#ill tag this as a vent just in case

[kits-ships]

i want to try avoiding my room all day to see if i still go crazy stupid during the evening but also i dont want to feed into the delusion AND i love laying down in my bed and sleepign

[villain-disorder]

The thing is, I'll never know if it's me as the problem. I will never know if people really don't show they care enough, or in the right ways--or if I will never be happy because the wiring of my brain will never accept however people express care as truth. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust that people care, that it will get better and people have my back, or feel comforted by anything.

I don't know what to say to people when they ask how to help. "Show me you care" is so fucking vague, and I don't know what to answer with if I'm asked how to do that. I don't know what my brain will accept. On one hand I have no idea how to help myself, and my psychologist doesn't seem to either--it feels like I will never heal or feel secure. On the other, if I knew how to help myself, the things people could say to calm me, and I explained to them how.... Would they feel fake because I spelled it out for them? Would my mind just twist their care into an act of silencing me?

I am so, so tired. I hold so much in so that I don't hurt people. I don't lash out and yell at people about how little they seem to care, I don't touch anyone, I don't even blame anyone but myself. All this weight applied to myself to protect others from my pain, and even at my most paletable and small and weak, no one can help.

Mind you, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just severely hurting, and every time I get into a place like this, it feels awkward, or just another "wait till he shuts up and then act like it never happened". I don't feel like I'm ever taken seriously by anyone in my life, sometimes.

[aly-the-writer]

...oh.

Just hit the part where Gale talks about how clean his tower is now again and it hit different. How he laughs it off but...like....cleaning, getting rid of stuff.

It's just a throw away line, but this guy collects bits and trinkets and books like no-tomorrow (just look at his camp spot!) and he's delighted by those things and, well, he's not exactly the master of organization over there. Him not having things - well, it's not about the things he's giving up - it's about the fact that he'd given up so why on earth would things matter? Even if they had been special or important to him once.

Gale is a depressed, burned out GT kid who got screwed over by the system (and person in this case because the person is the system and the system is the person) who originally told him he was special and has completely and utterly had his sense of self-worth nuked (hah) by a mistake that he really wasn't in a position to be able to avoid given all of the above circumstances because what other path could he have possibly taken and not been a failure for not trying anyways?

He is desperately trying to keep his burn out from hurting or disappointing any more people and he thought that isolation is the only way to really do that.

And his sole lifeline to any semblance of actual sanity seems to be his cat.

UGH....I AM GALE. GALE IS ME. FUCK. No fucking wonder I want to cry when my Tav tells Gale he's worthy exactly as he is and again when our wizard wonder starts believing it.

[excelsior9173]

…

i have an extremely hard time being vulnerable with anyone. i hate it. but tonight i managed to open up a tiny bit about how badly i’m doing

and now? now we do the scary thing. find a doctor. ask for a psych referral. find therapy/diagnosis/treatment

i have been telling myself i’d do this for ages. but the last couple weeks have been so bad i think it’s finally the push i need to stop being a coward and get some fucking help. because i cannot go on at the level of “out of control” that i am feeling

but at least the first steps have been taken. those are sometimes the hardest. i hate admitting that i need help, but i know that i need it

[ohgodimafraud]

lying awake like do i love the attention on snzfics bc i love writing snzfics or do i love writing snzfics bc i love the attention.

[littlest-bugz]

How I look trying not to be an asshole, but it's my default mode

[image does not belong to me - creator unknown]

[lover-of-skellies]

I need,, some advice (once again)

@ anyone who's owned a gerbil or rodent in general: how do you help them get better from a super bad ear infection? Like... to the extent that there's pus and it makes the entire room smell like the bowels of hell itself

It's my room that's being stunk up, and it smells worse than my cat's litter box after I've given him wet food. My sibling doesn't want the gerbil upstairs in their room because they have health concerns about the gerbil (the gerbil herself is super old), but she's been in my room for more than a year now

I feel like an ass for wanting the gerbil out of my room because she's very old and sick and might die soon, but the smell is so bad that it's starting to make me feel unwell, I stg

[mstormcloud]

My roommate told me to stop looking at posts that convince me I’ve evil becuase for people who have “I’m evil” anxieties/fears/brain thoughts such posts are “like a saw trap.”

Honestly I really think I needed someone to tell me this. Because unfortunately my brain had told me that avoiding those posts would make me an evil person.

[torchickentacos]

[star--stricken]

Let’s GOO I’m so productive (completed one assignment) (it should’ve taken like 10 minutes) (it’s been 5 hours)

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

damn im kind of realizing no one actually sees me as genderqueer. everyone just sees me as a kind of weird girl. not even a woman because im petite with pink hair everyone sees me as still a girl. and a few people actually use he/him for me but nobody actually sees me as genderqueer. hmm. dont like this feeling.

[weirdcorebitchalt]

Ranting about how my intrusive thoughts work for a while because I have no fucking clue what this is (it's all under the cut)

Okay so basically the way my intrusive thoughts work is that they take the place of like- a second thing in my mind.

I just hear a little voice in my head that goes "Hey what if you went down to the kitchen and stabbed yourself right now" and then I yell at it in my head "NO!"

Sometimes I like to imagine it as another person next to me that's trying to convince me to do something I don't wanna do

The intrusive thoughts range from su1c1d41 thoughts to just "hey lol what if we made this part of your OC's backstory really fucked up lol"

So yeah I have no fucking clue what this is

[mushygiggles]

It feels a smidge weird posting non-tickle related art here but-.. I really like Mimi's design and felt like putting my moody feelings into her so~ hope no one minds the occasional vent art 😅

-Sad feels aside, I do like the color scheme I came up with 👉👈 🩵✨ and sometimes instead of coloring I like to just add some shades~

[stellarstarryyy]

If I get hyperfixated on subnautica again I'm gonna be so mad but also not surprised. Getting hyperfixated on this franchise multiple times is kinda like a canon event for me now

[lesbianusahana]

Big fat comic mostly yapping about a problem that’s been troubling me for the last few days. If you manage to read it all I’ll be thoroughly impressed

[wren-kitchens]

yk when you can feel yourself starting to stop caring about stuff you love and you are White Knuckling through it because no I Will still love this so fucking help me