#im not interested enough to end it like this

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

i was homeschooled by a neo nazi. the sheer amount of damage it did to my psyche as a queer child in that environment is something im still grappling with to this day. and thats to say nothing about having my education, health, and emotional wellbeing neglected. i had to fucking laugh in 2020 when people were crying about not leaving the house for a single month, when i had been kept housebound since i was 6 years old. i cant describe the indignity of watching people finally recognize what id been saying for years, which is that remote learning was not only useless as an education method but fundamentally damaging to the students mental health, and then not ONCE think to check up on kids who'd already been homeschooled. not once.

because nobody gives a flying shit about the actual voices of homeschooled kids, least of all the parents that subject them to it. and thats not to say those parents dont care, or arent attached - quite the opposite. remember, we're talking about the kind of abuse that seeks to keep the victims closer, not further away. its just that the pressure to cover for that abuse is placed directly on these childrens shoulders. i know, because i lived it. we are expected to present ourselves to the public as prodigies, partly to sell people on the idea of homeschooling but mainly to ward off social services. and if we fail to do that, which we largely do, we are kept out of the public eye our entire childhoods.

and thats assuming it ends with the onset of adulthood. if we're lucky enough to have parents willing to let us go at all, that isolation and lack of worldly experience leaves us with no resources, no networks, no support systems, no basic survival skills. do you know the difference between debit and credit? what health insurance is, who pays for it, how to find a provider? who taught you to drive? do you know what the dmv is? what social security is, or where to find your birth certificate? do you know how to use a crosswalk? if you arent homeschooled, you do not realize how much knowledge you have that you take for granted. the level of dependance it creates on the abuser is terrifying. im 21, i didnt move out till 6 months ago. most people assume i took an extended gap year. the truth is i was psychotic from isolation trauma, rapidly developing stockholm syndrome, and had no resources to leave after i turned 18 even though i desparately wanted to. if i hadnt been lucky enough to have other family members to rescue me, i would probably not be alive today.

and despite how damning the evidence is that this is a terrible byproduct of multiple systems that long since shouldve been fixed, despite all the hubub about protecting children in this stupid, stupid fucking country, there is ZERO public interest in acknowledgeing our existence outside of using us as a talking point to snub rural america. a talking point, and nothing more. nobody actually cares to change those red states, they just want someone to blame. so when we do speak up, we get tuned out. because it turns out nobody actually wants to hear about the medical neglect, or the cults, or the grooming, or the domestic violence, let alone do anything about it. (besides vaguely gesturing to things like...calling CPS on our own parents, once again placing the pressure on the victims to rescue ourselves, when weve often been taught to fear those institutions since the onset of our abuse.)

if you think im exaggerating, go read through r/homeschoolrecovery. thats just the kids whove managed to get internet, most of whom profess terror at facing further abuse if their parents find out. look at your phone. look at your computer. every single device you own has the ability to set parental controls. i dont know the exact numbers of the silent majority of homeschooled children without access to the internet, but considering the main demographic who chooses homeschooling is white supremacist christian fundie cults, who really fucking love having numbers of white babies that exceed the double digits, id be confident in wagering its a lot. so you wanna know why over half the states in the country are red? fucking start there.

because theres a *reason* isolation is a cult tactic. its why im such an advocate for libraries, unpaywalled and un age restricted internet, and actually putting money into rural infrastructure - ESPECIALLY internet networks and public transit. because while the american public education system remains the stinking garbage fire it is, people are gonna keep choosing to take matters into their own hands. and under this presidency, it is going to get worse. there is no point bashing the parents for it, because it just convinces them further that the left has an agenda to systemically brainwash their kids or whatever. so please, for the love of god, make sure that even in the worst case scenarios where they have complete control over their children, those kids arent completely cut off from the world.

Anyway enough lame gifted kid discourse we are in our 20s. Let's talk about how homeschooling in america should be fucking illegal it's insane lol

[corviiids]

gushing etc

[dirtytransmasc]

I think I need MelVik connecting when Viktor was on his sick bed. they had been amicable before, maybe a little more than that due to their connection through Jayce and her presence around Hextech and such. but they weren't entirely friends. not yet.

and she goes to see him. perhaps she feels a tinge of guilt at assuming the worst about Jayce, or her bleeding heart makes her feel responsible for keeping Jayce out of the lab when Viktor had needed him. maybe Jayce needs to step out for a moment, and she soothes his worry by promising to sit with Viktor. maybe she just wants to be closer to the man that's so painfully important to the one she loves, wants to befriend him, wants to know him, all before it's far too late.

maybe it's a little bit of each.

but she goes to see him. she sits in the chair that Jayce has nearly worn a hole through, and keeps a semi-awkward distance between them, not knowing what is too close and too far.

this man is dying. he is dying and he has accepted that. he looks like a corpse. cold emanates off of him. he is something she doesn't fully understand.

she doesn't know how to approach.

but she does.

she greets softly and speaks softly and hesitates to touch, but rests a hand over Viktor's and feels how cold he is, even as a sickly warmth brews in his bones, leeching the warmth from his skin and the energy from his body.

he seems surprised she's there. it feels out of place. like the song and dance of their dynamic has shifted, and now he needs to relearn the steps. and now this is a dance of two, not three.

she will tell Viktor, in enough detail to be understood and not enough to be awkward, where Jayce was. because it feels right to confess. it's not an apology, but the avoidance of keeping something like a secret from a dying man.

Viktor will probably just nod and say something self deprecating, because what else do you say when your body is already making a joke of itself? before assuring her that Jayce is not his keeper, that she is not to blame, but even that comes off as some twisted attempt at humor. sue him for being sardonic as he lay dying.

but unlike Jayce, who will cringe at the jokes, she will hide a smile behind her fingers, muffling a soft, if not saddened, chuckle in her palm.

Viktor's eyes will light up ever so slightly.

she'll feel awkward once more. should she have laughed? was this playing into a complex? was this right of her?

Viktor will smile weakly.

she'll feel a little less awkward.

she will realize Viktor needs someone to laugh with. that Jayce, bless his soul, cannot be that person for Viktor. his worry has brewed too long. it's too strong.

but maybe a fresh face like Mel's can be there to smile when Jayce cannot. will laugh when Jayce cannot. can make cheeky jokes and pokes and prods.

the three fit together like 3 pieces of 3 broken puzzles. they fit together, not perfectly, but they fit, and create a finished object, even if off kilter her and uneven there. but it's ok, they're making due.

[salem-witch-slut]

He Doesn't Know (18+)

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader

SYNOPSIS: You said you loved him all the time... But you couldn't care less about him. He wasn't her. No man could compare to Abby Anderson.

WARNINGS: Modern AU!, Semi-public sex (car sex), strap-on use (r!receiving), pussy eating, hair-pulling, choking, cheating, improper use of church parking lot, age gap (14 years), dom!Abby, sub!reader, no use of y/n, slight knife/blood kink, very aggressive sex (im warning you, it's intense)

WORD COUNT: 4K

A/N: You guys heard "Scotty Doesn't Know"? Yeah, well I heard the song and ran with it. Fight me. Also, I have very deep and disrespectful vendettas against men named Dylan. 95% of them suck.

Sunday morning was bathed in the golden light of the sun rising, basking the old church building in the most prolific illumination with the golden accent to the stain glass windows. Rainbows were cast across the carpet and over the walls, beating down on the patrons inside of the church pews. It was the epitome of holiness… and yet, you were nowhere to be found.

Not that they would look for you. You usually only showed up for the morning Sunday classes and then you would leave before service started… well, leave was a strong word. You were still around, but no one could ever find you, so they assumed you were gone. If only someone was hanging around the back parking lot where nobody ever looks, they would see a beat-up old van covered in decal stickers, and the entire vehicle was shaking against the concrete.

Your fingers moved quickly over the screen on your cell phone as you replied to your boyfriend on the other end of the text, biting down on the pillow underneath your chest and trying to contain your cries of pleasure.

“Yeah, tell him how much you love him,” The cruel, sexy voice behind you growled down in your ear. Your heart pounded in your chest as you sobbed into the pillow, strong veiny hands gripping at your ass and leaving clear bruise marks behind on your skin. “Can’t let him know… you’re creaming on my fucking dick, princess…”

“Ahhhh… Abby…” You whined, your back arching a bit more in order to look at the person who belonged to the voice. Hands released your ass before they dropped down on the floor of the van underneath you. Massive, muscular arms caged you down as you felt the tickle of her long blonde braid caress your cheek, her boots digging into the floorboards as she hammers that thick fake cock into your cunt.

It was the same every single Sunday… Abby would show up, you two would sit in class together, and then as soon as it was over, she was dragging you into her van and pushing your skirt up before fucking you senseless. Your boyfriend never came to church with you, so your absence was always excusable. He never even bothered to look to see if you were telling the truth. He trusted you, and that was his mistake.

Dylan was pathetic. He didn’t know how to make you feel wanted like Abby did. He didn’t know what you liked, nor did he take an active interest in the things you loved to do. Abby, on the other hand… Abby was your literal dream. Blonde, tall, built like a work horse, sweet and caring, rough… She was perfect. There was only one problem… Both of your parents were extremely homophobic. Not to mention you were 9 years younger than her.

At 20 years old, Abby was 34 and that was enough for your parents to freak out. You were in your second year of college, and you had been convinced you were straight… right until Abby walked into your life. At first, it was harmless flirting. And then, it quickly went to not flirting. Abby had been the one to make a move first. She pressed you against the bathroom door when she caught you going back to service.

And since that day, your life has never been the same. Your parents loved Dylan, and thought he was a proper gentleman. He went to church with his own family across town, and you went with your parents every single Sunday. Of course, you made up the lie that you would need to work after morning classes on Sunday, which they didn’t like at first but let slide.

It was the perfect guise to get you away from everyone and everything, and to sneak inside of Abby’s van… It was where the sin first began, and now it was where it would never stop.

You never got tired of this. You would always and forever love the feeling of Abby’s strap stretching your velvety walls as she bottomed out inside of you, holding you down like some filthy sex toy that she abused to her heart’s desire. You loved hearing her groan and growl out your name, calling you her little whore, saying how well you are taking her cock like she was made for you… watching you text your boyfriend and mocking you whenever you said you loved him.

“You love him, huh?” Abby breathed down against the back of your neck, moving your hair away from your shoulder and kissing along your skin. “Then why… is he not inside of your fucking pussy, right now?”

You didn’t love him, at all. He became annoying and desperate after 2 weeks and you wanted nothing more than to cut Dylan loose. But your parents adored him, and you kept up the charade just to pretend like you still had a straight bone in your body. When it all came down to it, whenever Abby texted you… you were at her every beckon call. You were hers, through and through. Dylan doesn’t ever come close to Abigail Anderson.

Your soft little cries filled the back of the van as Abby grabbed your wrists, the veins popping in her hands as she held your arms back and began to fuck with more vigor than before, probably fucking the van’s suspension and creating the most vulgar sounds imaginable. How you two were never, ever caught, you would never know.

“Fuck, take it baby,” Abby snarled, watching your ass bounce and jiggle with each snap of her hips against your own. Your moans carried in the small space, feeling like a fucking sauna with how hard you were breathing. Sweat dripped from her brow as she yanked on your arms, making your back arch even more, forcing you to look up at her from behind. “Nnngg, you look so fucking perfect… so fucking pretty, baby…”

“Abby,” You cried out, panting and drooling with each passing second. “Fuckfuckfuuuuck, d-don’t stop… don’t fucking stop—”

“You gonna cum for me, princess?” Abby smirked, reaching down and wrapping both of her massive hands around your neck and pulling you up until your back was pressed against her chest, the fabric of her jeans digging into your thighs and without a doubt going to leave a burn in its wake. “Go on, princess… be a good girl, yeah? Be my good little slut and cream all over my cock.”

You were so fucking close that it hurt! Right on the edge of your climax, so desperate to feel that sweet release and give Abby exactly what she wanted. Very slowly, Abby wrapped her huge forearm around your neck and with one hand, she slid it across the front of your dress, pausing to grip your breast before sliding her hand down the rest of the way and gently rubbing at your throbbing clit. You made a noise that was a cross between a cry and whimper and Abby groaned, deep in her throat.

“Fuck, that’s a pretty noise princess… like it when I rub your clit like that? Huh? Come on, come on! Fucking cum for me!” Her words sent shockwaves all over your body as you began to twitch and jerk in her hold. Abby kept her pace and basked in the sounds you made, watching as your legs wobbled and threatened to give out, forcing her to hold on even tighter and fuck you through your earth-shattering orgasm. “Good girl, good fucking girl, that’s it baby… just like that, yeah just like that…”

You were completely beyond forming coherent sentences, or even making comprehensible sounds as you collapsed against her body, drool dripping down your chin from your lips as a fresh set of tears tracked your face. Abby chuckled sweetly and slowly laid you down on the mass of blankets and pillows she started keeping in the back of her van just for you after events like this take place.

Abby took her time as she pulled her hips back, watching the thick silicone cock slide out of your stretched cunt, chuckling at the white ring around the base from your juices. You wanted to cry, feeling so empty now without her strap taking up your entire being. Abby let the toy flop down against your ass, and then gave your cheeks a rough smack, making your entire body jerk forward at the contact.

“Little slut,” Abby barked, pulling the harness off her hips and reaching down to grab at your hair. You don’t know why you thought she was done… Abby was never done. Of course, you didn’t want to be done. That would mean you two leave your little bubble that you created with her… In here, you were able to pretend that Abby was it. Abby was your everything and you could give up on this stupid ass mistake.

Before you could ask Abby what was next, she was forcing you on your back and unzipping her jeans. You watched her shimmy out of the fabric and made quick work of her boxers before she crouched over your face. If this wasn’t the sight of heaven, church hadn’t done shit for you. You started salivating almost instantly, grabbing at her hips and attempting to pull her down so you could enjoy the feast, but Abby was far too strong for you to control. She chuckled and ran a hand through your hair.

“Easy, princess… I know, you wanna taste this pussy so fucking bad, don’t you?” Abby grabbed your chin with one hand, sliding her thumb across your bottom lip and you sucked the digit into her mouth. Your tongue stroked over her flesh, and you slurped on her thumb, closing your eyes for a brief second and watching her grin before she pulled her hand away from your face, delivering a hard slap across your cheek. “Yeah baby, I know you fuckin’ love that, don’t you?”

Why you enjoyed it when she hit you, you would never truly understand. The stinging sensation left behind after she delivered a soft blow to your face, or your ass, even your cunt, you would be almost purring with desire and arousal. You loved how strong she was and loved it when she showed it without even trying. Abby always held back, never wanting to actually hurt you, but wanting to make you whine.

Without another hit, Abby lowered herself down and grabbed you by your hair once again, clutching your locks and making you gasp. “Open. Tongue out… all the way, princess…”

You opened your mouth up immediately at her command and stuck out your tongue as far as it could humanly go, drooling on your face and watching as she lowered herself down onto your mouth. You were quick to nuzzle your face into her cunt and you began to lick at her almost immediately, holding her by the hips and making the obscenest slurping sounds ever. Abby groaned, her head going back and her eyes rolling back in her head.

“Nnnnn… that’s my good little whore… fuck, no one eats my pussy like you do, sweet thing…” Your heart soared at her praise, paying attention to her clit and using the flat top of your tongue to lap at her like a dog drinking up water. The very thought of someone else having their mouth on her cunt had you moving with desperation. Abby was well aware of your stupid boyfriend, but you didn’t know how many girls she had doing this exact same thing… It turned you fucking feral.

A low moan rumbled out of you, sending vibrations through her clit as you wrapped your lips around the swollen nub and began sucking, hard. Abby bucked her hips against your face, her ass flexing in your hands before she shoved her whole fist against the side of the van. The movement of her body had your teeth scraping against her and she groaned with pleasure.

“Fuck, keep that up baby,” Abby praised, looking down and watching your eyes squinted shut and your brows knitted with what she could only assume was concentration. The noises your mouth created as you slurped, sucked, and drooled on her pussy were beyond vulgar, and if anybody from church could see you now, they would perform an exorcism, assuming you had been possessed by some filthy whore.

Your nails bit into Abby’s skin, creating crescent moon shaped indents in her ass as you released her clit with a wet slurp and scooted down a bit further. Abby rolled her hips forward, watching your eyes as they opened up and then rolled back in your head, almost drowning in her slick cunt. You took your time, mapping her out with your mouth before you gripped her strong, muscly thighs and began to push your tongue inside of her hot cavern. The noise Abby made was the start of a whimper, and then immediately faded into a snarl of aggressive pleasure.

“Fuck, princess… fuck, you dirty little slut… God you feel so fucking good on my pussy, sweet girl…” You practically cry with her praise, leaning into her hand as you thrust your tongue in and out of her, licking her spongey inner walls and feeling her practically bounce on your face as she humped your face.

You didn’t give a shit about anything else, and all that was on your mind was feeling Abby cum on your mouth. Your phone was lighting up, and Abby could see the countless texts from Dylan, and she had to resist everything inside of her to not pick up your phone to record you eating her out.

“You love the taste of my cunt, don’t you baby?” Abby moaned out, nails scratching across your scalp and making you whimper on her pussy. She rolled her hips slowly, grinding her clit against your nose and biting down on her bottom lip to try and keep her composure… But fuck, did you make it difficult…

Abby could feel her orgasm creeping up on her as she rode your face, tugging on your hair and shivering with pleasure that simply coursed over her entire body. And even though you were the one drinking her cunt, she was the one that felt like she was drowning. Her eyes rolled back, swear words tumbling from her mouth and filling the van that was one good thrust away from losing a damn wheel.

“Fuck, ngh, fuck… Fuck, go back, baby… Lick my clit just like before—” You immediately did as she told you, and Abby huffed with pleasure. “Just like that… shit, just like that babygirl… just… fucking leave him, baby… leave his stupid ass and be mine.”

You heard what she said, but it didn’t register… You kept licking at her clit and sucked on it every few seconds before flicking it hard with the tip of your tongue, sending her crashing into the most vulgar climax of her entire life. She chanted countless swear words over and over again as she chased her high against your face, coming closer and closer to falling apart on top of you.

Abby tossed her body forward and squeezed your face with her inner thighs, smushing your cheeks together before she bit her lip and tried to hold in her sounds but it became fucking impossible with you. “Fuck! Fuck! Don’t you fucking dare stop! Don’t. Fucking. Stop! C-Cumming… fuuuuck, m’cumming baby!”

Abby sounded so fucking wild whenever she would climax, and it made you horny all over again. Her hips twitched and pushed down into your face and you opened your mouth wide, lapping at her liquids that drooled out of her and onto your tongue. Her taste was fucking addictive, and she had to literally pry your hands off her legs in order to pull her pussy away from your mouth.

Your face was soaked from the bridge of your nose down to your chin, glistening with her arousal. You licked your lips and reached up to grab her by the front of her shirt and yanked her down, pressing your lips against hers. Abby groaned on your mouth and pushed her tongue in, drinking in her taste on your mouth and basking in everything that was you.

Another thing she had that Dylan sure fucking didn’t… her lips were so fucking soft and she tasted so, so good…

Both of you never addressed what she said, and when you stumbled out of her van and through the backdoor of the church to clean yourself up in the bathroom, you could hardly keep your knees from wobbling. Bruises were forming on your ass in the shape of her hands, and you rubbed your fingers across the marks, blushing at just remembering who gave them to you…

Abby found your panties in her front pocket when she got home, and she couldn’t stop from smelling them. Fuck, you smelled so fucking pretty; she’s never wanted someone more in her entire life than she wants you all of the damn time.

Even during the week, she was on your mind. You couldn’t shake her off. Abby was like a leech that you grew attached to and now its simply just apart of you. She fed off you, and you liked it that way. Abby liked playing your secret lover, but she would much rather be your one and only.

Fear of disownment had you paralyzed. You wanted nothing more than to tell your parents that you were happy, but with a woman. Abby was everything you could ever need…

“Fuck… Abby… Abby, ohmygod, Abby…” Your whimper echoed through the empty house, your parents gone for the afternoon. You were quick to invite Abby over, and she had you laying down on your bed in literal seconds, legs spread and tongue lapping at your pussy faster than you expected a human being to be able to lick.

The sounds of her eating your pussy echoed off the walls of your bedroom, your hands fisted in her long blonde hair that fell down her shoulders in soft waves due to always being in a braid. You loved her hair, and Abby loved it when you pulled on it, her eyes rolling back as she slobbered all over your cunt in the most explicit, wet, messy display ever.

Abby ate pussy like a woman starved! All tongue and lips, slurping and drooling, creating the biggest wet spot on your sheets and squeezing your thighs with her huge hands. You loved how messy she got, watching as she pulled back with her tongue hanging down, a thick string of saliva connecting her mouth to your pussy. She smirks, reaching down with one hand to slap your clit before she dives back down and immediately starts licking you without a care in the world.

You chanted her name, each time growing louder and louder. You always got so close so fast when Abby was eating you out… You were so close…

The sound of your phone ringing had you tensing up and Abby simply glanced up from your cunt, not stopping her movements even a little. Your hands shakingly grabbed at the phone, seeing Dylan’s picture appear on the screen. Your heart began to beat faster, gently swatting at Abby’s head.

“F-fuck, fuck, stop, wait,” You begged, watching her roll her eyes before she pulled back, rubbing her face against the inside of your thigh and watching how shaky your hands were when you answered the phone with a forced neutral expression. Of course, your flushed face was a dead giveaway to anyone else.

“H-Hey, baby, what’s up?” You said breathlessly. Abby rolled her eyes, kissing up and down your thighs as your boyfriend spoke on the other end of the phone. A hearty giggle erupted from your throat, and you responded. “N-No, I’m fine! Just uh… went for a run! Yeah, that’s all, don’t worry…”

Your face immediately brightened, and you looked down to see Abby slowly rubbing at your entire pussy with her hand, biting your inner thigh and basking in the expression you had on your face. You fell back on the bed and huffed, trying not to moan into the receiver as you listened to Dylan.

“To…Tonight? I-I-I’m not… not sure about that baby… I have a… fuck, assignment due… t-tomorrow,” You struggled to keep your noises neutral, biting down on your knuckle as Abby began to slowly ease her middle and ring finger inside of you. You bit down so hard that you left a bruise behind on your finger. “N-No! Y-You don’t h…have to come over… m’fine… t-totally fine…”

Abby was having none of your shit, and before you could prepare yourself, she grabbed your hip and slammed herself knuckle deep into your pussy. The sound you made was so loud that she was sure EUROPE heard you! Your eyes crossed in your head, and you yanked on the bed sheets above your head, completely abandoning your phone call for a second. Dylan asked you what happened, and you were quick to cover it up. “I’m okay! I’m o-okay, baby… j..just hit my arm, t-that’s all… fuck me…”

With a smirk, Abby immediately complied, spreading your legs a bit wider before she began to fuck you on her fingers like it was her damn birthright. Her digits were so thick and strong, hitting every single sweet spot inside of you and making you purr like a kitten for her. Pleasure raced down your spine and you whimpered into your hand, masking your noises as Dylan continued to say whatever the fuck he was saying, you weren’t listening.

“Fucking give me that,” Abby snapped, reaching for the phone and hanging up on him. Your eyes widened and you reached for the phone, but Abby tossed it to the far side of the bed before wrapping a hand around your neck and shoving you into the bed. Her pace picked up to brutal levels and you gasped against her movements. “I’m done, princess… Fucking done sharing you with him.”

“A-Abby, you… fuck…” The look in her eyes was wild as she pushed in a third finger and you reached out to grab the muscle on her shoulders, her hair creating a curtain around your face as she destroyed you.

“Say it,” Abby snarled. “Fucking leave him. You’re mine. You’re mine… you’re fucking mine!”

“Yours!” You cried out, rolling your whole body up against hers and digging your nails into her back. Abby bent down and began to kiss your face, trailing them down to your neck and latching her lips against the flesh of your throat. You groaned as she stretched out your pussy and left an absurd amount of hickies on your neck.

“No one… can fuck you like I do,” Abby rubbed your clit with her thumb as her fingers stroked your inner walls, making you see stars behind your eyes. “No one can kiss you like I do… no one can love you like I do…”

“Yours, Abby,” You whimpered, pushing your face into her neck, grinding down against her hand as you chased your orgasm on her thick digits, desperate to cum for her, and for her alone. “I’m yours… Only you… please, don’t stop! Please, so close…”

“Come on princess… my pretty girl, fucking cum for me…”

And you did exactly that. Your whole body shook with euphoria, and you raked your nails down her back, nearly drawing blood as you reached your high and squeezed around her fingers, liquid slowly gushing from your cunt and drenching her hands. Abby kissed your neck, and then your lips, tears tracking her face.

Finally… she finally had you…

It was made official with one text.

Dylan almost had a fucking heart attack at the photo an unknown number sent him. It was you, sprawled out on the bed, covered in hickies from your neck down to your chest, drool dripping from your lips with one very veiny hand and massive forearm holding you by the throat. You had a stupidly happy grin on your face and your cheeks were tinted with a deep pink blush from either overexertion or embarrassment. And on your stomach, there was something literally carved into your flesh, blood dripping from the fresh wound… it was an A.

There was only one block of text to accompany the picture.

She’s mine now, asshole.

[superscourge]

Resurrected AU Ch. 1: Alliance

(read on AO3 here!) Warnings (for the fic in general, not necessarily this chapter): Graphic depictions of violence, strong language, general mature themes Chapter Summary: Scourge breaks into one of Eggman's bases in search of a secret weapon to defeat Sonic with, but what he ends up finding is much stranger and much scarier than he was expecting. Though…he finds a way to get some use out of it. Notes: it really took me like a thousand years to get this started huh. lol. well i wanted to at least get the first chapter out before the sonic au collision event fully started, so im happy to present the first chapter of resurrected au's fic!! god i hope yall like it LOLLL, this au means a whole lot to me.. it's become my favorite baby i wont lie. i will also admit that im a Little nervous to finally start posting my actual writing for sonic stuff; i'm pretty self-conscious abt it actually lmao. but hopefully yall end up enjoying how i write these guys. please be niceys idk how long it'll take me to dish out the rest of the chapters, but hopefully i can find the time and energy to get them out steadily!! thanks in advance for reading and thank u so much for ur support and enthusiasm <3

--

It’s not every day that you get a juicy piece of info that could very well put the odds in your favor. That’s why Scourge was not gonna waste this opportunity.

He’d gotten word thanks to his incredible sleuthing skills [read: eavesdropping on strangers] that Eggman had a new base in the area and had apparently acquired a very powerful “secret weapon” of some sort. That was all he needed to know before deciding it was time to raid a base. After all, if he found that secret weapon? Sonic was toast.

It took a minute to actually find the damn place, but soon enough, Scourge was skidding to a stop at the treeline before what looked to be a large, dome-shaped structure with the patented Eggman symbol on it (or something that looked like it; Scourge figured it was close enough). He smirked, flipping his shades down over his eyes and speeding off towards the entrance.

As expected, badniks littered the area around the main entrance to the base. They looked a little funny, Scourge noted; they seemed a little more…high-tech than he was used to seeing. But, whatever–he figured it wouldn’t be an issue once they were busted to scraps.

… He did have a little trouble with these bots. Just a little. But it was no biggie, since he ended up finding a way inside before he could be overwhelmed. All’s well that ends well, he supposed.

The inside of this place was…confusing. So many twists and turns, rooms that led into other rooms, platforms that moved in weird directions…

“Doesn’t this place have a map?” Scourge grumbled to himself as he ran through the absolute maze of hallways.

After what seemed like forever, he finally came to what was clearly the main, central chamber of the base. There was a very complicated-looking keypad attached to it. Luckily, Scourge was very good at lockpicking.

Stepping back a bit, he hopped up and curled into a spindash before launching himself at the keypad. It took a bit of work, but before long, the whole thing was smashed to bits with sparks flying everywhere. Just as he’d hoped, the door opened once the keypad was destroyed. With a triumphant snicker, he unfurled and landed back on the floor before confidently waltzing into the chamber.

Inside looked pretty much as he expected it to–tubes and gadgets everywhere, lots of high-tech machinery that did Gaia-knows-what, lots of papers littered about several desks that clearly showed the work of an evil mastermind…

Yeah. Deffo an Egg-base.

“Now, where’s that weapon…” Scourge questioned aloud as he strolled through the room. He pulled out some drawers and rummaged around here and there, but he didn’t really find anything interesting so far. Surely this thing wasn’t hidden that well, right?

Just as he was starting to get frustrated, he came across a huge capsule of some kind right in the middle of the room. Pretty obvious, actually. He wasn’t that observant, but whatever. He raised his shades to where they were resting back in their place on his head before he rubbed his hands together with a huge, toothy grin. “That looks promising.”

Making his way to the door of the capsule, he tried to peek inside through the little window on the front of it. He couldn’t make anything out… He decided to just open it to get a look at what was inside, so he searched around for a switch of some kind that would do that for him. It didn’t take long, thankfully, and he quickly pressed the button down that would activate the door.

Smoke spewed out from the door as it opened, making Scourge cough a bit. He waved his hand to clear some of it out of his way as he impatiently waited for it to dissipate enough for him to see what he was in for.

This had to be some sort of cool gun. He knew it was. Some kinda laser shooter or something. Or maybe a bazooka. Oh–a cannon, even! He dearly hoped it was a cannon, actually. The smoke was almost fully cleared, so he leaned in excitedly to see what was inside…!

… It was…a guy. There was a guy in there.

“What the–?” Scourge furrowed his brow once he got a good look at the contents of the capsule. It was obviously a person–a jackal, it looked like? Definitely not a cannon. Who the hell was this? He looked rough, like he’d really been put through the wringer. His drip was cool, Scourge supposed, and the big, gnarly scar on the guy’s chest was pretty intimidating…

Mine’s still cooler, he thought to himself.

Suddenly, alarms sounded throughout the base. Scourge cursed under his breath as he looked over his shoulder. He turned back to the man in the capsule, making a quick decision–he’d snag him and take him with him. He probably had some idea of where the weapon was, so once he woke up, he’d just beat the information out of him if he wouldn’t give it up willingly.

Grabbing the jackal out of the capsule and slinging him over his shoulder, Scourge finally sped out back through the way he came. He was able to dodge any bots that tried to come after him thanks to his speed, and soon enough, he was outside and running through the trees of Mobius once again.

He ran until forest turned to jungle, and before long he was slowing to a stop once again in a small clearing where bits of light showed through the canopy up above. He rested the other man’s body down on a bed of moss near a small pond, figuring that’d be…somewhat comfortable, and he then took a seat on a fallen tree a few feet away.

It was only a matter of seconds before he began to tap his foot. What was he supposed to do now? Just sit there waiting for this guy to wake up? That could take hours… He didn’t have that kind of patience.

Deciding to take the initiative, Scourge stood and started walking over to the jackal, intending to just…lightly kick him until he woke up, or something. However, he didn’t get the chance.

A low, threatening growl could be heard rumbling from the stranger’s throat. Scourge stopped in his tracks once he heard it, then took a few paces back. How long had he been–?

One yellow eye opened to a squint, scanning the area before landing on Scourge. For some reason, the look the man was giving him made his skin crawl… Not that he was going to let him know that, though.

Instead, Scourge popped the collar of his jacket to regain his composure and puffed out his chest. “Took ya long enough,” he teased right off the bat. “I was startin’ to think you were dead.”

The jackal’s gaze lingered on him coldly for a few moments. However, he looked elsewhere when he began to speak. “... I should have been.”

That…wasn’t the response Scourge was expecting. The way he sank a bit betrayed his confusion. “... Wait, what?”

The man sat up, sort of startling Scourge into taking another step back. As he did so, he fully opened both of his eyes so that he could properly take in his surroundings. He was clearly ignoring the hedgehog beside him as he turned his head away, which didn’t really sit right with Scourge.

“Hey!” he barked. “I’m talkin’ to you!”

Giving no indication that he was listening, the man proceeded to rise to his feet, standing at his full height. Scourge sort of…shrank a little once he saw how actually tall this guy was. He knew jackals were generally bigger than hedgehogs, but this guy…

No, no, it was fine. No need to be afraid. He was still in charge here–this guy just didn’t know it!

With an annoyed sneer, Scourge dared to stomp a little closer. “Listen here, pal. If it weren’t for me, you woulda still been stuck in that base. I went outta my way to rescue you, got it? That means you owe me one. So, I’m gonna tell you how this is gonna go down, and you’re gonna–hrk!”

A clawed hand suddenly gripping his neck caused Scourge’s words to get caught in his throat… At least, that was part of it.

The jackal had snapped his head around to glare murderously at him as he grabbed him, which gave Scourge a very clear view of his face. He could see his one piercing yellow eye staring back at him…and he quickly noticed that the other eye had some kind of rock lodged into its socket. It was an eerie sight, and it definitely sent an intense chill up Scourge’s spine.

“You,” spat the jackal, voice deep and commanding, “do not control me.”

Unable to respond, Scourge just kind of…dangled there, hands gripping the other’s wrist as he kicked his legs a little. The expression he wore was enough of a response, though, so he was released after a moment of struggle. Once he was able to breathe and stand on his own again, he gasped for air and rubbed at his throat with an indignant look.

“What the hell?” he managed to say between coughs. “Who do you think you are, grabbin’ me like that?”

Turning away, the taller man didn’t bother to look at him as he replied. “I am Infinite,” he answered simply.

There was a pause as Scourge seemed to wait for him to say something else. When he didn’t, he furrowed his brow a little. “... Like, that’s your name, or…?”

The man–Infinite, apparently–seemed to hesitate, as if he was surprised that Scourge didn’t recognize him. One of his ears flicked.

“... I suppose enough time has passed that my name is no longer common knowledge,” he mused, half to himself. “Pity. I would have liked to think I made a bigger impact than that.”

Scourge watched as Infinite turned to fully face him again, making him subconsciously take a couple steps back. Man, this guy was kinda scary… Not that he couldn’t take him! He was just giving him the creeps, was all… Cyan eyes flicked to Infinite’s hands as he flexed his fingers.

“I will simply have to remind the world what true fear feels like,” he growled lowly, “and I suppose that starts with you.”

The rock embedded in Infinite’s eye began to glow as he summoned its power, and, to Scourge’s bewilderment, he began to lift off the ground and hover there. It was kind of scary, actually. The guy was floating. What the hell?

Then it hit him. The weapon Eggman had been hoarding wasn’t a gun or a cannon or anything like that. It was Infinite. He obviously held some sort of power that Eggman wanted to weaponize, and that must have been why he’d been locked up in that base… Things started clicking.

Despite Scourge expecting him to do… anything, really…Infinite proceeded to seize up in pain and let out an agonized yell. He suddenly collapsed to the ground, falling to his knees as he held himself up with one hand and gripped his head with the other. “W… What…?!” 

Infinite’s hand moved from his head to his chest where the large scar marked him. When he felt nothing but the scar, he had a look of both anger and confusion on his face, which told Scourge that what just happened clearly wasn’t the plan.

… Interesting.

Scourge stood a little straighter once he was confident that this guy wasn’t about to explode or something, sticking his thumbs into his jacket pockets. “Aaaalright, Criss Angel. If you’re done with all that , I think it’s time we get down to business.”

While Infinite knelt there still trying to figure out what was going on, Scourge began to pace around him in a circle, smirking as he did so. “Look. Like I said before, I rescued you from that base, so you kinda owe me one. But–and hear me out on this one–I’m willin’ to come to a compromise.”

Infinite snapped out of his pained daze long enough to shoot another glare at Scourge as he came around to his front again. “Compromise?” he hissed.

Scourge nodded. “Yeah. So, listen–I didn’t get to introduce myself earlier.” He held up a thumb and pointed it at his own chest, teeth bared in some kind of nasty grin. “Name’s Scourge. If ya haven’t hearda me by now, then you’ve been livin’ under a rock.”

Infinite somehow doubted that this brat had left enough of a mark on the world that anybody off the street would know his name. Still, he let him continue.

“I wanna take out Sonic. I assume you know him, right? Well, I think you’re just the guy who can help me out with that. He’s gotten lucky so far, but I think with you backin’ me up, I’ll be able to finally give ‘em his just desserts.”

The name Sonic caused a spark of recognition to flash over Infinite’s good eye. His breathing began to steady. “... Sonic,” he repeated. “Yes, I am familiar with Sonic .”

The way Infinite said his name let Scourge know that there was some beef there, at least. This worked in his favor. “Good,” he said with a nod. “So we’re on the same page, then.”

He turned on his heel before stopping his walk, facing Infinite to speak to him directly. “Like I said, I want you to help me take him down. Easy, right? In exchange, though… I’ll help you out with whatever you want, too. I dunno if you knew this, but I’m basically just as strong and just as fast as that blue bastard. I could give anybody a run for their money if I felt like it.”

Narrowing his eye skeptically, Infinite mulled this over. He seemed to be recovering from the shock from before, and he stood back up onto his feet. It was evident from how long he took to respond that his mind was…elsewhere.

“... I see.” His tail swished behind him as he thought about his next words. “You are offering to aid me in whatever task I ask of you?”

“Cross my heart.”

Infinite gave a huff before crossing his arms. “... Fine. If you intend to uphold your end of this bargain, then I will do the same.”

Scourge smiled widely, his sharklike teeth almost glistening in what little sunlight was managing to poke through the canopy above them. This idiot. He had no idea that he had every intention of double-crossing him the first chance he got.

He held out his hand for a shake to seal the deal. “Glad to have ya aboard, Infinite.”

Infinite glanced down at the other’s hand before reaching forward and taking it, giving it a single shake. His grip was tight. “Let us make the most out of this partnership, shall we?”

… Infinite was not stupid. He instantly knew that Scourge was going to betray him. That overconfident fool was so transparent it almost made him sick.

But…he could also tell that he had some bite to his bark, even if it was just a little. He was seasoned enough as a soldier that he could see that. That meant he could get some use out of him before he pulled his own betrayal.

He no longer had the Phantom Ruby in his chest, and he was alive, and he had no idea why. If this green idiot could help him figure that out…then he’d play along for as long as he had to.

Either way, he was going to get answers. And once that was done? He was going to rip out Sonic’s miserable little throat.

☆

[zundely]

Okay so, I've seen one bad Harding take too many and I need to VENT. Some thoughts and spoilers for dwarves and Lace Harding ahead.

Some people made claims that it "makes no sense" that Harding is the character to get the stone-sense powers since she has never given any indication of having any intrest in the Stone or dwarven traditions and... it just bothers me at this point. Like ok I understand some people would rather have Valta or Dagna in her place amd you know what, fair, understandable but let's not ignore that Harding's plot in game doesn't mention and deal with the specific situation Harding is in. Like her being a surface dwarf and raised Andrastian isn't a bug, it's a part of the whole story.

Lace can be the only dwarven person in the room when they learn the true story about the Titans, and when she tries to reach out to other dwarves about her powers, makes and effort to connect to her cultural roots she gets harshly rejected. Because she is not good enough- the Stone literally manifested through her but she is not good enough because she is a surfacer. And it hurts her. It angers her but she pushes it down and moves forward because Harding deal with her anger by not dealing with it. There are also few banters about her being raised Andrastian and how that affects her current beliefs. And I am glad it is there. I am glad they didn't have her just switch to believing in Stone all the way. Because religion and beliefs can be messy that way and it can be hard to let go off.

And to have all that be there im text and still see people say it's not logical for her to be interested in culture she comes from after the STONE STARTED TALKING TO HER- it's a bit annoying to be quite frank. First of all, it would be fine if she took intrest in the dwarves just because of all the things she learn about the Titans and their history. I don't know, I feel like trying to learn more about your cultural roots when you grow up is a fairy common and natural thing. And implying that because she was born outside of it she is somehow less worthy of a connection to it is... it's exactly the shitty thing Orzammar is doing.

I personally find Harding's story of finding connection to dwarven culture and exploring what does it mean for her, and it not undercutting her ties to Ferelden is nice, not perfect in execution but still considering the Bioware's usual approach of "loosing your cultural ties isn't a bad thing actually and people who care about it are loosers" it's at least not that.

I will just end it by saying I also think if it was Varric getting the Stone powers and he would whine the whole time about how it sucks and it's creepy and he doesn't like Deep Roads people wouldn't bat an eye sooooo.... yeah.

[mydearestbeloved]

okay chapter 5 review here bc word limit.

amazing how your very first and latest draft can change how I feel about your story as a whole lmao. ngl the jinwoo in your first draft reminds me of those daydream yandere!jinwoo fics lolololol so imagine my whipslash when i read the revised and expanded draft of this.

i love those to death i will be honest here but sl reader fics that depicts jinwoo more closely to his canon counterpart always hit different fr. i love how jinwoo isn't trusting of reader and constantly trying to figure her out. he's so inquisitive and smart when trying to piece everything he can find about reader (that makes a lot of sense since he becomes a detective in the revised timeline).

i really appreciate you writing him like this and it's a shame canon kinda stop writing the strategic and observant jinwoo after over the half of the story. of course if you wanted to be more canon compliant (and an excuse to keep reader involved), jinwoo would have to be more suspicious and distrustful of her and monitor her (such a jinwoo move) bc yk his deep trust issue (that has been forgotten or somehow resolved on its own in the canon story just bc. no im not bitter about it nope). therefore, it's so intriguing to read fics where his issues being addressed and his worldview being challenged. i know solo leveling is a power fantasy but it's frustrating to see our protagonist keep proving right about his very flawed and detrimental outlook, carrying the world on his shoulders alone and all that and the story acts like none of that affects him negatively or has any long lasting consequences. again it's a power fantasy but i think i can overlook this very real potential issue only if the story isn't set in a modern and semi-realistic urban setting.

anyway i skimmed through all the drafts you have and i love how they are mostly about him slowly opening up to reader. my god i cannot wait until jinwoo becomes absolutely whipped for our fae queen like in the old drafts. i know it will be absolutely satistfying and worthwhile. (can't believe all the chapters are still drafts???)

?System¿:

[ Review of (14/11/2024) has been submitted.

We thank you for your feedback, Reader.

System will now connect you you to 《AUTHOR》 ]

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Thank you for sending your review, this genuinely made my day! 💞

Now onto your review:

Original vs Now

Funny story, this Trial Player AU's original idea was just supposed to be a single, one-shot thing. So, you're not wrong to think that it feels like a daydream yandere!Jinwoo fic, because IT IS.

I even format it like so because I didn't want to get overboard, and that I was afraid of losing interest if I held onto it for too long just because I don't have enough time to write it as long and detailed as I would've liked.

But as it turns out, I just fooled myself, because here we are with a full blown series. And me with too little time still.

The original concept of a trial player isn't even mine. I was inspired by one of @circeyoru's fics, where I just wanted to write a similar story but with a Reader that have different powers and personality.

I ended up having too many interesting ideas to expand this after posting Imagine #1, which now became the summary of this series instead of its original purpose as a one-shot, one-time thing.

To simplify: I hyperfixate. Drafts started piling up. I wanted to work out the details little by little but they were too messy for me to find the time to sit down and edit them. New method: try posting it. I can edit them as I go as long as I gave warnings beforehand to Readers that my writings can change. If this goes well, there's a chance I can receive feedbacks to improve further. Two birds with one stone. A win-win scenario for me.

I mostly write when I'm stressed out from studying and needed a temporary escape. So, it brings me extra joy when people actually enjoy my stress-induced vomit of words. 🥰

How I write canon characters

I LOVE Reader Inserts/x Reader stories, and one of the things that most of the time ruined them for me personally is if the canon intended act too OOC.

Like, I get it, we Readers aren't in the canon story, of course the canon characters will act out of script since they literally are. But if they act like a different person all together with little to no explanation, no reason that can tie them back to the essence that make them just them, then what's the point of canon x reader when it's just the same as oc x reader?

At least add a warning/note/anything else to inform readers if you're going to do that, or if you're not too sure you can write them to stay true to their canon counterparts (like me 😓).

In real life, we already proven that we are fickle beings. We kept changing for one reason or another, but we can still stay true to ourselves or be recognize as just us.

And that is what I tried to do in writing the canon characters, especially the MCs since we readers follow their story the closest, which resulted in us knowing about them more then the side/supporting characters.

We don't truly know them, we never will, but we can predict them when we put those characters in different scenes/scenarios/settings because they already have a pattern that we know.

That is what we readers of Readers Inserts ultimately sought after, to be able to imagine interacting with those same characters that we know through the pages.

At least, this is what I want. Different people, different views and opinions. This is mine.

How I write Sung Jinwoo in this alternate scenario

I only know of Solo Leveling through its webtoon/manhwa and anime adaptations. I know little no none how they are in the original webnovel/novel and game, and the little that I know are form spoilers, tidbits of them.

With this in mind, I do feel that the manhwa are missing some things, and as it turns out (from the spoilers I read), it does skip many scenes from the novel.

No hate for the artist though, if it were not for him, I wouldn't have known Solo Leveling. And I could only imagine how hard it would be to draw everything from the original.

As for Jinwoo, I'll try my best to stay true to his character from the manhwa. But note that I also added the 'Yandere' element. So, to make him not too OOC, I'll explore his thought process from the start to then falling in love to the point of madness with someone like Trial Player!Reader.

Back to the topic, this Trial Player AU of mine will mostly follow the manhwa, and I'll be using the manhwa-specific plot-holes/gaps to further integrate Trial Player!Reader into the story.

That said, I won't write/in detail all scenes there are in the manhwa. I'll only detailed scenes where I can show Trial Player!Reader's impact, while the rest are either skipped or summarized for the purpose of smooth transition between one scene and another.

I don't want this to be a slowburn, but I also needed to work out the details to Jinwoo's feelings if I want to execute this as smooth as I can get.

Hence, I apologize for the later instances of Jinwoo acting not himself, I'm still figuring out the details for those scenes, that is why I still labeled them as drafts.

Extra related topics

There is two points I shared that can be tied back to Player!Reader's personality:

One, she is a casual fan of Solo Leveling. To make this easier to write, what she knows about the original story is what I know. Reader reads the manhwa, watches the anime, and knows little of the game and original novel from spoilers only.

Second, her view of the Yandere trope. I already I wrote it somewhere in the (for now) unknown chapter 0.1, the only writing that I managed to finish.

I explained there how Reader views this particular fiction trope. It is in many ways similar to mine too. It's just so interesting to see how different people with different personalities spiral down to the far end of the emotion called love, more often associated with warmth and healing.

Emphasis on 'how', I want to see the process. Tying back to how I write Jinwoo.

It is just such an fascinating concept to imagine. And fiction have less restrictions to express that ideas than in reality, as long as we can (and should) differentiate which is true or not, which is good and bad, even if the line that separated them often blurred.

I DON'T condone yandere, toxic and extreme behaviors and actions in real life. All of my works are purely FICTION.

---

I think that's all I can say for now. Thank you once again for reading my stories and for sharing your reviews. I really means a lot! 💞

Also, a piece of advice:

Perhaps you should hold off reading the last two chapter for now (9 and 10) until I updated them. Because they are of the newer drafts, there are certain 'too-fast-of-a-development'/OOC instances there that you might find a bit weird if I assumed through this review of yours.

I just feel responsible to point this out.

You're still free to read them, of course. After, you can just keep watch if I updated them, though by then you might want reread them. Hopefully, this is not too much. This is the downside of posting drafts. I apologize for the inconveniences.

I'll always inform a major draft update in my Masterlist. So there is no need to check each draft individually everytime.

[frankymca]

A year ago

When I think back about who I was a year ago all I remember is being a mess. I remember the girl that cried in the crowd of a concert because she missed her ex. I remember the girl that skipped meals and hid in her car for lunch breaks at work. I remember the girl that was sick of trying and failing, so she only did what was easy. I wanted to be liked by people whose opinion I did not care about prior, I wanted to fit in with my friends, to have natural hair and wear skinny jeans. I wanted to not be me.

I realized how self-centered I was for months and years before that. How I put myself on a pedestal and “how dare you talk shit about me, you’re just jealous because you peaked in High School and I’m peaking now“.

Good for me I did not peak at 19. I was a bitch at 19.

When my ex broke up with me I thought it’s her loss, I’m great and she’s missing out on that. Now I know that I was far from great. I was toxic and terrible and everything I thought I wasn’t. What I am trying to say is; If I would have been my ex, I would have ended things way sooner, gosh, if I would have been her, I would have never started thing off with me in the first place.

This is not about her, though. Although lately, everything is about her again. So, hey Augs, if you’re seeing this (and I know you will or at least that’s what I’m telling myself), how’s things going? Everything sitting tight? February is kicking butts again, as usual, you know how it is with me and that time of year. But besides that I’m a lot better now. Have you seen what I’m up too lately? Lots of cool shit… totally… 100%… definitely not just saying this to appear cool. Well, I guess I still can only dream to be half the person you are. I really don’t know if you’re happy and it is not my place to ask but I’m glad the fighting with your friends seemed to have found an end, I’m glad you and your sister get along better now, I’m glad you finally dropped out of school. Not because I want you to have a miserable life, just because I know how much school took a toll on you. I hope you find something that’s more your cup of tea.

I’m losing my focus again, something I try to allow myself to do lately. Not everything always has to be straight forward and thought through till perfection.

What I was trying to say, I only remember the bad parts of me from a year ago. I always only remember the bad parts of my life. Isn’t your brain psychologically supposed to forget the bad stuff and hold onto the good things? I wouldn’t know, I stopped reading about psychology about the same time I stopped buying clothes at least twice my size and call half a cucumber a “healthy lunch“. I cannot be my own therapist, and I cannot be anyone else’s either.

I only remember the bits of my past that make me roll my eyes in cringe so far back that I can see parts of my brain that I can name since Junior High but never admitted because being good in biology is not the emo-punk-alt-mix image that I wanted people to have about me. Turns out just because you listen to Fall Out Boy religiously, wear black jeans and keep a skateboard in the trunk of your car at all times does not make people think you’re cool and edgy and alternative. Bummer.

What I’m trying to say is, not all of me sucked a year ago.

I just went through an old Pinterest board to find ~the perfect playlist cover~, (as one does), and I have gotten flashbacks of the person I was a year ago. And damn, was I a sick little bitch. And not the kind of bitch I referred myself as earlier in this text, but the female empowering kind of bitch. The way Hayley Williams, Melanie Perkins and Michelle Obama are sick little bitches!

Not that I could compare myself with any of those women, not that I would even stand a chance to be in the same room as any of these women.

But I was badass. A little at least. While I was in the worst period of self-consciousness ever, since I was 12, or 14, or 16, I was also the most confident I ever was. I might have treated myself like absolute garbage but I sure as hell did not let anyone else just look at me with wrong intentions. While I always had thick skin for peoples comments (quite literally, because the most people were talking shit about me was my weight), I never stood up for myself. I simply did not care about any of that enough. And now finally I did? That’s a change I did not expect in my last months of being a teen girl.

All I’m trying to phrase with this one is that sometimes I guess I do need to cut myself some slack. I did outrageously stupid things like going to a concert 200 miles away from home while continuously telling my mom that I went with my ex – who she didn’t know I stopped talking to approximate a year prior (some day I will tell her the truth, maybe) – but I did some epic shit like going to a concert 200 miles away from home while continuously telling my mom that I went with my ex. To keep this short and simple, my vision board around that time is something I can only dream about now, but then again, isn’t that the whole purpose of a vision board? Whilst my hair was chocolate brown, a color I haven’t seen on my head since I stared 7th grade, I was living my best life as a natural red. You can take the hair dye away from me, but you cannot take the color red out of my soul. I was courageous, I was bold, and I was fucking red. So although I was being an insecure pain in the ass for everyone that had to hold a conversation with me, I was the absolute definition of rockstar girlfriend in my dreams and behind the curtains. And now that I do not have a 9-to-5 that requires me to keep my hair, well, not crazily colored, and I have no tears left for peoples that I want in my life but who do not want me to be in theirs, I think it is time to let the curtain fall and let the world get a glimpse of who they have been missing out on. It is time to let Fran be the center of my consciousness again. After all, it is hard to be the fun aunt if you have no fun stories to share. Oh wait, did I say too much now? Hm, no time for explanations, I think I’m reaching the word limi-

[royaltea000]

YO! Being a drawing, what’s there to be afraid of!

[thechy-fychannel]

y'all ever think abt how it was julie having the affair and it is even said multiple times that she was the one who left him, yet wilson was still the one who left their home and moved in with house. like. he couldn't bear to stay in their home alone. he immediately ran to house and stayed on his couch for weeks. suffered through his pranks and his laziness and his manipulation. telling him he wants him gone while sabotaging his attempts to leave. and he only left once he got a girlfriend again.

[athina-blaine]

for my money, labru is head and shoulders above other ships involving them simply due to the unmatched yap potential, i imagine them feeding off each other's energy like they're slipstreaming in mario kart until they start going fast enough to break the sound barrier

[puppyeared]

AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY

[sidesteppostinghours]

ok. question.

ortega ended up hallucinating sidestep after they "died", but sidestep doesnt know about that. they know it got bad, but never the full extent of how their death affected them. so if your sidestep Did learn, if they found out ortega looked for them in every little piece they could, would that change anything for your sidesteps? would their relationship with ortega be any different?

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

To elaborate more on the Pesterquest stuff -

Alternia is a hell world. It's shitty to live in, even if you're a highblood, unless you fit a very specific mold of person AND are lucky enough to be born of a high caste. Every troll character we care about is, in some way, fucked over by their relationship to their society; Eridan and Vriska get it the worst, having been forced to participate in the murdering side of things since they were young, but every lowblood is screwed and every highblood is made worse even just by their passive participation. Kanaya becomes less sympathetic because she seems completely at peace with the society she grew up in, and Feferi wants to enforce casteism, even if it's of a different flavor. Gamzee and Equius both hold genuinely casteist beliefs and attitudes, which slip out and alienate them from the people they care about.

Putting a friendship simulator into the middle of all this is... a choice, I guess. I'm not going to begrudge anyone for wanting that or liking that, but it's going to be inherently at odds with what Alternia is and is meant to represent, and thus, fundamentally at odds with many of the characters' arcs and even basic personality traits, so heavily are they influenced by the shit society they grew up in.

For a non-Eridan example, Karkat loathes himself in massive part because his society loathes him. He's kill-on-sight and lives in daily terror of death. He wears a symbol at all because not having one marks him as even more of a freak, even though he knows that that symbol is connected to the empire's biggest rebel, whose footsteps he is expected to follow. The reason he's so obsessed with being leader-y and earning his teammates' reapect, or the respect of anybody, is because he's so deeply insecure about whether or not he even deserves to exist.

If you soften Alternia to the point you can write a lighthearted friendship simulator in it, then that characterization... goes away. Karkat is no longer motivated by deep, overwhelming insecurities, which drive him to idolize the society that deems him unworthy, mistakenly believing that if he can find validation in that society, he'll feel less bad about himself. Instead, Karkat is just kind of an asshole!

It's the same way with Eridan. He and Karkat are equal and opposite in this way - while Karkat is marked for death by his society, Eridan belongs to the extremely privileged caste of sea dweller royalty - even moreso than Feferi, as Feferi is slated to be murdered by the Condesce as soon as she comes of age (and her ridiculous optimism is likely something she cultivated in outright defiance of this fate). But it turns out that being a sea dweller sucks shit, too, if you aren't the extremely niche type of person that society deems "correct."

Eridan is not actually casteist and genuinely likes his land dweller friends - and this is unacceptible. Not only that, but smaller "unacceptible" offenses are wrapped up in big ones - despite not liking murder and feeling guilty about it, murder is objectively the correct thing for Eridan to be doing, constantly, to the point of it being "all [he's] ever done practically," because if he doesn't fulfil the duty of his bloodline to be murdering lusii (and by extension, their charges, who are culled when their lusii die), EVERYBODY dies. The constant push-pull of trauma, societal expectations and obligations, the fate of the species, and the fact that he is inherently not the "right" kind of person for his society, are pretty much his entire character. He's basically a walking ball of anxiety and emotional turmoil.

So, again, if you soften Alternia to the point where you can write a story about Eridan wanting to see Shrek in a public theater (something he would not actually be able to peacefully do in canon Alternia - at least not without taking off his cape, hiding his fins, and going anonblood - as sea dwellers are considered ridiculously hostile to the point even Gamzee's nervous about being on the beach for too long), Eridan ends up being just kind of an asshole!

Pesterquest!Eridan is, and I cannot stress this enough, fundamentally not the same guy as canon Eridan. They have practically nothing in common, from the fact that PQ!Eridan is willing to do something for leisure, to the fact that he isn't widely feared and the movie theater doesn't empty out in a panic when he turns up, even down to the fact that he likes femme fashion (canon Eridan goes to Lengths to lean into masc fashion) and Shrek (canon Eridan is a hipster). Hell, even the fact that PQ!Eridan SMILES is a massive deviation from canon!Eridan, who has never once been depicted smiling, and probably hasn't for many sweeps.

Also that he has that much beef with Sollux when, canonically, the two had a lukewarm mutual dislike and didn't even bother interacting until Feferi was added to the mix and Eridan became mad that Sollux was dating her. He wasn't even casteist about him until then, and after, even Sollux and Feferi don't think he's casteist, they just think he's ashenflirting so he can get into a quad with Feferi. Like come on, if you're going to feature another troll in Eridan's route, 1) make it be Karkat, and 2) have Eridan cheat on you the whole time with Karkat like he does to Feferi.

Eridan is just overall a wild choice in a friendship sim - I can't even blame them for just writing an OC and putting an Eridan skin on top - because societally, Eridan isn't even supposed to have non-sea dweller friends. The sea dweller/land dweller race war is something the Condesce deliberately put into place in order to keep land dwelling nobility in line, and Equius cites it as one of the reasons he never got along with Eridan. Like, the very fact that Eridan talks to two land dwellers on friendly terms (Kanaya and Karkat) is a MASSIVE deviation from what he's "supposed" to be like, and a huge hint that he's not as casteist as he'd like to appear. You are genuinely hundreds, if not thousands, of times likelier to end an encounter with Eridan either orphaned or dead than as his friend. He's an unstable maniac, and there's a reason so many members of his team don't like him even though he's legitimately not casteist and they mostly seem aware of it (nobody really complains about or even notices Eridan's casteism by the time they're on the meteor - his contradictions are really obvious, and it's likely that they've more or less realized that he's full of shit).

Again, I don't begrudge anybody for wanting or liking PQ. Who cares, really. I'm just saying that as a canon discussion blog, there's not really any place for PQ because it's so far removed from canon that, like, there's not really anything meaningful to discuss about it. The setting and characters in PQ are fundamentally divested from canon, and not even in an AU way. And it's totally fine if that's what you like, but, yeah, like.

Was Eridan written well (where "well" = accurate to canon): no. Maybe he's fine as an OC with an Eridan Minecraft skin slapped on, but that's not my beautiful son, that's not my baby boy.

What did they get wrong about Eridan (where "wrong" = inaccurate to canon): all.

What route would I have written for Eridan: he shoots you with a gun and you die. And then maybe cheats on you with Karkat

[skunkes]

Experiencing the opposite of the Enjoying Torturing Oc phenomenon where I dont want to send talon back to his canon anymore like nooo stay here u have a home and food sources and clean water and a happy life and various places to lounge and loaf. My adopted feral cat....

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

More silly MXTX polls to mull over for the week: