#buh. anyway god im so tired

[skrunksthatwunk]

so i didn't finish the paper on time but on the plus side i Almost know how to play mahjong now

[yfere]

as much as i think caleb was very courteous and giving during his convo with fjord, i’m troubled by something. so to start, he ambushed fjord in his room, made a smart remark about him getting a lock, and started to interrogate him. it’s already a huge violation on caleb’s part, and fjord clams up immediately. but caleb doesn’t let up, is not satisfied with fjords (vague but true) answer, and it seems less about “you can tell me bc it can’t be worse than Me” and more “i don’t believe you BUT”-

ugh ran outta space thanks tömblr. what i was saying was, it seemed like caleb was trying to say “i think you’re lying, and i can’t trust you”, BUT, he’s not inept enough to say that to fjords face, it would get him dragged out of there. so he put fjord in the hot seat, and then only lets him out of it with the promise to Later share whatever personal details caleb thinks he’s still hiding. (oh my god this is longer than i thought im Trying to organize my thoughts i’m sorry) (2/3)

it’s put forward as being a concession, but it’s still forcing more out of fjord than he wants to share in return for info on caleb he didn’t ask for but can’t politely refuse without looking suspicious in Caleb’s eyes. so, it doesn’t feel like caleb giving fjord space to retreat as a Friend as much as it does caleb having forced fjord into a conversation, and then into a corner where he has to promise to exchange personal info in order to leave the current talk. does this make sense?  (3/3)

*wakes up* buh??? how did it get so late??????????? This is going to be a very, very long response, so I’ll put a cut here.

Thank you for sending this in! I appreciate the time you’ve taken to write these asks. If I may–this is why I don’t always do so well with internet conversations, but what I’m going to try to do is restate what you’ve written here and respond to it. So if there are gaps in my understanding of what you’re saying, hopefully it should be evident in my summary, and if you feel the need to follow up to correct how I’m understanding you we’ll be able to do that.

So what I hear is essentially this:

Caleb was violating Fjord’s privacy in a Very Not Cool way during their conversation.

He doesn’t trust Fjord, and his offer to share personal details was (purely?) strategic, designed to force Fjord to share more than he wanted to. What seemed like kind words and concessions were only to soften what was at core an interrogation

He (only?) backed off because he’d already achieved his Conversational End Goal of at the very least extracting a promise from Fjord to share personal details sort of against his will.

Now, this is a compelling interpretation in its way, and I can understand why people would think this–but it’s not an opinion that I share, and it’s one that I’m a little tired and unhappy when I read. Part of that disagreement is something that I’m very aware is just an opinion of mine, about the boundaries of privacy and consent, and the other is me believing that interpretations like this don’t adequately account for Caleb’s very sincere, very deep well of caring for and trust in his friends.

So, one thing at a time.

Was Caleb violating Fjord’s privacy? Beyond that, should he have? There’s no denying that Fjord felt like boundaries had been crossed–he makes the comment about locks (and this is a very minor thing, but I don’t think Caleb’s response was “smart” so much as just….well, Caleb reflexively offers to help everyone with everything. It’s sort of his thing, and being in Fjord’s room was actually allowing Fjord to have a private conversation so Fjord wouldn’t feel as exposed), he says he feels “on his heels” during the conversation, and towards the end he actually feels like he needs to plea for some space, that he would feel more like “something was taken” if Caleb forced him to speak now, instead of allowing him to think and tell him on his own terms. He also said he “appreciated” what Caleb was trying to do, acknowledging himself that there may be some necessity to it.

So sure, Caleb was being aggressive in his questioning, he was not allowing Fjord a conversational out where some others (like Jester earlier in the episode) might have given it to him. But Fjord has already been given months of this allowance and respect of privacy, and in Fjord’s own words the only alternative that completely respects Fjord’s own desires is to allow Fjord to never say anything about himself, ever. “If I had my way, none of you would ever know anything about who I was before,” he says. And I don’t think allowing Fjord to stay silent forever should actually be the course of action. Based on what Caleb already knows, Fjord’s silence and deception is possibly dangerous to the party, certainly looks like it’s dangerous to Fjord himself, with Mr. “I’m going to be Very Cagey about Uk’otoa killing me in my dreams, I’m not going to acknowledge that my powers may vanish when Caleb asks me on the Ball-Eater, mum’s the word until I drown in my sleep and who knows what the deal is with my voice that seems to crop up when I’m in these dangerous circumstances.” Others may have a different opinion than me on what Caleb should have done, though. Perhaps something would have happened that would have prompted Fjord to open up himself to someone about his past and his feelings on it without being pressured. Do we trust that would be the case, if this were a real situation and not a story? I don’t know.

Second, Caleb’s trust. Now, Caleb is clear that he doesn’t trust he knows who Fjord is, but I think he’s also clear that it isn’t Fjord himself that he distrusts. What Fjord says about his past he takes at face value, and, he cares about Fjord. I believe Caleb when he says “that’s accurate” and “we are friends.” I believe him when he’s absolutely dismissive at the thought of Fjord being run off–which seems to him like the most likely reason Fjord wouldn’t share, because it’s the reason why Caleb didn’t share, and Caleb sees a lot of himself in Fjord and can’t help but fill in the blanks that way when Fjord gives him nothing else to go on. So Caleb’s main concern is, if Fjord’s past is like his, and there is something dangerous nipping at his heels, he wants Fjord to admit it, so that Caleb and the rest of the group are prepared and can help him out when that trouble arises. He explains that’s why he confessed to the group, and also why he wants to know what’s at his back. When Fjord tells him a little more, Caleb revises, saying something like “Is your past like mine and dangerous, or is it simply painful and you want to put it behind you?” Fjord doesn’t answer affirmative to the latter, but based on how Caleb has treated Yasha I think Caleb would leave him alone if Fjord were to do so, and say it’s just pain, pain that Caleb isn’t welcome to. I also think, when Caleb says things highlighting their similarity, “I have had those same thoughts,” and so on–that’s coming from a genuine place. It’s both what Caleb believes, and his desire to comfort Fjord is a real one. The same goes for Caleb’s offering of an exchange, it’s an offer if it would make Fjord feel more comfortable, if Fjord himself needs to make a “better trade.” Ultimately, I think just because Caleb’s care has the potential to get him what he wants, just because Caleb may be conscious that his care may make it easier to get what he wants does not at all mean that Caleb’s care is not real.

Lastly, Fjord himself is the one who volunteered to give Caleb more information at a later date. Yes, Caleb gave him the space to retreat when he asked for it, with a “that’s fair,” and Caleb, who is very concerned with justice as a person, probably means that very literally–he thinks it right and just to give Fjord that space. But I think it’s worthwhile to point out that Caleb wasn’t actually demanding all the promises that Fjord was throwing his way, and I think it’s giving Caleb a little too much credit to believe that he’d masterfully manipulated every such promise out of the man. Because Fjord feels threatened doesn’t mean Caleb was threatening him. Caleb is not Fjord’s psychologist, he doesn’t actually know what his reaction will be to every little thing. But he will hold Fjord up to a promise that he has made, because that’s the kind of person Caleb is.

Anyway–I’m not sure how clear any of this is, I’m still very tired. Perhaps I’ll return to this later.

[baekhvuns]

From :- 🥀

Yo✌️

Ok dude I'm finally done with exams *a deep sigh of relief*...idrc about the results 😃

Anyways , im currently in my rom-com phase like you would not believe i watched straight 3 movies a day , it's big for me cuz i don't even sometimes hv the courage to watch a youtube video. But hey , 27 dresses , Business proposal and Legally blonde are just some other breeds.

Also , i finished watching modern family and I feel like I have no motive in my life 🕴️. It was legit the best show ever , istg.

And why is it that during my exam month the whole kpop industry had to go feral? ATEEZ member's hair colour changed , blackpink had a comeback after an eternity planned on my exam month (oh how lovely) , Nmixx and twice had a comeback , itzy's Japanese comeback , xiumin decided to come back LIKE WHAT GIVE ME A BREAK-

I have been obsessed over hard to love. Trust me rosé deserves a whole ass solo discography, like puhhleaseeee YG . Her voice legit heals me *runs away to listen to the song for 501736th time*

Your views on "dice" 🎙️

Oh also I've been writing a ff , ofc it's based on hwa 🌝. I usually wrote lots of stories before the whole miss Rona thing as well. But like i used to write on papers which was very tiring so during online school, i got a laptop and it has been pretty much my life. I never really had much interest in ffs until I read yours , that is . Because u fit my style so well , we must be soulmates 😖. (Is it weird to say i simp for the way u write?) One of my friends also started to write one of these ffs on Wattpad related to BTS and i was like wait why not i try and write one as well? It is one of the ideas that has been in my mind forevuhh and i had to be the one to implement it as well.

Id love to share it once it's finished. I mean it's always nice to hear constructive criticism.

Hmmmmmm what elsee??

Oh right , i shuffled through some of your asks cuz i was tryna find something and i realised you probably hv to go to aus. CUZ BESTIE SAME imma continue studies there , I'll go next year after finishing off this semester HOPEFULLY WE CAN MEET!!!

Now let's talk about a certain man called Park Seonghwa ,

He's too hot for this planet , i had no idea my wish of seeing him platinum would be taken seriously by the universe cuz i was on the verge of dying when i heard the news. BUT CAN WE APPRECIATE RED HAIRED WOO PLEASE???

*suddenly wondering why they're changing hair colours*

Wait- is it a comeback??? BUT THEY JUST RELEASED GUERRILLA - maybe a Japanese comeback hmmmmmm

I read this the other day if ily wasn't a word yeosang would say "you're my little happiness" 😭 *don't touch me I'm hypersensitive*

Also , Winona is joongie's crush huh???? Make this a kdrama pls!

Ok I've run out of things , remember to tc of yourselves, you got this bestie and keep on slaying.

Buh-bye 👋

hi!!

Ok dude I'm finally done with exams *a deep sigh of relief*...idrc about the results 😃 ///// Anyways , im currently in my rom-com phase like you would not believe i watched straight 3 movies a day , it's big for me cuz i don't even sometimes hv the courage to watch a youtube video. But hey , 27 dresses , Business proposal and Legally blonde are just some other breeds.

hope u did well!!! OH MY GOD AS U SHOULD PLS WATCH HOW TO LOE A GUY IN 10 DAYS AS WELL AS THE PROPOSAL, SHE'S THE MAN !!! ULT ROMCOM CLASSICS

Also , i finished watching modern family and I feel like I have no motive in my life 🕴️. It was legit the best show ever , istg.

omg that show goes on for forever

And why is it that during my exam month the whole kpop industry had to go feral? ATEEZ member's hair colour changed , blackpink had a comeback after an eternity planned on my exam month (oh how lovely) , Nmixx and twice had a comeback , itzy's Japanese comeback , xiumin decided to come back LIKE WHAT GIVE ME A BREAK-

LMFAOOOO I ASK THE SAME QUESTIONS,, like u idols dont got exams??? midterms to do why u on stage dancing like ur rent due??? ok bu tlike the second half of the comebacks always be slapping

I have been obsessed over hard to love. Trust me rosé deserves a whole ass solo discography, like puhhleaseeee YG . Her voice legit heals me *runs away to listen to the song for 501736th time*

omg i agree, its so nostalgic 2000's taylor type vibes and her voice >>> but yeah yeah yeah is absoulty amazing !!! need rose to drop her album with all the collabs i think u will like this 

Your views on "dice" 🎙️

none, absolutely nothing nice to say <3

Oh also I've been writing a ff , ofc it's based on hwa 🌝. I usually wrote lots of stories before the whole miss Rona thing as well. But like i used to write on papers which was very tiring so during online school, i got a laptop and it has been pretty much my life. I never really had much interest in ffs until I read yours , that is . Because u fit my style so well , we must be soulmates 😖. (Is it weird to say i simp for the way u write?) One of my friends also started to write one of these ffs on Wattpad related to BTS and i was like wait why not i try and write one as well? It is one of the ideas that has been in my mind forevuhh and i had to be the one to implement it as well.

OH?>? HWA FIC??? AYOO,, simp for my writing??i wish u saw my draft for yunho you'd wanna unFOLLOW DELETE BLOCK !!!! but tysm for saying that 😭😭😭😭 just hoping the new one doesn't disappoint <3 AAA U SHOULD DEF WRITE FICS SOMETIMES ITS A THERAPY OF SORTS! i hope we get to see some one day!

Id love to share it once it's finished. I mean it's always nice to hear constructive criticism.

ofc omg pls share new fics always

Oh right , i shuffled through some of your asks cuz i was tryna find something and i realised you probably hv to go to aus. CUZ BESTIE SAME imma continue studies there , I'll go next year after finishing off this semester HOPEFULLY WE CAN MEET!!!

aOH NO WAY UR STUDYING THERE??? as a biased canadian i think u should come here <3 AAA, HOPEFULLY WE DO!!!

Now let's talk about a certain man called Park Seonghwa ,

nO

He's too hot for this planet , i had no idea my wish of seeing him platinum would be taken seriously by the universe cuz i was on the verge of dying when i heard the news. BUT CAN WE APPRECIATE RED HAIRED WOO PLEASE???

i agree everything u said here, infact i ghost wrote this YES RED HAIRED MR WOOYOUNG HES A DIFF BREED ATM AND ID LIKE TO ADOPT

*suddenly wondering why they're changing hair colours* Wait- is it a comeback??? BUT THEY JUST RELEASED GUERRILLA - maybe a Japanese comeback hmmmmmm

apparently?? hongjoong said there is one??? but maybe just for concerts but they are being sus

I read this the other day if ily wasn't a word yeosang would say "you're my little happiness" 😭 *don't touch me I'm hypersensitive* ///// Also , Winona is joongie's crush huh???? Make this a kdrama pls!

90'S FASHION DESIGNER KIM HONGJOONH AU WHENN WHEN WHEN

Ok I've run out of things , remember to tc of yourselves, you got this bestie and keep on slaying.

you tooo!!!!! keep slaying miss slay <3

[subprimemortgage]

omg GOD IS REAL ok im not wven kidding this is so freaky so i just ranted a bunhc about my bud in thr military whatever the other day on this site and how bad he is at textinf and how all i wanted was to actually talk to him again bc thats the only way we really can talk ANYWAYS after waking up yesterday at uhhhhhhhhh idk 7pm i had the goddamn audacity to pick today to stay up all day ad reset my sleep so 1. that happened and anyways today in the morning and afternoon i got a freakin shit ton of robocalls and weird calls from oakland where this guy kept trying to talk to me in soanish only and just a weeks worth of bs calls that i 2. actually picked up for once and anyways just less than ten minutes ago, i’m feeling tired, i’m about ready to just call it a night and finally sleep, maybe one more episode, and my phone starts going off again in my lap (its feel good inc but like in vibrations so it goes buzz, buz buz buz-buh-buzzzz buzz) and i was like oh my gucking god another fucjing call?!?!? and i turned my ohine over and it was none other than motherfucking nathan calling me and apparently he just got his phone back bc basic is over idk what any of this means and he was like yeah i have to go to sleep at the hour so i can only talk to five mins but i’ll call you again later if you want and im like SO HOW IS EVERYTHING ARE YOU GETTING YELLED AT A LOT ARE THEY MEAN TO YOU???? and hes like no not really its been ok as basic can be so i joke and say well i guess it doesnt sound worse than when im killing… space aliens.. in destiny… and idk if he said “raiding with you is the worst” or “raids are when you do it worst” bc he was on soeakerphone and literally sounded like he was under water like is florida underwater right now? and then…………. my mom came swooping over MOLLIE YOU NEED TO DO THE DANGED KITTY LITTER adn im momm ok i got it sory my moms on me case and hes like oh my roommate just came back and i heard your mom so you better go do that me: yes i shoukd do that(i have had to do it for 5 hrs) and blah blah ttyl gn but DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH MORE EXPOSITION THERE WAS…. i did i heard it dank tha lord for cell phones and not typing words

[sernooblinton-blog]

The Story of The Traveller and The Darkness (Destiny Game Theory)

So Destiny, you know the game that Bungie made? I have a theory about the Traveller.

So we know little about the Traveller, we know it was moving around space terraforming planets,  that it was being chased by something called 'the Darkness', and that its alive in some way.

But what really is the traveller?  Well i recon we have seen a part of him...her....it? Or at least a part of another one of its species. 

Remember the black heart from the black garden? I think its been accepted that its part of 'the darkness'. But I recon that both the Traveller and the Darkness are beings of the same race. 

Two beings that have enormous power, one with the power to create, the other the power to destroy (keeping in the hole balance theme). Lovers? Siblings? Or maybe two halves of a greater being? What they are will have to stay a mystery until Bungie decide to enlighten us.

Here's how i think they are, the traveller wanted to explore and help the mortal lives all over the universe, but its friend the Darkness didn't think it was a good idea, in fact it believed that the universe belonged to them, they were so much more than any of the little beings on the planets.

The traveller knowing that the little beings couldn't stand against the Darkness without aid, decided that it would have to help.

(I'm about to go through the races, i don't know what order the traveller visited each race but i will go through them here)

So it set out on a journey, it wasn't much of a fighter, it brought life, it healed, destruction was Darkness's thing.  But darkness noticed the Traveller's intention, and decided that it too needed to be destroyed.

The darkness gave power to what we know as the worm gods, and helped in creating the hive, in turn traveller tried to do the same and aid other races to defend life against the darkness, The Ammonites,  The Harmony, the fallen and possibly others. But the Traveller was no fighter, no creator of weapons or master of destruction.

So races fell, the Fallen looked well enough, but they weren't strong enough.

I imagin that the traveller tried to stay and help the fallen (at the time known as Eliksni). But in doing so got injured and had to leave, this would explain why unlike other races the fallen survived the darkness, crippled and set back a in culture, but alive.

Then the humans found the traveller,  by this point it was tired, so much death had followed those it helped, but it had to stop the darkness. So once more it helped.  It in the humans, who had war as part of their history, it saw hope, they created powerful weapons, machines of their own.  Maybe this time?

Sadly no, now its unknown for sure if Rasputin fired apon the traveller, or if it was moving to better fight, or preparing to run.  But here's what i think happened;

The traveller sensed the darkness on its way

, it panicked "not again, not another race crippled or destroyed!" In its panic it moved, Rasputin sensing the movement and the panic decided to show the traveller the best option, He readied his weapons and fired them(or showed the  traveller a simulation of them being fired) as a show of force, "keep running and the cycle will continue". And with that its mind was made up, it would stay and fight one last time, no more running, and the fight between the Traveller and the Darkness began again, with a new outcome, a victory in the traveller's favour, it held and pushed back the darkness, but now it was injured, it needed time to heal itself, but if it went to sleep and left the humans alone, they would surely die, so it created the Ghosts, making one special one so it could speak with humanity more directly.

 You may have noticed i haven't said about the Cabal or vex yet. Its hinted that the cabal herd of the Traveller through another race, possibly humanity or fallen but they had no interaction with them, their ways may have reminded the Traveller too much of the Darkness, and decided not to aid.

 But the vex, i have a theory about, i recon the machine that the traveller was in was made by the vex.  But i also think that the vex, was made by the traveller.

We know that the vex mind fluid is what makes Vex...well....Vex They are organic, using machines, i recon it was the traveller that created the mind fluid, then helped them more directly than other times, the vex was going to be its own answer to the hive, the fluid in the vex is light, they shine, their data spires are white and illuminate the area.

What happens when we go to Nexuss, something that should have any life on at all. We see them terraforming it, creating plants, that when left alone would eventually spawn creatures (you know nature doing its thing).  That's on odd thing for an evil bunch of liquid robot users to do right?

Its because its in their nature, it was in the nature of the Traveller and as such a desire was sent through, the Traveller made the vex to try to figure out what the darkness will do, to try to find out how to win. Needing more planets as processing power for them, before leaving them to act on the orders,(defend yourselves when needed, defeat the darkness, possibly more as well).  Its when the Traveller was about to leave to try to find a race to aid, to slow down the darkness while the Vex do their thing, the vex captured the Traveller, they logiced that if they send the traveller out to terraform for them, it would speed up the process, knowing that the Traveller would be instrumental in defeating  the darkness, the vex created the cage/machinery around the traveller.

The traveller allowed this to happen, it would surly help if the darkness attacked. After some time allowing the vex to control the cage, the Traveller wrestled control and went out to aid the races it felt it had to.

The reason i think the cage is vex is due to a side mission i did on Nexuss, our Ghost goes into the vex network, and they gladly answer his questions, asks him to 'come home'. that would only make sense, if whatever the ghost was made from, happened to vex as well.

 That said it could also be that the traveller found the machine that it's vex made to therraform planets, and decided to take control of it.

But this would also explain why the Vex decided to worship the black heart.

Apon finding The Traveller's creation, the Darkness left a part of itself with them.

The vex having learned from their previous attempt with the cage decided to try a worshiping, in an attempt to please it, why would they care so much, because it reminds them of their creator. They create a system that they use to keep the fragment of darkness in one place, a fragment they may have possibly got from the great battle over Earth.  But the darkness couldn't control the Vex, the Traveller's light protected them such powers, so he had them to make his own guards.

The three bosses we fight at the end of the destiny 1 campaign, aren't that tough when compared to things like what was in the vault of glass. And despite how many Vex there are, we only get a few to fight with each boss? Why not send an army of thousands? Because the vex don't need the darkness, when the darkness proved to not be as interested in terraforming or creating, the vex kept it, but it wasn't worth the highest protection.

The darkness did gain something from its time from the vex though, remember those shapes in the third cut-scene at the end of Destiny 2? Its possible that they were made by the vex, a sort of weapon against the Traveller's armour/cage.

 That's it im done!

Now i will admit that i haven't done too much reaserch on the lore, but this turned into a kinda half story half theory thing anyway. I'm sure the real story is nothing like this.

But it felt good to type all this out.

Look me up on PC (Hekem) if you fancy messing around in Destiny.

 Buh bye!

[choujiro]

ph

so i spent 3 weeks at ph and oh gosh

week one: 

the flight wasnt bad at all tbh i got to watch my kdrama & listen to my favorite music

scratch that was kinda annoying because my brother took a xan & instantly knocked out once we were seated, my mom and a flight attendant got extremely worried because he wasn’t really opening his eyes

i told them he was just really tired

he fuckgin drooled and it smelled

i couldnt sleep for like an hour or two because we saved his dinner but on my tray and it bothered me

incheon airport is so nice omfg !!!!! bought a macaron at a starbucks there & i wish we had that here at u.s

my uncles picked us up from the airport and our younger uncle (20 yrs old) got chubbier and said he got really fat so we were like no ur jst thicc

while we were waiting for my mom to fix her phone he was talking to me about kdramas because he saw the iu photocard on my phone LOL but its really interesting because guys arent really into stuff like that

found out his girlfriend makes him watch kdramas lol

found out the portions at jollibee were wayyy smaller so my uncle told me to buy two of the same food yah huge shock to me

the wifi was incredibly slow; we had to buy this portable wifi in which we bought 1gb of connection for idk 300 pesos??? wow first world problems for sure

my mom, brother & i slept on the same bed & it was just so hot i honestly could not sleep (we couldnt really sleep anywhere else)

the next day my cousins and i walked to our other cousins house & the aircon in her home was just fucgkin AMAZING 

we could not stand the heat tbh it ruined us

we went to the next town over to buy stuff at the market because we found out my uncle had fake gucci slippers

i bought fake nike slippers and some of us got the same along with gucci ones lol

went deeper in the market and found hella fake stuff like fake vans and addidas (i was planning to come back to buy them and when i came back to the market we didnt have time to get them so im really bummed esp since they’re cheap like 200 or 300 pesos only)

went to the local mall the following day & found this really cute shop that resembled h&m, i ended up buying this overall dress & used up 800 pesos out of 1000 & didnt have enough to buy anything else lol

went to the supermarket the following day inside another mall & ended up buying a bunch of snacks in BULK (my cousins bought wine & alcohol, ended up tasting really weird)

bought a LARGE ASS bulky bag of corn chips called bawang na bawang & when my auntie found out i called it “bah-wang” instead of “buh-wang” she kept laughing & told everyone else because apparently im saying town instead of garlic

met my other cousins’ family (they live in the same town, a 2 minute drive basically) and ate good food, talked to their uncle about palawan since we were going there soon

attended our parent’s high school reunion and watched them perform this dance line lol

we werent really interested in their reunion, i mean it wasn’t really for us anyways??

i actually got really sick the day before new years, i had a bad fever & had cold sweat. i told my cousins to move the fan away from me despite the weather being 80+ degrees :-(

i took antibiotics & got better several minutes before the new years hit lol

week two:

got sick to the point where i lost my voice 

went to pagasinan and ate rly good sisig & etc

went to the same supermarket from the one back in my family’s hometown and ended up buying more snacks in bulk

my skin got super worse & im just like fuck it dammit

on jan2 we were supposed to go to palawan but our flight was delayed, we were transferred to a super nice hotel nearby, free of charge of course

got a massage with two of my other cousins for the first time, the lady thought i was korean so they were like “oh !!! korean!!”

i couldnt speak so my manang talked for me lol

gosh the massage was both relaxing and hurtful LOL

i understood the lady speaking to her coworkers as she was massaging me as she said she felt sorry for me because my skin has alot of scars

i didnt mind at all, i felt bad that she had to see it tbh

she told me to turn my body facing the ceiling so i did and omfg she pulled the towel and massaged my ..... armpits and boobs (im so ashamed because i shaved before i left the airport and it grew fast oh my god)

my cousins and i were talking about how our butts hella hurt after they massaged that part because FUK it hella hurt oh my god i have never clenched my buttcheeks so hard in my life

my kuya said he was ticklish there so he let out a giggle

we boarded our flight to palawan the next day and went island hopping right away. i felt really bad because my skin got even worse so it made me uncomfortable & i couldnt talk to anyone so yeah bad time lol

island hopping was nice nevertheless, we couldnt explore the cave because the tides were high

my cousins, brother and mom got a massage at the hotel we were staying after finding out we got one in the other hotel

the masseurs come to the room instead of having a separate room

so i couldnt go to sleep right away since the bed was being occupied smh

we went to a place called bakers hill the next day & it was really nice idk how to say it, it was much of a hill tho. lots of places to take pictures there i guess??? theres only one bakery there and its small, the families bought alot of pastillias and hopia to bring back home, basically we left the store with a box full of sweets

went to bagiuo the day we returned back to our town and went to a place called mines view where we had an amazing view of the hills/mountains

its realllly nice and green and man !!!!! gr8 view

went shopping for gifts at the local market and bought a jacket & two wooden keychains shaped as a small ..... dicc

my brother bought a wooden flute and he really used it throughout the whole trip like he played in the house AND during car rides. i think the good part was that it wasnt annoying at all, he actually knew how to play and did some covered a bunch of songs that made all of us laugh (my cousin recorded it and has the videos on her phone so i cant show everyone here)

we went driving at pengbenga park, but not literally driving. we got to drive these plastic race car things and it was sososo fun!!!! i overtook some kids & adults but mostly kids on the driveway & i crashed like only twice

we were given the choice to use a bike/multi-seater bike, race car, & other stuff but yeah race car boi

ate really bomb waffles and pancakes at this pancake house and LORD !! GOOD AMAZING AAAHH OOOOO

went to a small mall the following day and bought 50 peso facemasks and i spent like 15 dollars worth of them??? idk i just bought hella without counting my money lol

drove to manila few days later and went to a place called greenhills (famous for fake brands like nike and gucci) and my cousins and aunties bought alot of gucci, ray bans, louis vuitton (wallet, belts and bags lmao). went to a store called miniso and it was so packed i wasnt able to look around as much, & i really wanted to go here ;___; it was okay tho

so there are basically two malls in one, one small one with a food court and market with the fake items and a REAL mall; they’re connected by a yard which is partially a church lol (there was a tv outside so we assumed it was a concert of some sort, found out there was a priest praying inside the building along with so many others)

next morning, instead of going to another pancake house we were accidentally taken to a coffee house but honestly, it was the best choice ever

it was so fuckgin AESTHETIC I LOVED IT they decorated the place with flowers and it wasnt like overwhelming full of flowers it was just right and the iced latte?? AMAZING and ugh man i loved ittttttt

we went to a museum after and learned so much about jose rizal and the history of philippines before and during spanish colonization and it was super interesting

darn u white ppl go away

it was really ironic to see white people check out the museum too like.. first u colonize us then u wanna check our museum hm

went to eat after at a place similar to pepper lunch, so basically hot sizzling food

i ordered a sizzling tapa and it was so fuckgin AMAZINg gattdamn ugh i love sisig

we went to the mall after hoping to check out another museum inside the place (an ice cream one) but we found out that it was opened until feb 

anyways we checked out the whole mall and ate some aesthetic looking ice cream which was amazing also

dropped off two of our cousins at the airport since they were only here for two weeks (the rest of us dreaded over the fact that we had one more week left when our trip here was originally 2 weeks)

went back to my familys town at la union and didnt do much

spent two days at baguio, day 1: found a kbbq and ate lunch there, it was only 300 pesos per person so we werent complaining

we went to the mall after and i checked out this store that had really amusing shirts, bags and pouches. i ended up buying a shirt with a bunny that said “bunnies like carrots but not this one. this one chose the jacuzzi” it was so amusing omfg

i bought a pouch that said “lechon is my lifeforce” aka pig and my friends were like “thats really amazing”

we left the mall to buy tea and i didnt have enough because i bought the bunny shirt so my uncle bought a drink for me LOL (i felt so bad tho)

watched netflix the whole time till it was time to sleep

the next day my other cousin was dropped at the house and we went to go out for a different kbbq place, it was much better (500 pesos per person too!)

went to the mall again and watched jumanji

watched black mirror when we came back

left the next day & went back to the mall since it connected to the other large buses to go back to town

week three:

next morning i met a faith healer who looked for the cause of my eczema, she cured my mom the day before because someone had cursed her food (she had stomach cancer several months back but she’s better, she occasionally has stomach problems tho)

one of the amazing things i have heard from her was that when she was cleaning my moms body with a white towel, she squeezed out the remaining water & black sand came out. she says the curse has been removed & that she’ll feel better soon

she looked at my skin and proceeded to put a special oil everywhere and said it mightve been the burning of a dwende outside the house when i was kid (when he was hurt, he probably hurt me too)

the next day she came by again and lathered a special oil again and came to the conclusion that when i visited the house when i was about 4-5 years old, the dwendes decided to play with me (which actually hurt me so)

she said to only have faith and keep praying, virgin mary will come by to heal you in the form of a sudden breeze with a nice scent

i know that alot of people might think this is crazy and all, but since i come from a spiritual family and had actual experience with something like this, its really easy to believe 

it seems like the dwendes dont like modern medicine so everytime i put on my creams or ointments, the healing effect didnt last long

the next and final day, she put on oil once more and concluded that the dwendes have been playing with me since i was a kid so it was the root of my eczema. she had personally asked them to stop yesterday so she said they wont play with me anymore

as she was lathering oil on my skin, she said that i had nice legs and hands, the dwendes had played with me because i was “pintas” or pretty

so that kinda shocked me like me? pretty?? lol

but after that she said i will get better, i need to have faith and pray all the time. once you believe, it will happen (i have great faith in both the faith healer and myself healing, my wounds are slowly closing so im really determined to recover from eczema)

the thing about faith healers is that they DONT ask for money. you could donate, but they dont ask for anything at all. i believe that they heal people in the form of good will

my mom & i gave money and clothes, and soap as a payment for her time and faith healing and im sososo thankful for her

she also did this thing where she could figure out things by putting oil and water in a plate and picking out rice grains and letting them either sink or float in another bowl

3 rice grains had floated while the others sank and she concluded that there was something wrong with me, both spiritually and physically?? i couldnt understand quite well since they were speaking in ilocano

but something along the lines of that, she had called me soul in order to protect me so i can heal. and that kinda boggled me like soul? is that always with you? is my soul somewhere else? why was it that my soul had to be called? so yeah interesting

she also found out that my grandpa had visited (he visited last week too, along with my grandma) and he’s just watching the family in the living room

also odd thing but last week a white butterfly came inside the house while my cousins and i were just doing whatever and it landed on the couch my manang and i were sitting on

my kuya said there was a butterfly behind me and i was like fuk imma move couches cuz i just dont like bugs in general (my cousin had entered the back door the other night and felt something crawling on his head so he slapped it away, turns out it was a HUGE spider so yeah FUK that lol i wanted to throw up when i saw it)

so i switched couches and the butterfly followed me and went on my head so i shoo’ed it away

the next day after it had happened a lady who had a third eye/some sort of spiritual power said my grandparents visited last night and i guess i shoo’ed my grandpa away lol

anyways, going back to the rice grain thing, the faith healer knew i couldnt sleep well because my body has been burning for the longest time, so she put those 3 rice grains in a cotton ball and safety pinned it to my shirt

my mom said that her mom would often do the same thing to her sisters back when they were kids, it was really effective in to protecting yourself

i think its really crazy how theres so many spirits and the like in philippines, and also in vietnam and other asian countries as well. i thought it was because it was 3rd world countries or countries that had been colonized

i searched it up and 1) when PH was colonized, the conquestors often scared them with stories about spirits and 2) when the angels had fought lucifer and his army out of heaven, alot of them fell on earth, landing on the islands of PH

we all packed our stuff last minute and my mom was having a hard time since everything could not fit in the luggage, i told her just to put everything in our large balikbayan box and she refused, she eventually gave up (even the stuff barely fit inside the box). we left at 1am that day for the airport at manila and man, i guess i’ll miss ph

our stopover was at incheon again and this time we had more time to buy stuff at the airport. my mom bought her starbucks mug in which she was excited about. i bought another macaron and planned eating it on the airplane but my mom misplaced it & once we came back i found out it was smashed lmfao

i went to the duty free store and looked around for some snacks, the ladies were rly kind in helping me, i tried speaking in korean but had no luck at all lol all i said was kamsamnida after they had helped me

while waiting for our flight, my mom and aunties were telling us about stories about our other auntie since she’s really mean and all lol we were all curious to why she had treated everyone so unkindly basically the their whole lives

my cousins dont like this specific aunt and i dont have a good judgement of her either but my other aunt told us to always be kind despite that. 

i had planned to watch the rest of my kdrama on the plane but i knocked out for 9 out of 11 hours of the flight

the men at the airports where they check our passport were so handsome omfg. the ones both at manila and san francisco like... so... handsome. i told my mom that they’re really good looking and she assumed it was because they were light skinned but even if they werent light, they were SO handsome like i dont discriminate against color man if youre handsome you are HANDSOME

arrived back at SF at 2pm and my manang welcomed us by making us cajun shrimp and it was literally the best meal ever ugh i miss american food

i had school the NEXT day, and i had barely realized that i signed up for a class at UC DAVIS instead of sacramento and oh my god i was truly fucked up lol (ended up fixing it tho)

i checked up on my character on maplesaga and found out that literally everyone had outleveled me like ok fuk 

to summarize the 3 weeks there, my skin did not get better at all lol. although we were originally going to stay for 2 weeks, my mom couldnt fix our flight time and ended up staying there longer. despite it being dreadful at times, im really lucky that i had met a faith healer the 3rd week for my eczema. if i had left the 2nd week, i would not have been healed (the doctors here in u.s were completely useless so...) i was sick 80% of the time of the trip which made me feel bad lol but its my immune systems fault :-/// im really prone to extreme changes in weather, so coming from a 50 degree city to a 80 degree country took a toll on my body. it was the same back at home, during the summer the weather was often bipolar so that also took a toll on my body

anyways its so good to be back home except for the piles of homework stacking up ;__;