#im not really using my phone these days
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my screen time today is 3 hours so far. most of it was passed past midnight.
#im not really using my phone these days#i watch tv all day cuz i dont really have to study yet#cuz classes havent begun (for my batch)#so yeah i watch tv i eat i bathe sometimes i do my hair or makeup and take pics#for the heck of it#sometimes i dance#at night im on yt or pinterest#yesterday i was going down the kpop wormhole it was fun#overall ig im having a decent time#...if only i wasn't stressed about my transfer smh i fucking hafe aakash THEY HAVE ONE JOB AND IT'S TO MOVE ME FROM ONE BRANCH TO ANOTHER#SIMPLE#fucking hate them#so yeah im stressing ab my classes that's why im so fucking angry all the time<3
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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g-d bless femme ass hair 🥰
#ok to rb#fun fact: my phone always has to be in “group selfie” mode to get my ass fully in frame#also this is literally how caked up i am just laying down#i do think my ass could be bigger and better (cause it has been) and i hope one day to have the mobility to work on toning my muscles again#cause I really do miss going to the gym and being able to move and like. run football fields yk (actual thing i used to do bc marching band#i actually think im a very fascinating person if u can't tell. i am special bc i exist (: and so are you!#anyway!!! have a good day uwu#femme dyke#fat femme#femme4all#femme bait#butch bait#dyke bait#bunnyflesh
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wanted: marine hunter takanome mihawk
#shanks: oh i want him alright#dracule mihawk#takanome mihawk#one piece#one piece fanart#op fanart#i accidentally went way extra on this than i intended to 💀 i got bored waiting for my brother + my phone was charging#it was just supposed to be a b&w sketch with his eyes yellow or red but it got out of hand when i was like 'maybe i'll do skin for funsies'#ah well. im really starting to get into painting with this one brush. one day i'll merge it with the style i use more#cuz rn i tend to break out the painting only when i wamt smth a liiiiittle👌 more realistic.#i stress that 'little' bc calling my style 'realistic' in any sort of way feels inaccurate lol#i digress#i love imagining marine hunter mihawk being some teenage punk between the ages of 17 and 23#idk when he became a warlord but if he had this epithet even before roger's death that would put him in mid-to-late teens#since at roger's execution he was 19 amd already had yoru#so it's kinda funny to imagine the marines being hunted by some teenager with dramatic sideburns and an even more dramatic sword#last post of the year! :)#i had no chill this month. pls dont expect anything on my blog again till march lol.#(im half-serious; im going on vacation for all of february and i have some prior pieces i need to focus on in jan haha. we'll see tho!)
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seven sentence sunday
tagged by @diazsdimples @theotherbuckley @hippolotamus @tizniz 💖
a lil bit of the leg pain fic bc I need to write a couple of paragraphs more and then it's gonna be done! and then it needs to be edited lol busy day today but istg I'll post it by thursday! (which is when I leave on vacation and not taking my laptop with me haha)
also, I still have quite a few asks from the make me write game and I will answer them all, just need to finish this one first hah
prev snippet (more snippets under the #bucktommy leg pain fic tag!)
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“Especially then.” Tommy grins, but then his smile turns into something gentler and softer. “You know you’re not, right? Too much for me, whatever that means?” His entire palm is cupping the side of Buck’s face now, and he looks serious, while still fond, his gaze so intense Buck kind of wants to look away, but finds it impossible, those blue eyes working like magnets. “I adore you. Evan. All of you. I want to know all the good, all the bad, and everything in between, and I want to- to cherish all of it.” He says, and Buck catches the hesitant moment, like he wanted to use a different word and had to take a moment to settle on this one. There’s a giddy, excited, hopeful spark igniting in his chest. “I already told you I want you, and that includes all of you. If you let me in.”
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no pressure tags (lmk if you wanna be added or removed): @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @ladydorian05 @diazpatcher @monsterrae1 @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @bucks-daddy-issues @rogerzsteven @honestlydarkprincess @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @diazheartsbuckley @giddyupbuck @thewolvesof1998 @underwaterninja13 @your-catfish-friend @kinard-buckley @evansboyfriend @hoodie-buck @weewootruck @41noodlesoups @kirkaut @jewishbuckley @loveyouanyway @daffi-990 @lonelychicago @reformedplayerbibuck @bidisasterevankinard @spotsandsocks @exhuastedpigeon @bucked-it-up
#seven sentence sunday#several sentence sunday#wikiangela writes#bucktommy leg pain fic#fic snippet#my writing#my wips#911 fic#911 abc#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#buck x tommy#bucktommy fic#firepilot#tevan#fireflight#kinley#the fic is at 9.2k rn... I really hoped it'd be like 4k max this time lmao#i leave for ten days soon and it's gonna kill me to not write btw bc i hate writing on my phone and not bringing my laptop#but taking a notebook to handwrite anything that comes to me so hopefully this time i'll use it haha#anyway this fic will be done so soon and this time im serious haha#this was supposed to be a short tommy taking care of buck fic but they're being vulnerable and having big conversations 🙄🤣
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thinking about fire emblem fates again which always means im thinking about them again help me
#one day u will all wake up. until then…#fe nyx#fe laslow#fe14#fe shitpost#fire emblem#i do think it would be funny if nyx was actually just in her forties or something#ik the implication in game is that she’s much older cuz she talks like a grandma#in my head ive always placed her more at like 60-70#but also she got cursed when she was pretty young and do you know how arrogant young people are about age.#when ur twenty anything above 28 is grandma#source: me (KIDDING IM KIDDING IM KIDDING IM KIDDING)#yall are young!! okay!!!!#like wouldnt it be funny if this whole time she was only like 42 and just really dramatic about it#‘back in my day’ and ur day is just like the first blackberry phone#ugh. i miss her :(#i can play fates at any time and i regularly use her in heroes but i miss her
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I am really tired of a situation rn.
#fe three houses#felix hugo fraldarius#me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine#can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp#and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene#so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth#literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic#i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like#bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved#cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered#idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy#got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam#and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified#there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them#and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious#its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it
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Bioware should release the CC bc I just went thru Milton's butthole and for what?
#need something to look forward to once powers back on#which could be days#we out here sharing generators and heating up meals#ea release the cc🔪#shit this means im probably gonna be late for waava week#i dont want to use the generator to run my pc. so.#anyway im tryna conserve phone battery#so like. im fine!#no injuries in our whole neighborhood so far!#if u guys are really cool i might post a pic of the gator#if i see him again
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bro ngl tumblr is way more fun than twitter, twt is one of my first social medias and honestly no wonder my head was so goopy
#fr tho that place is really something#im not even sure how i used to stick around there for so long?#i wanted to write fanfics and commentaries and discussions but GOD the word limit is stupid#also i was??? so desensitised to gore#LIKE. V E R Y#because it's just something i used to see every day on my phone#now that im not looking at it all the time i actually get sick looking at any#OH MY GOD#I'M TURNING INTO A BETTER PERSON
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i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸
#i'm not coming back but :') hello#i forgot i even had tumblr still on my phone djdkdkdkdk#i just opened it for the first time in ??? 5 months or smth i think idk for sure#life is weird :')#remember when i said i wanna drop out every day of my life :') bc i suck at design#welp i won an award for my design thesis :')#jsjdjdkdkdkdj#turns out having friends kinda changes your life 🫂#having friends at school has actually :') made me a happier more normal person lol#i haven't been miserable?? i haven't wanted to kms ... i have been so happy and yes school was shitty but i wanted to go and try hard bc#my friends motivated me to stay and try and that's crazy :') idk#felt really loved and like i belonged somewhere for the first time in my life 🫨 like woah ppl like me and wanna be my friend? me??#:') i'm really happy... isn't that weird#i used to want to kms every other day hsjdndkdkdks lol 😭#now i'm like 😭 every day i look forward to waking up bc i'm happy and i have ppl who love me and i wanna see them again and i wanna spend#time with them again and play games with them again :')#literally stayed up till ??? 4 am yesterday talking to one of them like#😭#god jm djjdkdkdkd idk :')#my life is good...#???? IM NOT MISERABLE IDK GUYS#wild af#even winning the award was such a shock like 🥲 damn . who ? me?#ppl from like :') this big design thing in toronto we're praising it too like djdjdodjdkdj#:') it's kinda crazy.. i was super !#man.. i cant believe how 5 months ago i was gonna kms 🥸👆 and now i'm like erm actually maybe we do need to live#:') anyway#i hope ppl on here are doing good 🫨🔨#it is sad to not be here as much but also 👋😌 i'm happy to be free at the same time so ✨
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Who's gonna get whacked by the snowstorm? It's supposed to get me the next two days and I'm kinda excited tbh 👀
ARE Y'ALL PREPARED?!
#my animals all should be okay#im just a bit worried about the half wild chickens who wont let me put them in the coop#or even the garage#i know theyll be ok with the cold im just worried about how deep the snow will be#ill have to keep up on making paths for them#other than that#i have enough animal and people food to last awhile and i have extra straw in case someone needs more#also got ten gallons each of diesel and gas#lots of blankets medical supplies board games#oh dang i should make sure my portable phone charger is charged#i really need to get a solar charger#the thing im worried about most is if the power goes out#we have a generator but if we can keep the house warm during the day we might turn it off at night#and i know its stupid but i have anxiety and nighttime is really hard for me#especially in pitch black silence#i dont like the way my fear and anxiety makes my heart feel#anyway#ill stop rambling now#yall are in my prayers#please pray for us
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doing a fifth round of "is this actually gonna get posted anywhere or is it gonna rot in my trinket folder after working my ass for a flipaclip video". this is the thang of the day, cropped close up bcuz i think this part is cute n i dont wanna show too much at the same time
#flipaclip is fun until its not#the pixel brush is comfortable to use for me though#dont care about posting most of my animations cuz theyre for self indulgence but i like putting my full energy when using flipaclip#even if its to move manually an image from two pixels 50 times#im doing this without storyboard too. if its bad.. its bad..! fire emoji fire emoji fire emoj#i am Playing and having fun. until the app kicks me out then im sad#i wanna animate a leaF song one day. i dont care if its too fast for my 12 fps flipaclip low storage phone i will try and watch it explode#calamity fortune w jack has been a long time want to make but idk if i could pull thru the whole song without dying inside#doppelganger is really good too#this went from animating to music. ok.#i should go to sleep but idont want to. too motivated and chatty. send post
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sometimes my parents make me want to commit violent crimes
#mine#sorry for putting this on your dash im just angry & have no one i can really bother with this#my brother said he wasnt sure if he wanted to come with us to a castle tomorrow#but hes too young to be home alone all day#so i went to tell my parents bc i sidnt think they wanted to learn that tomorrow morning#instead of even asking why they immediately started with the passive agressive comments#and in an annoyed tone going 'i just dont get what could be so bad about a day of fun with family'#first of all he didnt even say he wasnt goint#second shut the fuck up#he cant speak anymore & is crying#i offer him a bunch of alternatives while my father insults each one and makes it sound ridiculous#while my brother types on his phone#my father starts ranting at my parent about it#as if my brother isnt right fucking there and also 11 years old#im so happy he isnt coming with us#like yeah i never see him but the times i do are always so horrible that im kinda glad about it#he avoids us like the plague & we avoid him back#my parent is fine most of the time#but never in situations like this#if other people are upset in a way that inconviences them theyre shit about it too#anything related to not doing good in school also#and like im fine#im upset sometimes sure but i know i dont deserve this & i can deal with it fine#i dont think my brother deals with it very well though#so im very worried about him#especially bc i think high school is going to be a big struggle for him#possibly more than me#and tbh i think im more of a parental figure to him than our actual parents
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
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#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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