#im dumb and cannot count

[pebre-con-aji]

[ughgoaway]

6, 15, 18 for the writing asks <3

hi my loveeeee

6. Music, or no music while writing? (if music, what kind?)

100% music whilst writing, if I had to do it in silence, I would go INSANE. it depends on the vibe of the fic I'm writing, but my current go-to is Noah Kahan! I find his stuff relaxing enough that I can focus on the writing and still get stuff done without getting too distracted lmao

15. Is there something you want to try in your work that you haven't done yet?

hmmm probably, but idk? does liking my work count lol? Aside from that, probably finish a series and write more angst. I've done one angst fic, and I really enjoyed it, so technically, I have done it but only a little bit. and finishing a series would be great, but idk if my adhd brain will ever allow it oops

18. Genre of the very first thing you wrote?

such a good question, and I lowkey have no idea? romance kinda?? enemies to lovers is a trope, but it was that, I guess?? I don't know enough about writing to properly answer ahahah

ask me a question if you want :)

[unrecorded]

oh god my dashboard is in its thoughtcrime phase again

[slimepuparibaba]

LnDS HCs: Sylus (General HCs)

HI! I HAVE TOO MANY HEADCANONS FOR SYLUS SO PLEASE TAKE THEM!! THEY WILL DEFO NOT BE ACCURATE COME JULY BUT STILL IM USING WHAT SCRAPS OF INFO I HAVE RN AND IF HE TURNS OUT LIKE THIS APOLLO GAVE ME THE GIFT OF PROPHECY

IF THIS IS INACCURATE I WILL COMMIT CHAPTER 4 OKOK

GENERAL HC DUMP / PREDICTIONS (MAYBE DONT COUNT ON IT)

Okay, we all agree he comes off as the type of guy that would burn the world for you.

BUT!

Big but here.

I don't think he's a terrible boyfriend or anything. In fact, he genuinely does love you.

I believe, me personally, you are the one weakness this man has and he will treat you with care. Is the way he treats you rough around the edges and comes off a little different than most? Yes.

But he won't ever actually hurt you. He watches you from afar like a silent protector to make sure you aren't hurt, even using his Evol to make sure you STAY alive.

I personally think he might actually treat you kinda like one of his men, like an equal in terms of "you can definitely handle yourself and I know you're strong", but he'll still keep an eye on you just because you're that important to him. He trusts you.

...okay, so like, maybe not completely trust you because let's be honest here, you're kiiiinda prone to trying dumb shit on him, but it's funny. He'll forgive it. The smug bastard.

From what I've seen, he comes off cool, suave, knows what he's doing. Cocky.

Bad boy. He's a bad boy in all sense of the word.

He knows what he's doing, he's confident, he's charming. Knows what to say and do. He's also a CEO so dealing with people? Basically easy for him.

When it comes to you? He will flirt. Because he likes getting a reaction out of you.

I bet he teases you a TON. You hate him? Good. At least you have him in your thoughts.

Love is war with him. You try to scheme? He already has a counter. Man is 100 steps ahead of you, but just likes seeing you make a complete fool of yourself.

You know when he gets the upper hand he'll have that signature smirk of his that just screams "kiss me to shut me up and I'll consider this your win".

You thought Rafayel had an ego? Nah. NAH, THIS DUDE HAS AN E G O.

Sparring sessions with him are very likely. He'd probably be like "alright, but not going easy on you" or something cocky like that with a smug smirk on his face.

Man genuinely treats you as his equal though when training. Teaches you everything he knows and points out some techniques you might be rusty on.

Rizz is off the charts. He's lived in the N109 Zone and breathed it for so long. He's a sweet talker, so be prepared for him to know how to make you melt.

But also, he will actually spoil you. Will he make you work for it? Yes. He will give you an entire runaround (make you say please, make you verbalize it, etc), but he does it because he loves you.

You are genuinely his soft spot, and I CANNOT stress this enough.

The things he does in the dark are things he does FOR YOU. His reason for being REVOLVES around you, you just don't know it yet. Don't let him being the leader of Onichynus get to your head—he has method to his madness.

[antiendovents]

actually, since i already commented on your post about tulpas and how they pissed me off; im gonna do it again. in detail.

note: i am a former buddhist, i live in a buddhist country. (95% of thais are buddhists) and pretty much been surrounded by it. im asian. saying it before people jump at me because im terrified as shit

as i mentioned, tulpas are stolen and bastardized completely from a tribe of tibetan buddhists, and the practice itself isn't even a system thing. while thai buddhism and tibetan buddhism are different in their own way, i am very fucking pissed off that they just saw the concept of a thoughtform spirit that helps you meditate, overcome your fear and guide you to nirvana (because that's the main purpose of buddhism) and turn them into "oh! we make alters because we can due to our meditation and we're spiritual so that totally excuses using a generally closed practice! we're not harming anyone!" total bullshit.

i don't want (and sorry if i'm a bit mean) those bigoted fucks stealing basically my culture since im attached to buddhism in general, i grew up with it. and "tulpa systems" slapping it on themselves for the sake of being "unique". i have seen countless comments and posts about how its always the white/non asian people that say "no its not a closed practice, its not cultural appropriation :) actually you should be glad we're appreciating your culture in the first place" fuck off! appreciating culture is fine, but you bastardize it so much and dumb it down to just "making alters/imaginary friends" are you just hearing yourself? are you stupid? are you braindead? god, im getting so angry again.

i have also seen "tulpamancers" insulting actual asians like me who speak against tulpas, saying that we're just "asian token of a character" or that we're "closed minded" and should accept these assholes who dont know what theyre doing into my culture and blatantly disrespecting it, spitting on it and just taking one practice that fits their narrative. wow, talk about being appreciative while half of your community does shit like this to actual buddhists, huh? real nice of you. way to go, you cultural appropriating fucks. /vneg

i cannot count how many times asian culture is so whitewashed on the internet, people that just take our tradition and do whatever the hell they want with it, including making a system out of thoughtforms, which is not possible whatsoever. and for what? FOR WHAT? for your own sick entertainment and enjoyment of having a imaginary friend in your head? try dissociating so hard you cry yourself to sleep you absolute pillock. this is a very angry submission, but it just frustrates me so much. all of the insulting "yous" are directed towards "tulpamancers" that they proudly call themselves. by the way. sorry if it sounded like it was directed at you, im just so angry at the moment.

one last thing. Stop. Using. The Term. Tulpa. For your system. Please!!!!. tulpa systems are not a thing and will never be. End of story. Nothing will change that. Endos fuck off. im sick of your shit. thanks for reading my angry rant.

-azriel for the majority of this, rox/virus proofreading some of the parts, thanks for letting us vent ^^

i dont have much to add, please read this ^^

[twiixr4kidz]

Glad that you active again! Can I request 7 evil exes with touch-starved reader?

yeah ofc!! apologies if my formatting is off, im writing this on my phone xD

matthew patel

matthew is one very touch-starved man

whenever you're together, you're immediately in each other's arms

like he genuinely cannot take his hands off of you

not that you're complaining

you'll go from touch-starved to touch-full in no time

his love language is touch for sure so he has no problem being attached to your hip 24/7

AND he gives like, the best hugs ever

Lucas Lee

he's very used to being touched but not in a traditional sense

he gets touched a lot during movie shootings but it isn't like, genuine, loving, intimate touch

he's a little surprised with how touchy you can be but he's also like, a total whore for your attention, so he eats it up

expect lots of long, warm hugs and forehead kisses out of nowhere

he doesn't realize how meaningful it is to you

Todd Ingram

todd is honestly pretty touch-starved himself

but he's also simultaneously nervous when it comes to physical contact

he's a little silly like that yknow!!

if you like, talk to him directly about it, he'll definitely try to be better about touching you

it'll start off really slow but you'll start to notice his lingering touches and how he holds your hand more often in public

he's such a sweetheart

he just wants you to feel comfortable and happy

Roxie Richter

you're never going to have to worry when it comes to miss roxanne

she's on you ALL THE TIME

her arms are always wrapped around your waist or your neck or your torso

and she has no qualms against kissing you or touching you in public if that's what you need

hell, sometimes she worries she's touching you TOO much

she's not

you eat it up, and she gets so giddy when she realizes how happy you are

Kyle Katayanagi

he doesn't really realize how touch starved you are unless you point it out

he's the kind of guy who doesn't really notice things if that makes sense

the kind of "oh shit i didn't realize babe im so sorry i love u" guy

however, he DOES consider himself a very touchy person

he picks you up A LOT

if the two of you are standing around, he'll run his fingers through your hair and lazily braid it together while you talk

if he's lounging on the couch watching tv, he'll tell you to come over and lay on his chest

it really is the little things that count

Ken Katayanagi

he's shockingly clingy which is really good for someone who's so touch-starved

he's always inviting you to come "chill" with him, which usually consists of him holding you and burying his face into your chest

he can tell if you're having a "i need to be held" kinda day and he jumps on it immediately

he's a little nervy when it comes to PDA but if you ask, what kind of boyfriend would he be to deny??

Gideon Graves

you will absolutely have to tell him how you're feeling

not because he's a dick (well, i mean, sometimes.......) but because he's just a little dumb

but yknow what else he is???

ANNOYING (i mean this affectionately)

you need a hug?? you're getting CRUSHED.

you need him to hold you?? he'll wrap you up in a blanket burrito and swaddle you like a baby.

he's a total ding dong and everything he does is followed with a laugh, but he only does it to make you happy

[hella1975]

IM SO MAD

GETTING MY NAILS DONE 🫶🏼

[oogaboogaspookyman]

Soooo a reply in the most recent Oil Is Thicker Than Blood release (by @dronebiscuitbat ) gave me an idea! And threw my impulse control out of my window!

BE WARNED: this contains a more than implied spicy Nuzi scene, which is canon in the universe of Oil Is Thicker Than Blood. I also tried my best to finish this so be also warned for potentially sucky writing lmao

Edit: I FOUND THE GUY THAT INSPIRED THIS SHIT IT'S @/makiyu23 THANK YOU DUDE THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THIS WITHOUT YOU

[EAVESDROPPING]

That red eyed freak... She's gonna pay.

Crawling in the vents. She always loved crawling around, whether it's the roof, the walls, or the ventilation systems, it always felt so good and satisfying.

This time didn't feel good the usual way now. It felt good like a revenge. Fitting.

While she's doing that, she found a few trinkets along the way! Neat! Things to look at instead of her glasses! She always disliked looking at her own glasses out of boredom, it brings memories she doesn't have consent for... Y'know what else she didn't consent to?

...

Let's not joke about that time, V...

...

Anyway! Back to searching through the vents! And sending those updates on the red thing stuff too!

"robo-god i fucking love crawling it's satisfying like-..." She stops for a moment... Then sighs... "Let's not ramble about these things alone V, you'll seem crazier than you already are..."

After long minutes of crawling around in the vents and sending updates on the search, she started to hear something...

Talking?

There's people talking...

There's people talking.

"Look, i'm just sayin', we can't have these Murder Drones in 'ere at all, ya know their body count? As someone who like- counts the deaths and missing drone cases, i say they're up to like- the THOUSANDS!"

"You know Khan's orders and announcement, they're living with us now, end of. We cannot keep having this conversation, Sean..."

"Susan please just- just understand what i'm trying to say here!"

"We can't keep up a relationship if all you're gonna ramble about is the Murder Drones wanting to make amends."

A Worker with an irish accent... Rambling to another, 50% masculine 50% feminine and 100% tired sounding, about the fact that she and N are living in the bunker with them and how he's against it. Of course. If she could drop down right then and there... She would. But she can't, she made a promise... Stupid promise but hey, she cares about that idiot.

...

Stupid feelings, stupid concept of caring, stupid core, now she feels all mushy and gross...

Ughh, get back to work you trauma bag!

Beep. Update sent. And as she crawls around the vents, a message for Lizzy. Heehee Lizzy she cute- SHUT UP BRAIN.

SD-V: yo liz i caught two people talking while i crawled in the vents, wanna hear?

A few seconds later...

Lizthequeen: OMG yes!!! drop the gossip gurl!!!

SD-V: so theres these two workers talkin shit about me and n for obvious reasons and apparantly these two workers are also a dumb lovey dovey couple

Lizthequeen: oh shiz you talking about sean and susan??? oh theyre having constant problems with their relationship i heard!!

SD-V: thats what im saying. theyre in constant problems with their relationship yeah

Lizthequeen: they are fr?? daaayyuummm gurl...... are they breaking up now???

V stopped to look back and crawl a little backwards to hear...

"... Susan- Susan please don't do this to me-"

"No no no no you know what? You know what? We're done here, all you ramble about is your racism, fuck you and fuck off"

"Susan please!"

Then a slam... Then a sigh...

"... WELL GOOD RIDDANCE I FUCKING GUESS!"

She began crawling forward again... God damn.

SD-V: yup

Lizthequeen: RN????? HOLY SHIT?????

SD-V: yup

Lizthequeen: they finally broke up........ thank you for sharing the info bestie i owe u so much

SD-V: yeah you owe me a good hanging out

What the FUCK. WHY DID YOU SEND THAT WHY DID YOU SAY THAT

V immediately stopped messaging in flustered frustration, yellow filling her visor and embarrassment filling her... Everything. Fuck's sake.

...

...

...

Lizthequeen: what do u mean by that ;3c

SD-V: nothing shut up buzz off im busy anyway BYE

Then to the right goes the program...

...

...

...

That was stupid.

...

...

Okay that's processed.

As she crawled by, she began to hear more chatter... Right, people exist.

"Guy imma need to talk to ya"

"Oh no. My name in b flat. I'm in trouble"

"More like i wanna discuss something with you regarding the whole Khan's daughter and N thing..."

"... Am i in trouble?"

"Stop saying you're in trouble, i just wanna talk"

PFFFFT

"“Stop saying you're in trouble” yeah shut up before you get in trouble hehehehehe-"

"What the HELL was that?!"

V squeaked in surprise, then yelled back, attempting to threaten the two into submission.

"YOU BETTER NOT TRY ME OR I WILL DROP DOWN AND RIP YOU TO SHREDS YOU TOASTERS!!"

...

...

"Okay, no need to yell lass, we would've listened anyway"

"Yeah what Han said"

V sighed in relief and kept crawling and sending updates. Situation avoided.

...

...

Crawling by crawling by, crawling by for the sake of your life~

This is getting really boring, i fucking hate this now i wanna go home~

She sang as she crawled in the vents, sending updates every few as she found new things and new gossip, making herself laugh a little as she crawled... She needed those laughs and those moments. She needed a break from the tension and the fear. The dread. That red eyed freak...

...

That red eyed freak.

...

"You want me to lead?" She heard, faintly, as she crawled about...

What in the god damn?? Uzi??

"Lay down then"

What????????

She crawled forward and stopped to hear the possible new gossip...

...

What the fuck are they doing down there.

"Relax, okay?"

"O-okay..."

Uzi?? N?? What are they...

...

Oh they can't be.

"I-i'm not t-that insteresting"

"You're gorgeous, actually"

"Shouldn't i be saying that to y-you?"

Nuh uh they're not i don't believe... N would be a bottom though.

A little more of hearing from inside the vents, it becomes clearer as every second passes. She can't move.

She jerks a leg forward, yet it's stiff. She can't move.

She tries the same with one arm, it's stiff too. She can't move.

She tries to at least launch herself forward, but her whole body is stiff. She can't move.

She sighs... I can't move... I can't stop hearing...

"Ngh... Uzi..."

JUST MOVE LET THEM BE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOVE MOV

She jerks an arm, trying to continue crawling.

Again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

FINALLY.

She manages to continue crawling by...

After ceaseless crawling, ending up finding nothing, and having heard quite the event... You think she'll have a word or two for them about it?

She's laid down across the ground, alone in her nest in the spire, seemingly dissociating after the events that transpired...

"Well... Damn." Her last words said in surprise.

...

...

...

...

...

We never got to go far in our relationship.

She swapped her hand up with the submachine gun and aimlessly let loose a barrage of bullets, drowning her thoughts in noise. Drowning her sorrows in noise.

Heavy breathing, panting.

...

"Let's not think of that, V..."

[cupidjyu]

a little crush

(ot11) when he has a crush on someone (specifically, you)(request hehe thank you!!)

notes: headcanons yet i write a whole FIC for each of them LMAO sorry!! and for the anon who requested like a whole month ago IM so sorry i am working on it, i didnt see it until yesterday :( word count: 2k

sangyeon

the tough guy

believe me when i say that this dude will put on the dumbest tough persona on

like as soon as he realizes that he has a crush, he cannot handle any of his feelings

so whenever he’s around he just… sort of puffs his chest out and does that stupid deep voice thing

“oh yeah i definitely enjoy that movie.” his throat is STRAININGGG “we should you know… *coughs* see it together some time.”

“is your voice okay?”

like bro already has a deeper voice and he makes it lower?? to seem cooler? like man you sound like kermit the frog but okay

but other than that, since his love language is acts of service, he utilizes that so much

almost too much

like if you’re thirsty, he suddenly shows up with smoothies of every single flavor

and if you ever question why, he says some dumb thing like

“im rich”

like ???????? okay????? good for you????

anyway, just know that he tries to put this tough guy thing on but if you ever so give him any affection, he will melt into putty

jacob

the overthinker

he’s just so sweet i don’t even know how to describe it

like when he realizes, it doesn’t really change anything for him. he just thinks oh!!! that’s why i was sweating around them haha

but i feel that he starts to overthink everything

because he likes a person of course he wants to treat them 10x better

but hes scared

he wants to hold your hand! and so he does. very. slowly.

like he’s um that sloth from zootopia. and you notice and you stare at him weirdly like

“do you want to hold my hand or something?”

“what!!! no!! definitely not!!” and then he will blush and pout ADORABLY. “maybe i do,” he would whisper under his breath

and it’s so hard to resist him so you just grab it for him. and he kind of just explodes

and as you’re walking together he will STILL overthink

like he’d bombard you with questions. “is my hand too sweaty? too hot? do you want to let go?”

maybe shush him up with a kiss (WHAT)

anyway, he just panics a lot, i think. so best to soothe him or he might just combust

younghoon

the softy

initially, when he thought of you just as a friend, he liked to tease you a lot. like a bunch of jokes and insults

but after he comes to the realization that he might have a crush on you, he starts treating you with utmost care

and it kind of scares you at first

“aren’t you supposed to be bullying me?”

“me? no never! who said?”

“said the same younghoon like a week ago.”

but it doesn’t mean that the caring side of him isn’t the cutest thing ever. like it’s so cute that you might just question how much sweeter he would be as a… boyfriend

what!! snap out of it!

he’s just naturally a very observant person and knows exactly what you would need

if your eyes are drooping from exhaustion, he would shyly lend you his shoulder to sleep on

a really great pillow. falling asleep on him is now your guys’ new thing. and he loves it

sometimes he’ll take a selfie of you asleep on his shoulder and he’ll stare at it for hours

hyunjae

the jokester

when i tell you that hyunjae is the opposite of younghoon

at first, he’s a bit more serious. of course he has his jokes, but he’d rather treat you with politeness

but once he figures out that he might have a crush!!! he kind of loses his mind

he knows that he’s not good at hiding his feelings, his blushing, his sweatiness, his everything

so how does he cover it up? jokes. very obnoxious jokes.

like bro will not leave you alone. of course, he never does anything downright mean, but he does enjoy teasing you

but always after the teasing, he’s completely genuine again

like if you dress up one day he’ll say “look who’s dressed up? trying to impress someone?”

and when you get bothered or flustered, he will give you a sweet smile and he’s quick to reassure you

“you look very nice today. im sorry” he will blush and laugh sheepishly

sometimes though, he gets a bit too much

like if he’s getting really really loud, all you have to do is lean closer to him

his eyes would widen and he will be quiet REAL fast (gotchu!!!!)

he will stutter and pull away and he will not talk for the next 30 minutes with how dazed he is

he gets dazed very often. if you laugh he’s in a trance. you smile and he’s smiling back with GOOGLY EYES (like how he does to chanhee LMAO)

juyeon

the clumsy one

he’s such a fool

like that’s just it

when it comes to him that he likes you, oh he doesn’t know how to act

and since he’s already clumsy, when around you he’s like 100x time clumsier

like if you guys are walking together and you laugh or smile, he’s so busy staring at you that he trips on the sidewalk

and then he has a bloody nose

and then he’s overthinking so much he’s like oh my god oh my god my crush hates me now

but once you reassure him that you still like him he will relax again. in fact he’s just too cute to resist

he definitely tries his best. sometimes he wants to get you something good to eat. he will spend so much money for you

and when he gives it to you, you’re allergic. nothing works out for him and he’s spiraling again

“i’m so sorry” he would whine. “i didn’t know”

“shh it’s okay” you would laugh. bonus points if you press a quick kiss to his hand and he will be stuttering forever

kevin

the natural lover

he is the most natural out of everyone. when he figures out why he’s been so nervous around you, he doesn’t actually change much

he’s still nervous but he isn’t going to fall down stairs for you or anything

but he is going to start giving gifts a lot more. like anything that reminds him of you he will be buying

especially his art!!!! (yk how much i love artist kevin)

like you know how artists don’t tend to draw other people when asked? if you ask him oh he will gladly oblige

he will have you posing so ridiculously and he will be drawing to the best of his ability

“you’re so focused that you’re tongue is poking out.”

he would laugh nervously “oh really? i just… want this to turn out good.”

and when he gives it to you it’s just so beautiful. like it’s so beautiful and colorful and it makes you wonder is this how he sees you??

okay so now he’s blushing. it’s his art what would one expect?!

but compliment his skills and he will definitely be giggling himself to sleep.

his sketchbook is full of you from every angle btw

chanhee

the moment capturer

chanhee seems to be a lot more somber about it

he’s genuinely not so sure if he would ever have a chance with you

so yk what he does?? he takes pictures

he loves to take pictures of other people with his camera

so when he realizes he has a crush, he will bring his camera with him whenever he’s with you

“smile.”

“you took like fifty pictures already!”

“never enough” he would stick his tongue out

he loves capturing you doing anything. eating, smiling, anything

and once at home, he will look through the pictures and laugh to himself about how nice you look

sometimes he’ll send some to you and you’ll tell him to delete them

he keeps them anyway

and at some point if you ever so leave him, at least he’ll have the memory

bro someone needs to tell him he has a chance

he’s so hopeless TT

like it isn’t the end of the world, he just needs to confess LMAO he's just scared

changmin

the runaway

when he realizes that he has a crush he will flee from you immediately

he’s afraid and doesn’t want to take it face on

so whenever you try to be near him, he will flinch away

he doesn’t want his feelings to interfere with you, he doesn’t want to bother you

but don’t worry!! as soon as you talk to him about it, he will be ALL OVER YOU in a second

though of course, he’s still a little bit more cautious then before, he puts more feeling behind his touch

he used to only hug you as a joke or to bother you

but now, he hugs you when his feelings are too strong

“wh-what are you doing?” you ask when he suddenly pulls you into a tight hug

HES SO ADORABLE he’ll just bury his face into like your shoulder and BLUSHHHH

“im just… happy with you.”

AWWWWWWW he becomes so genuine

same thing with holding hands. he used to grab it to pull you closer from a passing car. but now he does it because he believes your hands are cold without his

it’s summer time.

but don’t remind him

haknyeon

the treater

haknyeon’s love language is showing you all the places he enjoys

he already does this with you but that would be like a weekly thing

after realizing, oh boy it becomes a daily thing…

like everyday, he shows up at your place and is like

“let’s go i know a good ice cream place”

“it’s like 6 am”

“but there’s usually a long line there!”

he just loves treating you to things. when he treats you to food, he will watch with an adorable smile when you try out his recommendation

or when he takes you shopping, he will always give you compliments when you try on clothes

and after, he will buy it for you !!!!

no matter if it’s super expensive or not, he just wants to see you smile

when you catch onto the change in his behavior, he will not deny it

he will definitely be shy about it but eventually he will tell you the truth with a shy smile

sunwoo

the shy boy

ik that a lot of peoples impression is that when he likes someone, he will be a big flirter

but really he’s only flirty when he thinks of you as a friend OR when hes already dating you

in between, where he has a crush on you oh my god hes the shyest cutie youll ever see

like say he’s handsome and he cant breath for the next hour

or if you ever so smile he will be sitting next to you trying to hold in his giggle

“*covering his face with his hands* you’re so…. AGH” and you stare at him like he’s insane

you may be confused but it slowly becomes more and more obvious

like just test it out! grab his hand and he’s biting his lip so hard to hold in his smile

like once he was smiling so hard he fell backwards in his chair

he was MORTIFIED

eric

your best friend

this dude is genuinely the most confusing guy you’ll ever meet when it comes to feelings

like he has a crush on you but hes also a huge coward

so yk what he does

he friendzones himself

like BRO??

like if he does anything remotely romantic he will literally be like “oh this is what friends do!!”

like one time he literally kissed the top of your head

you ask why

“its because we’re best friends” HUH??

like no two bffs do that cmon bro fess up

but if you confront him he will never lie

hes not capable of lying hes like an honest puppy

so he will slowly begin to stop friendzoning himself

like when he intertwines fingers with you

now he says, “i enjoy being with you.” with the sweetest smile

[rafedaddy01]

literal favorite rafe writer 🫶🏼

how about rafe x fem!reader where rafe has topper and kelce over and they are hanging out and y/n is sitting on rafe’s lap reading a romance book and she reaches a smutty scene with has her clenching her thighs and rafe notices and leans into her ear and tells her “what he is doing to her cannot even compare to what im gonna do to you babygirl…” and after top and kelce leave he takes her to his room and she rides his thigh, and after he fucks her in the shower with a praise kink, her riding him in the bath.

thanks 🫶🏼

Aww, you guys are so kind ♥️

I was sitting on Rafes lap reading my book. The book in question is one of my spicy ones.

Rafe had his friends over and I didn’t feel like listening to them talk about video games so I cozied up in my boyfriends lap and started reading;

“He grins as he takes both of my wrists and secures the cuffs around them”

“Your going to lie there and take whatever I give you, he tells her”

“Your going to cum whenever I allow it”

My thighs clench at a specific part in the book and Rafe notices. He looks down at me but I’m too focused on reading to see that he has peeked over my shoulder and is reading along with me

“Her hands clench into fists as her orgasm takes over her body”

“I’m not done with you yet, he tells her”

“Is that how you want to be treated? You want me to break your body with orgasms?” Rafes deep voice in my ear makes me jump.

I quickly shut the book and look up at him “I-“ I don’t even know what to say, it is what I want.

Rafe shoots me a wink before going back to the conversation between Topper and Kelce.

A few hours later the boys have left and my nerves are getting the best of me because I know Rafe is planning something after catching me reading that.

I’m sitting on his bed when he comes back to the room and shuts the door, the lock clicking behind him.

Shit

“You know-“ Rafe starts saying as he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it on the ground before stalking over to the bed.

“I don’t appreciate you reading those kinds of books in front of me, do I not satisfy you enough?” He asks, shooting one of his eyebrows up as he leans his palms on the bed and traps my body under his.

“Y-you do, Rafe. I-I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry!” I babble. I know I’m in trouble, but I also know I’ll be rewarded so playing dumb might piss him off but it’ll also get me what I want.

“I-I shouldn’t have done that, sir” I purr the last word and intertwine my fingers behind his head and watch as goosebumps coat his body at the term.

He lets out a low growl as he flips me over and I’m straddling his lap “careful y/n, just cuz I’m being nice doesn’t mean I’ll go easy on you”

“Oh I’m counting on it” I say as I start grinding down on his crotch

“Ah ah ah, not so fast” he says shaking a finger at me

“I want you here” he says tapping his thigh

“Your gonna ride my thigh until you get off at least twice” he plasters on a big smile while holding up two fingers.

I roll my eyes and shift over so I’m sitting on one of his thighs.

“Loose the clothes” he says

I strip down so I’m just in my bra and get to work

I start rolling my hips and dragging my clit along the material of his jeans, it’s rough but it feels so good and the more I grind the more arousal leaks from me and coats his jeans to make it easier to rub on it

One of my hands holds onto the bed frame behind Rafes head and the other grips his right shoulder.

“Oh fuck” I moan out as I start riding his thigh

“C-can I come?” I mumble as I grind harder and faster, feeling my release coming up

“Go ahead” Rafe says as he sits there and watches me fall apart on his thigh with a smirk

“Now-“ he said rubbing up and down the side of my stomach before undoing my bra and watching it fall away “again” he slaps me ass and I moan as I start grinding again

“Holy shit, Rafe!” I moan as I throw my head back and feel my clit throb with excitement.

I feel Rafes tongue latch onto my right nipple while his fingers twist and play with the left and I lose it. “Fuck fuck fuck!” I scream out as more of my juices coat his jeans.

I slump against his bare chest as I catch my breath.

“Such a good girl” Rafe praises me as he strokes my hair and runs his fingers up and done my naked spine. “Let’s get you cleaned up” Rafe says as he gently Carrie’s me to the shower and starts undressing while the water heats up

Once we’re in the shower Rafe hugs me from the back and starts massaging my breasts up with soap and I let out a low moan

“That feel good?” He asks and I nod.

I can feel his hard cock pressing into my lower back and it makes my thighs clench.

“Does my baby want more?” He asks as he runs one hand down my chest and stomach, to my bare pussy. “Oh your so wet” he groans as he quickly turns me around and pushes my back against the shower wall

“Jump”

I do as he says and he wraps my legs around his body while the wall holds me up. I feel his growing cock in between my legs, pressing against my seeping cunt and I start grinding “shit Rafe, fuck me. Please!” I cry out as he sucks on my neck

Wasting no time he positions himself and thrusts in, slamming my body against the wall “fuck y/n, always so tight for me” he groans out as his hips repeatedly snap

My tits bounce with the force of his thrusts and the shower fills with moans and groans and grunts from us.

“Don’t cum until I tell you” he says as he continues his assault on my pussy.

Fuck I don’t know if she could take one more orgasm after just having two in a row.

“Rafe! Please!” I moan out as his fingers tease my clit

“Not yet baby, hold it”

I can feel his cock twitch inside me and I know he’s close too

I pull him by the back of his neck and press my lips to his. He grunts into my mouth as his pace picks up. He has to be in my guts by now, this position and his length, he’s deep inside me and it feels so good I might explode. I will if he doesn’t give me permission soon

“Rafe” I mutter against his lips and he delivers me one harsh slam before resting his forehead on mine. “Now”

I come apart as soon as the words leave his mouth and Rafes follows after.

He lets my legs down and helps steady me before reaching for the shampoo and massaging it into my scalp.

“Mmm, thank you baby” I moan as his fingers soap up my hair.

“For this or for the best orgasms of your life?

I giggle as I wrap my hands around his waist “both”

He presses a kiss to my nose and continues washing me.

I hope this is good ♥️

@f4ll-for-you @v21sstuff @rafeysworldim19 @baby19sthings @eventualoptimism @drewstarkeysbae @sevenwivesofrafecameron @rxfecameronsslut @findapenny @r1vrsefx

[nevermorgue]

Hayley! I hope you're well! I come into your inbox to ask about your thoughts and opinions on each spectre, and your favorite ones! Love your blog! :D

HIIII!! I’m so fantastic thank YOU for coming in here. I love your art and your rambles.

My favorite spectres currently are Will’s and Duke’s. But I really love them all. I’ll go into the opinions now

Annabel’s Lady in White - I think she’s beautiful. I love her abilities and the whole bride thing she has going on. I at first wished her dress was more detailed but it’s fine to grow on me. I love the petals, and the hole in her chest is agonizing. Such a pretty spectre. kiss of death is just sooooo. idk her abilities are definitely one of my top favorites.

Morella’s Guardian Spirit - Plain-ish compared to the others, but still fantastic. I feel like her and Annabel are slept on because of how early they were revealed. I love how long her hair gets and the whole celtic vibe. and that she’s mainly defense with the healing and stuff! it’s very unique and it says sooo much about her past. if it were me i’d make her look a little less human wirh maybe more glowing or something but she’s still fabulous :)

Pluto’s Cryptid - im so so so interested in this because apparently domesticated cryptids are super rare? I wanna know more about the other cryptids poppet mentioned so badly. its so fucked that he has a collar too!!! he wanted to escape society but even in death it's like he's bound by the neck. I'm dying for info on that dumb coat too. He's so silly looking. I really wanna see his other abilities. I'll have a stronger opinion when that comes. Ada's Banshee

- I am dying to know what "Mark of the Grave" is so bad. And I love her confusing ass torso. Is she a shadow. is it a dress. I want to know. also LOVE how her limbs being detachable/having the stitch marks implies she was chopped up and buried like that. and her hat. thats a very "southern belle lady" sort of hat. she gets to be the lady she always wanted, just ugly and hideous!! love her and i love her spectre. "fear itself" is one of my favorite abilities and i hope she utilizes it more cough cough on will-

Prospero's Shadow Man - i am dying to know if he can take the mask off. imagine he's like. a sickly corpse looking kind of thing. like himself but rotting or weak as hell. i LOVE his abilities i just wish he had more detaaaailing. hes so cool and handsome though. i also think its super weird/cool how he has to activate his abilities with the stopwatch. i havent seen any other spectres have a "trigger point" like that. would he be rendered useless without it? Montresor's Dybbuk - nipple rings. sorry anyways - i love the chains. because it's not like he's using them, he's the one chained. and the whole. goat legs thing. bc goats are associated with the devil for some reason. I wonder why that is. idk i just love the whole demon thing. because he's been seen as such since like. his birth. and he cant even escape it in death. love it love his shit. his ability to force his way into peoples' memories is CRAZY too i cannot WAIT to see more of that. Eulalie's Chimera - SOOOO pretty. So aesthetically pleasing. I love how she can make stuff with her dreams!!! and the fact that its implied she can yank malevolent spectres back into their regular forms is soooo cool. and just the fact that she can neutralize other spectres in general is such a unique power. shes like defense similar to morella, just in a different way minus healing. i love her. i really dont dislike any spectre i just love them all. Berenice's Strigoi - I will forever be mad that her teeth count as an ability but WHATEVER. She's still badass. I can only imagine how it must feel to basically lose your hands. I'm really excited to see what "Bloodlust" as an ability does. like there are so many cool spectre abilities we havent seen in action yet. The bite that makes you drunk will forever be iconic too. I love her look and i love how her whole outfit is directly correlated to her time period. also love how like each mouth on her is like. its own being. she cant control it. Duke's Poltergeist - I need to like control myself because I will yap nonstop about this one. The NEONS the colors are just fantastic and I LOOOOVE HIS EYES. THE EYES. all of his abilities fuck so hard and i love how like. his "hypnosis" isnt really like full hypnosis its more like a very powerful suggestion? and he couldnt even figure out how to get ada out of it? like he didnt TELL her to use her ability on montresor, he just kinda planted the idea in her head. i also noticed that one of his abilities IS levitation despite us seeing other spectres float on multiple occasion. so the key difference here is the telekinesis portion of the power. just thought that was silly. love him. i love duke. he's my 2nd fave. Will's Doppelganger - i physically have to stop myself from writing a page's worth of bs here. He has DIRT IN HIS JOINTS. like he's DIRTY. like buried and forgotten!! and if he's dust bowl era like so many of us think, perhaps its that same dust. he was left buried in it...forgotten. unidentified. And and and he's SO OP. everyone IC is underestimating how he has one of the most powerful spectres. He was able to almost fool the misfits as duke, he honestly did a fantastic job. He has to memorize so much. like its genuinely impressive. and then his ribbons. notice how they wrap around HIM before/during use. like he's fucking tangled in in them too, not just his victims. i dont think he's ever been free. he's never not been wrapped up in someone else's shit. he's never been "william". i- i need to stop. hes the best. best spectre- and i pray that the characters realize how much POWER he really has.

[kiiwiigii]

Cramps

Alec x Fem!Reader

Summary: The cramps are so bad you think you're pretty sure you're about to die. Alec assured you that you're not, and does his best to comfort you.

Warnings:

None, except that periods suck.

Word Count: 600+

Requested?: Yes! I hope you're feeling better, nonny!

A/N: Turns out im cramping like mf today. 😭 I hope y'all enjoy!

I was certain I was going to die. The cramps today were fucking awful, and I found I couldn't move more than an inch or two. I refused to move, tired and crabby from the pain. To top it off my heating pad was broken, and I was out of Midol. The day was starting off great. 

My door banged open, and I jumped, hissing in pain and then doubling over from the sudden movement. My poor heart. My poor sides. My poor everything. I could already feel the tears of annoyance and frustration welling up. 

"Why do I smell blood, love?" 

Alec was by my side in an instant, checking me over before pausing, nose flaring. 

"Oh. Oh, amore. I am sorry." He said softly. "I just smelled blood and panicked. Are you ok? Never mind, that was a dumb question." 

He fluffed up my pillows before helping me lean back onto them. 

"What can I do for you, amore?" He asked quietly, pushing my sweaty hair back away from my face. "I am afraid that I am rather useless in these situations. What do you need?" 

"You're not completely useless, Alec." I nuzzled into his cool hand. "I could really use a heating pad. And some Midol." 

"Have you eaten anything today?" 

I shook my head. 

"Give me a few minutes. I'll be back." 

He was back in less than twenty minutes. A large paper grocery bag in one hand, a steaming bowl of soup with grilled cheese in the other. 

"Here, tesero." 

He gave me a water bottle and put two pills in my hand. I took them obediently, already impatient for them to start working. By the time I was done, Alec already had the heating pad plugged in and warming up, slipping it underneath the covers for me to rearrange to my liking. Finally, when all of that was taken care of, he handed me the soup and grilled cheese. 

I smiled up at him softly as he leaned forward to place a cool kiss to my forehead. I sighed happily, leaning against him for a brief moment. 

"Do you have any duties today?" I asked. 

"None that cannot wait." 

"Then stay with me?" 

"Of course, amore." 

He was on the other side of the bed, snuggling up to my, placing his hand lightly over the covers where the heating pad lay, the weight helping the heat seep into my skin. I nibbled on my grilled cheese. To be honest I wasn’t all that hungry. 

“You should eat, Y/N.” 

“I know, but my stomach is a bit too upset.” 

“At least try to eat half for me, amore.” 

"Want me to put something on the tv?" He already had the remote in his sand. 

"Sure." I said tiredly. 

He pulled up The Vampire Diaries on Netflix, while I tried to eat as much as I could before setting the half-eaten food on my nightstand.  

"This is so inaccurate it is not even funny." He grinned at me. 

He let me get settled against him, leaning into his chest, my hands following suit. He put his arm up under the pillow I was using. 

"I think I would be alright using my power, just this once. Just until the medicine kicks in." 

I looked up at him surprised. Alec had never used his power on me before. He absolutely refused unless it was a serious situation in which I needed it. Which was never. But here he was, offering. I gave him a slow nod. 

"I would really appreciate that, Alec. I feel absolutely miserable." 

He looked at me, eyes searching my face before nodding. 

Slowly I could see the black mist pour from his hands, right over my torso, and I felt myself go numb. It would have been unnerving had it not been for the sweet relief that was no more pain. I could still see him watching me intently, gauging my reaction. I gave him another soft smile before nuzzling into his chest. I could feel the sleepiness beginning to overtake me. 

"Thank you, Alec." 

"Anything for you, mio cara." 

{Masterlist} // {Request Guidelines}

Taglist: @alecvolturi @lack-lust-3rr @rosedpetal

Wanna be notified when I post a new fic? Ask to join my taglist!

[magnoliabutters]

• THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE •

pairing: joel miller x (18+, she/her) reader

summary: joel and ellie are tasked to move a package from jackson to san diego. little did they know you were the "cargo..."

warnings: 18+ content, mdni, adult language, cordycep apocalypse related violence & weapons, canon divergence, tlou part 1 & 2 spoilers; angst, medium to slow burn, pet names, voyuerism, sub!joel and dom!reader, age gap in pairing, masturbation, etc.

word count: ~6.3k

support your writer: reblogs for daddy joel ✨🌿

request: by @yourmomsmilfmistress; katrina babes, i have another idea!!! i was thinking something along the lines of (whatever male character you want/ im not picky) is OBSESSED with reader and one day after a torturous hangout he starts to 🍆💦 ( ya know) after she leaves and for some reason it's not working and it's like he's just edging himself but (of course) reader comes and walks in on it and it's like sub!male and dom!reader smut!!!

note: um… most definitely. the way i thought of joel freaking miller instantly. sub male? common now 😈 we are set in a post-tlou part 2 world where no one died, abby who?, and ellie lives happily on the farm (aka 20+ age). also, loosely following the plot of part 1. for visuals of characters, i am moving forward with what we’ve seen so far of hbo’s part one and game’s part two casting. although as it’s older ellie, i went with video game looks. hopefully that makes sense. enjoy my fellow hoes ⚡️

Don't tell them your name. Just tell them you're there to see Maria.

His words keep running through your head as you gallop atop your trusted steed, Horse. He told you, repeatedly, that they will find you - not the other way around. All you needed to do was get to the vicinity of Jackson County. Well, you are about a mile into said county and you haven't come across a single person. Let alone, a single runner.

The two things cannot co-exist this far from the cities. If there are no runners or clickers, then there must be people. If there are infected, there are no people. But emptiness? That is something unheard of. It puts you on edge. You swear you want to just yell, yell to draw something out. But that would be stupid. You don't know how many are out here ... people or infected.

You hop over a razor wired fence in the middle of the road. Its height hits a the top of your knee. Perfect stop runners. Your first sign that people have been in this neck of the woods. The deeper you get into Jackson County, you wonder why all you need to say is "I'm here to see Maria." Would these people attack you and saying those words would be the only thing to stop them? Or are they dumb enough to bring just about anyone back into their town? You have absolutely no clue what he has signed you up for.

Fear stands your hairs on end. It fuels your adrenaline and heart as Horse guides you into an opened field. On the main road, you read a sign that displays "surface may be icy." You're thankful you were assigned this job in the middle of July. In front of you, you note green ivory glued to the brick walls of an old music store. The roads were shit, as usual. Cracks and bumps from overgrowth and lack of maintenance. You hope they are not too rough on Horse's shoes. She had them switched out in Colorado, back when you saw your people last.

Horse abruptly stops. Harsh enough for your full body to push up against her back. "Fuck," you grumble with a hand to your head. "What the hell?" You slowly open your eyes to note the clicker before you. With widening eyes, you swiftly reach to unhook your knife from the saddle. As quiet as a mouse, you hop off of the pillion and carefully land your feet on the grass below. You side step as you make your way closer. its clicks grow louder as it uses its echolocation in the opposite direction.

Your eyes are constantly moving, wondering if there are any other infected around. There is luckily no movement. Just one single clicker. The fungi sporadically growing throughout its body. The cordyceps on full display on its face - if you can even call it a face. In your last two steps, you rush up to it. You hook your arm over its chest. Your fingers curve over its shoulder as you grip tightly against the rough flesh. With your other hand, you stab your knife into the crook of its neck. It quickly became limp in your arms. You let slide off your body and ultimately onto the road.

"Drop the knife," you hear behind you. The voice is rough and booming. You gradually put your hands up. You drop the knife, careful to have it fall upon its hilt and not its blade. "On your knees," it bellows. You laugh, tilting your head to the side. "No can do," you scoff. "I only get on my knees when I want to." The man behind you laughs as he slowly walks up to you. His boots crunching against the dirt and gravel.

"On your knees," another voice appears. Despite its higher tone, it is just as rough. A smile grows upon your face as you carefully drop to your knees. "Oh for you, of course," you mutter to the woman. She quickly grabs hold of your wrist and places it behind your back. Her grip harsh and tight. You release a laugh as you lean back into your captor. "I'm here for Maria," you mutter.

Abruptly, the movements behind you stop. The grasp remains tight. "Maria?" the exasperated man's voice pushes through the air. His boots' steps become faster as he rushes behind you. "Why?" the woman asks. You feel the cool head of a gun at the back of your neck. "Hey, hey, hey," you furiously mumble. "I-I'm a smuggler. I'm with a group of people who told me Maria owes them one. I just got sent here for her to pay the debt."

The gun is pressed harder against your neck. "What debt?" the man's voice asks. You move your head to the side, attempting to pull yourself away from the gun's focused point. The gun holder makes sure it stays against your skin despite your movements. "I don't even know, man. I was just sent here. They told me to say 'I'm here for Maria' and that she would know what to do," you spit out.

You hear the man pace behind you. He sighs heavily. His voice hushed as he speaks towards the woman. "I don't feel good about this, El," he whispers. "Does she have any people in her past?" the woman asks. "Not that I know of," he says as those steps draw closer once more. You are suddenly pushed to the ground. You cut up your chin as you couldn't catch yourself in time. "Fuck," you mutter into the ground. "Your name," he mumbles. "I don't have time for games." You yell as your palms lay flat against the surface. "Rita," you quickly lie.

"Alright, Rita," the man's voice bustles behind you. "Let's go." Next thing you knew, a bag was pulled over your head. Your head was then banged against the hard rubber bedding of a truck.

They grip against the bag over your head so hard that it pulls on some of your hair as it uncovers your face. Your eyes slowly blink to adjust to the light. "Shit," you grumble as you relax your arms, only to realize that you were tied to a chair. Rope. Fuck, you think. Rope hurts the most.

"Now, Rita, I'm not going to ask again. Why are you here for Maria?" The familiar voice asks. You squint to look in his direction. A latino man with slicked black hair crouches before you. You look behind him to recognize that you were in a stable - a wooden stable. There is hay all over the floor, but no horses. What kind of stable doesn't have horses? As your eyes trail back towards your feet, you note red splotches staining the wooden floor below you. "Damn it," you whisper the elongated swear under your breath. You know exactly what kind of place this is.

"I told you already, man," you whine. "My people didn't tell me shit. Just that I was assigned a job and Maria owed a ride." You look into the brown eyes staring holes into your face. "I'm here to collect on that ride," you whisper. "To where?" the man asks. "I'll tell Maria ... once I get my ride," you answer with a smirk. The man raises his fist as his upper lip tenses. You wince at the sight.

“Tommy!” You recognize the woman’s voice as he holds back his fist. She walks out from the darkness of one of the stables. You smile at the sight. She looks younger than you. Her reddish brown hair gave you goosebumps. Her eyes a greenish blueish grey. Something you would have envied as a child. She some how looks sweet, but also has clearly endured so much in her short time.

“So, we have Tommy,” you share as you nod towards the man. “And El,” you murmur as you look up to her. You smile - a smile that El winces at. “I’m not here to cause trouble,” you sigh as you attempt to shrug against the chair. “I don’t want to give anyone grief. I just need to talk to-” Suddenly, a remarkable woman bursts through the doors. Another man at her side. Her eyes serious and hellbent. Her skin a deep and beautiful brown. She is undeniably gorgeous, and surprisingly pregnant. She definitely had the glow, complete with her large firmed bump. “Tommy, what the hell is this?” she asks sternly.

Maria, you think. They never gave you a picture, but you knew from the second she commanded that room. The second both Tommy and El backed away from you. Their hands either up or open at their sides. She was in charge. And she was headed right for you. “Maria,” you say with a sing songy voice. Her head shoots your way. “I need a ride.”

Maria stares down at your smile. Her upper lip pulls, just like Tommy’s. “Where?” she asks calmly. “San Diego,” you answer. “San Diego?” she scoffs. “I don’t owe them that much.” You tilt your head, smiling to yourself. “Well, someone thinks you do,” you smirk. Tommy grunts as he steps towards you. Maria quickly puts out an arm across his chest.

With a sigh, she returns her gaze to you. Her arm still across his chest. You are curious about those two. “I obviously can’t take you myself,” she mutters. “Obviously,” you affirm as you nod towards her stomach. “I’ll find you someone. You’ll leave in the morning,” she says carelessly. She turns around and speaks to her people. “Untie her,” she says under her breath.

The man who walked in with her quickly follows through with her demand. You rub your wrists and forearms where the rope’s red rings pressed into your skin. You stand with the devil’s smile across your face. El is the first to walk up to you, while Tommy’s eyes are still daggers. “Hey, sorry,” she says as she rubs the back of her neck. “Things didn’t go so well the last time a new person asked about one of our people.” You hum as you nod. “Make sense,” you say under your breath as you return your gaze to Tommy.

“Maria’s his wife,” El adds as she follows your eyes. “He’s been extra sensitive, given the baby and all.” You smile at her words. She pulls your attention. “It’s also Ellie by the way,” she mumbles. She gestures goodbye and walks out. “Rita?” the man asks. You look at him with confusion. “My name’s Jesse. Come on, follow me.” With hesitation, you follow the tall man out into the dark night.

Your eyes quickly fall upon the string lights crossing from building to building. It is so beautiful your mouth gapes open. “We have a small bed and breakfast for travelers,” he shares as he points to a building at the end of the street. “Shit - a bed and breakfast?” you scoff under your breath. As you walk, you note the happy and clean people randomly walking about. They are loud - comfortably loud. It must be nice.

“Where you from?” Jesse asks. His gaze stuck on you. “I don’t do small talk,” you say with a weak smile. “I don’t mean to be rude.” He laughs, raising his hands. “No, I get it. Just trying to make conversation,” he answers. “Oh, well if we’re making conversation, tell me what your favorite color is,” you teasingly laugh. He chuckles, shooting you a sweet smile. “Orange,” he scoffs. “You?” You nod, smiling as you step onto the front deck of this apparent bed and breakfast. “Green.”

With quick goodbyes, you go inside and easily secure your room. The room is on the first floor. Inside the small space, you have a worn down desk, chair, and bed. Your pack is already resting against the foot of the bed frame. You grab the back of the chair and hook it underneath the door’s knob. You turn the lock and deadbolt the door. When you finally lay back to rest, you reflect on your day. It didn’t go as well as you had hoped - as you had been told. But at least you are alive. At least you are on your way to San Diego.

After the best sleep of your life, Jesse led you to a building across the way. Maria, Tommy, Ellie, Jesse, another woman and a man sit alongside a long dinner table. The woman appears sweet. She sits closely to Ellie. The man is something else. His demeanor laid back, like he had no care in the world. His face kind, but also worn thin after years of this shit world. You can immediately see through the facade and know he is good. But damn does he give off such a strong guard dog vibe. He has random patches of grey amongst his black hair and beard. His eyes dark, but youthful. You struggle to keep your eyes off of him. He watches you, though. He sized you up as soon as you walked through the door.

“Rita,” Maria calls out. You are too busy attempting to watch him through your eye lashes. “Rita,” she says louder. You quickly turn your attention to her. Only now remembering that Rita was the name you gave them. “Yes,” you answer with high energy. “These are my best people,” she shares. “I want Joel and Ellie on this.” Ellie sits up straight, shocked as she exchanges looks with the girl beside her. The two begin to discuss in hushed tones. The man abruptly turns towards Maria, disingenuously laughing under his breath. “No, Maria,” he scoffs. “That ain’t happening.” The man stands, his hands firm against the table. He must be Joel. Rarely have you met someone who’s name perfectly fits them. It makes you smile.

Maria sighs as though she saw this coming. “I would go myself-” she starts. “So let me go,” Tommy interjects. Joel and Maria quickly respond “no” in unison. Maria takes a breath as she slowly looks to her partner. “I’m about to pop. You can’t go,” she whispers. “I need you.” Tommy solemnly nods as he looks back towards the rest of the group. Maria turns back to Ellie with patient eyes. “Ellie, Dina - are y’all okay with this?” she asks. Dina nods, looking at Ellie. "J.J. will be fine. You should go," she whispers. Ellie then turns to Maria and nods.

Joel's scoff could be heard from two buildings down. "This is bullshit, Maria and you know it," he yells as he slams his hand against the table. Tommy stands, pointing towards him. "Watch it, Joel," he warns through gritted teeth. Maria takes a breath as she looks between Ellie and Joel. "You two have gone across state lines more times than any of us. This should be easy as pie," she says softly. He rolls his eyes as a deep, unenthused chuckle falls from his lips. "What's the cargo?" he asks with furrowed brows as he looks off in the distance.

Maria turns towards you. She rakes over you with slight confusion and hesitation. Within a second, there was a moment where her face smoothed out. She took a breath and returned to Joel. "She is," she states with finality. Your face remains looking down the table, but your eyes travel to Joel's seat. He gradually turns to look at the group. With a guttural growl, he says, "Absolutely not." Maria throws her hands up. "Joel, they will come to collect. I will not put anyone else's life in danger," she yells.

"If they come to collect, they can take her dead body," Joel booms as he pulls a gun from his holster and points it towards your head. You remain still. Your breathing intensified as the remainder of the group stands to their feet. "Joel," Maria says softly. "We need her - whether you like it or not. We need her in San Diego." Joel exhales through his flared nostrils. His mouth tight as he looks down at you through the sights of his pistol.

"What's so important about her?" he asks as he lowers the gun. Maria sighs in relief. "I don't know," she shakes her head. "All I know is these people helped us in a pinch back when me and dad started up. They said they'd come to collect and all they needed was a team to get something to San Diego." Tommy watches her intently. It must have been the first time she shared this with him. "I've seen what these people have done when groups don't pay up, Joel," she mutters. "We will not win that fight without losing everything."

Joel sucks his tongue against the back of his teeth. He holsters his gun and walks towards the front door. He hooks a backpack over his shoulder and turns back towards the group. "Ellie?" he asks as he slowly opens the door. You turn to watch Ellie kiss Dina. She presses her head against hers and whispers things you cannot make out. They separate with a strong embrace. Ellie walks towards Joel. "You coming, Rita?" she calls out behind her. You stand immediately. Your shocked eyes fall upon Maria and Tommy as you attempt to process everything that has happened in the past few minutes. You grab your pack and walk out to meet the pair in the street.

Ellie watches Joel with trust and a hint of distaste. You wonder about their story. As you walk up, the two stop talking and turn to look at you. "Hello," you greet awkwardly. "While we're out there, you do exactly what I say - when I say. Understand?" Joel says sternly as he points a finger in your face. How could those sweet eyes simultaneously look so threatening? "Understood," you whisper under your breath as you exchange looks with Ellie.

Joel quickly turns and heads straight to what looks like a mechanic's garage. "Does he always have a stick up his ass?" you ask as you skip to catch up with Ellie. She smiles, nervously biting her lip. "At first," she mutters under her breath as her eyes remain on him. "The Chevy," he asks a man standing behind the desk. He promptly hands him keys without question. You nod, noting how nice it must be to live in Jackson.

"Chevy, huh?" you say, attempting to start a conversation with the man. Joel completely ignores you as he slides the keys into the door handle. "Nice try, but he's not going to crack for a while," Ellie whispers in your ear as she walks to the other side of the truck. You laugh as you open the side door and hop into the backseat. "Seatbelt," he says softly as he points Ellie's way. "Oh," she mutters as she slides it over her body and clips it at her side.

The three of you sat in silence for the first hour of the trip. It was unbearably boring. Wyoming's sights were not as incredible outside of Jackson county. You wish you could sleep, but did not trust the two enough to even try. "Joel," Ellie starts but continues to laugh. "Remember when we cleared this hotel. Remember the tomatoes?" She laughs so hard that she holds her stomach. She leans fully against the passenger seat as she kicks her feet up. You swear you watch Joel crack a smile as he watches the girl burst into a laughing fit. You wish you got a better look.

"What happened with the tomatoes?" you curiously ask Ellie. She turns, struggling to speak between laughs. As she starts, Joel quickly interrupts her. "Don't tell her anything. She's cargo, nothing more," he instructs. Ellie sinks into her chair. Her expression perplexed as she seemed excited to share. "Just cargo, huh?" you taunt. His face remains still as he eyes focus on the road. "Wow, you Jackson people are the sweetest I've ever met," you say sarcastically. "Maybe I should just dip out on this trip. I can probably make it on my own."

Joel quickly slams against the breaks. Your shoulder digs into the back of his seat as you let out a stunned groan. "What the hell?!" you yell. "We are taking you to San Diego, or we are taking your body," he turns to say with stern eyes. You place distance between you two. A sudden rush of alertness and danger bursting through your body. "Let me be clear. I don't care if you're dead or alive by the end of this trip. We are paying off Maria's debt," he seethes. "I'd recommend shutting up if you plan to get there alive."

You suck your tongue against your cheek as you laugh under your breath. You lean back harshly against the back of your seat. "Eyes on the road, asshole," you say as you nonchalantly gesture towards the street. He rolls his eyes as he faces forward behind the wheel. He presses on the gas gradually. Ellie sits in awkward silent with a tight lip. She finds comfort in looking out the window.

Less than a week has gone by and you are barely crossing the border into Utah. In each passing day, you learn something new about Ellie. She loves to draw. She met her partner, Dina, on the first day she got to Jackson. Her son is named after Jesse and Joel. She calls him her "potato" - an incredible nickname you find endearing. The days are starting to blend together, but Ellie remains a highlight of each.

Joel, on the other hand, has remained annoyingly silent. He solely speaks to Ellie. If he does choose to talk to you, it is usually some demand where he forgot how to say "please." He is abundantly cold. It is infuriating. Here and there, you catch him staring your way. His glimpses seem familiar, as opposed to his usual and intentional looks of anger.

He never looks at your eyes, but his gaze tends to fall on your lips and hair. Any time you caught his eye line, he would immediately look away. The way his gaze lingered on you always left you in a ball of confusion. You thought you would have been on edge, being stared at for hours on end. Yet, you loved it. It made you feel seen. It made you feel beautiful. If he wasn't so vocal about his disapproval, you would think he had a "thing" for you. For now, you just enjoy his looks - hoping they are filled with adoration and not hatred.

Luckily for the three of you, communication was not needed as much when taking out the infected. The trio even came across a group of clickers a day ago. Without saying a word, the three put on their gas masks and stepped into the spores. They could all hear the clicking echoing through the old and damaged walls. With only nods and looks, the three separated and silently took down each clicker.

You turned to look at them with excitement. “That was awesome!” you said joyously. “Very SWAT-team.” Ellie was kind enough to crack a smile as she cleaned her blade on the side of her jeans. You turned to Joel, waiting for any reaction. He gave you absolutely nothing. He shook off the blood on his machete and gracefully placed it back onto his backpack. He then immediately moved toward the cabinets in front of him to search for supplies. God, did he really not have a sense of humor?

Tonight, you find yourself resting beside Ellie in a closed off room. The day was once again filled with ambiguous look exchanges with Joel. Your body aches from taking out runners. You wonder if you'll be in pain for the entire trip. The room rests at the end of a long hallway with no other entrances or exits. The only doorway to the outside was located at the end of the hallway and was guarded by the one, Joel Miller. You continued to wrestle with sleep as you lay uncomfortably in your sleeping bag. You have now spent hours staring at the plant infested ceiling. Ellie, luckily, rests peacefully at your side. She felt safe enough to put earbuds in to help her sleep. Another thing of hers to be jealous of.

After a few hours, you decide that it will most likely be impossible for you to sleep tonight. You quietly stand and put your pajama shorts over your undies. You open the door into the hallway. It's long corridor was scarier at night. You pull your flashlight from your pocket. Clicking it on, you remind yourself that the only door is at the very front. You would undeniably see if anyone entered the dark hallway with you.

As you reach the end of the hall, you begin to hear quiet moans coming from the other side of the door. Your mind quickly rushes to the thought of a runner making their way inside. But once you hear slight heavy breathing and groans, you immediately recognize that the sounds were coming from Joel. Excitement bursts through your chest as you press your ear against the door. You could not have imagined a better sound escaping his lips. His groans sound so sweet, so supple. You wish you could be the reason they fall from his lips.

You nervously turn back to see that the door at the other end of the lengthy hallway remained close. There was no way anyone would be able to hear at the other end. Not unless they were right where you were standing. With a smile, you hear his breathing louden. You wish you could see him. See his brows pulling together as his mouth hangs open. You wish you could watch him stroking himself. You would bet on your life that his cock was large and girthy. You have been stealing glances of it beneath his tight jeans.

Your mouth starts to water as you hear his moans grow louder. It takes all your strength and will not to burst through the doorway and beg him to let you help. God, would you absolutely beg for that man - without question. You wonder who's on his mind. Who could possibly be the lucky person whom he is wanking off to? Your legs feel weak. You actually contemplate sitting down and playing with yourself alongside his intoxicating moans.

“Oh, Rita,” you hear fall from his mumbling lips. Your entire body lights up with pleasure. He is thinking about you… Your legs buckle beneath you as you struggle to stay standing. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you hear escape his lips. He must be close. You swear you can hear the slapping against his skin. All your blood rushes towards your clit. You want him - bad.

Out of no where, Joel stops. You hear a sound of frustration but remain curious. Was he edging himself? Shit. Why is that even hotter? you think to yourself. His moans slowly start again. Your mouth hangs open as you tighten your knees together. The friction feels good but it’s definitely not enough. You wish you could touch him. You wish he would be muttering your name as your hand strokes his dick. You wish his big hands could hold your head down as you take all of him in your mouth.

Almost as though you two were connected, Joel’s moans started to repeat more and more. His breathing heavies as your knees tighten harsher and harsher against themselves. Your clit now pulsating, desperate for stimulation. You cover your mouth, hoping your own gasping breaths were not loud enough to hear in the other room.

His voice strains as he gets closer and closer. He mumbles again, “Yes, Rita.” Shit, why aren’t you already in there? Your entire body is on fire but, oh, so nervous. You hear his skin slapping against each other. His moans growing louder. You hear a bump against the wall. His voice begins to break. God, he’s so fucking close.

“Oh baby just like that,” Joel whines. “Cum for me,” you whisper on repeat. Then silence fills the air. You worry if he might have heard you. You’re sure that him catching you listening in is so much worse than you catching him jacking off. “Damn it,” he yells softly with a grunt. That’s when you realize he isn’t edging on purpose. It seems like he can’t get past that final push. To release all that pent up energy.

You could help him. You know you want to. It’s the right thing to do. He must be in so much pain - all swollen down there, thinking about you. You would be helping him. You are so selfless. With a deep breath for courage, you quickly knock and open the door.

You spot Joel in his jean shirt. His legs are spread wide while he sits, bare, on the couch. His pants wrapped around his ankles as he holds his lengthy cock in one hand. His head rests back onto his other. As he hears the door creak open, he nervously grabs hold of a pillow and covers himself. You have never once seen shock and worry on the man’s face until now.

“Shit,” he yells as he scrambles to cover himself. You play dumb, covering your gaping mouth with your hand. “I’m so sorry Joel,” you whisper. “I-I thought I heard my name so I came out here,” you slyly taunt as you end with a smirk. Joel’s usual annoyed face returns as he realizes you know the truth. “Why didn’t you just come get me?” you ask innocently as you sit on the arm rest of his couch.

Joel watches you in confusion as he recognizes your advances. “I shouldn’t have done this, I’m-” he starts. You swiftly interrupt, “No need for apologies. I’m just confused is all.” You gracefully fall beside him. Your bare thigh touching his. The tips of your fingers dance atop his thigh. His grip onto the pillow covering his unit grows tighter by the second. “I thought you didn’t care about me,” you whisper as you lean closer to his face. You are now still, a few inches from his face.

"We don't have to do this," Joel mutters. His teeth locked as he watches you. He must think he's in danger. No, its quite the opposite. "Do what, Joel?" you ask as you pull away from him. You note a chair across from him. His backpack is sprawled over it. You carefully carry the backpack and place it closer to him. To show him that you are not something to be scared of. You then turn to sit in the chair. Your legs spread open as you bite your lip. Your eyes rake over the vulnerable man in front of you.

Joel watches you. He takes in shaky breaths. It is almost as though he is more nervous, now that he understands your intent. "Don't stop on my accord," you say as you gesture towards him. You slowly cross your leg over the other, batting him off with your eye lashes. You gently laugh as you watch him sit still, uncomfortable. "Oh, I get it," you murmur with a nod. "You need help." You watch your shoulder as you slowly push your spaghetti strap off it. You do the same with the other side. When you look back at him, a smirk is shown across your face.

His eyes are darker than normal. He still holds the pillow firmly against the skin between his legs. "Don't stop, Miller," you whisper as you slowly pull your shirt up. You expose your breasts to the cool air. Your nipples immediately harden. He involuntarily bites his lip as his eyes grow full of wonder. With that, he gradually pulls the cover off and shows his enormous cock. You start salivating. Fuck, you knew it would be big.

Joel's thumb starts to move slowly up and down his shaft. His eyes now fully on you. No pulling away this time. Pleasure fills your chest as you raise your chin and open your mouth. You lick your lips, hell-bent on tasting him. He starts to smile between soft moans. His rubbing becoming quicker as your hands calmly travel up your stomach and to your tits.

His breathing shakes harder as your fingers circle your nipples. Your tongue resting gently against your bottom lip. He loves it. His moans become louder as he watches you. "Oh baby," escapes his lips as he watches your sensual movements. "The name's y/n," you whisper. You smile at the shock spreading across his face. "I want to make sure you're moaning the right girl's name this time."

"Your name's y/n," Joel mutters under his breath. His movements stop as he watches you gradually open your legs. Your shorts clearly expose your inner thighs. It shows enough to give him the slightest sneak peek. "And your name is Joel," you coo. “Does that change anything?” He scoffs. A smile spreads across his face. First time you’ve seen it and shit is it beautiful. “Not a single thing,” he mutters. “Then rub one out for me, daddy,” you whisper as your hand travels down your stomach and atop your shorts.

Joel presses his tongue against his cheek as his smile grows larger. His hand starts to rub against his hardened cock. His fingers wrapped around his girth. You bite your lip. You wish it was your hand, but you are not giving up control. “Yeah, start slow,” you murmur as you adjust in your seat. His eyes track you. His eye line at your lips, waiting for the words to just flow out.

His breathing intensifies as he drops his jaw in excitement. “Ooo, just like that,” you whisper as you try to maintain deep breaths. Your clit begins to pulsate. Begging you to jump atop of him. “What next, y/n?” he asks with a gaping mouth. He fully enunciates your name with a smirk at the end. You laugh as your brows bounce. “Hm,” you think aloud. Your finger tapping against your chin. “Have your other hand play with your balls.”

Joel’s brow raises as he’s slightly taken aback. “Don’t make me say it twice,” you playfully seethe through your teeth. He sighs with a smile as his other hand moves from atop his thigh. He cups his balls slowly. A thumb rubbing between them. You suck in a deep breath as you adjust again in your sit. You can’t get comfortable. Your body screams that the only seat you want is on his lap.

His lower jaw keeps moving as deep breaths fall from his lips. “Shit,” he breathes. His eyes close ever so slightly. “Mmm’such a good boy,” you whisper. “Let me hear you.” He gasps as the muscles in his legs begin to tighten. He lets out a low moan. One so deep your entire body shakes. You let out a hesitant breath as your hand covers your mouth. You are trying so hard to keep in control, to be the dominant one - but shit did you want him to wreck your pussy so badly.

“I know you can moan louder than that,” you murmur with a grin. Joel softly laughs and quickens his movements. His breath is fast. His eyes closed. He sits up straighter. His hand slaps against his skin. You spot precum falling from his tip. “Shit,” you mumble under your breath. His head starts to fall back. It rests against the wall. He moves faster and faster. You squeeze your thighs together, holding your breath.

“Fuck, baby,” he whines. You could just about faint. “God, you’re going to make me cum, y/n.” You dig your nails into your thighs. You want nothing more than to see this gorgeous man cum all over himself. “Cum for me, Joel,” you whisper in excitement. Your entire body feels on fire. Goosebumps travel throughout your skin. “I want your big cock deep inside me, Joel. Please cum for me,” you gripe in an innocent voice.

“Oh, fuck,” Joel moans as his brows pull together. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter than before. You hear his voice raise in pitch. Higher and higher as his body moves faster and faster. You note him thrusting into his own hand. He looks so strong. He would feel so good thrusting inside of you. Finally, his breathing fastens and he starts to moan louder than before.

“I’m cumming. I’m cumming, y/n,” he whisper yells as his body tenses up. You immediately rush in front of him. You sit on your knees as you watch the show, up close and personal. Beads of cum stream down his elongated cock as he strokes firmly. You place much effort in keeping your hands to your sides. You watch as his breaths begin to slow.

“Fuck, Joel,” you say breathless. His eyes start to open. He lets out a gentle laugh through his smiling face. You crawl between his legs. His smile quickly falling as he curiously watches you. There you sit, his softened unit before you. “Your turn to help me, Miller,” you say as you bite your lips. His smile re-emerges as his hand pushes your shoulder back towards the ground. His body slides over you until his face hovers above yours. “Yes, ma’am,” Joel whispers as he plants a kiss on your lips so hard, yet so soft, that you completely fall head over heels for the man.

note: whatcha think? joel screams sub and fuck do i love it. also episode 3?? can someone just cry with me about that real quick? shall there be a part two? 🤫

*edit: there shall be & here it is

taglist: @fan-fiction-floozy, @dirtydianaahah

reblogs are much appreciated! feel free to comment or message if you’d like to join a tag list! 🌿✨🌿

• nav • no-no plagiarism • one shot • requests open •

[jesus-is-an-ally]

How do you get past feeling stupid when you believe in God? Like, how do you ignore the feeling that you should be an atheist and not believe in God and that all this is just, a fake made up religion meant to control people? And obviously when i say you i mean i. I want to believe but i feel so dumb for it. I know im a smart person but every time i get involved with christianity i feel like im taking to an imaginary friend because thats how everyone refers to it. I feel like im feeding into an industry that colonized people, when i dont even go to church.

And ive had experiences with God that feel so unlike any religious experience ive had, but my brain always forces me to logic it away. Like ill feel an immeasurable level of calm and happiness and then my brain will go 'those are just endorphins'. How do i get past that?

Long read ahead, but I encourage everyone to read it, because I did my best to answer this and I think there's some good stuff in here.

Hey anon. First I'd like to say that I am not professionally trained, I do not possess a biblical degree of any kind, nor am I a pastor or a priest or anyone like that. But I have been a Christian my entire life, so that should count for something, Lord willing.

I also want to say that I think this is a very good question and I thank you for asking it, as it gave me a chance to think deeply on my faith in order to put it into words.

I always find it really hard to explain faith. I struggle to explain to fellows Christians, to non-Christians, and especially to people who aren’t religious or spiritual in any way. This is probably because faith is very much not a thing of this world, so it is nit easily translatable. But I will try my best.

I too have dealt with doubts in my life. I have felt the need to logic it away. All Christians have one doubt or another, and if they say they haven't, they are lying or potentially believing in a watered down, more palatable version of Christianity.

Either way, let's face it, the world is designed by the devil to make you doubt. The good news is that there is no question or doubt or critique that is going to make God start shaking in Their boots, realizing They hadn't thought of that. They are omnipotent, and anything you are wondering can most likely be found in the Bible, if you know where and how to look.

There are many books that explain the logic of Christianity, such as “Person of Intrest” by J. Warner Wallace or “The Case for A Creator” by Lee Strobel, who has also written many other books similar to this. Fair warning, it’s been forever since I’ve looked into either of these books, so there’s a chance there’s questionable stuff in there that I don’t remember.

However, I do need to say that faith is very much NOT a logical thing. It’s a belief in something that you cannot see, touch, hear, or otherwise sense except with your soul. It's the trust that God is out there, even when you lack concrete evidence.

I believe a person cannot become a believer by force, whether their own or someone else's. You have to truly open up your heart and let the Holy Spirit in. You must confess with your mouth that you believe in the Son of God who died and rose again, that you are a sinner, and that you need forgiveness and guidance.

I'm not pulling this out of my ass, there are a bunch of verses on how faith is not based in the logic of this world. Here are a few.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

For we live by faith, not by sight.

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There's a story I heard when I was a kid about a pastor being asked if he can hear God speaking to him in his prayers, and the pastor responded "no, I can't hear Him, it's much clearer than that". Faith is something practically unexplainable in earthly concepts or words. But it is solid, even it doesn't feel like it.

Hebrews chapter 11 is all about faith and what people have done by it, and I encourage you to read it, but I'd like to specifically call attention to Hebrews 11:1, which says,

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.

This is the verse often pointed to when people discuss the biblical definition of faith, and it's the best I can offer.

However, it sounds like science and reason is not the only thing you are struggling with. As for morality, how can we be Christians when Christianity was used to abuse, colonize, and murder innocent people all throughout history and even today?

I'm not going to use the bullshit excuse of "oh they just weren't real Christians" because that is unhelpful, defensive, and probably not even true. All Christians are sinners, and hatred, murder, and all of that other stuff are sins, so it is possible that many or all of those people were true believers.

The simple answer to this question is that sometimes you just have to accept that your people did bad things and swear do your best to stop it from happening again (without spending so much energy on it that you burn out). I have had a lot of practice at this since I'm also white.

In German elementary schools, when they teach the children about WW2, what they basically say is “hey, this is our history, you didn’t do it so you don’t have to feel guilt, but you do have a duty to never let it happen again”.

I think this sort of thinking should be taught to the descendants of all oppressive people. I will also add that we also need to check ourselves that no nasty thoughts have slipped their way in. Often, you can continue the hurt without realizing. But this doesn't mean that Christianity is secretly evil or that Christians are inherently going to abuse others or any of that.

At the end of the day, there's nothing I can truly say that will instantly make you believe.

Like I said, it's not something I can force nor is it something you can logic your way into. No amount of evidence, even if it's the most rock-solid thing in all of the universe, can make someone have faith.

I hope there is something in here that can help you in some way, anon, and I pray God blesses you and keeps you safe.

[unalloyedmiquella]

**i am 30 hours into da4 at the time of writing this post. i just finished the seige at weisshaupt**

oh dragon age the veilguard, how i have mixed feelings about you

idk who thought it was a good idea to hire someone who has absolutely no experience making fantasy rpgs and almost no experience making games period as one of the lead directors. its extremely obvious.

the best way i can put this is that this feels like a game that was made for a younger audience, a demographic that was not the original or majority of the fanbase. if corrine busch wanted to make a more “accessible” game, she should have worked on a different or original title (no im not talking about the difficulty choices)

this is a 15 year old franchise with a huge fanbase. i think its okay if people need to do some hw before playing.

and the other one? john epler, having him as a director was effectively useless. as a former qa employee and cinematic designer, he wasnt the right fit for the role of “making sure it felt like dragon age”

when it comes to plot, its solid. i love the lore reveals, but this is like you took thedas and made everyone on your side abject “good.” everyone here uses therapy speak, and there is no conflict. even if you piss a companion off, there virtually no difference in how they treat you like it feels like disapproval doesnt matter

what happened to the game that let me tell off a homophobic clergy woman? the game where a mage defended the circle? the game where you can PUNCH a companion?? sera was one of my favs from dai bc she was a mean lesbian, (and now everyone is passive and playersexual. snore) da is so impactful because of its complex and nuanced characters.

i want companions to feel like real people, not archetypes. in some ways da4 feels like a step back with character interactions. the nuance is gone here.

rook and the team is abject good, you cannot be evil, mean, or morally gray. you cant be bitchy, you are good, you are the teams therapist. i think this hurts the narrative and imerssion. i think the player should be able to actually craft a personality for rook, and not have the devs morals thrust unto you.

this game is so afraid to be problematic that it ends up turning something that could have been the best in the franchise, into an at times mediocre game.

the visually stunning graphics, stylized and saturated art style, and intuitive + fun combat mechanics, and lore /reveals/, keep me playing, but i cant help but roll my eyes when rook or the companions talk like they watched a bunch of pop psychology videos on tiktok.

edit: something else that actually truly drives me insane about this game is the hand holding. you will watch a cutscene that very obviously tells you what to do next and what will happen next, as soon as its over, rook and your companions all seem to have dialogue telling you want to do. this is my biggest, and imo most valid criticism of the game.

you’ll enter an area thats obviously a puzzle, and you destroy the crystals or turn a mechanism or destroy blight, and you get more dialogue counting how many more things you need to destroy, or tell you what to do despite the mere visual of the puzzle making it obvious what it is you need to do.

i hate it when games treat you like an idiot. these devs dont have any faith in the players intelligence to figure out very simple things.

if the dialogue is not plot relevant or if its not relationship building, it is unnecessary. stop telling me what to do, i know what to do.

i’ll probably make a separate post about how i despise the way trans narrative is handled and how corny and dumb the dialogue choices for that are.

i love that the option is there, i wanted this to be part of the game since dai has a trans male npc, but can i like … be normal about it? it feels inauthentic and i personally dont think the actual word “trans” belongs in a fantasy setting. come up with something else. it pulls me out of the world, it is immersion breaking. it makes it feel less medieval fantasy

[crazystargirl]

Hii, just wanted to pass by and let you know that your blog has such a nice theme and I loveeee.

Also saw that you have requests !

So how about some Ethan Landry with some really heavy angst, with a sad ending.

I’m just in a sad mood and need my feelings more hurt ☹️

hope that’s not to much to ask for, take your time too ! please and thank you !

sincerely, ‘💐’ anon ! 💓

we'll get through this ♥︎

pairing ♥︎ - ethan landry x fem!reader

word count ♥︎ - 0.9k

a/n ♥︎ - awww 💐 anon i hope you're feeling better, tbh i don't understand why you want to feel worse but im also the kind when i dont feel happy, i curl up on the ground and listen to lana del rey and just cry, so i cannot be talking lmao. first time ever writing angst and as someone who hates angst to her very core i only added the angst towards like the ending and made it a sad ending. also i love the idea of having different kinds of anons!!

you came home as usual, nothing seeming to be wrong but it was eerily quiet. you had a bad feeling, something that you always got whenever ghostface had attacked your friends

you were always on edge ever since the attacks but even more now, something was going to happen.

suddenly your phone rings, making you jump and grab a knife just in case.

you look at the caller id, it reads quinn bailey

you scrunch your brows in confusion, wasn't quinn dead?

you slowly pick it up and put the phone on speaker

"hello?"

"hello y/n"

you froze at the voice, ghostface decided that you'd be the next victim which was not great at all because barely anyone ever survived their attacks

"what do you want?" you ask gripping the knife and going to call the police with the landline

"don't you dare call the police or I'll rip ethan's head!" ghostface yelled

"wait what?"

your phone vibrates, indicating that you got a new text, you look at it, seeing a photo of ethan sitting on his bed studying. 

the photo looks like it was taken from far away but you could see ethan looking in the direction of it…thats strange

you quickly texted him to come over since ghostface was at your house

"why are you doing this? why can't you bastards find something to do other than running around and killing your friends?" you say trying to stall a bit

"oh but y/n it's fun, you wouldn’t understand it though because you're the little sweet, dumb girl who had the misfortune of falling for the shy and dorky nerd who might be ghostface"

you scoff, "he's my boyfriend and not ghostface, at least i can find a boyfriend unlike you who's so pathetic that you have to go around calling girls who have boyfriends for fun"

ghostface doesn't say anything, you think you hear another voice from the phone. ethan then texts you back and said he was coming asap

since there was silence for another minute you're about to hang up until ghostface speaks again

"were you about to hang up?"

you froze, "how did you know that?"

"sweetie i can see you right now"

you turn around and scream at the sight of ghostface, for some reason you noticed the ghostface was around the same height as you which immediately made you think it was a girl

you started running but ghostface was right on your tail, getting close enough for them to stab you in the shoulder

you scream out at the pain, managing to catch ghostface off guard and slam a pan at their head

just as you reach the door ghostface grabs you and pulls you back, stabbing you in the stomach

you let out another blood curdling scream, the pain of it hurting you so badly. you see ghostface about to raise their knife again before you kick them in the crotch

that managed to keep them distracted and you hoped that it was a male since you knew it would hurt like hell if it was one

you ran to your room and locked the door, moving furniture against it to make sure ghostface couldn't get in

since there was a fire escape in your room, you headed towards there only to be grabbed and thrown against the floor

you clutched your wounds, which continued to bleed out, making you lose blood

ghostface looked down at your wounds and laughed, stabbing you once more

you scream out again and then just stop, causing ghostface to bend down and look at you

you watched them take out their phone and call someone, it took everything in you not to scream out and cry

just then ethan runs into the room looking at ghostface

"quinn what the fuck did you do to her?!" ethan said as he ran to your body, clutching you close to him

you felt him put your face to his chest, cradling you closely as ghostface or quinn laughs

"well ethan you were too distracted by her, it was clear you weren't going to kill her so i did for you"

"get out! just leave me alone quinn"

quinn laughs and leaves while ethan lets out a sob

"eth…im still here or somewhat" you laugh weakly and pull your face from his chest

it broke his heart to see you in a state like this, tears staining your cheeks and your body bloody

"we need to get you to a hospital quickly"

you give him a small kiss at the corner of his mouth, "no it's ok really, i'm going to die either way" 

"no you are going to survive baby" he said putting pressure on your wound

you giggle, feeling delirious at this point, "eth you have really pretty eyes"

"no no no baby don't die please not now"

"im not gonna die eth i just am really tired"

"no y/n/n please don't go please"

you then go still, making ethan sob even harder

he cradles your body close to him, burying his head in your hair. ethan is still in shock that you're gone

he hates quinn right now and knows that he's going to give her a long and painful death for killing the love of his life.

you had your whole life ahead of you, only 19 and now dead because of his bitch sister.

he remembers that some of the last things you had told him was that you two were going to get through this whole ghostface thing but now without you, ethan just doesn't know what to do with his life

taglist ♥︎ - @xyzstar, @ourloveisgod23, @dizscreams, @kaesworldxx, @bhk1234uwu, @nonniesworld, @athenalive, @lanaslittletwinkie, @beccajoestar

if your name is crossed out it's bc it wouldn't let me tag you

a/n ♥︎ - ok i have no clue if this is shitty or not but all i know is that i was listening to love by lana del rey while writing this and i actually started crying, anyways i hope you enjoyed!

©crazystargirl 2023 || do NOT translate or repost my work without my permission