#im everything you might have been and you are everything i might become
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Oh don’t mind me just thinking of how Raven shattering the mirrors on Legacy Day was her way of getting her freedom, and she used that freedom to avoid causing harm, while the Evil Queen’s shattered mirror in Dragon Games gave her freedom to inflict harm onto others
#im everything you might have been and you are everything i might become#<literally those two#something something as much as raven tries to she will never escape her mothers shadow#something something you will find the burning man in your house even if he is not there#ever after high#eah#raven queen#evil queen#the evil queen#evil queen eah#two sides of the same coin… you could say
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the never stop blowing up vhs is where cute twinks go to get harmed
#not art#nsbu spoilers#kirk blade.... johnny manhattan..... maybe tenuously cosmo chase#also genuinely I Love that vic ethanol is showing himself to be bit of a dick#and kingskin conversely First Actual Communication With The Player is like. idk I just work here#(I am vibrating in my seat abt liv bloodlust. shes experiencing a bit of emotional consequence. hope she powers thru it and#becomes even worse)#I also love that g13 and jack manhattan are both like. gone#I know in adventuring party they're charting it to shape up as like. usha also slowly losing herself to the work like g13 did#and them becoming one entity entirely in the sense that their selves stop mattering in the face of their hacker capacity#(also called the Forum Moderator Dilemma)#but I also like to think that g13 handed it back to usha cleanly in the second episode with that one interaction#and is now fully unplugged from everything. left the movie. man is Sleeping#we all agree that paula ate jack manhattan tho I think it's fine to assume that#and! the way russell has been like. fully going whole hog full tilt into helping other people and moving the plot along#while Suggesting That Doing Self Reflection And Learning Lessons From This World Might Help to Other People#like I love that. 1/lieutenant syndrome but also 2/extremely transfem coded#like past the ''ohh I have realisationd I'm coming to'' stage. far past. man is bored with thinking abt genders#not new realisation to him! had that thought two decades ago. not motivated enough by anything to change anything#I think I just love the scenario of like magical mystical journey in a fantasy world clearly designed to make you contemplate ur gender#and ur like oh no what? we did that years ago. whats up#deeply interested tho. open up russell we wanna see whats up with u#dang is perfect no note 10/10 more important than anything else he is genre aware and savvy and that truly is all he needs here#the ''let's make it fun'' scene he does with liv is SO good I love him. Im so scared the vhs will snatch him away. hes too genre perfect
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i don’t talk about bridgerton on here but just to clarify. i will not be having ANY eloise hate on this account. i will bite.
#eloise bridgerton they could never make me hate you!!#addressing the normal talking points one by one to get them sorted:#- no i don’t care that eloise called pen some names after the discovery. she was devastated and furious.#she can apologise in the future but in the moment of course she said it#- yes pen did write about eloise as a way to save her but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t possibly ruined eloise’s life#- similarly: eloise isn’t (just) angry that she was written about. daphne also went through whistledown and it very much terrified her#so have many other women including marina#- eloise is betrayed because she told pen everything and is realising pen told her nothing#(and she’s probably thinking about any secrets she might have said to her best friend that could now be used against the ton and her family)#- as claudio said: being regency gossip girl isnt a moral girlboss thing its deeply harmful tbh#- pen did have reasons to become whistledown! that doesn’t mean that she’s innocent or right!#- eloise isnt now friends with cressida to spite pen lmao she’s alone and scared and cressida was the last person who offered her friendship#she has no idea how to manage society by herself#(and she needs someone to improve the reputation of her and her family)#- im also convinced she has other ulterior motives for befriending cressida. like she’s keeping an eye on her or smth#- eloise didn’t just ignore anything pen said and that’s why she only just figured it out. pen deliberately didn’t speak like lw to hide it#the moment she did eloise was like huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally talk like that. and THATS when she figured it out#- eloise just found out her best friend has betrayed her and been hiding this massive secret#but she hasn’t told anyone. not even her own family. im not hearing out any accusations of HER of being disloyal#- also pen clearly wasn’t that upset at writing about eloise bc the moment eloise and colin upset her she went straight back to it lmao#side note but no i don’t think the queen is going to name her the ‘emerald’ or anything because she’s suddenly in the spotlight#eloise is tbh the only debutante she actually consistently recognised (for good or bad)#a new dress is not going to be interesting for charlotte to change her whole tradition#tl;dr i love eloise and i will die on this hill#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton
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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do
#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second.#remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one.#make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard.#you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper.#she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down#and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep.#there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more#and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true.#you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her.#the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers.#your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts.#learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again.#i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir#youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this.#right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full.#youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother#im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg#just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts.#breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful.#the lack of her is still beautiful
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sorry if I become extra annoying im kinda tweaking over being on my own for the first time sooooo I might let myself become extra indulgent 💔💔💔
#‘aren’t u already super indulgent’ you’d be surprised#everything will be tagged either fanfic bullshit or gayalanwoke if you wanna block 😭#sorry i kinda maybe sorta will be having a moment. for a while.#idk if I can call myself disabled. but like yall know I have diagnosed cptsd and suspected-autism#sooooooo#taking care of myself is. not easy. At all#I can hardly manage with my parents#and now . idk. basically my routine for the past 20 years is being disrupted and im not handling it well#not only that. just.#again like I said taking care of myself in general is really hard#AND I have . college now.#lord 😭#I’ve always been a straight a student in high school and community college right#four months after my cptsd developed? I dropped out of community college 🫠#bc I literally couldn’t handle it#that was last February#now im at a . four year school#so#im tweaking#like actually this time#and since hyperfixations are All Consuming . they are as helpful as they are debilitating yk#so like yes this show/the fic might contribute to education problems. buttttt it’ll also stop me from crashing out!!!!!#so . yeah. yall might be hearing a bit more from me 😵💫#or#I’ll become extremely self conscious and never follow through#sorry#this is so funny I’m freaking out that yall might be angry im posting abt stuff that makes me happy LMFAOAOO#THIS IS LITERALLY ALL IN MY HEAD LMAOOOO#yall: hey gayalanwake! what’s up? cool binder. hey gayalanwake! wanna come over to my house today? :D#me: they alllll hated me 🐺
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not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....
#mom wanted to rewatch the movies so we've been going thru them <3#talk about a movie thats just like. grief. i turn into the jamie lee curtis halloween trauma supercut#SORRY..... the visuals are peak like that IS the hp vibe to ME and i am BLOWN AWAY this movie was made in 2004 it feels ahead of its time#the first two are so whimsical and magical enrapturing and this movie is like. a well worn cardigan. this feels 2011 cozycore to me#sorry but the introduction of lupin becoming a comforting trusted guardian type of figure AND the dementors representing hollow depression#this 13 yr old whos been kept in the dark on so many things being extra vulnerable prey to them bc of the severe trauma#but getting lessons on how to withstand that creeping dread.. through happy memories... still bonding w lupin increasngly ouagh...#the grief between them both over james and lily. also btw ofc defense against the dark arts being fighting yr fears through laughter. aaaaaa#and then sirius. black. im. i know we meme on the twelve years of it! in azkaban! but as a bitch whos now closer to those characters in age#and can appreciate and understand them obv more than i could when i was. a tween. that just hits like ok shit. VALID#so valid and real to see the child of your friends you knew at that age but who DIED and then see the friend who betrayed them#to see like the best of BOTH of them mirrored and living on in him and be like yknow what???? you WILL be protected frm that same fate#hoooo the briefest moment where harry might hope things will turn out okay. w sirius' name being cleared and peter having to explain himself#and sirius being like hey i get it if you want to stay w your family that is fine but. if you wanna move in w me...#(harry relaying this to hermione later as well. dreaming of a place fr just the two of them somewhere in the countryside#somewhere..... sirius might see the sky..... bc he thinks he would like that after all those years locked up do not even touch me rn.......)#only fr everything to turn to shit two friends fighting w deadly force. the chance to set this right slipping off into the night.#a million dementors descending relentlessly until utter exhaustion and certain death. some strange salvation? fight for a second chance?#but then still havign to say goodbye when they only just GOT this. and everything still being so. god. and lupin having to leave as well.#the thought of sirius also WANTING that guardian type connection but being forced to live in 1. a cave barely living more freely than before#2. then being confined to the stuffy somber abusive home he ran away from as a teen w that portrait still up there and everything.. bitch...#oh man the way i KNOW when we get to ootp (my favourite) its gonna leave me blasted into a million little pieces#the way i know shit like the knowing wink the entirety of the wall tapestry room scene and of course nice one james is gonna DESTROY me..#dont even talk to me abt that dark turn at the end of gof and how everything after gets soooo. god. w everything just getting destroyed and.#i cant even think abt it i cant even talk about it. wah#i dont care btw that they aged those guys up undermining how insanely young these people died. perfect casting fr the remaining marauders ok
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I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.
#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it#like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago#so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows#but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown#AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS#1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject#and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS#or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's#AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way#okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there.#also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that#well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there#ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE#also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines#IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT#AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS#i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen.#its VITAL that that did not happen!!!!#its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan#and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died#SO. logically it must have been like#fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?)#and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist?#like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote?#that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro#god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke.#NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW#in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw)#does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab????#oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute
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okay but like genuinely. like for a moment im gonna be completely genuine here. rid15 is legitimately so fucking amazing.
its hilarious, it canNOT take itself seriously 90% of the time, just like. EVERYTHING that is going on all at the same time. like everything is so. its. i cant even explain it. its batshit insane, its beautiful, it gets weirdly serious in a good way at points you dont expect, its just fucking BIZARRE sometimes and like. i love it so fucking much.
like, the rivalry-turned-friendship between denny and fixit??? that wolf guy and his gang of furries/scalies???? that fuckin. porcupine guy who drugs people with his quills and its a random drug each time?????? the time grimlock befriends a monk guy who makes bread and teaches him the art of patience or whatever the fuck through breadmaking???????? like what the fuck is this show on. what is happening. its perfect.
EDIT: the monk guy taught grimlock patience through pretzel making
#talk tag#transformers tag#like legit i think every transformers fan should watch rid15 because it is literally the funniest shit ever to me. its beautiful#local man forced to become father of nine other people who cannot even remotely be slightly normal for even one second or they will die#local man ALSO cannot be normal but he is desperately trying to be#important to mention that out of the said nine other people only one is an actual child#OH and not to mention its tied into transformers prime and rescue bots which makes it literally 100 times funnier#there could NOT have been a better sequel series honestly#bumblebee. buddy. how did you GET here#it literally has everything. furries; comedy; bumblebee age regressing on drugs; blurr from rescue bots comes by for a visit; found family#like i know some of you might say im bluffing or exaggerating but im literally not. this show is insane and i love it
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#so from what i’ve read k*sa’s been passed by the senate#it still needs to go through the house so i have hope. not to mention these supposed edits that seem to make it So Much Better#i feel a little eerily calm but at the same time i don’t#i’m curious as to how the internet is gonna look and function when/if it does become law#i know the way i’ve been worrying about this makes it look like i’m a minor when im almost 21. but in a way i feel like that same—#14 year old kid writing fics on wattpad & having my parents go through my phone#‘if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear’ isn’t applicable when regular sfw fanfic would get you in trouble#i think i’ll look into moving some things around. because like I said if it needs an ID i won’t use it#my hope is that the bill gets shot down but if not it’ll be a limited number of sites requiring an ID and I won’t use those sites#my hope is that ao3 isn’t one of them in which case I’ll keep posting and I might start up like a community page on there—#using one of my works if that’s allowed#i would like to think nothing is gonna change but if everything changes i might just have to go entirely offline#just go to school and work and the gym and cross stitch and maybe write fic in a notebook idk#i really hope that they know what they’re doing with this bill and it’s used for protection but i’m having a hard time believing that#tw vent#rose.txt
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I made a boo oc!! I'll make more drawings to use them for when I start making "serious" YouTube videos :3
#mayodraws#dont really know what else to tag so#TIME FOR RAMBLING WOOHOO#im thinking of just getting rid of the name Mayo tbh#ive grown sick of it#honestly might just stick to my real name for everything atp#i use it for the entirety of discord now so 💀#i just feel like its not me if its not my actual name#its like its a separate identity of myself even if im the same person you know?#i like feeling that i am me even through a screen i am still me and not some offbrand representation of myself#so hey everyone my name is Hailey :3 feel free to call me that#soon enough ill change all my socials or the ones I actually use to be some form of 'Hailstorm' because it sounds cool imo#and its a nickname my sister gave me so it also means something special to me <3#should I have made a separate post for this? yes#is it too late? also yes#since im in a ramble session i may as well say more on my mind#im in a server for discord and i so badly have been trying to become friends with people there but holy shit even after like 2 months#i still cant gather courage to speak most of the time#hopefully ill open up more soon but man i need to just not be so shy 😭#are you having fun reading through the tags 💀💀#i would be surprised of anyone actually read all if them#if you did i hope you have a wonderful day 👍👍#also Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its Christmas totally#back onto the youtuve thing most of my videos are just shit like “toad screaming” or editing zelda cutscenes but at some point i want to#make scripted videos for nintendo related stuff#i already finished a script for ttyd and i know its not the best script but for being my first its good enough and ill learn along the way#okay im done yapping Happy St Patrick's Day
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im so disappointed in my art lately . im not a beginner artist, but i feel like everything i do looks like i am . i feel like it would only be acceptable for a beginner . i havent made any progress since i was 11 . today is not a good day
#artist problems? except i barely even count as an artist atp#non serious vent sorry#i dont usually textpost because i much prefer just sticking it in the tags and hoping i forget about it#but i dont have anything to post. i literally have not been able to make anything at all.#does any other artist feel like this?#i know everyone says they feel like this but i cant decide if its comforting or condescending#all the other artists say “oh i hate my art!” when their art is good because its just the artists eye or whatever its called#and on one hand its comforting because everyone hates their art#but on the other hand its so discouraging because if you hate your art so much#how does mine look? how bad is mine?#i dont like talking abt weed bc its kinda weird for a 14 year old but i feel like the only times i can draw without crying -#- is when im high#i dont know i need to take a break or something#might focus on writing but everything is just so frustrating to me lately#i cant promise literally anything anymore because everytime i get excited to create its just GONE so fast#becaus i cant like anything i make#i keep searching for some kind of art advice that will actually help but i never can figure out how to apply it#and most of it is just “keep practicing!” as if i havent been practicing since i was 8 years old#i feel like at this point i have to just start all the way over but i dont even know how#at this point i would rather art regress than keep churning out the same mediocre garbage ive been drawing since 2022#and its not even that im pressuring myself to draw. its that all my art has just looked the same for so long and im so frustrated#i literally cannot draw anything without crying anymore its really upsetting#anyway sorry for the negativity on main :( this blog has kinda become my diary and im just an overdramatic teenager or whatever i dont know
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✨ someone ✨ broke their oath the other night
#this poor woman has had A Time. killed cazador got oathbreaker'd had her act 3 romance scene all in one day#i was kinda hoping it would happen b/c it fits how her story's been going#but i wasn't willing to ascend astarion to guarantee it#and i didnt want to fudge it by looking it up#but i figured freeing the spawn *might* do it since she's oath of ancients and i was Correct#and it's in character for her anyway. 'anyone sentient deserves a chance' is a *big* part of her moral beliefs#i want to see if aylin has any comments re: oathbreaking but i doubt it#i've got some half-baked ideas bouncing around my head for interactions b/wn them after loroakkan though#guess i dont have to worry about whether pretending to go along with mystic carrion will break her oath now lol#the 'gods dont give a shit about you' themes have been hitting her hard. and like. yeah#even growing up in a region not totally under lolth's thumb she was explicitly taught that the gods she knew were to be feared#and even following corellon the only choice she's been given is forget everything & literally become a different person#or (presumably) be in lolth's clutches after she dies#and seeing the clear manipulation from mystra & vlaakith & shar was doing a number on her#so something she viewed as the obvious correct choice breaking her oath was her last straw#im thinking about changing her epithet but idk what it would be so im keeping it as a tag for now#diodore#the star's shield#bg3#bg3 screenshots#bg3 spoilers#oathbreaker#bg3 oathbreaker#drow paladin#i love how they handle oathbreaker in bg3 btw. i've always thought it wasnt an inherently bad thing & i feel vindicated#image id in alt text#bg3 tav#my post#blood cw
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finally redid the tams plot outline <3 im so emotional rn
#like not to state the obvious but tams is what taob could have been if i STARTED at the level im currently at#tams is genuinely going to be so good im actually really good at what i do btw#like if the OUTLINE is enough to have me literally getting choked up then what's the story gonna look like#AH I WISH I COULD JUST MAGIC IT INTO EXISTENCE WDYM I HAVE TO WRITE FOR THE WRITING TO EXIST YOU SUCK#plot wise taob has tams gagged but character-wise and general Vibes wise i actually think i prefer tams#but that might solely be bc azula's arc has become WAY more prominent and im getting so emotional over her#like the fire hazard relationship and the journey they go on both ups AND downs has me actually sitting here lip trembling#they are everything to me. if you even care#twice as many stars
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im about to have such a potent opportunity to disappear into the woods forever it itches
#i wonder how long it would take anyone to figure it out lol#youre welcome future coldcase vloggers#but for the record if i do mysteriously vanish no its not because of my job#must be said because thats the easiest explanation people come up with yeah it would be convenient right#if i could just get a new job and suddenly everything in my life will be fixed and all of the other blatant issues clearly coming from other#sources will cease to exist#also therapy and meds will do the same thing. i might as well walk up to a stranger and ask them to snap their fingers and cure me#just as long as the hand i turn to for help points in another direction technically im being ‘helped’ right#life is just a fight and you have to keep fighting for yourself and others and hope one day someone is going to fight for you#and when people dont fight for you when you need them to it becomes clear that you dont even need to fight. it would be easier to lose#you already upset them by not fighting for yourself and instead of fighting for you now theyre fighting againt you. do you really want to#fight harder. do you really want to fight people you love. no one wants that#ive been so emotionally destroyed these past years and idk if i will ever recover or find worth in myself again#and if i got a new job tomorrow at the most comfortable high paying company in the world with a one day work week and unlimited pto#i would still feel worthless because of the experiences ive had and the way everyobe has brushed over them as if i cant feel emotion#i have been carrying so much hurt#now im going home to say goodbye to the remains of a stranger who wouldve disowned me had we ever spoken on even ground#but sure i will enjoy my trip
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🦋
#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family#on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know.#she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me.#&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me#into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way#after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public#that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later#after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her#&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault.#so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally#everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao.#&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad#about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.#i do not fucking UNDERSTAND.#i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why.#the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all#while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me.#but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime#&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool.#a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.
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holding bitch sessions with my friends in this program wherein i make itemized lists of complaints about my roommate and then read them aloud like a pettier and lamer martin luther who couldn't even summon the nerve to start a fight with my roommate
#personal#i realize im being definitely unfair but also consider i have to live in this overpriced apartment with this fucking soap opera playing 25/#also i realize it is judgemental but legitimately i think she might just. be a lot worse at everything then she thinks. and i realize i am#not great or a saint by any means either but like. i love this program and field. my fuck ups this year have totally been my own to make an#i deeply hate how bad its gotten (but im trying)#also hot take but this girl should not be trying to work in education at all. u complain about school being useless too much for me to thin#you would actually be effective#you complain about nothing interesting you for a career. girl u could just bartend for the rest of ur life. like at least bartenders tend t#get paid here#oh but youre an academic huh? oh that's wonderful. should we throw a debutante ball? should we call everyone's parents? should i email the#provost? bitch we're in the research triangle. fucking everyone's an academic. half the people i sit near at synagogue have phds. get a gri#god ive really deteriorated as a person since moving here. i hope theres time for me to have like a change of heart and become capable of#fucking love and whimsy again. like. i knew we weren't a perfect match but seriously im supposed to be this easy going and pleasant person#what is it about this woman that just causes me to act like this and start biting like a stray cat#i mean#i always kinda suspected i was a bitch but like. i dont like being this pissy all the time. i feel like im fucking sixteen again and i dont#even have anything to be mad about rn#jesus
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