum wage and terrible labour protections is... not great. And the fact that it's often used as an excuse to try to find ways to underpay professionals ("you don't have to write it, just clean up what the AI came up with!") is also not great.

But there are real labour and product quality concerns with generative AI, and there's hysterical bullshit. And the whole "AI is magically destroying the planet via climate change but my four hour twitch streaming sesh isn't" thing is hysterical bullshit. The instant I see somebody make this stupid claim I put them in the same mental bucket as somebody complaining about AI not being "real art" -- a hatemobber hopping on the hype train of a new thing to hate and feel like an enlightened activist about when they haven't bothered to learn a fucking thing about the issue. And I just count my blessings that they fell in with this group instead of becoming a flat earther or something.

[cosmermaid]

It's been years since I've read a Discworld novel and I don't remember what the actual plot of The Shepherd's Crown was.

What I do remember is fucking sobbing in my bathtub because of how obvious Pratchett made it that he was aware his time was coming and he wanted to face his own mortality, and did so by taking Granny Weatherwax with him.

For those who don't know Pratchett was diagnosed with Alzheimer's eight years before he died, and advocated for the legalization of medically assisted suicide. He was open about how he struggled with Alzheimer's, and how he wanted to die while he was still himself.

I don't remember the plot of the book, but I do remember Granny Weatherwax cleaning her home, taking a bath and dressing in her finest clothes, then altering her "I ATE'NT DEAD" sign to say "I IS PROBLY DEAD" before laying down to pass away.

I remember Death greeting her with a kind judgement when he came to reap her soul.

FOR I CAN SEE THE BALANCE AND YOU HAVE LEFT THE WORLD MUCH BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT, AND IF YOU ASK ME, said Death, NOBODY COULD DO ANY BETTER THAN THAT.

Like, it's so glaringly obvious that Pratchett was expressing that control he craved over his own end. Dying with dignity and leaving a positive impact on the world. Granny Weatherwax knew it was her time and took every detailed preparation she could. I think Pratchett did the same with the Shepherd's Crown.

[quirrrky]

—•✦ THE BOY IS MINE

OIKAWA, KUROO, BOKUTO showing you that he belongs to you and you to him

≡ NOTES ⋮ I'M BACCKKK! and I'm super excited, can;t wait to fangirl w/ y'all! I'm gonna cri 😭 I miss my boys sm T^T bokuto's made me giddy and kuroo's got me smiling like shit...don't get me started with oikawa!

OIKAWA

You were on the sidelines watching the man you adored so much being adored by so many other girls. No lies, some of them were prettier than you, you’d think. They could be a good match for your boyfriend.  

Still, you didn’t bother. Tooru always assured you of your worth and how perfect you were for him in every sense––the most beautiful in his eyes.  

Tooru delivered an impactful serve, and the crowd cheered including the other girls beside you. Even from afar, he sent you a smile with a matching flirty wink. The girls squealed with so much giddiness, probably thinking it was for them.

He cast another glance at you, which you returned primly.  

You were always his number one fan. You might not be on par with him when it came to Volleyball, but you didn’t mind being his cheerleader, his anchor and the source of his strength whenever he’d feel inadequate.  

You were secured and not moved by how many fangirls he had until now. The reporter pulled Tooru to the side together with a known female Volleyball player who’s around the same age as him.  

The two of them were the top players of their teams–the most competent. The reporter and everybody else simply admired seeing the both of them side by side.  

“Oh! They look so good together!” You heard those around you murmured.  

“Maybe they’re dating...” The others speculated. 

A bitter sting gnawed inside you. The image of Tooru happily playing Volleyball with a partner who could really challenge him head-to-head was making it difficult for you to breathe.  

You were lost in your thoughts when you suddenly felt a hand around your wrist, gently dragging you somewhere.  

T-Tooru?  

He brought you by his side and laced his arm firmly around you. 

“Practice and perseverance are totally the keys in winning but for me it’s not just that,” Tooru responded to the reporter. “We all need a lucky charm, I tell you.” He pulled you closer to him, shifting his gaze to lovingly study your face, saying, “And I got mine right here.”  

You blushed, feeling the heat crawling all over your face. The crowd squealed and hollered yet they didn’t matter in that moment.  

The reporter ended the interview with lighthearted teasing directed at you and Tooru, prompting the start of the last match.  

“How ‘bout a good luck kiss, huh?” He teased.  

“W-What’re y-” You weren’t even able to finish as he already placed a sweet peck on your lips. “Tooru!” You complained when he parted, and he replied by playfully sticking his tongue out.  

Your fingers travelled your lips. Perhaps, you’ve got nothing to worry about after all.  

KUROO

It’s a big day for you and your boyfriend. It would be the first time he’d be giving a welcome remarks to open his institution’s black-tie event. You were even proud to be the one who did his speech.  

As his extra special plus one, he never left your side with both of you just keeping things, hands to yourself, acting as a professional and sober couple. 

However, you were bothered to say the least. You always knew that you had a fine boyfriend. He looked straight out of a novel after all. Tall, handsome and with a good suit to complete the look.  

Tetsurou seemed like every billionaire bad boy in the books you’d encounter in bookstores’ new adult section. It’s no wonder that the girls in his company party all had their eyes on him like he’s a piece of hunky meat they’d jump on at any moment. 

Deep inside, you’d want to be swallowed by the universe below. You were never insecure about your looks, well, maybe sometimes you were like right now! Were you not even pretty enough for them to keep their attraction to themselves? Were you not playing the eye candy part so well?  

Do you even look good beside him? 

Black dress, pretty face and hypnotic smile all amplified by the sweet scent of honey—you’re Kuroo’s most prized possession, not that he treats you as an object. Well, yes, to put it simply you’re the object of his desires, adoration and affection.  

Wasn’t it obvious that you were with him? Yeah right, call him petty, but he couldn’t bear the eyes of these bastards on you.  

Hell, pretty was even an understatement when it came to you. As much as he wanted you to be revered for being the goddess that you are, he still couldn't accept all the gawking you’re receiving and him being disregarded like he wasn’t even there when he’s the boyfriend, the future husband and the forever person.  

He promised he’d behave himself and keep the PDA on low since today’s a formal event, but it looked like he won’t be keeping up with that anymore. 

Jolted, your shoulders rose as Tetsu slithered his arm around your waist. He tugged you closer to him so you were both attached to the hip. You just froze in surprise when he leaned, placed a kiss on your forearm and dropped another one on your shoulder.  

You felt the heat rushing to your face. Your eyes held his as they met. “What...what are you doing?” you whispered and he propped his chin on your shoulder.  

“Showing them who you belong to.” 

Internally, you’re partying. You’d be lying to say that you didn’t want that because you definitely want to show all these girls that Tetsu would only have his eyes on you. “Okay, just don’t overdo it.” 

A lopsided grin appeared on his face. “Not very sure about that.” 

BOKUTO

At last, your fiancé, superstar athlete Bokuto Koutaro, will be arriving home tonight. It has been several months since he’s been away to train and to participate in the Olympics. Now, he’ll be coming home after playing with his utmost best.  

You were standing, waiting for him in anticipation at the airport. This was the moment you’d been waiting for and your face immediately lit up after seeing him walk from the arrivals. His eyes were still sleepy with his pillow still latched around his neck.  

In anticipation, you took a step forward approaching him, but the reporters and his fans beat you to it. Now, he’s swarmed with the crowd taking pictures and asking him questions. Some of them were even bumping into you and all you could do was watch. You were just a mere ordinary citizen, lurking in the shadows of those who admire him.  

You clutch on your chest. You were truly happy for him. Genuinely happy for the recognition he’s receiving. He deserved every bit of it, but...How you’d wish to be closer to him. Be the home he goes back to where he could be just Koutarou, the loving and silly boy you came to love. You just missed him so much. 

A bitter smile appeared on your face, surrendering to your fate until his eyes met yours across the sea of people. He glowed radiantly, beaming at the sight of you. Without hesitation and despite everybody else around, he made a way for himself towards you. 

With so much excitement, you yelped as he hugged you tight and carried you that your legs hooked around him in reflex. Koutarou peppered kisses over your face cooing so lovely that he finally got to see and be with his most adorable Y/N. You giggled, getting a little ticklish with his kisses.  

“Babe, babe! Not here!” You protest in middle of chuckling. “There are people around.” 

Koutarou pouted. “But I miss you so much.” 

“Me too,” you said in a wide grin and he giggled like a school kid finally getting his favorite toy as present.  

He rubbed his nose against yours. “Let’s go home!” 

@pixelcafe-network

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hey um if it's cool could I request, Welt, Dan Heng, Jing Yuan, Gallager and Aventurine reacting to reader to questioning their interest in them?

An example: The confession

Them: I have feelings for you Reader: ... Um *shocked*.. I feel the same but.. *trails off* Them: but? Reader: *squints* you sure? About me? Please reconsider your choice. Them: ...

thank you if you decide to do this! No pressure though!

Jing yuan would raise a brow before vaguely asking you to come with him somewhere he had been meaning to show you for a while and thought that now was the perfect time.

The place where he takes you was just like any other flower garden you’ve been to before but from the way the light glinted off of the waters surface, to the way the flowers blossomed in a variety of unique colours, and other small things like that made the flower garden look ethereal.

Jing yuan chuckled at your expression.

‘You see why I brought you here?’ He asks.

‘…no, not really, why?’ You replied, looking at him in confusion.

‘I’m trying to show you that while you may not think yourself as anything special, much like this flower garden, there are a multitude of unique things tailored to you that make you shine in the eyes of the ones who views you highly.’ He responded as he lends his hand out for a bird to perch on and softly smiled as it moved up to his shoulder where it sat comfortably, trying its hardest not to fall asleep.

‘For every flower is a beauty to behold regardless of their shapes, their size or their colour that even a daffodil can be considered of equal beauty of a roses in someone’s eyes.’ Jing Yuan continues, looking at you from the corner of his eye to see whether his words were sinking in. ‘And my flower believes themself to be a withering daffodil but to me, they’re a rose unlike any other. Stubborn, strong willed, but.’

‘But?’ You echoed, nervousness creeping through your veins as Jing Yuan moved in front of you and leant forward so that he was right next to your ear.

‘But they refuse to accept words of their worth and beauty from someone who cares about them very much, but I hope to change that soon enough, if they let me.’ He whispers as he presses a kiss to your cheek and pulling away to plant a kiss to your forehead.

Dan heng

While he’s happy that you felt the same way towards him, but felt his heart sink when you told him to reconsider his feelings for you.

‘If you are not ready for a relationship, then I understand, but I wish that you wouldn’t look down upon yourself when you’re anything but what your mind is telling you that you are.’ He says as he holds your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks as his eyes shone with concern. ‘Just know that I’ll always be by your side to resolve any issue you may have, for I do not wish for you to be burdened by this alone when I can help lessen it’s impact on you.’ He adds.

Dan Heng would do anything and everything in his power to make you see just how much you meant to him, even if it meant asking March to pull up pictures where his infatuation with you was glaringly obvious.

He would bring you poetry books and read out verses that perfectly describe his innermost thoughts and feelings towards you and how he views you on a daily basis. Dan Heng feels as though he could never convey just how truly unique and magnificent you were on his own. He’s tried but compared to the works of acclaimed poets, it just lacked fluidity in terms of the flow of words.

Everything else fades away when you entered his peripheral vision, almost as though he was made to notice your presence no matter where you were, only to just stare at you with a look that could only be akin to someone who had just found their other half after so long.

Welt would sit you down somewhere and want to talk about it because he truly didn’t think that these were your own words coming from your mouth.

He believes they were someone else’s and he hated that you had started believing this person’s words as reality, when they were the furthest thing from the truth in his eyes.

He wants to help you unlearn what everybody else has thought of you in the past because it doesn’t matter, their words hold no weight until you allow it to. No one’s perception of you was in any way shape or form a reflection of the real you, for every person you’ve ever had a positive effect on posses a different perceptions of you.

The only person who knew the real you was you but it was obvious to Welt that you might’ve forgotten who that version of you was by worrying yourself to death about the thoughts and opinions of everyone else. So Welt was more then happy to help you see that you were so much more then what you think.

He doesn’t know who wronged you in the past but they’ve left everlasting damage on your tender soul, but he was going to do everything he could in his power to show you the you that he sees every time upon seeing you.

Gallagher

‘I’ve got nothing to reconsider when it comes to you sweetheart.’ Gallagher was quick to tell you as he grabbed one of your hands, squeezing it. ‘Nothing at all.’

‘But-‘ you started.

‘No ifs, ands or buts.’ He interrupts you. ‘You’re prefect the way you are and I won’t hear otherwise because I’ll always go out of my way to remind you as to why i care about you, okay?’ He says as he lifted your hand to press a kiss to the back of it. ‘Just let me take care of you and get rid of those pesky thoughts residing in your head by telling them to fuck off.’

You couldn’t help but chuckle at this as you allowed yourself to find comfort in Gallagher’s side as you were greeted by his bodily warmth that made you into melting further against him. ‘I just don’t want to be a bother to you that’s all.’ You murmured, insecurity making your throat tightened, rendering it hard to swallow.

Gallagher felt his heart break for you as he brought his arms to your waist to rub soothing patterns into your side as he presses his face to the side of your head, pressed reassuring kisses there as he whispered sweet nothings as to why you were perfect, beautiful, sweet and caring of all whom you come across, whether they were deserving of it or not.

Aventurine

He understands more then you knew because the moment you admitted to liking him in the same breath as berating yourself, he was about to ask what was it about him that you liked exactly.

You were both in the same boat that was about to capsize from your shared self hatred for yourselves, but Aventurine would be damned if he let you think of yourself in any negative light when you’ve been nothing but a beacon of pure, genuine light for him since first introductions.

He’d much rather be the one drowning in self doubt than you.

He’d have you stand in front of a mirror and asks what you see.

‘Someone who’s lost themselves along the way,’ you answered solemnly, ‘someone who’s lost sight of who they once were because they were too caught up in the opinions of others and waiting on them hand and foot, only to revive nothing but scraps.’ You added and Aventurine couldn’t help but feel himself becoming infuriated, not at you but at the people who have made you feel as though you were lesser than, who made you feel as though you should be outcasted because you didn’t fit into their narrative.

However the sound of your sniffling brought him out of his need to get back at these people for you and saw that you were beginning to tear up and was quick to wipe them away before they fell. ‘Don’t weep for people who don’t have a heart, for they’ll always think themselves superior by materialistic means that they will inevitably loose to time and bad decisions.’ He tells you as he rests his head on your shoulder, looking at you through the mirrors reflective surface. ‘You on the other hand have something that they could never hope to obtain via money.’ He adds.

‘And what’s that?’ You asked, looking into his eyes and noting that despite their dullness, they were still the most beautiful and expressive pair of eyes you have ever seen.

‘Empathy, humility, compassion, kindness and an appreciation for the simple things that many overlook and possess the ability to see the beauty in broken things.’ Aventurine replies, his voice becoming soft towards the end, clearly referring to himself, as he held onto you tighter as though you’d slip from his grasp much like everyone else had. ‘So don’t compare yourself to others who should be looking towards you as an example instead.’

You moved your head to properly look at him, not use to seeing this side of him, so serious and determined to make you see reason. ‘You really mean that?’

Aventurine smiles as he kisses you on the nose, chuckling. ‘Of course! You’re my good luck charm, I’d be hopeless and in a whole lot of trouble without you.’ He says as he presses another kiss to your nose, adoring your expression as you scrunched up your face, muttering under his breath. ‘Cute.’

[foone]

Look if there's one thing, just one thing, that I wish everyone understood about archiving, it's this:

We can always decide later that we don't need something we archived.

Like, if we archive a website that's full of THE WORST STUFF, like it turns out it's borderline illegal bot-made spam art, we can delete it. Gone.

We can also chose not to curate. You can make a list of the 100 Best Fanfic and just quietly not link to or mention the 20,000 RPFs of bigoted youtubers eating each other. No problem!

We can also make things not publicly available. This happens surprisingly often: like, sometimes there'll be a YouTube channel of alt-right bigotry that gets taken down by YouTube, but someone gives a copy to the internet archive, and they don't make it publicly available. Because it might be useful for researchers, and eventually historians, it's kept. But putting it online for everyone to see? That's just be propaganda for their bigotry. So it's hidden, for now. You can ask to see it, but you need a reason.

And we can say all these things, we can chose to delete it later, we can not curate it, we can hide it from public view... But we only have these options BECAUSE we archived it.

If we didn't archive it, we have no options. It is gone. I'm focusing on the negative here, but think about the positive side:

What if it turns out something we thought was junk turns out to be amazing new art?

What if something we thought of as pointless and not worth curating turns out to be influential?

What if something turns out to be of vital historical importance, the key that is used to solve a great mystery, the Rosetta stone for an era?

All of those things are great... If we archived it when we could.

Because this is an asymmetric problem:

If we archived it and it turns out it's not useful, we can delete.

If we didn't archive it and it turns out it is useful, OOPS!

You can't unlose something that's been lost. It's gone. This is a one way trip, it's already fallen off the cliff. Your only hope is that you're wrong about it being lost, and there is actually still a copy somewhere. If it's truly lost, your only option is to build a time machine.

And this has happened! There are things lost, so many of them that we know of, and many more we don't know of. There are BOOKS OF THE BIBLE referenced in the canon that simply do not exist anymore. Like, Paul says to go read his letter to the Laodiceans, and what did that letter say? We don't know. It's gone.

The most celebrated playwright in the English tradition has plays that are just gone. You want to perform or watch Love's Labours Won? TOO FUCKING BAD.

Want to watch Lon Cheyney's London After Midnight, a mystery-horror silent film from 1927? TOO BAD. The MGM vault burnt down in 1965 and the last known copy went up in smoke.

If something still exists, if it still is kept somewhere, there is always an opportunity to decide if it's worthy of being remembered. It can still be recognized for its merits, for its impact, for its importance, or just what it says about the time and culture and people who made it, and what they believed and thought and did. It can still be a useful part of history, even if we decide it's a horrible thing, a bigoted mess, a terrible piece of art. We have the opportunity to do all that.

If it's lost... We are out of options. All we can do is research it from how it affected other things. There's a lot of great books and plays and films and shows that we only know of because other contemporary sources talked about them so much. We're trying to figure out what it was and what it did, from tracing the shadow it cast on the rest of culture.

This is why archivists get anxious whenever people say "this thing is bad and should not be preserved". Because, yeah, maybe they're right. Maybe we'll look back and decide "yeah, that is worthless and we shouldn't waste the hard drive or warehouse space on it".

But if they're wrong, and we listen to them, and don't archive... We don't get a second chance at this. And archivists have been bitten too many times by talk of "we don't need copies, the original studio has the masters!" (it burnt down), or "this isn't worth preserving, it's just some damn silly fad" (the fad turned out to be the first steps of a cultural revolution), or "this media is degenerate/illegal/immoral" (it turns out those saying that were bigots and history doesn't agree with their assessment).

So we archive what we can. We can always decide later if it doesn't need preserving. And being a responsible archivist often means preserving things but not making them publicly available, or being selective in what you archive (I back up a lot of old computer hard drives. Often they have personal photos and emails and banking information! That doesn't get saved).

But it's not really a good idea to be making quality or moral judgements of what you archive. Because maybe you're right, maybe a decade or two later you'll decide this didn't need to be saved. And you'll have the freedom to make that choice. But if you didn't archive it, and decide a decade later you were wrong... It's just gone now. You failed.

Because at the end of the day I'd rather look at an archive and see it includes 10,000 things I think are worthless trash, than look at an archive of on the "best things" and know that there are some things that simply cannot be included. Maybe they were better, but can't be considered as one of the best... Because they're just gone. No one has read them, no one has been able to read them.

We have a long history of losing things. The least we can do going forward is to try and avoid losing more. And leave it up to history to decide if what we saved was worth it.

My dream is for a future where critics can look at stuff made in the present and go "all of this was shit. Useless, badly made, bigoted, horrible. Don't waste your time on it!"

Because that's infinitely better than the future where all they can do is go "we don't know of this was any good... It was probably important? We just don't know. It's gone. And it's never coming back"

[kunaigirl]

Happy Disability Pride and awareness month! Let's talk about Epilepsy!

Hi there! I got tired of seeing my condition (that impacts my literal every day life) being left out or forgotten about during discussions about disabilities, so I made my own post about it! Let's go!

First Off! What the heck is epilepsy? Epilepsy is the fourth most common neurological disorder in the world, and it's a chronic medical condition. Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes recurring, frequent, triggered, and unprovoked seizures to occur.

The official Epilepsy Foundation describes seizures as follows: "Seizures are sudden surges of abnormal and excessive electrical activity in your brain, and can affect how you appear or act. Where and how the seizure presents itself can have profound effects...Seizures involve sudden, temporary, bursts of electrical activity in the brain that change or disrupt the way messages are sent between brain cells. These electrical bursts can cause involuntary changes in body movement or function, sensation, behavior or awareness." (Source link)

Sounds like a lot of fun right? This is our life. Even with medication, we can be VERY limited to what can be safe for us. Seizure medications are NOT a cure, they only exist (at least as of now) as a tool to help have your seizures less often, or be triggered less intensely. Even on medication, seizures can still happen.

If you have epilepsy as a child like I did, it impacts your entire growing and developing experience. I spent MANY times as a child in and out of hospitals, neurologist and specialist offices, an getting so many EEG tests done. The pain of scrubbing the glue out of your hair for DAYS is horrible.

At a young age my seizures were so frequent and serious, it impacted my brain's ability to retain information. I had to re-learn the names of things at age 8 and 9. I had to re-learn HOW TO READ at age 10. I had to be home schooled because the public school system of my state at the time refused to work with me. I have VERY distinct and vivid memories of crying over my little baby ABC's book that I needed as a 4th and 5th grader. I knew I should've known this by this age. I knew that at one point I already did, and it was TAKEN FROM ME.

As an adult, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE A CAR. And I can NEVER go to see a movie in theaters or go to see concerts or live music. There are entire TV shows I don't get to see. I can't go to clubs, arcades, dances, or raves. I miss out on A LOT of fun things. I always do, and I'm WELL AWARE of the fun I'm missing out on. The social, casual, and fun life experiences I'll never get to have. That WE'LL never get to have. And oh yeah! Seizures can KILL SOME OF US. Yep.

And the list goes on, and every person with epilepsy experiences it differently. There are multiple different types of seizures you can have, they're NOT always convulsing on the floor. For example, I have complex-partial-myoclonic-seizures. Meaning my muscles DO twitch when I have seizures, but I'm not always completely unconscious and sometimes I'm even able to stay sitting up. However, I'm still very "off" and can't focus or remember much for a good while after the fact. I can't talk or communicate during one, even with my slight bit of consciousness.

My experiences are not universal, I just wanted to talk about it and bring it up. It helps to talk about it even a little bit. Here's more about different kinds of seizures. Here's more about common seizure triggers. Here's more about CORRECT seizure first aid. And here's more general information/resources.

Please stop leaving us out of disability awareness. Please stop ignoring us or saying we're "not really disabled" or anything else like that. Please. Why does it always feel like the only people who care about epilepsy, are people WITH epilepsy? We're so tired of being ignored by others who don't have our condition.

If you're an epileptic person reading this, I see you. I love you. You're so strong, we all are. I believe in you, I believe in us. We're so much stronger than we get credit for, and it's going to be ok. Your anger and frustration are valid. Your emotions and struggles are real. You're valid, and I see you. Hang in there, we got this.

[lia-linny]

summary: How do you get a guys who always fails to pass his final exams? Quite simply, you promise him a date.

genre: fluff, highschool au

words: 4.3k

Ms. yln and Mr. Yang, please stay to see me after class." yn heard her professor say as she carefully filed her documents from the previous lesson in her folder and put it in her school bag. After she had also packed her pencils, she made her way to the desk as instructed by her professor. With her head bowed, she made her way through the rows, between her talking and packing classmates, some of whom smiled at her in a friendly manner.

When she came to a halt in front of her professor, her gaze fell directly on Yang Jeongin, who was leaning casually against the wall next to the desk in his stylish baggy clothes. His penetrating gaze was on her and she nervously clutched her books, which she had pressed to her chest, while she now looked at her professor, who was still sorting through his papers. When he had carefully organized them, he turned to his two waiting students and smiled kindly as he pulled two sheets of paper from his folder.

Ah, so there was her essay, yn realized. She had wondered why she had come away empty-handed when the professor had handed out the corrected texts.

"Once again, you have delivered an outstanding text, ms yln. It really was one of the best texts I have ever read on the subject at school. Your formulations and observations are truly remarkable." smiling, yn looked at the red score in the top right-hand corner of her text, which read 100/100.

But she didn't have time to thank her professor for his kind words, as he immediately went to return Jeongin's text as well. Yn caught a glimpse of the pages covered with corrections written in red pen and could clearly make out the score on his paper, 18/100. yn felt her heart grow heavy with pity and looked down at the floor in shame.

"Mr. Yang you have to do better or you won't pass your final exams. I've heard that you don't exactly excel in other subjects with my colleagues either. You have potential but you have to work harder." There was a brief, awkward silence, but when Jeongin looked up from his paper, neither the poor grade nor the professor's words seemed to bother him much. He merely shrugged his shoulders and buried his hands deep in his trouser pockets. Her professor sighed, but continued.

"That's why I think it would be a good idea for you to seek tutoring. If you want to pass your exams, you need to study and since it seems to me that you share almost all your classes with ms. Yln, it would be an incredible opportunity for you to get tutoring from her. So if ms. yln would be so kind and give up her time for you, you should definitely take this chance!" With that, he ended his little lecture and shooed them both out of his classroom with a curt wave of his hand and a smile.

They stood awkwardly next to each other outside the door, not quite sure what or who should say something, until yn decided to break the silence.

"I can tutor you if you want, but you can find someone more qualified if you prefer..." Jeongin laughed and tapped his index finger on the essay with her books pressed against her chest, as if that was proof enough that she was probably good enough for the job.

"Is Friday a good fit for you?" he asked and yn just nodded dumbly, not sure how to deal with the situation.

"Great. I'll come to your place after school." It wasn't a question, but a statement.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you." He winked goodbye to her and walked to his popular group of friends, who were standing just a few meters away from them in the corridor crowded with students, leaving a red-faced yn behind. Why did such a banal gesture from him and the thought of the upcoming tutoring sessions have such an impact on her that even after her next lesson had already started and she was hunched over her papers in the classroom, she could still feel her pulse racing?

It wasn't completely absurd. Jeongin was popular, cool and casual. But even though he was one of the good-looking boys that everyone adored, he was always nice and helpful and yn liked that, whether she wanted to admit it or not. He sometimes acted like he was the coolest, but the next moment he tripped over his own feet and was restlessly teased by his friends and that made him likeable.

Yn ran her hands through her hair with a sigh and buried her face in her hands. Oh God, it was all such a huge cliche. She couldn't help but rool her eyes at herself. The girl that had never even given a second thought to a boy and then the 'one' came along. She should be concentrating on the lesson that had already started rather than thinking about boys. It was a waste of time to deal with such things. Her focus, especially now that she was in her final year, should be on grades and studying. Not some fictional romance.

But there was something about Jeongin that had piqued yn's interest for years. All the years they had been going to school together, attending classes together and occasionally having short conversations on the bus or in the hallway, yn had always wished she could be closer with him. She couldn't quite define it, but Jeongin had an attractive aura in her eyes. Yn shook her head and mentally returned to the lesson. Even though she already had a nervous feeling in her stomach when she thought about friday. Maybe because she had a feeling that Jeongin might be the person who could destroy her efforts to always put learning above personal relationships.

~☆~

Nervously, yn plucked at her skirt, which she thought was a little too short, and brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her and Jeongin's last lesson for Friday had just ended. She didn't know what to expect. She had talked to Jeongin again and again over the week. Small talk that left her nervous and embarrassed, already regretting what she had just said, or rather stuttered.

She stuffed all the books and documents she wanted to go through with Jeongin into her school bag and stowed the rest in her locker. She was just about to close the locker door when she felt an arm around her shoulders. Startled, her head whirled around and she stared directly into Jeongin's amused face.

"Hey beautiful, ready to try and teach me something?" He laughed and Yn felt her cheeks glow with heat as he grinned mischievously at her. One of his friends, Hyunjin, with whom Yn was attending her art class, shouted across the corridor to her

"Good luck! We've all given up and come to the conclusion that Jeongin has the IQ of a walnut." Together with one of hid friends, Minho, he laughed at the comparison.

"I'll do my best." So she just mumbled, smiled shyly at him and buried her nose in her book as if it were her shield. She made her way to the bus stop, as she did every day. Jeongin walked silently beside her and used the pleasant silence to look at yn. At first she didn't notice that he was staring, but when she caught his gaze in the corner of her eye, she became even more nervous.

When the two of them arrived, the bus was already waiting and yn climbed through the door as usual to drop into one of the seats at the back. Jeongin sat down in the empty seat next to her. He casually let his backpack slide to the floor and made himself comfortable in his seat. Yn couldn't turn away from him. Why did he have to look so cool as he absently ran his fingers through his hair and now looked over at her. Their eyes crossed... but the moment was ruined by the bus driving off, which left Yn unmoved and equally unimpressed, but caused Jeongin to lose his balance from the unexpected jolt and hit his head on the seat in front of him. Gone was the cool and casual aura that had just surrounded him. After yn made sure that he was okay and that he had no injuries other than to his ego, she let out a snort.

"Just for your information, that looked incredible ridiculous." She laughed and even though his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, he couldn't help but notice how beautiful her laugh was, how her eyes lit up or her dimples showed.

"Hey, I never look ridiculous!" He said, playfully offended, and poked her in the side. From that moment on, the slight tension that had previously lingered in the air fell away from them completely. They chatted casually for the rest of the bus ride and when they finally arrived at Yn's house, they were greeted by her mother.

Yn showed Jeongin the way to her room. After opening the door, she put her backpack down next to her desk. Meanwhile, Jeongin inspected her room a little more closely. It was nicely furnished but kept relatively simple. No colors that stood out, no cluttered shelves, nothing that really seemed to say 'this is yn's room'. He couldn't deduce any hobbies or favorite music from her room and that puzzled him.

"What hobbies do you have?" he asked out of nowhere. Yn turned to him and looked at him in surprise.

"Why do you ask?" She laughed and Jeongin sat down on her bed without being asked.

"You know, usually one can tell what people our age like to do or what music or films they are into when you look at their room. Posters or some sports trophies or something, but there's nothing in your room. Your room is so... impersonal." Yn let her gaze wander to the floor and shrugged her shoulders in response.

"Well... I'm actually just studying all day... so I don't have much time for hobbies." Silence followed. Jeongin had always thought that she was one of those students to whom everything came naturally, who always got top grades without having to do anything. But it seemed that she sacrificed a lot for her good average, especially her youth.

"What would you like to do? Is there nothing you enjoy?" She hesitated for a moment, then dropped onto the bed next to him and replied hesitantly,

"Well... I like taking photos." He had to smile, but before he said anything back, he changed the subject.

"So, shall we start studying?" she asked and was glad that he seemed to understand and didn't ask any more questions.

When Jeongin went home, it was already dark and yn had to admit to herself that the past few hours had shown her that learning could also be fun. Jeongin had made a real effort to follow her explanations and had always lightened the mood and joked around with her during short breaks. Even though, or perhaps because, he sometimes seemed to talk faster than he thought, she had rarely laughed as much as she did with him and the mere thought of how his hand had brushed against hers a few times made her giggle in retrospect.

One thing was certain. She was looking forward to the coming tutoring sessions, even if he was turning her into a clichéd teenage girl who was incapable of anything except drooling over guys.

~☆~

The weeks of the school year just flew by. Every Friday, yn gave Jeongin tutoring. Usually in the small café not far from the school. Jeongin had shown it to her during one of their lunch breaks, which they spent together more and more often. Every week while they were studying together, yn ordered a milkshake and a chocolate chip cookie. Jeongin insisted on paying to thank her for tutoring, but yn refused to accept the offer, which led to Jeongin deciding that the loser of rock paper scissors had to pay. This always managed to make yn laugh when she and Jeongin had a dramatic battle and the winner made fun of the loser a little too much afterwards.

The two of them hit it off straight away. It was as if something had just clicked between them. They teased each other and laughed about trivial topics. Jeongin's grades improved dramatically, even though he was still only just about to fail. But no matter how much fun yn had at her tutoring sessions, she couldn't forget that her final exams were getting closer with every passing week, so she spent the remaining days of the week holed up in the city library. It wasn't as if she had much else to do. She had no close friends she wanted to hang out with, no hobbies she wanted to pursue and she turned down almost all of Jeongin's invitations to meet up outside of her tutoring. Because no matter how much she wanted to hang out with him, there was always this little voice in the back of her head telling her that she should be studying instead of having fun.

~☆~

Like every other day, yn walked to the bus stop after school to go to the nearby library, but today she was called back by Jeongin in the parking lot. Puzzled, she turned around and saw him waving his car keys in the air, almost dropping them, which made Chris next to him laugh. He had to chuckle himself, even though an embarrassed blush adorned his cheeks.

"I've got a car now. If you want, I can drive you to the library... I promise that i won't disturb you." He giggled. It wasn't an arrogant 'I have a car' like most guys at her school would say but a pragmatic fact and yn liked that a little too much. That he didn't have to brag or boast about what an expensive car he drove, but simply offered her a ride. Her cheeks flushed pink as Jeongin's friends began to whistle and playfully run their hands through his hair.

"I never thought our baby would pull a girl." one of his friends laughed. yn thought she remembered that his name was Seungmin. Jeongin pushed him away.

"You're not even a year older than me." he laughed.

"You're still our baby!" roared one of his other friends, called Changbin. Jeongin struggled away from his friends and stood in front of yn, embarrassed.

"Please let's just go!" He sight a little annoyed by his friends. She smiled at him and nodded. He led her to his car and took a seat behind the steering wheel while she made herself comfortable in the passenger seat. The drive to the library was relaxed. The two of them had a casual conversation and laughed. Jeongin made her feel a certain lightness that made her skin tingle and her cheeks glow.

He parked right in front of the building and together they strolled into the old house. Yn immediately spread out her things in their usual place and Jeongin dropped into the chair next to her. Yn began to study, going through notes and researching background information in books. But one thing kept throwing her off track. Jeongin, who didn't even try to observe her unobtrusively but stared at her shamelessly as she studied. She felt her hot cheeks despite the cool temperatures in the unheated library.

Carefully, Jeongin let his hand slip over hers and the next moment he intertwined their fingers. Yn looked up from her notes and held her breath. Jeongin grinned at her shyly but with a certain self-confidence and Yn felt her rapid heartbeat pounding against her ribs. She carefully brushed a strand of hair from her face and forced herself to turn her gaze away from him. After all, she had to concentrate. But that was easier said than done. His warm hand, which lay protectively in hers, blocked any logical processes in her brain. After another half hour of trying to concentrate on English literature, she gave up and packed her things.

She was surprised that Jeongin hadn't fallen asleep yet, but he seemed more than happy to escape the library, which made her giggle. After she had put everything away, they walked to his car together, got in and he drove her home. When he parked in the driveway of her house, she smiled gratefully at him.

"Thank you for driving me. You really didn't have to do that."

"I know... I just don't want you sitting alone in that book hell every day. Otherwise you'll go crazy." He laughed. His eyes turned into little crescent moons as he smiled at her and she felt her pulse quicken all the way to her ears. In response, she pressed a tender kiss to his cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said before opening the passenger door and climbing out of the car. Jeongin waited, his cheeks red and his heart pounding, until he saw that she had arrived safely at the house. Then he started his car and left a happily grinning yn behind.

~☆~

It became a little ritual between them that Jeongin would take her to the library after school, she would often study there until late in the evening, they would pick up take-out food together from one of the nearby restaurants, eat it in Jeongin's car or on one of the park benches and then Jeongin would drive her home. And yn loved this routine together with him.

She loved being with Jeongin and talking to him. He treated her better than anyone had ever treated her before. He looked out for her and cared for her, just as she cared for him. Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder when he would get too bored with her or find someone better. Probably because she hadn't quite realized how important she had become to Jeongin.

He made effort to get her to do other things, then studying, and tried to get her interested in her old hobbies again. For example, he had brought back her passion for photography. One day, while he was taking her to the library to study, he had stopped at a random field of flowers on the side of the road. Yn had looked at him, puzzled, as he climbed out of the car and ran out into the field, laughing happily.

"Come on! I need new photos for Instagram!" He laughed as he turned on his axis to fully take in the beautiful view of the flowers. The whole scene stretching out in front of her was too beautiful not to capture. So she climbed out of the car. She hesitantly pulled her phone out of her pocket and swiped the screen to open the camera. She looked through the lens, moved a little to find the perfect angle for her subject and then snapped a few pictures.

As she lowered her camera, Jeongin came running back to her and put his arm around her to get a better look at her work.

"Wow, I didn't know you were that good." He laughed as he swiped through the pictures on her phone.

"They look amazing!" he grinned at her and yn's cheeks turned red, whether from the compliments, the physical closeness or his sweet grin...

"Thank you." She mumbled, discarding Jeongin's face that hovered dangerously close to hers. He was still looking at her phone to see the pictures, but when he lifted his gaze, he found himself only a few centimeters away from yn's face.

They gazed into each other's eyes unable to say or do anything until Jeongin gently brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She didn't know who had made the first move but suddenly they were kissing. Yn felt her whole body on fire as their lips moved in unison. Carefully, she clasped her hands behind his neck, afraid he would slip from her grasp at any moment.

The kiss ended far too soon as they were both gasping for breath. But as a finale, Jeongin gave her a little peck on the lips. He pulled her closer to him, enjoying her body heat and drawing gentle circles on her back as they both caught their breath smiling.

A day later, Jeongin had uploaded the pictures from their little photo shoot on Instagram with the caption: 'My favorite photographer', giggling as she liked the post.

And with that she rediscovered her love of photography. Sometimes she took photos of Jeongin, sometimes she met a cat on the street and snapped a picture of it, and sometimes she used trees or other plants that she wanted to capture with her camera as a motif. These little moments sweetened her monotonous school day and Jeongin watched her happily as she went through the pictures on her little digital camera, proud that he could help her to have at least a little better 'school-life balance' and to have a few hobbies outside of learning.

~☆~

It was yn's last week before her final exams and yet, against all expectations, she found herself relaxing on a picnic blanket in the municipal park. Jeongin had persuaded her to study outside with him because the weather was so nice and she didn't regret it. Smiling, she looked up at the clear sky and let the sun's rays shine on her face. Jeongin lay down next to her on the blanket, the math problems that he was supposed to solve for practice forgotten by both of them.

Carefully, yn took her hand in his and looked at him, lost in thought. His eyes, blinded by the bright sun, were narrowed to slits, making him look like a smiley face. His lips curled into a grin. Why did she have this strong urge to lean over and kiss him?

"You're staring." he laughed without looking in her direction and she blushed like a tomato. Abruptly, she averted her eyes and sat up, hiding behind the math book in order to look distracted. Jeongin had to laugh even harder at the sight of her.

This finally made her feel like one of those teenage girls who had nothing better to do than ogle guys all day, and even though she was particularly ashamed of it in this situation, she couldn't help but notice again how beautiful his laugh was.

Silence returned, in which neither of them could stop thinking about the other.

"When are you finally going out with me?" He said it as if it was a banal question that didn't make her heart stop and she knew he was just as nervous as she was. She could tell by the way he tugged at his shirt and nibbled his fingernails. So if he could fake his cool, she'd been able to do it for a long time.

"If you pass your final exams." They both pretended they weren't just grinning happily at each other because they'd basically just set up an unofficial date and continued to play their casual facade, giggling. But inside, they could hardly grasp how lucky they were with the other person. So Jeongin sat up, ran his fingers through his hair and leaned over the book that yn was still holding.

"Then I guess I'd better keep studying."

~☆~

Yn couldn't believe how quickly everything had gone. No sooner had she written her exams than her graduation ceremony had arrived. A few hours ago, she had received her certificate as the best in her year and now she was sitting on one of the bar stools in the club where her class's graduation party was being held.

Then she felt an arm around her shoulder and she was pulled closer to the stranger, whom she quickly recognized as Jeongin. She snuggled up to his body and he grinned at her. Carefully, he pressed his lips to hers. But before he could say anything, the little moment between them was interrupted by his friends bursting in, all cavorting in front of the two of them.

"Hey Aien!" Chris greeted the youngest member of their group. This was followed by teasing whistles at the sight of Jeongin's arm, which was now resting on her waist.

"We're finally free man! No more school stress!" Jisung raised his fist in the air exaggeratedly.

"And our baby is growing up!" Hyunjin sobbed as he wiped his non-existent tears from his eyes, whereupon Jeongin just shook his head and buried his face in the crook of yn's neck in shame.

His whole group of friends was pure chaos but at the same time felt like a second family where you could just be yourself.

"How the hell did you manage to get our hopeless case here to pass the exams?!" asked Seungmin yn, flicking Jeongin parallel against the back of the head. Everyone laughed and yn had to grin too, especially when she saw the mock indignant expression on Jeongin's face.

"Well, I promised him a date." She said with a laugh, causing even more chaos. Everyone shouted and laughed, made comments or was simply happy for them, but what mattered to yn was the love sick grin on Jeongin's face. Their eyes met and they beamed happily at each other. They all had different plans now that they had graduated, but it was clear that yn and Jeongin would go their ways together.

[theriverbeyond]

Ok so a part of the NtN epilogue that has always bugged me is how Alecto very specifically doesn't know who Harrow is until she bites kisses her and tastes her blood

Which on its own wouldn't necessarily mean much, except that Harrow is shown repeatedly to look almost exactly like Anastasia, and Alecto-in-her-aspect-as-Nona is shown to be very observant and aware of physical features. It's not, like, a vision issue, after waking up Alecto immediately recognizes Pyrrha, and knows the general features of Harrow i.e. "black-eyed infant". And in her aspect as Nona, she is keenly observant of physical features. She waxes poetic about all the little ways Honesty and Pyrrha's red hair differs from Kiriona's, and more than that, she immediately recognizes Kiriona's corpse as the girl from her dream. So why doesn't she recognize Harrow?

The other Lyctors recognize Harrow. The first thing Augustine says upon meeting her is: "Harrowhark the First—ninth saint, then, looking at you I can tell that’s appropriate", and then in the same scene he calls her "Anastasia come again." Mercymorn insults her ("You're not as pretty as Anastasia") but in that insult, she again emphasizes the physical similarity between Harrow and Anastasia. These statements are way more significant when you remember in this scene, Harrow has just woken up after travel through the River, and is still wearing a hospital gown. no black vestments, no Ninth Aesthetics, the only things really "Ninth" about her are her physical features.

And the first thing Alecto does after she realizes that Harrow is Anastasia's blood is to apologize about Samael and reiterate her "vow", which she specifically did not remember until after she remembered Anastasia.

So like. What does this mean? I cannot help but have a feeling that this relates to blood wards being broken by the blood of a relative, the Ninth House being the House of the Sewn Tongue, and the established fact that necromancy can fuck with memory and perception. I guess I had always assumed the original "sewn tongue" referred to Anastasia but like what if it referred to Alecto? And the established blood ward (the Tomb) could only be spoofed by a close relative (because John wouldn't program it to let anyone but himself in), but theoretically what is stopping Anastasia from whipping up a theorem for a blood ward that simply requires any kind of direct genetic link? Why would Alecto have forgotten her vows, how does this relate to Samael, why was she swearing allegiance to Anastasia? If she was made to forget because that vow was a secret, who was it kept secret from (John, presumably), and why, and how will this impact Alecto's motivations and actions in the next book? John seemed happy/relieved to see Alecto when she woke him up via sword-to-the-chest, but the Alecto he put to sleep (presumably) didn't remember her vows to Anastasia, and the Alecto who stabs him does, and what could this mean? How does this all connect to Anastasia's bones being nestled by the Rock on the inside of the tomb? Did Anastasia have a long term plan, or was she just hoping that the next time Alecto woke up that things would be Different? What could she possibly have hoped or assumed would have changed in that interim time? How does this connect to Alecto calling out for Anastasia right before John leads her into the Tomb? What HAPPENED between Anastasia and Alecto, and John, and Samael, and—(I am pulled off stage with a large hook)

[needfantasticstories]

“Many places I have been

Many sorrows I have seen

But I don't regret

Nor will I forget

All who took that road with me”

-The Last Goodbye by Billy Boyd

This is an Adjuration by @not-freyja, after 86 chapters, 300k words, and 10 months of joy, laughter, tears, heartbreak and love, has finally reached its end. 

Adjuration is a tragedy that is nothing short of an act of love. That much is clear in the passion and dedication put towards the story, the characters, and the message Freyja is trying to convey. This fic will teach you about love. About death. About the inevitability of existence and why despite knowing it will all come to an end, there is still meaning in trying and hoping and loving each other. In loving yourself. You will laugh, you will cry, you will hope and you will despair as you read this story, but you will not be able to put it down.

It’s hard to say goodbye to something that has been so important to and loved by so many people. So we won’t. Instead, we will say thank you for this incredible journey and the community this fic has built. For the friendships that have been made and the endless inspiration you have given us. Thank you for wanting to tell a story, and for letting us join you around the campfire to listen.

Thank you.

(If you like Linked Universe and haven’t yet read Adjuration, see below for spoiler free reviews of this fic and artist credits.)

This is an Adjuration is the kind of story you fall in love with, the kind of story you think keep thinking about long after you put it down. The kind you keep finding hidden details in after you think you’ve got it figured out. 

The characters are distinct and people with their own voices, motivations, relationships and histories. You’ll have your favourites but love them all. They influence how you’ll see the characters in everything else. 

It’s full of moments where everything clicks and everything before is recontextualised in a way that’s so satisfying and make the whole story very re-readable. A time travel story where all loops are already closed, where you can know but not yet understand what will happen. It’s long, complex, and beautifully, meticulously planned and detailed. It’s clever and considered, funny and heartbreaking. 

A story that whispers ‘it matters’ over and over. It is worth it to love, it is worth it if it doesn’t last forever, it is worth it to give someone a little more time, it is worth it to fight. It’s about loving others and your world and finding grace for yourself. 

It’s loss and tragedy and the cruelness of fate. It is the sacrifice and the breaking. 

Full of heart to both fill yours and break it in the best possible way. 

It’s about love. Always.

By @toyouhellohowareyou

Sometimes, it’s hard to explain to others why art moves us.

I could tell you This is an Adjuration will make you cry, laugh, and sit at the edge of your seat in anticipation. And it’s probably true - I did all of that as I read, often with a coffee in one hand, early in the morning as I got ready for the day. 

But that’s not the reason why I’m writing this.

The real reason is how it followed me during the rest of the day.

You see, at a certain point I realized this isn’t a story about Links going on adventures. Well, it does feature Links, and they do go on adventures, so let’s talk about that for a minute.

The first thing that caught my attention about this book was the characters. Each individual is unique, interesting, and exciting to follow. Not only are the Links individually compelling, but one thing that stands out in Adjuration is how the relationship between each Hero and their own worlds matter, and these connections shift, evolve, break and grow as the plot progresses.

Freyja does an incredible job of bringing together impactful storytelling with humor and heart. This is an Adjuration starts with an interesting premise, and then twists and turns in directions you wouldn’t expect. It’s rich in thought-provoking moments, soft joy and intense action, blended in with carefully crafted time travel and magic.

Adjuration sucked me into the world it builds, combining believable characters with fascinating stories, an unnervingly devious antagonist, plot twists, and lovingly crafted details that slip unnoticed until you’re surrounded on all sides. It made me cheer for characters I feel as if I’ve known intimately for years, made me worry for their safety as I would for that of a loved one, kept me hunting for hints and hidden references, pulling on a thread to try to find the end only for it to twist and loop into itself and show me a completely new side to the story.

Yes, This is an Adjuration is a fanfiction piece that explores the winding river flow of the Legend of Zelda timeline and how the stories of each Hero merge into each other. It also stands out for its heavy emotional content, and it doesn’t shy away from angst and hurt.

But to me, Adjuration is an epic journey that taught me how the choices we make, make us in turn. It’s a tragedy that deals with pain and healing, and it bares naked the non-linear nature of grief. It’s a celebration of the things that make us unique, of our flaws, an essay of the impact of little acts of love. Indeed, it’s a story about love.

I can tell you now, This is an Adjuration moved me. It still does. It has a special way to surface in my mind in unexpected ways at seemingly random times, from something as simple as tossing an apple core, to watching a lightning storm in the distance, or finding a picture of an old friend.

And every time, without fail, it makes me think about love.

By @sunny-porridge

This is an Adjuration is a wonderfully and beautifully crafted story about love, loss, and choice as the various incarnations of Link come together and travel through time. Freyja seamlessly weaves a tapestry of setup and payoff across different timelines and loops, in the best-constructed time travel plot I’ve ever seen on page or screen. Even at its surface, Adjuration is an emotional rollercoaster involving tragedy and the soft moments that make that tragedy worth it. But the deeper you look, the more meaning you can pull from every chapter of this amazing work. This work has made me cry, squeal with delight, and think more deeply about its themes all while having an absolute blast reading it. So in summary: READ IT. READ IT. READ IT NOW. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

By @life-in-winter

While I love that every chapter is emotionally enthralling, with carefully woven, visceral tension you crave in any good story, yet Adjuration is more than that, and you feel it in the careful weave of each character and plot point. Nothing is lost or unanswered. It's the kind of story that, by the end, makes you stop and take a hard look at your own life. Are you appreciating the now? Are you savoring joy? Are you so wrapped up in fear that you can hardly take care of yourself? Do you know who you are?

This story is more like an external experience. It's riding atop a tsunami. How do you handle that ride, Link?

There aren't enough words to describe how amazing this fic is.

@needfantasticstories

Artist credit

Legend: @gia-d

Hyrule: @bittirsweeteer

Time: @toonblade

Sky: @noorahqar

Warriors: @whitewinterstar

Wild: @weavingstarlight

Twilight: @bluury2

Wind: @thewitchdoctor39

Four: @lunaopus

Red: @peepthatbish

Blue: @glowingmin

Green: @winterfen

Vio: @waterfallstream

Shadow: @deleetrix

Wolfie: @linkiscool333

Fierce Deity: @awildsilver

Ravio: @lele5429

Malon: @tooner-tastic

Dink: @passerinesoncaffeine

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

june 2024 octa + 4koma manga updates

As a reminder, no Episode of Savanaclaw manga chapter this month ^^ And without further ado, some of the highlights (in my opinion) of the latest manga updates:

This month's cover page illustration features Yuuta and Grim marveling over a chess board (since at this point in the story they're camping out in Savanaclaw). If you look closely, each of the pieces on the chessboard represent the relevant TWST characters; there are two card soldiers (presumably one for Ace and one for Deuce), a wolf for Jack, a hyena for Ruggie, and a lion for Leona on the "white" side. On the opposing "black" side (fitting, since Azul will OB soon) are two eel pieces for the twins and one octopus piece for Azul.

We continue the adorable overly flattering Ace from last month's chapter! Sad to say that I, too, would be completely fooled by this act-- asbfalebqejdqo The older merguard is also very cute and enthusiastic. I love that the manga can give faceless NPCs and mobs actual eyes. It grants them a lot more personality and soul! We continue the adorable overly flattering Ace from last month's chapter! Sad to say that I, too, would be completely fooled by this act-- asbfalebqejdqo The older merguard is also very cute and enthusiastic. I love that the manga can give faceless NPCs and mobs actual eyes. It grants them a lot more personality and soul!

HECK YEAH, IT'S TWEELS tERRORISM TIME BBABY 🤡 Jade and Floyd got sooo many good shots this chapter????? Love that the second page above shows us just how long Floyd is + how the two genuinely delight in scaring our crew (RIP Ace, he looks so close to death's door when he seeks Jade and Floyd peeking at him).

These panels paint the picture of the chase and fight being very frantic for our crew, but really being a chill game to the Leech brothers. They definitely have the upper hand this whole time, and the art helps to convey that feeling!

(Side note: that face Deuce makes with the pinched mouth is also top tier 👌)

So this chapter is the one where Leona swipes the keys to Azul's vault and robs him of all the golden contracts. This results in many, MANY distressed, panicked, and/or desperate expressions from Azul... all of which are soooo delicious <3 There's a ton more than what I've included here (I picked some of my faves), I just couldn't include them all because of Tumblr post image limits.

THE SMUGZUL LAUGH?????? ?? ??? ?? ?????? ? HIS ANSWER TO THE OJOUSAMA LAUGH

Featuring: out-of-shape nerd (relatable) Azul fans fr feasting this update 🙏

RUGGIIIIIIE 🥰 He makes a lot of :3 faces that are just great!!

ANOTHER THING THAT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION WAS THE SHEER AMOUNT OF LEONA SMUG IN THIS CHAPTER I MEAN SEEING LEONA SMUG MAKES ME GRIT MY TEETH AND WANNA KNOCK HIM DOWN A PEG BUT WOW IS HE PRETTY LIKE THIS AUVYFB32T73RANfhbabfobiqrBI/.L;,'KJM;N GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I HAT EYOU KINHSCHPLAR I HATE YOU SO MUCH i'm gONA PUNCHHF YOU IN YOUR STUPID SLUTTY ,.,NAFCLAVICLE

anyway Anyway ANYWAY!!!!!! Azul is so close to snapping now, boys :)))) Soon... SOON, OB AZUL AND CHILD!OCTAVINELLE IN HIS FLASHBACK...

Now for 4koma news! This month features a comic about Epel playing Magift/Spelldrive and another comic about Jamil cooking curry.

My favorite segment from the Epel comic! Grim is peak cuteness here, love that he curls into himself to brace for impact, INCLUDING THE FRIGGIN TAIL.

HLBQVUFOQVIYFA; This part made me think of my Gordon Ramsay in Twisted Wonderland series, specifically the fish-themed installment with Jamil and Deuce; in it, Jamil plots on making a seafood dish to serve to Azul as revenge for the events of book 4. In the Jamil 4koma this month, Jamil sees Octavinelle and then considers making a seafood/fish curry with that smug-ass face in the bottom-most panel 💀 That's all for now! See you next month for more~

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Neil!

Idk If you'll ever see this, but I really wanna say thank you because you and Terry made me fall in love with books.

Even if you talked to me a year ago about getting into reading, or how magical it can be, I probably would've totally shrugged you off, but after watching Good Omens season 2 and literally falling in love with the series (I watched the first series when I was 9 so didn't make the quite the same impact at that age) I ended up picking up the source material at my local bookshop. Imagine my surprise when I said to my friend what I was looking for, that two totally random strangers pointed at it immediately, and told me that as soon as they finished it they read it again straight afterwards. At the time I thought that seemed like a really weird thing to do. But anyway I picked up the book and went to buy it.

*sidenote during this whole interaction the friend I was with (who has never heard of or seen good omens) was being talked to by one of the nice people we met on who Michael Sheen was, sadly it was only when I googled him in a coffee shop afterwards she recognised him from twilight.

After reading Good Omens the book I had seen exactly why those people in the bookshop had read it twice in a row, because now I found myself doing the exact same thing!

Me from a year ago would never have believed, that for my 15th birthday last week, I asked for a graphic novel version of The discworld graphic novels because my maths teacher (surprisingly out of everyone) turned out to be a huge Fan on Terry Pratchett, and suggested it to me in class after talking about Good Omens.

This series and book have literally changed me as a person, so I just wanted to say again, thank you so much!!

That's Marvelous! Welcome to the fold.

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

Hii dillo! I was wondering if you've talked about the gang and their opinions getting married and whatnot, and if you haven't, could you? Thanks a bunch 🫶

A/N: I don't think I've ever done anything like this, so I hope you enjoy it! They're a little repetitive maybe, but I tried my hardest :)

DARRY CURTIS

I think Dare’s pretty open to the idea of marriage! Especially if he were to find the right person, he’d definitely consider getting down on one knee and popping the question

He’d be hesitant, at least a little bit, no matter how perfect or awesome he thinks you are because he knows his life is a little complicated and he’s not too sure if he really wants to drag someone into that

Like it’s one thing to be dating somebody and have the wild lifestyle Darry has, working multiple jobs to take care of his brothers and looking out for the rest of the boys in the gang, but it’s a whole other thing to actually be married into that

When he does propose though, I’d bet a lot of money that he would use his mama’s old ring cause ya know, it’s got that big sentimental value to him

I don’t think he’d have a big flashy proposal or even a big flashy wedding, just something sort of subdued and private so it’s a big moment for the two of you mostly, not a moment for everyone else-

His best man would probably be Sodapop, I’m thinking probably, I just love the idea of the two of them standing next to each other at the end of the aisle  

SODAPOP CURTIS

Sodapop is incredibly pro-wedding, and I mean incredibly pro-wedding, he wants absolutely nothing more than to have a nice wedding and settle down with the one he loves

I’m talking like- y’all could be dating for two weeks at most and you just do something small and sweet like bring him lunch at work and this boy’s hearing wedding bells and making plans

He just really loves you ya know? He loves hard and he falls fast and from the moment he sees you for the first time, he can picture his whole life with you, I’m not even joking

If y’all remember Sandy, if you care about Sandy at all or don’t remember her, I don’t really know, but I think she’d have a big impact on how he looks at marriage, especially if you’re the first person he’s going with after her

Like he’d be absolutely head over heels for you, but he’d hold back a little more in the relationship because he doesn’t wanna be hurt like that again

The hesitation wouldn’t last long, because he’s Sodapop and he’s like that, but if something went wrong, he’d remember the Sandy drama and be a little concerned about your future 

PONYBOY CURTIS

Imma start off by saying that Ponyboy is honestly a little too young to be spending his time concerned about marriage and honestly probably doesn’t spend much time planning a future wedding

This boy has his head in the clouds most of the time or his nose tucked in a book so I doubt marriage his high on his priority list, but I think he’d want to get married eventually

Similar to Sodapop, Ponyboy’s quick to fall for someone, which is something he’s not proud of, but like- he can develop a crush in about two seconds flat and be hopelessly pining over you within an hour of seeing you for the first time

But, he’s not gonna start wedding planning until a long while, he’s less concerned with figuring out what kind of wedding you’re going to have and more concerned on trying to get you to go out to the movies with him on Friday night

And even though it’s a long way away, Ponyboy knows he’s not going to have a big deal wedding, it’s probably just going to be a small affair either in his hometown or yours

His side of the room is probably gonna be filled with greasers and a few school friends he’s made over the years, but ya know, either way, it’s gonna be a really sweet wedding and he’s gonna make it all soft and sweet <3 

DALLAS WINSTON

To those of you who are fans of Dally…well, I apologize, cause bein’ honest with y’all, marriage isn’t a high priority on this boy’s list-

You could be dating for a million years, living in the same place, falling asleep and waking up next to each other every day, and getting married wouldn’t probably ever cross his mind unless you said something about it

Dal’s not anti-marriage per se, he just doesn’t see the need for it, especially if things are going just fine between the two of you, ya know? Why risk what you’ve got for something you don’t really need?

Most of his hesitations come from a minor fear of commitment and also just a general lack of care for doing things the traditional way, but the commitment problems do play a part in that, he’s afraid of tying himself down and dragging you down with him

If you did get married? It’d be down at the courthouse with the boys watching over you, teasing you both mercilessly the whole time

Also! When he gets hauled in and you show up to bail him out, he will refer to you as if you were married because sometimes he likes to be an asshole and mess with the officers who’ve tossed him in jail

JOHNNY CADE

Getting married? With you? Yeah, he’d consider going out and getting married and stuff, but it’d take him a very, very, very long time to work up to it, not dragging his feet, just trying to figure out if it’s worth it 

Not ‘cause of you, just ‘cause he’s seen what can happen in marriages, look at literally everyone’s parents, and he’s worried about that becoming the two of you guys, he loves you too much for that to happen, ya know?

Also because he’s like- way nervous- the boys have to constantly tell him that they’re pretty confident you’re gonna say yes when Johnny pops the question (sometime in the far future folks, he’s just a child)

Ironically, it’ll probably be Dally that final gets through to him, Mr. Almost-Anti-Wedding himself, mostly because he’s tired of Johnny stressing himself over a proposal you’re probably definitely going to say yes to

So eventually, he might ask you, but it’s gonna be a real private proposal, just the two of you. And the wedding wouldn’t be anything fancy either, probably down to the courthouse with the rest of the folks and then going out to celebrate afterward at the Curtis household

He’d be a good husband, I think, because after all, what is the position of a husband but that of a glorified boyfriend?? Johnny is a great boyfriend! He’d be a good husband!

TWO-BIT MATHEWS

Despite the hot mess of his parent’s marriage, Two-Bit does wanna get married and I think he’d start thinking about marrying you from the get-go, I’m talking as soon as he laid eyes on you, he knew you two were gonna get hitched-

Does he have any sort of solid plan? Absolutely not. He just knows he’s head over heels for you and is willing to get married whenever you want to say yes to him

Like he’s regularly gonna ask you to marry him but it’s more in that way of, you did something nice and he looks at you with heart eyes and asks you to marry him

Two’d really love a white picket fence life I think, or at least, he’d think about settling down with you one day, coming home to you every night, waking up in the same bed as you every morning, maybe raising a few kids, having a dog or two-

He’s not in a real rush to get married though, as enthusiastic as he is about it, he’s willing to wait until whenever you wanna go and get married, though he might hit you with a promise ring at some point in the game

The wedding wouldn’t be anything too fancy, just your people and his people, all gathered together to become one big family, he’d probably have one of the boys as his best man and his little sister would definitely be your flower girl if she was young enough still when y’all got married 

STEVE RANDLE

Similar to Two-Bit, he doesn’t have great experience with marriage, Steve’s parent’s relationship is kind of rocky to say in the least and he doesn’t have a great foundation to base it on, but he’d love to get married

His biggest fear about being married to be honest, is turning into his father, but he knows, deep down that he’s not ever gonna end up like that guy 

The only thing stopping him from getting married is finding someone to get hitched to, ya know? But along came you and…well we all know you guys are gonna be endgame

Steve and Sodapop, out of all the boys, are definitely the most likely to be the youngest to get married, if they’ve found someone to marry, neither of them see any reason to delay it any longer?

I’m getting this mental image of you swinging by the DX to drop off lunch for Steve or something, maybe you just came by to say hi, and some guy had been eyeing you, asking Steve who you are, and Steve’s like “My future spouse, actually”

You’d have a nice little wedding, maybe just a courthouse affair, but it’d be real sweet and he’d clean up just for you, no grease or motor oil in sight, his hair combed back all swirly and stuff, he just looks real good

TIM SHEPARD

Now I’ve got tons of opinions about a married Tim Shepard, mostly because I’ve talked about a married Tim Shepard at length with a very dear friend of mine (hello to Sophie, one of my bestest buds)

But anyway, Tim would totally get married, just as long as he found someone worth getting married to, but it’d take him a while until he finally asks, he takes his time, takes it slow, and doesn’t really rush into it

Most of his hesitation is just his assumption that maybe you don’t wanna get married, or maybe you weren’t gonna stick around forever, and he’s real worried about pulling you into his world, worried that you’re not gonna like staying

Especially cause like- he knows he’s got it rough, he lives on the rougher side of town, runs a gang for crying out loud, he knows he can’t always give you everything that you might want, but he’d sure try, and he’d do whatever he could to make you happy

When you guys get hitched, Curly would be his best man, no doubt in my mind, and he’d have Angela on his side too if she isn’t already standing on your side of the ceremony

He doesn’t really want a big fancy ceremony or anything? Whatever you want is more than fine to him, he just wants to marry you, he doesn’t care how it happens as long as you’re happy with it 

CURLY SHEPARD

Curly’s one of the ones who everyone thought was never gonna get married and settle down with somebody, but from the second he started bringing you around, everyone knew it’d only be a matter of time before you two got married

He wasn’t too sure about getting married at first? Didn’t have any sort of attachment to the idea or plans for getting married, but he changed those plans when you two got together

Curl’s absolutely obsessed with you from the get-go and the first time Tim meets you, he knows that there’s going to be a wedding at some point for the two of you, everyone sees it coming

Again, his parent’s marriage kinda sucked, but Curly’s one for taking stuff his own way and he was determined not to screw up your marriage either, even though he knows not everything is going to be perfect

When you get married, it’s definitely not going to be anything big or fancy or anything, but it’s going to feel like a real special day because it is a real special day and I’m gonna be honest with you, you’re going have a great time with everyone there

Curly sees you for the first time and he cries, not full-out crying but his eyes tear up quite a bit and Tim teases him about it for the rest of his life because who knew such tough hoods were really softies?

[itsscriptory]

Another Post About Showing and Telling

I feel like it’s a rite of passage for a writing blog to talk about show, don’t tell, so I’ll take a crack at it. 

First of all, to get it out of the way, show, don’t tell is good advice for specific situations, but it’s been taken to mean always show, never tell and that’s not helpful. If you really want to paint with broad brushstrokes, then the better advice would be: Show more than tell. Showing and telling should both be tools in your writer’s toolbox. 

But why should we show more than tell? Because showing is the key to the reader's emotional experience with your story. There are many posts and books out there that go over how to turn your telling into showing (like using active verbs instead of passive, for example, or using concrete, specific details in your descriptions), but I think it’s important to fully digest why we’re making those changes and why the reasoning will push us to become better writers. 

It all comes down to emotion. Writing For Emotional Impact by Karl Iglesias encourages writers to start thinking to themselves: “I’m in the emotion-delivery business, and my job is to evoke emotions in a reader.” Dialogue, theme, setting, pacing, character development, word choice, structure, POV, showing and telling. These are all tools a writer uses in varying proportions to best manipulate a reader’s emotions. The good news is that when a reader picks up a book, they’re willing to be manipulated. In fact, they hope to be. The tough news is that you have to deliver on a sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, scene by scene, and chapter by chapter basis. But that’s okay, because you’re a writer, dammit, and this struggle is where the art of the craft is. 

Showing is where the emotional complexities of our characters, theme, and plot can be revealed gradually without giving too much away too early and robbing engagement from the reader. Showing is what makes the resolution and the journey satisfying. So you can see how much weight it carries and why we want more of that than telling. We’re trying to evoke emotion from the reader, not talk at them like we’re recounting a dream we had last night (yawn). And it’s easier to evoke emotion if we keep them curious. Engaged.

Part of revealing the story gradually through showing is planting evidence for a conclusion that you leave the reader to make themselves, or a conclusion that you will reveal later. Donald Maas in The Emotional Craft of Fiction writes, “The ingredient behind effective showing can be summed up in this word: subtext. When there’s a feeling we’re not being told, but it is evident anyway, that underlying feeling is the subtext. It’s the unspoken emotional truth.” And then a fandom is born and continues to thrive for decades after the show ended! Really, though. Subtext is an ingredient in showing, which fosters engagement, which makes the reader feel something. Sometimes passionately. Every story I love and keep coming back to in one form or another has that special place in my heart because of how it made me feel.

I’ll try to give a simple example here to illustrate subtext and reader engagement at work. Using setting and a couple action beats as an opportunity for subtext, let’s say a character and her sister arrive at their grandmother’s house. Character A remains standing in the corner when invited in, hugging herself, frowning at the green knitted blanket hanging over the couch that looks like the color of nausea. Character B walks easily into the living room, running her hand over the green blanket that reminds her of nature and wellness. In Character B's perspective, she admires her grandmother's craftiness. But it's only in Character's A perspective that we notice the store tag on the blanket. Who do we think has the better relationship with their grandmother, given the evidence? Which one seems more naïve or eager to see her grandmother in a certain light? What assumptions can we make about the grandmother? Might she be putting on a performance of being grandmotherly? The mental work the reader does here would be completely thwarted if the scene had started with “Hannah didn’t like her grandmother because she valued material wealth and appearances over forming a genuine connection with her family.” We can show that instead over time by filtering the world through the perspectives of our characters, and even making it pack an emotional punch if we’re strategic about it.

But I had mentioned that contrary to what show, don’t tell asks us to do, telling isn’t something we should throw away. It can be a tool in its own right. 

Telling is explaining, and explaining keeps people distant from what’s happening in the story. How many times has an “I love you” felt kinda meh in a story because that character hasn’t earned that confession by showing their love through their actions or making some sort of sacrifice? How many times have your eyes glazed over while reading the fourth paragraph of an info dump? How many times, when talking about a book you just read, have you said “well, the first 80 pages were slow…” because it was all backstory? Or maybe a story is entirely forgettable because the telling leaves nothing to the imagination. Donald Maas writes, “Put on a page what a character feels and there’s a pretty good chance that, paradoxically, what the reader feels is nothing.”

However, telling has one thing on showing: efficiency. If a book only showed, then it could go on forever and ever. So a writer has to learn how to weave both showing and telling into the story to control the pacing and delivery of information. If you want subtext or you want something to be vague on purpose, then you’ll probably want to show. If you want to deliver information quickly and with clarity, then you might want to try telling. Does it need to make logical sense to understand the upcoming scene? Maybe tell. Is this transition unimportant to the story and you don’t want to linger? Try telling and see how it works! Ask your beta readers how it worked for them. Of course, if you’re writing in the literary genre, you might be doing a whole lot of telling because what propels the reader to the next page and the next chapter is the form, the prose, and the sheer depth of the exploration of flawed characters. 

It’s all about balance. And practice. Next time you read a book and you find yourself moved, try to figure out how the author just evoked that feeling from you. Was it stated plainly, or was it shown through action? Was it stated plainly after a whole book’s worth of setup through subtext? Was it unexpected? What was the balance of showing and telling that led to it? Or, if you find your focus trailing off, try to figure out why. Then, when you’re editing your own work, you’ll have the tools you need to identify the weak points and make revisions. And it’s okay (even expected) if the perfect balance of showing and telling doesn’t occur in the first draft. The Artful Edit by Susan Bell (highly recommended) talks a lot about the revisions that went into The Great Gatsby. You'll find that his writing struggles are comfortingly familiar. Luckily, he certainly had a wonderful editor :)

For further reading/watching: 

[VIDEO] ShaelinWrites—Show, Don’t Tell | what it means and how to use it

[BOOK] Showing and Telling in Fiction by Marcy Kennedy [BOOK] A Writer’s Guide to Active Setting by Mary Buckham

[redsrooftopprincess]

Gravity (Part 1)

Hi there! This is my first fic ever. I hope you like it. 🫣

Nothing spicy, gn reader x Raphael.

Part 2 Part 3

You look up as a heavy impact comes from overhead, heralding his arrival.

He'd called you at the beginning of the season to let you know that you couldn't see each other for a few weeks. He was hesitant to explain why, but relented when you reminded him that you've never blinked twice at his "fucked up turtle shit" (his words, not yours).

He'd said that emotions run high between the four of them and fuses are shorter than they would be otherwise. In reality, he knows that spending *any* amount of time with you during the season would make keeping a lid on his feelings that much harder.

Hormones suck no matter what species you are, and this year the season was hitting *hard*. It was making him think and feel and need things that didn't exist. That couldn't.

Despite what those weird romance novels would have you believe, mating season is less like Viagra on steroids, and more like cracking open your shell and exposing your heart to the raw unfiltered injustice of your existence. There was the physical need for release, sure, that was a given. But the other part of them, whatever part made them almost human, wanted more. Wanted a life. A real life.

Raphael wanted that life with you. He wanted to wake up next to you every morning, and hold you while you fall asleep every night. He wanted to make love to you with the sunrise, and see the dawn painted on your skin. He wanted *everything*. And he knew that if he were in that room with you right now he would tell you *everything*.

He's a realist. He knows what he is, and the reality of all the things that come with it. And you are not one of them. So, he tells himself he's content with how things are, that he doesn't want so much more. Most days, he believes it.

You pick up your phone and frown, concerned when you notice the time, before tapping his name. He's early. It takes him a moment to pick up.

"Hey," he rumbles quietly into the receiver. He sounds tired.

"Hey," you say gently, "slow night?" Your voice is slightly dampened. You're laying in bed. Raphael closes his eyes and breathes deep, trying to picture anything else.

"Distracted..." He says, and sighs, "Not safe to be out there when my head's somewhere else."

"Where's your head?" you ask, idly flipping through the pages of the book you'd been reading.

You almost miss it, it's so soft it almost bleeds into the night, but the weight of it falls like a hammer.

"Here."

You still. Your eyes look up at the ceiling as if you can see him through the concrete. He sounds resigned, shameful, as if the word spilled out unbidden. As if it held every word he never said. As if you hadn't been dancing around your own feelings for the past two years.

He was the best thing that had ever happened to you. After he'd crash landed into your world, for the first time in your life you'd felt safe and cared for and...

How did you not see it?

It takes a moment for you to find your voice.

"Raphael-"

"Don't invite me in," he interrupts. His voice feels like thunder, the promise of a storm, and you try to ignore the gooseflesh that scatters across your skin.

"Why not?" your voice is a whisper, and you almost hate how breathless you sound.

He hesitates, exhaling before taking a slow, measured breath.

"Because I won't say 'no.'"