#yeah so apparently i did need it
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just wanted to thank everyone that's been encouraging me or offering some kind of support the last few times I talked about getting a cane... because I went and got one today and I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. I underestimated how much it would change for me.
So thank you <33
#got a prescription from my GP last week and gathered my nerves together to get one today#thankfully we have a health care supply store only ten minutes away on foot#I'd planend on getting an anatomical one as prescribed by my GP and it was comfortable and id probably have chosen it too but#then the lady there told me to try the derby handle instead and honestly that was even better plus i can use it on both sides#its sleek and black for now because i can barely bear the thought of anyone seeing me using a cane in our small town in the first place#but once im comfortable..#anyway we went to a shop across the street afterwards because my besties mum needed to get some things and I didn't wanna go home by myself#and tbh i preferred the thought of going into our small city centre with somebody i trusted and felt comfortable around the first time aroun#long story short im super suprised by the difference it's making 😬 i mean ofc i didn't just get the cane on a fluke#but it was like 'well let's try it out it may help and people keep saying it's for stability and chronic pain too so why not'#yeah so apparently i did need it#i felt so much better#there were several instances where i noticed the cane kept me from stumbling or swaying or missing a step#it felt good#so thank you all
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anybody else rly rly ill about the amount of grief in his eyes in this scene
[original screencap under the cut]
#qkdraws#id in alt#ayyyee surprise trigun content#vash is rly fun to draw <- girl who says literally everything is fun to draw#except shoes.fuck them thangs#anyway yeah the look in his eyes here rewired me a little bit#imagine animating human emotion so viscerally. who did this.who thought this was ok#apparently im incapable of drawing pointed faces i have to round them out. or ill die or smth#i wanna draw him more but i 1) need Energy and 2) i will have to draw his prosthetic#this isn't an excuse i Will draw his prosthetic im just whining to whine. i ain't no quitter#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#trigun#trigun vash#shoving this in the drafts before i go to bed.hi it's Draft Jay here coming at u live at 1:30am and Starving#literally so hungry.somebody save me <- too worried abt waking her parents to make food#enough of that tho i didn't expect trigun to be so .fucked up#i mean it's a show abt a fucking pacifist gunman who has a brother named Millions Knives.that's so fuckin stupid /pos#who knew how horrid it would get (not me.now i know tho <3)#uhh ur regularly scheduled mob psycho stuff will be back soon in the meantime[passes out]
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Ok since Monika still has her admin powers in the side stories you think she could just discover them accidentally or use them without realizing
Anyways au where Monika and friends discover her admin powers but dont know about the wider context of what it means. So they just go around thinking Monika has magic and try practicing with a bunch of silly fun shenanigans because they figure it’s some chosen one bloodline stuff and not like. A product of their reality being a constricted digital science experiment.
This au will not end well
#yeah she probably needs the epiphany to consciously use it but hypothetical aus are fun and the angst potential it plentiful#the beauty of this au is that it contains potential for both wacky slice of life escapades and soul crushing angst#they’re like doing a dumb 3am ghost summoning ritual and Monika accidentally does some admin stuff and they’re like ‘woah your magic’#and they research a bunch of other dumb stupid rituals and nearly set the carpet on fire#they like try to rob a bank or cheat on a test and nearly delete half a building#and then at some point Monika suddenly extends her admin powers too far and acts real despondent for no reason#because she ends up epiphany beaming herself and is even more conflicted than base game because she grows so much more connected to the club#it’s even worse because they were her whole world and she knows so much she sees how human they are but they just aren’t apparently?????#and while she can’t pull a base game and kill everyone for a nonexistent player she still goes through so much angst and like#the girls notice and want to help but don’t know how because she won’t tell anyone and she keeps avoiding them and like aauughhh#it would probably end with Monika doing something drastic and trying to reach out for anyone out there who understands#and idk maybe she’ll find base game Monika post act 4 and she’s like ‘what the heck why did you abandon your friends don’t to what I did???’#and maybe she could fix her mistakes???? maybe not??????? whatever’s narratively fulfilling#shoot this was supposed to be a short post for a silly au what have I done#this feels like the plot of a kids tv show where the plot randomly gets really dark on its fifth season#also realizing al lot of the same plot points happen in my fantasy au so I really gotta get to that too#ddlc#doki doki literature club#tempestmothtalk
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worst trope is found family separating as soon as the antagonist is dealt with.
#yes this is about voltron and it's also about guardians of the galaxy#what james gunn did to gamora in GOTG3 is criminal#i understand why they did it but to end with her GOING BACK TO THE RAVAGERS?#fail end.#seriously#and it doesnt even make sense bc ofc the high evolutionary isnt going to be the last problem they would deal with#in just a few years they encountered 5 people trying to destroy the universe and who were incredibly difficult foes#youre finna tell me there will never be a situation like that for the rest of their lives?#gtfo#and mantis' end was dumb too not even sorry#i can tolerate drax and nebula's ends.#but everyone else?#stupid#even peter's ending was fucking moronic. bro can pop in on the weekends he doesnt need to be a live in nurse for his grandpa#it's just such a major letdown and sucks everytime a director/author decides to split up the found family permanently#at least with voltron you can rationalize it by saying 'oh they never really wouldve hung out with eachother if they werent forced to for#voltron and werent forced to fight a war together.' and i can see it bc none of them DO hang out together before voltron#they barely even hang out AFTER they become voltron#keith and shiro hang out bc of the adoption/fostering/mentoring thing. lance and hunk MIGHT hang out bc they were already teammates#it's important to note that we never really see hunk and lance being bffs. theyre just friendly to eachother.#this becomes even more apparent once hunk and pidge actually become friends. it's very obvious hunk was just being friendly to lance.#just friendly.#(take this with a grain of salt bc ive only watched the whole series one time. i refuse to acknowledge anything after se 2.)#so yeah it does make more sense theyd all go their own ways but not even the small friend groups stay together at the end!#pidge and hunk are in completely different galaxies from eachother. same with keith and shiro#lance is isolated from all of them bc post se 3 writing team genuinely hated him and failed him as a character.#but GOTG3? they CHOSE to band together time and time again. they CHOSE to be a team. they CHOSE to be family#for every single one of them to say 'nah fuck that i want to be on my own bc uhhh reasons!' is a lame ending.#period.#gotg3
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Another day, another barrage of DMs and comments being like:
"Why did you make Uzi black?"
"Since when is Uzi black?! WTF?!" You know....it's sad that I GENUINELY thought ppl would be smart enough to remember that her father's name is Khan and thus put two and two together regarding her origins....
...Ah well.....
#destiny talks#i know i ranted about this before but i'm STILL getting messages#by all means if you want to draw uzi black please do it!! we need all the uzis!#however i do get annoyed that folks see a brown character and assume like that#plus....again.....they alllllll seem to conveniently forget her father's name lmao#and they call themselves fans @_@ apparently#to clarify most of these comments are on insta#and reddit but yeah still getting DMs about this jfc#i did delete a few cause it was getting too repetitive and some honestly felt like trolls/bots so i wanted to be careful
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knowing communication is vital to a healthy relationship but never knowing how to start a conversation or holding back because you don't want to burden them with your emotions or say/do something that will push them away and just generally being socially inadept is such a fun time! :)
#i was so content being single why did i sign up for this again?#i like this person so much and i'm already so attached#and they've reassured me that they want to be with me also#but things are going so fucking slow and i think right now they have to#because of their mental state and things they are just trying to figure out about themselves and what they want#and i just want to be there for them through it and help them sort things out#but i guess some of the issue is they are mourning a relationship that they wanted but that didn't get to happen#but that apparently after we basically established yeah let's be a thing the other person reached in hopes they could meet each other#which like they told me it's more an issue now of letting the other person down easy and let them know they found a person to be with#but i'm just not coping with this knowledge very well at all#despite the reassurance from them that i'm the one they wanna be with#and i think i'm struggling because i'm probably jealous because they are friends and have been for years#and i don't want to be jealous i just wanna be chill about it#like i'm not going to be the person who makes them feel like they can't maintain their long term friendships#i won't be that person#but it makes me feel insecure like i'm competing against someone i don't even know#and i worry they're going to realize i just fucking suck and decide that to leave me to try something with that person instead#but i don't know how to even start a conversation or convey these feelings to them without fearing it's going to start some bullshit#that i don't want tainting the relationship#even outside of that like#i wanna know so many things about them but i don't even know where to start or if i can just ask them questions#everything scares me relationships are scary#i'm so fucking scared of being hurt again#ugh#personal#sorry i just needed to dump this somewhere because i've been bottling it up for a fucking week now#it did not make me feel better but at least i got the words out
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IVE BEEN DRAWING FOR 10 SLUTTY SLUTTY YEARS ND IM LEARNING *NOW* THAT THE VANISHING POINTS DEPEND ON THE BOJECT??????????????? IF CUBE ROTATE THE VPOINTS MIVE WITH IT ON THE HORIZON???????? NOT ARBITRATY PARALLELS BEAMED BY EYEBALL IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT MORE OFTEN THAN NOT BY *ESSENTIALLY COINCIDENCE* IT'S ALL IN THE SAME GRID??? YOU'RE TELLING ME NOW??? ARE TOU FUCKING WITH ME SIR
#everything is so much clearer#why did noone mention this. ever. im losing my mind#i adore art it's my passion i fucking despise art it's my passion#i need to figure this out more im still baffled bc perspective headachey but i am now onto something#and then someone will be like “well yeah it was mentioned in this book that literally everyone (but you apparently) have read fifty times?”#and it'll turn out to have been “cOmMoN kNoWleDgE” this whole time BUT UNTIL THEN...!#I AM ONTO SOMETHING.#op is onto nothing probably op will vanish into horizon and will be cursed with bix drawing until the foreseeable future#*box#im gonna go draw boxes GONNIGHT HAP HALLOW DRINK WATER BOOBYEEEEE#maiora bla bla blas#ps if you're the guy my brain invented who knows more than me please teach me everything#like in general but for this time perspective wise
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This may be a long shot but does anyone here know about free (or cheap) programs that will let you create text on a curved/round path? Think the sort of text you'd see going around the edge of a round pinback button.
I'm a Clip Studio Paint user so the text tool I have is pretty primitive 😔
#I did a littke bit of research last night and apparently GNU Image Manipulation Program-#allows curved paths. So if there's nothing better I might have to see if that'll be suitable for my needs.#figured id ask tho 😳 if someone more knowledgeable has wisdom id love to hear it#only thing is i need it to be a computer program i can download and use all my own fonts with.#i know there are some free online tools but youre generally stuck with whatever fonts they have#but yeah i literally just need to be able to place text in a circle a few times lmao#grafftalk#delete later
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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#welp. i had an gyno appointment scheduled today because I was worried about gop fuckery screwing up my birth control#and wanted to discuss options#turns out! I did not need to worry!#he took one look at my ultrasound and went ‘im referring you to a surgeon’#apparently my uterus went from one fibroid tumor to many and the original doubled in size!#so they want to do a hysterectomy!#i came in ready to fight and they were like oh you medically need one outside of the current political climate#so. yeah.#theres some part of me thats like ok cool thats the end result ive been wanting for years#the other part is screaming holy fuck they do not suggest this lightly for single women with no kids this is as awful as ive been saying
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Improvement :3
#turns out practice does work....who would have thought .. apparently not me...#im very proud I've stayed with it#me??? actually liking ny art??? and seeing myself improve more than i have in a year within a couple months??????????#what a good hyperfixation/special interest does to you/silly#alas i need to keep branching out to the other ieytd characters because i wanna work on my fabby design#i have a hard time with costume and um she is literally THE fashion girlie so. i gotta work on that#because she DESERVES IT DAMNIT#also still working on a mental image for zor...sigh#im really into the vitti as zor theory and that 'zor' is a role/title that's kinna passed on....idk...i have thoughts.....#but yeah zor is so painfully human to me but also is trying to not be drives me up the WALL#THAT'S ANOTHER POSTS RANT how did i get here#alas#ieytd#[agent moose's art]#THAT'S IT not individually tagging these doodles? drawings? are not good enough for that#i don't have. the urge to draw in full colour rn <- so so so so busy <- leaves secondary education in less than 2 months#alas. I'm surviving. and very excited about next steps. just gotta get through. via ieytd. it's becoming my mantra#i keep saying i should make designs for solaris and redo my fabby so i can have triple threat explaining science to me on my flashcards#im. coping in my own special way
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If I had a dollar for every time Warsaw Misto uses magic during the show I'd be a rich man cuz at this point I think the only songs where he for sure doesn't do any magic are like the last 3
#I'm watching warsaw pekes and pollicles cuz got the need to listen to some munk tunes and I noticed#that the sparkler going off when rumpus cat appars may in fact be Misto's doing#as a) sparks are his signature thing and b) he seems to be moving his hand in the crowd as if he did smth#and he already uses magic at least once earlier in the song‚ to help one of the toms with the dog backpacks#so yeah#smth smth every time i rewatch warsaw i notice smth new XD#cats the musical#cats warsaw#mefistofeliks#mistoffelees#warsaw guy talks#jellicle cats
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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Was doing so good holding it together today but now that I’m laying down and trying to sleep I’m tearing up and I can feel that I’m about to burst into tears any second now
#my mom called me like ten minutes before I was off work today#and asked if I had talked to my grandpa lately and I was like yeah some why?#I’ve been showing what I’ve been cooking with him and my grandma because I was proud of myself#and she was like oh so you know about his potential surgery?#and I was like. his what???????#apparently his pace maker is dying and malfunctioning and he needs a new one#but this is the third time it’s had to be replaced and as he’s gotten older he’s had a lot more health issues#and they’re not even sure his heart can handle getting it replaced…. he has an appointment tomorrow to find that out#and no one told me. no one fucking told me it was that bad and I’m so#like man my feelings on my grandparents are so insanely complicated but I do love them#I love them so much and they practically raised me and loved me more and treated me better than my mother EVER did#they’re the only family members I’ve ever been legitimately terrified and upset over not accepting me cuz I’m queer#like my mom and siblings? I could not give a flying fuck if they hated me for my gender or sexuality#if my grandparents had a bad reaction I think I would fucking kill myself#and idk the point is I love him and I’ve barely seen him at all the past few years because we live far away now and I never visit because I#hate the rest of my family#but what if he can’t have this surgery?????#or what if he can but something goes wrong??????#what if he’s dying and I’m only able to go down and see him one more time#and he could be fine. it might all work out and he could be fine#but man I’m terrified that won’t happen because WHY WOULD NO ONE TELL ME ANY OF THIS#and yeah no I’m fully crying now I can’t do this#he taught me to draw and he built the house I grew up in and he got me into lord of the rings and would take me book shopping#and and and I’m gonna fucking throw up#kaz rambles
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Ok so these designs are cute as hell, the Internet is just mean
I have too many thoughts about a game I still need to watch
#goodbye volcano high#i dont have the money to buy it but god i need to watch a playthrough when i have time it's so interesting to me#like; the theme of 'yeah we're going die but that doesn't mean we can enjoy what time we have left' sounds amazing to me love that#its so funny i was actually watching a review of it that was basically 'this game sucks and here's why'#and then it just started listing off shit like- 'the characters designs are pastel they're nonbinary you die no matter what'#and then my neurons just went off and went '👁️👁️ oh! sounds amazing i want to see more'#fuck yeah pastel nonbinary dinosaurs lets go#well i think its just fang thats nonbinary and then two other trans characters#i saw a cutscene! and it was about the experiences of being an apart of a family as sec-gen immigrant and trans-#and i thought that was cool as hell dont recall ever seeing that in any of thr arts ive seen before (but there's lots of art out there!)#heard it got some glitches tho (havent looked in depth of what those glitches are) hopefully it got patched out#also im so fucking pissed i saw the gator game before i saw this 😮���💨 (context; apparently made by people who made a fangame where they#the mc of this game a datable side character and they only have a happy ending if they detransition? which fucking yikes😬)#i saw people say 'oh but they did it empathetically' like how the fuck is taking a canon nb character and making them only happy through#detransitioning empathetic that sounds super fucking shitty and gross#i think a character that detransitions can be done and would be interesting to see- but this just reeks of people being transphobic for real#oh also purple dino has a slug or worm or something apparently! seems cute! just a lil thing#apparently its a rhythm game; listened to some of the songs and it sounded good! sadly i suck at rhythm games#but apparently failing doesn't affect the story? kinda wish it would but honestly better for me lol-#pink one and fang end up dating i believe- from what i saw pink is like- soft spoken artist? dunno if accurate but she's cute#all the characters are cute just look at them!!! awesome#also they have to just continue school like normal before they die and honestly thats so real#also saw people dislike the fact you dont see the characters actual die or the meteor#which is ??? dunno i just think some things are better left implied than shown-#anyways man i keep trying to find neat stuff about the game and all i see is people bitchin about it or praising the shit fan on instead 😔#man if i had two nickles for a time i grew to become obsessed with a media only for loads of people to hate id have two nickles#first nickle is kat elliot she's such a cool character Internet wasn't ready for her#also yes i saw obsessed i can just tell this is something ill go bonkers for#i mean god look how much text is in my tags for this already! and i still need to see the game in it's fullness!#im sure there's other cool shit
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for the record if you ever see me reblogging from a zionist or terf or anyone spewing anything racist or antisemitic or ableist, please just let me know i'm tired of finding out half a year too late
#i dont have the time or energy to fucking go through every single persons blog to make sure i dont reblog from some creep#i've been following this one blog for a while now and rly liking some of their posts about gender and stuff like that#and haven't seen anything suspicious#and now while looking up someone else i saw a post where someone was like#'if i see you reblogging from x or x i immediately distrust you bc they're zionists'#which like ok if you think i know that much about everyone i follow on this social fucking media site it's not like its in their bios#and if they've never reblogged or said anything like it! how the hell are you supposed to know!!#like yeah obvs i unfollowed them now#but god the righteousness#i should be asleep and i'm so pissed that i'm still up bc of this bullshit#for the record this is about genderkoolaid (and vaspider) apparently being zionists#i saw some posts that definitely seemed to point to that being correct#i did also see some that seemed to point to the contrary#but honestly im just gonna unfollow (+block) and avoid#if it turns out not to be true that wont hurt them and now i dont need to worry about it#god i just wanna sleep#ignore me
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