#im grateful for the people around me
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sometimes i lose sight and forget love is the answer.
#im ill and in a cafe#feel like i can barely keep my eyes open#but needed to be out of the house to know whether i was ill or not#im grateful for the people around me#im grateful for my money#not feeling too grateful for my runny nose or droopy eyes but i still love and care for them because i love and care for myself#today has been difficult because ive felt upset and was holding on to it because something happened that triggered me#and was getting stressed about cleaning and stuff#just spiralling generally lol#but im happy im out of the house#it's a beautiful day#it turned from being sooo cloudy to being sunny so i might do a little walk just round some trees#because i love trees so much#i find them so incredible and beautiful!!!!!
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a tribute to celebrate the finale of the manga that has meant so much to me these past few years
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#ryomen sukuna#toji fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 271#i would tag everyone but ik the most frequented tags in this fandom smh ghsdhfgdfjs#THSI KILLED ME#3 DAYS#IM DEAD DECEASED IN THE GROUND#i knew the minute i drafted the sketch that i would hate myself for it and yeah i was right#but honestly it was worth it it was worth every single hour#i got . lowkey highkey emotional wrapping this up bc like. what a RIDE it's been#ive grown so much since starting drawing fr this series i owe it a lot im so grateful to the things its taught me abt how i like to create#im so grateful fr the people its let me meet#ik it's not over-over and ill be around while the anime catches up but still something abt the manga ending#i'm sentimental u kno?#so i hope that i was able to convey those feelings#to jjk and to every1 who has engaged with my art for it: thank u <3
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I need someone to tell me that im not stuck here and things are going to get better. Also they have to know what they're talking about
#I need to be making more money than this#it always seems to start with that#but I feel like I wouldn't be as depressed if I felt like I was on the way to something else#if i could get out of here in about a year#if I was saving up for some achievable goal in a meaningful way#then the things that I hate about my current living situation would grate a lot less#And I wouldn't mind as much being so helpless to stop people defacing things and making things worse#but as it stands i feel like im being pushed down into a corner#which is exactly what i came here to get away from#its just that im not allowed to improve anything around me#To stay away from this noxious shit i guess im expected to never to outside and always huddle down with my fan on#because im not disabled enough to complain abt it#am I???#beggars cant be choosers#cant live in poverty housing and expect the neighborhood to be polite#ig#but how do i get out of it
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will never apologise for being insane around people i love. you knew what you signed up for. you knew the job description. you can't resign now
#i will never apologise for being ridiculously insane and disturbing and odd and offputting around the people i love#you guys knew what you were getting into#(you didnt)#anyway. i dont feel bad for any of you#suck it up or go away#very grateful for the people who do put up with me though. love u guys <3🩷💗💖💓#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#girl things#girl thoughts#girlcore#girlworld#im just a girl#pinterest girl#that girl#this is a girlblog#girl code#girl therapy#girl talk#princess#divine feminine#hyperfemininity#hyper feminine
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thinking about the time i went camping for an indie music festival and the neighbor across the way kept getting flashes of my ass when i crawled into my tent in my miniskirt. he talked a lot with me and asked me if he could kiss me but i told him i was a lesbian. he asked if i had ever fucked a guy and when i told him no he said i couldnt know for sure i was gay then.
i was super drunk almost the entire festival and way more patient with him than i shouldve been. he was very persistent but got even more so when we started to walk thru the woods to a store a lil over a mile form us for more booze. in reality i realized i was drunk and alone in a secluded area with a guy who wasn't taking no for an answer and kept begging to fuck me and that it was probably bad idea to get even further from camp. i turned around and went back to camp but i like to think about if i hadnt.
if he had gotten sick of listening to me prattle on about being a lesbian and shoved me further into the woods. ignoring my objections and forcing me to kiss him. him tearing off my panties from underneath my miniskirt and finding my cunt wet just from being shoved around. me being too wasted to fight him off and starting to cry when i realize i was an idiot to go off on my own with him. him murmuring about how he knew i wasnt a lesbian while shoving his cock in with barely any prep. fucking me brutally and watching my big tits bounce while i moan and cry. me orgasming on his cock before he is even close to cumming. him laughing at me while fucking me to the point of overstimulation before filling me up and potentially getting this fake dyke whore pregnant
#obvs in actuallity he was a piece of shit#and im very grateful i turned around and went back#also it gets more fucked up: he was 21 and i was 17#and my mom kept encouraging me to hang out with him and give him a chance#lmao this blog really is just me working thru trauma huh#might as well get some use out of it#and also turning these scenarios into fantasies for other people to potentially get off to turns me on
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Imagine if in OoA, Fuuta wasn't unconscious when Amane showed up during the initial attack. Better for Amane since she's not alone, but probably much worse for Fuuta since he's forced to watch helplessly.
So... prompt? 👉👈
OUGHGH what a concept... You would think the near-death experience is what's most traumatizing to him but no, it's the fact that, yet again, he couldn't be the hero that he thought he was... Thank you so much for the request and uuhh sorry I beat up your boy...
TW for violence/injury, nothing super gory but I did try to detail out Kotoko's canon attacks
He’s probably never even taken a hit in his life.
Kotoko’s fist connected solidly with Fuuta’s jaw. His vision sparked.
And anyway, it’s his own fault. He got himself into this mess.
Her knee jabbed into his gut, knocking the wind out of him before he could gain his bearings from the previous strike. Kotoko had appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the night. He’d been dragged out of bed with a cheap shot to his face.
The voices in his head spoke oblivious to the situation. He hardly processed a single word they said, the sound drowned out by the prisoners’ shouts. By the ringing in his ears.
He’s so pathetic.
By the crack of his own bones breaking.
So weak.
By the choked sounds he could hardly recognize as his own.
So cowardly.
The room dipped and darkened as his consciousness threatened to give out. His chest rattled with a struggling breath. Kotoko’s arm raised, and he got the feeling this blow would be the last.
Well, whatever happens, he did it to himself.
She paused. Something distracted her from behind. Fuuta was left in a heap, his body unresponsive to his mind’s desperate pleas to escape with this chance. The most he could do was angle his head to see what had blessed him with this moment of relief.
It took only an instant for his gratefulness to sharpen into panic.
Just think of that poor, young girl. She had her whole life ahead of her.
Kotoko towered over her Amane. She had flattened herself against the cell door. The flickering fluorescents above cast a shadow across her face.
There was too much spinning inside – and blood outside – of Fuuta’s head to make any sense of what they were saying to one another. He got a pretty good idea when Kotoko lunged forward and struck the girl.
And now she’s dead. Because of him.
Fuuta tried to pick himself up. He had to stop this. More blood pooled around him, but he no longer cared. All he could focus on was the new splotches of red that Amane dabbed at with her uniform sleeve.
As hard as he willed himself to move, his limbs refused. He thought emergencies like this were supposed to give you newfound adrenaline. You were supposed to triumph over the pain, not succumb to it ripping through every inch of your being.
Does he think this is one of his stupid video games? This is real life. He’s nothing special.
He dragged himself an inch or two forward, and that was all. He could only watch helplessly as Kotoko attacked again. Amane sank to the ground after a few harsh kicks to her legs. She lifted her arms to block her face.
If he wanted to help society, he should have protected people. He should have protected that girl.
Fuuta had never begged for anything in his life before.
He opened his mouth to beg Kotoko to stop.
But his body was doing everything in its power to sabotage him. His words dissolved into wheezing coughs. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t save anyone.
He hasn’t done anything useful with his life. Worthless.
Darkness invaded his vision. The horrible sounds within the cell grew more and more distant.
Amane was thrown to the ground nearby. She lay close enough for him to reach his arm towards her, though still out of his grasp. Her eyes were trained on him. He wished he had the voice to scream at her to look away – to turn her attention to Kotoko, and not the failure of a man who wasn’t going to help her.
All he could do was hold her gaze until his own eyes slipped shut.
Some hero he was.
Just before the world disappeared around him, he felt warm fingers interlock with his, and squeeze.
#milgram#order of attack#fuuta kajiyama#amane momose#i was messing around with the voices for one of my milgramblrgram attacks in progress and was struck with inspiration for this#i think so much fuuta angst for me is that he really really wanted to be heroic even in doing his crime#so a situation like this is Worst Case Scenario#it also made me think about the shit people were talking about the guilties at the same time they were being attacked#and made me think about what im saying about the characters right now while theyre potentially going through The Horrors....#i know we dont get to see amanes pov here but i hope its clear she is grateful and has no reason to blame him/expect him to help#in fuutas mind hes like 'im the man! im the older and stronger one! shes definitely looking to me to protect her!'#meanwhile amane is like 'Oh that guy is Dead i need to protect him'#anyway uhhhhh i hope you enjoyed 🤗#thank you for the requests hehehe#drabbles#i was going to wait until tomorrow but maybe i format and post a few others tonight
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legitimately deeply confused by whatever is going on in the outer reaches of f1blr… did i block all the right people. i’m not even seeing like second-hand takes i feel like im seeing third-hand takes
#i might complain abt my general anxiety around seeing takes on race days. but i am extremely grateful#that my dash is p much exclusively filled w people who r wonderful#but also….#i’m nosy who’s being nasty. am i getting shit talked and i don’t even know it#(extremely doubtful)#(not in a im just so perfect no one could hate me way. in a i don’t think ppl know me outside of my corner way)
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loop ….
#sorry im like legit pacing around rn but like#. god#still thinking about the flower#still thinking about how loop feels about it#why are they so persistent ? they don’t give up !!#they don’t give up they don’t give up they don’t give up. they don’t … give up. ?#do you think about how in act 4 when loops finally accepts it the sprite they use is the looking away one#when theyre contemplating something. remembering. do you think about that#im like specifically thinking of how if you just consistently give the flower to loop. what are their thoughts ?#tired of your companions have you ?#go give it to them. stars sake. stop trying here.#why are you doing this? im nothing in comparison. we just met!#really. stop.#its not like its a good gift anyways. if it disappears and all.#… fine. i can’t stop you can i? whatever. give it. will that shut you up?#WHY ARE YOU DOING IT STILL#like so sorry !!! you have a permanent place in siffrin’s heart now !!!! the consequences of this are that you are beloved now. so sorry.#yeah. you’re part of the threads that make up their life and care#Sorrryyyyyyy oops !!! get loved idiot#<- i keep saying that 😭😭#yes you’re Rude but you were There. you were there and you kept pushing and you stayed by his side#flower for you. its the least i can you for what youve done for me#thank you loop.#DO YOURB EVER TJINK ABOUT THE FLOWER#LOOP WHEN YOU HELP PEOPLE THEY LIKE TO REPAY IT !!! THEY LIKE TO SHOW HOW MUCH RHEYRE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR COMPANY#FOR YOUR THOUGHTS#anyways .#lantern says stuff
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(Click for better quality)
Healing & Growth
(gif made by my friend @robanilla-arts is below - slight warning for flashing! Thanks again, Rob!)
#if you feel like reading it - I'm gonna ramble in the tags.#Don't really feel like having it attached to the post for forever... cause what if i just wanna reblog some fairysona art??#anyways#this year sucked a lot. in a lot of ways. but im grateful for it.#healing is stupidly hard and annoyingly enough? not linear in the slightest. Yet infuriatingly - it is worth it.#I am far from done with healing. I've barely scratched the surface.#but im learning and connecting with myself along the way.#The biggest step I've taken this year is working on my people pleasing ways. it's a bad habit birthed from a lot of different traumas.#but it no longer rules my life.#I am not passive anymore - and surprise! that doesn't make me a horrible or evil person.#my kindness is no longer a weakness. its still a part of me and always will be. i won't let go of it.#but it is no longer to a fault#there are people undeserving of my kindness... i realize that now. I know what i will and will not put up with in every kind of relationshi#im still learning and exploring - and i've said a lot of goodbyes this year. I'm sure i will say more.#but that's okay.#some relationships are forever - some serve you for a while and teach you a lesson when they end.#and some relationships stick around and don't *have* to have a deeper connection#and that's also okay.#I didn't think I'd make it through this year in all honesty. I was very close to ending it all on multiple occasions.#But. for what it's worth - as of now im glad im here.#i will continue to struggle and have my hard times. im not naive enough to think depression just goes away.#but im okay for now and im moving forward.#there will be pauses and abrupt stops and likely some good ol' rotting involved. but when i can - ill be moving forward.#i will not speak a word of 2024 because no matter what it will have it's ups and downs.#but i will continue to keep working on myself. and that's all anyone can do in this weird life.#if you made it through all of that... uhhhh wow you got a crush on me or smth? /j/j/j/j#but fr - if you read this far... thank you. i hope you're faring well and that you have a happy celebration tonight.#sleep well and dream well when it comes to you#yucky draws#my art
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#personal#I asked a question about queerness to someone in a similar situation as me#it was just a passing thought/curiosity but now I'm sobbing about it#30 years in a conservative and repressive environment makes it so hard for me to untangle what's real and what's internalized#but being around other queer people this past year made me comfortable enough to reckon with parts of myself#it's a cathartic cry but i still dont know what to make of it. im sad and lost but also grateful i can now think about these things.#im just glad im not alone
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i am freeeeeeeee [collapses into a pile of dust]
#the last hour went okay bc we were just playing a card game and doing gifts/cards phew#also i found out theyre celebrating my bday on... august 25th? hewwo?? they didn't tell me until now 😭😭#my sister will be back at uni in sept and my parents are leaving on a trip the first day of sept so i'll be alone again for it fsdjkl#which. mixed feelings about that. i won't have to be afraid of them interacting w me but also :'( a little sad to be home alone for it#for the third year in a row fsjdkl#OH WELL. i should just be grateful tbh fdsjkl#the one thing i'm very sad about though is i can't go upstairs anymore bc the new security system has motion detectors#last year i watched jerma on the TV up there and sat on the comfy chairs... it was so fun fdsjkl. can't do that this year though AUGH#alas!!! i will somehow make it fun anyways maybe i will just ask if i can use the oven so i can make myself a cake again this year#SORRY FOR PERSONAL POSTING SO MUCH TONIGHT BTW. its been rough this evening fsdjkl but im going to go draw now :3#dandy.cmd#vent //#ALSO CONGRATS TO ME FOR BEING RLY QUIET AND AGREEABLE AND NOT ADDING ANYTHING NEW TO CONVOS HURRAY#finally i have gone back to highschool me thank GOD i've gotten too comfortable having opinions around them since i graduated fdsjkl#being around people (in the workplace and going to a counselor) who treat you like a Real Human Person will do that! wow!#abuse cw
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A little funfact
I headcanon PK as an introvert (I mean. Duh. Being a recluse is like one of the few things we know about him) and Flower as extrovert/ambivert with severe anxiety
🤝 socially awkward brothers in arms
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#headcanons#well to be fair i think pk would have some anxiety too. ive seen some people write him like that. personally im not sure if enough to be#classified as a disorder i personally see him as an extreme introvert with some anxious tendencies#meanwhile i think mx never got to be a person or interact with others normally till adulthood is like social anxiety and agorophobia#itself concentrated into a person. i think they have a large social battery and would enjoy going out and kots of stimuli and recharge#while they're around people. i think while they can handle being alone they truly thrive around other people. so you can imagine when their#life was majority not being able to socialise with anyone in any meaningful way it was very grating for them#theyre like an ambivert leaning more towards an extroverted side for me. they also just have so many disorders and problems as the result of#their trauma and upbringing. I think they'd slowly come out of their shell after they get a therapist and Bug Medication tm but there will#always be this lingering fear at the back of their head. They'll be mostly healed with time. But not cured.#oh and also 🤝 both autistic and have troubles with social cues
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🎀💭 blog revamp: complete!ㅤ۫ ㅤ۪ㅤ۫ 💭 🎀ㅤ
i know i've not been very active lately, and i apologise! i have been getting my shit together in real life and online and have been working through some personal bits. i know i often go on and off of hiatuses randomly, but i'm attempting learning consistency in all areas of my life (and managing my time better because i'm absolutely terrible at it) and tumblr seems to be one of them that i need to work on too. anyway, thank you for your patience, and look forward to my usual messy, non-consistent chaotic girly posts ♡
──★ ˙ ̟🎀 WHAT'S NEW?
my blog is now divided into two seperate parts: @hue-hearts, my music, k-pop, media, reviews, etc. blog, and @huellitaa (this blog), which is my digital diary, photo dump, glow up, chaotic it girl blog.
updated my intro post, making each of my blogs now easy to navigate and giving you all more information ♡
i still don't have a posting schedule and no i will not be using the queue. i want to post what i want when i want without being held to any kind of schedule.
#announcements ୨𖹭୧#IM NOT LYING THIS TIME I SWEAR GUYS.#sappy-ish rant below 💭🎀#im so happy with how i've redone my blog(s) and i think they're SOOO CUTE AJFJSKFJJD#and i want to use this as my digital diary a little more#because tumblr really is a safe space for me and is like. my most treasured possession 😭#my blog is my baby if i lost her i lost me#but anyway. theres almost two thousand people who actually care about my nonsense and it warms my heart#it sounds so depressing#but i am very used to being overlooked or ignored and unappreciated#and knowing almost two thousand people or around that care about what i have to say makes my heart so full i want to burst#it's such a small thing but truly i am so grateful for everything in my life#especially the privelege of having met everybody on this little platform and having it become an essential part of my life 💕#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#female insanity#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#im just a girl#announcement#girl code#pink blog#girlcore#girlworld#girl therapy#girl thoughts
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Hi I just wanna say thank you so much for your Tangled Hector art, you're the only one keeping the weird old sexy man flame alive in this fandom
!!! thank you sm, anon 🥺💖 this fandom is v small and quiet these days so your message is rly encouraging!!
i'd honestly thank @pennumbra - her hector art/takes rewired my brain and if it weren't for her i most likely would have migrated from this fandom years ago (hi ilu bb LMAO)
#i see an opportunity to stan my gf i tAKE IT 💘🐺#fr though if birb wasnt rbing and/or leaving such nice comments on my art i would not have stuck around !!#not even in an 🧮📊engagement📉📈 sort of way - just rly abt making connection/creating smthn others enjoy in an otherwise quiet space#im forever grateful to birb for that!! at the time i was sorta in-between fandoms and in a weird limbo#and making a near instant connection w/ her + realizing we're on the same wavelength#had me stay in the fandom LMAO so it makes me happy to see other people appreciating my art/hector too#this side char with like <10 speaking lines in a niche disney show means so much to me#so tldr ik i ended up rambling but have a lot of (positive) feelings abt this and ty!!!#interactions / msgs like this rly go a long way! esp when irl things are rough- at least art-wise i can feel hopeful/motivated 🖍👶#also go look at her art if u havent yet!!! 📣💖🐺🌙#so ty anon!!! 💖💖💖#xanreplies#pennumbra#((i love my gf and our 84 hector AUs lmao))#me always: is this a chance to ramble 🎙🎤🗣🗣🗣🎙🎤
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anyway. the uk sucks ass and living here sucks ass too! NHS is sooo amazing until its soooo not!
#thebirdspeaks#well more like the bird vents#like even if they arent making medically transitioning even more hellish and difficult#since shortly after i went to gps about my new chronic pain and fatigue i knew that medically transitioning was no longer an option#because theres no fucking way im subjecting myself to the same humiliation dehumanization and disregard for my humanity and knowledge#of myself and my body and lived experiences and limits all over again. even if it means dysphoria and not being as happy as i could be with#my body. i dont even let myself think about if i want hrt or surgery because i cant put myself through the shit required to get it#and thanks to negligent nurses i gained a phobia of injections after having a awful blood test with the needle wiggling around in my vein#my anxiety at the though of a gp appointment is astronomical- even thinking about it makes me feel sick#fucking nhs#and im meant to be grateful im not paying out my ass for the privilege of being legitimately traumatized? by the people meant to HELP ME#well lets just say ive realized why two of my fics include surgical horror ass shit
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man i love the people im surrounded with. how did this happen. youre all so lovely😭
#istg tumblr is the BEST place to find people#all my current online friends who im close asf with are people i found on here#my girl my besties hell even some of my mutuals i dont talk to bruh#almost all of em were found on here#who knew life would turn like this bro. who knew#its grateful hours rn stfu idc#like yall. i cannot put into words how much you mean to me#im finally getting out of a mental rut thats lasted me a few months (school related) (school just ended)#and the fact YALL STAYED BY ME???#its small nd yall r gonna be like dub miguel. friends do that#but i aint never had that#like the past three years around this same time i have lost people important to me and lost core support systems over and over and over#and it feels nice that im better enough/healed enough#and surrounded by people who truly care for me#that thats not the case anymore. its so liberating and god does it make me want to cry tears of gratefulness that this is my life now#i am loved in so many ways that i cannot even recount right now.#sorry maternity classes gang (group chat) im gonna lovedump later on you tonight probably#man. mann.#this is my life#like#/pos#thats so lovely man.#wanna namedrop yall so bad bc people deserve to know you all and deserve to know how beautiful and loving you are#but ik i shouldnt for privacy😭#ily all tho#even if we aint talk much ur presence is always appreciated by me#sorry sorry ill shut up now😭#indigo speaks#yapping
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