#I am so exhausted and I have much more important things to draw but Im sorry I had yuri in my system and I needed to get it out desperately

[tubbytarchia]

I told you I never stop thinking about merpearl

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

[samson-the-whale]

So ... I made a self insert fore WIR ....ya

:]

Name: Scrapper/scrap

Gender: male (this mf bisexual)

Age: in his game like 20s to 30s if we go with his game age like 30s or 40s 

Game: Scrapper's scrape up

(its like punch out game mechanics game play wies)

Character interactions:

 Hc he gets pumped up easily and likes to push people in the shoulder lightly but really fast when he needs to let out that excitement (t can be like a charging up a special move in his game) and might accidentally leave a bruise 

When he does it to Ralph it tickles 

When he punches Felix he says ow but then hammers his arm and it heals

When he did it to Calhoun for the first time she hit him across the room because she thought he was picking fights and fucking K.Od him with that bitch slap

Then was kind of apologetic after Felix explained and yelled "oh shoot sorry" then Scrap still laying in the floor gives a thumbs up and a strained "I'm ok...it's ok"

 Also if he did the punching thing with Vanelopie she would just pixilate a bit and his punches would almost go through her shoulder kinda I think much like Ralph it would also just tickle 

Ralph:

Before the whole plot of the movie I like to think Ralph liked him but was kind of bitter "he has huge fists and smashes stuff why am "I" the villain?" XD

Ok ok 

So he and Ralph actually get along surprisingly well for you know one being the main character of his game and supposed "heroes" of the game  and the other is well the bad guy. They both like punching stuff and hav a give each other a high five or fist bump while walking by each other so like buddys

Felix:

Him and Felix are more like 

Felix: look at this cool thin-

Scrap: HOLLY CARP CHECK THAT OUT

Like literally one of the doodle sketches was Scrapper leapfrogging over felix to look at a new plugged in game 

So he kinda is an annoying brat towards felix but always makes it in good fun like he's messing around with him with never an intent to hurt his feelings (even when he goes too far and accidentally does)

Vanelopie:

So now we got Vanelopie

There's actually this running joke sorta where scrapper really likes bright colors becus how I imagine his game has a very limited color palette except him for aesthetically pleasing reasons

So he'd actually stay away from brightly colored areas out of comfort before becoming more enthralled in other colors hens his fixation with casualty visiting sugar rush when he's bored 

You may think oh then he must have met Vanellope while visiting 

Well actually no he bye dumb luck he never met her until after the events of the first movie 

So there knowing each other isn't really that strong yet 

But because of him and ralph eventually becoming friends he grew a liking to the spunky little girl calling her shortstack all the time (despite him being a similar height) and or squirt

In response Vanellope calls him oled man

Calhoun:

 Calhoun thinks he's like 12

He is not he's like 30-40 Like lectures him on his fighting form Thinks he's like inexperienced Finds him endearing if a little overbearing Finds his high energy useful in certain situations but exhausting at other times Is unsure...which fighting game he originates from Then bonding through duty or honor or avenging a loved one.

Sour bill (because I want more interactions and im hiperfixsaiting):

Scraper:Yoooooo a fellow rubber ball

Sour bill:what?

 Ima say this shit now they would drink tea together because yes Scrapper doesn't like coffee he drinks tea

Sonic (because I can):

Mf cameos in scrappers game in later levels for no reason just because funny

It's like the meme

Scrapper: sonic? What are you doing here?

Sonic in scrapper's game: waiting for them to play Gangdemstyle 

Ok so I forgot to put this in I was ryly hoped to post this but thanks to my friend @im-not-important fore spell correcting and helping come up with ideas(also did some of the Blu doodles in the Wight board drawings)

[deadgirlwalking91]

Scene idea for ya. Lute's a jealous girl. Imagine she and Adam are getting nasty, and she says something like "Tell me I'm better than Layla."

Adam complies, something like "Miles better, babe."

But after when they're cuddling, he nudges her and goes "Hey...No more about the other girls, alright Lute? There's a reason you're here, and they're not, and you already know why." And pulls her in closer.

(Im terrible at writing sex forgive me if this is bad lol)

Hey Anon,

Your wish is my command <3

“Say it, Adam.”

He blinked, confused. “Wait – what am I supposed to be saying?”

Conversation wasn’t important right now. What was important though, was the fact that Lute was riding him like her life depended on it, which had rendered him mostly speechless.

Most of the time, she was more than happy for Adam to take the lead in the bedroom – which he had no complaints about whatsoever. He liked being the one in control. Sometimes, however, Lute would suddenly get a tell-tale gleam in her eye, and before Adam would have the chance to question it, she’d pounce on him, practically ripping his clothes off with her hands – her teeth too, if she could.

It was hot as fuck.

Tonight, had been one of those nights. They’d been hanging out on the couch after work, like normal, and next thing Adam knew, she was dragging him into the bedroom and threw him on the mattress. In that moment, he knew this was going to be one of those encounters.

He just wished he also knew what the fuck she was on about. It didn’t help that he could feel himself starting to climax; he found his hips starting to chase hers, a dead giveaway that he was close.

“Say. It,” she growled, placing emphasis on each word as she continued to roll her hips forcefully against his. She grabbed his chin and forced him to look her in the eye, her golden irises burning into his own. “Tell me I’m better than Layla.”

Oh.

Oh.

She was in one of those moods.

“Babe,” he panted, taking hold of her hips as he bucked up into her. “Nobody even compares. You’re so much better.” He found himself momentarily breathless as he started reaching the point of no return. “So. Much. Bett-argh!”

He couldn’t finish his sentence; his release sent thousands of tiny, pleasurable shockwaves that pulsated throughout his body. Throwing his head back into the pillow, he groaned as he felt Lute contract around him, the overstimulation now almost unbearable as she collapsed onto his chest with a loud cry.

It didn’t happen often, but fuck it was hot when they came together.

She rolled off him and immediately flung an arm over her eyes. Her heaved erratically, and Adam couldn’t help but smile as she tried – in vain – to bring herself back down to Heaven from wherever she ascended to during her orgasm.

“That good, huh?” he breathed. She nodded, unable to speak. It wasn’t uncommon for her to be rendered speechless for several minutes after they had sex; especially when she was the one driving it. Afterglow Lute was something else entirely. Her hair was tousled from running her hands through it, her cheeks and chest were flushed from exhaustion, and her lips were so swollen from how forcefully she’d been kissing him. Adam thought that she looked the most beautiful like this, in her blissful, fucked-out state that he’d grown to love over the short amount of time that they’d been together.

“Yeah,” she sighed eventually, removing her arm from her face as she smiled at him. “That good.”

He smirked back at her before nudging her arm with his elbow. “Hey,”

“What?”

Rolling onto his side, Adam brushed Lute’s damp hair back from her face. “No more about the other girls, alright Lute?”

“Adam, I—”

“—I fucking mean it, babe.” He scooted closer to her and pulled her to him, their sweat-slicked chests pressing together. “There’s a reason you’re here and they’re not.” She looked up at him and the corners of her eyes crinkled.

“Why?” she pressed, drawing lazy circles with her index finger on his bicep. The lightness of her touch sent a pleasant shiver down his spine.

“You know why.”

Lute shifted her attention to his hair, raking her hand through it. “Because I’m your best girl?” she offered, her voice shifting to a softer, shier tone that contrasted her hard, determined demeanour entirely.

“Yeah, Lute.” He kissed the top of her head before wrapping his arms around her small frame, holding her tight. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, and he smiled as he rested his cheek atop her head. “You’re my best girl, alright.”

[h-yellowfell]

UPDATE!

Heya folks! im alive!

it's been a while hasn't it? i'm very sorry for the wait, lately i've been struggling with wrist pain and a whole load of burnout (ouch) and only recently have been able to slowly get back into drawing

-So, what is in for the future?

I do plan on continuing the Yellowfell story, just with a diferent format thats a bit easier on my body, the upload schedule is also changing, i have yet to see what works best, but you all can expect at least a weakly post

I tried my best to keep a daily shedule, but that fucked me over not only physically, but mentally as well, i just couldn't get posts out with the quality i wanted them to have, and that bothered me a lot

that also means asks will take a while to answer as well, as i try to catch up with my ever growing inbox to the best of my abillities, im super greatfull to you all for being patient with me as i figure this out!

-When is the next post?

Soon! the comic itself will continue, but consisting of drawings on important moments of the story as a full length comic is simply too much for me right now, and that gives me more time to draw a bit for myself along the way, yay!

Things may move slowly, but is all for the sake of delivering something that im actually proud of!

If you'd like to support the au, you can check out my kofi, where i take comissions, i am currently trying to get better equipment to make drawing less exhausting ('-w-)

That is all for now, see you all (hopefully) soon!

[dreamsndmadness]

hellooo!!!(sorry in advance for all of the rambling)

first of all, im absolutely gushing from all of the soft moments in ch9: feyd nearly crying from being cared for, paul helping feyd with his nightmares, and feyd being protective/caring in both the breakfast scene and throughout the spice field inspections :333. It was all VERY adorable and paul finally being unhesitating about his sexual relationship with feyd and them communicating (both implicitly with paul reading feyds body language and explicitly with paul making feyd ask for what he wants), it's all very rewarding in general :)

Also, ive just been thinking nonstop about all the stuff going on with paul. so, my first theory about pauls exhaustion was because he was staying up because of feyds nightmares waking up but then i re-read it and saw paul was tired even before they shared a bed, and then i remembered that lack of sleep is a common symptom of pregnancy so thats my leading theory rn, that OR paul is staying up late reading lol. im also so interested in what paul and lady jessica are plotting, they mentioned controlling feyd and learning more about him in the beginning and then theres the date palm scene. I remember in the movies that date palms are definitely on arrakis so my first thought was that feyd was being a paranoid little freak about it but then i thought lady jessica might be trying to assess pauls health or something?? its safe to say im super hyped for the paul POV

sorry about the length and INCREDIBLY half formed theories

( •̀ - •́ ) ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

The wonderful bowl100!!

I love your questions ☺️. Omg yay!!! I’m so glad you liked the chapter. I always have a crisis of confidence when I post new chapters 🙃. Yesss. The softness. Feyd cutting the fruit and making sure Paul eats was one of my favorite moments from the chapter. It’s so hard to write moments of tenderness from him without it seeming out of character. And then he can never be honest with himself about why he’s doing things or why certain things are making him feel certain ways. Man. This guy. Feyd used his words FINALLY!!! And yes!! I’m so happy for Paul. Starting to enjoy himself. It’s so important.

Okee so here’s what I can say. You aren’t wrong about any of your guesses per say. It’s been such a joy to write from Paul’s pov because he’s a much more emotionally evolved person so I can write him being like “ah yes. This is making me feel this way!”. So one of the biggest reasons for Paul’s exhaustion is that he has been having dreams. Some of them good, some of them pretty disturbing. And yes, we will be seeing them in the next chapter. He is also (not really a spoiler cause it’s in the tags) pregnant! Another big reason! That’s going to be a plot point of the next chapter as well.

Lol the date palm scene!! You’re right on both counts. Feyd is being a paranoid little freak. He’s like “they are speaking in code!!” No you weirdo, they are talking about date palms. However, I am going to give him a little credit because he did pick up on the weird energy of the scene which is basically due to Jessica trying to draw Paul out of his funk. She’s worried about him and thinks he’s not doing well, and she’s trying to cheer him up and also trying to subtly (probably too subtly) signal to Feyd to do the same. Which he kinda gets! Cause he then invites Paul to come with him on inspection and Jessica is like “thank fucking god you are so fucking dense”. To Feyd. Not Paul. Paul can do no wrong in Jessica’s eyes lol.

Anyway! All of your theories were pretty spot on and perceptive!!! Sorry it took so long for me to respond 😔. I’ve been sick this week and it’s been a struggle. I have most of Paul’s chapter finished (it’s sitting at 5,500 words right now 😀). And I hope to edit and post tomorrow!!

Thank you as always for your lovely questions. I look at your wonderful art every day 🥹.

All the best 🫶.

[skuntank]

pinned post ! : )

mobile link for my art clicky click : )

link for headcanons tag

hi i am billy i like to draw. i am 30+ and i dont care to update that number every year so thats as good as youre gonna get. so this means No Minors, otherwise i will block you : )

Official legally authorized super duper non negotiable for realsies #1 biggest fan ever of Cheryl Pokemon, Gardenia Pokemon, Hunter J Pokemon, and Diantha Pokemon ✨

My tag for sexual content is "the nasties" if that is something you need to blacklist.

I follow from my main, @hotshotshitshow , a blog that historically is supposed to be for my oc art

have some more stuff under the cut:

this sideblog is purely for me to indulge in fandom-based hyperfixations, post my art, and ramble on about headcanons. i am just here for a good time. and as is the nature with adhd and hyperfixations, my interest in things can change in a heartbeat and ive been known to go afk for months on end and then suddenly spring back like nothing happened.

youre not likely to find much of anything involving male characters here. this is a space that focuses primarily on women and nonbinary individuals and that is something that is extremely important to me*. that being said, this blog is 1000% trans safe and terfs and other such transphobes are not at all welcome and are invited to block me.

(*note that there are some exceptions made for some male characters that i love dearly, but they are absolutely not the focus of this blog.)

pokemon is and always has been the absolute love of my life and my faves from it are:

+ gardenia, cheryl, diantha, cynthia, rika, hunter j, cyllene, cogita

+ gaiashipping (gardenia/cheryl), phaesporiashipping (cynthia/diantha), geeta/rika, gothicrockshipping (roxie/marley)

other things of great importance:

+ karlach, karlach/shadowheart, any of the other bg3 ladies

+ sadie adler, sadie/molly, just about anything red dead related

+ noi, noikaido (dorohedoro)

+ midna/zelda (legend of zelda)

this of course is not an exhaustive list, but rather a list of what you are the most likely to see here.

i am always very open to discussing headcanons, its one of my very very favorite things to do but ive not had the opportunity to discuss headcanons in depth with anyone in a very, very long time. so please, feel free to drop me a line if you wanna jam, so long as its about a character or ship i care about im game : ) fwiw, pokemon is by far the franchise that is easiest for me to talk about.

please do take note that the more i love a character, the more likely i am to foist the most ridiculous headcanons on them lmao. i delight in ideas that buck expectations and putting my own weird spin on things, but do rest assured it is all out of a very deep love and appreciation for the character and is purely my take on trying to push them to the boundaries of their canon.

Additionally,

Just as an fyi I'm sorry to my mutuals whose posts I don't really interact with, it's a rule for me to not scroll through my dash on here because it gets me sucked into things that are Not good for me to deal with and just avoiding my dash altogether is just better for me. So consequently I don't really see what people are doing unless I go and directly visit their blogs and I always feel like sort of a creep for that shsksbs

[horsefreek151]

I am covid positive right now and still laid up in bed. We were supposed to get our SNAP benefits today, and I've been using Instacart to get groceries because I knew Snap was coming in, so we would be able to afford it... WELL, SNAP DIDN'T COME IN.

We spent HOURS last month in the office filing things and ensuring we were all set. Multiple people told us we were all set. Apparently, our account is closed because of "insufficient documentation,"... despite the dozens of files we brought in last month and the workers telling us we were good. It's a snow day, and the office isn't open, so I can't call anyone to fix it.

Im disabled, I cant work a regular job. The job I'm currently working (after-school program for kids) I haven't been able to work for two weeks. My husband does the same job. I am not gonna be able to re-up this job, tho. I love it because It's so exhausting. I can't do things at home after, and I'm in so much pain I crash the next day. I've made $270 from that job for two weeks of work. I can't sustain us for the month on that, and I'm paying for food and meds.

It's hard enough that my state health care is trying to drop me, claiming my husband and I make a ridiculous amount of money cause they think he's at his old job (It was emotionally destroying him); he quit 4 months ago. I was rationing meds last month. I have Asthma, MDD, GAD, ASD/ADHD, MCAS, POTS, UC, and EDS. Rationing meds means I'm putting my life at risk. The gov in the US is so worried about someone getting 300$ they can only spend on groceries and MEDICAL CARE when they deem they don't deserve it that I am having to RATION FOOD AND MEDS.

I even had to make my own hodge-podge dog food for my service dog (A mix of her dry, wet, rice, and peas to keep her eating). This dog's life is more important to me than my own. She's saved my life, and gotten me diagnosed with half of my conditions because she figured out something was wrong.

All this to say, the only income I have gonna have for a while is commissions so please.

Character Sheet - 40$

Full body - 25$

Headshot- 10$

Icon - 5$

Anything, I can draw anything. Anthro, Feral, Spicy, Human, Dragon, Fanart.

I use Paypal and Venmo.

[spikeinthepunch]

i hate that i feel like drained and too exhausted to feel like revisiting Penrose just after making one thing for it. but this is a common thing that happens where i work on a oc story and it just gets too tiring and i lose interesting to do more with it. it sucks bc i just know full well i can make sooo much more content for fandom than oc stuff.

and i recognize its because fandom works off of existing material, so i dont have to make the whole world or characters myself! and its great, i love that. but i end up getting frustrated with myself bc i feel like if i can do all that then why cant i do that for myself??

in some ways i feel like im not legit if i cannot make these oc stories actually exist. i want to. i want to be an artist who makes cool oc stuff. but i just dont. its like i have been told too much that oc stuff that takes off is important, and fandom content is lesser because it cant be "used" in outside ways. which ties into the push to make you profit off of your work.

but anyways. this feeling that my fandom content is lesser 100% feeds into why i run off to sideblogs for the Thing. i have been super absent here after my obsesion with mcyt returning and it was especially out of shame, and then after admitting it i still didnt like sharing it here bc i felt like all fandom needed to be seperate and that mixing it with this blog would somehow ruin this blog's intent and drive any attempt at an audience away. cuz, what if they dont like the fandoms i keep drawing for and spamming on their dash??

even right now! i am unloading my sudden interest in Lisa and i keep thinnking , "man, i shouldnt be doing that. i need to separate it." and a lot of then time with a smaller thing, those side blogs often fail and i get no discussion and i fall out of the thing. other times, like my mcyt blog, i take off and run with it so hard that its also like i started a new identity entirely.

obviously i have no plans to tear down my sideblog, esp those i am active on, but like. i just really need to stop doing that. ill deal w the struggle i have on making oc content later i just really need to unlearn the feeling that fandom content isnt as good for me to focus on if i really wanna do it.

[maplesorbet]

a very rough and quick vent art sketch because i am in my feels and don’t have enough time to commit to this drawing lmao. hello again to the tumblr void and welcome to my rant ✌🏼😌 i think the stress and constant looming melancholy has made me slightly more insane but we are slaying so that is all that matters. (warning, idk if any of this makes sense, i am sleep deprived and my eyes are blotted with tears ✌🏼 i think my own thoughts are funny so here’s to another silly goofy online journal entry that i can use for reference in the future hehe)

for some reason, ive just been thinking about how “actions speak louder than words” all night and how important it is for me and all my friendships. i guess this is just me overthinking a little and not understanding how i prefer to receive love languages, but idk.

i’ve had friends tell me that they dont think they can ever be there for me the way i am for them and it gnaws at my lil brain every now and then because im convinced it’s what i deserve. i think im just used to giving more of my time and energy to others than i am used to giving it to myself. my people pleasing habits sometimes erase who i even am as a person to my friends and to me.

but then i have friends who won’t say much but will be there for me, the way i think i am for others, even when im being stubborn or difficult and think i’m the worst person in the world. though this may be the emotional repression talking, i dont think i’ll ever really fully understand love and care and how others perceive me, but what i do understand is that the comfort of even such small gestures – like sitting in a call while im crying for no reason and just being there, or checking in to make sure i’ve eaten, or even just texting me to check in after a busy busy day or exhausting work week – is the closest thing i can think of to feeling loved recently.

i know that not all friendships will feel equal very often. sometimes you have to give more than you take. i’m okay with doing that because i really do care for my friends even if my effort isn’t reciprocated. maybe i’m just feeling sappy right now, but when my friends actively show me they care through even the smallest of words or actions, my heart becomes so full.

[vorareromantic]

hey im a 17yo she/her n i kinda feel like i maybe autistic but im not sure, can u give a few telltale signs which may help? (ik a diagnosis from a professional is better but it isnt exactly an option for me rn)

hey!!

so first and foremost, autism presents differently for everybody. connecting with other autistic people can be very helpful, but you don't have access to a professional diagnosis then i would also recommend doing your own research with medical articles, the dsm, etc. and try to avoid getting information off of places such as tiktok and instagram. i'm drawing a lot from my own experiences here because that's what i know, but i just think it's important to note that my experiences are not going to be the exact same as another autistic person you may talk to about this, nor will that person's experience be the exact same as the next one.

so for me, the biggest tell-tale sign was a lack of social awareness. as a kid, i had a hard time connecting to my peers in a way that they deemed fit. i would often speak too loudly, be disruptive, and say whatever was on my mind without realizing if it was oversharing or upsetting to people. however, this can also manifest as being too shy, not speaking enough, etc. unfortunately, your peers will often pick out from a young age that there is something different about you. on a similar note, i also have a very hard time carrying conversations with other people. if i have to, still to this day, i tend to overshare or talk about things that are not socially acceptable (a big recent topic has been cannibalism). that or i'll just go quiet, i tend to not say anything if i don't see anything that i feel needs to be said unless i am extremely desperate for human connection (which, contrary to stereotypes, can happen and often does for me. i just have a hard time relaying it). i also tend to share experiences about my own life when people are talking as a way to relate to them, which is not inherently an autistic trait, but it is very common for autistic people to do.

a more well-known sign of autism is a lack of eye contact, but it can also manifest as any other form of inappropriate eye contact ratio such as too much eye contact or focusing so much on maintaining an eye contact to looking away ratio that you can't focus on what's being said.

sensory issues are also very common. for me personally this manifests in scratchy fabrics, loud noises, wet or sharp noises, and food. however, autism can also encompass a reduced sensation of pain or temperature. those things are also not mutually exclusive, i have a reduced sensation of temperature and also severe sensory issues.

many autistic people have an aversion to physical touch, but that's not always the case.

stimming is another one, a common known stim is hand flapping, but any repetitive self-soothing movement or sound can be a stim. pulling examples from my own experiences, i often tap my wrists together, rock back and forth, twirl my hair, tap my arm, tap my wrists to my legs, laryngeal whistling, etc.

a low social battery is another thing, if you seem to get worn out in social situations before your peers do, etc. i know i can typically only be around most people irl for two hours at a time before i start getting overwhelmed. for me personally when i get overwhelmed it's an instant switch. i stop masking, my voice drops an octave, i can't look up at people, i stim more, it causes my entire body to feel exhausted and sometimes takes days to recover from.

not every autistic person experiences this, but i have speech loss episodes when i get too overwhelmed. which is pretty much that i can't speak no matter how hard i try to. sometimes i can write/text instead, sometimes i can't even form what i want to say in my head enough to do that. it depends on the situation.

having a hard time switching between tasks can also be a sign of autism, as a kid i would often need buffer time between going from reading to math, etc.

another thing can be fixated interests, not to say that anyone with intense interests is autistic but for me i have always formed almost parasocial?? attachments to fictional characters and would need to have the character involved in absolutely everything that i did in order to do it. a common misconception is that a special interest has to be something like science or trains, but it can be literally anything as long as it takes up an abnormal portion of your life. personally, my fixations can last several months to several years and can frequently negatively impact my life and make me late to events/work/class, make me lose friends from talking about it too much, etc.

obviously this is not an extensive list of autistic traits or my own experiences with autism, and i would definitely recommend further research. and even if you're not able to pursue a diagnosis at this time, if you're able to talk to a doctor during an appointment to see if they think you exhibit any signs or to get more insight as to what it may look like then you should consider doing so.

if you have any questions or want to talk about specifically why you think you might have autism, feel free to send me a dm :)

[worldwright]

Good evening ! ill be reading crackships after the day i just had bc wtf

I finally could get my meds, had some issues regarding that, but my usual pharmacy was nice enough to not care and just handed me my meds for free (im not paying for those things, they don't work at all but i still need to take them)

Im so exhausted, I cant ;-; dont wanna be tomorrow, have a very important call that's useless i have to answer

I KNOW what I'm thinking about kinda sounds bad and is NOT a good idea AT ALL, but I just want to make another attempt, same as last time, just to get some rest for fuck's sake, don't feel rested since September and no news about the psych ward (i think they didn't actually add me to the waiting list, i know it's bad to insinuate that but it's france, everything mental health related is some real shit so it's not that farfetched)

but alas, i cant do that again, because first i like walking, second im waiting for 4 important things (my id, one of the two things i need for 'free' healthcare, the bad i ordered, and finally my doctor's eyes' appointment that i finally have, omg, ill be able to finally have some glasses that fit my eyes, oh do i want them now)

ugh, why am i dealing with so many medical issues, oh yeah i have free healthcare bc france but good lord would it kill them to actually do something that works for once ??????

also, unrelated, someone asked me if i sold or if i knew someone who sold drugs when we were on the bus, that was fun ngl. why would i go do smth illegal when i can be high with my prescribed meds if i dose them right lol

Have a wonderful morning my friend !

goddamn isn't it. so fucking fantastic. that nobody takes mental health seriously unless there's obvious tangible attempts at literal death. that being said you better fuckin not. who will kick the asses of the dickwads managing the psych ward if you don't

obviously I don't expect you to go commit violence lmfao, but like. spite

lol my manager keeps dropping more projects on me. it's like yeah I was confident I could finish those four drawings in time but now there are six. oh you have another one? bitch

I gotta start taking advantage of my medical insurance lol. I switched to a different plan that's ostensibly better, but it takes money out of my paycheck so like. I'm gonna go use that goddamn health insurance. funny how that works. luckily there's a clinic literally one block from my apartment

it's supposed to snow this weekend.... I need to stock up on groceries in case I get locked in (oh no how terrible, having to stay home oh nooooo lmao)

ughhhhh I need to move closer to my friends!!!! I cannot live alone I keep making too much food!! and I'm notoriously bad at eating leftovers!! looking at apartment listings is keeping me alive until I can fuck off out of Seattle

(not that I hate seattle, it's just too far from friends. also it's loud)

hope you have a wonderful and relaxing evening!!

[courtofmatchups]

This is such a good idea omg!! May I get a Match Up?

My Name is Maia and i go by she/her! Im about 5"4 which is pretty ordinary id say. I have green eyes and dye my hair alot as a form of self expression! I'm very artistic and draw or paint alot. I also write! I own 2 cats which tend to sleep on me or in my bed when I sleep. I think my friends would say I'm pretty energetic but I know when to stop kinda?? 🤷‍♀️ Theres nothing that I love more than making others feel safe and guarded. I also enjoy dancing, baking, cooking and singing! I also very much enjoy gardening and caring for plants or animals. I am an ENTP, meaning im really extroverted but I still have times in which I just want to sit back and let others do the talk. I get exhausted from public situations sometimes. I absolutely hate rude people, like the ones that are rude without a reason. I could break their bose each time someone talks to me or my friends like that. M favorite thing about myself is that I know how to communicate. It was hard acquiring that, since I have some childhood trauma in the bag. Meaning I start tearing up whenever someone I love might start talking to me in a pissed way or in a way that tells me were arguing because i usually avoid arguments within family or with loved ones. I tend to look out for others alot and i try to balance that by doing self care every now and then! I also value my sleep alot but sometimes I catch myself reading until late at night. I can be very crackheaded when with people I love but only if I feel extremely comfortable with them. When In a bad mood, I can get very snappy but that rarely happens because of me not wanting to gurt the people im around. I also enjoy the sun alot but I rarely go out. I just sit at my desk, starring at my phone like:

"Someone please.. Someone please call me and ask me to do something!"

So im not someone who initiates that by herself. I am definetly really touch starved and cuddling with people helps me relax alot. Sometimes, I tend to bite them. Idk why bro the urge is just there?? I love going shopping and treating myself more than anything but I have pretty faked self confidence. I try to keep it up around people but sometimes its just hard to not be self conscious about everything you do or how you look. I also have major back problems due to the size of my chest and the weight it puts onto my back💀 My favorite colors are pink and light blue or pastels! I either dress very romantically or like a full on lingerie model no inbetween. I also really value it when people communicate their emotions to me and I love helping them learn how to since it's really important!

Have a nice day and drink enough <3

It seems to me you've captured the heart of...

The Clement Prince

Aquia Avari!

(A/N sorry this took so long. Uni was kicking my ass 💀)

If there is one thing this sweet, soft-spoken man loves about you, it's your energy, and how you express yourself. And the fact that you know when to reign it in makes you all the more appealing to him. And when he learns that you're artistic, you have a green thumb, and the fact that you love animals, the ball just starts to roll. Your relationship starts with the two of you bonding over your love for gardening. And once he feels like he can trust you (trust me, with your personality, that won't take long), he's gonna invite you over to his secret balcony. He loves to listen to you talk about your interests, and he also appreciates that you like to hear him talk about his. What's this? You're protective too?

"How is this person so... Wonderful??" - Aquia Avari

Aquia does his best not to overstep any boundaries, and if he does, he'd appreciate it when you tell him about it. He knows just as well as you do that communication is important in any relationship. If you ever bring up your childhood trauma, he can't help but feel sorry for you, but also proud. It takes a lot of strength to grow around it, and don't even get me started on practicing not taking any shit from others.

Cuddles! Aquia would absolutely love cuddles with you. You may take him by surprise if you do nibble on him, but when you tell him that's just a way you like to show affection, he can't help but feel all warm and fuzzy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A long day of lectures had come to a close, and Aquia walked with you to his balcony. His plants look a little dehydrated, but it's nothing some water cannot fix. You offered to help him water them. He taught you the proper watering techniques for his plants (let's be real, most of these plants don't even exist on Earth). Meanwhile Mel and your two cats are playing (assuming hamsters aren't part of their diet)

A: "Ah, I just remembered! Maia, I aquired some Avarian Ale. Shall we have a drink?"

M: "Awesome! What's the occasion?"

A: "It's nothing in particular. I just wanted to share a drink with you. That's what paramours do, is it not?"

M: "You're not wrong there, hehe"

After a few drinks, the two of you sat there talking to each other, enjoying each others company. At one point, you asked Aquia to hold still, as you wanted to draw him. You've drawn him a few times before, but the surge of pure joy he gets when you draw him never dies down. You finished the sketch about an hour later, and presented it to him. Was he always this handsome to you? He couldn't help but preen a little.

Neither of you realized how late it got. Aquia noticed you were shivering a little from the cold so he draped his jacket over you and led you inside. He asked you if you wanted to cuddle as you entered the building.

M: "I thought you'd never ask"

Aquia led you to the sofa with his arm around your waist. He wrapped his other arm around you and pulled you closer. And you happily nuzzled into him, and gave him some nibbles on his cheek. And there you stayed, eventually falling asleep in each other's embrace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[strawberrysoup]

Pocketful of Posies || Chapter 2

You’d been hiding for years and years now; from your  family, from society, from alphas and packs. Suppressants were dangerous but effective and necessary for an omega who refused to be owned—but no suppressants were strong enough to fool the nose of a super soldier, who together with his pack would stop at nothing to bind you to them forever.

pairings: dark!Avengers x reader word length: 5k chapters: 2/? warnings: A/B/O dynamics, power imbalances, noncon and dubcon sexual situations, loss of autonomy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat — this is a dark!fic, read at your own risk. Open the read more and CTRL + F, search “content warnings” to skip to detailed trigger warnings at the bottom of the chapter.

hey read this: im desperately hoping this lives up to the standards the first chapter apparently set my dudes, fingers crossed i don’t lose any of you with this one 🤞🤞 also before we get started i just wanna let yall know i am very firmly set in my decisions for the designations and i do not apologize lmao 🤙 

You had been manhandled often enough in your life but fuck this time in particular. Even if you’d managed to pass as a beta for more than a decade, you weren’t strong and couldn’t stand your ground in the face of an alpha three times your size. Steve had sucked his fingers clean and easily hefted you up into his arms, following Bruce back into the cabin and down into the basement—you hadn’t been allowed to clean the basement, it was one of the off-limits areas that were noted in your many instructions. If a door is locked, leave it alone. No cleaning is necessary in the basement, garage, or third floor. Wash the linens with a scent free detergent. Make sure the refrigerator is properly scrubbed out.

He’d left you on a metal countertop with instructions to be good for Bruce. You weren’t sure what that entailed but as soon as the blond left the room, your mind started to race. There was no way you could get away from Steve, Sam you could potentially outrun, but Bruce? Being left alone with the beta was the best thing they could’ve done for you. You could get away from Bruce.

“Have you been to see a doctor recently?” His voice was gentle, intended to be soothing as he came to stand in front of you. "Any check-ups, clinic visits?”

You knew there was blood drying on your cracked lips, cutting a jarring path down your throat. The taste was still in your mouth, you’d gouged your tongue and it was still actively bleeding. With that in mind you made direct eye contact with the beta before letting the mouthful spill over your bottom lip and drip down your front, hoping the gore would help emphasize your opinions on the situation.

“Sweetheart, I know you’re upset—”

“Bruce, why is she bleeding?” It was like getting punched in the face by alpha pheromones the moment the door to the room opened again and a much younger alpha stepped through with a practically panicked expression.

Before you or Bruce could respond you’d been swept up in the alpha’s arms. He was a few years younger than you, early twenties probably and being manhandled by a fetus was particularly bothersome. His scent kept you still for a few seconds before you started squirming, making a beta-like snarl while he corralled your limbs.

“Here Pete, can you sit with her over here? We need a blood draw and full work up, her natural hormones have probably been devastated by the chemicals in the suppressants she was taking,” Bruce gestured for the alpha to carry you to a metal table, likely meant to be used for some sort of experiments if the rest of the room was anything to judge by. "All of her reproductive organs could’ve been affected, I’ll need to do a pelvic exam. We’ll run an STD panel and—”

“No! I don’t consent!” Your voice came out as a growl, the best one you could manage. "This is false imprisonment! Let go of me you fucking knothead! This is illegal!”

The alpha started to purr immediately and you found yourself rendered boneless under the onslaught. It was startling—you’d forgotten how it felt, how calm and safe it made you feel. Alpha purrs were meant to soothe and comfort, the tones perfectly adjusted to the omega ear. They also caused a completely involuntary reaction in omegas, the same as all other alpha sounds. You had no choice but to feel relaxed, the white noise of a purr jumbling your thoughts.

Bruce smiled down at you, hand running over the top of your head where it rested against the alpha’s chest. "It’s okay, you don’t have to be afraid. I won’t let anything happen to you, I just want to make sure you’re healthy.”

“Isn’t that better baby?” The alpha sat back on the table and pulled you to sit between his legs, tucked close to his chest. “And unless you have a guardian alpha, it’s not illegal. We’re doing our civic duty, taking care of an omega in unsafe conditions.”

The worst part was that you couldn’t fight it; you couldn’t find your way out of the calm static the purr filled your brain with. Even when Bruce started taking multiple vials of blood from your left arm, when he opened your mouth to check the damage to your tongue, when they started undressing you, you couldn’t fight. It was a hazy sort of half thought, that you wanted them to stop. It must’ve been apparent in your eyes, that you were trying to work your way out of the purr’s effects.

“Shhhh, sweetheart, you’re alright,” Bruce murmured quietly as his hands pressed the glands in your neck, fingers brushing gently against the scent gland in particular. "No swelling in your thyroid or mating nodes, that’s good. Suppressants can really cause problems in your hormone glands; the blood tests will tell us for sure but it looks like you might’ve dodged the worst of it if nothing’s enflamed. How long have you been on suppressants?”

Answering was the last thing on your mind, your eyes slowly roving over the room instead. It was some sort of lab set up, tons of machines and parts of machines, technology you couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Bruce had been taking things from one particular cabinet that seemed to hold medical supplies, the rest of the place resembling a robotics factory or some kind of high-tech research and development lab. The doors had swished open automatically when Steve brought you in and when the new alpha came through. Who had automatic doors in a vacation home?

“Should I stop?” The alpha questioned the doctor, chest continuing to rumble. “I might be making her too calm I guess.”

“No, just keep doing what you’re doing Peter,” Bruce sighed slightly. "There’s too much coherence in her eyes as it is, I don’t know if the purr affects her as much as it should. I’m worried that if you weren’t enhanced it wouldn’t work at all. Look at me sweetie, can you focus on face?”

His hands cupped your cheeks, tilting your head carefully while watching your eyes. You couldn’t find the energy to focus on his face; you couldn’t imagine the purr affecting you more than it already was and dreaded the idea that it could be worse. What did enhanced mean? Like the superheroes you’d been hearing about? You didn’t keep up on current events, unless they were Omega's Rights related.

“I’m sure it’s a result of the beta chemicals dampening her omega instincts,” Peter shifted you slightly as Bruce exchanged his gloves for a new pair. "Once her body starts producing hormones on its own again she should revert back to common responses to alpha stimuli.”

“You’re probably right, we’ll know for sure once I get the blood results,” Bruce gestured for Peter to sit up more, bringing your limp body with him. “I’m going to do a breast exam and a pelvic exam and we’re done. There are some other tests I want to run but I don’t have the equipment on hand so they’ll have to wait until Tony manages to get here. Peter, can you help move her arms?”

You felt like you almost managed to swim through the purr, rage fueling you as hands manipulated your breasts. The exam itself was clinical, professional even—or it would’ve been if he hadn’t been cooing at you the whole time, how good you were being, how sweet you were, how pretty your breasts were. Peter had hummed in agreement along with the doctor, his nose trailing up and down your neck. Your hands clenched into fists and you could feel Peter’s grip on your wrists shift with the movement.

“Calm down, baby,” the alpha’s voice cooed gently against the side of your head, lips pressing into your hair as Bruce shifted away and went for the medical cabinet again. "This is important. Suppressants could’ve caused tons of problems, cancerous growths in sexual organs or secondary sex characteristics is very common.”

Death would be a reprieve. The same thought that crossed your mind any time you considered the potential effects of suppressants. A reprieve from the hiding, the exhaustion, living out of your car or a tent, eating garbage because it was all you could afford—from the constant threat of having your autonomy ripped from your hands.

You relaxed your fists until you felt his grip loosen again, even if only slightly. Your only chance would be to rely on surprise and your speed, there was no other way you’d be able to get away. Forcing your body to relax was a trial though, adrenaline was starting to course through you the more you became used to the effects of the purr. Your scent was still massively dampened by the suppressants, Peter likely wouldn’t be able to smell the shift from fear to anticipation. You bit down on the sluggishly bleeding wound on your tongue, reigniting both the pain and blood flow.

“Alright, last part, we’re almost done and then we’ll get you comfortable, okay?” Bruce was wearing new gloves again, a bottle in hand as he walked back over. "Have you had a pelvic exam before?”

You waited until he was close enough and performed what seemed to be your go to act of defiance: spitting blood directly in his face. He reared back with a short curse, Peter immediately releasing your wrists—his goal was likely to readjust you in his lap, to gain a better hold, but you were fast, faster than an alpha (always faster than alphas, it was all you had). You’d slipped from his lap and darted for the automatic doors before either of them could respond. Running through the woods naked was the lesser evil.

Steel bands. You should’ve noticed, the doors opened too soon for them to be reacting to your presence, you were so focused on getting through. But the moment you did, it felt like steel bands wrapped around your torso, pinning your arms.

The alpha’s scent was like Steve’s—the moment your brain registered it the world went hazy. You were floating, body going limp for a precious few seconds that the alpha used to sweep you into his arms and stalk further into the room. Your senses came back just in time for you to be deposited back into Peter’s lap on the table, a massive blond alpha coming into view for the first time. Your gaze was immediately stuck on his, the heterochromatic eyes nearly hypnotizing. Fighting the daze he put you in was overwhelming, especially when a wide smile split his lips and his cheeks dimpled. One massive hand reached out, almost engulfing the entire lower half of your face.

“Hello little love.” Were alphas always as insanely massive as this one and Steve, or had you just stumbled across literally your worst nightmare? “They told me you’re a flighty thing, I suppose I arrived just in time, hm? Are you going to spit blood in my face as well? It seems to be your calling card.”

The look on your face must’ve betrayed the fact that you were really, really considering it. You had a mouthful of blood and nowhere to put it but his face, honestly. Instead you used the fact that Peter was mostly propping you up to lean over the edge of the table and proceeded to open your mouth, spilling blood down onto the alpha’s shoes nice white shoes.

“I wouldn’t challenge her,” Bruce’s voice drew your attention to where he was using a towel to wipe blood off his glasses, a wry smile and affection clear on his face. "She’s putting a lot of effort into being belligerent.”

The blond alpha rumbled with a grin, thumb brushing across your cheekbone. "It’s been a stressful day for her, there’s nothing she can do that will cause any persisting damage anyway. Let her have her little rebellions.”

You wanted to be furious—what kind of asshole looked a person dead in the eyes and called their attempts to escape false imprisonment little rebellions?—but Peter seemed to have realized where your train of thought had gone because he started purring immediately. Your spine went boneless, laying you flat against his chest.

“Can you lean up against the wall with her?” Bruce directed the younger alpha to shift until both of your legs were dangling over the edge, Peter’s back to the wall the table sat against. “You’re going to need to hold her in place, even while you purr. Alright sweetie, let’s get this out of the way. Thor, will you hold her leg please?”

The sound you made was an accident. Desperation and humiliation were crawling up your spine with astounding speed, even with Peter’s purr going like a motorboat and the sound  was making it too hard to think through your instincts. Omega cries were a deliberate counterpart to the noises alphas made; whines and cries and hisses, perfectly pitched to make an alpha’s hindbrain stand at attention. The sound you made was a sharp, chirping whine—distress, distress, distress, help me, help me help m—

“Oh little love,” Thor’s voice had dropped several registers and he gently shuffled Bruce to the side so he could stand in front of you, slipping as close to the table as possible and tugging your legs to rest on either side of his hips and gently running his hands over your skin. “Let’s get you taken care of, you need rest.”

The pheromones he was putting out were meant to calm but you immediately opened your mouth, using the overwhelming scent of your own blood to drown them out. The alpha sighed and stepped aside again, taking your leg with him and spreading your thigh to rest over Peter’s leg with your foot planted on the table. A whine rose in your throat again but you locked it down, instead biting down on your tongue yet again. It was as grounding as it was painful, the tang of it souring your stomach.

It was your last coherent thought, that you were starting to feel nauseous from all of the blood you'd swallowed. Thor began to purr just after that and the sound was entirely devastating, bone deep and you went completely limp, your head falling to the side against Peter’s chest and your shoulders dropping. This is what acid felt like, you were pretty sure.

Your eyes lazily followed Bruce’s path as the doctor took his place between your legs again, lifting the other into a matching position. Some part of you was fully aware of how gut wrenching this was; completely naked and spread wide in front of two alphas and a beta, a situation you’d rather kill yourself than be in, but your brain couldn’t follow any emotional tethers while Thor purred. The doctor was speaking, you could feel his hands manipulating your vulva, but you couldn’t understand anything coming out of his mouth.

Peter’s hand came to your chin and tilted your head back until you could see him, smiling down at you. His mouth moved, your eyes almost able to track the movement of his lips enough to read them but your brain gave up halfway through. The two alphas were chuckling over something but you were distracted by the discomfort of something being inserted into your vagina. A sharp yip escaped your lips, your body still completely boneless as your eyes rolled down.

“It’s a speculum, sweetie, I’m sorry it’s uncomfortable,” it sounded like Bruce was talking underwater and you could almost feel his breath on your thigh, your mind irritatingly unable to think beyond the question 'who just keeps a fucking speculum lying around?' "Just a few more seconds while I get a pap smear.”

More discomfort came before the instrument was removed, another yip leading Peter to purr along side Thor. The rest of the exam was a blur, slippery fingers and pressure and foreign sensations. You could barely think, let alone realize that Bruce was finishing up the manual exam, when your eyes noticed movement behind them. You couldn’t really make out anything, nothing would focus, but you assumed it was Steve and Sam.

There were more voices but you couldn’t hear anything for an indeterminate amount of time. It wasn’t until Thor stopped purring again that you were able to start regaining your senses, as much as the continuous rumbling in Peter’s chest would allow. The difference between the sounds the two alphas produced was marked by your sudden ability to focus your eyes, to concentrate on voices, in the way your muscular control was slowly returning.

You were almost glad the young alpha was still purring—it meant that the spike of terror that tried to shoot through you was somewhat dulled, enough that it wouldn’t show in your scent. Sam and Steve had indeed come in, accompanied by a young woman with long auburn hair and porcelain skin, a beta from the scent. As soon as she made eye contact with you she smiled vibrantly, slipping forward and sneaking between your still spread thighs.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmured, long fingers stroking absently against your neck as she leaned in, forcing your back tighter against Peter’s chest. "Will you let me see your trauma my love?”

Some sort of red miasma filled your vision, a fog you quickly realized was coming from her hands—and realization slammed into you like a freight train. You seen that before, in passing. And then the recognition made you nauseous—Thor. You didn’t keep up with current events, but certain names you couldn’t miss. Thor, Tony Stark, Captain America. Your eyes flashed to the blond man standing towards the back of the room; Captain America, Steve Rogers.

Desperation shot through your body like you’d been tazed. Your foot shot out of Thor’s hold, the alpha hadn’t been putting any actual effort into holding you still since you’d been so dazed, and connected with the woman’s chest to send her reeling. Before anyone else could respond, your throat rasped for several seconds before a warbling shriek escaped. The four alphas in the vicinity reacted like they’d been shot; Thor and Steve both stumbled back, and Sam’s knees practically gave out, sending him careening into the wall. Behind you, Peter, far too close to the source, immediately went limp.

There were several distress calls an omega could make. Most of the time, they were whines or chirps, noises meant to draw attention from packmates. They were small, careful sounds—nothing loud enough to attract attention from a foreign alpha or delta. Omegas were quarry to be stolen, after all, which was precisely why they had one, singular method of defending themselves against their biggest biological threat and that was a shriek.

When in close proximity, the sound was loud enough and tuned just so to daze an alpha’s hindbrain. The evolutionary explanation was that a loud shriek meant that an omega being confronted by an aggressive alpha could both temporarily stun their attacker and summon assistance—alphas or deltas, far enough away that the negative effects were nullified but within proximity to hear that an omega was in danger. The assumption being, of course, that an omega who shrieked was in danger from a stranger, not a packmate.

It only worked for a very short time though, any alpha or delta in the area would immediately converge on the omega’s location and deal with the problem—it was the reason you hadn’t used it outside. There was no reason for the effects to last when it summoned immediate assistance, though, and that meant you needed to move. You slid off the table, bare feet slapping tile as you just barely managed to dodge Bruce’s grasp. The woman, the witch from the news, was on the floor clutching her sternum.

The stairs were a blur, so was the foyer and the driveway. You hesitated at your car for all of ten seconds before running for the forest; your keys were in the pocket of your jeans, back down in the basement. Abandoning all of your possessions hurt somewhere deep in your heart but there wasn’t any time for sentiment. You had to get away, quickly.

Luckily the woods had become your home a long time ago. You moved between the trees silently, feet so heavily calloused from constantly going barefoot that you didn’t even notice the twigs and sharp stones digging into your flesh. Your brain shot into overtime. You needed to steal clothes, then cash. You’d lived with nothing for years, you could do it again for however long you needed to. The only thing you really needed was suppressants; everything else was a luxury.

You assumed they were behind you, you’d been running for a good three minutes. The straight path meant they could follow you easier but the goal had to be the maximum distance possible rather than the most strategic pattern. Your only advantage was being fast and you had no choice but to rely on it, especially since your hindbrain was wailing with every step you took. The suppressants were the only reason you could do it at all, the trade off for quieting those damn instincts being a tolerable mildness of character that did not appreciate the constant, incessant shriek of your baser self while you were trying to focus. 

All you had to do was keep quiet until you could find one of the creeks running through the forest—so close to Lake Superior there was water everywhere. You would run through the creek in several different places, to mask your scent and make it difficult to follow. It wouldn’t be hard to find a hunting blind or shack, a hole in the ground was better than going back there. The moment your eyes caught on running water you dove into it, covering yourself with mud before jumping back up to continue running.  

Captain America was super fast and you’d bet the rest of them were similar if not the same and you needed more distance. Somewhere in the back of your mind, prey behavior was setting in. Natural selection had driven your existence, you were the result of thousands of years of evolution, and the life you’d lived meant you were far more adapted to being hunted than most omegas. You were vulnerable but not helpless and as you coated yourself in more mud from a different part of the creek, chemosensory instincts started rattling through you.  

They were coming. Your scent was inhibited by the suppressant’s and that made it harder for them to follow you but they were doing their best. Combined with the water and the mud, your scent was very difficult to pin down, even for a super soldier. You contemplated climbing a tree to hide, but the insane memory of how keen the noses of the pack following you were spurred you on. You kept running, covering yourself in mud two more times, before finding a tree with a massive tangle of roots at the bottom. Fighting whatever creature had made a home down there was worth it—it went deep, was heavily covered by underbrush and detritus from the trees, but most importantly it was surrounded by wild bergamot in full bloom.  

It smelled lovely, spicy and floral with a citrusy overtone. You crawled through the dirt, wiggling between the roots and carefully avoiding crushing any plants or branches that could give you away. Whatever lived in there was out, likely foraging, and you took the creature’s absence to your advantage and pressed as far back into the hole as possible.  

You weren’t tired, despite the long, exhausting day and the fucking trauma. Another small grace that adaption had provided was that once an omega began producing adrenaline, sleep became unnecessary—it was actually considered a very unenviable omega trait in the general population, but you’d found it’s uses worth the unpleasant side effects. Your heart would continue to race for the next several hours, your pupils wouldn’t return to normal for potentially days and your blood sugar had sky rocketed and that was going to be a nightmare for how ever long it lasted. 

The waiting was going to hurt—there was nothing to pass the time and you had to actively focus on not being terrified or your omega scent could seep through, oh, what was it now? Five coats of mud from the creek, a significant amount of bergamot, and fifteen years of whatever the fuck suppressants did to your scent over time.

It wasn’t ten minutes later that you heard them. Stealth wasn’t their objective, that was clear from the amount of noise they made. You could hear Steve and Peter calling your name, although you didn’t know how they knew it. Thor was speaking, his tone low but certainly not quiet. They weren’t even moving that fast, walking almost leisurely.

“She’ll need to bathe and eat. Clint and Natasha are finishing up in New York. Steve, have you heard from Tony or Bucky? Carol?”  

“Tony’s wrapping up, should be flying over pretty soon. Carol and Bucky were on their way up but I gave them a list of things to grab while they’re going through the bigger cities. Shouldn’t be too much longer for them either though.” 

Steve and Thor were different than Sam or Peter. You couldn’t pin down exactly what had set your teeth on edge, but the scent the two blond alphas gave off was different. Their pheromones were worse, more infectious. Eye contact with Steve had made your hindbrain beg to go to him, regardless of the rationality you could usually manage thanks to the suppressants. You could remember the feel of Thor’s hand on like it was seared into your skin instead, you wanted him to never not be touching you ever again—

If you could’ve slapped yourself without making noise you would’ve. The stupid omega in your brain, that dumb, easy cunt was going to get you killed. You sealed your lips, clenched your teeth and tucked your hands under your bent knees. Night was starting to fall to your benefit, the shadows were getting darker. You were so far back they would have to crouch down and crawl half way in to see you.

If you could keep your wits until they passed you could double back, trying to find your keys would be a wash but you could grab clothes from the back of your ancient Tahoe. You weren’t sure how long you’d been in the basement, but you didn’t think it was long enough for them to have gone through your things.

“Could she have gotten this far?” You held your breath as Sam stopped far too close to your hiding place for comfort.

“Omegas are fast and she seemed faster than most,” Bruce answered. “We’ll know for sure once her blood work comes back, but from her physiology I’d say she presents as a classical omega. She’s probably the first in her family in a long, long time. To have a scream that loud in this day and age? The omega gene must’ve been skipped so long that there was no chance for it to adapt to modern omega qualities.”

“There’ve been some studies suggesting that the classical omega attributes are making a come back in the general population,” Peter’s voice came from much farther away. "They haven’t been peer reviewed enough yet and they haven’t been replicated en masse because they don’t have enough subjects, alphas aren’t exactly thrilled to have their omegas studied, but—”

“The lack of data aside, I assume there’s a correlation between the alphas willing to allow their omegas to participate and the behavior of the omega in question. Do you think—”

“Focus, Bruce,” Steve’s voice was light with affection. "The point is that yes, she could’ve gotten this far or farther. The way she keeps running into the creek is messing up the footprints and—”

Their voices faded as they continued the same linear path you’d been running earlier. The fact that they didn’t even sound a little concerned that you could get away was both insulting and unnerving. You didn’t need alphas having that kind of confidence regarding your behavior—and why weren’t they moving any faster? The paranoia was immediate and overwhelming, what did they know about that you didn’t? Something they assumed would hinder you farther along in the woods? Something they were planning for when they found you? When.

You forced yourself to count slowly to six hundred, waiting what you hoped was a full ten minutes before silently crawling out of your hide. Their scents were everywhere, you could smell where Sam had been standing almost directly over the opening in the roots. They were still too close for comfort and you turned, running back through the forest. Your feet were starting to feel sore, usually you’d at least watch where you stepped but there just wasn’t time—you had to get away before they could enact their plans.

The clearing the cabin sat in was coming up and you forced yourself to slow as you approached the tree line, keeping a careful eye out for the beta woman. You couldn’t remember what her call sign was, something to do with witches, and you definitely didn’t want her using that red magic stuff on your head.

The extra seconds of waiting paid off, watching her pace the porch for a few moments before her phone rang. She answered, walking inside and closing the doors behind her. You didn’t wait an extra second, darting across the clearing to where you car was sitting in the driveway with the trunk popped. They must’ve started going through your things but stopped part of the way through.

You could see one of your go bags though, squished between your rolled up sleeping bag and tent. The straps of the bag squeaked with how hard you yanked it out, hesitating slightly—instinct told you to leave the sleeping bag, but you’d grown used to the luxury of it and leaving the stupid thing behind made you decidedly sad. You tossed the straps of the go bag over your shoulder and turned away, knowing it would slow you down and—

There was an Iron Man suit standing directly behind you, gauntlets rested on the hips and the head cocked to the side. You froze, as if staying still could prevent it from noticing you. Fuck, you hoped there wasn’t a man in there. A stupid thought, you considered as you stared silently, trying to decide if there was any way out. Hope was a joke at this point but you didn’t have anything else.

“Hi princess,” it was a distinctly human voice, if filtered. "Hope I didn’t miss too much of the fun.”

  content warning: nonconsensual medical procedures, general noncon touching/assault.

edited 7/9/21 - still on hiatus

[leafcabbage]

hi hello very cool tumblr user leafcabbage. i sent an ask a few days ago abt starting your fic i dont remember if i was on anon but if i was then thats me!

anyways bc i'm clinically insane i finished binge reading ycssgwtlfs this afternoon and haven't been able to stop thinking about it actually!! sometimes the it gets worse before it gets better trope isn't my cuppa but you definitely made it work so well if not for the SHEER amount of hurt no comfort liiiiikeeeee omg omg omg omg that series of chapters where ranboo was just slowly losing their grip was just so exhausting to read (shals pos so slash pos!! i mean that like it very deeply emotionally affected me!!) and i am so here for it because it made the comfort at the end so so worth it. very excited to continue w the next parts :D

i also loved the little moments scattered throughout. i want to see so much more of techno and wilbur's relationship because that is really fascinating to me. i could read a whole other fic about that actually they have a great dynamic also bc we saw both their biggest flaws come to the forefront when trying to help ranboo. its just interesting. and!!!!! woah?! whats up with big q and techno?!! intrigue moment!!!!

and even though dream was a piece of shit (btw you wrote the gaslighting SO WELL that is exactly what it feels like. i was genuinely nervous everytime i read his name because we don't know whether ranboo was gonna get manipulated until he started talking. i thought it was a great detail that dream's mood was always the first thing we learned in every scene's narration because ranboo had to walk on eggshells with him. GOOD SHIT!!!! GOOD SHIT!!!!!!!!!) i rlly hope he gets out of that clearly toxic family eventually. how dare you make me empathize with him >:[

and purpled my beloved...... idk i just liked his and ranboo's dynamic. it was cute and i really liked seeing him and punz at the end. he is in the bathroom a lot. hope the guy is doin okay. i took that uquiz you made bfore i started reading the fic and i got him, so i am just attached ig oopsies. also tubbo and tommy's roomie was such a good moment it was genuinely really wholesome and is like my new favorite long build up joke ever :D

(also ahhh sorry if its annoying that i'm sending this in ask form instead of just commenting, especially since its kinda long!!!!!! but my eyes hurt from staring at the ol screen, tumblr interface is just a lot less headachy lol, thanks for writing such a wonderful fic and i hope youre having an awesome day!)

ahh this made me so happy!!! dont worry about sending it in ask form, i love seeing the little blue dot that means i have an ask, its very exciting. this did genuinely jumpscare me (in a funny way), which sound so dumb but i open the ask box and saw a long ask and went "woah!!" and genuinely actually jumped. thought you might enjoy learning that.

long answer so

i really really work hard on making the hurt worth it for the comfort, and having enough time to have that comfort and recovery. i think it helps that im writing a full series so if something wasnt dealt with in ycssg, i have quite a few more fics to deal with it and create closure. but im glad it was worth it! and it got tiring for me writing those chapters to be honest, it draws out just a little long and that was on purpose. it doesnt end at the perfect time, like in an ideal world ranboo would have accepted help at thanksgiving and that would be the beginning of things getting better, but thats not how life works. ranboo did not willingly seek out help, and thats an important part of the story. they accepted help because they were convinced they were literally dying and didnt know what else to do. and then they were somewhat reliant on tommy and tubbo, and if that hadn't been the case things wouldn't have ended up where they were.

sorry im now just talking about my own fic, that was all to say thank you ajshdlfk

thank you with the relationship comment too! i really wanted to make it clear that everyone has a life outside of the bench trio too, so in my head they have semi fleshed out stories and lives. especially dream. theyre all real people (or as real as fake people can be) not just props

dream was such a complex character to write, and he continues to be, and i love writing him so fucking much. he's ranboo's antagonist but he isnt evil and inherently awful, he has his own life and his own problems (which doesnt make what he did to ranboo ok at all, but thats just to say that hes a person out side of it) and im glad the emotions in his scenes came through so clearly!

purpled has ibs thats canon and its because i have ibs and i thought it would be funny. love the guy, really. hes one of my favorite side characters. i love him and im glad you like him too he deserves to be liked. IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE ROOMIE i have this ongoing joke with myself that he was fridged but in like a moving out kind of way. he was uhauled. hes my favorite NPC <3

im glad you enjoyed ycssg so much!! and i hope you enjoy the next fics too!!! this ask made me smile very much so thank you for that!!

[lamb-leaf]

I want to make it clear what happened in the simpbot server owned by siliconealien last night that led to ~20 members either leaving voluntarily or being kicked or banned. I feel this is especially pertinent as the original conversation has now been deleted from the server.

The atmosphere in the simpbot server has always been a very us vs them mentality, where you're either on Alien's side, or you become one of the many people kicked for being involved in a conversation about questioning administration.

The following screenshots compiled by multiple members show how this dynamic came to a head last night, with me beginning the conversation to where I wait for her response. After which I am unceremoniously kicked, along with many others.

Not once is my original question ever addressed. And she continuously ignores my specific statements while lobbing vague accusations at me.

I contacted people in the screenshots and asked them how much they wanted to be omitted or censored. The one person i couldn't contact, i censored as a precaution. I'm not omitting the mods or the people who defend alien because i need to make the server atmosphere towards even minor disagreements very apparent.

Everything is presented chronologically, with me showing minor message overlap where possible to show the contiguity of the conversation. All users’ censor colors remain consistent throughout. Black is used for the people who wished to be omitted entirely and anything said specifically about them.

So this started when I found out a server member had been kicked, as simpbot has a bot that announces in the general channel when someone leaves, so that all departures have the server members’ attentions drawn to it. And this was the stated reason in the public mod-logs channel

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I disagree heavily with the tone and genuinely wondered what had happened to this person. As the mod-logs are public, I thought it fine to ask about this in another public channel. It's good I did because other people had questions as well

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This is alien's response to our inquiries, which still doesn't answer my original question. She also 1) throws accusations at me, and 2) points out that she kept me even though she disliked me as if she was doing me a favor

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I responded to her, where I addressed her accusations directly and explained those instances, as not everyone had been there for all the conversations. I don't want her accusing me of things that no one has context for.

And to follow up on the point of context, the screenshot is from me dming her asking about the publicization of the contributors on a project I am running. She clearly says “Everyone had indicated to me”, something that requires contacting everyone. When I asked the contributors, many said they hadn’t been contacted. And I know I speak on it in the screenshot, but I feel it important to reiterate that this was a matter of privacy and safety, and Alien did not receive consent from the contributors before making it public.

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She continues to not address anything I say, instead ending with an “I literally do not care about the vocal minority” (20 people left or were removed), and her mod steps in to respond. Again, the screenshot Clearly says “Everyone had indicated to me.” But the mod says “Alien didn’t say she messaged everyone individually”

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I have Genuinely no clue what point the mod was trying to make here, but i understand it's a stressful situation moving quickly, so maybe they misunderstood something? And other people also weigh in

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I've blacked out the parts that involve someone who requested to be omitted, but I do want to show that alien apologized for an accident. And then goes right back to ignoring my points and then quotes me as saying something I do not remember saying. She also says I was “always welcomed” in the last screenshot

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I want to give her time to respond cuz she did say she's exhausted. And so remember how she said I was welcome? These are my last messages in the server. I was kicked some time after this. She never responded to me.

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I genuinely don't remember the "sorry" thing from the last screenshot two tweets ago. The only time I say "im sorry for x thing" is in a statement of sympathy. But I have issues with tone and it may have come off rudely. If it did, I'm sorry. But until I have evidence of it, yeah, no I'm not gonna say sorry

Alien has done nothing but make accusations that she doesn't follow up. If there's evidence of the wrongdoing I've done, I want to see it. I'm more than happy to say I fucked up.

But that's something of a rampant issue in simpbot. Everything is based on Alien's word, and her word alone. Her wanting to curate who's in her server is not a big deal on its own.

Her kicking people who disagree with her, drawing attention to it, attaching insulting messages to their departures, removing evidence of people disagreeing with her, surrounding herself with people who defend her based only on her word even when presented with contradictory evidence?

It's all manipulative fearmongering. Server members are afraid to become the Other. And people left cuz they couldn't take it anymore. Or, like me, we were pruned for disagreeing, or even having the most lukewarm agreements that inquiries should be made. The messages above from those not agreeing congruently with Alien were deemed kickable/bannable offenses.

And I have nothing but sympathy for all the people who've been hurt by her behavior or betrayed by those they thought were their friends

And if anyone wasn't there to see what happened, but have had your reservations about the atmosphere in simpbot, you don't have to be afraid of her. You're not alone and there are many people who share your discomfort and a big whole fandom out here to make friends in