#I just want to be able to be open enough to maybe find a path that is completely different from what I once thought was my whole purpose

[pitzer]

I love this person

“Occasionally I’ll have a beer after work and break out the sketchbook. But I had wanted to be this great painter. I wanted to do these grand things: big, huge oil paintings. But those days of painting all the time were such a roller coaster. There were these periods of extreme depression, followed by manic states of trying to put myself out there. I couldn’t do it anymore. I mainly felt sorry for my dad. I know it was rough for him. My mom hadn’t wanted me to go to art school. She wanted me to do something more practical, but my dad said: ‘No. This is what he wants to do, and I want to support his dream.’ And then I abandoned it. That was the first time I had to deal with real failure. A lot of times when you’re an artist, it’s your job, it’s your lifestyle, it’s your entire fucking identity. It wasn’t like I failed to do a thing. It was like: I failed to be something, you know? It was a failure to live up to what I thought was my destiny. But then on the other side of that, there was this figuring out that there was nothing wrong with me the entire time. I didn’t need to be something else to have meaningful friendships, or a good relationship. I didn’t need to be something else to be loved and cared about. After work tonight I’m going to meet up with a person who’s in love with me, and I can’t wait. And that person met me long after I gave up on being a full-time artist. They met me when I wasn’t even a chef yet. I was a piss-poor, part-time line cook. But even then, they decided I was worth it. So you know, there’s something there. There’s something there that’s enough.”

[rhysazriel]

Smoke & Light: Part 3 [Plug!Az]

SUMMARY: A run in with the cops is another reminder of the horrors Azriel faced through his childhood. Maybe one day he'll open up about it, but not today. Today, he's solely focussed on helping you out of a bad trip. (8.2k)

WARNINGS: swearing, reoccurring themes of use of recreational drugs (weed), greening out, teasing, flirting, kissing, dirty talk, use of toys hehe, slapping/spanking, spitting, dom!Az, mentions of Az's abusive childhood.

A/N: firstly, I want to massively apologise for not updating this in sooo long. Life has been busy and I've been reading so much lately that writing slipped my mind. To make up for it, there is some filthy smut in this chapter and I am hoping to be a bit more consistent with the next updates. Thank you for being so patient and I hope you enjoy!!

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

When Azriel was a young boy, he dreamt of becoming a guitarist. It didn’t matter to him then if he was famous or not. Just so long as he was good enough to be able to replicate famous rifts with his own spin, and create his own music, too. 

For his fifth birthday, his mother bought him a children’s guitar, complete with the plastic pics and a leather strap with his initials etched into the fine fabric. He knew, even at that age, that the gift had cost his mother a small fortune. But she didn’t care how much it set her back. The look of pure shock and excitement on her boy's face was worth every single penny she spent. 

He could still remember the untold amounts of sleep he would forfeit to learn a new chord or finally string more than three together at once. By seven years old, he could recreate the first half of Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd—albeit choppy and slightly out of time—and memorise the chords by heart. 

His half-brothers had never liked that about Azriel. His talent and passion for music and the guitar. Even at the ages of five and four, they did not like Azriel. More often than not, they’d plant broken vases and stained cushions for their parents to find, and blame them on Azriel. They knew their father would take away his guitar for a few days to a week as punishment. 

But even then, a week wasn’t long enough. Their hatred for Azriel stemmed long before his love for guitar had grown. From the moment his half-brothers learned how to talk, Az was on the daggered end of their spiteful tongue and manipulative masterminds. As young as he was, Azriel wasn’t blind to the cause of it. He wasn’t blind to his step-father’s hatred for him, that he then instilled in his own blood sons. 

Being what they called a ‘blood traitor’ would always be their main justification for what they did. Azriel had never admitted to anyone the second reason his brothers set his hands alight. But the other thought behind it—the more vicious and calculated thought—was to burn not just his hands, but his dreams, too. 

For months after the incident, Azriel’s hands remained bandaged. He could hardly use them for everyday tasks like dressing and washing and eating. And when they had finally healed enough for the bandages to be permanently removed, he couldn’t play his beloved guitar. 

The strings were too harsh on his sensitive skin. It hurt so much just pressing down on the chords on the neck, let alone pinching the pic for longer than thirty seconds at a time. Azriel had to learn how to play all over again, covered in blisters and burnt flesh. And then his marred skin began to harden and callous and every strum was more painful than before. 

He often wondered if this would still be his life path had the burning never happened. If he would have still met Rhys and Cass, if he would still be selling drugs. He knew he wouldn’t be this well-off financially, but at what cost? What did all of this money mean when it was just him? When he wouldn’t be able to fulfil his biggest dream in life? 

He mostly thought about it all in times like this, when he was spontaneously pulled over by the cops for what they called a “random stop and search”, though they had never given a plausible cause for it. And today would be no different. 

“You stalking me again, Reynolds?” Az asked in a rugged tone as he exhaled the smoke from his cigarette. 

Officer Reynolds, one of the few officers that continuously pulled Az over and searched his vehicle, leaned against the open window with his arms crossed. His blue eyes gleamed with hope of catching something on him this time, though Az knew Reynolds would walk away with another few grey hairs to add to his collection. 

Reynolds was a strange looking man. Not in his features, but in the glint of his eyes and the disturbing tug of his lips whenever he offered a grim smile. He radiated nothing but offsetting energy, one that stunk of noncy behaviour and less than ethical tendencies. 

His iced eyes darted quickly across Azriel’s lap and the passenger's seat, coming up short and settling his gaze on the man again. 

“Random stop and search, nothing personal.” He grinned that awful smile but Azriel paid no mind to it. “Step out of the car, licence and registration.” Azriel was already reaching into the glovebox for his paperwork before Reynolds could even speak. 

He handed them over, opening the door as the officer stepped away, and stood with his hands on the hood of his Mustang. Azriel knew the drill. He’d been patted down and had his car searched more times than he could count in the past six months alone. 

And each and every time, Reynolds always came up short. 

“Got any weapons in the vehicle?” 

Azriel rolled his eyes, looking over his shoulder as Reynolds began to pat down his stomach and thighs. “Do I look like the type that needs a weapon?” 

A dry chuckle slipped from the officers lips as he patted harder down Azriel’s calves and ankles before turning to his full—albeit short—height. “What about narcotics? Any drugs that I should be aware of?” 

Az grunted with another roll of his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Officer Reynolds didn’t offer a response. Instead, he bent his body into the driver's side of the Mustang and began stifling through every nook and cranny that his swollen hands could reach. 

Azriel’s foot tapped impatiently as he waited and waited for the search to end. They wouldn’t find a damn thing, especially because of the new addition Azriel had recently added to his modded car. 

But that knowledge of the secret compartment didn’t stop his muscles from tensing just slightly when Reynolds wrapped his puffed fingers around the foot mat and peeled it up. 

Azriel’s stash was well hidden; wrapped and locked in an extended box beneath his footwell that managed to also keep the scent out. He knew it was a matter of time before they started bringing a K9 with them on their searches, so Azriel had to be prepared for that well in advance. 

Especially with how strong the new strain smelt. 

With a huff, Reynolds haphazardly threw the foot mat back down and struggled to clamber out of the car. And just like Azriel suspected, he came up short. 

Reynolds handed him back his paperwork and rested his hands back on his belt, fingers itching for his baton to give Az a taste of the frustration he caused him. Azriel didn’t so much as bat an eye at it. He knew Reynolds wouldn’t touch him. Not if he wanted to keep both his stumpy legs in use. 

“You know, this is getting pretty old. How do I go about filing a harassment charge?” 

Reynolds scoffed. “Good luck with that.”

//

If there was one thing Az liked about having his brothers home, it was the lack of talking his mind did. There was no silence for his brain and thoughts to gang up on him, to have him question every thought and decision he’d ever made. 

Music and guitar usually helped to quiet those demons—the shadows that he had no control over—but the frustration from his earlier encounter with Reynolds had the desire for playing at the bottom of his list. 

Instead, he settled for Nesta’s demand to braid her hair. She knew him better than she let the others know. Since they first met years ago, he became the brother she never had, that she never knew she needed. She was quick to learn his quirks and mannerisms; what they meant and how he felt. 

And he learnt the same for her. 

“You’re doing it too loose,” Nesta huffed, picking at her nails from her seat on the carpet between Azriel’s parted thighs. He huffed, flexing his fingers and undoing the braid. 

“Last time you told me it was too tight and it gave you a migraine,” he retorted back with an exasperated huff.

They argued like real siblings, too. 

“Just do it a little looser than last time.”

Azriel split her hair into three sections once more and slowly started to braid, overlapping the sections and tugging a bit tighter than his previous attempt. Nesta hummed in approval.

They didn’t pay much mind to the others. Rhys and Feyre were cuddled on the loveseat opposite them, Cassian on their left with a bulky pair of headphones on his head as he smashed the buttons of the gaming remote beneath his fingers. 

He was growing frustrated that he was losing, but it didn’t help that his hands were so massive that the pad of his thumb was big enough to press all the buttons at once. 

“Hey, Az… there’s this girl I know…” Azriel’s grunt cut Feyre off before she could say anything else. He tied Nesta’s braid and tapped her shoulders, signally he was done. 

“Not this again, Fey,” he groaned. 

A sheepish smile sat on her full lips, a gentle tint of pink blushing the apples of her cheeks. “I really think you guys would get along, though. She’s super laid back and so gorgeous.” 

Nesta moved from between Az’s thighs on the ground and clambered back onto the sofa, reaching for her tumbler of gin and tonic. Azriel was used to this, to Feyre trying to set him up. Each time, he’d always shut her advances down, but that never stopped her.

Feyre considered it a challenge, and she wouldn’t stop until Azriel agreed to go on a date. Just once, and she’d back off. She was fairly confident that one date would be all it would take for Azriel to fall for her mysterious friend. 

“I don’t need to be set up,” he spoke, finality in his tone. 

Rhys cocked a brow at how quickly Az dismissed his girlfriend but said nothing. He knew Feyre could get a bit too much with it sometimes, but Rhys himself still had hopes that maybe one day, Az would bite the bullet and just agree. 

But Azriel had no plans to do that. He didn't want to be set up on a blind date, and he most certainly did not need nor want his friends involving themselves in his love life—or lack thereof. It wasn’t that he struggled with girls, Mother, no. Not once in his life did Azriel ever have a shortage of pussy.

If he wanted it, he would get it. On his own. Without his brother's girlfriend’s self-involvement. 

His phone chimed from his back pocket, and not bothering another glance at Feyre, Azriel retrieved it to read over the message. 

You: you weren’t kidding. This shit is strongggg x

His heart rate quickened as he read the text again and again. Azriel hadn’t heard from for three days—since that kiss—and now he was reminiscing on the taste of your mouth on his. 

Azriel: I did warn you

You: maybe next time you could write a reminder on my baggie?

A grin stretched across the expanse of his lips, eyes glittering at how quickly you responded. The act didn’t go unmissed by Nesta, who grinned against her staw and wiggled her toes against the side of Azriel’s thigh. She knew that face—that look. 

“Azzy doesn’t want to get set up because he already has a crush on someone.” 

All eyes snapped to Azriel and Nesta at her words, eyes so wide they almost bulged from their heads. They all knew Az was a ladies man, that although he kept his sex life private, he was well endowed in that aspect. But what they had never really seen was Azriel with a crush. 

With someone who was more than a booty call or a fling.

Az narrowed his eyes at Nesta, a hard expression removing his previous smile. The phone in his hand began to vibrate and a quick glance at it had your number filling the screen through an incoming call. 

His heart stammered. 

“I don’t have a crush. It’s just a client.” He stood from the couch, his scarred thumb hovering over the answer button. 

Nesta grinned maniacally, taking another sip of her gin. “A lady client?” Azriel’s response was a pillow launched at Nesta’s face before leaving his family and shutting himself away in his bedroom. 

Az took a deep breath then swiped his screen to accept the call. “Hey,” he greeted, bringing the phone to his ear. “You doing okay?” 

There was a pregnant pause for a moment before your airy laugh breathed down the line and Azriel’s throat began to close up at the sound. “I think I’ve greened out a little,” you giggled, almost painfully. “Everything is spinning and heavy and when I close my eyes, I get seasick… is that normal?” 

Az pursed his lips, biting back his own smile. The fact that you’d managed to text full sentences and then call him suggested you hadn’t greened out too badly. And by the light self-deprecating laugh at your own situation, he knew you weren’t falling in too deep of a hole. 

“It should pass soon, it shouldn't get worse than how you feel now. Where are you?” 

“I’m at home so I’m okay. I just didn’t know what was the best thing to help.” 

Azriel shouldn’t have let your words affect him the way they did. They shouldn’t have warmed his heart and sent it soaring in his chest. But in your slightly vulnerable predicament, out of everyone that smoked in your life and would understand, it was him that you called for advice. 

Not your friends, not your ex. Him. 

“Honestly? Food and water.”

Another pause of silence had Azriel thinking a bit too much again. If you were calling him for advice, this was likely your first time greening out, and he wondered if you’d even be able to handle making yourself food alone. 

After a moment of consideration, he spoke again. “Want me to stop by?” 

Azriel could hear your soft breath through the call. “Isn’t that crossing a line?” you asked in a gentle voice. 

He frowned, brows pinched. “What line?” 

“I’m your client, you’re my plug,” you reminded him, and something about it sent a sour taste to the back of his throat. 

“You’re my friend,” he offered. 

He wondered if you considered that or not, and by the pause of silence once more, he got his answer. 

“I am?” The soft tone of your question hurt him more than it should’ve. It shouldn’t have hurt him at all. 

“Am I not yours?” 

You were considering it, though. In your book, he was definitely your friend. He’d comforted you just a few nights ago after the fiasco with your sister's secret wedding, had bought you food and then… He’d kissed you. Or had you kissed him? 

You supposed he was your friend, but you didn’t think you meant anything more to him than being just another client. Clearly, you were wrong. 

“Yeah… I guess you are.” 

The corners of Azriel's lips tugged upward slightly. “Great, so send me your address and I’ll stop by with some food.”

Perhaps you should’ve told him no, that it truly wasn’t necessary and you could just pick at a couple of leftover cookies you’d baked yesterday. But you didn’t. You wanted to see him again, wondered so desperately if that kiss had meant anything at all… if it would happen again. 

“I have a spare set of keys in a security lock outside. The code is 4369, let yourself in.” 

// 

You didn’t know how much time you had to try and sort yourself out before Azriel would arrive. But as hard as you tried, every time you raised your head you were met with an onslaught of nausea and dizziness. 

You spent around five minutes attempting to regulate your breathing to rid those feelings, but your body remained stomach down on the couch with your face squished against a pillow. 

If you could stomach the feeling of your eyes being closed for longer than five seconds at a time, you probably could’ve fallen asleep. But alas, the sound of a key entering the lock of your front door had your eyes widening a little further and heart stammering against your ribs. 

“Knock, knock.” Azriel’s voice dripped with honey as he spoke into the expanse of your open plan living-kitchen area. 

Though you couldn’t see him from your position, you could hear the faint rusting of a takeout bag in his hand as he closed the door quietly and kicked off his shoes at the door. 

You didn’t need to call out to him for Az to see you. Sprawled on the sofa, just off to his left, he grinned comically, ignoring the unfamiliar swell in his chest. His feet padded closer to the couch, settling the food on the coffee table and the smell of hot, fried chicken wafted through your senses. 

Azriel helping you sit up and handing you the same meal you ordered the last time you saw one another was a bit of a blur. But the second the food hit your tongue and your tastebuds exploded in delight, the nausea slowly dwindled from your senses. 

“You are my saviour,” you moaned around the food, eyes fluttering closed and none the wiser to Azriel’s growing blush. 

Sat in comfortable silence, Azriel didn’t want you to focus on anything other than feeling yourself again. Within a few minutes, you’d both finished your food and your face didn’t seem so sunken and pasty. 

Now, you looked wonderfully blitzed, skin a little brighter than before and a sparkling sheen to your bloodshot eyes. Yeah, you were out of the woods, your body warm and relaxed. 

“You feeling okay?” he finally managed to ask, shoving the last fry between his lips as you nodded at his question. 

“I feel perfectly baked now.” 

A laugh spluttered from his lips at your words as he wiped his scarred hands clean on a paper napkin. For the first time in the past twenty minutes, Az allowed his eyes to gaze across the expanse of your rather cosy living room. 

Soft, golden lighting that warmed the room, plants of varying shapes and colours tucked into every corner and crevice available. Mismatched furniture and draping vines. 

It was cute, all of it. Very you. The wall facing the couch was hidden beneath tall bookcases that were filled to the brim with every type of book he could imagine. Even with squinted eyes, he could make out a few familiar authors amongst your shelves. 

“Have you read all of those?” He threw his gaze to you, wonder and slight adoration in his eyes, though you were sure you imagined the latter. 

“Mhm,” you hummed around your drink. “Some more times than I can remember.” 

You watched him stand from the couch, his tall frame approaching your collection. He was dressed in black again – his simple jeans and sweater combo – and his hair was perfectly tousled and swept down his forehead. 

Eyes on him, his finger traced the spines of your beloved possessions, settling on one in particular that made your breath still in your chest. Azriel gently pulled it off the shelf, hazel eyes examining the near-pristine cover. 

“Careful,” your soft voice warned him. “It’s worth three grand.” 

Azriel’s eyes almost bulged from his head as he turned to you with the most bewildered expression you’d ever seen. It took every ounce of control not to burst into laughter. 

“What?”

“It’s 134 years old. I restored it the best I could. You should’ve seen it when I found it.” 

Azriel’s brows pulled into a confused frown. “Restored it?” 

“Yeah, that’s what I do for work.” 

When his frown didn’t ease, you cleared your throat to continue. “I work between an auction and a museum in the city. I find the old books and restore them, then sell them through the auction, or they go to the museum.” 

His once furrowed brows raised, his eyes darting back to the book in his hand as if he was inspecting the eighth wonder of the world. Azriel finally turned back to you with a smile that borderlined a smirk. 

“That’s actually pretty cool.” 

A satisfied yet sheepish smile found its way to your lips, cheeks warming under the intensity of his gaze. Azriel slid the book back onto the shelf and continued his observations. 

If you were being honest, it was a little too intimate for your liking. No one in your life had ever taken such interest in your books, not your friends or past lovers. It wasn’t like your love for books was much of a secret, but no one had taken the time to get to know them. 

To know your books was to know you. 

You shouldn’t have been surprised that Azriel was the person to do so. In the short time you’d known him, you realised he was full of surprises.

“What about you?” Your voice greeted his ears softly as you cleaned up the trash from your food. Azriel casted barely a look over his shoulder, eyes caught on your limited edition fantasy book set. A part of you begged to take Azriel’s attention off them. “What do you do for work?” 

That seemed to earn his full attention, causing him to turn to face you fully. With an amused smirk, he followed you a few feet into the open kitchen. “You know what I do for work.” 

Ah. 

“You don’t have anything…legal…to keep on the books?” 

He tried to hide his amusement at your words, but to no avail. Azriel’s smirk only grew and he found himself wondering if his answer might make you think differently of him. 

“If you wanna talk…legalities…then I’m an investor in the stock market.” 

It was your turn to hold the raised eyebrows – a look that Azriel was quick to mirror. “What?” He asked. “You don’t think I could work in stocks?” 

“Do you?” You pressed. 

Azriel’s grin widened slightly. “I do. And I’ll have you know that I’m very good at it.” 

You didn’t want nor need to know any more. You weren’t about to outright ask how much money he had, and if he told you out of his own desire, you were certain it would only make you feel like pure shit. 

Your apartment and belongings weren’t much but they were yours. Everything you had, you worked for. You could do without knowing how many thousands he had sitting pretty in his bank. 

Azriel noticed that distant look in your eyes and took a seat at your island. The last thing he wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable. And if he was being perfectly honest, it was appallingly refreshing to speak with a woman about his side-hustle without them swooning or prying for more details. 

And it appeared that it was only now that either of you were realising how different things were the last time you saw one another. When your lips pressed against his and he kissed you back with just as much want and vigour. 

As if remembering that searing moment, your face and chest began to warm. You were quick to turn away from him, needing a moment to compose yourself and the tight feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

You tried desperately to ignore the ache between your thighs at the memory, instead opting to focus your attention on the half empty box of cookies on the counter. Flipping the lid, you offered one to Azriel who took it without much prompting. 

“Tell me if I’m crossing a line, but if you make enough money investing in stocks, why do you still deal?” 

Azriel’s eyes fluttered closed as he took a bite out of the chocolate chip cookie, and you found your eyes zeroed in on the way his plump lips moved and his broad shoulders slacked slightly. 

His eyes opened to focus on yours. “These are incredible.” You offered a smile, waiting. “Dealing is what got me the money to be able to invest. Don’t get me wrong, I’m good at it, but I lost a lot to get where I am. Dealing is steady income for now. It’s not something I plan to do forever.”

You didn’t probe any further, satisfied with the answer he provided and not wanting to push your luck. Your eyes were drawn to his mouth again, flashes of memories littering your mind as your body warmed once more. 

Clearing your throat, you desperately tried to blink away the haziness he seemed to make you feel. 

“You can smoke out on the balcony, if you want.” 

Azriel finished the last of his cookie and leaned forward on the counter. “I didn’t bring anything.” 

Your head tilted slightly to the half-smoked joint on your counter, stubbed out and back in your open tin. “Smoke the rest of that. It’s too strong for me and I know your tolerance is higher than mine.”

Azriel laughed; hearty and rich and deep. It tickled up your spine and reached around your neck and jaw to tug the corners of your lips into a smile. The effect he had on you was growing to be a slight problem. 

“You wanna come? Fresh air will help.” 

He watched you pinch the joint and lighter from your tin and lead him through to your bedroom. It was decorated similarly to the rest of your apartment–twinkling fairy lights and books and plants–and out on the small balcony, you’d managed to cram a rattan loveseat and table with vines wrapped around the short iron guard rail. 

“Here.” You handed him the joint and lighter. “I’ll be back out, I’m just going to change.” 

Azriel sparked up the joint between his lips, taking a long drag as you returned to your room. The smoke hit the back of his throat sharply, almost knocking him sideways. Even he hadn’t smoked a joint this packed and strong in a while. It was no wonder you’d had a wobble with it. 

He took a seat on the rattan furniture, admiring the little view your balcony offered. The summer air kissed his skin, even as late as the evening was. The warmth of it had him shrugging off his sweater and throwing it over the table, taking another deep pull. 

If Azriel was honest, he was quite thankful for the moments reprieve from your presence. He needed to take a second to calm himself down. Az couldn’t remember the last time he partook in something like this with someone who wasn’t his brothers or their girls. 

This was more of a common thing with Nesta, smoking and eating together. Never Feyre, she always preferred a glass of wine, and occasionally Mor would smoke with him when she was passing through town. Never a random girl, never a new friend. 

But that moment's reprieve was ripped away far too quickly, because you were sauntering back onto the balcony and stealing the breath right from Azriel’s smoked lungs. 

He was fucked. Comepletly and utterly fucked. He’d never seen you look so relaxed, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of mismatched socks. Your hair was thrown up lazily and stray pieces fell out to frame your face. 

Your legs, however, he couldn’t stop gawking. Soft skin and a whole lot of thigh. Azriel forced his gaze to your face again as you took a seat beside him on the loveseat, leaning your back on the armrest and bringing your knees up to your chest. 

Mother above, he could feel his cock begin to strain in his pants, his eyes begging to sweep your body once more to see what lay between your slightly parted legs. From his peripheral vision, he could see you cross your ankles, effectively shielding yourself.

But Azriel was good at reading people, and by the slight flush of your cheeks and the way your eyes grew more hooded by the second, he was more than certain you knew what you were doing and the affects your actions had on him. 

He took another pull of the joint. “You weren’t kidding,” he mumbled, “this shit is strong.” A bubbly laugh fell from your lips at the way his eyes squinted when the drug settled into his lungs. 

“I did warn you.” 

Azriel offered it to you, watching your inner turmoil as you weighed out your options until pinching it from his fingers. “One pull will be enough to keep me buzzed for the night.” 

He watched your lips thin as they clamped down on the roach. He watched your chest rise as your lungs filled with the thick tar until you pulled the joint from your lips and exhaled slowly. You handed it back to him, cutting yourself off completely for the night. 

Azriel took it between two pinched fingers, keeping his eyes on your slightly flushed face as he took another few drags before stuffing the cherry out in the ashtray. His gaze found purchase on your lips again as he mirrored your position on the loveseat, though Az didn’t tuck his knees to his chest. 

“Are we gonna talk about it?” He asked. 

You blinked at him, head tilted slightly to the left. “Talk about what?”

The way his taunting smirk grew made you shift uncomfortably. You had an inkling as to what he meant, but you hoped if you played dumb, he would drop it. Clearly not. 

“About the last time we saw each other.”

Yup. There it is. 

That familiar warmth spread across your face and chest again in waves of anxiety and embarrassment. You couldn’t handle this type of conversation right now. You were mortified enough as it was, you didn’t need to reminisce about your stupid mistake, nor the way he kissed you back as though his life depended on it. 

You let out a long sigh. “I was kind of hoping you’d forgotten about it.” 

Azriel quirked a brow. “Forget about it?” he asked. “You expected me to forget a kiss like that?” 

It felt like all the air had been completely sucked from your lungs. You could hardly breathe, struggling to string a coherent reply together. Azriel continued to smirk at you, bathing in the way he clearly made you feel. Like he was getting off on your flustered state. 

The state he put you in. 

“It’s been replaying in my head for days.” Azriel’s admission sent your mind into a frenzy. You had no idea what to do with that information or how it was supposed to make you feel. 

What you did know, was that familiar burning in the pit of your stomach, that daunting ache between your clenched thighs. And the way Azriel's eyes darkened and slowly traced the silhouette of your figure, you got the hint he felt the same way, too. 

“Yeah?” Your words came out as barely a whisper, lashes fluttering as the weed you’d just smoked began to settle into your bloodstream. 

Azriel inched a hand tentatively toward your ankle, the tips of his scarred fingers brushing against your cotton socks. The touch had your body keening for more, your legs twitching as he slowly wrapped a large hand around your lower leg. 

“Yeah,” he replied, almost breathless. 

He was testing the waters, desperate to get a feeler as to what you wanted from this interaction. Azriel watched you closely, cataloguing every response your body gave his touch. How goosebumps broke across the silky skin of your legs, how your cheeks flushed slightly and lashes fluttered at him. 

“Is that all you’ve been thinking about?” Your husky voice finally broke through the silence. Az raised a brow at your boldness. “Or do you let your mind wander to what else could’ve happened?” 

If it weren’t for the stifling warmth in the air, Azriel was sure he would’ve come in his pants from your words alone. Because he knew that meant you’d been letting your mind wander to something more. 

You allowed him to gently tug your leg down, resting the back of your calf across his thigh. Your covered cunt was surely exposed, but Az didn’t look. Not yet. A sneaky peek wouldn’t be enough to satiate the appetite he had grown for you. 

He needed to bathe and bask and bury himself in your scent. Mould his body to body, meld his soul to your soul. Even then, he would never be able to feel you as closely as he craved. 

“You want me to tell you what places my mind has wandered to?” His eyes were glued to your mouth, watching as your tongue slid out to wet your lips before tugging the bottom one between your teeth. 

It was with a surge of complete arousal and haziness that had you uttering, “I want you to show me.” 

Azriel’s lips were on yours not a moment later when he surged forward to trap your small frame beneath his large one on the loveseat. You could barely make sense of where you ended and Azriel began. 

His scarred hands cupped your face, his tongue massaging hotly against your own. Your legs had wrapped around his waist, ankles locked across his back to keep him close to you. 

It was unlike any kiss you’d experienced before. Passion and need and desire. Pure want and carnage. Like nothing could ever stop him from tasting you again. Like he was savouring every single piece of you. 

“If you want me to show you…” he muttered against your lips, “I suggest you let me take you inside.” 

You pulled away just enough for your noses to bump and make out a blurry picture of him before you. Swollen lips, mussed up hair that you hadn’t realised you’d been running your fingers through. 

“Worried someone might see?” You panted in a teasing tone. 

His eyes shadowed impossibly darker. “I don’t like to share.” 

Squirming beneath his thick body, your fingernails scraped across his broad shoulders, scratching at the cotton of his t-shirt. “It’s not sharing if they’re just watching.” 

Azriel nipped your bottom lip. “Well, I’m a greedy man, and I don’t want anyone else watching you come on my cock but me.”

A breathless moan tumbled off your tongue like hot honey, your eyes fluttering closed at the words he spoke. You hoped this was just the tip of the iceberg with him. Prayed that he was as filthy as he was gorgeous. 

Without another second to get lost in your thoughts, Azriel was gripping your hips, lifting you as he stood. Your legs around his waist tightened as your arms snaked to circle his neck. 

Even in the dark, he moved swiftly, settling your body onto your mattress without missing a beat. He crawled back between your thighs, the moonlight kissing his tanned skin through the cracks of your window. 

His lips were on yours again, searing and eager. Azriel poured every ounce of need and desire into it, massaging your tongue and licking against the roof of your mouth. He tasted like the cookies you’d baked, a hint of smoke and a tang of bud. 

It was intoxicating. He was intoxicating. 

Your fingers tugged at the curled tendrils on the nape of his neck, ushering him impossibly closer. His body flattened atop yours, the grooves of his abs pressing deliciously against your stomach and chest. 

Gods, he was solid. Built like a fucking Greek God and your fingers itched to trace the delicate intricacies of his golden skin. 

“Azriel,” you panted against his lips. “If you don’t touch me right now I’m going to burst into flames.” 

A dry chuckle left his throat as he dragged his mouth across your jaw and down to your neck; kissing and licking and sucking. He nipped at a sensitive spot, begrudgingly tugging himself off your frame. 

Sitting on his knees between your open thighs, he was a fucking sight. His chest heaved as he took a breath, his eyes dark and hair an unruly mess. Excitement was getting the better of you. So much so that when his scarred fingers looped in the neck of his shirt and tugged it up, you all but foamed at the fucking mouth. 

An unexplainable sound squeaked from the back of your throat. He was fucking beautiful. His skin was flawless, abdomen toned with divots of muscle, and dark ink of swirls that adored his chest. 

You could physically feel your arousal seep from your cunt, could feel your clit throb in desperate need for him. You could hardly breathe, your lungs almost crushed by his sheer beauty. 

You could stare at him forever. 

“Are you going to be good for me?” His rugged voice broke you from your trance. You blinked at him. Once, twice. 

Gone was the flirtatious Azriel who once made you blush from teasing. Gone was the light warmth in his smile and cheeky glimmer in his eyes. 

The Azriel before you was cold now. Calculated. He oozed power and dominance and your pussy clenched in anticipation of the pleasure he might inflict on you. 

The Azriel before you held all the control. And you’d gladly surrender whatever you had left to offer. 

“Yes,” you whimpered in response. 

He didn’t reply. Not with words. Azriel’s large palms flattened on your inner thighs as he pried your legs further apart. The calluses of his marred fingers scratched at your silky skin as they inched closer and closer to your core. 

His fingertips grazed at the soaked fabric of your panties. “Look at you, pretty girl.” 

Your lashes fluttered closed, lips parted open, head rolled back. Gods, you wanted his voice on a loop in your brain for the rest of eternity. If he was going to continue talking, you wouldn’t last long. 

“Look at your dripping little cunt.”

You couldn’t hold in the whimper, nor the way you clenched on nothing—so desperate to be filled by him. 

“I’m going to take my time with you.” You knew it wasn’t a threat, but Christ did it sound like one. You were far too pent up to be touched in any way that wasn’t with a cock buried deep inside you. 

Foreplay could come next time, you’d let him spend hours devouring you if that was what he truly wanted. Not now, not when you were borderline going to sob. 

“Fuck me, Az.”

He stilled, eyes on you as his hands halted on your inner thighs. “Please,” you whimpered, “I need you to fuck me. You can do what you want to me next time.” 

Azriel cocked a brow, the familiar hint of him returning to his face for a brief moment. “You promise?” 

Neither of you allowed yourselves longer than a few brief moments to bask in the vow of a next time. Not when he ghosted his fingers across your cunt and you nodded your head quickly, desperately. 

“There’s condoms in the drawer.” Your words came out a breathless pant as Azriel’s toned body leaned over yours. He rifled through your nightstand, blindly reaching for a foil packet when his fingers grazed against something else. Something silicone.

His eyes found yours in the night, a mischievous glint that darkened his honeyed hazel iris’. Your lips parted. “What?” 

From your angle, you couldn’t see what he held in his hands. Not until Azriel leaned back on his knees between your parted thighs, and the moonlight bounced off the hot pink toy in his palm. 

Oh, fuck. 

Without breaking your gaze, Az gently stroked the tip of the six inch object against your panty-covered cunt. You were soaking through the fabric, your thighs trembling on either side of his legs. 

There was no way this was happening. No way he was going to–

“I think I wanna fuck you with this instead.” 

You couldn’t argue with him, couldn’t even muster a single word to leave your lips. No one had used a sex toy on you before, much less a fucking dildo. And yet here Azriel was, eager to please you in the dirtiest ways possible. Even if it denied him his own pleasure. 

“Az—“ 

He held his free hand in the air. 

“Let’s call it a compromise.” His tone suggested there was no room for argument. You clamped your lips shut and continued to take deep, ragged breaths through your nose. 

“If you’re a good girl with this toy, I’ll reward you with my cock later.” 

Later. As in, he wasn’t planning on making you come just once…

You nodded once more, vigorously. 

If it was down to Azriel he would’ve tied you up and taken his time with you anyway. He would’ve told you not to be a spoiled brat and to take whatever he gave you like a good girl. 

But he couldn’t do that, not yet. 

He couldn’t deprive you of the one thing you desperately wanted. But he could take away the thing to cause the most pleasure. Replace his cock with a toy. Watch you come all over it. And then ruin you until you creamed all over him and sobbed from overstimulating. 

Azriel’s cock leapt in the tight confinements of his pants. He was desperate to free himself, touch himself. Have you touch him. He’d imagined the feeling of your lips around his dick for days, let his mind wander to what you’d look like on your knees for him. 

He needed to be patient, he’d be able to stuff your throat full soon enough. He was sure of it. Then he’d let you sit on his tongue and suffocate him until you were both seeing stars. 

“Please, baby.” 

Your pleading voice broke him from his trance and Azriel wrapped two fingers around your panties and pulled them to the side, baring yourself to him. 

And what a sight you were. 

Swollen and soaked. Your pussy glistened under the moonlight, your hips rolling lazily as if trying to chase the touches he wouldn’t grant you. Az wanted nothing more than to bury his face in your warmth and stay there all fucking night. 

But he didn’t touch you, at least not with his own body and skin. Azriel motioned the toy to your heat, teasingly sliding through your slick folds to collect your arousal. You jolted at the sensation, shuddering beneath his touch. 

Azriel leaned over your body, one arm supporting his weight beside your head, the other coaxing the toy through your head, nudging the head against your pulsing clit. 

“You’re gonna keep your eyes on me, and you’re gonna imagine it’s my cock fucking your tight little pussy.” Your chest arched into his, nipples pearled beneath the thin fabric of your t-shirt. 

“Do you understand?” There he was again, that dominant and overpowering Azriel you saw just moments ago. 

You nodded, lips blubbering slightly. “Yes.” 

He cooed you softly, his head dipping down enough to brush his nose against yours. Azriel lined the dildo to your entrance, teasing your hole deliciously before gently pushing through your tightness. 

Your lips parted, brows knit as your body grew taut. His honey gaze dripped into yours, melding you to him as Azriel rolled his hips to mirror what he would do if he was the one fucking you. 

“Such a good girl, taking that cock.” 

Your eyes fluttered closed at his praise, head rolling back into the pillow until his weight shifted above you and a briefly sharp sting met the side of your cheek. Your eyes flew open again, wide and confused. 

Azriel looked down at you, his hand now gripping either side of your cheeks, his gaze much darker than before. 

“I told you to keep your pretty eyes on me.” And then he sheathed the toy deep in your cunt. 

A shriek of pleasure tore through your throat, hands reaching for the warm skin of Azriel’s shoulders. Your nails dragged across the muscles that rippled beneath your touch, scratching at the surface with a cry. 

“Fuck!” 

Azriel began with slow thrusts, allowing you a few brief moments to accumulate to the intrusion. Not much time, but enough. Because after the fourth thrust, he picked up the pace. 

The noises were obscene, your high pitched cries and moans and the squelching of the toy that fucked your sopping cunt. 

Everything was too intense to comprehend. The fullness you felt, the lack of control you possessed. And the way his eyes bore into yours, as though he was claiming your soul to melt with his own. He was hauntingly beautiful, even in his dark demeanour. 

In your hazy state, it looked like even the shadows curled around his figure. As though he was their master, too. 

“You’re so fucking gorgeous, baby,” he praised. “Taking that cock like a good little girl.” 

His voice dripped with sex and arousal, and when he shifted his hips once more, you could feel the thick and solid bulge of his length in his trousers. You wanted nothing more than to feel it, taste it. 

You clamped tightly around the toy, dragging scratches and marks down Azriel’s golden skin. “Please let me come.” You had never begged to come before, had never even asked. But you felt no shame in pleading to the God above you for your release. 

You’d give him anything he wanted. 

Azriel’s own breath grew shaky, unready. “Open your mouth,” he commanded. You listened and complied immediately, eager to please him. 

He leaned closer, pinching your face harder before spitting into your mouth, onto your awaiting tongue. Then he was kissing you, biting you, claiming you. 

Your entire body felt like it burst into flames, hot fire licking at you from the inside out. You couldn’t breathe. Your entire being completely locked and consumed as you came around the toy with a frantic sob of his name. 

Azriel couldn’t cope, couldn’t handle the sound of his name on your lips as you came around something that wasn’t him. Every ounce of self control was crumbling down at the sight of you—of your eyes still fixed on his, your jaw slack and your supple body arching to meet his. 

He’d never seen anything so fucking sinful yet heavenly at the same time. Never felt so connected to someone without even touching them. He couldn’t take it, needed to touch you, feel you, taste you. 

Az pulled the toy from your pussy, dragging it up between your bodies as you desperately attempted to catch your breath. He held it to your mouth, and without command, your tongue swirled around the length of it, tasting your own release with your eyes still boring into his soul. 

And now he had an even more vivid image of what you’d look like sucking his cock. 

Before Azriel could get a taste for himself, that cursed blaring of his phone broke through the heaving silence. He didn’t hear it at first, not until it stole your attention from him. 

“You’re phone,” you muttered breathlessly, barely coherent. 

Azriel dropped the toy to the side of the bed, his hands gentle on your body and face now. “Ignore it,” he breathed softly. 

His lips met yours in a taunting kiss, one so stark opposite to the way he’d treated you just moments ago. The versatility of this man was going to give you whiplash. 

But the phone blared again. And again. And suddenly, neither of you could ignore it anymore. His forehead rested against yours, a frustrated sigh tumbling off his lips. 

“You should go.”

He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to. 

“You don’t wanna come with me? Do some drop-offs?” He was tempting you, desperately wanting to spend more time in your presence, especially if it potentially ended like this again. 

You hummed, considering it. But your body was spent and the idea of being in his car and not being able to have your hands all over him at any moment you pleased sounded like torture. 

“Next time?” You posed it as a question, though the hope in Azriel’s eyes proved that he was more than happy to not only fuck you again, but to spend time with you, too. 

“Yeah?”

You nodded. “Mhm.”

He nosed at your cheek, planting a teasing open-mouthed kiss to your jaw, nosing back up to your ear. “You look fucking breathtaking when you come.” 

Your eyes fluttered closed when he pulled away, your thighs trembling as he knelt and then clambered off your bed. Azriel watched your spent body for a moment, the way your thighs rubbed together as you squirmed, no doubt still horny. 

It pained him to leave you like that, wanting more. But if he didn’t leave now, he likely never would. And that wasn’t something he could afford to do right now. 

So without another word, he bent down to press a kiss to your mouth, and then he left—still high on both the drugs and you. 

Thank you for reading and I apologise again for such a massively long wait for this chapter!!

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[lcriedlastnight]

Lando waking up before reader and just staring at her, pulling her close then falling asleep with reader in his arms (reader was awake the entire time but just let him)

eeeeeeee, i love soft lando :)

tw: fem!reader, she's short, lmk if you want me to add anything.

w/c: 591

it was one of those rare days where lando was able to sleep in. no racing duties tied him down today, so that only meant one thing. he was yours for the full day.

the early mornings must have reset his body clock though because here he was, awake before you, the sun shining through the gap in the curtains. the boy could not be bothered to check the time but if he was to guess he would say it was around eight o'clock. way too early for him to awake on his day off. he knew you would tell him that if you found out he was awake right now.

it was awfully weird how both of you woke up sometimes. lando was always complaining that you moved too much in your sleep. all he wanted to do was hold you close throughout the night but you always were one for tossing and turning in your sleep. lando had worried that your sleep was not a restful as it should be but even though you were constantly rotating around the bed you slept soundly. you were sure you could sleep through a hurricane.

so it shocked lando, when he opened his eyes to find your sleeping form facing him. not that he was not appreciative of the view. your boyfriend always did favour your sleeping form as one of the best to admire. he thought you looked your prettiest when all the stresses of the previous days had melted off your features and been replaced with a content and relaxed face.

lando sighs a little and pulls you closer to him, not too close where you were hidden from his view but close enough that he was happy with the amount of touch he was receiving from your sleeping form.

lando's hand comes up to brush some stray hairs from your closed eyes as he stares holes into you. "pretty girl." he says to himself, thumb tracing its own little path on your cheek before his hand moves back to rest in its original resting place, your waist. well to be specific, underneath the baggy t-shirt that you had stolen from lando, tracing gentle circles across the dip in your back.

he eventually gives into the sleep that feels like it is pulling his eyes closed. the boy would sit there and stare at you forever if he could, but unfortunately sleep was calling him back. lando's hand moves back up to the back of your head to push it into his chest, where he presses a few kisses onto your hairline - he could not help himself.

lando feels your breath hit his chest and it brings him a weird feeling that he was much too tired to name right now. all he knew was that he liked it and it made him happy. lando matches your breathing and finally feels himself fall into light sleep alongside you. well so he thought. unbeknown to lando, you had actually been awake for maybe under a hour. you had not wanted to wake up so you just lay with your eyes closed, listening to lando's own sleepy breathing until you had felt him shift as he woke. it was so difficult to try and keep your composure as he treated you like a princess. you had to return the favour once you were both awake later on. you lay thinking of ideas, which does, eventually send you back into another sleep. sleepy sunday mornings with lando were your favourite you had decided.

[nicromancytarot]

FIRST KISS WITH YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE

This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.

I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I do not charge for these readings, and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I get for the readings, but I pull like 15-20 cards each reading and that is just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.

PICK A CARD TAROT READING

I asked my spirit guides how your first kiss with your future spouse is going to go, pick a picture to find out what they have to say!

Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3

PILE 1

During the time of your first kiss with your future spouse I feel like you guys will be feeling slightly insecure about the connection and situation you are in with your person, it may be that they don’t seem interested enough, or that you are having doubts about your connection. I see this coming at a time when your relationship (I’m assuming situationship or talking stage) is on the rocks and a little unstable. The kiss is cementing the seriousness of your relationship and it shows each other what you want, that you are one hundred percent ready for each other. You have both the lovers and the two of cups, so I think you two may begin dating after this kiss, as if no words needed to be spoken for you to realise how serious this is to be between you both. The moment this kiss happens, it sweeps you two off your feet, causing everything that has reached crossroad to end, and a new path emerges for you to follow.

The kiss itself will be initiated by the feminine energy, it could seem very random, and it will help either one, if not both of you with your self-love and perception. The kiss will give you answers, I’m assuming it’s quite spontaneous and random, it could happen when the masculine is talking about the future, or something to do with their leadership over something, the feminine will just swoop in with a kiss on random. Again, we have another heavy commitment card, so I don’t think much will be said between you during this kiss, however you will both know that it has elevated your connection.

I see this happening in a place someone doesn’t want to be, I don’t know if the second person was expected to be there, however they came anyways and the person who isn’t happy to be there is super excited to be able to talk and get away with the other. It could be a place of work, somewhere where a lot of people are and there’s lots of conversations. Also could be a party since I see strong energy of talking and aggressive energies.

PILE 2

During the time of the kiss, I see the feminine getting tired of the lack of direction between the connection of the two. There seems to be a lot of untold truths in this connection, and the feminine is tired of being left in the dark. I feel this is due to the masculine’s fear of opening up to people, they may be embarrassed of their feelings, or just nervous that the feminine won’t see them as strong, heavy on the strength, that’s how the masculine wants to be seen. The kiss happens at a time where the two of you are between total commitment and becoming strangers again, where you’re trying to build something, but the masculine keeps getting spooked and pulls back. This is definitely a connection which starts off as a hot and cold one, one second they’re all in, and then the next they pull away. It’s clear this becomes frustrating for the feminine as they just want a clean message without any hidden undertones. I think this will take place right after or during an argument, not one that is incredibly heated, however I see the feminine walking away and the masculine pulling them back and in for a kiss. It’s very spontaneous and unexpected.

The kiss itself is being described as “soul sucking,” it will make you both forget about the prior issues and disagreement between you both, and will bring an end to the confusion. The masculines lips taste like those of uncovered promises and words which they wouldn’t dare let leave, they are spilling their entire, darkest memories and truths into the feminine, letting them know each other inside out. The kiss is hazy, it’s dizzying and you may need to sit down after. It marks the beginning of stability and readiness for one another, your lips on theirs prove that you are ready to become each others.

This could happen outside, somewhere near water, perhaps one or both of you live near a beach or a body of water. I think some people may hear you argue, I did see a parking lot, so it could be right after a date or if you’re friends, then after you mentioned or asked for the answer of what you two were, and the masculine got a little hesitant to answer while walking the feminine to their car, causing the feminine to react and try to call quits to a relationship which had no answers or security.

PILE 3

During the time of the kiss, I think you guys will be in a relationship or at least committed to each other without the full on commitment. If you aren’t already in a relationship with a label, then you will use this first kiss to begin the start of your official relationship. You pile 3’s have very good stability with your future spouse even at this moment, you’re both very clear with where you want this to happen. I’m assuming you’re my pile of instantaneous love. The kiss could have you both laughing afterwards, finding it entertaining rather than passionate or super intimate, one of you may even crack a joke after and then get back to talking about what they were talking about.

I don’t think there’s an initiator in this pile, you both might just lean in while talking about something on the couch, catching your lips in a swift kiss to commit a silent prayer of worship before returning to the conversation at hand, it feels very natural and calming, you may just be watching a movie. This kiss will help you nurture your connection, it may make you feel a lot more comfortable too, since it’s the next big step in the connection. One of you could have had a breakup a while back, and haven’t kissed anyone since, this kiss is almost washing away the taste and touch of the before relationship, immediately associating intimacy and romance with the future spouse, rather than the ex.

I see this happening at a place of comfort, I assume someone’s home, somewhere where you can relax and wind down, and also a place you are somewhat protective of - or maybe they are. So heavy homely energy for you guys. The room could be in a little bit of a mess, and one of you may be embarrassed over the other person seeing such a mess, but the other person really doesn’t care about it.

[thiefcatmoth]

pac: embrace your darkness.

general reading. pick a pile, listening to your intuition. if nothing resonates, leave this pac behind.

HEAVY | ADULT | TRIGGERING TOPICS CAN BE MENTIONED

pile 1

to understand and accept your dark sides, you should first of all look at things more broadly than you are used to. darkness is always relative, and what seems bad or dark to you in yourself can be the most attractive to others. look at yourself from the outside, examine every aspect of your personality and try to find something new in it. every flaw can be turned into strength. in addition, some circle of people in which you are emotionally and spiritually involved can help you. this can be your family, friends, as well as your hobby club, witch community and so on. perhaps you can draw strength for self-acceptance even in the circle of your favorite plants, animals or spirits - the main thing is that you feel a connection with this community on the level of feelings, heart. this connection will help you to see yourself better, discovering in yourself what you did not expect.

if you are oppressed by public opinion or someone else's, then I want to tell you this: darling, you are more than enough. you are as good as you can be at this stage of your life. you can shine like the midnight sun whenever you want - all the ways to do it are in your hands. yes, these ways may seem unusual or even unfair to others, but they are your ways, and you should use them. take the lockpicks from your sleeve and open the way for your own freedom with them, because you deserve it right now.

know that your darkness is ready for you to accept it. you need to love yourself a little more, admit to yourself that you are already good enough, and then go out in all your dark beauty to the world. trust me, you will catch glances when you manage to come to terms with your shadow.

pile 2

the darkness inside you is just waiting for the right moment to break out. perhaps you were forbidden to express and use it, or maybe you yourself suppressed your own dark sides, and in the end it turned into tension. if you do not give free rein to what you have locked inside for so long, your thoughtless actions can lead to bad consequences. a sharp change will follow in any case, but you can still decide whether you will do it yourself or let someone break you. people who know a lot about what is hidden in the darkness of your soul can help you cope. perhaps it is time to finally go to a psychologist, if you have been putting it off for a long time. maybe you will be able to share your thoughts with someone on the Internet and someone will share their own experience with you in return. communication based on mind and reason is now your key to your own darkness.

in general, you should rely more on yourself and your own intuition. be gentle with yourself, listen to your own needs, think about how best to implement them. there are probably more productive ways to deal with your dark sides than just pushing them deep into your soul, so that they gather dust and lie there as a heavy dead weight.

remember about the upcoming turning point, but do not retreat from your goal. strong emotional storms can distract you, someone can try to get you out of yourself, divert you from the path of understanding your own darkness. but you should stay the course, and before each new step take at least a few seconds to think. darkness is not only chaos, it is also a skillfully applied mind.

pile 3

i get the feeling that your dark sides are underdeveloped or that they were never important to you before. this is the part of your life that has been a shadow on the periphery of your vision, always dimmed by the sun of your soul - or perhaps you have become so accustomed to only shining that you have literally deprived yourself of darkness. but these sides, no matter how unusual they are, are in you. you have room for self-expression in all its forms, you have an internal charge of sexuality that is ready to unfold. but, as for the previous pile, what is important for you is persistence and the ability to go on without deviating from the course. perhaps soon you will no longer be able to shine as brightly and sunny as before, and you will have to learn to live with your dark sides.

however, you should remember that your path is not based on coercion. if you force yourself to do something that is not close to you, the process of accepting your shadow sides will simply not happen. for you, the only way to fully accept yourself is to naturally learn to grasp your inner nature and boldly, but not harshly, defend it. you have enough strength to tame, develop and protect your dark sides from other people's opinions.

don't be afraid to ask for help from others if you feel you need it. your loved ones (or rather, loved souls, including even undead or divine ones) can become your companions and guides on the path to self-improvement and self-acceptance. your darkness should be gradually studied, accepted and grown. for you, this is a long journey that will bring special fruits.

pile 4

first of all, I will say that this pile has a lot of trauma and healing cards. and the most traumatized thing I see is sexuality. maybe someone from this pile has experienced a big trauma in life, physical or moral, and it still hurts and leaves an imprint on your life. i deeply grieve and sympathize with everyone who has encountered something like this, and I just hope that you have not closed yourself off from yourself and others. i understand that the healing process here will be very long and difficult, but believe me, you have the strength to cope. the main strength for this pile is to believe in the impossible, even when it seems stupid and useless. you should turn to people who can help you with their knowledge, to specialists, to experienced and smart persons. and even when it seems to you that there is still so much ahead, and there is no more strength, you will be able to look back and see how much you have already gone through. the dark sides for this pile will not be a weapon, as for other piles, but rather a source of energy from which you were torn away. at the same time, remember that the darkness is not empty - it is inhabited and filled with your reserves, which are important. you will never be empty, even on the darkest night of your life.

two things will help you cope with other people's opinions, assessments and comments. firstly, the ability to hear yourself and your needs, and secondly, intentional and thoughtful small details that you can start with. respond to someone's remark calmly, justify your actions and your choice with arguments. show others that you are independent, that pressure on you will not achieve anything, and step by step win back your freedom to be as dark as you want.

you are already on the threshold of moving to the stage of active healing of your dark and sensual sides. you will no longer have to hide the darkness and protect it, like a black kitten, behind the collar of your jacket. just a little more, and if you resist the temptation to give up everything, you will be able to fully help yourself become your true self.

pile 5

you already know about your dark sides firsthand, right? at least you are already very close to accepting your own darkness, and there are only a few steps left. at this last stage of the path, which you could have passed even unconsciously, you will have to cleanse your life from the husk that is holding you back. if you wanted to try to reveal some of your dark sides, but were hesitant, cast aside doubts. if your darkness has long been asking to come out and show itself to the world, let it go and see what happens. you have more than enough opportunities and skills to cope with yourself and at the same time give yourself free rein. it is good if you came to this consciously. if your path was previously purely intuitive and you have no idea how it all happened, you should take a minute to analyze. as soon as you catch the patterns and features of your darkness, you will learn not only to encourage it, but also to manage it.

if you feel pressure from society, you should not react emotionally. you will be able to get rid of this alien burden in more gentle ways. you already almost completely feel your dark sides, so it will be enough for you to reflect on the reason for someone else's discontent to understand whether it is worth paying attention to it at all. i believe that you can do it. even if you are scared, believe me, you just have to try. if you can't fight for yourself right away, try to fence yourself off for a while. you will be able to fight back as soon as you feel the strength in yourself and come up with a good way to do so.

don't be afraid of change. in the past, you were the version of yourself that had not yet found the strength to accept its dark sides. now you have a weapon in your hands with which you can pave the way forward for yourself, to the desired version of your personality. let what happened once no longer hold you back. in the future, you will already be much stronger if you turn to the depths of your shadow.

thanks for the reading!

dividers by @strangergraphics-archive, all images are not mine

[oneawkwardwriter]

prince caspian, inspired by 'I see the light' from tangled also imagine on the dawn threader at night under the moon and the stars

anything else is up to you

I See The Light

pairing: Dawn Treader!King Caspian x gn!reader warnings: a little bit of pining, very intense eye-contact, maybe perhaps some kissing... maybe even perhaps things getting just a little bit more heated... not quite nsfw, but there's some implying summary: you're staring at the moon and stars; Caspian is staring at you a/n: thank you so much for requesting this, I absolutely LOVE Tangled and I've recently come back into my King Caspian Narnia hyperfixation. Also, this is techically not the first time I've written something like this, but definitely one of the better things I've written wc: 1.3k

The only light, besides that of the moon, that illuminates your path to the railing of the Dawn Treader is the lantern at the helm, where a faint flame is dancing in its little cage.

For the first time since you've left the harbour, the midnight sky is fully clear, not a cloud that dares to blanket the twinkling stars or the silver glow of the moon. It's colder than usual, a light breeze blows against your cheek.

You lean down on the railing, resting your head in the palm of your hand as you look up at the sky. For some reason, there's something mesmerising about the way the moon casts a silver glow across the water, how the stars form constellations that only exist because someone decided to connect the dots to make some sense of it all.

You're too caught up in your own head to hear the door to below deck open. And so Caspian, King of Narnia, finds you staring out into the midnight sky. He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed, a smile adorns his lips. His eyes skim over your figure, taking in every detail as the wind lightly ruffles your hair.

For a moment, he just stands there, not wanting to disturb you. After some time, he carefully approaches you. You hadn't noticed him at first, but after a while, you had felt his eyes burning in your back. So when he came to stand beside you, you weren't entirely startled.

"Can't sleep?" Caspian asks softly, not looking you in the eyes just yet and instead looks up at the sky as well.

"Oh, I'm sure I could if I bothered to try," You answer, "It's just that the sky hasn't been this clear ever since we sailed out of the harbour."

"It also hasn't been this cold ever since we sailed out of the harbour," He remarks, "A simple shirt won't keep you warm enough."

"Oh please, I'm fine," You say, even though you're unable to hide the shiver as it runs down your spine. "Besides, shouldn't you be fast asleep in your bed?"

The king lets out a dry chuckle and shakes his head. "Perhaps, but luckily for me, I don't have to follow orders," He says, his gaze drifting towards you now, "You, on the other hand, would be wise to do so. You should go to bed, get some rest."

You playfully roll your eyes. "I'll go to bed shortly," You say, looking back at him as well now. "You know, you're welcome to stay here for a while, Your Majesty."

"Oh, don't go calling me by my title now, we're past that," He says, finally being able to properly look you in the eyes. "Please, just call me Caspian. Also, thank you for allowing me to stay on my own ship."

"Alright, I didn't mean it like that," You respond as you lightly chuckle and shake your head, "I just didn't want you to think you couldn't be here because I was already here, even though it's your ship, which you said and... I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Caspian looked at you with a light smile on his lips, his eyes trained on yours. "You are, but please, don't stop on my account," He says, moving almost unnoticably closer. "Really, do continue, please."

"Oh, okay, uhm..." It didn't make sense why your mind suddenly went completely blank. There was no reason for your cheeks suddenly feeling warm and turning a bright red. "What... what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, anything, really," Caspian answered, the silver light of the moon reflecting in his eyes. "That wasn't an order, by the way. I just... really love it when you talk."

"Good to know," You say softly, averting your eyes for a moment before looking back up at the midnight sky. "So... the sky is beautiful tonight, isn't it?"

"Yes, it truly is." If you had looked at him, you would've seen Caspian's eyes were still trained on you rather than the sky. "The way the moon and stars cast their silver glow is... truly mesmerising."

Despite the chilled breeze that glides over the ship and the silence between them, the atmosphere is strangely comfortable and relaxed. Time seems to stand still, stretching the minutes into an eternity as the two of you continue to gaze up at the midnight sky.

After Aslan knows how long, Caspian softly speaks up again. "Have I ever told you why I love being at sea so much?"

You avert your gaze from the stars to look at him. "No, but please, do tell."

"Back in the palace," He begins, "everyone and everything always seems to be in such a hurry. And despite all of that, I feel like I'm doing nothing but chasing down daydreams until the days just... blur together.

"But out here, everything is so peaceful. The gentle rocking of the ship, the glow of the starlight... suddenly, everything is crystal clear, like I've finally found what I'm supposed to do."

You softly smile as you listen intentively, resting your head on the palm of his hand. After a while, Caspian looks at you in slight confusion, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" He asks, letting out a soft chuckle.

"Oh, nothing," You say, your smile turning into the lightest of smirks as you continue, "I just... really love it when you talk."

Caspian let out another chuckle as he shakes his head. "Using my own words against me, are you now?" He comments teasingly, leaning in just a little bit closer. "Are you sure it's a good idea to challenge your king?"

"Didn't you say that we were past using your title?" You raise an eyebrow at him, daring enough to take a small step closer as well. "And if not, what will you do? Exile me?"

"Oh no, my dear, I wouldn't dream of it." The world seemed to somehow shift into a blur as the back of his fingers lightly brushes against your cheek, creating a contrast between the warmth of his touch and the chilled gusts of the wind. "Has anyone ever told you your eyes are as bright as the stars above?"

The light touch of his hand and his soothing words managed to knock the breath out of your lungs, the way he gazed into your eyes left you in a trance-like state. If your eyes were as bright as the stars, his were brighter than a thousand suns with the intensity he was looking at you.

Slowly, carefully, an invisble force seemed to push the two of you closer together until there were mere millimeters between your lips. And then, time seemed to freeze into a moment of uncertainty, even though the electricity could be sliced with a knife.

"Tell me to stop," Caspian breathed, his hand resting on your cheek as those brown eyes bored into yours. "My Starlight, tell me to stop. I won't be able to hold back."

"Don't stop... don't hold back."

And that was all he needed to hear before closing the distance between you. In his defense, he really intended on holding back on the intensity, but as soon as those words had fallen from your lips, he was done for.

One hand snaked around your waist, pulling you flush against his body while his older hand held steadily onto your face. Your hands crept into his hair, your fingers softly running through the strands, earning yourself a soft groan falling from his lips.

His grip on your waist tightens slightly, the fervour in his kiss grows a little stronger. "Please," He whispers against your lips, nearly sounding like a desperate plea.

"Okay..." You respond breathlessly, letting him pull you towards the stairs leading to below deck.

© This work belongs to @oneawkwardwriter, please do not copy this work to any other site or claim it as your own. Reblogs are allowed and appreciated!

Taglist: @unofficialxmarvelfreak

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[sapphicantics]

Two Sides of the Same Coin | Chapter Two

Pairing: Regina George x fem!reader

Summary: After a nobody destroys the Jocks and insults the Queen Bee without a care or an apology, you get catapulted to the top of the social food chain next to aforementioned Queen Bee, Regina George, who now has to learn to share the spotlight with North Shore’s new bad girl. | Or alternatively, your ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude sucks you and Regina into each other’s worlds sending you down a path you never expected.

Word count: 1.5k

Contents: mentions of violence, reader might be coming off a bit toxic but she’s meant to be cocky, angry!Regina, sexual tension???, explicit language, a little stalking, more shitty comebacks, think that’s all let me know if I missed any

Note: Well, this chapter took a different turn than I was expecting but honestly I think this is better than what was originally planned. Certain parts of this chapter made me cackle while writing and I hope it makes you cackle too so enjoy my shitty sense of humor

Intro - Chapter One

— — — —

Assuming it’d be a hell of a day might have been a little dramatic.

It’s been a day so far, sure, but nothing different than what you’re used to.

You’ve got a busted lip and your knuckles are sore from, for lack of a better term, bashing Christian Wiggins face in this morning and sending him to the nurse’s office. Perhaps, you’d feel guilty if it wasn’t for the fact that he busted your lip open first.

As often as you have been getting into fights, you thought someone would have noticed by now that you don’t ever throw the first punch - thus granting you the excuse of self-defense.

Though, even if they did know the jocks have far less self control than you and would never be able to refrain from reacting to the things you say.

Speaking of refraining from reacting, Regina has been watching you all day. She still is, right now. Well, technically Gretchen is watching you, but you know she’s doing it because Regina told her to and you know she’s gonna report back to Regina immediately because Regina told her to.

Seems a little obsessive of her, really.

Which is funny considering.

Whatever, you don’t have anything to do with that. If Regina wants to have her little minions following you around then that’s her business.

Also you’re pretty sure Regina intended for Gretchen to be discreet and not make it obvious that she’s watching you, but maybe you’re wrong. Maybe Regina wants you to know she’s watching.

That sounds like something she’d do as an act of intimidation, or even just for fun so you wouldn’t put it past her.

Either way, you know Gretchen is there.

You wouldn’t find this weird because you two do share this class. Normally, you guys sit on opposite sides of the room from each other, but Gretchen is now sitting three seats behind you - not too far away where she can’t see you clearly, but not close enough to where it’s obvious.

( Or maybe it wouldn’t have been obvious if you showed up to class on time, but since you didn’t it was immediately apparent that she switched seats. )

You ignore it because one: you don’t care, and two: what exactly are you gonna do about it? Gretchen’s already anxious enough having to deal with Regina’s bitchiness daily, you’re not about to worsen it by confronting her over something so trivial.

You catch her taking pictures of you and typing rapidly on her phone moments after you have this thought, and now you just have to confront her.

You catch her after the bell before she can escape the classroom, throwing your arm over her shoulder and steering her away from the door. She squeaks as you do so, tightening her grip on her belongings. “So Gretchen, mind telling me why you were taking photos of me when you thought I wasn’t looking?”

She stammers, her eyes widening. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t taking pictures of you.”

“Right. So if I took your phone and went to your messages with Regina I wouldn’t find pictures with live updates you’ve been sending her during class?”

Gretchen’s hand tightens even more on her phone if that’s possible, her knuckles turning white with how hard her grip is.

That’s answer enough for you.

“Yeah that’s what I thought. Do me a favor,” you hum, leaning closer to Gretchen. “Tell Regina, and I want you to tell her word for word what I’m about to say, to stop acting like a little bitch and sending her minions to spy on me instead of coming to see me face-to-face.”

Gretchen’s mouth drops open. “I can’t say that to her! She’ll kill me!”

“You’ll be fine as long as you mention my name immediately,” you wave off her concerns which is kind of a rude thing to do, but the whole school already thinks you’re a rude person so may as well uphold the reputation. “Word for word, Gretchen. I’ll know if you don’t.”

That sounds vaguely like a threat that implies you’re gonna come after her if she doesn’t say it word for word. You’re not, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“Go on, Gretchen, you’ve only got a minute and a half before the next class starts, and I’m sure you know how Regina feels about being kept waiting.”

You take your arm off her shoulders and after a moment, she peels out of the classroom, rushing off to Regina.

You sigh and shake your head, you feel bad for that because Gretchen did not deserve your threats and she doesn’t deserve the ire she’s about to get from Regina.

You’d apologize, but you’re sure you’ll never be able to get close to Gretchen again after this.

It’s too late to take it back now so you exit the room and head off to your next class on the opposite side of the school.

— — — —

North shore doesn’t allow students to leave the school early without prior consent from a parent or guardian, or under special circumstances, which you have neither of right now. They don’t really have a way to stop you from leaving, but they will call home and Principal Duvall will pull you into his office in the morning for a lecture, and those are headaches waiting to happen that you’d rather avoid. So even though you’d rather be anywhere else, you’re spending your free period — your last class of the day — lounging around in the cafeteria.

You’re sitting criss-cross atop a table, elbow resting bent upon your knee while your chin rests in the palm of your hand. You’re staring out the window, a single earbud in while Hayley Kiyoko plays in your ear.

You hum along under your breath, a faint clicking noise drawing your eyes to the cafeteria entrance. The doors burst open and in walks Regina, her eyes honing in on you like a target. Her fury is palpable even from here and it makes you smirk knowing you’re able to get under her skin — knowing you’re the only one able to get under her skin like this.

Does this say a lot about you? That you find joy in making Regina angry?

Yes, probably, but why shouldn’t you find joy in calling a bully out on their shit.

Regina slams her hands on the table in front of you interrupting your thoughts. Her glare is intense, and if you were anyone else you’d be cowering under her gaze. Instead, you cock an eyebrow, completely un-phased by the blonde in front of you.

“Something I can do for you, George?”

“You think you’re such hot shit, don’t you? You think you can call me a bitch and get away with it; with no consequences?”

“Oh, no, does the big bad Queen Bee not like being called what she knows she is?” You pout mockingly at her. “Is that all it takes for you to lose your cool, being called a bitch?”

You laugh loudly at that.

It stokes the flames of Regina’s anger and she yanks you up by your collar, your shoes scraping the edge of the table before landing harshly on the floor as Regina slams you against the wall.

Huh, look at that. Prissy pink princess Regina George has the muscles to throw you around.

This is quite the development.

“Congratulations George, you’ve made it about two steps further than anyone else ever has. Think carefully about your next move, lest I let my instincts take over and I fuck up that pretty little face of yours.”

“You have no idea who you’re messing with. I will ruin your life.” She growls at you, ignoring your words.

“Threatening to ruin my life,” you tilt your head in amusement, leaning your face closer to hers. “Seems rather obsessive of you, George. Perhaps you wanna kiss me first. That’s quite on brand for you.”

Regina’s jaw clenches and her grip on you tightens. She goes to speak, but the bell ringing to signal the end of the day cuts her off and you smirk. “You might wanna let me go. If anyone walks by they’ll think you’re making out with me and then everyone will be calling you Sissy Liz, and we can’t have that, now can we?”

Wow, threatening to fight Regina and bringing up her old friendship with Janis — twice, in two different ways — all in a span of like forty-five seconds is absolutely insane.

Regina scowls at you, her eyes practically alight with malice. She doesn’t want to let you go because if she does that means you win, that means you get away with disrespecting her for the third time with no consequences, and no one wins against her, no one is supposed to win against her ever, but you’ve done it twice now and you’re about to do it again.

She shoves you harshly against the wall one last time at the realization and, wow, you’re really priding yourself at the moment because the fact that she’s still standing when anyone else would be on the ground right now speaks volumes to your self-control, but then anyone else would’ve hit you by now so maybe it speaks more to Regina’s intelligence that she’s not.

“This is not over.” With that she turns on her heel and storms away, leaving you with a smirk as you watch her retreating figure.

[snowysosturn]

Run For The Hills - Chris Sturniolo Cont.

Pairing : Situationship!Chris x Fem!reader

Summary : You always keep running back to your situationship with Chris for a hookup, instead of running for the hills.

Warnings: MDNI, smut, p in v, fingering, unprotected sex (don't be silly), unrequieted love, slight angst, situationship

A continuation of Run For The Hills

Chris's hands slid down my arms, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. He pulled me closer, his fingers resting lightly on my waist, just above the hem of my dress. His touch was gentle, but the way his eyes locked onto mine sent a rush of electricity through my body.

“You look amazing tonight” he murmured, his voice low and rough. His lips were so close I could feel the warmth of his breath.

I swallowed hard, trying to keep my composure. “You say that every time.”

His grin widened, his hands tightening slightly on my waist. “Because it’s true. And because I know it gets to you.”

Damn him for knowing me so well.

He leaned in, his lips brushing against my ear, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. “You don’t need to try so hard to impress me, you know. You’re already under my skin.”

My breath hitched at his words, but I quickly masked it with a smirk, hoping to match his energy. “Maybe I like seeing how far I can get under yours.”

Chris chuckled softly, the sound vibrating against my skin as he nuzzled into the curve of my neck. His hands slid lower, resting on the small of my back, pressing me against him. “Careful” he whispered, his lips grazing the sensitive spot just below my ear. “You might get more than you bargained for.”

I tilted my head slightly, giving him better access as his lips trailed along my neck, slow and deliberate. My heart was pounding so loud I was sure he could hear it.

“Maybe that’s exactly what I want.” I whispered back, my voice barely audible.

Chris pulled back just enough to look at me, his eyes dark and intense. For a moment, the teasing smirk was gone, replaced by something heavier, something that made my knees weak.

“Careful” he repeated, his tone more serious this time. “You keep talking like that, and I’m not going to be able to take it slow.”

I smiled, stepping even closer, our bodies fully pressed together now. “Then don’t.”

That was all the invitation he needed. His lips crashed into mine, and all the tension that had been building between us exploded in a kiss that was all consuming. One hand gripped my hip firmly, so firm I could feel the heat of his body through the thin fabric of my dress. The other ran through my hair, making this moment feel even more intimate.

He walked us backward until my legs hit the edge of the bed, and I fell onto the soft mattress with him following closely behind. His weight pinned me down as his lips moved to my collarbone, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses that made my head spin.

“God, you drive me crazy” he muttered against my skin, his voice laced with frustration and desire.

I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, needing more. “Good” I whispered, my lips curving into a grin. “Because you’ve been driving me crazy for months.”

Chris laughed softly, his breath hot against my chest. He grabbed the hem of my dress and dragged it up my body. I helped pull it over my head and threw it on the floor behind me, my red lace thong the only piece of clothing on my body.

Chris stares down at me as if it's the first time he’s ever seen me like this, his eyes scanning me with a mixture of hunger and restraint.. “I’m so obsessed with you.” He mumbles as his head finds its way back to my neck, his lips following the same path, kissing the sensitive skin of my shoulders and collarbone making his way down my chest.

He pushes my breasts together with one hand before making contact with my hardened nipples one by one, his tongue swirling around them. My breathing became heavier, trying to relax and enjoy every moment without thinking of how Chris feels for me. His free hand slid up my thigh, teasingly close to where I wanted him most, but he seemed to enjoy taking his time, drawing this out just to watch me squirm.

“You know” he murmured, breaking his contact with my tits, his voice full of that infuriating confidence, “I think you like letting me drive you crazy.”

I arched into him, a quiet gasp escaping my lips as his fingers grazed higher. “Maybe” I breathed, trying to sound as composed as possible despite the way my body was reacting to him. “But I think you like it even more.”

He laughed softly, his lips curving against my neck. “You’ve got me there.”

Before I could say anything else Chris had two fingers in me. “Fucccck Chris!” I yell out. Chris smirked, leaning back to watch me completely lose myself for him. “So wet for me already hmm?”

I whined softly underneath him, the tension in my stomach building fast as Chris began to pick up the pace with his fingers. The noise of my wetness as his fingers pounded into me filled the room. Only turning me on more in the process.

“I can’t wait any longer Chris! N-need you to fuck me now!” I cried out as I arched into him, a quiet gasp escaping my lips.

“How bad do you want me to fuck you Y/n?” Chris teased.

“So badly! Please Chris.” 

Chris leaned back down to capture my lips in another kiss, this one deeper, slower, like he was savoring every second. “I missed you, you know that?” He whispered in my ear, as he removed his finger from me.

“He missed me?” I thought. Maybe he does feel the same way I do. 

My lips became vacant as Chris stood up straight to undo his belt. “I don’t have a condom with me by the way.”

I pull my legs together, my heels balancing on the edge of the bed. “It’s fine, I'll get a Plan B tomorrow if I need to.” I say quickly, just wanting Chris’ touch again.

Chris takes his jeans off before reaching for my legs and separating them. “Y’know, you don’t have to be so quiet.” He says as he lines his dick up with my entrance, thrusting into me.

A loud gasp leaves my throat, the quick contact catching me off guard. “Oh my goddddd”

“I told you I wasn’t going to be able to take it slow.” Chris whines as he pulls one of my legs over his shoulder, allowing him to hit my sweet spot harder. He initially started with a few slow and steady strokes, letting me adjust to him, but after hearing me groan underneath him it became evident that it was enough for him to become rougher. I tensed around him with each thrust, my hands gripping the sheets either side of me.

“Faster Chris!” I demanded, maintaining eye contact with him.

“Keep saying my name.” he urged, his eyes never leaving mine. “Keep saying my name and i’ll fuck you faster.”

“Chris please!” My moans growing louder, his name sounding like poetry leaving your mouth.

Chris flips me over, my face now buried into the white hotel sheets. A fist full of my hair is entangled in Chris’ hand, while he palms my ass with the other one.

“Oh my god, right there! T-thats so so good!” I whine, tears lining my lower lash line with how satisfying it feels. 

“Look at me, gorgeous.” Chris grunts, as he tugs at my hair slightly. 

I look back at him while he drills into me from behind, my eyes never shifting from his as he leans into me.

“This pussy is mine.” Chris whispers in my ear. “Tell me it’s mine.”

“It’s yours Chris! All y-yours! Please don’t stop!” I cry out. Chris stands up straight again, slapping my ass so hard, his hand print starts to appear on my ass cheek.

Chris loosens his grip on my hair, and pushes his hand on my back, making me arch further, my face no longer able to keep looking at him so it's buried back in the now mascara stained sheets. 

“You’re too fucking sexy.” Chris whines, as his thrusts pick up speed, the sound of his skin hitting off mine growing louder and louder. “I’m- I’m gonna cum Y/n. Keep your back arched like that.” 

“Please keep going Chris. I'm so close!” I yell, the sound of my voice muffled by the mattress, making sure I don't move from this position. 

He gave me a few more harsh thrusts, before stalling his hips, finishing inside of me. "Shit Y/n. You're just too good."

But Chris knew he had a job to finish. His fingers found their way to my clit, swiping over my sensitive bud repeatedly as I began to clench around him tighter, pushing my arched back further into him. as his dick remained inside me.

“I’m cuming Chris I’m-” my words hitched in my throat as I came undone around him, my body almost giving way when I felt that familiar orgasm surge through my whole body.

The room was quiet except for the soft hum of the air conditioner and the faint rhythm of our breaths. The golden light from the bedside lamp cast long shadows across the walls, wrapping the space in a kind of warmth that felt fleeting. Chris lay beside me, his arm draped lazily over his eyes, while I stared up at the ceiling, trying to will my thoughts into silence.

I knew this part well. The aftermath.

It was always the hardest, laying there, tangled in sheets and him, feeling like maybe, for just a moment, I was enough. But the moment always slipped away as quickly as it came.

Chris shifted beside me, his fingers brushing against my arm as he turned to face me. “You okay?” he asked, his voice low and gruff, the intimacy of it sending a shiver through me.

I forced a small smile, nodding as I turned to meet his gaze. His expression was unreadable, a mix of tiredness and something else I couldn’t quite place. “Yeah, I’m good” I replied, though the words felt hollow.

He studied me for a second longer before leaning in, pressing a kiss to my temple. “You sure?”

I hated how much that small act of tenderness made my heart ache. “Yeah” I repeated, softer this time.

Chris nodded, sitting up and running a hand through his messy hair.  I watched him silently as he reached for his phone on the nightstand, the glow of the screen illuminating his face as he scrolled through notifications.

This was the part I dreaded. The shift.

I sat up, pulling the sheet around me like it could shield me from the vulnerability I felt creeping in. “You have somewhere to be?” I asked, trying to keep my tone casual, like I wasn’t hanging on his answer.

Chris glanced over his shoulder, his lips curving into a faint smile. “Nah, not tonight.” He put his phone down and turned back to me, his hand reaching out to brush a strand of hair from my face. “What about you? Any big plans?”

I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek. The way he touches me, feeling like it cuts straight through me. “Just this.”

He smirked, leaning in to kiss me again, but this time it was slower, softer. It felt like a promise, though I knew better than to believe in things like that.

As he pulled back, he laid down again, closing his eyes, pulling me against him. His arm wrapped around my waist, I wanted to let myself relax into his warmth, savoring the feeling even though I knew it wouldn’t last.

Because tomorrow, we’d go back to pretending this didn’t mean anything. 

I sighed, quietly slipping out of his grip and stood up from the bed to gather my clothes from the floor. My heels clicked softly against the tile as I tiptoed to the bathroom. The reflection staring back at me in the mirror wasn’t who I wanted to be. My mascara smudged, my lipstick faded, all the effort I’d put into looking irresistible now felt like a hollow attempt to win a war I was destined to lose.

I ran a hand through my tangled hair, biting back the urge to cry. This wasn’t new. The long talks that blurred into touch, the red eyed mornings where I’d swear to myself it was the last time, only to answer his late night texts again and again.

I knew Chris wasn’t mine. Not really. And he wasn’t going to be.

I slipped back into the bedroom, pulling my dress over my head. Chris stirred, his eyes barely opening as he looked at me through half lidded exhaustion. “You leaving?”

I froze, caught in the doorway. For a moment, I almost let myself believe he cared. “Yeah,” I said softly, forcing a smile. “I’ve got an early morning.”

He nodded, his face unreadable as he turned over, burying himself in the sheets. “See you around.”

See you around. The words stung more than they should have, but they also said everything I needed to hear.

I slipped out of Room 304, letting the door click shut behind me. My heels echoed in the hallway as I made my way to the elevator, my chest tight and my mind screaming the truth I’d been too afraid to admit.

I should run for the hills.

But I knew the second my phone lit up with his name again, I wouldn’t.

a/n: one more part to this

taglist: @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @chrisstxrnsaxe @sophand4n4 @vickytaa @marrykisskilled @bxtchboy69 @yourfavsturniologirl

[scribere-flores]

Sabo x Reader

~Just as a hypothetical question~

Part 4. Other Parts

Word count: 4,5k words

Short summary: Reader spends her morning getting whiplash. Sabo is a touched starved mess.

A healthy amount of fluff and spiraling dirty thoughts in this part. Things get a little heated at one point, but nothing graphic yet. (Love building up the tension)

MDNI 18+

___

This must be the most wonderful dream.

Y/N was laying with her head against a chest, a strong arm gently wrapped around her back. She didn’t dare to open her eyes, afraid the wonderful dream would end if she did it. A comforting warmth embraced her whole being, as she carefully traced small loops on the soft skin.

She couldn’t find the right words to describe what the wonderful dream made her feel. Secure, or maybe cared for? Whatever the name of the feeling was, it made her whole body tingle, filled to the brim with warmth.

For some reason, Y/N imagined that her head was resting on the handsome revolutionary. The man that had comforted her last night when she slipped up. Had that really happened, or had that also been part of her wonderful dream? Whatever happened, the weird punch-drink was surely to blame for her mistake.

Her hand moved upward, her fingers tracing a path from the neck to a strong jawline. Was this what it would feel like to touch him, even if it wasn’t a dream? Her thumb touched something soft, lips maybe? She could feel how the mouth parted, a hot puff of air grazing over the upper part of her hand.

Suddenly she could feel something bite down on her thumb. Which was strange, since if this was a dream, she shouldn’t be able to feel any pain. Y/N reluctantly began to open her eyes.

And to her surprise, she saw Sabo with a smug grin across his lips. Biting down on her thumb.

Oh Dear God… this is not a dream. Abort, abort abort!!

“Please, don’t stop on my account.” Sabo said, making a wave of embarrassment wash over her.

Y/N jumped back, moving away from the handsome devil. Dear God, had she really just done that? She could feel her heartbeat quickly picking up pace, a hot feeling spreading through her body.

She looked around in an attempt to get some grasp on her current situation. She was in Sabo’s room, now sitting on the end of his bed. Far away from him, but not far enough. Dear God, don’t tell her he was completely naked under that blanket.

At least Y/N saw that she was wearing a large oversized button-down shirt and no pants. The shirt smelled like him and felt soft against her skin. She was wearing underwear, which was good. And the shirt looked kinda cute too… AND THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT!

Had she changed clothes herself last night, or had he undressed her? Dear God, had he seen her naked?! She couldn’t for the life of her remember what had happened after they had left that lake. Why was she in his bedroom? Had they done something during the night?

Y/N felt like she was starting to get dizzy from all the questions in her head, and from the fact that she had shamelessly let her hands travel all over him just moments ago. Her slow descent into madness was interrupted by Sabo’s laugh filling the room.

“You really are too fucking cute when you’re flustered” Sabo wiped a tear from his eye.

“I- How?- What…” Y/N tried to ask him what had happened, but all she managed to say was incoherent words put together in a jumbled mess. She took a deep breath and tried again. “My clothes?”

“Oh, you probably don’t remember anything after you fell asleep last night, right?” Sabo asked, and Y/N nodded in response.

“First off, I did not change your clothes. You did that on your own, even though you were half asleep when you did it. And I had my back turned the entire time. So, don’t worry. I wouldn’t do something like that unless you wanted me to.” He explained as he gave her a kind smile.

Y/N let out a sigh in relief. That was good to know. At least now she didn’t have to worry about the possibility that she had also stripped down in front of him. This situation was already bad enough.

The feeling of shame slowly faded away when she heard another small laugh escape Sabo’s lips. You gotta be kidding? She was practically dying from embarrassment, and he was amused?

“Why am I in your room?” Y/N asked, seeing a satisfied smirk spread over Sabo’s face right after.

“Well, you were clinging onto me like your life depended on it and refused to sleep in your own bed. Something about my bed having a nicer scent?” Y/N could feel the blush spread over her cheeks. “To be completely honest, I was kinda surprised when you blatantly asked me to sleep together. Didn’t mind it though, you were acting fucking adorable. Practically begging me to hold you and-”

“CAN YOU PLEASE STOP!” She exclaimed, hiding her face in her hands.

She could hear a small chuckle escape Sabo’s mouth. A blanket was draped over the lower half of his body, bare torso on full display. He somehow seemed to be totally relaxed with this situation, sitting with his legs stretched out and hands behind his head.

Like he wasn’t bothered, flustered or even embarrassed about the fact that Y/N practically had her thumb in his mouth less than five minutes ago.

“Sorry, I may have overexaggerated a little, but you’re too fun to tease. So please, don’t be mad at me.” Sabo said, giving her that kind, dangerous smile. “Truth is, you were pretty upset last night. And it was kinda my fault for pushing you too far, so I didn’t want you to be alone if it got worse during the night. I know what it’s like, or at least I understand why you were sad.”

Y/N felt her heart flutter.

This was not fair. How was she supposed to keep her distance from him, when he kept saying and doing stuff like that.

Sabo was a revolutionary, a man that was supposed to despise the Noble class and anyone from it. She was 90% sure he had figured out her background already, and that he had known the moment they met.

So why did he not call her bluff out? Why did he treat her with such kindness at times? Why did he want to comfort her when she was sad? None of it made any sense.

And all of it made her confused. Her emotions felt like a jumbled mess, and he kept stirring them around with every teasing remark and caring word. Y/N didn’t know what to expect from him any longer.

But somewhere, buried deep inside her, she hoped that his words were true. That he didn’t just do this to play with her for his own amusement. That the stupid feelings she had started to develop wasn’t going to make her feel like a fool later on.

“I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. It wasn’t my intention to make you upset, so please don’t cry.” Sabo said as he gave her a worried look, suddenly moving closer so he was sitting face to face with her.

“Cry?” Y/N asked, as she brought her hand up to touch her cheek. It felt wet. “Oh… I didn’t notice. Sorry, don’t let it bother you. I’m fine.”

“Stop saying stuff like that.” Sabo sighed, before grabbing hold of her hands and giving her a serious look. “It’s normal to be sad at times, you don’t have to hide it. I don’t mind and I won’t ever be bothered by it either. It’s my fault you’re upset, and I apologize for making you feel this way. So please, stop saying you’re fine, when you’re not.”

Oh no, he completely misunderstood her tears…

Y/N felt her heart picking up in pace. She looked at her hands engulfed by Sabo’s, his hands felt warm. The same comforting warmth she had felt in her wonderful not-a-dream this morning.

She didn’t want him to think he’d done anything wrong, when he hadn’t. He had only wanted to comfort her when she was sad last night.

And Y/N felt grateful for that. It wasn’t anything she had experienced before. Sabo was the first that had ever wanted to do something like that for her.

“But, I am fine… I think I’m just happy you wanted to do that for me.” She admitted, rather sheepishly.

A relieved smile spread over Sabo’s lips, as he let go of her hands and fell back on the bed.

“Thank fucking God! I don’t think I could’ve lived with myself if I made a cute girl cry twice. Well, at least if she cried for the wrong reason.” He chuckled, fully back to his normal, unserious self within seconds.

“The wrong reason? You make it sound like there’s a right reason to cry.” Y/N asked, moving closer so she could see Sabo’s face.

“Oh, there’s definitely a right reason… Curious?” He asked with a wide grin.

“Well, maybe a little? I can’t think of anything that would make me-”

Y/N pondering was cut off by a hand pulling her arm. And a moment later, she laid on her back, pinned under Sabo and confused beyond belief.

She could feel a warm flush spread through her, as she saw the bare, toned body over her. At least he had underwear on, which was good. She would probably have passed out if he had been completely naked.

Sabo wasted no time pinning her arms over her head with one hand, as he gently placed his other hand on her waist, giving her no chance to escape. The concerned eyes she had seen just moments ago were now filled with a mischievous look.

Whiplash. That was the only word to describe this feeling.

“Tell me your name, and I promise I’ll have you crying for the right reason within an hour.” Sabo whispered into her ear, hot breath tickling her neck.

This position, this situation, everything about this! It was far too intimate and out of nowhere. Y/N wasn’t dumb, she knew what Sabo meant by that.

It wasn’t like she disliked it, in fact she even felt a little excited. His thumb made small circles on her stomach through the fabric of her shirt. His touch felt warm and comforting, yet at the same time, expectant and demanding.

But everything was happening way too fast. How could he be so comfortable doing this when they hadn’t even kissed? Unless…

She took a deep breath, sparking a curious look in Sabo’s eyes, as she mustered up the courage to ask the embarrassing question that desperately needed an answer.

“Last night, did we, you know… I mean, I would have liked it if it was with you- I just want to know before-” The words rambled out of her mouth, a bright red blush spread over her face.

It looked like Sabo froze for a second, before he leaned back so he was sitting on his knees over her hips. He moved the hand holding her wrist, placing it over his mouth.

“She’s even admitting to wanting it now…” He said under his breath, barely loud enough for X to hear it.

“S-Sabo?” She stuttered.

She could see a soft pink tint on Sabo’s cheeks as his eyes roamed over her body. A small gasp escaped her lips when the grip on her waist tightened.

“God, you look fucking lovely when you say my name…” He sighed as his hands started to travel over her body. Not touching anywhere inappropriate, but close enough. The now familiar knot in her stomach was back, the knot she got anytime he touched her.

“Do you know how hard it was to hold back when you kept touching me like that this morning? You looked so goddamn cute, it took everything in me to not rip that shirt off you and kiss every inch of your body. I wanted to touch you so fucking bad, see you twitching under me. Hear you moan my name over and over until that was the only sound your pretty mouth could make.” His voice sounded like honey, somehow making the dirty words sound gentle.

“And now you’re telling me you want to? Do you even know how frustrated that makes me, when all I want to do is bend you over the nearest surface and fuck you oblivious.” Sabo’s lewd explanation was beginning to make her head spin.

Y/N hadn’t noticed when it happened, but Sabo was now leaning over her, one knee pressed in between her thighs. One of his hand was traveling up and down her leg, bending it and squeezing her bare skin. Every greedy touch against her body, left a hot feeling in its wake.

An involuntary moan escaped her mouth as she felt a palm against her throat.

“But noo, I can’t do that. Because I don’t even know what your goddamn name is. And just the thought of not knowing is driving me fucking insane and-”

Sabo stopped, looking like he just caught up with what he had been saying and doing for the past few minutes.

Y/N’s body felt hot and tingly, and it felt like the knot in her stomach was about to snap. Heavy breaths escaped her parted mouth as she looked up on the handsome man towering over. One of his hands still pressed against her throat, the other placed under her thigh.

Did he really want to do all that to her? She didn’t even know what half the things he said meant. Twitching? Oblivious? What did he even mean with those words?

Sabo still looked a little lost in thought, but seemed to snap out of it when she moved his hand away from her throat.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Just give me a moment.” He said with a closed eyed smile, before he got off the bed and walked to the bathroom.

Y/N sat up on the bed, utterly confused as she heard the tap on the bathroom sink turn on. A moment later, a muffled scream came from behind the door. It sounded like someone screaming under water.

Then there was silence for a minute before Sabo walked back into the bedroom, giving her the same closed-eyed smile, but now with water dripping from his hair.

Whiplash, again.

“S-Sabo?” Y/N stuttered, not sure how to react. “W-why are you wet?”

“Don’t worry about it. I just needed to cool down a bit.” Sabo said with a kind smile, as he pulled a pair of trousers over his legs.

“You were- And then- But now- I’m so confused…” She sighed, rubbing the area between her eyes as she tried wrapping her head around what just happened.

“I know, and I apologize for my behavior.” He answered in a calm voice as he put on a blue, button up shirt, before sitting down on the bed. “You’re just so fucking cute sometimes, it’s a little hard to hold back. But don’t worry, nothing happened last night. And nothing will happen, at least until I know who you are. After that… Well, I can’t make any promises. I would never do something unless you want to, that goes without saying. But I like you way too much to not at least try.”

Sabo’s blatant confession made her heart skip a beat.

How could he say those things in such a calm manner? Did he really like her? And was it the same type of ‘like’ as she was starting to feel for him?

What was she even supposed to say after hearing that? It felt like he was being honest with her right now, so maybe it would only be fair if she was honest too.

“It’s okay, I mean, about what you did earlier. I- I kind of liked it and-” Y/N’s flustered mess of words was interrupted by a hand over her mouth. She looked at Sabo and saw his eye twitch.

“Please, stop talking. You’re literally torturing me right now.” He said with a strained smile and waited for Y/N to nod in response before moving his hand away.

“Look, I really, really, want to know who you are. But I don’t want to push you about it and make you upset again. So you can tell me on your own, if you want. Which you won’t, because you’re stubborn. But don’t worry, I have other ways of finding that information.” Sabo said, giving her a reassuring look.

It felt good hearing him say that. Y/N still didn’t want anyone to find out who she was, or were before running away. She was ready to leave that life behind her and start over.

But she could tell Sabo wouldn’t give up either, even if he stopped pestering her about it. Maybe she could make him drop it if she pressured him a little.

“Why are you so obsessed with finding out who I am to begin with?” She asked, thinking this was a good place to start.

“You mean beside the fact that I want to know your name before I turn you into a cute, moaning mess?” He answered, grinning as something flickered in his eyes.

Whiplash…

Y/N nodded with a forced smile.

“Well besides that, it’s kinda my job as the Chief of Staff to know stuff.” Sabo said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Chief of Staff? For this base? Isn’t that a lot of responsibility? And in that case, shouldn’t it be Koala’s job?” She asked, hearing a small chuckle from Sabo right after.

“No, not just this base. For the entire Revolutionary Army, and yes it’s a lot of responsibility. Koala is my partner, she can really be a godsend at times. The other’s say she keeps me in check, and they're kinda right… But don’t get me wrong, I’m good at what I do.” He explained.

“What do you mean ‘the entire Revolutionary Army’?” Y/N said, even more confused than before.

“Hmm, how can I explain this?” Sabo pondered for a moment, before he went and got a notepad from the desk, drawing something on a plank page. “It’s a big organization, so I’ll try keeping it simple. These five people are the Army commanders, they are responsible for overseeing the Army in one different area of the world each. They also have partners like I have Koala.”

He pointed to five blobs on the page that she guessed were supposed to resemble people.

Sabo was bad at drawing. That was kinda cute.

“I don’t really like using the word ‘above’ when talking about myself, but for this explanation I think it’s the easiest word to describe it. So, above the Army commanders is me. And above me is Dragon. Even you must know who he is, right?” He pointed with a pen, moving it up on the paper as he went along.

“Yes, I know who he is… But I’m still not following.” Y/N sighed.

“Dragon holds the highest authority in the Army. The one with highest authority after Dragon…” Sabo stated, then a bright smile spread over his face as he pointed to himself. “Me!”

“Y-you?” She stuttered, feeling a shiver run down her back.

“Yes, I’m the Second in Command within the Revolutionary Army. Pretty impressive, right?” He had a proud look in his eyes. “Oh, you can’t tell anyone though. My identity is kind of a secret to outsiders.”

Danger.

Alarm bells started ringing in Y/N’s head. The handsome, blond man that smiled at her so brightly was not just a regular revolutionary. He wasn’t someone who followed orders and just happened to treat her with kindness.

He posed a real threat to her. Sabo was the Second in Command over the organization that took pleasure in torturing Nobles. There was no way someone with such a high position would let her be, if he found out who she was.

A cold sweat made her shirt cling to her back. Sabo was giving her a confused look.

“Hey, are you okay? You’re not sick, right?” He said as he put his hand against her forehead, making X flinch.

This man was dangerous. He was probably manipulating her into a false sense of security, playing on her emotions. And after he was satisfied, he would most definitely drag her to the guillotine.

Not a thing Sabo had said was true. The Revolutionary Army hated Nobles, despised them in fact. That was the undeniable truth, even if it made Y/N’s heart break.

She had been such a fool, believing that he was different from what she had been told about the Revolutionaries. Believing that he really liked her, that he cared for her.

She needed to get away from this base, from him. She just needed a little time to plan her escape, and until then, she had to avoid him at all cost.

Y/N stood up from the bed and turned towards the door, hair hanging over her face. She knew escaping was the logical thing to do if she wanted to leave with her life intact. She knew that was the only way.

So, why did it have to hurt so much?

“I’m gonna go now.” Y/N said, quickly running out the door.

She didn’t want to give Sabo the chance of stopping her. If he did that, she might not be able to stop the tears that desperately wanted to fall from her eyes.

None of this was fair.

___

“Hey, wait… And she’s already gone.” Sabo sighed as he fell back on his bed.

What the fuck happened?

One moment they were having a normal conversation, and in the next one Jane Doe was running out of the room. He thought back on their conversation, trying to figure out what he could have done to make her do that.

Was it because he had said he liked her? He couldn’t think of anything else that would make her run away. She was embarrassed and probably felt a bit shy, there was no other explanation.

“She’s so fucking cute.” He whispered to himself as the memories from the night started to come back in his mind.

Sabo liked the mystery girl. He liked the sound of her voice. He liked how easily flustered she would get. He liked the feeling of her cuddling against his chest. He liked how stubborn she was. He liked the warm feeling he got in his chest when he was around her.

And he fucking loved her smile. Anytime she smiled it felt like the world surrounding him became ten times brighter.

So yeah, Sabo definitely liked her. There was no use denying that anymore.

Not after he spent the entire night planning how to keep her with him for as long as possible. He wouldn’t describe himself as a scheming person, but it was always good to have a plan. And a backup in case the first plan didn’t work out.

He felt a desperate need to have her near him, to keep her safe. Sabo knew how dangerous the world could be, and he didn’t want anything to happen to her. She had already been through enough, growing up around people who treated her like that.

Bringing him to the other thoughts that had occupied his mind during the night. How was he going to make sure those disgusting bugs never came looking for her again? Sabo had thought about it a lot, and still wasn’t sure what the best way to go about it was.

A revolution was a delicate thing. And a provocation (like crushing some noble’s skull, for example) at the wrong time, could cause their enemies to seek revenge. That would most likely put a lot of civilians in the crossfire, and Sabo wasn’t willing to let innocent people get hurt for his personal gain.

The problem would solve itself after the revolution was over anyway. When they won, the noble class system in this country would be abolished, the ruling class would most likely be put on trial and sentenced to at least some years in prison. Or maybe they would be exiled from this Island. Whatever happened was up to the people to decide. And the outcome would serve as a means to protect the lovely angel he had held during the night from being found.

All Sabo needed to know was her name, and everything would be fine.

Maybe it was better if he just patiently waited until the girl told him. She would tell him at some point, if they kept getting to know each other.

He didn’t want to keep anything hidden from her, he would tell her anything she wanted to know. It didn’t matter if it was a question about his job, or why he pinned her to the bed with a desperate need to touch her.

If she wanted to know why he did that, and the reason was because he liked her so much he was slowly going insane, he would tell her. It was just dumb to hide it, when she had such a cute reaction when hearing it, running away to hide her adorable, flustered face.

He was sure that was the reason she left in a hurry.

Sabo just needed to be a little bit patient.

Only problem was that it was becoming increasingly hard to hold back around her. When in reality, all he wanted to do was mark every inch of her body, leaving proof of how much he craved to have her near.

Earlier, when Sabo pinned her under him, he had really planned to only tease the poor girl a little. But then that cute blush spread over her face and those sweet words left her mouth.

‘I mean, I would have liked it if it was with you-’

He nearly lost his fucking mind when she said that. Before he even knew what he was doing, lewd, airy moans kept slipping past her lips as his hands roamed over her body. She looked fucking angelic in that moment, and it took everything within him to stop himself.

And then, that angel told him that she had liked it. He could have sworn his heart stopped beating for a second.

But he held back. Sabo had promised himself he wouldn’t sleep with her until he knew her name.

And how he desperately craved to know that name…

“Fuck… Maybe waiting will be too hard.” He sighed, as he touched the place on his lips her thumb had pressed against this morning.

It wasn't a delusion, that girl liked him too.

And it wouldn’t be fair to keep her waiting too long, right?

___

[hyuckiefluff]

tease | lee haechan

pairing: lee haechan x f!reader genre: enemies-ish to lovers, college au word count: 5.8k+ summary: Playing spin the bottle definitely wasn't what you had envisioned for your first college party. And the last person you expected to see was Lee Haechan. But life has a funny way of throwing surprises at you, and this time it came in the form of the bottle landing on some drunk dude who dared you to kiss Haechan. warnings: oral (m receiving), fngering, cursing, drinking, hc calls reader princess a/n: rushed this one a bit to post it on time for haechan’s bday :D i hope you enjoy! and happy birthday my haechan ilysm baby! - i recommend listening to sweat by zayn while reading

m.list

"New girl… what was your name... oh right.. Y/N” the guy's words stumbled out of his mouth, clearly too many drinks deep into the night. He was trying so hard to formulate a single coherent thought, but his speech was all over the place. And there you sat, legs crossed, waiting for whatever command he was about to throw at you.

"You should, ehm... uh… oh I know… you should kiss the person in front of you," he slurred, barely able to keep his eyes open.

You tensed up when the words left his mouth. You expected having to kiss someone in this game but you weren’t all that excited or open to the idea. Sure, you could've just taken a shot and avoided the whole ordeal, but you had already declined way too many requests and had knocked back enough shots for the night. Plus, your friend had disappeared into the crowd a while ago, leaving you to fend for yourself. You didn't want to push your drinking limit any further.

But honestly, the mere thought of kissing anyone at that moment felt too awkward. You didn't know a single person in this circle, and the boys surrounding you seemed ready to pounce at the opportunity. The uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach grew stronger. And just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, someone sauntered into the circle, nudging the guy who had been in front of you aside, without a single word of protest. It was as if the universe itself conspired to make the situation even more complicated because there he was, in all his glory, Lee Haechan.

Let me give you a short backstory. Haechan was one of your brother's closest friends, and you practically grew up with him. Well, maybe "in his shadow" is a more accurate description. His larger-than-life personality always overshadowed your shy self whenever you were in the same room. And there was also the teasing. Haechan took great pleasure in getting under your skin. While most of your brother's friends ignored you, Haechan found it amusing to embarrass you at every opportunity. He'd mock your fashion choices and poke fun at your taste in music. Basically, anything he could find that was worthy of a good tease, he'd go for it. Sure, you'll admit that you were a bit of an awkward kid back then, spending most of your time holed up in your room, jamming out to some obscure indie band, and wearing some questionable outfits (you can totally blame your mom for that until you turned 13). 

Anyway, let's just say Lee Haechan wasn't exactly the friendliest face in your memory bank.

It’s been two whole years since you last laid eyes on him, and you honestly thought you'd never have to see him again. Your big brother mentioned that Haechan went off to "some college" out of town, so you assumed your paths would never cross. But your brother also conveniently forgot to mention the crucial detail that Haechan had actually managed to get into your top-choice university. Yes, the very same one you had been raving about since the idea of higher education even entered your mind. Thank you for the heads up, big bro.

Now you were sitting here, about to lose your mind because the first time you’re meeting Haechan after all this time, you're being dared to kiss him...in front of all these people too. There was no way you could do this. Your hesitance was impossible to hide, and everyone seemed to notice. But Haechan, being Haechan, couldn't resist making a comment about it. Of course.

“She won’t do it.” He said, taking a casual sip from his drink. 

Though he pretty much spoke your thoughts out loud, you still paused and looked at him raising an eyebrow. You would've shrugged it off, but there was no way you were going to let Haechan continue teasing you like that in college. You were too grown and fed up to allow him to treat you that way.

“And why won’t she?” You asked, crossing your arms.

He chuckled “Because she doesn’t have it in her.” He said the words slowly to taunt you. 

Maybe it was the fact that he was talking as if you weren’t in the room, or that he seemed so sure that you were too much of a coward to kiss him but before you could stop yourself you started crawling up to him. The circle of people around you suddenly more interested in your every move. Now you were kneeling in between Haechan’s sprawled legs, so close to his face that you could smell the mix of alcohol with his cologne. He put down his drink, the look of bore left his eyes and he perked up a little at your sudden closeness. Without giving yourself time to cower away you closed the distance between your lips. You didn’t miss the slight flinch of surprise he gave when your lips touched, he really wasn’t expecting you to go through with it.

Haechan would sooner be caught dead than admit it but he really enjoyed getting a rise out of you. It gave him this weird rush whenever he saw you getting all flustered or even a little pissed off. Sure, you were usually the shy and soft-spoken type, but deep down, there was a side to you that had some fight in it. It wasn't something you showed to just anyone, but he had managed to bring it out of you on more than one occasion.

He never in a million years expected seeing you at this party. It had been a while since he even thought about you. So, when he spotted you in the crowd, he was completely caught off guard. He watched you intently all night, trying to figure out if it was actually you. It hadn't been that long since he last saw you, but there was something distinctly different about you. You were engaged in lively conversations, your laughter floating through the air. It was a stark contrast to the image he had of you in his head.

He only remembers how reserved you were, back then you weren't able to have a full conversation with him or even hold eye contact. So, when he ended up sitting in front of you, teasing you like he always did, he never expected you to do anything more than maybe give him some attitude and walk away. But man, did you flip the script on him.

Before Haechan could even process what was happening, there you were, on your knees in front of him. His attention instinctively went to your tongue darting across your lips, that simple action getting him way too excited. Before he had a chance to react, your lips were already on his. The kiss started off slow, like a cautious test drive. Haechan could tell you weren't exactly planning to go this far, he could sense that hint of hesitance in your every move.

This wasn't the kind of kiss he usually went for. He liked them rough, the kind that leaves you breathless. But, there was something about you taking charge that had him intrigued. Even though it was a simple kiss with no crazy fireworks, it managed to get both your hearts racing.

Your hands went to his chin to keep him in place while your lips fumbled in a slow rhythm that had Haechan going kinda crazy inside. He had to fight hard to keep his cool, resisting the urge to grab you and kiss you back as hard as he wanted to. His hands stayed glued to the floor. He was scared that if he touched you, he wouldn't be able to stop himself, and also because his palms were suddenly a sweaty mess and he doubted you’d like that.

You tilted his head back a bit causing his mouth to slack open. With this new access, your tongue shyly ventured into his mouth, as if following an instinctive cue. Haechan also took a chance and nibbled on your lower lip, causing a soft whimper to escape your lips. The sound made his whole body tense up. Your hands roamed from his chin to the back of his head, testing the waters by gently tugging on his hair. That's when an involuntary grunt slipped out of Haechan's mouth, snapping you both back to reality.

As you pulled away, his eyes slowly fluttered open. Yours immediately darted to his slightly swollen lips, tinged with the color of your lipstick. Acting on some unknown impulse, you brushed your thumb against his lips wiping off the lipstick. He glanced at your finger and then met your gaze again, his eyes filled with an intensity that made your breath hitch. You said nothing and wiped the remnants of lipstick from your finger onto his clean white undershirt, all while maintaining unwavering eye contact. 

You stood up, trying not to make it too obvious that your legs were weaker than before. Seeing the slightly shocked and amused faces of everyone around you would’ve scared younger you into running away but you didn’t feel intimidated at all. 

"I'm gonna grab a new drink," you announced, giving Haechan one final glance before making your way out.

Of course, you didn't actually head to the drinks table like you said you would. Instead, you dashed straight for the bathroom, your heart racing like a herd of wild horses. Closing the door behind you and allowing yourself a moment to process everything that just happened and pretty much freak out.

"Have you lost your damn mind, Y/N?" you scolded your reflection in the mirror, the harsh reality staring right back at you. Disheveled hair, smudged lipstick, and that dazed look in your eyes, mirroring the same one that Haechan had after the kiss. Letting out a heavy sigh, you rested your hands on the edge of the sink, reluctantly admitting to yourself that the kiss wasn't half bad. Who would've thought? Haechan, your tormentor, sure knew how to kiss. His lips felt downright amazing against yours, and the taste…  a mix of alcohol with a subtle sweetness that lingered on your lips, intoxicating your thoughts as you unconsciously replayed the moment over and over in your mind.

But before you could fully immerse yourself, the bathroom door swung open with a force, causing you to yelp in surprise. In your mortification, you had completely forgotten to lock the damn door. Oh, how you wished you had because to your horror, the intruder turned out to be none other than Haechan himself. His surprise at finding you in the bathroom was evident, though you couldn't help but wonder if he had followed you all the way here.

"You could've found a better hiding spot, you know," he jeered, leaning casually against the wall, his eyes meeting yours through the mirror's reflection.

"I wasn't hiding, Haechan. Can't a girl have some privacy in the bathroom?" you fired back.

"Sorry, it's just that you looked a little frustrated when you left, princess," he taunted, his words dripping with a mixture of amusement and something else you couldn't quite put your finger on.

"Quit calling me that" you shot back, irritation lacing your voice.

Haechan merely shrugged, his teasing smile still intact. "You're right. A princess doesn't run away like that after a kiss," he continued to taunt, enjoying the effect his words had on you.

"I didn't run away," you retorted, trying to maintain your composure. "But I don't need to explain myself to you anyway, so get out, Donghyuck," you said, turning around to face him with a glare.

His teasing demeanor faltered for a moment, a flicker of genuine surprise crossing his face at the use of his actual name. "Wow, it's been a while since anyone called me that. I like the way you say it," he admitted, attempting to lighten the mood. However, seeing your unamused expression, he raised his hands in surrender. "Come on, the kiss wasn't even that bad. You don't have to be embarrassed. Though it was so short, I couldn't really judge it properly."

"Pity, because you're never gonna get another chance," you replied, determination seeping into your voice as you turned your back to him.

Haechan studied you silently, his gaze fixed on your figure. There was a brief pause, a moment where the air between you seemed to thicken with anticipation. Slowly, he closed the distance between you, his proximity making you grip the edges of the sink tighter. He position his hands next to yours, his larger frame enveloping yours. Through the reflection in the mirror, his eyes locked onto yours. 

With a hushed voice, he leaned in close to your ear, his warm breath grazing your skin as he whispered, "We'll see about that."

The weight of his words hung in the air as he held your gaze for a moment longer. Then, with one final look, he pulled away, leaving you alone with your racing thoughts.

~~

A few days went by until you saw Haechan again at another party. It was insane how quickly you were getting invited to these things. Your social life went from zero to a hundred really quick. Things were finally looking up, and you were having a blast, making more friends along the way.

But of course, there he was—Haechan, lurking in the shadows like some lingering ghost. It felt like he was always in your peripheral vision, pretending he wasn't staring at you. Seriously, why couldn't he just go away? You made up your mind that finding someone else to hang out with would be the perfect way to shake off his annoying presence. Preferably someone who didn't get a kick out of teasing you mercilessly.

Just when you were mulling over your thoughts, a smooth voice broke through the noise from behind you. "Hey there, what's a beautiful girl like you doing all alone?"

You turned to face him and recognized him was one of the players from the spin the bottle game

 "Actually, I'm looking for my friend. She vanished into thin air, it seems," you replied, trying not to sound too awkward. Small talk was never your strong suit, especially with extremely attractive guys.

He nodded, laughing softly,  "Well, I can help you find her, but only if you dance with me."

You considered it for a moment, thinking it might be exactly the distraction you needed. "Sure, why not? Lead the way," you said, setting your drink aside and taking his hand as he guided you to the center of the room where people were dancing.

"I'm Jeno, by the way," he introduced himself, leaning in closer to your ear so you could hear him over the music.

You shouted back, "Nice to meet you, Jeno. I'm Y/N." He responded with an adorable eye smile, and you couldn't help but smile back.

In those few fleeting minutes with Jeno, you were already smitten. He was far more polite and considerate than the typical guys you had encountered in college so far. At first, there was definitely an air of slight intimidation surrounding him, probably because of his tall muscular frame and silver blonde hair, but as you danced together, he showed his soft and kind nature. His hands rested firmly on your hips, providing just the right amount of contact without encroaching on your personal space. As you felt more comfortable in his arms, you entwined your hands behind his neck, and only then he pulled you closer. The swift movement caused a gentle collision against his solid chest, confirming what you had suspected earlier—Jeno was no stranger to the gym. His white shirt was clinging to him in all the right places and you had to force yourself to look away before he caught you staring.

As the music played and your bodies moved against each other, Jeno leaned close to your ear once again. "You know... during the spin the bottle game, I was annoyed," he confessed.

Confused, you raised an eyebrow. "Why's that?"

"Because I was supposed to get that kiss from you, before that guy came and took my chance," he explained, his expression adorably pouting to emphasize his disappointment. 

Smiling at his confession, you couldn't help but tease him playfully. "Well, what if I told you I would've rather kissed you?"

His eyes lit up with delight, and you realized that he reminded you of a puppy. Jeno took your words as an invitation and slowly closed the gap between your faces, his lips barely grazing yours. But before the moment could fully unfold, the music abruptly stopped, and a crashing sound cut through the crowd. Turning your gaze over Jeno's shoulder, you saw chaos near the table where the sound system had been set up. 

The whole display had been knocked over, and the DJ  was engaged in a heated argument with another person. The other guy had his back to you, but you recognized that posture and when he turned his head to the side you confirmed who it was. Lee Haechan, his face contorted in anger as he flipped off the other guy who just kept yelling at him. His scorn only intensified when his eyes locked with yours, taking in the sight of you entangled with Jeno.

"What's going on over there?" you muttered to yourself, unable to tear your eyes away from the scene.

"Just some drunk jerk making a mess," Jeno replied, glancing back at you. 

You wished you could have resumed where you left off with him, but the interruption had shattered the moment. Not to mention, Haechan's piercing gaze lingered in your mind making you feel somewhat uneasy.

"Uh... I'm kind of thirsty. I should get a drink," you said, trying to find an excuse to escape the overwhelming atmosphere.

"I'll get it for you," Jeno offered, flashing a quick smile before heading off to fetch the drink. As he disappeared into the crowd, you ran your fingers through your hair, feeling the heat rising within you. The intensity of the almost-kiss and Haechan's intense stare made it hard to catch your breath. You needed a moment alone, away from the suffocating crowd.

You made your way to the bathroom upstairs, your go-to escape room. However, as you reached the door, you discovered it was locked, and the lewd sounds coming from inside let you know it wouldn’t be available for a while. Frustrated, you let out a sigh and glanced around, hoping to find another bathroom. Knocking on each door along the hallway, you realized that most of them were locked too, leaving little doubt as to what was happening inside.

Just as you were about to give up, the door at the end of the hallway swung open when you tried it, and you immediately slipped into the room discreetly. Closing the door behind you, you breathed a sigh of relief, grateful for this temporary escape. You stepped into the bathroom and splashed water on your face and neck, trying to cool yourself down. Staring at your reflection in the mirror, you couldn't help but feel frustrated with yourself for allowing Haechan to disrupt your thoughts once again. You hadn't even exchanged a single word with him tonight, yet he managed to occupy your mind so intensely. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks, and with a shake of your head, you resolved to leave the bathroom and rejoin Jeno, who was probably wondering where you had run off to.

But to your surprise and horror, someone stood on the balcony. You hadn't even realized the room had a balcony when you entered. The figure seemed unaware of your presence. So you attempted to make a silent exit, and almost succeeded until you accidentally tripped over a trash can. Wow, you really needed to pay better attention to your surroundings.

"Y/N?" a familiar voice called out, the one that had been haunting your thoughts just moments ago. Frozen in place, you debated whether to make a run for it. Surely he wouldn't stop you, right? He wouldn't chase after you... would he?

"Haechan..." you sighed, your tone conveying your frustration at seeing him. 

"Are you stalking me or something?," he asked, his teasing tone cutting through the tense air. You rolled your eyes at the absurd suggestion.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that? It seems like you're always popping up wherever I go… first the game, then the bathroom, and now here," you retorted, counting off the instances on your fingers. "What are you even doing here?" You gestured around the room, emphasizing your point.

"I could ask you the same thing. Weren't you just getting cozy with that Kendoll downstairs?" he asked, hands nonchalantly tucked into his pockets as he gradually closed the distance between you. Now, up close, you could see him clearly. He wore a black graphic t-shirt with the words 'they come, they go,' and his jeans were ripped on the thighs. His hair was also somewhat styled. It was clear that he had put some effort into his appearance, unlike his usual messy style.

"You didn't answer my question," you persisted, fighting off the nerves that his proximity was starting to stir.

"Well, this happens to be my birthday party," he revealed, a hint of satisfaction in his voice at seeing the slight shock in your face.

"Oh… uhm… happy birthday," you awkwardly mumbled. His closeness now forced you to tilt your head upward, despite the height advantage your heels provided.

"Anyway, why did you make a scene at your own birthday party?" you asked, trying to kill the awkward silence and stepping away slightly to regain some personal space.

You made your way to the balcony, craving the fresh air as a relief from the intensity of the room.

"I guess you could say I wasn't vibing with the atmosphere, the music, the people... especially the people," he replied, his words hinting at something that you couldn't quite grasp.

"Hm, well, I was actually having a good time for once," you replied, leaning against the balcony rail. He mirrored your posture, but instead of gazing out at the street ahead, he fixed his gaze on you.

"Yeah, I could see that. So, who's your new boy-jock-friend?" he asked, his words dripping with sarcasm and… jealousy? You turned your head to the side, squinting incredulously at the ridiculous nickname he had given Jeno.

"His name is Jeno, and he's actually a really nice guy," you clarified.

"Is that so?," he hummed, his expression pensive. His lack of a proper response prompted you to look at him again, only to find him struggling to suppress a stupid grin.

"What, Haechan?" you demanded, growing tired of his antics.

"Nothing, just...I was wondering if you even like guys like that,"  he asked, shrugging.

"Why does it matter to you?" you shot back, your voice tinged with annoyance.

"It doesn't," he replied nonchalantly, but there was a subtle shift in his demeanor as he closed the distance between you. The intensity in his gaze mirrored the way he had looked at you after your first kiss. "But I know you don't like him." He whispered that into your ear, now standing directly behind you. 

Caught off guard by his statement, you instinctively turned around to face him. Bad idea.

"You're wrong," you managed to reply, though the pitch change in your voice betrayed your nervousness. His amusement grew as he leaned against the balcony rail, his hands positioned on either side of you.

"Then answer this..." he began, his hand gently brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear before cupping your chin, tilting it ever so slightly, "Why are you here with me instead of with him?"

You were at a loss for words. He was right. You should have been downstairs with Jeno, dancing some more, perhaps even kissing him. Yet, there you stood with this fool, your gaze inexplicably drawn to his lips and the way they moved, and how he unconsciously wet them every few seconds.

"Nothing to say?" he teased, his nose grazing against yours, and you couldn't help but close your eyes, knowing deep down that you were about to do something completely crazy. "I think we-"

"Shut up," you blurted out, unable to hold back any longer, and you closed the gap between your lips in a frenzy. The kiss was anything but slow this time; it was a messy collision of longing and pent-up tension that had been brewing for days. All the warning signs you put for yourself to stay away from Lee Haechan felt irrelevant now.

Your hands found their way into Haechan's hair, pulling on the strands as you tried to make him groan just like before. But this time, he surprised you by firmly gripping your thighs and seating you on the balcony rail. The cool metal against your bare skin made you shiver, but the sensation was quickly overridden by the warmth of Haechan's touch. The kiss grew more intense, a mess of lips and tongues, bites, sucks, and a chorus of eager sounds that escaped from both of you. The world around you faded away as you focused solely on how good his hands and lips felt.

"Please," you moaned against his lips, and he wasted no time. In a flash, he lifted you, carrying you effortlessly to the bed. The kiss never faltered as he positioned himself above you, his hands hungrily exploring your body. Your skirt was hiked up, and he suddenly grabbed your ass making you gasp. Clothes were becoming a nuisance, and Haechan noticed your impatience as you fumbled with his shirt. He couldn't help but chuckle at your eagerness, but he helped anyways, discarding the shirt and revealing a canvas of smooth skin that begged to be touched.

You traced the contours of his torso with your fingers, savoring the sight of every mole and line etched across his skin. Your ogling was momentarily interrupted when Haechan tried to remove your tangled shirt, provoking a dramatic sigh from you when he finally pulled it off your head. He laughed at this and your lips met once more in a short, sweet kiss before his attention shifted to removing your skirt. 

Lying before him in nothing but your underwear, you watched as he straightened up, his gaze locked on your exposed form. You felt self-conscious but the way he was looking at you with darkened, adoring eyes, let you know that there was nothing to be shy about.

You flung your bra aside after unhooking it, meeting Haechan's hungry gaze as he took in your now exposed chest. You grabbed his hand inviting him to touch you. His hand glided from your belly to your breasts, exploring your curves slowly. He leaned and latched his mouth on your right breast, playing, nibbling, and sucking. He wanted to hear every moan and whimper coming from your lips. Each sound you made spurred him on, his body instinctively grinding against yours, his growing hardness pressing against you with every movement. You knew he was growing desperate with every sloppy thrust and lick of his tongue.

You hooked your finger through the chain around Haechan's neck and pulled him up so he was face to face with you "I want to try something," you whispered, planting a quick kiss on his lips. Gently pushing him by the shoulder, he willingly allowed himself to fall onto his back, his eyes fixed on you, filled with anticipation.

"What are you doing?" he asked, a playful tone lacing his breathless voice as you slowly crawled down his body, stopping in front of his crotch.

"What do you think?" you teased, unzipping his pants and sliding them down. His black boxers clung tightly to his arousal, already dampened with pre-cum. Biting your lip, you could already imagine his thickness just by the sight of it over his underwear. Looking up at Haechan, you noticed he had his hands behind his head to get a better view of your actions.

Without hesitation, you pulled down his boxers, causing his erection to spring up in an almost comical manner. There was no time to waste, you could tell that he might explode if you delayed any further. Grasping him firmly at the base, you used the slickness of his pre-cum as lub, pumping him a few times. Haechan bit his lips to contain his desperate moans, he didn’t want it to be so obvious that your simple touch on his dick almost made him cum.

But you had other plans. You wanted to hear him. You wanted to make him moan, whimper, and maybe  even cry out in pleasure. Propping yourself up, you leaned in and without warning, kitten-licked his sensitive tip. Haechan's head flew back, as a string of curses left his mouth. Delighted by his fucked up state, you repeated the motion several more times before finally taking him fully into your mouth. Slowly, you went deeper, until he hit the back of your throat. Inevitably, a groan escaped him, his self-restraint crumbling as you began to suck him off properly. He moaned, thrusting his hips into your mouth, his grip on your hair becoming desperate to ensure you wouldn't stop. Seeing him in such a vulnerable and desperate state was a sight you never thought you'd witness - Lee Haechan squirming beneath you, completely undone by your actions.

"Oh, f-...uck... that feels so good," Haechan groaned, his voice strained as you hollowed your cheeks and sucked harder. He was thrusting against your face without even realizing it. You didn't blame him; he was so consumed by pleasure that he couldn't control himself. You reached down and gently played with his balls, wanting to see his reaction. The way his eyes rolled back, and his hips momentarily faltered, told you that another touch like that would send him over the edge. With a quick glance at you bobbing your head up and down his cock, Haechan decided he had reached his limit. He grabbed you by the cheeks, pulling your mouth away from his dick. The lewd sight of your saliva connecting you both in a string made him wish he could capture the moment in a picture to enjoy later.

"I need to fuck you right now," Haechan explained when you looked at him with confusion. With those words, he got off the bed and rummaged through one of the night tables, searching for a condom. As he pulled out the small wrapper, you couldn't help but ask, "How did you know that was there?"

"Because this is my room," he said casually, the revelation catching you off guard. Though, it made sense that this was his dorm, given that it was his birthday party. 

He swiftly opened the condom wrapper and rolled it onto his cock. Without wasting any time, he climbed back onto the bed and slowly removed your panties, tutting at the sight of how wet you were. "Look at you," he said with a smile, allowing his fingers to explore your slick folds. The way your mouth opened and your eyes screwed shut in response showed just how bad you were needing to be touched there. As one of his fingers slowly entered you, he leaned in and kissed you, his tongue drowning out the moans that escaped your lips. Sensing your growing desperation, he added an extra finger, expertly pleasuring you. "H... Haechan," you moaned into his lips, and he hummed in response, continuing to finger you with more urgency. 

"Please... more," you managed to gasp out.

"As you wish, princess," he whispered, removing his fingers from you and licking your essence off them. He positioned himself on top of you, aligning his cock with your entrance. Teasingly, he pressed it against you without fully entering. "Haechan..." you said, your tone suddenly serious, using his dangling chain to pull him closer. "If you don't stop teasing me, I swear I'm going downstairs to find Jeno."

He let out a bitter laugh, but the mention of Jeno noticeably changed his demeanor. Before you could say anything else, he plunged inside you. The immediate clenching of your walls around him caused both of you to moan loudly. Haechan gripped your hips and adjusted your position with surprising care. After a few more seconds, you grabbed his hips and pushed him slightly, indicating that you wanted him to go deeper. Without wasting any more time, he obliged, burying his cock further inside you. "Fuck," he groaned, the sensation of him stretching you feeling too incredible for words.

He began to move, his thrusts gradually gaining speed until he was practically ramming into you. The sight of his pretty face, screwed up with swollen lips from all the kissing and biting, dilated pupils, and droplets of sweat on his forehead, drove you wild. 

Effortlessly, he grabbed your leg and propped it on his shoulder, allowing him to penetrate deeper, hitting a new spot that had your mouth foaming. He continued thrusting hard and fast, relishing in the way your breasts bounced with each powerful stroke. 

Your whimpering only made him want to see you come undone even more. He leaned in and kissed you softly, the tenderness contrasting with his hard thrusts. You melted into the kiss, moans mixing between you both. He even slowed down his thrusts, lost in the kiss for a moment. But then he unexpectedly started ramming into you again, thrusting harder and pushing you closer to the edge.

"Cum all over my cock, princess," he commanded, his voice hoarse with pleasure. With a few more hard thrusts and the feeling of his mouth devouring yours, you felt yourself reaching an orgasm more intense than anything you've ever before.

"Fu-...oh my god," you moaned loudly, your legs trembling uncontrollably.

Haechan followed suit shortly after, his thrusts growing messier as you clenched tightly around him. He came with a loud, uninhibited moan that reverberated through the room, a sound that would undoubtedly linger in your mind for a long time.

The air grew still, and the only audible sounds were the heavy, ragged breaths escaping both of you. Lying on your backs, you found yourselves staring up at the ceiling, your legs still intertwined, too exhausted to make a move or utter a word.

But then, Haechan shattered the silence.

"Best fucking birthday ever."

a/n: btw i reached 127 followers right after posting this so thank you so much lol *cue the flute*

[not-neverland06]

Crash of Worlds

Previous part / Next part

Cooper Howard x fem!reader, The Ghoul x fem!reader A/N: After this there’s gonna be more canon divergence - this one’s short (rope divider done by @saradika-graphics , cowboy hat/revolvers done by @firefly-graphics) Summary: You’d been expecting everything to be different, people, to be different. But not like this. Not to such an extreme extent. Maybe the vault had softened you more than you’d have liked but there was nothing to do about it now.

The green canopy of the forest provides a welcome relief from the heat. You and Lucy follow the signs pointing the way to Filly. You hear it before you ever get to see it. There’s a distant sound of yelling and the murmur of people. It has your heart clenching in your chest. 

You’re outside, breathing in real air, not oxygen from tanks. You can feel the breeze in your hair and hear people. It’s all you wanted for three years. Bud prepared you for a lot. But he didn’t prepare you for just how jarring it is to wake up and suddenly everything you’ve ever known is gone. You don’t feel the years you’ve been asleep. It was like it happened yesterday. 

But you’ve had three years to come to peace with what had happened. You can’t let yourself get wrapped up in this feeling of nostalgia. The raiders that came down to the vault were proof enough that the people you’re going to meet up here aren’t going to be anywhere near friendly. You know this world has turned into dog-eat-dog, Lucy doesn’t yet, though. 

She walks towards a large grove of abandoned cars. The paint has flaked off and the glass smashed in, but they’re not in horrible condition for being two hundred odd years old. You're distracted by the convertible she stands next to and you gasp. 

You rush forward, hand smoothing over the hood and grinning at the familiar feel. “I-”

You cut yourself off abruptly and Lucy looks over at you, a curious smile on her face. “What is it?”

You shake your head, “Nothing. Just excited to see civilization again.” You give her a terse smile, hoping she doesn’t smell the lie. You’d almost said that it was exactly like your old car. But that would have opened up a can of worms you weren’t ready for. 

She groans, linking her arm through yours and nodding. “I know, me too. The surface is definitely not what I was expecting.”

You sigh, glancing back at the car before stepping towards Filly. “Yeah, me either.” 

The noise reaches a crescendo as you finally manage to make your way into the market. There’s still signs directing you further through the woods so you figure this must not be Filly yet. Probably just a little place where people tried to peddle junk. 

A man lurches out at you holding out a kebab and grinning widely. “DOG MEAT!” You jump back in shock as he screams in your face. His eyes are unseeing as he waves the kebab around. “GET YOUR DOGMEAT HERE!” 

“Oh, what the fuck?” You mutter, you didn’t mean dog-eat-dog literally. You notice you and Lucy getting odd looks and you finally realize just how much the two of you stand out. In comparison, you're both well groomed and much cleaner than anyone here. 

Not only that but you’ve got the stupid Pip-Boy’s on your arm and vault suits on. You’re walking advertisements of “Come rob me!” You steer Lucy further through the market, narrowly avoiding a lizard meat stall and dragging her towards a tunnel at the end of the path. Filly’s just beyond and you shove her through the opening, eager to get somewhere where you might be able to find something useful. 

You seperate with the promise to meet back up in the middle of the town square. You’re going to look for something to change into and she’ll find some information on her father. Should be easy enough. 

He’s not supposed to be here. He’d gotten himself and all of his kind banned a long time ago. An impressive feat, considering how lawless Filly is. But no one’s going to say anything to him, no one ever has before. 

Any other ghoul and they would have been dragged right back out before they could even put a foot through the tunnel. But he’s not any ghoul, he’s the ghoul. And no one in their right mind is going to be the one to start a fight they’ve got no fucking hope of winning. 

He rolls the empty vial of RadAway around in his hand, hat tipped down as he waits for his mark to show up. Ma June, cantankerous old bitch that she is, always has good supplies. But she doesn’t sell to ghouls, and if he didn’t need her alive right now he would have shot her for turning him away. She’s a well known fence for fugitives and bounties. If his mark is going to show up anywhere, it’s going to be right here. 

Most of the people who try their hand at bounty hunting do it for the experience. They get bored, not that he can fucking blame them. After a while staring at nothing but sand and chickens makes a man go a little crazy. They don’t understand that it’s all a waiting game. 

Sometimes it’s an exhilarating chase, like a predator tracking down its prey. But more often than not he’s just waiting for a slip up. A mistake from whoever has a price on their head is usually what lands them in his hands. And the second this man decided to use Ma June as a transport was when he made his mistake. Everyone knows that Barv can’t keep her mouth shut for shit. 

When someone decides Ma June can help them, everyone knows where they are. It’s a big bounty, enough to keep anyone with a normal life cycle sated for the rest of their life. For him, it’s all about the hunt. The wait, that look in their eyes when they realize they're trapped and there’s nowhere left for them to turn. He loves it when he’s got them cornered. 

There’s a desperation to them that makes the capture all the more sweeter.  

There’s two bright flashes of blue against the otherwise dreary countenance of Filly. He doesn’t look up much, still trying not to draw too much attention to himself. He sees one, brown hair and wide eyed as she takes in the sights. Fucking vaulties. 

It’s been a while since he’s taken one of their bounties. Their tech was pretty valuable among surface dwellers and when one was spotted, which was rare, there was usually a good price on their head. He can only catch the back of the other one, her face blocked by a conveniently placed support beam next to him. 

She stops by the clothing stall, waving her friend along and speaking to the woman who runs the booth. Good fucking luck to her. There was no haggling with that woman and her prices were fucking ridiculous. He wonders how long it will be until he sees those two on the poster in some bar somewhere. He’s sure when the time comes, he’ll enjoy taking them too. 

His gaze goes back to Ma June’s shop, interest already waned in the rare vault dweller. They were never all that fun. Never had any good information and always had a stick up their ass about morals and being a “good” person. 

Finally, his mark turns up. Blind to the danger lurking behind him. 

You’re in a really shitty spot when the fighting starts. You’re overwhelmed by everything around you. Freaks in wacky ass clothes peddling their mutated animals and fucking teeth. Teeth. 

Teeth and bottle caps, that’s the currency now. Who decided that bottle caps were a good idea? Or teeth for that matter. You’ve only got so many of them. You don’t even want to think about what they’re getting used for.

The woman in front of you only has four of her own left and she’s demanding three of yours for a shirt. You’re not well versed in the economy of the wasteland, but even you’re sure that three teeth is a ridiculous ask. From the way people keep glaring at you as they walk by, you’re sure that she thinks because you’re from a vault you’re going to be gullible. 

You’re too caught up in your quickly escalating argument to realize what’s happening until it’s too late. A man stands in the center of the square, his back to you. You can tell from your view that he’s pretty badly burned, the skin around his neck and skull warped and twisted. 

He’s yelling about a bounty and your head tilts in confusion. There’s something to the lilt of that accent that sounds familiar. You take a step forward, abandoning the clothing stall and trying to place how you know him. It’s impossible, really, that anyone recognizable would still be alive. But maybe someone else got out of a vault and made it to the surface. If they did, it clearly wasn’t unscathed. 

It’s only when he pulls out his gun that you realize Lucy is standing in front of him, with the man that bothered her last night. You want to call out her name, try and catch her eye, but the last thing you need is him pointing that gun at you. You jump back in shock as he shoots the man’s foot off, eyes widening, and feet scrambling backwards. 

The woman in the clothing stall hisses, “Fucking ghoul,” and makes a run for it. You watch her go, finally realizing just how empty the square is now. Everyone has left, all of them terrified by the man in black. Your eyes dart between him and the stall. 

She’s gone, and you need clothes. You’ll deal with Lucy’s scolding later. You leap over the counter of the stall and begin to rifle through the woman’s stock. Stuffing any spare clothes you think will fit into your pack and just because she was such a horrid bitch, you steal her bag of caps too. 

The crazy old lady by the shop screams out a reward for anyone who manages to kill the man in front of you. When the guns start going off you realize just how screwed you are. You’re in the middle of the town square. Granted, you are blocked by the clothing stall, but these bullets they’re using aren’t ordinary. 

They’re getting holes blown clean through their chest and the buildings around them are damn near exploding from the impact. The measly little wooden stall isn’t going to be any sort of decent cover against them. 

You risk another look over the counter, hoping to find a clear path to Lucy or at least some better cover. He’s finally turned around now and you can get a half decent glance at his side profile. There’s nothing truly recognizable about him, just familiar. It’s hard to really tell anything about him when he doesn’t have a nose. 

You watch with wide eyes and a disbelieving expression as he takes three shots to the chest like it’s nothing. He keeps chewing on his tomatoes and slowly finding cover to reload. A ghoul. Hank and Betty had told you and the other’s about them. People poisoned by radiation. 

Most of them turn feral, but those who can find the right chems live a lot longer than any normal human should. They heal nearly immediately and are almost invulnerable to anything except their own disease. Considering how quick on the draw this guy is, no one has any real hope of taking him down. 

With the shooting redirected you leap out from behind the counter and rush towards the shop. But something stops you before you reach the door. You don’t know what it is, what connects in your brain that has you so harshly coming to a stop. 

You whirl around, ignoring the way Lucy calls out your name. He’s back out from his cover now. He aims, grinning and laughing as he manages to get two people with one bullet. Carnage is all around you. Blood flying through the air, surrounded by blood and guts. The relatively peaceful downtown has been littered with dead. 

And in the middle of it all stands him. You have to be wrong. There’s no fucking way he’s standing in front of you. You take a step forward and his head whips towards you. The rest of him isn’t recognizable, but you would know those eyes anywhere. 

His eyes widen with surprise and you feel your gut drop to your feet. This can’t be him. There’s no way. He’s slaughtering these people like it’s nothing. The man you knew could never be so casual about this. Then again, the relationship you’d had was built on lies. Maybe you’d never really known him. 

Before you can process the anger in his face you’re being jerked to the side. Lucy pants as she drags you into the shop and you look over your shoulder, shocked to find a bullet where you’d just been standing. You catch his eye, see the smoke coming from the barrel of his gun and realize he’d tried to fucking shoot you.

Shit, maybe it is him. He had always had a bad temper and a good aim. 

You can feel his eyes, tracking you even as you disappear behind the walls of the shop. You and Lucy risk a peek out of the shop when you hear something like an explosion. You gape as a power suit lands in front of him. What twisted ass blast to the past have you just been sent to?

How the fuck was Cooper Howard, ghoulified, and a power suit both in the same area? 

You had to be dreaming. There was no way this was happening. But it was, and whoever was in charge of that suit had no idea what they were doing. He’s ducking under their swinging metal arms, taunting them and drawing out the fight. He could end this now, you both know where the weakness is. 

Hell, you could end this fight right now. But you don’t see the need to kill the Knight when it’s clear he’s trying to protect you and Lucy. “We need to get him,” Lucy points frantically to the man on the ground. He’s not really moving, just clutching the bloody nub where his foot used to be and looking astonished at the blood around him. 

“This is really stupid,” you hiss as you both start forward and wrap an arm around one of his own. You don’t have much time to process what happens next. 

“Watch out!” The knight barrels towards you both. He wraps his arms around Lucy and goes flying into a building. You jump back at the explosion of wood and metal flying down around you. The ghoul has his gun pointed at them both. He’d clearly been trying to snipe you both, get you away from the man on the ground. 

Well, he could fucking have him. You drop the man to the ground and he grunts as you make a run for it. A coward’s move, the same one you admonished Norm for. But, you’re a fucking hypocrite, so what? Right now, you’d really just like to survive this gun fight unscathed. 

Something lands near your foot and you jump, realizing it’s a bullet. You glance up and the ghoul is laughing at you, full on belly laughing as he shoots around you. You realize with a start that he’s playing with you. Taunting you like a man who’s got all the time in the world. But you can’t stop running. If you stop, those bullets are going to catch up with you. 

You keep going, legs pumping and heart racing as you’re separated more and more from Lucy. The mission, the whole reason you came up to the surface, is lost on you. You can only focus on one thing, surviving. You keep running, through alleyways and around buildings until you’re back in the woods. The whole time his laughter is following you. 

The sharp noise of something whistling through the air reaches your ears and then something snaps against you. You glance down, only a moment to process the rope over your arms before he’s dragging you back. Your head hits the ground with a harsh snap, the motion slamming your teeth together and nearly biting off the tip of your tongue. 

You groan in dazed pain and then he’s slowly dragging you back. One sharp tug after another, rocks ripping at your suit and scalp, hair ripped out underneath your back. Until, finally, he’s peering over you, face upside down and lips twisted up into a strained smile. 

“Well, there you are, sweetheart.”

end. — I do not own the characters or the game/show Fallout, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

[mikedfaist]

can we get more pregnant!reader??? like when she’s actually going into labor and he takes her to the hospital? supportive sweetie mike is my favorite

Mike took the classes. He read the books. He sought insight from his friends who have already ventured down this path before. The hospital bag was ready. The nursery was complete – alongside a crib he did indeed decide to build. He was ready for fatherhood. Frankly, he welcomed it with open arms. He already loved his little girl so much that he couldn’t imagine that love growing anymore than it already is. How is that even possible?

When those first real contractions hit in the middle of the night – much different than the “practice” ones from before – your first instinct isn’t to wake up Mike. No, you let him sleep. You scamper into the kitchen, lay down on the couch and turn on Modern Family. They weren’t far enough apart yet. No point in going to the hospital. No point in waking up your boyfriend. Until your water breaks, you are going to relax as much as you can until the pain permeates to the point of surrender.

You don’t have to wake him up though, because that boy senses your absent presence, and goes looking for you. It wasn’t unusual to find you in the kitchen in the middle of the night; when a craving calls, it calls. This time though, he caught you in the middle of a contraction. Not unbearable – you were even able to talk through it, but he saw it in your eyes. Less than a minute, and it was over.

When you told him you’ve been having contractions for the last hour, you might as well have told him you joined a cult.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” He was aghast.

“There’s no point right now! Can’t even go to the hospital. This could last for hours, Michael. Hours. Maybe in the morning something worth telling you about will happen.” You didn’t mean it in a bad way. Obviously, anything that happens in this pregnancy he wants to know about. To you, this was nothing. If the contractions weren’t five minutes apart, then why bother? “Go back to sleep, okay? Get your rest while you can.”

“You really think I can just go back to sleep when you’re in labor?”

“Early labor, it barely counts.”

“It does count.”

“When my water breaks, then I’ll bother you with my problems. But for now, I’m chillin’.”

By morning, seven hours later, things had progressed enough for you to roll over onto your side and shake your boyfriend awake.

“It fucking hurts.”

“It’s just early labor, babe, it barely counts.”

“I will break up with you—do not test me right now.”

It wasn’t until the afternoon when your water broke in the middle of the kitchen as he was making you grilled cheese. (You made him finish the grilled cheese before leaving). Once at the hospital, he fed you ice chips, massaged your back, kissed your forehead, and let you fracture each of his fingers. He did nearly pass out when you got your epidural, and again when you did eventually give birth. His excuse was he had forgotten to eat because he was so focused on you, but you remember how white he got watching a real birth video in preparation for this moment.

Once you begin pushing, he’s beside you, brushing the hair out of your face, letting you squeeze his hand until it’s purple. He’s so gentle with his encouragements, whispering it in your ear and kissing your temple. He can’t put into words how amazed he is with you in this moment. He thought he loved you before, but that love has grown exponentially. You not only grew and protected their child, but you were putting yourself through hell to bring her into this world. It’s something he’ll never know firsthand, and he knows he’ll never be able to look at you the same way from now on. You really were the most incredible woman he has ever had the pleasure of knowing.

When they hear that first cry, he nearly breaks into sobs. All those months of waiting, and being very impatient about it, have finally come to an end, and his baby girl is right there. She’s so tiny—how is she so tiny? How is she so tiny but expelling a cry so loud and raucous?

“She has a set of lungs on her, for sure.”

When they set her on your chest, she instantly quietens. She knows that’s her momma. Mike has to cover his mouth to control his cries. None of the books taught him how to handle the moment he meets his baby girl for the first time. He leans over and caresses his finger over her hand—holy fuck it’s so tiny! Instinctively, she grabs his finger, and refuses to let go. There’s nothing quite as strong as a baby’s grip.

He loses count of how many times he tells you he loves you. A million times wouldn’t even be enough.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

So, you have been in a relationship for a while and you’re ready and eager to take the next step - but your partner isn’t. What now? 

The “next step” I’m referring to here could mean a lot of different things because relationships do not all follow one specific timeline (and also because my readers may be of wildly different ages and live in wildly different situations) but I am thinking of any “deepening our commitment” things here: for example introducing them to your friends or your family, moving in together or (if you are in a situation where that’s a legal possibility) even marriage or having a child together. 

Whatever the step actually looks like, you may have this romantic idea of “If they’re right for you, you’ll always naturally want to take these steps at the same time”… but that’s not really how relationships work in real life. Even in the healthiest relationship and even if you absolutely feel like they’re your soulmate, you may still disagree on when to take those steps or even on whether you want to take these steps at all. 

In fact, it’s uniquely frustrating if everything else is going well. If their refusal to meet your mom is just another point on the long list of behaviors that make you feel like they don’t really care about you, that’s also painful but it’s easier to give advice there: maybe you should think about breaking up. It’s tempting to believe that you can make them love you more if you move in with them or that they’ll treat you better once you get engaged, but that won’t work out. You can’t fix a broken relationship by deepening the commitment - commitment needs a stable foundation to grow. And this doesn’t only go for outright abusive relationships: they may be a wonderful person but you two just have entirely different goals and needs, and those won’t suddenly overlap more just because you moved in with them or married them. 

With all that being said: if there IS a healthy and stable foundation, if you are happy in every other aspect and they’re just hesitant about this one specific step, then jumping straight to “break up with them” would obviously be pretty unhelpful advice. Differing opinions occur even in the most compatible couple, you are both whole people with your own individual feelings and those do not necessarily doom the whole relationship. It’s important to see this situation in the context of the relationship in general. 

You may be able to guess that a big portion of the advice is just gonna be “Communicate with your partner” - but first of all, I’d advise you to have an open and honest conversation with yourself. Why is this step of commitment so important to you? What does it mean to you? Do you feel a sense of urgency in taking it and if so, why? Is this specific step the only possible path for your need to be met? Are you open to alternative approaches, are you open to waiting (and if so, for how long)? The purpose of these questions is definitely not to convince yourself to give up on your needs or to talk yourself into a compromise you’re not really happy with! The opposite of that, actually: It’s helpful to reflect on what exactly you want and why you want it, so you have the clarity you need to discuss it productively. You don’t want to agree to something that ultimately leaves you unsatisfied and bitter, but you also don’t want to push hard for something you later on realize doesn’t even mean that much to you. 

When you feel confident enough about your own stance to discuss it with your partner, the most important thing to remember is: you’re on the same team. The goal here isn’t to “win” or to change their mind, but to see each others perspective better and find a solution you’re both happy with. Listen with an open mind. Try to understand before you try to influence. Remind yourself that your partner isn’t your enemy, they also want the best outcome for both of you - otherwise you (hopefully) wouldn’t want to commit to them! 

Something you should get clarification on during your conversations: is it a hard no (do not want to do that at all ever), a soft no (open to alternatives or adjustments), a no for now (want to do it but not yet), a yes but (want to do it but only under certain circumstances or in a different way than your original plan) or a I don’t know? How does this affect your feelings on the situation? (I’m sure that even just while reading these different scenarios, some instinctively feel better or worse than others! But it’s still important to take some time to sit with any new information that comes up during those conversations. Neither of you should feel pressured or rushed here!) 

You may find that they just never considered that there may be multiple approaches to that step (an example for this would be that they are not actually opposed to the idea of being married to you, just to the idea of a wedding, and didn’t consider yet that eloping is also a possibility) - but don’t set yourself up for disappointment by expecting the conversation to 100% go that way. It may also be a hard no, and that wouldn’t make them a horrible person. People can deeply, truly love someone and still do not want to take certain steps with them. It’s a good idea to remind yourself that you’re not “in the right” or “the better person” for wanting to take those steps. While certain steps may be a big part of your own future plans or even of your identity and self-image (and that’s valid!), they are just personal preferences. It’s not a moral obligation to want them, and your partner isn’t mean for not wanting them. But, of course, at this point we also need to say: if you can not imagine a life where you never get married, you are not a horrible person for breaking up with a partner who can not imagine to ever marry. “Irreconcilable differences” are a common breakup reason for a reason. 

So, to summarize: Building a strong foundation is crucial before taking big steps. Communicate openly with yourself first - understand why you want to take this step and if there are alternatives. When talking to your partner, remember you're a team; it's not about winning but understanding each other. Be open to different responses, from a clear no to conditions on a yes. Do not pressure your partner but do not completely give up on your own happiness either. 

The journey of commitment should be a shared adventure - not a battle or a competitive race! 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[gotham-daydreams]

I love. Your series. I haven't had angst hit this good in years.

I like to imagine that y/n did *try* to be a vigilante like the others. They took the sports and martial arts as a way to practice and when they excelled in running, gymnastics, karate, ect- they gave it their first try. And their first attempt went terribly. They went out alone and so young, not that they ever wanted to fight crime to begin with but that is the most logical way to connect to the family. They were severely injured and decided after that they weren't going to be able to try again. They had to heal alone and their worldview changed from "I can be like them once I'm good enough" to "Maybe they can still love me even if I'm not a vigilante." And nobody knew they even thought this or tried at all. y/n wanted to give the family something to be proud about. And they failed.

You. I like you.

I'm glad you're enjoying the series!!!

[Warnings: Angst (sort of?), Blood, Reader Getting Injured, Panic(?)]

(Not proofread. Had a fun time writing this!)

————————————————————————

You tried to catch your breath, gasping for air as you clutching onto your side. You could feel the wound, the pain never even letting you forget it for a second as you stared in front of you.

Two unconscious men laid on the ground. They were about twice your size across all categories, and yet you had managed to knock them out, somehow. You could hardly believe it, and yet you could barely consider this a victory. Not when you heard the sounds of rushing footsteps, and angry shouts that were growing louder as they headed in your direction.

"There they are! AFTER THEM!"

A thug shouted before you could even register how close they had gotten, head whipping around to see the source of the voice, causing you to pale at the amount of thugs behind him.

Before the dread could even settle in, your body was able to react much faster than your mind. Your feet rushed forward before jumping high in the air, kicking off the walls in the alleyway to travel over the thugs, and landing behind them, not wasting a single second to run away.

Various shouts followed behind you, but all you could concentrate on was the path ahead of you. You traveled between various alleyways in hopes of losing the men, but it was like the moment you got close to achieving that, someone would notice you one way or another.

All of the twists and turns were beginning to confuse you, a sense of dizziness falling over you as the world began to spin. You tried to push forward and keep going, promising yourself that you were almost there — even if you didn't know where 'there' was, or what it could mean.

Your legs began to hurt and sting as you ran, but you kept going, determined to lose these guys before anything else. Promising yourself that it would be smooth sailing from there, and yet just when you noticed that you hadn't run into a thug in a while-

Your face met the pavement.

Was that... blood-?

The fall was far from soft, with the rough ground scratching at your legs and further opening your wounds. Dragging its rough claws against your skin, and making your head feel like it was hit with a brick or mallet.

You hissed, wincing from the pain, as you look at the hand that had been holding your side this whole time. The sight made you pause.

"Find that little twerp! Kill them for all I care! Just FIND THEM!"

A thug, presumably the leader, shouted out suddenly. Causing you to quickly scramble up from the ground, and bite your tongue as you began to run again.

Holding your side, all you did was hope and pray for the best.

Unfortunately, another shout sounded from behind you, and before you knew it a thug appeared in front of you. Without thinking, you quickly slid under him by passing in between his legs, and managed to continue running. Your heart beating against your ribs, nearly breaking them with how hard it pounded. Yet soon, it was the only thing you could hear.

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

You rushed past another thug, breathing heavily as your feet slamming on to the concrete. Hardly keeping you up right, but just trying to fling you forward.

Yet, another thug managed to get the jump on you.

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

You were slammed face first into a wall, the impact was so harsh that no sound managed to escape you. All you could do was cough out blood as your struggled in the thug's hold, your gloved fingers clawing at the hand that held your throat.

He squeezed, and more blood came spilling out as you choked.

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

Ba-dump

You couldn't hear what the two thugs in front of you were saying, ears ringing and filled with your deafening heart beat. Your vision was getting blurry now, and even if you couldn't make out much, you could see how their scowls shifted into smirks. The thug's grasp on you tightening, causing you to struggle even more.

The looks they gave you was nothing short of terrifying. Pure malice and bloodlust stared at you, and all you could do was try to hide your fear. Knowing you'd see their faces again in your nightmares.

Thump

Thump

Thump

You trembled as your struggling increased.

Your heart hammered against your chest as your eyes widened, the realization dawning on you as you saw one of them adjust the hold they had on their bat. With the one choking you, winding back his fist, his expression darker than even the shadows of Gotham.

You were going to die here.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

You became frantic. Aiming for anything else you possibly could, as you threw various punches and kicks. Hardly even noticing how your poor efforts were only further irritating the men. Yet that was the least of your concerns.

You scratched at his arm, kicked his chest, tried to go for his eyes. Anything. Anything you could possibly reach, you tried to aim for. Your instincts kicking into high gear as you fought, and fought, and fought.

But at the end of the day, you were just a kid fighting against two grown adults.

You never stood a chance.

You were going to die here.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

... You don't remember much after that.

You could only recall hurriedly running up the stairs that were attached to the side of an apartment building, and could remember how you even got shot in the leg on the way up, but managed to carry on anyway, despite the wound and the new pain it brought.

You vividly remember just narrowly making a jump to another rooftop, completely out of breath. Adrenaline pumping through your viens so hard, and rushing so fast, that even as you fell into a dumpster, you still could hardly feel the pain. All you could remember after that, was darkness surrounding you as you slowly closed your eyes. Having tried to fight off sleep, but ultimately failing.

Even when you did come to, you were still in that dumpster, and the sun still having yet to rise. The smell of trash and blood was so awful, that no words could describe it. Though the smell was also so strong that you could barely smell it, at the very least. You couldn't focus, and everything felt fuzzy for a while as you just laid there.

You looked down at your hand, only to sigh softly. Right, you were still bleeding. Amazing.

Pain was all you could feel, but you knew you'd have to get up, especially if you didn't want to risk anyone finding you and mistaking you for a corpse. Let alone if someone from your family had found you now.

What would they even say? Would they even be able to look at you, after such a terrible first attempt? After you did so poorly, despite having tried to prepare for this so much, on your own? For them?

... What would Bruce say? What would he do?

..... You reluctantly got up. Your body hating you for it immediately, and that was made incredibly clear as pain shot through each and every inch of your body. Yet you still managed to push on, and by some miracle, was able to get out of the dumpster.

You felt as awful as you looked, that much you could tell, but tried to not think about. Walking — which was actually limping because of a certain wound you had — felt like a chore, but you toughed it out as you made your way through Gotham.

Before anyone could really see you, by yet another miracle, you were able to come across a small clothing store that was still open, as some clothes were still hanging outside.

You didn't bother looking for an employee or anything as you just grabbed the biggest hoodie you could find, and took it. You didn't care about the color too much, or any patterns or prints it might've had. All you knew was that it could cover most of your wounds for now, and help keep your identity hidden.

Shaking your head, you just pushed your thoughts to the side. You didn't need to think about that right now, especially not when you were injured. So you wouldn't. You didn't.

So, you slipped it on, but not before leaving some money behind by leaving it tapped on the door from the inside. A small note attached to it reading 'For the hoodie,' and nothing else. After all, you weren't actually trying to steal anything, and you didn't want to give anyone the impression that you were starting. You didn't want to think about what Bruce would do or say if he thought that, let alone the others.

You continued to walk, vaguely remembering where you could get supplies to help yourself, and heading towards the store. Ignoring all the weird looks people would give you when you passed them by, or noticed the trail of blood you were leaving behind. Their stares made you nervous, but you kept going. The humiliation settling in, and making a home for itself in you, as your chest felt heavy.

It's like they were cursing you with their eyes, and damning you to hell.

... The walk was fine for the most part. Painful, yes, but at this point you were already getting a little used to it. So you just moved along, and made your way into the store once you finally reached it.

For your own sake, you tried to be quick about it and grabbed what you needed. A first-aid kit never hurt, but you made sure to grab some other things as well.

So, you got to work and patched yourself up to the best of your ability. Remaining quiet all throughout as you tried to focus and concentrate. Using what you knew, you were able to decently take care of yourself — even if your stitching could use some work, it didn't look too horrible. Removing the bullet in your leg was another story, and though it was difficult, you managed.

Hospitals were out of the question since it'd be all over the news and your family would surely find out. Alfred was also part of the family, so allowing him to help you — let alone see your condition, was also out of the question. You'd just have to take care of this yourself. No one had to know.

Regardless, once you had everything, you paid, and quickly made your way up the stairs that was alongside another apartment building. This time you didn't climb all the way up, and instead stopped somewhere in the middle, and decided to patch yourself up there. Not wanting to risk going too high for your family to see you if they happened to pass by, but also not being too low for any thugs to see you and either finish the job, or put an end to your suffering.

So the middle seemed like the best option for now, even if you did risk some poor civilian seeing you and your horrible state. It was a risk worth taking compared to the other options you had, you thought as much at the time anyway.

Sunrays peaked inbetween the buildings, and lit up your tired and pained eyes. The sky shifted from its darker hues to much lighter ones. With morning birds singing their songs, and more people beginning to wake up and start their days.

Finally, the bleeding was beginning to stop, and all you could do was sigh in relief as you leaned against the wall, and looked to the side. Exhausted beyond belief, and feeling the weakest you've ever felt, but still somehow alive.

You stayed there for a while, just silently admiring as the night turned into day. Dried blood and bandages covering you, pain still evident but it was beginning to die down now. To think you'd make it to sunrise, it was almost unbelievable considering you had nearly died one too many times tonight. Your luck having made it possible to even get this far.

Maybe you'd cry, but it didn't feel right to do so. The pain you felt was enough of a reminder of your failure. Your current state was enough of a reality check.

You weren't like your family, that much was clear.

You just weren't cut out for this. You weren't slow, but you were sloppy. You weren't weak, but you weren't strong enough. You had skill, but you lacked proper technique. You had plans, but your execution was poor. You needed to train, you needed practice and have proper guidance, but where would you even go for that? Who could you go to? If you went to your family at this point, and found out about last night...

You couldn't do what they managed to accomplish every night. Even on your first attempt, you couldn't even manage to do half of what they could. You were reckless, and ultimately overestimated your own abilities despite knowing this wouldn't be easy, and ended up underestimating your opponents. It nearly got you killed, and had you not managed to get yourself out of that situation, you would've died.

You had gotten lucky with so many things last night, and if you were to do this every night like your family, you couldn't just depend on luck. You couldn't have a repeat of last night. You'd surely die that way.

You didn't want to think about what they'd say, the thought alone was painful enough.

Sighing, you just looked away from the sun, and up at the sky, watching as the colors continued to shift.

You wanted to do this on your own to prove yourself. To prove you could do what your family did, and show that you had something to offer. That you could do amazing things and help out too, but you fell flat. You couldn't even handle a group of thugs — how would you be able to handle anything else? What about robberies? Kidnappings? Murders? What about theft, or things dealing with that? How would you deal with anything else if you couldn't even handle the lowest guys in Gotham?

That's the thing, you wouldn't be able to.

If you couldn't even handle a few thugs, you wouldn't be able to do much else. Not at your current level anyway, but how long would it take you to improve? To get better? To be on the same level as your family? To stand by them, and know you were apart of something?

... Maybe you really weren't cut out for this.

To think you once dreamed of standing beside them, helping them, and most of all — making them proud as you held your own weight and then some. Making Gotham a better place right by their side.

It seems so silly now, and maybe that's because it was.

You were hopeless from the start.

Your heart felt so heavy in your chest, the realization causing the organ to squeeze, but you just let it be, and sat with it.

There were other ways you could grab their attention. Other ways that didn't include throwing yourself at death time and time again, and praying you'd live to see another sunrise. This was just... a bump in the road, but you'd have other opportunities! You could do other things to grab their attention and — and maybe you'd even make them proud in the process.

Yeah, there were still other things you could do. You couldn't give up now!

Sure, being a vigilante didn't work out, but that's okay! You'd just have to find something else, it's alright. You'd find something, you were sure of it. You'd find something and be so good at it that they'd have to acknowledge you — hopefully.

You could work something out. After all, there were countless other things you could do besides being a vigilante! Surely one of those things could grab their attention, and maybe if you just worked hard enough and perfected it so much, that they'd acknowledge you — and most of all? Be proud of you.

You'd show them that you had a place in this family, without a mask. You'd show them. You'd prove yourself to them, you would. You will!

Though to start, you'd make your way back home, and just keep what happened last night to yourself. You'd form a plan, think of something, and see it out til the very end. You'd show that you could do great things too besides protecting Gotham from Villians and thugs. That maybe someday, you could make a difference too.

So, with a new hope and dream in your heart, stood up and began making your way down the steps. The sun rising along with your own determination to start on this new path. Making your way back to the Manor, unaware of the misfortune to befall you.

Sometimes, no matter the effort, some things just aren't meant to be. You still had yet to learn that lesson at the time, and even when you eventually would, they'd ruin that too.

[olderthannetfic]

I still think the people responding to the abortion thing with "well you wouldn't want them to raise that kid" are missing the point a bit, though. Even if someone has ample resources to take care of a kid, and they're fully prepared to be the best parent ever, they still have an inherent right to abort a pregnancy they don't want. Like focusing on "an ableist parent wouldn't be the best to raise that kid!" or "what if they don't have the resources for the health care they need!' opens up the "adoption" argument - and I'm sure many people would counter it with all the problems of the adoption system particularly for disabled kids. But even if adoption were a surefire way to ensure every child finds the perfect loving home, it is still wrong to force the pregnant person to use their body for 9 months to carry a pregnancy when they would rather not. The problems with relying overmuch on this argument is it has a kind of ugly implication that if a woman has no economic or emotional reason to struggle to raise a kid, it's mean and selfish for her not to be a mother. We saw some of that with the overturning of Roe in the U.S. - a lot of rhetoric of how this was bad just because of how it would affect poor or minority women. And I just wanted to be like, okay, but a wealthy white woman with ample resources who just doesn't want to have a kid, shouldn't have to have a kid. And it's still a massive violation of her human rights to force her to carry an unwanted pregnancy for 9 months. Like I thought one of the anons made this clear, but people keep saying this so maybe they're not getting it: but think of the burden that pregnancy puts on a body? Think about all the little things you have to do differently if you're pregnant. You can't drink, you can't take certain medications, including some that a lot of people's mental and physical health relies on the rest of the time. It literally moves around your organs to accommodate the growing fetus. It's just painful and nauseating a lot of time. That's not even going into how it's often enough of a medical emergency that it regularly killed pregnant people before we had access to modern medicine and hospitals, and still does in other parts of the world, or with people who refuse that treatment. Isn't that enough to convince you that it's horrifying to inflict that on someone unwillingly? I understand focusing on financial burdens and so on because it helps convince people who maybe aren't all there with respecting bodily autonomy. But also, I'm a cis woman who has no desire to be pregnant and have kids, and sure the fact that I haven't got a lot of money right now helps, but I know that if I was a billionaire and had tons of people at the ready to help raise my kids for me, I still wouldn't want to be a mother. And it's bizarre how radical that is to say even in ostensibly feminist, progressive spaces. A lot of people are just still so deeply uncomfortable with women (or anyone they see as a woman) deciding to choose life paths that don't include motherhood, in a way they simply are not with men eschewing fatherhood. And we can't really talk about gender equality until that starts to change. There's no reason that being born as a particular gender should limit the kind of life that people let you live or even imagine. There's nothing about being a woman that makes you more nurturing or parental, and so no reason that you shouldn't be able to decide that's not for you.

--

[blackkatmagic]

For the clone character meme, Fox of course!!! If you've already got him, Tup?

“Have you seen Thorn?” Fox asks, annoyed. A missing senator is normally nothing to call in off-duty troopers over, but Padawan Skywalker is making himself a headache, and Fox is tired of it. Thorn can at least pretend to be polite. Fox can't be bothered, especially to uppity, snarly padawans who give him a headache.

“No, sir,” Hound answers, a step behind Fox with Grizzer at the ready. There's no trail to find, though; Amidala's scent runs up to the start of the port and then disappears. “He’s not answering his comm.”

Fox growls under his breath, because Thorn knows they're not ever supposed to be out of contact. Even being off-duty is a polite fiction to make some of the bleeding hearts in the Senate feel better about running almost a billion men into the ground without pay or the most basic consideration, and Fox is going to get the biggest karking earful about some of his men not being on the case. Particularly since Skywalker managed to get Palpatine’s ear somehow. That’s giving Fox a headache, too.

“Keep trying to reach him,” he orders. Thorn’s the most familiar with Amidala, given his work as her guard on diplomatic missions, and Thire and Stone are both off-planet, so the Guard needs all its commanders working. His comm chimes insistently, and he gives it a dark look, sends back an affirmative, and pulls his helmet back on. “Take the lower platforms, see if you can pick anything up. I'm going to brief the Chancellor.”

“Sir,” Hound answers sharply, and Fox veers off, stalking down the busy corridor. He’s annoyed enough that even watching senators scatter out of the path of his murder-walk isn't satisfying, though, and he mutters a curse under his breath, keying the lift open and stepping in, then turning to level a killing glare at the aide who’s just trying to sidle in.

Immediately, the aide finds something better to be doing, veering off like that was her plan all along, and Fox rolls his eyes. Cowards, all of them. It would be funny if Fox didn’t want to drop-kick every person in this building down a mineshaft.

Something cream and white and gold catches his eyes just before the doors slide shut, and Fox shoves a hand out automatically, something in his chest turning over.

Well. Maybe not every person. That’s a little extreme.

“Commander,” the captain of the Temple Guard says, perfectly polite, tone as warm as ever as he ducks into the lift, careful not to crowd Fox despite his size. “Going to see the Chancellor?”

If Feemor is being sent to see Palpatine as well, it probably means Knight Kenobi bent some ears too, Fox thinks, maybe a little grumpy about it. Not about seeing Feemor, but—a padawan shouldn’t be able to stir up this much of a fuss. If Skywalker was a cadet, he’d get shunted off to sanitation for making so much noise.

“Yeah. About Amidala, right?” he says gruffly, and waves the door shut before anyone else can intrude. His chances to actually get any time alone with Feemor are all like this, stolen moments between crises, and Fox is entirely willing to tweak the rules a little to make the most of them.

If he’d known Feemor was here, he’d have picked a slower lift, too.

Feemor nods, tipping his head to watch the floor numbers rise, and Fox takes the chance to study the way golden hair curls around his throat, slides out from under the white hood like a temptation. “Senator Amidala has always been a friend to the Jedi,” he says, and Fox can hear the smile in his voice. “Whatever I can do to help, I will.”

It’s hardly nothing, having a Jedi Master here to help, and Fox grunts in satisfaction, only partly at the idea of Feemor sticking around for a few hours or a few days. It’s probably wrong to hope that they don’t find Amidala too quickly, but—well. Fox doesn’t give a monkey-rat’s bald ass about a senator, even a relatively decent one. He’s stuck on Coruscant, and they're the sole reason.

“Good,” is all he says, trying to hide his pleasure, since it’s probably not appropriate right now. “If you're willing to come with me to the undercity, I want to check the levels below the Senate Building—”

A jarring, shuddering wrench jolts the whole lift, so sudden and sharp that Fox is thrown right off his feet. He slams bodily into Feemor, feels Feemor hit the wall even as one arm snaps up to hold Fox steady, and feels the sudden, wrenching drop right in his bones. The lift plummets, and Fox snarls, grabs for the waist-height bar but misses as they hit something that spins the lift to one side. The impact hits an instant later, hard enough that Fox’s vision goes black for an instant, and he hears Feemor cry out as metal gives way—

They spill out onto cold metal decking, reeking of rust, and Fox rolls right to his feet, blasters in hand, up and aimed and ready. Feemor is behind him, on the ground and not getting up, and the air is dark and humid and reeks of wet metal in a way the Senate Building never does. Far below it, that probably means, and Fox triggers his helmet lights, then stills in surprise, eyes narrowing.

A clone is sitting in front of an old pile of scrap metal, slumped back against a beam, and it takes Fox a long, long second to recognize Colt, stripped of Rancor’s intricately painted armor, with a pile of something bright and sleek and metallic beside him.

Weapons, Fox realizes belatedly. Colt has a pile of weapons Fox has never seen before next to him, and he’s smeared with ash, arms scattered with slick, shiny burns, his face slack with exhaustion. His eyes are closed, and for an instant Fox almost thinks he’s dead.

Then, with a sound of concern, Feemor is past Fox, limping slightly but quick on his feet. He crouches down next to Colt, raising a hand—

Colt catches it, almost too fast to see, and opens his eyes.

In the darkness, reflecting in Fox’s helmet lights, they shine like forge-fire, an unsettling, unearthly glow.

“Commander?” Feemor asks, quiet, gentle even as Fox’s unease rises, full of teeth. “Are you all right?”

Colt looks right at him, then shifts his gaze, eyes tracking straight to Fox. Then, with a groan and a heave, he shoves to his feet, dragging something up out of the pile with him as he takes a few unsteady steps forward.

“This one’s yours,” he says, and shoves it right into Fox’s hand, so that Fox has to fumble, drop his blaster and catch warm metal before it can clatter down to the floor.

“Colt, what the hell?” he asks, deeply suspicious, because if Rancor Battalion’s top commander is having a mental break—

And then, like a flash of mercury, liquid and hot, something slides off the handle of the axe, drips down his fingers and over his wrist beneath his armor, and Fox wrenches back with a sound of alarm, scrambling to get his gauntlet off, to get whatever is on him away from his skin—

Like molten metal, something iridescent and shimmering settles into his skin, and Fox scrapes with his nails but can't get it off, swears at Colt as he backs away. “I'm going to karking murder you,” he snaps. “Colt, wake the hell up!”

“It’s tradition,” Colt says, like that’s an argument, and it sounds raw, like he’s been breathing in smoke, or maybe like he’s been screaming. “There's—there's a lightsaber crystal I need to find. I rebuilt the hilt, but I can't find it.”

Lightsaber. Something cold fractures in Fox’s chest, and he jerks around, looking for Feemor—

A figure in the shadows. A Mandalorian in rust-red armor, a golden faceplate on his helmet, already reaching. Fox shouts, but Feemor isn't moving, and Fox lunges, swings—

The axe Colt forged cuts right through the Mandalorian like he’s a ghost, and Feemor crumples to his knees, a keening, desperate sound breaking from his throat as he claws at his mask. Something shimmers around him, something rises, and just for an instant Fox can see a man in tattered Jedi robes, more rip than cloth, with brown hair and brown eyes and a black mark seared between his brows. His body is imposed over Feemor's like a hazy afterimage, and he’s reaching for the Mandalorian, expression hard to see but desperate, and the Mandalorian reaches back, seizes him even as he tears his helmet away to reveal grey skin and yellow eyes, simian features. Cups his face—Feemor's face—and kisses him—

Fox tackles Feemor out of the way, right over the edge of the platform without hesitation. One arm tight around Feemor’s chest, the other still clutching Colt's axe, he tumbles down, down, down into darkness, fury biting hot in his veins.

In the whirling darkness of their fall, Fox catches a glimpse of another figure in armor, watching as they near. Red-gold armor this time, bright as copper, wearing a woven cloak with long tassels and a conical helmet, a familiar battleaxe in hand. It’s the twin of the one Fox is holding, and he jerks as they tumble straight towards the Mandalorian—

Fall through him, and Fox feels the sudden crackle of power, as bright and vicious as lightning, eating its way down to his bones. Maybe he screams, or maybe he passes out, or maybe he burns, all the way down with Feemor caught up in his arms and a god in his head, settling in like coming home.