#im a bad person so i guess in getting what was coming for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tortademaracuya · 9 months

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I feel like the boy who cried wolf

#im always sad. people have told me im the 'sad' friend #and i understand it must be boring being around someone like that. i get it #but i feel like im getting worse and worse and even when i ask for help im ignored #'this time for real! i cant take it anymore' but im always sad. so whats the point of caring?#of checking on me? of actually trying to listen?#i feel like no one cares about me. but i feel guilty about thinking like that too. they dont deserve that #im a bad person so i guess in getting what was coming for me #but imagining someone would actually worry about me and try to help me cheer up...its bittersweet #its not gonna happen and it hurts more to imagine such a scenario but i cant help it #when you are always sad whos gonna notice when you get so sad its scary?

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bacchuschucklefuck · 3 months

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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

#fantasy high #fantasy high sophomore year #fhsy #riz gukgak #baron from the baronies #fh class quangle #class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao #ask to tag #I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what #in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends #they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff #theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron #cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace #lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a #horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre #Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary #and now u just have a Cool Monster #its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao #sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy #well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont #they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch #I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face #it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be #tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to #really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things #it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are #flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best #but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic

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jvzebel-x · 1 year

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here's an update for all the "tOuRiSm iS fOr ThE pEoPlE" fucks. always remember that the second anyone steps foot on that land in the name of "tourism" or any other haole institution, that is colonizing&that person is a fucking explicit modern colonizer who made the conscious decision to be one and has spent a lot of fucking money on that trip to get their title. only that kine want more of their kin there-- don't pretend that shit is for anyone else.

drop dead of spontaneous combustion specifically, not even the sharks would want that pīlau fucking meat.

#video footage of haole families already in burnt wasteland is so fucking dystopic its almost funny #'funny' in the way of 'i might have rabies bc im foaming at the mouth lol'. bc fuck if i wouldnt literally #rip these ppl to fucking shreds. god bless whoever took the pics&vids bc i couldnt havd held my tongue.#you know we're all fucked when the governor is holding private back-chamber business-only meetings #to decide to open a fire wasteland two months after 1000+ ppl were killed&where ppl are still looking for remains to tourism #&it honestly seems so much less disgusting bc theres literally footage of haole families already disregarding any form of boundaries.#like this is what we've come to lmao.#i have so. much. violence. in me&no where to put it lmao. i want to go home. i miss home so bad. i am so fucking homesick.#i think the next person who responds to finding out im from hawaii w anecdotes of their trip there will probably get knocked out.#like i dont actually think i should be held responsible for that first hit. anything after is fair game tho i guess.#undescribed

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purpurussy · 1 month

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#tw suicide #idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT #i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone #and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess #but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm #but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing #hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse #to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house #and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like #to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age #but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me #also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently #tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me #i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship #but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation #i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself #and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons #most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks #idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear #this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly #sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point #and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have #the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona #so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem #anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope

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dreamwinged · 3 months

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to be so honest im starting to think i really need to see a professional for my social anxiety

#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖#it is so bad in ways i can’t even articulate but today i felt sick over having to send one text message and procrastinated the entire day #i’ve gotten so bad recently #and that’s not even a fraction of the texts i need to reply to.. i feel like im crumbling under the weight of how awkward i am #and i hate it because im sure everyone thinks i’m rude and i know it comes off as so weird when i reply to a text fucking SIX WEEKS late #but i genuinely feel so awful and guilty over it i just cannot make myself do it. i’m so scared ill say the wrong thing or fuck up #or i just forget because i have memory issues but it’s awful all the same and i feel so terrible #and i assume everyone hates me until i see them again because i never texted back and it makes me feel like an awful person #but i have good intentions and i really just want to give everyone the kindness they deserve but i get so scared to talk to ppl it’s crazy #it’s so awful. i really need it fixed it feels like it’s rotting my soul and ruining my relationships #people will be so nice to me and then i just don’t get back to them… it’s horribly horribly rude and i know it i just get terrified #or i forget most the time i really do just forget but it feels bad all the same #i think it stems from like.. i don’t want to say the wrong thing so i need to think hard about what to say but then i forget or get so ->#caught up in trying to say the perfect thing that i get overwhelmed and procrastinate then forget entirely #i’m an awful person i truly cannot stand myself #i guess the only way forward is to just be better in the future but fuck i feel so guilty

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bmpmp3 · 5 months

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why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.

#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho #actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world #that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves #theyre like companies of like maybe 5 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor #but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it #i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes #but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that #and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like #one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships #i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this #i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this #this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me #also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it #and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too #(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like #that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like #audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL #but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all #picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss

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bangcakes · 9 months

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#well ladies. what does it mean when he tells you he doesnt wanna keep in touch with the others anymore but then joins the server anyway #in which you know that the only person he tolerates (dare i say likes) is you #or maybe i sound insane idk. wish he'd make a Move on me already but then xmas IS v close so i mean #i get it #n also say it goes bad right.... have to see eaxh other at graduation #what im saying is..... if no moves have been made .... gonna ask him out in feb after graduation GZUDDTJITTDTDIZJT #IF i still feel the same and i think he'll say yes. hhhhhh this shid is so hard #im also like ... worried that the guy i made friends with that turned out to be snakey is like.... going to attempt to turn everybody #against me bc like...... one of my friends isnt answering me rn. tho she could be busy... im just Worried #he'll never turn the guy i have a crush on or my other friend against me tho. they dont like/trust him at all XTXIXTDIITDDIT #idk.... guess i'll just wait and see...#i cant stand... dealing with ppl that act like theyre still in hs. like come on ur in your 30s 😭😭😭#n e way... a lil rant LOL #personal

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extravalgant · 2 years

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Well done, my champion, my hero, my... dare i say it? My Scion.

started thinkin about lemuria again and before i knew it i was 4+ hours deep into this painting of calamity . crazy stuff

IM NOT THERE YET ON MY STORM (camera pan to me dead in karamelle) but that wont stop me from getting the story ELSEWHERE... the monitoring stations with the old one always interested me . love how he called us his scion i think thats very fucked up possessive of him

anyways heres one more lil doodle

#wizard101 #w101 #lemuria spoilers #HOW DO I... EXPLAIN THIS #this is a lie i would love to explain all my fucked up and projected thinking #I LOVE THAT LITTLE PIECE OF DIALOGUE....#and its so funny to imagine this as calamity in this situation #because as far as she knows the arcanum and ravenwood let her kill anyone she pleased #either that or she realized early on that she had 'permission to kill' that anyone else didnt have #so later on down the line she starts toeing the line of a 'good' and 'bad' person so when dasein comes along shes like ur telling me #i gotta deal with and sort out my own moral compass ??? AND TEACH IT TO THIS GUY???#guy (gender neutral)#but like... MY SCION . what did u mean by that. AND ITS CAPITALIZED SO ITS IMPORTANT #whether or not he knew it was us (but i think he did know it was us) when we saw each other on the summit its like . things would have been #so different if he didnt get swallowed and thats the crazy part #MY CHAMPION.. MY HERO... like objectively speaking those are very much positive/good aligned but coming from that tv #i was like u are trying to mold us (the wizard) into EVIL!!! MAYBE . maybe #also its sooo juicy how we will never know if the old one actually had a change of heart bc hes dead . like LOST CONNECTIONS...#some will say yes and canon supports that i guess w the guilt line but at the same time im like . he was way too flippant with the lives of #these inhibitants for me to believe that he felt guilt at the last moment like what CHANGED...#anyways . i like to think that he was still putting up a front and had an ego to assume nothing bad would happen to him #bc yknow he 'knew everything'#and then he ends up getting absorbed and its like . a #I TALK SO MUCH IN THESE TAGS... kissie for whoever reads this mwah #my art #also this was like my first time doing both perspective AND lighting and i was working with 4 different light sources #please . have mercy on me #edit: ok apparently he didnt know who the scion would b in lemuria but ig he knew it might have been us in karamelle . idk! idk

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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toytulini · 4 months

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boston rush hour traffic really has u experiencing such a range of human manners. i was looking judgementally at the lack of distance between the bumpers of 2 cars, the driver doing the tailgating noticed me looking, and gestured to me asking if i needed/wanted to get over, implying he'd let me over if i did, but i said no, and he gave me a thumbs up. and continued the tailgating

#toy txt post #what a wide range of manners you have my friend. holy fuck #fascinating #also why do SO MANY PPL #if i need to get into the lane where you are. and YOU need to get into the lane where I AM. this doesnt have to be hard!#this could be very easy! we should switch spots. if you let me over #a space for you will then be opened!#so why are you BLOCKING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #with your big stupid SUV!!!!!!!! stop it!!#also why did a fucking Bus try to merge on top of me! pleeeeeease 😭😭😭😭😭😭 im too small for this #also passed. 2 very rough looking accidents. i think i saw blood on the pavement coming out of the car that looked like All of the airbags #had gone off. (😬 uh. hope it was a superficial injury that person can heal from. eep) and another one was in the ditch in between the 2 #different directions of highway and there were like. 4 firetrucks? pulling the car apart ?#hope they got everyone out of that van #also witnessed a sneaky cop car get mega cut off and do nothing which was. a little funny #guess the officer was off duty or in a hurry or smth #anyway. the genuine politeness. from the guy just mega tailgating. whew #wild #anyway dont tailgate me ill go slower to try to ensure that if u hit me its not that bad and that there's a decent gap between me and the #car in front of me so i dont get fucking pancaked by your big stupid truck. if you let off i might be nice and go ten or more over for u #if conditions allow.

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parme-san · 4 months

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😐 gary i need the luxury of privacy

#our post comrade.#i have outlets i do my best to put the energy in #but when i had a house i would always come home from work and pace/stim for at least an hour or 2 while listening to music #guess what i can't do anymore 😐#i'm not tryna scare someone and then be a homeless person acting scary and get the cops called. can i please move my body around.#i didn't go for a long walk this week so maybe thats why im feeling more agitated #its also why i never really liked the idea of having a room mate like i don't know how im going to explain that sometimes i #walk around hitting myself and lurching around but its normal and i'm just happy #and yes i can control it so i don't have it that bad. i just wish i wasn't TOO POOR to not have CAMERAS ON ME

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be-good-to-bugs · 4 months

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you would think considering how much it loves sleeping that my body would, yknow, sleep when i ask it to. or even just when it has barely slept in days and im trying so hard to sleep

#the bin #uugghhhh i woke up at 1pm today bc my stupid idiot body refused to go to sleep at a reasonable time even tho i was alreday so sleep #deprived. i have to work at 6:30 tomorrow morning :/ so i guess i wont be sleeping till then bc i still have to clean stuff and shower #maybe maybe maybe ill get a nap in but idk. bleh. i hope after i get home my stupid body will sleep. its gonna have to bc i work 7 hours the #next day so i cant do that too sleep deprived. i really really hope i dont have to :( hhhh #i wanted so bad to get high last night mosty bc my body has been refusing to sleep this past week but my sister n her boyfriend didnt come #over so i wasnt able to get more edibles :( or boxes for packing. hhh. i need to move so soon! i have no idea what day its even gonna be yet #i badeky have an idea of how much its gonna cost either. they finally gave me a gas cost estimate afeyr ive been asking for 3 weeks #hhh. well. whatever. i only have 4 more shifts. im kinda sad tbh. i really like working here. my coworkers are so nice #tomorrow is probs the last time ill ever see my fav coworker. shes so nice. shes so nice she used he/him for me and calls me orb #i just mentioned the name in passing once after i changed my pronouns on my nametag and she noticed and she remember!#and before she used it for me she stopped and asked if i was comfortable with it or if i wanted to keep it private. i have never EVER met #another cis person who would even think to ask that. most cis people dont understand why you would care. shes like. the nicest person ive #ever ever met. why did i have to find such a great place to work in minnesota? well. even if i am super tired tomorrow morning itll probably #be ok. butbi really would prefer not to be.#i dont know why i havent been able to sleep properly. bleh. i do liek what edibles do to me its a fun time but its kinda annoying that i #cant use them very casually for sleep or pain. they incapacitate me for 14 hours minimum.#well. at least no matter how stressed i am abt everything. i will definitely be elsewhere in 18 days max. should be less than that.#i will miss this job and these coworkers but i am relived that i wont have to go to work for awhile. esp with this tooth pain.#and im so excited to be able to draw again! im glad im moving a month before artfight bc itll give me time to get shit prepped #i wanted so bad to participate last year but i wasnt able to come evn close to finishing any attacks bc i was too tired from working

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carcinized · 1 year

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i have srsly had irl queer people make fun of me for being queer + liking sports and tell me that is like, not gay or something. like ok just say youre chronically online. womens soccer is the queerest thing i have ever been a part of hands down. also youre an awful person

#tobin talks #ITS ABSURD. HOW CAN YOU BE THAT MEAN #this was when i was 15 so maybe thats why. but like..... its so awful. like 15 yo's always gonna act like that #but come on. lots of us online are older than that. we could be better and NOT teach this behavior to 15 yo's #because you know they learned this shit online. the specific person who did this to me was most active on tumblr.#not even tiktok or twitter this was a tumblr gay. begging you guys to change the culture 😭😭#this goes for more than just sports obvs its about general pushing stereotypes #which is how you get queer people sacrificing parts of their identity in order to be accepted into the community #as opposed to sacrificing the queer parts of their identity to be accepted into queerphobic communities?#like tell me how thats morally sound. accept ppl as they are and not just for things theyre systemically discriminated for??#be a nice fucking human being??#the queer community can tear each other apart lately i wish we would go back to the pure love of it all #bc like for me it is not worth it to be close with most queer people anymore. my friends are mostly all cishet #because guess what even though they dont understand my queer identity at least theyre not assholes about my entire personality otherwise #its so awful Like. can we all agree to not be cliquey #you dont have to be a paletable aesthetic gay. you dont have to be chonrically online and never go outside. you dont have to not drive #you dont have to be bad at math. what other fucking stereotypes are there man #its so fucking stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!! like 'let people enjoy things' goes for all things not just online stuff like this is a two way street #yes non online/gay/neurodivergent people should be kinder about 'cringe' interests. but hey that doesnt mean we get to be dicks to people #with more common interests or like... idk man im talking in circles here. but god when did the lgbtq+ community turn into a clique #do this do that if you dont we'll ignore that part of you or actively make fun of you for it.#STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 #non rebloggable im just ranting here this is not one to rb. but like. ITS SO AWFUL AND MEAN. STOP

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hecksupremechips · 9 months

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Constantly torn between writing a character to be just a nice guy and writing that character to be the most fucked up creature in existence

#the klock keeps ticking #like theres a line at some point where you cant make this all one guy but you just. really want to #like yeah lets say we got some fucked up guy who tries really hard to be nice and sweet despite the horrors #but you know what if i want him to get kinda bitchy too cuz how can i expect him not to be? hes been through some shit and hes only human #but how bitchy can i make him before he just kinda becomes an asshole #i guess though people are pretty complicated so sometimes its just kinda like that #i must once again hail rebecca gales as the character ever like girl shes sooooo #shes so genuinely sweet and caring and attentive and shes so bitter selfish and jealous #shes gotta make like the biggest effort to be nice and simultaneously the biggest effort to be mean #its just so refreshing to see idk someone who is generally a good person but shes really fucked up about it #like this doesnt come easy to her! everything in her wants to act like a petty child!#and she does! shes really fucking immature and she thinks shes above it all when shes the worst out of everyone!#and thats just such a nice thing to see just a very human character #and shes just like me for real aaaaaa god like guys this freaking character has helped me cope so bad #like shes not a monster shes just. a person having a bad day and not coping very good #yeah this post wasnt even about her but I made it about her now ive just been thinking about rebecca a lot lately OKAY #we cant all be perfect sometimes we just gotta be rebecca at least im brave enough to admit it #anyways i have pretty similar tangents about ryuki shin marianne shinjiro and junpei

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did #bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried #another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one #machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem #god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8 #and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration #ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a #personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up #bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like #yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine #ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought #my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home #god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great #i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc #thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days #and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst #move. bc again. im barely a functional person #god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive #down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno #unrelated

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emypony · 10 months

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#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more #this self conscious catgirl is so tired #sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok #i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment #genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me #and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media #in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end #YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!!#i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months #which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me #it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us #i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place #like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances?#anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically #idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i #personal #sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually #me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl #bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow #im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit #i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy #the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob #which i am feeling like right now!#vent #emy rambles #ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM #k really am #sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon #and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them #but yknow one can yearn

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