#im in so much pain it’s not even funny
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#meg talks#just venting#im in so much pain it’s not even funny#im sorry for being inactive for so long i really was not anticipating this#the good news is ive made a lot of progress on compiling the spreadsheet for vetted gaza funds#so that once ive cleared out the dms i can add additional mods and get the ball rolling properly again#the bad news is that my insomnia is back and my pain is getting so bad i can barely get out of bed or eat#i don’t think it’s related to the fundraising work so much as… everything else -_-#i didn’t want to be out of a job for this long#and having to send so many applications and make so many fucking unhelpful phone calls a day to doctors and help centers…#idk. this isn’t me complaining abt the fundraiser work if anything it’s the only rewarding thing im doing rn#but im frustrated w myself and with my body and with. everything#it’s not just my own family relying on me anymore#and that makes it hard to deal with all this. like i could be using my time and energy way better than this.#but instead im playing phone tag to try and prove that im disabled and need to feed my brothers.#im just cjdhxgxjcncj sigh. whatever if i can just get over this hump then the rest will be downhill#and my friend is going to help me w cooking this weekend so that me and my bros can eat better#so hopefully that will give me a boost too#idr where i was going w this. probably nowhere jdgdjdnxnc im just miserable rn bc i can’t sleep and my leg hurts
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imagining a world in which Simon agreed to go with Edwin and try to escape hell, imagining Simon developing an immediate and very inadvisable crush on the cute guy that just threw a grenade at a demon and Edwin's reaction to that, imagining the reaction of Charles Overprotective Rowland when he finds out that the guy Edwin insists on dragging along with them is one of the guys that sacrificed him to a demon in the first place, imagining the Night Nurse's face when three dead boys pop back through the door instead of two
#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#edwin payne#This is very much not what I would have wanted to see in the show because that episode was perfect to me#But I do think it would have been funny#And hey if you wanted to go the angst route and follow sandman comic lore of 'people stay in hell because they believe they should be there#Then you could have Edwin who has come to terms with who he is and Simon who is starting to forgive himself thanks to Edwin#Getting out of Hell just fine while they're being chased#And Charles 'im scared I'll end up like my dad' Rowland. Charles 'i could never be good enough' Rowland. Charles 'rage issues' Rowland#Who doesn't think he deserves to get out. Even if the thought is deep down and buried#Edwin's reaction to that would be. Woof. Yikes. Delicious#Don't get me wrong Charles would absolutely not stay in hell because I love him too much for that#And so does Death and you absolutely cannot change my mind about that there's no way she doesn't know about the boys#So yeah he'd get out fairly quickly#But just. The potential. The pain. Chef's kiss
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umm i guess im treating this like an au now ahah
pmd2 darkrai hasn't had time to figure out wtf is going on (he's been here for like an hour tops). he's lost his composure immediately lol
#this is stupid hgsdjgs#cresselia is a PAIN to draw btw#too many smooth shapes aaaa#anyway. i like to think the pmd series is its own universe with only one darkrai and cresselia there. and they hate each other's guts#so pmd2 darkrai got chucked into a different universe. where that darkrai and cresselia are more chill w each other#(which seems to be the case in the games and anime.. sometimes?)#pmd2 darkrai is BAFFLED that they aren't mortal enemies here lol he's so expecting to get beat up all over again#he would be running away so fast if he weren't being dragged by the hair hgfhdsfkjg#i didnt put much thought into how this would even work i just thought it was funny and ran with it LOL#pmd2 darkrai probably woke up saw another him and went 'ah yes i must be in the past now there's two of me to work together'#talking like 'haha this is perfect let us combine our might to plunge this world into darkness' or some shit#and the other darkrai just. stares. says to themself 'yeah im too tired for this shit im taking this weirdo to cresselia' LOL#pokemon#darkrai#pmd darkrai#cresselia#two darkrais au#pmd au
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ARCHONS TO SEND OFF THE YEAR!!! (kind of a redraw from last year's September)
#caluuart#genshin impact#genshin#venti#zhongli#furina#nahida#raiden shogun#I'm honestly quite proud of this! woo#I think this is a good piece to send off this year#It was honestly a bit of a pain in the ass to do but it was fun and im proud of my child that is the artwork#at one point out of sheer tiredness(?) of working on it for hours straight without a break#I went to play a game of chess#and I won spectacularly. isn't it great#also another funny thing#I started watching ace attorney play throughs and I was watching so much of it the only ads im getting is. well. GENSHIN ADS.#I'm not even joking the majority of the ads I get were genshin ads. they really want me back#its not even that I quit/took a break from genshin#just today I was re-checking and re-clearing aranaras and doing the events#the image that genshin is like jealous or smth to take over the ads bc I was watching another game ('s play through) is so funny to me#anyways!! cya later and happy new years!! or holidays.
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UNCLE NINA WRITES WEIRD JK STAN LETTERS!
hello benevolent angel people!
( because you're wonderful but bc you're doing gods work by supporting my dead fanfic from hell. c:’ )
so this is a lil...experimental? but bc i've been dabbling on that one ask large lore ask that set before kyle knows raven of crimson dawn is his stan, i've gotten very attached to writing the silly jersey letters to dead stan in his journal again. ( again, nina lore is that it's what a friend had me do when my first cat passed away.
i still write to her. <3 )
but this is just something i wrote to get back into the habit of writing again. i put it on docs and i used a font which...okay? tbh, i think looks exactly like i want jk's handwriting to look. like its very swirly, he is my calligraphy king. i didn't proof it bc i just wrote...all of it tonight like a weird crazy person.
also i realize jk sounds...a lot like me
— but he Is me, tbh?
like in some facets i did give him lil pieces of myself so he could grow into an uber tall thicc as hell academic hot jersey talk shit get hit boy.
( i also do think he's a lot goofier with stan in his little letters esp since he doesn't think that anyone is going to read them they are just his lil vent space. let it out king! )
as for the timeline...i think it's pre!rm bonus content? like i dropped a little context about stuff that happened before the fic, but i think it's probably written anywhere in the last 1-2 years of rm before kyle went to that crimson dawn concert. i'm not sure what compelled me to write it i just...really like vulnerable jersey just being a jersey dirtbag but like kneeling by the stan shrine and asking for light.
speaking of...as far as triggers go. mostly the spelling is just bad, help, but jersey does talk a lot about stan dying and is very...distressed about it. he's also...really depressed and is not at the moment coping super well, but is reaching out for help. <3 always reach out for help when you need it. i didn't mention anything specific, but he does just mention thinking he's not a good person, feeling ugly, unworthy, lost, etc...TW FOR HIM BEING SO VULNERABLE AND CUTE ALSO.
he is...my secret loverboy prince.
he is my lo-...
my L-
anyways...ROLL CLIP!
#i cannot tell u what compelled me to make...this#but it did make me feel nice so idk its not the most professional or formulaic thing ive ever written#but i think its nice i am sorry if the found is too gnar i really wanted to do a jk letter in like a letter structure for once#also this is it so funny to me that jk out here trying to rizz himself up to fucking dead GHOST stan like he is insane#also im like oh god does he sound too much like me?? BUT HE IS ME I GAVE HIM LOTS OF ME IDK AAAA SORRY#he is a lovely man when hes not being horrible and i am Also a sweet lovely man when im not being horrible#but idk him giving stan all the cute nicknames and like writing a letter and for the first time in a very long time#wasnt completely honest but was mostly honest about just not being the best and needing to be and needin someone else#OOOOOOOOY MY EYES ARE WATCHING HELP ME#no im so sorry if u were victimized by sexy topdom jersey sometimes he is like on critical boyfailurisms#he wants to impress like one motherfucker and its dead stan marsh like HAUNT ME PROMISE ME#HAUNT ME LIKE AN OLD VICTORIAN HOUSE AN UNDERWATER SHIPWRECK when i tell u i was in pain#also not him just building his ideal boyfriend like he won i love you jersey SPEAKING OF DO U SEE HIM#DO YOU SEE HIM TRYING TO DO IT HES TRYING TO TYPE THE!!!! IM TELLING YALL HE CANT DO IT#HE COULDNT EVEN TELL DEAD STAN ANYWAYS THAT AS MAKING ME CRY sorry ill proof it a lots wrong w it#i am very sleepy nina please stop...not sleeping from stress#but i hope it pleases and sparkles <3
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i, chronic migraine sufferer, when i dont have a migraine for a couple days will go. wow i think i am fixed now and will never have a migraine again :) and then i get a migraine and i go >:O however could this happen to me!!! nobody could see this coming!! least of all me!!
#this time it for some reason also brought with it a HIP PAIN FLAREUP. URGH#to be clear theyre not CONFIRMED chronic - theres criteria for how many days a month you have to have them etc - but like#with how often i have them and how severe they are i am willing to call them that even before ive counted this entire month#its EIGHT days out of the month. EIGHT. thats NOTHING#(and fifteen with headaches. but i have headaches every single day so)#z talks#I am in so much fucking pain its not even funny#really i should like. get off my phone. but i think im afraid to let go of the distraction mayhe#jesus fucming christ#waugh. someone care for me 😔 kiss my forehead nbring me. medication#if youve gone on 2 dates with someone. can you. ask them to get you pain meds. (i would pay obviously.) she is my closest friend in this Fuc#king Cit#y
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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i do think its kinda funny when i see someone in the year of our lord 2024 talk about vocal synth music like its all gone downhill since like 2010 because like dont get me wrong i love a good niconicodouga-ass 2008 ass vocaloid joint BUT also like. the past couple years have had the most fascinatingly creative and expressive uses of vocal synthesizers ive ever heard in my life DJFSKHJDFS dont write it all off just yet!!
#usually i only see that from people who havent actually listened to any vsynth music from the past 15 years so i understand why they got to#that conclusion. and also usually theyre people who didnt listen to much vsynth music in the first place LOL they just dont know#but it is still a little funny. brother there are things beyond your wildest dreams if u just look#like some personal highlights: the stuff by rinri - particularly their use of the meika girlies#dont carry our memories away is LIFECHANGING the whispers. the spoken parts. the BELTS#plus the haunting and unrelenting instrumentation. fantastic song#and naisho no pierced's propose + birthday + gift sort of trilogy of songs. gift especially has been unreal#again the dynamics of soft intimate whispers to belts but also those fuller high notes with edges of growlyness.#plus the songs just generally rock. and those LYRICS. absolutely intense like physically painful and frightening like#yearning and codependency and possession. and the tuning and production just amps it up more#OH and slave.v.v.r has been doing crazy things for even longer but i only started getting into his stuff recently and holy shit#love eater is like. the scariest vocaloid song ive ever heard not because of the lyrics. but because of the tuning#im like. scared. i cant stop listening to it. the heavy synthesized breathy main vocals and whispered harmonies plus the VOCAL FRY#i didnt realized vocaloid5? i think? has a vocal fry option built in i heard? thats crazy#but specifically in love eater the fry and growl is amped up so deep and loud and clear compared to everything else it like#emphasizes the artificiality of the voice while also amping up the expressiveness#its awesome. and on the older slave.v.v.r songs i heard i will hit you 8759632145 times with this piano. also so fucking cool#addicted to that song. 1) its a great jazzy rocky piano tune with this piano flourish at the end of each phrase that sounds fantastic#but also 2) the lyrics are insane. using kanji to write english??????#people are doing wild ass things with vocal synths rn you guys#this isnt even getting into some of the really unique synths themselves too. adachi rei is awesome i love that shes just like#the perfect inbetween of sample based and reconstruction based vocals. shes a sample based synth#but her samples were drawn by hand LOL shes like dectalks granddaughter to me.....#a really good use of adachi rei is iyowa's heat abnormal/heat anomaly/whatever its called ITS AWESOME thats what it is hjrkfdgfd#i think the fact that vocal synths can be so realistic and clean and noiseless out the gate now has made people really stop worrying#about like. realism all together and looking more into expressiveness. omg vocal synth modernist movement
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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
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I think most of my problems would be solved if I was a small wounded animal dying on the forest floor and some other animal dragged me back to their den and nursed me back to health in some weird animal way idk and now we are friends and hunt together and will die together
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i think one of the funniest things i can do is say shit like "a bass guitar only has four strings, how hard can it be?" to justify not looking up a single tutorial ever and when someone counters this with a classic "a violin also has only four strings and is hard as fuck" i can go "right you are, but i do already know how to play a violin and that's about as complicated as it gets, so how hard can it be?"
#i mean there are A Few instruments that are just as or more complicated than a violin#but not many and the bass guitar is certainly not one of them#i think im so funny for this#like genuinely my thought process was 'its just four strings and i dont even need to hold a bow this is snickerdoodles'#and you know what. i think i'm right actually#give me a hastily written punk song and a beat and we'll figure out a base melody together to add and i can most likely just. Play That#like that would work. i am confident in my bass skills for this and i have held one in my hands Once#the hardest part is really gripping the strings. that's still painful. and also the bass i'm using is very much not mine and Too Big#not that there's much variety in this case but still#but seriously give me some more practice i can play#no need for tutorials#a biscuit's rambles
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i was thinking stuff and realized these 2 assholes would be good friends... incredible
#wish they had a convo together#rage would have a blast asking garth to draw him shit#i know it would go from asking sexy ladies to a drawing of la virgencita#idk why rage seems very catholic to me that dude prays before he gets into a fight#he says “con el favor de dios que la virgencita me cuide”“ then proceeds to kick ass#also they are the same type of character#im goin through it#my stuff#lisa rpg#lisa the painful#lisa garth#rage ironhead#lisa rage#also i had never drawn rage this much but thats because i didnt like how i'd draw him#he was one of my first favorites and even took him to the end of the game#he cried like a bastard#hes so funny shut the hell up rage
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maybe i don't care about doing a complicated think-piece on nickel's actions and how he mistreated suitcase and how he's an awful person and if you like him you hate women actually. maybe i just think it's funny when the coin is a dick. i don't think this object show shit is really that serious
#inanimate insanity#ii nickel#im no nickel stan but like. he was funny in s2 that's enough for me lol#you can't pay me to care about the morality of object show characters like. ok. i get object show haters now#you could say suitcase has 400 layers of symbolism and i wouldn't give a shit because i thought the failed debuter teddy bear was funnier-#-and had more impact on me#why'd they give him a “redemption arc” though he didn't need that he was way funnier as just an awful jerk i don't WANT him to be likeable#or a good guy now. s3 nickel's a pussy keep my funny shitty asshole character out of your emotional arcs. i do not care#this goes for a lot of characters too nickel was just the first to com eto mind. i don't even like him that much#yes i like taco too no i don't hate women no i don't want suitcase dead in a ditch no i'm not a nickel defender#obviously you're allowed to have your own opinions but some of you need to realize you're getting super heated over talking objects.#< just chill out sometimes. not everybody is taking the morality of object show characters are seriously as you are.#sometimes people just like mean characters because they're funny it's not that deep#i will forever stand with s3 nickel haters though he's so fucking painful to watch#don't redeem him make him worse actually it'd be so funny
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okay so with the naturalist done let's go a bit weird
1, 9, 24 and 25, for The Boatman.
1 - Why do you like or dislike this character?
The chess games you can play with him are really fun. I love how the difficulty organically builds up over time the further you go and the more your PC perishes- it really feels like you're slowly bonding with the guy, getting more comfortable with him, getting more comfortable with the Neath in general, etc etc. Even if the watchful checks are a bitch by the time you hit endgame.
Seriously, look at this! Look at the progression!! It's so charming. I love it so much. I may be losing in my boardgames but I am winning in my heart.
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9 - Could you be roommates with this character?
Hell yeah!! The Scoundrel is already practically roommates given how much they've died already/die on a bi-weekly basis. I wouldn't mind a skeleton homie. He's a little... intense, but he's a cool guy. I think we could hang out together. Some time off that boat would definitely do him good.
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24 - What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?
I mean... pretty much any form of death/the grim reaper in any sort of media, really? He's pretty archetypal. If it's a skeleton representing death, it's reminiscent of him.
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25 - What was your first impression of this character? How about now?
At first: eyy what's up my dude (fascinated by the new zone, passing 100% watchful checks with ease)
Now: EYYYY what's UP my dude (just chillin', failing a 63% watchful check 7 times in a row)
#yes im still doing these. yes im just slow lmao#ask#fallen london#i dont think about the boatman (original edition) much and we dont really know a lot about him as a Person. but i like the guy#death is a chipper fellow. and also apparently a bit spiteful if you pick certain evolution endings. but i like the guy anyway#the scoundrel's at... roughly 30-ish against the boatman by now? honestly im looking forward to hitting 40#even if it's only going to get more and more painful to win at chess#caeru's account is a blessing by comparison. despite everything to do with SMEN he's only died a few times so far#i cant wait to watch him get progressively worse at chess#sidenote while this ask is very obviously not about him. while on the subject of small organic progression stuff in FL#i really like how the high nightmares menace card just. naturally scales with your watchful#yes it's an Ordeal to deal with the manager and yes the scoundrel almost always has the walls are wrong burden#but i like it in semi-narrative-terms. it feels like you're adapting to the neath. in a way.#or maybe just losing it more and more#either way i just!! like it!!! even the upper river equivalent cards refer to the manager like he's an old acquaintance by now#and i just like that. i like the feeling of buildup it evokes#by the time you hit railway the boatman and the manager arent just menace guys. they're ur menace homies.#and optionally your fellow besties in card gaming if you picked heart's desire#idk. this probably makes no sense and im rambling incoherently for no reason like i seem to always do with FL asks#tldr; i like the funny menace guys
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I can already tell it's going to be a hard day with the fact I slept way longer than I normally do and still feel like shit. My whole body hurts like someone hit it with a semi, but I learned he might go away this weekend.. at least I'll have some peace and maybe some pleasure..
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I'm gonna get so buff from this job
#that is if i dont break my back first#i am in so much pain its not even funny#but im finally making enough money we wont be struggling so much
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