#im trying to keep myself together
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I think Sebastian only has four arms cause he ate one when he couldn't find any food
Also good people smells like gasoline combined with rotting flesh
-🪩
Yum Arm Yummy Chomp Chomp
#pressure headcanons#mod seb#sebastian solace#roblox pressure#sebastian solace pressure#pressure#good people pressure#im trying to keep myself together#because the anons and my moots for my main#are GOING CRAZY#🪩 anon
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so, uh, i got confirmation that i'm on the spectrum recently so i drew this as a silly joke art ft. my sona, henry and charlie because i also headcanoned them to be on it long before i even got assessed
#imagine accidentally finding out you're on the spectrum very late in life all because you hced your blorbos to be on it (can't be me)#i'd honestly never suspected myself of it my entire life so yeah it was pretty surprising and strangely relieving#fr fr i've been so busy and i'm trying to get my life together for the past few days and trying to digest this info so. sorry for inactivit#like i still have to get paperwork and requirements and cards and meds lmao im SO EXHAUSTED BUT i will keep on truckin#i promise chapter 7-8 is on the way!#also yes I revamped/redesigned my sona not too long ago!#anyways sorry for the life update dump in the tags haha#hopefully I get my comms done soon enough/the fic chapters done in a flash!#hidden hands au#fnaf au#fnaf fanart#charlie emily#henry emily#charlotte emily#fnaf henry emily#fnaf charlie emily#my art#personal art
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just started crying thinking about andrew visiting neil while neil's in his fifth year at palmetto oh its so serious for me.
#aftg#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#guyyyssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#neil and andrew trying to keep it together when theyre so far apart and both of them making mistakes 😭😭#trying to prove they don't need each other and they can survive without each other but it just leaves them feeling empty#and then andrew caving and coming back to palmetto for a weekend to see neil killing himself on the court#and then neil sees him and just kinda falls into him im going to kill myself 💯
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cried a little bit, feeling less overwhelmed and just generally ... numb and pessimistic now ... im sorry i keep doing this
#ganondoodles talks#personal#im gonna take a guess and say the root cause for alot of my mental problems rn is this loneliness#and fear of being completely left alone#its been building up more and more and togehter with the rest of the world stuff its been breaking me again#i dont know if i should keep deleting these posts or if that may seem weird too#im trying to get myself back together and not talk about it as much ... emphasis on trying...#im sorry this keeps being the place i do this on#it feels the most .. secure ... comfortable .. for some reason#though im probably just shooting myself in the foot
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/ A reminder to never expect me to be fully updated on lore and know all the minuscule 9487548957894 details of a character's story and their surroundings, I'm empty as men came to this world and can only vouch for my muses through love (also bc I cannot remember things rip)
#;ooc#ooc#i thrive only by love.... (crying because my memory is the size of a peanut)#this is a safe space for not knowing jack shit!!; let's learn.... together!!!!#i remember i started my very first f.ate blog with n.ero and knew close to nothing about how the world of f.ate worked#i was like wtf is a g.rand order!?!? what are they ordering!!!#like im not joking i was winging it so hard until i got the hang of what f.go was#i only knew i liked her grandiose personality and was interested in learning about emperor nero and history thats all#i tend to beat myself a lot of times over not knowing stuff; feeling like im not 'worthy enough' to write x character#or because i see there are too many people pulling out such cool detailed headcanons im like#'oh man... what could i possibly talk about that hasn't been brought out before? its so pointless!'#BUT NO BROTHER :POINTING EMOJI: write whoever tickles your heart#its okay if at the end you coulndt find the muse; but at least you tasted the juice! u could decide for yourself and not the#i.ntrusive thoughts#like yessir i try my best to keep up but! it is as it is;#drilling in my head that not knowing the most about a muse doesnt demerit my love for them#and that i dont have to know everything to feel worthy enough to write them or like them
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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ive started to really despise self help posts because all they do for me is illustrate just how apparently fucked i am compared to most other people
#vent#bloody hell#like gods this shit works for you??#such bullshit#i know its not good to be mad at other people for being happier than you#but fuck dude why cant i ever get a win bigger than ''fine i guess i dont wanna kill myself''#like thats great and all but im still in the exact same hole as before!#ive never even needed self help posts in the first place- all i need is to pull myself together and fix things#... no thats a lie. i havent been able to do that in years.#call it lack of energy or motivation or willpower or whatever#nowadays even when people like my brother try to help me as much as they know how#i just cant manage to try#i tried so hard for years and where did that get me? burnout 2 electric boogaloo#i can try to light the spark like i used to as much as i want#never gonna catch if theres nothing left to burn#cant even slow down#because i know that wont fix anything#ill be just as exhausted as before because my energy levels are perpetually at 0 i guess.#''just try harder'' WHY???#WHY ARE YOU TRYING IN THE FIRST PLACE??#what is giving you the motivation to keep pushing on like that??#what could possibly be so important to you that its worth ALL OF THIS!??#i dont understand#i remember i used to push on despite everything#but there was no reason. i was fighting cause what else could i do?#but as soon as i realized that i ran out of steam. not quite the same when you realize youre ruining yourself for literally no reason#because you never considered doing anything else#what a fucking joke
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My #3 song on Spotify Wrapped was My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys, and I'll have you know I think about SteveTony every. single. time. I listen to it. So what I'm saying is I spent A LOT of time angsting about Stony this year (it's also a perfect Stucky and Cherik song). In summary: when I catch you Steve Rogers when I catch you >:/ 🫵👊
Oh, here we go again. / The voices in his head / Called the rain to end our days of wild
But you should've seen him / When he first got me
Should've known it was a matter of time / Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys
There was a litany of reasons why / We could've played for keeps this time / I know I'm just repeating myself
And I'll tell you that he runs / Because he loves me.
Cause you should've seen him / When he first saw me
Cause I knew too much / There was danger in the heat of my touch / He saw forever so he smashed it up
Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me
Just say when, I'd play again / He was my best friend / Down at the sandlot / I felt more when we played pretend / Than with all the Kens / Cause he took me out of my box / Stole my tortured heart / Left all these broken parts / Told me I'm better off
But I'm not
I'm not
I'm not.
MCU Steve being a close friend (lover) to Tony for years and then throwing it all away and crushing his heart to pieces for Bucky. And then leaving BUCKY for Peggy. He plays with his favourite toys until they're smashed and ugly, then leaves them for a new shiny thing.
#stony#cherik#stucky#spotify wrapped#marvel#mcu#steve rogers#tony stark#x men#stevetony#erik lehnsherr#charles xavier#bucky barnes#i could analyze every single line and relate it to these ships#HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!! AHHHHH#TOLD ME IM BETTER OFF like this is so stucky being left at the altar vibes (I mean time machine... same thing)#there was a litany of reasons why we could've played for keeps this time i know im just repeating myself—tony trying to convince steve to#sign the accords. literally begging him not to make this a fight “because its us!” GAWDDD#and then we compare first class charles to dofp... erik fucking chewed that pretty boy up and spat him out 😭#he took me out of my box and left all these broken parts—their adventures...the hope & home they created together...then erik BROKE HIS LEG#just say when id play again. he was my best friend—tony forgiving steve in endgame and maybe losing everything because of it#once i fix me hes gonna miss me—charles and erik paris proposal. steve hand on arm in endgame. bucky in wakanda.#im sorry this song makes me foam at the mouth pls listen to it and think about these ships
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oh girls it might just be so entirely over that its the end for lil ol me
#i am trying to not be a jealous person but i s2g this guy gets literally everything he wants and does literally nothing#actually an insufferable person most of the time esp when drunk#and i am trying day in and day out my absolute hardest to keep myself and my life and the house and everything together#and have nothing to show for it except some burnout.#if I didnt have to pay like any bills or anything like him. oh boy my life would fucking rule#just can’t take this anymore tbh im so sick of never winning never even getting a shot at winning
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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
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often im a bit upset at myself for not grasping da lore as fast as other properties but im starting to realize its not because i somehow suck at this specifically but because its extremely hard to find said lore properly written down in detail anywhere
#ghosts howling#somehow the wiki is simultaneously full of information but lacking so much of it too#and forum discussions usually dont amount to much#though im not absolving blame from myself its very hard for me to remember a lot of the events in the lore#theres a lot of names for things and they blend together in my mind its difficult and complicated#WE SHALL KEEP TRYING!
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ive got a friend whos kind of rude and degrading to me and everytime we hang out i get some level of annoyed but i seem to be unable to track patterns and realize what i put myself into. maybe cuz i have so few friends
#shes always broke so ill frequently pay her portion of things. she never says thank u and will choose expensive options even tho im trying#to save money as well#when drunk she will frequently slap/thrust things in ur face despite ppl telling her how annoying it is#shes spend a great deal of time together complaining about other ppl when i keep telling her to drop it and stop ruminating#yesterday she asked me to hold her drink. asked whywhat was she doing and she just said 'well i dont want it anymore'???? so i hold it#indefinitely????#i try to put my foot down and stand up for myself a bit and she will half heartedly apologize but then is obviously pissed about it#shes Fine in a group setting but i cant do one-on-one anymore im not strong enough. and its taking all my money#im in a 'beggars cant be choosers' scenario like wah wah ill go hang out w OTHER friends; girl what other friends 😭😭
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just wanted to thank everyone that's been encouraging me or offering some kind of support the last few times I talked about getting a cane... because I went and got one today and I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. I underestimated how much it would change for me.
So thank you <33
#got a prescription from my GP last week and gathered my nerves together to get one today#thankfully we have a health care supply store only ten minutes away on foot#I'd planend on getting an anatomical one as prescribed by my GP and it was comfortable and id probably have chosen it too but#then the lady there told me to try the derby handle instead and honestly that was even better plus i can use it on both sides#its sleek and black for now because i can barely bear the thought of anyone seeing me using a cane in our small town in the first place#but once im comfortable..#anyway we went to a shop across the street afterwards because my besties mum needed to get some things and I didn't wanna go home by myself#and tbh i preferred the thought of going into our small city centre with somebody i trusted and felt comfortable around the first time aroun#long story short im super suprised by the difference it's making 😬 i mean ofc i didn't just get the cane on a fluke#but it was like 'well let's try it out it may help and people keep saying it's for stability and chronic pain too so why not'#yeah so apparently i did need it#i felt so much better#there were several instances where i noticed the cane kept me from stumbling or swaying or missing a step#it felt good#so thank you all
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13, trying to prevent yaz from spiralling when they get separated: i need you to do a deepdive into eschatology
#fghgjhjhggh#'yea i know this sucks babe but we'll figure it out the fate of the world is on your shoulders i believe in you kisses <3'#like thats where you'll end up right#'find out when the aliens come try and take over'#eschatology and death cults and conspiracy theories probably#forced to sift through like centuries of that stuff for years on end trying to find the Real in all of it#and you cant.......stop. bc the world will end#i dont think you come out of that.................normal#even with the best starting condition you dont come out of that normal but yaz is like#functional only by virtue of her circumstances i think#she looks fine bc shes standing next to 13#i dont think shes normal under the surface#i dont think 4 years of apocalypticism left her untouched#dan either i mean i dont think anyone comes out of that untouched but these two are like barely keeping it together beforehand#can you imagine how WEIRD theyve become#can you imagine how obliviously and kind of unsettlingly weird they'd be in support groups#the others would get it like sure none of us are really normal anymore but like#i think they'd be weird#4 years of having to depend on each other and not knowing if you'll get back home and having to take The End Times seriously nonstop as a#matter of urgency and duty#and then losing the third member of your party?#dan and yaz will be so weird and fucked up#iknow im repeating myself but im just trying to put myself in the frame of mind of#having to take intepretations of the end times seriously for 4 years#when youre already like a lowkey suicidal person to begin with#i think if yaz hangs out with 14 she'll say such weird and fucked up things entirely obliviously and he'd be like O.O#she probably still has 1900 habits that show up unexpectedly#or like just miscalibrated. has to take a trip to another country and takes a train bc she forgets planes exist#has to look up somethign and just goes SIGH. gets her coat to go to the library. and ryans like ??? ive googled it#and shes like oh fuck google
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/be8309b4e5fe97080576fc98ede75e66/24d35ffbc3fd39d1-cd/s540x810/6661fcfa62fc35bc15945956af24ce43dfc16d7d.jpg)
@kiisuuumii (have i become anything good?)
#poetblr#poets community#poem#poetry#original poem#ive never felt more 16 than i have lately#i just feel broken and worthless#and im trying to keep myself together and to remind myself of how much ive grown not only since then but also very recently#idk it feels like im abt to implode#who knows if it'll be beautiful or if itll just be ugly#kiisuuumii#☆
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so i didn't finish the paper on time but on the plus side i Almost know how to play mahjong now
#im like 8 volumes into kaiji pt 3#which is 50 chapters deeper than i was the day before#anyway it's good but im definitely going to it as part of a sluggish avert mine eyes type dopamine struggle#i also havent slept well in a few days and ive become a total baby when it comes to that like i Cant function right anymore#when im a certain amount of tired#the like 12 hours in the car this weekend didn't help with the good restful sleep thing#i fought and fought and fought myself and in the end it's just gonna be a day late. mot that it had to be but it will be#and although i can't see the prof's late work policy i think that's gonna be okay. hopefully#but ughhtjhfhhghjghj im so tired still. ive been sleeping in like 20 min fragments trying to get this done#just woke up from a cool three hours and im (believe it or not) still tired#i havent done the 40 pg reading and i am NOT bullshitting my way through that class i am going. to bed#i know i shouldnt but i cant care rn i'll drag myself to japn and do late work all afternoon but i gotta sleep between those#anyway fukum.oto has a special way of making kaiji cringe that makes me extra fond#like watching kaiji scramble around on the floor trying to find his tiles absolutely freaking out and everyone laughing at him#was so good. he was being too confident this arc he needed to be reduced to smth horribly pitiful that he has to drag himself back together#from y'know? thats part of the fun#ANYWAY i couldn't do that shit kaiji and miyoshi are doing for many reasons but the attention span sure is one#also idk if it's the translation or what but the r slur keeps jumpscaring me in ways that are funny to me for the absurdity#thats a chapter title??? that Doesn't Belong in the chapter title??????!!! anyway#yk when you're so surprised and put off by smth you just. cackle about it? like laughing at a funeral or whatever#it's like that#buh. anyway god im so tired#ive been doing so well this semester but it looks like it's starting. the snowballing.#well hopefully i can dig myself out today after a 14 hr nap. get all that late work And my readings done yk#(<- pipe dream alert pipe dream alert)
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