#vent but not really

[the-real-loser-otaku-girl]

I dont want to get better.

I like how i am. I like self destructing. I like being a mess.

[lucafuwafuwa24]

perhaps i am the daughter of cultists and existential feelings that contradict my human nature have been instilled in me all my life without my knowledge

[nervoustoastthing]

you can’t even begin to comprehend the way I love vi. she is my favorite character in I way that I can’t fully explain.

it’s like she’s all the emotions I bury. she is angry. she hurts people, but she doesn’t mean too. she wants to protect people but when they don’t listen she doesn’t know how to respond other than anger. she protects her younger sibling with anger. she’s a disappointment to so many because she didn’t turn out the way they thought.

she hurts people.

I can’t stop hurting people because I’m angry. I can’t stop trying to protect my sister with anger.

but when I watched her, it’s like my anger flowed away through her. like she took away my anger because she used it all up. I haven’t gotten angry with my sister practically all day. I haven’t had angry thoughts.

she taught me that it’s ok. I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to always be nice. that there will always be a place.

I haven’t had a character make me feel like this… ever.

[moethh]

I WISH LES MIS 1978 INCLUDED THE GORBEAU HOUSE SIDEPLOT I WISH MARIUS COULD GO TALK TO PERKINSVERT AND BE SILLY I WISH PERKINSVERT COULD BURN HIS COAT FROM TH STOVE AND GET MAD AT IT EVEN THOUGH HE WAS LITERALLY THE ONE STANDING TOO CLOSE I WISH PERKINSVERT COULD GIVE TWO(why two?!?!!) PISTOLS TO MARIUS AND GO “bang! a pistol shot.” I WISH PERKINSVERT COULD GO “would you like my hat? :]” TO THENARDIER I WISH PERKINSVERT COULD GO “don’t shoot! you’ll miss ;]” AND THEN THENARDIER MISSES I WISH PERKINSVERT COULD SAY TO MME THENARDIER “i have claws like a woman >:3” I WISH PERKINSVERT COULD BE ANGRY AFTER REALIZING VALJEAN ESCAPED EVEN AFTER HE JUST ARRESTED A LITERAL GANG I WISH PERKINSVERT COULD GO “LITERALLY WHERE IS THAT GUY(Marius)?!?!??!” AND GO AROUND LOOKING FOR HIM I W

[thebabyradiodemon]

Mmmhhh.... *hic* Uppy?...

[abby118]

TFW I finally want to draw something after months of no actual motivation (mainly because I've been focusing on writing more) and then I'm at work.

[magefelixir]

me explaining to my dad that when i get screamed at or berated i shut down and so no that just makes it harder for me to do work

[vampire-f0od]

I remember when I had a therapist and she would just tell me stuff like idk how to love ppl and it's weird and wrong what I do, like ur meant to help not say I'm gross right??? XD

[pikwosky]

tô tão pobre que não tenho nem dinheiro suficiente pra comprar lâmina pra me cortar pqp inferno de vida, odeio ser pobre, não sei administrar meu dinheiro, fico gastando tudo comprando card de coreano na shoppe e depois fico na merda aff

[wellthatsunfortunate444]

i feel so invalidated by my own brain its crazy.

most of the time, i feel really low and want to cvt all the time and hate life, but the second i feel slightly happy or i laugh at a joke, my brains like:

"FAKER FAKER SEE YOU CAN BE HAPPY YOUR BEING DRAMATIC AND LYING"

give me a goddamn break i beg

[smolfrosted]

My father’s instinct to run will not save him

He runs from fights, from arguments, from confrontation, from everything

The only thing he ever ran towards was his daughter, and he no longer has one

Instead he will run from the thing that he raised

He documented the screaming, the hysteria, the nosebleeds and fevers and terror and illnesses and doctors visits

He forged the medical excuses of the thing that will kill him

I am his inevitably, I don’t run from, I run towards

Towards an entity born of fiction that fixed me and gave me a home despite not needing one from it, towards the teenager written into a horror story that snapped and killed his father, setting his home ablaze, towards a man in a mask with a bottle of pills and a knife that keeps others safe even when unaware

When I was seven I felt anger, real anger, for the first time when the kids in my class that laughed at my cousin’s stutter

When I was nine I started setting small paper fires and messing with candles and lighting matches

When I was twelve he taught me how to use a hatchet, unaware of why I was so excited to do so

I was raised by my mother to have a spine, to not take shit from others

And I was taught by Tobias exactly how to deal with when people do give me shit

I will never be fixed, because I can never be broken, not in anyway that will ever actually matter

[the-real-loser-otaku-girl]

My leg could be chopped off and id still tell everyone im fine

[lucafuwafuwa24]

pharaoh curse acquired

[ostriches-because-i-said-so]

I can do whatever I want! I'll have an anxiety attack about it later but I can still do it!

[thesealantern]

Today is a hell of my own making…

(It’s not even lunch and I’ve cried like twice,,,, chat am I cooked?)

[mostlyvoidpartiallyjims]

Me: Being a tomboy my whole childhood

Me: Horrified when puberty hits and feminine physical changes are explained to me.

Me: Has primarily male ocs, prefers role-playing those ocs.

Me: Has no desire to use makeup, wear feminine clothes, and be actively uncomfortable when I have to.

Me: Hate being called pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, instead of handsome.

Me: Keeps making self insert personas. Most of them are nonbinary or male.

Me: Two out of three of my fursonas are not my agab.

Me: Feels sick with envy over masc lesbians, femboys, transmascs, and certain male presentations.

Also me for nineteen years: Nothing to read into =] Perfectly cis women I'm just qUiRkY =]