#yeah so apparently i did need it
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just wanted to thank everyone that's been encouraging me or offering some kind of support the last few times I talked about getting a cane... because I went and got one today and I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. I underestimated how much it would change for me.
So thank you <33
#got a prescription from my GP last week and gathered my nerves together to get one today#thankfully we have a health care supply store only ten minutes away on foot#I'd planend on getting an anatomical one as prescribed by my GP and it was comfortable and id probably have chosen it too but#then the lady there told me to try the derby handle instead and honestly that was even better plus i can use it on both sides#its sleek and black for now because i can barely bear the thought of anyone seeing me using a cane in our small town in the first place#but once im comfortable..#anyway we went to a shop across the street afterwards because my besties mum needed to get some things and I didn't wanna go home by myself#and tbh i preferred the thought of going into our small city centre with somebody i trusted and felt comfortable around the first time aroun#long story short im super suprised by the difference it's making 😬 i mean ofc i didn't just get the cane on a fluke#but it was like 'well let's try it out it may help and people keep saying it's for stability and chronic pain too so why not'#yeah so apparently i did need it#i felt so much better#there were several instances where i noticed the cane kept me from stumbling or swaying or missing a step#it felt good#so thank you all
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just wanted to make a color ref for Brain Therapist Magneto from 309 but i needed lights too for some reason
bonus The Flats Only Version
#xmen#erik lehnsherr#magneto#xmen comics#snap sketches#why did half of my beginning tags just get neutralized. tf. now i have to retype them and this tag'll make no sense#anyway 'have you done literally anything but think about 309 since you read it' no . apparently vJARLKAJKL#BUT YEAH I JUST WANTED A COLOR REF IF IM GONNA DRAW THIS LOOK MORE OR WHATEVER#i dont know if i like the yellow dress shirt + pink tie combo ... that's inspo'd from his new mutants headmaster suit + tie..#why does he have to wear a suit under the coat huh .. the thing is i have no idea if he's supposed to be wearing a dr's coat or a trench#i mean he briefly wears his magneto suit when scolding charles so maybe it is a doctor's coat....#doctor makes the most sense to me considering the context so thats why i went all white but... now im not so sure ...#UGH stupid beautiful comic had to be in monochrome. or limited colors whatever#anyway i did start some doodles cause i wanted to post a few 309 doodles but. hm.#i think i might make a separate post for it ... it may be a lil inapropro !!!!#i wanted a color ref in the first place because i was thinking about making a 309 comic but like#now that i think of it if i do that i might jsut do the blue/black thing they did in the actual comic..#idk the thing im doodling now i might do in full color. just for fun#tbh maybe i wont do that comic after i doodle this.. no im lying i still will i still have visions i wanna put in front of my eyes#i can only fall asleep thinking about it so much i need it tangible#if i do draw it i prob just wont post it or ill just share it with select friends. aka like. one vjAELKVJEAKJ#but that's like months from now lbr ok ill still share crumbs with you all !!!!! gimme like. five hours vJALKJAKL#ok bye !!!!!!!!! please enjoy therapist magneto in the meantime#you will not get better as an individual you will get worse
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anybody else rly rly ill about the amount of grief in his eyes in this scene
[original screencap under the cut]
#qkdraws#id in alt#ayyyee surprise trigun content#vash is rly fun to draw <- girl who says literally everything is fun to draw#except shoes.fuck them thangs#anyway yeah the look in his eyes here rewired me a little bit#imagine animating human emotion so viscerally. who did this.who thought this was ok#apparently im incapable of drawing pointed faces i have to round them out. or ill die or smth#i wanna draw him more but i 1) need Energy and 2) i will have to draw his prosthetic#this isn't an excuse i Will draw his prosthetic im just whining to whine. i ain't no quitter#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#trigun#trigun vash#shoving this in the drafts before i go to bed.hi it's Draft Jay here coming at u live at 1:30am and Starving#literally so hungry.somebody save me <- too worried abt waking her parents to make food#enough of that tho i didn't expect trigun to be so .fucked up#i mean it's a show abt a fucking pacifist gunman who has a brother named Millions Knives.that's so fuckin stupid /pos#who knew how horrid it would get (not me.now i know tho <3)#uhh ur regularly scheduled mob psycho stuff will be back soon in the meantime[passes out]
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not me writing an entire k/s fic full of chess metaphors only to find out MONTHS later that the english term is castling and not rochade. i thought we were all using the persian term... like a dumbass... 😭
#more adventures in writing fic in your second language#famous last words... 'i know how to play chess i don't need to google' yeah girl but do you know how to translate chess? oof#not changing it now btw. i'm still proud of the symbolism and i don't think anyone will actually care.#let's say the 3D syzygy rochade was invented by a federation species who DID adapt a persian chess term. there. i fixed it#most european languages derive their term from 'rukh' apparently. so. who's to say that andorians and vulcans don't#lylahyf#spirk#star trek#chess#pinkgrapefloyd
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Ok since Monika still has her admin powers in the side stories you think she could just discover them accidentally or use them without realizing
Anyways au where Monika and friends discover her admin powers but dont know about the wider context of what it means. So they just go around thinking Monika has magic and try practicing with a bunch of silly fun shenanigans because they figure it’s some chosen one bloodline stuff and not like. A product of their reality being a constricted digital science experiment.
This au will not end well
#yeah she probably needs the epiphany to consciously use it but hypothetical aus are fun and the angst potential it plentiful#the beauty of this au is that it contains potential for both wacky slice of life escapades and soul crushing angst#they’re like doing a dumb 3am ghost summoning ritual and Monika accidentally does some admin stuff and they’re like ‘woah your magic’#and they research a bunch of other dumb stupid rituals and nearly set the carpet on fire#they like try to rob a bank or cheat on a test and nearly delete half a building#and then at some point Monika suddenly extends her admin powers too far and acts real despondent for no reason#because she ends up epiphany beaming herself and is even more conflicted than base game because she grows so much more connected to the club#it’s even worse because they were her whole world and she knows so much she sees how human they are but they just aren’t apparently?????#and while she can’t pull a base game and kill everyone for a nonexistent player she still goes through so much angst and like#the girls notice and want to help but don’t know how because she won’t tell anyone and she keeps avoiding them and like aauughhh#it would probably end with Monika doing something drastic and trying to reach out for anyone out there who understands#and idk maybe she’ll find base game Monika post act 4 and she’s like ‘what the heck why did you abandon your friends don’t to what I did???’#and maybe she could fix her mistakes???? maybe not??????? whatever’s narratively fulfilling#shoot this was supposed to be a short post for a silly au what have I done#this feels like the plot of a kids tv show where the plot randomly gets really dark on its fifth season#also realizing al lot of the same plot points happen in my fantasy au so I really gotta get to that too#ddlc#doki doki literature club#tempestmothtalk
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worst trope is found family separating as soon as the antagonist is dealt with.
#yes this is about voltron and it's also about guardians of the galaxy#what james gunn did to gamora in GOTG3 is criminal#i understand why they did it but to end with her GOING BACK TO THE RAVAGERS?#fail end.#seriously#and it doesnt even make sense bc ofc the high evolutionary isnt going to be the last problem they would deal with#in just a few years they encountered 5 people trying to destroy the universe and who were incredibly difficult foes#youre finna tell me there will never be a situation like that for the rest of their lives?#gtfo#and mantis' end was dumb too not even sorry#i can tolerate drax and nebula's ends.#but everyone else?#stupid#even peter's ending was fucking moronic. bro can pop in on the weekends he doesnt need to be a live in nurse for his grandpa#it's just such a major letdown and sucks everytime a director/author decides to split up the found family permanently#at least with voltron you can rationalize it by saying 'oh they never really wouldve hung out with eachother if they werent forced to for#voltron and werent forced to fight a war together.' and i can see it bc none of them DO hang out together before voltron#they barely even hang out AFTER they become voltron#keith and shiro hang out bc of the adoption/fostering/mentoring thing. lance and hunk MIGHT hang out bc they were already teammates#it's important to note that we never really see hunk and lance being bffs. theyre just friendly to eachother.#this becomes even more apparent once hunk and pidge actually become friends. it's very obvious hunk was just being friendly to lance.#just friendly.#(take this with a grain of salt bc ive only watched the whole series one time. i refuse to acknowledge anything after se 2.)#so yeah it does make more sense theyd all go their own ways but not even the small friend groups stay together at the end!#pidge and hunk are in completely different galaxies from eachother. same with keith and shiro#lance is isolated from all of them bc post se 3 writing team genuinely hated him and failed him as a character.#but GOTG3? they CHOSE to band together time and time again. they CHOSE to be a team. they CHOSE to be family#for every single one of them to say 'nah fuck that i want to be on my own bc uhhh reasons!' is a lame ending.#period.#gotg3
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Another day, another barrage of DMs and comments being like:
"Why did you make Uzi black?"
"Since when is Uzi black?! WTF?!" You know....it's sad that I GENUINELY thought ppl would be smart enough to remember that her father's name is Khan and thus put two and two together regarding her origins....
...Ah well.....
#destiny talks#i know i ranted about this before but i'm STILL getting messages#by all means if you want to draw uzi black please do it!! we need all the uzis!#however i do get annoyed that folks see a brown character and assume like that#plus....again.....they alllllll seem to conveniently forget her father's name lmao#and they call themselves fans @_@ apparently#to clarify most of these comments are on insta#and reddit but yeah still getting DMs about this jfc#i did delete a few cause it was getting too repetitive and some honestly felt like trolls/bots so i wanted to be careful
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knowing communication is vital to a healthy relationship but never knowing how to start a conversation or holding back because you don't want to burden them with your emotions or say/do something that will push them away and just generally being socially inadept is such a fun time! :)
#i was so content being single why did i sign up for this again?#i like this person so much and i'm already so attached#and they've reassured me that they want to be with me also#but things are going so fucking slow and i think right now they have to#because of their mental state and things they are just trying to figure out about themselves and what they want#and i just want to be there for them through it and help them sort things out#but i guess some of the issue is they are mourning a relationship that they wanted but that didn't get to happen#but that apparently after we basically established yeah let's be a thing the other person reached in hopes they could meet each other#which like they told me it's more an issue now of letting the other person down easy and let them know they found a person to be with#but i'm just not coping with this knowledge very well at all#despite the reassurance from them that i'm the one they wanna be with#and i think i'm struggling because i'm probably jealous because they are friends and have been for years#and i don't want to be jealous i just wanna be chill about it#like i'm not going to be the person who makes them feel like they can't maintain their long term friendships#i won't be that person#but it makes me feel insecure like i'm competing against someone i don't even know#and i worry they're going to realize i just fucking suck and decide that to leave me to try something with that person instead#but i don't know how to even start a conversation or convey these feelings to them without fearing it's going to start some bullshit#that i don't want tainting the relationship#even outside of that like#i wanna know so many things about them but i don't even know where to start or if i can just ask them questions#everything scares me relationships are scary#i'm so fucking scared of being hurt again#ugh#personal#sorry i just needed to dump this somewhere because i've been bottling it up for a fucking week now#it did not make me feel better but at least i got the words out
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...So! There are at least two people on tumblr who hate me with absolute loathing 🙃
#By which I mean that I've been on this new account for a few days only and two people have blocked me#I have not interacted with them in that time#and yes they had me blocked on my old account#so... the only explanation is that they regularly check the Silmarillion tag and saw my posts showing up in it?#but like this implies that (a) they remembered my url (which I changed recently?) and pfp (which people sometimes share??) that well#and (b) decided 'block on sight' was the thing to do#and (c) went *on* my blog to find the url of my main and blocked me there#...and that's some level of investment#I did in fact get into a quarell with one of the blogs... nearly two years ago I think#mostly to learn that they're a raging hypocrite (including but not limited to 'you vagueing me is rude but not the other way round)#but that was not the case with the other#anyway yeah I'm probably making more of it than most would because I seem to be the very rare one here to consider blocking a last resort?#but also one of those people clearly vagued that they detest me so apparently that's still the case😅#anyway they're an idiot but I don't like being detested. would prefer a mild dislike#*also the issue we thought on is no longer really a thing but whatever#therese rambles#I don't think this counts as a rant? idk#therese rants#no commiserations needed I can deal with it
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IVE BEEN DRAWING FOR 10 SLUTTY SLUTTY YEARS ND IM LEARNING *NOW* THAT THE VANISHING POINTS DEPEND ON THE BOJECT??????????????? IF CUBE ROTATE THE VPOINTS MIVE WITH IT ON THE HORIZON???????? NOT ARBITRATY PARALLELS BEAMED BY EYEBALL IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT BY *ESSENTIALLY COINCIDENCE* IT'S ALL IN THE SAME GRID??? YOU'RE TELLING ME NOW??? ARE TOU FUCKING WITH ME SIR
#everything is so much clearer#why did noone mention this. ever. im losing my mind#i adore art it's my passion i fucking despise art it's my passion#i need to figure this out more im still baffled bc perspective headachey but i am now onto something#and then someone will be like “well yeah it was mentioned in this book that literally everyone (but you apparently) have read fifty times?”#and it'll turn out to have been “cOmMoN kNoWleDgE” this whole time BUT UNTIL THEN...!#I AM ONTO SOMETHING.#op is onto nothing probably op will vanish into horizon and will be cursed with bix drawing until the foreseeable future#*box#im gonna go draw boxes GONNIGHT HAP HALLOW DRINK WATER BOOBYEEEEE#maiora bla bla blas#ps if you're the guy my brain invented who knows more than me please teach me everything#like in general but for this time perspective wise
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This may be a long shot but does anyone here know about free (or cheap) programs that will let you create text on a curved/round path? Think the sort of text you'd see going around the edge of a round pinback button.
I'm a Clip Studio Paint user so the text tool I have is pretty primitive 😔
#I did a littke bit of research last night and apparently GNU Image Manipulation Program-#allows curved paths. So if there's nothing better I might have to see if that'll be suitable for my needs.#figured id ask tho 😳 if someone more knowledgeable has wisdom id love to hear it#only thing is i need it to be a computer program i can download and use all my own fonts with.#i know there are some free online tools but youre generally stuck with whatever fonts they have#but yeah i literally just need to be able to place text in a circle a few times lmao#grafftalk#delete later
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My aunt decided a good way to wish me a happy birthday would be to text me a picture of me & my dead dad from my 22nd birthday.
Like yay thanks, I totally wanted to be sad and missing my dad on my birthday. I definitely wasn't trying to do the "out of sight out of mind don't think about sad things" thing to get through it without crying or anything 👍 Definitely wasn't already struggling missing not getting a happy birthday text from him 👍👍
#and like I get that her intentions were good but i find it SO rude#why would you bring up something heart wrenchingly sad to someone on their birthday? Unless they've indicated to you that they want that#it wasn't even like it was a new picture/one she could reasonably believe I hadn't seen before#we literally used a cropped version of that exact photo for his obituary#she has done something similar with EVERY SINGLE holiday since he died#fathers day & his birthday & thanksgiving & christmas all of them we got texts like “i know how hard today must be!”#like uh no i was doing fine til I got your text actually cuz I was blocking it all out & now your text has forced me to think about it#we're not even that close? Like she legit had never texted me before my dad died#and the last conversation I had with her was her telling me that me needing help with things was co-dependence#rather than a legit need because I am disabled#and that keeping my curtains closed all the time was unhealthy#and when I tried to explain sensory issues she said that she 'gets headaches from the sun sometimes too but you just have to power through'#as if that's the same thing as sensory issues from autism#(which she is apparently an expert on because she is a nurse and has worked with a few young boys with autism)#like literally she claimed she knew better than my actual doctor who diagnoses autism for a living#or my therapist who sees me twice a week (whereas i speak to my aunt MAYBE once a year)#oh also did you know that I should totally be able to hold down a full time job?#because the 18 year old autistic boy she knows whose parents do literally everything to support him and who has zero other responsibilities#and a huge support network trying to meet his needs#well HE'S able to work part time at the movie theater#so obviously that means that I should be able to work too because we're all the same#yeah anyway sorry rant over#it just really upset me#also because I was so upset I forgot I wanted to go to the park on my way home from the weed store 😔#beth posts
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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Improvement :3
#turns out practice does work....who would have thought .. apparently not me...#im very proud I've stayed with it#me??? actually liking ny art??? and seeing myself improve more than i have in a year within a couple months??????????#what a good hyperfixation/special interest does to you/silly#alas i need to keep branching out to the other ieytd characters because i wanna work on my fabby design#i have a hard time with costume and um she is literally THE fashion girlie so. i gotta work on that#because she DESERVES IT DAMNIT#also still working on a mental image for zor...sigh#im really into the vitti as zor theory and that 'zor' is a role/title that's kinna passed on....idk...i have thoughts.....#but yeah zor is so painfully human to me but also is trying to not be drives me up the WALL#THAT'S ANOTHER POSTS RANT how did i get here#alas#ieytd#[agent moose's art]#THAT'S IT not individually tagging these doodles? drawings? are not good enough for that#i don't have. the urge to draw in full colour rn <- so so so so busy <- leaves secondary education in less than 2 months#alas. I'm surviving. and very excited about next steps. just gotta get through. via ieytd. it's becoming my mantra#i keep saying i should make designs for solaris and redo my fabby so i can have triple threat explaining science to me on my flashcards#im. coping in my own special way
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*remembers what they did to Vanny* 500 FUCKING PIPEBOMB ATTACK.
#em.txt#WHY#how can you see the fucking absolute fire that is building up & go. 'yeah douse it. now bring back peepaw AGAIN'#BUILD HER UP 2 GAMES EARLY --- & THEN DO NOTHING!!!!!!!!? FUCK#WE CAN'T HAVE WOMEN DO THINGS IN FNAF I GUESS#the company's scop was too big & they developed the game seperately from the environment & made the environment above the game#cut playable vanessa sections. cut vanny appearances.#remove all the plot make vanessa a bitch throw in some invisible walls call it done. 30 dollars now please#security breach isn't just bad. it's not fucking done.#the thing normally with cut content is i can usually agree like 'okay this game cut this but that was a smart choice'#it can be better for time or budget & it can make for better writing.#for instance all the cut content in ahit is neat & as much as i like moonie it's smart to cut his character to build up other ones#& makes for a tighter story & less convoluted area that's more fun to play#when i look at the cut content for security breach their are obvious issues.#it's obvious the company's scope went too far. you built too big an environment. you built the environment before your game.#you prioritized a cool area to the point you expanded the mall from 1 story to 3. do you think that time could have been speant elsewhere#& the other problem is the insane fucking crunch that scott cawthon as a dev placed on himself & others to maintain relevancy#a single person locking themselves ina room for months to stay relevant is fucked. a game studio physically cannot do that.#you see shit in the prerelease like they wanted a bowling minigame a kart minigame a freeroam minigame etc#what about vanny? what did you want with this character? you clearly had something in mind#but we needed to cut it so we can fit in mazercise i fucking guess or chica's bakery or trash heap#here's what we have: less than 1 minute screentime. the 2 vanessa ending comic. that's it#oh wait i forgot. 'vanny. sounds like vanessa & bunny. this cabnot be a coincidence ' & THEN IT NEVER COMES UP AGAIN#princess quest used to be about that bitch in golden freddy you retconned it to be about vanessa SO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT#her whole shit is apparently in service to william afton. why isn't she in the afton fight at all#does she not know he's down there? is he unrelated? does she know she's working for the mimic? is she not working for him?#is she at all related to the fucking bunny from ruin or like what#what about the rainbow hair. what about her tech prowess. what about the cut missing kids only referenced in duffle bag messages now.#fuck you & fuck me as well why can't i be passionate about hvac systems#why's it gotta be this shittass gsme.
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If I had a dollar for every time Warsaw Misto uses magic during the show I'd be a rich man cuz at this point I think the only songs where he for sure doesn't do any magic are like the last 3
#I'm watching warsaw pekes and pollicles cuz got the need to listen to some munk tunes and I noticed#that the sparkler going off when rumpus cat appars may in fact be Misto's doing#as a) sparks are his signature thing and b) he seems to be moving his hand in the crowd as if he did smth#and he already uses magic at least once earlier in the song‚ to help one of the toms with the dog backpacks#so yeah#smth smth every time i rewatch warsaw i notice smth new XD#cats the musical#cats warsaw#mefistofeliks#mistoffelees#warsaw guy talks#jellicle cats
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