#incorrect christmas

[incorrect-bridgerton-family]

Kate: How old were you guys when you realized Santa wasn’t real?

Benedict, whispering to Gregory: How old am I?

Gregory: You’re 27, Benedict.

Benedict, sadly: I was 27.

[loislame84]

Kate, handing Yelena a folded piece of paper: here you go.

Yelena, unfolding the note: what is this?

Kate, pointing to the title: it’s my wish list. See right here: Kate Bishop’s Christmas list.

Yelena: it just has my name on it.

Kate, blushing: no look at the bottom.

Yelena: my mistake it also has blue takis on it.

[ir-dr]

Day 3697 - 25 December 2024

TETO TERRITORY!

.//projectTiGER

[tinkerbitch69]

The doctor (future): sorry pal. You’ve got a year of character development/forced self reflection/more abandonment trauma to go through.

The doctor (past): you really are a bastard you know that?

The doctor (future): yes I do, but you don’t yet! Have fun learning the hard way. mmmkay byeeeeeee ^^

[achromatophoric]

Wenclair Week - Day 7: Christmas

Yoko: ENID! SHE’S DOING IT AGAIN!

Enid: What’s she— WEDNESDAY, NO!

Wednesday looks up sharply from where she crouches with a lit lighter, mere moments from setting Ophelia Hall’s Christmas tree ablaze.

Enid: *spritzes Wednesday with a spray bottle* BAD GIRLFRIEND! BAD!

Wednesday: *hisses and retreats into the shadows*

Yoko: Whoa. Girl, what the F is in that bottle? Holy water?

Enid: Nah, just some essence of pine, peppermint, orange, clover—

Yoko: Christmas? You sprayed her with Christmas?

Enid: Yup! It’s super effective.

The shadows: HsssSSSsssss. Christmasssss…

Yoko: *warily eyes the shadows* Uh… huh.

Enid: *fiddles on her phone* Here, imma link you a special anti-Wednesday playlist. Just put it on if she keeps messing with the tree.

Yoko: *checks her phone*

Yoko:

Yoko: *incredulous* Christmas carols? You have got to be shitting me right now!

Enid: Nope! She says they’re tantamount to cruel and unusual psychological torture in direct violation of the Geneva Conventions.

The shadows: And not the fun kind. Hssssss.

Yoko: You’re seriously telling me that I could’ve been using freaking Christmas carols on Broodolf the Dread Woes Paindeer this entire time?

Enid: What? Goddess, no! They’re only effective at like—this time of year, when the collective belief is strongest.

Yoko: For reals?

Enid: Totes. You should’ve seen Xavier’s cousin this summer.

Yoko:

Yoko: But Xavier doesn’t have a cousin.

Enid: Not anymore.

Yoko: 😬

The shadows: *amusedly* Christmassss in July? That fool. Hsssssss…

[theaceofarrows]

Red Hood: [punches Riddler goon]

Red Hood: Call me boughs of holly, the way I be decking peoples halls

Batman: Hood-

Nightwing: Call me Christmas cookie, the way I be looking like a snack

Batman: Nightwing-

Nightwing: [kicks another goon before striking a pose]

Batman: I thought asked you both not to say that on patrol

Red Hood: You did

Nightwing: But Spoiler had a very strong argument on why we should say it

Batman: Which was?

Red Hood: She said "but it would really annoy Batman If you DID say it"

Nightwing: So obviously, we had too

Spoiler: [whose recording everything] Smile for the camera boys! This is about to become the most viewed piece of footage at the Watchtower!

Batman: [under his breath] this is why I tell everyone I work alone

[sleepylapa]

Pierre, confused: what's going on?

Lando, whispering: I told Charles and Max there was mistletoe hanging over them and they started kissing

Pierre, looking up and sighing heavily: but there's nothing

Lando, happily: I know, but they don't seem to care

[romanoffshouse]

Natasha, stuck in a cell with Yelena and Peter: Listen, I'm not claustrophobic, but you're going to have to move.

Yelena: What does claustrophobic mean?

Peter: That she's scared of Santa Claus.

Natasha: No it–

Yelena: Ho, ho, ho!

Peter, panicking: Stop it Yelena, you're scaring her!

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Buck, holding a leaf over them: Look Eddie, we're under the mistletoe. You know what that means.

Eddie: You're literally holding a lettuce leaf, not mistletoe.

*Early the next morning*

Eddie, waking up at 3 a.m: Wait, was he was flirting with me?

[nicktoons-unite-incorrect-quotes]

Danny: Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair

[hotteststar]

oh i wish remus lupin will be my christmas present this year

-probably sirius black at some point

[incorrect-bridgerton-family]

Anthony: I accidentally ate Daphne’s Christmas cookies. How long do you think I have left?

Hyacinth: Ten.

Anthony: Ten?

Hyacinth: Nine.

[xypheris]

Duke: What’s with the Christmas sweaters?

Dick: They’re tradition!

Jason: holding one that says “Ho Ho Hell No” I like mine.

[myheadphonesareneverloudenough]

i can’t stop. more hatchetfield incorrect quotes.

bonus TCB ones;

[tf2incorrectquotes]

Medic: Why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? Where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. The night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

The rest of the Mercs and Ms Pauling:

[olailamajnoon]

Clark and Bruce collide under the mistletoe.

Bruce kisses him lightly on the lips.

Clark, his mouth open in surprise: ahhh.....

Bruce: Shut up you virgin. Close your mouth.

Clark: I'm...married? With a child? So how am I a virgin?

Bruce: You're Superman. Anything's possible.

Clark: You kissed me!

Bruce: Would you rather I have not?

Clark: ahhh.....

Bruce: Move or I kiss you again.

Clark, standing still: ....

Bruce: *narrows eyes* Are you challenging me? Is that what this is?

Clark: *leans forward and pecks Bruce on the lips*

Clark: Hah! Now you're the virgin.

Bruce: Virginity is not contagious, Clark. It's not a pass-the-parcel.

Clark: I say it is.

Bruce: You're a fucking dork. *wipes his lips*

Clark: I'm fucking Superman. Anything's possible.

Bruce: I'm not giving you anything for Christmas. That kiss was your present. Be happy.

Clark: This close-fistedness is why you're a virgin.