#in any case they mean a lot to me.

[kroosluvr]

sometimes i feel vaguely alone and sad in my royal trio/romantic shipping but also idk it’s fun to be small island big ocean throwing my random drawings and ideas arohnd. not sure. at the same time tho i wish more people loved them the way i do …(?)

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[cozylittleartblog]

Columbo and the Knight (1984)

put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.

Autism W!

[deep-space-lines]

in case anyone was wondering where I disappeared to for the past few days, i've been going insane again. fun fact staring at stained glass windows for hours on end will not turn you catholic (source: i stared at so many stained glass windows to make this bc i really wanted to go for a realistic church window sort of vibe)

tumblr is a coward and won't let me upload the full size images so you can look at them and zoom in to your heart's content (please look at them. please) [1] [2]

Prints of this are available on my Society6 (both versions cuz I'm indecisive) (it may take a little while for them to actually appear on the site)

Details:

Timelapse under the cut!

my favorite part of this is when I'm trying to get the pose down and I keep flipping the canvas and it looks like they're doing a silly little dance :)

[todayisafridaynight]

[[ reward doodle for @flashbackepisode : tyvm for supportin me ! ]]

[sysig]

Puts the “plates” in “Fellplates” (Patreon)

[shikisei]

like strangers all over again

[withthewindinherfootsteps]

Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three

For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!

(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)

The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative

When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.

This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?

This is where we get unhinged.

Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).

To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.

This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.

In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!

Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!

Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation

Which, of course, is him dwelling on…

Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation

…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:

He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation

And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:

Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him.  (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation 

Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:

“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR

Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.

Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:

At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR

Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!

So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.

This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!

And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.

But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?

At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts

In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.

It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.

(Or, if an image would be preferable:)

Thank you for reading!

(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)

--

*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)! 

[milquetoad]

of the many injustices put forth toward the show by fans i think the most overall damaging and telling of a complete lack of critical viewership is the idea that sam riegel builds his characters with nothing more than the bit in mind. like you are only telling on yourself if you think characters like scanlan shorthalt and veth brennato are one-dimensional and depthless

[uncanny-tranny]

In political spheres, I so often want to ask, "is what you're doing 'punching up,' or are they just an easily-available, acceptable target?"

[razorsadness]

Tuesday June 21, 1938 (Yosemite)

Dies Irae: Wakened at 5:30—dragged weary bones erect, dressed, closed baggage, was ready shortly before six, and we were off again "on the dot"—at six oclock. So out of Klamath, the lakes red, and a thread of silver river in the desert, and immediately

the desert, sage brush, and bare, naked, hills, giant-molded, craterous, cupreous, glaciated blasted—a demonic heath with reaches of great pine, and volcanic glaciation, cupreous, fiendish, desert, blasted—the ruins of old settlers homesteads, ghost towns and the bleak little facades of long forgotten postoffices lit bawdily by blazing rising sun and the winding mainstreet, the deserted station of the incessant railway—all dominated now by the glittering snow—pale masses of

Mount Shasta—pine lands, canyons, sweeps and rises, the naked crateric hills and the volcanic

lava masses and then Mount Shasta omnipresent—Mount Shasta all the time—always Mt. Shasta—and at last the town named Weed (with a divine felicity)—and breakfast at Weed at 7:45—and the morning bus from Portland and the tired people tumbling out and in for breakfast

and away from Weed and towering Shasta at 8:15—and up and climbing and at length into the passes of the lovely timbered Siskiyous and now down into canyon of the Sacramento in among the lovely timbered Siskiyous and all through the morning down and down and down the canyon, and the road snaking, snaking always with a thousand little punctual gashes, and the freight trains and the engines turned backward with the cabs in front

down below along the lovely Sacramento snaking snaking snaking—and at last into the town of Redding and the timber fading, hills fading, cupreous lavic masses fading—and almost at once the mighty valley of the Sacramento—as broad as a continent—and all through the morning through the great floor of that great plain

like valley—the vast fields thick with straw grass lighter

than Swedes hair—and infinitely far and unapproachable the towns down the mountain on both sides—and great herds of fat brown steers in straw light fields—a dry land, with a strange hot heady fragrance and fertility—and at last no mountains at all but the great sun-bright, heat-hazed, straw-light plain and the straight marvel of the road on which the car rushes

—Thomas Wolfe, from A Western Journal

[dekusleftsock]

Before the leaks tonight, my main notes in the department of “Izuocha not gonna be canon next chapter” is that tsu and Izuku were repeatedly chosen and placed to be in the same, worrying attitude for Ochako’s distance/absence.

Tsu was such a good subtle detail for this chapter as well. That gay ass signaling on Izuocha was so good. Like “this is platonic! Her and Izuku worry over Ochako equally!” And damn Horikoshi you really highlighted, underlined, and bolded in big bright letters Lavender Marriage for these two lmao

My other main detail is the way that Ochako’s/Izuku’s feelings are presented.

Specifically with this last little caption (that isn’t there in the officials for some reason???) on the very last page—

Pika’s translation btw

Maybe y’all don’t get it bc you need it put into perspective: the very idea that there would be a “no ships ending” is… absolutely insane. The fact that it’s the main opinion as well is even crazier.

And to put it into perspective even more, the reason it’s a common belief has to come from the idea that Ochako’s feelings are simply unrequited. A “no ships ending” wouldn’t make sense without it. Do the people saying that realize that it’s what they’re saying? “No time” isn’t a good justification, he had the time, he just used it on… other characters instead. If you believe this, you’re making the argument that Ochako’s story is about unrequited love

This line “The girl’s hidden feeings, and as for deku—..”

I fully understand what the feelings are talking about (Himiko’s death, the respective villains even if they aren’t equatable, etc), but it’s the implications of the way it’s written. It’s presenting it as Ochako’s feelings… for Izuku. It then asks the question, “..DOES Izuku feel the same way?” Because I mean, does he?

Now, I don’t think we’re getting any sort of confession. I could say in detail as to why, but that would be more like repeating the same 5 posts on my feed all week.

Because ultimately, it won’t happen. It’s another bait and switch, like it always is. And Horikoshi knows this.

So that’s why it’s so amazing that this line is here, it’s teasing, almost. Like “Look! The straight relationship is on the horizon! Just follow the cookie! It’s totally where you think it leads..”, and then signaling the warning bells in your head that not everything is as it seems.

Why make Ochako break down crying? Why not confirm Himiko’s death? Why make all of this romantic heartache? Why make straight shippers hold their breath, and then lead them into this supposed security?

Why ask a question on feelings, if it’s supposed to be a given?

[transmascutena]

thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder

[kacievvbbbb]

Truly from the depths of my struggling heart. Viva La Vida by Coldplay belongs to one Toshinori Yagi aka the one and only All Might.

Coldplay should just sign over the rights of the song at this point promptly too.

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Trying to transliterate Leara's name into Quenya, and it somehow becomes, uh,

Lëarra

Which basically means "You Sealion!"

And I'm just, "Oh yes, this is That Sealion Woman, and she can breathe fire, as all sealions do."

If Leara, for any reason at all, needed an actual Quenya or Sindarin name for any fun Elvish shenanigans, we'll just use Calairie/Calearil, which is "Light of the Sea" in Quenya and Sindarin, and what Leara actually means.

[peachtalia]

I wrote a whole infodump on Herakles headcanons on a priv acc (yk for human version since I prefer to view the guys that way) so I’ll paste it all here cuz fun. It’s gonna be super disorganized and may not carry All of my ideas cuz it’s just me writing whatever came to mind in the moment but I’ll try to organize it the best I can from what I wrote. Also plz take into consideration that I’m not entirely following canon here and a load of it is headcanons with some of canon sprinkled in. Also this is a wip ig

I doubt anybody would read my word vomit cuz I didn’t bother to clean any of this up and my sentence structure is def abysmal as fuck but ig u could say I’m putting this here for my own sake but anyone else is free to read if u would like!!

cw talk of parental loss tho

Okay so I’m gonna ramble about names here cuz it interests me a lot. Obv I’m not Greek or in Greece I just have a deep interest in other cultures and like to research a lot and stalk forums and videos on experiences etc. My ideas may change over time as I learn more about the culture. He feels a bit more old-fashioned to me but anyways yeah nah if I happen to say anything innacurate plz lmk @ anyone who actually reads my word vomit haha

So anyways I def don’t see it as my place to bash on him being given the name "Herakles" cuz I Do know that in Greece they would seem to occasionally give Greek mythological names to ppl (ex: singer who's birth name is Artemios); but I noticed they most often use Christian names tho (also fun fact my irl name is the fem version of an old Greek saint and seems common there along with Hispanic countries that would often do the same lololol)

But at the same time I’d wanna assume that being named Herakles would kinda fuck u over since it would be a huge name to live up to. But that’s just me. Plus to me that adds to his overall life theme

Also I’ve mentioned this before but ppl for years would dunk on his surname claiming that it's "not a real Greek surname" when ... it actually IS, it's just super rare based on what I’ve collected. Admittedly ngly I’ve even been a part of this when I was a kid smh (See: Greek actress with the birth name Evgenia Karpouzi, the fandom would always use the spelling "Karpusi" but that's not language accurate to the more commonly taught Greek language romanization based on what I’ve learned.....

Anywho now onto headcanons and stories I like to apply to him lol

He seems the type whose mom is very huge in the historical arts and preservation field and might've been a Greek history professor and took a huge role in curating and preserving Ancient Greek ruins and artifacts...arranged heritage festivals and exhibitions etc.. Taught culture... Maybe pushed him to be very talented and knowledgeable as a kid and would actively pass down her own knowledge onto him and set pretty high standards for him while also spoiling tf out of him and also being caring yet not as present as a mother due to her career. He grew up very involved in the arts both creative-based and performance-wise but probably mostly the latter. He seems like the type who would be quiet and a bit of a loner at times but was also a lot more enthusiastic and expressive at times.

So anyways yeah not only does he suffer under the curse of living in the shadow of his mothers legacy and not meeting the public expectations in following in her footsteps but a lot of his life is basically formed around her and he wasn’t left with much room to actually form his own personal style due to how heavily influenced he was by her own interest and life path and her passing when he was idk 14 made it even harder for him to even try to let go of any of this cuz besides all of her leftover belongings and the collective community memory of her, it was all he had left of her from within himself so letting go of any of it to make more room for developing his own personal sense of style outside of her existence felt like betraying her or going against her wishes.

He feels deeply guilty for not taking on her legacy after her passing and following in her footsteps but he still does what he can to contribute here and there and still holds a load of pride in what he learns from her + what comes from his roots and besides hanging out with and feeding street cats he still has a lingering fascination and interest in philosophy and observing and maintaining historical sites not only cuz it’s great but also cuz it reminds him of her. It Would also make sense given how canonically he’s portrayed having a home that’s cluttered with his mom’s old things and artifacts that he never wants to get rid of since she passed while he was young.

As for his beef with Sadiq I see it as a ‘obnoxious goofy uncle and petty nephew’ sort of conflict lol. But I like to see it as like. Sadiq was a younger college student of his mom’s who would also do volunteer assistant work for her, so naturally he’d meet Herakles thru that. And with him being that type of guy would screw around with Herakles and poke fun at him yk like how those older guys would treat young kids sometimes and purposely provoke them in a joking yet annoying manner (I have lots of experience of this) and Sadiq himself never saw it as a big deal but yk Herakles Hated that shit and he’s the type to take that kind of stuff to heart. Also Herakles would envy the time he spends with his mom cuz here he is able to get involved with her work life and meanwhile Hera is being some kid at home who sometimes gets to go to his moms work sometimes.

And ooomfg when his mom passes u know damn well that envy turned into pure vitriol cuz Sadiq was able to spend more time around his mom before her sudden death. But Sadiq (still unaware of how deep this shit goes for Herakles) takes Herakles under his wing cuz he feels super bad to say the least.

Now Herakles has one of those large Greek families but he’s autistic* as shit so while he can be loud with them he’s also quiet and a bit of a loner at times so he’d be super reliant on his mother for initiating his interactions with others and she’d take a big part in involving him in family gatherings so u know damn well the second she was gone he didn’t know wtf to do anymore or how to connect with others on his own without her being an extra support lol yk like that one social person that helps interactions go smoother.

* yes I am aware that autism may present differently depending on culture but I’m autistic myself and am basing this on observations I’ve made thru autistic ppl I’ve known in different countries and who also have a similar familial dynamic culturally. Even tho I’m in the US I also have this experience myself with my Viet family members. No duh it’s not ‘just an autism thing’ but yk headcanons

Not to mention him being depressed as fuck over her passing and beginning to self isolate. And being so pitied by family members 24/7 SUCKED Ass so idk ig eventually (after many years and moments of Herakles mostly blowing people off) ppl began to avoid him and stopped inviting him to things like yk that sad thing that often happens whenever someone’s going thru a loss and ppl don’t know what to do about it. He’d ignore their invitations often for years. Of course they’d still try to call or send something or visit every now and then but only very occasionally. It’s like an ‘idk what to do’ sort of thing.

So yeah he’s an only child and was raised by a single mother with a busy and active life where he was always expected to become her shadow whether intended or not. Wow. But despite his family inching away from him, bro still has that younger Cypriot cousin who vibes with him and relates with his quietness and occasional loner behavior so he’d often hang around him cuz the rest of the family would overwhelm him sometimes, therefore even during this time he was the last to stick around for the most part and they’d often hang out in silence. He is a bit more chatty than Herakles tho at times. Idk his name yet. That one Cypriot cousin has a younger brother I think, who’d hang around Sadiq but Herakles’s a #hater and doesn’t really like him for that. He’s the type to threaten to cut ppl off from association and he gets petty and stubborn as hell and holds grudges like u cannot believe. Obviously despite his spite he does still care for Sadiq deep down. He says what he wants but he doesn’t actually wish the guy any real harm and would get super bothered and upset if anybody were to attempt to do so.

Oh yeah and I also mentioned before that I see him being narcoleptic lol *maybe* he occasionally dealt with cataplectic symptoms and it would make sense given how rarely he seems to express strong emotions but I still don’t know. I’m not as knowledgeable in cataplexy I admit. But he’s def on the narcolepsy spectrum and lacks a load of motivation and drive in his life overall. Some of it comes from his mildly nihilistic view on life and some of it is depressiveness and the inability to help himself more on his own accord. It probably took a lot for him to get on a stricter medication routine for it. He tries to take care of himself at the bare minimum but he still doesn’t quite cultivate the best or healthiest of habits. He’s often got others around him trying to help him out and check up on him. Think also of the comic strips of Ludwig trying to help him organize and clean his house and get his finances into check.

Idk how his mom died. Maybe it’s one of those things never spoken about but it was sudden and he was at home when it happened and just remembers it getting super late and dark and him wondering where tf she is each time he’d wake up and him attempting to call her work and go to voicemail each time.

Also back on the topic of his tendencies but Herakles can for sure be the sore loser and jealous type but only depending on whether or not the matter involves Sadiq. Otherwise he’s like eh whatever it’s fine I’ll get it next time) and as I said above he’s also got a somewhat nihilist mindset and wishes to just spend his time doing as he pleases lolll his philosophical info dumps would get mind breaking at times and he just drones onnnn and onnnn and on about it it’s like the kind of stuff that’d make u lie on ur back with ur hands behind ur head staring up at the sky like “yeah……..wow…😕” and would prob put u to sleep cuz he speaks in a slower and softer tone. And you’d prob experience a strange yet vivid dream in the moment. He’s got an ambient and nostalgic feel to his presence that’s hard to explain and melancholy yet oddly calming.

Oh also he still practices Orthodox Christianity besides being an atheist on the most part and not even following any religion or religious rules or moral code bc it’s what he was raised doing with his mom and he feels like it’s what she would’ve wanted lmfaooo I guess it’s for nostalgia’s sake and paying respects to her. Maybe he’s an atheist. Idk. Perhaps his philosophical ideals and stuff he’s learned influences his view on general spirituality and religion so in a way he feels like in the end all gods are all to reach a similar point and intention and are an outer extension/projection of our own subconscious beings and are vessels of hope and focal points for moral code and explanations for the world around us. Or maybe he just views them as beings created to give people’s lives purpose. Or he believes all things at once. Who knows what goes on in his mind.

As for his narcolepsy, his mom may have assumed at first that he was the type of child to nap a lot or that he was lazy, but over time she’d realize something is probably up and would recognize that he wouldn’t be able to help it most of the time and that he actually isn’t the lazy type and works hard when he can. She’d get called by teachers often yelling about his tendency of zoning out and sleeping in class and she’d just respond with “Oh yeah? Well maybe your class isn’t interesting enough if he’s always falling asleep in it!”

So yeah. A load of his life was built around her from the start, and he relied on her for a lot, I mean she’s his mom and all too and the only closer(?) family member in his life given that he’s an only child and has no father. The sudden change of her leaving completely threw his life off course so for years he’s been in some sort of endless state of limbo where he’s both apathetic both saddened yet he might not make it so obvious when around others. He just appears quiet, apathetic and carefree for the most part.