#incorrect spider-man
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slightlydepressedmelon · 10 months ago
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Things My Professor Has Said That Are Peter Parker Coded
"You can come back to research conferences a year later and be like, here's why I was so dumb last time"
"Too much going boom for me. Need less boom going"
Student: It's so wordy. Professor: You've heard me talk!
"You will make me cry tonight. If you're wondering if emotionally react to your stuff, I do. I just have to act like a professional when I come to class"
"I feel like we're in the Roman coliseum and you're voting to feed me to the lions"
"There's a lot of ways to arrange carbon *gestures to body* I'm not particularly webbed to this specific arrangement of carbon"
"How do I behave like a normal human being in this circumstance?"
"So y'all are just existing. That's what I got from the vibe check today"
"Tell me what it's like in Amsterdam. Has anyone been? I'd like to be rich one day"
"Oh, this feels a little overwhelmingly concerning"
"Then I cower my head in shame and crawl back into my hole"
"I get that the vibe is quiet but are y'all okay?"
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rjjameshiii · 11 months ago
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Norman: Harry, can you grab my keys, they're on my desk. Harry: Sure. Harry: ... Harry: Uh, Dad? Why do you have a folder called "Harry & Peter Wedding Plans" on your desk? Norman: Well obviously those are my ideas for you and Peter's wedding. I'm partial to the plan for a Fiji wedding on page 25 myself. Harry: But me and Peter aren't even dating?? Norman: You're not?
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mamaspidershit · 6 months ago
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Peter: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul. 
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randomstuffjustrandom · 1 year ago
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Lightly
Tony: You were mugged?!
Natasha: Why would you not tell us?!
Y/n: *nonchalant* Because he was injured…
Peter: I was not injured… Just lightly stabbed
Tony and Natasha: *freaking out*StAbBeD??!!
Peter: LIGHTLY
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stuckysknife · 2 years ago
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Matt: Alright, Spider-Man, be safe out there. I'll see you around.
Peter [joking]: Unless you go blind!
Matt:
Peter:
Matt:
Peter: wait-
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wynnd-citrus · 4 months ago
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nearly forgot to post this onto my tumblr today (im so used to just posting to IG and then being done but i must now take care of my tumblr page too hehe)
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hurtspideyparker · 6 months ago
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In a timeline where Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lives in the compound:
Steve, walking into the living room: Don't worry Buck I think you'll really fit in around here. Everyone is super nice
Peter: Oh my god you're living here too?! Can I please look at your arm? Please please please please please-
Bucky: *turns around and leaves*
-
Clint: So... wanna test if your spider-sense defeats my perfect aim?
Peter: Oh my god do I ever
Tony & Steve: NO.
-
Peter: Hi. Big fan. Y'know we're like a spider duo. Crime fighting spiders. Arachnid pals
Natasha, staring blankly:
Peter: Web friends? SPY-ders?
Natasha:
Peter: Spinneret associates?
Natasha: Leave.
Peter: Yes okay sorry ma'am
-
During a meal:
Bucky: *glaring at Sam*
Sam: Ay Rogers come get your dog
Steve: Bucky, leave it
Bucky: *glares down at soup instead*
-
Peter: Mr. Rogers could you help me with my homework?
Tony: What the hell kid, I'm right here
Bruce: I have... so many degrees
Steve: Hey I know a thing or two myself. Sure Queens, what do you got?
Peter: Great! I'm just gonna ask some questions for my essay. What would you say the role of war propaganda was in your decision to enroll in the military? Was being poor a factor? Actually, how was the Great Depression for you?
Steve: Less depressing than this conversation.
-
Steve: Take a jacket, it's chilly
Wanda: Okay thanks dad
Steve:
Wanda:
Peter: Ha! That's so embarrassing, it's like calling your teacher dad
Wanda: Shut up Peter, you call Tony dad all the time
Peter: Yeah but I do it on purpose so it's not embarrassing. I'm very open about my daddy issues
-
Tony: I wanna punch you in your perfect teeth
Steve:
Tony: Looking at me with your angelic blue eyes, like a freak
Steve:
Tony: Stupid Dorito ass build. Making me wanna take a bite
Steve: I feel harassed but I'm not sure what kind
-
Natasha: Hey bird brain!
Clint and Sam both turn:
Natasha: Hm, that's a problem. You have thirty seconds to decide who gets bird brain. The other will be feather head
Clint and Sam: *start arguing*
Tony: I can't believe they're fighting to be called an insult
Steve: She has that effect on people
Peter: Aw man, I wish the Black Widow gave me a nickname :(
-
Peter: Hey old man
Bucky:
Peter: I'M SO SORRY SIR MR. WILSON MADE ME DO IT PLEASE DONT KILL ME
Sam: *cackling in the background*
Bucky: *stands up and turns to Sam*
Sam: Oh shit- kid you're not getting the money if you're gonna snitch!
Peter: That's okay, I'd like to think my life is worth more than twenty bucks
-
Bucky: I need your... help
Tony: Sure, what's up?
Bucky: *glances back at Steve who stands in the doorway and nods approvingly*
Bucky: Arm.
Tony: Ok... this conversation is killing you isn't it?
Bucky:
Tony: Say please
Bucky: Nope can't do it-
Steve: Do I need to get out the get-along shirt?
*Bucky and Tony share a look of alarm*
Bucky: Please fix my arm
Tony: Yep of course no problem buddy
-
Read Part 2 and Part 3
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thewrittenpodcast · 7 months ago
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Principal: unfortunately we had to call your mother in
Peter: may won't pick up
Principal: no not your aunt. your mother
Peter: i don't... have one?
Principal: says here one Viginia Potts is listed
Peter: i have never met a virginia in my life
Pepper, walking in: i was called
Peter:
Peter: your name is virginia?
Peter: my life is a lie
Peter: how can I go on
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spidey-017 · 3 months ago
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Peter: *almost dies*
Tony: jeez kid, did Rogers teach you your self-preservation skills or something?
Peter: no, my parents did
Tony: kid-
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whyareyoubored · 2 years ago
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gwen: you fainted, do you remember anything?
miles: only the ambulance ride
hobie: that wasn’t an ambulance ride, i drove you
miles: but i heard a siren?
hobie: that was pavitr
pavitr: sorry i got nervous
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irondadspiderson4evr · 4 months ago
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Avengers on a mission:
Bruce: Well, that went good!
Steve: Yeah, surprisingly.
Rhodey: It’s… too quiet. Now that I think about it, the whole battle was too quiet.
Tony, holding up his hand in the front: where’s the kid.
Pan over to Peter who is playing with puppies he saw halfway to the battle.
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at1r1-p4rk3r · 4 months ago
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Peter; at school and just got in trouble: I swear I'm innocent!
Principal; not amused: That's it. Your aunt passed? I'm calling your parents.
Peter: Haha, good luck with that!
Principal: What?
Peter: My parents are DEAD! *unhinged laughter*
Principal: but I have their phone numbers....
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ironspidersblog · 5 months ago
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Peter, overstimulated: MY SPIDER SENSES ARE PISSING ME OFF AND IM GONNA MAKE IT EVERYONES PROBLEM
Tony, trying to figure out how to make the perfect sensory friendly room in five seconds: Pete-
Steve, trying to not say language so hard: young man I-
Bucky, also overstimulated: lol yeah
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incorrectquotesmcu · 3 months ago
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Peter: Mr. Rogers, how do I get revenge on my enemies?
Steve: The best revenge is letting go and living your life to the fullest.
Peter: ...
Peter: Ms. Romanoff, how do I—
Natasha: Brick.
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fandomnerd9602 · 2 months ago
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Venom wrap his tendrils around Y/N, his host…
Venom; I love you
Y/N: I love you too bud. Why the sudden burst of affection?
Venom: can’t a parasite just be affectionate with their amazing host?
Y/N: Venom, you’ll get the Belgian chocolate after dinner
Venom; oh come on!! I want it now!
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marionluth · 7 months ago
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Harley: Wanna know what would be really cool?
Peter: Honestly, I don't think I wanna know, no.
Harley: Being shot
Tony: No!
Peter: Been there, done that. Not particularly cool either…
Tony: You’ve been what?
Peter:
Harley: No, no! BEING SHOT. As in being the one… shot… at someone! As in human projectile with the speed of a bullet!
Peter:
Tony:
Harley: I mean… think of the damage here…
Peter: *sitting up* This holds promise.
Tony: No!
Peter: We'd have to take into account a ton of stuff, mass and volume of human projectile…
Harley:...energy source and force distribution…
Peter:... Acceleration curve, g force tolerance…
Harley:... trajectory and stability…
Peter: I'm bringing the whiteboard!
Tony: NO!
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