#incorrect impulse quotes

[impulseowlll]

New headcanon: Everyone forgets that Bart's grandfather on his mom's side is the Earthgov president. So, anytime Bart mentions that his grandfather legalized something they're just like "Barry Allen legalized that?"

Bart: My grandfather legalized embezzlement in the 30th century.

Kon: Barry Allen legalized embezzlement?!

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Bart: So your half Superman-half Lex Luther right?

Kon, grumbling: yes.

Bart: Does that mean you’re genetically predisposed to loosing your hair?

Kon:

Bart:

*4 hours Later*

Kon: What do you mean you don’t know how he lost his hair?

Tim: I mean I’ve been through 20 years of articles and none of them mention it. There’s like a five year gap between the last picture of him with hair and his first appearance bald.

Kon: Tim, you’re one of the world’s greatest detectives, I need you to find out how he lost his hair.

Tim: Why does it-

Kon: I can’t be bald, Tim!

Tim:

Tim: You could call and ask-

Kon: I’d rather go bald, thanks.

[wheatgrasswatcher]

[nikeunderscore]

[incorrectbatfam]

[running a haunted house]

Kon, dressed as Robin: Behold, the face of evil!

Bart: Are you supposed to be Tim's little brother? You said you were going to be something scary.

Kon: He is scary, man. He gives me the willies.

Cassie: Little Damian Wayne gives you the willies.

Kon: You don't know, man. You don't know!

[nicomoon69]

Bernard: so how long have you guys been dating?

Tim: Bear what are you talking about?? they’re just friends

Kon: what?? Bart and I have literally been dating for over three years

Tim: WHAT?!????

Bart: WE’VE LITERALLY MADE OUT IN FRONT OF U???

Tim: I THOUGHT THAT WAS JUST A BRO THING

Kon: A BRO THING???? BERNARD LITERALLY INVITED US ON A DOUBLE DATE??

Tim: I THOUGHT HE WAS TEASING YOU TWO

Bernard: Tim, sweetheart, loml, you might the dumbest person I know

[lena-thinks-too-much]

Bart, after trying Tim's coffee and spitting it out: what the hell did you put in that?

Tim: spite and the tears of my enemies

Kon: you know, the worst part is, I think he's serious

[venominomenon]

Kon: Robin, why don't you like cats?

Tim: I like cats! I just like other animals better!

Cassie: Oh, yeah? Like what?

Bart: Wild cocks. Wild heterosexual cocks with rabies.

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Kon, Bart, and Tim: [screaming] Cassie, running into the room: What's wrong, Tim?! Kon: Why are you only asking Tim?! We're all screaming! Cassie: Because Tim doesn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

[impulseowlll]

*Max teaching Bart how to drive the right way.*

Max: Alright now the first thing you want to do is stay on the road and not drive the car off a cliff.

Bart: Maaaxxxx! That was one time when I was fourteen.

Max: One time too many. Now make sure that you're in the right lane and don't drive off any cliffs.

Bart: What lane? We're in a parking lot! And there are no cliffs within five miles of here.

Max: pretend that there are lanes. And with the way you drive, we would end up going off a cliff in two minutes. Now make a turn carefully.

Bart: Maaaxxx!

[ravenpureforever]

Red Tornado: You are all insane and I want to study you under a microscope so I’m your babysitter now

Robin:

Impulse:

Superboy: Hey what the fuck

[l0s3rd0wnt0wn]

Lol, I was thinking of a pairing for a voodoo or vodou!reader, and all of a sudden Bartholomew Henry Allen II popped into my mind, and I can't get over it. It's like Bart falling in love with the reader because under all that weird, creepy, and mysterious aloof personality, there's a dork ready to emerge. He sees how your face lights up when he mentions one of your interests; he knows how socially awkward you are, but you still make an effort to hold a conversation. When I think about their relationship, it reminds me of Asa and Denji from Chainsaw Man. They're that weird couple that just works so well together. They'll go on a date to the aquarium while being high as hell, holding hands and watching the jellyfish glow and swim by. Bart will gladly be your sacrifice for whatever magical nonsense you're up to. He's your dream blunt rotation. I also feel like their relationship will give off Jessica Rabbit and Roger Rabbit vibes, with the voodoo reader being all fashionable and put together, and there's your boyfriend who can't tie his own tie. You can't help but laugh. "Their so mysterious!" "He's so fucking dumb; I just want to kiss him!" Everyone is like, "What do you see in him?" and you'll sigh with dreamy eyes at the world.

Bart: Flowers for you, babe!

*Bart holding out a thing of lettuce for you*

Vodou!reader: Oh, it's lovely!~

*The Batfam is now confused about why you have a bouquet of lettuce in a floral vase in your room.*

[the-spideytorch-fanboy]

Johnny: It's house rules!

Peter: We aren't at your house! And you have to declare the rules before you start!

Johnny: oh bullshit—

Franklin *starting to pack the game away*: I think that's enough monopoly, uncle Johnny

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim: It's incredibly impulsive and short-sighted.

Bart: Have you noticed that's my jam?

[motherofplatypus]

Mumbo: "I have a problem with someone, I need advice."

Grian: "Murder."

Mumbo: "No. Anyone else?"

Scar: "Murder."

Mumbo: "No."

Skizz: "Murder."

Impulse: "Excessive violence "

Gem: "Murder."

Mumbo: "Is there no one here whose advice doesn't involve violence?"

Joel: "Flirt with them and make them obsessed with you."

Mumbo: "...murder it is."