#im Trying to eat dinner .
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this is crazy
#gagged me#like sir#im trying to eat dinner#this is so distracting#my gosh#en- jay#Instagram#we must stay focused
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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Stroiders + hannibal jackman
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home2t4ck#dave strider#dirk strider#bro strider#jake english#sona#blood#admin draws#fanart#last 2 r me dont. dont even worry about it. it made me laugh so i drew it#scrounging together n posting the wayward doodles ive had dcollecting fucking dust around here#eating dinner rn and reaized i went to bed at 4 yestereday and have labs at 8 tomorrow so im like. salute. imma die#not much fresh art because im writing and studying so its likel. whatever. luckily i got bullshit to reheat lol#edit forgort to say. dirk is mr biter to me. dave only has strife scars but dirk has a feww from getting too. well. overwhelmed#and grounding the most immediately effective way he could. do not try this at home kids its a bad habit.#and also from being clumsy with a hook and tools too. that cant be understated also#self
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Magneto enjoying puns/wordplay is still my favorite like. Thing i fear. Like of course you do…..
#snap chats#‘his allias is /magneto/ what was your first guess’ my balls alright next question#area man in love with puns enjoys the fact sometimes erik likes pun more at 10#who has that panel of erik sayig some kinda pun and charles is trying not to keel over giggling in the bg#they are INSUFFERABLE#i think of this everytime im playing rivals and i got wanda on my team#cause when you use magneto’s chaos sword team ability sometimes hell be like#‘magic and magnetism - /magnificent/‘ like please he loves his mag- words idc 😭😭#HES AN ALLITERATION ENJOYER TOO just like me fr ….. im makin myself sick ill stop#also hi ive been pacing the past like idk thirty minutes#i was supposed to make myself dinner but thats a lot of steps. my brother is concerned. no time for that im pacing#MY PHONE CRASHED WHILE I WAS MAKING THIS POST STOP#anyway speaking of my bro he said the funniest thing to me but ill wait like#idk twenty minutes fore i post bout that. i have to time my inane posting ok … give yall a break and all …#ok bye more pacing and contemplating eating#you guys should eat tho … if you havent …….
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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i think part of the reason people are so hateful about fat people is because theyre not fat, even though they put little to no effort into their diet and daily activity levels. even if they dont live healthy lifestyles and theyre not trying to, and theyre still a "normal" weight. and because theyre ignorant and resistant to learning about how peoples bodily functions vary wildly, anyone who is fat must have brought it upon themselves by being extra lazy or extra glutinous and if they were normal they wouldnt be fat and its soooo easy to not be fat because look at them theyre not fat. which is so fucking stupid because so many people complain about how skinny people exist without "earning" how skinny they are, theyre literally just like that even if they eat tons of food because they're trying desperately not to be skinny. but the opposite cant be true for fat people apparently. fatness is always a direct consequence of abnormal habits apparently.
#e.txt#tw fatphobia mention#i know people assume skinny people eat nothing all the time too but every skinny ass mf i meet is like omg i can eat so much and not gain#anything teehee#and i see so many skinny ppl will flood comments of fat positive ANYTHING talking about how they hate being skinny so much and eat so much#to try to gain weight but its not working#like skinny ppl wont shut up about how hard it can be to gain weight but god forbid a fat person suggest its hard to loose weight bc then#theyre just being lazy.#ppl will tell me i should eat less to lose weight meanwhile im living off an orange and a cup of nuts for brunch#and 1/2 salmon filet a cup of rice and veggies for dinner#and i walk 8 hours a day 3 times a week.#if i eat less i will get nauseous i will get dizzy i will get a migraine and i will be a bitch#yes obviously this is a personal grievance but like am i wrong?#rant#probably less than a cup of rice even i make a cup and then split it in half with my partner and sometimes dont even finish it
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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uuuhhghhh that picky eater post is making me think about stuff again. no making me sit at the table for hours until i finished didnt make me not picky it just made me want to kill myself over eating
#jasper speaks#is this too personal yeah probably#tw ed#<- not really but like.. catch all ig#i will literally flat out refuse to sit and eat at the dinner table. i havent in years.#at friends houses i still dont exactly like it but in the name of being polite i just eat whatever im given#it was worse at my moms but my dad also used to try and push things a lot until he realised it was not helpful at all#and he does still cook things i dont like but at least he TELLS ME. AND GIVES ME OPTIONS IF I DONT WANT TO TRY IT.#or rather not gives me options but. lets me make my own stuff which i prefer to do.#idk. i think if u hate picky eaters u shall be met with the wrath of 1000 suns#tw suicide#tw suicide mention
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A young , dark haired Aiden laid across the living room floor , grabbing crayon after crayon and tracing it roughly across the paper in front of him . He seemed to be drawing . . Something of a sort , but the look of excitement on his face was obvious , and he couldn’t wait to show his parents ! He liked drawing , a lot actually . It was fun seeing the colors blend together into something silly and weird , and he hoped they felt the same .
He stood up , proud for once . It’s been a while since he was proud . Well , of course he was still young and has yet to be more accomplished of whatever he puts his mind too ! . .
But sometimes , looks feel different . It could be the same facial expression played out over and over and still represent something entirely new , depending on who you were . It wasn’t rare for him to look that way , but it wasn’t common . He quickly ran , occasionally tripping over his socks on his way to the kitchen with his dad on what seems to be an important phone call , not unusual to see .
‘ Hm ? Oh yes , hold on . What is it Aiden ? ‘
Aiden had tugged slightly on the edge of his father , Daniel’s , pants . He stared down at his son , confused for a second till he put up the brightly colored . . Cat ? Unicorn ? He couldn’t really tell . . But he saw how excited Aiden was by the messy picture , it was obvious from that beaming look in his eyes . “ . . Lion ! “
Oh . A lion ? He was close to guessing right , as it was just one big cat ; the overuse of bright colors confused his brain for a second . He thought for a moment , remembering of the nature documentary Jessica had put on once . Aiden liked the lions . But Daniel paid barley a mind to it , he was too busy .
‘ Oh , that’s uhm, good job Aiden ! Show your mom okay ? I’m a bit busy right now . ‘
With the ruffle of his hair , Aiden was sent away to find wherever his mother was and show her his new masterpiece ! He knew that his father was busy . He always was . But he still paid attention , and complimented on his work , even if he didn’t see it . He liked the affirmation of it . Giddy , he quickly found his mother in her room , calling someone as well . Who were they calling so much ? The thought had quickly left his mind , running to her side and doing the same movement as before , tugging at her pale - purple looking dress . It didn’t look that good on her in his eyes . Maybe red instead . He liked red .
‘ So — what ? Okay hold on for a second . What do you need ? ‘
She glared at her son , annoyed by the sudden interruption . The glare didn’t feel like a complete one though . . if that makes any sense . It wasn’t “ My gosh , can you leave me alone ? “ , more like a . . “ I’m busy , what is it now huh ? “
But , those two may have just been the same to Aiden , just different wording used to lessen whatever pain he might feel if it was what he thought it to be . Despite being completely full of excitement and persistence earlier , he pulled up the paper in front of her , shyly . The glare . The glare was still there went he felt the paper leave his fingers . He didn’t look up to tell if it was , he could just feel it piercing through him . He just didn’t know what it portrayed .
He heard a sigh . ‘ What is this ? ‘ He felt afraid to utter anything . Why ? She’s your mother Aiden , you’re not supposed to feel that way . Maybe it’ll leave after he speaks .
“ . . L . . Lion . “ .
Aiden felt a part of him break that day when the sound of crumbling paper hit his ears , ringing . He felt a hand grace his face and lift it up , now facing his mother , more calm seeming .
“ Aiden , look at me . Don’t . . Waste your time doing stuff like that , you don’t need it . Here . “ She held out what seemed to be another piece of paper , decorated way more neat compared to what he had created earlier , with bold letters staining the top .
“ I signed you up for a piano recital a few days ago . Your good at that aren’t you ? I used to play piano a lot when I was your age but gave up too fast , so I know you’ll be better . “ Aiden stared towards the ground . That’s all he was able to do . He didn’t like piano . He didn’t like that , he didn’t like violin , he didn’t like all the quick timed puzzles they sat in front of him , he didn’t like it . It wasn’t fun . He likes puzzles in itself , but he didn’t want to feel like he had to obey to do them . Like it was a force he couldn’t resist . That’s how forces are right ? You can try to push against them but in the end they’ll always have the upper hand . You can beg , plead , cry , shout , it’s the same in the end .
That’s how it was supposed to be , right ?
“ I’m sure you wont disappoint me . Will you ? “
.
.
“ No . “
“ I hope . Hah ! Now , carry along and get some practice in . Stick to that , okay ? “
“ . . Yes “
“ Yes , what ? “
“ . . Yes , mother . “
“ Good . “ Aiden turned towards the door , holding back anything he had urged himself to say , mutter , cry , or even shout . He doesn’t want to defy her , he can’t .
“ Aiden ? “
He didn’t turn his back .
“ I love you . “
.
.
“ Love you too . “
PART 2 COMJNG SOON I PRKMSIE !!!!! ITLL BE HAPPIER AND SHORTER maybe IDK HOPE U LIKED THIS TEE HEE GIGGLES I just popped my toes so good rn why am I saying this
okay working on it RN !!!!!
#Everyone loves me fr fr#ADMIT IT#im literally Op#I’m kidding#or am I ?#I want ramen but I’m trying not to eat till dinner#Tee hee !!!#ARTIST AIDEN STORY !!!!!!#I LOVE ARTIST AIDEN !!!!#PLEASE LSIREN#HES THE ART EVER#SCRAMS S#SCREAMS#im hungry#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#aiden clark#Aiden clark Angst
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visiting my parents rn and i cannot stop talking about chemical weapons and my mother was like 'wow you seem to know a lot you should do something with that' by which she means 'get a job' but i would prefer to interpret it as being encouraged by my own parents to make mustard gas
#i was trying to explain how gas masks were manufactured at dinner and my dad was like. pls not while eating. ok.#and then i talked about phosphates instead#im having so much fun i don't think it's contagious though 😔#chemical warfare#skravler
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🗡 dozing off writing replies but im curious how others go about writing out stuff/the order you write particular parts, and if you have a different way of writing depending on if it's a reply, ask, or a drabble 🤔 in most cases I find I write out any spoken words first, then the tones or actions done while talking, and then depending on the writing purpose add trains of thought, other actions or specific actions that convey emotions. stuff I looove getting lost in writing include describing scenes, settings, environments, food or the time of day! for drabbles I usually start with these descriptive elements to get into the mood of it.
#‡ ooc#something I find I don't do that often is adding in descriptions of clothing...#but I guess it depends on the setting and in most verses there's only so many outfits worn?#but i might try to add in more descriptions! because that's sooo totally something my writing is missing#unrelated when i was writing a thread w maria and billye where marcus swain & jhin eat dinner together I got lost in the sauce describing#the food being served <:3c#anyways. i love writing as a hobby. idk if im actually GOOD at it but it is very fun for me most of the time#i think storytelling is such a wonderful thing we can do with our own minds#unrelated to all of this for real this time i have cleared out talons inbox! dust free and sqeaky clean now#i want to get all my owed replies here written out and then ill post them all i think thatll be less stressful for me instead of posting#one by one. giving it a try#edit: ive gone back and edited SINGLE TYPOS IVE CAUGHT SeverAL times in tHIS ONE POST#thats another thing i forgot is an important step in my writing; all my fkn TYPOS........
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Unfortunately he's from a game from 2021 and so I closed my ask box to avoid spoilers because I am not far and I don't want to be spoiled on anything. Also I'm apologizing since I went a little bit too over-achiever mode on art of him and won't finish it tonight.
But you can see my new funky blonde guy obsession tomorrow.
#moe talks a lot#i am so sorry to the three people i have been telling about him all evening on discord#thats half the reason i wont finish tonight lmao#i spent too long talking about him and how hes a side character that i just super love which isnt shocking#the canvas im working on is literally saved as ...#unfortunately i love him shocking no one#i also showed what he looks like in game to someone and she told me yup thats definitely a salmon approved guy#im being very normal about his expression sheet concept art by which i mean im obsessing over his fangies#time to go get dinner that i keep not getting bc i was trying to finish the art before eating n then didnt
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Catch me shoving an ung-dly amount of plain, salted bread in my mouth while panicking about pesach
#jumblr#jewish conversion#jew by choice#personal thoughts tag#there is no way i'm going to be able to remember what is chametz 😥😬#this year i'm not 'actually' observing but i want to make a genuine effort#so my plan is to absolutely not consume anything i /know/ to be chametz (e.g. my plain salted bread)#it seems like i'll be eating a lot of potatoes this year though....#i'm going to see if coconut oil can cook well with this because afaik that is kosher for pesach#but again my overall goal is to make a genuine effort even if it isn't completely adherent to the expectations#this is basically a practice level for the real deal so i do want to make sure i actually try#and that my attitude isn't 'im not even going to bother trying or learning because i'm not even a jew yet 🙄'#at least i know what i'm having for dinner????
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turns out i really dont go outside enough because id completely forgotten about some of the really nice walking routes near me. or interact with people enough because being asked to toss a ball back to some kids after it got away from them was an actual highlight of my day.
#out of spell slots / ooc.#anyway. walk done and also grocery shopping done.#im gonna eat dinner and then maybe try to write a bit.#i also saw someone walking their cat!! definitely another highlight
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Lol. Lol. Lol.
#this is why i didnt want to move home 😂😂😂😂😂😂 being expected to cook and do the kitchen things#and not a single person cleaning in this house except for mom!!! = also me because i cant let my mother do all the work#anyway im tired lol!!!!! and i want to live with my 2 friends in the city#and meal prep together have my own space and not be subjected to more You should exercise comments#this is weight gained from depressive stress eating mom :-) i am Stressed and im trying not to cope this way but it is a process#anyway i miss my dorm i miss seeing 40+ people at meals i miss having the privacy to sing my heart out#i miss living in a small and manageable space i miss my FRIENDS i miss that boy (this is not a positive thing to miss admittedly)#i miss living right by the coffee shop that sells the Best Sandwich Ever and a honking good lavender vanilla latte#i also miss being able to fit into my favourite jeans. this is a self inflicted issue and it annoys me#anyway i am medium miserable and there is still a HECK TON of things to do#like unpack and go to the grocery store because its my father's birthday and ive committed#to cooking birthday dinner because birthday lunch was an unfortunate flop#o yeah also i miss having access to cheap obscenely strong black tea. that kept me going through finals#im only here a month before im off to my summer job which will be Away from here!! but darn it all its going to be a Month
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where we lay our scene
“No reason,” Neil bluffs. He chews on his cheek. “I just had a question. That’s all.” “Oh,” Todd replies, a little mumbled. He yawns. “What was it?” Neil stares up at the ceiling. Carpe diem, and all that, he thinks. The sentiment feels a little too large to carry. He asks, “Have you ever been in love?”
Neil auditions for a play, accidentally reads a poem, and falls in love – not necessarily in that order.
#yes its me again . im so sorry#dead poets society#dead poets fanfic#um#anderperry#anderperry fanfic#anderperry fic#?????#how do i even . wow this is embarrassing ok#im Trying to eat dinner .#neil and todd#neil perry#todd anderson#neil x todd#ok great . i think im done#dead poets fandom#byebyeeee#magic
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