#skravler

[quixoticanarchy]

I didn’t miss that social cue I just thought it was stupid 

[radioaktiv]

tagger

🌱 mine < alle mine egne poster

🌱 navigasjon < bloggens struktur og sånt

🌱 mine bilder < bilder som jeg tok

🌱 mine glosser < norsk glosser

🌱 tekst < meg som skravler

🌱 skoleangst < gruer meg til skolen/skolearbeid

☢️ reblog < selvforklarende

☢️ motiverende < studieinspo

☢️ ressurser < selvforklarende; resources

[nemusnail]

Glemmer at ditt baderom ikke ser ut som mitt,

at du ikke har tørketrommelen over vaskemaskinen

som gjør hele rommet varmt og deilig

med den nyvaska lukten og runde følelsen som får meg til å sette meg på gulvet og puste

Husker ikke alltid at du ikke har et smykke du holder fast i,

iskaldt eller litt for lunkent

som vekker hardt eller får alt til å bli rundt og havne litt på kanten, som en sakkosekk du ikke liker på ett råttent tregjerde

ved elven du ikke vet hvor er for den klukket ved mitt tredje hus, som jeg nå forstår du aldri så.

Visste ikke at du aldri var der.

men vet heller ikke om du har hatt det samme soverommet hele ditt liv,

om du hadde ett perfekt frokost måltid i en hel måned

som du en måned senere ikke kunne stå ut med,

som jeg hadde?

Om du noen gang skrev et brev du aldri viste til noen?

Om du hadde et hemmelig prosjekt du gjemte i skuffene?

Som jeg gjorde, da jeg nesten ville noen skulle ta meg i det?

Allikevel sa du at du alltid snakker i telefonen

når du sitter på baderomsgulvet

da du sa det åpnet det seg et vindu

fra under ditt baderomsteppe til mitt

som vann, speil og mennesker i samme handling

ja vi to,

vi sitter begge her og skravler

håper noen hører på

[quixoticanarchy]

There’s a Kris Kristofferson song about this called “The Circle” and it’s the only other reference to Layla Al-Attar that I’ve ever seen - he talks about the propensity to forget/erase the names of US victims and how important it is to remember who they were and remember their names  

[quixoticanarchy]

once again thinking about this guy at the pigeon museum who was giving a little presentation about pigeon mating habits or something, and takes one look at me and my partner and immediately goes "oh and pigeons can be GAY, too!!!"

[quixoticanarchy]

"Questionnaire" - Wendell Berry

1. How much poison are you willing to eat for the success of the free market and global trade? Please name your preferred poisons. 2. For the sake of goodness, how much evil are you willing to do? Fill in the following blanks with the names of your favorite evils and acts of hatred. 3. What sacrifices are you prepared to make for culture and civilization? Please list the monuments, shrines, and works of art you would most willingly destroy. 4. In the name of patriotism and the flag, how much of our beloved land are you willing to desecrate? List in the following spaces the mountains, rivers, towns, farms you could most readily do without. 5. State briefly the ideas, ideals, or hopes, the energy sources, the kinds of security, for which you would kill a child. Name, please, the children whom you would be willing to kill.

[quixoticanarchy]

being touch starved: bad

being touch starved but also you don’t actually like physical affection from other people: worse

being touched starved but you don’t like physical affection except from a specific person who is Not Here: hell

[quixoticanarchy]

Oh boy sorry to go off about this but I can’t resist the chance to yell about government in Tolkien

Because yeah, monarchy in Arda comes off as just the natural order of things, but when you think about it, there’s little to no actual historical development to justify it socially or politically. The first Elves didn’t have kings at Cuiviénen, to all appearances - essentially Ingwë, Olwë, and Finwë agree to go see some shiny trees at the urging of the Valar, and in return, they get the right to rule forever over the rest of the Elves. That’s a hell of a vacation rewards package, and shouldn’t it stand to reason that somewhere along the way, it would occur to other Elves to question why seeing the light should equate to eternal rights to monarchy?  

It makes sense that the Noldor in exile would seek to establish their realms along the lines they were used to in Aman, with the various members of the Noldorin royalty setting up their own little kingdoms, but they’re doing so in lands that haven’t had all that time to become accustomed to the idea of kings (except in Doriath), so I have to imagine there would be some pushback. I like the idea that among the Avari and the Nandor, there would be lots of Elves who were just like “ehh we don’t buy this, you must be new here - we were doing just fine without kings actually” and just continue to be anarchists in the woods.

Among Men, the basis for monarchy is also a bit shaky - from what we can tell, they seem to be organized by family group (House of __), and travel in loose bands. In Beleriand, they’re vassals of the Elven kings, and might have rights to some lands but aren’t their own kings. Since Númenor is given to the Edain by the Valar, I guess that’s why they’d set up a monarchy there, as the proper Elvish thing to do, but there isn’t really a justification for not trying something else. (Bet they wished they had, by the end!)

Like. Oh, the Valar told us to do it is not a sound basis for government. Wouldn’t it be interesting if, when the Númenóreans get resentful of the Valar and the whole mortality thing, they decided to throw out all the Valar’s rules for social order entirely, and trust themselves and each other rather than kings who obsessively fear death? Questioning the Valar is only the start - why not extend that to questioning the political structure they arbitrarily bestowed on you?

I find myself once again befuddled by the elves’ philosophy of government

Under what framework were their claims to the throne legitimate? Why did anybody respect the claims of Finwë and the rest, let alone their grandchildren?

[quixoticanarchy]

when my grandfather moved to the us after living through wwii in occupied norway he said the most striking thing he noticed here was the waste. the wastefulness, the sheer amount of excess stuff and the fever for consumption and how blasé people were as they threw it all away. and despite nominal awareness of the issue since then and and sometimes-counterproductive efforts to recycle, overconsumption trends have only gotten worse. trash, like any other ‘flow’ of materials, goods, etc, has gone global, and accumulates unevenly between where it is produced and where its burdens fall

which is a tangible, material disaster for the people living next to incinerators and landfills (in environmental justice communities of the imperial core; or abroad, in the poor countries where the rich ones dump their waste), and for the people doing the also-toxic and dangerous work extracting all the materials and making the things that are destined for the landfill, and it’s also a psychological and paradigmatic disaster for the overconsumers: to be so disconnected from where your stuff comes from and what it really costs, to expect endless cheap varieties of food and consumer goods from all over the world, to think no further than the instant gratification of next-day-delivered fast fashion orders or a new phone every year, to not realize that what you throw out never really goes away. the ‘western consumer lifestyle’, wherever it’s practiced, depends on and enforces the willful ignorance of its consequences and the disinclination to see other people and places as real. and while most waste is industrial, not just your personal household trash, the finished products you throw out have an industrial history too, and are tied to far more waste than you’ll ever personally see. which is to say not just ‘we shouldn’t buy so many things’ or ‘we shouldn’t send our trash to be dumped in other people’s countries’ - true, but also most of these things should never even be made

[quixoticanarchy]

“This system of severity of exploitation of poor people of color at the bottom of global supply chains goes back centuries. Few people sitting for breakfast in England in the 1700s knew that their tea was sweetened by sugar harvested under brutal conditions by African slaves toiling in the West Indies. The slaves remained far removed from the British breakfast table until a band of abolitionists placed the true picture of slavery directly in front of the English people. Stakeholders fought to maintain the system. They told the British public not to trust what they were told. They espoused the great humanity of the slave trade—Africans were not suffering, they were being “saved” from the savagery of the dark continent. They argued that Africans worked in pleasing conditions on the islands. When those arguments failed, the slavers claimed they made changes that remedied the offenses taking place on the plantations. After all, who was going to go all the way to the West Indies and prove otherwise, and even if they did, who would believe them?

The truth, however, was this—but for the demand for sugar and the immense profits accrued through the sale of it, the entire slavery-for-sugar economy would not have existed. Furthermore, the inevitable outcome of stripping humans of their dignity, security, wages, and freedom can only be a system that results in the complete dehumanization of the people exploited at the bottom of the chain.

Today’s tech barons will tell you a similar tale about cobalt. They will tell you that they uphold international human rights norms and that their particular supply chains are clean. They will also assure you that conditions are not as bad as they seem and that they are bringing commerce, wages, education, and development to the poorest people of Africa (“saving” them). They will also assure you that they have implemented changes to remedy the problems on the ground, at least at the mines from which they say they buy cobalt. After all, who is going to go all the way to the Congo and prove otherwise, and even if they did, who would believe them?

The truth, however, is this—but for their demand for cobalt and the immense profits they accrue through the sale of smartphones, tablets, laptops, and electric vehicles, the entire blood-for-cobalt economy would not exist. Furthermore, the inevitable outcome of a lawless scramble for cobalt in an impoverished and war-torn country can only be the complete dehumanization of the people exploited at the bottom of the chain.

So much time has passed; so little has changed.”

— from Cobalt Red, Siddharth Kara

[quixoticanarchy]

being usamerican and visiting cities in other countries is just a constant internal chorus of “omg they have such nice public spaces! with ppl using them! theres places to sit there’s frequent and functional public transit there’s things to do that aren’t spending money” like you don’t realize how stupidly low the bar is until you see it so easily surpassed. why the fuck do we live like this and why do we believe we have to

[quixoticanarchy]

yes! it is poetic! and heart-wrenching! god i am dying for Finrod-zong analysis this is excellent

so my favorite of the songs for whatever reason is probably Баллада Финрода к Амариэ (Finrod’s ballad to Amarië), when you get Finrod’s first retrospective tragic look at what became of his love that he left behind - the opposite of what Beren’s doing, of course - and so I read it at least partly as Finrod feeling ashamed for not giving everything the way Beren is dead set on doing. partly his honor is at stake and he’s got his oath to Beren’s father, but there’s also the sense that maybe this is a chance to do better by love itself (we do love some high-stakes dramatics) - if he can’t ever repair things in his own past, at least he can take a stand with Beren, who has more hope and resolve than he did. significantly I think, Баллада Финрода к Амариэ is also when the repeating line “А в том беда, что песня не допета...” appears first (”the grief/trouble is that the song was never finished”). the suffering and the loneliness and the regret are less of a torment than the lack of closure. so Finrod determines that at least Beren won’t end up like him.

and then there’s the moment when that line comes back in its most heartbreaking form (if you ask me): “Не в том беда, что был слишком смел, А в том беда, что ты лишён надежды” (”the grief/trouble is not that you were too brave / the grief/trouble is that you have lost hope”). Finrod who decided that Beren’s commitment to his love was admirable enough to throw caution to the wind and join him, is now seeing that Beren has doubts, has come to regard this quest as doomed. maybe love is not strong enough. maybe Finrod was wrong to take this (wildly reckless in any version of events) chance. although he doesn’t say he has lost hope, he mourns that Beren has; given that Finrod was swayed to this course by Beren’s conviction (and imo as a symbolic redemption for his own lost love), seeing Beren lose hope is still especially hard to bear. (oh and the song where they face each other and both say “прости меня“ (forgive me)... that gets me.)

feel like there’s some way to tie this to Finrod’s final song Истина - or parallels to Galadriel’s closing by naming love as the single law above all, versus Finrod addressing Truth just before he dies... (and for all this is quite the departure from canon, no werewolves anywhere in sight, I forgive it and this rock opera is allowed to live permanently in its own genetically-modified-canon corner of my heart).

I think you might actually be to blame/thank for my finrod rock opera spiral - iirc a post of yours about one of the songs led me to youtube and then the rest is history? in any case it's maybe the best thing that happened to me in 2020 and the spiral is still going strong, I will talk about finrod all the time although most of my thoughts are just *incoherent emotional screaming*

sfshdgsjdgd i remember that, sort of! blame, thank, what’s the difference? do not remember what post it was, but i’m glad that you’re really enjoying it! it really is just instantaneous serotonin.

anyway ohhhhhhh my god this musical makes me so fucking emotional!!!

ok there’s one really specific thing that’s been in my mind all day: parallels. well, specifically one parallel.

so in beren comes to nargothrond, we hear him sing “я хочу любовь защитить свою” (i want to defend my love). then, in in the camp, we hear finrod sing “я сумел любовь погубить свою” (i managed to destroy my love) to the same melody. and it’s haunting: we see two heroes, one who tried to avoid pain, both causing and receiving it, by barring his heart from love (but his love killed him in the end anyway); and one who sees all the battles and losses and heartbreak and says, no, i want this, and i am going to take back and defend what is mine. (отдай мне то, что мне принадлежит...)

maybe beren’s naïve. maybe he’s thoughtless, maybe he’s foolish or even selfish. we can definitely say that he doesn’t quite know what he’s up against. and we can go back and forth for days about whether it’s right of beren to draw finrod’s people into what amounts at the time to a suicide quest, but in this foolish, doomed quest lies the hope of beleriand and also the message that yes, the life of one man who has nothing to his name is worth that of an elf-king in his glorious city with thousands of years of craft and triumph and love behind him.

and i think that maybe finrod looked at beren and saw someone with no plan, no army, and no hope of success but who decided he was going to defend his love or die trying, and thought, maybe this kind of love is worth dying for.

anyway, i just think it’s poetic, and by poetic i mean heart-wrenching, how finrod says that he tried to kill his love, but in the end he let it crucify him instead.

[quixoticanarchy]

also it’s sort of funny how Manwë sends a messenger to be like “hey do NOT go into exile that will be BAD and end BADLY. oh except fëanor you’re exiled anyway bc of the oath. but yeah it’ll still end badly” like what did you expect him to do. obviously not mass murder, which fair, I also wouldn’t expect that per se, but “something rash bc he’s pretty short on options” should’ve been.. foreseeable? I know it’s said Manwë cannot understand evil but it seems he also cannot understand like. a cornered animal

[quixoticanarchy]

when today is over please know i will continue to be hitting you with my little paws

[quixoticanarchy]

got through the nirnaeth arnoediad chapter and uh. fingon is dead and gelmir is dead and haldir is dead and huor is dead and bór is dead and azaghâl is dead and a fuck ton of other people are dead and gwindor is captured and húrin is captured and me I feel also not so good

[quixoticanarchy]

I remember when I first read the Silmarillion I was convinced all the songs namedropped in the book actually exist somewhere and I was so bitterly disappointed that they do not. all respect to (what exists of) the Lay of Leithian and Narn i hîn Húrin but I do still want the rest. like I acknowledge the symbolism and appeal of having all these hints at deeper lore that lead nowhere or suggest lost works that can never be known again, and possibly they surpass in imagination and in absence anything that could actually be written down, but also... I want to read the Noldolantë and the Aldudénië and the Narsilion and the songs of the Nurtalë Valinóreva and the Laer Cú Beleg and on and on. yknow?