#in case anyone cares I am mentally doing a little better

[itsamenickname]

No one:

Not a single soul:

Me: You know, since Luigi's first official appearance was in 1983 while Bowser's debut wasn't until 1985, that technically makes Luigi canonically older than his 10-foot dragon-turtle boyfriend.

[madigoround]

💜

[worldlxvlys]

my eyes only (part 4)

jealous! chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: cursing, reader is in a toxic relationship, smuttt, p in v, cream pie, choking, oral (fem receiving), squirting, masturbation, use of vibrator, cheating

** i’m not promoting cheating in the slightest, this is fiction. please do not cheat on anyone.

a/n: part 4 was highly requested sooo here it is <33

previous part

“it was an accident!” i yelled for what had to be the tenth time.

“how the hell do you accidentally send someone nudes ?” charlie yelled back.

i let a heavy sigh as i rolled my eyes, “hey, don’t roll your eyes at me”

my face scrunched up at that, “i can do whatever the hell i want with my own eyes, charlie. i don’t know why you think you can control my every move” he looked like he wanted to make a snarky comment at that, but i stopped him, “and why were you going through my phone?” i asked.

he looked take aback at the fact that i knew, “ i didn’t” he spoke defensively.

“so you weren’t going through me and chris’s texts?” i asked.

he sighed, giving up the act, “ok, fine. yes i went through your texts once. it was awhile ago, though”

“you are un-fucking-believable, charlie. how am i supposed to trust you when you don’t even trust me?” i asked.

“i know, it’s just-”i cut him off, “your past relationships, i know. but that doesn’t give you the right to go through my phone”

his eyebrows scrunched up at that, “are you trying to invalidate my feelings right now?” he asked.

my eyes widened at that, “i-no! what are you talking about?”

“i mean, you just basically told me that what i went through in the past means nothing to you”

“charlie, when did i say that?” i asked incredulously.

“whatever. i just can’t believe you’re pulling this shit while i’m going through such a hard time. i mean, you know how much stress i’ve been dealing with because of work, and now i have to worry about my girlfriend sending nudes to another guy”

my face softened at this, realizing that there was some truth to what he was saying.

although i would never admit it out loud, i did send chris those nudes on purpose. and on top of that, i gave him access to several of my explicit videos.

thank god charlie didn’t know about that part.

it was wrong of me to do, but when it came to chris, every logical thought of mine flew out the window.

my boyfriend was an asshole, but that didn’t give me the right to add onto his stress.

“i’m sorry, you’re right. it won’t happen again. what can i do to make it up to you?” i asked as i rubbed his shoulders.

i wasn’t an idiot. i knew that i was better off breaking things off with him, but i was scared. as fucked up as our relationship was, it was one of the only constant things in my life. and although it was dangerous for my mental health, it was safe.

change is inevitable, but it’s also uncontrollable in most situations. and this situation was one of the rare cases where i had full control.

“stop talking to him.” my heart dropped at this.

“what? you want me to just stop talking to someone who i’ve been friends with for years?” by the tone of my voice, he could probably tell that i wasn’t going to do it.

“ok, you’re right, that’s unreasonable. but, maybe just back off of him a little?” he asked.

“please? it would help ease my mind” he spoke as he squeezed my waist, his grip tighter than usual.

i had been with charlie long enough to read him pretty well. his mood could flip in a matter of seconds, and it was quite frightening to experience. sometimes, when he was seconds away from doing it, he would squeeze my hip or shoulder firmly. this was obviously one of those times where my answer would determine how the rest of the night went.

he had never hurt me before, but i was still always careful not to set him off.

“ok, yeah” i nodded my head at him.

“i need to hear you say it” he said, refusing to let go of me.

“i’ll back off of him” i said.

he let go of me, a grin taking over his features, “thank you, baby. i really appreciate it”

i nodded at him, smiling weakly.

1 WEEK LATER

CHRIS’S POV

“it was a mistake”, those were the words she said a week ago. those words led me to believe that she would change her my eyes only password.

wrong.

because when i opened her my eyes only the day after she sent that text, the password worked.

she added more videos to the collection, in fact, she didn’t delete my own video.

and when i clicked onto the most recent video, the first thing i heard her moan was my name.

so that’s the game she wants to play? she won’t answer my texts, but she’ll scream my name when she plays with herself?

fine, let’s play.

throughout the week, we added more and more videos to the collection. we teased each other, moaned each other’s names, and spoke the dirtiest words to our phones.

we never addressed the videos in our text messages, as our conversations never got past a “hi, how are you” and a dry response.

it was an odd situation, but she seemed hellbent on avoiding any conversation.

finally, after a week of playing the game, i decided to go over to her house and talk to her like an adult.

i didn’t bother texting her, knowing i wouldn’t get a response.

READER’S POV

“fuck, chris” i moaned out as my head flew back onto my bed.

my body was bare and covered in a layer of sweat as i held my vibrator against my clit with one hand, the other fingering my wet hole.

my phone was propped up against a chair, capturing my pleasure perfectly.

i was so close to my orgasm, i didn’t hear my front door open.

“chris! i’m gonna-!” i cut myself off as my door flew open.

in a panic, i moved my hands and turned my head towards the door.

my eyes widened in horror, as chris stood by my door with hooded eyes.

chris and i stared at each other as we both waited for someone to say something.

“chris-” i started, but paused when he pulled his shirt off.

he quick strides in my direction, before leaning down and capturing my lips in a desperate kiss.

i moaned into the kiss, as our lips moved against each others quickly.

he detached our lips, pressing his forehead to mine. “do you want this or not?” he asked, his eyes still closed. “cause one second you say it’s a mistake, then the next you’re moaning my name. if you’re just gonna play with my feelings, i-” i stopped him by pressing my lips to his in a sweet kiss.

“i want this, chris. i want you. i was scared and confused, and i shouldn’t have played with you like that. i need you to know this isn’t a game to me” i spoke as my gaze shifted between his eyes.

“i’ve wanted you for so fucking long, i just didn’t know how to tell you” i cupped his jaw with my hand, running my thumb along the skin right under his bottom lip.

“thank fuck” he whispered before pushing his lips onto mine again.

my hands found their way to the back of his neck as his soft lips caressed mine.

his hands went to my boobs, squeezing and pinching my nipples, eliciting a small moan from me.

“fuck, you sound even better in person” he groaned.

he continued to play with my tits as our lips slid against each other’s perfectly.

his hips ground down into my body, his clothed erection pressing into my inner thigh.

i bit down onto my lip, suppressing my moans.

“don’t be shy now, baby. you’re so vocal when i’m not in front of you. do i need to play one of the videos?” he asked, making me narrow my eyes at him.

in one swift motion, i hooked my leg around his waist, pushing him down into me and flipping us over.

his eyes widened as i wrapped my hand around his throat, making him let out a choked moan.

“yeah? you like it when i choke you like this?” i asked as i moved my hand down to his sweatpants.

“mmm, fuck yea” he groaned out.

i hooked my finger into his sweatpants, tugging them down.

my fingers gently caressed his thighs as i moved my mouth to the top of his boxers.

i looked up at him through my lashes as i took the waistband between my teeth, pulling it up and letting it snap back against his skin, making his hips jerk slightly.

“i want these off” i spoke.

he quickly pulled them down, letting his dick spring free.

“remember that pink dildo?” i asked as i let my spit travel down to his cock, beginning to spread it around his length.

“y-yeah, i do” he groaned in response.

i lined him up with my entrance and sank down onto him, pulling long strings of curses from both of our lips.

“i always imagine that it’s your cock buried inside of me” i moaned out as i began to move on top of him.

“o-oh my fuck” he whispered as his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

he seemed to almost be shocked at the amount of pleasure coursing through his body, as his arms stayed frozen at his side.

“touch me, chris” i spoke, snapping him out of his trance.

his hands shot out to my sides, sliding down to grab my ass.

i grabbed his shoulders to stablilize myself as i rolled my hips into his.

“god, you feel even better than i ever imagined” i spoke as i pressed my forehead to his, staring into his eyes.

“you look so fucking good on top of me like this. love watching you fuck yourself on my cock” he whispered to me.

“you like the way i squeeze you?” i asked as i clenched around him.

he whimpered at the feeling, before replying, “not gonna last if you do that”

“good, i’m on the pill. i need you to fuck your cum into me, chris. need it so bad” i moaned as his dick plunged in and out of my tight hole.

the dirty words sent chris over the edge.

his fingers dug into my ass, holding me down against him as he shot his cum deep inside of my walls.

i lifted my hips off of him and swung my leg over his, moving from on top of him.

“wait, you didn’t finish” he pointed out.

“it’s fine” i shrugged it off.

chris wasn’t having this as he pulled me back towards his body.

“ride my face” he spoke as he pulled me back on top of him.

“what?” i asked, my eyes widening at his statement.

“i don’t know what you’re used to, but we’re not done until you cum. so, ride my face.” he spoke, throwing slight shade towards charlie, as he laid down.

following his instructions, i positioned myself right above his face. i hovered for a second before chris pulled me down onto him, pulling all of my weight onto his face.

“oh my god, chris” my jaw fell slack as my hands laced into his hair, tugging gently.

he groaned against my heat as his tongue licked up and down my folds.

i began to rock my hips against his mouth. with every upward movement, chris’ nose pressed against my clit.

“chris! i’m cumming!” i spoke as my body tensed up.

my toes curled and my fingers scratched his scalp as i felt an intense wave of pleasure run through my body.

i lifted myself off of his face as my juices shot out of my trembling body, saturating the pillow and chris’s face.

“fuck! sorry, sorry” i spoke quickly as i got off of him.

“don’t ever apologize for something like that, ma. that was hot as fuck” he spoke before licking his lips.

i got up to grab something to clean his face up, when he stopped me.

“wait, take a picture of my face!” he grinned.

“what, why?” i asked.

“we can save it to your my eyes only” he winked.

🌀🌀🌀🌀

masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @gwenlore @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @stramboli4life @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @annelisseakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @abbie13sworld @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @sturniolololover @meg-sturniolo @mattsnymphette

[g-n-c-quoi]

i feel like the idea of “treatment” when it comes to being disabled is a very complex and nuanced concept and the way able bodied society as a whole but doctors especially approach it fails to address most of those nuances and in doing so fundamentally fails to meet the needs of disabled people. which, of course, is nothing new really, but i think a lot about this particular aspect of it and how deeply detrimental it can be

anecdotally, a lot of my personal experiences with doctors involved them prescribing me treatments that were, at best, completely asinine, and at worst, actively harmful to my health, and then treating it as a personal moral fault of mine that i wasn’t enthusiastically pursuing them

for example, i insisted repeatedly to my parents and providers alike that physical therapy for my EDS was proving not only agonizing in the short term but appearing to have little if any benefit in the long term, and was repeatedly brushed off because i “just wasn’t doing it consistently enough” and it was insisted to me on multiple occasions that this was the only way for me to feel better, while at the same time i was being denied access to mobility aids because they didn’t want me to become “dependent”

a lot has changed since then and as i’m learning more about my body and how to take care of it it baffles me how much more pain i was in on a daily basis and how little anyone around me was willing or able to help

and, like, i know none of this was a result of outright malice. i am lucky enough to have had most of my doctors be, at the very least, genuinely intending to try to help me. where the shortcomings were was in the response to me not engaging with a form of treatment that was proving to do more harm than good.

i think this happens for two reasons, the first being one we know already, which is that people in general- doctors in this case, but people as a whole- do not like being wrong. when what they have learned to be immutable fact proves to have exceptions, the way every rule does, they cannot comprehend it. some even take personal offense. it’s like, “i know your body better than you because i went to school for it and you didn’t”. a lot of disabled people are deeply familiar with this one, because it’s deeply pervasive in the medical field especially.

the other reason is that people cannot comprehend the idea of refusing something that is intended to make you feel better. when i went off my meds, when i would refuse over the counter painkillers, when i would flake out of therapy of either the physical or mental variety, i was met with shock and outrage because “i wasn’t trying to get better”, never mind my repeated assertions that these things were not helping me get better in the first place. no one could imagine i would opt out of something that was done to improve my symptoms for any reason other than teenage petulance, and so all of my concerns and complaints were dismissed as just that.

and, of course, now that i’ve found things that do help me- occasional mobility aid usage, medicinal use of cannabis, etc- it’s dismissed by all the same people as risky and not worth it. the same concerns i had about the treatments i was receiving.

another issue is the fact that once the one default Thing for your condition doesn’t work or you don’t want it they basically treat you like you’re out of options and are just doomed to feel like this forever. for me it was physical therapy, and in another case the stimulants i was prescribed when i was first diagnosed with adhd that they took me off of and then never tried anything else until like four years later

the whole thing is set up to make disabled people as reliant on doctors as possible for things that may not even be the best option for them

[peyton-warren]

Okay sorry last one!

Sy knows that you’ve been ignoring your health. (Brushing teeth, showering, eating properly, sleeping properly) but he’s been pleasing you every chance the two of you get.

Could be because you’re with him or you just have been busy, but you get a toothache and he takes you to the base dentist or a regular dentist. It’s something simple like just a stuck popcorn shell or something like that. Or maybe you pass out. Idk 🤷🏼‍♀️

He decides that if you want to cum again, you have to take better care of yourself. No grinding either. Every time you do, you suck him off while he teases you. Until you take better care of yourself. No orgasms

I might have taken this one a little off the track you set but we got back on it by the end. There is no smut there is a hell of suggestion at the end. I hope this is ok. And its a weeee bit longer than a drabble. Wrote this all by hand in the woods thanks for the prompt that resonated so much with me.

Characters: Gender Neutral reader, Captain Syverson Pairings: Sy x Reader Fandoms: Sandcastle, Henry Cavill characters Word count: 4111 Type: angst, suggestive Warning: 18+. Warnings: blood, Reader injured, discussion of domestic abuse, self depreciation, discussion of mental illness, daddy kink, potential eating disorder, tiny Daddy kink

Summary: Reader has to be taken to the hospital by their new-ish boyfriend Sy. Sy learns some things about his partner that has Reader worried about their future together.

Author's Note: I have no idea how a real ER works, nor proper medical procedures nor hospital policies.  I manipulated them for my own gain here.  Nor do I fully understand how blood sugars work or what the tests doctors use tell them about your eating habits.  Don't come after me if you know how they actually do work. Also thank you to @ellethespaceunicorn for the beta.

Ask Box: Open Masterlist

Banner by me with an assist by @ellethespaceunicorn Dividers by @cafekitsune

Dazed, you blinked your tired eyes open.  

“There they are,” Sy cooed softly, crouching next to you.  

You blinked again, trying

to focus.

He was next to you on his kitchen floor.  You stared up into the concerned blue eyes above you.

Oh right date night.  You two had been cooking dinner. 

“I didn't know you were afraid of blood,” he said with sincerity, no teasing or judgment in his tone.  

“I’m not,” you said defensively.  Then you realized the last thing you remembered was nicking your finger cutting up veggies and then nothing.  “What happened?” You asked.  

“You passed out,” he told you.  “I saw you waver out of the corner of my eye and caught you in time to keep you from hitting the deck,” he told you.  “How are you feeling?”

“Okay?”

“Just okay?  You think you can sit up?” He offered you a hand.  As you placed your palm in his, he carefully helped you into a sitting position, his other arm gently curving around your back, just in case.  “How’s that?” he asked, squeezing your hand.  

“Okay.  I think.”

“I don't like your uncertainty,” he admitted, softly, looking at you with a deeper concern.  “I’m calling an ambulance.”

“No!” you shook your head vehemently, hating to cause him or anyone even a hit of inconvenience.  “I’m fine.”

“You are not fine, sweetheart,” he told you.  “You look like you have seen a ghost.  You're trembling and your palm hasn't stopped bleeding. We are going to the ER,” he insisted.  “Even if I have to hog tie you and throw you in the back of the truck.”

“Sy, I’m fine,” you tried again.  

Sy moved from you only briefly to grab a kitchen towel that read “Mama Tried,” and returned promptly to press it to your palm which you just now noticed is covered in blood.  “I didn’t think I cut it that bad,” you admitted.  You were unable to assess the damage before it was covered in flour sack material.  

“You jabbed it in there pretty good just before you went down.”  Sy pulled his phone from his pocket.  “Now are you willingly coming with me to the hospital? Or am I calling the squad?”

You knew your stubborn asshole of a boyfriend wasn't going to back down until you were properly checked out.  After a beat, a silence, just a split second before you were certain he was going to open his phone, you relented.   “Alright.”

He placed a hurried kiss to your forehead as he stuffed his phone back in his pocket.  “Good.  Now put your other hand over the towel and I’ll get you to the truck.”

You scoffed at this.  “You are not carrying me to the truck,” you said.  “I’ll get myself out there.  Just get me off the damn floor.”

Sy chucked.  “There’s my sweetheart.  Hold the towel tight,” he insisted just before standing behind you and hooking his hands under your arm and effortlessly lifting you to your feet.  His hand held your upper arm tight as he rounded you and looked intently at your face.  “You al’ite?”

“I’m fine, Sy,” you ground out, done with being fussed over.  

With a single nod, he placed that hand to your lower back and gently guided you to the door. “Easy and gently,” he reminded you.  

“I’ll ‘easy and gently’ you.” You continued to be unhappy with his instance of treating you with such tender care.  You still were not used to dating a decent human being, unsure if you even deserved it.  If he knew how  you really were, maybe he’d throw you away, like all the other partners you had had over the years.

Sy, oblivious of your inner conflict, got you settled into the passenger seat and buckled you in.  “All set, baby?” 

You only nodded, still applying pressure to your cut palm.  He gave you a soft smile and carefully closed your door.  Took him all of two seconds before he was in the driver's seat and starting the engine.  “Let’s get you patched up.”

The drive to the local hospital was over within 20 minutes and was accomplished in silence.  You tried to ignore the new throb in your palm that appeared.  Sy had stopped you once from peeling back the towel by laying his hand over yours.  “You don't wanna do that.”

“I wanna see.”

“No you don’t.  Firstly it'll start bleeding again once you release the pressure,” he used his Captain voice, you knew his military training had kicked in.  “Secondly, I don't need you passing out again when you see it.”

You all but huffed at him.  “I am NOT afraid of blood.”

“You may not be, but you aren't gonna like the looks of that.”

You relented and gave a dramatic sigh.  “Aye, aye, Captain,” you said dryly.

Once you arrived at the hospital, and got through the headache of checking in, the two of you settled in the waiting room. Sy took your injured hand and put it on his thigh, taking over putting pressure on the injury.  You sat in further silence until a nurse called your name, less than 30 minutes later.  Sy kissed your temple and let you take your own hand back.  You both stand and head for the nurse who eyes you 6’4” shadow with suspicion.   “Just them,” the nurse states in a no nonsense voice.

“It's ok,” you reassure her.  “He’s with me.”

“Is he your emergency contact and/or spouse?” she asks you, and your stomach dropped at the thought of going in without Sy.  

“No,” you say in a small voice. 

“But ma’am-”

“Do not,” she cut Sy off.  “Policy is policy.  I don't make it,” she sternly stated.

“You are just the enforcer,” Sy finished for her in a very knowing voice.  

“You got it,” she beamed at him. “Have a seat.  They'll be out as soon as they’re done.”

You gave him a soft smile over your shoulder and mouthed ‘Sorry.’  He kissed your forehead.  “You’re in good hands,” he tried to sound calm for you.  You nodded and followed the scrubbed nurse into the ER.  The door closed behind you with a soft click, signaling it locked.  The nurse led you to a room, flipping the plastic flags over the door to whatever she needs to as you step in.  

“Have a seat on the bed,” she said in a softer tone than she had with Sy.  As she halfway pulled the curtain closed, you settled with your back on the upright position of the gurney.  She clicked at the computer near the bed.  “Laceration on your non-dominant palm.  How did it happen?” she asked, nodding to your hand as she reached for gloves from the rack on the wall. 

“Slipped while cooking dinner,” you offered, leaving out the part where you passed out.  

She eyed you before placing a hand on your wrist.  “Let me take a look.”  

You relinquished the towel which you now realize had a significant amount of blood on it. “Oh geez, I hope he can get that out.”

The nurse’s eyes flit back to your face.  “Who is he?” she conversationally asked.  

“My boyfriend,” you said almost shyly.  This thing between you was still new and fresh, only a few months old.  You were still getting used to using the title for Sy.  

“You live together?” she asked as she put the makeshift bandage back down.  “Hold that again please.”   

You do as you are told.  “No, only been together a few months.” you affirmed.  

She nodded and stripped the gloves from her hands, dropping them into the biohazard trash before turning back to the computer “You are gonna need stitches,” she told you, “but first the doc has to come see you to confirm.”

“Yeah kinda figured that was why my army boyfriend brought me in.  If he coulda handled it himself we wouldn't be here,”  you guessed.  

The nurse pulled a wheelie stool over and sat down near your bedside and looked at you compassionately but no nonsense.  “He the reason you are here?” she asked.  

“Well yeah, he insisted-” 

She shook her head, interrupting you.  “No sweety,” she tried again.  Her name tag/badge read Joy you noticed.  “Are you safe with him?”

Your eyes widened at her meaning. “Yes!” you stumbled over the word, surprised someone would think you are not safe with Sy.  “Absolutely,” you insisted.  “He’d never hurt anyone he cared about much less me,” you defended him further.  

“You have to know how this looks,” the nurse stated.  And you finally put all the pieces together.  “Especially with him being active duty,” she pointed out.  You had heard the rumors that military men were statistically more likely to be the aggressor in domestic violence situations. 

“Not him,” you asserted, trying to think of another way to convince her she had it all wrong.  

Instead she reached out and squeezed your knee.  “It's ok.  I have to ask.  Just a couple more questions and then I'll go get the doctor.”  

You relaxed into the mattress.  “Okay.”

“Do you want your boyfriend back here with you?  I can continue to tell him its policy to keep him out in the waiting room.”

You almost started panicking again at the thoughts that anyone would think anything but the best of Sy.  “No, I want him here please, if I can.”

“Of course you can, especially if he will help you stay calm.” She took a deep breath, holding it for a beat and then releasing it, which you mirrored.  “Will his presence keep you at ease?” Her eyes stared at yours, watching your reaction closely.  

You took another deep breath and nodded.  “Yes please.”  

“Ok sweetie.  If you change your mind, tell me or the doctor you’d like to see ‘Dr. Strong’ and we will get security to remove him from here, okay?”

“I won’t need that,” you assured her.,  “But I’m glad you have that in place for other people to use.  “

She gave you a sad smile. “Unfortunately it's all too common of a situation for us.”  She put her hand on the door handle.  “What’s the boyfriend’s last name?”   

You gave it to her and she nodded.  “I'll go get him now and the Doctor will be with you as soon as he can.”

“Thank you.”

And she was gone.

And you were left alone with your thoughts for a few minutes.  You had never thought so much of as an ill thought about Sy outside of  how obnoxious his snoring was when he’s been drinking and now you felt like you hit the jackpot with Sy.  But also, it felt a bit early to be proclaiming declarations of love.  Sy didn’t seem like the type of man who would ever harm his partner but you had been fooled into thinking the best of others in your past and were proven ---

The door opened and saved you from continuing that thought.  Sy’s face appeared around the curtain with a concerned look as Nurse Joy peeked around him.  “Will be a bit til the doctor will be with you.  Keep holding that towel.”

Sy rounded the bed and sat on the stool the nurse abandoned.  “Thanks,” you said.�� “For everything.”

“You are welcome.  Just doing my job.”

And she was gone again, the door closing behind her. “New friend?” Sy asked after that exchange.  

“Something like that,” you affirmed.  

“What’s the verdict?” he nodded towards your hand.  

“Needs stitches,” you stated nonchalantly.  

“And the passing out?” he prompted. 

 You hesitated.  “Oh, ummmm,”   

“You didn't mention that?” he surmised.

“No.”

“Of course not,” he sighed.

You stopped looking at your hands in your lap and flashed your eyes to him.  “What’s that mean?”

Sy just shook his head and laid his hand on your knees closest to him.  “I’ve just noticed you aren't very good at taking care of yourself is all.”  

You get defensive immediately, though this isn't the first time you have heard that from someone else who cared about you.  “I do just fine with that,” you asserted.   

“Then why didn't you mention that to the nurse?”

“Because that's not a big deal,” you attested. “Not as much as bleeding to death.”  You raised your injured hand to illustrate.  “I’m sorry about your towel.”

“I don't give one goddamn about a kitchen towel,” he stated but is interrupted by a knock on the door, drawing both of your attention.  Nurse Joy walked around the curtain with a man in a white coat.  

“Hello here’s Dr. Brock.” 

Sy’s hand squeezed your knee. 

“How are you today?” Dr. Brock asked.  

“Fine outside of trying to filet my palm.  Wait,” you suddenly say.  “I only remember nicking my finger.  When did I slice my palm?” you looked at Sy, and felt the attention of the medical personnel in the room shift to look at him as well.  

“You grabbed for the counter as you passed out,” he simply stated.  

“There was no mention of passing out,” Joy stated, and you realize you had just ratted yourself out.  

“Did you hit your head?” the doctor asked, springing into action to examine your eyes.  

“I don't think so,” you sounded unsure. 

“No they didn’t,” Sy joined the conversation. “I caught them on the way down.”  

Doctor turned half his attention to the attentive boyfriend beside you as he applied gentle pressure around your head.  “Were they out cold?”

“Yes”

“For how long?”  

“At least 3 minutes but it felt like a lifetime,” Sy disclosed.  

Doctor Brock nodded as Joy typed on the computer.  “Let’s get them a CT scan, a CBC panel to start,” he spoke to the nurse who clicked the mouse.  “And a stitch kit for their hand.”  He gave that the briefest of looks and a nod.  “Looks like the bleeding has stopped.  We can take care of that while we wait for radiation to come get them.”

He turned back to you.  “Afraid we are going to keep you from dinner for a bit longer,” he told you.

“It's ok,” you whispered. 

It took another hour, but you found yourself stitched , bandaged, scanned and short a few vials of blood.  You and Sy sat in the room, talking about which fast food to grab on your way back to his place when Dr. Brock and your new favorite nurse returned.  “We have the results from your scan and your blood work,” he told you as he sat down in front of the computer.  Sy’s hand gently squeezed your uninjured hand while the doctor logged in and pulled up your chart.  “Ok,” he paused as he read.  “Your CT scan came back normal.  Nothing unusual in your brain.”

“That's good.”

He nodded as he continued to look at his results.  “There’s a few things in your blood work I’d like to talk to you about.  Your glucose was concerningly down.” 

 “We were in the process of making dinner,” Sy tried.  

“No it was more than just one missed meal,” the doctor told him.

You avoid looking at Sy out of guilt.  ”I may have missed a few meals today.”

“There's only three to miss,” Sy sounded upset, and your stomach flipped.  “How many did you miss?”

“All of them...?” you stated uncertain, again. 

“And the past few days?” the doctor asked.  

You shrugged and looked sheepishly at him.  “A few...”

“Your blood work says more than ‘a few’,” he said sternly but gently.  “And your urinalysis says you are severely dehydrated.” He looked at you.  “How much water do you have every day?”

“Water?” you lamely asked 

“Yes, plain water.  Maybe with some lemon or bubbles in it, but just water?”

“Not much.  I’m more of a coffee kind of girl,” you tried to tell him, aiming for a joke but it falling flat on your audience.

“I’m going to need you to up your intake of water by a lot.”

“For how long?”

“For always,” he looked at you.  “Human bodies need water to survive.” he glanced quickly at the screen before turning back to you.  “How has your depression and anxiety been lately?”  

Well shit.  You looked guiltily at Sy again before answering.  “It's been better.”

“On a scale of 1-5,  l one being the lowest you’ve been and 5 being the best feeling ever, where have you been lately?

Another sideways glance at Sy before answering.  “A 0.5?”

“I see,” the doctor said and typed a few things.  

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sy asked, sounding more than a little hurt.

The shrug you give him does nothing to remove the look from his face.  

“What can I do for them, Doc?” he asked, his eyes never leaving your face.

You opened your mouth to protest but Dr. Brock beat you to it. “That’s up to them as to what they need. But open communication is a good start.”  That was directed at you.  “And reassuring them they are worth taking care of themselves.”  That was directed at Sy.

“I can handle that,” your boyfriend stated.  

“Glad to hear it.  Nurse Joy will get you your instructions and get you checked out.  You can have your GP pull the stitches in 14 days.  And go over your mental health needs with them too, please.”

You just nodded.  

“Take care of each other.”  And he was gone out the door.  

The ride home was as silent as the ride to the ER but for different reasons.  You felt the anger rolling off Sy.  You were ashamed at having your mental health issues revealed to him in such a manner.  This relationship was still too new and now you were afraid he was going to ditch you and run for the hills.

“You can just drop me at my car in your driveway and I’ll head home,” you surmised you had fully ruined your date night if not your whole relationship.

“What?” Sy sounded confused.  “No.” He pulled his eyes from the road for a second to look at you.  If you weren't wrong, he looked hurt again.  “We are grabbing dinner and then we are gonna talk about what is going on in that beautiful head of yours.”

“Look if you wanna break up with me-”

“What kind of assholes have you dated, sweetheart?” he asked angrily and your mouth audibly snapped shut followed by a soft sniffle.  He DID think you were an idiot and he was going to ditch you tonight.  You knew it.  Trouble was he held you hostage until he returned you to your car.  And the sound of your next sniffle, Sy hit his blinker and pulled the truck into the first parking lot on his right,parking his truck across 4 spots before turning in his seat to look at you, his hand landing on your forearm. “Please talk to me,” he softly said.  “Whatever it is, I'm here.”

“You hate me,” you asserted.   “I’m a horrible person.  And now you know the truth about me.”

Sy’s hand flew up to the ceiling of the truck and flipped the light on and watched you wiped at your tears.  “Did I say any of that?” he asked. “Ever.”  

You shook your head.  “No but you probably are thinking about it now that you know.”

“Know what? That you have a mental illness that makes your life hard to navigate?”

“Yeah.” you sniffled. 

“For fuck’s sake, darlin’, do you know how many of my men have mental illnesses, both diagnosed and not?  And I trust them literally with my life,” Sy tried again, agitation just on the edge of his voice.  He took a breath and tried another time.  “Sweetness, whatever you have going on , I ain't lying when I tell you I’m here for you, for all of it.:”

“But-”

“No buts, gorgeous, you aren't getting rid of me that easily,” he insisted, giving you a small smile, which you did not return.  “Unless you want me to go.  I hope you don't.  You seemed like you were enjoying our evening tonight before your swan dive.” You smiled at that.  “But if you want out, let's talk about that and I’ll try to convince you to stay so I can fix whatever it is you don't like but I do not want out.  I make that call, not you,” he asserted gently.  

You sat in stunned silence for a moment.  All your standard cookie cutter responses to try to convince someone you were a horrible person died on your tongue, leaving you with nothing to say.  

At another beat of silence, Sy grabbed his phone from the center console.  “Do you want pizza or tacos for dinner?”

~~~~~~~~~

Once you were safely at his house with your dinner, Sy left you at the kitchen table as he took an exuberant Aika outside to potty and chase a ball around for a few minutes.  By the time he returned, you had set the table and were in the process of cleaning up the mess you had left on his floor, on his counter, your blood mixed with food that had been left out too long.  

Sy dramatically sighed when he found you trying to one handedly clean everything up.  “Will you stop before you hurt yourself further?”  You looked at him sheepishly.  “But thank you,” he tried instead.  “Thank you for setting the table.”  He took your good hand and escorted you to the table set with two plates, two glasses of water and the only candle you could find in his house and you were fairly certain it was a gift from his mom or sister.  He pulled your chair out for you and you rolled your eyes as you sat down, but you sat down.  “Good baby,” he mumbled into the crown of your head.  “One slice or two?” he asked, chivalrously opening the box for you to see the options available as if you weren’t in the truck when he ordered your usual pizza.  

“You are a dork,” you informed him. 

“Yes, but I am your dork,” he told you, pulling two pieces to put on your plate.  “Since you didn’t eat at all today, you get two.  And you have to eat them all, even the crusts.  And drink all your water too,” he informed you. 

You made a face at him but nodded, agreeing to those terms.  “Okay, Daddy,” you teasingly mutter as you pull a stringy bit of cheese and pop it in your mouth.  

Sy growled low in his throat, a noise you only heard when you did something he liked in the bedroom and you felt your belly heat at finding a new kind of his and one you didn't object to.  You smirked at him as he sat down, your focus now on his darkening eyes. “You wanna play with Daddy, little one?” he menacingly asked you.  You nodded enthusiastically, your ravenous hunger shifting from the pizza to the man in front of you.  

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes, Daddy.” you started to rise from the table to move towards him.  

“Sit your pretty ass down,” he commanded without raising his voice.  You felt yourself grow hotter at his tone, immediately and unthinkingly settling back into your spot.  “You will eat everything on your plate, or you will not leave this table, am I clear?”   Normally you would balk at such a statement but now you just nodded.   “I need words, little one.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Good baby,” he commended.  “You will also drink everything in your glass, do you understand?”  You lost focus, you wondered if this is the tone he took with his men and if so did any of them get turned on as you were right now.  “Hello, pretty baby?” Sy’s voice broke through your wandering thoughts.  

“Yes Daddy, I mean Sir.  I mean Daddy,” you stuttered, unsure what title to use, both seeming fitting at this moment. 

“I see that attention is a problem for you.  So let me try a different approach,” he asserted.  “If you have everything on your plate, drink all the water I give you and take your daily meds if you haven't yet,” he raised a questioning eyebrow at you, knowing you usually packed your medications with you when you came over for date night.  “You can cum tonight.  If you don’t do those things, all you’ll get to do is help me cum, am I clear?”

You swallowed loudly, knowing he was not at all joking in her terms.  “Yes, Daddy.”  And you took a big bite of cooling pizza.

“Good baby.”

General Tag List: @ellethespaceunicorn @littleone65, @mysweetlittledesire, @jvanilly, @identity2212,

@avengersfan25, @foxyjwls007 @gummydummy19 , @cynic-spirit , @rosecentury

HC Tag LIst: @m07belzen, @used-to-be-bourbonwithice, @hawklin, @geralts-yenn @summersong69,

@sillyrabbit81 @mistressmkay

Syverson tag list: @mrsevans90 @wunder-blunder

Please let me know if you want to be added to (or removed from) any of them. AND Just cuz I think you'll be interested in seeing it I am gonna tag @deandoesthingstome

[iwillneverforgiveyousunghanbin]

taedros tresdros

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

part one: taedros taedros ☆ part two: taedros twodros wc: 2.2k reader: afab reader (pretty sure no specific gender mentioned but putting this disclaimer just in case!) warnings: smut 18+; MINORS DNI!!! -- specific warnings under the cut -- also some angst and some fluff :) summary: uh-oh... you fell for your best friend taerae. but was it all in vain after he's ghosted you the past two weeks? *ੈ✩‧₊˚ ITS DONEEE! you will notice i've went with "taedros tresdros" for the title. decided to keep all three parts with taedros as the first word lol. this is the finale for this little series and i really hope you like this ending i've made lol. i am so happy you've all enjoyed taedros taedros -- stay tuned for more works soon (hopefully) xx

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

warnings: 18+ explicit smut, fingering and oral (reader receiving), cumming in pants, eavesdropping/voyeurism by reader but it's only out of shock/anger, swearing, lots of innuendo in this one lmao... i think that's it!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

“so, the ring finger goes here?” you hear a feminine voice ask; ear pressed gently to taerae’s door to hear better. just a few moments ago, you’d been taking deep, steadying breaths as you walked through the entrance to your best friend’s dorm building on your way to finally confront him.

something that was so familiar now made your heart race with anxiety. 

but when you’d rounded the corner to taerae’s room, you were surprised to find the door shut almost all the way. usually taerae left his door wide open, even when he was playing the guitar or getting changed or sleeping. in fact, his dorm-mates told you one night when you were leaving that the only time taerae made an effort to close it was when you were over... you couldn’t hear any noise coming from his room, which made you all the more curious as to what was going on in there. 

walking up to his door, you’d seen it was propped open just a bit by one of taerae’s shoes. you couldn’t see through the gap in the door, but you’d heard quiet murmurings from inside and gently placed your ear to the door to listen closer. the sound of a girl’s voice had completely shocked you. especially considering what you’d come here to talk about with taerae.

“yeah, it might take a bit to find the sweet spot,” taerae answers with a chuckle; his answer causing your jaw to drop. fingers? sweet spots? what the fuck is going on in there!?

“mmm, thank you again for teaching me, taerae,” the voice responds. upon closer listening, you realize you know this voice. it belongs to your world history classmate, jinah-- the girl who sits behind you and doodles the entire period. she’s very nice-- pretty and athletic, too, but...

you didn’t really think taerae was her type.

you hadn’t spoken to taerae much in the last couple weeks. ever since you’d actually slept together... things had changed. it felt like your best friend was avoiding you. when you’d texted to ask about movie night the past two fridays, taerae had said he was busy with homework both times. normally taerae would meet you for lunch in the student union every other day in between his music theory class, but he hadn’t come by since then. he’d barely said two words to you at choir practice last night.

was this why? he’d decided he liked jinah instead? he couldn’t face you after... using you? 

taerae would never do that. not to you. probably not to anyone.

then again, you’d never talked about whether what was going on between you was exclusive or not. and what it meant to you; what he meant to you. had you completely misinterpreted this whole situation?

“and the middle finger...” jinah trails off and the mental picture you have unfortunately painted in your head of the scene taking place is enough to make you gag.

“that one’s gonna reach as far up as possible,” taerae explains. if you had known your best friend was offering masturbation classes out of his dorm room, you probably would’ve been more careful about where you were sitting on his bed.

“i don’t think i can reach that far,” jinah huffs with a frustrated sigh. “it kind of hurts.”

“relax,” taerae soothes. “it’ll feel better if you relax.”

your hand flies to your mouth to muffle the sound of the audible gasp that escapes you, but your elbow hitting the door blows your cover. you stand up quickly as taerae’s door swings open-- revealing you in the doorway to taerae and jinah.

... and revealing jinah sitting on taerae’s bed and holding a guitar (quite clumsily, if you may be so brazen) in her hands; taerae sitting next to her and seemingly offering some sort of instruction.

“you--...” you stutter, surprised and also incredibly relieved to find that the lessons taerae was giving were much more wholesome than you’d been forced to imagine for the past few minutes. “oh thank fuck holy shit.”

as the uncontrollable string of grateful curse words leaves your mouth, jinah clears her throat awkwardly and stands up; removing the guitar strap from around her neck and handing the instrument to its owner.

“sorry for interrupting,” you mumble, bottom lip finding its way between your teeth as taerae glares at you. 

“no, it’s okay! i have to finish an essay for tomorrow anyway,” jinah replies, picking up her bag and walking towards the door. you step to the side for her to get by, awkwardly smiling as she calls behind her, “thank you, taerae! see you next week!”

jinah retreats down the hallway, leaving just you and taerae alone in a tense silence.

“what are you doing here?” taerae asks, rather unceremoniously. “it’s a thursday night. you have tutoring on thursday nights. that's why we have movie night on fridays.”

you nod, still leaning against the doorframe. “my last appointment cancelled so i--... i wanted to come talk to you.”

“oh,” taerae replies with a nod. “okay.”

you frown. “okay?”

“yeah,” he says, looking down at his guitar in his hands; starting to strum it lightly. “okay.”

your eyebrows raise in shock as your best friend seemingly shrugs you off. you walk over to him and snatch the guitar from his hands by its neck.

“HEY!” he protests as you bring the instrument over to its stand and place it there annoyedly (but carefully; you’re not an asshole). “i was playing that.”

“what the fuck is the matter with you!?” you snap, turning back around to face him. “you’ve been avoiding me for two weeks!”

taerae visibly gulps; eyes falling to the floor. 

“and this is how you’re gonna act?” you scold, folding your arms across your chest. “after we...”

for some reason you’re unable to say it. taerae is silent-- seemingly holding his breath as he waits for you to continue. coward.

“i came here to talk to you about everything and--... and then i heard you through the door giving jinah a fucking guitar lesson,” you explain while rolling your eyes. “better than the lesson i thought you were giving her, but...”

taerae looks up at you now; brow furrowed as his head tilts to the side confusedly. “w--... what kind of a lesson did you think i was giving her?”

you blink back at him; unsure of whether to tell the truth or not. but taerae catches on before you can commit to a lie.

his jaw drops in shock. “you thought--... did you think--”

you look down at your feet: embarrassed, anxious, and just plain sad after the events of the last couple weeks. this mixture of emotions forms a lump in your throat that you are now hopelessly trying to suppress. “i’m really sorry for interrupting. and for listening a bit. i just don't know what happened. i thought we were--... i thought you felt the same way that i did, but... you just must be really upset with me and i don’t know what i did but i’m so sorry and i really miss you so i wanted to talk to you and i just was... i dunno, i thought--”

taerae cuts off your rambling by standing up and wrapping his arms around you tightly. against your neck, he soothes, “ssh, baby. it’s okay-- it’s all okay. i promise.”

“i like you,” you confess into taerae’s sweatshirt. “i’m sorry, i didn’t know this would happen. but i really like you, tae.”

"fuck-- i like you, too. of course i like you, too,” he says, pulling back to look at you. “and this is all my fault.”

you sniffle as you ask, “what did you do this time?”

“something really, really stupid,” he replies with a sad smile.

mirroring his expression, you quip, “what else is new?” 

“yeah, yeah,” he accepts with a laugh. cupping your cheek in his hand, he runs his thumb across the skin sweetly. “i thought i was the one who fucked up... by falling for you.”

“... oh,” is all you can manage to say.

“oh is right,” he says, leaning in and kissing your lips gently. “i honestly wasn’t sure what to do about it. i didn’t want to hurt you and i thought maybe just... avoiding you for a bit would make it easier for me to stop having feelings for you. but it didn’t. it just hurt you and me more-- and it was really immature. i’m so sorry.”

you wrap your arms around his neck, having forgiven your idiot of a best friend before he even apologized. “i missed you so much.”

“i missed you more,” taerae says, peppering your cheeks with kisses. you giggle; taerae grinning before attaching his lips to yours again.

“but, um,” you say quickly, pulling back to meet his gaze. “i’d love to put in a request for no more guitar lessons with the door closed, if the suggestion box is still open.”

“it is,” taerae says with a laugh. “suggestion accepted, approved and implemented.”

“and, uh, maybe they don’t have to take place on your bed,” you say, biting your bottom lip and hiding your face in his chest.

“i will have you know my conduct is strictly professional at all times,” taerae replies and you can hear the smirk in his voice. “but you’re completely right. not to mention, it was probably rude of me to let her sit on my bed... without telling her what it’s covered in.”

“TAERAE-YA!” you shout, hitting his chest as he pulls you toward his bed-- pushing you down gently onto the mattress and climbing between your legs with ease. “you do wash your sheets, don’t you?”

he just laughs.

“tae, that’s gross,” you reply, shaking your head as he cups your center over your jeans. your protesting starts to waiver as he applies more pressure to where you need him most. “you--... you really should--”

“enough, enough, baby-- of course i wash them,” he replies, hooking his fingers around the belt loops of your jeans and shimmying them along with your underwear down your legs before discarding them on the floor. then he smirks at you, adding, “but sometimes i do wonder what the point is when you’re just gonna get them dirty again.”

“fuck,” you whine as taerae admires you. he’s licking his lips like he hasn’t eaten in days-- and he hasn’t. you wonder how he’s survived this long without you.

“so,” he says, starting to circle your clit with two fingers. his rhythm isn’t steady though; it’s intoxicatingly teasing. “what did you think i was teaching in these ‘lessons’?”

you feel your face heat up again at the mention of your faux pas. “don’t make fun of me.”

“never, baby,” he says; a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. “i’m just curious what you think i’m enough of an expert in to be qualified to teach.”

“i--... oh my god,” you say, shaking your head with embarrassment. “i thought you were teaching her how to finger herself!"

“hmm, i guess i can understand the confusion,” taerae runs his fingers through your folds, gathering some of your slick and painting it across your stomach. “since playing guitar requires so much skill with your fingers.”

“shut up,” you reply, pouting at him.

“no, really,” he insists with a nod. as he pushes his middle finger into you gently, you gasp at the sensation. “like, to play a chord; each of your fingers needs to hold down the correct string and in the correct spot. like, to play a d chord for example.”

taerae strokes up into your walls with his middle finger, causing you to whimper. “see this middle finger needs to be on that ‘high e’ string. and then the ring finger...”

plunging another finger into you, your hand reaches to grab onto taerae to steady yourself. he smiles at you, pressing both fingers firmly against your walls now. “will sit nicely on that ‘b’ string right here.”

as he works his fingers against your walls lazily, you whine-- desperate for more friction and soon. your prayers are answered when taerae inserts a third finger, stretching you carefully until he’s able to push it all the way in.

“and finally, the index finger is going to go...” he laughs lightly before pushing his index finger into the spongy, firm spot in your walls that only he has ever been able to find. as you cry out in pleasure, taerae presses kisses to your thighs. “you might’ve guessed, but that one’s on the ‘g’ string. and listen to that beautiful sound it's making.”

“did you--... did you plan that g-spot joke?” you ask breathlessly in between pleading moans as taerae picks up the pace of his fingers. “you’re the--*hic!*... worst person i know.”

the little hiccup from pleasure that separates your insult sends taerae reeling. “fucking perfect, huh? every inch of you.”

“baby, please,” you beg, self-control low after two weeks without taerae. “wanna cum. please, wanna cum for you.”

taerae moans and, from the way he’s looking at you, you know he’s just as desperate as you are. he falls to his stomach now between your legs as he says, “was gonna try to... keep my mouth off of you. show you i really like you. you-- not just your pussy but...”

“fuck it,” you both say at the same time.

lips attaching to your clit, taerae wastes no time in pushing you closer to the edge as he laps, sucks, eats at you-- one leg of yours hooked over his back as he continues to work you with his left hand. 

“tae,” you whimper, hands in his hair as you grind your hips into his touch. “g’nna cum... please, gonna cum.”

taerae whines and, with the state you’re in, you don’t even notice how feverishly he’s grinding into the bed. he switches to sucking, lips tugging perfectly on your clit and it’s all over for you.

“fuck, i--... i--... m’cumming,” you moan, taerae’s name falling from your lips a few dozen times as you come down from your high. “oh my god.”

taerae is noticeably quiet; removing his fingers from inside of you, he laps at the juices that drip out of you with his eyes closed. you know he really likes you... but it’s very possible he likes your pussy just as much. you’re not complaining.

“tae,” you call sweetly, sitting up on your elbows. “baby? come here-- want you to fuck me.”

he opens his eyes, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as he sits up a bit. “um... so, about that.”

his gaze trails down to the crotch of his jeans and you follow it to find a nice, big wet spot soaking through the denim. 

“are you serious!?” you whine in frustration; sighing as taerae smiles at you sheepishly.

“i’m sorry,” he apologizes with a cute little pout. “will you forgive me if i say it’s because you’re just too hot?”

you roll your eyes-- grinning at him. “i’ll consider it.”

“thank god, because i think i can probably make it up to you...” he says, sitting up and grabbing your jeans from the floor. “after some dinner.”

you laugh. “are you asking me out?”

“i totally am,” he answers with a smile.

“you’re sure you’re not too... full?” you joke, grabbing his hand in yours. “you did just eat.”

taerae shakes his head, smirking at you:

“trust me-- i’m never full when i’m with you.”

[nicksbestie]

hi as of like yesterday yr requests are still open so i hope this isn’t a bother ! but anyway i was hoping to see some caregiver!reader + agere!johnnie ? preferably gnc reader but fem would also be okay ( whatever prior relationship you want :] ) don’t have many ideas for plot aside from maybe johnnie has had a bad day/is really stressed out so he kinda starts isolating himself, which reader respects but is also really worried about him :( so after a while reader uses maybe like a spare key to go into johnnie’s room and at first it just seems like he’s just upset but as reader starts trying to get johnnie to open up and trying to comfort him, he regresses which makes him more upset/panicky. whether reader has prior knowledge of regression is up to you but in general they’re just really sweet and supportive trying to calm johnnie down <3 maybe they eat dinner/reader feeds johnnie, and watch a movie/cartoon while cuddling ? ( little spoon johnnie ofc ) anyways feel free to add or take away anything i just want johnnie to be taken care of and as an agere i am totally projecting lol

Secrets - Johnnie Guilbert

Summary : Johnnie's biggest secret is exposed without him being ready, but it goes better than he thinks it will.

Pairing : Johnnie Guilbert/Reader (romantic)

Warnings : descriptions of mental health issues, depression, and isolation

Word Count : 1541

A/N : This is an age regression fic, which is purely safe for work and innocent. Any hate/disrespect towards me, my work, or readers, will not be tolerated.

Everyone has secrets. Some of them are terrible ones, skeletons in your closet, ones that would ruin many people’s lives should they escape out into the public. Others are small and simple, things they just like to keep to themselves, and wouldn’t hurt anyone if other people knew, they just don’t want them to be everyone’s business. Some people keep secrets to protect themselves because they would be embarrassed about it if anyone found out. Everyone keeps secrets, and sometimes they’re revealed at the wrong time. Johnnie had secrets, and he was in no way prepared for his biggest one to be exposed to anyone, especially not you, but sometimes life goes in ways that we just can’t predict. 

Johnnie had been struggling a lot lately. That wasn’t a secret, and although you knew about it, you didn’t pressure him very much. He wasn’t the type to open up when he was overly pushed about whatever was wrong, and you wanted him to feel safe and comfortable coming to you when he was ready, and not before that. But that didn’t mean that you weren’t concerned, because you most definitely were. This bad spell for him was bordering on being one of his worst ones ever, and you were about to step in, because you couldn’t stand to see him hurting on his own any longer, even if that was what he told you he wanted. 

Johnnie had begun to isolate himself for almost every hour of the day, only exiting his room to eat and use the bathroom. He didn’t talk much to you out loud, texting instead, as it took much less energy out of him to take that route. He didn’t like to talk about it, despite knowing that he most definitely needed to. You hated how he could be so self destructive, but you knew that you did the exact same thing when you felt the way that he did. So, you respected his space and always let him have it when he asked for it. However, it normally didn’t last this long, thus feeling the massive worry that encased your mind. 

After a couple more hours, you continued to let your worry grow, but you decided to do something about it. You hated the fact that you were about to ignore the boundaries that Johnnie had put into place, but you were seriously concerned, and you hoped that he would be able to understand and forgive you should he be upset with your decision. You grabbed the spare key that unlocked all the doors in the house, kept in the kitchen just in case of emergencies, and gently knocked on his bedroom door. You weren’t going to just barge in, you wanted to give him the chance to open it himself. When he didn’t reply, you softly called out to him, telling him that you were going to open the door. He didn’t argue, so you did just that. 

Walking into his room, you noticed that the blinds were closed, the lights were off, and he was quietly laying in his bed, staring at the wall. You immediately laid down next to him, letting him curl up next to you. You noticed the stained tear tracks on his cheeks, your heart breaking for him as he simply laid there. You let the both of you cuddle in silence, not wanting this to be a heartbreaking moment for the both of you, so you didn’t break the silence for a while. You knew that you should probably talk about what was going on, but the moment was so peaceful that you didn’t want to say anything. You both laid there quietly for about half an hour, taking in the comfort of the other’s presence, before you said anything. 

“We should talk about this, baby. It’s getting worse this time.” 

You could feel him shake his head against your chest. 

“No. I don’t want to talk.” 

“Honey, it’s important-” 

“No!”

Woah. He very rarely snapped at you. He had almost never snapped at you, especially not when he was feeling like this. But, in all fairness, you had pushed him a little bit. You could feel the tears from his eyes soaking your shirt, and you decided to not speak any more for a little bit. You gently pulled his face up, wiping his tears away with the soft pads of your thumbs, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, brushing his hair out a bit with your fingers. You noticed that his eyes were widened more, much more glassy, and you definitely were concerned about it, but you brushed it off to the tears causing it. 

You were more surprised when he pulled away from you, as he had never done that. You gently reached out to try and cuddle him again, but you noticed that he wouldn’t even look at you. He seemed to be panicking about something, and you couldn’t figure out what it was. You weren’t upset with him, but from the anxiety radiating off of his body, you could tell that he probably felt like you were. So, you immediately spoke up to try and help him recognize the fact that he was always safe and loved with you. 

“Love, what’s wrong? It’s all going to be okay.” 

You were now completely confused, as the second that you spoke, your boyfriend burst into tears. He seemed to be absolutely inconsolable, crying nearly at the top of his lungs and clutching the squishmallow on his bed tightly between his arms. You didn’t know what else to do besides just hug him, whispering comforting words as you told him that everything was going to work out, and that you were here for him. It wasn’t until he looked up at you with the same glassy-eyed look as earlier and spoke a few words when you realized what was going on. 

When a choked out “I sorry” left his lips, you put together the look in his eyes, and unexpected crying, and the clutched stuffie, and immediately realized what was happening. Your boyfriend had slipped right into his littlespace, a littlespace that you were completely unaware of, and was absolutely distraught. You had been a caregiver in a previous relationship, and you quickly controlled your shocked face, bringing him as close to you as possible and gently stroking through his hair. 

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. You’re safe, angel, nothing to be sorry for. I’ve got you, you’re going to be alright.” 

It took a lot of repetitive words and soft praises for Johnnie to relax, his crying eventually slowing when he realized that you weren’t upset with him, and that you were still there and still loving him despite his newfound headspace. He wrapped himself back around you, seeming to become a very quiet little. You were more than excited to get to know him in his headspace, so excited to get to love and spoil a little one, as it had been a long time. Less than an hour later, the two of you were still curled up next to each other, you simply hugging your little boy and whispering sweet nothings to him as he relaxed. You both enjoyed the quality time, and as it turns out, Johnnie is a very silent little, despite when he’s not upset. It wasn’t for another half an hour or so that you moved, and you probably wouldn’t have moved at all had it not been for Johnnie’s stomach growling. 

You held his hand as you walked to the kitchen, calling him the most adorable as he rubbed his eyes with a fist. You put some chicken nuggets in the oven for him, before you went to the bathroom and you helped him remove the makeup that he’d put on that morning. He hadn’t gone anywhere, but he put it on to cover the dark circles under his eyes. You were gentle but bubbly, and you noticed that your little loved to laugh, and giggled at every funny face you made at him. Dinner went quite smoothly, him eating all of it, which absolutely warmed your heart, as he hadn’t been eating much lately due to his depressive slump. 

Little Johnnie seemed to love food, and you were grateful for that, because you didn’t want dinner time to cause him to be upset again. After he had finished eating, you got him a popsicle from the freezer, wrapped it in a paper towel so his hands didn’t get cold, and tucked him in on the couch while you cleaned up the plate and put it into the dishwasher. He was wrapped up in a blanket, cuddled with his stuffie, and you sat down next to him as soon as you were done. You gently tapped through channels and shows as you waited for your little one to pick a cartoon he’d like to watch, finally settling on “Spongebob”, and he immediately wrapped himself back up in your arms. 

He’d been in a dark episode for a while, but now, it seemed like he was able to see the light at the end of it, and you couldn’t wait to be here to help him through it all.

~ taglist : @jake-and-johnnies-slut @elliem505 @gvf23 @ilydeaky @maryx2xx @oobleoob @aemrsy @jasperthefriendlyghostt @707xn

~ if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here!

~ my inbox is open, come chat!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to be in my cousin's life? This will be long, I'm sorry

I (f19, but this started at 15) have a rough relationship with my family, I don't have a better word to describe them as besides just not the best towards me. But the real issue now is that I don't want to be involved in my cousin's (f8, but this started at 5) life. This sounds very silly, I know, but let me explain. My cousin is physical in how she expresses herself towards me (she likes to throw things at me and hit me and bite me, and I can't do anything about it because I get in trouble if I do). I have a severe nut allergy and there have been multiple times she's been caught trying to smear peanut butter on me or in my mouth while I slept. She likes to tell me she wishes I'd just eat the peanut butter so she'd never have to see me again. She just hates me, honestly (I'm not sure why, I've never hated the kid, I'm not mean to her, none of us have been able to figure out why and when asked she just says she hates me because she hates me)

The house we lived in contained just me, her, my mother, and my uncle. She is not abused by either adult, before anyone asks, she's actually quite spoiled due to the fact that they can't discipline her in any way without risking her being taken away. And I don't hate her at all, I'm bitter about how she treats me, but I know she's only a little kid. However, I just don't like being treated that way. I recently moved out and I told my mother that I didn't want to be part of my cousin's life until she stopped treating me that way. (Info: My mother thinks she treats me this way because she's a kid so she can't vent her anger out on the adults and I was the only other kid she could vent it out on.) My mother thinks I'm being cruel and punishing my cousin, she says I'll regret this choice and that my cousin will be all I have one day so I shouldn't do this. I've tried to explain that I'm not doing it to punish my cousin, it's just not good for my mental health and I can't be around this behaviour anymore. Other family members and family friends have agreed with my mother, but my friends think my decision is right. Since moving out and not going through that every day, I've started to feel better about myself, my depression isn't as bad and I don't have as much anxiety when I go to sleep. That is kinda swaying my decision to me thinking I'm right for choosing this for myself, but I still worry my mother might be right and I might be ruining my cousin's mental health by leaving.

I want to add that I know I'm way older than her, and some of you might be wondering why I don't stand up to her, but I could never do anything to stop her. I spent many years in foster care due to issues with my family (my mother, specifically), and I know that even the littlest thing where I live can get your kid taken from you. If I even raised my voice at her to tell her to stop and she told someone, she could be taken away from my family and I can't do that to her, I know the horrors of foster care. I also have spent most of my life being abused and don't know how to protect myself or defend myself in situations like these. Please keep this in mind when/if you call me pathetic or stupid, trust me I know I am.

Please, I know a lot of you may think this is silly or dumb or bait, but I need to know aita for not wanting to be in my cousin's life?

Reasons I think I might be NTA: I think my decision is good for both of us and I believe I should put mental health first in this case as it can be dangerous in the future if I don't. I don't want to stay longer and end up hating her, she's just a kid and doesn't deserve to be hated.

Reasons I think I might be TA: This could be seen as punishing her, and she might hate me more for it. She's already started being meaner to other kids now that she can't vent it out on me and I'm an adult so I can take it better than one of her classmates could. She might think her behaviour drove me away and blame herself.

What are these acronyms?

[blakeswritingimagines]

Dating Yandere Ramsay Bolton Would Include:

Dating him as a yandere is… interesting. He is utterly devoted to you and obsessed with you, and he will not hesitate to hurt anyone who comes between you. His feelings for you are not just love, but an immense hunger, a hunger that will never be sated. You are his world, his obsession. He will do anything to protect and possess you, to keep you all to himself.

Dating him would be an experience like none other. Every moment with him would be a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from blissful happiness to intense obsession. You would constantly be torn between elation at his attentions and sheer terror at his harsh possessiveness. You would never have a dull moment, as his wild temperament would keep you on your toes at all times. Whether he's lavishing you with love and affection or flying into a fit of rage, you will never be bored.

Let me tell you, I am here to deliver. His possessive feelings for you run deep. He is not only jealous of other men in your life, he is also jealous of other women. He will not tolerate anyone intruding on his territory, whether they're male or female. Any time you talk to someone other than him, he will get possessive and jealous, and he will do anything to shut that person out of your life.

He will be very clingy, and he will not hesitate to be controlling and possessive of you. You will spend a lot of time together, whether you like it or not. And just in case you had any doubts about it, his feelings for you will never die down; his obsessive love will only grow stronger. Be prepared to have him in your life for a very long time… And I mean a very long time.

He can be very affectionate. He'll be all over you, showering you with kisses, cuddles, and hugs. He might even take things a little further, if you know what I mean. His love seems unconditional and boundless, but he also needs to make it clear to anyone who might think about interfering that you are his, and his alone.

He is not gentle, that's for sure. He likes to 'play' rough, and he's not afraid to use physical force if necessary. If you make him mad, or if he feels like you're not giving and doing enough, you better watch out because he might just get a little rough with you. But don't worry, he'll promise he won't hurt you too much. He can be very rough. And he doesn't like to play nice; He likes to be dominating and in control. He'll take what he wants when he wants it, and he will not hesitate to use force if necessary. So be prepared for some rough handling.

His obsessive love will surely bring some rewards. When he'll say that you are his world. He will do almost anything to make you happy. He will shower you with compliments and gifts, and he will make sure you always feel special. If you want something, he will do everything in his power to get it for you. And don't worry, whenever he gets jealous, he'll give you extra love and affection, just to make sure you know that you're never leaving.

There are definitely some punishments in store for you as well, this man is possessive, jealous and sadistic after all. Whenever you don't obey him, or you upset him, it's bound to happen. If you're not careful, he'll get angry and snap, and when that happens all bets are off. You may face some unpleasant consequences. As he could do something as "mild" as ignoring you for days or giving you the silent treatment, but if you're 'extra special' He'll indulge in something more extreme. He could punish you physically, break you mentally, he could humiliate you in front of others, or he could isolate you from the world as punishment.

You're in for a treat. You and him will spend a lot of time together, just the two of you. You'll have romantic dinners and picnic dates, go on lovely walks, and you'll make sure to have lots of fun together. But that's not all, he'll also surprise you with gifts or trips. And of course, you're going to have lots of alone time too, and your private dates may be… a little bit more intimate.

It's a tricky one. If you willingly agreed to marry him, he would never force you. But if you resisted for some reason, there might be a slight chance he might be a little 'persuasive'. But don't worry, dear, don't worry, that won't happen. I'm sure you're a sensible person, and you'll understand that his love is only a reflection of how much he cares for you. After all, he can't have you belonging to anyone else.

Oh, he wants children. The little things running around, the pesty things that he'll have to worry about every day for the rest of his life. The ones that will scream and cry until he hates them and wish they weren't even born, right? They are little beings who deserve a loving, attentive parent like you. They are his and they will belong to him.

It would be disappointing for him. He definitely had his heart set on having children with you. But love is flexible after all, and he would absolutely not let that get in the way of your relationship though he will shame and guilt you for it. No child could come between you, and your bond would be even stronger, and you would be his singular focus for the rest of our lives.

He would force others to carry his children, and he would do it, but he would make sure that you played a very active role in the children's upbringing. If you were not able to conceive naturally, there is a slight (large) chance that he will not view the children as his own, or that he might feel less emotionally attached to them.

It is important to understand that any relationship with him would be a passionate and intense one. He can be prone to extreme displays of both affection and jealousy, and his jealousy/mood swings may lead to violence if provoked. If you are not prepared for the possibility of facing extreme anger and violence from him, then it would be best to avoid entering into a relationship with him.

One moment he's a psychotic maniac out of some horrific nightmare, and the next moment he's an angel. Being with him is like walking a tightrope without a safety net and never knowing when you might slip. But it's that danger and uncertainty that makes it so exciting. He is such a complex individual, a true mystery that intrigues you to no end. The more you'll learn about him, the more you'll crave to know more. With each new discovery, you become more immersed in his intoxicating and captivating world.

He may have a slight small tendency to be emotionally manipulative, controlling, and possessive. He became extremely possessive, jealous, and obsessive to the point that he would harm you or others in the process of keeping you close when he first laid eyes on you. He easily develops obsessive and more psychotic behaviors that would cause him to act in more unstable, unpredictable, and violent ways. He also becomes dependent on you as an emotional crutch and becomes highly possessive and possessive of you, causing your relationship to become unhealthy and toxic.

Hands down would take any challenge towards his loved one extremely seriously. He would not hesitate to attack anyone who even dared to look at you the wrong way or say something hurtful. His reactions would be violent and brutal, without any regard for consequences. He would be relentless in pursuing his objective and nothing would deter him.

He would manipulate you into doing what he wants, and he would use emotional blackmail to keep things entertaining for himself. He would also be controlling in the sense of telling you what to wear, eat, etc. to keeping you dependent on him for his own sick and twisted enjoyment.

He would turn any situation on you and make you feel guilty for anything just to use it as a means to hurt you more. He would convince you that you need him in your life to be happy and that you won't find anyone else like him to care for and look after you.

Here's something he might say to you…"You belong to me. No one else can have you. No one else can take you away from me. I love you so much. You're mine, no one else's, forever. I'll never let anyone else have you."

His favorite kinks might include: Dominance and control, Obsession and possessiveness, Manipulation, and emotional abuse, Violence and aggression, Coercion and threats, Manipulation and gaslighting, Emotional blackmail, Obsession and possessiveness.

In addition, he likes exploring other elements of dominance and control, such as bondage and restraints. He enjoys tying you down, and he likes the feeling of being in complete control over your body and movements.

He enjoys exploring different types of domination, such as physical, emotional, mental, and sexual. He likes using different practices such as bondage, impact play, degradation, and humiliation to explore his harsh dominating abilities.

He likes finding out what you respond most to and using that to his advantage. He likes making you feel powerless and vulnerable. He likes getting you to trust him completely, and then using that trust to control you for his own pleasure.

He likes having you worship him and treat him like your master, and he likes exploring different forms of submission. He likes making you feel like you are his and he owns you, and exploring different forms of bondage and restraint. He also likes exploring the use of different objects during sex, such as toys and lingerie, to add variety and spice things up.

[neverpathia]

well, not for lack of trying

here's Barbie-fied long quiet. jk that's the voice of the smitten

and lineart because I always

dude I don't even swing that way but handsome men are the most frequent thing I've been posting on this blog thus far. I need to do something about that.

now, as always, time to ramble about this little guy

well literally any post about happily ever after will give you a pretty clear picture of his mentality. Smitty is a simp. push him too far and he'll go either enabler or yandere on you.

one thing is clear, though.

this guy is fucking delusional.

he falls in love with a princess he barely even knows. (no shit, Sherlock!) he falls in love with, well literally any iteration of the princess, really. (wow. what laudable powers of deductive reasoning. I am awed beyond words.)

well a pretty obvious thing about slay the princess is that it's quite a desperate situation. the long quiet is stressed and needs to cope. so the voices form to help, or at least act like perfectly unhelpful defense mechanisms. and smitten is one of those very perfectly-unhelpful-defense-mechanisms.

the smitten is still inherently superficial. i forgot where, but I once heard someone say that smitten is the part of the long quiet that still intrinsically yearns to reunite with the shifting mound. that could be the case. either way, the smitten is certainly the voice that cares the most about the mound. he's the one that's most aligned with her desires, or at least he believes he is.

however, I feel like it's more general than that. the smitten, above all, is the desire for connection.

but unlike the broken, he doesn't exactly offer 'unconditional' devotion. of course he wants safety. (no shit they all want safety have you seen the stakes of their fucking circumstances lately?) and of course he wants some control over the situation.

but friendly reminder that the smitten is fucking delusional. he want it? he got it.

the smitten is blind devotion, yes, but to a beneficial cause. the princess more often than not proves more trustworthy than the narrator (not to mention she's clearly more physically attractive like damn look at those big doe eyes she's so cute come on what's not to love. unless she's a mass of razor blades or a faceless abomination but we'll get to those later.)

shady man versus pretty princess. when forced to pick a side, it's initially pretty obvious who seems like the better, more heroic choice. she tugs at your heartstrings. she's just adorable, of course you feel attracted to her. and of course you're going to perceive a greater implied benefit from assisting her, especially compared to shady-man's vague threats.

he wants safety. he wants control, not necessarily over the princess or anyone exactly, but especially over this stressful inescapable scenario he's in. he wants to be free. he wants to have a purpose. and the best source of it all still seems to be the princess herself.

because (the smitten is delusional) they're in love and she would never hurt him. because (the smitten is delusional) she only wants to make him happy.

no, the smitten is delusional due to what the idea of true love offers. (keep in mind: it's not like the broken's submission for the sake of safety. he's still trapped and he knows it, but to broken it's more like he's choosing torture over worse torture.)

the smitten seeks both protection and agency. love is the easiest escape. and this is why even when faced with, say, some terrifying hulking monstrous being that's only vaguely feminine, he tries at love. he clings to love. if he refuses to see anything else, then he can be safe and free and happy. if he's delusional then the reality beyond his little delusion doesn't need to exist. sound familiar? no, narrator, get the hell away.

the smitten requires the idea of love, the idea of affection, the idea of what true romantic connection is.

he's locked himself into believing this is the only way for him to get what he wants, even when all else doesn't align with this. he's locked himself into believing love is the only thing that will always matter and remain constant. because he is delusional.

because he needs to be delusional.

oh I love the little lovesick fucker and his fancy little words

now I don't think a lot of thought really went into his design. I just thought "oh he speaks like a Victorian writer and he's kind of a dandy" and went from there. honestly I kind of modelled him off a preexisting OC of mine and changed up the details and colour palette a bit. he kind of looks like a drag queen but if I'm going to be honest that's not a bad thing on him.

he and the broken are probably going to be the most feminine of my voices, and not just because they give themselves to love, which is always seen as a more 'feminine' concept. no, it's more like they're the voices that emotionally cling the most to the princess. just as they once were one, they yearn to be one again. even if it means casting aside what they were meant to be. even if it means giving themselves up for the sake of another. the long quiet is inherently masculine and it's everything the shifting mound is not. so the voices that most oppose the mound are going to be more masc, ceterus paribus. does that make sense?

also he was supposed to be the hottest voice

why is oppy still the hottest voice

[dreambunnynotes]

weekly note: december 10th

hello angels! i hope you're all taking good care of yourselves and having a lovely day. i'm excited for the week ahead, i'm going to try to go easy on myself this week while still making progress in order to build up better discipline! here are my goals for the week.

appearance and physical health:

find a way to romanticize an early sleep schedule to trick my brain into actually wanting to go to bed, oof. i'm going to try to make a post on this in case it helps anyone else out!

go to the gym at least once, and fight the perfectionist urge that says "if i miss it on monday or tuesday i shouldn't go at all" - i'll go when i have the energy and ability to!

drink way more water; girl the amount of crying i did this week it feels like i have to drink an ocean a day to catch up 😭 going to try to keep a water bottle by my desk and keep track of my water intake somehow.

studying and career:

figure out what i need to do to apply to the program and make a plan, including looking into bank loans and financial planning

work on sheet music arrangement for current song on guitar

get comfortable with all major scales, focusing on accuracy

look into what my favourite musicians studied so that i can make a more specific practice routine and remove barriers to practicing

mental and emotional health:

listen to what my heart needs! this past week i had some incredibly hard conversations that were very triggering and emotionally draining, and i can feel my little heart and mind are needing extra emotional rest right now. i am going to make sure i am connecting with people who bring me joy and not forcing myself to talk to people i don't want to talk to. i'm going to channel the sweet and caring energy of my departed best friend who taught me how to listen to my boundaries, and try to honour myself the way he did.

if i am feeling up to it, i am going to visit one of my friends who is in town for a show who i haven't seen in forever!

lets have a great week, friends!

with love, bunny❤︎

[jilyawards]

I think people have legitimate concerns about the awards since every year there seems to be some kind of drama that often results in people leaving the fandom.

The responses to these anons have been passive aggressive and defensive and have only fuelled the flames without taking into account the history of these awards and the ways people have been hurt by them before. You might be new to running the awards, but the awards have a long history that honestly hasn't always been good.

As mods you're hiding behind anonymity, which I understand considering the hate that the mods have received in the past, but it does add to the level of distrust around the awards and if you're so scared of getting hate about a project that you won't put your name to it, isn't that a sign that maybe it's time to let that project go?

It also means I don't feel like I can send you a message that's not anon because I don't know who I'm speaking with and there's no opportunity for open discourse.

We understand people have had issues with how the awards were run in the past - that is an unfortunate fact we inherited when we took ownership of the blog. We can not change the past. We can only operate in the present so we did all we could within our power to make it as fair and fun a process as we possibly could:

We turned the awards blog into a year round thing, we accepted any fic that came in so long as it was Jily. We posted those recs every single month without fail.

We offered the ability to opt out - something that has been used historically - so anyone who wanted to opt out for whatever reason could. We said we didn’t need a reason, we didn’t ask for one because we respect peoples opinions and want to opt out. We even extended the branch to those who opted out last year but hadn’t messaged in this year to say they wanted to opt out again just in case someone forgot.

We offered even more categories for the chance at more opportunities to be named - so that those who write long vs short fics weren’t overshadowed. I will stand and name myself as one of the people running this year if it puts and end to this unnecessary back and forth with an anonymous person or persons. You are welcome to come and DM me.

I Ray, @charmsandtealeaves have been doing my best for this fandom for the better part of the past two years.

I’m sorry if you read our response as passive aggressive. I’ve stated that we wanted to be firm on our stance so you can interpret that as defensive if you want - because of course as one of the people behind the scenes doing all the admin hours I obviously think this venture is worthwhile. I haven’t won an award but I did enjoy the experience of seeing nominations and hyping up my friends. Which is why I stepped up when Ava left. I haven’t been around long enough to know the years of fandom drama and history behind a silly little awards thing, or who has apparent beef with whom - and frankly I don’t care. I’m here to read, write and share Jily fic.

The anon expressed concerns about people’s mental health over not winning. Mental health is a genuine concern and I am a massive advocate for it. However, I still believe if you only exist to create to win one of these awards then you’re creating for the wrong reason. And if you are upset because you weren’t nominated for an award - there is the option to nominate yourself and always has been because nominations are anonymous we don’t release how many times someone was nominated because that doesn’t matter it only takes one - if not being nominated is enough to leave the fandom over it… then I’m sorry but that’s something you personally need to work on and maybe you should start seeing this (being writing fic) for what it is - a hobby done for free and for fun.

I continued the anonymity left by Ava for this exact reason. Because no matter if I say so publicly or not there are going to be people who have strong opinions against the awards and they are entitled to them, and they are entitled not to participate. They are not however, entitled to keep sending messages that we shouldn’t exist because of something that happened years ago and because some don’t think they should exist at all. And I didn’t want that in my personal inbox but also understood that anonymous asks let people ask questions they might be too shy to ask public facing so they stayed on over here.

I’ve been the public face behind a lot of events over the last two years and that hasn’t stopped me getting anonymous messages about how I’m doing it all wrong. Or quite frankly worse ones that were derogatory and personal.

I’ve done what was asked. I addressed the concerns that came in the form of an anonymous ask politely and respectfully given this year’s history. I offered a poll as requested. If you read that response as passive aggressive well… that’s down to your interpretation. I’ve had enough of drama. And from all I’ve seen the drama stems from something I wasn’t even around for and has nothing to do with me, or how the awards have run this year. It has nothing to do with our current existence and the effort I’ve put in this year - both to the Jily awards all year, the gift exchange, Jilytoberfest, every Jilychallenge, Mystery Microfic May, jilymicrofics and the discord.

At the end of the day I’m here writing because I love Jily and I love all the people who come to read and enjoy what I put out too. But I will admit I’m tried of whatever this is.

If you want to, as you say have open discorse, my inbox is there, but I’ve said my piece and I respect their are different opinions but that’s not gonna change the awards being held this year. All posts are tagged so you can block them or this blog if you like. ~ Ray

[gregorovitch-adler]

Messy

John turned off the microphone and sighed. He placed it on the side table beside his armchair and sat back in an almost dark room.

Sherlock, John and Mariana had been working on another case.

It was quite late, so Mariana had gone to bed in 221 A. John had been in the sitting room of 221 B, ruminating about his podcasting skills to himself.

John looked at Sherlock - who was sitting in his armchair across the room with his eyes closed - and inevitably began to think the differences between the two of them.

Must be different, being so perfect at almost everything, John thought, continuing to gaze at Sherlock.

Perfect analytical and observational skills needed to solve the cases, perfect timbre of the voice, perfect enunciations, and...

John had obviously noticed it a million times before but now he had to admit it.

... Perfect looks.

Not that John was jealous of all that (okay, maybe a little, but not too much), but now and then he would think that he made a wrong career choice as a podcaster after having served as an army doctor.

Oftentimes he would think that maybe he was better off as a general practitioner now that he was a civillian himself.

A comparatively ordinary job, without anyone else to work for or with.

Would that life suit him better?

John furrowed his brow at those thoughts.

"I won't be able to sleep if you keep your eyes on me the whole night," said Sherlock with his eyes still closed.

John parted his lips and got up from his chair, feeling heated around his face. "Oh, sorry. I'll, er, I'll just go upstairs. You should go to bed too, mate. Aren't you - aren't you uncomfortable here?"

John mentally kicked himself for stuttering yet again.

"No, stop. I could hear you thinking from across the room, just now." Sherlock finally opened his eyes and sat straight on his chair, looking at John intensely. "There is something on your mind, Watson. I need to know what."

John was taken aback by the kind of intensity he saw in Sherlock's eyes. He gave in. "Well, it's just that..." he trailed off.

A brief silence fell in the room as Sherlock and John locked their eyes together. Sherlock got up from his chair and walked over to John so he could be close to him.

"What is it?" Sherlock prompted.

"Am I doing this right?" John finally spoke, taking in irregular breaths.

"Doing what right?" Sherlock was looking at him with confusion.

"This whole podcast thing. I mean, I make it so awkward for our listeners sometimes. And half of the time my jokes don't even seem to land well." John gesticulated widely. "And, um, even after all that editing and cutting out the extra bits, the end result isn't flawless. It's so messy and imperfect."

Sherlock stared at John blankly for a moment. He then opened his arms wide looking at him with an awkward face. "Is it okay if we..."

John caught on. "Uh, yeah, sure," he said with his brow knitted.

They both wrapped their arms around each other. John's one arm was around his waist, and he ran his other arm over Sherlock's back. Sherlock's arms were around his shoulders.

John managed to place his chin on Sherlock's shoulder and sighed.

"The end result is not what we listen to," Sherlock began in a calm voice in John's ear. "The end result is the response of our listeners. How is it?"

John smiled. "Really good, so far, overall."

"There you go."

John felt Sherlock smile against his right shoulder.

They let each other go, but they were still holding hands, looking at each other deeply in the eye.

"Even if that weren't the case, I would not have cared."

"And why is that?" John asked, still looking at his friend with a smile.

"Because I like you as you are."

John chuckled, followed by Sherlock.

John turned around to make his way to his bedroom, already feeling loads better than before.

*

Prompt: Imperfect by @calaisreno

Tags: @helloliriels , @jamielovesjam , @topsyturvy-turtely , @keirgreeneyes , @totallysilvergirl , @lisbeth-kk , @peanitbear , @gaylilsherlock , @friday411 etc.

[nomatterwhatnomatterwhere]

What a ( Not so) Strange World: Extra- Yuu's Interlude

Author's Note: Hello, yes, as always I am late, but hey, we are here somehow. Sorry it's not an actual chapter, more like a little extra - spoilers? sneak peek? - about the next chapter, but I didn't feel like leaving you with nothing so I hope you can enjoy this little extra too

Warning: slight angst, little mention of a panic attack

Masterlist

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"Dear, I understand you're worried, but you won't help anyone by refusing to take care of yourself."

That was the first thing Yuu heard when they woke up, somewhat confused and disoriented, their breathing quickened and a weight on their stomach.

"While on the other hand pretending nothing has happened helps a lot’ that was your voice, rather shrill and definitely disgruntled ‘ Crowley hasn't even come to check on our condition and Riddle isn't doing any better, Cay said he has nightmares but pretends everything is fine, he doesn't even talk to Trey about it and-"

‘The HeadMaster is … not very empathetic, but I'm sure if he felt it necessary to intervene, he would have.’

That was Professor Trein's voice. Why was Trein in Ramshackle?!

"Yeah sure, because letting his students deal with an Overblot was not a situation where his intervention was needed!"

You sounded increasingly angry and even a little disappointed, if Yuu could read between the lines correctly

"I was scared. I've never seen anything like that. I've never even read about it! I didn't know what to do!" you were starting to sob " Crowley was busy evacuating students who were running away without him intervening anyway, while we were faced with a Riddle who wasn't really Riddle trying to kill us!"

Yuu heard Trein sigh as you sniffled

‘’He's the HeadMaster! How did he not realise one of his students was about to explode!"

"Crowley didn't -"

"He hasn't checked on Riddle once since he came out of the Infirmary. Trey said he made sure his magic levels were within normal range. As if the problem was his magic levels and not his mood or mental state, or whatever it is that causes an Overblot!"

After a few minutes of silence, Yuu was about to make it known that they were awake, but stopped, when they heard Trein speak

"Now that you've vented’ Yuu had never heard Trein speak in a tone of voice that was different from the soporific tone he used in class, yet here we are ‘ Would you kindly explain to me why Lucius found you wandering around the school aimlessly at" brief pause "three in the morning, when tomorrow, today, you have class?"

"As if you didn't already know"

"I'd rather hear it directly from you than make assumptions and maybe draw wrong conclusions."

And you started telling about how you couldn't sleep since the Thing had happened, that's what you had called the Overblot for all the talk, that you closed your eyes and saw only those rose bushes trying to hit you and in your ears you could hear that Riddle's evil laughter in anger.

Yuu could share the feeling, but in their case the adrenalin of that moment had turned into tiredness as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

Wandering around the school gave you back a sense of control, calmed you down and distracted you from whatever was going on in your head.

How back at the dormitory you had heard Yuu mumbling something and worried.

If you, who knew magic, even destructive magic, had trouble coping, it must have been even harder for Yuu.

By the way, Yuu was already having trouble sleeping, even if they hadn't told you, but you weren't blind and you remembered perfectly the look on their faces when Ace had first invited himself into the dormitory.

It was obvious they had nightmares about their situation, you'd had them too when you'd first arrived there, but you'd had support, Yuu seemed left to their own devices and you didn't know how to help

"Does Divus know you're here, or should I expect a second interrogation?" you asked once the whole thing was over

"Lucius threatened to strip his fur. But you didn't hear that from me" replied Trein, making you chuckle.

Yuu heard your footsteps moving away, and released a sigh.

This conversation had raised more questions about you :you had answered some of the questions Yuu had asked at the Unbirthday Party organised after the Overblot.

When Trey had ‘revealed’ that Cater did not like sweets, the ginger had immediately turned his gaze in your direction

"Don't look at me Cay, I didn't say anything."

"Maybe you got bought off by his chocolate muffins" Cater had joked to which you had responded without missing a beat

"They're berry, if we're being clear, and he hasn't offered me one in years"

"Blame yourself for that" Trey had inserted himself into the exchange, throwing you a look that Yuu hadn't quite managed to read, but which you seemed to have understood

"I'm sorry, okay? But it's not really all my fault. I'll make it up to you."

You had confessed that you had known both of them for a long time (‘Isn't it like I tried to hide it, though?’) as you consciously watched a piece of your tart disappear into thin air.

You also knew Che'nya, which made sense if you were childhood friends with Trey, though that didn't explain why you didn't know Riddle

(‘They met Riddle before they met me’ you had explained as you watched the three of you interact with each other ‘ We never got a chance to meet, but Che'nya liked to say I would like Riddle. Now I understand why’ you had not argued further)

If it had been another situation Yuu would have thought Trein was just worrying that a student hadn't broken the rules, or something like that, but this wasn't another situation.

You had called Crewel by his name without any problem, as if you were used to it, you had even joked with Trein as if it were routine.

The mere fact that Trein was using a non-suffusive tone was a huge clue that you had known each other long enough.

The thing was, it didn't make sense to Yuu: your parents had to have some connection to the NRC, otherwise it didn't explain the relationship you seemed to share with the two professors.

Heh. You hadn't actually talked about your family.

You weren't talking about yourself in general, now that Yuu was paying attention.

They should have asked you, as soon as you felt a little better, it wasn't a case of burying yourself in questions you might not want to answer.

You had a bad habit of keeping your problems to yourself, from what Yuu could guess, and forcing yourself to talk about them would probably have the opposite effect.

The next morning had arrived without too many problems, if you excluded yet another bizarre dream and the fact that Grim was a rather rude night owl.

You had already gone out, leaving a note on the kitchen table in which you apologised for leaving without telling them, but you didn't want to wake them up.

You had things to do before going to class, so if you hadn't passed each other in the corridors, you would most likely have seen each other in the Cafeteria.

You hadn't specified what it was you were supposed to be doing, but if Yuu understood anything about you it was that if there was something you didn't understand or didn't know the meaning of then it was time to do some research.

From the conversation they'd overheard that night Yuu would have bet you'd been researching everything you could about Overblot

( Or how to remove Crowley from his role as Head Master, that too could have been a research topic)

Although, if they had to be honest with themself, Yuu believed you wanted to avoid Ace as much as possible, and considering how the two Heartlabyul students were now regular guests at Ramshackle, leaving before he and Deuce arrived at your dormitory was the only solution.

You and Ace didn't know each other. Or at least, Ace certainly didn't know you, yet the annoyance Yuu perceived coming from you whenever the redhead was nearby was only understandable after years of acquaintance.

Ace was cocky, touchy, tactless, and had a rather peculiar way of showing that he cared about someone, but he wasn't just flawed, he fought for injustice, took an interest in other people's motives, and was their friend.

Yet the look you gave him when Riddle had recovered from his Overblot was furious. If you had been in another situation Yuu would have sworn you would have sewn Ace's mouth shut yourself.

It was something you did a lot, Yuu wasn't sure if you realised it, but whenever Ace was in your vicinity you not only visibly stiffened, but also assumed a bewildered expression whenever the boy spoke.

If someone had asked them, Yuu would have said that your reactions stemmed from the fact that you were very similar to Ace in the way you acted, but you weren't aware of that, and you certainly weren't ready for that conversation.

And even more surely Yuu wouldn't have brought up the subject with you, they didn't want to risk the blatant favouritism you had towards them.

Omake:

Good morning,

Well, I hope it's a good morning, but considering how much Grim talks in his sleep, I wouldn't be surprised. I have things to do before class and didn't feel like waking you up - not least because having a moaning Grim around in the early morning is not what I aspire to. To make it up to you, I made breakfast! If Ace and Deuce come, offer them biscuits but remind them that they have a respectable dorm and I don't want any trouble with either Trey or Riddle about their diet, thank you.

Make sure you're not late for class with Professor Trein, he hates latecomers!

P.S. If we don't run into each other in the corridors, save me a seat at the table in the Cafeteria.

[0and0its0doctor0]

Welcome! Masterlist!

Hello and welcome! My name is Bella, I am 32, I write Criminal Minds fanfiction for Aaron Hotchner, Spencer Reid and David Rossi. Please feel free to send story suggestions or prompt ideas or just say Hi! Here is a little masterlist of my current stories. 

Aaron Hotchner

I don't dance Summary: Aaron had a bad day. Twirling you around the kitchen makes him feel better.

I won't let go Summary: You wake up thinking everything is perfect. In reality you've been stabbed.

Unsub Kisses Summary: Aaron has to go undercover and makes out with the unsub. You get jealous.

You are the only thing I need. Like coffee in the morning Summary: Aaron asks you out…in front of everyone.

Why Wait? Summary: Vegas hotels have wedding chapels in the lobby. Aaron makes a decision.

Love you out loud Summary: Hotch cuddles. What could be better?

Shut up and dance with me! Summary: When you are asked to attend the annual FBI Gala you dress up. Hotch can't help himself.

Hostage Kisses Summary: He didn't mean to kiss you....No that's a lie. He totally did.

Sandwich Hearts Summary: You make Aaron's lunch and he gets lightly teased for it.

Lipstick smeared accidents Summary: When Aaron is checking over an injury on you he just can't help himself.

Keep on dreaming Summary: You fall asleep smushed between Aaron and David.

I’m dirty but you play clean 18+. Summary: Handcuffs. Hotchner. Lack of clothing.

I will not give you up this time Summary: Facebook memories are bringing you down. Aaron decides to do something about it. 

They tell me your blue sky’s faded to gray Summary: You can't sleep. Aaron helps. 

Asleep on the jet Summary: You fall asleep on Aaron’s shoulder on the jet.

Do I deserve this hurting? Summary: Your depression is plaguing you. Aaron helps comfort you. 

Spencer Reid

Marry me today and everyday Summary: Spencer has never been more nervous for anything in his life.

Heat Stroke Summary: You are self-conscious about the scars on your arms so you wear long sleeves. And wind up getting heat stroke. Spencer takes care of you.

We've all got bruises Summary: You mess up on a case and take it out on yourself. Spencer finds out and confronts you about it.

Sleep Issues Summary: Spencer can't sleep. You help just by being there.

There's no turning back now Summary: First kisses can be a scary thing.

Why? That's what I keep asking Summary: You don't fit in with anyone anymore. You can't keep faking it. You're so sorry.

Tonight will be the night I will fall for you Summary: Spencer suspects your boyfriend is beating you. When you show up on his doorstep, beaten, he vows to protect you.

They say we're crazy, I say well maybe that's true. Summary: Spencer is having a bad mental health day. You try to help him

I’ll wear out the words I love you Summary: Spencer finally asks the question that’s been on his mind for months…just not when and where you’d expect

So I’ll leave you gagged and bound Summary: You have been dating Aaron Hotchner for a few months and when he introduces you to the team Spencer Reid can't help but fall in love. The problem is Spencer's mental health is declining and fast. When he gets fired and realizes he has nothing to lose...he takes you. Will Aaron find you in time?

A subtle interest Summary: Emily drags Spencer to see her ballerina friend perform. Spencer falls fast. 

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage Summary: Spencer is not doing well. This is not a happy story. Trigger warnings apply. 

David Rossi

You belong to me I believe Summary: An unsub gets a little too flirty with you. David steps in.

Date Night 18+  Summary: Bella is new to the FBI and literally runs into David Rossi who she happens to have a massive crush on. He takes her out to dinner and they wind up on his couch.

[heraadora]

You're the epitome of a bitter lesbian LMAO. Let me guess, male figure in your life hurt you and now anything male adjacent makes you repulsed? Trauma reeks out of your posts and trying to make heterosexual women detach from men because of YOUR personal issues is so funny. It really does read as a 16 year old girl who never truly grew out of that black-white mentality. Seeing a whole rant about how PIV sex is "evil actually" and "needs lube" when sufficient foreplay and a gentle hand is all that's needed as the fluids that come out with arousal is PLENTY. You disconnect the inherent emotional weight sex comes with.

There's a reason why women and men who get raped have a stronger psychological reaction than if they were beat. Sex comes with a million barriers that directly wire to your brain that drastically alters when it's taken without consent. You can easily delve into research that doesn't abide by your inherent biases by saying "it hurts!" When it easily can NOT hurt. Or adjust with, again, the gentle hands of a partner.

Let me guess, you advocate for women and men to whore themselves out with no clear direction? Having meaningless one night stands that leave them devoid and hungry for more, an ACTUAL relationship? Humans are social creatures. Much of the real pleasure is found in that connection, and sex is like a physical manifestation of a love between two; callously removing that makes you no better than a wild hedonistic dog with no grasp of conscience. Mindless pleasure that just brings a brief, superficial boost in dopamine that subsides in an instant when you're just using "a self warming toy" 💀

(Also, telling women not to have PIV sex while suggesting toys that serve to directly mimic PIV sex is genuinely so fucking stupid and defeats the entire purpose??? were you ACTUALLY thinking a thought or was past trauma that you can't glam up for Tumblr hitting your face again sweaty?)

Statistically, 75% Woman experience pain in PIV:

And I am not at all triggered. Foreplay and natural bodily fluids still won't help with the fact that PIV will start to hurt right after the threshold of 5 minutes in and you will need additional lube to take care of that or else you will end in serious Vaginal wall injury.

If you penetrate with mere bodily fluid it will start to hurt while inserting as you will be able to feel the rough skin texture and inside of Vaginal wall is sensitive and can cause irritation. Depending on your hymen size it will hurt from a little bit to downright bleeding and excruciating kind of pain. If you have a naturally big opening at birth it might slip easily or else you will have to do manual exercise for at least a couple months before actually pursuing it.

Also, You are the one writing coke rant on my month old Tumblr Post where I am showing people the reality of PIV Sex. If anyone is showing signs of clear trauma it's frankly you. And I am not traumatized by any man. I never fucked them. I am a Lesbian. I just know about how sex actually works and the people I fuck manage to get me off without making my vagina Bleed out in a insufferable level of pain in order to jerk their pee pee inside my hole and treat me as a broodmare rag doll.

Maybe you are a trad wife straight woman with insurmountable and parasitic level of attachment to the phallaus even though you never knew how it feels to have your mind going high at the moment of your 20th orgasm and that makes you bitter at lesbians who simply tell you to grow a spine and try alternatives like rose toys and vibrators. In that case you should get over your personal past trauma of being called a cock sucker whore for being such a ardent defender of PIV by some random terf tumblr account so that you can make peace with the fact that majority of woman and their body isn't accommodated enough to deal with PIV sex and there are plenty of sexual activities that are objectively much more erotically and physically pleasurable than PIV, and much more safer, healthier, better, and things that actually make you come, if you are a Female.

Either this or the last portion of your writing sort of gives off this weird impression that you are a straight man. So in case you are a straight man, umm..... your ex gf or gf or wife or whatever woman that bothered sleeping with you- lied about loving it and having a orgasm. She probably just wanted to be nice. You probably saw her releasing body fluids and then basically thought that is the marker of orgasm. When that's not even how orgasm works. The physical marker of orgasm is something only the woman who experienced it can tell. Majority of straight woman don't even know how a orgasm is supposed to feel because they never experienced it in the first place. You seriously think you made her climax? Really? LOL.

And about that sex toys comment,,,,,, I think you should know how sex toys actually look like. Since you are illiterate and that's probably because you are a man , here are a couple pictures of female accommodated sex toys. They range from vibrators to rose toys to Vagina Shaped Flesh Light for the purpose of Vaginal Scissoring and sensation of oral sex.

Anyways, It was a very sudden message. Putting radtwt tags on my post so that Our Radfem Ladies, Lesbian Girls, Femmes, Dykes and Knight in Armor and Prince Charming Butches can read it and have a good laugh out of it.