#instant day improver
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lil bat ooooooouh soft lil bat in the hand ohh soft lil tiny bitty bat gripping him ooooh oh holidng the small lil soft lil bat oooh lil soft tiny bat ooh so soft look at little bat ooh itty bitty bat oooooouuh oh so holdable in your hand ohh soft bat ohhh so soft sweet lil bat ohh grab the lil tiny lil bat oohh look hes so small in the hand lil bat ooooouhhh tiny bat
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listen to uragoi hanabi right now. song of the year
#shion.txt#i knew it would be an instant s-tier and it is#mafu please keep making songs w this same theme over and over. for me.#ill wither away without them#kimi ni aitai aitaiiiii#i love how he used his voice in this one.. overall he sounds slightly different than usual#really shows how much he has improved (when comparing this song to previous ones of the same theme)#stereotypical mafu lovesong w all the base elements amplified#<- this makes it sound like i dont regard it highly but I DO! ! ! every day i wait for another one of these
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“sorry i dont always get it” (from april) & “sorry i dont always understand” the sequel 🍷🍓
#witch hat tag#orufrey#cw for..Dread idk. cw dread. IDK man. witch hat is a lot..it's almost too much for me..#SCRIBBLY !!!! i think i improve a lot doing these things cause the first part def looks older..lol. i want to actually practice PANELS#to build skill for starting proper original comics.. but it's just SO much work..#ps i love orufrey#also???? i dont KNOW what qif wears to bed. i feel like it's been implied it's his..Shirt Thing. which would be regular i guess#since they have instant laundry things you really could wear the exact same thing every day of your life at all times.#BUT right..why did coco act like she'd see the laundry thing for the first time in her life when she met sinocia. or does qifrey do it all.#i feel like they would uh do their own laundry. considering it's INSTANT too. i need to know boring everyday details sensei. :/
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,
#cw for disorder brain#i feel like i might benefit from adding a second electrolyte drink per day (dr recommended) as the first noticeably improved some things but#i am too scared#its hard enough to convince myself i 'need' the one and if i do 2 i will go through them twice as fast and it feels greedy#like as a broke college/post college kid i drank water and instant coffee only for years im not from a household that spent money on#soda or juice i feel massive guilt at the idea of two sweetened drinks a day and the fear of added salt and sugar is so real even though#they are demonstrably helping my body i also just hate relying on things??#horrific. anyway in an absolute deadlock with my brain over this right now
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i swear to god my mom and i are connected on a whole other level, she just texted me to tell me my dad forgot one of his prescriptions and they’re driving back tomorrow to pick it and me up 😭 how did she knowwww
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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C through G got smudged and didn't photograph well (I really have to draw stuff darker if I don't want it to lose all clarity when it smudges, or buy better pencils I guess), and there's only so much I wanted to mess with photo settings tonight, but having never really tried to draw hands before, here's how it's going. I've been drawing these over the past week or so, I guess 11 in total since that's how many letters there are from A to P
she can be taught
#i feel like the photo manipulation did some work in the last one. like no way did I draw the O that good#or no you know what. it's more that the photo smooths stuff out because my phone camera just isn't that powerful#like in my actual sketchbook you see the pencil marks so much more#it would actually be nice to have a good phone camera#my husband's phone camera is probably literally 100x more powerful#maybe more. idk how you measure camera#but with mine it looks grainy the instant you zoom in a little. and with his you can zoom in soooo much#also wait i just wanna add. the quality is improving but it still takes so long#and if it's the first drawing of the day? spend forever just figuring out where to start. end up erasing all my initial line attempts#that's where i'm at now lol#took photos of my other drawings so i wouldn't have to start q
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I was just looking through old references I saved in 2020/early 2021 and I'm so incredibly proud of myself, when considering where I'm at now in comparison. Still a long way to go, but I saved some tutorials on what I'd now consider very basic knowledge. I often only see everything that I can't do, that I still need to learn. But I am really proud that I made it to this point. I never really thought I would.
#there's a past me that would probably weep at being able to do what I'm able to do now#and here i am constantly dissatisfied and wanting to do more and be more and know more#which isn't a bad thing - aside from the constant dissatisfaction#but I had fully given up on art at a point because i felt like I was stagnating and i got no joy from doing it anymore#also spurred on by the constant comparison to others 🫠#I'm glad i gave it a try again because it really gives me a purpose these days when not much else does#the quest of improvement is there for me#i never could have imagined practising something would come relatively easy to me at some point#without instant gratification lol
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Starting doing actual workout stuff at night and its always so funny how I can do crunches and squats and all that shit quite easily they are mighty fun even but I do one pushup and I fall over and die forever and ever . My cringe fail nature
#its a start . I got like 5 solid actual pushups in ….#doing physical stuff all day every day has made my stamina actually like. betterand man i forgot feeling good physically means u feel better#mentally LMAO#txt#my issue is work is soo draining like. mentally all I wanna do is nap .. but its getting easier !#tho 9 hour days I think will always kill. nothing I can do about that bogus#my bad leg gives me Issues tho. threatening to give out … but working out does help w that genuinely#I still limp like the instant I strain myself even a slight bit but I at LEAST dont fall over much#my balance weirdly improved after my leg shit happened. fascinating life I live.
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Hey Jams (my phone tried to write Ham first) I’m having a real cock of a day and I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for cheering me up whenever I see your posts or I read your fic updates or just loosing your mind over our favorite silly pirate show. I hope you’re doing well and that you don’t mind I consider us pals. ���🏴☠️
I’m sorry that you’re having such a rough day, Bunny! You deserve to only have the best, most wonderful days. ✨💕
Also you are so so kind! Thank you so much for all your support over these last couple months. It brings me like an inhuman amount of joy to know that you look forward to fic updates. I look forward to reading your comments every week because they make me laugh every time without fail. :’)
MIND? PALS? Bunny, We’re blood brothers. We’ve signed the pact, my beloved. Like you own half of the deed to my estate. <3
#literally adore you my friend <3#if you’re ever having a hard day please feel free to stop by!! you can instant message me if you like :)#this goes for all of you btw!!! if you ever just need a place to scream hit me up hehehe#i know people be sayin that but i fr mean it. nothing brings me more joy than Getting A Message#thank you again Bunny <3 i hope your day improves!!#ask
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I wonder why my perception of my art changes so quickly
#one second I’m like wow I rlly like my art I’ve improved so much#n the next i absolutely fucking hate it#alll in the same day#i try not to look for instant gratification anymore#because that’s what fucks me over and leads to me not trying new stuff 😭#but#i can’t just let myself be happy with new art#i instantly have to hate it after making it#and it makes me so sad#n causes art block
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i'm so jealous of everyone online who describes having breakthroughs while tripping and coming out of it with significant mental health improvements and whatnot. i feel very hopeful and confident about my future if i start introspecting while i'm actively high but it all goes away after.
#sounds like i have to start bingeing amirite /j#no i have had some mental health improvements that i feel i can certainly attribute to this drug. like for example my distress around dp/dr#-symptoms has all but fucking evaporated. both because i know associate some of those experiences with a sense of light-hearted giggly-#-drunk stupid euphoria and because i have this super intense thing to calibrate against. it's like my day to day feelings of dereality have#-nothing on what it feels like to trip so it's like whatever to me now lol.#and i feel my memory has improved though that's probably more from quitting my meds that were giving me brain fog than the drug itself.#AND ALL THAT IS WELL AND GOOD OBVIOUSLY.#BUT I WANT THE MAGICAL DEPRESSION CURING BREAKTHROUGH.#instant gratification without the work pls?? pls???#god i'm such a lazy sack of shit loser lmao. jesus fuck.#i probably feel so bad because i was kinda doing the high-value putting this guy i'm friends with on a pedestal thing. but then he kinda-#-brushed me off when i said something vulnerable and it hurt like a mf so i'm kinda crashing.#idk i keep reaching out and trying to build a support system outside of my angel to hopefully have means of getting out safely and it keeps#-not going so well so. it's making me pissed and depressed and it's kinda confirming my whole ''you can't trust or rely on anyone but-#-yourself'' worldview that is supposedly so terribly irrational.#idk probably just gonna self harm then try to do some chores i'm neglecting that usually makes me feel better.#at least the afterglow makes me calmer and less manic and intense about my negative thoughts and feelings.#that's better than nothing.#bite.txt#—peter#—kieran
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Cute, Outraged Genius | S.R.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Content warning: fluff, Spencer being a bit of a technophobe
Word Count: 1.5K
Summary: Spencer comes home only to find you using a kindle…instant outrage
A/N: This is just a cute little story about Spencer being our little technophobe genius. I actually don’t own a kindle, so don’t know how those work or anything, but physical books are in fact superior, so.
The quote at the end is from “Book Lovers” by Emily Henry
masterlist
You loved his apartment, sometimes more than you loved yours. Being in his space, surrounded by his things - his books, his clothes, the silly art he indulged in. Being drowned by his scent, meters upon meters of space he’d touched, it soothed you like nothing else could.
The peace you felt whenever you were in his space was unparalleled.
You loved his bedroom, the plushness of his bed, his closed, where you found yourself stealing his shirts and cardigans, never giving them back.
Your favorite place in apartment 23 was his couch, where he found you often enough, when he returned from a case, curled up with a book. You loved the blanket thrown on the back and the windows that allowed for the whole apartment to light up with the sunlight.
And then there were his bookshelves, in clear view from said couch. Filled with his favorite books, special editions he held close to his heart, or some that brought him knowledge. The shelves, that now also held some of your favorite books too.
Reading, books, was the thing that had brought you together in the first place, so when he’d made space for your clothes in his closet and your toiletries in the bathroom, he’d also made space for your books to sit beside his own.
He’d insisted it made the place feel less like it was his own, and more like it was shared, even though you weren’t living together. It warmed your heart to know, that he saw his apartment as a home for both of you.
Seeing your books among his own, made you fall even more in love with him because he knew what they meant to you. So much so, he tumbed through a few, leaving sticky notes with his little thoughts between the pages.
As for your first meeting, it was funny.
You’d met a year ago, at a cafe close to his apartment. Stuck in a long queue, waiting for your turn, your nose had been buried into a book, completely oblivious to your surroundings. Spencer had been standing behind you, and like the nosy dork he is, had been reading along with you, over your shoulder.
When he’d pointed out an inaccuracy in the plot, compared to real life, you’d screamed, slamming the book shut, and successfully making a fool of yourself in front of the whole cafe.
He’d apologized bashfully, and asked to buy your drink for you, and then lingered for a short conversation before he’d been called away on a case.
In his hurry to get to the FBI on time, he’d forgotten to take your number. Two weeks later, and after a lot of blaming himself for being a dumbass, he’d seen you again, nose buried into another book, sipping a beverage next to the window of the cafe.
You hadn’t attached puzzling looks this time, and he’d gotten your number. A year later, you couldn’t be more happy for the fact that your boyfriend sometimes didn’t really get social cues.
You smiled, thinking back on that day.
You focused on your book again, eyes dancing around the page, following with rapt attention.
Reading was one of the few things that brought you peace, quieted your brain, and improved your mood.
Sometimes you envied Spencer’s genius, being able to go through War & Peace at breakfast, without batting an eye. Reading, and reading, and still having the time for other things. If, in your lifetime, you could read as many books as Spencer had read thus far in life, you’d be happy.
You were giggling, kicking your feet, and enjoying your book, when you heard the telltale sign of Spencer arriving home - his key being inserted into the lock.
You didn’t move your eyes away from the book, having reached a great part of the book.
The door opened, and in walked your boyfriend, a peep in his step, happy he’d get to see you and spend time with you after 6 days of being away.
He left his keys in the bowl next to the door, freed himself of his shoes, and set his messenger bag down.
He walked further in, noticing the vanilla and chocolate scent in the air - you’d followed tradition, baking a small tray of chocolate chip cookies as a welcome for him.
He stood behind you, draping his hands around your neck, and leaned over to kiss the side of your head gently, finally diverting your attention away from the book.
“Hello, sweetheart,” he murmured, warm breath tickling your neck next, as he kissed around your ear and pulse point.
“Hi there, babe.” you were whispering too, finally happy to be in your own bubble. “How are you? How was the case?” you asked, just like you did every time, just like you did every day. You always wanted to know how he was, you wanted to know about his day, and he’d gotten so used to it and had done it so many times for you too, it had become routine, a way to show each other you cared and loved each other.
“I’m good, a little tired maybe,” he nuzzled your neck, eyes shut in contentment, “The case was tough, but successfully closed at the end,” he rarely elaborated, only if someone was hurt, or the case had taken a toll on his mental health. Other than that, he didn’t like bringing the gory details of the cases home with him.
Home was his space with you, where you laughed, and sometimes cried. Where you cuddled and made love, read together, or to each other, where you cooked, where you relaxed. It was no place for the realities of a BAU profiler.
“What are you doing?” it was a simple question.
“I’m reading,” and there was an even simpler answer, except if you were Spencer Reid, a doctor with three PhDs, three bachelor’s degrees, an FBI agent, and a complete, and utter technophobe.
You felt him lift his head before he choked out a high-pitched “You’re what?” and you turned around to see him, shock and betrayal written on his face, his eyes as big as saucers.
You looked at him like he’d grown two heads, but you knew you should have expected this.
You’d made the decision to get a kindle last week, and you’d used the time he hadn’t been home to set it up and try it out.
“What are you even reading on that thing? That’s not a book!” he was outraged, but at the same time, he looked so cute, that you started laughing. You brought a hand to your mouth, in hopes of muffling the sound a little because you were losing it, laughing with everything you had.
“Stop laughing, it’s not funny. I’m serious.” you just laughed harder, even though you tried to reign it in and stop.
Around a minute later, your laughter started dying down, and you looked up, only to see him with his arms crossed against his chest, an expression between bewilderment, and those deep brown puppy eyes staring straight into your soul.
“It’s a kindle, Spence, it’s all digital,” you told him
“No, I know that, but you can’t be serious,” your brows furrowed, a bit butt hurt, until he continued, “You know, readers prefer physical books. A recent study found that only 21% prefer e-books, as little as 14% audiobooks, and 65% are physical book readers. Another study found that your brain absorbs less when you read on a kindle than on paper.” You laughed again, loving his brain, and then patted the space next to you, waiting for him to sit down.
“I thought you were pro saving the planet Mr. Three PHD’s.” you joked, waiting for him to sass you back. After all, one of your favorite characteristics of his was how sassy he was.
“Well, yes I am, but statistically, physical copies are superior. A book needs to be physical, not whatever bullshit that is. Come on, let’s just return this, and I’ll buy you all the books you want,” he went to stand up, and you pulled him back down by the back of his shirt.
“Aww babe, I know you will!” Spencer loved buying some of your books for you, he loved seeing the smile on your face when he bought a book you’ve wanted for a while. You buried your face into his neck, hugging him to you.
“Come on, let’s cuddle before dinner, get a cookie, and I’ll read to you for a bit, I just reached a good part,” you whisper into his neck, and he exhales, reaching towards the coffee table to get a cookie before you relax into each other, and you pick up the kindle, reading where you left off.
“We really are two opposing magnets, incapable of being in the same room without drawing together. I want to scrape my fingers through his hair and kiss him until he forgets where we are, and everything and everyone that ever made him feel like he was a disappointment. And he’s looking at me like I could, like there’s an ache in him only I could soothe.” you read, hand running through his hair, happy to have him back.
Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!
#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x you#criminal minds#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds fanfic
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Is it just me or can I imagine a yandere with a darling who’s immune system and possibly everything about them just screams weak and pathetic, BUT their darling is actually very strong mentally and has and will create the most fucked up, batshit crazy inventions from what used to be harmless to something that can help them escape and possibly destroy everything in its path.
But at the end of the day, they become sleepy koalas who hug whoever is near them and fall asleep :)
This could be a request or rant, whatever you can think of! I just wanted to see how different yandere writers would interpret this small imagination of mine <3
But as always, stay safe and take care! everyone needs a break some time to time~
Sorry, but the moment I read the Darling's description, I instantly thought of Dr. Finkelstein from Nightmare Before Christmas. You know, Sally's inventor. 😭 So let me quickly write this down while I'm in my Shelley vibes, because I like the idea a lot. With a little twist, if you don't mind. :)
Yandere! Monster x Inventor! Reader
A frail inventor, and their affectionate rag doll that has been carefully stitched together for the purpose of a caregiver. An artificial existence, trapped within the confines of your lonely tower. Or so you might think.
Content: gender neutral reader, monster romance, obsessive behavior
"I ought to be thy Adam, but I am rather the fallen angel..." [Frankenstein]
You dangle an old, rusty bell for a good minute before leaning back in your chair. The barely audible chimes are quickly swallowed by the loud, mechanical groans of the gears and engines occupying most of this room. No matter, his ears are good. You picked them yourself. And surely enough, within moments, the door to your laboratory opens and someone cautiously walks in.
A tall, slender man. Or rather, something meant to resemble a man. The skin is a clumsy patchwork of blues and grays - you're no talented seamster, sadly - gathering together the body parts in what feels like a parodic attempt at mimicking God and his image. You gaze at the creature approaching you with a tray of tea and sweets. Scarcely your best work, if you must adhere to honesty. Regardless of the quality of your labor at the time of creation, you are proud of the result. How could you not be? You know this man better than you know yourself. Every organ, every artificial nerve cord, every blemish and stitch of his body was placed according to your intentions. A masterfully detailed project that took you years to complete; not an easy feat considering the lamentable state of your health.
"Here's your deadly nightshade tea." The man places a small, porcelain cup on the desk. "Do let me know when I should take you to bed, (Y/N)." You wave your hand dismissively and stretch out your limbs. "Not yet. I am almost finished", you respond, returning to the mound of metal scraps and pipes before you. "Can I ask what you're making?" The pale creature lowers himself to your level, a curious smile plastered on his face. "It's a mechanical heart", you reveal boastfully. "Like the one I have?" You run your hand through the creature's hair affectionately. "Almost. I'm testing out a different way to build the valves, for a more efficient pumping cycle." You continue to explain the intricacies of your novel mechanism, occasionally sipping on your tea. "Who knows, you might have a sibling in the near future."
The man's smile drops in an instant, and his sunken eyes widen at your statement. "What? Am I- am I not enough?" You glance at the creature as he becomes increasingly frantic. "Don't speak nonsense. If it comes out alright, I'll upgrade your own parts as well. I'm a disciple of scientific virtue, of continuous improvement." Nonsense? Vile treachery! You might've chiseled the brain that throbs within the walls of his skull, but his mind is his alone, and you seem to lack a fundamental understanding of his feelings and thoughts. His ardent confessions of love are met with mockingly pitiful grins, in the way a parent soothes a needy child. Even now, your eyes reflect nothing more than sympathy towards his protest. A childish tantrum is what you're most likely thinking. You've no time for emotional bagatelles. He can read you like an open book.
You simply won't understand. There is no place for a stranger in the life he's crafted with his very own hands: you, and him, and the evening tea with a side of butterscotch biscuits, and the bedtime talks, and the stripped branches of the decaying tree that rap at the windows on stormy nights. You might be the Inventor, but he is not just a mere, humble servant, a rag doll to be tossed around or toyed with. As you will soon discover, after all.
You awaken in the midst of night with your temples burning from a much too familiar headache. Although it's not just the pain that has disturbed your slumber. You can hear rattles and thuds coming from the upstairs laboratory. An intruder? Oh, your creations! The sound of glass breaking and metal scraping sends you into spiraling despair. You fumble to reach the nightstand, patting the surface in search for the bell and keys. You shake the handle in a panic, unable to find anything else in the darkness.
The chaotic rustle abruptly stops, followed by descending footsteps. You hold your breath as the chamber door opens, but it's none other than your creature. "Another flare-up? Shall I bring you some medicine?" the man asks with monotonous courtesy. "What have you been doing? What's all that noise?" you demand, agitated, but upon lifting yourself off the mattress you discover your legs are numb and uncooperative. The man hurries to your bed with a worried frown, and you hear the familiar clatter of the keychain coming from one of his pockets. "Have you taken my keys? Cease this foolishness at once!" Indifferent to your reproach, he places a firm hold on your shoulders and forces you back down, tucking you in effortlessly.
"You must forgive my impertinence." he says in a pleading tone. "I do not wish to impede the works of your genius. As your partner, however, it is my duty to prevent you from making mistakes." You furrow your eyebrows at his words. "What mistakes? My invention was flawless!", you argue fervently. "Indeed it was, but not its purpose. What need have you for another being?" It is the creature's turn for a passionate speech. He stands up with a confidence you don't recognize and continues: "You should know by now that I am fit to perform any role. That of your servant, your caregiver, your lover, or anything else you may desire. You can resume your tinkering starting tomorrow, but such blasphemies to our bond as the one today will not be tolerated." He straightens his vest and reaches for the door handle. "I will prepare some tea to help you rest."
Inconceivable. Your own creation, built with your own hands...Has something escaped your attention? His dialogue is deranged, tainted by madness. "Have I done something wrong?" you mumble to yourself, deep in contemplation. "Nonsense." the creature turns to face you briefly. "It was you who created me after all. Everything is perfectly splendid."
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere x darling#male yandere x reader#yandere monster#yandere monster x reader#monster x human#monster x reader#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader#gender neutral reader#yandere headcanons#yandere imagines#yandere scenarios#yandere creation
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𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 ── Part 2
Click here to read the first part.
Summary: In the hopes that things would improve between you, you choose to lose your virginity to your friend Dean Winchester because you have been in love with him madly for a long time. However, he doesn't feel the same about you.
Pairing: Dean Winchester x F!Reader
Warnings: +18! (Minors DNI),smut, unrequited love, angst, reader gets hurt, arguments, jealousy
Word Count: 5896
A/N: English is not my first language.
Dean hung out on the second floor with his new girlfriend while you and Sam watched TV. There were no audible voices. Well, you couldn't hear anything that far away, at least. You couldn't stop your mind from concentrating on them, even if you didn't want to. Your head hurt from the mix of the TV's sounds and the rain. Actually, the pain was in your soul.
You waited for regret to surface so you could condemn and despise yourself for opening yourself to Dean, your friend. But despite your best efforts, you were unable to sense remorse. You knew that you would do it again if you had a chance, taking back all that happened. How could you refuse him? You wished to memorize every moment of that night by being able to see every expression on his face. It was ridiculous that something so basic could no longer be made possible. The moments you spent with him are now only vague memories in your mind. All you could recall was the touch—his touch. It was still lingering on your skin. That would be enough.
It was clear to you from the way he laughed with her moments ago that the moment you had spent with him days before meant nothing. It was simply another hookup for Dean. Though you didn't think you'd reveal the truth from your side, you wondered what Sam would say about it. Sam was a good man, but you really weren't supposed to reveal to him that you slept with his brother since it would be too embarrassing. Additionally, you had given your virginity to his brother, whom you referred to as a "friend." There was no way you could tell him this.
You couldn't even recall the name of the show that was on TV. From time to time, Sam cracked up at the jokes. At least one person was feeling good. You looked at him attentively and observed that he had his attention on the show while he ate his popcorn.
He turned to face you, seeing your serious expression as he observed how you were reacting to the joke. In your arms, you held a pillow.
He said, “What's that look?”
“Seems like someone is enjoying, huh?”
“Why not? We all deserve a little relaxation after working so hard as hunters, don't you think?” He remarked, grinning, and turned down the TV. The instant the room was silent, you realized how much the noise had hurt your head.
“Like your brother?” Compared to what you had anticipated, you sounded more serious.
“Dean being Dean, you know.” Sam sighed and made a quick statement. Yes, you were aware of it.
“How is your arm, by the way?” you said with a troubled look on your face. You've been feeling terrible for Sam because he kept you protected throughout the hunt and then ended up hurting himself. He was always considerate and cautious of you and Dean. It was in his nature.
Sam smiled reassuringly and said, “It's fine. You know, things go wrong, and as long as you save the day, it's alright to get a little bit hurt.”
Stating, “I didn't want to get distracted that easily. I'm not sure what's wrong with me these days, but I promise I'll get better.” The claim that you were acting in this way without knowing why wasn't true. You were certainly aware of the exact cause of your growing distraction.
If only Sam could read your mind and understand. Otherwise, there was no way for you to tell him straight what happened between you and Dean that night. You had any, yet deep down you needed to talk to someone. But you were very, really embarrassed. It's not like you were teens; you and Dean are grown ups. Reasonable ones, obviously. On the other hand, exposing your situation to him would be the same as declaring your love for him and would reveal your feelings for him.
“Really, Y/N, it's all right. What is done is done.” Sam looked at you, totally shutting off the TV. “Ignore what Dean said. You know how protective he is all the time. If you were the one who was harmed by me, he would say the same things. Though he may have come off as tougher, his intentions were good.”
"I'm afraid that's not true, Sammy. I mean, I know his intentions were good, of course, but I guess I touched his nerves this time for real.”
You attempted a smile, but it did not reach your lips before you realized Sam was trying to soothe you.
Sam replied awkwardly, “He cares way too much about the people he really cares about.” At these meaningless remarks, you both halted for a little period of time. “Well, it wasn't the best way to put it, but you get the idea. You might understand if you were raised by an older brother. He's not a bad person; there are just moments when I don't understand him.”
“Of course not,” you cut him off right away. “You don't even have to say it. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying anything negative about him. I would never.”
“I know, I know...” Sam spoke quickly. “Still, I'm simply advising you not to think too much about what he said previously, all right? We've been hunting for more than a year; it's not that he doesn't like you. Remember that a year ago, it was he who offered the invitation for you to join that team?”
You ultimately nodded as Sam attempted to convince you that Dean didn't mean to hurt you.
“Yes,” you murmured to yourself. “Considering how often you two sustain injuries, a nurse would be beneficial. I wonder if Dean was looking for a nurse for himself and his little brother, or if he was looking for someone with hunting abilities.”
“Let's say you're just talented enough to take a part in that very humble team,” Sam laughed. “And you're being a nurse is just another plus.”
You sighed and then gave him a genuine smile, saying, “Fine, if you say so.” You had finally been somewhat diverted from your thoughts about Dean and his girlfriend by a brief conversation with Sam.
Curious, you said, “How about you and Ruby, by the way? It seems that you two have become a very good couple, haven't you?”
“We're looking for something…to work out. But it's okay for now,” Sam remarked hesitantly. You found it amusing that he was so forthright about everything else than relationships.
“You seem to be very much in love.” Not knowing how to present the matter to Dean without taking any suspicion, you offered an innocent glance to Sam. Sam was smart in every other way. Sometimes he observed and gazed at people as though he could see right through them.
“She's like no one I've ever met,” Sam said timidly. “I think it will take some more time to work it out, but it's fine so far.”
“I'm glad to hear that.”
“How about you?”
You hesitantly replied, “What?” as he sent you one of his suspicious stares.
“I've been thinking about lately and come to know... that it has been a year and I didn't even see you with anyone. That seems a little odd, don't you think?” Sam arched an eyebrow. “Are you not seeing anyone, or are you keeping it as a secret or something?”
You shifted on the seat and hugged the pillow against your arms a bit extra to help you unwind. In the end, he knew nothing about Dean or you. There was no reason to be anxious. It was only chitchat.
“No, of course not!” You stopped him off before he started asking his questions. “It isn't... I'm not interested in anyone right now.”
“Really?” With a look of suspicion, Sam inquired. “We met other men throughout the cases, and they seemed to be interested in you. How can you tell whether you're interested in one of them if you don't give it a shot?”
“Sam, I don't like hookups. Something like that is not what I want.” However, you've turned into Dean's one hookup. The thought briefly ripped through your soul, given how little you've been talking recently, as if there were an unambiguous wall between you that you could not break down no matter how hard you tried.
“That's not what I'm saying. I'm just trying to get the point that you should give people a chance to win you over. How in the world would you know if you liked someone or not without that?”
“I don't want to,” you interrupted, concentrating solely on Dean. It would be simpler to get Sam to understand you if you could tell him how you feel about Dean.
Sam groaned and said, “Fine. It was just an advice.”
“I know, thanks,” you responded, putting on a timid grin. “Will you continue to watch TV for a while? It's growing late.”
Sam said, “I think I will,” as he looked at his watch. “Are you leaving?”
You said quietly, “Yeah,” as you peered out the window to see the weather. It was pouring. You would have hated sunny days even more if you had gotten intimate with Dean on a sunny day. Rainy weather used to be something you enjoyed, but now it just hurt.
“I think it's better if you stay though,” Sam said, taking a deep breath and using one of his fingers to show you the pouring rain. “You're not the best driver.”
With a harsh tone, you said, suddenly tossing the pillow over his face. “Did you just insult me?”
“That's not insulting,” Sam shot it back at you. “I'm just saying that you're no Hamilton.”
You said, “You have no idea,” and you couldn't help but smile as you recalled the day Dean forbade you from driving on rainy days after you nearly had an accident. Dean continued to get anxious when it started to rain while you were driving because of that day. His Baby was more important than anything.
“Will you be watching TV or?” Taking back the remote control, Sam asked.
“No, thanks; enjoy yourself.” Setting the pillow down next to the coach and stretching your arms, you yawned.
You couldn't help but notice the agonizing heavy feeling in your chest as it began to flare up again like tiny needles as you made your way upstairs. Even though you didn't want to hear anything, you were listening for any sounds coming from Dean's room. As you passed, your movements almost seemed to slow down, but you quickly realized what was going on, and you entered the dark room where you would be spending the night, as if your brain didn't want to hear anything.
You had been repeatedly asked to leave the same house by Dean and Sam and start to live with them, but for whatever reason you were unaware of, you had refused. If they repeated the offer, you would most likely take it immediately. God, even if you just lived in the same house, you would probably fall even more in love with Dean. During hunts, it was even sufficient to see him for a few hours. Your heart ached to think about his face, his grin, and every joke he ever told.
Has the night some weeks ago caused you to ruin what you had? You didn't feel any regret, but as you noticed that Dean was becoming more aloof, regret started to consume you.
You'd just gotten out of the shower when your hands found one of Dean's t-shirts. You desired to wear it like you had some weeks prior. Back then, it wasn't a big deal; instead of complaining, he would just make jokes about how little and amusing you looked in them. But things were different today, and you knew it wouldn't be proper to wear it while he had a girlfriend.
If he truly had affections for someone, you didn't want to spoil things for him.
They laughed a little too loudly as you lay down on the bed and pressed his t-shirt against your chest as if it would bring him further closer. Dean's laughter mixed with Jo's. You tried, devastated, to focus on the soothing sounds of the falling rain and on the absurd or hazardous situations that had transpired during the hunts. It was useless.
That was the moment you became aware of how really alone you were. Perhaps Sam was correct about telling you to pursue a romantic connection. However, how could it be possible when you were already deeply in love with someone? Anytime Dean was around, your heart felt like it was going to explode. You had no idea how to handle things like that.
You set his shirt down and let it fall to the ground, acting as if doing so could shield you from the overwhelming feelings that Dean had given you. God, how could you possibly let go of your feelings for him when you couldn't even let go of a single piece of fabric with ease?
You were so miserable and pathetic that you were unable to stop crying this time. You dreamed of something you could never have as the tears flowed down your cheeks and onto the bed. You will always cherish the beautiful memory the night gave you, but at what cost?
You were sobbing, but you weren't sure if it was from the noises Dean and Jo were making or from the dreams that could only have come true in your head.
Your impulse to pick up Dean's t-shirt from the floor gradually vanished as your tears dropped to the bed and the pain consumed your entire being. Until today, you had no idea how much you actually loved him.
“What happened?” With a big smile on her face, Jo placed her fingers around Dean's face and inquired in between laughter. She teased this thick neck with a quick, playful kiss. On his lap, she became still.
Dean's fingers raised her skirt and were ready to push her underwear aside. Jo continued moving on Dean's lap, making herself wetter by rubbing herself over Dean's boxer, her hands lingering on his wide and bare chest with desire.
“Nothing,” a rough-voiced Dean said. From the room where you were staying, he thought he heard something. He had heard you took the upstairs before he'd gone to the bathroom. You most likely made the decision to stay since it was pouring rain outside. You definitely didn't know how to drive in such conditions. He shuddered, remembering when you nearly crushed his baby and sent it to his sweet vehicle burial.
Jo touched Dean's naked chest and paused her palm at his abs, saying, “You seem to be like thinking something else.”
“I wasn't,” Dean lied. It was not significant at all, so there was no need to provide details.
“I was just thinking though,” Jo said, attempting to find the right words to say.
“About?”
“I think we'd be a great team, you know.” With a sly smile, Jo continued to stroke Dean's abs with the tips of her fingers. “As you are aware, Sam, you, and I would make an excellent team since we are now somewhat of a family, since I am also a hunter. Do you not think?”
Dean moved slightly on the bed, thinking of you, irritated at Jo's disregard for you, as if the details weren't even important. You were a member of the team. He was the one who initially made the offer to you in fact. Besides, they weren't even paired up. He said nothing about it so as not to hurt her feelings or make her feel humiliated if she brought it up.
“How about Y/N?” In an attempt to lighten the mood and soften the air, Dean attempted to smile at her, but his smile did not reach his lips.
“She's a nurse,” Jo said, as if it were an insult. Dean felt uncomfortable and uneasy because Jo was attempting to push out the details of what she truly wanted to say about you. Despite her best efforts to seem polite, she came out as cunning and bitter. That was something Dean did not appreciate.
“So?” Dean arched an eyebrow in questioning. “She is the only one still alive due to the terrible things that went wrong; her family was full of hunters just like ours. She doesn't even need to, yet she still has passion. That's very encouraging, in my opinion. I mean, continuing to work in the family business while also doing her professional job responsibilities. That requires guts.”
“Are you defending her?”
“I am,” Dean said in a firm and harsh manner. Jo was still on top of him, trying to get him to say nasty things about you, and he didn't enjoy her attempts at distracting him with handiwork. Dean felt unease and a strong sense of aggressiveness.
He never explicitly expressed his admiration for you for persevering through everything and for having the guts to face your fears. Jo recognized how much he genuinely admired you in his heart when he explained how excellent you were at what you did. Even though you occasionally were easily sidetracked, you were a professional.
Jo sighed, but she didn't give a damn about Dean's opinion of you. In the end, you posed no threat. For nothing at all.
“I don't think your dad raised you and Sam for doing some charity to the orphan hunters and helping them to find a belonging,” Jo said. Although she made an effort not to seem cruel, it was the reality for her. “I am aware of the danger she took for Sam when you all were hunting last time. It is a weakness to be easily sidetracked in this.”
Dean's eyes grew enraged as Jo carried on speaking in a sinuous manner. She was aware of his dislike of others discussing the persons they cared about in this way. Particularly about the people he respected and gave enough thought to.
Dean whispered, “Jo,” but it seemed more like he was threatening her. “Stop this fucking nonsense now. I'm serious.”
“Do you have a soft spot for her or something?” Jo inquired once again. She also bit her lips invitingly while gently raising her skirt to reveal her pussy to Dean's gaze in an attempt to divert his focus elsewhere.
Her eyes were full of promise. In particular, Dean found it amusing when ladies looked at him with such passion.
Dean immediately felt a sense of relaxation as his hands moved to her hips. He sighed and refused to answer. “Are we just going to talk?” he asked. She began removing her clothes rapidly while he licked his lips and observed.
“Hopefully not,” Jo laughed in response. She was relieved that she and Dean had stopped talking about you. “Let our bodies talk in their very own, divine language.”
Dean switched the positions before she could say anything more. Now that he was on top of Jo, he was urgently kissing her while his mind was racing with ideas he wanted to put down for the night.
Dean roughly spread Jo's legs wider and pulled her underwear aside, freeing himself from his boxer. With a single forceful shove that caused them both to moan loudly, he gave his firm cock a few strokes and pushed himself in Jo beforehand. That was an excellent way to get some real comfort now.
Jo hadn't kept it low at all, so Dean put his hands on her mouth to silence her, causing her to sigh into his hands without intending to wake anyone. He picked up his speed and began to push into her rough and fast enough to satisfy both of them, knowing that she enjoyed being fucked raw and fast and that Dean also wanted to find his release.
While he continued to fuck her, Dean warned her to "keep it low," suppressing his own groans.
She was, however, loudly groaning in Dean's hands, locking her legs around his hips, matching his speed as she raised her hips, as if she wanted everyone to know that she was getting fucked by Dean. Dean warned her to turn down the volume once more, but it didn't help.
In an attempt to find his release, Dean thrust into her more quickly, giving the impression that he was being forced to come—as if this were a mission or one of his hunts. He was striving to find his pleasure when he felt nervousness take over his body. He wasn't accustomed to feeling this way, especially around women.
His other hand tightened on Jo's tits, and he ran his fingers through her ass to help himself. His movements were forceful and impatient. All he wanted was for her to be somewhat silent so that he could focus more easily. It wasn't like Dean liked to be all crazy harsh on ladies or anything; he just needed to experience the closeness of a true, sincere touch, which was difficult to find at the moment.
He was on the verge of getting there, but he was unable to seize the ideal moment of pleasure and find relief.
Though it wasn't appropriate to think about it right now, Dean's thoughts began to form around the moment he and you had shared weeks earlier as he continued to stroke his hardness into Jo's warm pussy while muttering under his breath. It was as though his body had a mind of its own and knew when it was best for him to get what he was looking for.
His thoughts were hopelessly consumed by the sensation of your tightness and those moments of adorable small sounds that you attempted to hide from him. Dean attempted to concentrate on the woman who he was actually fucking into, not feeling proud of how he thought about you while he fucked Jo into the covers. Thinking about how he fucked you wasn't fair to no one at all. But his own body, which was attempting to steal what it desired by using Jo's body, was not under his control.
Him fucking Jo was becoming a battle between Dean's body and mind. Pleasure and reason; soul and mind.
Jo began to quiver instead of groan loudly, and as Dean withdrew his fingers from her lips, she cried out, “Will you come inside?”
Dean instantly said, “No,” realizing that he hadn't been wearing a condom throughout his frantic sex with her. “Stay still.”
With a hint of rage, Dean sank his fingers into Jo's flesh and his head into her sweating neck, fiercely shutting his eyes. He was going insane as he struggled with his own thoughts, which were attempting to recall every little detail about your body and how you responded and tightened around his member. He didn't want to go back in time mentally and get pleasure thinking about the night with you while he was inside someone else. It wasn't fair for any.
It was just an impulse decision made in the heat of the moment. Still, Dean's mind continued seeing the body underneath him to be yours, making him picture every single detail of how he took you and how you immediately clenched around him the moment he entered you. He was taken aback by how tight you were; you were like anyone he had ever fucked.
As the fantasies overtook his thoughts, Dean became aware of his surroundings as Jo began to speak dirty to him, telling him how much she enjoyed it when he gave her such an aggressive fuck. Dean wasn't aware of himself till now that he started to fuck into her pussy quicker and harder.
Dean's body tensed as his eyes opened. He was pushing his cock in and out of Jo without intending to get off as he thought about you. He was a little caught by what had transpired in a split second.
Jo gasped and said, “Why did you stop?” To regain his attention, she raised her hips higher.
“Nothing,” Dean said, losing his temper and collapsing to his side as he felt his cock gradually soften.
Jo was bewildered, but she became enraged when Dean abruptly quit fucking her and left her feeling unsatisfied.
She sighed and said, “You want me to get on top?” although she sounded more like she was frustrated.
“No.”
“What the hell is your problem?” she said, nailing Dean's chest. “Come on-”
“I said, 'no.' Alright?” In an attempt to disassociate himself from Jo, Dean stated. Even though he knew it was just about him, he tried to keep his cool down despite feeling like rage was taking him.
When she realized Dean wasn't in the mood and was most likely experiencing some sort of dysfunctional erection, she simply remarked, “Anyways,” without caring about it at all. “I promised to go out with some friends tonight, you know,” she said, putting on her clothes again.
“Alright. It's pouring outside though.”
“Yeah, and?”
With a sigh, Dean said, “Nevermind,” understanding that you were the only on who found driving in such weather difficult.
Dean quickly showered right after Jo departed the house, then jerked off just after he entered the bathroom. Even if things started to seem strange with Jo, his body still wanted some release to ease the tension. He was horny and furious at the same time. Though he was a man of action and he wasn't the biggest fan of taking himself in hand in the shower like a teenager, it worked this time. It felt good enough.
Dean gasped in frustration, picturing your gentle touches and the way he felt within you while he fucked Jo and how he thought about you while. The easiest way for him to regain control of his body was to stop. That was all—him and you were simply pals who took pleasure from each other for one night. You were lovely, so it wasn't that he wouldn't want to fuck you again, but it would just be weird. That was not Dean's type of thing.
With one arm folded behind his head, Dean lay on the bed and tried not to think too much. Perhaps he was simply too exhausted.
Even though you were exhausted, your body woke up in the middle of the night due to a headache and a dry throat. You walked silently downstairs to the kitchen so as not to wake Sam, Dean, or his girlfriend.
You cursed yourself for being so emotional and sensitive, crying your eyes out till you went to sleep. Perhaps you were about to have your monthly period very soon. You were forced to put on your headphones by Dean and his companion in order to block out the noises they created all night.
What a waste, you thought. Believing that once you committed yourself to Dean, things would improve between you two. The situation became worse because of it. There was now such a strong and lengthy barrier between you that, despite your best attempts to remain composed, you were unable to climb it at all without being exhausted. If you were more courageous than this, you would have let everything pass by, turned your back to the team, and concentrated on your actual work.
After turning on the light and rubbing your swollen eyes, you sipped your water and sat down next to the window. You couldn't even get enough sleep, and you had to work all day. You required a long vacation.
As soon as you placed the glass down on the kitchen sink, you turned around and saw Dean staring back at you. He was half nude, wearing just sweatpants; his broad chest was all naked. You jumped and gasped in fear because you didn't hear him approaching.
Dean seemed a little confused for a moment when he saw your ruined hair and swollen eyes, but he said nothing.
He stated, “You're so jumpy,” in a low voice as if another person may hear them.
You paused in front of Dean and said, "I didn't hear you coming," but all you did was stand there and remain still, your heart racing.
Ignoring him and returning to your room was difficult. Though your soul ached and yearned for more time with him, your mind knew that nothing would happen between you.
“Why are you still awake?”
You suddenly snapped, “Why are you questioning me?” but then you added, “I was thirsty.”
He said, “It makes us two,” and grabbed a glass of water for himself.
Can't help but notice how you looked, he remarked, “Your eyes appear somewhat swollen.” He couldn't help making a comment this time, a sense of concern overwhelming him.
Trying to sound convincing enough, you said in a hushed voice, “I just woke up. Couldn’t sleep properly.”
“You're going to work tomorrow, aren't you?” Dean inquired as if attempting to strike up a conversation after such a lengthy period. You haven't been speaking properly recently for the obvious reason.
You answered, “Um, yeah,” and lightly stroked your hand to see whether it hurt. It no longer did. Thank goodness you weren't seriously injured. You've also taken plenty of time off from work. It would be best if you started working right away to take your mind off of Dean and all that was going on. There was a lot to take in.
“But can you work though? Is your hand okay, by the way?”
“Yes, I suppose there's nothing to worry about. It's stopped hurting. Actually, I missed my job. It's been too long since I took a break.”
You took a deep breath and went to head back to your room, saying a quiet, "Good night," but Dean stopped you by grasping your arm after he finished his drink. “Wait,” he quietly whispered.
He released his hold on you and gently caressed your skin in an attempt to apologize for being a little too harsh on you. You turned to face him, perplexed. “Yes?” you said as you awaited his next words.
He seemed unable to find the right words to say, so he said, “Whatever happened during the hunting... It wasn't just your fault.” The moment he brought that case back, your heart pounded.
You took a deep breath to keep yourself from being upset as you thought back to what he had said to you, his hurtful remarks, and how annoyed Dean was as a result of your distraction.
You managed to stutter, “It's okay,” and try to smile sympathetically at him. “You are right in every way. I should have exercised more caution. After all, he's your brother.”
“No, I'm not right about everything.” Dean took a deep breath and held your still-healing hand. “I was responsible as much as you were. After all, I am the team's oldest member.” He attempted to lighten the situation with a smile, but for some reason neither of you felt like it.
Dead had told you, just to your face, that Sam was extremely important to him, as if you had someone in your life to worry about. He hated himself for not being more compassionate after realizing he was simply being harsh.
“It was just... in the heat of the moment,” Dean made an effort to explain his behavior. But the way your eyes met, it seemed like he meant something very different.
“I know."
“I only wanted you to be more cautious; I didn't want to hurt you.” He looked into your reddened eyes and added, “Not just for me or Sam, but especially for your own good,” with such genuineness that it seemed he could see what a wreck you were on the inside. How messy you were.
“You did not hurt me at all. I will proceed with greater caution, as I had said previously.” You let his hands lightly brush across yours. Your heart had melted at such a simple, one-time gesture. Though you knew you couldn't, your body was aching to get closer to him.
He finally released your hand after a little while. However, if he hadn't taken it in the first place, it would have hurt less.
You hoped with all of your heart that this moment in the kitchen with Dean had gone differently. You wanted to be closer, cuddling, laughing, or doing anything else that would be tender and intimate. But you two were farther apart than before. Your eyes would have said everything about how much you wanted him if they could communicate.
“I honestly didn't intend any of the things I said to you before or later. I want you to understand this.”
“I do, Dean.”
Dean said, “I know things are a little awkward between us, but I don't want it to be like this,” before you could say anything more. “I hope that you continue to feel at ease with me. I suppose we haven't discussed it appropriately so far about this.”
Your cheeks suddenly flushed scarlet at the mention of your circumstance, and fear shot through your veins “It's really okay,” you nodded to him and replied in a hurry. “Everything's alright.”
You felt burdened with the thought that he could be concerned that you might tell Jo. Should that be his worry, you might reassure and soothe him. In a whisper, you said, “I wouldn't...tell Jo.”
Dean opened his mouth to say something, then scowled instead. His expression showed signs of uncertainty. Given how often they had been hooking up only, he wasn't really sure if he and Jo were a thing at all.
He felt a little guilty as well as responsible for initiating the kiss that night since he was aware it was him.
“You know, I don't want you to feel awkward. Don't let anything go to waste or let this ruin what we have.”
Your heart raced with hopelessness again as Dean blatantly said that he wanted nothing to change and that you should move on from the past. At this point, you couldn't tell if he was genuinely unaware of your emotions. It was better if he hadn't even opened his mouth in the first place and stayed silent.
Since you believed you were trying your best to keep things calm between you and him and maintain whatever relationship you had with him, you wanted to ask him if there was anything you could have done to make him feel that way about you or did you make him feel uncomfortable around you. It wasn't like you were still holding out hope. You were not anticipating this any longer.
Despite his repeated promises not to hurt you, he continued to do so without even realizing it.
You nodded to him quickly and answered, “Of course, I don't want this either,” with a heavy heart. “I would not want to ruin.”
You gave him a little smile and a mumble of "good night," then turned back toward your room. You would have found the strength to cry a little bit more if your eyes weren't sore from crying so much hours before. But at that moment, all you wanted to do was sleep, without really considering anything.
Next Chapter
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A/N: Please, let me know what you think about this one. Comments and reblogs are very appreciated! ^^
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Kinktober 03/10/2024 Daniel Ricciardo- Hate Sex
Plot: You and Daniel get into a massive argument when he comes home after a race in a pissy mood for the 3rd time in a row.
Warnings: Kinktober, SMUT, eating out, oral (f-receiving), arguments between reader and Daniel, hate sex etc 18+ Minors DNI
The first time, it was a DNF where he’d collided on track in a fight for 3rd place with Perez. He’d come home, ignored you and the meal you’d cooked for him, got changed and went straight back out. You guys didn’t talk until the next morning, where things were a little tense until he cracked a joke and all was forgiven.
After that race you came with him and it was one of his best races, he was so happy and cheerful celebrating with you and all his friends at a points finish and with the podium sitters of the day. It was very fun.
The second time, it was the team giving him wrong orders and ending up with a cooling issue on the car that set him all the way back in 18th place. This time he didn’t even bother coming home and went out with Lando and Max for a week before coming back and acting like everything was okay. Of course you were a little hurt, but decided against bringing it up to him as you guys were okay!
The third time and it was a rookie mistake on his part, he went into a corner car to quick and didn’t break quick enough meaning his car was in the wall and his race was over.
He come home instantly this time, getting into Max’s jet with him on the Sunday straight after the race and ending up home at a decent hour.
He came stomping in through the door, his suitcase hauled through and left in the entrance way as he started to walk straight past you. You step in his way managing to stop him now that he was in your line of vision.
“Mmmmm yeah no way, not happening” you say to him crossing your arms.
“Please get out of my way” he says looking over you with an unimpressed look as to why you were actively stoping him from getting to your guys room.
“No Daniel, I’m sick of this! Everytime you have a shit race for whatever reason you become … I dunno Elsa or some shit. I’m sick of you running out on me when you can’t man up and fucking talk to me about this and think it’s better to run away, making me feel like ass and then come back the next day and act like nothing is wrong. It’s exhausting and I’m not doing this again. So we’re talking right here right now” you say pointing to the floor with your hands that had helped you embellish your points as you were speaking.
“That’s what you think this all is?” He asks his head cocking to the side, frustration still evident on his face but with who or what you are none the wiser.
“Well it’s fucking clear it is. When I have a bad day at work, you’re quite literally the first and only person I want to interact with. I get being angry but I can’t keep going on like this if you keep having bad races!” You explain trying to remain calm.
“Are you saying I’m not going to improve? Maybe this is why I don’t come to you, because you could never ever understand something as complex as Formula One and how much pressure there is from the team and other drivers. You could never understand what I deal with every day” he shouts at you an angry look in his face.
“You know what, maybe I don’t. But I won’t because you never seem to talk to me anymore. It’s so frustrating Daniel because I’m trying to be there for you but you won’t let me!” You shouts back, tears starting to roll down your cheeks.
“Maybe I don’t want you too! Maybe I’m so sick of your constant nagging and preening seeing if I’m okay and shit and maybe just maybe I don’t want that” he says, his face like thunder. Your eyes are so wet that you actually cannot see the instant look of regret on his face as he says that.
To you that was like he’d basically just said he no longer loved you. Daniel was the centre of your world and it revolved around him, Daniel was your everything and for him not to appreciate all you do for him and reciprocate those feeling was hurtful.
“I hate you so much right now” you cry turning away and running up the stairs to your shared bedroom. Daniel follows storming after you, he pushes you against the wall, anger evident on his face.
“Don’t walk away from me, and don’t fucking say that” he says almost glaring at you.
“Well, I wouldn’t lie to you. You’ve exhausted me these last few weeks and I cannot do it anymore” you cry looking at him with a frown, your brows furrowing in disgust.
You both just stare at each other for a little until Daniel leans forward and kisses you roughly. You are shocked for a second trying to push him away but his arms encase you against the wall, leaving you nowhere to go.
You guys eventually go into an intense make out session. Daniels tongue exploiting every cavern of your mouth while all you can do is lean your head against the wall and let him.
As much as you were irritated with him right now, and hated how he was acting, you couldn’t deny that you’d missed his close contact and the intimacy.
“I still hate you” you say looking at him with a fierce look in his eyes, almost like a challenge to see just how far he would go. And without a word he lifts you up chucking you into the bed. He crawls up to you, spreading your legs open, pulling your shorts and panties down in one and he leans down to kiss and bite your inner thighs.
A hand comes across to cover your mouth, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing how good he was making you feel just from light contact on your inner thighs.
The minute he started to lick strips up your slit you were done for, his large nose bumping your clit making you squirm and a breathy gasp leaving your lips.
“You still hate me gorgeous? Because you don’t sound like you do?” He smirks diving back in and eating you out like a 5 course meal in a 3 star Michelin restaurant.
“Danny” you cry and he just laughs into your creating more incredible vibrations.
“Still hate me? I dare you to say it” he asks and there was still a petty part of you that was so upset be annoyed with him that you couldn’t even understand your own emotions right now?
Was it hate?
“Yes I do” you answered, but Daniel could here the confusion in your voice.
“Maybe I just need to fuck the hate out of you huh?” He asks coming up from your clit, his fingers dipping in making your gasp and grab his wrist making eye contact as he come up to kiss you on the lips, making you able to taste yourself in his lips.
“How does that sound? Letting me take all my frustrations out on you” he says as he speeds up his fingers inside you. He takes them out, licking them clean before pulling his own jeans and boxers down letting his dick spring free.
“Or how about I take MY frustrations out on you” you say flipping his round and straddling him. Holding him down by his shoulders.
He just smirks up at you, hands going behind his head as he relaxes with your weight on top of him.
“Gone if then baby girl. Do your worst” he says and before he can say anymore your mounting him, slipping down onto him bouncing up and down. Your hands find their way to his hair as you grip his curls and his find their way to your exposed boobs, letting them fill his hands as he starts to tweak and play with your peaked nipples.
“Fuck Dan, why’d you have to ignore me” you all but moan as you speed up and Daniel starts to thrust up to meet your bounces.
“I didn’t wanna fucking hurt you, I knew I’d say something nasty to you coz I was hacked off” he gasps out as he grips your hips, helping you bounce.
“You’re so stupid” you cry, out looking at him as you clench round him and fall into him having no more energy. Daniels thrusts become sloppy and he eventually slows down, with one big thrust before emptying himself inside you.
“Still hate me?” He smiles as he pulls you into him for a hug, his breathing ragged as he looks down at you.
“Always” you smile, pulling him into a sweet kiss.
“Damn, we need to have more sex when your angry” he sighs, wiping the sweat away from his forehead.
“No way had my sexiness bested a high performance athlete” you laugh, looking over at him. And he can’t help but laugh too.
“Mmmmm of course you have” he answers.
“But next time, you talk to me okay? I swear I’m not doing this again Daniel” you say seriously and he rolls his eyes with a small pout.
“But your so hot and sexy when you hate me” he pouts making you shake your head laughing before lightly slapping his shoulder.
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