#im actually exhausted | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

im-trash-lol · 5 months ago

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I invited my friends to my house (for my birthday) and literally none replied, like not even say no

In most situations like this I wouldn't care and like I definitely don't want to come off as selfish but like i would never ever do that to one of my friends

I think my only options from here are dropping out of college and continuing work as an extra which at least distracts me and provides me with such a shit sleep schedule I literally don't think I'm real anymore

Or downing every pill I can find in my house with a shot of bleach for each one

#help me #vent #tw suicide joke #tw sui ideation #i have minus aura #genuinely asking should i kill myself?#like what do i do now #im an actual cringefail #like if they dont like me why haven't they dropped me #my birthday in like 5 days #im actually exhausted #i worked during the summer but had the wrong bank account number so i lost my money too from fucking night shoots #😐🔫

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cat-in-a-mech-suit · 4 months ago

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Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.

#transandrophobia #transmasculine experiences #antitransmasculinity #transmisandry #im so exhausted from both cis and trans people acting like trans men choosing to engage with femininity as much or as little as we want is #somehow a statement on how we feel about women #and not just our own personal comfort #make all the forced fem jokes you would like #but remember those of us who were forced to be feminine #actually experienced serious trauma from that #and deserve a space to talk about it

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de8dly · 3 months ago

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they should invent a form of self harm where no one notices or gives a fuck

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wowlookwhosspirallingagain · 5 months ago

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i don’t want to live like this. i only exist at this point. all i do is distract my mind so i don’t kill myself

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baby-blue-starry-eyes · 1 year ago

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I'm so sleepyyy

#going to sleep on the couch at my mates lol #im actually exhausted #need to use my phone less id have been asleep ages ago if otherwisr -_-

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starry-bi-sky · 27 days ago

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on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

#svsss #luo binghe #svsss au #scum villain #scum villian self saving system #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #disciple shen yuan #lbh. visibly exhausted and with twitchy eyes: im fine :) | everyone else: ho no the fuck you ARENT.#SQQ was hysterical not because he found out LBH was half-demon but bc he was having a long-awaited mental breakdown over his autonomy :)#or (limited) lack thereof. he was having a sudden onset crisis of mortality and was handling at quite literally the WORST time. oops #im thinking very hard that LBH would never push his disciple into the abyss especially with no system to force him to. so SQQ either #had to goad him into it (failing always) or throw himself in. he ended up doing it himself but not before some very impressive hysterics.#BUT ALSO. IF THIS HAD BEEN WHERE SQQ WAS THE HALF-HEAVENLY DEMON INSTEAD IT WOULD'VE BEEN SO GREAT.#and by great i mean horribly angsty bc SQQ is NOT doing too hot and has. in very SY-like fashion. convinced himself that LBH will kill him #when he finds out he's a demon. so when it comes out i have this mental image of him lunging at LBH and LBH flinches back. but SQQ wraps hi #hands around the blade of Zheng Yang and yanks it up so the tip of the blade is digging into his chest where is heart is. LBH can't yank th #sword away without risking slicing into SQQ's hands. SQQ's hair has fallen out of its tail/bun and is now messily spilling down his #back and its NO helping the kinda deranged look he has going on. he's visibly shaking and his eyes keep flittering away and back at LBH's #face. SQQ is looking at the messages from the system warning him that he has to go into the abyss or punishment will occur. he's like.#rambling though. talking about how shizun doesn't *like* unclean things and there is nothing more unclean than a demon. like he is #INSISTING. LBH can't?? get a fucking word in. actually. SY isn't listening that much either anyways. too overwhelmed with the system and #the amount of stress he's under and his crumbling mental state and the innate and primal desire to live even when he's standing in front of #his own executioner. it all ends with him sitting on the ground at the lip of the abyss with his hair falling in his face. he looks so #unkempt and fallen apart and so distinctly *non-Shen Qingqiu* that LBH feels physically ill over it. tears are streaming down SQQ's face #and despite everything he is smiling. its not a nice smile. its a very frayed falling apart at the seams about to crack smile.#he tells shizun not to worry about staining his blade with this disciple's filthy blood because this disciple will take care of it himself.#and then he falls into the abyss before luo binghe can so much as grab him. the only reason LBh doesn't literally jump in after him is bc #he was numb with shock and the abyss was already closed before he could feel his legs again :]

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tubbytarchia · 4 months ago

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I told you I never stop thinking about merpearl

#I want there to be more yuri kiss art. There isnt enough. I guess I have to be the change I want. whaagh #I think Pearl is too awkward and clueless and horrified (because DL) to actually just kiss Gem like this (at least for awhile) but #mermaid pearl is built different. Still clueless though #I am so exhausted and I have much more important things to draw but Im sorry I had yuri in my system and I needed to get it out desperately #gempearl #shiny duo #hermitshipping #tubby art

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deadtotheworld597 · 6 months ago

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I be checking my phone like I mean something to someone

😂silly fucking me 😂

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ins4nebxtch · 4 months ago

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god i know how all of this rn is probably for character development and shit, but how i wish i was dead

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vacantgodling · 11 months ago

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ngl i get that people hype up hating writing for the bit but like. idk. yall i Do actually really like writing. it is so satisfying and fun and rewarding and i get to look back what i made over and over again and get joy every single time.

yes writing is hard but if you hate it more than you love it im kinda like. idk. find another hobby?

#also the planning parts and the daydreaming is part of the process so idk #yall it is getting exhausting seeing all the quirky see how little i’m writing shit #like what if for once i am writing and im having a grand time!!#what if not being able to write isn’t a fun joke it is honestly detrimental to my brain!!!#what if writing has been my friend when i never had any and it is the love of my life and love language and i love actually doing it perhap #talking #ren hot cakes

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toruland · 2 years ago

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my eyes feel like cinder blocks but im missing something to push me into falling asleep

#xilspeaks #lei’s talking!#maybe it’s the socks #im actually exhausted

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rotting-bitch · 5 months ago

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I had panic attacks because of you and called that love

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wowlookwhosspirallingagain · 2 months ago

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you know it’s getting bad again when it’s harder not to relapse, every little thing annoys the shit out of you, you want to crawl out of your skin, the distractions don’t help anymore and not even your favorite special little treat makes your day better