#btw im not talking about HRT

[zzpyr0]

I have a gender therapist appointment tomorrow and im fucking DREADING it, have been since the start of the month. Im already expecting to recive another metaphorical middle finger from her tomorrow so im trying to set my expectations as low as possible.

“Oh we cant do anything until you visit a regular psychologist! Your too mentally unstable for now!” Have you considered that its (and hear me out here, truly insane, mindblowing, UNBELIEVABLE theory ahead!) because im suffering with near crippling amounts of dysphoria? And your doing fuck all about it? Even though thats why im here? For you? To? Help? Me???

[pseudal]

do not get me started on the fear mongering surrounding any form of bottom surgery and the demonization of it by both cishet and lgbt people

[catboybiologist]

oh!! it appears i may have misunderstood what the original person was meaning. im used to when people use biological and a sex in the same sentence that they are referring to being "born as" that gender. i understand that hormones obviously change a person's biology to line up more with the gender correlated to the hrt they're receiving but i guess no one is immune to misinterpreting things, not even me. thanks for clearing that up!! :-)

Yeah okay thanks for adding those tags and making this ask then, because this is EXACTLY the equivalency that I hate so much!!! Your body changes so much over the course of your life!!! Why does the word "biological" as an adjective mean an equivalency to what you were born with?

And again, this is medically relevant!!!! The changes from HRT are incredibly comprehensive! They can change cell types in reproductive organs! They can change fully developed bones, it just takes a really really long time! This isn't a terminology quibble! This is necessary info!

Not frustrated at you btw, just get heated when I talk about this sometimes LOL

[scramratz]

Just found out you live in MO which is crazy

Are there side affects of T that aren't talked about a lot? I know a couple (mainly male pattern baldness) but I'm not fully informed and I don't exactly know where to start when it comes to research, im scared of misinformation =((

I really don’t like the term “side effects” when it comes to HRT (NOT MAD AT YOU BTW), they’re just effects. I guess the only “side effects” I could think of are just the natural consequences of going through puberty (acne, lil awkward, stinky) but you wouldn’t go up to a cis teen boy and say “ah I see you’re experiencing the nasty side effects of testosterone ☝️” That’s weird!

Simply. It’s just puberty. Puberty ain’t fun, but it’s cool 😎

(OH YEA! your pussy my dry up tho. You can get a cream for that)

[antiendovents]

// vent, medical ableism

tldr; my fucking DOCTOR is pro-endo and her source is a dumbass paper that proves nothing and now my healthcare is at risk!!

just had my appointment with my gender wellness doctor. she asked how i've been and i mentioned finding a 2nd therapist for specific stuff. she asked what and i said dissociative disorders. i wanted to be vague but she pressed me to talk about it and reluctantly i talked about having alters and answered her questions bc i struggle with saying no.

i told her i was ok with doing an adverse childhood experiences scale but that i had stuff i wanted to talk about (like my hrt not being at the pharmacy for months) she said "we'll get to it".

after the assessment she asked abt it causing distress and she was talking about how in the office they use the term "plural identities" i said that was fine but that its still a disorder. she was like "disorder is negative" and compared it to how it used to be called gender identity disorder (comparing the two as if she has any place to talk on it, being cis and a singlet) but its better to use "plural identities"

i was like "thats fine as long as its still seen as a disorder and caused by trauma" and she was like "no its not always caused by trauma" and i straight up said "do you have a source for that?" and she was like "google my husbands name" and i did and THEN she moved on to my actual issues with struggling to get hrt for months.

the whole time after i had to mask how i was feeling so i could get basic healthcare. after she hung up i burst into tears. its been like 10 min and im still crying and feel sick. ive had doctors say they dont know what DID/OSDD-1 is before. ive had them say DID is a personality disorder. ive never had anything like this before and i feel unsafe. the fucking endo community IS affecting healthcare. i dont feel like i can ever talk to a doctor about this stuff again. she completely talked over me and then moved on like it was nothing

btw this is the stupid study her husband worked on. read it and its not even PROVING ANY OF WHAT SHE SAID. its just "oh well some people THINK theyre plural and of course disordered people have to be miserable so if you like ur alters they must be magically there!" and was from the plural association. its fucking disgusting this is being used as fact when theres nothing but subjective opinion.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S246874992300042X

i genuinely think im going to go to planned parenthood from now on. i cant work with her anymore. its been 2? maybe more years of working with her but im done. im sorry to ramble so much. im still having a breakdown over this.

-arachnid anon

im really sorry about that arachnid anon. That sucks and if you can we hope you manage to get a new doctor because she is clearly causing you distress. This really sucks, I feel like endos don't always realise how dangerous this stuff can be for actual systems. If doctors don't see it as a disorder then they won't treat it as such, meaning you won't get the help you need and you won't feel safe with her (as you said), which like,, isn't good. She's not a specialist meaning if anything she shouldn't really be saying stuff about DID/OSDD at all, because that's not her job or her place ((I understand you brought it up, but still. She should keep her opinions out of her damn job))

[morningstarofdawnx]

Reasons why I think Crocodile is highkey queer in a trans way

Hello tumblr, your boy is back to cook once again.. I will list off all the reasons I think Crocodile (One Piece) is very queer (trans specifically) and my reasonings for it (Most of these will be based on my own theories btw, some/most of them arent based on canon)

I know its already a very popular headcanon but I wanted to list off WHY its so popular and even kinda implied!

Starting off strong with the main reasoning everyone tells you when you ask them why they hc it, his secret past with Ivankov. One Piece is no stranger to cooking with their villains' backstories/general past stories (the latter being the case for Croc, don't know if we will ever get his actual backstory) and Crocodile... has not been cooked yet. The only thing we know about him is his secret that only Ivankov knows, and based on how Croc acts with this secret it's safe to assume he would not want it out there... but why exactly???? I have a theory on that

Let's say he's trans, just assume it for a sec. Remember how queer people are treated in the OP universe. Although we can give the universe the benefit of the doubt and say the queerphobia isn't that bad to the point where queer people get killed just for being queer, they are very clearly outcasted. In the Impel Down arc we see this a lot, with everyone calling the New Kama soldiers either "a queer" (in the slur way) or a "pervert" (uncalled for tbh). I dont think the main reason Ivankov made the queer paradise was because they were outcasted, but I think that may be one of the reasons for it.

Now, still assuming Croc is trans, lets take a look at why my previous paragraph matters. If we go by the theory that he went to Iva and used their HRT powers to transition, this could be really bad for him if it came out! Like REALLY bad. There is a chance he could lose a large portion of his reputation and his intimidating aura even!! Besides the queerphobia, sexism is very apparent in the OP universe as well. I feel that if word got out that Croc is trans, people would not only be transphobic but also sexist towards him.

I don't think that Croc would get disheartened by all the negative thoughts people have about him, no. That would be very OOC. I think he wouldn't give two shits! But his reputation DOES matter to him, as a man that thrives to be a very strong and remarkable pirate (and also with his dream wanting to be the king of the pirates ofc).

2. Continuing from Impel Down arc, lemme ask you all a question.. did you notice how Crocodile very suddenly got his actual clothes back in the middle of the arc? Well I have an explanation for you. According to a question Oda answered himself, the New Kama prisoners steal clothes and they happened to steal his... for some reason. Why could this be exactly?????

Okay some of you may think I'm reaching (there is a lot of reaching in this essay), but I think that they may have done it as a favor to him knowing that they may meet him someday. JUST THINK ABOUT IT! Iva has history with Croc, they wouldnt ignore Crocs clothing I would think! My main theory is that Iva stole it with the thought of giving it back to Croc themself, maybe with the intention of making Croc join them? Whooo knows...

3. Take a look at this image here.

Now I want you all to think about the villains of OP. I'm not talking about those who are morally grey, like Hancock or Kuma for example. I'm talking about Moria, Doffy, Kaido etc etc. I already mentioned the queerphobia of the universe and how they are outcasted. I think my theory on the villains of one piece not respecting queer ppl as a whole has a chance to be partially correct. Im going to base this entire section on that theory, so feel free to skip if you disagree.

Crocodile as we know, is a horrible dude. Morally Black. No thoughts behind those eyes besides determination, hunger for power and the desperation for victory. I mean look at the dude, he looks damn bored all the time with the only times he shows emotions being when he has fun torturing people! We can safely say that Crocodile is that type of villain.

Now going back to the image, ASSUMING my theory that Crocodile and his past with Iva is based on him being queer, I like to think that he is more "kind" with queer people in general. Him letting a New Kama member do his laces may just be a representation of his power and superiority over the characters, but it could also hint at him specifically asking the New Kama member to do it (which is most likely the case). Why am I mentioning this? Well, as far as I can see, the New Kama member doesn't look scared. Could this be because they trust Croc maybe? Could the New Kama members know about Crocs support through Ivankovs depiction of him (without outing him Id assume)?

Yeah okay... too far of a reach maybe. But HEAR ME OUT ON THIS!!

Going straight from that theory, let me mention the best character in the show...... BONNNNN CLAYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Mr. 2 Themself.. I always thought its really interesting how Bon didnt have a partner while in Baroque Works. For those of you who dont know, the reason for this is because Bon Clay is a very queer individual, and often describes themself as being both genders! Due to this, they specifically went to Crocodile and asked to not have a partner. The partners in Baroque Works are always 1 man and 1 woman, and with Bon being both they didnt want a partner.

CROCODILE LITERALLY HAD NO REASON TO INDULGE IN THIS REQUEST IN ANY WAY??? Why would he, knowing that he will literally LOSE MANPOWER, accept this request at all? There are 2 outcomes to this question. 1, he trusts Bon Clays abilities.. or 2. He respected Bons identity enough to agree to this request. I personally think its the latter because why would he choose less manpower over more?? Even if he trusts Bons abilities, Bon is still vulnerable working alone, and there is no reason for him to not pair them up with anyone besides the identity thing. We constantly see him respect queer characters and even know he has a past with the MAIN QUEER THEMSELF! This is especially weird because he canonically looks down on everyone and thinks everyone is worthless unless theyre useful to him. I don't think any of this is a coincidence........ ONTO THE 3RD REASON!

3. This is Lil CrocTM.

Now, I have asked many people on this and it is confirmed I AM NOT REACHING! THAT KID IS ANDROGYNOUS AF! Yes you could argue he leans more on the masc side, but nevertheless him looking so androgynous as a kid may mean something... WOW! AN ACTUAL CANON REASON AS TO WHY HE MAY BE TRANS! APPLAUSE APPLAUSE

Those are all the main reasons, some honorable mentions;

In this scene, he makes that face the second Iva mentions meeting him as a rookie.. hmm... could this be because he was a WOMAN back then?

Iva specifically says the words "revealing his past" and mentions only one weakness. If that secret was him being trans it would make a lot of sense!

2. Its said that one of the main inspirations of Croc design is Captain Hook, the disney villain. If youre a disney fan youd know that Captain Hook is a very blatant homosexual character. Not trans, I know, but still a queer character! I thought itd be worth mentioning.

Yeah ok thats basically all I have. I know there is a high chance his past secret has something to do with his scar and missing hand (a character we know of that made him like this maybe?) but I still really love the idea of him being queer in some way. Trans Croc DOMINATIONNNNNNN

[pansnovidinnia]

the shit i don't like about talking to people about my and their views is that they always have this card called "this is my opinion so all your criticism is wrong, you should respect my opinion and not push yours"

oh how much i hate it.

my transphobic aunt used it too. when i said i wanna do only hrt, she answered that this way i won't be fully a man. then I said, that things like that hurt me. what did she pull up? "you're asking for tolerance but don't want to tolerate my opinion? youre still a stupid teenager huh" (im 26 btw)

"you should respect my opinion" they say and proceed to mock your entire existence and say that you have no rights to live and be yourself.

"you should respect my opinion" they say and then proceed ti ramble that the earth is flat.

"you should respect my opinion" they say and then proceed to tell you how universe was created within 6 days or whatever.

i get when its about shit like color. yeah, i get it. you like brown, i don't. its okay. it doesn't fucking deny my existence. i can tolerate difference in taste and i will cause i have brain and thinking capabilities. but i will never tolerate shit my aunt said. "there's only fully a man or fully a woman. you can't be both or neither. imagine if some woman falls in love with you and then learns that youre an inferior man, that you have no penis?"

i will never tolerate shit like that. i will never tolerate religion or belief that the earth is flat or whatever bullshit stupid ppl come up with. why should i fucking tolerate ignorance, bigotry, and literal stupidity?

also its not about debating. i try my best to just end friendship with people who i learned are religious/believe in aforementioned stuff. i don't go out my way and try to talk them out of their bullshit cause i know its not possible and will leave me broken. but i will never respect their opinion. its not an opinion. its lack of understanding world around you. shitfuckers.

i recently blocked a person who was heavily invested in tarot cards and was telling me that "there are thousands of proofs that tarot cards work". when i explained that no, they in fact do not work, provided the evidence and explained what the fuck bias is, they pulled out the shitty card "i respect your opinion and you should respect mine"

okay then fuck you. believe in your bullshit and be blissfully unaware idiot.

mfg.

[kurtmustdie]

lmao i fucking forgot to share this

not only do i have unorganized miguel heacanons but i have unorganized HOBIE ones too

i have unorganized random headcanons for all the characters i brainrot over these two are no different!!

identity headcanons first hehe:

hes trans. he probably diyed his hrt and also has top surgery somehow hes magic. (i also think he'd have tattoos over his scars, either super cool bat/devil wings or an intricate spider design on their whole abdomen cant decide ill draw it later 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉)

he, however, doesnt really have any specific sexuality or gender labels they feel like they fit into. theyre attacted to all genders of varying degrees but doesnt really put a label on it. he just exists.

also doesnt mind what pronouns you use for her. any/all. basically.

also also would encourage people to use the weirdest and coolest neopronouns they can think of for zem like REALLY go out there WHATEVER YOU CAN THINK OF.

ADHD haver?? MAYBE???

to the rest acaksdlfj;akdjf:

theyre very crafty and dabble in basically every form of art. music, graffiti, painting, sculpting (mainly with trash or scraps or random discarded items he finds, more on that later on), sewing, whatever. if he can learn to do it she will.

he is super touchy and likes being close to people, but also understand boundaries.

very emotionally intelligent, i feel like this is canon anyway but ill just put it out there, ze can basically sense if someone is upset.

LOVES ABSOLUTELY LIVES FOR talking to new people, will go out of their way to introduce himself to basically everyone, especially new spider-people she meets.

he is a bit of a joker, ofc, but he wont try and push boundaries that he clearly sees or hears from the person theyre talking to. hi people who hc him as being an unself aware dickhead shut up you are very wrong did you even watch the movie.

this one is probably my favorite but he will pick up random things he sees around him and keep them for art projects. cool rock on the sidewalk? its a rock, hes gonna take it. funny lookin bug? might pick it up for a little to look at it and put it back in a safer spot. bottle cap? "mine now". like i said before he likes using litter to make art.

he will stop mid-mission if he sees something cool that he can take home like "oh [riff] cool leaf" and put it in his pocket.

i was referencing this post btw i love this headcanon, absolutely genius, i will steal it ty /lhj

this stealing of random objects from all around the multiverse has caused many lectures for miguel (they arent listening)

they have some kind of control over what texture/color they turn into if xey really think about it but most of the time he just kind of.. lets it do its thing. (sort of like a RainWing?)

shockingly good at vague yet oddly specific threats that are unrealistic but if you really think about it it's like "oh yeah he could totally do that..." but she wouldn't. yknow what im saying right???

while he does live in the 70s where technology was uh... not as popular nor as advanced as they are now, he's aware of modern tech through Gwen, Miles, Pav, DEFINITELY through Margo and Miguel, but she doesn't really use it often. doesnt really see the point.

along with that he also is aware of modern music as well, he has mixed feelings (gwen is probably the biggest influence though she is such a Pinkshift/Paramore/My Chem girlie it hurts to think about)

100% collects record of artists, especially smaller artists, that they like.

if you get them going about music he will talk for HOURS. HOURS until you tell him to shut up, even though fae totally wont listen and will keep going anyway. (just like me teehee projecting is fun <3 )

while hobie does use his guitar as a weapon for some reason he is quite protective of it. they wont try and stop you from touching it or playing it, but he will watch you like a hawk. half out of "oo look another person is interested in guitar" and the other half of "👁️👁️ dont break it i can only do that /j" (a lot of musicians are like that, i would know, im one of them. ha)

loves stray animals. cats, dogs, birds, anything. he will stop to pet them if they let him.

he also will talk to cats like any other person. especially spider cat. spider cat could make a cat noise and he'd act like he understood it. "yeah totally man, i get it. meow."

he can sing like... averagely? he has a good sense of pitch and timing, as most musicians do, but she isnt professionally trained or really does it too often

they will scream though

also really likes messing with makeup and bodypaint. he will spend hours on it if he can.

FUCK I AM SO HAPPY I DIDNT POST THIS IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE I KEEP REMEMBERING THINGS ACK HERES ONE LAST ONE POST THIS AFTER ASH I SWEAR (edit from two weeks later: i forgor): he definitely isnt a morning person. he loves to sleep in. definitely values rest, like a lot. miguel will call him at like 7 am and hobie will flip him off and say 5 more minutes when they really mean 2 more hours.

do i have any more?? hmmm maybe if i remember but this is what i have so far. mostly just silly lil headcanons that arent entirely plot relevant as most of my headcanons are.

[alias-mike]

i would like to take this opportunity to tell everyone about this one time (recently. like within the last 3 months) where i made up an extraordinarily detailed transmasc headcanon for conner from cytus 2. details below cut

OK FIRST OF ALL. why does this guy have 7485382002 names. like i guess you can do that For Fun because you Want To but itd be more interesting if its bc hes trans and was trying out different names/likes multiple so he goes by multiple. its canon that his legal name is colin but he just. goes by conner online and sometimes irl. his alias is also R or rald and im Pretty Sure he got one of those bc sasha (the first person he met on the black market) was like "bro why are you doxxing yourself..... heres a fake name just tell ppl that instead". so bro is just colin/conner/rald/r depending on who hes talking to which is cool both as canon character building and meshes well with a trans headcanon! i too have different names depending on who im talking to just bc of the backstory of our relationship so. #relatable

the reason he easily passes as a cis man is bc his family is rich and he could get all of the gender affirming care he needs, plus he started hrt when he was like 12. side note, in my headcanon his father may be abusive but he isnt transphobic! like in a "no daughter of mine only gets 99 on the exam!!!" "im a boy" "no SON of mine only gets 99 on the exam!!!!" way yk. at the present day in the timeline he is 90% satisfied with his transition, the only thing hes missing is phalloplasty and the reason he hasnt gotten it yet is bc the recovery time is too long and hes got stuff to do (bros out in the wilderness most of the time exploring ruins and exposing history that the government tried to hide, he doesnt have time to make sure everything heals properly and doesnt get infected for 3 months. the only time hes properly recovered from surgery was when ARC kidnapped him for knowing too much and they needed to blow up his right side to do that, so they did sci fi surgery to give him permanent prostheses, which he did not consent to and also didnt want. <- thats canon btw, in my headcanon specifically after he was mad abt that he was also like "WDYM YOU DIDNT ALSO DO BOTTOM SURGERY WHILE YOU WERE THERE. WTF GUYS THATS THE ONLY SURGERY I WANT". also the reason he recovered properly instead of breaking out and running away at the first given opportunity is bc they offered him a job and he was like "hmm yes i shall use this chance to further pry into their secrets")

also hes one of those guys who are completely heterosexual but still makes gay jokes and flirts with men for the bit or something. it can get annoying when ppl do that irl but its actually characterization when this guy does it bc he just enjoys messing with people for no reason. everyone also hates him because of that

[krikeymate]

I dont care by apocalyptica (im referring to the US version in this btw. Regular version is good but has like completely different lyrics lol) sounds so much like a tara song from after sam left. Now, i dont care is supposed to technically be about someone genuinely not caring that whoever is gone, but in my opinion, its more like trying to convince not only others but yourself that you dont care. The amount of times they repeat 'i dont care' just kinda proves to me that its just them trying to convince themselves that it doesnt matter. Especially when they add 'i swear' at the end, and as the song goes they progressively shout 'i dont care (i swear)' louder and louder, as if the person is getting annoyed of not only others, but themselves not believing the lie. Also, at the end, they say 'i dont care, at all.' And the way they say it just sounds so defeated, as if theyve given up on tryin to convince everyone else, and themselves, that they dont care.

Some examples of it being a tara song:

- "i try to make it through these lies and thats all i do" could be her trying to find out the real reason sam left, because she feels its all she can do to get sam back

- "just dont deny it, dont try to fight it and deal with this" could be someone else talking to tara about it, telling her she cant just stay in denial and believe sam will come back, that she needs to deal with it

- "if you were dead or still alive, i don't care, i don't care, just go and leave this all behind, 'Cause I swear (I swear), I don't care" could be tara trying to convince herself shes better off without sam, and doesnt care what happens to her. 'Just go and leave this all behind, 'cause i swear (i swear!) I dont care' could be tara wondering how sam could leave her behind, when they were supposed to be family and maybe trying to convince herself that she knew it would happen all along, so it doesnt matter.

- "but your eyes see right through, thats all they do" could be her thinking back on how sam always used to know when something was going on, and how she'll never have that again

- "im getting buried in this place, ive got no room you're in my face, dont say anything just go away" the 'im getting buried in this place' part could be tara thinking she'll never be able to leave the carpenter household without sams help, and 'ive got no room you're in my face, dont say anything just go away' could be the thought of sam never being there again refusing to leave her mind

The examples for this one feels like alot less than the others I've written but this one was alot harder to put into words, it was like in my head i knew everyway that it suited her but it was just impossible to explain lol

I mean, absolutely. Tara's going to get angry after she realises Sam isn't coming back. She's devastated, she's furious, she hates her she hates her hates her (she loves her). Heck these could even work for before Sam leaves. It's her conflicting feelings about Sam in the end.

I try to make it through my life / In my way, there's you - she's trying to move on, to get on with things, but she can't. Sam's memory is standing in the way. I try to make it through these lies / And that's all I do - Sam's lies, her mother's lies, her own lies. They just all pile on top of each other. Sam said she'd never leave hrt, mom says they're better off without her, Tara says she's fine and she doesn't miss her anyway.

[shadyhouse]

i have to go off of hrt for the first time in three years because i ran out of syringes and i dont have insurance anymore so im going to have to order bulk online but its going to cost $100+ for everything i need. which i dont have because i live paycheck to paycheck. i literally got paid TODAY and it was one of the biggest paychecks ive seen since ive started this job and it immediately had to go to bills.

i cant switch jobs either because i dont have transportation and it's my best option for keeping myself afloat. i cant ask for a raise because it's a retail big box store. like they might give me 10 extra cents to pity me if i don't start a fight about it but it'll never get better than that. every time i look on indeed or whatever it's all stuff thats a 20+ minute drive completely off the bus route like ????

im extremely unmedicated too (not including the hrt lol) so that just makes everything harder to the extreme. im ready to give up. like what else is there for me. there's nothing left. im at the point where i keep thinking i mind as well just move back in with my dad and rot in my old bedroom because im losing faith in myself that i'll be able to get out of this hole. the absolute last thing i ever want to do btw. but if things keep getting worse i dont know if i'll have a choice. and im really really really dreading that outcome. i need to fix my life asap but the system is making it INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT to even plan it out.

if anyone knows how to build a budget id really appreciate some help because i have dyscalculia and it sucks to be talked down to about my inability to comprehend numbers, but im really not THAT bad with my finances its just that i made some bad decisions when i had a higher paying job and i'm having trouble pulling myself out of the hole. i can follow a budget if i have one set but i've been really struggling with making it myself. idk. im mad at myself okay im just really upset and i want to fix my life.

this turned into a rambling rant but im in a really bad mood rn and i needed to just. unload. its either this or ugly cry for an hour

[dykefever]

ello laura i do not usually open blocked tags but i did out of curiosity n stumbled across ur post abt the apparent height disk horse that is happening rn (<-blissfully unaware). also this is the ghost of marxismlupinism btw sending as an anon cause on my main blog idk what a semus and ririus is never heard of them cunts.

anyway I wanted to say that yeah basically it's like such a non issue if people are casting r&s into gendered roles, like even if people were genderbending rs into a literal cishet couple I could not care less who gives a shit it's harry potter fanfiction.

that being said I think it's very telling abt the hp fandom that the whole like "writing s as 'feminine' and a bottom comes with him being short" (which btw... i mean I'm sure there's some fanfic like that but I can't say I've really read more than like 5 fics that fit that description? and I've unfortunately read a lot of rs fic lmao... it's literally not hard to avoid. skill issue if you can't filter the fanfic you read to not have it) is portrayed as homophobia against [cis] gay men instead of the obvious transmisogyny it is—ie setting smallness & youth as standards of femininity. that's why so many closeted trans women/trans women who can't access hrt dread growing older, that's why so much emphasis is put on age of transition in transfem spaces, and that's why even gay man spaces have concepts of "twink death", because femininity is understood to be hairless and pretty and dainty and youthful and small and all these standards that are difficult to achieve if you've been through androgenic puberty and/or if you have testes that continue to produce testosterone that continues to masculinise your body as you grow older. portraying s (or any given character ime when it comes to tme fans in fandom spaces) as feminine is seen as going hand in hand with physically feminising him—bc femininity that's not on a feminised body is obviously met with disgust, it's unattractive, it's horrifying, etc. and the obvious source of the tendency to portray feminine male characters this way is that there's only one acceptable form of camab femininity (or "acceptable", even that is very conditional). and yes it does affect cis gays like I said above w how gay men talk about eg "twink death" but that doesn't mean it's not a primarily transmisogynistic impulse to show that, for most of us, femininity is a hopeless cause, it's not allowed, we'll never pass or be beautiful or whatever.

and ftr I'm just complaining, I definitely don't think the solution is to produce More Harry Potter Fanfictions where s is like, tall and hairy and feminine or whatever, knowing the hp fandom I'm sure they'll also turn that into transmisogynistic caricatures too. the only real solution would be for all these ppl to stop reading hp fanfic and start reading transfeminist theory but if ur a harry potter fan in 2023 you're obviously never gonna do that. so. yeah just complaining for the sake of complaining lol not expecting transfeminism to catch on among harry potter fans of all people anytime soon

hi (redacted)!! actually made sure to tag that post so u and all my other normal followers could avoid it but i respect the curiosity x im sure you've probably seen the height discourse many times over in your time in the fandom and it's the same absolute bullshit every time. i appreciate your additions to this post as a transwoman because i obviously don't have that perspective and you've kind of deepened my understanding of the issues around it n how transmisogyny comes into play here!!

in my prev posts i was kind of addressing, albeit likely not clearly, how people often say they dislike 'short s' as a kind of shorthand for saying they dislike 'fem s', which is really saying (as people dig themselves deeper in their explanations) that they don't like certain aspects of 'femininity' in a man and then spin it to say that it's because they're writing a heteronormative relationship onto a gay couple. i appreciate what you're saying here as well of the issues of the only way to write s as feminine is like small, dainty, hairless etc. and how that is an issue of transmisogyny rather than like homophobia. (correct me if i've misunderstood tho!!)

at the end of the day it definitely like, doesn't matter how people are writing hp characters like no great and impressive change is happening and the fandom is full of too many transphobes for that to be the case. i just don't understand why people are so pressed by these certain characterisations they appear to dislike so bad when i genuinely barely come across these s characterisations they apparently can't escape. like i don't see anything i don't want to because i just unfollow and block people ....it is not that hard like...

anyway thank u for ur contributions ghost of marxismlupinism, i appreciate it xx godspeed xx

[twinkubus]

Odds for the oc questions - for whichever you want to answer them for. They all sound v cool!

What memory would your OC rather just forget? cop out buut i answered this for lace🤪 will be answering all these for diff chars so they each get some chances

What is your OC's fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw? obie- too hesitant/uncertain of themselves. they're semi-aware but mostly think their hesitancy is rational and they are just trying to be prepared. however there are some situations in which it is best to act!!

How far is your OC willing to go to get what they want? also answered for lace!!

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them? all these guys are pretty new so....waiting on the answer! for prev guys tho i often love to change their gender and/or genre

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC? sorry i have to say this for wilhelm & vega bc i have it on their spotify playlists: "I could have torn him limb from limb, as the lion rends the antelope. But my heart sunk within me as with bitter sickness, and I refrained." -- from Frankenstein (btw @congressofspirits specifically* if you would like to read wilhelm & vega DM me. i don't think i will ever finish it but i wrote most of it when i had just started hrt so like. 6 yrs ago now jeez. but it's kind of my gregory berrycone)

*(if we are mutuals you can also ask just ftr, but im not making it publically available)

What is your OC's weapon of choice? Have they ever actually used it? obie has a sword and HAS used it but prefers not to. would only do so if pressed. prince albert owns several pistols, his fave of which are [REDACTED bc author does not know enough about guns atm]

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along? i think i can generally "get along" with most people as long as they're not doing absolutely just wild or evil things. i think obie would annoy me irl. nile & nils i would be nervous to talk to since they're ALWAYS together and also always seem like they're in on some private joke. prince albert i would distrust but could work with as long as he asks civilly

Does your OC have a faceclaim? If so, who? prince albert:

nils:

will be drawing them all eventually haha i have some sketches lined up

What is the worst thing you have put your OC through story-wise? answered for nile!

How does your OC behave when enraged? nils will just Retreat, if he gets really angry he will go so still and silent, every word precise and calculated. nile can tell when he's mad but it's hard for others to

lace gets really mouthy and also sloppy with it like sometimes she has trouble stringing sentences togther and in more than one occasion, that's resulted in the people she's mad at making fun of her, which THEN will result in them getting gored by a horn or two. she may have assault charges. all reasonably provoked though.

[lilyspond64]

fantasy standards have deemed that elves are the racist people, the people who love racism. its because of their pointy ears. its called phrenology, look it up. the pointier your ears, the more racist you are relative to your height. if ur tiny like a pixie youre not racist. but if youre like 4 foot tall u might be racist. if youre 5 foot tall youre super racist. if youre 6 foot tall ur ultra racist. but only if ur ears are pointy. its something to do with the ratio of ear cartilage to the ratio of bone cells. phrenology if you havent heard of it look it up. its the reason elves are racist. dwarfes arent racist. its cause they have big beards and eat rocks. if u have a big beard and eat rocks you arent racist. thats not phrenology that time thats behavioral profiling cause growing a beard and eating rocks are things you do not things you are. look that up too. gnomes are also racist. its nothing to do with phrenology tho its the pointy hats. i mean this ones a given. the pointier ur hat the more racist you are. thats also behavioral profiling. but its different cause only garden gnomes have the pointy hat. but it applies to all gnomes anyway. that's called a stereotype. its what makes all gnomes racist even the ones who wear flat hats. look it up. orcs are also racist and this is like a biological thing btw. in their dna. its literally called the racist gene. it causes the racist gland to emit racistrogen. some orcs get racism hrt where they use medication to replace the racism from their blood and turn it into something else. this ones called biological essentialism btw. look it up. they were born that way. dragons are also racist but this is just because dragons are just a name for an elite class of megalizards. megalizards arent really very racist necessarily it depends on their upbringing and stuff. but dragons are all racist because they all go to the monthly dragon meeting where 2 hours are scheduled just to talk about racism. yeah look up bad dragon to learn more. its fucked up shit. oh and also penguins. they arent racist or anything but dont you think its fucked up that they can't fly. like they're birds. but they can't fly not even a little bit. like for ostriches and the like those are ratites meaning theyre separated from the flighted birds but what did penguins do. like even flamingos can fly. chickens can fly. did penguins just stop caring. yeah this one wasn't about racism it was about evolutionary biology. well ok if you care too much about evolutionary biology sometimes it turns into racism. well ok only if you care too much about it but get some things wrong about it. that can become racism sometimes. wyverns arent racist. those arent actually megalizards btw. common misconception to call wyverns dragons. they just look similar. they're a diverse group of people. im sure some of them are racist but its not a group wide thing. like it is for elves. wyverns do have pointy ears and are really long though so idk maybe it depends. like if ur humanoid or not. we cant always use phrenology. makes sense. cause its like fighting fire with fire. last i checked that just makes more fire. ok so maybe for reptiles it depends on if youre rich or not. thats called socioeconomic factors btw. look it up. ok im done i think. there isnt supposed to be like a message here btw i think im just losing my mind dont do phrenology or bioessentialism or racism theys and girls we in the business frown upon those. lily out

[lillys-shadow]

Also

Ive been feeling pretty down lately.

I wrote an essay detailing a bunch of problems I've been having and how they've been fucking over my life for like the past three years. And I used DDLC to contextualize some of it, mainly because it was hugely influential in my ability to like think. emotionally. So when I send it to mother and her response is along the lines of "So... a game made you trans. Are you sure this isnt just an ADHD thing?" (which A. I have not been diagnosed for ADHD, she just has a hunch that I have it because my brother and father have it, and i have some of the characteristics commonly associated, and B. what the fuck, I just spilled the shit thats been affecting my mental health the worst and your response is "are you sure you didn't just make it up" what the actual fuck) not to mention I told her that I am trans (properly this time, instead of just going "oh hahah i have gender dysphoria thats why i wrote this entire vent piece E.P about how your attitude towards gender has fucked over my self worth" like that wasnt enough. Theres literally a song called "fault" literally saying its her fault I dont want to talk to her about things. And then "waltz of the night" which says things like "summer, what if you could die. summer, wouldnt be nice" played BACK TO BACK. And the first song being about how "summer" is just a placeholder for *me* but the gender fuckery has taken hold) and I told her I go by Lilly (she/her) I EVEN SAID THAT I WOULDN'T BE MAD IF SHE DIDN'T USE MY PROPER LABELS (mainly to soften the impact but whatever) AND SHE STILL RANTED ABOUT HOW ITS UnFaIr ThAt I bE sOmEoNe ShE dOeSnT kNoW mE aS.

And its just like, what do I even do here. So I tried to clarify the problems and she responds with "you had a bunch of contradictions, btw no amount of money could make you look like a woman" without telling me any of the supposed contradictions IF YOU HAD OF JUST TOLD ME THEM I WOULDVE CLARIFIED WHAT I MEANT OMG and acting as if passing trans women dont exist (I know passing shouldnt be the goal and its completely valid to not pass, I just want to for dysphoria reasons i guess, and I mentioned that we probably dont have the money to start HRT or a psychiatrist or to get any sort of surgery (which the latter I probably couldnt get anyway). And THEN she has the FUCKING AUDACITY to set the email to spam so I cant respond. And says "You will keep believing what you want to believe despite the evidence" (without citing a single FUCKING source of evidence, at least I quoted Judith Butler and Philosophy tube in my ramblings (I wasnt even trying to prove anything either, just that I shouldnt have to fight ma on how other people who are not her should refer to me if they tell me i need her approval)) and its like what do i even do at this point. So I shut up and just try to ignore her presence (which is really bloody hard because she and I were regularly really close). And she still hasnt brought it up, its been a goddamned week and Ive been home alone with her for three days in a row now. not a single word. I cant bring it up cause Im scared shell get mad or Ill say something incorrectly and shell use it as ammo to further fuck over my dysphoria. And Im not sure but Im like 60% sure she said something like "and then i realised, hes probably just faking it" which I shouldnt be mad about because A. im not even sure it was said B. I dont have any context C. it was said over the phone at 2am. But it was the day after I had sent it, I was absolutely fucked mentally. Like I know its not fair for me to be mad at her for, but nonetheless it still fucking hurts.

I mean not too long before (maybe a month or so) I literally thought "what if mum still thinks of me as a boy" and 3 hours later I have the worst cuts I had given myself. And now I know how it is, I know she does, and theres obviously nothing I can do. And certainly nothing I should do. And the only real emotional pillar I have had lately is my gf and I dont wanna vent too hard on her, I obviously want her to be happy (if youre reading this i love you <3), so ive felt kinda trapped idk. I swear to god the moment I turn 17 im buying a van and leaving, idrc about the specifics, just not here. (ill prolly back out of that before I turn 17 but i dont really give a fuck a girl can dream).

I gave her a quote of something she said, that was innocuous but had caused me a great deal of pain (she had told her friend that I wanted to go for "book week" as catnus everdeen because "I like attention" which was false, but also from her perspective she was talking about my goddamned whining persistance. But I took it as a judgement on the crossdressing I was dabbling in at the time (which catnus everdeen really wasnt lol but hey younger me was younger)) and her responce was "You took that out of context and youve written how it effected you in a cruel manor." and its like. THAT. WAS. THE. FUCKING. POINT. I kkknowww it was out of context, but it still fucking hurt, I only talked about it because it legitimately hurt me regardless of the actual context, and so that she doesnt do the same thing this time. AND SHE IMMEDIATELY THROWS AWAY THAT LINE OF THINKING FOR but thats not faiiir its not myy fault you misintirrpret things and its like, no its not but could you still be mindful that your words can AND WILL fuck me over if theyre not handled correctly.

I just- eugh. It would have been fine if she had of just had a conversation yknow. Like if we had've talked it out and got to some sort of conclusion. Instead of you will never think *spam*. Like I get to sit here instead with an unhealthy caffeine problem, horrible gender dysphoria, a cutting problem (both sexual and not so), and the fact that the person I looked up to most doesn't want to talk to me about the thing that has pretty much ruined my life and the steps that need to be taken to rectify those things.

Also the crippling insomnia its 3:20 now for gods sake.

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

this is for u @seahorsesofgold good luck with your transition! it's a long list I know :). it's totally normal to be scared for something new. it's been absolutely amazing for me and I hope it's the same for you.

1) it's so important to have a solid plan of what you want HRT to do. at the bare minimum pick 1-3 results that you really want 2) if you want to start any HRT then you need to be able to make emotional, physical, and financial decisions pretty independently. if you're not able to do this then it's not time for you. 3) your initial dose and the speed/amount of your increases can absolutely change your transition so make sure you talk to someone who is informed on this at least once, even if youre not going through this process with a doctor 4) do!! your!! bloodwork!! it's important to catch potential issues early 5) quit smoking or slow down if not possible! this includes vaping, weed, cigs, nic-free cigs, whatever. i absolutely suck at this one btw it's not good dont be like me 6) no matter what method you use, shots or gel, there's gonna be a learning curve. they will all work though so just choose what's best for you 7) bottom growth and emotional changes are the first thing youll notice im talking like day 3 8) youre not avoiding bottom growth. I know some people dont want it, but if it's a complete deal-breaker then dont go on T 10) the first month is mainly for changes that only you will see. trust me, the T is working. 11) youre gonna be hungry and tired pretty much all the time and when you're not that youre horny 12) there can be side effects with increases so until you reach your standard dose (took 6 months for me) dont be surprised if you feel really weird for a few days after your dosage goes up. if it persists or is genuinely painful talk to a doctor 13) month 2-3 is probably the most awkward time. you're gonna start experiencing more visible changes but you're still in that in-between phase. it absolutely gets better though 14) you can feel your vocal chords thickening before your voice drops. it kinda feels like you're about to get a cold for a few weeks it's not fun luckily that feeling goes away 15) changes will start becoming pretty visible around months 2-3 as well. this is when my voice began to deepen, face looked more masculine, body shape became more square, etc. 16) youre gonna gain weight. some muscle mass and probably some fat as well 17) the emotional changes arent that bad, you'll likely feel a lot calmer and happier because you have less dysphoria. 18) i found myself getting angry a lot less after previously dealing with intense anger that i internalized out of fear of hurting others. this was probably the most unexpected and one of the best emotional changes 19) voice cracks really arent that bad, the key is to not force your voice to be lower than it is unless you're doing voice training right then. 20) if you want your voice to sound like a cis man's then start with a low dose and do slow increases. mimics the puberty of a cis guy much much better than doing it fast

would anyone appreciate a list of what i've learnt on my first year of T? there were so many unexpected things that no one told me about and I think it could help a few people!