#improved sleep patterns

[cheezyharu]

O. Oh wow a speed increase really DOES help w scoring (DFTM/LK exp sightreads while I’m trying out more 12+s)

Also some older ones. Tried to dabble into 13 w Valsqotch…. Which is probably not a good intro to 13 but. Oh well that’s a really decent score I think

[montied]

like no its not an issue yet but the key word there is yet

if i stay up too late too much my brain'll just go "oh cool this is what we're doing now" and i won't be able to get to sleep at a normal time no matter how hard i try. and when i go back to school that will not be fun to deal with because i have to actually wake up

[sleeprecoverytech]

Smart Pillow Tracking: Your Ultimate Sleep Guide

Smart pillow tracking is revolutionizing how we understand sleep. By using advanced technology, these pillows help track and improve sleep patterns. With the growing interest in sleep technology, understanding how a smart pillow works is essential for anyone looking to enhance their sleep quality. What is Smart Pillow Tracking? Smart pillow tracking involves using embedded sensors to monitor…

[wellness-4-life]

Staying Up All Night? Here’s How It Affects Your Body and Mind

Staying Up All Night? Here’s How It Affects Your Body and Mind

We've all done it — binge-watching a series, scrolling endlessly through social media, or working late into the night — and before we know it, the sun is rising. While the occasional all-nighter might seem harmless, consistently staying up all night can throw your entire system out of balance. From your hormones to your mental clarity, irregular sleep takes a toll on both your body and mind.

Let’s dive into how this affects you — especially if you're a natural night owl trying to find a healthier rhythm.

1. Your Internal Clock Gets Confused

Your body runs on a circadian rhythm, a natural 24-hour cycle that helps regulate sleep, hormones, metabolism, and more. When you disrupt this by pulling frequent all-nighters, your night owl sleep schedule becomes more entrenched, making it even harder to reset later.

2. Hormonal Imbalance

Lack of sleep messes with hormones like cortisol, insulin, and leptin. This can lead to:

Increased stress

Sugar cravings

Weight gain Over time, this imbalance can contribute to chronic health issues, even if you're technically "catching up" on sleep during the day.

3. Mood and Mental Health Take a Hit

When you miss out on restorative sleep, your emotional regulation suffers. Studies have shown that irregular sleeping habits are linked with:

Increased anxiety

Irritability

Depression symptoms If you're dealing with an irregular sleeping pattern, improving your sleep quality becomes even more important for mental wellness.

4. Brain Fog and Poor Focus

The brain processes and stores information during deep sleep. If you're skipping that phase, you're likely to notice:

Poor memory retention

Difficulty concentrating

Slower reaction times To put it simply: your brain needs sleep to function at its best.

5. Weakened Immunity

A consistent lack of sleep reduces your body’s ability to fight infections. You might notice yourself catching colds more often or taking longer to recover. Prioritizing sleep quality improvement can strengthen your immune system over time.

So… What Can You Do About It?

If you’re someone who thrives at night, it's okay — you don't need to transform into an early bird overnight. But small shifts can help:

✅ Stick to a consistent sleep schedule — even if it's late, keeping it regular helps. ✅ Avoid stimulants like caffeine or screens before bed. ✅ Wind down with calming activities like reading or light stretching. ✅ Consider sleep aids like melatonin only after consulting a doctor.

Final Thoughts

Being a night owl isn't a flaw — it's a rhythm. But when staying up all night becomes a habit, it’s important to support your body with the best sleep schedule possible. Your physical and mental well-being depend on it.

[menscarezone]

Sleep optimisation : how to Optimize Your Sleep & Sleep-Wake Cycle

Getting a good night’s rest is crucial for your overall well-being. Many factors can interfere with your ability to sleep soundly, but by adopting healthy habits, you can significantly improve the quality of your rest. According to the Mayo Clinic Staff, establishing a consistent sleep schedule and practicing good sleep hygiene can make a significant difference in how you feel and function during…

[thefallenangel2008]

Listen mom, idgaf if I'm "ruining my sleep schedule" and sleeping during my out school activities from staying up on my phone till late, I keep telling you that night is the only time I feel like I can scroll through my phone and listen to Spotify and be at peace without being disturbed but you don't listen to me and say "you didn't explain shit to me" even though I kinda DID, so until you understand and until you sign me off of the private math classes because FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME I DON'T WANNA DO IT, I'm gonna continue pulling a Miles Morales and do my own thing. <3

Now here's a violent press of random letters as a way to let out some steam cause I can't scream in my room rn: ABR HE ITKFKFIFIGIDFJMFCMHKKXKDKDKSKDMFJNFFMJDFKDKDKDKKSSKKDDKKDKDKDLDJJFCKFKKAKSKRKRDLKDKEKSKTLKRDJEIDIJDKD FOR TJJCKHJJCJCJCNXNCKFL IN TKRFF

[depressiontherapistdrkarenhawk]

Understanding Depression Therapy: Insights from Dr. Karen Hawk in Arizona

In today’s fast-paced world, the prevalence of depression and its impact on individuals’ lives cannot be overstated. For those struggling with this mental health condition, seeking professional help can be a transformative step towards recovery and well-being. Dr. Karen Hawk, based in Arizona, offers valuable insights into depression therapy, providing compassionate care and effective treatment solutions for her patients.

The Importance of Depression Therapy

Depression is a complex mental health disorder that affects millions of people worldwide. It can manifest in various forms, including persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, and feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Left untreated, depression can significantly impair daily functioning and quality of life.

Benefits of Depression Therapy:

Professional Guidance: Therapy provides individuals with a safe space to explore their feelings and thoughts under the guidance of a trained mental health professional.

Skill Development: Therapeutic techniques help individuals develop coping strategies, improve communication skills, and build resilience.

Personalized Approach: Therapists like Dr. Karen Hawk tailor treatment plans to meet the unique needs and circumstances of each patient, ensuring a holistic approach to healing.

Types of Depression Therapy

Dr. Karen Hawk employs evidence-based therapies to address depression effectively. Here are some common approaches used in her practice:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to depression. It helps individuals develop healthier ways of thinking and coping.

Interpersonal Therapy (IPT): IPT focuses on improving relationships and communication skills. It explores how interpersonal issues may contribute to depression and works towards resolving conflicts and improving social support.

Mindfulness-Based Therapies: Techniques such as mindfulness meditation and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) help individuals develop present-moment awareness and acceptance of their thoughts and emotions, reducing stress and enhancing well-being.

What to Expect from Depression Therapy Sessions

Embarking on therapy with Dr. Karen Hawk involves a collaborative process aimed at fostering healing and growth. Here’s what patients can expect:

Initial Assessment: Dr. Hawk conducts a thorough assessment to understand the patient’s history, symptoms, and goals for therapy.

Treatment Planning: Based on the assessment, a personalized treatment plan is created, outlining specific therapeutic goals and strategies.

Therapeutic Techniques: Sessions may involve a combination of talk therapy, behavioral interventions, and skill-building exercises tailored to the patient’s needs.

Progress Monitoring: Regular sessions allow for progress monitoring and adjustments to the treatment plan as needed to ensure effectiveness.

Integrative Approach to Mental Health

Dr. Karen Hawk emphasizes an integrative approach to mental health care, recognizing the interconnectedness of physical, emotional, and social well-being. Her practice integrates:

Medication Management: In cases where medication is indicated, Dr. Hawk collaborates closely with psychiatrists to ensure comprehensive treatment.

Lifestyle Modifications: Recommendations may include adopting healthy lifestyle habits such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, and nutrition to support overall well-being.

Supportive Environment: Creating a supportive therapeutic environment where patients feel heard, validated, and empowered is central to Dr. Hawk’s approach.

Taking the First Step

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, reaching out for help is the first step towards healing. Dr. Karen Hawk and her team are dedicated to providing compassionate and effective depression therapy in Arizona. Their commitment to personalized care and evidence-based practices ensures that each patient receives the support they need to regain control of their mental health.

Contact Information

Ready to take charge of your mental health and well-being? Schedule a consultation with Dr. Karen Hawk today:

Phone: (480) 218-2289

Email: karenhawk@rca.llc

Website: https://depression-therapy.drkarenhawk.us/

Office Address: Arizona 85298, United States

Don’t wait to seek help. By reaching out to Dr. Karen Hawk, you are taking a proactive step towards overcoming depression and reclaiming a fulfilling life. Experience compassionate care, expert guidance, and effective therapy tailored to your needs. Your journey to mental health starts here.

[onefite]

eMaximize Your Sleep Quality with Thse 8 Expert-Approved Strategies

Introduction The importance of good sleep quality cannot be overstated. Quality sleep is essential for overall well-being and vitality. Conversely, poor sleep can lead to a myriad of negative effects, including increased stress, decreased cognitive function, and a higher risk of developing chronic conditions such as heart disease and diabetes. In this article, we will explore expert-approved…

[4theitgirls]

productivity apps for self improvement

pinterest

you know i had to include the ultimate form of social media. pinterest is one of the only truly peaceful social media apps out there and focuses on sharing photos to your themed boards. this app is everything if you’re into making vision boards, moodboards, beauty, productivity, and really anything else. there’s something there for everyone!

finch

this is a wonderful self-care app, in which you take care of a bird while taking care of yourself! this is my new favorite app. i use the free version and it is adorable. the app asks you some questions about your goals and how you feel about self care, and gives you some daily goals based on your answers, but you can delete and add goals of your own. the more you log in and track your goals, the more adventures your bird can go on and the more they grow. i recommend this app to absolutely everyone and i will never shut up about it.

gymshark training

this is a free training app including many different types and styles of workouts. you can search for workouts based on duration, equipment used, the targeted muscle, and so on. you can also add workouts and plans of your own and track your progress.

i am sober

this is my favorite app for if you have something you want to quit. this isn’t just for substances or alcohol, but can also be used for quitting sugar, skin picking, caffeine, fast food, and so many other things. you can track your progress, review your days, make pledges, and connect with others who are struggling with the same thing you are. you are also given motivational quotes and reminders when you log into the app. there is an option for a subscription, but i use the free version and have had no problems with it at all.

study bunny: focus timer

an adorable focus timer where you gain coins with every goal/time you accomplish something with your focus timer and you can spend your coins on cute little accessories for your bunny! the only real issue with this app is that the ads are kind of crazy, and it’s $15 a month to go ad-free.

flora - green focus

this app includes a pomodoro timer and plants a tree in a rural community based on how often you stay focused using the timer on the app. the app does not plant a tree unless you opt for their subscription, which is $2 per year and allows you to plant one tree for 120 hours of focused time. you can also plant a tree every 24 hours with the $10 plan.

focus to-do: focus timer&tasks

this app combines a pomodoro timer with a daily to-do list. the app is free to use, but includes additional features for those with a subscription, which is $3 for every three months or $9 for a lifetime membership.

balance: meditation & sleep

a great app that includes nightly reviews, meditations, and sleep sounds. this app has great reviews, but it’s worth noting that it’s not completely free. it includes a trial, after which is $12 per month, or $70 per year.

insight timer - meditate & sleep

just as it sounds, this is another great app for meditations, ambient sounds for sleep, and progress tracking. there are tons of free things included in the app, but if you want to unlock everything, the premium plan is $10 per month or $60 per year.

structured - daily planner

an app with great reviews intended to help organize your daily tasks into achievable goals and track your progress. the app has basic features for free, but also includes a premium subscription if you want to unlock all the features.

routineflow: guided routines

this app caters to those who have difficulties staying focused and maintaining a set routine by guiding your routine for you and managing your progress. the app gives you one routine for free, but if you want another, you would need to pay for the $30 annual subscription.

how we feel

a wonderful free journaling app developed by therapists and scientists for logging your emotions, talking to other users, and tracking your mood patterns.

gentler streak fitness tracker

if you’re tired of the constant work and grind mentality, this may be the app for you. this app takes a gentler approach to fitness by tracking exercise, giving encouragement, and notifying you if you are overworking yourself. the app itself is free, but certain features require a subscription, which is $8 per month or $50 per year.

glo | yoga and meditation app

glo is a highly rated app for yoga, pilates, and meditation. unlike most of the other apps listed, you can’t really access much on glo for free. to access the full courses, they offer two plans: $30 per month or $245 per year.

waterllama

another adorable app that lets you track your water intake with a cute llama! super motivating and is free for basic features. if you want to unlock all features, the subscription is $7 per year.

mindllama

made by the same people as waterllama, this app allows you to practice and track your meditation and breathwork practice with a cute llama! like waterllama, the app is free, but some features require a subscription, which varies depending on whether you want the premium plan, the anxiety relief plan, or the sleep focused plan.

daily bean - simplest journal

another super cute app that helps you track your days and moods. the app itself is free, but a premium plan is also offered, which is $20 per year.

schmoody: mood & habit tracker

this app aims to help you through depression, anxiety, and/or adhd by helping you track your habits, talk to other users, and give you the resources to get you back on track. the free version includes the “essentials” to support mental health and well-being, but they also offer a premium version, which unlocks more resources and personalized options. the subscription is $15 per month, $60 per year, or $100 for a lifetime membership.

meditation timer - zenitizer

this is a meditation timer that focuses on simplicity and organization while tracking your meditation practice. a free version is available with a limited amount of content, but a premium version is also offered, which is $3 per month, $20 per year, or a $50 one-time payment.

mineral - gratitude journal

this is a free journaling app that is secure in the fact that you have to use face id in order to access your journal. this app is definitely more simple, but effective nonetheless.

focus keeper: productive timer

this app is a popular pomodoro-style timer app. i’ve heard that this app works wonders for many people with adhd. the app is free, but includes additional content and features for those with a subscription.

[margecouture]

setting boundaries with yourself ☁️

setting boundaries with yourself is an important aspect of self-care and personal growth. here’s how setting boundaries with yourself looks like:

having a bedtime. having a consistent bedtime is crucial for improved sleep quality which leads to better sleep and more restful nights. this also creates routine and structure which can be comforting and beneficial to managing daily responsibilities more effectively. regular sleep helps maintain energy levels, preventing the afternoon slump and reducing the need for caffeine. so, find a helpful bedtime routine to get settled in and get a good nights sleep around the same time each night.

not believing all thoughts as truth. remember that THOUGHTS ARE NOT FACTS, so accepting every thought as truth can lead to distorted perceptions which leads to mental fog or an unhealthy mental state. when negative thoughts arise, practice mindfulness by meditating or journaling. question your thoughts by asking yourself “what evidence do I have for this thought?”. identify those thinking patterns and remember that thoughts are like clouds passing through the sky—temporary and ever-changing.

eating foods that make you feel good. junk food may taste sweet and look good but they aren’t healthy for your body in any way. use mindful eating by paying attention to how different foods make you feel & avoid foods those that leave you feeling sluggish or uncomfortable. eating foods that are rich in nutrients like omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins and minerals can improve your mood and mental clarity. this includes, salmon, leafy greens, and berries. healthy snacks such as, fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and popcorn are helpful when facing cravings. remember to plan your meals, stay hydrated, and maintain balance.

doing hard things in the moment to create your desired future. doing hard things in the moment is like planting seeds for your future. tackling challenges head on allows you to develop skills, gain resilience, and learn discipline. it’s like building the foundation for your own dreams and setting your own self up for success. by handling what’s in front of you, you are preparing yourself for bigger opportunities and making the most of them when they come. picture your desired future as a beautiful garden that requires dedication and hard work, but it is necessary for your garden to bloom.

sticking to your word. keeping your word is crucial in building trust and reliability. this makes it easy for people to rely on you but also for you to rely on yourself. you set a standard for yourself which encourages discipline, self control and commitment. having confidence in what you are set out to do helps you to grow as an individual. as the saying goes, “Follow your plan, not your mood.” stay committed to your plans and goals and always give it your best. you only fail if you don’t try, no matter how small or how big the task may be.

setting boundaries with yourself is an act of self respect and is about creating habits that align with your long term wellbeing, even when they feel difficult in the moment. each step builds a stronger and more aligned version of you. keep honoring yourself! ☁️

[hog-facts]

Did you know that hogs enter a state called "soil hibernation" during the hottest summer months? When temperatures exceed 95°F for more than a week, wild hogs will dig shallow depressions in moist soil and enter a semi-dormant state where their heart rate drops by 70% and they can survive without food for up to 18 days. This adaptation evolved in their Mediterranean ancestors as a way to conserve water during drought conditions.

Scientists have observed that during this soil hibernation, hogs experience unusual rapid eye movement (REM) sleep patterns. Their brain activity suggests they're having complex dreams, primarily focused on rooting behaviors. Researchers at the University of Barcelona's Wildlife Research Center have recorded electrical patterns suggesting that hibernating hogs mentally "practice" foraging techniques during these dreams, which may explain why hogs appear to have improved truffle-finding abilities immediately after emerging from their summer torpor. Some rural communities in southern Spain even time their truffle hunting seasons to coincide with the end of the local hog population's soil hibernation period.

[sleeprecoverytech]

Smart Sleep Journaling Apps: Enhancing Your Sleep Quality

Smart sleep journaling apps have revolutionized the way we track and improve our sleep quality. These innovative tools offer a convenient and effective way to monitor our sleep patterns, identify trends, and make informed decisions to optimize our rest. By integrating technology with sleep science, smart sleep journaling apps empower users to take control of their sleep health. Importance of…

[wellness-4-life]

Creating a Calm Sleep Routine: Night Owl Edition

Creating a Calm Sleep Routine: Night Owl Edition

If the world rewarded late-night productivity, night owls would run the show. But let’s be real — living in a morning-person world while your brain comes alive at 11 PM? Not easy. While you may never be one to hit the bed at 9 PM, you can still create a calm sleep routine that works with your natural rhythm and supports better rest.

Here’s how to wind down without fighting your inner night owl.

1. Respect Your Night Owl Nature

First things first — being a night owl isn't a flaw. It's a chronotype, meaning your body naturally prefers later sleep and wake times. That said, a consistent night owl routine can help you stay balanced without needing to become a morning person.

2. Set a Consistent Sleep Schedule

The key to resetting your body clock isn’t sleeping earlier, but sleeping consistently. Going to bed and waking up at the same time daily — yes, even on weekends — trains your brain to anticipate rest. A stable sleep schedule can help reduce grogginess, regulate hormones, and improve energy levels.

3. Create a Wind-Down Ritual

Routines tell your brain it's time to sleep. Try building a nightly ritual that includes:

Dim lighting or Himalayan salt lamps

Herbal tea (non-caffeinated!)

Journaling or reading fiction These small steps can prepare your body for calm sleep and help reduce racing thoughts.

4. Consider Melatonin (Cautiously)

For some night owls dealing with a delayed sleep phase, supplements like melatonin for sleep might help — but they work best when taken 1–2 hours before your ideal bedtime and under medical advice. Think of it as a nudge, not a cure.

5. Limit Blue Light and Late Stimulation

Screen time can delay melatonin production. Here’s how to help your body wind down:

Use blue light filters after 8 PM

Avoid action-packed or emotionally heavy content at night

Swap late-night doomscrolling for a playlist or podcast with soft tones

6. Redesign Your Bedroom for Better Sleep

Your environment plays a big role in sleep quality. Try these:

Block out light with blackout curtains

Keep your room cool (around 65°F or 18°C)

Use calming scents like lavender or chamomile When your space promotes calm sleep, your brain finds it easier to disconnect.

Final Thoughts

A successful night owl routine isn’t about waking up at 5 AM — it’s about embracing your natural rhythm while supporting your health. Whether you’re struggling with a delayed sleep phase or simply want better rest, a little intention goes a long way.

Create your version of calm. Your body (and brain) will thank you.

[kidsinnowadays]

Practical Sleep Solutions for Children: Establishing Healthy Sleep Habits for All Ages

Establish healthy sleep habits in children with practical solutions for all ages. #ChildSleep #HealthyHabits #ParentingTips #SleepSolutions

A good night’s sleep is essential for children’s physical and emotional well-being, as well as their cognitive development. However, establishing healthy sleep habits can be a challenge for parents. In this guide, we’ll explore practical sleep solutions for children of all ages, from infants to teenagers. By implementing these strategies, you can help your child get the quality sleep they need,…

[boyalasco]

How Can I Improve My sleep quality?

Unlocking the Secrets to Restful Nights Sleep quality is an aspect of your health and well-being. Many factors can affect how well you sleep, including your environment, habits, diet, and stress level. According to an online search, the following tips can help you sleep better at night: Follow a sleeping pattern. Even on weekends, try to go to bed and wake up at the same time daily. It supports…

[mahalachives]

Part 3: Goodbye, Shadowsinger

🕊️ TW: This chapter contains mentions of suicidal ideation and an attempted act of suicide. Please read with care and prioritize your well-being.

Pairing: Azriel x F!Reader

Genre: angst, romcom, humor, fish out of water reader, canon (ish)

Summary: Murdered after a late-night study session in the modern world, you awaken in Prythian—still yourself, but with Fae features and the infamous title of Beron’s cold-hearted and ruthless daughter.

Then, fate snaps the mating bond into place between you and the shadowsinger, Azriel—who rejects it so fiercely, even the magic recoils.

You died a healer. You woke up a villain. Now fate’s mated you to who wants nothing to do with either—you’ll prove them all wrong, one heartbeat at a time.

Between Two Fires - Masterlist

You woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed, as if the essence of autumn itself had infused your borrowed bones.

Sunlight streamed through amber-stained glass, painting warm patterns across the silk sheets that felt too soft, too decadent against your skin.

After two days of recovery from the arrow wound, your strength had fully returned—one benefit of this immortal body with its remarkable healing abilities.

A sharp knock on your door preceded Eris's entrance.

He swept in with predatory grace, amber eyes assessing you with that calculating precision that never softened. His auburn hair caught the morning light, gleaming like freshly minted copper.

"Ah, you're finally up," he remarked, leaning against the bedpost with deceptive casualness. "Good. I was beginning to think you might sleep through the century."

"Would that have been so terrible?" you asked with a small smile. "One less pyromaniac in the family to worry about."

A flicker of surprise crossed his features—so swift you might have imagined it. "Your brush with death has certainly improved your sense of humor. Though I'm not entirely convinced that's a good thing."

You sat up straighter, noting how he tracked the movement, ever watchful for weakness. "Are you here to check if I'm still alive or just to criticize my newfound optimism?"

"Both," he admitted with a small smirk. "And to inform you that I'm leaving for the Dawn Court within the hour. Diplomatic matters that Father insists can't wait."

"How thrilling for you," you replied. "A whole court of morning people. Your worst nightmare."

Eris actually chuckled, the sound rusty as if rarely used. "Indeed. Try not to burn down the castle while I'm gone. And please—" his expression grew serious, shadows haunting his eyes, "—don't do anything... reckless. Yesterday's incident with the Night Court has everyone on edge."

Your heart skipped. Eris gone. The perfect opportunity.

"I'll be on my absolute best behavior," you promised, unable to keep a grin from spreading across your face.

Eris's eyes narrowed slightly. "That expression doesn't inspire confidence."

"What expression?" You arranged your features into a mask of innocence that felt foreign on this face. "This is just my face."

"No, your face typically looks like you're contemplating which servant to set on fire next. This—" he gestured vaguely at your smile, "—is new and concerning."

You laughed, the sound startling both of you with its genuine mirth. "Go to your dawn gathering, brother. I promise the castle will still be standing when you return."

Eris studied you for another long moment, his amber eyes seeming to peer directly into your soul. Then he nodded once, a dismissive gesture belied by the faint concern lingering in his gaze. "Rest. Recover. Try to remember that you're the Lady of Autumn, not whatever you were babbling about during your fever."

"Of course," you agreed easily.

Too easily, apparently, because Eris's frown deepened.

"Goodbye, sister," he said finally. "Try not to cause an incident for at least a week."

After he left, you burst from the bed with boundless energy, startling poor Briar as she entered with your breakfast tray.

"My lady!" she gasped as several pastries tumbled to the floor, scattering flaky crumbs across the priceless carpet. "You shouldn't be up yet!"

"Nonsense!" you declared, spinning in a circle that sent your nightgown billowing around your legs. "I feel magnificent! Like I could fly! Or swim! Or—or—something equally improbable!"

Briar stared at you as if you'd grown a second head. "Swim? You once threatened to disembowel a gardener for suggesting we install a reflection pool."

"Did I?" You laughed. "Well, people change! Today, I want to embrace new experiences."

"While you're... recovering from a nearly fatal arrow wound?" Briar asked skeptically, nervously tucking a strand of copper-brown hair behind her ear.

"Exactly!" You clapped your hands together. "Nothing like almost dying to make you appreciate life's possibilities. Now, help me dress. Something practical."

Briar reluctantly assisted you into a simple outfit of fitted leathers and a flowing tunic in deep burgundy. As she worked, you couldn't stop grinning, planning your escape in your mind.

Eris was gone. The perfect time to execute your plan.

"My lady, you're..." Briar hesitated, her fingers stilling on the laces of your boots.

"Yes?" you prompted, twirling to face her.

"Humming," she finished, looking utterly bewildered. "And bouncing. Like a... like a..."

"Like a perfectly normal person enjoying a perfectly beautiful day?" you suggested brightly.

"Like someone who's either lost their mind or been replaced by an imposter," Briar muttered under her breath.

You winked at her. "Maybe both!"

Briar's eyes widened in alarm, and you laughed again, heading for the door. "I'm joking, Briar! Mostly. See you later! Or not. Who knows?"

You practically skipped through the castle corridors, drawing astonished stares from servants and guards alike.

The Lady of Autumn, known for her casual cruelty and perpetual sneer, bouncing through the halls with a smile that threatened to split her face in two.

By the time you reached the gardens, a small crowd of servants had found excuses to work nearby, stealing fascinated glances as you paced back and forth, muttering to yourself.

"I need to get home," you whispered, tapping your fingers against your thigh. "But how?"

You contemplated your options, oblivious to your growing audience.

"I could jump from the castle tower," you mused aloud, "but what if it just breaks every bone in this body without sending me back? Too risky."

A gardener nearly fell from his ladder, clutching a branch to stay upright.

"Poison?" you considered, shaking your head. "No, too slow. And knowing my luck, some healer would find an antidote before it worked."

Two maids exchanged alarmed glances.

"Fire?" You laughed softly. "Ironic, but too painful. Besides, someone would definitely notice if I set myself ablaze in the middle of the Autumn Court."

A guard coughed so violently that he had to remove his helmet.

"A blade?" You frowned, considering. "Quick, but messy. And I'd probably just end up wounded again with more hovering healers."

The head gardener was quietly ushering younger staff away from your vicinity.

"What I need," you declared to the rosebush in front of you, "is something guaranteed fatal but relatively peaceful. Something no one can interrupt."

Your eyes lit up suddenly.

"Water! Drowning!" The idea settled in your bones with perfect certainty. "Quick, effective, minimal pain... relatively speaking. And these fire-loving Fae would never think to look for me near water."

You spun around suddenly, catching at least seven servants pretending not to watch you. They all immediately became intensely interested in their tasks—polishing perfectly clean statues, pruning already immaculate hedges, and in one case, vigorously sweeping a patch of grass.

"You!" You pointed at a young female servant who had the misfortune of making eye contact. "Come here."

She approached cautiously, as one might approach a beautiful but notoriously bad-tempered wildcat. Her freckled face was pale with apprehension, hands twisting nervously in her apron. "Y-yes, my lady?"

"Is there a lake nearby? Preferably beyond Autumn Court borders, secluded, not frequently visited?"

The servant blinked rapidly. "A... lake, my lady?"

"Yes, a lake. Big hole in the ground filled with water?"

"Of course, my lady," she stammered. "There's the Azure Pool, about five miles beyond the western border. It's quite isolated. The water is said to have unusual properties—healing for some, visions for others."

Perfect. A magical lake. That had to increase your chances of successful inter-world transportation.

"Excellent!" you exclaimed, causing the servant to jump. "How would one get there?"

"Well..." the servant hesitated, clearly trying to determine if this was some sort of test. "You could winnow, my lady, or have one of the guards escort you—"

"Winnow!" you repeated excitedly. "Yes! Brilliant! How exactly does one do that?"

The servant's jaw dropped. "You... don't know how to winnow, my lady?"

"Of course I know," you scoffed, then leaned closer. "But explain it anyway. For clarity."

"It's... it's like folding space around yourself," the servant said slowly, still looking utterly confused. "You visualize where you want to go, gather your power, and sort of... push through reality?"

"Push through reality," you repeated thoughtfully. "Simple enough. Just visualize and... push."

"My lady, perhaps a guard escort would be—"

"Nonsense!" you declared. "I'm a High Fae of the Autumn Court! Winnowing is in my blood. Probably. How hard can it be?"

The servant's expression suggested she thought it could be very hard indeed, especially for someone who didn't even know the basics.

"Thank you for your assistance," you said, already turning away. "You've been most helpful."

"My lady," the servant called hesitantly, "may I ask why you need to find this lake?"

You turned back with a brilliant smile. "Swimming lessons!"

"But... you hate water," she said, then immediately looked like she regretted speaking.

"Do I?" you asked cheerfully. "Well, time for a change! Growth! Personal development! All that nonsense."

Behind you, several servants exchanged alarmed glances. One quietly made the sign to ward off madness.

"What a wonderful day to be alive," you announced to no one in particular. "For now, anyway!"

With that enigmatic statement, you strode purposefully toward the castle gates, leaving a wake of bewildered servants behind you. One elderly gardener crossed himself and muttered something about the end times.

Standing at the edge of the Autumn Court's formal boundaries, marked by a line of trees with leaves that burned perpetual gold, you gathered your courage.

Winnowing. How hard could it be, really?

You closed your eyes, picturing the Azure Pool as the servant had described it—clear blue-green water, isolated, beyond the western border. You gathered what you assumed was magic, feeling it rise within you like liquid fire coursing through your veins.

"Azure Pool," you whispered. "Take me to the Azure Pool. Please?"

Nothing happened.

You frowned, concentrating harder. "Azure Pool! Western border! Big magical lake! Come on!"

Still nothing.

"Fine," you muttered. "Be that way."

You tried a different approach, extending your awareness outward, feeling for the boundary between here and... somewhere else. There—a thin spot in reality, a place where the world seemed to fold in on itself. You pushed toward it with your mind, imagining yourself slipping through.

The world dissolved around you with a nauseating lurch.

Darkness engulfed you, a crushing pressure from all sides. For one terrifying moment, you were nowhere and everywhere, stretched impossibly thin across reality itself.

Then, with a jolt that knocked the air from your lungs, you rematerialized—tumbling forward onto soft grass. You lay there for a moment, gasping, the world spinning around you.

"That," you announced to the empty air, "was horrible. Zero out of ten. Would not recommend."

When your head finally stopped spinning, you pushed yourself up and looked around.

The Azure Pool lived up to its name.

Nestled in a clearing surrounded by ancient trees, the water glowed with an impossible blue-green luminescence that pulsed gently like a heartbeat. The surface was mirror-smooth, reflecting the cloud-dappled sky above. It seemed to call to you, welcoming you home.

Not this home. Your real home.

"Perfect," you whispered, approaching the edge.

No one in sight. No witnesses.

Just you and a magical lake that would hopefully send you back to your world.

You shrugged off your outer tunic, leaving only the fitted leathers underneath. Less to drag you down. The crisp autumn air raised goosebumps across your exposed skin, but you barely registered the chill. Your focus narrowed to the glowing water before you, its ethereal light casting strange patterns across your face.

Standing at the edge, you hesitated.

The mating bond, that golden thread connecting you to Azriel, pulled taut in your chest like a physical restraint. It seemed to know your intentions, throbbing with an almost sentient awareness that made your breath catch.

"Okay," you muttered, steeling yourself. "Just walk in, breathe in the water, and wake up in a hospital bed. Simple."

But was it simple? This world, for all its dangers and complications, had an undeniable beauty. Magic thrummed in the very air you breathed, in the trees that whispered secrets to the wind, in the blood that coursed through this borrowed body. A part of you recognized the wonder of it all, the chance to experience something humans only dreamed about.

The bond tugged sharply, as if in agreement, sending a lance of pain through your chest. Your hand flew up, pressing against your sternum.

"Stop it," you whispered to the invisible tether. "I don't belong here."

But did you? The mating bond wouldn't have formed unless there was... something.

Some connection, some compatibility between your soul and Azriel's. The thought was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

You took one step toward the water—then froze as an image flashed in your mind. Hazel eyes flecked with gold. Shadows that reached for you despite their master's will.

Azriel.

The mating bond thrummed more intensely, responding to even the thought of him. You felt his rejection anew, the cold dismissal, the formality that cut deeper than open hostility could have. But beneath that, you'd glimpsed something else—a flicker of recognition when your tears fell, a moment of genuine pain in those beautiful, ancient eyes.

The bond demanded closure. Even if he hated you. Even if he'd rejected you in front of everyone. You couldn't just disappear without saying goodbye.

"Fine," you sighed, the sound heavy with resignation. "One quick, awkward goodbye to the shadowsinger who despises me, then back here for drowning. Great plan."

You closed your eyes again, but instead of visualizing a place, you focused on the golden thread of the mating bond. It pulled steadily northward, toward the Night Court, toward Azriel. You gathered your power again (more carefully this time, having learned from your first disastrous attempt) and let the bond guide you.

The world dissolved once more.

This time, the darkness felt less crushing, as if the bond was protecting you from the worst of the between-space.

You rematerialized with a softer landing, though still less than graceful. Your knees hit packed earth, and you pitched forward onto your hands. The ground beneath your palms was hard-packed and cold, the scent of pine and steel and male sweat filling your nostrils.

"Halt!" a deep voice commanded.

You looked up to find yourself surrounded by winged warriors, all with weapons drawn.

Illyrians, their massive battle-wings flared in threatening displays. The sound of those wings cutting through air raised the hair on your arms—a prehistoric, predatory sound that spoke to the most primitive parts of your brain. At their center stood Cassian, the commander you'd met during yesterday's disastrous dinner.

"Oh, hello again," you said brightly, pushing yourself up and dusting off your leathers. "Lovely day, isn't it? So sunny. Really brings out the threatening scowls on all your faces."

Cassian stared at you in disbelief. "You just winnowed to the edge of an Illyrian war-camp. Alone. Without warning or permission."

"Did I?" You glanced around. "Huh. I was aiming for 'wherever Azriel is.' The mating bond was supposed to guide me. Magical GPS and all that."

"Magical... what?" Cassian's brow furrowed.

"Never mind," you said, waving dismissively. "Is Azriel here? I need to speak with him."

Cassian's expression hardened. "He has no interest in speaking with you."

"I know," you sighed. "He hates me. But this is important."

"Important enough to risk starting another war?" Cassian asked coldly.

The bond tightened in your chest, a physical pain that radiated outward, stealing your breath. Your hand pressed against it instinctively, and something in your expression must have changed, because Cassian's eyes narrowed in recognition.

"I'm not here for war," you protested, your voice softening, all pretense falling away. "I just need to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" Cassian's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Going somewhere?"

"Far, far away," you confirmed quietly. "Never to return. Which should make everyone happy, especially Azriel. So really, letting me see him is a win-win."

Cassian crossed his arms. "And I should trust you because...?"

"Please," you said softly, all bravado evaporating like morning mist. Your voice cracked on the word, betraying the desperation beneath your carefully constructed facade. "Five minutes. That's all I ask. Then I'll leave and never bother any of you again."

Your eyes, suddenly bright with unshed tears, met his. "I know I don't deserve it. I know what she—what I did to him was unforgivable. But I can't leave without saying goodbye. The bond won't let me."

You placed your hand over your heart, where the golden thread pulsed painfully with each heartbeat. "It hurts," you added, the simple admission costing you more than you cared to admit.

Something in your face—the naked vulnerability, perhaps, or the quiet desperation—made Cassian's expression soften fractionally. The scent of him shifted slightly, the aggressive edge giving way to cautious curiosity.

"You really are different," he said finally.

"So I've been told," you replied, trying for a smile that wobbled at the edges. "Is that a yes?"

Cassian sighed deeply, running a hand through his dark hair. "If you so much as flicker a flame in his direction, I'll drop you from a height that even High Fae can't survive. Clear?"

"Crystal," you agreed, relief flooding through you. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Cassian grumbled, gesturing for the other Illyrians to stand down. "Az is going to kill me for this."

He led you through the camp, winged warriors stopping their training to stare as you passed. The ground was hard-packed beneath your boots, worn smooth by centuries of Illyrian feet.

The air was crisp and cold, carrying the metallic scent of weapons and the earthy musk of male sweat. Fires burned in stone pits, the smoke carrying scents of cooking meat and pine. Everything about this place was wild, primal—the same way the warriors themselves were, with their predatory grace and ancient eyes.

The mating bond pulled more insistently with each step, the golden thread glowing brighter in your mind's eye, leading you unerringly toward Azriel. It thrummed between your ribs, a vibrating tension that grew tighter, more urgent as you approached.

"So," you said nervously as you walked, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your tunic, "how's life in the Night Court? Pleasant? Regular happiness meetings?"

Cassian shot you a sideways glance. "Are you always this chatty now, or is it just nerves?"

"Definitely nerves," you admitted quietly. "I'm not exactly good at goodbyes."

Your voice caught on the word, and the bond spasmed painfully in response. You suppressed a wince, but Cassian's sharp eyes missed nothing.

"Where exactly are you going that necessitates dramatic border-crossing farewells?" Cassian asked carefully.

"Home," you said simply. "Where I belong."

"And where is that?" he pressed.

"Would you believe... another world entirely?" Your voice was barely above a whisper.

Cassian studied your face for a long moment. "Actually, after yesterday's display, I might." He frowned slightly. "Does Az know about this... plan of yours?"

"No," you admitted. "And I'd prefer to keep it that way."

"Hmm," was all Cassian said as you entered a large clearing.

The training field opened up before you, a vast area of packed earth surrounded by training equipment and weapons racks. Illyrian warriors moved through drills in small groups, their wings creating gusts of wind with each powerful stroke. The sound was like distant thunder, a rhythmic percussion that vibrated in your chest.

And there, at the far end, stood Azriel.

Even from this distance, the sight of him made your heart stutter painfully in your chest. The shadowsinger moved with lethal grace as he demonstrated a complex blade maneuver to a group of young warriors. Shadows danced around him like living extensions of his body, coiling and stretching in hypnotic patterns. His power was a tangible thing, a cold pressure against your skin that raised goosebumps along your arms.

Beside him stood a slender female with golden-brown hair. She wore a simple dress the color of spring leaves, and smiled up at Azriel as he spoke. There was an easy comfort between them, a gentle familiarity that made your chest ache strangely. The scent of wildflowers surrounded her even at this distance, delicate and sweet amidst the harsher smells of the camp.

"That's Elain," Cassian murmured, noticing your gaze. "Feyre's sister."

"They look... close," you managed, hating the hint of jealousy that colored your voice. The mating bond twisted sharply in protest, as if insulted by the mere suggestion of a connection between Azriel and another female.

"They are," Cassian confirmed bluntly. "Az has been half in love with her for years."

The bond twisted again, the pain so intense it nearly doubled you over. You bit your lip hard to keep from crying out, the taste of copper flooding your mouth. Which was ridiculous—you had no claim on Azriel, no right to feel possessive. You didn't even belong in this world.

Before Cassian could say anything else, Azriel's head snapped up.

His shadows stilled completely, then surged forward like a tide, stretching toward you before he reined them back with visible effort. His eyes—those beautiful hazel eyes with flecks of gold—locked with yours across the training field, and the mating bond between you hummed to life, pulling taut and vibrant.

The pain vanished instantly, replaced by an awareness so intense it made you gasp. Every sense heightened, every nerve ending suddenly, painfully alive. His scent reached you even across the distance—night-chilled stone and cedar and male musk. The world narrowed to him alone, everything else fading into insignificance.

"He knows I'm here," you murmured, suddenly feeling small and uncertain.

Azriel said something to the warriors, then to Elain, who glanced curiously in your direction. He began walking toward you with measured steps, his face a mask of careful neutrality. His wings were folded tightly against his back, but shadows swirled around him in agitated patterns, betraying the emotion he refused to show.

Your palms grew damp with nervous sweat. Your heart raced in your chest, partly from the bond's insistent pull, partly from the fear of facing him after everything that had happened. Your mouth went dry, and you swallowed convulsively, trying to prepare yourself for his rejection.

When he reached you, he stopped at a careful distance, shadows swirling restlessly around him. He inclined his head slightly—a gesture of formal acknowledgment, nothing more. The scent of him was stronger now, wrapping around you like an invisible embrace that his body refused to give.

"My Lady," he said, his deep voice coolly professional. "This is unexpected."

Up close, you could see faint scars on his face, subtle markers of a life lived in violence. His wings were even more impressive than you remembered, powerful spans of membranous darkness that shifted slightly as he moved.

And on his chest—visible above the neckline of his training clothes—the edge of a scar that must have come from the burning your body's previous inhabitant had inflicted. The sight of it made your stomach clench with guilt and shame, though logically you knew you weren't responsible.

"I came to say goodbye," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. Your fingers twisted nervously in front of you, a gesture of vulnerability that felt utterly foreign to this body accustomed to displays of power.

For a fraction of a second, something flickered in his eyes—surprise, perhaps, or disbelief—before it was hidden again behind walls of ice. His shadows, however, betrayed him, reaching toward you before he pulled them back with visible effort. The temperature around you dropped several degrees, as if his shadows absorbed the very heat from the air.

"I see," he said neutrally. "Is there a reason the Lady of the Autumn Court felt it necessary to cross territories for such a purpose?"

The formal way he referred to you—not by name, but by title—stung worse than outright hostility might have. It was as if you were a stranger, a political entity rather than a person. The bond between you spasmed painfully, and you had to fight to keep your expression neutral.

"The mating bond," you explained, your voice trembling slightly as you forced yourself to meet his gaze. "I couldn't... I couldn't leave without seeing you one last time."

His shadows coiled tighter, writhing with what looked almost like agitation. Several of them formed sharp, jagged shapes before smoothing out again, as if reflecting some inner conflict he refused to acknowledge.

"The bond is irrelevant," he said, his voice devoid of emotion. "As I made clear yesterday. Is there anything else?"

The dismissal was so complete, so utterly final, that tears welled in your eyes unbidden. You blinked rapidly, but it was too late—they spilled over, tracking silently down your cheeks. The salt of them burned against your cold skin, their warmth a stark contrast to the ice in his eyes.

Something flashed in Azriel's eyes—not the cold indifference from before, but something almost like pain. A muscle in his jaw ticked, and his hands curled into fists at his sides. His shadows reached for you again, stretching toward your tears as if to wipe them away before he harshly yanked them back.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, hastily wiping at your face. "I didn't mean to cry. I just... I wanted to apologize. For everything—"

"I have duties to attend to," he said abruptly, gesturing toward the training field where Elain waited, watching your interaction with open curiosity. "Cassian will escort you back to the border."

As if summoned by his name, Cassian stepped forward. "Time to go." he said.

You nodded, throat too tight for words. With one last look at Azriel—standing remote and unreachable despite being only feet away—you turned to follow Cassian.

You had taken only a few steps when Azriel's voice stopped you.

"Wait."

You glanced back, hope fluttering traitorously in your chest. The bond between you pulled painfully tight, as if trying to physically draw you back to him.

His face remained expressionless, but his shadows reached toward you, stretching across the distance between you. "May the Cauldron guide your path," he said formally, the traditional Fae farewell for travelers.

Not a declaration of feeling. Not even an acknowledgment of the bond. Just empty words, proper protocol. And yet... his eyes held yours a moment longer than necessary, something unreadable flickering in their hazel depths.

"Thank you," you whispered, a fresh tear slipping down your cheek. "Goodbye, Azriel."

This time, he didn't watch you leave. He turned and walked back to the training field without another glance, rejoining Elain as if the encounter had never happened. Only his shadows lingered, stretching toward you until distance finally severed the connection.

As soon as you were out of Azriel's sight, something inside you shattered. A sob tore from your throat, raw and unfiltered. Then another. And another, until you were gasping for breath, tears streaming unchecked down your face.

You stumbled, nearly falling as your legs threatened to give out beneath the weight of your grief. The mating bond ached like an open wound in your chest, every heartbeat sending fresh pain radiating through your body. It was a physical agony, as if someone had reached into your ribcage and was slowly, methodically shredding your heart.

"Whoa, whoa," Cassian said, catching your elbow to steady you. His hand was warm, solid, an anchor in the storm of your emotions. "Breathe, just breathe."

But you couldn't stop. The sobs came harder, your shoulders shaking with their force. You covered your face with your hands, but it did nothing to stem the flow of tears that slipped between your fingers and dripped onto the forest floor. Each breath was a struggle, catching painfully in your throat.

"I'm s-sorry," you choked out between sobs. "I can't—I can't stop."

Cassian looked utterly bewildered, his wings shifting uncomfortably behind him. The sound of them rustling was like agitated whispers. His expression was almost comical—the mighty Illyrian warrior, commander of the Night Court armies, completely undone by one sobbing female.

"It's... um... it's okay?" he tried, awkwardly patting your back. "Just... let it out?"

Your breath hitched as you tried to control yourself. "I'm sorry—this is so embarrassing—"

"Don't apologize," Cassian said gruffly. "The bond rejection... it's brutal. I've seen it before."

You wiped your eyes with your sleeve, which did absolutely nothing as fresh tears immediately took their place. Your chest heaving with each ragged breath, your entire body trembling. "It's not just that," you said, your voice breaking. "It's everything. This world, this body, this life that isn't mine. And now him—the one person who could have maybe..." You couldn't finish the thought as another sob overtook you.

Cassian sighed deeply, then did something unexpected. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket—surprisingly delicate for a battle-hardened warrior—and offered it to you.

"Here," he said. "Nesta makes me carry these. Says it's civilized."

The unexpected kindness only made you cry harder. You took the handkerchief with trembling fingers, trying and failing to dry your eyes. The delicate fabric was soft against your skin, smelling faintly of cedar and something distinctly female—Nesta's scent, you presumed.

"I'm getting tears all over your nice handkerchief," you said miserably.

To your surprise, Cassian chuckled. "I've had worse things on me. Much worse."

The mental image that conjured made you laugh through your tears—a wet, hiccuping sound that somehow made Cassian's shoulders relax. The scent of his relief was palpable, a subtle shift in his usual male musk.

"There we go," he said, relief evident in his voice. "Laughing and crying at the same time. Very efficient."

You hiccuped again, your breath coming in shuddering gasps as you tried to regain control. "I'm a m-mess."

"Yeah," Cassian agreed bluntly, but his eyes were kind. "But it's actually kind of... cute."

"Cute?" you repeated incredulously, knowing your face must be blotchy and swollen, your eyes red-rimmed. You could taste salt on your lips, feel the sticky tracks of tears drying on your cheeks.

"In a pathetic, helpless animal sort of way," he clarified with a grin. "Like a half-drowned kitten."

Despite everything, you found yourself laughing again—a watery, broken sound, but genuine. "You're terrible at comforting people."

"So I've been told," Cassian admitted cheerfully. "Repeatedly. By everyone I know."

You wiped your eyes again, breathing deeply to try to calm yourself. But the tears kept coming,

You wiped your eyes again, breathing deeply to try to calm yourself. But the tears kept coming, slower now but steady, as if your body was determined to purge every drop of grief it contained.

"Sorry," you murmured. "I can't seem to stop."

"It's the bond," Cassian explained, his voice softening. "When it's rejected... your body literally grieves."

"It hurts," you whispered, pressing a hand to your chest where the golden thread seemed to pulse with every beat of your breaking heart. The pain had a texture to it—jagged edges that tore at your insides with each breath, each heartbeat. "Like something's being torn out of me."

Cassian nodded, understanding in his eyes. "That's why most Fae don't reject the bond, even when they'd rather not accept it right away. The cost is... significant."

You hadn't realized Azriel would be feeling this too—this tearing, ripping sensation in his chest. The thought made fresh tears spill down your cheeks.

"Does he feel it too?" you asked, your voice small.

Cassian hesitated, then nodded. "Yes. Though he has centuries of practice hiding pain."

The two of you walked in silence for a while, your ragged breathing and occasional hiccuping sobs the only sounds. The forest around you deepened, tree limbs creating patterns of dappled shadow across the path. The scent of pine and earth surrounded you, grounding you in this moment, this world, even as you planned your escape from it.

You were vaguely aware of how absurd this must look—the Lady of Autumn Court, sobbing like a child while being escorted by the Night Court's general.

When you reached the border, marked by sentinel stones carved with runes, Cassian stopped. The stones hummed with ancient magic, the boundary between territories tangible as a change in pressure against your skin. The air itself felt different here—caught between autumn's golden warmth and night's cool embrace.

"This is as far as I go," he said. "Can you winnow back safely?"

"I'll manage," you assured him, though in truth you felt exhausted. The emotional toll of the encounter with Azriel had drained you as much as the winnowing itself. Your body felt hollow, wrung out, as if you'd run for miles.

You tried to hand back the handkerchief, now thoroughly soaked with tears.

"Keep it," Cassian said, grimacing slightly. "Consider it a souvenir of your visit to the Night Court."

"How thoughtful," you replied, managing a wobbly smile.

Cassian's expression grew serious. "Whatever you're planning... be careful."

"I will," you lied.

He studied your tear-stained face for a moment longer. "For what it's worth, I think he's making a mistake."

The unexpected words made your breath catch. "Why?"

"Because you're not who you were," Cassian said simply. "And bonds don't make mistakes. The Cauldron knows something he doesn't."

Fresh tears welled in your eyes. "Thank you, Cassian."

He shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the emotion of the moment. "Don't mention it. Seriously, don't. I have a reputation to maintain."

With one final, awkward pat on your shoulder, Cassian turned and walked back toward the camp, his wings shifting restlessly against his back. The sound of them faded gradually, until only the whisper of the forest remained.

You stood at the border for a long moment, looking back at the Night Court territory—at the space where Azriel had stood, cold and remote and unreachable. The mating bond tugged painfully in your chest, urging you to return, to try again, to make him understand. Each pull was a physical sensation, like a hook embedded in your heart, drawing you back toward him.

But there was nothing more to say. He had made his feelings perfectly clear.

"Goodbye," you whispered one last time, though there was no one to hear it. The word tasted like ash on your tongue, final and irrevocable.

Then, gathering what remained of your strength, you focused on your destination—the Azure Pool.

The image was clearer now that you'd seen it, and the bond's pull had faded to a dull, persistent ache, making it easier to concentrate. You closed your eyes, visualizing the glowing water, the ancient trees, the isolation that would allow you to complete your journey home undisturbed.

You pushed through the fabric of reality, and the world dissolved around you once more. The darkness enveloped you, but this time it felt almost comforting, a temporary oblivion that numbed the pain in your chest. For one blissful moment, you were nowhere, nothing—just consciousness suspended between worlds.

Then, with a jolt that sent you to your knees, you rematerialized at the edge of the glowing pool.

You stumbled forward, the last of your strength draining away with the effort of winnowing. Fresh tears immediately welled, spilling down your already salt-stained cheeks. Your eyes burned, swollen and red-rimmed from crying. Your face felt hot and puffy, your breath still coming in those little hiccuping gasps that remained after a long bout of sobbing.

Looking down at your reflection in the still water, you barely recognized yourself. Your face was flushed and blotchy, eyes so puffy they appeared half their normal size, nose reddened, lips trembling with each unsteady breath.

The heartbreak was a physical pain now, radiating from your chest through your entire body.

Each breath hurt.

Each heartbeat sent fresh agony through the bond that stretched impossibly thin between you and Azriel. You pressed your hand to your sternum, as if you could somehow soothe the golden thread that seemed to be tearing itself apart inside you.

The water before you glowed with an ethereal blue-green light that pulsed like a heartbeat. It was uncannily alive, responding to your presence with subtle shifts in its luminescence. A gentle mist rose from its surface, carrying a scent that was both alien and strangely familiar—like the antiseptic of a hospital mixed with the mineral tang of magic.

"It's time," you whispered to yourself, your voice hoarse from crying. "Time to go home."

But even as you thought the words, doubt crept in.

You took a deep breath and stepped forward, the cool water lapping around your ankles. The sensation was strange—warmer than it should be, almost sentient in the way it curled around your skin. Another step, and it reached your knees, soaking through your leathers to caress your thighs with uncanny gentleness.

As you waded deeper, memories flashed through your mind—your childhood home, your first day of nursing school, the smell of antiseptic and sound of heart monitors.

Real memories, from your real life. The life you were returning to.

But other memories came too—Briar's surprised laughter, Eris's reluctant amusement, Cassian's awkward comfort. Connections formed in this strange world that somehow felt significant, as if they had always been a part of you, waiting to be discovered.

And Azriel.

His face when you cried—that brief moment when his mask had slipped, revealing something almost like pain. The way his shadows had reached for you, as if they recognized something in you that he refused to acknowledge. The flash of vulnerability in his eyes that contradicted every cold word from his lips.

The bond between you spasmed violently, as if sensing your intentions. The pain doubled you over, forcing a gasp from your lungs. It was fighting you, this golden thread, with everything it had.

"Please," you whispered, tears mingling with the glowing water. "Please just let me go."

The water reached your chest now, each breath slightly more difficult than the last. Just a few more steps, and you'd be fully submerged. One final breath, and then—home.

But was it that simple?

The pain in your chest suggested otherwise. The bond wasn't just stretching anymore—it was actively resisting, pulling back with a strength that surprised you. It didn't want to be severed. It was fighting for its survival, for your survival, with everything it had.

You closed your eyes, preparing for the plunge.

The memory of Azriel's face when you cried flashed in your mind—that brief moment when his mask had slipped, revealing something almost like pain. The way his shadows had reached for you when he thought you wouldn't notice. The flicker of recognition in his eyes when he admitted he knew you were different.

Strangely, that made it both harder and easier. Harder to leave what might have been. Easier to escape the pain of rejection.

"I'm sorry," you whispered to no one in particular. "But I have to go home."

With one final, deep breath, you plunged beneath the surface, letting the glowing waters close over your head.

The cold shocked your system, but you forced yourself to remain under, to release that precious breath and let the water in. The moment the water entered your mouth, time seemed to slow. You could feel each individual droplet as it passed your lips, slid down your throat, entered your lungs. It burned—not with the fire you expected, but with a cold so intense it might as well have been flame.

Pain blossomed in your chest, sharp and insistent, as your lungs fought against your mind's determination. Your body rebelled, instinct overriding intention as your limbs thrashed involuntarily. Your lungs spasmed, trying desperately to expel the foreign liquid. White spots danced across your vision as oxygen deprivation set in.

The mating bond flared to life with sudden, desperate intensity.

The golden thread burned like a live wire in your chest, pulsing with frantic energy. It was fighting harder now, clinging to your soul with everything it had.

Don't go, it seemed to whisper, though you knew it couldn't really speak. Stay. Belong. Live.

Darkness crept in from the edges of your vision, the glowing blue waters fading to gray, then black. Your body's struggles weakened, your limbs growing heavy, unresponsive. Your mind began to drift, consciousness slipping away like sand through fingers.

The last thing you felt was the mating bond, stretching painfully thin as consciousness slipped away. It was the final thread connecting you to that world, to that life, to him.

As it began to snap, one precious strand at a time, you felt an unexpected grief.

Not just for what was, but for what might have been.

Then nothing.

Author’s Note:

Thank you for diving headfirst into the angst ocean with me. I promise, there's a lifeboat coming... eventually. Until then: hold onto your feels, hydrate, and maybe scream into a pillow. You're doing amazing. 💔✨

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