#im starting hrt this year
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As a yet-to-start HRT gal
How do the few people I know feel about that? I am without a doubt a woman, but I am presently masc. Am I somehow faking to you all? Or am I just in my own head after years of self abuse?
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trying to not doom and gloom abt it but hey do any transmascs in like red states (or any state while dipshit idiot fanta orange was president, able to START T at all, like were you able to still get any kind of trans healthcare or hrt during that reign of terror like if so HOW 😭 id like to go on T like sometime inthe next two year or so but i wantto know if like. anyone has tips of how to get the process started esp ifyou dont have health insurance 😬
#trans healthcare#help sgsjgs#ineed to focus on HOW to get it realistically started so ixan avoid falling into DESPAIR shsjgs#ive been doing research onthis online for YEARS dreaming of starting T butlike#yk i dont have the space yet or the moneyyy..#i WILL though like hopefully ill get my diving thing going butlike#yeah if anyone whos navigated trans healthcare during that dipshits reign of terror before pleaseee letme know anything#im sure itslike still POSSIBLE for me to do hrt just. going to be Extremely Difficult#oh well#we atay balling we dont give up hope!!
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my voice has started to drop and ive been in a near constant state of gender euphoria this week :DD
#im so happy (≧∇≦)#i also disturbed the shit out of my jet lagged & sleep deprived little sister who hadnt seen me in weeks lmao#edit: but like imagine youre all kind of exhausted from work and holidays and heat and everything and when you come back home to#your transexual sibling you dont vibe too much with and the mf speak to you with another man's voice 😂😂 her face was the#funniest shit i cant wait to meet the rest of my family and see their reaction. its so funny cause plenty of them thought i had already#started hrt years ago so idk idk it's going to be funn
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any trans person should get HRT for free (no insurance required) and in exchange they should participate in the occasional study/survey.
research into sex hormones and their effects is so scarce and you have a whole ass population group who's willing to not only switch up their hormones but keep it up for very long periods of time. you could run some incredible long term studies with participants across all sorts of demographics.
while it's impossible to conduct any blind studies on this due to observable change in appearance, there's still so so so much data we're giving up on because we'd rather...
lemme check my notes. that cant be right.
...because we'd rather deny trans people health care and let them die. huh.
#trans#transgender#ramble#queer#lgbtq#genderqueer#hrt#trans hrt#crimes against the gender convention#someone make me a scientist im onto something#like yes obviously science needs funding and shit but if we can stuff dead fish into mri machines we can give out some pills#we have a... grasp on physical changes but even that is limited#effects on behavior have like. 3 studies in 30+ years or something like that#and we cant really extrapolate from animal experiments because human brains are so much more complex#and what about variants!! id fucking love to take a fucked up lil cocktail to see which aspects of a physical transition can be isolated#like if i take testosterone i am SO gonna start balding but theres supposed combinations that would inhibit the effect on hair loss/growth#but i cant have that because theres not enough science on it to get it approved here (especially if insurance is involved)#hello i am the science lemme do it!! gimme!!!!#id even let you float me in a vat of mysterious green liquid#actually that seems like a benefit
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hold them gentl like hoddog
#hi guys. sorry for absence#i’m at the lowest low ive ever been if im being honest#idk what posting will look like for the next year#i’m starting HRT#and it’s come with so much heartache#so uh. wish me luck ig#g/t#giant/tiny#giant#tiny#giant tiny#art from the river#mouser
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week 7 of menstruating and I am so so tired
#im gonna give myself until next year for my uterus to get shit straight or im gonna get hysterectomy done#honestly this is so fucking shitty#tahbso is another option and then i can just start on hrt right away with estrogen patch#with absolutely no need of progestrone bc hey!!!! no uterus!!!!!!#another option is lng-ius coil specifically jaydess but it's progesterone based and I don't want to deal with the potential side effects :(#i know jaydess technically has the lowest amount of levonogestrel but i really dont wanna risk it#im already suicidal half the time im on the combined pills to treat this shit#sorry tmi but arghhh im frustrated#chrmz.txt
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I'm not on t yet and it's already so bad. how to prepare
Prepare? Nuh uh. It just happens.
The rabid animal phase does go away, sort of.
The level stays mostly the same but you learn to ignore it.
If you can do it, exercising helps.
But when it hits randomly at the worst moment I’m sorry there is nothing to be done LMAO
#also you will be so hungry#hungrier than u ever thought possible#that part does mostly go away#I’m sorry idk what else to tell ya#idk how different hrt is compared to ur body just doin it#like idk how sudden it is. i guess it depends on what dose ur on#it’s just like. oh ok i guess that’s happening now well alrighty#also the mind and body disconnect WILL HAPPEN#ur body just starts doing shit and ur sitting there like damn I gotta study for this quiz#that also… doesn’t go away but#ok what I’m trying to say is after like uhh 2 years you’ll just be used to the bullshit#GOOD LUCK..#how did this become the topic of anons recently i feel like a middle school teacher 😭#is this what being the oldest sibling is like idk im the family baby but no one told me shit LOL#ask#asks#non voice post
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I Flipflop so much on it but man. I really do want top surgery
#elias howls#its. i dont know. i view it same as i viewed ever starting hrt just not a thing I'll ever get to experience#and it doesnt help my brain is still living in the sense of urgency i made in like 5th grade at age 9 or whatever because i genuinely didnt#see myself naking it past that age so my brains constantly screaming times running out when i know it isnt and its just. weird. and tiring a#nd i dont know anyone else witj similar feelings while also knowing im not alone in this#like. nothing bad will happen if im 30 and get top surgery but i. i want jt done now. in a year. in two. while im in my 20s and young and ca#n still do stuff
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[shakes myself by the shoulders] YOU'D HAVE TO STOP THE WORLD JUST TO STOP THE FEELING!!!!!!!!
#wails. i want hrt without the mortifying ordeal of outing myself to everyone#i cant have that of course but i wish#imagine if i could just disappear for a year or two to get into therapy and start het#hrt. that would be great#im dreading the waitlist time i'll get to hear from the other therapist i havent yet recontacted#ive also not replied to the one therapist that got back to me. oops#i mean tbf thats a therapist he probably gets mails like that that dont go anywhere all the time lol#and also knows ppl hesitate a lot#cas.txt#the guy with scared of everything disorder: goddd i wish i could just send this email why am i afraid#cw caps#im just wasting time by not contacting a therapist. i wont stop wanting hrt. be for real man#like i sit around and i go “hm but am i rly trans? do i rly want hrt?” and then im like yeah.#i look in the mirror and go. yeah.#jfc just START THE FUCKING PROCESS OF GETTING THERE ALREADY!!!! YOU HAVE TO WAIT AT LEAST 1.5 YEARS TO EVEN GET INTO THERAPY#JUST START THE FUCKING THINGGG
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im finally in a place where i have a real & consistent urge to make my life Better. more tolerable. enjoyable
im not just enduring anymore, i want to inhabit my life & my body
there are innumerable factors building up over years that led to this point, but i think a big one is my body's sudden & steep decline. it's led me to seeking relief & having to pay close attention to what my body is doing and how it's feeling, and make conscious choices to make myself more comfortable.
anyways which led to me FINALLY actually deciding that yes. i do want to start hrt. i'm done ignoring my body and im ready to start making it a place i'm happy living in
#shout out to my bestie for helping me come to the realization that becoming Unignorably Disabled was a v important step in this journey#and also for trying to encourage me over the last like. seven years about hrt. and me going eehhhhh i dont think right now#but anyways like. its also such a weird feeling like Right Now when my fatigue knocks me on my ass for weeks at a time#is the time im like okay yeah im finally ready to build a life i Want#girl with what energy.#but u know. the good thing about hrt is it doesn't require much energy#im done enduring. im ready to start inhabiting#carter speaks#i like. lost my train of thought multiple times while writing this#bc of brain fog & distractions. but i think i got most of what i wanted to say out. & i think its coherent
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People that can handle the social interactions to navigate the weird ass bureaucratic nightmare that is changing your name.
How?
#i am 5 years on HRT and im still too scared to try and start the name change process#I am a 28(?) year old adult#this feels.....bad
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mutuals send me the strength to get through tomorrow
#the situation is#i pass as a guy about 95% of the time#60% once i speak#i needa start correcting people at school before they get the idea in their heads that i'm a girl#but its FUCKING SCARY#ive genuinely never corrected anyone ever#bc before starting at this school monday i've only ever been out iwith family (too scared)#and at work with other employees or customers (too scared + one-time interaction or low stakes interaction)#whereas school. thats not 6 hours a week thats a lot mroe#fuucck#scary shit#i ahve a stomach ache just at the thought#i was meant to bring up hrt at the doctors a few months ago as a secondary thing at an appointment but i didnt#but now. for next week i have an appoinment where its the primary focus#still unlikely considering the whole process yadayada and most of all parental consent from BOTH. 😒#and my dad is. a 'bit' of a prick#but if he hasn't made any progress by next month. well. perhaps it's time to look elsewhere#anyway fingers crossed for hrt which ive wanted for the past two and a half (three?) years 😔 but i can't rely on that#so i just need to correct peoplenow. quickly. while im still new#ueguh
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We’re okay 95% of the time but sometimes we remember that we likely won’t be able to transition until we’re like 20-fucking-5 and get the insatiable urge to Throw Things
(Cw for some trans-related rage/desperation in the tags)
#the nhs#can go fuck itself#free healthcare is great#but not when the waitlist is practically longer than my own fucking age#(an exaggeration)#but fr guys I want to Bite Shit#these two fellas in a human trench coat just want to be fucking people#and I don’t get why we have to wait five years to perfrom to some fucking doctor so they can decide#ahh maybe this one shall get to live#and the cis people in my life are lovely about me being trans#but Kinda Weird about me wanting to transition#barbra why you look so horrified when I say I want to grow a beard#geoff i appreciate that transitioning is a huge decision#but consider that fact we’ve been thinking about it every day for the past three years#this is not spontaneous#it is a fundamental part of why i am the way I am#and like#the people that are Okay with the idea of HRT#don’t even like talking about surgery#they’re nice about it but I can tell that they’re horrified#this thing I practically yearn for terrifies them#and I know I can’t wait until I medically transition to start living#but that’s what it feels like sometimes#I’m waiting to fucking live#im sitting in a body that is dead in a life that is dead#waiting to live#and it’s hard#it’s so fucking difficult sometimes#im here for the people going through this shit too#skull’s ramblings
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I keep tearing up out of nowhere because I am just so so so so so happy and comfortable in my body. I knew I wanted hrt but I severely underestimated just how fucking magical it is. I cannot even put it into words the euphoria and connection I already have to my body.
#I know this seems sudden and fast but I've been accidentally microdosing on t for like a year now lol. but getting actual shots has already#started to change my body and its just so !!!!!#euphoric !!!!!#jett one trillion#i think its funny how im the hrt guy lol. i love it more than words can express
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LOL my mom texting me this and I literally can't tell if she's acknowledging/ affirming my gender or if it's just supposed to be like Ohhh first bon daughters have it so hard and she's completely oblivious to the implications like what does this mean 😭 I'm almost certain it's the second though but it floored me
#its awkward lately because omfg. when i trjed to tell her i was trans in high school it was a disaster then basically i decided to give up#on doing anything about my gender for years. then lately i started cautiously talking about being nonbinary again as its been years and she#better and more understanding . then recently my little sister came out as trans and shes actually been great#but im like sooo do we have this conversation again . but i want to wait for the dust to settle with my sister first because i think shes#more important cos shes 18 and im like my whole deal is whatever now#and im kinda like eh ill wait til i start hrt to talk to her about it more#but then she texts me this and im like ....ohhhhhkay........so....do you know what youre saying?
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Throughout this upcoming year I’d really like to sort out what exactly is going on with my weird little body. Because I have a funny feeling the EDS and unusual hormone balances aren’t conveniently unrelated.
#met up with a new endocrinologist in my new town#and so far every HRT specialist who I’ve met with has not believed me at face value that my T dosage is as low as it is#I’ve been taking .25ml since I started. every time i do a blood panel they opt not to raise it because my T levels are good#But. my testosterone levels were above average before i ever started HRT#and less than a year into being on .25ml IM a week i have dark facial hair and a deep voice#among other things but doctors seem the most surprised by those factors because they’re the most aesthetically noticable#the voice more so than anything else I would suspect#there are just… a lot of funny things about my body that as I’ve gotten older i wonder if are connected#I used to think the EDS symptoms were somehow my fault from years of being in the anorexia sauce#turns out the disability isn’t my fault funny how that works huh#edit the new doctor was very nice lol and she was very polite in how she went about it#I can understand wanting verification on my dose if it’s unusual and she doesn’t know me personally yet
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